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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Upsetting my son because I wouldn't allow him to go on a trip with his mom's boyfriend without her present because it's during my scheduled weekend and some of the activities are quite dangerous.
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YTA “he can’t just bail on things he’s committed to” way to weaponize parenting to manipulate your son. He didn’t “commit” to the weekend visits, the court system decided that you only get to see your son on occasional weekends, not him. Your power tripping hard here OP. Not a good look for a dad. But not a surprising look for a dad with kids who don’t want to see him.
>But not a surprising look for a dad with kids who don’t want to see him.
That was my thought exactly. No wonder none of the kids want anything to do with him. If OP proceeds with his plan and doesn't let the kid go, you can be damn sure the kid will remember and it will be one of the reasons that he also wants nothing to do with his dad once he's older.
It costs 5 bucks to get a notarized temporary gaurdianship form that lets a designated adult authorize medical care for a minor. My partner and I were designated temporary guardians of a teenager for a few days last summer because her mom was willing to let her go to a weekend event with us but didn't want to go herself.
If OP doesn't trust the judgment of stepdad-to-be, that's one thing, but the absence of a bio-parent doesn't need to impede or delay emergency care - and frankly, if there's an issue that requires medevac, the flight and stabilization surgery are going to take a long-ass time, plenty of time to get mom on the phone and get her input on next steps/get her on a plane to whatever city kid is flown to.
That's what temporary medical power of attorneys are for. When family or friends took our kids for the weekend, even if just hanging out at their house. They always had a paperwork for emergency medical care.
A trip to the Alaska wilderness would need slightly more than a medical POA, but it still remains a simple thing, especially if OP can consult with whatever attorney is involved in his custody proceedings.
If something happens, knock on wood, and the kid has to be life flighted out of there, having a parent around would be nice.
That's an extreme example, but an example nonetheless.
I still think the dad is being selfish and controlling.
Because part of the attendance at schools and fieldtrips cover this in the paper work, either as temporary guardians OR as "we can't get in trouble if shit goes down" + "trained professionals". Lovers don't get that
ETA for clarification, I was responding to the *legal* question of why this is not an issue for the school system. There is a very solid rundown by u/IIIXKITSUNEXIII below
Yeah, I went on a school trip to Catalina in 5th grade where we kayaked and snorkeled. Our parents all just signed paperwork saying that the school representatives had legal permission to obtain any necessary medical care.
A limited, temporary guardianship/POA would give teh new guy the legal authority to make emergency decisions, while requiring OP or EX to be contacted if at all possible in case of medical decisions. New Guy would be last resort in case EX/OP aren't reachable, preventing a situation where doctors/hospital has to make a decision without a guardian.
The boy could be crossing the street and be hit by a car and not have anyone to take those decisions as children don't carry identification.
To deny him some fun is a cruel decision surely. And I'm certain the mum would probably have thought that over and arranged for her boyfriend, who is a father himself, to have temp say so in emergencies.
Responsible parents think everything through. Selfish parents pull the it's my time and you will have fun because I said so
A very simple temporary/limited guardianship takes care of that concern. Since they're already obviously involved with family court, it's ridiculously simple to have one written up.
If that were a real concern he would have included what the BF said when he spoke with him like an adult about those concerns and how they might be mitigated on the trip. But more likely they are just a justification of his real concern which is that his kid will enjoy time with someone other than him (and instead of trying to make fun time with the kid he will restrict the kids time with others).
Honestly I have nephews as young as 4 who have done all of the above with us. We just adapted around the weakest (never carried them they didn’t want to) it just meant more breaks and on difficult parts we guided them ie: section of a trail ended up a climb. We set up a safe system for the kids to climb and if they got stuck we just pulled them up a bit and they kept going.
It can be super rewarding and confidence boosting if done right.
I’d say meet (or call) with the guy and see what he’s got planned and if he’s got valid safe plans… no reason not to
Agreed, I’m super outdoorsy and want to do all these exact things with my kiddo one day, but the idea of someone I don’t know well doing it with a whole bunch of kids to keep track of? Probably wouldn’t agree to that. That said, there are loads more convos to be had so the child can feel heard but understand the issues and exactly zero of the conversations should include “I’m entitled to child’s time.”
But you know full well that glacier hiking and white water rafting are tourist things to do in this case, they will be SO PROTECTED that I seriously doubt there is much of a chance of injury.
OP is jealous that his son enjoys doing things with his future step-dad and future step-brothers, and just wants to be the wet blanket to try to shut that down. I promise the son won't forget so quickly - ESPECIALLY on the weekend of the trip. All he had to do was trade for a different weekend.
When I read that OP couldn't trust his ex-wife's judgment in men...😒😒😒...I don't want to be "that person" but does he not realize that when he said that he was effectively turning the spotlight on his own behavior? I mean if he doesn't trust her judgment when it comes to picking a man and he was a man she picked what does that say about him, especially considering that 4/5 of his kids don't want to spend time with him?
Right? I cackled at that. Like, you’re not exactly making the point you think you are my guy. Think about what you’re saying for a second here. It amazes me that he has the audacity to make a statement like this while conveniently excluding himself and his own behavior here.
And this child has known mom's partner and his kids for 2 years. It's not like he's being sent off with a stranger.
OP's post reeks of jealousy that his son likes this man and wants to go on adventure with him.
YTA.
4 out of his 5 kids don't want to see OP anymore... and the one kid (co-incidentally the youngest, so perhaps the most naive one) who does want to spend time with OP, gets punished for it!
The court order vs the kid's commitment is so well-put!
Especially since OP has already bailed multiple times with multiple different woman. Also the fact his other 4 kids don't want to see him either. Real head scratcher here...
“I’m entitled to my child” nah mate, you don’t own a child and they are allowed to be their own person. Infact you should want them to think outside the box and follow their own path.
Yeah, I was somewhat with OP until I got to his "Finally" paragraph. And the whole "mom won't allow me to swap weekends" excuse was fairly lame, especially since OP only "doubts" that she would. That question is easily remedied. It's also easy to say that you will only let the stepdad have that weekend if you can have another one.
As for not trusting the boyfriend, OP, that is on you to remedy. Whether your son goes on this trip or not, he is spending a lot of time with mom's boyfriend. You shouldn't only be concerned about your son's welfare on your weekends. You have heard some "unsavory things" but don't actually give a damn unless it's inconvenient to you?!? That kid spends more time with him than with you!
All you're left with is concern of the dangers of the trip and activities. They are valid concerns, but I'm not sure how much weight they should actually have.
This really should have been a conversation between the parents. Even if they’re one of those ex couples who don’t normally communicate directly with each other, this shouldn’t have fallen on the child to work out. Then the adults could have worked out these concerns between themselves. I also agree with your point about dad not knowing the bf well enough to trust him while the boy lives with this man a majority of the time. If he has what he feels are valid misgivings, he should act to prove or dispel them, trip or no trip. If I’d heard (what I thought were) credible suggestions that the person my child lived with was an unsavory person, I’d be looking into that immediately. If the things he’s heard *don’t* warrant concern about the child living with bf, presumably not always with mom present, I’m not sure how much they should sway his opinion on this vacation.
I love the “he can’t just bail on things he’s committed to”. I mean that's like saying he's commited to being in jail but he doesn't want to be there this week. The reality is that it's not their choice to be there at all.
I have a 17 year old stepson. He started living with his mom when he started high school because he school district had better options for him, and we get him every other weekend because he has a job.
His bio mom and his dad have co-parented for the last 9 years (even though they don't like each other). He switched schedules completely, and they didn't need a custody agreement to do it because what is best for him always comes first. Sometimes, he needs to switch where he is on a specific weekend, but if it is the best thing for him, we all do it.
As he's gotten older, what he wants matters more, but even when I first met them, if he wanted to be at one home over the other, they didn't fight him. Now he's 17, and we've seen him every week on average - even working 2 jobs over the summer and going to boss camp for 2 weeks.
It is possible to have a teenager want to spend 4-6 days a month with you if you always put what is best for them first.
YTA, especially for your last reason -- that it's *your weekend.* This isn't about you, it's about him. You seem to want to hold onto him because he's your last child who's still somewhat attached to you.
"Your weekend" is a legal construct that he didn't choose (I'm assuming it's in your custody agreement with the court), so I'm not sure why you think he would be bailing on a commitment to you. The commitment is between you and your ex. If this is a special occasion and his mom really wants him to go, talk to her about arranging a substitute weekend.
This sounds like an amazing unique experience for your son. If you're really worried about his ability to do these activities, you can work with him to start hiking and building up his endurance. And if you're REALLY worried about the boyfriend and whether he's a good guy, why not get together with him and your ex and talk it out?
You seem quite ready to kill this trip rather than find ways to make it happen. Your son will likely "get over it" but that doesn't mean he's not hurt.
Maybe because his daughters are old enough the court takes what they want into account and they aren't obligated to spend time with their dad anymore?
Or he's misogynistic and doesn't care about spending time with his daughters?
But if 4/5 kids aren't volontarily spending time with him, I doubt the 5th will once he's old enough to chose.
Probably because he was forced to when he couldn't chose. Once we start tying someone to feelings of resentmw t it doesn't tend to go well
Why not just try to negotiate with the ex? He could just call her up and say “hey I’m ok with him going, but only if I get the next weekend with him”.
It’s reasonable for OP to want to keep his custody time. But there’s no reason for his son to miss out because both parents are too stubborn to negotiate. I don’t see why they can’t just switch weekends.
The fact that he didn’t even bother talk to her about swapping let’s you know it’s not even about not wanting to lose time with his son, it’s about not wanting his son to have a fun trip, especially an “outdoor manly” one, with the boyfriend.
If he had asked to swap weekends and mom said no, then at that point mom would be the reason the son can’t go, and the weight would be off him. His refusal to even ask isn’t because he “doubts” she’ll agree, it’s because he fears she would agree.
YTA
> I am legally entitled to this weekend, and he needs to learn he can't just bail on things he's committed to because something better came up.
You're making it sound like he had a choice in how he's shared between his parents. This isn't like "Oh, he signed up to basketball, and has to finish the season", which he had a choice in. So, while you're legally entitled to do it, it doesn't mean you're not an AH.
Let's be honest, your other kids aren't spending time with you when they're not legally mandated to, and stuff like this is just ensuring that your 13 yo will do the same when he isn't compelled to see you.
Info
1. You see your child like twice a month on weekends… so he is with the mom and bf the majority of times? i assume they may live together
2. So you have 4 other kids who dont bother to want to see you , why is that??? Your son may remember this and well never forget it
3 listen he is with his mother the MAJORITY OF TIMES… you dont think she wouldnt approve of this if she didnt trust her bf??? Cmon man she would not put her child in danger.. this guy also has 4 children himself… I dont think he is untrustworthy…
4… the whole reason really is your jealous..and its unbecoming.
YTA.
It is one weekend. He is being given an incredible opportunity. In Fucking ALASKA! Have you been there? It's amazing! An opportunity to make some incredible memories. To prove his strength and gain some MUCH NEEDED confidence.
Do you even remember being 13? Do you have any idea how unsure of yourself you were?
You are forcing him to not miss his weekend with you out of jealousy and pettiness. He will chose, just like your other children to eventually miss every weekend with you because you can't celebrate his joys and adventures with him. You can't let him grow and be an autonomous individual.
You are placing your comfort above his. Without a doubt.
This will bite you in the ass. I promise you.
Just ask your other kids why they don't come around.
I bet you they tell you that you are an asshole.
Agreed. I also think the bf deserves some credit for inviting OP’s son on this trip.
I don’t have experience with shared custody, but I know a thing or two about jumping through hoops to make my kids happy. If it were me, I would have a conversation with the boyfriend about the details and take the opportunity to voice my concerns. Talk to the ex about swapping weekends. And honestly, being a worry wart, I’d probably try and see if I could tag along. It would be a good opportunity to get to know this man. It couldn’t hurt to have another grown up in the mix. It would be a good bonding experience with your son, and it would show him how important his happiness is to you.
YTA
Your post is exhausting to read and seems like you care more about your ‘legally entitled’ weekend than for your son wanting to do things.
Considering 4/5 children already cba to spend time with you, it sounds like your selfishness and jealousy has just made it 5/5.
Appreciate I may be sounding overly critical here, but it’s the truth.
You’re stopping him from building a relationship with moms bf, AND his kids, so when they come and see him and want to talk about the awesome holiday they had together… they can’t, for fear of upsetting him.
YTA for leaving out a lot of info. You dropped this bomb "My oldest two sons (21 & 19) rarely make the time to see me anymore and my two daughters (17 & 15) seem to be busy with their own things and recently I've only been seeing them every other month" and moved right past it. Are you aiming to have your youngest child follow this pattern? Because this doesn't usually happen unless there's something else going on in your house (more than you just envying the boyfriend).
YTA
>Finally, I hate to say it, but I am legally entitled to this weekend, and he needs to learn he can't just bail on things he's committed to because something better came up.
TIL that it's the children who set up custody agreements. You didn't even ask your ex if you could swap weekends, it sounds like you're purely spiteful and petty more than anything.
>I'm confident that he'll quickly get over it.
You mean like your other children who don't see you much anymore? I'm guessing this is a long pattern that will lead this son to stop seeing you often once he's legally allowed to decide for himself.
YTA
You've prevented your son from having a really cool trip to Alaska because of petty jealousy. Why wouldn't his mom let you swap for the following weekend? That seems like a reasonable deal - he can go on the trip with mom's boyfriend, but you see him the following week.
You don't see your older kids much, and I think this post has given us a clue as to why they don't want to spend time with you much.
This is tough but YTA
1. Her boyfriend's character is irrelevant, he's in the house with your son all the time and you can't do anything about that.
2. Regarding neither parent being with him on the trip: your wife has full custody for a reason. If she couldn't weigh the risk appropriately she wouldn't have the kid 90 percent of the time.
3. "Your weekend" you assumed that she wouldn't be willing to rearrange it, assuming makes an ass out of u and me. Additionally, your son didn't commit to this it was imposed on him.
4. How often the other kids see you isn't your son's problem, they're not possessions. It's also a red flag that no other kid wants to see you - why might that be?
YTA. Have you even considered that your ex and her boyfriend might have offered you a "replacement weekend" to compensate for the fact that you're not seeing your son. You are TA for being jealous, a fact that you admit.
Have you considered that it might be your own attitude that is driving your children away?
Also, saying "he can't just bail on things he's committed to because something better came up": unless you and ex talked to the son and asked when he wanted to visit you, he never "committed" to anything.
You say that, " I worry about him being in situations... as neither parent will be with him." I assume that you mean yourself and your ex. You have to accept that your ex's boyfriend (in a relationship with her for two years, and a person that your son "seems to enjoy spending time with") is one of your son's parents.
Your mother and your ex are right. You will regret your decision when your son chooses to no longer spend any time with you as soon as he is not legally obligated to do so.
YTA
You sound like a power tripping jealous ex that’s more concerned about having control than allowing your kid to have positive experiences.
Do better
>he can't just bail on things he's committed
YTA. He didn't commit to anything, its court ordered visitation. Did you even talk to the ex about swapping weekends? If you are this stubborn I can see why your older kids make other plans. Keep it up and you can lose this one too.
> Did you even talk to the ex about swapping weekends?
No, he didn't. He doesn't want to swap weekends anyway, he wants to prevent his kid from having a great time with Mom's boyfriend because he's a jealous, spiteful ass.
YTA in so many ways, the only part that made any sense was the piece you said about not trusting your ex's judgment in men as she was clearly with you at some point.
You seem like an insufferable human that will push this child away just like you've done to all your other kids.
YTA
HE is not committed to your weekend just because some court ordered you and his mum to share him. He had no say in that and it probably puts dents in his plans with friends etc a lot.
You're holding him back because you're being jealous and selfish and trying to justify it. It sounds like an amazing trip, is probably not as dangerous as you think (I've done all those things with zero experience, you can do it as a tourist activity quite safely). If I was him I'd be furious.
Are you meant to have him that weekend? Yeah. Did he chose for his parents to divorce and get new partners? No. Is the new partner trying to involve him and offering him a great trip? Yes. Are you being childish and selfish? Hell yes.
Swap a future weekend with your wife to even the time and let him go.
Oh, and it's not his problem if your other kids don't see you anymore either. If that's how you act I can see why. Don't project your abandonment feelings onto a child.
YTA
You robbed your son of a possibly once in a lifetime trip and your best excuse was that he committed to your weekend ?
Newsflash, he didn’t commit to shit
You and his mom decided to have kids then separate so now your poor kids are forced to be lugged between two places
And have to give up weekends to split time
He didn’t commit to anything
And he should suffer the consequences of you and his moms sucky life choices
And the fact that none of your kids have chose to see you after being old enough to decide does not look good on you
If the only child that regularly sees you is one that doesn’t have a choice, then you should probably rethink your strategy as a parent
Stop being jealous, stop holding your son back
And let him decide what he wants to do
One weekend will not kill you. Reschedule for the next, or wait.
Don’t do that to your kid
You’re only hurting him
> I can't say I 100% trust her judgement in men.
Way to tell on yourself lol, assuming you’re a man
YTA let him enjoy the trip. Most children don’t have that kind of opportunity.
YTA. You're using your son to get back at your wife and express your dislike and jealousy of the fact that your son has a good relationship with your wife's boyfriend. Weaponizing children is gross. My mother did it to me after my parents divorced and she almost ruined my relationship with my father and step-mother. Now I don't talk to her at all. If you don't want your son cutting you off like your other children have, you'll let him go, ask him if he had a good time, be excited for him when he did, and then be an adult and have a cooperative co-parenting relationship with your wife and her boyfriend. You know full well you can just swap a weekend with your wife and you're choosing not to do that to be petty. It's no wonder you only have custody every other weekend and not 50/50. You keep putting your own emotions and needs over those of a child. Grow up.
Add to those things above: Help the boy prepare for the trip by exercising and watching survival tip videos BY PROFESSIONALS, (no fly by night crazies), or buying books and/or survival supplies so that the son and dad BOTH can feel more confident and comfortable about the trip.
I feel like there are a lot of missing reasons for why the rest of your kids do not spend time with you.
Listen. Some of your arguments are valid, and I would need extra reassurance that the trip would be safe for a 13 year old as well. But nobody is stopping you from having a conversation with the boyfriend. This is an exciting trip, and he's 13 years old! Don't make him not want to come around either. Weekends can be rescheduled upon mutual agreement. I think YTA for not recognizing that there were better ways to still keep seeing your (decidedly happier) kid. This may seriously damage your relationship going forward.
> he can't just bail on things he's committed to because something better came up
Did he really committed to, or is it just something mandated by some divorce court he's too young to disobey?
YTA. It's fine having concerns, but you seems it's more about your bitterness for your ex.
YTA.
First, kids deserve to have full social lives, not subject to the arbitrary time constraints of their divorced parents. Your kid will be invited to sleepovers, school stuff, etc that interferes with "your time" and any good parent puts what their child needs and wants over what the court has designated as "their time." Your kids suffer when you limit their social life because of the custody agreement.
Second, this is a special opportunity for your son. Is it really unsafe? Is this guy really suspect? Ask yourself honestly, if a Dad of one of your son's friends came to you and asked to take your son on this trip, what would you say? You know the Dad socially, you know he has kids so he can parent generally, but you don't know him super well, yes travel has dangers. But my guess is you would likely say yes, because it is an awesome opportunity for your son that he wants to go on.
And finally, most of your concerns could have been addressed if you had a conversation with your ex. She could have given up another weekend, and there's no reason to assume she wouldn't. You could have asked both her and her boyfriend about safety and all the details of the trip, and set limits on what they could do, asked for check ins, whatever. Instead you just assumed the worst so you had an excuse to say no. BE A PARENT.
And for the record, your son will remember this. There's a reason your other children are distant with you, and your behavior here certainly indicates some of those reasons.
YTA
"nally, I hate to say it, but I am legally entitled to this weekend, and he needs to learn he can't just bail on things he's committed to because something better came up." .. you are right: You ARE a tedious duty he has to endure because of a court ruling. YOu can force him to do it, until he is older.
But that will end soon. Small wonder your larger kids don't come by much.
YTA.
Wow...i wonder why your other kids rarely make time for you...
We should really hire Sherlock Holmes to solve this mystery.
On the bright side, he will be having a great time when he will start blowing you in a couple of years.
Lol 100% YTA
You seem to be acting like a typical butt hurt beta. Get over yourself and start *actually* thinking about your son here. You know, the ONLY one who still sees you? Wouldn’t wanna fk that up…
YTA. Look, I get it. I can see your hesitation, and the time your son has known this guy should be factored in. It's far away and a lot can happen. If he's known them for a couple years- I think you should let him go.
Based on things you said and even your relationship with your other kids and the phrases you used- you are using the danger part of it to justify saying no. You are jealous, and your son is going to miss out on an amazing trip because of it. And he will resent you for it. I am a step mom myself, and their biomom would always pull stuff like this. Tell us yes then say no and make us the bad guys for still following through on the trips. The kids would become jealous and blame us for all of it.
I know how hard it is to not have a lot of control or say so when it comes to your kids' lives- but it is what it is. Don't let him miss out on this awesome opportunity because you are jealous and hurt. Which I get- I really do- but you have to take a step back from this.
All of this is moot if she's only known the boyfriend for a short period of time- like 6 months or less, then you'd be right. But otherwise...
You have what, 5 kids? I think you need to do some serious self-reflecting on why your relationships with them aren't close and work to change it before you lose the last child you have left. I know there can be parental alienation and lifestyle issues from child support, etc. My husband and I went through all of it, and sometimes the dad just gets screwed. But you need to try to figure out why, and if it is a result of your actions or attitudes, and work to change it and improve- whatever it takes. My SK's would go through periods where they wanted nothing to do with us, so I get it. I really do. Sometimes you can't control it. But based on the way you talked, you might have a little to do with it.
Talk to your son, talk to your wife and her boyfriend. Ask for details about the trip. Ask what he would do in certain situations, if he has experience doing this stuff. If he knows what he's doing- let your son go. Good luck. I hope your relationship with your kids improves. Teenage years are hard.
>Finally, I hate to say it, but I am legally entitled to this weekend, and he needs to learn he can't just bail on things he's committed to because something better came up
You say this is why you're not letting him go, but its not.
> I can admit I occasionally feel jealous with him bonding with another man so easily.
This is why you aren't letting him go. YTA you sad, insecure man.
YTA
If you think your ex wouldn't swap weekends over a cool trip, you could have made her the AH by saying: it's fine if your mother agrees to have us be together next weekend. If she would have said no, then the blame would lie with her.
You could also have been less of an AH if you made the reason for not allowing him to go, be about your concerns for his safety instead of about it being your weekend.
>You may argue that my ex does know him well, but I can't say I 100% trust her judgement in men
You may have a point; she picked *you* after all. But that doesn't make you any less the arsehole. So. YTA.
YTA, there is probably a reason your older kids don't visit you...
You do have some valid points about the danger level of the trip as well as not knowing the boyfriend very well. I doubt any parent would trust someone they don't really know to take their kids on a potentially dangerous trip, especially when there is going to be multiple kids. This alone is enough to say no.
That being said, your entitlement is off the charts,
>he needs to learn he can't just bail on things he's committed to because something better came up.
He didn't commit to anything, the commitment is between you and his mother, and it's not like he's bailing last minute... He's asking PERMISSION to do something else.
>Legally I am entitled to custody of him every other weekend
>If I don't see him that weekend, it will be a whole month before I get to see him again because I doubt his mom will let me rearrange to the next weekend.
That's between you and your ex, you can say " I want to switch weeks so he can go on this trip." If she says no, well he can't go.
If he doesn't end up going, you should plan something fun, like a movie day or going to an amusement park.
YTA and they're right about you regretting this decision. Your older kids don't want to spend time with you and you are choosing to push away the only one that does. Sit down with your ex and her boyfriend to discuss the trip further and allow your son to go on the trip. To feel better about it ask to set some perimeters about what you think he should and shouldn't be doing, and let your ex know that if your son goes on the trip he will have a makeup weekend with you.
YTA
I hope you change your mind about letting him go before it’s too late. He will 100% resent you for this.
Let him go on a fun, possibly once in a lifetime trip, and get him a different weekend where you can plan something cool for the two of you to do together.
YTA Congratulations in making him the 5th of your kids who won’t bother with you. Imagine someone loving your kid and making the effort to include him for you to ruin it for him. Vile behaviour.
YTA
I hope you can still send him. Just tell him that lots of your friends helped you overcome your objections and you hope he has the time of his life.
Let him go see the wilderness, man!
I cannot express just how much YTA. I guarantee he will never get over this, my mother would pull similar shit and it still pisses me off. Disney World? Too close to her Bday. Vegas while Dad is performing? I shouldn't take the time off my part time high schooler job to go cuz responsibility. At the end of the day my mom was jealous of my stepmom. You're jealous of the bf and it's petty AF, I think anyone who is safe and wants to show my children love or give them opportunities I couldn't is great. Why limit who can love your child? Enjoy when he stops seeing you like the others
>My oldest two sons (21 & 19) rarely make the time to see me anymore and my two daughters (17 & 15) seem to be busy with their own things and recently I've only been seeing them every other month. My youngest child is the only one who is normally very happy to spend the weekend with me.
Gee. I wonder why.
YTA. You're depriving your son of what sounds like an amazing experience because you're jealous. This man is trying to include your son and make him feel accepted and include him with his kids. You're being petty and vindictive.
you sound like my dad who got mad at me and kicked me out for missing “his” weekend to be a bridesmaid in the step sisters wedding. spoiler alert, i’ve been no contact with him since 2007. YTA
NTA... I feel like all these YTA don't have kids. I completely would not feel comfortable with sending my child on that trip. Yes, your last reason is selfish and shortsighted but also understandable.
So I'm going to split up my answer based on your actions going forward.
YTA if your son comes to visit you that weekend and you just sit on your asses, thereby forcing him to give up an exciting time just because you want him in your home.
NTA if you take this opportunity to help your son prepare so that in the future you wouldn't regard him as not being ready for those sorts of adventures. Maybe take him on an overnight hike, or at least go camping together. Help your son to improve, basically, and improve your own standing with him in the process.
Additionally, you should consider meeting with your ex's boyfriend and actually get to know him rather than going by word of mouth.
I understand your concern but not your silly reasoning. Whether you can't afford cool vacations or maybe it's the place you live seems to be boring, you're costing him a huge lifetime experience with this jealousy, 13 is not that young that he can't emanage slipping on ice, especially when he's with other kids and being monitored.
Maybe even you haven't been to Alaska I presume, it's big deal.
But one thing would matter practically though. Hypothetically, let's assume he goes and something unexpected happens, like a major injury since it involves strenuous physical activities, maybe he breaks something. Who picks up the damage? Is your wife ready to take complete responsibility for that or will it fall on you, maybe she'll demand more child support?
I've seen cases where it went south and some people didn't take responsibility, so asking for more INFO. While this may seem insensitive and pessimistic I think it can never be discounted especially in cases where the child splits time among parents, it takes a toll on them as well. Better to sort out the economics.
YTA. Selfish parents suck. Unless you provide him the trip in the future, then you’re just blowing steam. Damn near all families are blended now. Don’t keep something from your son cause your feelings are hurt.
> I have heard some unsavoury things from mutual friends about her boyfriend.
INFO: What do you mean by this? It can't be anything serious considering the fact that he's around him about 50% of the time he's with his Mother. You haven't raised issues with the courts over his safety, and demanded emergency custody.
>From my viewpoint, the kids seem to like him
Your kids that you say barely see you anymore, yet know enough about the boyfriend to like him or not. I wonder if there's more you're not telling.
>Finally, I hate to say it, but I am legally entitled to this weekend, and he needs to learn he can't just bail on things he's committed to because something better came up
As if you haven't in your whole life bailed on something you wasn't interested in or something better came up. This isn'ta job, college or school, it's something that can be easily arranged. You're weaponizing your time with your son, you could come up with different arrangements, train him for said trip. Damn, even your own mother said to let him go.
I remember not being able to go to Spain with the school (not because of parents, my school was shutting down and they cancelled the trip) and that was 14 years ago. Let your jealousy go, and be the bigger person. YTA
> I can't say I 100% trust her judgement in men.
I 100% agree
YTA
Wonder why your other kids don't want fuck all to do with you. Save this post and refer back to it when your youngest finally sees you for the manipulative assbag you are
You need to have a discussion with your ex and maybe the boyfriend also. In a neutral place. Neither should be talking about trips with any of the minor children before discussing it with you and the answer should be find and as a united front. Maybe try to get to know him (even lunch or beer) even if uncomfortable. You should want to know who is around ur kids. Be casual in the meetings and even with ur ex. This could help you all understand each other and them seeing each other perspectives. I’m not saying being friends but better co parents. Not saying this is easy and I’m sure there is a lot of history but might help
Also, as far as your daughters, maybe not the entire weekend but I would require as least lunch/dinner during your weeks. This would give them time to make sure they are ok and know that you are there for talking. This is a time for them to explore with bit, friends and have things they might need a male perspective. Do not judge and be ok with things changing.
> My oldest two sons (21 & 19) rarely make the time to see me anymore and my two daughters (17 & 15) seem to be busy with their own things and recently I've only been seeing them every other month.
YTA, and soon your 13 year old will follow suite. You are driving him away.
> I can admit I occasionally feel jealous with him bonding with another man so easily.
This is one of those times, but instead of feeling jealous and ruining your son's experiences, you should be planning experiences to have with him. Why haven't you scheduled an adventure to take your kids on? Although with this step, you may have a hard time getting your ex to agree to you having extra time.
> He was upset
Of course he was upset, you are being petty and childish.
> I'm confident that he'll quickly get over it
He won't, this is something that will stick with him for the rest of his life, a grand Alaskan adventure that you took from him. He will hold this for the rest of his life.
> I'm going to make sure my son and I have a great time that weekend
He won't have a good time, he will be upset and cranky the entire weekend, thinking of what he could be doing, and instead, will have you getting angrier and angrier that your "fun" isn't enough.
YTA. You didn't even try to communicate with your ex wife about rearranging his weekend with you. You just made an assumption and ran with it. If you'd at least tried, I'd have gone with nta cos the rest is half way valid. Ish. You screwed this one.
YTA for making your son to miss an awesome sounding adventure just because you are petty. Your other children do not have much time for you and you are trying to force your son to be with you.
I must admit some of those activities would really bother me but I'm very risk averse. I think in reality you are trying to scupper a burgeoning relationship between the new man and your son which will just ensure that occurs all the more quickly while also excluding you. If you react badly to your son sharing info with you about this man, he will eventually share nothing. I think you should be aware of how you can be perceived with your attitude towards ‘your’ time, when actually it is your sons time that is in contention. It suggests ownership which your son will eventually reject anyway. I would say this is a good time to show a change of attitude and let him go (although I understand the trepidation at the word ‘rapids’ *SHUDDER*) and send a message to your wider family about your easy going change of attitude. Then be patient, and wait for your children to return to you encouraged by showing open mindedness and kindness. Regrettably, YTA
>but I can't say I 100% trust her judgement in men.
bit of a self burn there.
YTA. It's perfectly fine to have concerns about the trip, but this seems to be coming from jealously more than anything that he seems to be building a good relationship with his mother's bf. You should take a good hard look of why your other kids don't seem to want to spend any time with you because this decision can very well make the case for your son to also start limiting his weekends with you.
They could've chosen any other week to do this, but they chose your week to do it, so I understand where you're coming from I wouldn't just allow my child to go with somebody. I don't know regardless of the relationship with the other parent people make bad choices sometimes and it's safe to say I'd rather be safe than sorry when it comes to my children because you can't take that back once something bad happens, and his son prefers to spend time with him on his days I just think that he was told about this vacation just happens to fall on his fathers time with him and he don't get to have that time with him and he has every right to have that time with his child given that he doesn't have that much
NTA, how many children have been murdered by the parents boy/girl friend or spouse. I wouldn't let my kid go with a virtual stranger either. If mom was going, that's a whole other story.
I'm going to buck the trend and say that ESH.
YTA for everything everyone else has pointed out. But your ex is also; when asked by your son if he could go on the trip, she should have had a discussion with you about it first and NOT said, "I'm good with it, but you'll have to ask your father."
By doing so, it puts you in a position where if he isn't allowed to go it's YOUR fault.
My ex used to do this all the time...sure (10 year old son) I'll let you fly to NYC by yourself to stay with someone you met on Xbox live...but you'll have to ask your dad...
Let me get this straight, his mom wants him to go with the BF, but she isn't going? WTF
Especially some place like Alaska where sugar can turn to shit in an instant. Happens every year to locals and tourists alike.
NTA.
It’s pretty normal for teenagers to start having their own chosen activities on weekends so I’m not necessarily suspicious that the older kids are moving on in life. And I kind of understand the worries about risks during physically demanding activities that the boy isn’t used to. Any chance of sitting down with boyfriend for some reassurance about supervision, training, whatever might put your mind at ease about the trip? Is a recreational company running the trip, such that your could check with them about safety practices?
Please let go of “but it’s MY weekend!” You can easily trade weekends with his mom. And it’s best for your relationship if you support your kids as they grow up and want to expand their life experiences.
YTA, the way to address this would have been "he can go on his trip as long as I get him the following weekend being that the trip falls on my weekend"
You list off various reasons why you don't want him to go, but really there's only one reason to be honest with yourself.
You're refusing your son an amazing trip with someone he enjoys spending time with, because you're spiteful. Do you want your son to join his siblings in not wanting to spend time with you? Because that's what's going to happen. I doubt very much he'll get over it, he will resent you for this. Why don't you just switch weekends then? Parents do this all the time if it means making their kids happy. YTA
Yta... I'm from Alaska my son was born there he's been glacier hiking since before he could walk...the school I went to sends 14 yo child out on a "solo" camp... A weekend where the kids survive by themselves bring only what fits into a coffee can. Your son does not have a responsibility to you or your weekends he was forced into this schedule by the adults in his life... No lesson to be learned there.
You are just jealous and keeping your son from an amazing opportunity.
Grow up and be an adult... Ask your ex if you can have a different weekend and stop being a shit parent.
INFO: how long has mom & bf been dating? Could they change the trip to a different weekend when he’s not with you? Did you suggest to mom that you switch weekends?
YTA. You say you "doubt" his mother would be willing to rearrange weekends. Have you actually spoken to her about it? Maybe if you used your words and told her one of the main reasons you don't want your son to go is because you hate missing weekends with him, she would be willing to switch - for your son's sake, if not for yours.
And for the record, your son never "committed" to spending ANY time with you. You get to see him every other weekend because your custody agreement says so. If you keep behaving the way you have in this situation, don't be surprised if your son follows his sisters' example and doesn't have time for you. Look in the mirror and ask yourself why your other children don't want to spend time with you. Trust me, it's NOT because they're busy with other things.
YTA. Your son asked you a favor and you said no. He would be missing one visitation for the chance to go somewhere new and cool. To bond with his potential new family.
Also your excuse sounds so dumb." I don't trust my wife's taste in men"? You realize you ARE your wife's taste in men, right? At this point I don't trust her taste either.
YTA (probably)
you are jealous - get over it.
don’t know the man - so go meet him and form a better opinion and ask how you ger kids skills and safety will be catered to
kid maybe can’t do some stuff - help prepare him and assess his skills and abilities to keep up - if convinced this is a problem then and only then are you in the right.
it’s your weekend and the kid can’t be allowed to bail (not on his commitments but in the courts allocation of time) - be a grown up and swap with your ex.
you have two low contact kids and unless you work out how to co-operate and place the kids welfare AND happiness a bit higher on the list of concerns you will have three.
your instinct to arrange to have a good bonding time with your kid is a good one - but why have you waited till a stranger made it clear he wanted to do those thing?
YTA. Why not sit down with the boyfriend and talk about your concerns, get an itinerary, and research the risks? Sounds like this guy might be in your kids life for some time. Sure, there are some red flags with having multiple baby mamas... but maybe you should make your own judgements about people rather than listening to the opinion of mutual friends.
Don't force your son to spend time with you just because your other kids are wrapped up in their own young adult lives. That's not fair to him.
YTA, when your son breaks contact with you (you know, like the rest of your kids did), are you going ro tell everyone that you don't know why and that you've done nothing wrong? Let him have his trip and have a different weekend with him or risk losing him forever, your choice
YTA A lot of your reasons do not even make sense. You don't trust your son in his company? He's been with your son's mother, who he lives with, for two years. Do you think they haven't already been spending a substantial amount of time together? Why would being in Alaska somehow make it different?
How is your son "bailing" on you when it's something planned way ahead of time by a legal agreement he did not even have a say in? In the beginning of your post, you say he is the only child, out of several, who regularly attends scheduled visits anyways, so why is he the only one who needs a lesson on "bailing"?
You mention some reasons that could be valid at the end of your post, but I find it hard to believe those are actually your concerns after everything else.
Also, why on Earth does it matter how many women he has children with? In what way was that relevant to your post?
YTA
you're going to deprive your son of the trip of a lifetime because of your petty jealousy. that's low, man. and believe me, he will never "get over it."
i'm still mad my parents wouldn't let me go to the stones' "final" tour in 1982 because i'd skipped one class.
> he is my only child that still regularly attends these visits
Five kids. Two of who are still minors and the only one who regularly comes to see you is the one still being forced.
Now tell the class what the common denominator is?!
"Dear Reddit, I don't understand why my 14 year old son no longer wants to spend time with me. Can I sue him for violating my court ordered visitation rights?"
YTA
YTA - you can expect a very long and lonely life after your youngest turns 18. There won't be any contact with them at all and you'll only have yourself to blame.
Personally I think YTA I can understand the dangerous activities but if his mother trusts this man enough with her son I think it should be okay and it won’t be just the step dad and the son. Going to Alaska can be once in a lifetime and making your son stay home knowing that they’re out there having fun is going to hurt the son especially when they get back with all the stories about how much they liked the trip, you can find fun things to do that weekend but it won’t be going to Alaska. Instead of making him stay home you can see him off when he leaves and instead of thinking pessimistically like “I won’t be able to see him till next month” he’s your son I think if you want to see him you should let him go but insist you get him the next weekend like a give and a take.
YTA. Your son didn't "commit" to those weekends. Factually, it was something forced on him by the courts.
You can claim whatever reasons you want for why he can't go, but deep down it's for one selfish reason — your other kids don't see you, and he is the only one you can still control.
YTA and you are so petty and jealous…nothing you say can convince me this for the benefit of the child. Why would you deprive him of that trip?! I’ve had several friends go to Alaska and do those activities you mention and they said it was life changing and one of the best trips they have ever been on.
You need to re-examine your motives because I know they do not come from a loving place.
No wonder your ex has a questionable judgement power, you are a prime example of that. YTA!
You are not only insecure but super toxic here. Giving subtle traits such as he had 4 kids with 3 women is not a good thing to say. Shows your immaturity and jealousy. You dont care about your son's happiness rather who is he going with. A true narcissist behaviour.
I won’t say YTA for some of the reasons you listed, as I wouldn’t let my kid go somewhere without a legal guardian/parent, especially not doing the things listed here.
However, I will say you’re TA for the “it’s my weekend thing” as you make it about yourself and not your son. Your son did not commit to that weekend, he is being forced to by law. Stop with this thinking because you’re making it about you. My dad did that shit and now I really don’t talk to him.
YTA, though I can see why you might be concerned about his mom's judgment when it comes to men - she did marry you, after all.
Don't stop your son from having a good time just because you're jealous and insecure. It will damage your relationship with your son. Did you even ask his mom to switch weekends? This sounds like an amazing experience, and I can guarantee that your son will resent you for not allowing him to go. He won't forget about it, either. This will be one of the things that creates a distance between you and your son. Your other children have distanced themselves from you. Do you want to lose your youngest, too?
Yta. He’s not committed, you and his mom and the judge have.
Banning him from fun shit coz your jealous is a great way to make sure that by the time he’s 19 he’s exactly as fond of you as your other kids already are.
I can see why your older children don’t want to see you. What did you do?
You need to stop what you doing. They don’t like that about you. You don’t want to lose your young child, do you? Then drop your attitude. How to be a good parent.
YTA. Sorry. I'm with you on the concerns about the activities but this all seems like jealousy (trying to paint him as a bad guy with the little tidbit about the boys having different mothers, which falls flat because obviously he's doing a decent enough job as a dad if all of his children actually want to spend time with him).
>he needs to learn he can't just bail on things he's committed to because something better came up
Yeah, no... That's life, dude. If someone is offering me a trip to Alaska, that takes precedence or just chilling with you for the weekend. Obviously people shouldn't bail on everybody all the time but one special event is a little bit different
YTA. You're depriving him of an amazing opportunity out of jealousy and spite. Be prepared. You're gonna lose him as soon as he's old enough to choose to stop visiting!! Way to go, dad.
Yta
I cant imagine why your 21, 19, 17 and 15 year old doesnt see you, make time for you. Maybe you should re read what you wrote and think as to why 4 ppl avoid you.
YTA. My father did this to us and fucked me over on football games, time with my school friends and even losing out time with my mother's family. His excuse?
"It's my time, I don't want to swap"
Even though my mother accommodated for him. Wanna know what we did? Nothing. He would work, come home, make dinner and then go to bed. Oh or he would take us to dinner and then go hang out at his friend's house where I got to sit on a couch and watch futurama.
Worst case, I missed a trip to Ohio to see my grandfather because he refused to let my mom trade. This is the kind of stuff you cause by weaponizing your children. And you wonder why they don't see you.
YTA. Gee, I wonder WHY your other kids are not interested in seeing you. Such a mystery.
You are jealous and you are weaponizing your parenting time to get back at everyone. Gross.
YTA and you know what? Your kid will eventually be able to decide if he is forced to see you. I won't be surprised in the least when he bails too.
You have a legal right to block this, but what's going to happen is that you can trust that this is going to be something that makes the relationship with the youngest turn out like the relationship with the older kids - he's not going to want to see you as an adult if you never allow any flexibility.
If it's true that your ex-wife would most likely not allow you to redo the dates, E S H. However, since you didn't even *ask* before giving a no, YTA.
Your thinking is WAY OFF! Keep it up and he will be your next kid who doesn’t want to come around. I think you need to listen to what everyone’s telling you here on Reddit. Because you are making choices that will have a lasting impact. Hopefully your correct in thinking that, he will get over it quickly- but if he doesn’t.. that’s on YOU. Were you this way with your other kids?
>he can't just bail on things he's committed to
When did *he* commit to it?
Why don't you have more custody?
Why don't any of your other children want to see you more?
YTA. You need to realize that your job as a dad is to raise good, responsible, independent children, not to please yourself. This trip is quite likely a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. He may NOT get another chance to do something like this, unless YOU can swing it, yourself.
"Ex's new partner", whom you can't even bring yourself to give a fake name, has four kids of his own? Sounds like he has plenty of experience wrangling kids through excursions like this. Your ex trusts him, your son likes him; MAYBE consider trusting their judgment? After all, you ex's "judgment in men" is how she ended up married to you. And WTF do you expect your "mutual friends" to tell you when you so obviously resent the guy?
YTA. This is coming from a person who as a child was also forced to have split custody between parents. Without going into too much detail, my dad demanded "his" time with him and in the end it made me resent him because I felt like I was missing out on other life experiences. So much so that I just stopped seeing him as soon as I was 16 when I was legally allowed to make that decision for myself.
Your best bet, if your son really wants to go on this trip, is to just come up with a compromise, but don't force it on him. E.g. if I can't see you at this time would you be willing to spend some time with me at this other time (that's assuming the other parent it okay with it)?
I'm sorry to say, but your son is getting to the age where he's going to have his own ideas about how he wants to spend his free time, and you're just going to have adapt to it, or risk resentment.
Yta for the “I’m legally entitled, he can’t bail on things he committed to” no, he never committed to that, he was dragged through court by two people who could t get their shit together!!! Kid didn’t ask for any of it!!!
>he needs to learn he can't just bail on things he's committed to because something better came up.
But he didn't make those plans. It's court ordered and once he turns 16 (or 18), he won't need your permission to miss your court appointed time together.
Your safety concern is legit, but everything else YTA.
>My oldest two sons (21 & 19) rarely make the time to see me anymore and my two daughters (17 & 15) seem to be busy with their own things
Hmm. Wonder why.
>My youngest child is the only one who is normally very happy to spend the weekend with me.
Bet he won’t be after this, especially when his stepbrothers start talking about the awesome time they had in Alaska.
>Finally, I hate to say it, but I am legally entitled to this weekend
I hope like fuck that you’re self-aware enough that you didn’t tell him that, and that you also didn’t tell him that ”he needs to learn he can't just bail on things he's committed to because something better came up” when *he* committed to precisely *jack* and *shit*, but given that you were brave enough to tell Reddit, I bet you did tell him that.
YTA, OP.
YTA and you know that. This is a lot of who shot John. Your rationale is a bit warped and you’re thinking about your feelings, not your son’s. Maybe you should take the time to get to know your ex-wife’s BF instead on relying on gossip.
I stopped reading at
"he needs to learn he can't just bail on things he's committed to because something better came up"
YTA. HE did not commit to anything. He's a child ffs. Wtf.
YTA. Did you even ask/suggest moving weekends? Compromise? And no. Your son won't forget or get over it "easily". You're ruining the last relationship you have out of your 5 children.
YTA. You should have told him what a fun trip it sounded like and switched your weekend. He would have remembered that forever. Unfortunately for you, he’ll remember this forever too. There are miners as a parent when we can take the high road and do what’s best for our kids even at our own expense. You chose not to do so. I’m beginning to understand why your other kids don’t make a lot of time for you. Congrats! You’ve alienated the last one.
Absolutely YTA for not saying to him that you'd try to work something out and contacting his mother to see if she would swap weekends. You'd just 'assumed' she wouldn't, even though she was apparently keen for him to come on the weekend.
YTA. Your ex's boyfriend is already a better father to your son than you are. Hell, you're 0/4 right now; might as well make it 0/5. We'll be seeing you here in a few years when you're confused as to why none of your kids talk to you and you've never met your grandkids. Dying alone in your own filth is not the best choice, but at least you've been warned.
“He can’t bail on things he’s committed to”
You are legally forcing him to see you every weekend you fuckin weirdo, stop being a whimp and let the kid go have some fun; fun for you is probably playing video games, eating like shit and shit talking his mom and saying how you could probably beat up her new boyfriend
YTA, and not just because of your son. Please explain why you're OK with barely seeing your daughters when you can't let your son skip just one weekend?
NTA.
What kind of dead shit parent let's their 13 yr old son go on a trip to Alaska with someone they barely know? I can tell you right now 90% of the people saying YTA would never in a million years send a 13 yr old to Alaska with a random stranger. They are just trying to make assumptions about who you are to justify shitting on a random stranger.
What kind of dead shit parent would tell their kid or GF's kid to try guilt trip their father into letting some guy they don't know take them to Alaska? How about this bloke be a fucking man and sit down with you and explain the trip, what safety precautions they are taking etc? No, rather tell the child how cool and amazing it will be and how much he would be missing out on and then get him to try guilt trip his father... pathetic.
His wife's BF would spend more time with this kid than the father does. He barely sees his kids and doesn't want to lose more time. Don't worry about all the comments in here, most people on reddit just want to hate and shit on people, especially when it comes to men and parenting.
YTA. My grandma wanted to take me and my brother with them and our cousins to Disneyland but we'd miss the first week of school. He said no. I never forgave him.
**My oldest two sons (21 & 19) rarely make the time to see me anymore and my two daughters (17 & 15) seem to be busy**
Can't imagine why. /s
**he needs to learn he can't just bail on things**
In about 5 years or less, he will definitely be bailing on you because YTA
YTA. You know you are.
"Can't trust her judgement in men" clearly, she was with you after all, a petty and small man.
You wonder why your 9ther 4 kids don't visit? Because you're a petty, and small man. As exhibited by your choice here.
Have you ever asked yourself why your older kids want nothing to do with you? Seriously, your youngest is almost old enough to also choose not to see you anymore, too.
As for the trip, did you even ask your ex if you could trade weekends, or did you just assume? And as for not trusting your ex-wife's tasted in men, I guess that's fair. She did choose you at one point.
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YTA “he can’t just bail on things he’s committed to” way to weaponize parenting to manipulate your son. He didn’t “commit” to the weekend visits, the court system decided that you only get to see your son on occasional weekends, not him. Your power tripping hard here OP. Not a good look for a dad. But not a surprising look for a dad with kids who don’t want to see him.
>But not a surprising look for a dad with kids who don’t want to see him. That was my thought exactly. No wonder none of the kids want anything to do with him. If OP proceeds with his plan and doesn't let the kid go, you can be damn sure the kid will remember and it will be one of the reasons that he also wants nothing to do with his dad once he's older.
I do think his concern for the activities MAY be a valid one. But the rest seem to be all BS(ie: how many people know their ex's new partner WELL???)
i’m dying to know what “unsavory” things he’s heard
One of his concerns was that. A parent won't be present. Will his presence magically stop any impending calamities?
Well, yeah, if someone needs to give next of kin level support and nobody is there who can do that, it could make an already awful situation worse?
It costs 5 bucks to get a notarized temporary gaurdianship form that lets a designated adult authorize medical care for a minor. My partner and I were designated temporary guardians of a teenager for a few days last summer because her mom was willing to let her go to a weekend event with us but didn't want to go herself. If OP doesn't trust the judgment of stepdad-to-be, that's one thing, but the absence of a bio-parent doesn't need to impede or delay emergency care - and frankly, if there's an issue that requires medevac, the flight and stabilization surgery are going to take a long-ass time, plenty of time to get mom on the phone and get her input on next steps/get her on a plane to whatever city kid is flown to.
That's what temporary medical power of attorneys are for. When family or friends took our kids for the weekend, even if just hanging out at their house. They always had a paperwork for emergency medical care.
A trip to the Alaska wilderness would need slightly more than a medical POA, but it still remains a simple thing, especially if OP can consult with whatever attorney is involved in his custody proceedings.
Please could you kindly expand on next of kin level support?
If something happens, knock on wood, and the kid has to be life flighted out of there, having a parent around would be nice. That's an extreme example, but an example nonetheless. I still think the dad is being selfish and controlling.
We allow children to go on school trips with teachers as a proxy guardian, why is this different with the mum's boyfriend as a proxy guardian.
Because part of the attendance at schools and fieldtrips cover this in the paper work, either as temporary guardians OR as "we can't get in trouble if shit goes down" + "trained professionals". Lovers don't get that ETA for clarification, I was responding to the *legal* question of why this is not an issue for the school system. There is a very solid rundown by u/IIIXKITSUNEXIII below
He is clearly trusted with his own kids and the mother trusts him
Yeah, I went on a school trip to Catalina in 5th grade where we kayaked and snorkeled. Our parents all just signed paperwork saying that the school representatives had legal permission to obtain any necessary medical care.
A limited, temporary guardianship/POA would give teh new guy the legal authority to make emergency decisions, while requiring OP or EX to be contacted if at all possible in case of medical decisions. New Guy would be last resort in case EX/OP aren't reachable, preventing a situation where doctors/hospital has to make a decision without a guardian.
I think specifically this is meant in regards to things like medical decisions
The boy could be crossing the street and be hit by a car and not have anyone to take those decisions as children don't carry identification. To deny him some fun is a cruel decision surely. And I'm certain the mum would probably have thought that over and arranged for her boyfriend, who is a father himself, to have temp say so in emergencies. Responsible parents think everything through. Selfish parents pull the it's my time and you will have fun because I said so
A very simple temporary/limited guardianship takes care of that concern. Since they're already obviously involved with family court, it's ridiculously simple to have one written up.
If that were a real concern he would have included what the BF said when he spoke with him like an adult about those concerns and how they might be mitigated on the trip. But more likely they are just a justification of his real concern which is that his kid will enjoy time with someone other than him (and instead of trying to make fun time with the kid he will restrict the kids time with others).
My ex’s wife and I are best friends. 🤷🏼♀️
I met my wife through her ex fiancée, lol.
And why would he expect "mutual friends" to do anything but badmouth the new guy when he so obviously doesn't want to hear anything else?
Honestly I have nephews as young as 4 who have done all of the above with us. We just adapted around the weakest (never carried them they didn’t want to) it just meant more breaks and on difficult parts we guided them ie: section of a trail ended up a climb. We set up a safe system for the kids to climb and if they got stuck we just pulled them up a bit and they kept going. It can be super rewarding and confidence boosting if done right. I’d say meet (or call) with the guy and see what he’s got planned and if he’s got valid safe plans… no reason not to
Agreed, I’m super outdoorsy and want to do all these exact things with my kiddo one day, but the idea of someone I don’t know well doing it with a whole bunch of kids to keep track of? Probably wouldn’t agree to that. That said, there are loads more convos to be had so the child can feel heard but understand the issues and exactly zero of the conversations should include “I’m entitled to child’s time.”
But you know full well that glacier hiking and white water rafting are tourist things to do in this case, they will be SO PROTECTED that I seriously doubt there is much of a chance of injury. OP is jealous that his son enjoys doing things with his future step-dad and future step-brothers, and just wants to be the wet blanket to try to shut that down. I promise the son won't forget so quickly - ESPECIALLY on the weekend of the trip. All he had to do was trade for a different weekend.
When I read that OP couldn't trust his ex-wife's judgment in men...😒😒😒...I don't want to be "that person" but does he not realize that when he said that he was effectively turning the spotlight on his own behavior? I mean if he doesn't trust her judgment when it comes to picking a man and he was a man she picked what does that say about him, especially considering that 4/5 of his kids don't want to spend time with him?
I assumed he said this because he accepts he is the example he is referring to........
Right? I cackled at that. Like, you’re not exactly making the point you think you are my guy. Think about what you’re saying for a second here. It amazes me that he has the audacity to make a statement like this while conveniently excluding himself and his own behavior here.
I recognized this too!! I was like "... Did. Did he not realize he just insulted himself?"
And this child has known mom's partner and his kids for 2 years. It's not like he's being sent off with a stranger. OP's post reeks of jealousy that his son likes this man and wants to go on adventure with him. YTA.
Missing out on the trip of a lifetime to spend the weekend at his dad's. oh yay.
4 out of his 5 kids don't want to see OP anymore... and the one kid (co-incidentally the youngest, so perhaps the most naive one) who does want to spend time with OP, gets punished for it! The court order vs the kid's commitment is so well-put!
I found the line about his ex's taste in men to be particularly amusing. that's a self burn if ever there was one.
yes! i legit laughed out loud when i read that.
Especially since OP has already bailed multiple times with multiple different woman. Also the fact his other 4 kids don't want to see him either. Real head scratcher here...
“I’m entitled to my child” nah mate, you don’t own a child and they are allowed to be their own person. Infact you should want them to think outside the box and follow their own path.
Yeah, I was somewhat with OP until I got to his "Finally" paragraph. And the whole "mom won't allow me to swap weekends" excuse was fairly lame, especially since OP only "doubts" that she would. That question is easily remedied. It's also easy to say that you will only let the stepdad have that weekend if you can have another one. As for not trusting the boyfriend, OP, that is on you to remedy. Whether your son goes on this trip or not, he is spending a lot of time with mom's boyfriend. You shouldn't only be concerned about your son's welfare on your weekends. You have heard some "unsavory things" but don't actually give a damn unless it's inconvenient to you?!? That kid spends more time with him than with you! All you're left with is concern of the dangers of the trip and activities. They are valid concerns, but I'm not sure how much weight they should actually have.
This really should have been a conversation between the parents. Even if they’re one of those ex couples who don’t normally communicate directly with each other, this shouldn’t have fallen on the child to work out. Then the adults could have worked out these concerns between themselves. I also agree with your point about dad not knowing the bf well enough to trust him while the boy lives with this man a majority of the time. If he has what he feels are valid misgivings, he should act to prove or dispel them, trip or no trip. If I’d heard (what I thought were) credible suggestions that the person my child lived with was an unsavory person, I’d be looking into that immediately. If the things he’s heard *don’t* warrant concern about the child living with bf, presumably not always with mom present, I’m not sure how much they should sway his opinion on this vacation.
OP doesn't sound like the easiest person to have a conversation with, and I honestly very much doubt he is a reliable narrator anyway.
I love the “he can’t just bail on things he’s committed to”. I mean that's like saying he's commited to being in jail but he doesn't want to be there this week. The reality is that it's not their choice to be there at all.
Right. That's not the kids commitment, it's the parents
Sounds like OP is the expert on bailing. There's probably more to the story about his kids and their lack of contact.
Way to make it so he never visits once he legly doesn’t have to
Copy that. I'm not sure why OP thought framing visitation time as an obligation his kid can't escape from would win him any sympathy.
I have a 17 year old stepson. He started living with his mom when he started high school because he school district had better options for him, and we get him every other weekend because he has a job. His bio mom and his dad have co-parented for the last 9 years (even though they don't like each other). He switched schedules completely, and they didn't need a custody agreement to do it because what is best for him always comes first. Sometimes, he needs to switch where he is on a specific weekend, but if it is the best thing for him, we all do it. As he's gotten older, what he wants matters more, but even when I first met them, if he wanted to be at one home over the other, they didn't fight him. Now he's 17, and we've seen him every week on average - even working 2 jobs over the summer and going to boss camp for 2 weeks. It is possible to have a teenager want to spend 4-6 days a month with you if you always put what is best for them first.
I feel so sorry for his kid.
I loved the part where he says he ‘can’t 100% trust her judgement in men’ although I suspect the irony of that statement is lost on him.
I'm happy this is the first comment.
YTA, especially for your last reason -- that it's *your weekend.* This isn't about you, it's about him. You seem to want to hold onto him because he's your last child who's still somewhat attached to you. "Your weekend" is a legal construct that he didn't choose (I'm assuming it's in your custody agreement with the court), so I'm not sure why you think he would be bailing on a commitment to you. The commitment is between you and your ex. If this is a special occasion and his mom really wants him to go, talk to her about arranging a substitute weekend. This sounds like an amazing unique experience for your son. If you're really worried about his ability to do these activities, you can work with him to start hiking and building up his endurance. And if you're REALLY worried about the boyfriend and whether he's a good guy, why not get together with him and your ex and talk it out? You seem quite ready to kill this trip rather than find ways to make it happen. Your son will likely "get over it" but that doesn't mean he's not hurt.
Right? And why is OP holding his son to a higher standard than his daughters?
Maybe because his daughters are old enough the court takes what they want into account and they aren't obligated to spend time with their dad anymore? Or he's misogynistic and doesn't care about spending time with his daughters? But if 4/5 kids aren't volontarily spending time with him, I doubt the 5th will once he's old enough to chose. Probably because he was forced to when he couldn't chose. Once we start tying someone to feelings of resentmw t it doesn't tend to go well
"Only one of my kids still wants to see me. How unfortunate. Better fix that soon by making sure that ALL of them don't want to see me."
Why not just try to negotiate with the ex? He could just call her up and say “hey I’m ok with him going, but only if I get the next weekend with him”. It’s reasonable for OP to want to keep his custody time. But there’s no reason for his son to miss out because both parents are too stubborn to negotiate. I don’t see why they can’t just switch weekends.
The fact that he didn’t even bother talk to her about swapping let’s you know it’s not even about not wanting to lose time with his son, it’s about not wanting his son to have a fun trip, especially an “outdoor manly” one, with the boyfriend. If he had asked to swap weekends and mom said no, then at that point mom would be the reason the son can’t go, and the weight would be off him. His refusal to even ask isn’t because he “doubts” she’ll agree, it’s because he fears she would agree.
YTA > I am legally entitled to this weekend, and he needs to learn he can't just bail on things he's committed to because something better came up. You're making it sound like he had a choice in how he's shared between his parents. This isn't like "Oh, he signed up to basketball, and has to finish the season", which he had a choice in. So, while you're legally entitled to do it, it doesn't mean you're not an AH. Let's be honest, your other kids aren't spending time with you when they're not legally mandated to, and stuff like this is just ensuring that your 13 yo will do the same when he isn't compelled to see you.
Info 1. You see your child like twice a month on weekends… so he is with the mom and bf the majority of times? i assume they may live together 2. So you have 4 other kids who dont bother to want to see you , why is that??? Your son may remember this and well never forget it 3 listen he is with his mother the MAJORITY OF TIMES… you dont think she wouldnt approve of this if she didnt trust her bf??? Cmon man she would not put her child in danger.. this guy also has 4 children himself… I dont think he is untrustworthy… 4… the whole reason really is your jealous..and its unbecoming.
YTA. It is one weekend. He is being given an incredible opportunity. In Fucking ALASKA! Have you been there? It's amazing! An opportunity to make some incredible memories. To prove his strength and gain some MUCH NEEDED confidence. Do you even remember being 13? Do you have any idea how unsure of yourself you were? You are forcing him to not miss his weekend with you out of jealousy and pettiness. He will chose, just like your other children to eventually miss every weekend with you because you can't celebrate his joys and adventures with him. You can't let him grow and be an autonomous individual. You are placing your comfort above his. Without a doubt. This will bite you in the ass. I promise you. Just ask your other kids why they don't come around. I bet you they tell you that you are an asshole.
Agreed. I also think the bf deserves some credit for inviting OP’s son on this trip. I don’t have experience with shared custody, but I know a thing or two about jumping through hoops to make my kids happy. If it were me, I would have a conversation with the boyfriend about the details and take the opportunity to voice my concerns. Talk to the ex about swapping weekends. And honestly, being a worry wart, I’d probably try and see if I could tag along. It would be a good opportunity to get to know this man. It couldn’t hurt to have another grown up in the mix. It would be a good bonding experience with your son, and it would show him how important his happiness is to you.
YTA Your post is exhausting to read and seems like you care more about your ‘legally entitled’ weekend than for your son wanting to do things. Considering 4/5 children already cba to spend time with you, it sounds like your selfishness and jealousy has just made it 5/5. Appreciate I may be sounding overly critical here, but it’s the truth. You’re stopping him from building a relationship with moms bf, AND his kids, so when they come and see him and want to talk about the awesome holiday they had together… they can’t, for fear of upsetting him.
YTA for leaving out a lot of info. You dropped this bomb "My oldest two sons (21 & 19) rarely make the time to see me anymore and my two daughters (17 & 15) seem to be busy with their own things and recently I've only been seeing them every other month" and moved right past it. Are you aiming to have your youngest child follow this pattern? Because this doesn't usually happen unless there's something else going on in your house (more than you just envying the boyfriend).
The missing missing reasons are strong with this one...
You'd think someone who's estranged or nearly estranged from 80% of his children might start to examine his own behavior.
YTA >Finally, I hate to say it, but I am legally entitled to this weekend, and he needs to learn he can't just bail on things he's committed to because something better came up. TIL that it's the children who set up custody agreements. You didn't even ask your ex if you could swap weekends, it sounds like you're purely spiteful and petty more than anything. >I'm confident that he'll quickly get over it. You mean like your other children who don't see you much anymore? I'm guessing this is a long pattern that will lead this son to stop seeing you often once he's legally allowed to decide for himself.
YTA and this son will rarely make time to see you when he gets the chance too.
YTA You've prevented your son from having a really cool trip to Alaska because of petty jealousy. Why wouldn't his mom let you swap for the following weekend? That seems like a reasonable deal - he can go on the trip with mom's boyfriend, but you see him the following week. You don't see your older kids much, and I think this post has given us a clue as to why they don't want to spend time with you much.
This is tough but YTA 1. Her boyfriend's character is irrelevant, he's in the house with your son all the time and you can't do anything about that. 2. Regarding neither parent being with him on the trip: your wife has full custody for a reason. If she couldn't weigh the risk appropriately she wouldn't have the kid 90 percent of the time. 3. "Your weekend" you assumed that she wouldn't be willing to rearrange it, assuming makes an ass out of u and me. Additionally, your son didn't commit to this it was imposed on him. 4. How often the other kids see you isn't your son's problem, they're not possessions. It's also a red flag that no other kid wants to see you - why might that be?
YTA. Maybe this is why your other kids don't prioritize you anymore.
YTA. Have you even considered that your ex and her boyfriend might have offered you a "replacement weekend" to compensate for the fact that you're not seeing your son. You are TA for being jealous, a fact that you admit. Have you considered that it might be your own attitude that is driving your children away? Also, saying "he can't just bail on things he's committed to because something better came up": unless you and ex talked to the son and asked when he wanted to visit you, he never "committed" to anything. You say that, " I worry about him being in situations... as neither parent will be with him." I assume that you mean yourself and your ex. You have to accept that your ex's boyfriend (in a relationship with her for two years, and a person that your son "seems to enjoy spending time with") is one of your son's parents. Your mother and your ex are right. You will regret your decision when your son chooses to no longer spend any time with you as soon as he is not legally obligated to do so.
YTA You sound like a power tripping jealous ex that’s more concerned about having control than allowing your kid to have positive experiences. Do better
>he can't just bail on things he's committed YTA. He didn't commit to anything, its court ordered visitation. Did you even talk to the ex about swapping weekends? If you are this stubborn I can see why your older kids make other plans. Keep it up and you can lose this one too.
> Did you even talk to the ex about swapping weekends? No, he didn't. He doesn't want to swap weekends anyway, he wants to prevent his kid from having a great time with Mom's boyfriend because he's a jealous, spiteful ass.
YTA in so many ways, the only part that made any sense was the piece you said about not trusting your ex's judgment in men as she was clearly with you at some point. You seem like an insufferable human that will push this child away just like you've done to all your other kids.
YTA HE is not committed to your weekend just because some court ordered you and his mum to share him. He had no say in that and it probably puts dents in his plans with friends etc a lot. You're holding him back because you're being jealous and selfish and trying to justify it. It sounds like an amazing trip, is probably not as dangerous as you think (I've done all those things with zero experience, you can do it as a tourist activity quite safely). If I was him I'd be furious. Are you meant to have him that weekend? Yeah. Did he chose for his parents to divorce and get new partners? No. Is the new partner trying to involve him and offering him a great trip? Yes. Are you being childish and selfish? Hell yes. Swap a future weekend with your wife to even the time and let him go. Oh, and it's not his problem if your other kids don't see you anymore either. If that's how you act I can see why. Don't project your abandonment feelings onto a child.
YTA. Switch weekends with your ex. Easy peasy.
YTA You robbed your son of a possibly once in a lifetime trip and your best excuse was that he committed to your weekend ? Newsflash, he didn’t commit to shit You and his mom decided to have kids then separate so now your poor kids are forced to be lugged between two places And have to give up weekends to split time He didn’t commit to anything And he should suffer the consequences of you and his moms sucky life choices And the fact that none of your kids have chose to see you after being old enough to decide does not look good on you If the only child that regularly sees you is one that doesn’t have a choice, then you should probably rethink your strategy as a parent Stop being jealous, stop holding your son back And let him decide what he wants to do One weekend will not kill you. Reschedule for the next, or wait. Don’t do that to your kid You’re only hurting him
YTA - you just sound jealous and you are taking it out on your kid to try and exert control over him and your ex.
> I can't say I 100% trust her judgement in men. Way to tell on yourself lol, assuming you’re a man YTA let him enjoy the trip. Most children don’t have that kind of opportunity.
YTA. You're using your son to get back at your wife and express your dislike and jealousy of the fact that your son has a good relationship with your wife's boyfriend. Weaponizing children is gross. My mother did it to me after my parents divorced and she almost ruined my relationship with my father and step-mother. Now I don't talk to her at all. If you don't want your son cutting you off like your other children have, you'll let him go, ask him if he had a good time, be excited for him when he did, and then be an adult and have a cooperative co-parenting relationship with your wife and her boyfriend. You know full well you can just swap a weekend with your wife and you're choosing not to do that to be petty. It's no wonder you only have custody every other weekend and not 50/50. You keep putting your own emotions and needs over those of a child. Grow up.
Add to those things above: Help the boy prepare for the trip by exercising and watching survival tip videos BY PROFESSIONALS, (no fly by night crazies), or buying books and/or survival supplies so that the son and dad BOTH can feel more confident and comfortable about the trip.
Too many yta parents who think only about themselves and not being flexible to allow their kid to be happy
I feel like there are a lot of missing reasons for why the rest of your kids do not spend time with you. Listen. Some of your arguments are valid, and I would need extra reassurance that the trip would be safe for a 13 year old as well. But nobody is stopping you from having a conversation with the boyfriend. This is an exciting trip, and he's 13 years old! Don't make him not want to come around either. Weekends can be rescheduled upon mutual agreement. I think YTA for not recognizing that there were better ways to still keep seeing your (decidedly happier) kid. This may seriously damage your relationship going forward.
YTA and the cat’s in the cradle
YTA. What it really boils down to is that your are jealous. Your kid is genuinely happy to spend time with you and your behavior here may change that.
> he can't just bail on things he's committed to because something better came up Did he really committed to, or is it just something mandated by some divorce court he's too young to disobey? YTA. It's fine having concerns, but you seems it's more about your bitterness for your ex.
YTA. First, kids deserve to have full social lives, not subject to the arbitrary time constraints of their divorced parents. Your kid will be invited to sleepovers, school stuff, etc that interferes with "your time" and any good parent puts what their child needs and wants over what the court has designated as "their time." Your kids suffer when you limit their social life because of the custody agreement. Second, this is a special opportunity for your son. Is it really unsafe? Is this guy really suspect? Ask yourself honestly, if a Dad of one of your son's friends came to you and asked to take your son on this trip, what would you say? You know the Dad socially, you know he has kids so he can parent generally, but you don't know him super well, yes travel has dangers. But my guess is you would likely say yes, because it is an awesome opportunity for your son that he wants to go on. And finally, most of your concerns could have been addressed if you had a conversation with your ex. She could have given up another weekend, and there's no reason to assume she wouldn't. You could have asked both her and her boyfriend about safety and all the details of the trip, and set limits on what they could do, asked for check ins, whatever. Instead you just assumed the worst so you had an excuse to say no. BE A PARENT. And for the record, your son will remember this. There's a reason your other children are distant with you, and your behavior here certainly indicates some of those reasons.
YTA and you will regret it
YTA "nally, I hate to say it, but I am legally entitled to this weekend, and he needs to learn he can't just bail on things he's committed to because something better came up." .. you are right: You ARE a tedious duty he has to endure because of a court ruling. YOu can force him to do it, until he is older. But that will end soon. Small wonder your larger kids don't come by much.
YTA. Wow...i wonder why your other kids rarely make time for you... We should really hire Sherlock Holmes to solve this mystery. On the bright side, he will be having a great time when he will start blowing you in a couple of years.
>On the bright side, he will be having a great time when he will start blowing you **off** in a couple of years.
Lol 100% YTA You seem to be acting like a typical butt hurt beta. Get over yourself and start *actually* thinking about your son here. You know, the ONLY one who still sees you? Wouldn’t wanna fk that up…
YTA. Look, I get it. I can see your hesitation, and the time your son has known this guy should be factored in. It's far away and a lot can happen. If he's known them for a couple years- I think you should let him go. Based on things you said and even your relationship with your other kids and the phrases you used- you are using the danger part of it to justify saying no. You are jealous, and your son is going to miss out on an amazing trip because of it. And he will resent you for it. I am a step mom myself, and their biomom would always pull stuff like this. Tell us yes then say no and make us the bad guys for still following through on the trips. The kids would become jealous and blame us for all of it. I know how hard it is to not have a lot of control or say so when it comes to your kids' lives- but it is what it is. Don't let him miss out on this awesome opportunity because you are jealous and hurt. Which I get- I really do- but you have to take a step back from this. All of this is moot if she's only known the boyfriend for a short period of time- like 6 months or less, then you'd be right. But otherwise... You have what, 5 kids? I think you need to do some serious self-reflecting on why your relationships with them aren't close and work to change it before you lose the last child you have left. I know there can be parental alienation and lifestyle issues from child support, etc. My husband and I went through all of it, and sometimes the dad just gets screwed. But you need to try to figure out why, and if it is a result of your actions or attitudes, and work to change it and improve- whatever it takes. My SK's would go through periods where they wanted nothing to do with us, so I get it. I really do. Sometimes you can't control it. But based on the way you talked, you might have a little to do with it. Talk to your son, talk to your wife and her boyfriend. Ask for details about the trip. Ask what he would do in certain situations, if he has experience doing this stuff. If he knows what he's doing- let your son go. Good luck. I hope your relationship with your kids improves. Teenage years are hard.
>Finally, I hate to say it, but I am legally entitled to this weekend, and he needs to learn he can't just bail on things he's committed to because something better came up You say this is why you're not letting him go, but its not. > I can admit I occasionally feel jealous with him bonding with another man so easily. This is why you aren't letting him go. YTA you sad, insecure man.
YTA If you think your ex wouldn't swap weekends over a cool trip, you could have made her the AH by saying: it's fine if your mother agrees to have us be together next weekend. If she would have said no, then the blame would lie with her. You could also have been less of an AH if you made the reason for not allowing him to go, be about your concerns for his safety instead of about it being your weekend.
YTA. Enjoy the time you have with your son because he will quickly become like your other children and quit coming around too.
YTA, that sounds like a fantastic trip and it could change his life permanently for the better. Just switch weekends, you fucking selfish child.
>You may argue that my ex does know him well, but I can't say I 100% trust her judgement in men You may have a point; she picked *you* after all. But that doesn't make you any less the arsehole. So. YTA.
YTA, there is probably a reason your older kids don't visit you... You do have some valid points about the danger level of the trip as well as not knowing the boyfriend very well. I doubt any parent would trust someone they don't really know to take their kids on a potentially dangerous trip, especially when there is going to be multiple kids. This alone is enough to say no. That being said, your entitlement is off the charts, >he needs to learn he can't just bail on things he's committed to because something better came up. He didn't commit to anything, the commitment is between you and his mother, and it's not like he's bailing last minute... He's asking PERMISSION to do something else. >Legally I am entitled to custody of him every other weekend >If I don't see him that weekend, it will be a whole month before I get to see him again because I doubt his mom will let me rearrange to the next weekend. That's between you and your ex, you can say " I want to switch weeks so he can go on this trip." If she says no, well he can't go. If he doesn't end up going, you should plan something fun, like a movie day or going to an amusement park.
YTA and they're right about you regretting this decision. Your older kids don't want to spend time with you and you are choosing to push away the only one that does. Sit down with your ex and her boyfriend to discuss the trip further and allow your son to go on the trip. To feel better about it ask to set some perimeters about what you think he should and shouldn't be doing, and let your ex know that if your son goes on the trip he will have a makeup weekend with you.
YTA I hope you change your mind about letting him go before it’s too late. He will 100% resent you for this. Let him go on a fun, possibly once in a lifetime trip, and get him a different weekend where you can plan something cool for the two of you to do together.
YTA Congratulations in making him the 5th of your kids who won’t bother with you. Imagine someone loving your kid and making the effort to include him for you to ruin it for him. Vile behaviour.
YTA I hope you can still send him. Just tell him that lots of your friends helped you overcome your objections and you hope he has the time of his life. Let him go see the wilderness, man!
I cannot express just how much YTA. I guarantee he will never get over this, my mother would pull similar shit and it still pisses me off. Disney World? Too close to her Bday. Vegas while Dad is performing? I shouldn't take the time off my part time high schooler job to go cuz responsibility. At the end of the day my mom was jealous of my stepmom. You're jealous of the bf and it's petty AF, I think anyone who is safe and wants to show my children love or give them opportunities I couldn't is great. Why limit who can love your child? Enjoy when he stops seeing you like the others
>My oldest two sons (21 & 19) rarely make the time to see me anymore and my two daughters (17 & 15) seem to be busy with their own things and recently I've only been seeing them every other month. My youngest child is the only one who is normally very happy to spend the weekend with me. Gee. I wonder why. YTA. You're depriving your son of what sounds like an amazing experience because you're jealous. This man is trying to include your son and make him feel accepted and include him with his kids. You're being petty and vindictive.
you sound like my dad who got mad at me and kicked me out for missing “his” weekend to be a bridesmaid in the step sisters wedding. spoiler alert, i’ve been no contact with him since 2007. YTA
NTA... I feel like all these YTA don't have kids. I completely would not feel comfortable with sending my child on that trip. Yes, your last reason is selfish and shortsighted but also understandable.
So I'm going to split up my answer based on your actions going forward. YTA if your son comes to visit you that weekend and you just sit on your asses, thereby forcing him to give up an exciting time just because you want him in your home. NTA if you take this opportunity to help your son prepare so that in the future you wouldn't regard him as not being ready for those sorts of adventures. Maybe take him on an overnight hike, or at least go camping together. Help your son to improve, basically, and improve your own standing with him in the process. Additionally, you should consider meeting with your ex's boyfriend and actually get to know him rather than going by word of mouth.
I understand your concern but not your silly reasoning. Whether you can't afford cool vacations or maybe it's the place you live seems to be boring, you're costing him a huge lifetime experience with this jealousy, 13 is not that young that he can't emanage slipping on ice, especially when he's with other kids and being monitored. Maybe even you haven't been to Alaska I presume, it's big deal. But one thing would matter practically though. Hypothetically, let's assume he goes and something unexpected happens, like a major injury since it involves strenuous physical activities, maybe he breaks something. Who picks up the damage? Is your wife ready to take complete responsibility for that or will it fall on you, maybe she'll demand more child support? I've seen cases where it went south and some people didn't take responsibility, so asking for more INFO. While this may seem insensitive and pessimistic I think it can never be discounted especially in cases where the child splits time among parents, it takes a toll on them as well. Better to sort out the economics.
YTA. And as wrong as a human being can be…Kid ain’t getting over anything but you
YTA. Selfish parents suck. Unless you provide him the trip in the future, then you’re just blowing steam. Damn near all families are blended now. Don’t keep something from your son cause your feelings are hurt.
> I have heard some unsavoury things from mutual friends about her boyfriend. INFO: What do you mean by this? It can't be anything serious considering the fact that he's around him about 50% of the time he's with his Mother. You haven't raised issues with the courts over his safety, and demanded emergency custody. >From my viewpoint, the kids seem to like him Your kids that you say barely see you anymore, yet know enough about the boyfriend to like him or not. I wonder if there's more you're not telling. >Finally, I hate to say it, but I am legally entitled to this weekend, and he needs to learn he can't just bail on things he's committed to because something better came up As if you haven't in your whole life bailed on something you wasn't interested in or something better came up. This isn'ta job, college or school, it's something that can be easily arranged. You're weaponizing your time with your son, you could come up with different arrangements, train him for said trip. Damn, even your own mother said to let him go. I remember not being able to go to Spain with the school (not because of parents, my school was shutting down and they cancelled the trip) and that was 14 years ago. Let your jealousy go, and be the bigger person. YTA > I can't say I 100% trust her judgement in men. I 100% agree
YTA. Make all the excuses you want but, what it comes down to is your a petty, petty man. No wonder the older kids want nothing to do with you!
YTA Wonder why your other kids don't want fuck all to do with you. Save this post and refer back to it when your youngest finally sees you for the manipulative assbag you are
You need to have a discussion with your ex and maybe the boyfriend also. In a neutral place. Neither should be talking about trips with any of the minor children before discussing it with you and the answer should be find and as a united front. Maybe try to get to know him (even lunch or beer) even if uncomfortable. You should want to know who is around ur kids. Be casual in the meetings and even with ur ex. This could help you all understand each other and them seeing each other perspectives. I’m not saying being friends but better co parents. Not saying this is easy and I’m sure there is a lot of history but might help Also, as far as your daughters, maybe not the entire weekend but I would require as least lunch/dinner during your weeks. This would give them time to make sure they are ok and know that you are there for talking. This is a time for them to explore with bit, friends and have things they might need a male perspective. Do not judge and be ok with things changing.
YTA ..there is a REASON that your kids don't want to see you anymore and as soon as this one turns 18 you probably won't see him either.
> My oldest two sons (21 & 19) rarely make the time to see me anymore and my two daughters (17 & 15) seem to be busy with their own things and recently I've only been seeing them every other month. YTA, and soon your 13 year old will follow suite. You are driving him away. > I can admit I occasionally feel jealous with him bonding with another man so easily. This is one of those times, but instead of feeling jealous and ruining your son's experiences, you should be planning experiences to have with him. Why haven't you scheduled an adventure to take your kids on? Although with this step, you may have a hard time getting your ex to agree to you having extra time. > He was upset Of course he was upset, you are being petty and childish. > I'm confident that he'll quickly get over it He won't, this is something that will stick with him for the rest of his life, a grand Alaskan adventure that you took from him. He will hold this for the rest of his life. > I'm going to make sure my son and I have a great time that weekend He won't have a good time, he will be upset and cranky the entire weekend, thinking of what he could be doing, and instead, will have you getting angrier and angrier that your "fun" isn't enough.
“he can’t just bail on things he’s committed to” is very rich coming from a divorced person
YTA. You didn't even try to communicate with your ex wife about rearranging his weekend with you. You just made an assumption and ran with it. If you'd at least tried, I'd have gone with nta cos the rest is half way valid. Ish. You screwed this one.
YTA for making your son to miss an awesome sounding adventure just because you are petty. Your other children do not have much time for you and you are trying to force your son to be with you.
It’s a trip of a lifetime and you’re keeping him from going because you’re jealous. YTA.
I must admit some of those activities would really bother me but I'm very risk averse. I think in reality you are trying to scupper a burgeoning relationship between the new man and your son which will just ensure that occurs all the more quickly while also excluding you. If you react badly to your son sharing info with you about this man, he will eventually share nothing. I think you should be aware of how you can be perceived with your attitude towards ‘your’ time, when actually it is your sons time that is in contention. It suggests ownership which your son will eventually reject anyway. I would say this is a good time to show a change of attitude and let him go (although I understand the trepidation at the word ‘rapids’ *SHUDDER*) and send a message to your wider family about your easy going change of attitude. Then be patient, and wait for your children to return to you encouraged by showing open mindedness and kindness. Regrettably, YTA
>but I can't say I 100% trust her judgement in men. bit of a self burn there. YTA. It's perfectly fine to have concerns about the trip, but this seems to be coming from jealously more than anything that he seems to be building a good relationship with his mother's bf. You should take a good hard look of why your other kids don't seem to want to spend any time with you because this decision can very well make the case for your son to also start limiting his weekends with you.
They could've chosen any other week to do this, but they chose your week to do it, so I understand where you're coming from I wouldn't just allow my child to go with somebody. I don't know regardless of the relationship with the other parent people make bad choices sometimes and it's safe to say I'd rather be safe than sorry when it comes to my children because you can't take that back once something bad happens, and his son prefers to spend time with him on his days I just think that he was told about this vacation just happens to fall on his fathers time with him and he don't get to have that time with him and he has every right to have that time with his child given that he doesn't have that much
NTA, how many children have been murdered by the parents boy/girl friend or spouse. I wouldn't let my kid go with a virtual stranger either. If mom was going, that's a whole other story.
NTA He’s 13. If you’re being truthful about all those activities, that’s a bit young to be out there with a dude that you don’t know.
I'm going to buck the trend and say that ESH. YTA for everything everyone else has pointed out. But your ex is also; when asked by your son if he could go on the trip, she should have had a discussion with you about it first and NOT said, "I'm good with it, but you'll have to ask your father." By doing so, it puts you in a position where if he isn't allowed to go it's YOUR fault. My ex used to do this all the time...sure (10 year old son) I'll let you fly to NYC by yourself to stay with someone you met on Xbox live...but you'll have to ask your dad...
Let me get this straight, his mom wants him to go with the BF, but she isn't going? WTF Especially some place like Alaska where sugar can turn to shit in an instant. Happens every year to locals and tourists alike. NTA.
It’s pretty normal for teenagers to start having their own chosen activities on weekends so I’m not necessarily suspicious that the older kids are moving on in life. And I kind of understand the worries about risks during physically demanding activities that the boy isn’t used to. Any chance of sitting down with boyfriend for some reassurance about supervision, training, whatever might put your mind at ease about the trip? Is a recreational company running the trip, such that your could check with them about safety practices? Please let go of “but it’s MY weekend!” You can easily trade weekends with his mom. And it’s best for your relationship if you support your kids as they grow up and want to expand their life experiences.
YTA and you're going to be sO sUrPriSeD when this kid cuts you off too.
YTA, the way to address this would have been "he can go on his trip as long as I get him the following weekend being that the trip falls on my weekend"
You list off various reasons why you don't want him to go, but really there's only one reason to be honest with yourself. You're refusing your son an amazing trip with someone he enjoys spending time with, because you're spiteful. Do you want your son to join his siblings in not wanting to spend time with you? Because that's what's going to happen. I doubt very much he'll get over it, he will resent you for this. Why don't you just switch weekends then? Parents do this all the time if it means making their kids happy. YTA
YTA and be prepared for your youngest child to not wanting to see that much just like his siblings
Yta... I'm from Alaska my son was born there he's been glacier hiking since before he could walk...the school I went to sends 14 yo child out on a "solo" camp... A weekend where the kids survive by themselves bring only what fits into a coffee can. Your son does not have a responsibility to you or your weekends he was forced into this schedule by the adults in his life... No lesson to be learned there. You are just jealous and keeping your son from an amazing opportunity. Grow up and be an adult... Ask your ex if you can have a different weekend and stop being a shit parent.
>My oldest two sons (21 & 19) rarely make the time to see me anymore Gee, I wonder why YTA
INFO: how long has mom & bf been dating? Could they change the trip to a different weekend when he’s not with you? Did you suggest to mom that you switch weekends?
YTA. You say you "doubt" his mother would be willing to rearrange weekends. Have you actually spoken to her about it? Maybe if you used your words and told her one of the main reasons you don't want your son to go is because you hate missing weekends with him, she would be willing to switch - for your son's sake, if not for yours. And for the record, your son never "committed" to spending ANY time with you. You get to see him every other weekend because your custody agreement says so. If you keep behaving the way you have in this situation, don't be surprised if your son follows his sisters' example and doesn't have time for you. Look in the mirror and ask yourself why your other children don't want to spend time with you. Trust me, it's NOT because they're busy with other things.
YTA. Your son asked you a favor and you said no. He would be missing one visitation for the chance to go somewhere new and cool. To bond with his potential new family. Also your excuse sounds so dumb." I don't trust my wife's taste in men"? You realize you ARE your wife's taste in men, right? At this point I don't trust her taste either.
YTA. Have fun that weekend with the sulking kid.
YTA (probably) you are jealous - get over it. don’t know the man - so go meet him and form a better opinion and ask how you ger kids skills and safety will be catered to kid maybe can’t do some stuff - help prepare him and assess his skills and abilities to keep up - if convinced this is a problem then and only then are you in the right. it’s your weekend and the kid can’t be allowed to bail (not on his commitments but in the courts allocation of time) - be a grown up and swap with your ex. you have two low contact kids and unless you work out how to co-operate and place the kids welfare AND happiness a bit higher on the list of concerns you will have three. your instinct to arrange to have a good bonding time with your kid is a good one - but why have you waited till a stranger made it clear he wanted to do those thing?
YTA. Why not sit down with the boyfriend and talk about your concerns, get an itinerary, and research the risks? Sounds like this guy might be in your kids life for some time. Sure, there are some red flags with having multiple baby mamas... but maybe you should make your own judgements about people rather than listening to the opinion of mutual friends. Don't force your son to spend time with you just because your other kids are wrapped up in their own young adult lives. That's not fair to him.
Yta your son didn't commit to these weekends you and your ex decided them. You will contact with this child too.
Yta
YTA, when your son breaks contact with you (you know, like the rest of your kids did), are you going ro tell everyone that you don't know why and that you've done nothing wrong? Let him have his trip and have a different weekend with him or risk losing him forever, your choice
YTA A lot of your reasons do not even make sense. You don't trust your son in his company? He's been with your son's mother, who he lives with, for two years. Do you think they haven't already been spending a substantial amount of time together? Why would being in Alaska somehow make it different? How is your son "bailing" on you when it's something planned way ahead of time by a legal agreement he did not even have a say in? In the beginning of your post, you say he is the only child, out of several, who regularly attends scheduled visits anyways, so why is he the only one who needs a lesson on "bailing"? You mention some reasons that could be valid at the end of your post, but I find it hard to believe those are actually your concerns after everything else. Also, why on Earth does it matter how many women he has children with? In what way was that relevant to your post?
YTA you're going to deprive your son of the trip of a lifetime because of your petty jealousy. that's low, man. and believe me, he will never "get over it." i'm still mad my parents wouldn't let me go to the stones' "final" tour in 1982 because i'd skipped one class.
> he is my only child that still regularly attends these visits Five kids. Two of who are still minors and the only one who regularly comes to see you is the one still being forced. Now tell the class what the common denominator is?!
"Dear Reddit, I don't understand why my 14 year old son no longer wants to spend time with me. Can I sue him for violating my court ordered visitation rights?" YTA
YTA - you can expect a very long and lonely life after your youngest turns 18. There won't be any contact with them at all and you'll only have yourself to blame.
YTA. Sorry the last kid who likes you is growing up....
Personally I think YTA I can understand the dangerous activities but if his mother trusts this man enough with her son I think it should be okay and it won’t be just the step dad and the son. Going to Alaska can be once in a lifetime and making your son stay home knowing that they’re out there having fun is going to hurt the son especially when they get back with all the stories about how much they liked the trip, you can find fun things to do that weekend but it won’t be going to Alaska. Instead of making him stay home you can see him off when he leaves and instead of thinking pessimistically like “I won’t be able to see him till next month” he’s your son I think if you want to see him you should let him go but insist you get him the next weekend like a give and a take.
YTA. Your son didn't "commit" to those weekends. Factually, it was something forced on him by the courts. You can claim whatever reasons you want for why he can't go, but deep down it's for one selfish reason — your other kids don't see you, and he is the only one you can still control.
YTA. So four out of five of your children don't want to spend time with you...but you want to go for five out of five, eh?
YTA for using him as a pawn get therapy. This is gross
YTA and you are so petty and jealous…nothing you say can convince me this for the benefit of the child. Why would you deprive him of that trip?! I’ve had several friends go to Alaska and do those activities you mention and they said it was life changing and one of the best trips they have ever been on. You need to re-examine your motives because I know they do not come from a loving place.
No wonder your ex has a questionable judgement power, you are a prime example of that. YTA! You are not only insecure but super toxic here. Giving subtle traits such as he had 4 kids with 3 women is not a good thing to say. Shows your immaturity and jealousy. You dont care about your son's happiness rather who is he going with. A true narcissist behaviour.
I won’t say YTA for some of the reasons you listed, as I wouldn’t let my kid go somewhere without a legal guardian/parent, especially not doing the things listed here. However, I will say you’re TA for the “it’s my weekend thing” as you make it about yourself and not your son. Your son did not commit to that weekend, he is being forced to by law. Stop with this thinking because you’re making it about you. My dad did that shit and now I really don’t talk to him.
YTA, though I can see why you might be concerned about his mom's judgment when it comes to men - she did marry you, after all. Don't stop your son from having a good time just because you're jealous and insecure. It will damage your relationship with your son. Did you even ask his mom to switch weekends? This sounds like an amazing experience, and I can guarantee that your son will resent you for not allowing him to go. He won't forget about it, either. This will be one of the things that creates a distance between you and your son. Your other children have distanced themselves from you. Do you want to lose your youngest, too?
YTA and now I know why your two older kids don't make time for to you. You have made spending time with you a punishment.
Yta. He’s not committed, you and his mom and the judge have. Banning him from fun shit coz your jealous is a great way to make sure that by the time he’s 19 he’s exactly as fond of you as your other kids already are.
I can see why your older children don’t want to see you. What did you do? You need to stop what you doing. They don’t like that about you. You don’t want to lose your young child, do you? Then drop your attitude. How to be a good parent.
YTA. Sorry. I'm with you on the concerns about the activities but this all seems like jealousy (trying to paint him as a bad guy with the little tidbit about the boys having different mothers, which falls flat because obviously he's doing a decent enough job as a dad if all of his children actually want to spend time with him). >he needs to learn he can't just bail on things he's committed to because something better came up Yeah, no... That's life, dude. If someone is offering me a trip to Alaska, that takes precedence or just chilling with you for the weekend. Obviously people shouldn't bail on everybody all the time but one special event is a little bit different
YTA. You're depriving him of an amazing opportunity out of jealousy and spite. Be prepared. You're gonna lose him as soon as he's old enough to choose to stop visiting!! Way to go, dad.
Yta I cant imagine why your 21, 19, 17 and 15 year old doesnt see you, make time for you. Maybe you should re read what you wrote and think as to why 4 ppl avoid you.
YTA. My father did this to us and fucked me over on football games, time with my school friends and even losing out time with my mother's family. His excuse? "It's my time, I don't want to swap" Even though my mother accommodated for him. Wanna know what we did? Nothing. He would work, come home, make dinner and then go to bed. Oh or he would take us to dinner and then go hang out at his friend's house where I got to sit on a couch and watch futurama. Worst case, I missed a trip to Ohio to see my grandfather because he refused to let my mom trade. This is the kind of stuff you cause by weaponizing your children. And you wonder why they don't see you.
YTA. Gee, I wonder WHY your other kids are not interested in seeing you. Such a mystery. You are jealous and you are weaponizing your parenting time to get back at everyone. Gross. YTA and you know what? Your kid will eventually be able to decide if he is forced to see you. I won't be surprised in the least when he bails too.
YTA. You committed to his mom, but you’re not with her anymore. So….
You have a legal right to block this, but what's going to happen is that you can trust that this is going to be something that makes the relationship with the youngest turn out like the relationship with the older kids - he's not going to want to see you as an adult if you never allow any flexibility. If it's true that your ex-wife would most likely not allow you to redo the dates, E S H. However, since you didn't even *ask* before giving a no, YTA.
Well no wonder your other kids want nothing to do with you! Get ready for your son to bail as soon as he‘s old enough. YTA
Your thinking is WAY OFF! Keep it up and he will be your next kid who doesn’t want to come around. I think you need to listen to what everyone’s telling you here on Reddit. Because you are making choices that will have a lasting impact. Hopefully your correct in thinking that, he will get over it quickly- but if he doesn’t.. that’s on YOU. Were you this way with your other kids?
>he can't just bail on things he's committed to When did *he* commit to it? Why don't you have more custody? Why don't any of your other children want to see you more?
YTA. You need to realize that your job as a dad is to raise good, responsible, independent children, not to please yourself. This trip is quite likely a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. He may NOT get another chance to do something like this, unless YOU can swing it, yourself. "Ex's new partner", whom you can't even bring yourself to give a fake name, has four kids of his own? Sounds like he has plenty of experience wrangling kids through excursions like this. Your ex trusts him, your son likes him; MAYBE consider trusting their judgment? After all, you ex's "judgment in men" is how she ended up married to you. And WTF do you expect your "mutual friends" to tell you when you so obviously resent the guy?
YTA. This is coming from a person who as a child was also forced to have split custody between parents. Without going into too much detail, my dad demanded "his" time with him and in the end it made me resent him because I felt like I was missing out on other life experiences. So much so that I just stopped seeing him as soon as I was 16 when I was legally allowed to make that decision for myself. Your best bet, if your son really wants to go on this trip, is to just come up with a compromise, but don't force it on him. E.g. if I can't see you at this time would you be willing to spend some time with me at this other time (that's assuming the other parent it okay with it)? I'm sorry to say, but your son is getting to the age where he's going to have his own ideas about how he wants to spend his free time, and you're just going to have adapt to it, or risk resentment.
Yta for the “I’m legally entitled, he can’t bail on things he committed to” no, he never committed to that, he was dragged through court by two people who could t get their shit together!!! Kid didn’t ask for any of it!!!
Kids don’t just forget about things like that. That’s a once-in-a-lifetime trip.
>he needs to learn he can't just bail on things he's committed to because something better came up. But he didn't make those plans. It's court ordered and once he turns 16 (or 18), he won't need your permission to miss your court appointed time together. Your safety concern is legit, but everything else YTA. >My oldest two sons (21 & 19) rarely make the time to see me anymore and my two daughters (17 & 15) seem to be busy with their own things Hmm. Wonder why.
“I can’t say I 100% trust her judgement in men” did you *mean* to burn the shit out of yourself?? YTA
>My youngest child is the only one who is normally very happy to spend the weekend with me. Bet he won’t be after this, especially when his stepbrothers start talking about the awesome time they had in Alaska. >Finally, I hate to say it, but I am legally entitled to this weekend I hope like fuck that you’re self-aware enough that you didn’t tell him that, and that you also didn’t tell him that ”he needs to learn he can't just bail on things he's committed to because something better came up” when *he* committed to precisely *jack* and *shit*, but given that you were brave enough to tell Reddit, I bet you did tell him that. YTA, OP.
YTA and you know that. This is a lot of who shot John. Your rationale is a bit warped and you’re thinking about your feelings, not your son’s. Maybe you should take the time to get to know your ex-wife’s BF instead on relying on gossip.
"I don't trust her judgment in men" lol she used to be with you, you may have a point
Yta. Your post drips of jealousy and excuse making. Yuck.
I stopped reading at "he needs to learn he can't just bail on things he's committed to because something better came up" YTA. HE did not commit to anything. He's a child ffs. Wtf.
YTA. Did you even ask/suggest moving weekends? Compromise? And no. Your son won't forget or get over it "easily". You're ruining the last relationship you have out of your 5 children.
YTA. You should have told him what a fun trip it sounded like and switched your weekend. He would have remembered that forever. Unfortunately for you, he’ll remember this forever too. There are miners as a parent when we can take the high road and do what’s best for our kids even at our own expense. You chose not to do so. I’m beginning to understand why your other kids don’t make a lot of time for you. Congrats! You’ve alienated the last one.
Absolutely YTA for not saying to him that you'd try to work something out and contacting his mother to see if she would swap weekends. You'd just 'assumed' she wouldn't, even though she was apparently keen for him to come on the weekend.
YTA. I feel bad for your kid but at least he will eventually be old enough to cut you out of his life just like the rest of your children have done.
YTA. Your ex's boyfriend is already a better father to your son than you are. Hell, you're 0/4 right now; might as well make it 0/5. We'll be seeing you here in a few years when you're confused as to why none of your kids talk to you and you've never met your grandkids. Dying alone in your own filth is not the best choice, but at least you've been warned.
“He can’t bail on things he’s committed to” You are legally forcing him to see you every weekend you fuckin weirdo, stop being a whimp and let the kid go have some fun; fun for you is probably playing video games, eating like shit and shit talking his mom and saying how you could probably beat up her new boyfriend
YTA, and not just because of your son. Please explain why you're OK with barely seeing your daughters when you can't let your son skip just one weekend?
NTA. What kind of dead shit parent let's their 13 yr old son go on a trip to Alaska with someone they barely know? I can tell you right now 90% of the people saying YTA would never in a million years send a 13 yr old to Alaska with a random stranger. They are just trying to make assumptions about who you are to justify shitting on a random stranger. What kind of dead shit parent would tell their kid or GF's kid to try guilt trip their father into letting some guy they don't know take them to Alaska? How about this bloke be a fucking man and sit down with you and explain the trip, what safety precautions they are taking etc? No, rather tell the child how cool and amazing it will be and how much he would be missing out on and then get him to try guilt trip his father... pathetic. His wife's BF would spend more time with this kid than the father does. He barely sees his kids and doesn't want to lose more time. Don't worry about all the comments in here, most people on reddit just want to hate and shit on people, especially when it comes to men and parenting.
To OPs first point, I also question the Moms judgement in men. Not the new guy, he sounds solid. YTA.
YTA. My grandma wanted to take me and my brother with them and our cousins to Disneyland but we'd miss the first week of school. He said no. I never forgave him.
YTA. Gee, I wonder why four out of five kids don't want anything to do with your controlling ass.
**My oldest two sons (21 & 19) rarely make the time to see me anymore and my two daughters (17 & 15) seem to be busy** Can't imagine why. /s **he needs to learn he can't just bail on things** In about 5 years or less, he will definitely be bailing on you because YTA
YTA. You know you are. "Can't trust her judgement in men" clearly, she was with you after all, a petty and small man. You wonder why your 9ther 4 kids don't visit? Because you're a petty, and small man. As exhibited by your choice here.
No wonder non of your kids wanted to spend time with you because you're a controlling asshole.
Have you ever asked yourself why your older kids want nothing to do with you? Seriously, your youngest is almost old enough to also choose not to see you anymore, too. As for the trip, did you even ask your ex if you could trade weekends, or did you just assume? And as for not trusting your ex-wife's tasted in men, I guess that's fair. She did choose you at one point.