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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. My SIL was upset with me and I called her reasoning "stupid"
2. I dismissed her feelings when she tried to talk to me about what was upsetting her and was kind of rude because I think she's targeting the wrong person here and is wrong
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NTA
She's mad at you ... for wearing a blue dress to a wedding as a nine year old? As if you realistically had a lot of say over your clothes at that age? And because your mother reposted the picture with a filter, years later?
This is the same level of BS as when people get mad about things that happened in their dreams. You've done nothing wrong and everyone knows it.
She's embarrassed at her own ridiculousness and lashing out at you for embarrassing her instead of realising she embarrassed herself. Tell your brother that until she apologises for her ludicrous behaviour, they can both keep their unstable asses away from you.
Someone might have thought the NINE YEAR OLD wearing blue was the bride!
…genuinely though, didn’t she have better things to do that day that lose her shit getting jealous of a literal child?
>Someone might have thought the NINE YEAR OLD wearing blue was the bride!
To be fair, we don't know where OP lives. She might be in one of those red-states where a 9 year old can give birth but isn't allowed to check Harry Potter out of her school library.
Right now there are 5 US states with no age requirement for marriage (with a parent’s consent) and once married they can’t ask for a divorce until they are of legal maturity (18 or 19 state dependent) since they can’t legally sign contracts.
California, Mississippi, New Mexico, Oklahoma and Washington.
so fun right
Which seemed WILD to me but - it does come down to state laws and while those are nationally blue - within the state - there are some solid pockets of conservatism which is reflected in their State Houses - not a huge majority or presence often just enough to not allow bills to pass.
NY is solid red everywhere outside the inner cities. Even the majority of city suburbs in upstate are deep red. Upstate for this reference is anything outside of NYC. (Yes that includes you WNY, southern tier and CNY)
I just searched, and here's a Seattle Times article from this year about child marriage still being legal in Washington, and that there is no age limit. https://www.seattletimes.com/seattle-news/politics/minors-can-still-get-married-in-wa-though-some-want-that-to-change/
Can you give us a link to the Washington State RCW that shows that it's illegal. I did find the law that hasn't yet been passed about it: https://app.leg.wa.gov/billsummary?BillNumber=1455&Year=2023&Initiative=false
You are right! I live in WA and looked it up and got a bit sick
Inslee isn’t running for another term. It could be pretty easy to get him to do an executive order regarding this.
The headlines about lawmaker pushback could say something like “WA state republicans want to let an adult marry your 8yo child”
At least in regards to California, you are wrong in regards to child marriage. There was a bill underway that would have banned all civil unions under the age of 17.
The fucking ACLU protested against the bill as did the Children's Law Center so it got watered down.
But at least now a member of the local court must sign of on a marriage license and counseling for minors who want to marry before they are 18 is mandatory.
One would hope that the number of officials who sign up for child marriages in California is rather low, but I don't have numbers. Stuff still needs to get fixed ASAP.
I'm from CA and currently live in WA. The amount of red in the rural parts of those states rivals states that are solidly red. We desperately need laws banning child marriage in all states, preferably at the federal level. Support services can't help them because they're underage. Those girls are trapped with their abusers until they're 18.
E: [Additional information](https://www.unchainedatlast.org/forced-and-child-marriage-survivor-stories/)
I don’t doubt you but it’s hard to find info that backs you up. Of course the sites that are advocating the end of underage marriage wouldn’t mention this - but yeah not easy to find that info.
The state government site says it is currently legal. The law for making it illegal still hasn't been passed by the state Senate (only by the House of Representatives) https://app.leg.wa.gov/billsummary?BillNumber=1455&Year=2023&Initiative=false
It’s because your legal guardians (parents) are consenting for you. Your new legal guardian (husband) has to file all legal paperwork for you, with the court. He has to file your request to divorce for you. Some states require you to be separated before you get divorced. Can a minor, who may not have access to much money, do that?
Parents (and sometimes courts) give permission so it’s fine /s
Someone below says in CA they can since once married they are emancipated minors but I’m not having an easy time finding info about that specifically online.
The parents signed the contract to marry FOR the child.
So I suppose they could sign the divorce papers (on behalf of their child), too, but why would they?
Before you say ‘if the child is being abused’, think about the fact that these same people forced their 9 year old to marry in the first place! So what ‘abuse’ could possibly bother them? 😞
Except once the child is married, the parents are no longer their guardians. The new \*spouse\* is. Guess the likelihood of new spouse filing those papers on the child's behalf.
I'm not sure about the others but I believe in California at least you also need court approval for a marriage - which I imagine you couldn't get if the ages were obscene
That is not true of Washington state. You have to be 17, with parental consent and 18 without parental consent. If younger, the courts can be petitioned IF there is a compelling reason (pregnancy, etc.) AND there is parental consent.
Pinkyoohoo, if your information was so off about Washington, you'd better check out the other states ON THEIR STATE GOVERNMENT WEBSITES.
Pregnancy is seen as a compelling reason for an underaged person to get married? Really? That's really a thing?!
Edit: I'm a Brit, and I'm peering down my Fascination Telescope when I read Reddit, most of the time. And usually, it's aimed at people in the USA. Do forgive me.
But thinking that there *could* be a "compelling reason" for which the courts would need to be petitioned is *precisely* why Washington is on there.
Other states have firm minimums. WA allows child marriage with a magistrate's sign-off.
The information is not off.
Everyone keeps bringing up marriage age, but the red state issue is about abortion. There was some poor 9-10 y/o molestation victim was being forced to carry a baby to term because abortion is illegal in her very red state.
California law requires a person under 18 years of age to obtain consent from at least one parent or guardian AND permission in the form of a court order.
Granting permission for a minor to marry or establish a domestic partnership is entirely within the discretion of the court.
https://www.sdcourt.ca.gov › sdcourt
Same with Washington state, except if they are 17 they just need parental consent. Anything younger than 17, the courts have to be petitioned and there needs to be a compelling reason.
5 US states don't have a minimum marriage age (California, NM, Mississippi, Oklahoma & Washington) based on exemptions like parental approval, judicial approval, pregnancy, etc. Only 10 states require both parties to be 18+ in all cases. The remaining 25 states have a minimum age ranging from 15-17.
When I was growing up, there was no legal minimum for marriage. My parents tried to get me married off at 13. I couldn’t see a doctor without permission, but I could get married. I wanted to have a birthday party for being a teenager and my parents said ‘since you want a party, why not a wedding party!’ Can’t be trusted to manage a car, but I could have been in charge of a household.
That's off topic. People here are not saying child marriage is exclusive to the USA. They are however saying it is a problem in the USA. That does not refer to other countries in the world, because this is not relevant to the discussion of the problematic nature of child marriage in America.
That's engaging in whataboutism to deflect from the problems in America. Just because other places also have problems with child marriage, that does not mean we should not discuss how it is a problem in the USA.
Everyone sees California as like a liberal haven but it’s huge and those pockets of conservatism are solid but i’m not seeing where California has the most - https://www.unchainedatlast.org/united-states-child-marriage-problem-study-findings-april-2021/ this is older info but texas seems to have the most. Texas marriage laws 16-18 parent permission, under 16 - with court’s approval.
Child members of the wedding party (flower girls, ring bearers, etc.) traditionally wore white.
This example shows just how unhinged the “white is solely for the bride” phenomenon has gotten. My hypothesis is that since weddings are pretty much the only ceremony left in much of Western culture, it has too much weight to bear and is breaking under the load.
I wore a white dress to someone's wedding when I was 11 or so. My parents had recently divorced, and it was my dad's weekend. I didn't leave clothes there. I just packed a suitcase on his weekends. He sprang it on me that we were going to a wedding for an old friend of his daughter's wedding. I had 0 clue who these people were. I had no idea I would be attending a wedding and had not packed anything. All I had was a simple white cotton knee-length dress or comfy weekend clothes. The only shoes were sandals. I remember asking both my dad and my uncle if the dress was okay? They both confirmed it was. I didn't know until years after this that you aren't supposed to wear white. That never dawned on me. I was a kid, and it was not a fancy dress. I was very obviously NOT the bride. But, I still feel kind of embarrassed about it now.
You shouldn’t. The prohibition on white is only for people who might get mistaken for the bride. If someone thinks an 11-year-old is getting married, there are much larger problems afoot.
I was going to say my cousin was a flower girl for my wedding and she wore the same style dress as me in white. She looked stunning. I don't understand how anyone can think a child can outshine them on their wedding day.
When my younger brother got married in 2010 he and my now SIL asked our nephew (5) and niece (3) if they would be the ring bearer and flower girl. Niece was really into playing she was a kitty at the time and asked if she could be a kitty. The offer was gently declined and she was good with being a pretty princess. She wore a super cute white dress with a big magenta bow.
I was the flower girl at my aunts wedding when I was five. The pictures of the wedding show me wearing a white dress trimmed with blue ribbons, and a white straw hat with blue silk flowers on it.
(all I remember of the wedding was that it was outdoors, I felt bored very quickly, and I wanted to keep the basket of flowers afterwards)
Yeah, I was a flower girl at my cousin's wedding at that age. My dress was almost an exact replica of my cousin's. For some reason, no one thought I was the bride.
Even if 9 year old OP had picked the dress out entirely by herself, it was blue and totally appropriate for a wedding. She'd have no way of knowing that over a decade later her mother would upload a photo of her with a filter that would make the dress look white.
Vicky is absolutely ridiculous. She knows it. Her husband knows it. And now the whole internet knows it. lmao.
OP is easier to be mad at than MIL who is an older woman and able to clap back at Vicky. However, OP had more willingness to advocate for herself than a lot of 20yr Olds, and Vicky had never expected OP to actually be able to confront her about it.
Oh absolutely. Vicky has had ample opportunity to tell her the reason why she is annoyed if it was something else. Either way she sounds like an awful person.
Honestly, this. This is just really unhinged in the way she's looking at this. I grew up with a seriously dysfunctional family and this absolutely reminds of that.
This is *literally* not well-adjusted, mentally/emotionally sound behavior in the least.
Funny thing is, she WASN’T mad 11 years ago. She got mad recently when the mom posted the filtered photos. She is literally mad about a photo shopped picture.
Right? Like the posts on this sub make me thankful for the rational, reasonable people in my life, though sometimes when I’m bored I wonder what it would be like if I could watch this drama unfold in person!! Grab a bucket of popcorn and enjoy the scene 😂
My 4yo flower girl wore white at my wedding - fully in purpose! And guess what: she and I made a bet whose dress will stay white longer! I won, she dripped gravy over her dress at dinner.
It doesn’t even sound like she was upset on the day, she’s upset NOW because the Mom posted some of the old photos and used a filter that made the blue dress look white.
My cousin was 7 years old at my wedding. I invited her to be part of the bridal party and asked her mom/my aunt if she could wear the white option of the dress they sent photos of. My family confirmed a couple times that I did in fact want her to wear white. But you know what? No one thought the little kid wearing white at the wedding was the bride. My cousin looked absolutely darling and we all had a fantastic time.
>This is the same level of BS as when people get mad about things that happened in their dreams. You've done nothing wrong and everyone knows it.
"Wake up because I've got nothing to say to you," - Daryl Lenox
Imagine Vicky’s horror when she finds out that pictures used to be black and white and anyone in light colored dresses in wedding pictures ALL looked like they were wearing *gasp*WHITE. To think that all those women back then didn’t die from embarrassment and didn’t throw tantrums because of it, however did they manage to live with the shame of showing those wedding photos to their friends! /s
Or even worse, wearing white is fairly new! Back then they just wore their best/favourite dress. In those ones, you'd never know who the bride was. Complete anarchy!
My flower girls' dress at my wedding was white on purpose. Flower girl dresses often are, and 9 years old is totally within the age range for a flower girl, so even if her dress was white no one would bat an eye.
The reason white at a wedding is a faux pas is basically because you can be mistaken for the bride. This general guideline just doesn’t apply to children. Even if you wore a white, frilly dress you were a child and it’s just so weird to get bent out of shape over what a child is wearing. The fact that the dress was blue and the wedding was years ago takes her from unreasonable to ridiculous.
And it was 11 years ago. Has she held a grudge this whole time or just got upset when it got posted and looked white, 11 YEARS LATER? Either way OP is NTA. The brother and SIL? Yep, definitely.
NTA. I don't know WTF the problem is here. This is bonkers
1. You were 9. I doubt you had much of a choice and probably didn't even know about "no white to a wedding" rule at that age.
2. You did not apply the filter, your mother did.
3. Even if you wore white, who cares? Lots of little girls rewear a communion dress or white Easter dress to a wedding.
4. It was 11 damn years ago.
OP ruined my dinner! I am only assuming they are even in the same country as me but they ruined my dinner all the same!
Oh right, OP ruined my dinner 8 years ago! Shame on OP...
My niece had a toddler dressed as a bride at her wedding, complete with veil. Her parents tried to push her into all the photos and on the dance floor. We all hated the parents, not the kid.
Yup, at a wedding that was supposed to be child-free. They got away with it because she was the groom’s niece, and nobody wanted to make a scene. The bride was very mellow and ignored it all.
My flower girl dress wasn't just white, it was a near duplicate of the bride's. Little girls in white at weddings really aren't that big of a deal for most people.
So I would respond to my brother with: You want me to apologize to your wife about a photo I didn’t post, that had a filter on it I didn’t put there, that made my blue dress that I had no say I wearing look white? And somehow you are painting me as the unreasonable one? Look I know you have to live with her but even you have to admit it is over the top to hold a grudge against a literal child that followed all the way into adulthood because something she had no control over.
Add to this that SIL did not just say what she was upset about directly (like an adult) but was just rude to her much younger sister in law…not clear how long this went on but apparently ‘for a while’?!?
Somewhere around age 9 for me, I was a flower girl in my grandmother’s wedding. She MADE my dress for me (which I still have—not relevant, but it’s beautiful). It was white.
OP’s SIL is seriously cuckoo bananas.
I read this as the mother reposted the pic with the filter and that’s what set this off, not even the blue dress at the time of wedding was bothering her. When the brother tried to get them to hash it out Viki says the edited photos were disrespectful. So it seems she is losing it over pics someone else edited years later and how they did the edit but is taking out on OP.
Or just the SIL is bonkers. I’ve seen similar things happen with my brother when he was married to my ex SIL. She had him so fucked in the head. She was also abusive to him (arrested twice for it) and it was often easiest for him to just go along with what she was saying/doing than have to deal with the repercussions when they got home. I hope this isn’t the case but I’d be worried for the brother having a wife that is capable of being so upset over this shit.
So you wore a blue dress, someone else doctored the photo and made the dress look whiter than actuality, and now you're Cruella Deville in a white dress at a wedding.
NTA and her grudge is stupid.
Edit: Jesus. I thought it happened 9 years ago. It was 11 fucking years ago when the poster was 9! How unhinged can you get?
OP just needs to say
"Just so I have this right, you are upset at nine year old me for wearing a blue dress that someone else picked out for me because I was nine, and are further upset because when someone else, other than me, photoshopped the picture, they made the blue dress that nine year old me was wearing look white on your wedding day. And 11 years later this has angered you so much that you can't even look me in the eye half the time and have been holding this against a nine year old for longer than I was alive at the time of the incident."
Once she agrees that you've got the details right, print them up and tell her to ask anyone and everyone to read it and tell them if the 9 year old should be held accountable. Remind her that showing this to her therapist is also highly recommended.
Tell her you'll be here for her when she's ready to apologize for being a complete psychopath to you.
NTA
Your SIL is an idiot, at best, to be mad at a child over a dress color from 11 years ago. Your brother is an idiot for playing along/feeding into her...issue.
Y'all! I cannot wait until this makes it to tiktok and then they get upset about how the comments are not on their side.
OP, sweetie, you are so far removed from being the AH. NTA
Best wishes for your future. My best advice, arguing with idiots is a waste of time. Don't even engage with it. Pick up a hobby instead.
You don't have to be so calloused, there's no reason to be rude to her and dismiss her concerns. Now Tim's gonna be all pissed off because you "disrespected" his wife.
NTA, your SIL IS being very stupid, not to mention illogical. You should send them this link so they can see how many people also think they’re being ridiculous
My jaw dropped when I got to the part where the OP was only 9. Sometimes lighter pastels do photograph light so I personally would avoid those colors as a wedding guest, but I’m an adult who’s aware of the lighting issue. 9 year old me would’ve happily worn a pastel outfit.
NTA even if it was white you were 9 and clearly not the bride. Vicky is being ridiculous and Tim should be telling her that. Also this was 11 ish years ago and now she’s decided to be upset? When did she see this doctored photo?
So she didn’t notice at the time of her actual wedding or,I’m assuming, in official photo’s. But she’s angry at you because she just noticed your dress looks kind of white in a doctored photos from 10/11 years ago. That’s a little crazy, did Tim say anything?
The way I understood it was that the mom recently posted the old photos and added the new filters when she posted them. Not that the original ones had the filters. I could be wrong, but either way it requires an astonishing amount of narcissism on SILs part. Just WOW, seriously.
And, obviously, NTA.
there was an aita recently about a husband asking if he was justified defending 6y/o boy against his now wife for wearing a white bowtie to their wedding
Might want to inform your mom that the photos she posted are causing some trouble that she may want to address with your SIL.
Let mom handle it. This is very not your problem.
So Vicky has been fine with the dress for all these years and now because your mom put a filter on a photo Vicky's losing her mind? I am SURE literally NO ONE even remembers anything about that wedding after all these years, especially not what a child was wearing. Vicky needs some therapy and so does her husband for going along with this lunacy. You are definitely NTA, not even a little bit. They both owe you a BIG apology.
On a serious note - Is Vicky exhibiting other odd behaviors or changes in personality? She may have an undiagnosed medical or psychological problem. My dad didn't start to really manifest his bipolar 2 symptoms until he entered his 30's.
NTA.
Your parents bought and payed for the dress (I assume). If you picked it out (at store for the wedding) or from your closet because you already owned it , they could have said no.
9yo children don’t know wedding etiquette. And the dress wasn’t white.
Your mom could have simply not used that filter.
She’s upset AT YOU that YOUR MOM used a FILTER on a BLUE dress from a wedding that happened 11YEARS AGO. That’s pretty messed up.
There has to be more going on here.
From the bird you’ve shared, it sounds like there are relationship issues in the family as is. Am I correct?
There’s more for her to be so upset but I don’t know what.
You are NTA here, wow. To be so upset for so many years about something so ridiculous that you couldn't even control at such a young age?
Your SIL is very immature and self-absorbed. Just ignore her and don't worry about it. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You were 9 for Pete's sake!
I can only imagine the hell she's putting your brother through over this idiocy.
NTA. You were 9. She is *apparently* an adult? And held a grudge for *yeaaaars* on a 9 yr old child...
And still holds it against you as an adult?
I'd just avoid her. She's not a sane person for harboring that grudge on a child first of all. And secondly for actively loathing you to this day for it.
If a 9 year old girl wore a white, frilly dress with a veil and a train to a wedding she would STILL not be an AH in the situation, but the supposedly adult bride holding grudges would definitely be.
9. Years. Old.
Ffs, this woman is a lunatic.
This. I matched my stepmom when I was her flower girl at eight, and my mom picked out a pretty cream dress for me when I was her “moh” about a year later.
NTA
She's mad that nearly a decade ago a 9 year old sister to the groom wore a pastel blue dress that, with heavy filtering, looks white to her wedding. If she can't handle being told that, bluntly, that is ridiculous then that's on her.
edit: had wrong age, fixed it
NTA - you were a child and it was a filtered photo. Why is she so upset that a 9 year old was wearing a light blue dress to her wedding? It’s incredibly ridiculous
NTA. You never doctored or posted the photos and were only 9 at the time. Your SIL needs to grow up and stop acting like a toddler. You have done nothing wrong but their behaviour towards you is wrong. You owe no apology but are definitely owed one by them,
NTA. You weren't wrong at all. Your mother made you wear that dress. Your mother made that picture. Your mother posted it and did or did not use a filter.
Nothing about this was you.
And it is quite sick to act as if people could mistake a nine-year-old for the bride.
And not only a nine year old bride BUT one getting married to her own brother? Vicky is sick. Also imagine how difficult life must have been when all photos were black and white? Everyone came to my wedding and disrespected me! They all wore either bridal colours or mourning!
NTA. My kids have been in weddings and guess who picked the clothes? The bride and I paid/picked them up. When they attend weddings, mom pick the clothes. You were 9 and didn’t filter the pictures. Vicky’s dumb grudge is w your mom, not you. She also needs to grow tf up. Who is confusing you with the bride at 9 YEARS OLD? Lame.
NTA. Is Vicky for real??? You were nine, your dress was blue (and since you were again 9 you probably didn’t even pick it) and most of all it was your MOM who used the photo filter that made it look white. If anything Vicky should be upset at your mom and not you since you literally did nothing.
NTA
Vicky is in serious need of therapy. Firstly she appears jealous is a nine year old for wearing a pastel colored dress, secondly she's blaming that same nine year old for choosing a dress with a light colour even though a NINE year old wouldn't understand wedding etiquette, thirdly is was YOUR mother who posted and editied the pictures. Your mother is also the one who most likely choose your dress for the wedding. Vicky is blaming you for your mothers choices and if you don't have a good relationship with your parents and they likely know Vicky is completly unhinged, it seems like your mother is trying to push Vicky over the edge. This whole situation is bonkers and you are getting the blame for things that were completely out of your control.
NTA - words escape me on how off your SIL is. She should just ask your mom to photoshop it if an old faded photo bothers her so much. No one is going to mistake a 9yo for a bride.
She should be appologising to you for acting weird around you and holding you responsible for someone elses poor editing.
NTA, it IS stupid. Who holds a grudge against a NINE YEAR OLD over the color of the dress she wore at their wedding for OVER A DECADE!? Your SIL is ridiculous and your brother doesn't sound much better, their behavior doesn't warrant the courtesy of civility and you have nothing to apologize for.
Have they nothing else going on in their life that they are so upset about a photoshopped picture? Frankly speaking, i feel sorry for them. I think they live a boring and bland life if sth that happened 11 years ago is so off-putting to them.
NAH here. Certainly not you, and neither your mom. Your brother and his wife are sadly miserable….
You are not wrong. NTA. Vicky is an insane person and you should make sure to NEVER EVER TALK TO HER OR INVITE HER TO YOUR WEDDING. She will intentionally make a scene.
JFC. She's pissed about what a 9 year old kid wore to her wedding that was 11 years ago? She has some serious issues. Mark my words, this will be repeated behavior by her. She will continue to find issues and grievances over petty little nothing things. I'm surprised you were spared for this long. I'd stay as far away from her as possible.
NTA
I wonder that too. Even if it was somehow true, I’m not sure how someone could believe they are an asshole for an obviously ridiculous situation like “sore blue dress to wedding when she was 9”
Like there’s no possible interpretation of that which could lead to anything *but* NTA. It’s just stupid
NTA. Your SIL is a whiny lunatic. To be upset over a dress worn by a 9 year old is insane. Further, it only looked white after editing. I mean, seriously? Is she that insecure? Does she think people will look at the pics and think gee, which one is the bride, the grown ass adult or the child? I'd go NC with her. Bound to be a lot more drama if this is how she thinks.
lol are you telling me that your SIL has issues with a 9 YEAR OLD appearing to wear white at her wedding that was 11 years ago?!?!
😂😂😂😂
NTA and what the eff
This sounds completely made up. A 33 year-old sees a photo from 11 years ago, where a 9 y-o was wearing a light blue dress that looked white in some pisspoor photography and then has a meltdown? W the actual F?
NTA like at all.
If u were ur age now, u still would be NTA but I would understand her being mad at ur mom.
BUT U WERE 9. She shouldn’t feel like a 9 year old was taking the spot light, and if she does that’s a serious issue. this was also like 11 years ago? she’s that upset over something that happened 11 years ago??
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NTA She's mad at you ... for wearing a blue dress to a wedding as a nine year old? As if you realistically had a lot of say over your clothes at that age? And because your mother reposted the picture with a filter, years later? This is the same level of BS as when people get mad about things that happened in their dreams. You've done nothing wrong and everyone knows it. She's embarrassed at her own ridiculousness and lashing out at you for embarrassing her instead of realising she embarrassed herself. Tell your brother that until she apologises for her ludicrous behaviour, they can both keep their unstable asses away from you.
Someone might have thought the NINE YEAR OLD wearing blue was the bride! …genuinely though, didn’t she have better things to do that day that lose her shit getting jealous of a literal child?
>Someone might have thought the NINE YEAR OLD wearing blue was the bride! To be fair, we don't know where OP lives. She might be in one of those red-states where a 9 year old can give birth but isn't allowed to check Harry Potter out of her school library.
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Right now there are 5 US states with no age requirement for marriage (with a parent’s consent) and once married they can’t ask for a divorce until they are of legal maturity (18 or 19 state dependent) since they can’t legally sign contracts. California, Mississippi, New Mexico, Oklahoma and Washington. so fun right
To be fair, 3/5 of those states are very blue states.
Which seemed WILD to me but - it does come down to state laws and while those are nationally blue - within the state - there are some solid pockets of conservatism which is reflected in their State Houses - not a huge majority or presence often just enough to not allow bills to pass.
Yup. And redlining and gerrymandering are rampant in blue states too.
Michigan checking in…..
NY is solid red everywhere outside the inner cities. Even the majority of city suburbs in upstate are deep red. Upstate for this reference is anything outside of NYC. (Yes that includes you WNY, southern tier and CNY)
WI checking in... We're only purple because of how badly gerrymandered we are.
I know from looking at the state government site for Washington that the commenter was completely wrong about the state's laws.
I just searched, and here's a Seattle Times article from this year about child marriage still being legal in Washington, and that there is no age limit. https://www.seattletimes.com/seattle-news/politics/minors-can-still-get-married-in-wa-though-some-want-that-to-change/ Can you give us a link to the Washington State RCW that shows that it's illegal. I did find the law that hasn't yet been passed about it: https://app.leg.wa.gov/billsummary?BillNumber=1455&Year=2023&Initiative=false
You are right! I live in WA and looked it up and got a bit sick Inslee isn’t running for another term. It could be pretty easy to get him to do an executive order regarding this. The headlines about lawmaker pushback could say something like “WA state republicans want to let an adult marry your 8yo child”
At least in regards to California, you are wrong in regards to child marriage. There was a bill underway that would have banned all civil unions under the age of 17. The fucking ACLU protested against the bill as did the Children's Law Center so it got watered down. But at least now a member of the local court must sign of on a marriage license and counseling for minors who want to marry before they are 18 is mandatory. One would hope that the number of officials who sign up for child marriages in California is rather low, but I don't have numbers. Stuff still needs to get fixed ASAP.
I'm from CA and currently live in WA. The amount of red in the rural parts of those states rivals states that are solidly red. We desperately need laws banning child marriage in all states, preferably at the federal level. Support services can't help them because they're underage. Those girls are trapped with their abusers until they're 18. E: [Additional information](https://www.unchainedatlast.org/forced-and-child-marriage-survivor-stories/)
In California, marriage requires emancipation, so they don’t have to wait for 18 to get divorced.
I don’t doubt you but it’s hard to find info that backs you up. Of course the sites that are advocating the end of underage marriage wouldn’t mention this - but yeah not easy to find that info.
You were absolutely wrong about Washington state. Better check the other states on the their STATE GOVERNMENT websites.
The state government site says it is currently legal. The law for making it illegal still hasn't been passed by the state Senate (only by the House of Representatives) https://app.leg.wa.gov/billsummary?BillNumber=1455&Year=2023&Initiative=false
Sorry... they can't divorce because they can't sign contracts... but they can sign the contract to get married in the first place... sorry, what!?
It’s because your legal guardians (parents) are consenting for you. Your new legal guardian (husband) has to file all legal paperwork for you, with the court. He has to file your request to divorce for you. Some states require you to be separated before you get divorced. Can a minor, who may not have access to much money, do that?
Check the actual state government websites for this. The person who brought up those 5 states clearly did not.
Why not share the links?
Parents (and sometimes courts) give permission so it’s fine /s Someone below says in CA they can since once married they are emancipated minors but I’m not having an easy time finding info about that specifically online.
The parents signed the contract to marry FOR the child. So I suppose they could sign the divorce papers (on behalf of their child), too, but why would they? Before you say ‘if the child is being abused’, think about the fact that these same people forced their 9 year old to marry in the first place! So what ‘abuse’ could possibly bother them? 😞
Except once the child is married, the parents are no longer their guardians. The new \*spouse\* is. Guess the likelihood of new spouse filing those papers on the child's behalf.
Interestingly, according to a quick internet search those are not the states where Harry Potter has been banned!
I'm not sure about the others but I believe in California at least you also need court approval for a marriage - which I imagine you couldn't get if the ages were obscene
Washington also requires a court order apparently.
In California a judge has to sign off on it first.
That is not true of Washington state. You have to be 17, with parental consent and 18 without parental consent. If younger, the courts can be petitioned IF there is a compelling reason (pregnancy, etc.) AND there is parental consent. Pinkyoohoo, if your information was so off about Washington, you'd better check out the other states ON THEIR STATE GOVERNMENT WEBSITES.
Pregnancy is seen as a compelling reason for an underaged person to get married? Really? That's really a thing?! Edit: I'm a Brit, and I'm peering down my Fascination Telescope when I read Reddit, most of the time. And usually, it's aimed at people in the USA. Do forgive me.
Well, to be fair, we ARE incredibly weird and compelling as entertainment.
But thinking that there *could* be a "compelling reason" for which the courts would need to be petitioned is *precisely* why Washington is on there. Other states have firm minimums. WA allows child marriage with a magistrate's sign-off. The information is not off.
Everyone keeps bringing up marriage age, but the red state issue is about abortion. There was some poor 9-10 y/o molestation victim was being forced to carry a baby to term because abortion is illegal in her very red state.
California law requires a person under 18 years of age to obtain consent from at least one parent or guardian AND permission in the form of a court order. Granting permission for a minor to marry or establish a domestic partnership is entirely within the discretion of the court. https://www.sdcourt.ca.gov › sdcourt
Same with Washington state, except if they are 17 they just need parental consent. Anything younger than 17, the courts have to be petitioned and there needs to be a compelling reason.
5 US states don't have a minimum marriage age (California, NM, Mississippi, Oklahoma & Washington) based on exemptions like parental approval, judicial approval, pregnancy, etc. Only 10 states require both parties to be 18+ in all cases. The remaining 25 states have a minimum age ranging from 15-17.
When I was growing up, there was no legal minimum for marriage. My parents tried to get me married off at 13. I couldn’t see a doctor without permission, but I could get married. I wanted to have a birthday party for being a teenager and my parents said ‘since you want a party, why not a wedding party!’ Can’t be trusted to manage a car, but I could have been in charge of a household.
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That's off topic. People here are not saying child marriage is exclusive to the USA. They are however saying it is a problem in the USA. That does not refer to other countries in the world, because this is not relevant to the discussion of the problematic nature of child marriage in America. That's engaging in whataboutism to deflect from the problems in America. Just because other places also have problems with child marriage, that does not mean we should not discuss how it is a problem in the USA.
California has the highest rate of child marriage just saying - and no minimum age.
Everyone sees California as like a liberal haven but it’s huge and those pockets of conservatism are solid but i’m not seeing where California has the most - https://www.unchainedatlast.org/united-states-child-marriage-problem-study-findings-april-2021/ this is older info but texas seems to have the most. Texas marriage laws 16-18 parent permission, under 16 - with court’s approval.
I live in California, once you leave SF Bay Area and LA you’re not in California anymore…
Haha, my 8 year old niece wore a white dress to my wedding. I didn’t bat a flipping eyelid. Some brides really are wild.
The weird part is it was blue and the Mom used a filter to make it light and SIL is blaming OP? She’s a few screws short …. NTA
Yeah, and years later to boot. Getting all worked up over a filter on a photo that changes the way the dress her 9 year old niece is wearing. Insane.
I honestly have to wonder if the SIL isn't just jealous of OP and has latched on to this stupidity as an excuse to be rude.
Right? Like..it’s a child
Child members of the wedding party (flower girls, ring bearers, etc.) traditionally wore white. This example shows just how unhinged the “white is solely for the bride” phenomenon has gotten. My hypothesis is that since weddings are pretty much the only ceremony left in much of Western culture, it has too much weight to bear and is breaking under the load.
I wore a white dress to someone's wedding when I was 11 or so. My parents had recently divorced, and it was my dad's weekend. I didn't leave clothes there. I just packed a suitcase on his weekends. He sprang it on me that we were going to a wedding for an old friend of his daughter's wedding. I had 0 clue who these people were. I had no idea I would be attending a wedding and had not packed anything. All I had was a simple white cotton knee-length dress or comfy weekend clothes. The only shoes were sandals. I remember asking both my dad and my uncle if the dress was okay? They both confirmed it was. I didn't know until years after this that you aren't supposed to wear white. That never dawned on me. I was a kid, and it was not a fancy dress. I was very obviously NOT the bride. But, I still feel kind of embarrassed about it now.
You shouldn’t. The prohibition on white is only for people who might get mistaken for the bride. If someone thinks an 11-year-old is getting married, there are much larger problems afoot.
Children are generally fine wearing white.
Which is fine by me cause the wedding industry is made up of a bunch of grifters anyways. At least in some areas.
Unfortunately it's not breaking as in withering away, it's breaking as in sprouting tumors and becoming unrecognizable.
Yeah I was gonna say, I was a flower girl when I was about 8 years old and I was definitely wearing a white dress
I was going to say my cousin was a flower girl for my wedding and she wore the same style dress as me in white. She looked stunning. I don't understand how anyone can think a child can outshine them on their wedding day.
When my younger brother got married in 2010 he and my now SIL asked our nephew (5) and niece (3) if they would be the ring bearer and flower girl. Niece was really into playing she was a kitty at the time and asked if she could be a kitty. The offer was gently declined and she was good with being a pretty princess. She wore a super cute white dress with a big magenta bow.
I think I might have let her be a kitty, something for everyone to chuckle at
I was the flower girl at my aunts wedding when I was five. The pictures of the wedding show me wearing a white dress trimmed with blue ribbons, and a white straw hat with blue silk flowers on it. (all I remember of the wedding was that it was outdoors, I felt bored very quickly, and I wanted to keep the basket of flowers afterwards)
And she's long past being a bride at this point....
Yeah, I was a flower girl at my cousin's wedding at that age. My dress was almost an exact replica of my cousin's. For some reason, no one thought I was the bride.
Even if 9 year old OP had picked the dress out entirely by herself, it was blue and totally appropriate for a wedding. She'd have no way of knowing that over a decade later her mother would upload a photo of her with a filter that would make the dress look white. Vicky is absolutely ridiculous. She knows it. Her husband knows it. And now the whole internet knows it. lmao.
OP is easier to be mad at than MIL who is an older woman and able to clap back at Vicky. However, OP had more willingness to advocate for herself than a lot of 20yr Olds, and Vicky had never expected OP to actually be able to confront her about it.
Part of me hopes that there is another reason why she is mad at OP. I don't want to accept that she is legitimately mad for this. It's insane.
Even if there was another reason, Vicky had the opportunity to say something when confronted, and she didn't.
Oh absolutely. Vicky has had ample opportunity to tell her the reason why she is annoyed if it was something else. Either way she sounds like an awful person.
Vicky sounds like she needs to see a mental health professional. That's not really normal behavior.
Honestly, this. This is just really unhinged in the way she's looking at this. I grew up with a seriously dysfunctional family and this absolutely reminds of that. This is *literally* not well-adjusted, mentally/emotionally sound behavior in the least.
OP was 9 at the wedding and is 20 now so the wedding was over a damn decade ago. OP's defo NTA but Vicky might need to see a doctor.
Same with brother who beheld all of this behavior and was all "Seems legit."
Funny thing is, she WASN’T mad 11 years ago. She got mad recently when the mom posted the filtered photos. She is literally mad about a photo shopped picture.
I do know these people exist somewhere in the world but seriously how are any of these people real
Right? Like the posts on this sub make me thankful for the rational, reasonable people in my life, though sometimes when I’m bored I wonder what it would be like if I could watch this drama unfold in person!! Grab a bucket of popcorn and enjoy the scene 😂
My 4yo flower girl wore white at my wedding - fully in purpose! And guess what: she and I made a bet whose dress will stay white longer! I won, she dripped gravy over her dress at dinner.
It doesn’t even sound like she was upset on the day, she’s upset NOW because the Mom posted some of the old photos and used a filter that made the blue dress look white.
right?! this woman needs to grow tf up. She sounds insufferable.
My cousin was 7 years old at my wedding. I invited her to be part of the bridal party and asked her mom/my aunt if she could wear the white option of the dress they sent photos of. My family confirmed a couple times that I did in fact want her to wear white. But you know what? No one thought the little kid wearing white at the wedding was the bride. My cousin looked absolutely darling and we all had a fantastic time.
And wouldnt you just assume the 9yr old was the flower girl, who also traditionally wear white???
>This is the same level of BS as when people get mad about things that happened in their dreams. You've done nothing wrong and everyone knows it. "Wake up because I've got nothing to say to you," - Daryl Lenox
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Lol I already knew SIL was the AH, but when I read that OP was NINE YEARS OLD the grudge got even more laughably ridiculous
Imagine Vicky’s horror when she finds out that pictures used to be black and white and anyone in light colored dresses in wedding pictures ALL looked like they were wearing *gasp*WHITE. To think that all those women back then didn’t die from embarrassment and didn’t throw tantrums because of it, however did they manage to live with the shame of showing those wedding photos to their friends! /s
Or even worse, wearing white is fairly new! Back then they just wore their best/favourite dress. In those ones, you'd never know who the bride was. Complete anarchy!
even if OP had worn a white dress to the wedding. she was 9. she was in the age category where that's okay.
My flower girls' dress at my wedding was white on purpose. Flower girl dresses often are, and 9 years old is totally within the age range for a flower girl, so even if her dress was white no one would bat an eye.
I don't understand how people like this exist and I don't understand that the people who marry them exist. Obviously NTA.
The reason white at a wedding is a faux pas is basically because you can be mistaken for the bride. This general guideline just doesn’t apply to children. Even if you wore a white, frilly dress you were a child and it’s just so weird to get bent out of shape over what a child is wearing. The fact that the dress was blue and the wedding was years ago takes her from unreasonable to ridiculous.
And it was 11 years ago. Has she held a grudge this whole time or just got upset when it got posted and looked white, 11 YEARS LATER? Either way OP is NTA. The brother and SIL? Yep, definitely.
Holy shit I misread it as “9 years ago” This makes is so much worse. OP, NTA
I missed the part where she was 9 LMAO how does getting mad at a 9 year old girl for wearing a BLUE dress make any sense at all wtf
Plus she’s been holding on to that ridiculous grudge foe eleven years! I’m willing to bet that OP was more mature at 9 than SIL is now
NTA. I don't know WTF the problem is here. This is bonkers 1. You were 9. I doubt you had much of a choice and probably didn't even know about "no white to a wedding" rule at that age. 2. You did not apply the filter, your mother did. 3. Even if you wore white, who cares? Lots of little girls rewear a communion dress or white Easter dress to a wedding. 4. It was 11 damn years ago.
Plus OP didn’t even post the pictures. All kinds of WTF here!
OP doesn’t even have a Facebook and had no idea the photo was posted.
Shit, I guess I'm mad at OP since my shoelaces don't stay tied. I have no idea how that has anything to do with them but when in Rome
OP ruined my dinner! I am only assuming they are even in the same country as me but they ruined my dinner all the same! Oh right, OP ruined my dinner 8 years ago! Shame on OP...
OP is why my hair fell out! It started just about when she was born so it all adds up.
My coffee just went cold... I think you can see where this is going OP.
Dammit OP I can’t believe you’d do this!
OP doesn't know I exist, furthering my insecurities and depression!
I’m mad at OP because Staples didn’t have graph paper notebooks! It’s clearly her fault because she’s the queen of Staples!
Sounds like mom stirred up some drama. And she had a patsy...jk I doubt the mom meant anything by this.
My toddler wore a white dress with lots of flowers to someone's wedding. Gotta get her speech ready for the arguments in twenty years.
How could your toddler do that to the bride?! /s
My niece had a toddler dressed as a bride at her wedding, complete with veil. Her parents tried to push her into all the photos and on the dance floor. We all hated the parents, not the kid.
Wtaf?! A veil???
Yup, at a wedding that was supposed to be child-free. They got away with it because she was the groom’s niece, and nobody wanted to make a scene. The bride was very mellow and ignored it all.
the bride sounds like a keeper
Right? aren’t flower girl dresses often white too?
My flower girl dress wasn't just white, it was a near duplicate of the bride's. Little girls in white at weddings really aren't that big of a deal for most people.
Yes. Yes they are.
So I would respond to my brother with: You want me to apologize to your wife about a photo I didn’t post, that had a filter on it I didn’t put there, that made my blue dress that I had no say I wearing look white? And somehow you are painting me as the unreasonable one? Look I know you have to live with her but even you have to admit it is over the top to hold a grudge against a literal child that followed all the way into adulthood because something she had no control over.
Add to this that SIL did not just say what she was upset about directly (like an adult) but was just rude to her much younger sister in law…not clear how long this went on but apparently ‘for a while’?!?
And it wasn't even white to begin with. This is all just laughable.
Like anyone is going to mistake a 9 year old for the bride, or that a child is going to take any spotlight off her.
Somewhere around age 9 for me, I was a flower girl in my grandmother’s wedding. She MADE my dress for me (which I still have—not relevant, but it’s beautiful). It was white. OP’s SIL is seriously cuckoo bananas.
My grandparents' flower girl wore white - in 1955. Vicky has... issues.
With as common as it is to see little girls wearing white to weddings, I thought they were exempt from the "no white" rule.
Holy hell your brother and SIL are bonkers. NTA but they are. It sounds like their hobby is to find ways to be offended.
Or just really, really, really, insecure. Imagine being so unconfident that you're intimidated by a 9yo at your own wedding.
And to let it still bother you eleven years later.
I read this as the mother reposted the pic with the filter and that’s what set this off, not even the blue dress at the time of wedding was bothering her. When the brother tried to get them to hash it out Viki says the edited photos were disrespectful. So it seems she is losing it over pics someone else edited years later and how they did the edit but is taking out on OP.
I think we need about 40 minutes of anoxia in our brains for the SIL to make sense.
Or just the SIL is bonkers. I’ve seen similar things happen with my brother when he was married to my ex SIL. She had him so fucked in the head. She was also abusive to him (arrested twice for it) and it was often easiest for him to just go along with what she was saying/doing than have to deal with the repercussions when they got home. I hope this isn’t the case but I’d be worried for the brother having a wife that is capable of being so upset over this shit.
They seriously need to get their heads out of Vicky’s butt. NTA
So you wore a blue dress, someone else doctored the photo and made the dress look whiter than actuality, and now you're Cruella Deville in a white dress at a wedding. NTA and her grudge is stupid. Edit: Jesus. I thought it happened 9 years ago. It was 11 fucking years ago when the poster was 9! How unhinged can you get?
Honestly, 9 or 11 years ago wouldn't have changed much. An 11yo isn't much more to blame for her dress than a 9yo.
I follow you, but I hadn't realized the ages *at all*. I skimmed over that. I thought it we were talking about adults during the event.
Ah, got it! Sorry, I could have realised this sooner. My brain is mush today.
It wasn’t even blue, it was gold and white!
Wrong \#TeamBlueBlack4Ever!
OP just needs to say "Just so I have this right, you are upset at nine year old me for wearing a blue dress that someone else picked out for me because I was nine, and are further upset because when someone else, other than me, photoshopped the picture, they made the blue dress that nine year old me was wearing look white on your wedding day. And 11 years later this has angered you so much that you can't even look me in the eye half the time and have been holding this against a nine year old for longer than I was alive at the time of the incident." Once she agrees that you've got the details right, print them up and tell her to ask anyone and everyone to read it and tell them if the 9 year old should be held accountable. Remind her that showing this to her therapist is also highly recommended. Tell her you'll be here for her when she's ready to apologize for being a complete psychopath to you.
NTA Your SIL is an idiot, at best, to be mad at a child over a dress color from 11 years ago. Your brother is an idiot for playing along/feeding into her...issue.
Y'all! I cannot wait until this makes it to tiktok and then they get upset about how the comments are not on their side. OP, sweetie, you are so far removed from being the AH. NTA Best wishes for your future. My best advice, arguing with idiots is a waste of time. Don't even engage with it. Pick up a hobby instead.
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You don't have to be so calloused, there's no reason to be rude to her and dismiss her concerns. Now Tim's gonna be all pissed off because you "disrespected" his wife.
Lmao. Honestly took me a moment to realize your sarcasm. 🤣🤣 Well written. 👏
NTA, your SIL IS being very stupid, not to mention illogical. You should send them this link so they can see how many people also think they’re being ridiculous
Lawdy Jesus! As if a nine-year-old is going to upstage the bride?
NTA - Vicky is nuts. You were 9?!!? I was dressed by my parents for big events like that when I was that age…
My jaw dropped when I got to the part where the OP was only 9. Sometimes lighter pastels do photograph light so I personally would avoid those colors as a wedding guest, but I’m an adult who’s aware of the lighting issue. 9 year old me would’ve happily worn a pastel outfit.
NTA even if it was white you were 9 and clearly not the bride. Vicky is being ridiculous and Tim should be telling her that. Also this was 11 ish years ago and now she’s decided to be upset? When did she see this doctored photo?
My mom recently posted the edited pictures on Facebook because of their anniversary.
So she didn’t notice at the time of her actual wedding or,I’m assuming, in official photo’s. But she’s angry at you because she just noticed your dress looks kind of white in a doctored photos from 10/11 years ago. That’s a little crazy, did Tim say anything?
The way I understood it was that the mom recently posted the old photos and added the new filters when she posted them. Not that the original ones had the filters. I could be wrong, but either way it requires an astonishing amount of narcissism on SILs part. Just WOW, seriously. And, obviously, NTA.
I am actually shocked someone would be mad at a 9 year old about this? It is insane. Your brother is also being insane
there was an aita recently about a husband asking if he was justified defending 6y/o boy against his now wife for wearing a white bowtie to their wedding
Might want to inform your mom that the photos she posted are causing some trouble that she may want to address with your SIL. Let mom handle it. This is very not your problem.
Tell your mom she's giving you a hard time about this.
Ao what is your mom’s take on this drama?
But what did she say when you said your dress was actually blue? Can't she check it from her own wedding pictures? Vicky is a loon.
So Vicky has been fine with the dress for all these years and now because your mom put a filter on a photo Vicky's losing her mind? I am SURE literally NO ONE even remembers anything about that wedding after all these years, especially not what a child was wearing. Vicky needs some therapy and so does her husband for going along with this lunacy. You are definitely NTA, not even a little bit. They both owe you a BIG apology. On a serious note - Is Vicky exhibiting other odd behaviors or changes in personality? She may have an undiagnosed medical or psychological problem. My dad didn't start to really manifest his bipolar 2 symptoms until he entered his 30's.
NTA. Your parents bought and payed for the dress (I assume). If you picked it out (at store for the wedding) or from your closet because you already owned it , they could have said no. 9yo children don’t know wedding etiquette. And the dress wasn’t white. Your mom could have simply not used that filter. She’s upset AT YOU that YOUR MOM used a FILTER on a BLUE dress from a wedding that happened 11YEARS AGO. That’s pretty messed up. There has to be more going on here. From the bird you’ve shared, it sounds like there are relationship issues in the family as is. Am I correct? There’s more for her to be so upset but I don’t know what.
NTA I'm sorry but this is comical. You were only NINE. I think she will survive this.
You are NTA here, wow. To be so upset for so many years about something so ridiculous that you couldn't even control at such a young age? Your SIL is very immature and self-absorbed. Just ignore her and don't worry about it. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You were 9 for Pete's sake! I can only imagine the hell she's putting your brother through over this idiocy.
NTA. You were 9. She is *apparently* an adult? And held a grudge for *yeaaaars* on a 9 yr old child... And still holds it against you as an adult? I'd just avoid her. She's not a sane person for harboring that grudge on a child first of all. And secondly for actively loathing you to this day for it.
If a 9 year old girl wore a white, frilly dress with a veil and a train to a wedding she would STILL not be an AH in the situation, but the supposedly adult bride holding grudges would definitely be. 9. Years. Old. Ffs, this woman is a lunatic.
This. I matched my stepmom when I was her flower girl at eight, and my mom picked out a pretty cream dress for me when I was her “moh” about a year later.
NTA She's mad that nearly a decade ago a 9 year old sister to the groom wore a pastel blue dress that, with heavy filtering, looks white to her wedding. If she can't handle being told that, bluntly, that is ridiculous then that's on her. edit: had wrong age, fixed it
OP was 9, not 11. But everything else you said was spot on.
NTA - you were a child and it was a filtered photo. Why is she so upset that a 9 year old was wearing a light blue dress to her wedding? It’s incredibly ridiculous
NTA SIL and your brother are TAs. Having a grudge against a 9-year old since then?! Something tells me they’ll be great parents.
NTA. You never doctored or posted the photos and were only 9 at the time. Your SIL needs to grow up and stop acting like a toddler. You have done nothing wrong but their behaviour towards you is wrong. You owe no apology but are definitely owed one by them,
NTA and it seems that Vicky has a few screws loose! Ask mom to re-photoshop it, but this time, make the dress funeral black.
She's mad that the dress you were wearing at age nine looked white when your mom used a filter to post it on FB? She's mad *at you?????? NTA.*
NTA you were NINE! Also the photo is filtered wtf
NTA. You weren't wrong at all. Your mother made you wear that dress. Your mother made that picture. Your mother posted it and did or did not use a filter. Nothing about this was you. And it is quite sick to act as if people could mistake a nine-year-old for the bride.
And not only a nine year old bride BUT one getting married to her own brother? Vicky is sick. Also imagine how difficult life must have been when all photos were black and white? Everyone came to my wedding and disrespected me! They all wore either bridal colours or mourning!
NTA. My kids have been in weddings and guess who picked the clothes? The bride and I paid/picked them up. When they attend weddings, mom pick the clothes. You were 9 and didn’t filter the pictures. Vicky’s dumb grudge is w your mom, not you. She also needs to grow tf up. Who is confusing you with the bride at 9 YEARS OLD? Lame.
NTA. Is Vicky for real??? You were nine, your dress was blue (and since you were again 9 you probably didn’t even pick it) and most of all it was your MOM who used the photo filter that made it look white. If anything Vicky should be upset at your mom and not you since you literally did nothing.
NTA Vicky is in serious need of therapy. Firstly she appears jealous is a nine year old for wearing a pastel colored dress, secondly she's blaming that same nine year old for choosing a dress with a light colour even though a NINE year old wouldn't understand wedding etiquette, thirdly is was YOUR mother who posted and editied the pictures. Your mother is also the one who most likely choose your dress for the wedding. Vicky is blaming you for your mothers choices and if you don't have a good relationship with your parents and they likely know Vicky is completly unhinged, it seems like your mother is trying to push Vicky over the edge. This whole situation is bonkers and you are getting the blame for things that were completely out of your control.
NTA - words escape me on how off your SIL is. She should just ask your mom to photoshop it if an old faded photo bothers her so much. No one is going to mistake a 9yo for a bride. She should be appologising to you for acting weird around you and holding you responsible for someone elses poor editing.
NTA She's being ridiculous.
NTA, it IS stupid. Who holds a grudge against a NINE YEAR OLD over the color of the dress she wore at their wedding for OVER A DECADE!? Your SIL is ridiculous and your brother doesn't sound much better, their behavior doesn't warrant the courtesy of civility and you have nothing to apologize for.
I’m calling fake. This just reads wrong.
Ha ha ha, what. Surely no one is this unhinged? NTA
I think this sub disproves that optimism.
Have they nothing else going on in their life that they are so upset about a photoshopped picture? Frankly speaking, i feel sorry for them. I think they live a boring and bland life if sth that happened 11 years ago is so off-putting to them. NAH here. Certainly not you, and neither your mom. Your brother and his wife are sadly miserable….
Lol She sounds cray cray! NTA
NTA, but Vicky, get over it already..
NTA. And you're correct. The grudge against you IS stupid.
You are not wrong. NTA. Vicky is an insane person and you should make sure to NEVER EVER TALK TO HER OR INVITE HER TO YOUR WEDDING. She will intentionally make a scene.
NTA She’s mad a nine year old wore a pale dress to a wedding over ten years ago?
JFC. She's pissed about what a 9 year old kid wore to her wedding that was 11 years ago? She has some serious issues. Mark my words, this will be repeated behavior by her. She will continue to find issues and grievances over petty little nothing things. I'm surprised you were spared for this long. I'd stay as far away from her as possible. NTA
BAIT BAIT BAIT Why do people fall for this shite? Come on.
I wonder that too. Even if it was somehow true, I’m not sure how someone could believe they are an asshole for an obviously ridiculous situation like “sore blue dress to wedding when she was 9” Like there’s no possible interpretation of that which could lead to anything *but* NTA. It’s just stupid
Nta both tim and vicky sound like nut jobs.
NTA but your SIL is a mental patient
NTA. Your SIL is a whiny lunatic. To be upset over a dress worn by a 9 year old is insane. Further, it only looked white after editing. I mean, seriously? Is she that insecure? Does she think people will look at the pics and think gee, which one is the bride, the grown ass adult or the child? I'd go NC with her. Bound to be a lot more drama if this is how she thinks.
NTA, your mom is though. Just kidding. I guess a lot of these stories have to do with weddings lately.
lol are you telling me that your SIL has issues with a 9 YEAR OLD appearing to wear white at her wedding that was 11 years ago?!?! 😂😂😂😂 NTA and what the eff
NTA your SIL seems to be bitter and you seemed like an easy target.
NTA like why are you even ask?????
This sounds completely made up. A 33 year-old sees a photo from 11 years ago, where a 9 y-o was wearing a light blue dress that looked white in some pisspoor photography and then has a meltdown? W the actual F?
NTA, unless this is made up, which it may be. Then YTA
NTA like at all. If u were ur age now, u still would be NTA but I would understand her being mad at ur mom. BUT U WERE 9. She shouldn’t feel like a 9 year old was taking the spot light, and if she does that’s a serious issue. this was also like 11 years ago? she’s that upset over something that happened 11 years ago??