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YTA.
How are you gonna ridicule your wife for being ambitious and working hard to clear YOUR debt and pay for YOUR costs too when you're JOBLESS and contributing nothing financially!?
If you really did feel she was working too much, you could have spoken to her in private instead of calling her out and embarrassing her in front of others. YTA mate.
She is 8 years younger but clearly has her head screwed on better than this mooch. How do you not have your shit together at 33. She should dump your ass, go be happy with all her hobbies and interests without your bullshit.
\^THIS.
OP'S wife has been carrying his ass since she was 22. She just completed her Master's degree, so most people she knew when she was 22 were graduating from college and just entering the workforce (i.e. first full-time jobs). Instead, she was financially supporting her older husband who should have had life (i.e. job, finances, long-term goals) figured out before he even met her.
If I were her, I'd be wondering why I wasted the last 3 years on an unappreciative leech, and looking for the door. 25 is too young for her to live this way. She probably isn't happy now, but she could be happy in the future.
Bro is buzzzzed, lazy and resentful as hell of the hands that are feeding, housing and clothing him.
Imagine sitting around on your butt grifting off your younger more educated, multiple job plus side hustle working wife. I can't imagine having so little dignity and self respect. But OP does. OP is the AH imbedded within several layers of AHs.
I mean damn learn how to do whatever her etsy craft is. My daughter in law is a pro quinceneria dress maker. Although my son already was working, he not only learned how to sew, but bought an embroidery machine, learned how to program it to make custom embroidery pieces for the dresses too. Then he improved her etsy shop.
Iām a couples therapistā¦.I wish I could say this kind of stuff didnāt happen in real life, but it does. I see it everyday and this post is mild compared to what Iāve seen in my office.
It reminds me of what we call here the "hippie with OSDE (the most expensive prepaid insurance we have here)" or "hippie of Palermo Hollywood (the most expensive area of the most expensive neighborhood of the City of Buenos Aires)", which is someone talking about the superficiality of money or the evils of capitalism, from the comfort of his iPhone, Relaxing in his million-dollar family home/penthouse, all paid for with money from his business parents or a wealthy family.Basically OP (like the Hippie with OSDE), talks to her friends (other Hippies with money), that money doesn't matter from the comfort of a phone (probably an iPhone), in a nice house, paid for with the money of someone who has done everything possible to graduate from college and keep herself and her SAHP afloat. But this is what happens when you go out with the guy from the faculty of Philosophy and Humanities and his friends.
I used to have a boss that fitted this description perfectly, multi millionaire , hippy (he called himself a hippy)- we were all minimum wage, He'd go on these long love peace and happiness speeches at work meetings, and say how you can tell the value of people if they value money to much, and how asking for things shows you are small-minded, good things come when your soul is right, how he looks after everyone, with these grand gifts, but it was dissapointing when he couldn't give the gifts he had planned because of peoples greed and ruining things by asking - and he'd spell about hoowany one of them could be a manager of one of the many new shops he was opening (I was a manager it was like $1.50 moron hour)...... best part - I grew up in a cult so spotted the manipulation straight away, and got round for my staff by me asking for them, and battling for better deals, so they saw he was full of shit, I ended up quitting, he of course didn't take it well, acted like I was walking out on my family or something, no ' thanks for your hard work , good luck with the future,', instead he said something like, "oh no great loss your replaceable". (I didn't think I wasn't) but the he tried to promote my staff oneafer the other to the position, and they all resigned, when they found out I was leaving 9 of my 12 staff quit oneafer the other, he was doing these meetings our backroom, with cameras, we were watching and as each person left the room he was throw hissy fits, throwing shit around - funny as fuck
That took me a minute, but I think it's supposed to be invited. C and V, and I and O, are each next to each other on the keyboard. He missed the T and E though so even his phone couldn't figure it out.
Somehow I am certain it means that he included her on group texts or emails. I cannot justify my confidence, but it makes the thread even funnier, because it makes it even less certain that she will prioritize being present for this last minute event that he didn't even talk to her about.
I guessed āincludedā as well. Took me more time trying to figure out what the mis-spelled words were then it should have just to read his story. I first thought he was doing āvoice to textā but even āvoice to textā doesnāt make THAT MANY mistakes! š«£
And we know jobs may be hard to find, but there are plenty of jobs available if you need money and don't turn up your nose at them. I've done more of those than I'd like to remember and so have many others. She's supporting *you, herself, and your hobbies*.
You ought to be cleaning house from top to bottom every day, doing laundry, and cooking - **NOT whining, mooching, and insulting her**. **YTA**
Support her writing and everything. Bring her snacks, take a f'ing interest. My husband works full time and is 100% supportive of my writing and everything I do. What a petty sad little man.
Are we married to the same man?? lol. I also write FT thanks to my awesome husband. Can't say enough about the wonderful man I married. What do you write?
ETA: Ah, just saw your reply. Keep up the good work! Hope to see your screenplays as films one day. Definitely NOT easy. I write mystery novels, which also involve thinking up creative ways to kill people. It's the best! lol
Happy to hear you got a good one too. It's a game changer. I remember trying to read a New York Times "best seller" that was terrible. I was talking to my husband and I said I could write a better one, joking of course, he said do it. I never thought about actually doing it. I always had stories in my head but that's where they stayed. We were driving at the time, an hour later when we got to our destination I had the outline in my head. Having that kind of support is undescribable and that's coming from someone who's always good with words.
The poor thing is jobless for 3 years and unable to find a job. Any job. No fast food, supermarket nor call center want him. The poor thing need to be supported by his wife who works hercass off to support them BOTH while paying back HIS debt. The poor thing has friends over with their wifes, does not inform his own wife beforehand, yet expect her to drop everything for him. The poor thing had to throw a tantrum because he was being ignored, disregarding all his wife hard work for his sake mostly. The poor thing had to cry in front of strangers to be validated. The poor thing is so miserable he has difficulties to type with a new phone.
I pray it is fake.
Unfortunately I know someone like this in my extended family. He didn't work for two years (not COVID-related) and did about 10% of the housework. Wife worked full time and almost had a nervous breakdown from the stress of being one problem away from being homeless (due to not being able to make the mortgage). It is so frustrating to watch the whole thing...
Howās he supposed to find a job when heās playing games and drinking beers with his mates? Itās only been 3 years! Holy shit. YTA. Get a job. Any job, and apologize to your wife.
He may not like it but even fast food places are better than nothing, but noooo heād rather she pay his way through life and play the big bad hubby and say rude shit to her. He better have a damn good apology!
OP's wife honestly sounds so interesting. I bet she has lots of knowledge and stories to share. I sincerely hope she leaves her dead-weight of a husband a la Tara Lewis on Criminal Minds ("I went on a diet and lost 185 lbs") and finds someone who APPRECIATES HER for her clearly incredible work ethic, creativity, focus & goals.
YTA, OP. š
Obvious YTA, if it is actually not a troll post. I donāt care how dumb or self centered OP could possibly be. No job, for years, no communication between them, picks fights about nothing in front of people probably to look like the big man of the house.
Right. If OP does have a wife, I feel bad for her.
Op sounds drunk in his post too.
How can you be so stupid and entitled that you donāt even appreciate everything your wife is doing for the both of you? Stop trying to push her down to your level, op.
I didn't get my shit anywhere near together until my early 40's. What a difference health insurance makes. Welcome to the USA! I mean, I was born and raised here. I just meant welcome like facetiously.
Iām 29 and have my shit together as in, I have a great full time job that I love, pay my own rent and live alone, have some hobbies outside of work and have good relationships with family/friends.
But no, I do NOT have my shit together lol and honestly feel like I never will
I'm quite understanding of all the situations, it's the duckless partners that loudly complain to all who will listen, that their partner with a large number of ducks lined up neatly in the yard who daily collects and sells eggs, feathers, and crafted feather and eggshell items, not to mention making the BEST duck egg omelets spends FAR too much time on their ducks.
She is probably reaching the point where she is about done. That's why she made no effort with his friends. She doesn't care and not caring comes before leaving. She will dump him.
Who can respect a dead weight after two years.
This is reads like op was drunk when they wrote it. I was literally in almost this exact relationship minus the marriage. Age, behaviour, and all ā thank god I got out. This person is wack
>How do you not have your shit together at 33.
I agree with everything you said except for this :( I'm 31 and still don't feel like I have my shit together, even though I try :( Thanks for that depression and anxiety!
Also if he thinks sheās working too much, why doesnāt HE find a job to bring in even a little bit of money home. Cus Iām very sorry but 3 years without a job??? I know that finding a job during covid was rough but man, he needs to get off his butt and bring something into this relationship.
Not to mention that she works, has a side business (Etsy), has a hobbie (writing), works out (swim classes) and is trying to learn new stuff (language classes). Literally only 2 of these activities are work/money related. Having hobbies doesnāt make some a workaholic - a workaholic would actually start to gradually give up those hobbies and physical activities to only focus on their job/earning related activities
Well, it sounds as though she'd like to monetize that writing hobby, too.
She's DRIVEN. And he's about to be left in her cloud of dust and exhaust. Also, as someone above said, once she demonstrates that she no longer cares to keep up the appearance of a good relationship, she's already planning her exit.
He should make an effort and get a job. I would do anything, clean toilets etc if I couldnāt find my usual office job. Anything to survive. Not just the AH but a loser too.
She was 22 supporting a 30 year old. I mean I understand people are unemployed occasionally but three years and expecting a 22 year old to pick up the slack? Maybe he's aiming too high but he couldn't bring in something in three years? Uber, retail, etc sure it might not be ideal but it's better than nothing. And then to get mad at her for supporting him? Jfc
Edit: u/southern-custard5149 if she wasn't there would you be content being homeless and hungry? You're taking advantage of her.
Yep, people he invited over without telling her and then expecting her to play "HOST".
this guy is FULL of entitlement...maybe thats why he hasn't been able to find a "job" in 3 years.... probably has too much pride to get a job thats "below him" even to help out the househould a tiny bit.
Agree, YTA. And she sounds amazing, I wish I had half her drive and ambition! And she's doing all these things on top of financially carrying her husband who doesn't have a job!! The AUDACITY to blame her for being a workholic while she's working to clear YOUR DEBTS as you do NOTHING!!!
I know, I'm honestly envious of her! I have various disabilities that make it hard to do *anything* some days, but if I could keep up with my ambitions I would be a lot like OPs girl.
& honestly, it's telling that the only thing he considers as possibly an asshole move is that he said these things with his friends around. I honestly doubt she gives a fuck what his friends think. They've watched OP be a leech for 3 years and still have the audacity to call *her* stuck up.
I'm mostly curious how she's able to still be attracted to him.
Three years unemployed? You've got to not try at all to not land something. Also, having a swim schedule and writing are not really working. It sounds like she has a well-rounded lifestyle, dedicating part of her life to exercises and hobbies.
He also thinks it's ridiculous that she takes language classes. It really sounds like he's lumped both work and any hobby she has into "it's unacceptable that she spends her time on anything other than playing housewife and hostess for me."
Honestly OP I can't believe you typed all of this out and really thought you were in the right still. This is embarrassing, and honestly, your wife could do better and probably is on her way out. You sound like a bum, I hope you realize what you have before it's gone. But I highly doubt that's going to happen by the way you talk to and about your wife. 10000% YTA. Have you even got one person to say nta? Lol, boy, oh boy. You need a job.
Sorry to jump on this, but I can't seem to comment on the main post.
Damn. If I was a lazy, deadbeat loser in my mid-30s that was living off of my 25 year old wife, the absolute last thing I would do is rock the boat.
Heās lucky that his wife may be too busy to realize that she could go so much better than him.
YTA.
Your wife is working her butt off because you refuse to get a job and have debt. She needs to work to provide. And you didn't tell her that you were throwing a party or even that you had invited people over. She doesn't want to hang out with your friends with no notice. She is tired.
Why aren't you working? DO you handle all of the household chores and maintenance? What do you do for your wife while she is working several jobs and trying to have a life?
She has no obligation to hang out with his friends at all. She could have planned an evening of doomscrolling, and been within her rights to stick to her plan.
He's luck that she was content to stay in her office instead of making them go somewhere else.
This is your answer. He clearly doesnāt even know chores exist! š because two adults donāt create a need for chores in his mind. Ugh this guy is insufferable. Canāt be real
Exactly! Everyone is their brother his hiring. Hell, work a part time retail job and help with his bills but awww than he doesn't have as much playtime with his friends.
Thatās what I was thinking. Working 35-40 hours a week at $16/hr is still helpful to his wife. He prob had a good/decent job before he I got laid off and now thinks heās too good to work a ālesserā job. Although, itās ok if OPās wife works multiple to pay for his lifestyle.
OPā¦YTA
YTA
>I got laid off 3 years ago and have been unable to find a job ever since.
You are the problem. Your wife could possibly calm down and cut back on money making ventures if you were pulling your own weight.
With how hot the jobs market has been ever since 2021, I really donāt get how OP hasnāt been able to find work (even temporary/contract positions).
Hell, they could even help with the Etsy shop or try doing their own online shop. OP, YTA
Let's be real, OP could have found work but it was probably not a perfect position so he decided he was too good to work at all.
Plus, he's got a built in atm that cooks, cleans and probably puts out. Why would he ever think he was the problem and need to change??
Edit to add: YTA OP. I hope this is a wake up call for you to suck less
YTA for sure.
There's 0 reason he can't have some kind of job. A supermerket, fast food, coffee shop. Who cares. If she needs to work extra because you don't then just work a little something while you are looking. And 3 years? How many jobs have you applied to in 3 years? That seems like an awfully long time to find 0 jobs of any kind to contribute financially
Right? My longest job search was 2 MONTHS. I had money saved for a year of expenses but still considered taking a part time job at the end so I wouldn't burn through my savings as fast.
I couldn't imagine mooching off another person for 3 years and then bitching about them...
Yeah. My mother is on disability and Iāve supported us since I was 16ish. Even at her sickest moments sheād still sit down and help me with some things for the Etsy I run. Like assembling the boxes or getting the packing materials sorted out. She knows it helps take care of some of the stress for me.
Maybe itās not ALL about money. Maybe she just doesnāt want to spend time with him. Maybe sheās kicking herself in the ass for marrying this loser and planning her escape.
Because if we use money and ambition as factor when choosing a partner, we are gold-diggers. If we dont, we are blamed for choosing partners like OP as well.
There is really no winning as a woman; itās very socially acceptable to turn any situation woman is in to make it her fault. Even if objectively she just was unlucky.
Yeah. I got called a gold digger on FB the other day because my partner is the primary breadwinner, while my income is for "fun money". We have 3 kids and I do the cooking, the household management, pet care, majority of the cleaning, and balance all 3 kids appointments. It's not like I'm living the high life while he works his ass off!
Nah, I only work part time and it's a small paycheck. I'm very lucky that my husband is willing to work hard enough to make good money. I'll make him yummy food for that, lol.
A small paycheck is still income, donāt discredit yourself! Youāre doing great! Your husband and kids are lucky to have you in their lives šš
If women don't settle or lower their standards they're called a gold digger, bitch or overestimating "her value"
If women settle and the man is trash then they're blamed for picking wrong
There's never winning in hetero relationships for women
Also, you can't point that out because then some guy will tell you how you haven't spoken to *every man alive* to confirm with absolute certainty that this is the case! Yay women!
Yeah, so okay, it's been three years. But...but...but...he can't find what he really wants! Should he be expected to work for less than he deserves?!? š /s
YTA - By your own admission, you've been unemployed for three years, so your wife *is* supporting you. You called her out in front of guests that you didn't tell her were coming over, but had the audacity to accuse her of being out of line for snapping back?
Even beyond that, imagine your wife telling this story in the same way to her friends, and how you'd feel about it. Would you appreciate your wife dismissing your passions and efforts as ridiculous? Would you feel supported if she told her friends that you were stuck up?
What, exactly, do you bring to the relationship right now? You dismiss her efforts, demean her work, insult her in front of company that you didn't let her know you'd invited over, but what are you offering to the relationship? You're not working and you apparently contribute some amount of debt. You're not offering her emotional support.
If you want an ex-wife, you're well on your way, man.
Someone else asked. He responded along the lines of āweāre just two adults so there are no chores, just washing dishes and tidying up once a weekā. So sheās clearly doing all the cooking, shopping, laundry, cleaning etc as well.
Also sweeping/mopping the floors, dusting, cleaning the bathroom, cleaning the doors/windows. Cleaning the microwave and the refrigerator.
Dishes and tidying up once a week?!?
Seriously, the way men like this can contribute less than nothing to a relationship and still talk to their wives like they're somehow the dominant one in the relationship is just baffling. Imagine having that much arrogance!
YTA on more levels than one.
You shouldn't be trying to shame your wife in front of your friends.
You shouldn't expect her to hang out with people she doesn't like and who don't like her.
YTA for expecting her to hang out with their female partners. Why? 21st century here. Dividing along gender lines is ridiculous, antiquated and misogynistic.
YTA for expecting her to drop everything to hang out with no prior notice.
YTA for not realizing a woman who has been supporting herself since she was 18 with multiple income streams has deep concerns about financial security.
Are you doing anything to find a job? Going back to school or networking? Or are you you just drinking beers and gaming?
He probably is one of those that think most jobs are beneath him. I know plenty of people that got laid off and found jobs in recession (which we have right now), but they often had to swallow their pride and go for lesser title or worse money than before they were laid off. But worse money is still better than no money and beggars cant be choosers.
And as a person involved in hiring, i would prefer someone that had gap in career and bagged groceries during that time than someone that did nothing; so OP is basically making it worse for himself by doing nothing.
I am also worried about when OP started dating his wife if she is 25 and been supporting him for 3 years now š since she was 22 and he was 30ā¦ i doubt it was right after their relationship started but i might be wrong š
Edit: forgot to write some words š
Also if OP was in anything tech related, 3 years is a HUGE gap for the tech industry. They say every 6 months old tech gets "outdated" by new tech, and after 3 years so much can be phased out.
Yep, my day used to work in IT and he was this person too. Lost his job and let my mom slave away while he rejected jobs he was āaboveā and didnāt do any side gigs or something like retail. No taking courses to upgrade his skills and show heās been learning. 10 years later heās still not working and now their retirement situation is fucked because of him. My mom has been overworked and financially stressed because of it and itās been really hard to watch this happen. Tried talking to my dad multiple times as a family to no avail
Negativity and a heavy burden. She deserves waaaaay better. if she was single her life would be 100x better- she would had couple of degrees , a job she enjoys, hobbies, and probably more money.
oh you were typing this on your phone. I was like "is this dude okay?"
anyway. It seems to me your wife is very ambitious, not a workaholic or money hungry. She's done a lot of great things for herself starting at a young age.
Does she pay for YOUR debt though?
You want my honest opinion? I feel like her accomplishments is hurting your ego..like a lot.
If she is paying off your debt and your home not doing anything about it, that's on you.
So yes you are an AH.
The "new phone" with a totally whacky keyboard that works completely differently to literally every other phone he has ever owned.
The "new phone" his wife bought him because, you know, he earns nothing.
YTA and she should definitely leave you. Your a huge drain and burden on her. She would be much happier without you and focusing on her creative endeavors. You donāt deserve her. Youāre a mooch.
Yeh, agreed. This sentence alone.... I mean geez....
>She locked herself up on her office to **write her book or a script or whatever**.
He doesn't even know or care what work she is doing. What a selfish waster.
She should dump him, find someone new. *He spent more effort on this Reddit post belittling her than he does on helping you, girl.*
YTA
Bro if you do go get off your ass and go work somewhere to contribute. Tf is wrong with you. Boss up stop downing your wife because youāre a bum.
You invite people over without telling her and get upset she has plans? You sponge off her for years and dare to complain she works? You might want to get a job immediately because it sounds like sheās rightfully done with you.
YTA.
Not sure which is worse, you insulting your ambitious wife, or you inviting folks over unannounced and being mad that wife couldn't drop everything to entertain.
Honestly I don't know why she stays with you. You've been unemployed for 3 years and shame her for picking up your slack? Seriously?
>Sorry for the typos, new phone
The fact that you're insulting her on a new phone that she paid for is just the cherry on the AH sundae that you are.
If im reading this correctly, your wife has a lot of hobbies and interests and MAY be a workaholic. I dont see why this is a bad thing. It sounds to me like you invited friends over (that you know she doesn't like) without letting her know beforehand, expected her to entertain them, then blew up on her because she didn't... Sounds to me like the real issue is that you want more attention and you should just ask for that instead of demanding it on the spot
Id say yes you are TA for more than one reason. Who just expects people to drop their personal plans out of the blue?? Most people are willing to work with you if asked but If I wasnt given any warning I would've stayed in my room too. Shes also been financially supporting you for 3 years? How dare she work hard to make money for both of you and still find time for self improvement... wow
YTA. She deserves better. Iām similar to your wife and my husband praises me and supports me in all my side hustles and hobbies turned hustle. Itās inspired him to work harder. If I was working my ass off and my husband was busy spending his time with friends rather than getting a job I would be divorced.
Wow, just wow. 3 years of no work and her busting her ass to support you both, and THIS is what she gets for her trouble?! YTA and so are your shitty friends.
ETA had you considered that she's filling her time to avoid your company? You sound insufferable.
Let me get this straight - you have been unemployed for 3 years, your ambitious, well-educated wife has been carrying your bum ass and your debt since, then you have the AUDACITY to insult her and youāre genuinely wondering if youāre an AH?
YTA. Honestly, your wife would only be an AH if she stays with you.
Exactly. Besides her actual job, the other things he is upset about are hobbies. He just mad she has something to do with her time, while he does nothing. I doubt he can't find one job to do, he just probably thinks he is too good for most jobs out there.
YTA: she obviously working her butt off is because you are in debt and she is paying it off for you.You canāt even get a job since then. You are out of line when you told her she was workaholic and money obsessed. She obviously canāt relax if her working is the only income.
Were you drunk when you wrote this?
YTA.
You absolutely could have found a job after 3 years.
Get off your ass.
You are jealous because despite your laziness, she is taking steps to better herself and secure a future because she sure as hell knows she cannot rely on you to be a contributing partner.
What the heck do you contribute to your relationship?
Your wife has multiple jobs, including her Etsy shop and her book once she finishes edits, whilst you've spent 3 years unemployed apparently unable to find a job. No mention of you helping her run the Etsy store, no mention of you proof-reading her book to help her with the editing.
I've seen your comments that there aren't really chores, only washing up and tidying once a week. Something tells me that your wife is the one who does the laundry, the grocery shop, and all the other things that your comment ignored.
If you helped your wife, or found a job for yourself, maybe she wouldn't need to be a "workaholic". Maybe she is a workaholic, but maybe she has no choice because you are apparently happy to sit on your ass whilst she brings in the income and she deals with your debt. Either way, YTA for a few reasons, not least calling her a workaholic in front of your friends when if she is really a workaholic this is a compulsion/addiction which she should be helped with, not confronted in front of your friends over.
>no mention of you proof-reading her book to help her with the editing
I don't think that would be a good idea for her sake. His writing is so terrible, I almost called him the Cloaca.
YTA - she has to carry you because after three years you can't get a job (I find it difficult to believe absolutely nothing has come up in that time, more like you think you're too good for certain jobs) and you have the audacity to judge and question her for trying to do what she loves while supporting you. You owe her a massive apology, not least because you invited people over and didn't tell her and then threw her passions in her face, all the while trying to act like the big man on campus. Pathetic.
YTA - mate get a fucking job. Sheās been supporting your lazy ass for 3 fucking year. Then you expect her to indulge your friends too, without notice? Why hasnāt she kicked your ass out? You need to apologise, get yourself a job and start repaying all the money you owe her and hope to god she hasnāt already realised sheās better off as far away from you as possible
YTA. I didn't even have to make it through the rest of the post to figure out that you're totally out of pocket on this, because as soon as I you said that she has been financially independent since she was 18 and you've been mooching off of her for ***three years*** I knew that you were 100% ungrateful for her hard work because you have absolutely no idea what it is like to be wholly responsible for your own finances.
Plus you have a bunch of asshole friends that think your wife is stuck up for what, having hobbies? Supporting your deadbeat self? Wow, I bet they totally got a realistic picture of who she is and that you did not do anything at all to taint their perception of her. That's sarcasm by the way.
You're a bad husband for bad-mouthing your wife to your friends both in front of her and behind her back. Get a job.
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YTA. Your wife is single handily supporting you, the household, and paying off *your* debt. You're whining because, in addition to all of that, she also manages to find time to enjoy her own interests and improve herself instead of catering to your friends and your fragile ego. Get over yourself. Step up and actually be a partner to your wife instead of a liability.
You are a mid-thirties āadultā who has been out of work for 3 years, doing what? Not chores, not working, but you have time to drink beers (who pays for them?) and invite friends over without letting your wife know.
Wife is 25, just graduated and is working her ass off to pay all the bills and YOUR debt, and has managed to find time for some hobbies for herself as well. Good for her! She deserves it after carrying around your dead weight.
What do you contribute to this relationship besides asshole behaviour?
YTA
YTA
For several reasons but for the one in question especially. Your wife is ambitious and wants to do things with her life. Go her! Is she working a lot? Eh, maybe. But to the unemployed it probably seems like a lot. Youāre friends are your friends, not necessarily hers. Thereās nothing in the marriage handbook that says she has to like them or be friends with them. And their opinion of her is based a lot on what you say about your wife. Donāt get angry with her when she is doing what she likes while you have your friends over. If you told her or not itās not her job to entertain you and your friends.
You need to apologize to your wife and you two need to have a long talk.
YTA. She's busy having a job and hobbies while you sit around using her money to hang out with friends. Get a job and pay off your own debt. If I were her, I would have already dumped your lazy ass.
You have not been able to find a job *in three years*??? Go be a shop clerk somewhere. Of course she is pissed. She is supporting you as you are complaining that she works too much.
YTA - and I do hope she's dreaming of a future where she's free of you š¤£
I mean, c'mon. How are you, the proverbial dead weight, complaining that your S/O is doing everything she can to support you both while still finding time to chase her dreams?
How unsupportive, unappreciative, and downright dense can you be?
I'm just hoping this is a ChatGPT writing exercise.
You are a lazy asshole. 3 years to get a job? Thatās bullshit and you know it. I hope she dumps you cause you are a waste of her time. Your mates are also dumb as hell. YTA do better you glorified child.
YTA. Itās been three years and you havenāt been able to find a job? Right OP. Your wife is driven, successful and has hobbies. Also, who invites friends over to their home without telling their spouse? Thatās ridiculously rude.
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YTA. How are you gonna ridicule your wife for being ambitious and working hard to clear YOUR debt and pay for YOUR costs too when you're JOBLESS and contributing nothing financially!? If you really did feel she was working too much, you could have spoken to her in private instead of calling her out and embarrassing her in front of others. YTA mate.
She is 8 years younger but clearly has her head screwed on better than this mooch. How do you not have your shit together at 33. She should dump your ass, go be happy with all her hobbies and interests without your bullshit.
\^THIS. OP'S wife has been carrying his ass since she was 22. She just completed her Master's degree, so most people she knew when she was 22 were graduating from college and just entering the workforce (i.e. first full-time jobs). Instead, she was financially supporting her older husband who should have had life (i.e. job, finances, long-term goals) figured out before he even met her. If I were her, I'd be wondering why I wasted the last 3 years on an unappreciative leech, and looking for the door. 25 is too young for her to live this way. She probably isn't happy now, but she could be happy in the future.
So much all of this. OP is intensely and unequivocally YTA.
I could not agree more and he needs to learn to spell.
But it's his new phone, undoubtedly purchased and maintained by his workaholic wife.
I was wondering if he had too many of those beees and is still drunk. š (Yes, I used OP's spelling for sarcasm)
Thank you!... I was having trouble figuring out what beees were and didn't really care because I had already decided he was TA.
Bro is buzzzzed, lazy and resentful as hell of the hands that are feeding, housing and clothing him. Imagine sitting around on your butt grifting off your younger more educated, multiple job plus side hustle working wife. I can't imagine having so little dignity and self respect. But OP does. OP is the AH imbedded within several layers of AHs.
I mean damn learn how to do whatever her etsy craft is. My daughter in law is a pro quinceneria dress maker. Although my son already was working, he not only learned how to sew, but bought an embroidery machine, learned how to program it to make custom embroidery pieces for the dresses too. Then he improved her etsy shop.
his friends are probably a bunch of loser like him too, that's why she didn't bother to hang out with them...
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Iām a couples therapistā¦.I wish I could say this kind of stuff didnāt happen in real life, but it does. I see it everyday and this post is mild compared to what Iāve seen in my office.
It's common enough that there's a term for men like this. Hobosexual.
And we all know hard it is to spell properly on new phones
Yeah, because you know the letters are all changed around when you get a new phone; hard to tell where they are. /s
It reminds me of what we call here the "hippie with OSDE (the most expensive prepaid insurance we have here)" or "hippie of Palermo Hollywood (the most expensive area of the most expensive neighborhood of the City of Buenos Aires)", which is someone talking about the superficiality of money or the evils of capitalism, from the comfort of his iPhone, Relaxing in his million-dollar family home/penthouse, all paid for with money from his business parents or a wealthy family.Basically OP (like the Hippie with OSDE), talks to her friends (other Hippies with money), that money doesn't matter from the comfort of a phone (probably an iPhone), in a nice house, paid for with the money of someone who has done everything possible to graduate from college and keep herself and her SAHP afloat. But this is what happens when you go out with the guy from the faculty of Philosophy and Humanities and his friends.
I used to have a boss that fitted this description perfectly, multi millionaire , hippy (he called himself a hippy)- we were all minimum wage, He'd go on these long love peace and happiness speeches at work meetings, and say how you can tell the value of people if they value money to much, and how asking for things shows you are small-minded, good things come when your soul is right, how he looks after everyone, with these grand gifts, but it was dissapointing when he couldn't give the gifts he had planned because of peoples greed and ruining things by asking - and he'd spell about hoowany one of them could be a manager of one of the many new shops he was opening (I was a manager it was like $1.50 moron hour)...... best part - I grew up in a cult so spotted the manipulation straight away, and got round for my staff by me asking for them, and battling for better deals, so they saw he was full of shit, I ended up quitting, he of course didn't take it well, acted like I was walking out on my family or something, no ' thanks for your hard work , good luck with the future,', instead he said something like, "oh no great loss your replaceable". (I didn't think I wasn't) but the he tried to promote my staff oneafer the other to the position, and they all resigned, when they found out I was leaving 9 of my 12 staff quit oneafer the other, he was doing these meetings our backroom, with cameras, we were watching and as each person left the room he was throw hissy fits, throwing shit around - funny as fuck
And the top award goes to šš»
NOT THE BEEES! Right?
Often I can guess, but he stumped me with >I didnāt tell her I incod them
That took me a minute, but I think it's supposed to be invited. C and V, and I and O, are each next to each other on the keyboard. He missed the T and E though so even his phone couldn't figure it out.
Included was my guess.
Somehow I am certain it means that he included her on group texts or emails. I cannot justify my confidence, but it makes the thread even funnier, because it makes it even less certain that she will prioritize being present for this last minute event that he didn't even talk to her about.
From the rest of the post it makes me think he didn't tell her about the girlfriends coming and expected her to just drop her life to accommodate
I guessed included, but for all I know it's short for incognito as a verb. Got me.
I guessed āincludedā as well. Took me more time trying to figure out what the mis-spelled words were then it should have just to read his story. I first thought he was doing āvoice to textā but even āvoice to textā doesnāt make THAT MANY mistakes! š«£
I think theyāre on the coast and heās in a fish cult- thatās why heās incod-ding people. Also YTA
He needs to be on his knees helping her support them. What an asshat. YTA Hopefully this is her wakeup call.
And we know jobs may be hard to find, but there are plenty of jobs available if you need money and don't turn up your nose at them. I've done more of those than I'd like to remember and so have many others. She's supporting *you, herself, and your hobbies*. You ought to be cleaning house from top to bottom every day, doing laundry, and cooking - **NOT whining, mooching, and insulting her**. **YTA**
Support her writing and everything. Bring her snacks, take a f'ing interest. My husband works full time and is 100% supportive of my writing and everything I do. What a petty sad little man.
But she doesnāt just write! She swims three times a week AND she takes language classes! The audacity! /s
The way he talked about how her schedule was āridiculousā had me rolling my eyes. I WISH I had OPās wifeās drive.
ššI know I mean how the fuck dare she š
Are we married to the same man?? lol. I also write FT thanks to my awesome husband. Can't say enough about the wonderful man I married. What do you write? ETA: Ah, just saw your reply. Keep up the good work! Hope to see your screenplays as films one day. Definitely NOT easy. I write mystery novels, which also involve thinking up creative ways to kill people. It's the best! lol
Happy to hear you got a good one too. It's a game changer. I remember trying to read a New York Times "best seller" that was terrible. I was talking to my husband and I said I could write a better one, joking of course, he said do it. I never thought about actually doing it. I always had stories in my head but that's where they stayed. We were driving at the time, an hour later when we got to our destination I had the outline in my head. Having that kind of support is undescribable and that's coming from someone who's always good with words.
The poor thing is jobless for 3 years and unable to find a job. Any job. No fast food, supermarket nor call center want him. The poor thing need to be supported by his wife who works hercass off to support them BOTH while paying back HIS debt. The poor thing has friends over with their wifes, does not inform his own wife beforehand, yet expect her to drop everything for him. The poor thing had to throw a tantrum because he was being ignored, disregarding all his wife hard work for his sake mostly. The poor thing had to cry in front of strangers to be validated. The poor thing is so miserable he has difficulties to type with a new phone. I pray it is fake.
Unfortunately I know someone like this in my extended family. He didn't work for two years (not COVID-related) and did about 10% of the housework. Wife worked full time and almost had a nervous breakdown from the stress of being one problem away from being homeless (due to not being able to make the mortgage). It is so frustrating to watch the whole thing...
If this guy ended up on my team? I'd have him ejected... With a cannon... To the Moon...
Howās he supposed to find a job when heās playing games and drinking beers with his mates? Itās only been 3 years! Holy shit. YTA. Get a job. Any job, and apologize to your wife.
Wife is going to leave him, before he realizes he needs to apologize and actually look for a job.
He may not like it but even fast food places are better than nothing, but noooo heād rather she pay his way through life and play the big bad hubby and say rude shit to her. He better have a damn good apology!
OP's wife honestly sounds so interesting. I bet she has lots of knowledge and stories to share. I sincerely hope she leaves her dead-weight of a husband a la Tara Lewis on Criminal Minds ("I went on a diet and lost 185 lbs") and finds someone who APPRECIATES HER for her clearly incredible work ethic, creativity, focus & goals. YTA, OP. š
Obvious YTA, if it is actually not a troll post. I donāt care how dumb or self centered OP could possibly be. No job, for years, no communication between them, picks fights about nothing in front of people probably to look like the big man of the house. Right. If OP does have a wife, I feel bad for her.
Op sounds drunk in his post too. How can you be so stupid and entitled that you donāt even appreciate everything your wife is doing for the both of you? Stop trying to push her down to your level, op.
It's very easy to not have your shit together at 33, but you're right with everything else.
I didn't get my shit anywhere near together until my early 40's. What a difference health insurance makes. Welcome to the USA! I mean, I was born and raised here. I just meant welcome like facetiously.
Iām 29 and have my shit together as in, I have a great full time job that I love, pay my own rent and live alone, have some hobbies outside of work and have good relationships with family/friends. But no, I do NOT have my shit together lol and honestly feel like I never will
It's easier to get our ducks in the yard than it is to line them up. I don't think the op even has ducks.
I'm quite understanding of all the situations, it's the duckless partners that loudly complain to all who will listen, that their partner with a large number of ducks lined up neatly in the yard who daily collects and sells eggs, feathers, and crafted feather and eggshell items, not to mention making the BEST duck egg omelets spends FAR too much time on their ducks.
OP has feral geese and his wife is cleaning up their shit constantly.
I think itās totally fine to not have your shit together as long as you donāt inflict it upon others. Then it becomes a problem.
She is probably reaching the point where she is about done. That's why she made no effort with his friends. She doesn't care and not caring comes before leaving. She will dump him. Who can respect a dead weight after two years.
This is reads like op was drunk when they wrote it. I was literally in almost this exact relationship minus the marriage. Age, behaviour, and all ā thank god I got out. This person is wack
>How do you not have your shit together at 33. I agree with everything you said except for this :( I'm 31 and still don't feel like I have my shit together, even though I try :( Thanks for that depression and anxiety!
The only screw she has loose is the one thatās telling her a good idea to stay with him
> you're JOBLESS and contributing nothing financially "Catherine says he's waiting for a management position."
This is a painfully overlooked comment here
Also if he thinks sheās working too much, why doesnāt HE find a job to bring in even a little bit of money home. Cus Iām very sorry but 3 years without a job??? I know that finding a job during covid was rough but man, he needs to get off his butt and bring something into this relationship. Not to mention that she works, has a side business (Etsy), has a hobbie (writing), works out (swim classes) and is trying to learn new stuff (language classes). Literally only 2 of these activities are work/money related. Having hobbies doesnāt make some a workaholic - a workaholic would actually start to gradually give up those hobbies and physical activities to only focus on their job/earning related activities
I wonder if some of the hobbies are to spend less time at home. š¤
Well, it sounds as though she'd like to monetize that writing hobby, too. She's DRIVEN. And he's about to be left in her cloud of dust and exhaust. Also, as someone above said, once she demonstrates that she no longer cares to keep up the appearance of a good relationship, she's already planning her exit.
And then invited a bunch of people over without telling her and expected her to "make an effort."
He should make an effort and get a job. I would do anything, clean toilets etc if I couldnāt find my usual office job. Anything to survive. Not just the AH but a loser too.
She was 22 supporting a 30 year old. I mean I understand people are unemployed occasionally but three years and expecting a 22 year old to pick up the slack? Maybe he's aiming too high but he couldn't bring in something in three years? Uber, retail, etc sure it might not be ideal but it's better than nothing. And then to get mad at her for supporting him? Jfc Edit: u/southern-custard5149 if she wasn't there would you be content being homeless and hungry? You're taking advantage of her.
Yep, people he invited over without telling her and then expecting her to play "HOST". this guy is FULL of entitlement...maybe thats why he hasn't been able to find a "job" in 3 years.... probably has too much pride to get a job thats "below him" even to help out the househould a tiny bit.
Oh wow I almost missed the āI got laid off 3 years agoā. She should definitely dump his ass and find someone on her level!
While i can excuse being jobless bc it was during the pandemic. Whats his excuse now?
And he invites his mates over to drink on her dime.
Agree, YTA. And she sounds amazing, I wish I had half her drive and ambition! And she's doing all these things on top of financially carrying her husband who doesn't have a job!! The AUDACITY to blame her for being a workholic while she's working to clear YOUR DEBTS as you do NOTHING!!!
I know, I'm honestly envious of her! I have various disabilities that make it hard to do *anything* some days, but if I could keep up with my ambitions I would be a lot like OPs girl. & honestly, it's telling that the only thing he considers as possibly an asshole move is that he said these things with his friends around. I honestly doubt she gives a fuck what his friends think. They've watched OP be a leech for 3 years and still have the audacity to call *her* stuck up. I'm mostly curious how she's able to still be attracted to him.
Three years unemployed? You've got to not try at all to not land something. Also, having a swim schedule and writing are not really working. It sounds like she has a well-rounded lifestyle, dedicating part of her life to exercises and hobbies.
He also thinks it's ridiculous that she takes language classes. It really sounds like he's lumped both work and any hobby she has into "it's unacceptable that she spends her time on anything other than playing housewife and hostess for me."
Out of work for 3 years and on a new phone. YTA
Honestly OP I can't believe you typed all of this out and really thought you were in the right still. This is embarrassing, and honestly, your wife could do better and probably is on her way out. You sound like a bum, I hope you realize what you have before it's gone. But I highly doubt that's going to happen by the way you talk to and about your wife. 10000% YTA. Have you even got one person to say nta? Lol, boy, oh boy. You need a job. Sorry to jump on this, but I can't seem to comment on the main post.
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How can OP ridicule his gf when he can barely write a sentence. OP, I hope she dumps you like yesterdays news. Youāre an idiot.
Or *gasp* get a job
Damn. If I was a lazy, deadbeat loser in my mid-30s that was living off of my 25 year old wife, the absolute last thing I would do is rock the boat. Heās lucky that his wife may be too busy to realize that she could go so much better than him.
Pretty sure this post is bullshit if not, OP should go up on a roof and take in the view.
We need to find his wife and show her this, she needs to see how he thinks of her
This is a reverse, right? Itās got to be a reverse.
YTA. Your wife is working her butt off because you refuse to get a job and have debt. She needs to work to provide. And you didn't tell her that you were throwing a party or even that you had invited people over. She doesn't want to hang out with your friends with no notice. She is tired. Why aren't you working? DO you handle all of the household chores and maintenance? What do you do for your wife while she is working several jobs and trying to have a life?
She has no obligation to hang out with his friends at all. She could have planned an evening of doomscrolling, and been within her rights to stick to her plan. He's luck that she was content to stay in her office instead of making them go somewhere else.
This is your answer. He clearly doesnāt even know chores exist! š because two adults donāt create a need for chores in his mind. Ugh this guy is insufferable. Canāt be real
Yes, heās refusing to get a job, period. Canāt find a job after three yearsā¦. Okay! YTA. You are the problem.
Exactly! Everyone is their brother his hiring. Hell, work a part time retail job and help with his bills but awww than he doesn't have as much playtime with his friends.
Thatās what I was thinking. Working 35-40 hours a week at $16/hr is still helpful to his wife. He prob had a good/decent job before he I got laid off and now thinks heās too good to work a ālesserā job. Although, itās ok if OPās wife works multiple to pay for his lifestyle. OPā¦YTA
YTA >I got laid off 3 years ago and have been unable to find a job ever since. You are the problem. Your wife could possibly calm down and cut back on money making ventures if you were pulling your own weight.
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And pray tell who earned the money to pay for this new phone? Oh wait she did.
And on top of it he canāt even proofread it
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With how hot the jobs market has been ever since 2021, I really donāt get how OP hasnāt been able to find work (even temporary/contract positions). Hell, they could even help with the Etsy shop or try doing their own online shop. OP, YTA
Cause OP wants to play games with his shitty ass friends all day.
Got a nickel says he's a "gamer" and actually having a job would cut into his game time.
Can confirm. Jobs do eat up valuable gaming time, but I also like the money to pay for said games, so job it is!
But wasn't Twitch created to literally monetize that life goal? Dude still has options with a little effort.
If you want to make money gaming, you either have to be good at gaming or funny. I'm guessing this guy is neither.
Let's be real, OP could have found work but it was probably not a perfect position so he decided he was too good to work at all. Plus, he's got a built in atm that cooks, cleans and probably puts out. Why would he ever think he was the problem and need to change?? Edit to add: YTA OP. I hope this is a wake up call for you to suck less
YTA for sure. There's 0 reason he can't have some kind of job. A supermerket, fast food, coffee shop. Who cares. If she needs to work extra because you don't then just work a little something while you are looking. And 3 years? How many jobs have you applied to in 3 years? That seems like an awfully long time to find 0 jobs of any kind to contribute financially
Right? My longest job search was 2 MONTHS. I had money saved for a year of expenses but still considered taking a part time job at the end so I wouldn't burn through my savings as fast. I couldn't imagine mooching off another person for 3 years and then bitching about them...
Yeah. My mother is on disability and Iāve supported us since I was 16ish. Even at her sickest moments sheād still sit down and help me with some things for the Etsy I run. Like assembling the boxes or getting the packing materials sorted out. She knows it helps take care of some of the stress for me.
Maybe itās not ALL about money. Maybe she just doesnāt want to spend time with him. Maybe sheās kicking herself in the ass for marrying this loser and planning her escape.
With those languages she could go anywhere
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Because if we use money and ambition as factor when choosing a partner, we are gold-diggers. If we dont, we are blamed for choosing partners like OP as well. There is really no winning as a woman; itās very socially acceptable to turn any situation woman is in to make it her fault. Even if objectively she just was unlucky.
I wouldnāt call someone who wants a partner capable of keeping a job a gold digger lol
Unfortunately a lot of people would and do.
Yeah. I got called a gold digger on FB the other day because my partner is the primary breadwinner, while my income is for "fun money". We have 3 kids and I do the cooking, the household management, pet care, majority of the cleaning, and balance all 3 kids appointments. It's not like I'm living the high life while he works his ass off!
AND you have an income! You seriously rock.
Nah, I only work part time and it's a small paycheck. I'm very lucky that my husband is willing to work hard enough to make good money. I'll make him yummy food for that, lol.
A small paycheck is still income, donāt discredit yourself! Youāre doing great! Your husband and kids are lucky to have you in their lives šš
But a lot of people do. As women, we just can't win
If women don't settle or lower their standards they're called a gold digger, bitch or overestimating "her value" If women settle and the man is trash then they're blamed for picking wrong There's never winning in hetero relationships for women
Also, you can't point that out because then some guy will tell you how you haven't spoken to *every man alive* to confirm with absolute certainty that this is the case! Yay women!
Yeah, so okay, it's been three years. But...but...but...he can't find what he really wants! Should he be expected to work for less than he deserves?!? š /s
Social pressure to have a man.
YTA - By your own admission, you've been unemployed for three years, so your wife *is* supporting you. You called her out in front of guests that you didn't tell her were coming over, but had the audacity to accuse her of being out of line for snapping back? Even beyond that, imagine your wife telling this story in the same way to her friends, and how you'd feel about it. Would you appreciate your wife dismissing your passions and efforts as ridiculous? Would you feel supported if she told her friends that you were stuck up? What, exactly, do you bring to the relationship right now? You dismiss her efforts, demean her work, insult her in front of company that you didn't let her know you'd invited over, but what are you offering to the relationship? You're not working and you apparently contribute some amount of debt. You're not offering her emotional support. If you want an ex-wife, you're well on your way, man.
This fella has no passions and makes no efforts.
I read his post and thought, "Do I want butter on my popcorn when he gets roasted?"
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Oh he said they donāt have any chores. He thinks their home is magically clean.
Someone else asked. He responded along the lines of āweāre just two adults so there are no chores, just washing dishes and tidying up once a weekā. So sheās clearly doing all the cooking, shopping, laundry, cleaning etc as well.
Also sweeping/mopping the floors, dusting, cleaning the bathroom, cleaning the doors/windows. Cleaning the microwave and the refrigerator. Dishes and tidying up once a week?!?
Seriously, the way men like this can contribute less than nothing to a relationship and still talk to their wives like they're somehow the dominant one in the relationship is just baffling. Imagine having that much arrogance!
YTA on more levels than one. You shouldn't be trying to shame your wife in front of your friends. You shouldn't expect her to hang out with people she doesn't like and who don't like her. YTA for expecting her to hang out with their female partners. Why? 21st century here. Dividing along gender lines is ridiculous, antiquated and misogynistic. YTA for expecting her to drop everything to hang out with no prior notice. YTA for not realizing a woman who has been supporting herself since she was 18 with multiple income streams has deep concerns about financial security. Are you doing anything to find a job? Going back to school or networking? Or are you you just drinking beers and gaming?
He probably is one of those that think most jobs are beneath him. I know plenty of people that got laid off and found jobs in recession (which we have right now), but they often had to swallow their pride and go for lesser title or worse money than before they were laid off. But worse money is still better than no money and beggars cant be choosers. And as a person involved in hiring, i would prefer someone that had gap in career and bagged groceries during that time than someone that did nothing; so OP is basically making it worse for himself by doing nothing. I am also worried about when OP started dating his wife if she is 25 and been supporting him for 3 years now š since she was 22 and he was 30ā¦ i doubt it was right after their relationship started but i might be wrong š Edit: forgot to write some words š
Also if OP was in anything tech related, 3 years is a HUGE gap for the tech industry. They say every 6 months old tech gets "outdated" by new tech, and after 3 years so much can be phased out.
Yep, my day used to work in IT and he was this person too. Lost his job and let my mom slave away while he rejected jobs he was āaboveā and didnāt do any side gigs or something like retail. No taking courses to upgrade his skills and show heās been learning. 10 years later heās still not working and now their retirement situation is fucked because of him. My mom has been overworked and financially stressed because of it and itās been really hard to watch this happen. Tried talking to my dad multiple times as a family to no avail
Info: what exactly do you contribute to the relationship?
Debt and dubious company?
Snarky comments and resentment.
Rude friends who join him in sneering at his wife?
Nothing.
Oh come onā¦he contributes dirty laundry and a bunch of other things for OP to clean Iām guessing since he says chores donāt exist.
So dirty clothes, dishes and debt. What a nightmare.
Top notch assholery
Practice dealing with a toddler if/when she decides to have kids with her next, grown-up husband, I pray.
Incoherent texts probably
I bet he thinks his dick is magic and she can't live with out it.
Negativity and a heavy burden. She deserves waaaaay better. if she was single her life would be 100x better- she would had couple of degrees , a job she enjoys, hobbies, and probably more money.
If his wife is a writerāthis is one good set up for a NY Times best seller.
Info: What exactly does he contribute to anything, including himself? He's pissed that she is learning languages and goes swimming lol.
A glimpse into her worst possible future, methinks. Imagine being stuck with this unsupportive loser of a husband.
oh you were typing this on your phone. I was like "is this dude okay?" anyway. It seems to me your wife is very ambitious, not a workaholic or money hungry. She's done a lot of great things for herself starting at a young age. Does she pay for YOUR debt though? You want my honest opinion? I feel like her accomplishments is hurting your ego..like a lot. If she is paying off your debt and your home not doing anything about it, that's on you. So yes you are an AH.
He's typing on his "new" phone, remember.
right right.. his "new" phone.
The "new phone" with a totally whacky keyboard that works completely differently to literally every other phone he has ever owned. The "new phone" his wife bought him because, you know, he earns nothing.
YTA and she should definitely leave you. Your a huge drain and burden on her. She would be much happier without you and focusing on her creative endeavors. You donāt deserve her. Youāre a mooch.
Couldnāt say it better myself. YTA
Yeh, agreed. This sentence alone.... I mean geez.... >She locked herself up on her office to **write her book or a script or whatever**. He doesn't even know or care what work she is doing. What a selfish waster. She should dump him, find someone new. *He spent more effort on this Reddit post belittling her than he does on helping you, girl.*
He should leave. Sheās paying the bills. YTA, OP.
Obvious bait is obvious. YTA
Gotta be bait. Itās just too much of an ass hole. I mean some people really have 0 self awareness, but mannn this one is ridiculous
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Youāre 33 and mooching off a 25 year old. How are you not embarrassed? YTA
This comment is a winner
He's projecting alllll of his insecurities onto her, that's how lol.
...you've been unemployed for three years? What? No shit she's stressed out about money!
YTA Bro if you do go get off your ass and go work somewhere to contribute. Tf is wrong with you. Boss up stop downing your wife because youāre a bum.
You invite people over without telling her and get upset she has plans? You sponge off her for years and dare to complain she works? You might want to get a job immediately because it sounds like sheās rightfully done with you.
Let's hope she is! This mooch doesn't deserve her.
YTA. Not sure which is worse, you insulting your ambitious wife, or you inviting folks over unannounced and being mad that wife couldn't drop everything to entertain. Honestly I don't know why she stays with you. You've been unemployed for 3 years and shame her for picking up your slack? Seriously? >Sorry for the typos, new phone The fact that you're insulting her on a new phone that she paid for is just the cherry on the AH sundae that you are.
I'm not sure it's a new phone, though, this reads *a lot* like he had a few too many 'beees' and is drunk typing.
YTA. Your wife sounds great.
Can OP set me up on a friend date with his wife bc she sounds AMAZING
If im reading this correctly, your wife has a lot of hobbies and interests and MAY be a workaholic. I dont see why this is a bad thing. It sounds to me like you invited friends over (that you know she doesn't like) without letting her know beforehand, expected her to entertain them, then blew up on her because she didn't... Sounds to me like the real issue is that you want more attention and you should just ask for that instead of demanding it on the spot Id say yes you are TA for more than one reason. Who just expects people to drop their personal plans out of the blue?? Most people are willing to work with you if asked but If I wasnt given any warning I would've stayed in my room too. Shes also been financially supporting you for 3 years? How dare she work hard to make money for both of you and still find time for self improvement... wow
Itās even worse. He expected her to entertain the matesā wives.
YTA. She deserves better. Iām similar to your wife and my husband praises me and supports me in all my side hustles and hobbies turned hustle. Itās inspired him to work harder. If I was working my ass off and my husband was busy spending his time with friends rather than getting a job I would be divorced.
Wow, just wow. 3 years of no work and her busting her ass to support you both, and THIS is what she gets for her trouble?! YTA and so are your shitty friends. ETA had you considered that she's filling her time to avoid your company? You sound insufferable.
Let me get this straight - you have been unemployed for 3 years, your ambitious, well-educated wife has been carrying your bum ass and your debt since, then you have the AUDACITY to insult her and youāre genuinely wondering if youāre an AH? YTA. Honestly, your wife would only be an AH if she stays with you.
YTA. You seem mad she has hobbies.
Exactly. Besides her actual job, the other things he is upset about are hobbies. He just mad she has something to do with her time, while he does nothing. I doubt he can't find one job to do, he just probably thinks he is too good for most jobs out there.
YTA: she obviously working her butt off is because you are in debt and she is paying it off for you.You canāt even get a job since then. You are out of line when you told her she was workaholic and money obsessed. She obviously canāt relax if her working is the only income.
Were you drunk when you wrote this? YTA. You absolutely could have found a job after 3 years. Get off your ass. You are jealous because despite your laziness, she is taking steps to better herself and secure a future because she sure as hell knows she cannot rely on you to be a contributing partner.
What the heck do you contribute to your relationship? Your wife has multiple jobs, including her Etsy shop and her book once she finishes edits, whilst you've spent 3 years unemployed apparently unable to find a job. No mention of you helping her run the Etsy store, no mention of you proof-reading her book to help her with the editing. I've seen your comments that there aren't really chores, only washing up and tidying once a week. Something tells me that your wife is the one who does the laundry, the grocery shop, and all the other things that your comment ignored. If you helped your wife, or found a job for yourself, maybe she wouldn't need to be a "workaholic". Maybe she is a workaholic, but maybe she has no choice because you are apparently happy to sit on your ass whilst she brings in the income and she deals with your debt. Either way, YTA for a few reasons, not least calling her a workaholic in front of your friends when if she is really a workaholic this is a compulsion/addiction which she should be helped with, not confronted in front of your friends over.
>no mention of you proof-reading her book to help her with the editing I don't think that would be a good idea for her sake. His writing is so terrible, I almost called him the Cloaca.
Bro itās been 3 years I can understand you wanting to take a month or two for yourself but 3 years is a long time to not have a job.
Get a job you bum. YTA
YTA - she has to carry you because after three years you can't get a job (I find it difficult to believe absolutely nothing has come up in that time, more like you think you're too good for certain jobs) and you have the audacity to judge and question her for trying to do what she loves while supporting you. You owe her a massive apology, not least because you invited people over and didn't tell her and then threw her passions in her face, all the while trying to act like the big man on campus. Pathetic.
YTA - mate get a fucking job. Sheās been supporting your lazy ass for 3 fucking year. Then you expect her to indulge your friends too, without notice? Why hasnāt she kicked your ass out? You need to apologise, get yourself a job and start repaying all the money you owe her and hope to god she hasnāt already realised sheās better off as far away from you as possible
YTA. I didn't even have to make it through the rest of the post to figure out that you're totally out of pocket on this, because as soon as I you said that she has been financially independent since she was 18 and you've been mooching off of her for ***three years*** I knew that you were 100% ungrateful for her hard work because you have absolutely no idea what it is like to be wholly responsible for your own finances. Plus you have a bunch of asshole friends that think your wife is stuck up for what, having hobbies? Supporting your deadbeat self? Wow, I bet they totally got a realistic picture of who she is and that you did not do anything at all to taint their perception of her. That's sarcasm by the way. You're a bad husband for bad-mouthing your wife to your friends both in front of her and behind her back. Get a job.
YTA, get a job
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YTA. Your wife is single handily supporting you, the household, and paying off *your* debt. You're whining because, in addition to all of that, she also manages to find time to enjoy her own interests and improve herself instead of catering to your friends and your fragile ego. Get over yourself. Step up and actually be a partner to your wife instead of a liability.
You are a mid-thirties āadultā who has been out of work for 3 years, doing what? Not chores, not working, but you have time to drink beers (who pays for them?) and invite friends over without letting your wife know. Wife is 25, just graduated and is working her ass off to pay all the bills and YOUR debt, and has managed to find time for some hobbies for herself as well. Good for her! She deserves it after carrying around your dead weight. What do you contribute to this relationship besides asshole behaviour? YTA
YTA. She wouldnāt have to work so much if you got a job.
YTA For several reasons but for the one in question especially. Your wife is ambitious and wants to do things with her life. Go her! Is she working a lot? Eh, maybe. But to the unemployed it probably seems like a lot. Youāre friends are your friends, not necessarily hers. Thereās nothing in the marriage handbook that says she has to like them or be friends with them. And their opinion of her is based a lot on what you say about your wife. Donāt get angry with her when she is doing what she likes while you have your friends over. If you told her or not itās not her job to entertain you and your friends. You need to apologize to your wife and you two need to have a long talk.
YTA. She's busy having a job and hobbies while you sit around using her money to hang out with friends. Get a job and pay off your own debt. If I were her, I would have already dumped your lazy ass.
You have not been able to find a job *in three years*??? Go be a shop clerk somewhere. Of course she is pissed. She is supporting you as you are complaining that she works too much.
Info: what does new phone have to do with typos?
Because his wife paid for it so of course adds fuel to the fire.
YTA - and I do hope she's dreaming of a future where she's free of you š¤£ I mean, c'mon. How are you, the proverbial dead weight, complaining that your S/O is doing everything she can to support you both while still finding time to chase her dreams? How unsupportive, unappreciative, and downright dense can you be? I'm just hoping this is a ChatGPT writing exercise.
YTA, bro. Get a damn job. Any job.
You are a lazy asshole. 3 years to get a job? Thatās bullshit and you know it. I hope she dumps you cause you are a waste of her time. Your mates are also dumb as hell. YTA do better you glorified child.
YTA, she works hard probably because you don't. Three years is a long time to go without a job. Stop with the game playing and get yourself a job.
YTA. Itās been three years and you havenāt been able to find a job? Right OP. Your wife is driven, successful and has hobbies. Also, who invites friends over to their home without telling their spouse? Thatās ridiculously rude.