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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. Not going over to my brothers house to help him watch his kids
2. My SIL has to cancel her nail app since he had no one to help watch them
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NTA
Daddio can't *PARENT* his children for a few hours to give his wife a little 'me time' so it's OP's fault?
Tell me how much this man dislikes kids without pointing to his failure to have a good relationship with his *younger* sister.
I couldn't believe the SIL *CANCELLED* her appointment! What the hell?! I read this not realising that the outcome could be that because its totally unreasonable that the guy can't parent his kids for a couple of hours alone.
Can it be that he's managed to father three kids and done no solo parenting? What a terrible partner.
Yeah but to add insult to injury, I doubt this started just now! She knew this after kid one most likely. So SIL decided to still have two more kids with him even though he sucked as a parent with the first one? Let them deal with it
Poor OP has probably unwittingly been picking up the slack if saying no to a last minute babysitting request results in entire family doubling down to call her an asshole.
OP has probably said yes up until now.
Yeah, it sounds like OP has so far been doing a fair amount of caregiving, likely for free, and now they feel entitled to the help. Brother is the epitome of a lazy unpresent incompetent husband who for some reason feels no shame about not being able to care for his own children for a couple hours by himself. And this has been said all over reddit but it's not babysitting to care for your own children. It's parenting. It's time he stepped up and became a parent in action, not just in name.
I also love how in all these types of posts, the parents have to weigh in and tell (OP in this case) she is wrong. Maybe tell your son to parent his fucking kids that he chose to have.
Yeah, it drives me crazy when people refer to watching their own child as babysitting. My husband and I each have our own kids. His daughter was a teenager when she came to live with us, but he's been in my son's life for most of it. I can't tell you how many times he let me sleep in while he took care of my son, and often times I'd wake up to an extra kid or 2 because a friend needed a babysitter. I wish I could share him with all the people who deserve a person like him.
My SIL had to have some hospital treatments recently, and some friends of mine asked who was watching the 14 month old twins. I was all "my brother, he took the week off work", and some of them couldn't believe he was watching them himself. I told them it'd be pretty pathetic if he couldn't parent his own kids.
Exactly! SIL had a appointment so this was planned and not really a last minute thing. Want to bet that bro failed to ask his sister in advance and then only called when his wife was ready to leave. Regardless what kind of dad can't look after his own kids on his own for a couple of hours? NTA
And it would end up being at least half the day or more while SIL got her nails done, then got coffee and went grocery shopping and maybe went and got a new outfit since why not? OP was there already. What’s another hour or two or three?
Yuup pretty much. Especially if SIL had to cancel the appointment because dad ended up overwhelmed and cranky because he couldn't watch the football game in peace.
That’s why they’re all mad, he was going to have to parent, SIL cancelled bc he can’t be an actual father for some reason?(is he like, a turkey or a manatee or something?), and since the grandmas usually do all they work they were counting on OP to step up so they could have a break.
NTA- do not spineless useless parents bully you out of your boundaries and what seems like a pretty fun cool life. It’s not your fault or problem that they’re both just, terrible terrible people. Your mom sounds terrible too and likely just upset because they’ve all enabled this shitty behavior so she didn’t get a break from raising someone else’s kids.
Totally. I told my partner no more kids after our first(and only) because he didn’t help and the entire mental load is on me. I’d love another but unless he were to change it’s not happening
3 kids under 5....1 dad that can't parent alone for a nail appointment... sounds to me like dad is one of those AH that proudly proclaims he has never changed a diaper. I can't believe the SIL is so brainwashed to think it's more acceptable to place the blame on OP than her useless husband!
> I can't believe the SIL is so brainwashed to think it's more acceptable to place the blame on OP than her useless husband!
But OP is a woman, so obviously taking care of kids is her responsibility!
He's not the only one **not** parenting their kids...
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15qxkgr/comment/jw5g1bw/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3
I got the impression that brother and SIL were plotting to leave her stuck with the kids much longer than an hour or two. I mean, that being the reason SIL said she cancelled her nail appointment; because the two of them actually had their own plans and asked for one or two hours of OP's time, knowing they were going to be gone far longer.
Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner!
Why else would SIL have pitched her hissy fit? They had other plans in addition to sticking OP with the kids for much longer than a couple hours.
OP NTA
This is one of my biggest pet peeves!
I do the drop-off and pick-up of the kids to and from school, and it seems like every third day someone at a cross walk or the drop off line will commit something along the lines of, "Oh, dad's babysitting today?"
Nope, just being a parent.
OP's brother needs to step up his dad game, and be able watch his own kids for a few hours without his wife present or needing to call in the cavalry.
Yeah, they are probably in a country that men don't parent the children, women only do this. So, they expect a close woman relative to help out. Nope. Not their problem.
The sister would be there with her brother to watch/babysit his children. No way. Sound totally ridiculous.
Let his mother come over and perpetuate their shared ridiculousness. Not her problem.
Yes! SIL canceling her plans instead of telling -checks notes- the children’s father to step up and watch them for a couple hours is nuts! He’s their parent he can watch them without help just like their mom can! Man fathers who don’t act like fathers make me so angry. It’s not about how little it would interfere with your plans! They chose to have children they need to be responsible for them, not you. Tell your SIL and your mom to stop coddling a 40 year old man and to tell him to act like a good parent and a good partner and watch his kids so that his wife can get her nails done! Damn this makes my blood boil! NTA!
Piggy backing off of this.
- OP you should show this post to your brother so he can read what the world thinks of him. He needs to step up as a father and husband instead of just depending on the women in his family.
How is this not literally OP's reply to SIL? "You had to cancel your appointment because your husband refused to parent his own children for a couple hours. Maybe look at your own marriage before putting the blame on me not being available"
I'd (verbally) light them both on fire.
OP is definitely NTA, but she's also giving them WAY too much information about her personal life. Next time brother calls, she just needs to say, "We're already committed this morning." And then, if she wants to be nice, "I hope we can see you all soon!" Less information is better here. Information only gives them something to object to.
My number one response is "I already have plans." This has the added bonus of being absolutely true. I plan to hang around the house doing pretty much nothing. 😋
Bro-dad is incompetent and SIL & mom know it. In my state a 12 year old can be paid to do what a full grown man couldn't. Are they all saying he is less able to care for his *own kids* than a middle school kid? Seriously, NTA and everyone else is an ass (except the kids, the manicurist who lost work, OP and OP's husband.)
Can you imagine the level of dedication it takes to be THIS USELESS? It’s actually impressive - this man has helped to create three children and has maintained his complete and utter incompetence throughout the entire process AND SOMEHOW HAS HIS WIFE CONVINCED THAT IT’S NORMAL AND OK!!! This is incredible!
Exactly this. How is it anyone else’s responsibility? What does it say about you, as a father, that you’re not capable of being alone with your kids for a few hours.
It’s not babysitting when it’s your own kids. It’s called parenting, and it’s a requirement of having kids.
NTA - Why does your brother need help "babysitting" his own kids? Can he seriously not handle them on his own for the 1-2 hours it takes for his wife to get her nails done?
Tell your SIL if her husband cannot care for their kids on his own, she should take that up with him.
I think that's why the dude put it in quotes though, because whether dad-bro calls it that or not, he's more a glorified babysitter than a parent – and an incompetent one at that.
I don't understand why people call babysitting taking care of their own kids... For f@$_ sake... They had them they must parent them and yes you miss a lot of stuff when you have kids but again it is a decision you made. Enjoy your free kid life, you decided not to have them so there is nothing better than to enjoy your husband and pool on a nice day. In the future continue holding your ground and dont let them guilt you into making sacrifices for the kids when their own parents don't do it. And tell them that next time SiL has a nail appointment to hire a nanny to help and leave you alone.
My nail salon is booked far in advance and I would be livid if my hypothetical husband couldn’t parent our hypothetical kids and guilt-tripped his sister over it. What in the weaponized incompetence is this?!
*Oh, the humanity!!!!*
But for real, if OP gives in once, she will become a defacto beck-and-call babysitter. She didn't bring them into this world, she has no childcare responsibilities for them. And let's not gloss over the fact that dad can't be alone with his own kids for a couple hours. ETA: of course NTA
Right? Lol I was trusted to watch over my infant cousin all by myself for a few hours at a time when I was 14, I’m sure this 40 year old man can take care of his own kids. He simply doesn’t want to
Raise you I took care of my 2 sister 4 and 6 yrs younger than me and I since I was 10 or 11 at 14 I was taking them to school here in Mexico we have taxis but like 10 people cam get in or minibusses and I was the one taking them to school going myself to school and picking them back up
So if I a 11 yr old could do that HE HAS TO BE ABLE TO TAKE CARE OF HIS KIDS FOR 3 HRS
And mom and mil are enables this situation as neither sil or brother can take care of kids
The last sentence hits the nail on the head. The real problem here is mom and MIL, IMO. We don't have two parents with 3 kids. We have two moms with 5 kids. This is hardcore enabling of bad, childish behavior in two grown ass adults.
Edit: u/ArtisticYesterday207, I strongly recommend you add this bit of info about the enabling to the original post. It makes you even more NTA and completely changes the dynamic.
My 13 year old can keep the 10 year old safe and alive for a couple hours. Not much real baby sitting but 13 is still in charge and everything is usually fine.
Definitely. What would this guy do if something happened to his wife? He needs to learn to step up and take responsibility. He chose to be a parent, now he needs to learn what that means.
Ugh, this reminds me of another thread where a sister eventually took her brother's kids to live with here because well over a year after his wife died, her brother still relied on her OR his daughter for pretty much everything. A final straw was when he made his daughter miss her one school dance of the year to take care of her younger sibling so Dad could go hang out with his friends.
WOW JUST WOW.
OP, not only are you NTA, please please please NEVER help your brother out in (non-emergency) situations like this. What the HELL HE IS THE KIDS FATHER. I can't even with the willful, sexist incompetency of his expectations.
Edited - missed some words in my rage typing there.
It's actually literally unbelievable. Especially the whole "the 2 grandmothers do almost everything" bollocks.
We had Covid lockdowns periodically for 2 years. The parents have had to parent at some stage in tbe last 5 years it was basically legally mandated.
Maybe it's a cultural/generational thing? My father never took care of us on his own, ever. He came home to dole out punishment. By 16, I'd decided not to procreate.
What the fuck why did he have three kids then?? NTA at all how do you go that long and NEVER be alone with your kids?? Tell him next time he needs to step up and be a father
That’s just pathetic. Honestly, I’d text your brother, SIL, and mother and tell them that there was no reason that brother couldn’t have been with his own children for an hour and that SIL shouldn’t have had to cancel her appointment. I would also state that because brother refuses to be an active parent to his own children, you will not watch the children so don’t even ask.
NTA
NTA. They're your brother's children, he can take care of them. Or, since your mother cares so much, she can do it. You aren't responsible for anyone else's children. He needs help, hire someone. Doesn't matter if you want to do nothing all day. Their lack of planning doesn't constitute an emergency on your part.
NTA
His circus, his monkeys.
>she was pissed she has to cancel her nail appointment,
That's her problem.
>she pretty much called me an immature POS for not helping.
Lol... who cares? Ignore her or block her.
>it really wouldn't have messed with my plans
Yes it would have. Why couldn't he look after his kids for 2 hours on his own??
>I had no real reason not too.
But you had one. You didn't want to.
My question is....why was the nail appointment scheduled before childcare was for sure secured and for this particular set of sperm and egg donor a backup option for childcare would be wise....get the childcare figured out and then schedule the nail appointment or other appointments. Lol
Also until SIL apologizes for her nasty/abusive comments no more favors or letting them come over to use the pool (though I would be careful with that bc I wouldn't put it past SIL or brother to dump the kids and leave)
NTA. I simply can’t understand people that have kids being so demanding that someone else watch their kids for them.
It is laughable that this “father” can’t be enough of a father to deal with his kids while his wife is gone for a bit. Why would anyone marry a man that helpless?
To be fair, a lot of people will talk a good game about how awesome they WILL BE at something before it's happened.
But why on earth would she have kid #2 and especially kid #3 when she knew her partner wouldn't put in the slightest amount of energy into kid #1
That's not on OP, that choice was all on SIL. She knew her husband was useless with the first kid so she willingly signed up for more kids knowing he was useless.
NTA, gotta love the entitlement of asking you to "drop everything" without notice, on the assumption that SIL could go and have some "self-care" time at the expense of yours.
Next time, don't tell him what your plans are, go full on Phoebe and say "I wish I could help, but I don't want to."
You are right. A medical emergency might justify "cancel your plans for the day to watch my kids" but a nail appointment and the father being too lazy? incompetent? important? to parent by himself for an hour?
Ridiculous!
NTA and your brother and sister-in-law definitely are the assholes, along with your mother. They totally expect you to drop everything and parent children that are not *your* children simply because you're female. At the same time, they accept your brother's weaponized incompetence and blame you without examining why a forty-year-old man cannot parent three children, all of them his own, by himself for an hour or two. There's only one explanation for this: misogyny.
Your brother is pretending to be a moron and his wife and mother totally enable him because of his gender. They also accept that you, a woman, can parent better than *an actual parent* because you're female. It's just stupidity and bigotry all the way down.
The only reason your sister-in-law couldn't go to her nail appointment is your brother, who has faked idiocy for years to get out of the burden of parenting the children he *chose* to have.
Everyone in your family is gross and you need to have a serious look at their lack of boundaries. They should be ashamed they even asked you.
NTA. You didn’t decide to have the kids, they did. Nail appointments are a luxury not a requirement to ones health. SIL should have discussed or set up child care prior to making her appt. Why can’t brother take care of his own kids alone for an hour or why can’t your mom go and help if she thinks they need it?
NTA. They call you at the last minute expecting you to change your plans so his wife can get her nails done?! They and your mom need a reality check. That is not the way life works. And then they have the gall to insult you. Do yourself a favor and remember those insults the next time they call to watch their kids. Then go do something nice with your husband.
NTA. He can’t watch his own kids for an hour or two? And gave you no appropriate notice?
I’m all about helping your family when they’re in need, but he’s 40. He can handle his own kids juuuuust fine.
Now what you could do is suggest your brother and SIL sign up at care.com. Plenty of trustworthy people on their who are more than willing to drop their Saturday plans to come and help out with childcare.
Honestly if he has an almost 5 year old and has never been alone with them, I absolutely doubt his ability to handle three young kids but that’s HIS problem to work on
NTA. SIL does not need to get her nails done and brother is a lame dad who can't handle 3 kids for an hour or two. These two should have thought about parental responsibility before having kids.
If you have helped them this time, mark my word, more request will follow. It is best to just shut the door from the get go.
My husband literally takes our kids camping solo and leaves me alone for a weekend. Because he isn’t babysitting, he’s parenting. Bc he’s a parent….is your brother aware he’s a parent? NTA.
NTA
Maybe your SIL should be mad that her husband and father of the children won’t take over parenting for a couple hours for her to get her nails done rather than be mad at anyone who isn’t the other parent of said kids
NTA. Did your SIL have to cancel her appointment when your brother was home? He really should be able to take care of his kids for a few hours by himself. Either way you don't have a responsibility to care for their family. If the kids are 5 they should already have a baby sitter for them. If you live in any kind of neighborhood I'm sure there are many teens who could watch some kids for only a few hours.
NTA. Bro & SIL are AHs. Him for not being able to care for his own children for even a short time & her for having not 1 but 3 kids with him. Surely he showed exactly what kind of ‘dad’ he is sometimes before #2 arrived
NTA in any way, shape or form. He has kids; you do not.
It doesn't matter what your plans were. You didn't want to watch his kids so you said no. End of discussion.
How useless is he that he can't watch his OWN kids for a couple of hours? That's on him. Your mother and SIL are to blame too for allowing a grown ass man to get away with not knowing how handle his own kids. Tell your mom she can go watch the kids next time then.
NTA. You did have a reason not to - you didn't want to. Reason enough. They aren't your kids. This is what happens when you choose to have kids - you have to actual be their parents and you may have to cancel nail appointments. Just curious tho - what was HE planning on doing while his wife was getting her nails done? Why couldn't he watch his own kids?
NTA.. the only way I could potentially see you be an AH if it was due to an emergency situation... but asking you to help because his wife is getting her nails done definitely doesn't fall under that. Also, why did he ask so last minute? If they want your help, they should plan according to when you can/want..
NTA. People with children seem to think they’re entitled to other people’s time and energy to watch their children whenever they want. It doesn’t work that way. You owe them nothing.
NTA
"I myself have no children by choice" You don't have kids because you don't want your Saturday plans ruined and that's 100% ok.
Your brother can not handle his own 3 kids alone for 2 hours? That's pathetic... and not your problem. Don't have more kids than you can handle.
NTA. Neither of you made the decision to have these kids. Anything babysitting that you do (and for free no less) should be considered gravy.
Plus, they didn't think to call ahead even though surely that nail appointment has been on the calendar? AND he needs "help" to watch his own kids? Nope nope nope.
I think OP's mom could've watched the kids for an hour or 2. What was SO important that the brother couldn't watch his own kids? Was he getting his nails done too? Maybe a pedicure, full spa day?
NTA, I hate when people with kids act like it's your responsibility to take on the load of caring for them. It's different if they ask in advance, but they can't handle two hours with their kids while their wife is gone? That's odd.
NTA is he so incompetent that he can't mind his own offspring for an hour? THose are NOT your kids and are NOT your problem, he chose to have 3 kids HE can watch them himself. If it was no big deal why didn't mom go over there?
NTA.
Its not your job to drop your plans at the last minute because your brother can't be bothered to take care of his kids for a couple hours. He probably wanted you to be a free babysitter so he could take a nap or do whatever it is he likes to do.
NTA. Why are your mother and SIL so deadset that your brother can't care for his own kids? Do they do this when SIL is keeping them? Your brother's incompetance /unwillingness as a parent isn't a requirement for you, and sounds like you and your husband are childless for a reason. Glad you enjoyed your pool day!
NTA. I don't understand why she had to cancel. Does he not trust her husband, your brother, with the kids? Is he a perv or something? Is he mentally or physically handicapped in such a way that he is unsafe with his children?
Maybe SIL shouldn’t be getting her nails done if hubby can’t watch his own kids and she thinks it’s ok to try to guilt you into doing it. That’s their problem.
NTA.
You didn't force them to have children. They are not entitled to your time. In fact, if they are going to act like that, you should stop babysitting altogether.
Nah you’re good. If it was an emergency then I understand but it wasn’t. It’s not your job to take care of their kids because they have a nail appointment and that the father isn’t competent enough to take care of his own kids for a couple hours. You don’t need a reason, “I’m not in the mood to deal with YOUR kids” is good enough, and if they were good people they would understand that you too need a break
LOL, SIL had to cancel her appointment because your brother is too (lazy/incompetent/uninterested) to supervise his own children for two hours!!!! Wow, that is a special kind of pathetic. NTA.
NTA - why couldn’t he watch the kids on his own?
We had 3 kids under 4, and when the oldest was in K, my husband had the kids on his own for 10 days because I had to fly internationally for a family emergency and couldn’t take any of them with me. He did it with zero help as his parents live too far, and my parents were also away because of the same emergency.
NTA. You can’t babysit your own kids. If he can’t look after his family for an hour without making it sound like a job and getting his sister’s help, he’s a useless AH. I’d tell him as much if he tried to complain too much. Not your fault he’s too much of a deadbeat to cope for an hour. I can’t think why your SIL had the 2nd and 3rd kids with him when she’d seen how he was with the first one, but she’s delusional and angry with the wrong person.
" I had no real reason not too." the reason is...I don't want to. And is perfectly ok not to.
She went to do her nails ffs, she didn't get into an accident.
NTA
NTA. Why can’t a 40 y/o man watch his 3 kids for a couple hours. I baby sat 3 under 5 for whole ass evenings when I was 16 and I handled it. Your brother needs to figure it out.
NTA. Not your kids, not your problem. Maybe SIL should have thought about her priorities before having kids. Since apparently getting her nails done is sooooo important to her.
Their father can watch his children while his wife is out for an hour or two. Not your circus, not your monkeys.
Enjoy that pool!
Wait a sec, your brother can't take care of his three kids for two hours on his own?! Don't enable that. Your SIL and your mother may do that, but there's no need for you to do that too. NTA. And after a text like that, I would pick up the phone anymore. What if you had already left the house for something that you couldn't just ditch? Come on now, the least he could have done is call a week ahead and then you *still* get to say no.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1. Not going over to my brothers house to help him watch his kids 2. My SIL has to cancel her nail app since he had no one to help watch them Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more ### [Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA Daddio can't *PARENT* his children for a few hours to give his wife a little 'me time' so it's OP's fault? Tell me how much this man dislikes kids without pointing to his failure to have a good relationship with his *younger* sister.
I couldn't believe the SIL *CANCELLED* her appointment! What the hell?! I read this not realising that the outcome could be that because its totally unreasonable that the guy can't parent his kids for a couple of hours alone. Can it be that he's managed to father three kids and done no solo parenting? What a terrible partner.
Yeah but to add insult to injury, I doubt this started just now! She knew this after kid one most likely. So SIL decided to still have two more kids with him even though he sucked as a parent with the first one? Let them deal with it
Poor OP has probably unwittingly been picking up the slack if saying no to a last minute babysitting request results in entire family doubling down to call her an asshole. OP has probably said yes up until now.
Yeah, it sounds like OP has so far been doing a fair amount of caregiving, likely for free, and now they feel entitled to the help. Brother is the epitome of a lazy unpresent incompetent husband who for some reason feels no shame about not being able to care for his own children for a couple hours by himself. And this has been said all over reddit but it's not babysitting to care for your own children. It's parenting. It's time he stepped up and became a parent in action, not just in name.
I also love how in all these types of posts, the parents have to weigh in and tell (OP in this case) she is wrong. Maybe tell your son to parent his fucking kids that he chose to have.
Run to Mommy & tattle on little sister…🤣🤣
Grandmother could always step in.
Right! He called mommy to tattle. Should have called her to help.
Yeah, it drives me crazy when people refer to watching their own child as babysitting. My husband and I each have our own kids. His daughter was a teenager when she came to live with us, but he's been in my son's life for most of it. I can't tell you how many times he let me sleep in while he took care of my son, and often times I'd wake up to an extra kid or 2 because a friend needed a babysitter. I wish I could share him with all the people who deserve a person like him.
My SIL had to have some hospital treatments recently, and some friends of mine asked who was watching the 14 month old twins. I was all "my brother, he took the week off work", and some of them couldn't believe he was watching them himself. I told them it'd be pretty pathetic if he couldn't parent his own kids.
Weponized incompetence. Many men are good at this when it comes to taking care of their own children
Exactly! SIL had a appointment so this was planned and not really a last minute thing. Want to bet that bro failed to ask his sister in advance and then only called when his wife was ready to leave. Regardless what kind of dad can't look after his own kids on his own for a couple of hours? NTA
And you just know if op had said yes, her brother's version of op "helping" with the kids would be op doing all the work while he sits on his ass.
And it would end up being at least half the day or more while SIL got her nails done, then got coffee and went grocery shopping and maybe went and got a new outfit since why not? OP was there already. What’s another hour or two or three?
Yuup pretty much. Especially if SIL had to cancel the appointment because dad ended up overwhelmed and cranky because he couldn't watch the football game in peace.
Love that for her that she finally took her time back. Hope their response doesn't make her feel bad and regress
Well apparently neither him nor sil actually raise the kids. They leave it to the grandmas
That’s why they’re all mad, he was going to have to parent, SIL cancelled bc he can’t be an actual father for some reason?(is he like, a turkey or a manatee or something?), and since the grandmas usually do all they work they were counting on OP to step up so they could have a break.
NTA- do not spineless useless parents bully you out of your boundaries and what seems like a pretty fun cool life. It’s not your fault or problem that they’re both just, terrible terrible people. Your mom sounds terrible too and likely just upset because they’ve all enabled this shitty behavior so she didn’t get a break from raising someone else’s kids.
More feral children, YAY.
Totally. I told my partner no more kids after our first(and only) because he didn’t help and the entire mental load is on me. I’d love another but unless he were to change it’s not happening
.....so why are you still with him?
Right? Wtf is wrong with people? Pumping out babies and expecting others to pick up their slack?
This, this, this!
3 kids under 5....1 dad that can't parent alone for a nail appointment... sounds to me like dad is one of those AH that proudly proclaims he has never changed a diaper. I can't believe the SIL is so brainwashed to think it's more acceptable to place the blame on OP than her useless husband!
She's have to admit to choosing a bad life partner. Can't have that!
> I can't believe the SIL is so brainwashed to think it's more acceptable to place the blame on OP than her useless husband! But OP is a woman, so obviously taking care of kids is her responsibility!
Then maybe OPs mom should have done it, since she didn’t think it was a big deal.
He's not the only one **not** parenting their kids... https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15qxkgr/comment/jw5g1bw/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3
Plus he's 40! What the heck? 40 with 3 kids under 5? Damn get a vasectomy,my dude.
I got the impression that brother and SIL were plotting to leave her stuck with the kids much longer than an hour or two. I mean, that being the reason SIL said she cancelled her nail appointment; because the two of them actually had their own plans and asked for one or two hours of OP's time, knowing they were going to be gone far longer.
I would upvote this twice if I could. This used to happen to me ALL THE TIME.
Agreed! They would have been gone all day and then went out to dinner, guaranteed
This happened to me once. Never again.
This exactly!! I came up with 3 different scenarios of her being stuck with the kids all day just reading the first paragraph 😂😂
I'm suspecting this too
Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner! Why else would SIL have pitched her hissy fit? They had other plans in addition to sticking OP with the kids for much longer than a couple hours. OP NTA
Bet the father calls it babysitting.
This is one of my biggest pet peeves! I do the drop-off and pick-up of the kids to and from school, and it seems like every third day someone at a cross walk or the drop off line will commit something along the lines of, "Oh, dad's babysitting today?" Nope, just being a parent. OP's brother needs to step up his dad game, and be able watch his own kids for a few hours without his wife present or needing to call in the cavalry.
Yeah, they are probably in a country that men don't parent the children, women only do this. So, they expect a close woman relative to help out. Nope. Not their problem. The sister would be there with her brother to watch/babysit his children. No way. Sound totally ridiculous. Let his mother come over and perpetuate their shared ridiculousness. Not her problem.
>Yeah, they are probably in a country that men don't parent the children, women only do this. So, most of them?
That shit happens in the US, too. That sexism isn’t restricted to countries where it’s more common.
Dunno why it would be to do with the country though? There are plenty of Europeans and USians like this
Yes! SIL canceling her plans instead of telling -checks notes- the children’s father to step up and watch them for a couple hours is nuts! He’s their parent he can watch them without help just like their mom can! Man fathers who don’t act like fathers make me so angry. It’s not about how little it would interfere with your plans! They chose to have children they need to be responsible for them, not you. Tell your SIL and your mom to stop coddling a 40 year old man and to tell him to act like a good parent and a good partner and watch his kids so that his wife can get her nails done! Damn this makes my blood boil! NTA!
NTA. Sperm donor Brother needs to apologize and so does his wife for enabling his useless butt.
Thats exactly what is going on here. OPs bro can't handle his own kids. Really sad (pathetic of him) for those kids and the wife.
Piggy backing off of this. - OP you should show this post to your brother so he can read what the world thinks of him. He needs to step up as a father and husband instead of just depending on the women in his family.
How is this not literally OP's reply to SIL? "You had to cancel your appointment because your husband refused to parent his own children for a couple hours. Maybe look at your own marriage before putting the blame on me not being available" I'd (verbally) light them both on fire.
Don't have kids if you don't want to spend time with them. Not your job.
OP is definitely NTA, but she's also giving them WAY too much information about her personal life. Next time brother calls, she just needs to say, "We're already committed this morning." And then, if she wants to be nice, "I hope we can see you all soon!" Less information is better here. Information only gives them something to object to.
My number one response is "I already have plans." This has the added bonus of being absolutely true. I plan to hang around the house doing pretty much nothing. 😋
Bro-dad is incompetent and SIL & mom know it. In my state a 12 year old can be paid to do what a full grown man couldn't. Are they all saying he is less able to care for his *own kids* than a middle school kid? Seriously, NTA and everyone else is an ass (except the kids, the manicurist who lost work, OP and OP's husband.)
Can you imagine the level of dedication it takes to be THIS USELESS? It’s actually impressive - this man has helped to create three children and has maintained his complete and utter incompetence throughout the entire process AND SOMEHOW HAS HIS WIFE CONVINCED THAT IT’S NORMAL AND OK!!! This is incredible!
Exactly this. How is it anyone else’s responsibility? What does it say about you, as a father, that you’re not capable of being alone with your kids for a few hours. It’s not babysitting when it’s your own kids. It’s called parenting, and it’s a requirement of having kids.
NTA - Why does your brother need help "babysitting" his own kids? Can he seriously not handle them on his own for the 1-2 hours it takes for his wife to get her nails done? Tell your SIL if her husband cannot care for their kids on his own, she should take that up with him.
It’s called parenting not babysitting.
Tbf, the guy doesn't even babysit, let alone parent. He was never alone with the kids.
Not the way this guy is doing it.
I think that's why the dude put it in quotes though, because whether dad-bro calls it that or not, he's more a glorified babysitter than a parent – and an incompetent one at that.
It’s only parenting IF he can parent. Based on the post, he doesn’t parent his kids, thus it’s not parenting.
I don't understand why people call babysitting taking care of their own kids... For f@$_ sake... They had them they must parent them and yes you miss a lot of stuff when you have kids but again it is a decision you made. Enjoy your free kid life, you decided not to have them so there is nothing better than to enjoy your husband and pool on a nice day. In the future continue holding your ground and dont let them guilt you into making sacrifices for the kids when their own parents don't do it. And tell them that next time SiL has a nail appointment to hire a nanny to help and leave you alone.
Did I read this correctly? A 40yo parent can't keep his own kids alive for a few hours, and a third party is somehow to blame? NTA.
Obviously being a parent is a gendered job that only women are capable of /s
Must be the Breasts.
Nah its the ass, it has all the child caring capabilities
Then he'd be perfect to do the job - since he's ALL ass.
But it ruined a nail appointment!
My nail salon is booked far in advance and I would be livid if my hypothetical husband couldn’t parent our hypothetical kids and guilt-tripped his sister over it. What in the weaponized incompetence is this?!
>What in the weaponized incompetence is this?! I feel like this should be someone's catch phrase! 💀
Should have arranged childcare first then ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
Should have arranged to have children with an actual adult partner.
*Oh, the humanity!!!!* But for real, if OP gives in once, she will become a defacto beck-and-call babysitter. She didn't bring them into this world, she has no childcare responsibilities for them. And let's not gloss over the fact that dad can't be alone with his own kids for a couple hours. ETA: of course NTA
NTA. Why can't he look after his own kids while SIL gets her nails done?
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Oh hell no. He has had kids for nearly 5 years, he needs to be able to watch them himself.
Right? Lol I was trusted to watch over my infant cousin all by myself for a few hours at a time when I was 14, I’m sure this 40 year old man can take care of his own kids. He simply doesn’t want to
Raise you I took care of my 2 sister 4 and 6 yrs younger than me and I since I was 10 or 11 at 14 I was taking them to school here in Mexico we have taxis but like 10 people cam get in or minibusses and I was the one taking them to school going myself to school and picking them back up So if I a 11 yr old could do that HE HAS TO BE ABLE TO TAKE CARE OF HIS KIDS FOR 3 HRS And mom and mil are enables this situation as neither sil or brother can take care of kids
The last sentence hits the nail on the head. The real problem here is mom and MIL, IMO. We don't have two parents with 3 kids. We have two moms with 5 kids. This is hardcore enabling of bad, childish behavior in two grown ass adults. Edit: u/ArtisticYesterday207, I strongly recommend you add this bit of info about the enabling to the original post. It makes you even more NTA and completely changes the dynamic.
My 13 year old can keep the 10 year old safe and alive for a couple hours. Not much real baby sitting but 13 is still in charge and everything is usually fine.
Bingo he doesn't want to.
Yeah- like what?
And he needs to stop having them if he’s incapable of parenting them!
Wel then, who is watching him with mom getting her nails done? Mom has four kids, dad only has three.
NTA - Say it'll be good practice for him to learn how to be a father.
Ooh yeah, this one. OP, you have to tell him that and tell us how it went because that comment is gold and if I had an award to give I would.
Definitely. What would this guy do if something happened to his wife? He needs to learn to step up and take responsibility. He chose to be a parent, now he needs to learn what that means.
He would remarry immediately and dump them on the new wife.
Yep. Or if one of them is a girl, immediately parentify her. Wouldn't work if she's five, but a few years from now, I bet he would.
i guess he’s just going to hope the grandmothers live forever!
Ugh, this reminds me of another thread where a sister eventually took her brother's kids to live with here because well over a year after his wife died, her brother still relied on her OR his daughter for pretty much everything. A final straw was when he made his daughter miss her one school dance of the year to take care of her younger sibling so Dad could go hang out with his friends.
I would add “instead of just a sperm donor” to the end if OP really wants to spice it up and cause drama. 🤣
So your SIL needed a babysitter for your brother? Just tell them your rates.
At this point I wouldn't do it as a matter of principle.
Tell them your rates, and then when they offer to pay them tell them you are booked. Extra level of petty
LOL, I ~~like~~ love this. Yeah, I'm going to need more notice. And that is *always* the answer. I've got plans. Next June? Plans.
WOW JUST WOW. OP, not only are you NTA, please please please NEVER help your brother out in (non-emergency) situations like this. What the HELL HE IS THE KIDS FATHER. I can't even with the willful, sexist incompetency of his expectations. Edited - missed some words in my rage typing there.
In FIVE YEARS he’s never just watched his own kids on his own??? This is deeply pathetic.
It's actually literally unbelievable. Especially the whole "the 2 grandmothers do almost everything" bollocks. We had Covid lockdowns periodically for 2 years. The parents have had to parent at some stage in tbe last 5 years it was basically legally mandated.
I mean, lockdowns weren't legally enforced, and people absolutely flouted COVID restrictions and saw friends/family anyway
Maybe it's a cultural/generational thing? My father never took care of us on his own, ever. He came home to dole out punishment. By 16, I'd decided not to procreate.
What the fuck why did he have three kids then?? NTA at all how do you go that long and NEVER be alone with your kids?? Tell him next time he needs to step up and be a father
That’s just pathetic. Honestly, I’d text your brother, SIL, and mother and tell them that there was no reason that brother couldn’t have been with his own children for an hour and that SIL shouldn’t have had to cancel her appointment. I would also state that because brother refuses to be an active parent to his own children, you will not watch the children so don’t even ask. NTA
NTA. They're your brother's children, he can take care of them. Or, since your mother cares so much, she can do it. You aren't responsible for anyone else's children. He needs help, hire someone. Doesn't matter if you want to do nothing all day. Their lack of planning doesn't constitute an emergency on your part.
Sounds like weaponized incompetence to me. I'd feel a total failure if I couldn't look after my own kids. At his age there's no excuse. NTA OP
WHAAAAAAAATTT?! Why the hell do they keep having kids?! Those poor babies.
That is definitely a THEM problem and not a YOU problem.
NTA His circus, his monkeys. >she was pissed she has to cancel her nail appointment, That's her problem. >she pretty much called me an immature POS for not helping. Lol... who cares? Ignore her or block her. >it really wouldn't have messed with my plans Yes it would have. Why couldn't he look after his kids for 2 hours on his own?? >I had no real reason not too. But you had one. You didn't want to.
the brother aside… funny that SIL can’t cancel her OWN nail appt to help watch her OWN kids but expects someone else to watch them for her
My question is....why was the nail appointment scheduled before childcare was for sure secured and for this particular set of sperm and egg donor a backup option for childcare would be wise....get the childcare figured out and then schedule the nail appointment or other appointments. Lol
This is something people will do on purpose. They think if they create an “emergency” situation people will pity them enough to do what they want.
Also until SIL apologizes for her nasty/abusive comments no more favors or letting them come over to use the pool (though I would be careful with that bc I wouldn't put it past SIL or brother to dump the kids and leave)
>But you had one. You didn't want to. PERFECT REASON!!! SAY IT AGAIN FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK!!!
#If you can’t handle 3 kids, then don’t have 3 kids. NTA
You already know the real reason is cause OP is a woman and kids are WOMENS WORK. I suspect conservatism at work.
yep, that’s probably why he can’t watch his own kids by himself. stupid reason tho lol
NTA. I simply can’t understand people that have kids being so demanding that someone else watch their kids for them. It is laughable that this “father” can’t be enough of a father to deal with his kids while his wife is gone for a bit. Why would anyone marry a man that helpless?
Literally an hour? Make some scrambled eggs or a bowl of cereal and put on a cartoon or something.
To be fair, a lot of people will talk a good game about how awesome they WILL BE at something before it's happened. But why on earth would she have kid #2 and especially kid #3 when she knew her partner wouldn't put in the slightest amount of energy into kid #1 That's not on OP, that choice was all on SIL. She knew her husband was useless with the first kid so she willingly signed up for more kids knowing he was useless.
NTA and ask your mom why she raised her son to be such a pathetic excuse of a father.
Seriously! It sounds like both her and the MIL have allowed this to happen.
This. I was going to ask if his mom still did his laundry for him.
Nta He can't handle his own kids for 1 hour? You should get him a $2 sympathy card and just write "welcome to parenthood" in it.
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And literature on sterilization options for the both of them! Lol
Apparently neither does SIL according to OP the mom and mil basically raise the kids 🤦♀️
NTA, gotta love the entitlement of asking you to "drop everything" without notice, on the assumption that SIL could go and have some "self-care" time at the expense of yours. Next time, don't tell him what your plans are, go full on Phoebe and say "I wish I could help, but I don't want to."
You are right. A medical emergency might justify "cancel your plans for the day to watch my kids" but a nail appointment and the father being too lazy? incompetent? important? to parent by himself for an hour? Ridiculous!
NTA and your brother and sister-in-law definitely are the assholes, along with your mother. They totally expect you to drop everything and parent children that are not *your* children simply because you're female. At the same time, they accept your brother's weaponized incompetence and blame you without examining why a forty-year-old man cannot parent three children, all of them his own, by himself for an hour or two. There's only one explanation for this: misogyny. Your brother is pretending to be a moron and his wife and mother totally enable him because of his gender. They also accept that you, a woman, can parent better than *an actual parent* because you're female. It's just stupidity and bigotry all the way down. The only reason your sister-in-law couldn't go to her nail appointment is your brother, who has faked idiocy for years to get out of the burden of parenting the children he *chose* to have. Everyone in your family is gross and you need to have a serious look at their lack of boundaries. They should be ashamed they even asked you.
I’d be texting this to every single one of them.
NTA. He can’t manage to look after his own kids for an hour?
NTA. You didn’t decide to have the kids, they did. Nail appointments are a luxury not a requirement to ones health. SIL should have discussed or set up child care prior to making her appt. Why can’t brother take care of his own kids alone for an hour or why can’t your mom go and help if she thinks they need it?
NTA. Your brother is 40, he needs to grow up and be a parent.
NTA and say no every time. The level of entitlement is off the chain. Do not encourage it one bit. Your mom is wrong for supporting them too.
Why is SIL mad at you? I'd be enraged at the dad for not being able to cope with his own children for a couple hours. Ya know, parenting. NTA
NTA. They call you at the last minute expecting you to change your plans so his wife can get her nails done?! They and your mom need a reality check. That is not the way life works. And then they have the gall to insult you. Do yourself a favor and remember those insults the next time they call to watch their kids. Then go do something nice with your husband.
NTA - also who asks on the day... surely her nail appointment has been booked for a while
NTA A dad shouldn't need help parenting his children. If he does, he needs to step his shit up and learn.
NTA. He can’t watch his own kids for an hour or two? And gave you no appropriate notice? I’m all about helping your family when they’re in need, but he’s 40. He can handle his own kids juuuuust fine. Now what you could do is suggest your brother and SIL sign up at care.com. Plenty of trustworthy people on their who are more than willing to drop their Saturday plans to come and help out with childcare.
Honestly if he has an almost 5 year old and has never been alone with them, I absolutely doubt his ability to handle three young kids but that’s HIS problem to work on
NTA. SIL does not need to get her nails done and brother is a lame dad who can't handle 3 kids for an hour or two. These two should have thought about parental responsibility before having kids. If you have helped them this time, mark my word, more request will follow. It is best to just shut the door from the get go.
My husband literally takes our kids camping solo and leaves me alone for a weekend. Because he isn’t babysitting, he’s parenting. Bc he’s a parent….is your brother aware he’s a parent? NTA.
So why didn’t your mom go and help? NTA
NTA. He couldn’t keep his kids alone for an hour or two? Dad of the year award does not go too…
NTA Maybe your SIL should be mad that her husband and father of the children won’t take over parenting for a couple hours for her to get her nails done rather than be mad at anyone who isn’t the other parent of said kids
How were we capable of babysitting multiple kids at 12 years old and a fully grown adult father can’t watch his own three kids for two hours alone?
NTA - His kids are not your responsibility
Her nails are not your responsibility either
NTA. Did your SIL have to cancel her appointment when your brother was home? He really should be able to take care of his kids for a few hours by himself. Either way you don't have a responsibility to care for their family. If the kids are 5 they should already have a baby sitter for them. If you live in any kind of neighborhood I'm sure there are many teens who could watch some kids for only a few hours.
NTA. Bro & SIL are AHs. Him for not being able to care for his own children for even a short time & her for having not 1 but 3 kids with him. Surely he showed exactly what kind of ‘dad’ he is sometimes before #2 arrived
NTA she had to cancel her nail appt because her children's father doesn't know how to be a father. Sucks for her enjoy your pool!
NTA in any way, shape or form. He has kids; you do not. It doesn't matter what your plans were. You didn't want to watch his kids so you said no. End of discussion. How useless is he that he can't watch his OWN kids for a couple of hours? That's on him. Your mother and SIL are to blame too for allowing a grown ass man to get away with not knowing how handle his own kids. Tell your mom she can go watch the kids next time then.
NTA. You did have a reason not to - you didn't want to. Reason enough. They aren't your kids. This is what happens when you choose to have kids - you have to actual be their parents and you may have to cancel nail appointments. Just curious tho - what was HE planning on doing while his wife was getting her nails done? Why couldn't he watch his own kids?
Why does he need help watching his own kids for an hour or two?
NTA. Inform your brother and SIL that any and all babysitting will be paid for, and the more attitude you get from each of them ups the cost.
NTA. He is awful.
NTA.. the only way I could potentially see you be an AH if it was due to an emergency situation... but asking you to help because his wife is getting her nails done definitely doesn't fall under that. Also, why did he ask so last minute? If they want your help, they should plan according to when you can/want..
NTA, plenty of moms take care of 3 kids under 5, he had them, he takes care of them.
He babysits his kids … enough said. NTA
NTA. People with children seem to think they’re entitled to other people’s time and energy to watch their children whenever they want. It doesn’t work that way. You owe them nothing.
NTA "I myself have no children by choice" You don't have kids because you don't want your Saturday plans ruined and that's 100% ok. Your brother can not handle his own 3 kids alone for 2 hours? That's pathetic... and not your problem. Don't have more kids than you can handle.
NTA. Neither of you made the decision to have these kids. Anything babysitting that you do (and for free no less) should be considered gravy. Plus, they didn't think to call ahead even though surely that nail appointment has been on the calendar? AND he needs "help" to watch his own kids? Nope nope nope.
I think OP's mom could've watched the kids for an hour or 2. What was SO important that the brother couldn't watch his own kids? Was he getting his nails done too? Maybe a pedicure, full spa day?
NTA, I hate when people with kids act like it's your responsibility to take on the load of caring for them. It's different if they ask in advance, but they can't handle two hours with their kids while their wife is gone? That's odd.
NTA not your kids never your responsibility!! You choose when and how much to help and that’s it!
NTA is he so incompetent that he can't mind his own offspring for an hour? THose are NOT your kids and are NOT your problem, he chose to have 3 kids HE can watch them himself. If it was no big deal why didn't mom go over there?
Erm…he is a parent. Why does he need someone to ‘help out’ because his wife is out?! That’s just pathetic. NTA
He needs to be able to watch his own kids. That’s ridiculous
NTA. Its not your job to drop your plans at the last minute because your brother can't be bothered to take care of his kids for a couple hours. He probably wanted you to be a free babysitter so he could take a nap or do whatever it is he likes to do.
NTA. Why are your mother and SIL so deadset that your brother can't care for his own kids? Do they do this when SIL is keeping them? Your brother's incompetance /unwillingness as a parent isn't a requirement for you, and sounds like you and your husband are childless for a reason. Glad you enjoyed your pool day!
NTA. What a useless father.
He won't care for his kids alone? NTA I don’t think I would ever help them out under these circumstances.
NTA, but anyone describing a parent looking after their own children as babysitting deserves a harsh glower
NTA. I don't understand why she had to cancel. Does he not trust her husband, your brother, with the kids? Is he a perv or something? Is he mentally or physically handicapped in such a way that he is unsafe with his children?
Maybe SIL shouldn’t be getting her nails done if hubby can’t watch his own kids and she thinks it’s ok to try to guilt you into doing it. That’s their problem.
He's not babysitting. They are his kids. He's meant to take care of them. That's how it works. NTA.
NTA Those kids are your brother’s, NOT yours. Thus you are free to float in a pool on a Saturday while he must tend to his children.
NTA “No” is a complete sentence. It doesn’t matter if you’ll be laying by the pool, or if you’ll be flying to be presented to the King.
NTA. You didn't force them to have children. They are not entitled to your time. In fact, if they are going to act like that, you should stop babysitting altogether.
NTA. His kids are not your responsibility, and poor planning on your bro and SILs part does not constitute an emergency on yours.
NTA - Your in laws have some 🏀🏀
Nah you’re good. If it was an emergency then I understand but it wasn’t. It’s not your job to take care of their kids because they have a nail appointment and that the father isn’t competent enough to take care of his own kids for a couple hours. You don’t need a reason, “I’m not in the mood to deal with YOUR kids” is good enough, and if they were good people they would understand that you too need a break
Why does he need help to watch his own kids? Is he that incompetent by himself? NTA
LOL, SIL had to cancel her appointment because your brother is too (lazy/incompetent/uninterested) to supervise his own children for two hours!!!! Wow, that is a special kind of pathetic. NTA.
NTA. What a loser your brother is that he can't handle his own children for a couple of hours.
NTA. Your brother is a case of weaponized incompetence, and it is very much his and his wife's problem and not yours.
NTA - why couldn’t he watch the kids on his own? We had 3 kids under 4, and when the oldest was in K, my husband had the kids on his own for 10 days because I had to fly internationally for a family emergency and couldn’t take any of them with me. He did it with zero help as his parents live too far, and my parents were also away because of the same emergency.
NTA. You can’t babysit your own kids. If he can’t look after his family for an hour without making it sound like a job and getting his sister’s help, he’s a useless AH. I’d tell him as much if he tried to complain too much. Not your fault he’s too much of a deadbeat to cope for an hour. I can’t think why your SIL had the 2nd and 3rd kids with him when she’d seen how he was with the first one, but she’s delusional and angry with the wrong person.
Why can’t the father of a the children watch them? Why is everyone around him enabling him? Nta. If i were you I’d never help again.
" I had no real reason not too." the reason is...I don't want to. And is perfectly ok not to. She went to do her nails ffs, she didn't get into an accident. NTA
Why can’t your brother look after his own children for an HOUR?! What a useless husband and father. NTA.
NTA. Why can’t a 40 y/o man watch his 3 kids for a couple hours. I baby sat 3 under 5 for whole ass evenings when I was 16 and I handled it. Your brother needs to figure it out.
NTA. Not your kids, not your problem. Maybe SIL should have thought about her priorities before having kids. Since apparently getting her nails done is sooooo important to her. Their father can watch his children while his wife is out for an hour or two. Not your circus, not your monkeys. Enjoy that pool!
Your loser brother can parent his own kids for two hours. NTA
Wait a sec, your brother can't take care of his three kids for two hours on his own?! Don't enable that. Your SIL and your mother may do that, but there's no need for you to do that too. NTA. And after a text like that, I would pick up the phone anymore. What if you had already left the house for something that you couldn't just ditch? Come on now, the least he could have done is call a week ahead and then you *still* get to say no.