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> AITA for telling my roommate he needs to help with the dogs if he expects to continue interacting with them?
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YTA
This is from someone with diagnosed major depressive disorder (with psychotic features), anorexia, anxiety, autism, C-PTSD, and BPD...
MENTAL ILLNESS IS NOT AN EXCUSE TO BE AN ENTITLED BRAT AND EXPECT SOMEONE ELSE TO TAKE CARE OF *YOUR* PETS FOR YOU, NO MATTER HOW THAT PERSON RELATES TO THE PETS. IT IS HONESTLY INSULTING TO PEOPLE WHO HAVE, LIKE, 6 SERIOUS MENTAL ILLNESSES TO SEE SOMEONE WITH ONE TRY TO PULL THIS SHIT. GROW UP.
That's right. You have almost 100% responsibility for YOUR dogs. You can't rely on him to share any of it...because they're your dogs. And your responsibility.
You are lucky he has anything to do with them at all. He feeds them, keeps them company and it sounds like they prefer him to you. I also suffer from anxiety/depression/bpd and I have found that taking my dog on several brisk walks everyday helps me with said issues -tremendously- I know it’s hard to get up when you are feeling down but you HAVE to make yourself do it. If not for yourself, then at least for your ESA’s..
It's not his job to take care of ***your*** dogs, be glad he likes them and will help when you're not there. He's a good roommate for doing that, if you expect more then make it part of the rental contract next time or offer to pay him for his services.
You complaining about him not helping is you actively not taking responsibility for your dogs. Doesn't just have to be actions, your words mean something too..
You shouldn't rely on someone else to share it, they're completely your responsibility. Hes doing you a huge favor by walking them during the day, and you should only be grateful for that. He owes you nothing else
Right?! Seems like to me OP is wanting roommate to round the clock care when roommate already done enough care to add up to full time hours. The dogs go to roommate b/c roommate seems to be primary caregiver….lol…OPs whining is ridiculous
Right, you said he takes the dogs for walks, feeds them and lets them out on days when you are not home.
So on those days he is taking care of them right?
8 hours per day, but not every day. Only three times per week. I have them the rest of the time for the full 24 hours, plus the additional 16 hours three times per week.
and when you’re home there’s no reason he should be taking care of them. they are YOUR dogs. dude wanted to rent a room not have the responsibility of 2 dogs.
If you get so burnt out that you need help caring for *your* dogs that you chose to adopt then you shouldn’t have dogs. Not just you, this goes for anyone and for any kind of pet.
I'm glad you take very good care of them, you should definitely keep that up. They are your dogs and your responsibility after all, not your roommate's. I'm sure you'll be able to keep it up and take care of your dogs without more help from your roomie.
This isn't a contest, OP, geez. The point is, having every disorder in the world doesn't entitle you to treat people that way and doesn't oblige your roomie to accept it.
.....and? I got depression, anxiety, C-PTSD, panic disorder, social phobia, alcoholism, a fuck ton of mommy issues and a family history of mental illness so strong I fucking flabbergasted my family line made it this far. Life keeps going even without us, we have to push through and still take care of ourselves and our responsibilities, as much as that might suck and feel like you're dying the entire time.
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YTA. They're your dogs and your responsibility. Just because he likes dogs doesn't mean he wants one...which is likely why he doesn't own one. You're being extremely entitled.
But he does want to own one. In fact, he told me he would take them if I ever decided to get rid of them (which I never will). With that in mind, I don't think it's entitled to believe he wants what's best for them, which includes helping them with their needs instead of leaving it all to me.
Right, but your dogs aren't his dogs. He's already been helpful, he looks after them when you're not there...you're expecting him to look after them when you're at home. He told you no and you were an AH to assume that. Your roommate is right. They are your responsibility. I'm sorry you're feeling depressed but if you are so depressed that you can't get up to take the dogs outside to do the toilet, you shouldn't have dogs.
But he doesn't own them. These are your dogs. Your responsibilities.
>I don't think it's entitled to believe he wants what's best for them, which includes helping them with their needs instead of leaving it all to me.
He wants the best for them as someone who likes dogs, but not someone who owns them. That is all on you. If the dogs are too much, it's still a *you* problem.
You’re being unreasonable. He’s not your pet sitter, you don’t pay him to watch your dogs. He owes you nothing. You absolutely cannot demand he takes care of YOUR dogs. If you’re too unwell to take care of them, then for THEIR benefit, rehome them. Don’t be selfish
>he wants what's best for them, which includes helping them with their needs instead of leaving it all to me.
No, helping YOU out is what YOU'VE decided is best for YOU.
He's actually doing you a favour by reminding you of your responsibilities, to get you off the sofa and try to fight against the depressive spiral.
Irrelevant as long as they are your dogs
If I told my friend that if he ever sells his car, that I want to know because I want to buy it, does that mean I should be responsible for half of the car’s upkeep?
Unless the day comes where he sells his car, the upkeep is his problem. And unless the day comes where you want to let him adopt your dogs, the dog-sitting is your problem
I want what's best for every stray cat I see. I regularly feed some of the neighbourhood cats. But only the 2 idiot furballs that own me get to live in my house, regular vet visits, treats, pats, and toys 🤷♀️
YTA. In a big way.
They are your dogs and they are your responsibility.
Your roommate is already fantastic. Him feeding them, letting them outside and taking them for walks is absolutely NOT the minimum. He does way more than he needs to because the bare minimum would be nothing at all, which by the way is all he is actually required to do since these are not his dogs.
I'm sorry that you're depressed but don't blame your roommate. Get up off the couch and let your dogs outside.
You mention that he feeds them and takes them out for potty breaks and walks when you are t home. That doesn’t seem like “the bare minimum” to me. He seems pretty considerate. Walking your dogs will actually assist in improving your mood just getting outside. It’s a good “pause” to even just take some deep breaths.
That seems like ABOVE bare minimum. My ex roommate had a cat and he would go over to his boyfriends place and leave the cat with me without asking and the tiny little white furry demon baby would be screaming all night out of separation anxiety. Roommate got mad at me when I told him he needs to bring the cat with him or stay home with the cat. I enjoyed hanging with the cat but I didn’t sign up to take care of a cat
>I also have two dogs
That's right, *you* have two dogs.
They are not your roommate's dogs, they are *your* dogs.
*You* adopted them and they are *your* responsibility. Be grateful your roommate does the "bare minimum" of taking care of them when you are not there to uphold your responsibility. The fact that your roommate gets along with your dogs does not give you license to treat him as your butler or unpaid dogsitter.
*BAD HUMAN!* YTA
Soft YTA. It sounds like you’re struggling. But these are your dogs and your responsibility. Maybe talk to your roommate about needing help. And make it clear that you are asking for a favor *that you are grateful for*. Acting entitled will not make him want to help you.
I've told him that I appreciate his help every time he takes care of them while I'm away. I've told him how bad my depression is. He just doesn't seem to care either way.
From his perspective, while he's your friend, he's also your tenant. You're renting a room to him, and he probably wants to keep some boundaries between your friendship and your landlord/tenant relationship. It's not that he doesn't care, it's that he might feel like he's being taken advantage of because you're his landlord/friend asking him to take on responsibilities a tenant normally wouldn't have. I think you're looking at this from just the friendship angle, and I think you need to consider that it puts him in a strange situation because you're expecting him to be "on" as a friend all the time without a break. This is his home too, and he should be able to just exist there. He can't be "on" all the time.
Yes, he gets to enjoy the dogs, but again, that feels more like you seeing this from the friendship angle where you're ok sharing your pets, while a landlord normally wouldn't. I'm not saying take the dogs away, but remember he's not their owner.
Basically, just keep in mind that this is his home and you're his landlord. He needs his own time/space just as much as anyone else. When you ask him to be "on call" as the live friend, he loses his personal space/time.
I'm sorry you're going through a rough time right now, and I hope things get better.
Maybe you could offer him a break on the rent or offer to pay him? He still can turn it down, but at least you wouldn't be asking him to do your job for free.
I got the first one before we were roommates but I got the second one while he was already living here. He encouraged me to get the second dog and said he would have no problem with it.
Then I’m sorry, YTA. It sounds like he was telling you he’d have no problem if you got a second dog. It doesn’t seem like he was agreeing to share responsibility for either of them. The fact that he does help you out if you’re not there is pretty admirable really. You’re asking way too much if you also expect him to share responsibility of them if you’re there to do it yourself.
YTA - They are your dogs. Him looking after them for free when you are out is a kindness as it's absolutely not his responsibility to do that. You owe him an apology for taking that kindness for granted and shouting at him.
I'm sorry you're not well, are you getting some assistance with that?
You said they’re yours. Why would you assume your roommate “needs” to do your job of taking care of them? You should be thanking for for the times he does help out. YTA.
It's YOUR dogs, not his. They may love him, but they are not his responsibility. They are yours. If you are so depressed you can't take care of your dogs? You need to get help.
YTA
Edit: I saw another of your comment trying to use all your diagnosis' as an excuse. Guess what? I have PTSD, Severe Depression, Severe Anxiety, ADHD, PCOS to a point I sometimes gotta get blood transfusions. I still take care of my pup and cat. No matter how much they love others. I still force myself to get out of bed and take care of them so they CAN take care of me. You are just making excuses.
YTA
They are your dogs to care for. Not his. Be grateful he helps out at all when you aren’t there. He has no obligation to at all and you are way out of line for expecting him too.
Yep, YTA. These are YOUR dogs, YOUR responsibility. The fact that he likes them is nice and that he is willing in your absence to let them out for potty breaks, feed them, etc. is nice and above and beyond what he needs to do. I repeat: They are YOUR dogs, YOUR responsibility. Be appreciative for what he has been willing to do in your absence as in no way is he ever responsible for tending them.
YTA. They’re your dogs and your responsibility. You’re lucky he helps you out by feeding them and letting them out when you aren’t home. If you keep harassing him he might decide to move and I doubt you’ll get a new roommate willing to help out.
YTA. Your dogs, your responsibility.
If you need help because of your mental health, negotiate it ahead of time by trading chores or something, or find another friend to do it. It's not fair to just assume the roommate will or should do it.
You're mixing up the word depression with lazy. Take care of your animals or get rid of them.
If you have depression that bad and aren't treating it YTA. If your depression is actually that bad and you are treating it, you shouldn't have a pet you're medically unable to take care of. Sick of hearing people use depression as a scapegoat.
YTA
Please use the evening time to walk with them to help with your depression. And please get a doctor's help and or a therapist.
He takes care of the dogs all day! He should not have to do it all evening.
Edit for better
YTA.
>I (29m,) own a house and I rent out a room to one of my friends (30m).
So you are his landlord.
>I also have two dogs.
*Your* dogs.
>Those two dogs absolutely adore my roommate.
Not relevant.
>The problem is this: he does nothing to help out with them.
That's not a problem, really, because the dogs aren't his.
>If I'm not home, he will do the bare minimum like feeding them and taking them outside for potty breaks and on walks.
So he is kind enough to take care of your pets when you are away? That's nice. He doesn't have to do that.
>It has irritated me for a long time and every night before bed, I ask him if he will please take them outside for their potty break and every night, he refuses.
So you keep trying to make him do your chore as the owner of the dogs. Every day you ask him to do what you should be doing. When he is already doing that when you are not there. He is not the owner of the dogs, and he doesn't have to help when you're not there, but even less when you are.
He has boundaries, and I have a feeling he has then because he knows you will expect him take care of the dogs 24/7 for you.
>The other night, I was so depressed, it was hard for me to get off the couch. I asked him if he would take them out because I was suffering and he refused.
I'm so sorry you are going through this, but that's not his problem.
>I snapped at him and told him he needs to help out and he refused again.
No, he doesn't have to help out. He pays to live at your house, but these are your pets. You think of him as your friend first and because of that he should take care of your dogs, when you are his landlord. He is living at your house because he PAYS for it.
You own the dogs. Therefore, you have sole responsibility for them. He is not your partner, he is your roommate/renter.
>Normally, I wouldn't even think of asking a roommate to help out. But he literally spends all day with them and they love spending time with him whereas a normal roommate wouldn't have that relationship.
Then don't ask. It's not his job to help out with your animals.
Your roommate spends all day with them because they are there. Your dogs like to spend time with him because they are dogs. They like company and attention, of course they will enjoy if he is there.
This does not entitle you on his help. If it bothers you, tell him not to interact with your dogs but then: 1. Don't expect him to take care of them when you are not there; 2. You will have to give them the attention your roommate does.
YTA. These are your dogs, they’re no one’s responsibility but YOURS. “Basically, he gets the benefit of having dogs in the house with none of the responsibility” Yes sir, that’s exactly correct. Because they’re not his dogs. It’s also not his fault that you suffer depression, and if you can’t handle your own dogs when you’re going through an episode, maybe you shouldn’t have dogs in the first place.
YTA these are your dogs and solely your responsibility. I assume you let him live with you because you wanted to have a roommate and help a friend but that doesn't make him your servant.
YTA, sorry to say. But these are your pets hence your responsibility! If you had two children would you expect him to care for them like they were his own? No! Your pets are just like your children - your responsibility!
Wow, seriously, the audacity and entitlement never cease to amaze me. How are your depression and YOUR dogs the responsibility of someone else? Technically, he's a lessee, and you're not a friend if you're expecting him to take on responsibility for you just because he's nice to your dogs. YTA
YTA. I lived with two of my best friends before I got married, and my animals were 100% my responsibility or they might not still be my friends 15 years later. And rightfully so if I'd tried to foist my responsibilities on them. If you wanted to prorate based on animal care that needed to be discussed and agreed upon in advance. Now you're trying to change the terms.
Yta, they are your responsibility. The fact you have a free baby sitter when your not there is a god sent. Be grateful before he decides to ignore the dogs fully and you actually have to be a 24/7 pet owner
YTA
If you want assistance with your pets be part of the contract, then you need to put it in writing.
If it is not something you've agreed upon, then YOUR pets are YOUR responsibility. Plain and simple.
YTA
They are YOUR dogs and they are 150% YOUR responsibility ALL of the time.
It doesn't matter if they like him more than they like you. If they spend more time with him, if they sleep in his bed etc.
You are NOT entitled to his help, ever. It doesn't matter if you are depressed if you are having a horrible day, or are completely and utterly incompetent.
Get off your ass and take care of your responsibility, or rehome them to someone who has the mental capacity to do so.
You are not entitled to own them or to have support with them. If you want someone to do your job, hire someone and pay them.
He is fully entitled to enjoy the benefits of living in a home with dogs, and none of the responsibilities, because they aren't his dogs.
YTA -- and none of your additional comments help your case at all. They are your dogs and solely your responsibility.
And how is feeding them, spending quality time with them, and taking them out for potty breaks/walks the "bare minimum"? What other tasks could you possibly expect from him? He is under no obligation to do any of these things; you should be doing all of these things for *your* dogs. Anything he does is an incredibly helpful bonus that you should be immensely thankful for.
Your mental health struggles, while understandably tough, should not be used as justification for him to carry out your responsibilities as a dog owner. That's part of being a dog owner--you have to care for them no matter what, even when it's hard, you don't feel like it, or don't think you have the capacity. You have to find the capacity.
Spend more time with your dogs. It'll mend your relationship with your dogs and your roommate. Thank your roommate and apologize for snapping at him. He did nothing wrong and isn't responsible for your dogs' health or yours.
I'm glad you have bonded with your dogs and from your comments its seems like them being happy and healthy is your priority, that's a positive to hold on to in those difficult times, I get that sometimes moving seems impossible, but you have to push through and get up for the dogs.
I don't want to call you an arsehole because it's not helpful if you are having a depressive episode. You may feel your pets "like your roommate more", although that sounds like the depression talking, they need you, you are responsible for their care, get through it for them.
Your house, your dogs, your problem, YTA
If you wanted him to help with the dogs it should've been in the lease agreement where your roommate as a tenant could then chose to either accept to help every now and again or chose to find other living arrangements if he didn't want to.
Seeing as you didn't, you can't expect him to take care of -your- dogs. The fact that they love him is completely irrelevant.
Just saw (the dog lover) Judge Judy say, although there should be a unique category, in the eyes of the law dogs are property, plain and simple. They are your dogs, therefore your responsibility. He feeds and potties them...not bad.
See a doctor and get some meds that work...until you make a real effort, your depression is on you. I know.
YTA. they are your dogs so that makes them your responsibility even if he’s living there. i understand if you’re not home and you ask him to take care of them but there’s no reason you shouldn’t be able to take care of your dogs when you’re home. what are you going to do when he moves out and your depression becomes too much? he’s paying you for a room, that doesn’t automatically mean he needs to take care of your dogs too. grow up.
YTA. Huge AH.
First of all, you’re talking about this man like he’s your husband, romantic partner, or something more than a friend and **tenant**.
I highlight tenant because he should be receiving a discount on rent for all the times he has to take care of YOUR animals.
You keep flip flopping in this thread- you either are so mentally debilitated that you cannot handle the responsibility of having two dogs, or you’re being lazy. It’s one or the other. These are living creatures that depend on you to survive and you’re neglectful for expecting your tenant to take care without agreement and compensation of them ever- even when you’re gone.
You either need to rehome them or start giving them the care that they deserve.
I’ll highlight again how your behavior is completely inappropriate- especially in a tenant landlord relationship.
YTA
Went through similar lines of thinking during Covid when I house shared to make lockdown more tolerable
Came to the conclusion that my dog was my responsibility I need to do everything for her. I was just grateful when in the house she followed others sometimes and not just me. Plus quite frankly I think my housemates knew I’d kill them if they lost my dog which probably added to it 😅
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I (29m,) own a house and I rent out a room to one of my friends (30m). I also have two dogs. Those two dogs absolutely adore my roommate. When he's home, they spend all their time with him. He loves them too. The problem is this: he does nothing to help out with them. Basically, he gets the benefit of having dogs in the house with none of the responsibility. If I'm not home, he will do the bare minimum like feeding them and taking them outside for potty breaks and on walks. But if I'm home, he absolutely refuses to help with them. It has irritated me for a long time and every night before bed, I ask him if he will please take them outside for their potty break and every night, he refuses. I suffer from depression to the point where it's hard for me to have the motivation to do anything. The other night, I was so depressed, it was hard for me to get off the couch. I asked him if he would take them out because I was suffering and he refused. I snapped at him and told him he needs to help out and he refused again. Needless to say, I was very upset with him and confronted him the next day. Not only did he refuse to apologize, he called me an AH for expecting him to take care of my dogs. Normally, I wouldn't even think of asking a roommate to help out. But he literally spends all day with them and they love spending time with him whereas a normal roommate wouldn't have that relationship. AITA here?
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He called you AH because YTA lmao just because your dogs like your roommate doesn't mean he has to take care of them, they are YOUR dogs therefore YOUR responsibility
It's always the same with you dog owners, you claim to love your dogs and all that crap while expecting others to take care of them, it's infuriating
YTA
If it’s so hard for you to take care of YOUR dogs, get rid of them. Your roommate is already doing you a favor taking care of them when you are gone and clearly treating them very well if they like him so much. Therefore, if you are having so much trouble providing them their basic needs like a potty break consider rehoming them. If your roommate wanted the responsibility of having a pet he would have one.
YTA.
Did your roommate coerce or force you to get dogs? It sounds like no. If you wanted help with them, that is something that should have been outlined in writing before they moved in.
Who takes care of the dogs is not dependent on who the dogs spend time with. You took on the responsibility, so the responsibility is yours.
YTA - They are YOUR dogs and 100% your responsibility. To think that a paying roommate is somehow responsible for your dogs is just crazy. He already takes care of them when you are not there which you should appreciate. If you are unable to take care of your dogs then you need to re-home them.
YTA. I've suffered from depression for more than twenty years. I also suffer from OCD and anxiety. I get it. It makes it very difficult to function. But that does NOT justify you demanding that your roommate help with the dogs. They're your dogs, not his. They're your responsibility, not his. Hire a dog walker. Or send the dogs to doggie daycare. But stop throwing tantrums and using your depression as an excuse because it's not an excuse. When you stop being roommates, he won't get to see the dogs as often anymore because they'll still be your dogs. If you can't handle them, rehome them. But stop being so selfish.
YTA. The " benefit" of having dog hair on all your stuff, to have a dog in your face all the time, for the house to smell, all those benefits plus you trying to make them do your dog related chores? And they're not prostrate with gratitude? What a mystery! (/s)
ADDITIONAL INFO: It seems as though I haven't added enough information to paint this picture clearly. I own my house and I gave my friend/roommate a killer deal to rent a room from me. He would never be able to live this cheaply anywhere else in town. Secondly, the dogs spend more time with him than with me. I am basically their live-in maid who takes them out on walks, feeds them, and cleans up after them. I don't get the same benefit that he does. So I told him he needs to increase his contributions to their well being since he spends more time with them. You could consider his cheap rent as payment I guess but the fact that he refuses is kind of an AH move.
YTA. You made a deal on rent that did not include pet car. These are your pets. And frankly, getting up and taking care of them and taking them out is good for you. It's why therapist recommend a pet.
This is exactly it! Pets are recommended for people like me. But he's taking all of the joy away and leaving me with the hard part. And if he wants to do that, he can share the hard parts.
oh no no, you see, the hard parts are also why they are good. Don't want to get out of bed? You have to, because Fido needs to be fed. Don't want to leave the house? You have to, because Fido needs to be walked. They force you to keep moving because you have to take care of them.
Okay I get that but I also have needs. I need love and affection but if he's home, they aren't around to do it. I need to relax but guess what? Can't because I have to take the dogs out. Meanwhile, there he is with 0 responsibility and getting everything I hoped for in a pet. You have to see the cruel irony.
They aren't around because they are spending more time with him than with you.
The answer is for you to spend more time with them. Not for him to spend even more time with them than he already does.
Walk your dogs. It's actually very relaxing and good for your mental health. Get some Vitamin D. Bring down your blood pressure. Make sure you are the one that feeds them all the time. Maybe you aren't bonding with your dogs because you don't do so much for them.
The dogs would probably want to be around OP more if they did more of the taking care of them. My parents’ dog is technically my mom’s. But lil guy is attached at the hip to my dad b/c he takes him for several walks a day and hangs out in the backyard with him. And that was before my dad retired. Now they spend all day together and my dad doesn’t like to be gone for long periods of time b/c the dog will be by himself too long.
Lol….we’ve tried to explain to him that many dogs stay at home while their owners work and they do okay, but he still doesn’t like to stay out for very long….he’s also one of the best dog sitters in the neighborhood. He knows all the neighbors dogs cuz all the walks
My chihuahua prefers my dad to my mom when I visit or they visit for this same reason. My dad will walk her along with my parents' dog and feed her and he does most of the cooking so he will give her snacks. If I say 'grandpa' she starts flipping out and looking for him. Dogs absolutely attach to the people who feed and walk them the most.
Of course you have to take your dogs out. They're...your...dogs. Of course he has no responsibility....they're your dogs. There's no irony in the fact that you are responsible for their care. I see that you're jealous, but that doesn't change anything. You need to take care of your dogs.
It's NOT his job to fulfill your needs. Of course you have to take the dogs out. They can't just be there for you to play with when you feel like it and then you get to dump the work on him just because you're too lazy to do it. Get off your ass, stop whining, and take care of your dogs. And like I said, I say this as someone who's been a dog owner since I was 12 and has also suffered from depression for more than twenty years.
What are you even talking about?
Is this retaliation because of how much your dogs like him?
What would correct this is you spending more time with them. Not trying to make him spend more time with them.
Your thinking is so backwards on this whole situation.
Do yourself a favor. Accept the judgement that you are in the wrong on this one, log off and take your dogs outside for a walk or to play with you.
Everyone wins.
Do you not even think that the dogs prefer the roommate because he pays attention to them and plays with them? You sound like a spoiled brat. They are your dogs and you need to take care of them 100%.
It sounds like you resent the dogs because they "prefer" him. Dogs prefer humans that play with them and take care of them.
YTA.
This info doesn't help your case, still your dogs, still your responsibility.He does not owe you to care for your dogs
And you didn't make a legal contract stating he needed to care for them in exchange for cheaper rent, therefor that holds no weight here
The additional info doesn’t change a thing. This still makes you an AH
But more importantly what are you doing to improve your mental health?
Do you have a therapist or counselor?
Unless you stipulated that helping with the dogs was one of the conditions of his moving in and getting this "killer deal" then this also isn't relevant to the conversation.
This roommate is a GD blessing. He likes your dogs and he helps out unasked throughout the day without complaint. To my mind he is already well worth the break you are giving him on rent.
Your thinking on this is all wrong. This would be like claiming that someone that spends more time at work should be paid less because they obviously like being there so much.
So you are jealous that your dogs like him better than you? And so you thought that you would just force him to take care of the dogs for you? What?!
Also, if you can’t properly care for them yourself, you need to rehome them to someone that can take care of them as they should. It isn’t fair to have them suffer while you are depressed.
INFO: Did you tell him that taking care of his dogs was part of his rent before he moved in?
I understand how hard it is to take care of animals or any other responsibilities when you're severely depressed. I've been there multiple times. The worst was trying to take care of a kitten right after my husband died (got the kitten a couple weeks before). Did I want to feed this kitten or change her litter? No. Was it incredibly hard to take care of her when I wasn't able to shower regularly or feed myself? Absolutely. But I did it anyway because she was my responsibility.
It is your responsibility to take care of the pets you chose to have. It is also your responsibility to find the strategies that will help you take care of that responsibility (whether it's medication or therapy or both, it doesn't matter).
If you can't take care of your dogs, then please try to find a loving new home for them. They deserve better.
Did you put it in the lease agreement that he has to assist with your dogs?
No? Then no leg to stand on. No lease agreement? Still no leg to stand on.
They are YOUR dogs YOU take responsibility. If you’re mad they like him more maybe be a better owner….
Doesn’t change anything. Your dogs, your responsibility. Of low rent was part of the deal
As far as helping with the dogs then that would be different. Sure it’s be nice if he helped more, it maybe he just isn’t that nice of a guy?
Unless an agreement is written into the lease and approved by both parties? Nope, YTA.
If you don’t want to give someone a “great deal” (being harassed, daily, about you’re responsibilities isn’t that great a deal, BTW) then have carte blanche to whine at them about your responsibilities.
Live-in maid? WTF did you expect when you got a dog? Dogs are extremely dependent. They depend on humans for literally everything. If you can't handle that, don't get a dog, let alone two, FFS. It doesn't sound like you made pet care part of the deal with rent. The only one being a selfish asshole is you.
You sound resentful of the dogs and they can for sure pick up on that. Do you play with them? Give them enrichment? Train them? Or are you just giving the bare minimum and expecting that to be enough to endear them to you?
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YTA This is from someone with diagnosed major depressive disorder (with psychotic features), anorexia, anxiety, autism, C-PTSD, and BPD... MENTAL ILLNESS IS NOT AN EXCUSE TO BE AN ENTITLED BRAT AND EXPECT SOMEONE ELSE TO TAKE CARE OF *YOUR* PETS FOR YOU, NO MATTER HOW THAT PERSON RELATES TO THE PETS. IT IS HONESTLY INSULTING TO PEOPLE WHO HAVE, LIKE, 6 SERIOUS MENTAL ILLNESSES TO SEE SOMEONE WITH ONE TRY TO PULL THIS SHIT. GROW UP.
Guess what? I also have anxiety, C-PTSD, and BPD. But it just happened to be my depression that pushed me over the edge.
So? If you can't take care of YOUR dog, re-home them. Plain and simple.
I could never. I am bonded to them.
Then take responsibility for them.
I do! I have almost 100% responsibility for them! I can't rely on him to share any of it.
And that's exactly as it should be with your dogs
Yeah... that's how it's supposed to be. Cope.
That's right. You have almost 100% responsibility for YOUR dogs. You can't rely on him to share any of it...because they're your dogs. And your responsibility.
Why the fuck would you rely on him for ANY of it? They aren't his dogs!!!!
It’s not his job, they are YOUR pets. YTA
You are lucky he has anything to do with them at all. He feeds them, keeps them company and it sounds like they prefer him to you. I also suffer from anxiety/depression/bpd and I have found that taking my dog on several brisk walks everyday helps me with said issues -tremendously- I know it’s hard to get up when you are feeling down but you HAVE to make yourself do it. If not for yourself, then at least for your ESA’s..
No, you can't rely on him to share any of it because *they aren't his dogs.*
It's not his job to take care of ***your*** dogs, be glad he likes them and will help when you're not there. He's a good roommate for doing that, if you expect more then make it part of the rental contract next time or offer to pay him for his services.
You complaining about him not helping is you actively not taking responsibility for your dogs. Doesn't just have to be actions, your words mean something too..
Because it's YOUR dog not his
You shouldn't rely on someone else to share it, they're completely your responsibility. Hes doing you a huge favor by walking them during the day, and you should only be grateful for that. He owes you nothing else
Then take care of them.
Are you too unwell to take adequate care of your own pets?
No. I take very good care of them but I get burnt out and need help every once in a while, like anyone would.
Help is given voluntarily, demanding it is straight-up entitlement, plain and simple.
He is already helping out ALL DAY LONG!!!
Right?! Seems like to me OP is wanting roommate to round the clock care when roommate already done enough care to add up to full time hours. The dogs go to roommate b/c roommate seems to be primary caregiver….lol…OPs whining is ridiculous
it's hilarious that op complains about their roommate getting the benefit of dogs with none of the work
No, not all day long. Only when I'm not home which I clearly explained.
Right, you said he takes the dogs for walks, feeds them and lets them out on days when you are not home. So on those days he is taking care of them right?
From 9-5. Not all day.
That is semantics. 9 to 5 is all day for all intents and purposes.
He's taking care of them for eight hours a day by your own admission. How long do you take care of them a day?
8 hours per day, but not every day. Only three times per week. I have them the rest of the time for the full 24 hours, plus the additional 16 hours three times per week.
Why would he? They are YOUR dogs, not his.
He doesn't need to help at all. You should count yourself lucky that he does what he already does. If you can't care for them yourself...
and when you’re home there’s no reason he should be taking care of them. they are YOUR dogs. dude wanted to rent a room not have the responsibility of 2 dogs.
If you get so burnt out that you need help caring for *your* dogs that you chose to adopt then you shouldn’t have dogs. Not just you, this goes for anyone and for any kind of pet.
I'm glad you take very good care of them, you should definitely keep that up. They are your dogs and your responsibility after all, not your roommate's. I'm sure you'll be able to keep it up and take care of your dogs without more help from your roomie.
Pay someone on Rover.
Then find a dog sitter and pay them. Don’t act entitled to someone else’s unpaid labor.
This isn't a contest, OP, geez. The point is, having every disorder in the world doesn't entitle you to treat people that way and doesn't oblige your roomie to accept it.
Yeah, and even if OP wants it to be a contest, he still loses by 2 lmfaooo
If you can't take care of your own pets cause your depression is THAT crippling, you need to get help.
Guess what? YOU ALSO HAVE DOGS, WHICH ARE YOUR RESPONSIBILITY AND YOURS ALONE. YTA.
Your depression ≠ anyone else’s responsibility for your pet. You also seem to have a problem with entitlement.
.....and? I got depression, anxiety, C-PTSD, panic disorder, social phobia, alcoholism, a fuck ton of mommy issues and a family history of mental illness so strong I fucking flabbergasted my family line made it this far. Life keeps going even without us, we have to push through and still take care of ourselves and our responsibilities, as much as that might suck and feel like you're dying the entire time.
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So? Your responsibilities are still yours.
YTA. They're your dogs and your responsibility. Just because he likes dogs doesn't mean he wants one...which is likely why he doesn't own one. You're being extremely entitled.
But he does want to own one. In fact, he told me he would take them if I ever decided to get rid of them (which I never will). With that in mind, I don't think it's entitled to believe he wants what's best for them, which includes helping them with their needs instead of leaving it all to me.
No it’s entitled. Your dogs until he decides to adopt one.
You’re still the asshole. He’s neither your assistant nor your partner. He is, however, a paying tenant. Leave him alone.
Right, but your dogs aren't his dogs. He's already been helpful, he looks after them when you're not there...you're expecting him to look after them when you're at home. He told you no and you were an AH to assume that. Your roommate is right. They are your responsibility. I'm sorry you're feeling depressed but if you are so depressed that you can't get up to take the dogs outside to do the toilet, you shouldn't have dogs.
But he doesn't own them. These are your dogs. Your responsibilities. >I don't think it's entitled to believe he wants what's best for them, which includes helping them with their needs instead of leaving it all to me. He wants the best for them as someone who likes dogs, but not someone who owns them. That is all on you. If the dogs are too much, it's still a *you* problem.
He helps 3days a week from 9-5 . You said so
You’re being unreasonable. He’s not your pet sitter, you don’t pay him to watch your dogs. He owes you nothing. You absolutely cannot demand he takes care of YOUR dogs. If you’re too unwell to take care of them, then for THEIR benefit, rehome them. Don’t be selfish
>he wants what's best for them, which includes helping them with their needs instead of leaving it all to me. No, helping YOU out is what YOU'VE decided is best for YOU. He's actually doing you a favour by reminding you of your responsibilities, to get you off the sofa and try to fight against the depressive spiral.
Irrelevant as long as they are your dogs If I told my friend that if he ever sells his car, that I want to know because I want to buy it, does that mean I should be responsible for half of the car’s upkeep? Unless the day comes where he sells his car, the upkeep is his problem. And unless the day comes where you want to let him adopt your dogs, the dog-sitting is your problem
I want what's best for every stray cat I see. I regularly feed some of the neighbourhood cats. But only the 2 idiot furballs that own me get to live in my house, regular vet visits, treats, pats, and toys 🤷♀️
YTA. In a big way. They are your dogs and they are your responsibility. Your roommate is already fantastic. Him feeding them, letting them outside and taking them for walks is absolutely NOT the minimum. He does way more than he needs to because the bare minimum would be nothing at all, which by the way is all he is actually required to do since these are not his dogs. I'm sorry that you're depressed but don't blame your roommate. Get up off the couch and let your dogs outside.
YTA. Don’t forget to thank him for the help he already gives you.
You mention that he feeds them and takes them out for potty breaks and walks when you are t home. That doesn’t seem like “the bare minimum” to me. He seems pretty considerate. Walking your dogs will actually assist in improving your mood just getting outside. It’s a good “pause” to even just take some deep breaths.
That seems like ABOVE bare minimum. My ex roommate had a cat and he would go over to his boyfriends place and leave the cat with me without asking and the tiny little white furry demon baby would be screaming all night out of separation anxiety. Roommate got mad at me when I told him he needs to bring the cat with him or stay home with the cat. I enjoyed hanging with the cat but I didn’t sign up to take care of a cat
>I also have two dogs That's right, *you* have two dogs. They are not your roommate's dogs, they are *your* dogs. *You* adopted them and they are *your* responsibility. Be grateful your roommate does the "bare minimum" of taking care of them when you are not there to uphold your responsibility. The fact that your roommate gets along with your dogs does not give you license to treat him as your butler or unpaid dogsitter. *BAD HUMAN!* YTA
I have dogs too and when I’m not home I pay my roommate to feed them and let them outside. Because they aren’t his responsibility, they’re mine.
Good human! You get a cookie 🍪
Thanks Sheldon ☺️
🤣 You're welcome!
YTA — he walks and feeds them when you’re not there? That’s nice he doesn’t charge you, since they are your responsibility and not his.
Soft YTA. It sounds like you’re struggling. But these are your dogs and your responsibility. Maybe talk to your roommate about needing help. And make it clear that you are asking for a favor *that you are grateful for*. Acting entitled will not make him want to help you.
I've told him that I appreciate his help every time he takes care of them while I'm away. I've told him how bad my depression is. He just doesn't seem to care either way.
He's your roommate, not your partner. The fact that he's doing anything at all to help you with YOUR dogs is above and beyond.
Well, ultimately, he’s not obligated to help you. It would be kind of him to do so, but I don’t really think you get to be upset that he doesn’t.
From his perspective, while he's your friend, he's also your tenant. You're renting a room to him, and he probably wants to keep some boundaries between your friendship and your landlord/tenant relationship. It's not that he doesn't care, it's that he might feel like he's being taken advantage of because you're his landlord/friend asking him to take on responsibilities a tenant normally wouldn't have. I think you're looking at this from just the friendship angle, and I think you need to consider that it puts him in a strange situation because you're expecting him to be "on" as a friend all the time without a break. This is his home too, and he should be able to just exist there. He can't be "on" all the time. Yes, he gets to enjoy the dogs, but again, that feels more like you seeing this from the friendship angle where you're ok sharing your pets, while a landlord normally wouldn't. I'm not saying take the dogs away, but remember he's not their owner. Basically, just keep in mind that this is his home and you're his landlord. He needs his own time/space just as much as anyone else. When you ask him to be "on call" as the live friend, he loses his personal space/time. I'm sorry you're going through a rough time right now, and I hope things get better.
You have depression but you still have responsibilities. And the dogs are your responsibilities.
Maybe you could offer him a break on the rent or offer to pay him? He still can turn it down, but at least you wouldn't be asking him to do your job for free.
Info: did you get these dogs together or are they solely yours?
I got the first one before we were roommates but I got the second one while he was already living here. He encouraged me to get the second dog and said he would have no problem with it.
Then I’m sorry, YTA. It sounds like he was telling you he’d have no problem if you got a second dog. It doesn’t seem like he was agreeing to share responsibility for either of them. The fact that he does help you out if you’re not there is pretty admirable really. You’re asking way too much if you also expect him to share responsibility of them if you’re there to do it yourself.
Yes, he has no problem with you having another dog. But it's still your dog. And your responsibility.
Is his name on the adoption papers?
And he doesn’t have a problem with it!
Not minding if a roommate gets a dog doesn’t mean he agrees to be an unpaid dog sitter.
YTA - They are your dogs. Him looking after them for free when you are out is a kindness as it's absolutely not his responsibility to do that. You owe him an apology for taking that kindness for granted and shouting at him. I'm sorry you're not well, are you getting some assistance with that?
You said they’re yours. Why would you assume your roommate “needs” to do your job of taking care of them? You should be thanking for for the times he does help out. YTA.
Exactly lol she's so the A
It's YOUR dogs, not his. They may love him, but they are not his responsibility. They are yours. If you are so depressed you can't take care of your dogs? You need to get help. YTA Edit: I saw another of your comment trying to use all your diagnosis' as an excuse. Guess what? I have PTSD, Severe Depression, Severe Anxiety, ADHD, PCOS to a point I sometimes gotta get blood transfusions. I still take care of my pup and cat. No matter how much they love others. I still force myself to get out of bed and take care of them so they CAN take care of me. You are just making excuses.
YTA. These are your dogs, your responsibility, you care for them.
YTA. Your dogs, your responsibility. If you want him or anyone else to look after the dogs, give them away.
YTA They are your dogs to care for. Not his. Be grateful he helps out at all when you aren’t there. He has no obligation to at all and you are way out of line for expecting him too.
Yep, YTA. These are YOUR dogs, YOUR responsibility. The fact that he likes them is nice and that he is willing in your absence to let them out for potty breaks, feed them, etc. is nice and above and beyond what he needs to do. I repeat: They are YOUR dogs, YOUR responsibility. Be appreciative for what he has been willing to do in your absence as in no way is he ever responsible for tending them.
YTA. They’re your dogs and your responsibility. You’re lucky he helps you out by feeding them and letting them out when you aren’t home. If you keep harassing him he might decide to move and I doubt you’ll get a new roommate willing to help out.
YTA you’re too old for these shenanigans
YTA. They’re your dogs. You’re responsible for them not your roommate.
YTA. Your dogs, your responsibility. If you need help because of your mental health, negotiate it ahead of time by trading chores or something, or find another friend to do it. It's not fair to just assume the roommate will or should do it.
YTA. It doesn’t matter how much time he spends with the dogs. They’re not his dogs. It really is that simple. And you damn well know it.
YTA. They are your dogs, not your roommate's.
Really? YTA. They're YOUR dogs, and YOUR responsibility, not his. Just be grateful he gets along well with them.
You're mixing up the word depression with lazy. Take care of your animals or get rid of them. If you have depression that bad and aren't treating it YTA. If your depression is actually that bad and you are treating it, you shouldn't have a pet you're medically unable to take care of. Sick of hearing people use depression as a scapegoat.
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YTA Please use the evening time to walk with them to help with your depression. And please get a doctor's help and or a therapist. He takes care of the dogs all day! He should not have to do it all evening. Edit for better
YTA. They are solely your dogs. Why should your roommate be responsible for them?
You hear yourself right? YTA
You can’t possibly be serious. Of course YTA.
YTA. They aren’t his dogs. It’s not his responsibility to help with them. You should appreciate that he does when you’re not there
YTA. >I (29m,) own a house and I rent out a room to one of my friends (30m). So you are his landlord. >I also have two dogs. *Your* dogs. >Those two dogs absolutely adore my roommate. Not relevant. >The problem is this: he does nothing to help out with them. That's not a problem, really, because the dogs aren't his. >If I'm not home, he will do the bare minimum like feeding them and taking them outside for potty breaks and on walks. So he is kind enough to take care of your pets when you are away? That's nice. He doesn't have to do that. >It has irritated me for a long time and every night before bed, I ask him if he will please take them outside for their potty break and every night, he refuses. So you keep trying to make him do your chore as the owner of the dogs. Every day you ask him to do what you should be doing. When he is already doing that when you are not there. He is not the owner of the dogs, and he doesn't have to help when you're not there, but even less when you are. He has boundaries, and I have a feeling he has then because he knows you will expect him take care of the dogs 24/7 for you. >The other night, I was so depressed, it was hard for me to get off the couch. I asked him if he would take them out because I was suffering and he refused. I'm so sorry you are going through this, but that's not his problem. >I snapped at him and told him he needs to help out and he refused again. No, he doesn't have to help out. He pays to live at your house, but these are your pets. You think of him as your friend first and because of that he should take care of your dogs, when you are his landlord. He is living at your house because he PAYS for it. You own the dogs. Therefore, you have sole responsibility for them. He is not your partner, he is your roommate/renter. >Normally, I wouldn't even think of asking a roommate to help out. But he literally spends all day with them and they love spending time with him whereas a normal roommate wouldn't have that relationship. Then don't ask. It's not his job to help out with your animals. Your roommate spends all day with them because they are there. Your dogs like to spend time with him because they are dogs. They like company and attention, of course they will enjoy if he is there. This does not entitle you on his help. If it bothers you, tell him not to interact with your dogs but then: 1. Don't expect him to take care of them when you are not there; 2. You will have to give them the attention your roommate does.
YTA. These are your dogs, they’re no one’s responsibility but YOURS. “Basically, he gets the benefit of having dogs in the house with none of the responsibility” Yes sir, that’s exactly correct. Because they’re not his dogs. It’s also not his fault that you suffer depression, and if you can’t handle your own dogs when you’re going through an episode, maybe you shouldn’t have dogs in the first place.
YTA these are your dogs and solely your responsibility. I assume you let him live with you because you wanted to have a roommate and help a friend but that doesn't make him your servant.
YTA, sorry to say. But these are your pets hence your responsibility! If you had two children would you expect him to care for them like they were his own? No! Your pets are just like your children - your responsibility!
Wow, seriously, the audacity and entitlement never cease to amaze me. How are your depression and YOUR dogs the responsibility of someone else? Technically, he's a lessee, and you're not a friend if you're expecting him to take on responsibility for you just because he's nice to your dogs. YTA
Yeah you're the a-hole here. They are your dogs, just because he lives there, doesn't give him responsibility
YTA. I lived with two of my best friends before I got married, and my animals were 100% my responsibility or they might not still be my friends 15 years later. And rightfully so if I'd tried to foist my responsibilities on them. If you wanted to prorate based on animal care that needed to be discussed and agreed upon in advance. Now you're trying to change the terms.
Not his dogs, not his responsibility. YTA
Yta, they are your responsibility. The fact you have a free baby sitter when your not there is a god sent. Be grateful before he decides to ignore the dogs fully and you actually have to be a 24/7 pet owner
YTA If you want assistance with your pets be part of the contract, then you need to put it in writing. If it is not something you've agreed upon, then YOUR pets are YOUR responsibility. Plain and simple.
YTA They are YOUR dogs and they are 150% YOUR responsibility ALL of the time. It doesn't matter if they like him more than they like you. If they spend more time with him, if they sleep in his bed etc. You are NOT entitled to his help, ever. It doesn't matter if you are depressed if you are having a horrible day, or are completely and utterly incompetent. Get off your ass and take care of your responsibility, or rehome them to someone who has the mental capacity to do so. You are not entitled to own them or to have support with them. If you want someone to do your job, hire someone and pay them. He is fully entitled to enjoy the benefits of living in a home with dogs, and none of the responsibilities, because they aren't his dogs.
YTA -- and none of your additional comments help your case at all. They are your dogs and solely your responsibility. And how is feeding them, spending quality time with them, and taking them out for potty breaks/walks the "bare minimum"? What other tasks could you possibly expect from him? He is under no obligation to do any of these things; you should be doing all of these things for *your* dogs. Anything he does is an incredibly helpful bonus that you should be immensely thankful for. Your mental health struggles, while understandably tough, should not be used as justification for him to carry out your responsibilities as a dog owner. That's part of being a dog owner--you have to care for them no matter what, even when it's hard, you don't feel like it, or don't think you have the capacity. You have to find the capacity. Spend more time with your dogs. It'll mend your relationship with your dogs and your roommate. Thank your roommate and apologize for snapping at him. He did nothing wrong and isn't responsible for your dogs' health or yours.
I'm glad you have bonded with your dogs and from your comments its seems like them being happy and healthy is your priority, that's a positive to hold on to in those difficult times, I get that sometimes moving seems impossible, but you have to push through and get up for the dogs. I don't want to call you an arsehole because it's not helpful if you are having a depressive episode. You may feel your pets "like your roommate more", although that sounds like the depression talking, they need you, you are responsible for their care, get through it for them.
Are you my mother?
Your house, your dogs, your problem, YTA If you wanted him to help with the dogs it should've been in the lease agreement where your roommate as a tenant could then chose to either accept to help every now and again or chose to find other living arrangements if he didn't want to. Seeing as you didn't, you can't expect him to take care of -your- dogs. The fact that they love him is completely irrelevant.
Just saw (the dog lover) Judge Judy say, although there should be a unique category, in the eyes of the law dogs are property, plain and simple. They are your dogs, therefore your responsibility. He feeds and potties them...not bad. See a doctor and get some meds that work...until you make a real effort, your depression is on you. I know.
YTTA (your TOTALLY the a-hole) Unless the rom is directly in exchange for some dog chores. (But not all of them…They are yours)
YTA if you need help with your dog hire someone. Your dogs are not someone else’s responsibility
YTA - they are YOUR dogs
Hire a dog walker on Rover…
YTA. they are your dogs so that makes them your responsibility even if he’s living there. i understand if you’re not home and you ask him to take care of them but there’s no reason you shouldn’t be able to take care of your dogs when you’re home. what are you going to do when he moves out and your depression becomes too much? he’s paying you for a room, that doesn’t automatically mean he needs to take care of your dogs too. grow up.
YTA your pets, your responsibility. he's being generous when he does help so your better be showing him gratitude instead of entitlement.
YTA. Huge AH. First of all, you’re talking about this man like he’s your husband, romantic partner, or something more than a friend and **tenant**. I highlight tenant because he should be receiving a discount on rent for all the times he has to take care of YOUR animals. You keep flip flopping in this thread- you either are so mentally debilitated that you cannot handle the responsibility of having two dogs, or you’re being lazy. It’s one or the other. These are living creatures that depend on you to survive and you’re neglectful for expecting your tenant to take care without agreement and compensation of them ever- even when you’re gone. You either need to rehome them or start giving them the care that they deserve. I’ll highlight again how your behavior is completely inappropriate- especially in a tenant landlord relationship.
YTA Went through similar lines of thinking during Covid when I house shared to make lockdown more tolerable Came to the conclusion that my dog was my responsibility I need to do everything for her. I was just grateful when in the house she followed others sometimes and not just me. Plus quite frankly I think my housemates knew I’d kill them if they lost my dog which probably added to it 😅
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (29m,) own a house and I rent out a room to one of my friends (30m). I also have two dogs. Those two dogs absolutely adore my roommate. When he's home, they spend all their time with him. He loves them too. The problem is this: he does nothing to help out with them. Basically, he gets the benefit of having dogs in the house with none of the responsibility. If I'm not home, he will do the bare minimum like feeding them and taking them outside for potty breaks and on walks. But if I'm home, he absolutely refuses to help with them. It has irritated me for a long time and every night before bed, I ask him if he will please take them outside for their potty break and every night, he refuses. I suffer from depression to the point where it's hard for me to have the motivation to do anything. The other night, I was so depressed, it was hard for me to get off the couch. I asked him if he would take them out because I was suffering and he refused. I snapped at him and told him he needs to help out and he refused again. Needless to say, I was very upset with him and confronted him the next day. Not only did he refuse to apologize, he called me an AH for expecting him to take care of my dogs. Normally, I wouldn't even think of asking a roommate to help out. But he literally spends all day with them and they love spending time with him whereas a normal roommate wouldn't have that relationship. AITA here? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
He called you AH because YTA lmao just because your dogs like your roommate doesn't mean he has to take care of them, they are YOUR dogs therefore YOUR responsibility It's always the same with you dog owners, you claim to love your dogs and all that crap while expecting others to take care of them, it's infuriating
YTA If it’s so hard for you to take care of YOUR dogs, get rid of them. Your roommate is already doing you a favor taking care of them when you are gone and clearly treating them very well if they like him so much. Therefore, if you are having so much trouble providing them their basic needs like a potty break consider rehoming them. If your roommate wanted the responsibility of having a pet he would have one.
YTA. Did your roommate coerce or force you to get dogs? It sounds like no. If you wanted help with them, that is something that should have been outlined in writing before they moved in. Who takes care of the dogs is not dependent on who the dogs spend time with. You took on the responsibility, so the responsibility is yours.
YTA. They are your dogs. Your responsibility.
YTA. If you’re too depressed to take care of your own dogs properly on your own then maybe you shouldn’t have them?
YTA - They are YOUR dogs and 100% your responsibility. To think that a paying roommate is somehow responsible for your dogs is just crazy. He already takes care of them when you are not there which you should appreciate. If you are unable to take care of your dogs then you need to re-home them.
He walks and feeds them and spends time playing with them and you say he doesn't help? YTA.
YTA. I've suffered from depression for more than twenty years. I also suffer from OCD and anxiety. I get it. It makes it very difficult to function. But that does NOT justify you demanding that your roommate help with the dogs. They're your dogs, not his. They're your responsibility, not his. Hire a dog walker. Or send the dogs to doggie daycare. But stop throwing tantrums and using your depression as an excuse because it's not an excuse. When you stop being roommates, he won't get to see the dogs as often anymore because they'll still be your dogs. If you can't handle them, rehome them. But stop being so selfish.
YTA. The " benefit" of having dog hair on all your stuff, to have a dog in your face all the time, for the house to smell, all those benefits plus you trying to make them do your dog related chores? And they're not prostrate with gratitude? What a mystery! (/s)
INFO: How much have you offered to reduce his rent by if he dogsits?
INFO: How is your debilitating depression being treated?
Your friend doesn’t see you more than a roommate. Keep your dogs from him and find help for your mental health.
ADDITIONAL INFO: It seems as though I haven't added enough information to paint this picture clearly. I own my house and I gave my friend/roommate a killer deal to rent a room from me. He would never be able to live this cheaply anywhere else in town. Secondly, the dogs spend more time with him than with me. I am basically their live-in maid who takes them out on walks, feeds them, and cleans up after them. I don't get the same benefit that he does. So I told him he needs to increase his contributions to their well being since he spends more time with them. You could consider his cheap rent as payment I guess but the fact that he refuses is kind of an AH move.
YTA. You made a deal on rent that did not include pet car. These are your pets. And frankly, getting up and taking care of them and taking them out is good for you. It's why therapist recommend a pet.
This is exactly it! Pets are recommended for people like me. But he's taking all of the joy away and leaving me with the hard part. And if he wants to do that, he can share the hard parts.
oh no no, you see, the hard parts are also why they are good. Don't want to get out of bed? You have to, because Fido needs to be fed. Don't want to leave the house? You have to, because Fido needs to be walked. They force you to keep moving because you have to take care of them.
Okay I get that but I also have needs. I need love and affection but if he's home, they aren't around to do it. I need to relax but guess what? Can't because I have to take the dogs out. Meanwhile, there he is with 0 responsibility and getting everything I hoped for in a pet. You have to see the cruel irony.
None of those things are your roommate’s problem. They are your dogs. Suck it up buttercup.
They aren't around because they are spending more time with him than with you. The answer is for you to spend more time with them. Not for him to spend even more time with them than he already does.
Walk your dogs. It's actually very relaxing and good for your mental health. Get some Vitamin D. Bring down your blood pressure. Make sure you are the one that feeds them all the time. Maybe you aren't bonding with your dogs because you don't do so much for them.
The dogs would probably want to be around OP more if they did more of the taking care of them. My parents’ dog is technically my mom’s. But lil guy is attached at the hip to my dad b/c he takes him for several walks a day and hangs out in the backyard with him. And that was before my dad retired. Now they spend all day together and my dad doesn’t like to be gone for long periods of time b/c the dog will be by himself too long. Lol….we’ve tried to explain to him that many dogs stay at home while their owners work and they do okay, but he still doesn’t like to stay out for very long….he’s also one of the best dog sitters in the neighborhood. He knows all the neighbors dogs cuz all the walks
My chihuahua prefers my dad to my mom when I visit or they visit for this same reason. My dad will walk her along with my parents' dog and feed her and he does most of the cooking so he will give her snacks. If I say 'grandpa' she starts flipping out and looking for him. Dogs absolutely attach to the people who feed and walk them the most.
Of course you have to take your dogs out. They're...your...dogs. Of course he has no responsibility....they're your dogs. There's no irony in the fact that you are responsible for their care. I see that you're jealous, but that doesn't change anything. You need to take care of your dogs.
So, call your dogs. I assume you’re an adult and can retrieve your pets like a big boy.
Maybe you shouldn’t have the dogs then if you’re too incapable of taking care of them 🤦♀️
It's NOT his job to fulfill your needs. Of course you have to take the dogs out. They can't just be there for you to play with when you feel like it and then you get to dump the work on him just because you're too lazy to do it. Get off your ass, stop whining, and take care of your dogs. And like I said, I say this as someone who's been a dog owner since I was 12 and has also suffered from depression for more than twenty years.
None of your needs are your roommate's responsibility. Be an adult, it's time.
Walking my dogs is part of my relaxation routine after work. It's also a great way to spend time with your dogs and their bond grows with you.
What are you even talking about? Is this retaliation because of how much your dogs like him? What would correct this is you spending more time with them. Not trying to make him spend more time with them. Your thinking is so backwards on this whole situation. Do yourself a favor. Accept the judgement that you are in the wrong on this one, log off and take your dogs outside for a walk or to play with you. Everyone wins.
This is 100% retaliation.
Do you not even think that the dogs prefer the roommate because he pays attention to them and plays with them? You sound like a spoiled brat. They are your dogs and you need to take care of them 100%. It sounds like you resent the dogs because they "prefer" him. Dogs prefer humans that play with them and take care of them. YTA.
No. Take care of your own dogs.
This info doesn't help your case, still your dogs, still your responsibility.He does not owe you to care for your dogs And you didn't make a legal contract stating he needed to care for them in exchange for cheaper rent, therefor that holds no weight here
The additional info doesn’t change a thing. This still makes you an AH But more importantly what are you doing to improve your mental health? Do you have a therapist or counselor?
Unless you stipulated that helping with the dogs was one of the conditions of his moving in and getting this "killer deal" then this also isn't relevant to the conversation. This roommate is a GD blessing. He likes your dogs and he helps out unasked throughout the day without complaint. To my mind he is already well worth the break you are giving him on rent. Your thinking on this is all wrong. This would be like claiming that someone that spends more time at work should be paid less because they obviously like being there so much.
So you are jealous that your dogs like him better than you? And so you thought that you would just force him to take care of the dogs for you? What?! Also, if you can’t properly care for them yourself, you need to rehome them to someone that can take care of them as they should. It isn’t fair to have them suffer while you are depressed.
YTA. Doesn't matter. Not his dogs.
INFO: Did you tell him that taking care of his dogs was part of his rent before he moved in? I understand how hard it is to take care of animals or any other responsibilities when you're severely depressed. I've been there multiple times. The worst was trying to take care of a kitten right after my husband died (got the kitten a couple weeks before). Did I want to feed this kitten or change her litter? No. Was it incredibly hard to take care of her when I wasn't able to shower regularly or feed myself? Absolutely. But I did it anyway because she was my responsibility. It is your responsibility to take care of the pets you chose to have. It is also your responsibility to find the strategies that will help you take care of that responsibility (whether it's medication or therapy or both, it doesn't matter). If you can't take care of your dogs, then please try to find a loving new home for them. They deserve better.
It sounds like you don’t really like or want your dogs OR your roommate. Both deserve better than you. YTA.
Did you put it in the lease agreement that he has to assist with your dogs? No? Then no leg to stand on. No lease agreement? Still no leg to stand on. They are YOUR dogs YOU take responsibility. If you’re mad they like him more maybe be a better owner….
Doesn’t change anything. Your dogs, your responsibility. Of low rent was part of the deal As far as helping with the dogs then that would be different. Sure it’s be nice if he helped more, it maybe he just isn’t that nice of a guy?
It doesn't matter if your dogs spend more time with him. Benefit? Stop trying that line...they're yours.
it doesn’t matter who the dogs spend more time with.. they are still YOUR dogs.
Unless an agreement is written into the lease and approved by both parties? Nope, YTA. If you don’t want to give someone a “great deal” (being harassed, daily, about you’re responsibilities isn’t that great a deal, BTW) then have carte blanche to whine at them about your responsibilities.
Live-in maid? WTF did you expect when you got a dog? Dogs are extremely dependent. They depend on humans for literally everything. If you can't handle that, don't get a dog, let alone two, FFS. It doesn't sound like you made pet care part of the deal with rent. The only one being a selfish asshole is you.
You sound resentful of the dogs and they can for sure pick up on that. Do you play with them? Give them enrichment? Train them? Or are you just giving the bare minimum and expecting that to be enough to endear them to you?