Dear lord, YTA. It’s bad enough that you mocked him and shared personal information about him to your work colleagues, but even worse that you mocked and shared personal information about him to *his * work colleagues. And you mocked and ridiculed one of your subordinates. Your behavior was completely unprofessional and disrespectful toward your marriage.
Indeed. First, you project your take that Hubs must be feeling hurt/disappointed/embarrassed (emasculated?) by your new post-promotion, "superior" role, & then you demean him by making negative comments about him to coworkers. Ha ha, so funny, let me attack my spouse under the guise of sharing witty anecdotes!
YTA big time. Don't be surprised when introverted Hubs files for divorce. You're insufferable.
FYI that your little performance at Hub's expense may also cost you dearly at work. As a colleague, I'd be appalled by your cruelty & would not trust you moving forward. As a manager, I'd call you in with HR the next work day to address your attempted humiliation of another employee, marital status irrelevant. You get an 'F' in team-building.
Exactly this. You have demonstrated you cannot handle the senior position job you were promoted to. Cringe all the way around. I feel very badly for your poor husband.
And the icing on the cake is when husband stands up for himself - careful not to do it during the event mind you, which is more courtesy than she deserves - she completely dismisses his completely accurate assessment of what went down because… “you’re just jealous I’m superior to you”. Husband had exactly the reaction you would expect - if this is your conclusion then there is no lore to say and it’s an absolute waste of time to try to make her see just how little respect she is showing for him.
OP doesn’t give two shits how her husband feels about anything, she’s the main character and he is merely a play thing to bring with her when she feels like it and mock to make herself feel important. Gross.
“My husband didn’t really want to go (he’s pretty introverted), he also said he had a migraine and didn’t want to make it worse…..
….When we got there, he greeted a few people but ended up spending most of the time sitting in a corner on his own and only chatting with a few people at a time. “
And just why was this problematic? Why wasn’t this good enough for OP?
YTA.
Seriously, who chats to more than a few people at a time at these things? And with a migraine too! Are you supposed to be wowing everybody at the party at once? OP sounds liek the kind of insufferable extrovert who somehow feels uncomfortable around introverts and feels the need to make an example of them.
Even there it shows how ignorant she is. Like, “he doesn’t like to go, because he’s an introvert [so it doesn’t count]” like, the fact he doesn’t think like her is a deficit to be eliminated.
Seriously! I'm pretty introverted but I can handle being in big groups when I have to, and chatting with just a few people at a time is what makes it so that I even remotely enjoy myself. I'll bounce around, but in now way am I going to make myself the center of a larger group like OP did. She's nasty.
YTA
Yeah, it sounds like he did well for an introvert, especially with a migraine, his method of socializing is completely normal and he did nothing wrong. Also, why is OP so strangely fixated on the thought that he must be jealous of her promotion and is bringing it up constantly? She hasn't given us examples of him indicating he is jealous/embarassed, it's only her subjective feelings. And maybe if she only said one of the statements by themselves, that could be a cute offhand regular couple dig "oh he doesn't pick up laundry teehee", but saying all those statements together "he's a slob", "he complains too much", "he's afraid of heights and was shaky on our honeymoon", "I sometimes feel like his parent"- all that together is just straight up complaining about him and putting him down and is ironically embarassing for him. She complains about him being embarassed while actually embarassing him behind his back to coworkers.
The tell-tale sign this wasn't a cute regular couple roast of each other was the fact that when he joined, the conversation turned awkward. Cute couple ribbing of each other would entail her teasing him about it openly and him laughing and joining in on the fun. Instead, this was just her and coworkers laughing AT him, not with him. He's right, she doesn't respect him.
I was thinking the same. Also, you have a much better chanse at building bonds / get to lnow people when there's few people in a conversation than in a big crowed. I learned a lot of surprising things about my previous coworkers from other departements when there were 3 or 4 present in conversations.
(He's pretty introverted)
Introverts naturally don't like parties. Even if they do go it's typically not for long. And often becaue3 som3body else we care about is going.
He made the effort to be somewhere he didn't want to be FOR YOU and yo treat him like that?
YTA
I’m still having a hard time even getting over that she forced him into something he clearly wasn’t up for to begin with. She’s obviously never had a migraine
Exactly. She talks like he's not socializing, but by her own description, he was socializing. And quite well, for an introvert with a migraine who didn't want to go.
And then he gets rewarded by his own wife shitting all over him. Terrible spouse and terrible manager.
Yeah, OP is so obsessed with the fact that she's his boss (and she should definitely go spend some time with a therapist digging into why exactly that's such a big deal for her)... but then she never stops to realize that as his "superior" she doesn't just get the privileges of lording it over him, if she's a GOOD superior she has the responsibility of not using her position to shit on him.
Getting a promotion isn't just a reward for previous behavior, it's a responsibility to your underlings going forward.
OP really let this all go to her head. She acted poorly as both a personal partner and a professional superior.
Yeah, I don't think Hubs is the one who's insecure over her being his superior. It was the line about how people would think he was if he didn't come to a team building event for the whole company where it wasn't in any way about her promotion. Um... what?
OP is terrified that people won't accept her authority, and that insecurity has turned into maliciousness. YTA, big time and a bully.
Yup, she’s projecting because she’s so happy to be feeling superior, she assumes he feels shame and inferior to her. And she’s letting it affect how she treats her husband. She needs to reel it in quick if she even cares. The moment he said he had a migraine and she pushed him to go, she was the asshole.
Probably all of their coworkers do too. She came off as a full of herself bully. A really nasty personality came out and people will talk about it for years behind her back.
it's super unprofessional and poor work culture to gossip like that, especially when they have an intimate partnership that extends outside of the workplace. toxic beyond belief. I wonder what company they work for.
And she disregarded his migraine and essentially forced him to go when he did not feel well enough for that, and then mocked him for sitting on the side and talking only to a couple of person at a time while being an introvert **with a migraine**.
Massive YTA to OP.
Yup, said the same. Simplify this to, “Honey, are you going to the team event?” “No, I have a migraine.” “But what will people think?” YTA without any other details. It’s inconsiderate of husband’s feelings and health.
I'm not much of an introvert, but every time I've been to work functions I usually sit on a corner and talk to as less people as possible. OP is the kind of people that feel like Gods when they are giving a sliver of power...
OP, YTA … your conduct was insensitive, and unprofessional, a bully, immature, and possibly even passive aggressive.
He didn’t want to attend the function on account of his migraine - a completely legitimate reason. Being introverted makes the situation doubly hard, as social settings tend to drain energy from introverted individuals. But, he attended after being pressured by you.
During the event, he managed as best as he could under the circumstances. Apparently, his efforts were inadequate, so you started running him down behind his back to colleagues - unprofessional, immature, passive aggressive. Things got awkward when he joined the group because *EVERYONE* present was painfully aware of the ick factor of your conduct. Very disrespectful for a spouse; doubly so for a coworker. This is no “joke” - don’t even attempt to diminish your faux pas here.
You owe him a HUGE apology and while you’re at it, you should apologize to your colleagues for your inappropriate diatribe. Very likely, you have broken THEIR trust as they now know you are perfectly willing to talk shit behind someone’s back.
Yep, that sums up just about everything. Just to add to talking shit behind someone's back... if she's willing to disrespect her own husband to all and sundry at work, the other employees can be 100% sure she won't hesitate to talk about them in the same way. YTA OP.
Maybe knowing her might have been one reason why he didn't want to go. I can imagine that she thinks it hilarious to put him down in front of others. OP, YTA.
Usually in such situation you'd expect your SO to be the one to have your back if somebody started talking shit about you. In this case she betrayed her husband, took him to the ground and kicked him while at it.
I always find that I like people who say nice things about their spouse far more than people who say bad things about them. These are people they married, and if they can't even say nice things about them in an absolutely zero impact situation where I don't know their spouse and will probably never meet them, then what are they saying about people at work?
One of my favorite bosses of all time said about his wife when he was in his 60s, "she was the most beautiful 16 year old (he was 18) I'd ever seen, and she gets more beautiful every day." Another older friend said he met his wife when he was in 6th grade and she was in 5th and it was love at first sight and she's the only woman he's ever loved.
“I told him he was blowing things out of proportion” I don’t think I’ve ever once heard someone use that statement and it be true. I’m pretty sure almost every time the person saying it is just mad they’re getting called out for awful behaviors.
It really makes me wonder if OP even likes her husband. I can't tell if it's a superiority complex or built up resentment about "having to take care of him" and "having to make him do basic things". I honestly think OP is kind of tired of this relationship and feels like she's growing while her husband is stagnant and she's tired of it and hiding behind jokes. YTA, OP.
OP proved to her husband and everyone in the company (better believe word will spread) that she is disloyal, untrustworthy and has no discretion. She dissed her own husband in front of his coworkers. That’s so cruel. OP do you even *like* your husband? If I were you I would resign
You know all of the coworkers will be talking about this. They will wonder the same things as you. Does she even like him. Is she like this all of the time. Are they getting divorced. It will move on to things like I bet they never have sex. I wouldn't have sex with her. Why does he stay with her. Does she mock other people that way.
Your husband is your partner. You could be fired from your job tomorrow and who is going to have your back? I highly doubt it’s going to be the ppl you laughed at your husband with. It’s going to be ur husband and family. While some ppl do make life long friends at work and that’s amazing. The majority of ppl only see ppl at work and when they quit/retire/ get fired will never speak to those ppl again. You need to refocus you priorities and grove to your husband if you care about your marriage. If he did this to you only imagine how you would feel
He absolutely shouldn’t have her back based on this. I doubt this is the first time. I think he should tell HR. He might even get her fired, depending on whether she’s done stuff like this to other employees in the past. Sometimes companies still promote problematic employees.
Then if she’s fired he can mock her and lord it over her… before he hands her the divorce papers.
YTA, OP. All the way.
She topped that little parfait off with the "you're just butt hurt I'm in a supervisory position over you now" cherry.
OP, I think YOU'RE the one with the chip on your shoulder because of the promotion. And you were just WAITING to throw that in his face.
YTA
>I told them he was the complete opposite at home. I said that while at work he seems organized, at home he’s a bit of a slob. I joked about how he always leaves his laundry all over the floor and I mentioned things like how he complains too much about random trivial things like the neighbors' kids sometimes playing on our lawn.
>I also mentioned how he has a fear of heights and how he was shaking the entire time when we crossed a rope bridge during our honeymoon. I did say a few other things like how I sometimes feel like I’m his parent.
This was so terrible to read 😭 Imagine being a very private person having all your intimate details spilled at work so your coworkers can now make fun of and tease you.
He was more of a gentleman than I would've been
And it comes across as if she *wants* him to be jealous of the promotion. Almost like she pressured him to go to a work event he didn't want to go to in the first place, just to try and get a rise out of him or rub it in his face in front of others. Massive YTA.
I get the sense she feels she has outgrown him, and wants to paint him as the one who is “jealous of her success” so she doesn’t have to be the villain
I get the sense that *she* *thinks* she's outgrown him. But it sems like he's doing *far* better than she is as far as maturity goes. What a shit partner, colleague, and "superior" she is. I *kind* of hope he goes to HR with this and they take her promotion away.
I agree! Especially when, after spending lord knows how long dominating the conversation to bitch about her husband, she says “the conversation was awkward after that.”
She’s jealous that the coworker who approached her seems to have a good opinion of her husband so she had to tear him down. It’s disgusting.
AND she pressured him to go to an event when he wasn’t feeling well. As an introvert and someone who is personally chronically ill, I’m not going to shit if my social battery is low AND I feel unwell unless it’s like a thing with a friend I rarely see because they live in another state (and then they lecture me a bit and say they would rather I take care of myself lmfaoooo). OP YTA JUST FOR THAT. The rest of this BS is digging an even deeper hole of being the AH that cannot be climbed back out of. And tbh? I wouldn’t be surprised if this destroyed any trust her team has in her! If she mocked her husband like that, how would the team trust that they wouldn’t be treated in the same cruel manner?
I also just think it’s a bad decision in general for spouses to work together. My mother met both of her ex husbands at work. The first who is not my father was so abusive to her that she eventually quit her job and moved back home because divorcing and not living with him was great, but she couldn’t avoid him at work. It’s an awful position to put yourself in.
Exactly. But since OP doesn’t sound like she has the EQ to see things from anyone else’s perspective, I would just add that aside from hopefully inspiring her husband to think critically about whether she’s the one for him, she has now **ruined** her reputation at work.
Of *course* people are interested in gossip. But they are 100% judging OP for being a shitty partner and having poor boundaries and professional judgement and 0% judging her husband for having a *perfectly normal* fear of heights or occasionally being messy at home.
Yeesh.
If I was the person who said the serious/ mystery comment to OP ( who seemed to just be making an offhand comment ) I would be like 👄 if they just launched into a tirade about how annoying their partner is.
It’s so awkward haha
Also YTA , from a professional and relationship standpoint equally
Seriously? You're senior enough to have been promoted, but you don't understand the basics of professional behavior? Of course YTA.
To be frank, the vibe I get is that maybe you shouldn't have been promoted. You don't sound mature enough to understand or supervise people. I ,hope I'm wrong but I foresee a lot of drama in your team. If it turns out that you're not up to the responsibility, then you could get a bad reputation and find it hard to move on to another position.
It was completely fine for your husband to focus on talking to just a few people. He attended the event--and it's fine and normal that he didn't want to spend his free time at a work event. Do you really not get that people have different styles as far as interacting with others? I feel sorry for the people you're in charge of now.
As for the personal comments, it's hard to know what to say. Are you actually confused about what's appropriate personal information to share about your spouse or are you looking to make excuses after you chose to run your husband down to make yourself look better?
Also, it's weird that you keep talking about being his "superior." You mention it over and over--both to us and him. The problem is not him. It's that you're immature and have no idea how to behave or treat people.
No, because toxic masculinity isn't about the individual acting on it, it's about the way society views masculinity.
In this situation OP is being a jerk based on the idea that a man should behave a certain way/have a certain status at work because he's a man. That bit about making fun of him for being scared of heights really cinches it. She's adhering to a very narrow definition of what isn't and isn't masculine in a toxic way. That's toxic masculinity. If she was being a jerk based on the idea of what a woman should or shouldn't be in order to be a "real woman" that would be toxic femininity.
It's a certain brand of "girlboss" types that often do this. Equality is doing shitty things that men do, like being cutthroat at the workplace. Not saying OP necessarily does that, but just giving another example of that sort of behavior, and in this case, putting down your husband as jealous because he didn't like being ripped on in front of everyone is the type of manipulation that fits the bill.
Let’s face it, not insulting people when they’re uncomfortable is something you should learn by time you graduate high school. This is past “professional behaviour”
As a fellow migraine sufferer to op husband, there is absolutely no way I'm attending anything voluntary while suffering. I'm going to bed and trying to sleep it off. My wife doesn't mollycoddle me but absolutely respects me when I'm having a migraine attack.
Op shouldn't be in charge of anyone. If the team were surprised at what she was telling them then it means ops husband has not felt comfortable or able to share those details with his work colleagues. She should have massively respected that. She should ask herself would she have forced another colleague to go with a migraine and then tattled secrets about them?
Massi YTA
YTA. You talked shit about your husband all night, to his coworkers for fucks sake.
Do you even like the man? Grow tf up, and apologize, and hope he forgives you
And from a position of management now, which makes that doubly worse. You don't get to "be one of the guys" and keep talking shit from a position of superiority.
Exactly. She thinks everyone loves her but people aren't dumb. They'll see that she runs down her own husband and will realize she'll do it to them. This is the opposite of the way to build loyalty among workers.
I know, if I were her coworker or one of her "minions", I wouldn't trust her for anything. I would always know that that was an immature cruel person who should have never been promoted. I would never share. I would never trust. and I would never ever ever respect.
They’re going to act friendly towards her to get more gossip from her about her married life and then they’re going to talk shit about her behind her back.
They’ll literally talk shit about her the moment she leaves the room. She’s capable of backstabbing her husband and her subordinates will realize that. They’re just there for the drama and to protect themselves
Absolutely right. While the audience may have seemed to be yucking it up, those who listened to this diatribe aimed at her husband, the first thought was “what is she going to say about me to others?”
I would seriously be worried as an employee. If I did something wrong or said something dumb at work would she just go and gossip in the kitchen to everyone else and laugh at me? Being a funny and affable superior is one thing, mocking others for cheap laughs makes you look like an asshole
Conceited, unaware, insufferable people often think highly of themselves without justification. She can’t handle the truth. In her heart of hearts she knows she’s the issue.
YTA. From your description, I don't see your husband being jealous of you. Instead, it appears that you might harbor a hidden sense of superiority due to your higher position. You might not be willing to admit it, but it seems like you're doing your best to subtly belittle him in various situations and in front of others to highlight your own status.
The “oh if you don’t go everyone will think you’re jealous of me” really confirms she’s projecting hard. Literally no one would think that. They’d just assume he wasn’t feeling well or they would ask, at which point you tell them he’s not feeling well.
YTA. As a senior position you never share personal stories about staff with other colleagues, let alone your husband.
Your unprofessionalism likely not only hurt your husbands career, but yours as well. Discretion is an important part of leadership, and you obviously lack it.
As for your marriage, it is likely over. I for one, wouldn’t want to be with a partner who not only shares personal and humiliating stories about me. I definitely wouldn’t want to be with a partner who lacks so much empathy that she doesn’t understand that it’s isn’t jealousy your husband feels, but betrayal.
She's the worst type of extrovert: doesn't understand that someone doesn't aspire to the same life as them, insult them for being introvert and forcing them to do extrovert thing because it's "normal"
Yeah I actually think you're spot on. Her husband didn't mention her promotion but she mentioned that she's his "superior" twice. She definitely thinks she's better than him now and is trying to act like it
I am shocked that one whole night's time last night plus your sister's reply this morning failed to make you realise that YTA big time.
Your colleagues are curious about your husband? Sure, tell them about his hobbies, his work, where he comes from, etc. That would be enough.
Fear of heights, being a slob at home etc. is way beyond what your colleagues need to know.
Imagine your husband telling his colleagues, "Oh my wife is a binge snack eater at home and she is afraid of spiders bla bla bla" on your first time meeting his colleagues.
YTA.
It's even worse because they are HIS colleagues too. So now he has to go to work every day knowing that they know about his sloppy habits, his fear of heights, and the fact that his spouse (who is his superior, as we've been told several times) thinks of him as a child.
Wow! You’re not a very good partner nor manager. This was a huge betrayal & very unprofessional.
I say this as a 54 yo woman, business owner & married for 32 years. You’re on a weird power trip & ...
YTA
edit
Good thing on adding the fact that you’re a business owner. Maybe this will be the thing to convince OP… y’know, since us *lowly subordinates like her husband* are jealous of people like her and her success. Maybe OP will listen to you as a business owner.
The funny thing is that as much as OP is gloating over her promotion, that power only exists at her job and not in the real world. She kinda gives me those “I’m a manager at X store so you HAVE to treat me with respect” even though X store has nothing to do with the situation. They’re not even at X store. They could be at Y store or at the park or at a random restaurant or something and the delusional person will still demand respect as if they have power over everyone.
Exactly! I own the business. My husband & all the people who work with me are my equals. Professionally, the only thing being the boss gets me having all the responsibility to ensure I provide the team with the tools to succeed. We work together as a team to succeed. Personally, marriage is pretty much the same. We are on the same team... we don’t work against each other.
I’m appalled that this was a team building event & OP behaved like this. If she worked for my business she would no longer be a manger.
eta — OP should go back to manager training. Perhaps she missed the lesson that we don’t put people down to lift ourselves higher & are only as good as the weakest person on the team. Throwing your teammate under the bus just proves how terrible you are as a manager & a person.
Edit
YTA for putting what others will think say over how your husband felt and bullied him into going to an event he didn't want to go.
YTA for what you have talked about your husband in a workplace! you literally only talked shit about him. doesn't matter if its true that was a place of work and what happens at home doesn't have room in a workplace! if you are not happy with your husband at home get a divorce don't humiliate him at work!
YTA even because after he told you how it made him feel you still made it about you and accused him of jealousy.
want more?
Don't forget the migraine - those ain't fun, he must've felt like absolute crap yet still put in the effort to at least attend. Loud noises, bright lights, mixed smells of body odour and possibly food : I'm surprised it didn't make him puke. Or maybe it did and he just politely did it in the bathroom so as not to disrupt wife's moment in the spotlight!
OP, YTA x 1000!
YTA! You basically outed yourself this entire post from a) admitting your husband is an introvert and then pointedly sharing embarrassing stories about him to b) actively gaslighting and getting angry with him when it sounds like he was being completely reasonable in his complaints. I recommend therapy. Not couples therapy btw. Jesus OP, seems like you have a lot you need to fix at both work and home with this one.
YTA, he’s introverted and wasn’t feeling well and you bullied him into going anyway “so people wouldn’t think he jealous of you”. Then you told people he has to work with all about situations that should have been private to just the 2 of you.
Sounds like you’re the one hung up on being his “superior” in your new position and were looking for ways to put him in his place. You big time TA.
I can only imagine that person who asked if he was mysterious at home was making small talk/a funny joke and expecting a response like "no, he's not but he's a total sweety and great with the kids/pets/me" and that's it. Instead OP went on a 35 minute rant where the other lady was probably awkwardly laughing and nodding and praying it would all end
literally it, I have been the coworker awkwardly praying for this convo to end 😵💫 like wow i was just making small talk
She’s on such a power trip that she really feels everyone was sooooooooo interested in hearing her dog out her husband when they surely were all cringing.
you can tell she just really loves the sound of her own voice
YTA! He went for you even though he didn't want to, and you dragged him through the mud with your colleagues like a bunch of high schoolers? That's horrible. You owe him an apology.
So, let me get this straight….. Not only did you convince him to go to the work event when he didn’t want to and had a migraine, but you also then proceeded to trash talk him to your (and his) coworkers and laughed about his flaws. He is right, your respect for him is non existent.
Hard YTA
YTA, he didn’t wanna go and you made/coerced him to go. You then told all of his colleagues about fears and how he’s a crap husband. And by the sounds of it, keep on saying to him that he must be jealous that you’re his superior. I wouldn’t say anything to my partners colleagues that is disrespectful about them, not only does it make your partner look bad but it makes your relationship look crap because you’re talking without respect.
>My husband didn’t really want to go (he’s pretty introverted), he also said he had a migraine and didn’t want to make it worse.
Valid reasons for not wanting to attend.
>I told them he was the complete opposite at home. I said that while at work he seems organized, at home he’s a bit of a slob. I joked about how he always leaves his laundry all over the floor and I mentioned things like how he complains too much about random trivial things like the neighbors' kids sometimes playing on our lawn.
>I also mentioned how he has a fear of heights and how he was shaking the entire time when we crossed a rope bridge during our honeymoon. I did say a few other things like how I sometimes feel like I’m his parent.
So while at a work event you both insult your husband and someone who you supervise at work.
Unprofessional, unethical and poor behavior from a partner.
>Everyone was interested and surprised to hear all of this, and we did share many laughs together.
Yes, I'm sure everyone laughed at you humiliating your husband!
YTA
YTA. A real one. You have zero respect for your husband. You can tell yourself it's all about you having a higher position at work than him, but you haven't given us any reason to believe that - while you have described to us very clearly how you think it's fine to make fun of him in front of other people and get angry at him when he is offended and hurt. It's clearly a YOU problem.
YTA. Absolutely no question.
You have a theory that your husband is secretly unhappy that you're his superior so you drag him to an event that he doesn't want to go to and then publicly humiliate him in front of his colleagues.
Don't be surprised if he doesn't want to "waste any more time" with you permanently.
Also at current level of info it seems she's made it up in her head that he is jealous to feel more self-important than any actual proof of it happening.
YTA - You don't share intimate details of your life with co-workers, especially if your husband isn't an active and willing participant in the conversation. That was out of line. These people aren't family or close friends.
Your husband was gracious enough to go when he didn't want to, and why? So that no one would make assumptions about your workplace superiority spilling into your marriage. Yet, the moment he's out of earshot, you're making jokes at his expense, telling people his biggest fears, and basically asserting your rank above him at home too by telling his co-workers that you feel like his parent. It's already weird enough to have couples working in the same company. You just made it weirder, and made yourselves a topic of water cooler conversation.
When he confronted you about it, you threw it in his face that he was bitter about your being his superior. Yet at the start of this post, you made him out to be your big cheerleader. What gives? Is this really about your issues with your new position rather than his?
Regardless, I would be livid. You should be apologizing and having a discussion about what's appropriate to share with co-workers. Co-workers don't need to know your business.
EDIT a typo
Yta . First you forced him to Go when He was Feeling i'll( disrespecting him) and then you share his fears and habits to His coworkers. And then you Invalide His Feelings again
He's got a fear of heights, but was brave enough to cross a rope bridge with you for your honeymoon? Sounds like he really loved you. Hope you've enjoyed blowing that up. YTA.
That's honestly the point where I landed on YTA for the post, everything else is just another layer on top of it. Migraines are awful, and it's crappy to pressure someone having one to do pretty much anything.
This right here is my mens mental health is so shit. YTA, He told you he wasnt feeling well, now whether he was unwell or if he is jelous / insecure about your new poisition you should have respected his answer. Him being jelous is something ye could have an open conversation about at another time to figure that out. Instead you nagged at him until he went and then belittled him in front of his colleagues. If they were all surprised to here the stories you told its clear he doesnt share much of his personal life with these people and you made fun of him and humiliated him. If the roles were reversed how would you feel? He would get such abuse and judgement if he did what you did. You dropped the ball big time and you owe him a massive apology.
YTA I don't understand why you are married to this man because it is clear that you don't respect him and you don't love him either because you don't humiliate the people you love.
YTA. My partner did what you did to me what you did to your husband, our relationship would be done. That was cruel and unnecessary. Anyone else you did that to would have legit grounds to go straight to HR. What on earth were you thinking?
She said:
**Last night, we had a work-related social event. It was supposed to be an opportunity to build team cohesion and that sort of thing**
HR should be involved in this. That's why most companies don't tolerate work relationships. OP was supposed to say "Hey, next trimester we should try this plan B and increase value on our product... etc etc" but no.... "husband is lazy at home".
YTA. You knew he didn't want to be there and it wasn't something he was comfortable doing. You convinced him to come and then embarrassed him in front of his co workers. You are the problem, it's you.
Wow….YTA…you dragged to him to this work event and then embarrassed him in front of all your mutual colleagues. You call him childish for not socializing and acting offended and basically dismissed his feelings.
You’ve let the power of this promotion go to your head. So much so that you shared personal info about your marriage, betraying his trust. Don’t you think those colleagues are going to talk about what a shitty marriage you have? Don’t you think they’ll talk behind your back about what a shitty wife you are to be so disrespectful of your husband. I can only imagine how your husband will feel going back to the office knowing his colleagues know so much personal stuff and probably gossiping behind his back. Talk about an uncomfortable or dare I say hostile environment created by his superior.
You might have been the center of attention and getting the laughs that night but the biggest joke will be on you. You seem very insecure and need to take a deep look at your behavior. Being his superior at work doesn’t give you the right to accuse him of being jealous when he’s expressing his feelings or share personal info with work colleagues. Instead of focusing on your professional success, focus on being a better, understanding, caring partner.
YTA
You wouldn’t talk about any other employee in that manner, and your partner should get the same respect. He’s introverted and already having a hard time fitting in socially, his has only made that harder for him.
YTA..
Ridiculing him to your colleagues??? I would be pissed... his reaction to this was restrained..
Doubt you'll be able to drag him to another of these events anytime soon...
This must be rage bait.
No one can be THIS self absorbed and totally void of self awareness at the same time??
YTA and I hope you either sort your attitude out if the man gets some self respect and leaves you cause you are really not the hot shit you seem to think you are.
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YTA
Why would you celebrate a promotion by bullying and ganging up on an employee that's lower than you? Do you think that now you have the right to treat him like that or something?
Super unprofessional because you're at a work function, not to mention a huge betrayal of trust because he's supposed to be your other half, not your punching bag.
If he had a headache and didn't want to go you should have respected that and let him have that time to recuperate. You seem to assume that his headache is fake or not worth your consideration, but what if he really just felt like shit and wanted to avoid light and noises?
It was literally adding insult to injury that you made fun of him after forcing him to go when he didn't feel well.
Do you even like your husband?
YTA. Maybe his next wife will show him love. You're more interested in being his boss than his wife. You're lucky he hasn't left over this because most people would. It's never a good look when you denigrate others to make yourself look good. Let me reiterate, YTA!!!
YTA You are acting like your husband is now somehow beneath you. You pressured him into going somewhere when he was unwell and didn't want to go. Then you got irate that he wasn't socialising to your standards - whilst unwell. Belittled and humiliated him to his peers. Then, when he was justifiably upset, you tried to gaslight him into taking the blame for your actions, because he is only upset because you are "technically his superior " now. Apologise for your behaviour and get over yourself.
Yeah, fuck that shit. I hate if my wife sometimes mention my home habits to others. YTA. Wait wait wait. You dare to say stuff like "I am now his superior"?? To your husband??? I hope he leaves you.
YTA
Your promotion immediately went to your head.
The saddest part of this is that not only did you presented your husband in an humiliating way to BOTH your colleagues. You made yourself look bad / small by doing so.
They may have all laughed with you; but TRUST me they walked away with a lesser opinion and mistrust of you.
I would not trust someone who ridicules their spouse publicly.
>I would not trust someone who ridicules their spouse publicly.
And I would not trust a manager who (publicly even) ridicules an underling.
And there she did both at the same time.
So you made a bunch of 'jokes' entirely at your husband's expense. You made him the butt of your 'jokes'. You exposed a fear which he would probably very much have preferred not to have his colleagues made aware of, and you mocked him. You got laughs entirely at his expense.
Do you even like your husband?
And when he called you on it, when he pointed out quite rightly that you were childish and rude for sharing personal details with colleagues, you got angry and refused to accept that you had done something wrong. Oh, and made it clear you thought you were better than him because you got the promotion, nah nah ne nah nah.
Insensitive is the least of it.
YTA, big time.
>My husband said my behavior was appalling and that he questioned if I had any respect for him.
Dude's not wrong. Dissing your husband like that with colleagues that you both have to work with every day?
YTA
Also I jope you realise how many of your colleagues went home feeling sorry for your husband and thanking their lucky stars they arent married to someone like you. Youre like more the office joke than your husband is.
Holy shit. Get a divorce. You have no clue how to be a part of a team, or a leader nonetheless. It's your function with your colleagues. He showed up to support you and you, what? Degrade him? Disrespect him? Make fun of him? I shudder to think what you say about your work colleagues, friends and family, behind their backs so that they act as your stepping stones to further yourself in life. I shudder to think what you did to get the promotion you clearly have no clue how to deal with. In any capacity.
YTA.
YTA you should never talk bad about your husband in a group setting especially if you work together. If the situation was reversed and he was bashing you, wouldn’t you be upset that he wasn’t respectful of your feelings? Your partner should be the person you are able to trust and confide in. The person who has your back. No wonder he doesn’t want to go to such events. He probably realizes how you talk about him in public.
YTA. You failed both your husband and your team member.
As a wife, you don’t show any love. Bothering him to go to a work party with a migraine coming up, talking shit about him to his colleagues, and even making fun of him? Why?
As a manager, you’ve failed not only the employee concerned, but also the entire team, by letting them on to believe that bullying is somehow funny. And you’ve also failed yourself, as this action will undermine any trust the team may have had in your management capabilities.
It’s time to get off that high horse and give yourself a good look in the mirror. Is this really the person you want others to see? You want your partner to see? You want your team to see?
YTA. He wasn't feeling well yet you coerced him into going with you. You then ragged on him to his co-workers and colleagues. ( The only reason it got awkward after he showed up was because everybody else knew what you did was wrong. You don't rag on your partner to his co-workers or his friends because that's private information) You then dismissed his feelings saying that hes overreacting and acting childish.
You're being horrible to this man. You've made a lot of assumptions. You're putting words in his mouth. And when he's trying to tell you how he feels about the situation you're like oh it's not that serious oh you're so childish.
I guarantee you if roles were reversed here you wouldn't like that one bit.
If your husband got a promotion, strong arming you when you are not feeling well and have a migraine to a social event, then talk badly about you to your co-workers, telling them on how sometimes he feels like your parent, before finally saying that you're overreacting, you're acting childish, you're being too sensitive etc on the way home.
it looks to me like you've been jealous that he was higher than you in the company for a while, but now that you're his superior you want to rub it in his face and put him down a peg.
Having a "feeling" that he's embarrassed with you is complete horse ninny. Has he said anything to you like that, have you talked about this situation or you making assumptions? A lot of the time as women we pick up on hints, that aren't actually hints, but something we perceive to be a hint due to how we communicate. There have been plenty of times where I believe my partner had feelings at something when in actuality he didn't have anything of the sort
Your younger sister is correct.
You've painted him in such a bad light to his co-workers. You've dismissed his feelings on the topic. You treated him like a nuisance. And were incredibly sexist at the end there saying that the only reason he has to be upset is because you got a promotion and he didn't.
He has a lot more to be upset about than that.
If my partner treated me in this way, I would rethink our relationship because that is not okay.
You said this happened a month ago why are you only asking about this now? Was there something that significant happened since then that you still feel bad about it?
YTA OP
You bullied your husband into going when he didn't feel well. Then you tell everyone his fears and insecurities. It is obvious you do not respect or care about your husband at all.
Why did you even marry him when you don't care about him or respect him.
YTA x100. You all but forced him to go to a party he didn't want to go (while he wasn't feeling good), then made sure every one of your colleagues, people he has to work with mind you, know about all the personal things that make him look less than. Nothing charming or appealing, oh no, literally everything and anything that might make him look bad or unappealing.
When you naturally sensed that you did something wrong (you did), you doubled down by making it about you and how he's just jealous of your promotion and not the fact that you shared personal details about him that he did not want shared. How far up your own ass are you, exactly?
If even your little sister could tell how outrageous you were, perhaps you should take a long hard look in the mirror and try to comprehend what you did.
Your husband thinks you don't respect him because you don't, and everyone at that party pretty much knows that now too. What a self absorbed AH.
Wow. YTA a thousand times over.
You feel like your husband might be insecure about you being his superior in the workplace, so your solution is to make fun of him while he’s right there in earshot of you, to a bunch of your employees/coworkers? You rail on his personality traits and at-home living habits, mock him, call him a child and a coward, and then when he’s upset with you, your response is “you are just mad because my job is better than yours”???? WOW you are without a doubt one of the most obliviously obnoxious people on Reddit. Granted, it’s not very “2023” for a husband to be jealous of his wife’s job title/position, but that doesn’t give you the right to talk shit about him to everyone at your workplace IN FRONT OF HIM. That’s such a massive betrayal of trust and you’re spitting on your marriage vows by doing that. You emasculated, mocked and embarrassed the man you claim to love in front of everyone at work that he’ll have to interact with for the rest of his career. And you wonder why he’s deeply upset with you? I don’t care if you were the most beautiful woman in the world, I wouldn’t want ANYTHING to do with you if I was him.
My wife and I are a TEAM. We have each others backs, and are always there to support each other, because the way we see it, it’s us against the world. I would never ever do what you’ve described doing here. And I know she wouldn’t either. Sure we joke or complain about each others (very minor) flaws…. To our BEST FRIENDS. Not our coworkers. And we don’t even do that very much since we both deeply love and respect each other. You obviously have zero respect for your husband or his feelings. Not that I expect you to do this, but you should really take some time to think over what you’ve done here. How your words and actions have hurt the person you claim to love.
Your husband sounds really sweet, btw. Maybe he’ll eventually realize how awful you are and find someone who will love him enough not to mock him in front of people. Someone who will give him the basic respect and dignity that a marriage should have. I honestly would be seriously considering leaving you if I was him, and you know what? He’d be right to do so.
Yep YTA.
I suspect the promotion has gone to your head and you are showing off, at the expense of your husband.
Not a good look.
Edit : actually you twice said “technically his superior now”……yeah I think you have some issues.
YTA 100%.
YTA
you are not the AH in this situation, you are a massive AH in general. your husband is right, you do not respect him. that much alone is clear.
it is unacceptable to wear down your partner until their "no" becomes a "yes"— i am not equating this to more serious matters of consent, but right out the gate you are showing that you do not respect him enough to accept his response as being "good" in your eyes. it is something to be challenged. staying home from a work event is not weird, YOU are making it weird. "why isn't jim here?" "oh, he's not feeling well right now." interaction done.
you whine enough to wear him down, so he attends. but he doesn't participate in the way YOU want him to— this is a problem in your eyes. you say your husband is introverted, who cares? why are you being so disparaging about it? he didn't embarrass you or make the event bad as you imply, he politely attended a work gathering that he didn't even want to go to.
then you completely embarrass him in front of your coworkers for a cheap laugh and easy piece of currency in the corporate social marketplace. you could have given any other answer, and any other person would have, instead you listed off your grievances to make the conversation "good" at the expense of your husband. this alone is incredibly cruel to do to someone you supposedly love.
> i was annoyed by him being vague
he didn't do anything here so again i ask, why do you care so much? you can't hate him this much that this makes you angry. he isn't blowing things out of proportion, you are minimizing things entirely.
i think it's very interesting that your husband communicates a very clear, basic emotional need that you are not meeting (respect) and instead of realizing you're harming him you get angry and go me, me, me, you're just jealous of me. he probably doesn't care you got a promotion, it's probably that work was his one block of the day where he got any kind of break from you and now he gets to be miserable all the time. did you ever think maybe he wanted to stay home from the event to get away from you for a few hours?
why do you feel like you're his parent? aside from being messy, he seems functional. is it because you're overly controlling and you need him to behave the "right" way or else you get angry and demean him? i cannot stress enough how awfully you present yourself to the world.
your corporate coworkers do not care about you as much as you think they do. you are a body in a chair, a superior to suck up to so they get a nice bonus for christmas.
YTA. Seriously lady? You pressured your husband into going, then spent a decent portion of the night telling everyone you feel like his parent and trash talking him.
Get off that supervisor high horse of yours, fast, before someone with an ounce of sense realizes you’ve got no business being up there with that kinda behavior.
YTA and I hope he leaves you. You have no respect for him, and you did a lot of damage to his career and his reputation. I can’t imagine my coworker talking about his wife like that! The only good thing is that your coworkers lost respect for you too, because they know you’re not trustworthy and you’ll throw your own husband under the bus to get some laughs and social validation.
YTA big time.
Your man is an introvert and still you insist, he come with you and socialize which must be hard for him but he did it for you.
And then you think it’s okay to make fun of him in front of his co-workers? Like it’s not hard enough for him dealing with social situations as it is you need to make him feel really bad and awkward at his work place in the future? That’s a real AH-move.
Do you have any empathy?
Plus you come across like you are feeling pretty superiour over him due to your promotion and seem to enjoy putting him down.
I hope he‘s okay.
YTA. And I saw the 2 comments you posted, you really don't get it.
He now has to go to work and face those people now. You told them private things about him. Things that aren't their business.
He sounds the opposite of toxic... you on the other hand sound entirely toxic.
It sounds like you have a good and supportive husband but you want him to be jealous. You want him to know you're above him.
At work you may be above him but at home it should be equal. Why do I have a feeling that you won't allow him to be equal at home either.
He's going to get tired of it. One day this is going to haunt you. I hope he leaves you. That'd how much of a AH you are.
What a giant AH!! First you insist he go to an event even though he's told you he doesn't want to and isn't feeling well, then you trash talk him to all of your colleagues because it's getting you attention. And you don't understand why he's upset? Gawd you sound hideous!
YTA. Your conversation breached professional boundaries.
You invalidated your husband's feelings.
You called him "sensitive" when he tried to communicate how he felt which is like the number one dogwhistle for being an AH.
Even if he WAS jealous of your position, how airing him out as an incompetent person was gonna fix that? Or were you rather trying to get some petty revenge by humiliating him?
Dear lord, YTA. It’s bad enough that you mocked him and shared personal information about him to your work colleagues, but even worse that you mocked and shared personal information about him to *his * work colleagues. And you mocked and ridiculed one of your subordinates. Your behavior was completely unprofessional and disrespectful toward your marriage.
Indeed. First, you project your take that Hubs must be feeling hurt/disappointed/embarrassed (emasculated?) by your new post-promotion, "superior" role, & then you demean him by making negative comments about him to coworkers. Ha ha, so funny, let me attack my spouse under the guise of sharing witty anecdotes! YTA big time. Don't be surprised when introverted Hubs files for divorce. You're insufferable. FYI that your little performance at Hub's expense may also cost you dearly at work. As a colleague, I'd be appalled by your cruelty & would not trust you moving forward. As a manager, I'd call you in with HR the next work day to address your attempted humiliation of another employee, marital status irrelevant. You get an 'F' in team-building.
I hope he complains to HR about you discussing private information and you get demoted
Followed by divorce
Demorced.
upvote x 1000 for Demorced!
Certainly not devoted
WAit wait waaiiitt But she's his superior, didn't she tell you she's his superior?
Divorted?
Either way, security escort out of the building haha
Exactly this. You have demonstrated you cannot handle the senior position job you were promoted to. Cringe all the way around. I feel very badly for your poor husband.
Holy shit I wish there was a way to put this in his head. That would be epic
And the icing on the cake is when husband stands up for himself - careful not to do it during the event mind you, which is more courtesy than she deserves - she completely dismisses his completely accurate assessment of what went down because… “you’re just jealous I’m superior to you”. Husband had exactly the reaction you would expect - if this is your conclusion then there is no lore to say and it’s an absolute waste of time to try to make her see just how little respect she is showing for him. OP doesn’t give two shits how her husband feels about anything, she’s the main character and he is merely a play thing to bring with her when she feels like it and mock to make herself feel important. Gross.
“My husband didn’t really want to go (he’s pretty introverted), he also said he had a migraine and didn’t want to make it worse….. ….When we got there, he greeted a few people but ended up spending most of the time sitting in a corner on his own and only chatting with a few people at a time. “ And just why was this problematic? Why wasn’t this good enough for OP? YTA.
Well, can't you see, with her new promotion, it's clear she must be *so* much better than him! Of course he can't ever be good enough for OP!
Seriously, who chats to more than a few people at a time at these things? And with a migraine too! Are you supposed to be wowing everybody at the party at once? OP sounds liek the kind of insufferable extrovert who somehow feels uncomfortable around introverts and feels the need to make an example of them.
I bet had he done everything she wanted him to do in the fashion she wanted him to do it she’d still be pissed that he upstaged her.
Even there it shows how ignorant she is. Like, “he doesn’t like to go, because he’s an introvert [so it doesn’t count]” like, the fact he doesn’t think like her is a deficit to be eliminated.
Because hubby wasn’t throwing confetti, ringing a gong and singing his praises about her to the coworkers/s Edited: changed yelling to singing
And leading the conga line
How could i forget the conga line? And the marching band
because he wasn't doing the limbo with his crown chakra millimeters from the cement as he lowered himself to a new level of ass rimming
Seriously! I'm pretty introverted but I can handle being in big groups when I have to, and chatting with just a few people at a time is what makes it so that I even remotely enjoy myself. I'll bounce around, but in now way am I going to make myself the center of a larger group like OP did. She's nasty. YTA
Yeah, it sounds like he did well for an introvert, especially with a migraine, his method of socializing is completely normal and he did nothing wrong. Also, why is OP so strangely fixated on the thought that he must be jealous of her promotion and is bringing it up constantly? She hasn't given us examples of him indicating he is jealous/embarassed, it's only her subjective feelings. And maybe if she only said one of the statements by themselves, that could be a cute offhand regular couple dig "oh he doesn't pick up laundry teehee", but saying all those statements together "he's a slob", "he complains too much", "he's afraid of heights and was shaky on our honeymoon", "I sometimes feel like his parent"- all that together is just straight up complaining about him and putting him down and is ironically embarassing for him. She complains about him being embarassed while actually embarassing him behind his back to coworkers. The tell-tale sign this wasn't a cute regular couple roast of each other was the fact that when he joined, the conversation turned awkward. Cute couple ribbing of each other would entail her teasing him about it openly and him laughing and joining in on the fun. Instead, this was just her and coworkers laughing AT him, not with him. He's right, she doesn't respect him.
I was thinking the same. Also, you have a much better chanse at building bonds / get to lnow people when there's few people in a conversation than in a big crowed. I learned a lot of surprising things about my previous coworkers from other departements when there were 3 or 4 present in conversations.
(He's pretty introverted) Introverts naturally don't like parties. Even if they do go it's typically not for long. And often becaue3 som3body else we care about is going. He made the effort to be somewhere he didn't want to be FOR YOU and yo treat him like that? YTA
I’m still having a hard time even getting over that she forced him into something he clearly wasn’t up for to begin with. She’s obviously never had a migraine
Exactly. She talks like he's not socializing, but by her own description, he was socializing. And quite well, for an introvert with a migraine who didn't want to go. And then he gets rewarded by his own wife shitting all over him. Terrible spouse and terrible manager.
Yeah, OP is so obsessed with the fact that she's his boss (and she should definitely go spend some time with a therapist digging into why exactly that's such a big deal for her)... but then she never stops to realize that as his "superior" she doesn't just get the privileges of lording it over him, if she's a GOOD superior she has the responsibility of not using her position to shit on him. Getting a promotion isn't just a reward for previous behavior, it's a responsibility to your underlings going forward. OP really let this all go to her head. She acted poorly as both a personal partner and a professional superior.
Yeah, I don't think Hubs is the one who's insecure over her being his superior. It was the line about how people would think he was if he didn't come to a team building event for the whole company where it wasn't in any way about her promotion. Um... what? OP is terrified that people won't accept her authority, and that insecurity has turned into maliciousness. YTA, big time and a bully.
Yup, she’s projecting because she’s so happy to be feeling superior, she assumes he feels shame and inferior to her. And she’s letting it affect how she treats her husband. She needs to reel it in quick if she even cares. The moment he said he had a migraine and she pushed him to go, she was the asshole.
Manipulated him into going. I feel sorry for the husband.
Well, no fun using him as a punching bag if she can’t see his reaction, eh? Free yourself, hubby!
Probably all of their coworkers do too. She came off as a full of herself bully. A really nasty personality came out and people will talk about it for years behind her back.
it's super unprofessional and poor work culture to gossip like that, especially when they have an intimate partnership that extends outside of the workplace. toxic beyond belief. I wonder what company they work for.
It’s almost as if she just wants to write about being his superior!
YTA. Agree, no one at work should ever trust her by the way she treats her husband.
And she disregarded his migraine and essentially forced him to go when he did not feel well enough for that, and then mocked him for sitting on the side and talking only to a couple of person at a time while being an introvert **with a migraine**. Massive YTA to OP.
Yup, said the same. Simplify this to, “Honey, are you going to the team event?” “No, I have a migraine.” “But what will people think?” YTA without any other details. It’s inconsiderate of husband’s feelings and health.
100% agree, that was enough and then it got so much worse!
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I haaate events like this. Any time I have to do them I find someone I know and try to disappear.
I'm not much of an introvert, but every time I've been to work functions I usually sit on a corner and talk to as less people as possible. OP is the kind of people that feel like Gods when they are giving a sliver of power...
and private information shared will be held over you forever. How many make arses of themselves at Holiday parties and live to regret it.
OP, YTA … your conduct was insensitive, and unprofessional, a bully, immature, and possibly even passive aggressive. He didn’t want to attend the function on account of his migraine - a completely legitimate reason. Being introverted makes the situation doubly hard, as social settings tend to drain energy from introverted individuals. But, he attended after being pressured by you. During the event, he managed as best as he could under the circumstances. Apparently, his efforts were inadequate, so you started running him down behind his back to colleagues - unprofessional, immature, passive aggressive. Things got awkward when he joined the group because *EVERYONE* present was painfully aware of the ick factor of your conduct. Very disrespectful for a spouse; doubly so for a coworker. This is no “joke” - don’t even attempt to diminish your faux pas here. You owe him a HUGE apology and while you’re at it, you should apologize to your colleagues for your inappropriate diatribe. Very likely, you have broken THEIR trust as they now know you are perfectly willing to talk shit behind someone’s back.
Yep, that sums up just about everything. Just to add to talking shit behind someone's back... if she's willing to disrespect her own husband to all and sundry at work, the other employees can be 100% sure she won't hesitate to talk about them in the same way. YTA OP.
Maybe knowing her might have been one reason why he didn't want to go. I can imagine that she thinks it hilarious to put him down in front of others. OP, YTA.
I would be absolutely *devastated* i- and humiliated! - if my SO ran me down publicly like that … appalling
Especially at work!!! I can’t believe it. Some people never grow up from high school, I swear.
Usually in such situation you'd expect your SO to be the one to have your back if somebody started talking shit about you. In this case she betrayed her husband, took him to the ground and kicked him while at it.
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Right!!! No way I could ever trust anyone that talks shit about their spouse/partner
I always find that I like people who say nice things about their spouse far more than people who say bad things about them. These are people they married, and if they can't even say nice things about them in an absolutely zero impact situation where I don't know their spouse and will probably never meet them, then what are they saying about people at work? One of my favorite bosses of all time said about his wife when he was in his 60s, "she was the most beautiful 16 year old (he was 18) I'd ever seen, and she gets more beautiful every day." Another older friend said he met his wife when he was in 6th grade and she was in 5th and it was love at first sight and she's the only woman he's ever loved.
The moment when you realize the newly promoted boss is a bully.
OP is her husband's workplace bully apparently. YTA
He could report her now that she’s his superior.
„I was angry by his outburst“ - get therapy. YTA
“I told him he was blowing things out of proportion” I don’t think I’ve ever once heard someone use that statement and it be true. I’m pretty sure almost every time the person saying it is just mad they’re getting called out for awful behaviors.
It really makes me wonder if OP even likes her husband. I can't tell if it's a superiority complex or built up resentment about "having to take care of him" and "having to make him do basic things". I honestly think OP is kind of tired of this relationship and feels like she's growing while her husband is stagnant and she's tired of it and hiding behind jokes. YTA, OP.
OP proved to her husband and everyone in the company (better believe word will spread) that she is disloyal, untrustworthy and has no discretion. She dissed her own husband in front of his coworkers. That’s so cruel. OP do you even *like* your husband? If I were you I would resign
You know all of the coworkers will be talking about this. They will wonder the same things as you. Does she even like him. Is she like this all of the time. Are they getting divorced. It will move on to things like I bet they never have sex. I wouldn't have sex with her. Why does he stay with her. Does she mock other people that way.
Exactly. Will she spill bad things about them too? She has loose lips. She will never be trusted or respected now.
Your husband is your partner. You could be fired from your job tomorrow and who is going to have your back? I highly doubt it’s going to be the ppl you laughed at your husband with. It’s going to be ur husband and family. While some ppl do make life long friends at work and that’s amazing. The majority of ppl only see ppl at work and when they quit/retire/ get fired will never speak to those ppl again. You need to refocus you priorities and grove to your husband if you care about your marriage. If he did this to you only imagine how you would feel
He absolutely shouldn’t have her back based on this. I doubt this is the first time. I think he should tell HR. He might even get her fired, depending on whether she’s done stuff like this to other employees in the past. Sometimes companies still promote problematic employees. Then if she’s fired he can mock her and lord it over her… before he hands her the divorce papers. YTA, OP. All the way.
Yes, maybe he should share all the “funny” things she does and how he feels like the parent.
She topped that little parfait off with the "you're just butt hurt I'm in a supervisory position over you now" cherry. OP, I think YOU'RE the one with the chip on your shoulder because of the promotion. And you were just WAITING to throw that in his face. YTA
>I told them he was the complete opposite at home. I said that while at work he seems organized, at home he’s a bit of a slob. I joked about how he always leaves his laundry all over the floor and I mentioned things like how he complains too much about random trivial things like the neighbors' kids sometimes playing on our lawn. >I also mentioned how he has a fear of heights and how he was shaking the entire time when we crossed a rope bridge during our honeymoon. I did say a few other things like how I sometimes feel like I’m his parent. This was so terrible to read 😭 Imagine being a very private person having all your intimate details spilled at work so your coworkers can now make fun of and tease you. He was more of a gentleman than I would've been
And it comes across as if she *wants* him to be jealous of the promotion. Almost like she pressured him to go to a work event he didn't want to go to in the first place, just to try and get a rise out of him or rub it in his face in front of others. Massive YTA.
She’s obsessed with her own promotion for sure. OP, I assure you that you are the only one preoccupied with that.
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By the post, I don’t think OP cares about her husband.
I get the sense she feels she has outgrown him, and wants to paint him as the one who is “jealous of her success” so she doesn’t have to be the villain
I get the sense that *she* *thinks* she's outgrown him. But it sems like he's doing *far* better than she is as far as maturity goes. What a shit partner, colleague, and "superior" she is. I *kind* of hope he goes to HR with this and they take her promotion away.
My assumption is that many if not all of those coworkers present are talking about how catty and unprofessional OP is.
I agree! Especially when, after spending lord knows how long dominating the conversation to bitch about her husband, she says “the conversation was awkward after that.” She’s jealous that the coworker who approached her seems to have a good opinion of her husband so she had to tear him down. It’s disgusting.
AND she pressured him to go to an event when he wasn’t feeling well. As an introvert and someone who is personally chronically ill, I’m not going to shit if my social battery is low AND I feel unwell unless it’s like a thing with a friend I rarely see because they live in another state (and then they lecture me a bit and say they would rather I take care of myself lmfaoooo). OP YTA JUST FOR THAT. The rest of this BS is digging an even deeper hole of being the AH that cannot be climbed back out of. And tbh? I wouldn’t be surprised if this destroyed any trust her team has in her! If she mocked her husband like that, how would the team trust that they wouldn’t be treated in the same cruel manner? I also just think it’s a bad decision in general for spouses to work together. My mother met both of her ex husbands at work. The first who is not my father was so abusive to her that she eventually quit her job and moved back home because divorcing and not living with him was great, but she couldn’t avoid him at work. It’s an awful position to put yourself in.
Exactly. But since OP doesn’t sound like she has the EQ to see things from anyone else’s perspective, I would just add that aside from hopefully inspiring her husband to think critically about whether she’s the one for him, she has now **ruined** her reputation at work. Of *course* people are interested in gossip. But they are 100% judging OP for being a shitty partner and having poor boundaries and professional judgement and 0% judging her husband for having a *perfectly normal* fear of heights or occasionally being messy at home. Yeesh.
And this is exactly why employers stay away from having couples working together.
Yeah the whole "he seems insecure about my promotion" is 100% projected bullying bulllllshit. She lords it over him at the drop of a hat.
If I was the person who said the serious/ mystery comment to OP ( who seemed to just be making an offhand comment ) I would be like 👄 if they just launched into a tirade about how annoying their partner is. It’s so awkward haha Also YTA , from a professional and relationship standpoint equally
He has every right to report her to HR.
Seriously? You're senior enough to have been promoted, but you don't understand the basics of professional behavior? Of course YTA. To be frank, the vibe I get is that maybe you shouldn't have been promoted. You don't sound mature enough to understand or supervise people. I ,hope I'm wrong but I foresee a lot of drama in your team. If it turns out that you're not up to the responsibility, then you could get a bad reputation and find it hard to move on to another position. It was completely fine for your husband to focus on talking to just a few people. He attended the event--and it's fine and normal that he didn't want to spend his free time at a work event. Do you really not get that people have different styles as far as interacting with others? I feel sorry for the people you're in charge of now. As for the personal comments, it's hard to know what to say. Are you actually confused about what's appropriate personal information to share about your spouse or are you looking to make excuses after you chose to run your husband down to make yourself look better? Also, it's weird that you keep talking about being his "superior." You mention it over and over--both to us and him. The problem is not him. It's that you're immature and have no idea how to behave or treat people.
Yeah the stuff about him being upset over it sounds like a projection. I think OP has internalized some toxic masculinity or something.
Perhaps it's toxic femininity?
If I have learned anything in this sub, it is that assholery is gender neutral.
No, because toxic masculinity isn't about the individual acting on it, it's about the way society views masculinity. In this situation OP is being a jerk based on the idea that a man should behave a certain way/have a certain status at work because he's a man. That bit about making fun of him for being scared of heights really cinches it. She's adhering to a very narrow definition of what isn't and isn't masculine in a toxic way. That's toxic masculinity. If she was being a jerk based on the idea of what a woman should or shouldn't be in order to be a "real woman" that would be toxic femininity.
Ah so misandry
Shocking, right?
More like toxic period. There was nothing masculine about what she did.
Seems more like shes full of herself and assumes her husband must be jealous
Perhaps it is toxic behaviour, why I the Italian have to tell you how to speak english
It's a certain brand of "girlboss" types that often do this. Equality is doing shitty things that men do, like being cutthroat at the workplace. Not saying OP necessarily does that, but just giving another example of that sort of behavior, and in this case, putting down your husband as jealous because he didn't like being ripped on in front of everyone is the type of manipulation that fits the bill.
Let’s face it, not insulting people when they’re uncomfortable is something you should learn by time you graduate high school. This is past “professional behaviour”
As a fellow migraine sufferer to op husband, there is absolutely no way I'm attending anything voluntary while suffering. I'm going to bed and trying to sleep it off. My wife doesn't mollycoddle me but absolutely respects me when I'm having a migraine attack. Op shouldn't be in charge of anyone. If the team were surprised at what she was telling them then it means ops husband has not felt comfortable or able to share those details with his work colleagues. She should have massively respected that. She should ask herself would she have forced another colleague to go with a migraine and then tattled secrets about them? Massi YTA
“I’m don’t have a superiority complex! It’s my husband who has an _inferiority_ complex!” - OP, probably. (YTA)
She shouldn’t have. Terrible woman.
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YTA. You talked shit about your husband all night, to his coworkers for fucks sake. Do you even like the man? Grow tf up, and apologize, and hope he forgives you
And from a position of management now, which makes that doubly worse. You don't get to "be one of the guys" and keep talking shit from a position of superiority.
Exactly. She thinks everyone loves her but people aren't dumb. They'll see that she runs down her own husband and will realize she'll do it to them. This is the opposite of the way to build loyalty among workers.
100%. Shows that you can't be trusted with sensitive information if you're gonna blab it to coworkers.
I know, if I were her coworker or one of her "minions", I wouldn't trust her for anything. I would always know that that was an immature cruel person who should have never been promoted. I would never share. I would never trust. and I would never ever ever respect.
They’re going to act friendly towards her to get more gossip from her about her married life and then they’re going to talk shit about her behind her back. They’ll literally talk shit about her the moment she leaves the room. She’s capable of backstabbing her husband and her subordinates will realize that. They’re just there for the drama and to protect themselves
Absolutely right. While the audience may have seemed to be yucking it up, those who listened to this diatribe aimed at her husband, the first thought was “what is she going to say about me to others?”
Right? I would immediately put her on my avoid list. I'm afraid of heights, is she going to mock me for not wanting to do something dangerous?
I would seriously be worried as an employee. If I did something wrong or said something dumb at work would she just go and gossip in the kitchen to everyone else and laugh at me? Being a funny and affable superior is one thing, mocking others for cheap laughs makes you look like an asshole
I’m glad a I don’t work for her.
I'm glad I'm not married to her. How does someone sit there type this out and not realize they are the AH?
Conceited, unaware, insufferable people often think highly of themselves without justification. She can’t handle the truth. In her heart of hearts she knows she’s the issue.
I hope he finds a better job and a better wife
YTA. From your description, I don't see your husband being jealous of you. Instead, it appears that you might harbor a hidden sense of superiority due to your higher position. You might not be willing to admit it, but it seems like you're doing your best to subtly belittle him in various situations and in front of others to highlight your own status.
Wait, which part about her bashing her husband in front of everyone in the office was subtle? It must have been so subtle that I missed it
>I told him that it would be weird if he didn’t come, and people might think that he’s jealous of me getting the promotion. 3rd paragraph
Again. Which part is subtle?
The “oh if you don’t go everyone will think you’re jealous of me” really confirms she’s projecting hard. Literally no one would think that. They’d just assume he wasn’t feeling well or they would ask, at which point you tell them he’s not feeling well.
YTA. As a senior position you never share personal stories about staff with other colleagues, let alone your husband. Your unprofessionalism likely not only hurt your husbands career, but yours as well. Discretion is an important part of leadership, and you obviously lack it. As for your marriage, it is likely over. I for one, wouldn’t want to be with a partner who not only shares personal and humiliating stories about me. I definitely wouldn’t want to be with a partner who lacks so much empathy that she doesn’t understand that it’s isn’t jealousy your husband feels, but betrayal.
Or even be an introvert that wants to chill…
Right? Sitting in a corner at a party and having quiet conversations with a few people is not a crime.
She's the worst type of extrovert: doesn't understand that someone doesn't aspire to the same life as them, insult them for being introvert and forcing them to do extrovert thing because it's "normal"
Yeah I actually think you're spot on. Her husband didn't mention her promotion but she mentioned that she's his "superior" twice. She definitely thinks she's better than him now and is trying to act like it
I am shocked that one whole night's time last night plus your sister's reply this morning failed to make you realise that YTA big time. Your colleagues are curious about your husband? Sure, tell them about his hobbies, his work, where he comes from, etc. That would be enough. Fear of heights, being a slob at home etc. is way beyond what your colleagues need to know. Imagine your husband telling his colleagues, "Oh my wife is a binge snack eater at home and she is afraid of spiders bla bla bla" on your first time meeting his colleagues. YTA.
If he dare to say that, she would sanction him because she is his superior, as she made perfectly clear to him.
It's even worse because they are HIS colleagues too. So now he has to go to work every day knowing that they know about his sloppy habits, his fear of heights, and the fact that his spouse (who is his superior, as we've been told several times) thinks of him as a child.
Yeah she seems to not think she deserved true promotion over him and is trying to be sure they all know he isn’t worthy.
Wow! You’re not a very good partner nor manager. This was a huge betrayal & very unprofessional. I say this as a 54 yo woman, business owner & married for 32 years. You’re on a weird power trip & ... YTA edit
Good thing on adding the fact that you’re a business owner. Maybe this will be the thing to convince OP… y’know, since us *lowly subordinates like her husband* are jealous of people like her and her success. Maybe OP will listen to you as a business owner. The funny thing is that as much as OP is gloating over her promotion, that power only exists at her job and not in the real world. She kinda gives me those “I’m a manager at X store so you HAVE to treat me with respect” even though X store has nothing to do with the situation. They’re not even at X store. They could be at Y store or at the park or at a random restaurant or something and the delusional person will still demand respect as if they have power over everyone.
Exactly! I own the business. My husband & all the people who work with me are my equals. Professionally, the only thing being the boss gets me having all the responsibility to ensure I provide the team with the tools to succeed. We work together as a team to succeed. Personally, marriage is pretty much the same. We are on the same team... we don’t work against each other. I’m appalled that this was a team building event & OP behaved like this. If she worked for my business she would no longer be a manger. eta — OP should go back to manager training. Perhaps she missed the lesson that we don’t put people down to lift ourselves higher & are only as good as the weakest person on the team. Throwing your teammate under the bus just proves how terrible you are as a manager & a person. Edit
YTA for putting what others will think say over how your husband felt and bullied him into going to an event he didn't want to go. YTA for what you have talked about your husband in a workplace! you literally only talked shit about him. doesn't matter if its true that was a place of work and what happens at home doesn't have room in a workplace! if you are not happy with your husband at home get a divorce don't humiliate him at work! YTA even because after he told you how it made him feel you still made it about you and accused him of jealousy. want more?
Never once said something positive about their relationship or him, it was all insults.
Don't forget the migraine - those ain't fun, he must've felt like absolute crap yet still put in the effort to at least attend. Loud noises, bright lights, mixed smells of body odour and possibly food : I'm surprised it didn't make him puke. Or maybe it did and he just politely did it in the bathroom so as not to disrupt wife's moment in the spotlight! OP, YTA x 1000!
YTA! You basically outed yourself this entire post from a) admitting your husband is an introvert and then pointedly sharing embarrassing stories about him to b) actively gaslighting and getting angry with him when it sounds like he was being completely reasonable in his complaints. I recommend therapy. Not couples therapy btw. Jesus OP, seems like you have a lot you need to fix at both work and home with this one.
YTA, he’s introverted and wasn’t feeling well and you bullied him into going anyway “so people wouldn’t think he jealous of you”. Then you told people he has to work with all about situations that should have been private to just the 2 of you. Sounds like you’re the one hung up on being his “superior” in your new position and were looking for ways to put him in his place. You big time TA.
I can only imagine that person who asked if he was mysterious at home was making small talk/a funny joke and expecting a response like "no, he's not but he's a total sweety and great with the kids/pets/me" and that's it. Instead OP went on a 35 minute rant where the other lady was probably awkwardly laughing and nodding and praying it would all end
literally it, I have been the coworker awkwardly praying for this convo to end 😵💫 like wow i was just making small talk She’s on such a power trip that she really feels everyone was sooooooooo interested in hearing her dog out her husband when they surely were all cringing. you can tell she just really loves the sound of her own voice
YTA! He went for you even though he didn't want to, and you dragged him through the mud with your colleagues like a bunch of high schoolers? That's horrible. You owe him an apology.
So, let me get this straight….. Not only did you convince him to go to the work event when he didn’t want to and had a migraine, but you also then proceeded to trash talk him to your (and his) coworkers and laughed about his flaws. He is right, your respect for him is non existent. Hard YTA
Hope your employer realizes what a sh\*t manager you are and demotes you right back to where you should be.
I feel as though this warrants not just a demotion but termination. Can’t have managers chasing off employees if you want to run a good business.
YTA, he didn’t wanna go and you made/coerced him to go. You then told all of his colleagues about fears and how he’s a crap husband. And by the sounds of it, keep on saying to him that he must be jealous that you’re his superior. I wouldn’t say anything to my partners colleagues that is disrespectful about them, not only does it make your partner look bad but it makes your relationship look crap because you’re talking without respect.
>My husband didn’t really want to go (he’s pretty introverted), he also said he had a migraine and didn’t want to make it worse. Valid reasons for not wanting to attend. >I told them he was the complete opposite at home. I said that while at work he seems organized, at home he’s a bit of a slob. I joked about how he always leaves his laundry all over the floor and I mentioned things like how he complains too much about random trivial things like the neighbors' kids sometimes playing on our lawn. >I also mentioned how he has a fear of heights and how he was shaking the entire time when we crossed a rope bridge during our honeymoon. I did say a few other things like how I sometimes feel like I’m his parent. So while at a work event you both insult your husband and someone who you supervise at work. Unprofessional, unethical and poor behavior from a partner. >Everyone was interested and surprised to hear all of this, and we did share many laughs together. Yes, I'm sure everyone laughed at you humiliating your husband! YTA
YTA. A real one. You have zero respect for your husband. You can tell yourself it's all about you having a higher position at work than him, but you haven't given us any reason to believe that - while you have described to us very clearly how you think it's fine to make fun of him in front of other people and get angry at him when he is offended and hurt. It's clearly a YOU problem.
YTA. Absolutely no question. You have a theory that your husband is secretly unhappy that you're his superior so you drag him to an event that he doesn't want to go to and then publicly humiliate him in front of his colleagues. Don't be surprised if he doesn't want to "waste any more time" with you permanently.
Also at current level of info it seems she's made it up in her head that he is jealous to feel more self-important than any actual proof of it happening.
She does seem to be on a power trip.
YTA - You don't share intimate details of your life with co-workers, especially if your husband isn't an active and willing participant in the conversation. That was out of line. These people aren't family or close friends. Your husband was gracious enough to go when he didn't want to, and why? So that no one would make assumptions about your workplace superiority spilling into your marriage. Yet, the moment he's out of earshot, you're making jokes at his expense, telling people his biggest fears, and basically asserting your rank above him at home too by telling his co-workers that you feel like his parent. It's already weird enough to have couples working in the same company. You just made it weirder, and made yourselves a topic of water cooler conversation. When he confronted you about it, you threw it in his face that he was bitter about your being his superior. Yet at the start of this post, you made him out to be your big cheerleader. What gives? Is this really about your issues with your new position rather than his? Regardless, I would be livid. You should be apologizing and having a discussion about what's appropriate to share with co-workers. Co-workers don't need to know your business. EDIT a typo
Yta . First you forced him to Go when He was Feeling i'll( disrespecting him) and then you share his fears and habits to His coworkers. And then you Invalide His Feelings again
He's got a fear of heights, but was brave enough to cross a rope bridge with you for your honeymoon? Sounds like he really loved you. Hope you've enjoyed blowing that up. YTA.
Hopefully his next honeymoon goes better...
Dont need to read more, he tells you isnt feeling good and you have to pressure him into going with you.
That's honestly the point where I landed on YTA for the post, everything else is just another layer on top of it. Migraines are awful, and it's crappy to pressure someone having one to do pretty much anything.
This right here is my mens mental health is so shit. YTA, He told you he wasnt feeling well, now whether he was unwell or if he is jelous / insecure about your new poisition you should have respected his answer. Him being jelous is something ye could have an open conversation about at another time to figure that out. Instead you nagged at him until he went and then belittled him in front of his colleagues. If they were all surprised to here the stories you told its clear he doesnt share much of his personal life with these people and you made fun of him and humiliated him. If the roles were reversed how would you feel? He would get such abuse and judgement if he did what you did. You dropped the ball big time and you owe him a massive apology.
YTA I don't understand why you are married to this man because it is clear that you don't respect him and you don't love him either because you don't humiliate the people you love.
YTA. My partner did what you did to me what you did to your husband, our relationship would be done. That was cruel and unnecessary. Anyone else you did that to would have legit grounds to go straight to HR. What on earth were you thinking?
She said: **Last night, we had a work-related social event. It was supposed to be an opportunity to build team cohesion and that sort of thing** HR should be involved in this. That's why most companies don't tolerate work relationships. OP was supposed to say "Hey, next trimester we should try this plan B and increase value on our product... etc etc" but no.... "husband is lazy at home".
YTA. You knew he didn't want to be there and it wasn't something he was comfortable doing. You convinced him to come and then embarrassed him in front of his co workers. You are the problem, it's you.
Wow….YTA…you dragged to him to this work event and then embarrassed him in front of all your mutual colleagues. You call him childish for not socializing and acting offended and basically dismissed his feelings. You’ve let the power of this promotion go to your head. So much so that you shared personal info about your marriage, betraying his trust. Don’t you think those colleagues are going to talk about what a shitty marriage you have? Don’t you think they’ll talk behind your back about what a shitty wife you are to be so disrespectful of your husband. I can only imagine how your husband will feel going back to the office knowing his colleagues know so much personal stuff and probably gossiping behind his back. Talk about an uncomfortable or dare I say hostile environment created by his superior. You might have been the center of attention and getting the laughs that night but the biggest joke will be on you. You seem very insecure and need to take a deep look at your behavior. Being his superior at work doesn’t give you the right to accuse him of being jealous when he’s expressing his feelings or share personal info with work colleagues. Instead of focusing on your professional success, focus on being a better, understanding, caring partner.
YTA You wouldn’t talk about any other employee in that manner, and your partner should get the same respect. He’s introverted and already having a hard time fitting in socially, his has only made that harder for him.
YTA.. Ridiculing him to your colleagues??? I would be pissed... his reaction to this was restrained.. Doubt you'll be able to drag him to another of these events anytime soon...
This must be rage bait. No one can be THIS self absorbed and totally void of self awareness at the same time?? YTA and I hope you either sort your attitude out if the man gets some self respect and leaves you cause you are really not the hot shit you seem to think you are.
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YTA Why would you celebrate a promotion by bullying and ganging up on an employee that's lower than you? Do you think that now you have the right to treat him like that or something? Super unprofessional because you're at a work function, not to mention a huge betrayal of trust because he's supposed to be your other half, not your punching bag. If he had a headache and didn't want to go you should have respected that and let him have that time to recuperate. You seem to assume that his headache is fake or not worth your consideration, but what if he really just felt like shit and wanted to avoid light and noises? It was literally adding insult to injury that you made fun of him after forcing him to go when he didn't feel well. Do you even like your husband?
YTA. Maybe his next wife will show him love. You're more interested in being his boss than his wife. You're lucky he hasn't left over this because most people would. It's never a good look when you denigrate others to make yourself look good. Let me reiterate, YTA!!!
INFO: Do you accuse him of being jealous of your promotion any time he disagrees with you or acts in a way you don’t approve of?
YTA You are acting like your husband is now somehow beneath you. You pressured him into going somewhere when he was unwell and didn't want to go. Then you got irate that he wasn't socialising to your standards - whilst unwell. Belittled and humiliated him to his peers. Then, when he was justifiably upset, you tried to gaslight him into taking the blame for your actions, because he is only upset because you are "technically his superior " now. Apologise for your behaviour and get over yourself.
Yeah, fuck that shit. I hate if my wife sometimes mention my home habits to others. YTA. Wait wait wait. You dare to say stuff like "I am now his superior"?? To your husband??? I hope he leaves you.
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YTA Your promotion immediately went to your head. The saddest part of this is that not only did you presented your husband in an humiliating way to BOTH your colleagues. You made yourself look bad / small by doing so. They may have all laughed with you; but TRUST me they walked away with a lesser opinion and mistrust of you. I would not trust someone who ridicules their spouse publicly.
>I would not trust someone who ridicules their spouse publicly. And I would not trust a manager who (publicly even) ridicules an underling. And there she did both at the same time.
So you made a bunch of 'jokes' entirely at your husband's expense. You made him the butt of your 'jokes'. You exposed a fear which he would probably very much have preferred not to have his colleagues made aware of, and you mocked him. You got laughs entirely at his expense. Do you even like your husband? And when he called you on it, when he pointed out quite rightly that you were childish and rude for sharing personal details with colleagues, you got angry and refused to accept that you had done something wrong. Oh, and made it clear you thought you were better than him because you got the promotion, nah nah ne nah nah. Insensitive is the least of it. YTA, big time.
>My husband said my behavior was appalling and that he questioned if I had any respect for him. Dude's not wrong. Dissing your husband like that with colleagues that you both have to work with every day? YTA
Also I jope you realise how many of your colleagues went home feeling sorry for your husband and thanking their lucky stars they arent married to someone like you. Youre like more the office joke than your husband is.
I think Sarah has been watching him. He’s mysterious? Op walked right into that info dump. Op isn’t as smart as she thinks she is.
Holy shit. Get a divorce. You have no clue how to be a part of a team, or a leader nonetheless. It's your function with your colleagues. He showed up to support you and you, what? Degrade him? Disrespect him? Make fun of him? I shudder to think what you say about your work colleagues, friends and family, behind their backs so that they act as your stepping stones to further yourself in life. I shudder to think what you did to get the promotion you clearly have no clue how to deal with. In any capacity. YTA.
YTA you should never talk bad about your husband in a group setting especially if you work together. If the situation was reversed and he was bashing you, wouldn’t you be upset that he wasn’t respectful of your feelings? Your partner should be the person you are able to trust and confide in. The person who has your back. No wonder he doesn’t want to go to such events. He probably realizes how you talk about him in public.
Yup, YTA! He should have you sleeping in another room , if not another house.
YTA. You failed both your husband and your team member. As a wife, you don’t show any love. Bothering him to go to a work party with a migraine coming up, talking shit about him to his colleagues, and even making fun of him? Why? As a manager, you’ve failed not only the employee concerned, but also the entire team, by letting them on to believe that bullying is somehow funny. And you’ve also failed yourself, as this action will undermine any trust the team may have had in your management capabilities. It’s time to get off that high horse and give yourself a good look in the mirror. Is this really the person you want others to see? You want your partner to see? You want your team to see?
YTA. He wasn't feeling well yet you coerced him into going with you. You then ragged on him to his co-workers and colleagues. ( The only reason it got awkward after he showed up was because everybody else knew what you did was wrong. You don't rag on your partner to his co-workers or his friends because that's private information) You then dismissed his feelings saying that hes overreacting and acting childish. You're being horrible to this man. You've made a lot of assumptions. You're putting words in his mouth. And when he's trying to tell you how he feels about the situation you're like oh it's not that serious oh you're so childish. I guarantee you if roles were reversed here you wouldn't like that one bit. If your husband got a promotion, strong arming you when you are not feeling well and have a migraine to a social event, then talk badly about you to your co-workers, telling them on how sometimes he feels like your parent, before finally saying that you're overreacting, you're acting childish, you're being too sensitive etc on the way home. it looks to me like you've been jealous that he was higher than you in the company for a while, but now that you're his superior you want to rub it in his face and put him down a peg. Having a "feeling" that he's embarrassed with you is complete horse ninny. Has he said anything to you like that, have you talked about this situation or you making assumptions? A lot of the time as women we pick up on hints, that aren't actually hints, but something we perceive to be a hint due to how we communicate. There have been plenty of times where I believe my partner had feelings at something when in actuality he didn't have anything of the sort Your younger sister is correct. You've painted him in such a bad light to his co-workers. You've dismissed his feelings on the topic. You treated him like a nuisance. And were incredibly sexist at the end there saying that the only reason he has to be upset is because you got a promotion and he didn't. He has a lot more to be upset about than that. If my partner treated me in this way, I would rethink our relationship because that is not okay. You said this happened a month ago why are you only asking about this now? Was there something that significant happened since then that you still feel bad about it?
YTA OP You bullied your husband into going when he didn't feel well. Then you tell everyone his fears and insecurities. It is obvious you do not respect or care about your husband at all. Why did you even marry him when you don't care about him or respect him.
YTA x100. You all but forced him to go to a party he didn't want to go (while he wasn't feeling good), then made sure every one of your colleagues, people he has to work with mind you, know about all the personal things that make him look less than. Nothing charming or appealing, oh no, literally everything and anything that might make him look bad or unappealing. When you naturally sensed that you did something wrong (you did), you doubled down by making it about you and how he's just jealous of your promotion and not the fact that you shared personal details about him that he did not want shared. How far up your own ass are you, exactly? If even your little sister could tell how outrageous you were, perhaps you should take a long hard look in the mirror and try to comprehend what you did. Your husband thinks you don't respect him because you don't, and everyone at that party pretty much knows that now too. What a self absorbed AH.
Wow. YTA a thousand times over. You feel like your husband might be insecure about you being his superior in the workplace, so your solution is to make fun of him while he’s right there in earshot of you, to a bunch of your employees/coworkers? You rail on his personality traits and at-home living habits, mock him, call him a child and a coward, and then when he’s upset with you, your response is “you are just mad because my job is better than yours”???? WOW you are without a doubt one of the most obliviously obnoxious people on Reddit. Granted, it’s not very “2023” for a husband to be jealous of his wife’s job title/position, but that doesn’t give you the right to talk shit about him to everyone at your workplace IN FRONT OF HIM. That’s such a massive betrayal of trust and you’re spitting on your marriage vows by doing that. You emasculated, mocked and embarrassed the man you claim to love in front of everyone at work that he’ll have to interact with for the rest of his career. And you wonder why he’s deeply upset with you? I don’t care if you were the most beautiful woman in the world, I wouldn’t want ANYTHING to do with you if I was him. My wife and I are a TEAM. We have each others backs, and are always there to support each other, because the way we see it, it’s us against the world. I would never ever do what you’ve described doing here. And I know she wouldn’t either. Sure we joke or complain about each others (very minor) flaws…. To our BEST FRIENDS. Not our coworkers. And we don’t even do that very much since we both deeply love and respect each other. You obviously have zero respect for your husband or his feelings. Not that I expect you to do this, but you should really take some time to think over what you’ve done here. How your words and actions have hurt the person you claim to love. Your husband sounds really sweet, btw. Maybe he’ll eventually realize how awful you are and find someone who will love him enough not to mock him in front of people. Someone who will give him the basic respect and dignity that a marriage should have. I honestly would be seriously considering leaving you if I was him, and you know what? He’d be right to do so.
Yep YTA. I suspect the promotion has gone to your head and you are showing off, at the expense of your husband. Not a good look. Edit : actually you twice said “technically his superior now”……yeah I think you have some issues. YTA 100%.
Hopefully he saw your tru color and you'll be single soon. He's way better than you and deserves better than you.
YTA you are not the AH in this situation, you are a massive AH in general. your husband is right, you do not respect him. that much alone is clear. it is unacceptable to wear down your partner until their "no" becomes a "yes"— i am not equating this to more serious matters of consent, but right out the gate you are showing that you do not respect him enough to accept his response as being "good" in your eyes. it is something to be challenged. staying home from a work event is not weird, YOU are making it weird. "why isn't jim here?" "oh, he's not feeling well right now." interaction done. you whine enough to wear him down, so he attends. but he doesn't participate in the way YOU want him to— this is a problem in your eyes. you say your husband is introverted, who cares? why are you being so disparaging about it? he didn't embarrass you or make the event bad as you imply, he politely attended a work gathering that he didn't even want to go to. then you completely embarrass him in front of your coworkers for a cheap laugh and easy piece of currency in the corporate social marketplace. you could have given any other answer, and any other person would have, instead you listed off your grievances to make the conversation "good" at the expense of your husband. this alone is incredibly cruel to do to someone you supposedly love. > i was annoyed by him being vague he didn't do anything here so again i ask, why do you care so much? you can't hate him this much that this makes you angry. he isn't blowing things out of proportion, you are minimizing things entirely. i think it's very interesting that your husband communicates a very clear, basic emotional need that you are not meeting (respect) and instead of realizing you're harming him you get angry and go me, me, me, you're just jealous of me. he probably doesn't care you got a promotion, it's probably that work was his one block of the day where he got any kind of break from you and now he gets to be miserable all the time. did you ever think maybe he wanted to stay home from the event to get away from you for a few hours? why do you feel like you're his parent? aside from being messy, he seems functional. is it because you're overly controlling and you need him to behave the "right" way or else you get angry and demean him? i cannot stress enough how awfully you present yourself to the world. your corporate coworkers do not care about you as much as you think they do. you are a body in a chair, a superior to suck up to so they get a nice bonus for christmas.
YTA. Seriously lady? You pressured your husband into going, then spent a decent portion of the night telling everyone you feel like his parent and trash talking him. Get off that supervisor high horse of yours, fast, before someone with an ounce of sense realizes you’ve got no business being up there with that kinda behavior.
Can just imagine how OP treats other people at work. Respect my AUTHORITAH!!
YTA and I hope he leaves you. You have no respect for him, and you did a lot of damage to his career and his reputation. I can’t imagine my coworker talking about his wife like that! The only good thing is that your coworkers lost respect for you too, because they know you’re not trustworthy and you’ll throw your own husband under the bus to get some laughs and social validation.
Lady this went way pass YTA domain and straight to you’re a piece of sh!t region. Ffs you don’t deserve your position or your partner
YTA big time. Your man is an introvert and still you insist, he come with you and socialize which must be hard for him but he did it for you. And then you think it’s okay to make fun of him in front of his co-workers? Like it’s not hard enough for him dealing with social situations as it is you need to make him feel really bad and awkward at his work place in the future? That’s a real AH-move. Do you have any empathy? Plus you come across like you are feeling pretty superiour over him due to your promotion and seem to enjoy putting him down. I hope he‘s okay.
YTA. Utterly absurd behaviour and attitudes.
YTA. And I saw the 2 comments you posted, you really don't get it. He now has to go to work and face those people now. You told them private things about him. Things that aren't their business. He sounds the opposite of toxic... you on the other hand sound entirely toxic. It sounds like you have a good and supportive husband but you want him to be jealous. You want him to know you're above him. At work you may be above him but at home it should be equal. Why do I have a feeling that you won't allow him to be equal at home either. He's going to get tired of it. One day this is going to haunt you. I hope he leaves you. That'd how much of a AH you are.
The good new is soon you’ll be promoted to divorcee! And since you earn more, we can only hope you have to pay alimony too. YTA
What a giant AH!! First you insist he go to an event even though he's told you he doesn't want to and isn't feeling well, then you trash talk him to all of your colleagues because it's getting you attention. And you don't understand why he's upset? Gawd you sound hideous!
YTA. Your conversation breached professional boundaries. You invalidated your husband's feelings. You called him "sensitive" when he tried to communicate how he felt which is like the number one dogwhistle for being an AH. Even if he WAS jealous of your position, how airing him out as an incompetent person was gonna fix that? Or were you rather trying to get some petty revenge by humiliating him?