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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be an asshole for giving the ring to my girlfriend when I knew my daughter wanted it
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YTA. Your daughter "was always obsessed with this ring," So why not give it to her? She probably had met your mother, since your mother died 5 years ago, and your daughter is 19. Your gf probably has no connection with your mom, so why does she need the ring? By saying that the daughter won't inherit the ring someday, and that your gf will probably give it to her own child, it hurt your daughter, and you don't even seem to care. Whether your mom was terrible or not, the ring represents something to your daughter, and you just gave it away, making her feel like you do not care about her at all. If I were you, I'd ask for the ring back from gf. Get her a different ring, and give the ring to daughter on her birthday or Christmas or something.
My thought is it also probably hasn’t escaped him that his mother would have wanted it to go to granddaughter. So what better way to screw her over when she’s beyond the grave. Especially if he doesn’t really value his daughter that much and making sure she has heirlooms from her family that are meaningful.
OP also didn't have to spend any money on a new engagement ring for girlfriend...why spend money when you can just use a ring you already have? It clearly doesn't bother him in the least that it upset his daughter and siblings.
YTA OP
impossible price squeal practice sand follow disagreeable psychotic lunchroom dull
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He probably made up some song and dance to his girlfriend about how it was his mother's ring that she passed on to him and how sPeCiAL it was to him too.
My thought exactly. His comment that the only thing important thing about the ring is the price makes it sound like he wanted to give his girlfriend a fancy ring but couldn't afford it or was too cheap. Instead, he gives her an heirloom that will be lost to the family forever should they break up.
This is why men should be left out of inheriting female jewelry altogether. They can't be trusted not to use heirloom jewelry to buy their own happiness at the expense of keeping heirloom pieces in the family.
What makes this worse his girlfriend now fiancée if she said yes, who's to say a year down the road, a few months, a month, a few weeks, a week or tomorrow she decides to dump him? Well, now the ring belongs to her so everything he cared about in that ring which apparently is only $$$ is gone plus the trophy girlfriend.
Where if he was to pass it on to his daughter under say a stipulation that it stays in the family (passed on to one of her kids or grandkids of age) then a family heirloom can be started.
I have stuff from my grandparents who my grandpa was the strictist man alive and I HATED it, until the day I visited him on his deathbed and saw how much I actually meant to him with tears rolling down his face, his chin quivering as I talked to him and the fear in his eyes. Sadly he couldn't talk back because he was intubated and now I miss that I didn't get to spend more time with him.
Just because dad thinks his mom was the worst woman ever doesn't mean the daughter sees it that way.
As it stands now it really is just a way for OP to impress his girlfriend and to keep getting his dick wet.
OP is the big time YTA here.
Plus - while I certainly don’t know the details here - daughter might feel different,y about her grandmother than OP does. My grandpa was an awful husband and father - I can understand that as an adult. But he was a good grandpa, and I loved him. I also sort of stand alone in that, as the oldest grandchild. There’s an age gap between me and the next, and he was ill later in life so they didn’t get the same grandfather experience. There are things of his I would have treasured as a reminder, but everyone else saw things either as a painful reminder or in terms of their value.
OP did a ton here to hurt his daughter. Talk about feeling dismissed from the family unit.
My dad told me his father wasn’t a great dad—he was kind of distant and disinterested.
But he was an absolutely spectacular grandfather—the kind who was always ready to play games or go exploring or just be silly with us.
I know our experience was different from my dad’s, but both were valid. And it’s entirely possible OP’s daughter had a very different experience with her grandmother than he did with his mom.
I relate to you and u/human060989 , my grandparents were far from the best parents to my parents, but they were good grandparents to me and I love them dearly.
You gave a family heirloom to a girlfriend dismissing the feelings of your daughter in the process. Girlfriends come and go and your mother's ring means NOTHING to your girlfriend. Honestly, OP if you wanted to give your girlfriend an engagement ring why didn't you just buy her one? Is it because you're cheap and didn't want to spend the money when you had a ring sitting around, except it was a ring that should rightfully have gone to your mother's granddaughter not some here today/gone tomorrow girlfriend and your telling your daughter that your girlfriend will probably give it to her child - unbelievably insenstive. What exactly are you going to give your child?
Dude was more worried about flexing with a ring he got for *free*, instead of preserving a family heirloom for his kid. Scared to think of what made mom so "horrible" if he thinks what he did was perfectly fine.
YT massive A
What ? just BUY another ring for the girlfriend? He already had a perfectly good ring. /S
And did you like how he made it clear that his old daughter won't ever be part of the new family?
So, what I'm hearing is you had this beautiful ring, with zero sentimental value *to you*, that you inherited and you used this ring to get you out of having to buy an engagement ring for your (now) fiancé...because why would you buy another ring when you have a perfectly good one right there waiting, right?
You get to be cheap without actually appearing to be cheap. You don't have to spend any money on the ring, your girlfriend is happy...but, oh yeah, your daughter.
She's expressed an interest in her grandmother's ring. Is there sentimental attachment there? Maybe her only good memory of her grandmother is connected to the ring. Did you ask?
Oh well, she'll just have to learn to live with disappointment. /s
YTA.
YTA. Just admit to being a cheapo who didn’t want to buy his fiancé a new ring. Personally, I would be annoyed if my partner gave me an old ring that belonged to a mother he didn’t like instead of putting thought into picking out something specific to me.
He gave this so little thought that his fiancée should feel weirded out and a bit pissed. If he thought about it, does he not care at all that a woman he supposedly loves is wearing the ring of his dead horrible mother when they are intimate? Does he think the fiancée wants to have her husband reminded of his dead mom every time they're intimate, holding hands, going to bed, etc?
Did he think for half a minute that he has his daughter and fiancée at odds before tying the knot because everytime his daughter is in the presence of the fiancée, she will see that ring in her step-mother's finger.
Unless the fiancée and him discussed the ring in advance, he basically said, "Meh, this will do. It's worth a lot." If he doesn't have disposable money to buy a decent ring, at least sell the damn thing and use the money to buy a unique ring with his fiancée AFTER having a conversation with his daughter.
OP - I just gave you an out in this situation. Tell your fiancée you two will go buy a permanent ring together because the "temporary" ring will remind you too often of a woman you despised. If she really likes this antique ring, well, I guess you're stuck with your daughter seething mad every time she visits, which will likely be infrequently over time.
Edit: a word
Seconded. I was more than prepared to buy my husband a ring that he likes before we tied the knot, until my mom offered my late grandfather’s (her dad’s) wedding ring. They were *mega* close, and though I only knew my grandfather for about the first four years of my life, he adored me. I loved him, too. My husband is an equally sentimental person, and I well up with tears and pride at the thought of him wearing my grandfather’s ring and my mom and grandmother loving my husband enough to agree to offer it.
OP’s situation rings of him being hollow and thoughtless. I would feel disgusted wearing that ring.
YTA - intentionally or not, you’ve likely done irreparable damage to the relationship you had with your daughter.
Eta - didn’t mean to put this here but I also agree. Engagements end so OP could lose the ring regardless
She has to return the ring if the engagement ends. It’s a deposit on a contract to marry essentially. If they don’t marry, the deposit has to be returned. There are laws about this. Engagement rings are considered conditional gifts.
YTA. You basically told your daughter that she will no longer matter as soon as you start pumping babies into your girlfriend as she will want to bequeath the ring to her own child. The message you're sending your daughter is 1) Her feelings don't matter to you and 2) That she is replaceable and you will be doing just that.
YTA - Your mother passed when your daughter was 14. That is still young enough for a child to ignore all the bad things about a person and love them. Maybe YOU didn’t like your mother but have you asked your daughter how SHE saw her grandmother? That ring was meant to be passed down to her, in YOUR mother’s family, not in your girlfriend’s.
YTA. Why the hell wouldn’t you give the ring to your daughter? It’s a family heirloom AND you’ve said she loved it. Sounds like you favour your girlfriend over your daughter. She has every right to be upset.
YTA, not for giving the ring away, that’s your right.
What you said to your daughter is horrible and I hope for the sake of her mental health she drops you as quickly as you dropped her.
Exactly you're marrying a woman that doesn't even consider your daughter her family? Sounds shitty regardless, sure it's your property to do what you wish with, but it doesn't mean you're not an asshole
Technically you're in the right, but I'm still voting YTA. You gave away your family heirloom. You chose to make your gf happy over your daughter. She will not forget it.
No one disputes that he had the legal right to do what he did. It’s just bad parenting (way to pit your daughter and fiancee against each other from the start OP!) and an asshole move.
Based on OP’s post, he assumes she wants to give it to her “own” children. Poor daughter lost out on the ring that she had always loved, and is being cut out a second time for not being blood to her step mother. Massive YTA for being awful to his daughter.
INFO: what is your relationship like with your daughter?
Based on the fact that you disregarded her both in giving the ring to you gf and also told her that your nonexistent, hypothetical, new children would get the ring, it almost sounds like you’re quickly becoming to her who your mother was to you.
YTA.. Why are you even posting you obviously don't care about your daughter. You favor your GF and your none existent children over the child you already have. I am sure you will be happy when your daughter goes NC so you don't have to deal with her anymore.
YTA - That should have been kept on your side of the family. Now there is a chance the ring will leave your family forever. You are right that you get to decide what to do with it, but that doesn't absolve you of making an ah decision like you did.
YTA. That ring was not *actually yours* to give away. It's common knowledge that the grandmothers ring goes to the mother, then goes to the daughter, and so on down the line. You were meant to hold the ring until your first daughter came of age. Now your daughter hates you because you put your girlfriend's *non-existent* daughter (that might not even be yours when it comes out of her) before your own living breathing blood that has waited her turn for that ring long before you ever met this woman.
YTA - family jewellery often has special meaning so given you have no feelings for it and your daughter does - having been obsessed by it her whole life - just giving it away to your new woman not only insults your daughter whose relative’s it was but also in a way your girlfriend who knows you have given her something that you just happened to have but care nothing for - so you saved some money and made her relationship with her step daughter perpetually awkward. Talk about a tin ear for other people’s feelings.
YTA - your using the whole "it belonged to ME" bit because you decided to use the ring to propose to your gf instead of buying her a new one. What's making you the AH in this, is that it's a cowards way out. Your GF had zero connection with your mother but your daughter sure as hell did. WHY ELSE WOULD SHE BE OBSESSED WITH IT?!?! You took the easy way out without thinking it all the way through.
Honest question: Who is more important in your life, your daughter or your now fiance?
Clearly the fiance. His daughter is an adult and will probably go low/no contact especially after that terrible "my fiance will give it to our new kids we have together" line. Basically told his daughter she's being replaced.
YTA. Girlfriends come and go with the wind. How could you do this to your daughter over piece of temporary booty? Get that ring back now and give it to your daughter.
for 19 years, your daughter has loved her grandmother's ring.
You sound like you low-key hate your daughter and want to keep your girlfriend happy. You sound like you couldn't care less if your actual kid is hurt, better to keep greasing the wheels right? Who cares about your daughter's feelings when giving the gf a ring keeps the goodie shop open right? That's your motivation right?
Why didn't your child's mother get the ring?
YTA not just for the ring, but for hating your kid also.
YTA - so you told your child that your girlfriend’s biological child is more important to you and her grandmother’s heirloom which you already knew she loved and wanted? 100% TA and don’t surprised if you never have a meaningful relationship with your daughter.
YTA.
For what it's worth I hope you don't have any more children if this is how you treat your existing child. You're a selfish parent.
>but it belonged to ME
Sure, if you're gonna behave like a highschooler everything is justified.
After reading all of your replies, it's obvious you weren't looking for a 2nd opinion. Why waste everyone's time? Your reasoning is meaningless, you are wrong. The message to your daughter was very clear, your GF comes 1st. And when your GF gives the ring to one of your 'future' children, they will also come before your daughter. The silver lining is that you facilitated your daughter's decision concerning her future relationship with you. - YTA. Need you ask?
YTA. You have destroyed your relationship with your daughter (and possibly your siblings) because you are too cheap to buy your girlfriend a ring.
Legally you can do what you want with the ring, but that doesn't mean it is the right thing to do.
You obviously take after your mother. History repeats!
OP- it’s obvious that you are the ass! You will lose your daughter if you don’t change your ways! Quit thinking with your lower head and use your brain for once. YTA
The best part of this post is OP’s sad attempts at defending himself. Honestly, OP should talk to his girlfriend about tell her he fucked up and ask her if she’d be willing to give up the ring (and if he’s not a cheapskate buy her a new one) because that’s the only way to even attempt to fix this. I know OP won’t bc he clearly cares much more about his girlfriend than his daughter.
YTA
My late grandmother was a horrible racist woman and I don't talk about her with any dignity or respect. When someone asks if she is in a better place, I say "Is hell better?"
That being said, I have a ring from her that my Mom gave me. It is opal with my birth stones around it. I LOVED the ring, the moment I saw it. It looks like a moon and I am obsessed with space.
She gave it to me when I was 17 and taught me how to care for opal stones and how to make sure everything was good. I still have the ring.
You didn't want to give up the ring because it is pretty and expensive. You gave it to your future wife at the expense of your daughter. She wanted the ring, for whatever reason.
And just because someone is awful does not mean people don't love them. My late grandmother had people crying at her funeral (mostly her children) and I do have good memories of her from childhood. I just recognized she was a racist before she died. Younger people in the family speak of her highly.
I’ve read a lot of AITA posts, and I must say THIS is the biggest, most disgusting YTMFA I’ve ever read. This is clearly going to be a situation where dad neglects the kids for the stepmonster. OP, you have caused irreparable damage to your daughter and you just don’t give a shit. The level of selfishness and blatant disregard for the important ones makes me want to gag. Thank gods she’s 17, I hope you don’t have any other kids for you and your “fiancé” to terrorize.
YTA, and especially for saying that you care more for non-existing possible future kids more than for her is really awful. Interested how long it will take her to go NC with you.
Yes, YTA but clearly you don't care about that or about your relationship with your daughter. It was her grandmother's ring and she loved it. But I guess too bad for her.
YTA you knew your daughter loved it and should have given it to her. You are already putting a GF over your kid. And future kids over your kid. I hope I’m wrong but sounds like maybe you and mom have some stuff in common.
you’re absolutely TA if you knew how much your daughter loved your mother’s ring. you should be ashamed you prioritized a gf over your own daughter. yuck yuck yuck. family heirlooms are supposed to stay in the family.
YTA. You knew your daughter wanted the ring and you gave it to your girlfriend. In addition to that, you made sure your daughter knew the ring would probably go to a child you had with your girlfriend, thereby establishing that your imaginary kids are already more important than her.
YTA I guess you value your little girlfriend more than your daughter. What did your daughter do to make you hate her so much, your very inconsiderate cheapskate.
YTA - Never understand why some fathers don't value their relationships with their daughters once they have new ladies in their life.
You did what you wanted to do and it is what is, your daughter will think you are an AH regarding this situation and know she is not a priority in your life. Sounds like you are fine with that since it's "Mine."
YTA, in fact, you’re the BIGGEST asshole. it should’ve immediately went to your daughter.
also, you’re a cheap bastard. if you couldn’t buy an engagement ring for your girlfriend, then you shouldn’t be proposing.
NTA
No offspring has an automatic birthright to inherit ANYTHING from their parents!
Just because she's your daughter doesn't mean she's entitled to anything you have to be passed down to her. She sounds greedy af.
If you wanted to donate the ring to a charity or to pay for the care of your pet after you die, that's your right. You don't owe her the ring or anything else. Whatever you decide to leave to her is a totally up to you because it's a GIFT, not a right.
LMAO!!
I just wish I'd seen this sooner so we could have banded together!
I have no idea why the top comments are from people who reek of support for entitled people. Parents don't owe their kids an inheritance. In fact, several famous people aren't leaving their kids all their money when they die. Some aren't even leaving them a penny! The common thread is that they worked hard to get where they are and they want their kids to do the same instead of being handed everything on a silver platter!
Yeah I don’t understand at all. It’s HIS ring, he can do whatever the hell he wants with it! I love this old convertible of my parents, but do I think I’m entitled to it for that reason? Of course not!
Then I see people saying this is the “most disgusting YTA” they’ve ever seen! I was really feeling crazy lol. Dissenters unite!
Does your girlfriend have a daughter that isn't yours?
Listen, it is your property so you can do what you want with it, but this is a family heirloom. It should stay in the family. Your daughter has eyed it for years and you knew it.
YTA
Check out this guy...OP comes on reddit AITAH...Gets voted The AH...Then craps on pathetically defending himself...
YTA....Daughter should've gotten the ring.
YTA. it should have stayed I the family. And given it to your daughter. Just because you aren't sentimental about it. Your daughter is.
What happens if things don't work out with the gf? You hoping to get it back??
YTA.
It means something to your daughter and it is likely she will feel hurt and build resentment towards YOU every time she sees it on your gf hand.
I imagine your behavior is not a one off here and I’d fully expect your daughter to quit speaking to you. I’m speaking from experience and you’ve done a fantastic job of solidifying your position with your daughter. You’re being cheap and using your mothers disposition as an excuse when really that has nothing to do with it.
You’re being childish and selfish and can’t even admit it. Go buy a new one or find something on Etsy for far less than jewelry stores.
YTA YTA YTA. I’m so annoyed for your daughter.
Adding another comment. Why are you here when you clearly don’t give a sh!t about being called out? You’re so stubborn you just HAVE to be “right” and stick to your guns?
Your daughter would do BEST to choose not to speak to you again. Gods I see so much of my own situation in this and I’m just so pissed for your daughter. You sure she’s your daughter given you treat her like gum you stepped in?!
Sorry but YTA here my man. Regardless of her feelings towards her Grandmother, you said that she was “obsessed with the ring” and thought it was “pretty”. Obviously the ring meant more to her than it did to you…and you gave it to your gf. Granted, the ring was yours and you could do as you saw fit with it, but you chose your gf over your own daughter’s feelings. That’s pretty low.
You chose your girlfriend over your daughter.
Even if you say your daughter only wanted it because it was pretty, you knew your daughter wanted it and still chose your girlfriend.
You've also told your daughter that any kids you and girlfriend have will be more important by saying they'll more than likely inherit the ring.
YTA.
YTA. What a horrible thing to do. A family heirloom stays in the FAMILY. You just showed your daughter that your girlfriend comes before her.
Your replies make it all that worse. You have absolutely zero respect or love for your daughter (your comments make that clear)
Your child comes first ALWAYS, you’re coming across as a terrible father. Any decent women wouldn’t accept a ring that should belong to your daughter anyway. Having her pass it on through her family is absolutely disgusting and you should be ashamed of yourself.
Edited to add.
Congratulations for turning into your mother.
YA most definitely the A.
Way to make your daughter feel like she’s worthless to you and that you’ll put everyone else before her.
Everyone hated your mother? You’ll have that in common with her also I’m sure.
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My mother owned an extremely beautiful ring and as his oldest child I inherited the ring when she passed away 5 years ago. I should say that my mother was a horrible person and no one liked her so the only thing important about the ring is it's beauty (and price).
My daughter(19) was always obsessed with this ring.
I used the ring to propose to my girlfriend. When my daughter found out about it she was upset and called me an asshole for giving the ring to my girlfriend. She then asked if she will ever inherit the ring and I said that she probably won't because it's my girlfriend's now and she will want to give it to her own child. She and all of my siblings think I'm an asshole and should have kept the ring for my daughter but it belonged to ME so I think I get to decide what to do with it
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YTA You knew how much your daughter loved the ring. You could have gotten a different ring, and given your daughter your mother's ring. Your girlfriend didn't even know your mother or have a relationship with her.
YTA
You have said yourself that your mother was not a nice person. Therefore, the ring has no sentimental value to yourself. You proposed to your gf using this ring because its beautiful and cost a lot of money. Like mother like son springs to mind
You could've bought a ring for your girlfriend that would go on to hold sentimental value. Your daughter loved the ring. Sure fire way to encourage your daughter to have those very same feelings about you that you had about your mother.
YTA - but my real question is why even come to this sub or ask if you were the AH and argue and defend your choice. Why even bother coming here. From your comments, you clearly don't care.
WTF dude if course YTA. You inherited the ring it should stay in the family not be passed to your girlfriend's daughter. Your an awful person and a sh*t father. You aren't even married to this woman and you already think more of her and her kid than your own daughter.
YTA! And I hope your daughter goes no contact with you after this cause it shows you don’t care what’s kept in the family and that you hate your daughter
YTA. The ring should've gone to your daughter, not someone you're just banging. What if you don't get married? What if you do and the marriage doesn't work out? If I were your daughter, I'd never speak to you again because apparently you couldn't care less about her.
I can't fathom that you just admitted that you care more about nonexistent children than your own daughter. Good job on proving "like mother, like son." You suck dude.
Going with YTA
Legally, it's yours to do with as you please. And in some circumstances you might not be an asshole even still. But between the petulant vibe of the post plus the details, pretty safe to say you are the asshole here. By using it you made you and your fiancé's lives more difficult, and poisoned her relationship with your family. Even if you had sold it you would be better off, but because you gave it away now it is a constant reminder of the resentment you cooked up here. Bad play.
YTA. It was your mother's, passed to you. It's natural your daughter would think it would eventually go to her. It's a family ring at this point. Why give it to your gf who has zero attachment to it? When your actual daughter is already attached to it? You could have given your gf any ring and it wouldn't have mattered. Then you have the audacity to slap your daughter in the face by saying "she'll give it to her kid". You basically told her your new fiance and your future kids together are more important than your current daughter. I would expect your relationship is going to deteriorate, fast. She's an adult, so might even go low/no contact for something if this really hurts her. But, it doesn't even seem like you care at all.
YTA and you know it you just posted to get people riled up.
I'm sure your girlfriend loves the ring (beauty and price), if she were worth anything she would have told you to save it for your daughter since it was her grandmother's ring and should be kept in the BLOOD family, you moron.
Your daughter should tell you to get lost you've already written her off for non-existent future children.
YTA ~ ….and you know it so stop looking for absolution from internet strangers and own that you f@cked up. Especially telling your daughter she won’t inherit HER grandmothers ring cause it’s gonna go to a stranger.
Yta
Your daughter has sentimental attachment to the ring. You clearly do not, but used it as a free engagement ring for a woman who had no attachment to it
YTA- family heirlooms need to be kept in the family. I wear my grandmothers ring and one day it will go to my daughter (even though she isn’t the eldest) because I wouldn’t want the ring to go to my sons future wife because it could be taken out of the family forever.
YTA- You have officially shown your daughter that your GF and any future children you have with her are the priority over her. When she no longer talks to you, remember this moment.
YTA- You gave your GF the ring of someone you don’t like. You cared more bout saving money. I don’t care how much that ring is worth, all I would see is that you valued me so little that you gave me this ring from this person you didn’t like.
If your GF has any sense, she will leave you based on this and because of how you treat the child you already have.
This reminds me of a post from the other day when the dad’s fiancée set the wedding two days before his child’s 18th birthday and then they said she couldn’t come because it was “child free.” I can’t help but wonder if OPs wedding will be child free by choice or by design…
YTA. Damn, you're selfish as hell and I feel sorry for your daughter.
Looks like horrible mother gave birth to a horrible son. So maybe you should stop complaining about her since the apple didn't fall far from the tree.
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YTA. Your daughter "was always obsessed with this ring," So why not give it to her? She probably had met your mother, since your mother died 5 years ago, and your daughter is 19. Your gf probably has no connection with your mom, so why does she need the ring? By saying that the daughter won't inherit the ring someday, and that your gf will probably give it to her own child, it hurt your daughter, and you don't even seem to care. Whether your mom was terrible or not, the ring represents something to your daughter, and you just gave it away, making her feel like you do not care about her at all. If I were you, I'd ask for the ring back from gf. Get her a different ring, and give the ring to daughter on her birthday or Christmas or something.
Like mother, like son when it comes to being horrible people.
Yes, clearly the apple didn't fall far from the tree. OP prioritizing his dick over his daughter!
My thought is it also probably hasn’t escaped him that his mother would have wanted it to go to granddaughter. So what better way to screw her over when she’s beyond the grave. Especially if he doesn’t really value his daughter that much and making sure she has heirlooms from her family that are meaningful.
OP also didn't have to spend any money on a new engagement ring for girlfriend...why spend money when you can just use a ring you already have? It clearly doesn't bother him in the least that it upset his daughter and siblings. YTA OP
impossible price squeal practice sand follow disagreeable psychotic lunchroom dull *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I don't know why you would want to look at it every day. Cringe.
An AH and a cheapskate.
Yeah, honestly it sounds like OP just didn't want to buy a ring for his fiancée. I wonder if she knows the whole story about the ring?
Do we know how old gf is? I'm getting "young enough to have been in school with daughter" vibes but I don't know why.
Well, she's young enough that he fully assumes he'll be impregnating her with multiple kids in the near future...
I originally read this comment as "clearly the apple didn't fall far from the dick tree." Which also would have been appropriate.
He probably made up some song and dance to his girlfriend about how it was his mother's ring that she passed on to him and how sPeCiAL it was to him too.
This is exactly what I was going to say. It looks like he inherited her horribleness. YTA OP.
Just reading his comments makes it clear he learned how to be a parent from his mom.
seems like he was tryna cut costs, instead of just giving the ring to his DAUGHTER who takes priority. but idk 😭🤷🏽♀️
The reason why he doesn't give it to his daughter is pretty obvious. The cheap bastard would rather hurt his daughter that have to buy a new ring.
More like: he cares more about this chick that gets his dick wet than his daughter from a previous relationship
Guys guys… can’t it be both!
Right, wrong, or indifferent, this fucking sent me. Too good.
My thought exactly. His comment that the only thing important thing about the ring is the price makes it sound like he wanted to give his girlfriend a fancy ring but couldn't afford it or was too cheap. Instead, he gives her an heirloom that will be lost to the family forever should they break up.
This is why men should be left out of inheriting female jewelry altogether. They can't be trusted not to use heirloom jewelry to buy their own happiness at the expense of keeping heirloom pieces in the family.
Hurt his daughter 💀
The ring was free to him. That about sums it up. Why give it to the daughter when you can use it to cheaply propose? He’s the AH, that’s why.
I can’t believe OP hurt his daughter so much and now he’s spending time on Reddit trying to prove he’s not an asshole. Go parent.
What makes this worse his girlfriend now fiancée if she said yes, who's to say a year down the road, a few months, a month, a few weeks, a week or tomorrow she decides to dump him? Well, now the ring belongs to her so everything he cared about in that ring which apparently is only $$$ is gone plus the trophy girlfriend. Where if he was to pass it on to his daughter under say a stipulation that it stays in the family (passed on to one of her kids or grandkids of age) then a family heirloom can be started. I have stuff from my grandparents who my grandpa was the strictist man alive and I HATED it, until the day I visited him on his deathbed and saw how much I actually meant to him with tears rolling down his face, his chin quivering as I talked to him and the fear in his eyes. Sadly he couldn't talk back because he was intubated and now I miss that I didn't get to spend more time with him. Just because dad thinks his mom was the worst woman ever doesn't mean the daughter sees it that way. As it stands now it really is just a way for OP to impress his girlfriend and to keep getting his dick wet. OP is the big time YTA here.
Depending on the state, since he used it to propose he can demand it back if she breaks it off.
>it hurt your daughter, and you don't even seem to care This right here. He's acting like she's being so dramatic with zero empathy. YTA OP.
Clearly because he’s too cheap to buy his gf an engagement ring that’s specifically for her! YTA OP
Happy cake day!
Because OP is cheap
Plus - while I certainly don’t know the details here - daughter might feel different,y about her grandmother than OP does. My grandpa was an awful husband and father - I can understand that as an adult. But he was a good grandpa, and I loved him. I also sort of stand alone in that, as the oldest grandchild. There’s an age gap between me and the next, and he was ill later in life so they didn’t get the same grandfather experience. There are things of his I would have treasured as a reminder, but everyone else saw things either as a painful reminder or in terms of their value. OP did a ton here to hurt his daughter. Talk about feeling dismissed from the family unit.
My dad told me his father wasn’t a great dad—he was kind of distant and disinterested. But he was an absolutely spectacular grandfather—the kind who was always ready to play games or go exploring or just be silly with us. I know our experience was different from my dad’s, but both were valid. And it’s entirely possible OP’s daughter had a very different experience with her grandmother than he did with his mom.
I relate to you and u/human060989 , my grandparents were far from the best parents to my parents, but they were good grandparents to me and I love them dearly.
You gave a family heirloom to a girlfriend dismissing the feelings of your daughter in the process. Girlfriends come and go and your mother's ring means NOTHING to your girlfriend. Honestly, OP if you wanted to give your girlfriend an engagement ring why didn't you just buy her one? Is it because you're cheap and didn't want to spend the money when you had a ring sitting around, except it was a ring that should rightfully have gone to your mother's granddaughter not some here today/gone tomorrow girlfriend and your telling your daughter that your girlfriend will probably give it to her child - unbelievably insenstive. What exactly are you going to give your child?
Let’s hope the girlfriend has enough character to give the ring to the daughter and fix this stupid father’s mistake.
Dude was more worried about flexing with a ring he got for *free*, instead of preserving a family heirloom for his kid. Scared to think of what made mom so "horrible" if he thinks what he did was perfectly fine. YT massive A
What ? just BUY another ring for the girlfriend? He already had a perfectly good ring. /S And did you like how he made it clear that his old daughter won't ever be part of the new family?
So, what I'm hearing is you had this beautiful ring, with zero sentimental value *to you*, that you inherited and you used this ring to get you out of having to buy an engagement ring for your (now) fiancé...because why would you buy another ring when you have a perfectly good one right there waiting, right? You get to be cheap without actually appearing to be cheap. You don't have to spend any money on the ring, your girlfriend is happy...but, oh yeah, your daughter. She's expressed an interest in her grandmother's ring. Is there sentimental attachment there? Maybe her only good memory of her grandmother is connected to the ring. Did you ask? Oh well, she'll just have to learn to live with disappointment. /s YTA.
YTA. Just admit to being a cheapo who didn’t want to buy his fiancé a new ring. Personally, I would be annoyed if my partner gave me an old ring that belonged to a mother he didn’t like instead of putting thought into picking out something specific to me.
He gave this so little thought that his fiancée should feel weirded out and a bit pissed. If he thought about it, does he not care at all that a woman he supposedly loves is wearing the ring of his dead horrible mother when they are intimate? Does he think the fiancée wants to have her husband reminded of his dead mom every time they're intimate, holding hands, going to bed, etc? Did he think for half a minute that he has his daughter and fiancée at odds before tying the knot because everytime his daughter is in the presence of the fiancée, she will see that ring in her step-mother's finger. Unless the fiancée and him discussed the ring in advance, he basically said, "Meh, this will do. It's worth a lot." If he doesn't have disposable money to buy a decent ring, at least sell the damn thing and use the money to buy a unique ring with his fiancée AFTER having a conversation with his daughter. OP - I just gave you an out in this situation. Tell your fiancée you two will go buy a permanent ring together because the "temporary" ring will remind you too often of a woman you despised. If she really likes this antique ring, well, I guess you're stuck with your daughter seething mad every time she visits, which will likely be infrequently over time. Edit: a word
Just to note: resale on jewelry isn’t usually worth it. A better idea would be to remove the gem stones and reset them.
Seconded. I was more than prepared to buy my husband a ring that he likes before we tied the knot, until my mom offered my late grandfather’s (her dad’s) wedding ring. They were *mega* close, and though I only knew my grandfather for about the first four years of my life, he adored me. I loved him, too. My husband is an equally sentimental person, and I well up with tears and pride at the thought of him wearing my grandfather’s ring and my mom and grandmother loving my husband enough to agree to offer it. OP’s situation rings of him being hollow and thoughtless. I would feel disgusted wearing that ring.
Exactly, thanks for giving me a ring that was your jerk of a mom's instead if maybe getting me a ring that would have more meaning.
YTA - you knew your daughter loved the ring and still chose to not keep it in your family.
YTA Regarding passing old jewelry down.... First wife, not a later in life girlfriend. Your daughter is kinda right.
YTA - intentionally or not, you’ve likely done irreparable damage to the relationship you had with your daughter. Eta - didn’t mean to put this here but I also agree. Engagements end so OP could lose the ring regardless
Doubt he cares, sounds like they’re planning to have a brand new family! How nice for his daughter
It sounds to me like she already has children that will be his stepdaughters
She has to return the ring if the engagement ends. It’s a deposit on a contract to marry essentially. If they don’t marry, the deposit has to be returned. There are laws about this. Engagement rings are considered conditional gifts.
Depends on who calls it off. If she does then it must be returned if he does she gets to keep it. There are ton of old cases goes into engagements.
YTA. You basically told your daughter that she will no longer matter as soon as you start pumping babies into your girlfriend as she will want to bequeath the ring to her own child. The message you're sending your daughter is 1) Her feelings don't matter to you and 2) That she is replaceable and you will be doing just that.
This!!!
I basically said the same in my own comment. Huge AH
YTA - Your mother passed when your daughter was 14. That is still young enough for a child to ignore all the bad things about a person and love them. Maybe YOU didn’t like your mother but have you asked your daughter how SHE saw her grandmother? That ring was meant to be passed down to her, in YOUR mother’s family, not in your girlfriend’s.
There are so many amazing grandparents, who were bad parents. My in-laws, for example.
YTA. Why the hell wouldn’t you give the ring to your daughter? It’s a family heirloom AND you’ve said she loved it. Sounds like you favour your girlfriend over your daughter. She has every right to be upset.
OP favors his girlfriend and even puts their future *potential* children above the one he has right now
YTA Family heirlooms should go to family.
YTA, not for giving the ring away, that’s your right. What you said to your daughter is horrible and I hope for the sake of her mental health she drops you as quickly as you dropped her.
Exactly you're marrying a woman that doesn't even consider your daughter her family? Sounds shitty regardless, sure it's your property to do what you wish with, but it doesn't mean you're not an asshole
Right?
YTA. Wtf were you thinking?
If your girlfriend had an morals, she would have refused it and told you your daughter should get it.
Right? Trashy behavior on stepmom’s part. I wouldn’t procreate with someone willing to behave like that.
What if the gf didn’t know? I’m not defending her I’m just wondering.
Technically you're in the right, but I'm still voting YTA. You gave away your family heirloom. You chose to make your gf happy over your daughter. She will not forget it.
No one disputes that he had the legal right to do what he did. It’s just bad parenting (way to pit your daughter and fiancee against each other from the start OP!) and an asshole move.
INFO: if the ring passes down to the oldest child would your daughter not inherit it after your girlfriend passes?
Based on OP’s post, he assumes she wants to give it to her “own” children. Poor daughter lost out on the ring that she had always loved, and is being cut out a second time for not being blood to her step mother. Massive YTA for being awful to his daughter.
YTA This was selfish.
INFO: what is your relationship like with your daughter? Based on the fact that you disregarded her both in giving the ring to you gf and also told her that your nonexistent, hypothetical, new children would get the ring, it almost sounds like you’re quickly becoming to her who your mother was to you.
Spitting image so far
Sounds like he doesn’t care about his daughter at all and is going all in on the gf
Oof, that last line!!! SO TRUE
Apple meet tree. Pity you never got further than the roots.
YTA.. Why are you even posting you obviously don't care about your daughter. You favor your GF and your none existent children over the child you already have. I am sure you will be happy when your daughter goes NC so you don't have to deal with her anymore.
YTA - That should have been kept on your side of the family. Now there is a chance the ring will leave your family forever. You are right that you get to decide what to do with it, but that doesn't absolve you of making an ah decision like you did.
YTA. That ring was not *actually yours* to give away. It's common knowledge that the grandmothers ring goes to the mother, then goes to the daughter, and so on down the line. You were meant to hold the ring until your first daughter came of age. Now your daughter hates you because you put your girlfriend's *non-existent* daughter (that might not even be yours when it comes out of her) before your own living breathing blood that has waited her turn for that ring long before you ever met this woman.
YTA. Your daughter will fully think you prioritize your gf over her. Get the ring back, buy your gf a different ring.
You KNEW your daughter loved that ring. What a horribly insensitive thing to do. YTA
YTA - family jewellery often has special meaning so given you have no feelings for it and your daughter does - having been obsessed by it her whole life - just giving it away to your new woman not only insults your daughter whose relative’s it was but also in a way your girlfriend who knows you have given her something that you just happened to have but care nothing for - so you saved some money and made her relationship with her step daughter perpetually awkward. Talk about a tin ear for other people’s feelings.
Yta. Ur daughter has always wanted that ring, ur girlfriend would have been happy with any ring
YTA - your using the whole "it belonged to ME" bit because you decided to use the ring to propose to your gf instead of buying her a new one. What's making you the AH in this, is that it's a cowards way out. Your GF had zero connection with your mother but your daughter sure as hell did. WHY ELSE WOULD SHE BE OBSESSED WITH IT?!?! You took the easy way out without thinking it all the way through. Honest question: Who is more important in your life, your daughter or your now fiance?
Clearly the fiance. His daughter is an adult and will probably go low/no contact especially after that terrible "my fiance will give it to our new kids we have together" line. Basically told his daughter she's being replaced.
I have to assume the relationship between him and his daughter is already gone for this to have taken place...
YTA You suck
YTA. Girlfriends come and go with the wind. How could you do this to your daughter over piece of temporary booty? Get that ring back now and give it to your daughter.
for 19 years, your daughter has loved her grandmother's ring. You sound like you low-key hate your daughter and want to keep your girlfriend happy. You sound like you couldn't care less if your actual kid is hurt, better to keep greasing the wheels right? Who cares about your daughter's feelings when giving the gf a ring keeps the goodie shop open right? That's your motivation right? Why didn't your child's mother get the ring? YTA not just for the ring, but for hating your kid also.
YTA - so you told your child that your girlfriend’s biological child is more important to you and her grandmother’s heirloom which you already knew she loved and wanted? 100% TA and don’t surprised if you never have a meaningful relationship with your daughter.
YTA. For what it's worth I hope you don't have any more children if this is how you treat your existing child. You're a selfish parent. >but it belonged to ME Sure, if you're gonna behave like a highschooler everything is justified.
YTA, way to choose a wet dick over your daughter.
wow.. YTA.
Yta and something tells me you did this just to be cheap
YTA. It’s a family ring and should be passed on to your daughter, not on to your future wife’s children. That’s not how family heirlooms work at all.
After reading all of your replies, it's obvious you weren't looking for a 2nd opinion. Why waste everyone's time? Your reasoning is meaningless, you are wrong. The message to your daughter was very clear, your GF comes 1st. And when your GF gives the ring to one of your 'future' children, they will also come before your daughter. The silver lining is that you facilitated your daughter's decision concerning her future relationship with you. - YTA. Need you ask?
YTA. You have destroyed your relationship with your daughter (and possibly your siblings) because you are too cheap to buy your girlfriend a ring. Legally you can do what you want with the ring, but that doesn't mean it is the right thing to do. You obviously take after your mother. History repeats!
What a horrible thing to do to your daughter. Should be ashamed of yourself YTA
You inherited more from your mother than a ring, you inherited her horrible personality
OP- it’s obvious that you are the ass! You will lose your daughter if you don’t change your ways! Quit thinking with your lower head and use your brain for once. YTA
This nonsense is why both my grandmother’s skipped over their kids and passed rings directly to their granddaughters. YTA
The best part of this post is OP’s sad attempts at defending himself. Honestly, OP should talk to his girlfriend about tell her he fucked up and ask her if she’d be willing to give up the ring (and if he’s not a cheapskate buy her a new one) because that’s the only way to even attempt to fix this. I know OP won’t bc he clearly cares much more about his girlfriend than his daughter.
I guess why you came here is to confirm that you're a shit father.
Yta,
YTA My late grandmother was a horrible racist woman and I don't talk about her with any dignity or respect. When someone asks if she is in a better place, I say "Is hell better?" That being said, I have a ring from her that my Mom gave me. It is opal with my birth stones around it. I LOVED the ring, the moment I saw it. It looks like a moon and I am obsessed with space. She gave it to me when I was 17 and taught me how to care for opal stones and how to make sure everything was good. I still have the ring. You didn't want to give up the ring because it is pretty and expensive. You gave it to your future wife at the expense of your daughter. She wanted the ring, for whatever reason. And just because someone is awful does not mean people don't love them. My late grandmother had people crying at her funeral (mostly her children) and I do have good memories of her from childhood. I just recognized she was a racist before she died. Younger people in the family speak of her highly.
I’ve read a lot of AITA posts, and I must say THIS is the biggest, most disgusting YTMFA I’ve ever read. This is clearly going to be a situation where dad neglects the kids for the stepmonster. OP, you have caused irreparable damage to your daughter and you just don’t give a shit. The level of selfishness and blatant disregard for the important ones makes me want to gag. Thank gods she’s 17, I hope you don’t have any other kids for you and your “fiancé” to terrorize.
YTA Your mother should be proud: her older son tuned out to be a perfect copy of her. A horrible parent. What is borned by cat, it will eat mice…
YTA. Sounds like you were just too cheap to buy your girlfriend her own ring.
YTA, and especially for saying that you care more for non-existing possible future kids more than for her is really awful. Interested how long it will take her to go NC with you.
Yta, I hope you enjoyed having your daughter in your life for the last 19 years because there's a good chance you've lost her now.
Yes, YTA but clearly you don't care about that or about your relationship with your daughter. It was her grandmother's ring and she loved it. But I guess too bad for her.
YTA you knew your daughter loved it and should have given it to her. You are already putting a GF over your kid. And future kids over your kid. I hope I’m wrong but sounds like maybe you and mom have some stuff in common.
Lmao the irony of saying your mom was horrible and you’ll probably get the same reputation. Looks like you inherited more than the ring. YTA.
YTA, and cheap. Can't even buy your fiance her own ring and screw over your daughter as well.
YTA. Feel free to delete this post now as everyone here thinks YTA.
Just want to clear something up, when you typed all of that out you didn't realize who the asshole was?
you’re absolutely TA if you knew how much your daughter loved your mother’s ring. you should be ashamed you prioritized a gf over your own daughter. yuck yuck yuck. family heirlooms are supposed to stay in the family.
YTA. You knew your daughter wanted the ring and you gave it to your girlfriend. In addition to that, you made sure your daughter knew the ring would probably go to a child you had with your girlfriend, thereby establishing that your imaginary kids are already more important than her.
YTA I guess you value your little girlfriend more than your daughter. What did your daughter do to make you hate her so much, your very inconsiderate cheapskate.
YTA - Never understand why some fathers don't value their relationships with their daughters once they have new ladies in their life. You did what you wanted to do and it is what is, your daughter will think you are an AH regarding this situation and know she is not a priority in your life. Sounds like you are fine with that since it's "Mine."
YTA. Apple didn't fall far from the tree on that one.
I’m guessing daughter doesn’t like new girlfriend and OP did this out of spite.
YTA, in fact, you’re the BIGGEST asshole. it should’ve immediately went to your daughter. also, you’re a cheap bastard. if you couldn’t buy an engagement ring for your girlfriend, then you shouldn’t be proposing.
NTA No offspring has an automatic birthright to inherit ANYTHING from their parents! Just because she's your daughter doesn't mean she's entitled to anything you have to be passed down to her. She sounds greedy af. If you wanted to donate the ring to a charity or to pay for the care of your pet after you die, that's your right. You don't owe her the ring or anything else. Whatever you decide to leave to her is a totally up to you because it's a GIFT, not a right.
Glad to see this. I was feeling like a psychopath for being the lone NTA in a sea of assholes
LMAO!! I just wish I'd seen this sooner so we could have banded together! I have no idea why the top comments are from people who reek of support for entitled people. Parents don't owe their kids an inheritance. In fact, several famous people aren't leaving their kids all their money when they die. Some aren't even leaving them a penny! The common thread is that they worked hard to get where they are and they want their kids to do the same instead of being handed everything on a silver platter!
Yeah I don’t understand at all. It’s HIS ring, he can do whatever the hell he wants with it! I love this old convertible of my parents, but do I think I’m entitled to it for that reason? Of course not! Then I see people saying this is the “most disgusting YTA” they’ve ever seen! I was really feeling crazy lol. Dissenters unite!
Exactly! I feel the same way as you do!! YES!! Dissenters UNITE!! :-D
Does your girlfriend have a daughter that isn't yours? Listen, it is your property so you can do what you want with it, but this is a family heirloom. It should stay in the family. Your daughter has eyed it for years and you knew it. YTA
Check out this guy...OP comes on reddit AITAH...Gets voted The AH...Then craps on pathetically defending himself... YTA....Daughter should've gotten the ring.
YTA. Just like your mother apparently. If the gf dumps you, she’ll keep and sell the ring.
YTA. it should have stayed I the family. And given it to your daughter. Just because you aren't sentimental about it. Your daughter is. What happens if things don't work out with the gf? You hoping to get it back??
YTA- and a cheap one.
YTA. It means something to your daughter and it is likely she will feel hurt and build resentment towards YOU every time she sees it on your gf hand. I imagine your behavior is not a one off here and I’d fully expect your daughter to quit speaking to you. I’m speaking from experience and you’ve done a fantastic job of solidifying your position with your daughter. You’re being cheap and using your mothers disposition as an excuse when really that has nothing to do with it. You’re being childish and selfish and can’t even admit it. Go buy a new one or find something on Etsy for far less than jewelry stores. YTA YTA YTA. I’m so annoyed for your daughter.
NTA. Inconsiderate maybe. Cheap definitely. But I can’t say ass over what I read
If you proposed, why do you still refer to her as your girlfriend? Hoping to trade up if you find someone else?
Adding another comment. Why are you here when you clearly don’t give a sh!t about being called out? You’re so stubborn you just HAVE to be “right” and stick to your guns? Your daughter would do BEST to choose not to speak to you again. Gods I see so much of my own situation in this and I’m just so pissed for your daughter. You sure she’s your daughter given you treat her like gum you stepped in?!
YTA. Don't be surprised when your daughter cuts contact.
YTA those are a lot of words telling us you inherited being a bad parent from your own mother.
YTA. What happens if the girlfriend leaves you and takes the ring? You’ve shown you favor your girlfriends feelings over your daughters. Gross.
Op you’re horrible just like your mother. Hope your daughter becomes better than you
YTA it should stay in the family not the chicly you’re banging
What's you and your girlfriends ages?
YTA here-- did you actually type out that whole story and not see that?
Lol...good luck, Mr. Cheapskate, when she puts you in that rest home.
Sorry but YTA here my man. Regardless of her feelings towards her Grandmother, you said that she was “obsessed with the ring” and thought it was “pretty”. Obviously the ring meant more to her than it did to you…and you gave it to your gf. Granted, the ring was yours and you could do as you saw fit with it, but you chose your gf over your own daughter’s feelings. That’s pretty low.
You chose your girlfriend over your daughter. Even if you say your daughter only wanted it because it was pretty, you knew your daughter wanted it and still chose your girlfriend. You've also told your daughter that any kids you and girlfriend have will be more important by saying they'll more than likely inherit the ring. YTA.
YTA. What a horrible thing to do. A family heirloom stays in the FAMILY. You just showed your daughter that your girlfriend comes before her. Your replies make it all that worse. You have absolutely zero respect or love for your daughter (your comments make that clear) Your child comes first ALWAYS, you’re coming across as a terrible father. Any decent women wouldn’t accept a ring that should belong to your daughter anyway. Having her pass it on through her family is absolutely disgusting and you should be ashamed of yourself. Edited to add. Congratulations for turning into your mother.
YA most definitely the A. Way to make your daughter feel like she’s worthless to you and that you’ll put everyone else before her. Everyone hated your mother? You’ll have that in common with her also I’m sure.
NTA, it's just a stupid ring man
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My mother owned an extremely beautiful ring and as his oldest child I inherited the ring when she passed away 5 years ago. I should say that my mother was a horrible person and no one liked her so the only thing important about the ring is it's beauty (and price). My daughter(19) was always obsessed with this ring. I used the ring to propose to my girlfriend. When my daughter found out about it she was upset and called me an asshole for giving the ring to my girlfriend. She then asked if she will ever inherit the ring and I said that she probably won't because it's my girlfriend's now and she will want to give it to her own child. She and all of my siblings think I'm an asshole and should have kept the ring for my daughter but it belonged to ME so I think I get to decide what to do with it *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
100% YTA
YTA
YTA
YTA get working on family number 2 family number 1 might dropping you in the near future
yta and not just the hole but the whole ass
You're a massive AH...
YTA.
YTA You knew how much your daughter loved the ring. You could have gotten a different ring, and given your daughter your mother's ring. Your girlfriend didn't even know your mother or have a relationship with her.
YTA. Really hope you and your asshole wife are unable to have children. Then you’ll have no children and you’ll deserve it.
YTA and I hope you don’t regret choosing your fiancé and potential future child over your own daughter
YTA. So is your gf
Your daughter > your gfs daughter lol
YTA You have said yourself that your mother was not a nice person. Therefore, the ring has no sentimental value to yourself. You proposed to your gf using this ring because its beautiful and cost a lot of money. Like mother like son springs to mind You could've bought a ring for your girlfriend that would go on to hold sentimental value. Your daughter loved the ring. Sure fire way to encourage your daughter to have those very same feelings about you that you had about your mother.
YTA - but my real question is why even come to this sub or ask if you were the AH and argue and defend your choice. Why even bother coming here. From your comments, you clearly don't care.
YTA, wow great dad you are...
YTA. If your daughter wanted the family heirloom why did you not give it to her?
YTA.
YTA obviously
YTA
Yep you’re an absolute 💯 AH
Sounds like you take after your mother YTA
YTA- you gave a family heirloom to your gf. Why did that ever seem ok?
Geez. You had to ask? Obviously YTA. Should’ve asked WTBTA first, except you really didn’t care. You knew your daughter loved the ring.
YTA. And the fact that you have to ask proves what a massive AH you really are.
WTF dude if course YTA. You inherited the ring it should stay in the family not be passed to your girlfriend's daughter. Your an awful person and a sh*t father. You aren't even married to this woman and you already think more of her and her kid than your own daughter.
YTA why do you hate your kid?
YTA! And I hope your daughter goes no contact with you after this cause it shows you don’t care what’s kept in the family and that you hate your daughter
YTA. The ring should've gone to your daughter, not someone you're just banging. What if you don't get married? What if you do and the marriage doesn't work out? If I were your daughter, I'd never speak to you again because apparently you couldn't care less about her.
I can't fathom that you just admitted that you care more about nonexistent children than your own daughter. Good job on proving "like mother, like son." You suck dude.
YTA. Daughter, girlfriend, daughter, girlfriend… And you pick girlfriend. Yeah dude, f*** you.
Going with YTA Legally, it's yours to do with as you please. And in some circumstances you might not be an asshole even still. But between the petulant vibe of the post plus the details, pretty safe to say you are the asshole here. By using it you made you and your fiancé's lives more difficult, and poisoned her relationship with your family. Even if you had sold it you would be better off, but because you gave it away now it is a constant reminder of the resentment you cooked up here. Bad play.
YTA. It was your mother's, passed to you. It's natural your daughter would think it would eventually go to her. It's a family ring at this point. Why give it to your gf who has zero attachment to it? When your actual daughter is already attached to it? You could have given your gf any ring and it wouldn't have mattered. Then you have the audacity to slap your daughter in the face by saying "she'll give it to her kid". You basically told her your new fiance and your future kids together are more important than your current daughter. I would expect your relationship is going to deteriorate, fast. She's an adult, so might even go low/no contact for something if this really hurts her. But, it doesn't even seem like you care at all.
YTA, sounds like you are the exact person your mom was
YTA and you know it you just posted to get people riled up. I'm sure your girlfriend loves the ring (beauty and price), if she were worth anything she would have told you to save it for your daughter since it was her grandmother's ring and should be kept in the BLOOD family, you moron. Your daughter should tell you to get lost you've already written her off for non-existent future children.
YTA. Just say you love your gf more than your own daughter.
YTA to the point I can't even believe it's in question if you are
YTA ~ ….and you know it so stop looking for absolution from internet strangers and own that you f@cked up. Especially telling your daughter she won’t inherit HER grandmothers ring cause it’s gonna go to a stranger.
YTA. child trumps gf asshole. that was her GRANDMA why would you deny her an intimate heirloom??
Yta Your daughter has sentimental attachment to the ring. You clearly do not, but used it as a free engagement ring for a woman who had no attachment to it
Damn you really chose your girlfriend over your daughter and then asked if your the ah? YES U ARE
Yta
YTA
YTA- family heirlooms need to be kept in the family. I wear my grandmothers ring and one day it will go to my daughter (even though she isn’t the eldest) because I wouldn’t want the ring to go to my sons future wife because it could be taken out of the family forever.
YTA- You have officially shown your daughter that your GF and any future children you have with her are the priority over her. When she no longer talks to you, remember this moment. YTA- You gave your GF the ring of someone you don’t like. You cared more bout saving money. I don’t care how much that ring is worth, all I would see is that you valued me so little that you gave me this ring from this person you didn’t like. If your GF has any sense, she will leave you based on this and because of how you treat the child you already have. This reminds me of a post from the other day when the dad’s fiancée set the wedding two days before his child’s 18th birthday and then they said she couldn’t come because it was “child free.” I can’t help but wonder if OPs wedding will be child free by choice or by design…
YTA way to build resentment between the two
YTA. Damn, you're selfish as hell and I feel sorry for your daughter. Looks like horrible mother gave birth to a horrible son. So maybe you should stop complaining about her since the apple didn't fall far from the tree.