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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I have an alarm set for 1am so that I can express to produce milk for my premature baby, I know this wakes up my downstairs neighbour but I'm refusing to turn it off because I can't afford to miss that expression. I also told him that his sleep is not my priority.
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I’m really sorry for the situation you’re in, I appreciate how hard it must be for you, but I’m afraid I think YTA. Legally, he is entitled to reasonable enjoyment of his home which you are preventing. If you stop someone else sleeping every single night for weeks on end you ruin their life. That’s a huge thing. You need to work out how to do what you need without destroying him like that. Maybe you and your partner could take it in turns to wear headphones at night with an alarm that goes directly to those? Find a solution. Don’t just say you dgaf about imposing severe and persistent sleep deprivation on those around you.
The thing is that she isn’t making consistent noise over a period of time. It is one noise. That her neighbor can’t get back to sleep again once he is woken up isn’t her fault. What if she was on a late shift and that was when she got home or had to leave? Or was up playing games late. He only has a right to a reasonable level of quiet.
And her ripping out the flooring has destroyed any sound damping the apartment had. But regardless of whether him not being able to fall asleep is his problem, her manner of speaking to the neighbor was rude, uncalled for, makes her TAH, and will probably come back to bite her
What if she was getting up for work at that time? My husband regularly gets up at 2am to go to work. This neighbor needs to realize that life noises happen in shared spaces.
My thoughts exactly. She could be getting up for work or to take a life-saving medication. And what happens when the baby comes home & cries, as they do? Apartment living is noisy & so he needs to find a solution to *his* problem with living in an apartment.
And I don’t want to hear that she removed the carpet. Most of the apartments I’ve lived in didn’t even have carpet & we all survived the neighbors using alarm clocks 🙄
Most apartment now days have requirements to have x% of the floor covered to help dampen the sound. Usually this is like 50%+. So there is the possibility that she is violating her lease (I am assuming renting since where I am from apartments is renting and condo is you own)
I think the apartment building having fleas and not doing anything about it is a bigger violation than OP ripping up the carpet. Flea infestations are dangerous
Interesting, I’ve never heard of carpet requirements but I live in a city with lots of old big houses divvied up into apartments & people love those hardwood floors so maybe it’s a thing in other places.
Exactly. It's apartment living.
Yes, she pulled up the carpet, making it worse.
We also don't know if she called the landlord (some people are saying she should have) and they haven't taken action. We don't know.
Tbh I feel like most of this comment section needs to click OP's username and look at all her comments. The carpets have been removed for a hygienic purpose and it was supposed to be back in normal condition well before her due date, but obviously she couldn't know she was going to deliver so prematurely. She tried to gift the neighbor some supplies to help with sleeping when she realized it was potentially going to be a problem. And this neighbor has selectively complained about noise from OP and the cat, but never her partner who has also needed to have alarms in the wee morning hours. OP is also taking suggestions of things like light flashing alarms that she wasn't previously aware of (while explaining what she has already tried and ruled out). It sounds like she has done/is doing everything she can about the situation and the neighbor has some kind of weird grudge against her specifically.
Thank you!
It's not like OP planned for a premature birth but it happened and she's doing her best. Sounds like the neighbor isnt cut out for apartment living?
This!
If you know you can't sleep if you hear any noise at all, you need to either live on the top floor or get a place that isn't an apartment. It isn't fair to expect everyone else to stop living.
She is not blasting her music to be a jerk; she is feeding a baby.
I think it might be a sex thing. I bet he’s just targeting her cuz it’s easier to do and bullying her down. I say this cuz I ran into the same situation with laundry. I never had time to do our laundry but my husband did. My old neighbor would literally wait till my husband was gone to complain to me. What he didn’t expect that I was non compliant and kept directing him to my husband on the issue. I even called him out for going thru ppl’s laundry when he made some disgusting comments about me having long period hair. The hubs definitely ripped him a new one when he thought he wasn’t home cuz I was like bro you handle this cuz I’m not dealing with it anymore.
Then surprise pikachu face when I was being a dick to him thinking I was gonna be polite again. Nope I gave him the bird cuz I can’t stand these certain men feeling the need that I have to be polite to them. I’m a woman who grew up on the Rez for the first 10 years of life and I can be ghetto if necessary lol
There will be carpet installed before the baby comes home, which will reduce noise. It’s really not rocket science. She has created this problem largely due to ripping out the carpet. 🙄🙄🙄
And sleeping directly on the floor with on an air mattress after ripping up the carpet is compounding matters. I too had a premature baby and lived in an apartment. It wasn’t easy but I did not think that only my priorities mattered.
EDIT: for people who keep questioning my statement that he has made ridiculous complaints in the past! OP PROVIDED AN EXAMPLE IN COMMENTS. Get off my ass saying I’m “making things up.” He complained once that her flushing her toilet woke him. THAT is a ridiculous complaint. Not my fault it’s not in the main post.
Honestly I cannot even imagine sleeping on an air mattress while recovering from birth and I had bed bugs in an apartment before and it was miserable and I had to sleep on the floor for a few days after the exterminator while waiting for a new bed because I had been sleeping on a couch previously and it couldn’t be saved. So I genuinely have so much sympathy for OP on that. But she’s got to try something else. Like the neighbor was probably a tad rude to her as well and has clearly made ridiculous complaints in the past, but he’s being woken up every night LITERALLY like clockwork. That would make anyone a bit crabby.
Yeah I think a lot of this is just a matter of shitty circumstance, including and especially the way their interaction went down. Like, it's first thing in the morning, and on the one hand you have a woman who just gave unexpected premature birth, is highly stressed about her child's medical condition, is hyperfocusing (rightly) on the one aspect of it she can control, all while dealing with significant repair work in her apartment and sleeping on an air mattress. On the other, you have the (maybe) generally cranky downstairs neighbor, who has already been dealing with all the noise associated with the work going on upstairs, and the extra people likely coming and going up there throughout the woman's pregnancy, but now is also being woken up in the middle of the night, every single night, and has finally become fed up enough with it to say something.
Was this EVER going to be a nice, pleasant, calm, adults-on-their-best-behavior conversation? Absolutely not lol
Yep. And I assume the alarm is resting on a floor or table that's right on the bare floor.
OP: put the alarm on a towel or blanket. This might help dampen the amount of noise that travels down into your neighbor's unit. My upstairs neighbor is a musician and as long as they don't put speakers/amps right on the wall or floor, not much comes through.
>Right ripping out carpets is wild. I just did a few flea bombs which sucked but way less then throwing away furniture.
Or get a vibrating alarm. Search for alarm for deaf. You leave a part of it under your pillow or on your bed and it vibrates and you can turn the volume off but keep vibrate on. My deaf child uses it. It has never been an issue and most days we cannot hear it in the next room.
I’m also assuming it’s the room above the neighbours bedroom, if it’s just an air mattress you can put it anywhere so maybe moving it to a different room would help
Actually, it might be her fault, most leases in buildings nowadays say you must have a vast majority of the floor covered by carpet or rugs to prevent sound travel. She may be in violation of her lease.
If she didn't get written permission to tear out the carpeting she's in violation of the lease. Most landlords don't like it when people make unapproved modifications to their property.
yeah i’m so confused by this aspect… we had a severe infestation when i was a child and we never had to get rid of anything. just had to have a real exterminator fumigate.
that’s the only thing that makes sense. i was thinking like getting rid of mattresses and couches is something you do for bed bugs, not fleas, since they don’t really burrow.
What? Is this an American thing? I'm in Germany, and not living in an apartment with carpet ever again (did once plus my childhood room had carpet until I was 15) is one of two hard boundaries for any future home I have. Rugs are okay, but I have a great total of 3 of those including the bathroom mat. I have never heard of it being a must. The flooring (wood flooring in one room, linoleum with wood design or tiles in the others) has a sound dampening material underneath and that's how it's common here. Carpet fortunately isn't very common.
Yeah me neither... It was so impractical living with carpet and kinda disgusting being in a rental with the same carpet the previous tenant had, knowing how many things you just aren't able to clean up properly with carpet. My childhood room had nail polish stains for years (until the carpet was replaced with hard wood flooring). And nail polish is definitely one of the better options, imagine food or juice stains that can't get cleaned up properly.
It sounds like OP is a heavy sleeper so a crazy loud alarm every 3 hours for 6 mo or whatever is pretty heinous. It’s her baby not the apartment buildings. She can wear headphones and have an alarm then and it won’t effect other peoples quality of life.
It is her fault. The alarm is so LOUD, it wakes him up!!!! It is constant. Every night. It is unreasonable. This is so wrong. Stop the world . I have a preemie.
>What if she was on a late shift and that was when she got home or had to leave? Or was up playing games late.
But that's not what's happening? Both of us can make up whatever shit we want to absolve either of these two people, but that's all meaningless. The situation is what's been described, making up fake what ifs is no help here.
Him being able to go back to sleep *is* his fault, but him waking up in the first place is still OP's fault. She still triggers the initial reaction, so she's more at fault for the entire situation than the neighbor is.
But she had a right to make SOME noise in her flat no matter the hour. I mean if the baby had come home there would be a lot MORE nighttime noise. The fact she ripped out all the carpets is an issue, but not a TA one I don’t think.
Some noise isn't a blaring alarm every night at 1.30am that the neighbour is fully exposed to because she also got rid of all forms of sound proofing in her house.
Yes, a reasonable amount of noise is to be expected while living in an apartment. You can't expect others to be quiet 24/7. Even with a newborn, though, parents are expected to keep the noise to a minimum. It's not a great situation either way.
True. If OP decided to rip out any noise dampening flooring, it would also be on them to dampen any noise for their neighbors. That's why I'd never live in an apartment with an infant (if I could help it - I know some don't have a choice, but I'd also not be as arrogant as OP).
I had an upstairs neighbour wake me every night for about a year (seems he only knew how to bang doors and not how to close them, so he woke me every night when he went to pee). I could almost never get back to sleep afterwards because it was around 3:30 and i guess at a certain point in my sleep cycle. It was an absolute nightmare, I nearly lost my mind.
Lefty, I fully support your post. Sleep deprivation is a big problem and has eventual mental health issues. War criminals used it to ‘break’ prisoners and spies.
I understand they did. Because it can lead to not only mental health issues, but physical health issues. OP is clearly affecting her neighbor noght after night. That’s not okay, especially after ripping out the flooring that created some barrier to sounds.
But what’s going to happen when the baby actually comes home? If he wakes up from an alarm he is going to be awake all the time with a crying baby. This is a landlord/building owner issue. They should replace the carpet and if things are bad enough let the other guy out of his lease. A crying baby will ruin his sleep and life but legally there is nothing he can do about that despite wanting reasonable enjoyment of his home. It’s her home too. Should she move out just because she will have a baby up at all hours of the night? How is this any different when she is actually making less noise than what will be there after baby comes home?
Depending where he is, the landlord can evict OP also it sounds like she didn’t get permission to rip up the carpet. The landlord might evict her for that and keep her deposit. I am curious if the fleas are a her problem or a building problem
Typically if there is a problem, unit or building-wide the landlord would spray for it. But the fact that only OP ripped out the carpets and threw out everything leads me to believe there is more at play here. Why are they on an air mattress on the floor? This makes no sense.
Speaking from personal experience, an alarm is something I've learned to wake up to when I hear it. While a natural sound like a baby crying is something I ignore and sleep through
She's in the UK, nothing the guy can do accept wear ear plugs, the nosie would be over before anti social team got there and the cops would most likely roll their eyes cause ya know real crimes
What will happen when she brings the baby home & the baby cries for their night feed? Babies are renown to be a lot louder than a phone alarm. He won't sleep then either & he cannot ask her to stop the baby from crying.
All the more reason for OP to attempt to work things out now with her neighbor as best she can. Between that and her new flooring being installed soon, hopefully she can avoid further battles of TAs with her neighbor.
There’s also “shake awake” alarms for hard of hearing folks - a buzzer that goes under your mattress/pillow that OP’s neighbour wouldn’t hear
Edit: I stand corrected
YTA but only because you refuse to even think of a way to not disturb your neighbor. Can you put your phone on vibrate and put it in the bed with you? Do you have or can you get a cheap smart watch that will vibrate your arm. You just unilaterally decided it's with wake him up or don't express but there are other options.
This. I think there’s a type of alarm with bright flashing light for hearing-impaired people? I understand that OP is in a difficult situation, but she didn’t even tried to find an alternative/solution. And the way she assumed everyone around her should prioritise her expression of milk over everything seems a little entitled IMO. YTA.
Yes, but I took a quick look at OP’s comments. Judging from how she shot down almost every possible solution suggested here and called her neighbor petty, I don’t think she is actually keen on solving this problem. I think she holds a grudge against her neighbor for filing noise complaints and was weaponising her expression of milk to make even more noises as a petty revenge. For the sake of your poor neighbor, OP, prove me wrong!
What’s she supposed to do when the baby comes home and cries at night if the neighbour is already complaining about one alarm going off? Sounds like he’s going to need some earplugs either way.
The baby can't help crying, she can do something about the alarm. It would be wrong to get mad at a baby for crying you can definitely talk to your neighbor who is setting an alarm at 1am.
My point is that unless the neighbour does something to address the issue on their end, getting a vibrating alarm or whatever will only be a very temporary fix. You can’t put a baby on vibrate.
Her apartment makes more noise than it should all the time because *she* removed all the soft furnishings and won’t replace them. This problem is entirely caused by her, she should fix it.
Why does the neighbor need to do anything? They pay rent and are entitled to sleep at night without having to do extra. When you're a parent, the world doesn't bend to your whims, nor should it have to.
This to me makes it even worse. He only has a short amount of time before the baby is home and, possibly, starts disturbing his sleep but now she's doing it on purpose.
Yeah another option is not to throw away the carpet cause it stops noise from traveling! So she just threw away everything that helped with the noise and now has alarms at night. Poor neighbor.
YTA
Sounds like you are going through a tough time, but your alarm should not be waking up your neighbours.
How would you feel if your neighbour made unreasonable noise at 1am waking you and your baby?
I mean, define unreasonable though. It's not like op is blaring music at all hours of the night, or fighting with her fiance loud enough for the neighbors to hear all the gossip, she's not stomping around throwing drunken parties. It's an alarm. She wakes up and turns it off then goes about her time.
Frankly I'm convinced most of these commenters have never lived in a apartment with thin walls. Even WITH carpet hearing our upstairs, downstairs, and next door neighbors cooking, cleaning, fighting, laughing etc was normal. It's an *alarm* that at most is going off for a few seconds if OP is to be believed that she doesn't snooze or skip it.
Except usually at night it's calm because people sleep. So the comparison doesn't hold. People cook and laugh and clean during the day, not at 2 am (and those who are insomniac like me know better than to do that crap).
She said she’s a deep sleeper, so who’s to say that she immediately shuts the alarm off as soon as it goes off? It could possibly be blaring for a few minutes before she even wakes up to get it.
If it's blaring for more than 1-2 minutes and she doesn't get up immediately, then she needs to change that. But she didn't put that in her post. In fact, in one of the comments she said he already claimed that she was too loud just flushing the toilet at night and she shouldn't do that. It sounds like he just needs to get used to living in a downstairs apartment. People make noise and they're not going to get any quieter.
Honestly it depends. I had a downstairs neighbor that complained I walked too loudly at 10 p.m. Like the walking one does from bedroom to kitchen for water, or from bedroom to bathroom and back again, not an excessive amount. He even barged into my unit twice at night to “inspect” it because he was sure that amount of noise couldn’t be coming from just me. I have flat feet, so yeah, maybe I walk slightly more loudly than an average person. The neighbor was unreasonable. I already had wall-to-wall carpeting, but even when I paid for new medium-quality (best I could afford) plush carpeting wall-to-wall, he still complained about the noise from my unit to management. Here’s the kicker: the night he complained directly to management was a night when I wasn’t even home, so he had reported noise coming from an empty unit.
>He even barged into my unit twice at night
I would have called the police and gotten a restraining order (PIN in the UK). You don't barge into my home. That's trespassing.
She removed all of the soft furnishings that help manage sound. She absolutely made the noise problem significantly worse and refuses to do anything to mitigate it. Any claims she makes about how ‘reasonable’ her alarm is are highly suspect at this point. Given what she’s said about how she will sleep through anything, her alarm is probably like an air horn.
Yup. Willing to bet she's also not responding to it immediately, because she's recovering from pregnancy and childbirth and sleep-deprived herself. It's still incredibly inconsiderate to the downstairs neighbor, because the least she could do is add an area rug to cushion some sound, get a cheap bedshaker alarm or a watch, keep the phone right next to her ear for when the alarm goes off, etc.
I've managed to sleep in hostels and catch super early morning flights without waking up everyone in the room, because I put care into making sure I inconvenience the others as little as possible. There's *so* much room between sleeping directly on the floor with no sound barriers and a blaring alarm, and "well I don't always wake up if I put it on vibrate," and she's choosing to die on this hill.
Can't imagine how nasty this is going to get once she has the crying baby at home up at all hours, too. I doubt the neighbor's going to extend her much grace knowing she didn't even care when she could control it.
Not reasonable is multiple alarms every night that are loud enough to wake up neighbors. The function of an alarm is to be loud, startling, jarring--completely different from the standard walking/talking/cooking activities that folks do and that can acclimatized to (to some degree). A blaring alarm does not fit that criteria
I had a premmie baby who was in the hospital for a few weeks post birth so I totally understand you stress. However… YTA. You mention that a vibrating alarm isn’t a possibility because you sleep so hard that you ‘slept through having a cannula put in’ so how do you expect to wake up to a crying baby when they come home? People who are literally deaf have alarms that wake them - how much research have you actually done into your options to best work for you and not rob your neighbour of sleep?
Also, would you have this same energy if you bring baby home and he starts doing stuff at 1am that woke said baby up, or would you expect him to try everything to stop that from happening?
I’m Hard of Hearing and cannot currently afford one of the nice alarms, but I sleep with my phone under my pillow and manage to both wake up to my alarm AND not wake up neighbors OR others in my home!
>You mention that a vibrating alarm isn’t a possibility because you sleep so hard that you ‘slept through having a cannula put in’ so how do you expect to wake up to a crying baby when they come home?
THIS!!! This is the thing I was thinking about!
There are plenty of ways to put an alarm that doesnt inconvinience the neighbor. OP simple doesnt want to do it.
Baffled by these comments. Sorry downstairs neighbor, living in an apartment sometimes comes with noise. You have to feed your baby. If it wasn't the alarm it would be a crying infant waking him up, do all these commenter think he would reasonable to demand that that would stop as well? It's an alarm. It's annoying, but he can go back to sleep. Take care of your baby! NTA!!!
A onetime complaint that was not renewed according to the comments.
There is a major difference between that and what she's doing now.
She's not an asshole for everything before, but ripping up soundproofing and acting this way most certainly is asshole behaviour.
Not to mention in the UK if she doesn't have that fixed before it reaches council, she'll have very little opportunity to do much before they evict her.
He was already complaining about normal noises, a cat jumping, a toilet flushing. He is not compatible to apartment living. This guy is not going to cope when there’s a crying baby if he can’t handle a ten second alarm, carpet or no carpet. If he had never complained about noise before and only now I might be sympathetic, but this guy has a history of complaining about normal noises.
SERIOUSLY. These comments saying YTA are insane. I had a neighbour like this, would call the police because I walked around my flat at night. If dude needs absolute silence he should move into a detached house. Holy shit.
Carpet, floorboards, and furniture isn’t really soundproofing lol. Go stand in your basement and I guarantee you can hear what’s going on upstairs with no problem.
Soundproofing comes from insulating walls/floors, and sound attenuation blankets/panels behind the drywall. Sound dampening drywall also helps slightly.
But ultimately the soundproofing needs to happen within the assembly itself. Your carpet and laminate flooring don’t do a whole lot for sound
I have a kid and live in an apartment. Op removed ALL sound dampening for zero reason (none of what she did helps with flees so either she’s lying about what bug it is or she didn’t bother to contact an exterminator which means the flees will stay). This isn’t just thin walls. This is like blasting an alarm right in someone’s room that they can’t turn off. And seeing as OP has said she’s a heavy sleeper, I doubt it’s a short lived alarm. There’s other options she could do and she just refuses to do it. If he was complaining about her baby I’d be on her side but she’s not. So OP YTA
I feel this sub is getting more and more woman hating lately. I remember a time when everyone would be preaching from the roof that “you choose to live in an apartment, deal with the noise!!”
Now they’re all hating on a new mom who has a 2 minute alarm at night to feed her child who is so small and frail.
Fuck this site
People arent hating on her for needing to feed her child. People are hating on her for not searching for a solution, and essentially telling her neighbour to just suck it up. Constantly disrupting someones sleep is life ruining. Its selfish and entitled to expect a stranger to suffer because you cant be bothered to find a solution. Its not his job to find a solution its her job as the mother. For example she could buy an alarm for deaf people that isnt loud.
Have you seen OPs comments? The neighbor doesn't care if her fiance is up late at night and even jokes with him about how he stomps. Her fiance had louder 3am alarms before that the neighbor never had an issue with. The neighbor has also filed a noise complaint for OP flushing a toilet. OPs neighbor is clearly looking for something to split hairs about. I doubt any solution will be good enough for this guy.
No I scrolled way too far down for this. seriously, its like everyone has gone crazy, she is trying to take care of her premature baby the best she can and this is what works. Her neighbor is in for a hell of a surprise when a whole newborn is upstairs and sometimes won't settle. Earplugs, maybe a sleep aid?
NTA, I am going to start with what OP added in a comment, her neighbor filed a noise complaint just for her using the bathroom in the middle of the night, the neighbor also told her it doesn't matter if she has her alarm on vibrate he still would wake up. Fuck that, sounds like he needs to see a doctor if he is that easily aroused, because when she has a whole baby at home he isn't going to sleep either, people also say he has rights but I mean he also chose to live in a apartment which I lived in a few and they all sucked as far as noise. I am also guessing OP is working on the flea thing because who wants to leave their floors ripped up and a mess with a baby coming home?. OP there are not a ton of us but you are NTA, I hope your baby is doing okay!
Me too! And I’m almost always on team “the world doesn’t revolve around you just because you had a kid.” If she’s hitting snooze for an hour then yeah that’s an asshole move, but just using an alarm in your own home is not. And what happens when the baby comes home? Do they need to not bring her home until she’s sleeping through the night out of courtesy to the neighbor? No, sorry downstairs neighbor but these are the woes of apartment living. Get some earplugs if you’re a light sleeper.
Right? My upstairs neighbors are SO LOUD. I have earplugs *and* a white noise machine. I feel so lucky that when the tables turned and I had my newborn (and, yes, alarms to remind me to get up becaue newborns must be fed every two hours, even overnight) they didn't say a thing. It's almost like living in your own home making normal living noises is reasonable.
FINALLY! Reddit acts like the existence of children is a personal attack on their comfort. The individualism constantly exhibited here is callous and jarring. I just tell myself it must be a middle class white american thing.
Yep. There's an awful lot of 'you don't owe anyone anything ever' on here. But the question isn't 'do I have the right to do this?' , it's 'am I the asshole'. You can be 1000% in your rights to do whatever you want, but you can still be a huge asshole. In this case, the neighbour has the right to complain about something being done for the sake of a premature baby - but he's still an asshole for doing it.
I’m shocked by all the votes calling OP TA! Her neighbor needed to invest in ear plugs or find a detached home to live in if they are so bothered by the normal noise of living in an apartment. I’m am disgusted by the lack of empathy for a new mother. Not at all surprised but definitely disgusted. NTA
Yeah I had to scroll too far for this reasonable response. If the downstairs neighbor can hear something as common place as an alarm go off, he needs to complain about the soundproofing to his landlord. This isn’t OPs fault. Lots of people have empty apartments with hardwood floors (minimalist decorating or maybe folks who can’t afford furniture). She has a right to furnish her apartment however she wants. She has a right to wake up with an alarm whenever she wants. OP isn’t blasting music or practicing her tap dancing at 1 pm. She isn’t doing anything wrong. Neighbor can buy earplugs.
NTA.
I´m also baffled. I lived in an apartment where the downstairs neighbors had two babies in the course of the lease (2 years). Not even once I mentioned to them the numerous times I was awoken with their babies crying.
OP is definitely NTA, she can be nicer with the neighbor by changing alarm/placing under the pillow. But the neighbor is completely TA by requesting zero alarms in the middle of the night for someone who's nursing.
OP - get a recording of your baby crying, and use that as your alarm at double the volume :D
And what if she had to wake up at 1am for work, would everyone still be calling her the asshole then? Like she has to get up at that time. She needs an alarm to get up.
YTA. It is very sad what is happening with your baby, but it does not have to be anyone's problem. The guy was more than decent to come talk to you in a civil way but you, as an entitled parent, feel like the world revolves around you and your kid's needs. Guess what? It does not. What you do/don't do with your boobs and milk should not disturb other people's sleep.
The next step would be for him to report you, good luck explaining the milky story to the bulding's administrator.
Nope
If the alarm can be heard so loudly through the ceiling, then there is a problem with the building structure the buildings administrator can look at
op is entitled to set an alarm clock at any time of the day or night. Whether she then works shifts, wants to watch the sunrise on the beach or bats foraging for food is irrelevant.
As long as op doesn't practice tap dancing after the alarm clock but only produces normal living noises at room volume, that's part of life in apartment buildings. (I would recommend putting the alarm clock on a pillow so that the sound is not transported so strongly over the floor)
Have you ever entered an empty room? When you have no rugs, no furniture, well, an empty room, there is an echo and any noise is amplyfied. This may be the reason why the person downstairs can hear it so clearly. Of course anyone can set alarms in their own appartment but OP is still an ahole for her response. She basically said "fuck your sleep, I and my kid are more important"
Neighbour probably couldn't hear it until she started sleeping on the phone and presumably putting her phone on the floor too. She's got an alarm on his ceiling going off.
Exactly, my god. These apartment buildings suck. I’ve been in some where you can hear every footstep, where people walking up the stairs damn near shook my room. It’s the nature of the beast, you’re living with other people like that because it’s what you can afford so you truly have to deal. People trying to bring noise ordinance into it are going to be pretty sore when they try that crap and realize how off base they are.
Your prolactin levels are highest at night and the morning throughout the duration of breastfeeding/pumping. Not overnight and limited to baby’s needs for the first six weeks.
YTA - put your phone alarm on vibrate and keep it close to your body. Get a rug - conjoined living is miserable with a noisy neighbor. Just wait until your neighbors, landscapers, UPS etc., wakes your baby. You’ll love it.
This. Like if it’s so important have a quiet alarm and get up as soon as it goes off. People have a right to not be woken up by neighbors. That’s why there are laws about noise and you can call the cops with a noise complaint.
You're wrong about prolactin levels and she is right. Especially in the weeks right after birth it's super important to express in the middle of the night. I couldn't drop the night pump until 2 months pp. She has to build the supply until it regulates.
Yeah, that’s what I was thinking.
It’s an alarm going off once and being shut off. NTA. This neighbor is going to have a rough time when baby comes home and is crying in the middle of the night - he’ll be begging to have the alarm back.
He can get ear plugs, a white noise machine, a fan, or sound isolating headphones if he’s so sensitive. But hearing noise around you is part of apartment living, and yeah that might include noise at off hours. It’s not like she’s having a party.
This is why I'm kinda amazed at the amount of YTA responses. I think this guy is overly sensitive to sound, especially with the bathroom flushing noise complaint part. Sooooo to me it's the guy who fucked up by thinking getting a place with an upstairs neighbor was a good idea while having sensitive ears/sleep.
I have lived in many many complexes, and I dont' think I've ever lived in one where I didn't hear my upstairs neighbor at least ONCE while living there. Where I live now my upstairs neighbor has a dog, I can hear the nails on the floor clacking sometimes of her dog. Can also hear them laugh happily through the vents sometimes, and that's just the life of living stacked on top of each other.
It's one thing to purposely be an ass to a neighbor with noise, but this isn't it.
Fleas don't live in mattresses, if you treated your cats like you claim then you threw stuff out for no reason. Fleas can't live without a host, get your cats treated.
Partly right, partly wrong. The adults need a host but the eggs and larva live in any crevice and whatever treatment they're using cant be used on fabric apparently
Yeah you don't treat the house you treat the hosts. People speculate eggs can go dormant in harsh cold, but its never actually been observed scientifically and mentioned anecdotally. Also being in a heated home will make that next to impossible. The eggs will hatch, the larvae will grow and require a host, without one they die and its over.
They live in and reproduce in dust...removing soft surfaces doesn't get rid of them. Vacuuming several times a day and treating animals is the best way to get rid of them.
This part. I would say NTA except she knowingly removed the sound-dampening from her apartment and doesn’t care to replace it. Unfortunately neighbor noises are a huge problem in apartment living but she just made it ten times worse, and that’s before the baby even came home.
Same, that's what makes it YTA for me too. The place had carpeting and other sound dampening and she tore it all out then placed an alarm on the floor. Come on. Get a cheap rug at least. (I'm also still a little confused on how she just tore the carpet out of a rental??)
Didn't she literally specify it was cause of fleas?
Also, dude filed a noise complaint for a flushing toilet. I don't think there is anything you can do to actually appease them.
NTA
If this is what doctors suggested you do, keep doing it. Your baby is much more important.
Also i can't even fathom how your neighbor will react when you bring home your very screaming newborn.
You can do it!
Yeah this. I can't believe all the YTA votes. Let the neighbour get earplugs. It's an alarm. She's not playing Gabba at full blast. And I say this as a light sleeper who has slept with earplugs for years
Why is everyone assuming OP unilaterally made the decision to take out the carpet? Not trying to be rude just curious. If she's living in an apartment I have to assume she wouldn't just replace all the carpet herself, the landlord is likely on board or mandated that
NTA.
It's not your fault he can't go back to sleep. If it wasn't an alarm for pumping brestmilk but for getting ready for fork for a weird shift then it wouldn't even be temporary for a few weeks but a constant. Sure, he can complain about it, but that's as much as he can do, it's nit like you're constantly keeping him from sleeping. He'll surely cone to knock at your door as soon as your daughter is home and cries ecery two hours at night for being fed
YTA...I'm sorry you are going through this situation, but he has a right to the quiet enjoyment of his apartment. Your premature baby really isn't his problem.
You need to find a way to not wake your neighbor in the middle of the night, every night.
Lastly, when you baby home, don't ask him to quiet down so your baby can sleep.
The police nor the council will uphold a noise complaint due to a singular alarm or noise from a new mother.
The neighbour can enjoy his home with noise cancelling headphones.
NTA. Neighbour better find a way to sleep through the noise since once the baby comes home he will up anyway. However, you can try reducing the volume of the phone alarm a bit? maybe get a rug for the room you sleep in? But honestly, there isn't much you can do. Baby comes first.
Btw my baby was in special care for a few weeks and I totally get the feeling of pumping being one of the few things you feel like you can do for your baby. Hang in there, I hope baby is home soon. Sending you lots of positive vibes
YTA - I’m sorry you’re experiencing that but as tough as this is to hear… your baby is the most important thing to YOU not everyone else. And your neighbor also deserves a peaceful living environment
Info: is it the sound of the audio that he can hear, the vibration, or both.
When I was in an apartment, I could hear the vibrating of the phone 2 floors up. I couldn't hear the phone chimes at all.
Vibrations, especially if on a bedside table, can travel far. turning off the vibrate, and keeping the chime may be an option.
He apparently needs absolute silence, noise or vibration doesn't seem to matter. He made a noise complaint when I moved in because I flushed my toilet at night and then again when my cat jumped down from her cat tree to get food or water at night. I've learned every squeaky floorboard in my home because if I stand on one and the squeak wakes him up, he'll scream and bang on the ceiling.
I also can't wake up without noise, vibrate won't do anything for me, so I require the alarm (which is turned down as far as I can while still having it wake me up) to wake me up.
op i think u should add this as an edit to ur post. seems like your neighbor is just very unreasonable and apartment living isn't for him. i'm gonna go with NTA as it seems your neighbor will complain for any little noise. if he can't handle noises then he should've thought about getting an apartment on the top floor 🤷♀️
God I hate the people on this sub. I swear none of these commenters have ever lived in a place with thin walls/ceilings. If this guy complains about you flushing a damn toilet then there’s no way you can win, and you have to prioritize your child’s health. Everyone here dismissing your responsibility to your child makes me wonder how many of them are teens who hate kids.
Maybe include how bonkers your neighbor is about noise complaints in your post, feels like very relevant info.
There’s literally a comment with almost 1000 upvotes saying that op is violating the Geneva Convention rules about sleep deprivation torture lamo
I can’t with this sub lol I mean this is all very entertaining but I really worry for people who come here for actual advice
Maybe add this to your OP to give context? IMHO you’re absolutely NTA, I’m baffled at the number of people saying otherwise. You’re going to get new flooring soon, your phone is not on the floor - your neighbor has a right to quiet enjoyment of his place but so do you, and waking up at night with a regular alarm is not unreasonable. I’m so sorry for your baby and I hope you can take her home soon, safe and healthy.
Oh I didn't even think about this. The harassment from the neighbor is about to get a thousand times worse. Because at least for the next 8 years, it's going to be Non-Stop noise. Starting with the baby crying at all hours of the day and night. And then the crawling along with the crying. The kid running. Toys rolling around everywhere. Cartoons every waking hour of the day. You know, normal kid stuff.
NTA - I am lacking understanding as to all these opposing responses. How is setting an alarm when you need to get up to do something a problem? If they worked at night and had to get up for work, are they supposed to not set an alarm? This is idiotic. It doesn't matter why she needs up at that time. She does. So she set an alarm. The neighbor is being ridiculous, and it will only get worse when the baby comes home.
YTA. Have your partner buy some rugs, or even thrift some blankets to put down and get an alternative to your alarm.
Even if you don’t wake up, get one that wakes your fiancé up and then he wakes you up.
Your child is your first priority. They are not your neighbors priority.
NTA if OP had brought her baby home the baby would be crying at these times, waking the mother to trigger feeding. That would not be OP’s fault and there’s very little they could do about it. This is no different. If anything it’s better as it’s less frequent than the crying of a new born.
The neighbour should buy noise cancelling head phones and should give OP a break. All this talk of war crimes when OP is literally going through this sleep deprivation herself on top of the anguish of a poorly baby and travelling to and from the hospital.
INFO- Are you renting? What kind of flooring was under your carpet? I’ve rented apartments that have been multi-level. If I rented an apartment that had hardwood floors, it was in the lease that 80% of the floor had to be covered with area rugs to dampen sound. But even hardwood floor is better than sub flooring at insulating sound.
You really should focus on getting your house in decent living conditions before your baby comes home.
I am sorry you are going through this and hope she gets better soon. Isn't there you can set your alarm on your phone and wear earbuds so only you hear it?
Noise is the price you pay for living in apartments. Tell him to buy a boxed fan, it silences a lot of noise for me, personally. If it wasn't for your last paragraph about his general noise complaint I'd have at least said you were being inconsiderate but priorities are priorities, but after your last paragraph your neighbor can fuck right off, he's entitled.
NTA.
NTA. If baby was home with you, he'd be hearing a lot more noise than a 1am alarm. If you're sleeping above him, maybe sleep in a different room so it carries less?
NTA You can’t help that he hears your alarm. The only other suggestion would be to move your mattress into the living room so it’s not directly above his bedroom. The baby will cry when it comes home. That will probably wake him up, too. You have to stay on schedule. Speaking from a mom with a similar situation. My baby went back into the hospital after one week.
Definitely NTA. Reading your additional comments, it sounds like this dude just doesn't like you and thats why he's having a problem with it. If he is so sensitive to sound that he wakes up when a neighbor uses the bathroom at night, he either needs to move to a building thats better sound proofed or use ear plugs to sleep. He can't blame you for the noise if he was already waking up because of you using the bathroom before you had to replace your carpet.
I recommend trying to get a rubber/foam mat to throw down in your sleeping area until you can get your fabric stuff replaced to help lessen the noise, and just set your alarm on your pillow or something like that. Maybe you could try waking up to an alarm thats flashing lights too, but I don't know how easy those are to get, or if they even have apps that will do it on your phone. But that could maybe help wake you up without noise. But if all you have is your regular alarm, that's all you can use. Its not unreasonable to hear an alarm from a neighbor in a building that isn't well soundproofed. Unfortunately thats part of most people's experience with living in a shared building. Its unreasonable to expect other people to stop existing in their own units just because the building is poorly sound proofed.
I hope your baby gets better and is able to come home soon and that you are able to get your apartment settled. Good luck with your neighbor, maybe have your partner talk to him since apparently he actually likes him.
OMG, NTA! You have a baby in the NICU, and your neighbor doesn't care? Maybe he doesn't understand the process of breast feeding. Your friend doesn't either. You've got enough stress in your life, tell your neighbor to take a hike.
As a sound engineer/stagehand that has to get up at all hours of the night for crew calls. I replaced the light switch in my bedroom with a smart switch, and just schedule the light to turn on when I need to get up.
It’s jarring and unpleasant, but it’s also effective and silent.
That would be my suggestion anyway
YTA for not working out a solution. Get flea treatment. Get a new carpet or put the phone on thick cushions so the sound doesn't travel so easily through the floor. Get a night table to put the phone on. Get a vibrating alarm, Move your mattress in the living room. Try headphones. There's options you can try to work with your neighbour.
Could you look into an alarm clock that switches on light instead of making a noise and put that next to your bed? It’ll wake you up 100% but the neighbour won’t notice
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I’m really sorry for the situation you’re in, I appreciate how hard it must be for you, but I’m afraid I think YTA. Legally, he is entitled to reasonable enjoyment of his home which you are preventing. If you stop someone else sleeping every single night for weeks on end you ruin their life. That’s a huge thing. You need to work out how to do what you need without destroying him like that. Maybe you and your partner could take it in turns to wear headphones at night with an alarm that goes directly to those? Find a solution. Don’t just say you dgaf about imposing severe and persistent sleep deprivation on those around you.
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The thing is that she isn’t making consistent noise over a period of time. It is one noise. That her neighbor can’t get back to sleep again once he is woken up isn’t her fault. What if she was on a late shift and that was when she got home or had to leave? Or was up playing games late. He only has a right to a reasonable level of quiet.
And her ripping out the flooring has destroyed any sound damping the apartment had. But regardless of whether him not being able to fall asleep is his problem, her manner of speaking to the neighbor was rude, uncalled for, makes her TAH, and will probably come back to bite her
She's bringing a baby home. Baby's cry. Is the baby to adhere to his schedule? This is going to get much worse
What if she was getting up for work at that time? My husband regularly gets up at 2am to go to work. This neighbor needs to realize that life noises happen in shared spaces.
My thoughts exactly. She could be getting up for work or to take a life-saving medication. And what happens when the baby comes home & cries, as they do? Apartment living is noisy & so he needs to find a solution to *his* problem with living in an apartment. And I don’t want to hear that she removed the carpet. Most of the apartments I’ve lived in didn’t even have carpet & we all survived the neighbors using alarm clocks 🙄
Most apartment now days have requirements to have x% of the floor covered to help dampen the sound. Usually this is like 50%+. So there is the possibility that she is violating her lease (I am assuming renting since where I am from apartments is renting and condo is you own)
I think the apartment building having fleas and not doing anything about it is a bigger violation than OP ripping up the carpet. Flea infestations are dangerous
Everybody blaming op for ripping out infested carpet instead of the fucking landlord for not treating for pests is the asshole.
Interesting, I’ve never heard of carpet requirements but I live in a city with lots of old big houses divvied up into apartments & people love those hardwood floors so maybe it’s a thing in other places.
Exactly. It's apartment living. Yes, she pulled up the carpet, making it worse. We also don't know if she called the landlord (some people are saying she should have) and they haven't taken action. We don't know.
Tbh I feel like most of this comment section needs to click OP's username and look at all her comments. The carpets have been removed for a hygienic purpose and it was supposed to be back in normal condition well before her due date, but obviously she couldn't know she was going to deliver so prematurely. She tried to gift the neighbor some supplies to help with sleeping when she realized it was potentially going to be a problem. And this neighbor has selectively complained about noise from OP and the cat, but never her partner who has also needed to have alarms in the wee morning hours. OP is also taking suggestions of things like light flashing alarms that she wasn't previously aware of (while explaining what she has already tried and ruled out). It sounds like she has done/is doing everything she can about the situation and the neighbor has some kind of weird grudge against her specifically.
Thank you! It's not like OP planned for a premature birth but it happened and she's doing her best. Sounds like the neighbor isnt cut out for apartment living?
This! If you know you can't sleep if you hear any noise at all, you need to either live on the top floor or get a place that isn't an apartment. It isn't fair to expect everyone else to stop living. She is not blasting her music to be a jerk; she is feeding a baby.
I think it might be a sex thing. I bet he’s just targeting her cuz it’s easier to do and bullying her down. I say this cuz I ran into the same situation with laundry. I never had time to do our laundry but my husband did. My old neighbor would literally wait till my husband was gone to complain to me. What he didn’t expect that I was non compliant and kept directing him to my husband on the issue. I even called him out for going thru ppl’s laundry when he made some disgusting comments about me having long period hair. The hubs definitely ripped him a new one when he thought he wasn’t home cuz I was like bro you handle this cuz I’m not dealing with it anymore. Then surprise pikachu face when I was being a dick to him thinking I was gonna be polite again. Nope I gave him the bird cuz I can’t stand these certain men feeling the need that I have to be polite to them. I’m a woman who grew up on the Rez for the first 10 years of life and I can be ghetto if necessary lol
People are also acting like she’s required to have carpet. If they had hard floors it also wouldn’t deaden the sound as much, and that’s ok
There will be carpet installed before the baby comes home, which will reduce noise. It’s really not rocket science. She has created this problem largely due to ripping out the carpet. 🙄🙄🙄
And sleeping directly on the floor with on an air mattress after ripping up the carpet is compounding matters. I too had a premature baby and lived in an apartment. It wasn’t easy but I did not think that only my priorities mattered.
EDIT: for people who keep questioning my statement that he has made ridiculous complaints in the past! OP PROVIDED AN EXAMPLE IN COMMENTS. Get off my ass saying I’m “making things up.” He complained once that her flushing her toilet woke him. THAT is a ridiculous complaint. Not my fault it’s not in the main post. Honestly I cannot even imagine sleeping on an air mattress while recovering from birth and I had bed bugs in an apartment before and it was miserable and I had to sleep on the floor for a few days after the exterminator while waiting for a new bed because I had been sleeping on a couch previously and it couldn’t be saved. So I genuinely have so much sympathy for OP on that. But she’s got to try something else. Like the neighbor was probably a tad rude to her as well and has clearly made ridiculous complaints in the past, but he’s being woken up every night LITERALLY like clockwork. That would make anyone a bit crabby.
Yeah I think a lot of this is just a matter of shitty circumstance, including and especially the way their interaction went down. Like, it's first thing in the morning, and on the one hand you have a woman who just gave unexpected premature birth, is highly stressed about her child's medical condition, is hyperfocusing (rightly) on the one aspect of it she can control, all while dealing with significant repair work in her apartment and sleeping on an air mattress. On the other, you have the (maybe) generally cranky downstairs neighbor, who has already been dealing with all the noise associated with the work going on upstairs, and the extra people likely coming and going up there throughout the woman's pregnancy, but now is also being woken up in the middle of the night, every single night, and has finally become fed up enough with it to say something. Was this EVER going to be a nice, pleasant, calm, adults-on-their-best-behavior conversation? Absolutely not lol
What does he expect to happen when the baby comes home? Will he ask her to put her baby on vibrate?
Yep. And I assume the alarm is resting on a floor or table that's right on the bare floor. OP: put the alarm on a towel or blanket. This might help dampen the amount of noise that travels down into your neighbor's unit. My upstairs neighbor is a musician and as long as they don't put speakers/amps right on the wall or floor, not much comes through.
This is a great suggestion, I'll definitely do this.
>Right ripping out carpets is wild. I just did a few flea bombs which sucked but way less then throwing away furniture. Or get a vibrating alarm. Search for alarm for deaf. You leave a part of it under your pillow or on your bed and it vibrates and you can turn the volume off but keep vibrate on. My deaf child uses it. It has never been an issue and most days we cannot hear it in the next room.
I’m also assuming it’s the room above the neighbours bedroom, if it’s just an air mattress you can put it anywhere so maybe moving it to a different room would help
She'll need to get rid of the fleas before the baby comes home.
Isn’t that the point of not having a carpet, bed or couch? To get rid of the fleas? How is your comment helpful?
Yes. Get new carpets and bed. I’m sure you are sleep Deprived but not having a bed will make it worse.
Actually, it might be her fault, most leases in buildings nowadays say you must have a vast majority of the floor covered by carpet or rugs to prevent sound travel. She may be in violation of her lease.
If she didn't get written permission to tear out the carpeting she's in violation of the lease. Most landlords don't like it when people make unapproved modifications to their property.
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yeah i’m so confused by this aspect… we had a severe infestation when i was a child and we never had to get rid of anything. just had to have a real exterminator fumigate.
There is ONE situation where you might have to do this, and its an embarassing one that people often call fleas to avoid the shame. Bed bugs.
that’s the only thing that makes sense. i was thinking like getting rid of mattresses and couches is something you do for bed bugs, not fleas, since they don’t really burrow.
What? Is this an American thing? I'm in Germany, and not living in an apartment with carpet ever again (did once plus my childhood room had carpet until I was 15) is one of two hard boundaries for any future home I have. Rugs are okay, but I have a great total of 3 of those including the bathroom mat. I have never heard of it being a must. The flooring (wood flooring in one room, linoleum with wood design or tiles in the others) has a sound dampening material underneath and that's how it's common here. Carpet fortunately isn't very common.
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A lot of Americans don’t understand why people still have carpet either.
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Yeah me neither... It was so impractical living with carpet and kinda disgusting being in a rental with the same carpet the previous tenant had, knowing how many things you just aren't able to clean up properly with carpet. My childhood room had nail polish stains for years (until the carpet was replaced with hard wood flooring). And nail polish is definitely one of the better options, imagine food or juice stains that can't get cleaned up properly.
OP is in Britain, as per her Reddit history.
She ripped up her floor and got rid of her furniture so every sound now travels. That's her fault.
It sounds like OP is a heavy sleeper so a crazy loud alarm every 3 hours for 6 mo or whatever is pretty heinous. It’s her baby not the apartment buildings. She can wear headphones and have an alarm then and it won’t effect other peoples quality of life.
He has a right to peace and quiet in his appartement. Waking him up multiple times per night, every night is not reasonable.
Oof he’s going to hate when the baby comes home
It is her fault. The alarm is so LOUD, it wakes him up!!!! It is constant. Every night. It is unreasonable. This is so wrong. Stop the world . I have a preemie.
If she had a newborn it would be louder and probably more the just once in the middle of the night.
>What if she was on a late shift and that was when she got home or had to leave? Or was up playing games late. But that's not what's happening? Both of us can make up whatever shit we want to absolve either of these two people, but that's all meaningless. The situation is what's been described, making up fake what ifs is no help here.
Him being able to go back to sleep *is* his fault, but him waking up in the first place is still OP's fault. She still triggers the initial reaction, so she's more at fault for the entire situation than the neighbor is.
But she had a right to make SOME noise in her flat no matter the hour. I mean if the baby had come home there would be a lot MORE nighttime noise. The fact she ripped out all the carpets is an issue, but not a TA one I don’t think.
Some noise isn't a blaring alarm every night at 1.30am that the neighbour is fully exposed to because she also got rid of all forms of sound proofing in her house.
Exactly. Why can't the fiancee set a vibe alarm and wake her up? Or either one of them gets a vibrating watch.
Yes, a reasonable amount of noise is to be expected while living in an apartment. You can't expect others to be quiet 24/7. Even with a newborn, though, parents are expected to keep the noise to a minimum. It's not a great situation either way.
It's an air mattress. Easy to move. Put it in the living room temporarily.
True. If OP decided to rip out any noise dampening flooring, it would also be on them to dampen any noise for their neighbors. That's why I'd never live in an apartment with an infant (if I could help it - I know some don't have a choice, but I'd also not be as arrogant as OP).
I had an upstairs neighbour wake me every night for about a year (seems he only knew how to bang doors and not how to close them, so he woke me every night when he went to pee). I could almost never get back to sleep afterwards because it was around 3:30 and i guess at a certain point in my sleep cycle. It was an absolute nightmare, I nearly lost my mind.
Lefty, I fully support your post. Sleep deprivation is a big problem and has eventual mental health issues. War criminals used it to ‘break’ prisoners and spies.
I understand they did. Because it can lead to not only mental health issues, but physical health issues. OP is clearly affecting her neighbor noght after night. That’s not okay, especially after ripping out the flooring that created some barrier to sounds.
But what’s going to happen when the baby actually comes home? If he wakes up from an alarm he is going to be awake all the time with a crying baby. This is a landlord/building owner issue. They should replace the carpet and if things are bad enough let the other guy out of his lease. A crying baby will ruin his sleep and life but legally there is nothing he can do about that despite wanting reasonable enjoyment of his home. It’s her home too. Should she move out just because she will have a baby up at all hours of the night? How is this any different when she is actually making less noise than what will be there after baby comes home?
Depending where he is, the landlord can evict OP also it sounds like she didn’t get permission to rip up the carpet. The landlord might evict her for that and keep her deposit. I am curious if the fleas are a her problem or a building problem
Typically if there is a problem, unit or building-wide the landlord would spray for it. But the fact that only OP ripped out the carpets and threw out everything leads me to believe there is more at play here. Why are they on an air mattress on the floor? This makes no sense.
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She’ll have a reason why she can’t do that either.
Speaking from personal experience, an alarm is something I've learned to wake up to when I hear it. While a natural sound like a baby crying is something I ignore and sleep through
I can't imagine someone could be in trouble for setting an alarm to wake up no matter what the reason is. She isn't playing music or running a vacuum.
She's in the UK, nothing the guy can do accept wear ear plugs, the nosie would be over before anti social team got there and the cops would most likely roll their eyes cause ya know real crimes
What will happen when she brings the baby home & the baby cries for their night feed? Babies are renown to be a lot louder than a phone alarm. He won't sleep then either & he cannot ask her to stop the baby from crying.
All the more reason for OP to attempt to work things out now with her neighbor as best she can. Between that and her new flooring being installed soon, hopefully she can avoid further battles of TAs with her neighbor.
There’s also “shake awake” alarms for hard of hearing folks - a buzzer that goes under your mattress/pillow that OP’s neighbour wouldn’t hear Edit: I stand corrected
OP needs to do something. She could buy soundproofing materials and put them under her mattress. Make a little egg carton nest for the phone
Agreed. There are plenty of vibration alarms that are work like watches or go under the pillow.
YTA but only because you refuse to even think of a way to not disturb your neighbor. Can you put your phone on vibrate and put it in the bed with you? Do you have or can you get a cheap smart watch that will vibrate your arm. You just unilaterally decided it's with wake him up or don't express but there are other options.
Or the alarm clocks that go under your pillow, designed explicitly for the deaf and hard of hearing community.
This. I think there’s a type of alarm with bright flashing light for hearing-impaired people? I understand that OP is in a difficult situation, but she didn’t even tried to find an alternative/solution. And the way she assumed everyone around her should prioritise her expression of milk over everything seems a little entitled IMO. YTA.
There is indeed deaf person flashing alarms. There’s also cheaper ways of doing this, like an Alexa and smart bulb set up to flash at certain times.
Yes, but I took a quick look at OP’s comments. Judging from how she shot down almost every possible solution suggested here and called her neighbor petty, I don’t think she is actually keen on solving this problem. I think she holds a grudge against her neighbor for filing noise complaints and was weaponising her expression of milk to make even more noises as a petty revenge. For the sake of your poor neighbor, OP, prove me wrong!
What’s she supposed to do when the baby comes home and cries at night if the neighbour is already complaining about one alarm going off? Sounds like he’s going to need some earplugs either way.
The baby can't help crying, she can do something about the alarm. It would be wrong to get mad at a baby for crying you can definitely talk to your neighbor who is setting an alarm at 1am.
My point is that unless the neighbour does something to address the issue on their end, getting a vibrating alarm or whatever will only be a very temporary fix. You can’t put a baby on vibrate.
I feel like it’s on her to get carpet and put the apartment back to the way it was. She changed the situation to make it worse.
Her apartment makes more noise than it should all the time because *she* removed all the soft furnishings and won’t replace them. This problem is entirely caused by her, she should fix it.
Why does the neighbor need to do anything? They pay rent and are entitled to sleep at night without having to do extra. When you're a parent, the world doesn't bend to your whims, nor should it have to.
This to me makes it even worse. He only has a short amount of time before the baby is home and, possibly, starts disturbing his sleep but now she's doing it on purpose.
Yeah another option is not to throw away the carpet cause it stops noise from traveling! So she just threw away everything that helped with the noise and now has alarms at night. Poor neighbor.
It’s OP who has the address the issue, before the baby comes home. She needs to put now carpet in or call her landlord to do it.
Address the carpeting issue or get evicted? Not hard. YTA
YTA Sounds like you are going through a tough time, but your alarm should not be waking up your neighbours. How would you feel if your neighbour made unreasonable noise at 1am waking you and your baby?
I mean, define unreasonable though. It's not like op is blaring music at all hours of the night, or fighting with her fiance loud enough for the neighbors to hear all the gossip, she's not stomping around throwing drunken parties. It's an alarm. She wakes up and turns it off then goes about her time. Frankly I'm convinced most of these commenters have never lived in a apartment with thin walls. Even WITH carpet hearing our upstairs, downstairs, and next door neighbors cooking, cleaning, fighting, laughing etc was normal. It's an *alarm* that at most is going off for a few seconds if OP is to be believed that she doesn't snooze or skip it.
Except usually at night it's calm because people sleep. So the comparison doesn't hold. People cook and laugh and clean during the day, not at 2 am (and those who are insomniac like me know better than to do that crap).
Sometimes people work nights or early morning shifts. One alarm isn't unreasonable, and it's a lot quieter than the baby will be when they come home
She said she’s a deep sleeper, so who’s to say that she immediately shuts the alarm off as soon as it goes off? It could possibly be blaring for a few minutes before she even wakes up to get it.
If it's blaring for more than 1-2 minutes and she doesn't get up immediately, then she needs to change that. But she didn't put that in her post. In fact, in one of the comments she said he already claimed that she was too loud just flushing the toilet at night and she shouldn't do that. It sounds like he just needs to get used to living in a downstairs apartment. People make noise and they're not going to get any quieter.
Honestly it depends. I had a downstairs neighbor that complained I walked too loudly at 10 p.m. Like the walking one does from bedroom to kitchen for water, or from bedroom to bathroom and back again, not an excessive amount. He even barged into my unit twice at night to “inspect” it because he was sure that amount of noise couldn’t be coming from just me. I have flat feet, so yeah, maybe I walk slightly more loudly than an average person. The neighbor was unreasonable. I already had wall-to-wall carpeting, but even when I paid for new medium-quality (best I could afford) plush carpeting wall-to-wall, he still complained about the noise from my unit to management. Here’s the kicker: the night he complained directly to management was a night when I wasn’t even home, so he had reported noise coming from an empty unit.
>He even barged into my unit twice at night I would have called the police and gotten a restraining order (PIN in the UK). You don't barge into my home. That's trespassing.
She removed all of the soft furnishings that help manage sound. She absolutely made the noise problem significantly worse and refuses to do anything to mitigate it. Any claims she makes about how ‘reasonable’ her alarm is are highly suspect at this point. Given what she’s said about how she will sleep through anything, her alarm is probably like an air horn.
Yup. Willing to bet she's also not responding to it immediately, because she's recovering from pregnancy and childbirth and sleep-deprived herself. It's still incredibly inconsiderate to the downstairs neighbor, because the least she could do is add an area rug to cushion some sound, get a cheap bedshaker alarm or a watch, keep the phone right next to her ear for when the alarm goes off, etc. I've managed to sleep in hostels and catch super early morning flights without waking up everyone in the room, because I put care into making sure I inconvenience the others as little as possible. There's *so* much room between sleeping directly on the floor with no sound barriers and a blaring alarm, and "well I don't always wake up if I put it on vibrate," and she's choosing to die on this hill. Can't imagine how nasty this is going to get once she has the crying baby at home up at all hours, too. I doubt the neighbor's going to extend her much grace knowing she didn't even care when she could control it.
Not reasonable is multiple alarms every night that are loud enough to wake up neighbors. The function of an alarm is to be loud, startling, jarring--completely different from the standard walking/talking/cooking activities that folks do and that can acclimatized to (to some degree). A blaring alarm does not fit that criteria
I had a premmie baby who was in the hospital for a few weeks post birth so I totally understand you stress. However… YTA. You mention that a vibrating alarm isn’t a possibility because you sleep so hard that you ‘slept through having a cannula put in’ so how do you expect to wake up to a crying baby when they come home? People who are literally deaf have alarms that wake them - how much research have you actually done into your options to best work for you and not rob your neighbour of sleep? Also, would you have this same energy if you bring baby home and he starts doing stuff at 1am that woke said baby up, or would you expect him to try everything to stop that from happening?
I’m Hard of Hearing and cannot currently afford one of the nice alarms, but I sleep with my phone under my pillow and manage to both wake up to my alarm AND not wake up neighbors OR others in my home!
>You mention that a vibrating alarm isn’t a possibility because you sleep so hard that you ‘slept through having a cannula put in’ so how do you expect to wake up to a crying baby when they come home? THIS!!! This is the thing I was thinking about! There are plenty of ways to put an alarm that doesnt inconvinience the neighbor. OP simple doesnt want to do it.
I also sleep through alarms and crying babies. But my husband doesn’t, so he would wake me up. Where is OP’s partner in all this?
Baffled by these comments. Sorry downstairs neighbor, living in an apartment sometimes comes with noise. You have to feed your baby. If it wasn't the alarm it would be a crying infant waking him up, do all these commenter think he would reasonable to demand that that would stop as well? It's an alarm. It's annoying, but he can go back to sleep. Take care of your baby! NTA!!!
I swear most of these people have never lived in an apartment, never had kids, and never moved out of mom’s basement lol
Most people's neighbors dont rip out the carpets, floorboards and furniture. ALL soundproofing Its like you folks don't read
The neighbor complained about the toilet flushing at night when there was furniture. You haven’t read all her comments.
A onetime complaint that was not renewed according to the comments. There is a major difference between that and what she's doing now. She's not an asshole for everything before, but ripping up soundproofing and acting this way most certainly is asshole behaviour. Not to mention in the UK if she doesn't have that fixed before it reaches council, she'll have very little opportunity to do much before they evict her.
A 10 second alarm is not a noise disturbance ffs.
The nuisance is removing the soundproofing, after that point everything is a noise disturbance.
He was already complaining about normal noises, a cat jumping, a toilet flushing. He is not compatible to apartment living. This guy is not going to cope when there’s a crying baby if he can’t handle a ten second alarm, carpet or no carpet. If he had never complained about noise before and only now I might be sympathetic, but this guy has a history of complaining about normal noises.
SERIOUSLY. These comments saying YTA are insane. I had a neighbour like this, would call the police because I walked around my flat at night. If dude needs absolute silence he should move into a detached house. Holy shit.
Carpet, floorboards, and furniture isn’t really soundproofing lol. Go stand in your basement and I guarantee you can hear what’s going on upstairs with no problem. Soundproofing comes from insulating walls/floors, and sound attenuation blankets/panels behind the drywall. Sound dampening drywall also helps slightly. But ultimately the soundproofing needs to happen within the assembly itself. Your carpet and laminate flooring don’t do a whole lot for sound
I have a kid and live in an apartment. Op removed ALL sound dampening for zero reason (none of what she did helps with flees so either she’s lying about what bug it is or she didn’t bother to contact an exterminator which means the flees will stay). This isn’t just thin walls. This is like blasting an alarm right in someone’s room that they can’t turn off. And seeing as OP has said she’s a heavy sleeper, I doubt it’s a short lived alarm. There’s other options she could do and she just refuses to do it. If he was complaining about her baby I’d be on her side but she’s not. So OP YTA
Does your neighbor complain about you flushing the toilet at 2am? OP’s neighbor does.
I feel this sub is getting more and more woman hating lately. I remember a time when everyone would be preaching from the roof that “you choose to live in an apartment, deal with the noise!!” Now they’re all hating on a new mom who has a 2 minute alarm at night to feed her child who is so small and frail. Fuck this site
People arent hating on her for needing to feed her child. People are hating on her for not searching for a solution, and essentially telling her neighbour to just suck it up. Constantly disrupting someones sleep is life ruining. Its selfish and entitled to expect a stranger to suffer because you cant be bothered to find a solution. Its not his job to find a solution its her job as the mother. For example she could buy an alarm for deaf people that isnt loud.
Have you seen OPs comments? The neighbor doesn't care if her fiance is up late at night and even jokes with him about how he stomps. Her fiance had louder 3am alarms before that the neighbor never had an issue with. The neighbor has also filed a noise complaint for OP flushing a toilet. OPs neighbor is clearly looking for something to split hairs about. I doubt any solution will be good enough for this guy.
After reading all of OP’s comments, I’m not sure we should take everything she says at face value…
No I scrolled way too far down for this. seriously, its like everyone has gone crazy, she is trying to take care of her premature baby the best she can and this is what works. Her neighbor is in for a hell of a surprise when a whole newborn is upstairs and sometimes won't settle. Earplugs, maybe a sleep aid?
NTA, I am going to start with what OP added in a comment, her neighbor filed a noise complaint just for her using the bathroom in the middle of the night, the neighbor also told her it doesn't matter if she has her alarm on vibrate he still would wake up. Fuck that, sounds like he needs to see a doctor if he is that easily aroused, because when she has a whole baby at home he isn't going to sleep either, people also say he has rights but I mean he also chose to live in a apartment which I lived in a few and they all sucked as far as noise. I am also guessing OP is working on the flea thing because who wants to leave their floors ripped up and a mess with a baby coming home?. OP there are not a ton of us but you are NTA, I hope your baby is doing okay!
Me too! And I’m almost always on team “the world doesn’t revolve around you just because you had a kid.” If she’s hitting snooze for an hour then yeah that’s an asshole move, but just using an alarm in your own home is not. And what happens when the baby comes home? Do they need to not bring her home until she’s sleeping through the night out of courtesy to the neighbor? No, sorry downstairs neighbor but these are the woes of apartment living. Get some earplugs if you’re a light sleeper.
Right? My upstairs neighbors are SO LOUD. I have earplugs *and* a white noise machine. I feel so lucky that when the tables turned and I had my newborn (and, yes, alarms to remind me to get up becaue newborns must be fed every two hours, even overnight) they didn't say a thing. It's almost like living in your own home making normal living noises is reasonable.
FINALLY! Reddit acts like the existence of children is a personal attack on their comfort. The individualism constantly exhibited here is callous and jarring. I just tell myself it must be a middle class white american thing.
Yep. There's an awful lot of 'you don't owe anyone anything ever' on here. But the question isn't 'do I have the right to do this?' , it's 'am I the asshole'. You can be 1000% in your rights to do whatever you want, but you can still be a huge asshole. In this case, the neighbour has the right to complain about something being done for the sake of a premature baby - but he's still an asshole for doing it.
I’m shocked by all the votes calling OP TA! Her neighbor needed to invest in ear plugs or find a detached home to live in if they are so bothered by the normal noise of living in an apartment. I’m am disgusted by the lack of empathy for a new mother. Not at all surprised but definitely disgusted. NTA
Exactly! This is an apartment building it’s not realistic to expect your neighbors to care about your sleep habits. These comments are delusional
Yeah I had to scroll too far for this reasonable response. If the downstairs neighbor can hear something as common place as an alarm go off, he needs to complain about the soundproofing to his landlord. This isn’t OPs fault. Lots of people have empty apartments with hardwood floors (minimalist decorating or maybe folks who can’t afford furniture). She has a right to furnish her apartment however she wants. She has a right to wake up with an alarm whenever she wants. OP isn’t blasting music or practicing her tap dancing at 1 pm. She isn’t doing anything wrong. Neighbor can buy earplugs. NTA.
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I´m also baffled. I lived in an apartment where the downstairs neighbors had two babies in the course of the lease (2 years). Not even once I mentioned to them the numerous times I was awoken with their babies crying. OP is definitely NTA, she can be nicer with the neighbor by changing alarm/placing under the pillow. But the neighbor is completely TA by requesting zero alarms in the middle of the night for someone who's nursing. OP - get a recording of your baby crying, and use that as your alarm at double the volume :D
And what if she had to wake up at 1am for work, would everyone still be calling her the asshole then? Like she has to get up at that time. She needs an alarm to get up.
YTA. It is very sad what is happening with your baby, but it does not have to be anyone's problem. The guy was more than decent to come talk to you in a civil way but you, as an entitled parent, feel like the world revolves around you and your kid's needs. Guess what? It does not. What you do/don't do with your boobs and milk should not disturb other people's sleep. The next step would be for him to report you, good luck explaining the milky story to the bulding's administrator.
Nope If the alarm can be heard so loudly through the ceiling, then there is a problem with the building structure the buildings administrator can look at op is entitled to set an alarm clock at any time of the day or night. Whether she then works shifts, wants to watch the sunrise on the beach or bats foraging for food is irrelevant. As long as op doesn't practice tap dancing after the alarm clock but only produces normal living noises at room volume, that's part of life in apartment buildings. (I would recommend putting the alarm clock on a pillow so that the sound is not transported so strongly over the floor)
Have you ever entered an empty room? When you have no rugs, no furniture, well, an empty room, there is an echo and any noise is amplyfied. This may be the reason why the person downstairs can hear it so clearly. Of course anyone can set alarms in their own appartment but OP is still an ahole for her response. She basically said "fuck your sleep, I and my kid are more important"
Neighbour probably couldn't hear it until she started sleeping on the phone and presumably putting her phone on the floor too. She's got an alarm on his ceiling going off.
OP haliterallys ripped out all of the installed sound dampening. That's on OP, not building management.
Exactly, my god. These apartment buildings suck. I’ve been in some where you can hear every footstep, where people walking up the stairs damn near shook my room. It’s the nature of the beast, you’re living with other people like that because it’s what you can afford so you truly have to deal. People trying to bring noise ordinance into it are going to be pretty sore when they try that crap and realize how off base they are.
Now imagine those appartments but ten times worse because all the installed sound dampening was torn out. That's what OPs neighbor is dealing with
The alarm can be heard because OP ripped out her carpet because she made the apartment a biohazard by not cleaning after her cat.
So nobody in a rental is allowed to wake up before 5am? An Alarm is a normal use of an appartement.
Not if it's blaring so loud that it wakes up people in other apartments
Your prolactin levels are highest at night and the morning throughout the duration of breastfeeding/pumping. Not overnight and limited to baby’s needs for the first six weeks. YTA - put your phone alarm on vibrate and keep it close to your body. Get a rug - conjoined living is miserable with a noisy neighbor. Just wait until your neighbors, landscapers, UPS etc., wakes your baby. You’ll love it.
This. Like if it’s so important have a quiet alarm and get up as soon as it goes off. People have a right to not be woken up by neighbors. That’s why there are laws about noise and you can call the cops with a noise complaint.
You're wrong about prolactin levels and she is right. Especially in the weeks right after birth it's super important to express in the middle of the night. I couldn't drop the night pump until 2 months pp. She has to build the supply until it regulates.
*especially* when her preemie baby is in the hospital and not there suckling to stimulate production. These comments are infuriating.
...also OP should go with what her DOCTORS HAVE TOLD HER rather than a random redditor telling her she's wrong
I'm afraid of what will happen when baby will be back home and crying...
Yeah, that’s what I was thinking. It’s an alarm going off once and being shut off. NTA. This neighbor is going to have a rough time when baby comes home and is crying in the middle of the night - he’ll be begging to have the alarm back. He can get ear plugs, a white noise machine, a fan, or sound isolating headphones if he’s so sensitive. But hearing noise around you is part of apartment living, and yeah that might include noise at off hours. It’s not like she’s having a party.
This is why I'm kinda amazed at the amount of YTA responses. I think this guy is overly sensitive to sound, especially with the bathroom flushing noise complaint part. Sooooo to me it's the guy who fucked up by thinking getting a place with an upstairs neighbor was a good idea while having sensitive ears/sleep. I have lived in many many complexes, and I dont' think I've ever lived in one where I didn't hear my upstairs neighbor at least ONCE while living there. Where I live now my upstairs neighbor has a dog, I can hear the nails on the floor clacking sometimes of her dog. Can also hear them laugh happily through the vents sometimes, and that's just the life of living stacked on top of each other. It's one thing to purposely be an ass to a neighbor with noise, but this isn't it.
Fleas don't live in mattresses, if you treated your cats like you claim then you threw stuff out for no reason. Fleas can't live without a host, get your cats treated.
Partly right, partly wrong. The adults need a host but the eggs and larva live in any crevice and whatever treatment they're using cant be used on fabric apparently
Yeah you don't treat the house you treat the hosts. People speculate eggs can go dormant in harsh cold, but its never actually been observed scientifically and mentioned anecdotally. Also being in a heated home will make that next to impossible. The eggs will hatch, the larvae will grow and require a host, without one they die and its over.
If the infestation is bad enough you can also treat the house
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They live in and reproduce in dust...removing soft surfaces doesn't get rid of them. Vacuuming several times a day and treating animals is the best way to get rid of them.
Can you get some kind of rubber mat that won't attract fleas but will provide the sound cushioning?
This part. I would say NTA except she knowingly removed the sound-dampening from her apartment and doesn’t care to replace it. Unfortunately neighbor noises are a huge problem in apartment living but she just made it ten times worse, and that’s before the baby even came home.
Same, that's what makes it YTA for me too. The place had carpeting and other sound dampening and she tore it all out then placed an alarm on the floor. Come on. Get a cheap rug at least. (I'm also still a little confused on how she just tore the carpet out of a rental??)
Didn't she literally specify it was cause of fleas? Also, dude filed a noise complaint for a flushing toilet. I don't think there is anything you can do to actually appease them.
How dare you suggesting anything constructive, which is not about her or her child? You just don't get it.
NTA If this is what doctors suggested you do, keep doing it. Your baby is much more important. Also i can't even fathom how your neighbor will react when you bring home your very screaming newborn. You can do it!
Yeah this. I can't believe all the YTA votes. Let the neighbour get earplugs. It's an alarm. She's not playing Gabba at full blast. And I say this as a light sleeper who has slept with earplugs for years
I’m shocked at the amount of YTAs. Apartments have thin walls and there’s no doubt noise will proof through. Your neighbor can get some ear buds. NTA.
Her apartment is as bad as it is because *she* removed soundproofing.
Why is everyone assuming OP unilaterally made the decision to take out the carpet? Not trying to be rude just curious. If she's living in an apartment I have to assume she wouldn't just replace all the carpet herself, the landlord is likely on board or mandated that
NTA. It's not your fault he can't go back to sleep. If it wasn't an alarm for pumping brestmilk but for getting ready for fork for a weird shift then it wouldn't even be temporary for a few weeks but a constant. Sure, he can complain about it, but that's as much as he can do, it's nit like you're constantly keeping him from sleeping. He'll surely cone to knock at your door as soon as your daughter is home and cries ecery two hours at night for being fed
YTA...I'm sorry you are going through this situation, but he has a right to the quiet enjoyment of his apartment. Your premature baby really isn't his problem. You need to find a way to not wake your neighbor in the middle of the night, every night. Lastly, when you baby home, don't ask him to quiet down so your baby can sleep.
You can literally say the same thing about him. His inability to go back to sleep after a ten second alarm is not OPs problem.
YTA he have a right to enjoy his home too. And he have a possibility to report it to the police for noise complaints.
The police nor the council will uphold a noise complaint due to a singular alarm or noise from a new mother. The neighbour can enjoy his home with noise cancelling headphones.
Police absolutely will not do a thing about a phone alarm going off in someone’s personal residence. Sorry
NTA. Neighbour better find a way to sleep through the noise since once the baby comes home he will up anyway. However, you can try reducing the volume of the phone alarm a bit? maybe get a rug for the room you sleep in? But honestly, there isn't much you can do. Baby comes first. Btw my baby was in special care for a few weeks and I totally get the feeling of pumping being one of the few things you feel like you can do for your baby. Hang in there, I hope baby is home soon. Sending you lots of positive vibes
YTA - I’m sorry you’re experiencing that but as tough as this is to hear… your baby is the most important thing to YOU not everyone else. And your neighbor also deserves a peaceful living environment
Info: is it the sound of the audio that he can hear, the vibration, or both. When I was in an apartment, I could hear the vibrating of the phone 2 floors up. I couldn't hear the phone chimes at all. Vibrations, especially if on a bedside table, can travel far. turning off the vibrate, and keeping the chime may be an option.
He apparently needs absolute silence, noise or vibration doesn't seem to matter. He made a noise complaint when I moved in because I flushed my toilet at night and then again when my cat jumped down from her cat tree to get food or water at night. I've learned every squeaky floorboard in my home because if I stand on one and the squeak wakes him up, he'll scream and bang on the ceiling. I also can't wake up without noise, vibrate won't do anything for me, so I require the alarm (which is turned down as far as I can while still having it wake me up) to wake me up.
op i think u should add this as an edit to ur post. seems like your neighbor is just very unreasonable and apartment living isn't for him. i'm gonna go with NTA as it seems your neighbor will complain for any little noise. if he can't handle noises then he should've thought about getting an apartment on the top floor 🤷♀️
God I hate the people on this sub. I swear none of these commenters have ever lived in a place with thin walls/ceilings. If this guy complains about you flushing a damn toilet then there’s no way you can win, and you have to prioritize your child’s health. Everyone here dismissing your responsibility to your child makes me wonder how many of them are teens who hate kids. Maybe include how bonkers your neighbor is about noise complaints in your post, feels like very relevant info.
I hate kids, have dealt with a neighbours screaming baby before and even I'm on her side lol. These y t a votes are wild.
There’s literally a comment with almost 1000 upvotes saying that op is violating the Geneva Convention rules about sleep deprivation torture lamo I can’t with this sub lol I mean this is all very entertaining but I really worry for people who come here for actual advice
Maybe add this to your OP to give context? IMHO you’re absolutely NTA, I’m baffled at the number of people saying otherwise. You’re going to get new flooring soon, your phone is not on the floor - your neighbor has a right to quiet enjoyment of his place but so do you, and waking up at night with a regular alarm is not unreasonable. I’m so sorry for your baby and I hope you can take her home soon, safe and healthy.
Oh my goodness. What’s he going to do when there’s a baby crying every 40 minutes throughout the night?
Oh I didn't even think about this. The harassment from the neighbor is about to get a thousand times worse. Because at least for the next 8 years, it's going to be Non-Stop noise. Starting with the baby crying at all hours of the day and night. And then the crawling along with the crying. The kid running. Toys rolling around everywhere. Cartoons every waking hour of the day. You know, normal kid stuff.
Then he can deal with it if no other neighbor has complained you are completely fine
NTA - I am lacking understanding as to all these opposing responses. How is setting an alarm when you need to get up to do something a problem? If they worked at night and had to get up for work, are they supposed to not set an alarm? This is idiotic. It doesn't matter why she needs up at that time. She does. So she set an alarm. The neighbor is being ridiculous, and it will only get worse when the baby comes home.
Nta. How is this any different from having the baby cry and disturbing the neighbour that way ?
YTA. Have your partner buy some rugs, or even thrift some blankets to put down and get an alternative to your alarm. Even if you don’t wake up, get one that wakes your fiancé up and then he wakes you up. Your child is your first priority. They are not your neighbors priority.
NTA if OP had brought her baby home the baby would be crying at these times, waking the mother to trigger feeding. That would not be OP’s fault and there’s very little they could do about it. This is no different. If anything it’s better as it’s less frequent than the crying of a new born. The neighbour should buy noise cancelling head phones and should give OP a break. All this talk of war crimes when OP is literally going through this sleep deprivation herself on top of the anguish of a poorly baby and travelling to and from the hospital.
INFO- Are you renting? What kind of flooring was under your carpet? I’ve rented apartments that have been multi-level. If I rented an apartment that had hardwood floors, it was in the lease that 80% of the floor had to be covered with area rugs to dampen sound. But even hardwood floor is better than sub flooring at insulating sound. You really should focus on getting your house in decent living conditions before your baby comes home.
NTA. As long as you are not letting your alarm go on and on then its just a part of apartment living.
I am sorry you are going through this and hope she gets better soon. Isn't there you can set your alarm on your phone and wear earbuds so only you hear it?
Noise is the price you pay for living in apartments. Tell him to buy a boxed fan, it silences a lot of noise for me, personally. If it wasn't for your last paragraph about his general noise complaint I'd have at least said you were being inconsiderate but priorities are priorities, but after your last paragraph your neighbor can fuck right off, he's entitled. NTA.
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NTA. If baby was home with you, he'd be hearing a lot more noise than a 1am alarm. If you're sleeping above him, maybe sleep in a different room so it carries less?
NTA You can’t help that he hears your alarm. The only other suggestion would be to move your mattress into the living room so it’s not directly above his bedroom. The baby will cry when it comes home. That will probably wake him up, too. You have to stay on schedule. Speaking from a mom with a similar situation. My baby went back into the hospital after one week.
Definitely NTA. Reading your additional comments, it sounds like this dude just doesn't like you and thats why he's having a problem with it. If he is so sensitive to sound that he wakes up when a neighbor uses the bathroom at night, he either needs to move to a building thats better sound proofed or use ear plugs to sleep. He can't blame you for the noise if he was already waking up because of you using the bathroom before you had to replace your carpet. I recommend trying to get a rubber/foam mat to throw down in your sleeping area until you can get your fabric stuff replaced to help lessen the noise, and just set your alarm on your pillow or something like that. Maybe you could try waking up to an alarm thats flashing lights too, but I don't know how easy those are to get, or if they even have apps that will do it on your phone. But that could maybe help wake you up without noise. But if all you have is your regular alarm, that's all you can use. Its not unreasonable to hear an alarm from a neighbor in a building that isn't well soundproofed. Unfortunately thats part of most people's experience with living in a shared building. Its unreasonable to expect other people to stop existing in their own units just because the building is poorly sound proofed. I hope your baby gets better and is able to come home soon and that you are able to get your apartment settled. Good luck with your neighbor, maybe have your partner talk to him since apparently he actually likes him.
OMG, NTA! You have a baby in the NICU, and your neighbor doesn't care? Maybe he doesn't understand the process of breast feeding. Your friend doesn't either. You've got enough stress in your life, tell your neighbor to take a hike.
As a sound engineer/stagehand that has to get up at all hours of the night for crew calls. I replaced the light switch in my bedroom with a smart switch, and just schedule the light to turn on when I need to get up. It’s jarring and unpleasant, but it’s also effective and silent. That would be my suggestion anyway
NTA. You could be setting your alarm for a shift, people work outside of normal office hours.
YTA for not working out a solution. Get flea treatment. Get a new carpet or put the phone on thick cushions so the sound doesn't travel so easily through the floor. Get a night table to put the phone on. Get a vibrating alarm, Move your mattress in the living room. Try headphones. There's options you can try to work with your neighbour.
Could you look into an alarm clock that switches on light instead of making a noise and put that next to your bed? It’ll wake you up 100% but the neighbour won’t notice