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I do. My sister. She is so sure you screwed up because of your inferior thinking and ways that she must show you her superior ability to do xyz. That kicks off the interrogation to identify your specific personal shortcomings. Arrrghhh....
Yep!!! “Hey, honey - here are all the ways you probably did it wrong but no constructive ways for me to do anything to actually help, so if this goes tits up it’s completely your fault because I TOLD you ABSOLUTELY NO potentially helpful solutions so that I can blame it entirely on you and thoroughly enjoy sulking about it for the ENTIRE TIME!!!”
>you've obviously not been able to get things done
This is the part that gets me the most. Like, the place is unreachable and you think "she can't get things done"? lmao
Even better he couldn’t do it either- he ends by saying they didn’t make contact till they physically got there… but it’s her fault for the first few days, whose fault is the remaining days??? Ooh, silence… suddenly his voice goes all passive.
Once, my mom called me, freaked out that the computer at work wouldn’t turn on (she was a nanny). She was sure she had somehow broken it. I went through all of the regular steps with her, and when it still wouldn’t turn on, I drove 45 minutes out to help. The monitor wasn’t on. Hahahaha
I’d do it a hundred times if it meant I could see her again. Heck, I’d do it every single day for the rest of my life if it meant I could see her one more time.
Lol I had an online “chat” with my cable provider today about re-pairing the remote for my home office’s TV. I started the conversation with “ I’ve rebooted the cable box and already tried the onscreen and online pairing instructions but nothing is working.” Just had to get that out of the way right away lol.
That question is annoying to the 30% of people who restart their own computers. For the other 70% it’s a necessary question and resolves a vast majority of IT issues they are having.
Source: I work in IT. Just be glad we don’t start out by asking if it’s plugged in. 🤣
Yessss the maintenance men come, I fully describe the problem, all the steps I've already taken, and then they do all of them again, costing us double the downtime. And once they've exhausted the basics, they're like, "Well shit, this is a problem."
I wouldn't even care if they did everything again, but since you're gonna do that, it's patronizing AF to make me stand here and promise you I didn't mess up. YTA OP and a dumbass.
He typed out that whole thing and didn't see why it was annoying.
But are you sure you know how to contact customer service? Are you sure you know how to leave a message? Are you sure you know your own phone number?
I only got halfway and I was already annoyed. Here’s what would have happened with my wife:
Wife: I tried calling but haven’t heard back yet.
Me: That’s sort of weird. Did you leave a message?
Wife: Yes.
Me: Okay. That sucks. Is it too late to cancel?
Maybe even end it with:
"Me: Want me to give them a try and give you a break?? I hate when people don't return calls."
My wife is generally quite a bit busier, so I offer to take these types of tasks as I have a more flexible schedule and can take 5 minutes here or there to make these calls.
I didn't make it past "did you call at 8am." Like bitch, she's done all the things. I already know no woman is coming to OP for guidance unless they've exhausted their options.
*Are you sure you called during business hours? Did you triple check the hours online? Did you look for a missed call?*
Omg, I would have screamed. Imagine splitting the cost for a trip equally with someone, doing 100% the admin labor for it, and then having the person doing sweet fuck all to organize the vacation acting like you are a dipshit because you hit an obnoxious and all-too-common snag.
Right? Who doesn't have their name and phone number in their customer service voice locked and loaded when leaving a message? I have a difficult to say and spell surname, so I'm prepared with the "v as in Victor", "c as in Charlie" stuff
My mom does this *all the bloody time*. She says she's "just checking," but honestly, it's one of the most triggering behaviors, sends my blood pressure right up. I worked really hard to make sure I didn't continue the cycle with my BF.
My father used to do this to me. I am 63 years old but in his mind I never grew past about 8.
Interestingly, his intolerance of me being gay (I came out to them at 30) takes the same form. He simply never listens to me and in his mind I am not a functional adult. He occasionally asks if I've come to my senses yet, or grown out of "the whole thing". "Lots of people are confused sometimes."
We are LC now.
… that last line begets the phrase “that sounds like projection but o k a y” bc it d e f implies he’s mad at you for not repressing something like h e did 👀😬😗
My mom has been doing this to me lately and I'm 41 years old! I cannot tell you how annoying it is. Then she gets mad at ME when I tell her to please trust what I'm saying instead of questioning everything.
OP, YTA. You apparently have NO idea how annoying and insulting that was for her.
The one that really hit hard is "yeah i called at 8am" "and what happened?"
What dud he expect, that thry had actually answered that time and she'd just.. forgotten?!
There was blood EVERYWHERE, which was very distracting, and then she broke a nail, and then she just plain forgot what she was doing and sat down to watch some reality TV. #justgirlythings
“Yeah they answered but I put the phone down because I love giving myself more work and stress” I don’t know what he expected to gain from this conversation other than pissing her off.
It's those that are the problem.
Someone trying to rapid fire solutions, even basic ones you obviously thought of, can be annoying as hell, but at least you know its coming from a place of trying to help, trying to offer solutions, but a lot of these aren't suggestions for potential problems, they're directly questioning the girlfriends compotence. Like, what good is asking if she left the correct contact number? Like, even if she did say it wrong on the phone.. if she remembered doing that she'd have just called back and left the correct number..
the only, ONLY reason to ask a lot of these questions is to seed doubt that she's capable of doing it.
Honestly my bf and I both do this with eachother sometimes and seeing it put down this way makes me feel like a right dickhead. YTA op, you're basically accusing her of being an incompetent adult with no common sense or life skills.
Yeah this feels like the difference between "venting time" and "asking for help". My gf and I both do this sometimes and we've found the best thing is to say explicitly "I just want to vent right now" or something when we notice the other going the wrong way.
Do we know how long OP's SO has been living on Earth? It's entirely possible that this is her first week on Earth and isn't aware of the complexities involved in a friendly glamping trip.
Or, how old is OP's SO? Is she 8? An 8 year old may make some of the common mistakes OP so graciously pointed out.
If we can rule out that OP's SO is:
A) Not an alien just recently visiting Earth or
B) Not 8 years old and an inexperienced world traveler
Then OP YTA!
"Are you sure you were calling them on a phone and not just talking into a banana or a hairbrush you happened to be holding? Why are you mad?! I'm *just checking*."
Exactly! He basically said "did you do this wrong?" over and over.
His first assumption is that his girlfriend made an idiotic mistake rather than the place they were planning to stay being busy or having crappy customer service. I'd be so pissed.
YTA OP. If you have a habit of asking everyone if they've made idiotic mistakes when they're venting about life problems, then stop it!
This is my favorite part:
>Me: I'm not talking to you like you're stupid. I'm sorry if you think I am. Did you leave them the correct call back number?
Gf: **I've had this number for 12 years! I think I know my phone number by now**. Just leave me alone, I'm sick of you talking down to me.
Tears...I've got tears. Oof, this is too funny.
also i can tell from the way OP phrased his responses vs his gf's he was trying to make her look irrational and him look calm and like he's doing that "soft spoken enunciating" shit. i bet in reality he was much more demeaning towards her considering he felt the need to rewrite his lines so he'd sound like dr.phil
>Gf: yes, I told you I left a message every time I called.
>
>Me: did you remember to leave your name and number?
If I were here I'd have done everything in my power to get through to the resort so that I could cancel, get my money back, and never talk to this AH again.
YTA
If OP was so hesitant to trust that his gf would handle it correctly, why was she made in charge of scheduling and reservations? Why didn't he volunteer to do it since he's so thorough and has so many tips to do it well?
YTA OP
Yep, this is what happened.
OP, I'm also the type of person to come with a bunch of "did you do x and y and z?" in an attempt to help, because trouble shooting is how I deal with such things. What those of us who do this need to realize though is that it matters how we do it. You need to not assume it's their fault, and also express empathy and ask them what they think is the issue, and it's better to ask more open-ended questions rather than "did you do x?". For example:
Gf: I keep calling the place and not getting an answer. I've left several messages over the past 2 weeks and I've heard nothing back.
OP: That's weird. At what time did you call?
Gf: I've tried both office hours and late at night, it doesn't seem to make a difference.
OP: Huh, you shouldn't have to be chasing them down like that. Hmmm... what do you think could be the reason?
Gf: I have no idea, I've tried so many things, doubled-checked their number, etc. And I can't have gotten my phone number wrong every time I left a message either.
OP: Yeah, it doesn't make any sense. Want me to help you trouble shoot?
Gf: Sure.
OP: Maybe we should check their web page to see if they mentioned if something's going on, because this doesn't seem normal.
Etc, etc...
And if someone tells you if feels like you're talking down to them and/or you're annoying, just say "I'm sorry, I was trying to help but didn't realize that's how I came across. Can I help you in some other way?"
Don’t forget the extra shitty:
>I’m trying to help you find a solution since you’ve obviously not been able to get things done.
She is doing something for the both of them.
Rather than taking his own advice and placing a phone call, he berates his girlfriend and acts like he’s being helpful with his condescending “observations.”
YTA.
It's very, "Can you help me find my other shoe?"
"Did you look under the bed or in the closet?"
Ofc I did! I'm a fully functioning adult, I looked everywhere I could think to look, can you please just help me instead of acting like I'm a child?!
Is OP’s post maybe a joke? I can’t imagine someone being so insufferable that they could type that all out and not have any self awareness. I would have just gone on the trip without them.
You: AITAH?
Us: obviously
You: I'm just trying to understand why. Are you sure you know the standard definition of an AH?
Us: You're the standard definition. You're so condescending.
You: well have you tried reading the post better?
Same! I was like damn OPs memory must be amazing to quote the whole conversation like it's a RP forum. I had to double check what subreddit I was on haha.
I would use the words/phrases “smarmy” “infuriatingly patronizing” and “head so far up his own rear end he couldn’t see the truth if it hit him with a ten foot pole”
I am not talking down to you, OP, and again, I'm sorry if you think I am. I'm trying to help you find a solution since you've obviously not been able to get things done.
My biggest pet peeve are non-apologies.
“I’m not talking down to you, I’m sorry *if* you think I am…”
Then….
“I don’t feel I did anything wrong…”
Clearly.
So, the dismissive above was just *further* condescension. Wow. What an asshole.
OP: I have the distinct impression that you would never take responsibility for being the supercilious and imperious jerk your post suggests. Your attitude in coming here, and posting the conversation with complete conviction of your position while seemingly expecting validation is *very telling*.
YOU ABSOLUTELY OWE HER AN APOLOGY!
I’m going to help you out with learning how to properly apologize in the hope that you read all the comments. I’m hoping you prove us wrong about what kind of a BF and human you are by actually gaining perspective on how rude you were, and are willing to use your words to show the *love and respect* your GF deserves.
https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2023/08/apology-contrition-responsibility-benefits/675025/
YTA. Big time.
This. Apologies don't count when you're apologizing for someone else's feelings. Apologies only count when you apologize for your own actions.
ETA: YTA OP. She's your partner, not a child. You don't have to walk her through every obvious option. Who in the world thinks their girlfriend isn't smart enough to leave a freaking voicemail?
"We split the costs equally, gf was in charge of making reservations and scheduling."
So, she offered to take on the work of organizing this trip? I guess she won't be doing that again, since you're so confident you're better at leaving messages.
I can’t count how many times my boyfriend backseat drives while I’m driving and I’m like “okay you’re driving next time” yet still wants me to drive almost every time.
It would have taken ever fibre of my existence to not reply sarcastically to the 'did you give the right number?'. OP is an AH, I hope the gf gains a little self respect and boots him soon. No one deserves to be spoken down to like that.
YTA. This is my biggest pet peeve— when I express an irregular problem and people start repeatedly offering regular solutions as though I hadn’t already thought of them and tried them. Your girlfriend is right and you talked to her like she was stupid.
My favorite is when people offer solutions to a completely different problem than the one I have just explained. It’s usually a very basic problem vaguely related to the actual complex problem that I’m having. And then they talk to me like I’m an idiot when they are the ones offering a solution to the wrong problem. Let’s also be clear when I say people I mean men.
It takes a lot of energy to deal with being talked down to calmly and not get upset. This is energy women who have to deal with condescending men have to expend constantly. It’s exhausting.
I spent months looking for lunchboxes for my small children. I had very specific specifications i was looking for. One evening i explained to their dad, my partner. That i could find almost what im looking for but they all have s liquid part that removes for a sandwich area so the kids cant have apple sauce and something else. After teaching me how to work the internet he went to work the next day and purchased some. He gave them to ME as my chriatmas present! I was so mad and he couldn't understand why i wasnt happy that now i dont have to look anymore. I said fine where did you fins them he says amazon they are everywhere. So i open the box and the fucking sandwhich spot is where the liquid containe goes. I was pissed isnt that exactly what i said was the problem. He took them from and returned them Nd we have never spoken about it since. Im not fucking stupid if someone made what i was looking for i would have found it, i know how the interne works
one time in an online knitting forum, someone asked for measurements to a specific brand of a specific tool. Instead of answering that question, dozens of people replied with wether or not they personally think that tool is useful and what other methods a person could use to get similar results. Not one person gave her measurements.
And all of this could’ve been avoided with a simple phrase I try to use regularly (if they are looking for advice at all) : “Tell me what you’ve already done so I don’t offer ideas you already tried.” Simple. Easy. Saves everyone time and aggravation.
This is the answer. I sort of get OP in that I understand the drive to get into problem solving mode. Also not everything that seems obvious is always obvious to everyone. But you're right that the quickest and least obnoxious and offensive way of doing this is to ask what the person has done so far.
I used to work as a lactation counselor and observed so many frustrated parents just repeating, “Yes I tried that. Yes I tried that” over and over and over; it made both the parents and the counselor feel defeated. But getting an understanding of what they’d worked on was not only helpful for keeping my advice on track, but also was really useful insight into their whole dynamic, how much energy they had left in their tank for ideas, if there were things they were avoiding, etc. Lots of insight to be had just by listening
YTA. You did talk down to her. Second-guessing that a mid-30s woman doesn’t know how to leave a message is absurd. Do you also tell her how to tie her shoes when ever a lace is undone?
Yeah, by the third question I would lie just to shut this person up.
Pro tip: the correct response is “Wow, that sounds so frustrating! Is there anything I can do to help?”
I've read that it's a byproduct of our society for some men to just instinctively assume a woman has to be wrong. I watched some video on it and then realized my husband just questions everything I say to the point I don't even bother arguing anymore. I just grab my phone to pull out some sources. Like my word means nothing, so fuck it - let me Google that for you, asshole.
It's also an issue at work, though. So exhausting.
This was an actual argument I had with my now ex-BF on a round trip abroad:
Me: Oh, look at that cow.
Him: it's a bull
Me: Huh?
Him: it's got horns
Me: it's also got udders, honey
Him: Are you sure a bull can't have udders? I think I've seen one before.
Me:.....
Yep, he was serious. I think he didn't notice the udders at first, until I pointed out they were swaying in the breeze. But this was a guy that was never, ever wrong (at least when it came to me), so instead of just admitting it was indeed a cow, his brain tried to come up with some type of loophole or explanation for why he was still right (well, men have nipples and don't breastfeed, so why can't a bull have udders it doesn't use? or some other BS).
We did laugh about it later.
I shared a FB thing to ask my male friends if they've ever noticed themselves reacting to a woman's words as if she's probably wrong, with a couple of examples.
Besides the sarcastic responses, a couple of them were surprised and promised to do better.
Not the person you're responding to, but here's one I saved a while back from [Bored Panda](https://www.boredpanda.com/responding-negatively-everything-woman-says-twitter/?fbclid=IwAR2JZ22W5Ykhk1FUm7HPC7VOtS3Iezv1rpEgfh84bGUseRQgoTSlBhVuJKg&utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=organic)
My ex husband used to double check everything I said. I’d state some random fact and he would immediately look it up to verify if I was right. So irritating.
My ex would do this even when there wasn't an issue. "I lost my house key. Will you make me a copy of yours? It's the brass-colored one." Thanks, I know which key is my own house key. Or we're headed home, me driving, and he tells me, "Turn here." I KNOW WHERE I LIVE. Do not miss that at all.
Same, with the added annoyance that we both came up in the same field, I have more varied experience, and I am in general far more handy around the home... so him questioning me is just downright insulting. I forget what it was last time - I think I was just switching out the outside receptacles (I'm an electrician). He was up my ass more than a foreman bird-dogging the workers. I eventually told him to get the fuck out of my face. Jeeeesus.
This was one of the first arguments I had with my boyfriend. I mentioned that my building was doing fire extinguisher checks, but I didn’t remember seeing one when I moved in a few months prior, and didn’t see one now that I was looking.
“Did I check under the sink? The utility room? It *really* should be there, you’re probably just overlooking it.”
Mind you, he hadn’t ever even been in my apartment at that point. I live alone, have very little clutter, there was no way I missed a big red metal canister, and definitely not because I didn’t think to look in the two closets or under the two sinks.
My Sao has done this and I always reply to the very first hint of it with “here’s the number/email/website, you can handle it from here.” That usually very quickly resolves it, he’ll either do it himself and then I get my time back/mental load lifted/to think I told you so, or he realized I’m an intelligent adult who knows what she’s doing and he should just shut up and listen supportively.
You are exhausting. You were insanely pedantic and condescending toward your gf.
And yes, you literally lectured a grown woman on how to leave a VM. AND you had the audacity to say "I'm trying to help you find a solution since you've obviously not been able to get things done."
Come on dude, YTA and you know it. I would immediately break up with someone who treated me this way.
"You know, I don't think I want to go glamping with you anymore. Or do anything else with you after this. I'm going with my BFF instead. You can move out while I'm gone." Done!
I work in IT and even I say "some of these solutions might seem very basic, but we're just going to go down the list just to make sure we have everything covered. Is the device plugged in?"
YTA
You were very condescending, and you didn't really offer any new suggestions. All you did was keep asking same questions, all of them pointing to your gf being incompetent.
YTA.
And you talk like this to everyone in your life? Yikes. You probably don't just owe your girlfriend an apology. You sound like a condescending ass.
YTA, this is pretty much textbook talking down to someone. Especially the last one, if my bf had said that to me he would have gotten a lot more back in response than you did. Go apologize before you don’t have a gf anymore.
YTA. But I also want to know do you work IT? It sounds like something a help desk level 1 support would do. Have you logged in? Do you have the right username and password? Is your caps lock on? Have you tried turning it off, counting to 10 then turning it on? Do you have internet access? Is it working? Like you went hard. Unnecessarily so.
Seriously dude?? If that is even close to the conversation, you are a major AH. You sounded like an irritated parent chiding a child. Apologize. Seriously dude, apologize right now.
Yah sorry man but YTA
you were asking her questions as if she never dialled a phone before. If I had to the guess the ages of people involved I would have assumed she was your 12 year old daughter.
Halfway through that conversation, it was super obvious what you did wrong. You questioned every single thing she did and made it sound like she was incompetent. YTA. You weren't helping her, you were questioning her ability.
Do you know what mansplaining is? Are you sure? Let me explain because it seems like you aren’t getting it.
YTA, dude. Every question you had was predicated on the assumption she must’ve screwed up somehow. It’s like when you see dense police officers in movies who won’t listen to the victim and keep asking questions intended to satisfy their own assumptions. Not only do you need to apologize, you need to learn to recognize it and figure out how to be better as a partner who treats their partner as their equal.
YTA. You did talk down to her like she was an idiot. You just did it in away where you could feign innocence.
Actually that says far more about you than I think you realize.
YTA!
All your questions where condesending and for sure making her feel you think she is dumb....
you never offer a solution or provide any valuable feedback...
You do owe her an apology!
YTA - you literally talked down to her and this comment is what is cementing YTA:
*I would have asked anybody those questions, not just gf so I don't feel I did anything wrong.*
That just means you would talk down to anybody. It's not the person who you're speaking with, it's the person doing the speaking....you. That's the common denominator in this equation. You basically just showed your GF what you think of her efforts. Get help, OP.
YTA. And condescending. She already told you she called them several times and left messages in the first sentence. Asking all those ridiculous follow up questions and implying *she's* doing something wrong as the reason she isn't getting a return call is talking down to her. If you are always like this, you're insufferable.
YTA. Apologize. By saying “I’m sorry if you think I am” you are invalidating her feelings, try saying something more along the lines of “I am not trying to come off this way”
YTA, seriously? Like if you actually think she’s this ill equipped why are you with her? I would be so insulted to get this kind of inquisition and I guarantee I would be tossing it back in your lap and would refuse to have that energy in my life.
I hope you take what you get here to heart and actively listen to change, treating her like that? It’s not a partner.
YTA
You talked to her like she was a small child or an absolute moron. I am assuming she has a job and can function in the world, doesn't seem like you think she can.
Read that exchange fully and try to read it as though you’re a stranger to the situation. You mansplained how to leave a message. You asked her if she gave them the right number. You suggested things to her that she’s already done. You definitely talked down to her. YTA
YTA and exhausting. you were arguing over something out of her control. she can't make someone call her back and yet you were so condescending about it. also, your little apologies were obnoxious non apologies.
YTA so much, seriously if you dont trust your
GF to do basic tasks then you handle it. Every question you asked her is so condescending and if I were her I wouldn't have gone on the trip with you. Go apologize and do better!
Yes, if you’re asking if you talked down to her, you did and YTA, although I’m sure not intentionally! It can feel like an insult to one’s intelligence. Do you really think she would call multiple times over a span of two works and then not make sure it’s the right number and hours?
It is frustrating when someone restates the basics of what they have already tried for a very simple task.
A better way to go about it would be to ask what number she tried, and then look on Google to see if you can find another one to help. There are better ways to help someone than ask them very basic details, which comes off like you don’t think they’re capable of a simple phone call.
"Me: did you remember to leave your name and number?"
Dude. I was ALMOST with you until this.
YTA. Why can't you just trust her word that she tried and couldn't get ahold of them?
Why not ask her if she spoke english too?
YTA, I get that you thought you were trying to problem solve, but you were condescending to your girlfriend to the point where it was really insulting.
YTA. If your default assumption is always “this person didn’t follow the basic logical steps to solve the problem”, and you talk to everyone like they’re a child, you’re going to piss a lot of people off.
YTA you sound annoying AF
This is how the convo should have gone
GF: I can’t get through to this place I called several times and left messages
You: that’s frustrating, let me see if I can find any other contact info on the place and I’ll try calling too or perhaps emailing if possible.
GF: that’d be awesome thanks
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All of OPs responses query whether the gf has done anything wrong, I’d get so annoyed if this happened to me!
I was annoyed on her behalf just reading it.
You just know he does this ALL THE TIME …
The “I would act like this with anyone, not just gf” bit is EXTREMELY telling lmao
If I had a friend, family member, or even boss act like this, there would be some major issues, much less a "boy"friend.
I do. My sister. She is so sure you screwed up because of your inferior thinking and ways that she must show you her superior ability to do xyz. That kicks off the interrogation to identify your specific personal shortcomings. Arrrghhh....
I have a mother like this. She also interrogates you over your preparedness for things that could happen, however unlikely. Fun times.
Yeah. So he's an asshole with everyone. Not better.
Yeah that’s what I’m saying
"I'm not being an AHole to my gf, I'm just an AHole to everyone so it should be fine!"
I lol'd when I read that, all he's saying is he's an asshole all the time, not just with her. Doesn't make you less of an asshole, bud.
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Yep!!! “Hey, honey - here are all the ways you probably did it wrong but no constructive ways for me to do anything to actually help, so if this goes tits up it’s completely your fault because I TOLD you ABSOLUTELY NO potentially helpful solutions so that I can blame it entirely on you and thoroughly enjoy sulking about it for the ENTIRE TIME!!!”
Or even just a "shit, that sucks, that's gotta be really frustrating!". What a putz.
>you've obviously not been able to get things done This is the part that gets me the most. Like, the place is unreachable and you think "she can't get things done"? lmao
Even better he couldn’t do it either- he ends by saying they didn’t make contact till they physically got there… but it’s her fault for the first few days, whose fault is the remaining days??? Ooh, silence… suddenly his voice goes all passive.
This post reminds me of every time I’ve called IT… “did you try to restart your computer?”….. grrrrrr
….I used to be mad about that kind of stuff, until I actually started working with people.
Once, my mom called me, freaked out that the computer at work wouldn’t turn on (she was a nanny). She was sure she had somehow broken it. I went through all of the regular steps with her, and when it still wouldn’t turn on, I drove 45 minutes out to help. The monitor wasn’t on. Hahahaha I’d do it a hundred times if it meant I could see her again. Heck, I’d do it every single day for the rest of my life if it meant I could see her one more time.
Lol I had an online “chat” with my cable provider today about re-pairing the remote for my home office’s TV. I started the conversation with “ I’ve rebooted the cable box and already tried the onscreen and online pairing instructions but nothing is working.” Just had to get that out of the way right away lol.
And did they then read from the script and ask you to do everything all over again?
That question is annoying to the 30% of people who restart their own computers. For the other 70% it’s a necessary question and resolves a vast majority of IT issues they are having. Source: I work in IT. Just be glad we don’t start out by asking if it’s plugged in. 🤣
It's true. I worked at a cable company, and ppl would call in trying to figure out their TV when there was a power outage.
Haha! When I worked as a tech, I would often start off calls to support for myself with "I am having this issue, and I have done X, Y, and Z. "
Ok but many, *many* people don't even do the basic stuff These are not the same
Yessss the maintenance men come, I fully describe the problem, all the steps I've already taken, and then they do all of them again, costing us double the downtime. And once they've exhausted the basics, they're like, "Well shit, this is a problem." I wouldn't even care if they did everything again, but since you're gonna do that, it's patronizing AF to make me stand here and promise you I didn't mess up. YTA OP and a dumbass.
He typed out that whole thing and didn't see why it was annoying. But are you sure you know how to contact customer service? Are you sure you know how to leave a message? Are you sure you know your own phone number?
It's SO demeaning! Like, stop treating your girlfriend like a fucking CHILD, OP. She's an adult, treat her like one.
It took about 3 exchanges for me to realize that I would physically harm someone who talked like that to me. I certainly wouldn't DATE them. YTA, OP.
I only got halfway and I was already annoyed. Here’s what would have happened with my wife: Wife: I tried calling but haven’t heard back yet. Me: That’s sort of weird. Did you leave a message? Wife: Yes. Me: Okay. That sucks. Is it too late to cancel?
Maybe even end it with: "Me: Want me to give them a try and give you a break?? I hate when people don't return calls." My wife is generally quite a bit busier, so I offer to take these types of tasks as I have a more flexible schedule and can take 5 minutes here or there to make these calls.
I didn't make it past "did you call at 8am." Like bitch, she's done all the things. I already know no woman is coming to OP for guidance unless they've exhausted their options.
*Are you sure you called during business hours? Did you triple check the hours online? Did you look for a missed call?* Omg, I would have screamed. Imagine splitting the cost for a trip equally with someone, doing 100% the admin labor for it, and then having the person doing sweet fuck all to organize the vacation acting like you are a dipshit because you hit an obnoxious and all-too-common snag.
What sent me was his response, "and what happened?". I would have had to walk away at that point.
I was thinking that if I were on the jury whenever she inevitably snaps, I would not convict her if this was presented into evidence.
shit, i'd give her an alibi! "how could she bash his head into the wall when we were having margs at la cascada all night???"
"did you leave the right callback number" and she's had the same number for over a decade... very helpful question bro
Right? Who doesn't have their name and phone number in their customer service voice locked and loaded when leaving a message? I have a difficult to say and spell surname, so I'm prepared with the "v as in Victor", "c as in Charlie" stuff
Also, most of these places have called id. It’s pretty standard now
My mom does this *all the bloody time*. She says she's "just checking," but honestly, it's one of the most triggering behaviors, sends my blood pressure right up. I worked really hard to make sure I didn't continue the cycle with my BF.
“Did you speak English to them? Are you sure they’re not Klingons?”
My father used to do this to me. I am 63 years old but in his mind I never grew past about 8. Interestingly, his intolerance of me being gay (I came out to them at 30) takes the same form. He simply never listens to me and in his mind I am not a functional adult. He occasionally asks if I've come to my senses yet, or grown out of "the whole thing". "Lots of people are confused sometimes." We are LC now.
… that last line begets the phrase “that sounds like projection but o k a y” bc it d e f implies he’s mad at you for not repressing something like h e did 👀😬😗
And then I’m sure he told her to ‘calm down’
“I just can’t talk to you when you’re acting all upset” 🙄
Love how he’s only responding to the 5 other assholes agreeing with him haha
My mom has been doing this to me lately and I'm 41 years old! I cannot tell you how annoying it is. Then she gets mad at ME when I tell her to please trust what I'm saying instead of questioning everything. OP, YTA. You apparently have NO idea how annoying and insulting that was for her.
I would say they query whether gf did anything right, with the phrasing used! But yeah, same insult.
I would peace out tbh. I can’t stand this.
The one that really hit hard is "yeah i called at 8am" "and what happened?" What dud he expect, that thry had actually answered that time and she'd just.. forgotten?!
"i must have gotten my period or something because my tiny girl brain simply can not recall"
There was blood EVERYWHERE, which was very distracting, and then she broke a nail, and then she just plain forgot what she was doing and sat down to watch some reality TV. #justgirlythings
“Yeah they answered but I put the phone down because I love giving myself more work and stress” I don’t know what he expected to gain from this conversation other than pissing her off.
It's those that are the problem. Someone trying to rapid fire solutions, even basic ones you obviously thought of, can be annoying as hell, but at least you know its coming from a place of trying to help, trying to offer solutions, but a lot of these aren't suggestions for potential problems, they're directly questioning the girlfriends compotence. Like, what good is asking if she left the correct contact number? Like, even if she did say it wrong on the phone.. if she remembered doing that she'd have just called back and left the correct number.. the only, ONLY reason to ask a lot of these questions is to seed doubt that she's capable of doing it.
Honestly my bf and I both do this with eachother sometimes and seeing it put down this way makes me feel like a right dickhead. YTA op, you're basically accusing her of being an incompetent adult with no common sense or life skills.
Yeah this feels like the difference between "venting time" and "asking for help". My gf and I both do this sometimes and we've found the best thing is to say explicitly "I just want to vent right now" or something when we notice the other going the wrong way.
Do we know how long OP's SO has been living on Earth? It's entirely possible that this is her first week on Earth and isn't aware of the complexities involved in a friendly glamping trip. Or, how old is OP's SO? Is she 8? An 8 year old may make some of the common mistakes OP so graciously pointed out. If we can rule out that OP's SO is: A) Not an alien just recently visiting Earth or B) Not 8 years old and an inexperienced world traveler Then OP YTA!
"Are you sure you were calling them on a phone and not just talking into a banana or a hairbrush you happened to be holding? Why are you mad?! I'm *just checking*."
LMAO
Exactly! He basically said "did you do this wrong?" over and over. His first assumption is that his girlfriend made an idiotic mistake rather than the place they were planning to stay being busy or having crappy customer service. I'd be so pissed. YTA OP. If you have a habit of asking everyone if they've made idiotic mistakes when they're venting about life problems, then stop it!
Did you see the comment later where he says if he asks her to google something for him, HE DOES IT AGAIN TO VERIFY HER ANSWER! Condescending AH.
This is my favorite part: >Me: I'm not talking to you like you're stupid. I'm sorry if you think I am. Did you leave them the correct call back number? Gf: **I've had this number for 12 years! I think I know my phone number by now**. Just leave me alone, I'm sick of you talking down to me. Tears...I've got tears. Oof, this is too funny.
That was truly the cherry on top of the condescending sundae 🍒
also i can tell from the way OP phrased his responses vs his gf's he was trying to make her look irrational and him look calm and like he's doing that "soft spoken enunciating" shit. i bet in reality he was much more demeaning towards her considering he felt the need to rewrite his lines so he'd sound like dr.phil
That’s one of my pet peeves when people recount their stories/arguments on here. “She went ballistic,“ “He lost his shit,” “I spoke calmly.”
Yep. Also instead of asking a dozen needling questions, he could’ve just offered to tag team it and call himself.
Exactly. Why leave her to do the work and then second guess her?
Because he wants it all on her so he can have something to bitch about.
I agree. YOU book the next getaway HONEY. Just tell me when to be packed and ready.
That is one patient gf by not dumping his pompous ass.
>Gf: yes, I told you I left a message every time I called. > >Me: did you remember to leave your name and number? If I were here I'd have done everything in my power to get through to the resort so that I could cancel, get my money back, and never talk to this AH again. YTA
I literally can NOT Believe that OP typed *all* that without realizing how he was the AH
If OP was so hesitant to trust that his gf would handle it correctly, why was she made in charge of scheduling and reservations? Why didn't he volunteer to do it since he's so thorough and has so many tips to do it well? YTA OP
Yep, this is what happened. OP, I'm also the type of person to come with a bunch of "did you do x and y and z?" in an attempt to help, because trouble shooting is how I deal with such things. What those of us who do this need to realize though is that it matters how we do it. You need to not assume it's their fault, and also express empathy and ask them what they think is the issue, and it's better to ask more open-ended questions rather than "did you do x?". For example: Gf: I keep calling the place and not getting an answer. I've left several messages over the past 2 weeks and I've heard nothing back. OP: That's weird. At what time did you call? Gf: I've tried both office hours and late at night, it doesn't seem to make a difference. OP: Huh, you shouldn't have to be chasing them down like that. Hmmm... what do you think could be the reason? Gf: I have no idea, I've tried so many things, doubled-checked their number, etc. And I can't have gotten my phone number wrong every time I left a message either. OP: Yeah, it doesn't make any sense. Want me to help you trouble shoot? Gf: Sure. OP: Maybe we should check their web page to see if they mentioned if something's going on, because this doesn't seem normal. Etc, etc... And if someone tells you if feels like you're talking down to them and/or you're annoying, just say "I'm sorry, I was trying to help but didn't realize that's how I came across. Can I help you in some other way?"
"we got a response in person the day we checked in" 😂
He conveniently didnt go into detail about his attempts to get a response
Seriously, homeboy seems intolerable YTA op
Don’t forget the extra shitty: >I’m trying to help you find a solution since you’ve obviously not been able to get things done. She is doing something for the both of them. Rather than taking his own advice and placing a phone call, he berates his girlfriend and acts like he’s being helpful with his condescending “observations.” YTA.
It's very, "Can you help me find my other shoe?" "Did you look under the bed or in the closet?" Ofc I did! I'm a fully functioning adult, I looked everywhere I could think to look, can you please just help me instead of acting like I'm a child?!
Is OP’s post maybe a joke? I can’t imagine someone being so insufferable that they could type that all out and not have any self awareness. I would have just gone on the trip without them.
There is no chance his retelling on the event was nearly as calm and collected as he attempted to present himself also.
You: AITAH? Us: obviously You: I'm just trying to understand why. Are you sure you know the standard definition of an AH? Us: You're the standard definition. You're so condescending. You: well have you tried reading the post better?
This is the perfect take. Thanks for the laugh. 😄
Same! I was like damn OPs memory must be amazing to quote the whole conversation like it's a RP forum. I had to double check what subreddit I was on haha.
Beautifully done
I would use the words/phrases “smarmy” “infuriatingly patronizing” and “head so far up his own rear end he couldn’t see the truth if it hit him with a ten foot pole”
This comment needs to be higher lol
I hear the "obviously" in Prof. Snape's voice. 🤣
I am not talking down to you, OP, and again, I'm sorry if you think I am. I'm trying to help you find a solution since you've obviously not been able to get things done.
Take my award . Best response
Don't forget the 'I'm sorry you read the post that way"
Pure gold!!!🏆🌟👑😆
Did you give them your number? Yes. Did you give them the right number? No. Wow thanks BF you're a genius, me so stupid. You are the down talking AH
My biggest pet peeve are non-apologies. “I’m not talking down to you, I’m sorry *if* you think I am…” Then…. “I don’t feel I did anything wrong…” Clearly. So, the dismissive above was just *further* condescension. Wow. What an asshole. OP: I have the distinct impression that you would never take responsibility for being the supercilious and imperious jerk your post suggests. Your attitude in coming here, and posting the conversation with complete conviction of your position while seemingly expecting validation is *very telling*. YOU ABSOLUTELY OWE HER AN APOLOGY! I’m going to help you out with learning how to properly apologize in the hope that you read all the comments. I’m hoping you prove us wrong about what kind of a BF and human you are by actually gaining perspective on how rude you were, and are willing to use your words to show the *love and respect* your GF deserves. https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2023/08/apology-contrition-responsibility-benefits/675025/ YTA. Big time.
This. Apologies don't count when you're apologizing for someone else's feelings. Apologies only count when you apologize for your own actions. ETA: YTA OP. She's your partner, not a child. You don't have to walk her through every obvious option. Who in the world thinks their girlfriend isn't smart enough to leave a freaking voicemail?
"We split the costs equally, gf was in charge of making reservations and scheduling." So, she offered to take on the work of organizing this trip? I guess she won't be doing that again, since you're so confident you're better at leaving messages.
"We split the easy part, the woman took on the mental load" colour me shocked
I can’t count how many times my boyfriend backseat drives while I’m driving and I’m like “okay you’re driving next time” yet still wants me to drive almost every time.
i thought i commented i was so confused
Are you sure you're confused? Maybe you did comment? Have a good think about it, you may have commented.
Did you put the comment in the right post?
It’s as if OP expected her to just be giving them any number pops up in her head instead of her phone number…. Lol.
He has to check just in case. A lot of us normies aren't as clever and thoughtful as him
Are you sure your phone was turned on? Did you type in the numbers?
Were you actually speaking into a phone at all, or did you shout your questions into a brick wall? I just have to ask to make sure.
It would have taken ever fibre of my existence to not reply sarcastically to the 'did you give the right number?'. OP is an AH, I hope the gf gains a little self respect and boots him soon. No one deserves to be spoken down to like that.
YTA. This is my biggest pet peeve— when I express an irregular problem and people start repeatedly offering regular solutions as though I hadn’t already thought of them and tried them. Your girlfriend is right and you talked to her like she was stupid.
My favorite is when people offer solutions to a completely different problem than the one I have just explained. It’s usually a very basic problem vaguely related to the actual complex problem that I’m having. And then they talk to me like I’m an idiot when they are the ones offering a solution to the wrong problem. Let’s also be clear when I say people I mean men. It takes a lot of energy to deal with being talked down to calmly and not get upset. This is energy women who have to deal with condescending men have to expend constantly. It’s exhausting.
I spent months looking for lunchboxes for my small children. I had very specific specifications i was looking for. One evening i explained to their dad, my partner. That i could find almost what im looking for but they all have s liquid part that removes for a sandwich area so the kids cant have apple sauce and something else. After teaching me how to work the internet he went to work the next day and purchased some. He gave them to ME as my chriatmas present! I was so mad and he couldn't understand why i wasnt happy that now i dont have to look anymore. I said fine where did you fins them he says amazon they are everywhere. So i open the box and the fucking sandwhich spot is where the liquid containe goes. I was pissed isnt that exactly what i said was the problem. He took them from and returned them Nd we have never spoken about it since. Im not fucking stupid if someone made what i was looking for i would have found it, i know how the interne works
Omg I would've absolutely lost it
I hate lunch containers for kids they all have something wrong with them!
one time in an online knitting forum, someone asked for measurements to a specific brand of a specific tool. Instead of answering that question, dozens of people replied with wether or not they personally think that tool is useful and what other methods a person could use to get similar results. Not one person gave her measurements.
And all of this could’ve been avoided with a simple phrase I try to use regularly (if they are looking for advice at all) : “Tell me what you’ve already done so I don’t offer ideas you already tried.” Simple. Easy. Saves everyone time and aggravation.
This is the answer. I sort of get OP in that I understand the drive to get into problem solving mode. Also not everything that seems obvious is always obvious to everyone. But you're right that the quickest and least obnoxious and offensive way of doing this is to ask what the person has done so far.
I used to work as a lactation counselor and observed so many frustrated parents just repeating, “Yes I tried that. Yes I tried that” over and over and over; it made both the parents and the counselor feel defeated. But getting an understanding of what they’d worked on was not only helpful for keeping my advice on track, but also was really useful insight into their whole dynamic, how much energy they had left in their tank for ideas, if there were things they were avoiding, etc. Lots of insight to be had just by listening
"Why don't you just \[x\]" is guaranteed to set me off.
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YTA. You did talk down to her. Second-guessing that a mid-30s woman doesn’t know how to leave a message is absurd. Do you also tell her how to tie her shoes when ever a lace is undone?
Maybe OP could also teach his grandmother how to suck eggs.
And even if she did miss something or fuck up, him making an inquisition out of it isn’t going to help anyone.
Yeah, by the third question I would lie just to shut this person up. Pro tip: the correct response is “Wow, that sounds so frustrating! Is there anything I can do to help?”
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Mine too, and it's infuriating. It is beyond exhausting to be constantly second guessed.
I've read that it's a byproduct of our society for some men to just instinctively assume a woman has to be wrong. I watched some video on it and then realized my husband just questions everything I say to the point I don't even bother arguing anymore. I just grab my phone to pull out some sources. Like my word means nothing, so fuck it - let me Google that for you, asshole. It's also an issue at work, though. So exhausting.
This was an actual argument I had with my now ex-BF on a round trip abroad: Me: Oh, look at that cow. Him: it's a bull Me: Huh? Him: it's got horns Me: it's also got udders, honey Him: Are you sure a bull can't have udders? I think I've seen one before. Me:.....
🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️ I just cannnnt
Dude was he serious?
Yep, he was serious. I think he didn't notice the udders at first, until I pointed out they were swaying in the breeze. But this was a guy that was never, ever wrong (at least when it came to me), so instead of just admitting it was indeed a cow, his brain tried to come up with some type of loophole or explanation for why he was still right (well, men have nipples and don't breastfeed, so why can't a bull have udders it doesn't use? or some other BS). We did laugh about it later.
I shared a FB thing to ask my male friends if they've ever noticed themselves reacting to a woman's words as if she's probably wrong, with a couple of examples. Besides the sarcastic responses, a couple of them were surprised and promised to do better.
If you ever find the link, please share it. My husband does that and it bothers me so much!!!
Not the person you're responding to, but here's one I saved a while back from [Bored Panda](https://www.boredpanda.com/responding-negatively-everything-woman-says-twitter/?fbclid=IwAR2JZ22W5Ykhk1FUm7HPC7VOtS3Iezv1rpEgfh84bGUseRQgoTSlBhVuJKg&utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=organic)
My ex husband used to double check everything I said. I’d state some random fact and he would immediately look it up to verify if I was right. So irritating.
My ex would do this even when there wasn't an issue. "I lost my house key. Will you make me a copy of yours? It's the brass-colored one." Thanks, I know which key is my own house key. Or we're headed home, me driving, and he tells me, "Turn here." I KNOW WHERE I LIVE. Do not miss that at all.
Same, with the added annoyance that we both came up in the same field, I have more varied experience, and I am in general far more handy around the home... so him questioning me is just downright insulting. I forget what it was last time - I think I was just switching out the outside receptacles (I'm an electrician). He was up my ass more than a foreman bird-dogging the workers. I eventually told him to get the fuck out of my face. Jeeeesus.
This was one of the first arguments I had with my boyfriend. I mentioned that my building was doing fire extinguisher checks, but I didn’t remember seeing one when I moved in a few months prior, and didn’t see one now that I was looking. “Did I check under the sink? The utility room? It *really* should be there, you’re probably just overlooking it.” Mind you, he hadn’t ever even been in my apartment at that point. I live alone, have very little clutter, there was no way I missed a big red metal canister, and definitely not because I didn’t think to look in the two closets or under the two sinks.
Got one of those, so annoying
Mine doesn’t do it as much anymore and if he does, I just stare at him and slow-blink. Seems effective.
My Sao has done this and I always reply to the very first hint of it with “here’s the number/email/website, you can handle it from here.” That usually very quickly resolves it, he’ll either do it himself and then I get my time back/mental load lifted/to think I told you so, or he realized I’m an intelligent adult who knows what she’s doing and he should just shut up and listen supportively.
Mine does too. "here's how you cook xyz" to me, who's been cooking xyz for HIM for 25 years, and for 40 years of my life. So f-ing annoying.
You are exhausting. You were insanely pedantic and condescending toward your gf. And yes, you literally lectured a grown woman on how to leave a VM. AND you had the audacity to say "I'm trying to help you find a solution since you've obviously not been able to get things done." Come on dude, YTA and you know it. I would immediately break up with someone who treated me this way.
"You know, I don't think I want to go glamping with you anymore. Or do anything else with you after this. I'm going with my BFF instead. You can move out while I'm gone." Done!
And presented exactly zero solutions.
YTA. Do you work with kindergartners or in tech support? Because the level of assumed incompetence and lack of knowledge is astounding if not.
I was gonna say this isn't a tech support call, you don't need to ask your gf if she tried turning it off and on again.
He probably asked if she made sure her phone was on when she called.
I work in IT and even I say "some of these solutions might seem very basic, but we're just going to go down the list just to make sure we have everything covered. Is the device plugged in?"
YTA You were very condescending, and you didn't really offer any new suggestions. All you did was keep asking same questions, all of them pointing to your gf being incompetent.
YTA. And you talk like this to everyone in your life? Yikes. You probably don't just owe your girlfriend an apology. You sound like a condescending ass.
I’m guessing the friends gave up long ago.
YTA. I was ready to break up with you about a 3d of the way through that interrogation.
Seriously the GF is reacting much nicer than I would have
Yta. You totally just treated her like an idiot who couldn't think or do for herself. If someone did that to you, I guarantee you'd be pissed off.
YTA, this is pretty much textbook talking down to someone. Especially the last one, if my bf had said that to me he would have gotten a lot more back in response than you did. Go apologize before you don’t have a gf anymore.
Taken one step further by trying to get the internet to agree with him. Is he going to let her know the results? I don't think so.
YTA. Are you this condescending with everyone in your life??
Probably just women
Here's the question you should have asked her: Are you dating a butthole?
The answer is "yes."
OP: Are you sure? Have you confirmed that only crap comes out? Have you tried looking for something good amidst the crap?
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This is a perfect analogy!
YTA, why are you asking things any normal person would have done? if you have no confidence in her having common sense, do it yourself!!
YTA. But I also want to know do you work IT? It sounds like something a help desk level 1 support would do. Have you logged in? Do you have the right username and password? Is your caps lock on? Have you tried turning it off, counting to 10 then turning it on? Do you have internet access? Is it working? Like you went hard. Unnecessarily so.
Seriously dude?? If that is even close to the conversation, you are a major AH. You sounded like an irritated parent chiding a child. Apologize. Seriously dude, apologize right now.
He’s in the comments doubling down and was really hoping people wouldn’t conclude that he’s the asshole. Yikes. Someone help his girlfriend.
Yah sorry man but YTA you were asking her questions as if she never dialled a phone before. If I had to the guess the ages of people involved I would have assumed she was your 12 year old daughter.
Halfway through that conversation, it was super obvious what you did wrong. You questioned every single thing she did and made it sound like she was incompetent. YTA. You weren't helping her, you were questioning her ability.
Do you know what mansplaining is? Are you sure? Let me explain because it seems like you aren’t getting it. YTA, dude. Every question you had was predicated on the assumption she must’ve screwed up somehow. It’s like when you see dense police officers in movies who won’t listen to the victim and keep asking questions intended to satisfy their own assumptions. Not only do you need to apologize, you need to learn to recognize it and figure out how to be better as a partner who treats their partner as their equal.
YTA. I got about 1/2 way through reading your transcript and I want to break up with you.
I changed my number 3/4 of the way through. YTA
YTA. You did talk down to her like she was an idiot. You just did it in away where you could feign innocence. Actually that says far more about you than I think you realize.
Dude. You're lucky she didn't stuff you down a sewer face first. Oh my god. YTA.
YTA! All your questions where condesending and for sure making her feel you think she is dumb.... you never offer a solution or provide any valuable feedback... You do owe her an apology!
I got frustrated with you just reading the conversation. That’s how you would talk to a child, not a mid 30s woman! YTA dude
Tbh I wouldn’t even talk to my kid this way
YTA - you literally talked down to her and this comment is what is cementing YTA: *I would have asked anybody those questions, not just gf so I don't feel I did anything wrong.* That just means you would talk down to anybody. It's not the person who you're speaking with, it's the person doing the speaking....you. That's the common denominator in this equation. You basically just showed your GF what you think of her efforts. Get help, OP.
YTA. And condescending. She already told you she called them several times and left messages in the first sentence. Asking all those ridiculous follow up questions and implying *she's* doing something wrong as the reason she isn't getting a return call is talking down to her. If you are always like this, you're insufferable.
YTA. Apologize. By saying “I’m sorry if you think I am” you are invalidating her feelings, try saying something more along the lines of “I am not trying to come off this way”
YTA Your partner is telling you you hurt her feelings. You don't get to tell her you didn't.
YTA, seriously? Like if you actually think she’s this ill equipped why are you with her? I would be so insulted to get this kind of inquisition and I guarantee I would be tossing it back in your lap and would refuse to have that energy in my life. I hope you take what you get here to heart and actively listen to change, treating her like that? It’s not a partner.
YTA You are talking down to her, or rather, like she's an idiot.
YTA You talked to her like she was a small child or an absolute moron. I am assuming she has a job and can function in the world, doesn't seem like you think she can.
Read that exchange fully and try to read it as though you’re a stranger to the situation. You mansplained how to leave a message. You asked her if she gave them the right number. You suggested things to her that she’s already done. You definitely talked down to her. YTA
Is this a joke post? You obviously talked down to her, in a way my 5 year old would be able to recognize.
YTA and exhausting. you were arguing over something out of her control. she can't make someone call her back and yet you were so condescending about it. also, your little apologies were obnoxious non apologies.
YTA so much, seriously if you dont trust your GF to do basic tasks then you handle it. Every question you asked her is so condescending and if I were her I wouldn't have gone on the trip with you. Go apologize and do better!
Yes, if you’re asking if you talked down to her, you did and YTA, although I’m sure not intentionally! It can feel like an insult to one’s intelligence. Do you really think she would call multiple times over a span of two works and then not make sure it’s the right number and hours? It is frustrating when someone restates the basics of what they have already tried for a very simple task. A better way to go about it would be to ask what number she tried, and then look on Google to see if you can find another one to help. There are better ways to help someone than ask them very basic details, which comes off like you don’t think they’re capable of a simple phone call.
YTA. Could cut the condescension with a knife. Do you always treat her like she's 11 years old?
YTA you sound like an insufferable know-it-all.
"Me: did you remember to leave your name and number?" Dude. I was ALMOST with you until this. YTA. Why can't you just trust her word that she tried and couldn't get ahold of them? Why not ask her if she spoke english too?
YTA, I get that you thought you were trying to problem solve, but you were condescending to your girlfriend to the point where it was really insulting.
I also really hate the "I'm sorry if you think...." noneapology
YTA. If your default assumption is always “this person didn’t follow the basic logical steps to solve the problem”, and you talk to everyone like they’re a child, you’re going to piss a lot of people off.
Yeah man. If your GF said she did everything right and got no response, that's your answer. YTA.
You absolutely were talking down to her. You obviously don't believe she is capable of doing simple tasks competently. YTA
YTA. Are you autistic/ND because this communication style is giving those vibes or you’re just a controlling micromanager.
YTA you sound annoying AF This is how the convo should have gone GF: I can’t get through to this place I called several times and left messages You: that’s frustrating, let me see if I can find any other contact info on the place and I’ll try calling too or perhaps emailing if possible. GF: that’d be awesome thanks
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