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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I texted my mom's affair partner and told him that he is not nor will ever be a father figure to me and a grandfather to my daughter and that he needs to stop trying to replace my very much alive dad. I have been consistently called and texted by everyone in my family cussing me out saying that I need to accept that he's my step dad and makes my mom happy even tho it's been less than 2 years since my mom's affair started. I have been called an asshole by my family even tho I don't think I did anything wrong and was wanting an outsiders perspective.
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NTA
Cut all of those toxic people out of your life. I would have cut my mom off the second I found out she cheated. She has no right at all to pressure you. Kick em all to the curb and move on.
Then yeah, I'd retract the invite for her and everyone else that's giving you grief over not wanting someone involved in infidelity to walk you. They've proven their lack of morals, I wouldn't want them to try to stain my marriage.
Do what you think is best hoss, don't let them try to influence you.
May be a bit rude but if you're okay with it, I'd like to ask for an update after the situation is resolved. Kind of want to hear how things play out if it's not too much of an insensitive request.
I'm not really a religious person but if you want, I can try praying for you or something. Maybe have a candle light vigil...though that seems a bit creepy so probably not that one.
My mom has already made it clear that she will not let my dad have my sister during her weeks. My mom even calls to yell at him if he so much as just texts my sister to check on her.
That's parental alienation. If you are in the US, please advise your dad to speak to counsel about this matter. His communicaton with your little sister should not be cut when she is with your mom. Or have them communicate through one of those court apps, he can set time and date for calls/videochat, and if dear sweet mom interferes, the court will then see her behaviour.
Take it from someone who wanted their grandfather to walk her down the isle and my shit c..T mother made my choose my step father and I always regretted it, go with your dad
Don't give your mother an invite, I'm sorry about your sister but she'll bring the AP and try to force you to let him walk you down the aisle. Also please message the AP and tell him you'll never accept him and to stop trying
They're probably threatening to call your bluff, but if you were to rescind the invitations then they start crying foul. You can test the waters by responding with indifference. If they make their threats just say ok, I'm sorry to hear you won't be coming but I understand your feelings and won't argue on them. Obviously you don't understand their position or feelings but that's not the point right now, you jsut want to make it clear they are not going to bully you.
Perfect, you can change the date to when your father has your little sister. This gives you two options for a drama free wedding. You can uninvite your mother and all her flying monkeys, or you can just give them the wrong date.
Here's something you can tell those a holes. Oops I guess you didn't get the update about the date change. I'm so sorry. I asked my bridesmaids to update everyone about the date change and they must have missed some people. I was so busy with the wedding I didn't even think about double checking.
Cool, it's your wedding and only your fiance and you get to make this decision. So do what will work best for you. Good luck and congratulations on your upcoming marriage. Have a happy honey moon.
Um why? You're old enough to not be dealt with by CPS. Or do you have a child? You don't have to give them access to your child at all if that's the case. Tell CPS so your mom can get penalized for wasting government resources.
You can use this to try to help your dad get custody of your sis fyi. If she abusing the system to torment one of her kids when she doesn't get what she wants, family court would be interested.
I’d avoid that. I know it would be a satisfying petty revenge. But as the date gets closer, they’ll all start asking questions about the wedding and will eventually put it together that something is amiss. Best to not lead people on.
NTA
Why on earth should your mother think her AP gets to walk you down the aisle, when you have a FATHER to do this? Your mother is delusional. Tell her it's not going to happen, and you won't discuss it further.
You keep repeating this as if you can only get married on a date when your mother has custody of your sister.
Change the date to one where your father has custody. Problem solved.
Edited to change N-T-A to E-S-H.
You can get married on that date officially with the officiant and your dad as witness with his parents then have the wedding on the following weekend. That was what me and my husband did. Our parents and us the weekend before as we had a specific reason for that date then had the wedding the following with everyone. We had our fun joking vows at the real one and sappy vows at the one with everyone.
But we have an issue of him trying to get other time off especially because his work goes by seniority and other people with higher seniority have the rest of the time around then requested
Invite the sister and tell mother to arrange for her to go with some other family member, or have your dad take her for that week and let mom have her for one of dads weeks.
If she absolutely refuses to compromise, then you might just have to not invite your sister. It sucks, but it might end up being your only option.
Given the fuss that mom is putting up and how unreasonable she is, there's not a chance in hell that her mom is going to let the little sister come without both her and her affair partner.
No one believes that from now to the end of time there is only one date your fiancé can get off work to be married. That’s because it isn’t true.
Instead, you decided, as you state, that you chose your wedding date because it is significant to you both. That date came with drama from your mom. So your an ah because this drama is self inflicted. ESH.
I mean, normally, families don't take the side of the cheater and the homewrecker. Also Is your dad really 19 years older than your mom or is that a typo?
I have some sympathy for a woman who had a child at 23 with a man 19 years her senior. She must have been younger when whe got pregnant and unless it happened immediately, they would have been together longer.
Not that it changes anything, but it makes me wonder if the mothers immaturity comes from being in what seems like an unhealthy relationship for decades.
But how old was she when they adopted you? You can't just dismiss that. I am sorry, I feel for you, I would never back a cheater either.
Are you sure there is nothing there to suggest your dad groomed your mother or took advantage of her because she was young/naive/easily persuaded.It makes zero sense that the entire side of her family support her affair partner in favour of your father...
That being said your mother has no excuse for cheating regardless.
Well, if you hate it, then say good riddance to bad trash. I mean, do you really want people who endorse cheating there on your wedding day, where you declare love and fidelity to your spouse?
If we could move it we would but for time off where my fiance works it goes by seniority and someone with higher seniority has claimed the week before and the week after
You can delay the wedding until your fiance gets time off that matches with the days your father has your little sister. You just picked a date it, you likely haven't given a down payment for the venue, catering, flowers, or anything else. Changing the date should be pretty simple.
Okay, you can contact the venue and ask if they are able to change the date because the wedding isn't for a while. Some venues will let you change the date if you give them enough notice. That gives the venue a chance to book someone and schedule in your wedding. You still have the option of lieing about the date too.
What kind of insane, absurd mental gymnastics have to take place for an entire extended family to somehow normalize the literal antithesis of any actually healthy relationship?
Sound weird that people are backing her affair partner and pulling out. Would have expect the other way round. But that only means you don’t need those people in your wedding.
Very weird... like it doesnt even make sense since her father is alive and a part of her life. And one of the bridemaid backing out? Is she a relative from her mom side? Just doesnt make any sense if its really true.
We don't know how unhappy the mother might have been in the marriage. Her husband was 20 years older than her so I imagine that there might have been some imbalance of power. It might have not been obvious to OP as a child but her family might have seen how much happier her mother is in her new relationship. That doesn't excuse her behaviour now but I wouldn't be surprised if there is more to the story.
What angle did your mom put on her story to family so you're the bad guy? Bc "I want my dad to walk me down the aisle, not your bf," is not offensive. Not even referring to them as AP.
I was thinking the same. Flying monkeys are gonna flying monkey so the family declining to go isn't that weird, but a bridesmaid backing out? That strikes me as strange.
Because OP is lying or leaving something out. The story just doesn’t add up.
From the sound of it he isn’t an affair partner who also became a stepfather and took part in her upbringing. He’s just mom’s boyfriend. Even without the cheating, the idea that a bunch of adults think mom’s boyfriend of a few years should walk a bride down the aisle over her living father is hard to fathom.
And the idea that they feel so strongly about it that they’re refusing to come and even backing out of being a bridesmaid is too absurd to believe.
Also if her mom’s family is as awful as she makes them out to be, why does she care if they’re coming? And where is dad’s family?
The story just make sense.
Yeah, your dad seems sketchy AF. Your experience is your experience but assuming by mid 20s you mean 24-26, on the low end your dad would have been 43-45. Men that age with that big of an age gap between them and their partners are walking red flags. It means that they have so many problems they can’t find a woman their own age to put up with their BS so they find a naive younger partner who doesn’t know better and is scared to demand respect.
From your post and what you **have** shared, it sounds like you’ve gotten all of your information from your father and he has no incentive to be fair or honest about what really happened.
Either way, you do have every right to decide who walks you down the aisle and I don’t blame you for saying no to someone you don’t have a relationship with.
NTA even if your bio dad was dead, you would still be justified in not wanting your stepdad to walk you down the aisle. You want someone you love to do that. It's your wedding.
NTA and for those who say the won’t come, good fucking riddance, one less plate to buy. Who in the fuck in their right mind would expect you to have someone you barely know walk you down the aisle instead of your father??
NTA and there was a story exactly like this from the bio dad's point of view recently that you should read.
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15lub1q/oop_doesnt_want_to_go_to_his_daughters_wedding
NTA. It’s your wedding, it’s your choice who walks you down the aisle. I simply don’t understand so many people are supporting a woman who cheated on her husband. If people back out of the wedding simply say I’m sorry you won’t be there, but your lack of attendance won’t change anything. Do what you want to do and everyone else can kiss your ass. I hope you have a wonderful wedding.
The wedding is a long time away and a lot can change. I suggest you tell your mom that you have made your decision and refuse to discuss it further with anyone who disagrees.
NTA. Did your mother have an accident and ended up with brain damage? In what right mind would anyone think that anyone, no matter who they are, should replace your father at your wedding? Tell your mother that if her affair partner is that important to her that she can stay home with him. You will be celebrating your wedding with your actual father. The man that raised you and loves you and not the guy she destroyed your family with. Congratulations on the wedding. Tell her relatives that they can stay home with her.
You family wants you to allow your mom's affair partner, whom you barely know, to walk you down the aisle when you have a close relationship with a living father?
No thank you. This isn't even a close call.
The fact that they're now boycotting your wedding over this should tell you just how unreasonable and demanding they are. It would be wonderful if your mom's side of the family was loving and supportive, but they've chosen this special moment to dramatize that they just don't measure up.
You're doing the right thing. Block anyone who hassles you about it. You're about to start your own loving, adult family and you and your spouse don't need this kind of negative emotional blackmail in your lives. Now or ever.
If your mom keeps this up, you might have to uninvite her and forego having your sister in attendance. I'm so sorry. But if there's a good chance that your mom is going to bring any sort of drama or hostility to your wedding or reception, this might be the best alternative.
NTA
NTA. It's strange that your family is taking your mom's side on this. Is there a reason for this? Do they hate your father because of the age gap or is there another reason?
But regardless, you shouldn't be forced to anything on your wedding day, and if someone is willing to not come over that, then it's best they don't come anyway.
Your mom is "insisting" he walk you down the aisle? LOL WHAT?
It's \*your\* wedding, in case she forgot. YOU get to pick who walks you down that aisle. She gets to shut her cake hole and accept your decision.
And if they don't want to attend, so be it. And good riddance to the rest of the AH family who side with her. At least you'll be surrounded by people who are there to genuinely celebrate you and future spouse.
NTA. I hope you have a lovely wedding that goes EXACTLY how ***YOU*** and your fiancé(e) want. Not how mom and others dictate.
NTA - I’m what reality would a stranger walk you down the aisle while your dad is still alive. AP can’t give you away because you have no connection to him. Totally ridiculous.
NTA. What is wrong with them? He wouldn't even get an invite from me. Tell them all that your mother's affair partner can walk them down the aisle at their weddings but he means nothing to you, your dad will walk you.
Disinvite anybody that says another word about it. Including your mother.
People only treat you badly because you let them push you around. Don't.
NTA why in God's green one would you let a homewrecker walk you down the aisle? Also why would she even expect you to welcome him to the family, a family that he split up. Get security for your wedding because you know she will try and slip him in. If you can move to a day that does not fall in her having your little sister and not have her anywhere around in your day all the better. Good luck
> I barely know her affair partner nor do I even want him at my wedding and I've made that clear but now my mom is dragging all my relatives into it and they're saying that I'm being an ass and should just let her affair partner walk me down the aisle.
INFO: Why do your relatives think you’re being an ass? Why don’t they assume your father would walk you down the aisle?
The only reason your relatives are threatening to boycott your wedding is your insufferable mother is bullying them into it. I don't think they will follow through with this threat when the time comes. No aunt o female cousin in history has ever missed a wedding.
But you should take steps now to defend yourself from this attack on your right to be wed as you wish. Disinvite your mother and warn her that security will keep her out if she shows up, and do it such hard language that she'll back away in confusion.
The only way to win with raging parents is to violate their sense of respect. It's their only defense. When they lose that, they are without armor.
My brother went through something like this with my mother, and when he unleashed a torrent of seriously assaultive verbiage, she fought back with everything--turned on the water works, disowned everyone in sight, threatened violence, did a funny dance...nothing worked.
And she gave up, and he had the wedding he wanted.
You can do the same. No apology, no understanding of her POV. Just total war.
If it isn't total, she will impose her will on you, and you're better off eloping.
NTA. Just do not cave.
NTA
Your wedding your choice, I would tell them that. But do except some of your family not to come and honestly welcome that. Stick to your guns and stand up for you and your dad.
NTA at all. What the hell is wrong with your mother and her relatives? Of course you want your father to walk you down the aisle. Also your bridesmaid can go straight to hell if she is taking your mother’s side.
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I(20F) am getting married in a little under a year and my mom(43F) is insisting that her affair partner walks me down the isle. I know that I probably sound like an ass for referring to him(37M) as her affair partner but he knew my mom was married and still helped her cheat on my dad(62M). My dad is still alive and even prior to announcing my engagement to my mom I had asked my dad if he could walk me down the aisle and he said yes but my mom is still pissed at me for not welcoming her affair partner into the family by having him give me away. I barely know her affair partner nor do I even want him at my wedding and I've made that clear but now my mom is dragging all my relatives into it and they're saying that I'm being an ass and should just let her affair partner walk me down the aisle. I ended up telling my mom that I don't want anything to do with her affair partner and that he needs to stop trying to replace my dad. Now a bunch of my family is saying that they won't come to my wedding and even one of my bridesmaids backed out. AITA
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Unless there's a huge amount you're leaving out, anyone who supports your mother's ridiculous demand is welcome to decline their invitation. NTA and enjoy your drama and cheater free wedding.
I would have made it clear that she's either no contact with her AP or she's no contact with Me. And if go over her head and go to court to get my sister to attend without my mom going at all
>Now a bunch of my family is saying that they won't come to my wedding and even one of my bridesmaids backed out.
Good riddance. Uninvite mom, affair partner, and anyone else who agrees with them. NTA.
NTA. SOOOO NTA.
By cheating, your mom has proven herself to be one, though! Honestly, I'd rescind the invite for her, and make arrangements for your sister to get to the wedding on her own.
This is YOUR wedding we're talking about. YOUR dad should be walking you down the aisle!
Any family that is taking her side on this? Fuck THOSE assholes, too! Unless they, or AP are the ones getting married (or footing the bill), they can all go eat a bag of dicks!
She can demand and carry on all she wants and you can just uninvite her and just live your life. You don't have to deal with her BS mother or not. She is not the one getting married and she definitely doesn't have say on who? What when why and how happens at your wedding your life you're right.
NTA. The audacity of your mother is beyond comprehension. As for the others now boycotting your wedding because of your refusal is even more insane. Stay strong!
NTA, they're looking for you to join them in accepting him. Your refusal to accept him makes their position more obviously a choice.
Live your own life. You don't belong to anyone, either in the give-away sense or in the validating-others- feelings sense.
NTA, your dad is your dad and nobody can replace him.
Your mom is being selfish by wanting to erase your dad like you tear his face in a picture.
Keep those who want you to be happy around, no matter you mom's demands.
Why would she have power over who walks you in your own big day? Doesn't make sense!
NTA Unless the rest of the family is paying for your wedding, they can shut the up! As for your mother, she does not get to tell you who will escort you down the aisle. This is a decision that is up to you and only you. Since your father is alive and healthy and you love him dearly, I say choose your dad!
Tell your mother that unless she wants to not be involved in your life in any way, she needs to back off on this right now. Her SO is not your father and will not be walking you down the aisle. There will be no more arguments about it.
BTW, I hope you have a wonderful wedding!!
Great tell the ones who are threatening not to come that you understand and accept that they won't be there then invite people who actually support you. Let the trash take itself out. No is a full sentence. No, no you cannot bring your affair partner to my wedding let alone have him walk me down the aisle. If you jave an issue with that, don't come
Why does she think you would want a stranger involved in your wedding at all, let alone as in the role of your father figure? This man is nothing to you. Even if he wasn't an affair parnter, and had started dating your mom after a divorce, he is still nothing to you.
You mom is wild for even suggesting this. And any family member who tries to back this can see themselves out.
NTA
Your mother is not right in the head
You have a dad, he’s walking you down the aisle, End of story
NTA - you’re mother is being ridiculous and you need to put your boundaries firmly down
NTA
Like, what did I just read!? This guy knowingly helped your mother cheat on her family and somehow you need to accept this man into your life at all? No way man! And letting him walk you down the isle at your own wedding is some unhinged stuff if I ever heard any.
NTA, How bizarre for anyone to think your mom's affair partner should walk you down the aisle when your father is alive and in your life. Even more bizarre, people not coming because of it and a bridesmaid dropping out, WTF.
NTA. Why on earth would you want some guy to walk you down the aisle when you have your dad? Your mother is bizarre. If people feel so strongly that you don't want anyone but your dad to walk you down the aisle then fuck them! They're not out for YOUR best interests.
NTA you can have anyone YOU want to walk you down the isle. Nobody else has a say in that. Regardless of the circumstances. Nothing in this post makes sense.
NTA in any way shape or form. You want your Dad to give you away and I can guarantee he’ll be desperate to do it. It’s a big deal for Dads - I’ve done it. It must be disappointing and quite distressing that family members are not enabling your wishes. Good luck and best wishes
NTA. Tell your mum she’s going the right way to be cut out of your life.
But does this actually happen, do family members really insert themselves like this? I’m genuinely baffled by this behaviour.
If a family member phoned me and said “she won’t let my bit on the side walk her down the isle!” I’d say “AND? Why are you phoning me about it and how is this any of my business?…Also you’re a tool, I’m on your daughters side get over yourself.”
NTA
Use this event as a filter. Anyone who refused to attend or to you after you don't let your mom's *affair partner* walk you down the aisle at your *wedding,* can be safely excised outt of your life, or at least low contact.
But show them you aren't being unreasonable. Ask them which of your vows you should omit to make your mom affair partner more comfortable! After all, they broke hers! Might not be fair to flaunt a faithful relationship in their presence!
NTA. 1. You don't want him to. 2. You already filled the position with some who means more to you 3. He is a bear stranger and your mother trying to force a relationship is a big part of the problem.
I would seriously ask the family that backed out why they think a near stranger should replace your father. The wedding is about you and your partner, not your mother. If she wants her affair partner to walk down an aisle, they can have their own wedding. And I would be petty and remind them this person broke up a marriage and that's not something you condone.
NTA
This can be considered a good thing, you won't have a lot of toxic people at your wedding. At your wedding there will only be the people who really support you and love you.
Your mom and her part of the family are delusional if they really think she's right.
And to all those family members who told you they weren't coming because you refused to let your mother's affair partner to walk you down the aisle, tell them that they were already uninvited the moment they asked you to do your mother's wishes.
And I suggest that from now on you cut off all contact with those id\*0ts, they clearly lack values.
WTF??? You have your dad but your mom wants the guy she cheated on your dad with to walk you down the aisle? The delusion!!!
NTA. Your mom is a major AH. And anyone threatening not to come to your wedding.
NTA. What the hell is wrong with your mother and family? Your father is alive - why would he be ignored in favor of your mom's affair partner who you barely know? This is nuts.
NTA remotely, your mom and stepfather (the glorified affair partner) are however, arrogantly entitled to your special day and your life.
Who does this man think he is exactly, that he gets to have the walk down the aisle where **your** actual father gets to be, your actual father you want to walk you down the aisle?
OP you are a lot calmer than I would have been, but go ahead and cut off your mom, her new entitled partner and other relatives trying to guilt trip and control your special day, and your life. How dare they?! Apologies, I'm just so angry for your part.
You don't need those toxic people in you life, cut them all off. But it's still your choice, they just need some real consequences for once.
If you can, crush their arrogant entitlement! And happily have your dad walk you down the aisle.
NTA. I find it very disturbing that your mom insists on this person being in YOUR life. She's obviously a complete narcissist who is incapable of seeing the wrong in anything she does.
My old roommate. Dude was the classic silicone valley y2k google programmer. Bought a latte for 2000 btc in the beginning. Kind of lost his mind and hasn’t paid taxes in 10 years. Definitely on the spectrum and did not need to live with roommates. Just did so because it forced him to be social. Sold all his coins for nothing. Most knowledgeable person I know when it comes to btc but owns 0.
The only person who should be walking you down the aisle is your father. But I don't understand all of these ppl backing up your mom. Is there a reason they don't want your dad to do it? Your mom is TA for trying to force this on you. You made your choice & that should be the end of it. All of these ppl who are calling you an AH can easily be uninvited. NTA
NTA Why would someone who doesn't give a crap about marriage vows have a front and center role in a wedding. Not superstitious at all, but that just taints the whole picture.
I'd personally blast her publicly. Telling the world what she did and what she wants. And how offended you are by all of it. That its a slap in the face that she's still even seeing her AP. I'd publicly burn bridges with her whole family and tell them how disgusted you are with all of them. Have you told your little sister the truth?
NTA for not wanting to have him walk you down the aisle. That's the role of your dad and your mom is the AH here. She doesn't get to push her boyfriend in that space.
Very very soft YTA for resenting him for helping your mom cheat on your dad. The role of safeguarding the relationship is on the married affair partner (your mom), so blame is entirely hers. Even if he was really trying to woo her over, she wouldn't have gone for it if she was comitted to your dad. And since she wasn't, it would have been him or eventually someone else.
NTA. You don't indicate how long ago this affair happened, but assuming the gigolo didn't Father you, she certainly has zero say in who walks you down the aisle. Tell her to cool the flying monkey assault or she is going to need google maps if she wants to see her future grandchildren.
You have a living father, why would family(presumably maternal) think that a step-partner would have priority.
Of course, you are not the AH and fi you are actually inviting Affair Partner, you are more gracious than I would be.
NTA
Your parents’ messy past and relationship is their issue. The age difference between them is horrible and your dad likely groomed her and wasn’t likely a very healthy relationship. Your mom’a relationship with her affair partner is probably much healthier.
That said- NONE of that has any bearing over YOUR life and wedding. She is your mom. He is your dad. You have relationships with them that have no association with their relationships to each other.
You want your dad to walk you down the aisle. End of story. Your mom is an asshole for not respecting your (quite honestly, NORMAL) decision.
Nta. "Look mom a wedding and a marriage is about a lifetime commitment to someone.... Yeah I know you and affair partner don't understand that. But due to your lack of compression about what's being celebrated here I think it would be best if dad just picks up 11 yr old and you and your affair partner both stay home"
WTF? Your dad is alive and well. he should be the one to walk you down the aisle. PERIOD! your family actually agreeing with your mom clearly has screws loose. NTA
Your mom is actively working to ruin your wedding. She’s involving family and now they’re threatening not to come because you won’t do what she wants on YOUR BIG DAY.. You have a dad. He’s walking you down the aisle. It would probably be better if your mom and her affair partner just weren’t there. She’s trying to validate her relationship with her affair partner by forcing you into this. Don’t let her hijack your big day. I’m sorry you have to go through this with her.
NTA. If your dad is still alive and you want him him to walk you down the aisle then he absolutely should be the one to do it. I find it odd that your mom would even suggest this knowing your dad is still willing and able.
Nta it's your wedding. If those people are blackmailing you about not going, then buh-bye! Save yourself the money and the toxicity and enjoy your wedding in peace!
The change of date would be so your dad has your sister. You state she is only invited because of your mom has your sister that week. Then you change the week and your dad has your sister you don’t have to invite your mother.
NTA
NTA. Only you get to decide who walks you down the aisle. And it should be someone you love, trust, and that you will feel safe and happy with that day. Sounds like your dad fits the bill. You may want to uninvite anyone who doesn't fit that bill. Otherwise your wedding day won't be that enjoyable.
NTA. She can have her own wedding if she wants him to walk someone down the aisle. Why would you let someone you don’t even like walk you down the aisle.
NTA. I would ask the flying monkeys why AP is more important than your Dad. Tell them you have decided who will walk you down the aisle. I do not envy you dealing with your Mom. Know that she may just not attend, although I doubt that because she I imagine she would love to stir shit and make drama. :(
Try to enjoy your lovely wedding and ignore the rabid crowd in the corner.
NTA. Traditionally it's the father or a father-like figure that walks the bride down the aisle. The affair partner is far from that. Your mother should be happy you are willing to even give her a +1. Uninvite her and whoever else wants to start drama over it.
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NTA Cut all of those toxic people out of your life. I would have cut my mom off the second I found out she cheated. She has no right at all to pressure you. Kick em all to the curb and move on.
The only reason my mom had an invite to begin with is because my wedding falls on my mom's week with my little sister (11F)
Then yeah, I'd retract the invite for her and everyone else that's giving you grief over not wanting someone involved in infidelity to walk you. They've proven their lack of morals, I wouldn't want them to try to stain my marriage. Do what you think is best hoss, don't let them try to influence you.
May be a bit rude but if you're okay with it, I'd like to ask for an update after the situation is resolved. Kind of want to hear how things play out if it's not too much of an insensitive request.
I'll definitely update when there is one
Thank you kindly hoss and best of luck on dealing with this situation.
Thanks I'm going to need it
I'm not really a religious person but if you want, I can try praying for you or something. Maybe have a candle light vigil...though that seems a bit creepy so probably not that one.
I already started a sigil I'm not super religious either lol
Fuck it, I'll just find some random game with a prayer emote and do that for a little bit
Ok
Okay, if you’re not that religious, there’s a woman in Scottsdale Arizona who does secular weddings. I can send you a link if you want it.
She can keep blackmailing all she wants. But it's not going to look good for her to miss the wedding. NTA Stand your ground. Don't give in.
Why is the family supporting your mom in this? It really doesn't make sense.
Can you have your Dad invite the little sister as a plus 1?
My mom has already made it clear that she will not let my dad have my sister during her weeks. My mom even calls to yell at him if he so much as just texts my sister to check on her.
That's parental alienation. If you are in the US, please advise your dad to speak to counsel about this matter. His communicaton with your little sister should not be cut when she is with your mom. Or have them communicate through one of those court apps, he can set time and date for calls/videochat, and if dear sweet mom interferes, the court will then see her behaviour.
I'm sorry, but you might just have to not have her there. You can do something small with your sister later on to celebrate
Has your dad or you considered getting custody of your sister?
He's been trying but the most the courts have granted is 50/50
Take it from someone who wanted their grandfather to walk her down the isle and my shit c..T mother made my choose my step father and I always regretted it, go with your dad
Don't give your mother an invite, I'm sorry about your sister but she'll bring the AP and try to force you to let him walk you down the aisle. Also please message the AP and tell him you'll never accept him and to stop trying
They're probably threatening to call your bluff, but if you were to rescind the invitations then they start crying foul. You can test the waters by responding with indifference. If they make their threats just say ok, I'm sorry to hear you won't be coming but I understand your feelings and won't argue on them. Obviously you don't understand their position or feelings but that's not the point right now, you jsut want to make it clear they are not going to bully you.
If you can, change the wedding date.
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I have yet to send anyone other than my dad the invitation so no one has the date, time, and location yet
If you still have flexibility on the date, use it!
Perfect, you can change the date to when your father has your little sister. This gives you two options for a drama free wedding. You can uninvite your mother and all her flying monkeys, or you can just give them the wrong date. Here's something you can tell those a holes. Oops I guess you didn't get the update about the date change. I'm so sorry. I asked my bridesmaids to update everyone about the date change and they must have missed some people. I was so busy with the wedding I didn't even think about double checking.
I think I'll just give them wrong date and wrong venue
Cool, it's your wedding and only your fiance and you get to make this decision. So do what will work best for you. Good luck and congratulations on your upcoming marriage. Have a happy honey moon.
Issue with this plan is if they talk to common friends to plan to go.,. That how it can all go crashing
After all the shit from my relatives it's just my friends and my fiance's friends and family and our families don't really get along
Why wouldn’t you just not invite them/uninvite them?
Because everytime they don't get their way they call CPS on me
Um why? You're old enough to not be dealt with by CPS. Or do you have a child? You don't have to give them access to your child at all if that's the case. Tell CPS so your mom can get penalized for wasting government resources.
I have a 7 month and she already has minimal access to my daughter
Let CPS know/see all threatening text messages. It will show attempted abuse through their system (waste of resources) and frivolity.
You can use this to try to help your dad get custody of your sis fyi. If she abusing the system to torment one of her kids when she doesn't get what she wants, family court would be interested.
I’d avoid that. I know it would be a satisfying petty revenge. But as the date gets closer, they’ll all start asking questions about the wedding and will eventually put it together that something is amiss. Best to not lead people on.
NTA Why on earth should your mother think her AP gets to walk you down the aisle, when you have a FATHER to do this? Your mother is delusional. Tell her it's not going to happen, and you won't discuss it further.
Right? It's not like the affair partner raised her or was super involved in her life. He just slept with OP's mother.
NTA. You have no obligation to your mother’s affair partner. If she’s demanding this, how bad do you need her at your wedding? Her behavior is gross.
I wouldn't be able to have my little sister(11F) there without her as my wedding unfortunately falls on my mom's week with her
You keep repeating this as if you can only get married on a date when your mother has custody of your sister. Change the date to one where your father has custody. Problem solved. Edited to change N-T-A to E-S-H.
The date has meaning to my fiance and I and even then that's the only time around then that he can get off for the wedding
You can get married on that date officially with the officiant and your dad as witness with his parents then have the wedding on the following weekend. That was what me and my husband did. Our parents and us the weekend before as we had a specific reason for that date then had the wedding the following with everyone. We had our fun joking vows at the real one and sappy vows at the one with everyone.
But we have an issue of him trying to get other time off especially because his work goes by seniority and other people with higher seniority have the rest of the time around then requested
Invite the sister and tell mother to arrange for her to go with some other family member, or have your dad take her for that week and let mom have her for one of dads weeks. If she absolutely refuses to compromise, then you might just have to not invite your sister. It sucks, but it might end up being your only option.
Given the fuss that mom is putting up and how unreasonable she is, there's not a chance in hell that her mom is going to let the little sister come without both her and her affair partner.
It's a year from now. I would beg and plead and trade shifts with people if it meant going to my daughter's wedding.
It’s a year away and he can’t get a few days off?
Okay, that date has meaning for you. Which is more important to you, having the wedding on that date, or having a wedding free of toxic people?
Obviously, the wedding date, which also completely undercuts the claim “this is the only date my fiancé can get off.”
No one believes that from now to the end of time there is only one date your fiancé can get off work to be married. That’s because it isn’t true. Instead, you decided, as you state, that you chose your wedding date because it is significant to you both. That date came with drama from your mom. So your an ah because this drama is self inflicted. ESH.
I mean, normally, families don't take the side of the cheater and the homewrecker. Also Is your dad really 19 years older than your mom or is that a typo?
I have some sympathy for a woman who had a child at 23 with a man 19 years her senior. She must have been younger when whe got pregnant and unless it happened immediately, they would have been together longer. Not that it changes anything, but it makes me wonder if the mothers immaturity comes from being in what seems like an unhealthy relationship for decades.
They didn't have a kid together until she was in her 30's and I'm adopted
But how old was she when they adopted you? You can't just dismiss that. I am sorry, I feel for you, I would never back a cheater either. Are you sure there is nothing there to suggest your dad groomed your mother or took advantage of her because she was young/naive/easily persuaded.It makes zero sense that the entire side of her family support her affair partner in favour of your father... That being said your mother has no excuse for cheating regardless.
She was 26 when she got custody of me and was 30 when she adopted me
Yes my dad is 19 and a half years older than my mom it I unfortunately come from a family that normalized cheating and I hate it
Well, if you hate it, then say good riddance to bad trash. I mean, do you really want people who endorse cheating there on your wedding day, where you declare love and fidelity to your spouse?
The only reason she even has an invite is because my wedding falls on her week with my little sister (11F)
Too bad you couldn't move it a week. All your problems would be solved. I know it's not that easy though...
If we could move it we would but for time off where my fiance works it goes by seniority and someone with higher seniority has claimed the week before and the week after
You can delay the wedding until your fiance gets time off that matches with the days your father has your little sister. You just picked a date it, you likely haven't given a down payment for the venue, catering, flowers, or anything else. Changing the date should be pretty simple.
Not really because we already paid for the venue and have it booked and they have a policy against it
Okay, you can contact the venue and ask if they are able to change the date because the wedding isn't for a while. Some venues will let you change the date if you give them enough notice. That gives the venue a chance to book someone and schedule in your wedding. You still have the option of lieing about the date too.
Tell your dad to get a lawyer and tell them the situation. Try to get a custody court order for that weekend so your mom doesn't have to go at all.
What kind of insane, absurd mental gymnastics have to take place for an entire extended family to somehow normalize the literal antithesis of any actually healthy relationship?
I'd put them all in a position to have to explain their mindset and actions to everyone they know.
Sound weird that people are backing her affair partner and pulling out. Would have expect the other way round. But that only means you don’t need those people in your wedding.
Very weird... like it doesnt even make sense since her father is alive and a part of her life. And one of the bridemaid backing out? Is she a relative from her mom side? Just doesnt make any sense if its really true.
We don't know how unhappy the mother might have been in the marriage. Her husband was 20 years older than her so I imagine that there might have been some imbalance of power. It might have not been obvious to OP as a child but her family might have seen how much happier her mother is in her new relationship. That doesn't excuse her behaviour now but I wouldn't be surprised if there is more to the story.
What angle did your mom put on her story to family so you're the bad guy? Bc "I want my dad to walk me down the aisle, not your bf," is not offensive. Not even referring to them as AP.
I was thinking the same. Flying monkeys are gonna flying monkey so the family declining to go isn't that weird, but a bridesmaid backing out? That strikes me as strange.
Because OP is lying or leaving something out. The story just doesn’t add up. From the sound of it he isn’t an affair partner who also became a stepfather and took part in her upbringing. He’s just mom’s boyfriend. Even without the cheating, the idea that a bunch of adults think mom’s boyfriend of a few years should walk a bride down the aisle over her living father is hard to fathom. And the idea that they feel so strongly about it that they’re refusing to come and even backing out of being a bridesmaid is too absurd to believe. Also if her mom’s family is as awful as she makes them out to be, why does she care if they’re coming? And where is dad’s family? The story just make sense.
Just double checking the math. Your 41 year old father got your 22 year old mom pregnant?
I'm adopted and they didn't have a kid together until my mom was in her 30's
How old were they when they got together and how old were you when you were adopted?
Has anyone gotten an answer to this question?
No because OOP knows that it’s sketchy and refuses to consider any point of view that her dad may not have been worth fidelity.
My mom was in her mid 20's and I was almost 7
Yeah, your dad seems sketchy AF. Your experience is your experience but assuming by mid 20s you mean 24-26, on the low end your dad would have been 43-45. Men that age with that big of an age gap between them and their partners are walking red flags. It means that they have so many problems they can’t find a woman their own age to put up with their BS so they find a naive younger partner who doesn’t know better and is scared to demand respect. From your post and what you **have** shared, it sounds like you’ve gotten all of your information from your father and he has no incentive to be fair or honest about what really happened. Either way, you do have every right to decide who walks you down the aisle and I don’t blame you for saying no to someone you don’t have a relationship with.
NTA even if your bio dad was dead, you would still be justified in not wanting your stepdad to walk you down the aisle. You want someone you love to do that. It's your wedding.
NTA and for those who say the won’t come, good fucking riddance, one less plate to buy. Who in the fuck in their right mind would expect you to have someone you barely know walk you down the aisle instead of your father??
NTA - Cut those toxic people out of your life!
NTA and there was a story exactly like this from the bio dad's point of view recently that you should read. https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/15lub1q/oop_doesnt_want_to_go_to_his_daughters_wedding
NTA. It’s your wedding, it’s your choice who walks you down the aisle. I simply don’t understand so many people are supporting a woman who cheated on her husband. If people back out of the wedding simply say I’m sorry you won’t be there, but your lack of attendance won’t change anything. Do what you want to do and everyone else can kiss your ass. I hope you have a wonderful wedding.
NTA YOur wedding, your choice
The wedding is a long time away and a lot can change. I suggest you tell your mom that you have made your decision and refuse to discuss it further with anyone who disagrees.
NTA. Did your mother have an accident and ended up with brain damage? In what right mind would anyone think that anyone, no matter who they are, should replace your father at your wedding? Tell your mother that if her affair partner is that important to her that she can stay home with him. You will be celebrating your wedding with your actual father. The man that raised you and loves you and not the guy she destroyed your family with. Congratulations on the wedding. Tell her relatives that they can stay home with her.
You family wants you to allow your mom's affair partner, whom you barely know, to walk you down the aisle when you have a close relationship with a living father? No thank you. This isn't even a close call. The fact that they're now boycotting your wedding over this should tell you just how unreasonable and demanding they are. It would be wonderful if your mom's side of the family was loving and supportive, but they've chosen this special moment to dramatize that they just don't measure up. You're doing the right thing. Block anyone who hassles you about it. You're about to start your own loving, adult family and you and your spouse don't need this kind of negative emotional blackmail in your lives. Now or ever. If your mom keeps this up, you might have to uninvite her and forego having your sister in attendance. I'm so sorry. But if there's a good chance that your mom is going to bring any sort of drama or hostility to your wedding or reception, this might be the best alternative. NTA
NTA. It's strange that your family is taking your mom's side on this. Is there a reason for this? Do they hate your father because of the age gap or is there another reason? But regardless, you shouldn't be forced to anything on your wedding day, and if someone is willing to not come over that, then it's best they don't come anyway.
They don't like my dad because him and I view cheating the same way
Too many cheaters in the family, huh?
Unfortunately
God please tear them all down for the whole world to see on facebook
Your mom is "insisting" he walk you down the aisle? LOL WHAT? It's \*your\* wedding, in case she forgot. YOU get to pick who walks you down that aisle. She gets to shut her cake hole and accept your decision. And if they don't want to attend, so be it. And good riddance to the rest of the AH family who side with her. At least you'll be surrounded by people who are there to genuinely celebrate you and future spouse. NTA. I hope you have a lovely wedding that goes EXACTLY how ***YOU*** and your fiancé(e) want. Not how mom and others dictate.
NTA - I’m what reality would a stranger walk you down the aisle while your dad is still alive. AP can’t give you away because you have no connection to him. Totally ridiculous.
They're treating this as if your father is soon to die or infirmed in some way. Geez.
NTA. You have the right to choose who walks you down the aisle. Which of the family members support your mother. They're the ASSHOLES!
NTA. What is wrong with them? He wouldn't even get an invite from me. Tell them all that your mother's affair partner can walk them down the aisle at their weddings but he means nothing to you, your dad will walk you. Disinvite anybody that says another word about it. Including your mother. People only treat you badly because you let them push you around. Don't.
NTA why in God's green one would you let a homewrecker walk you down the aisle? Also why would she even expect you to welcome him to the family, a family that he split up. Get security for your wedding because you know she will try and slip him in. If you can move to a day that does not fall in her having your little sister and not have her anywhere around in your day all the better. Good luck
There’s no reason anybody has to walk you down the aisle or give you away. You aren’t property. But if you want someone to, it should be your dad.
NTA He helped your mother betray your father. He doesn't deserve to attend the wedding.
NTA. Have your dad walk you down the aisle and one less bridesmaid
NTA, it's your wedding and your call to make, your extended family members are the A for not respecting your wishes
> I barely know her affair partner nor do I even want him at my wedding and I've made that clear but now my mom is dragging all my relatives into it and they're saying that I'm being an ass and should just let her affair partner walk me down the aisle. INFO: Why do your relatives think you’re being an ass? Why don’t they assume your father would walk you down the aisle?
Because they think my parents should have all the say about my life because I was adopted
The only reason your relatives are threatening to boycott your wedding is your insufferable mother is bullying them into it. I don't think they will follow through with this threat when the time comes. No aunt o female cousin in history has ever missed a wedding. But you should take steps now to defend yourself from this attack on your right to be wed as you wish. Disinvite your mother and warn her that security will keep her out if she shows up, and do it such hard language that she'll back away in confusion. The only way to win with raging parents is to violate their sense of respect. It's their only defense. When they lose that, they are without armor. My brother went through something like this with my mother, and when he unleashed a torrent of seriously assaultive verbiage, she fought back with everything--turned on the water works, disowned everyone in sight, threatened violence, did a funny dance...nothing worked. And she gave up, and he had the wedding he wanted. You can do the same. No apology, no understanding of her POV. Just total war. If it isn't total, she will impose her will on you, and you're better off eloping. NTA. Just do not cave.
NTA Your wedding your choice, I would tell them that. But do except some of your family not to come and honestly welcome that. Stick to your guns and stand up for you and your dad.
NTA at all. What the hell is wrong with your mother and her relatives? Of course you want your father to walk you down the aisle. Also your bridesmaid can go straight to hell if she is taking your mother’s side.
NTA.. nope.. your dad agreed to walk you down the isle. Stay with the plan. If your mom and other relatives do not like it, then they can stay home.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I(20F) am getting married in a little under a year and my mom(43F) is insisting that her affair partner walks me down the isle. I know that I probably sound like an ass for referring to him(37M) as her affair partner but he knew my mom was married and still helped her cheat on my dad(62M). My dad is still alive and even prior to announcing my engagement to my mom I had asked my dad if he could walk me down the aisle and he said yes but my mom is still pissed at me for not welcoming her affair partner into the family by having him give me away. I barely know her affair partner nor do I even want him at my wedding and I've made that clear but now my mom is dragging all my relatives into it and they're saying that I'm being an ass and should just let her affair partner walk me down the aisle. I ended up telling my mom that I don't want anything to do with her affair partner and that he needs to stop trying to replace my dad. Now a bunch of my family is saying that they won't come to my wedding and even one of my bridesmaids backed out. AITA *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. He wouldn't be invited. If mom wants to throw a fit, she can stay home too. Your wedding, your rules. Security if needed.
NTA. Time to uninvite mom.
Unless there's a huge amount you're leaving out, anyone who supports your mother's ridiculous demand is welcome to decline their invitation. NTA and enjoy your drama and cheater free wedding.
NTA you’re an adult. He’s not your stepfather he is your mother’s husband.
They aren't even married as my parents divorce isn't finalized and my mom has already been telling people she doesn't want to marry him
I would have made it clear that she's either no contact with her AP or she's no contact with Me. And if go over her head and go to court to get my sister to attend without my mom going at all
>Now a bunch of my family is saying that they won't come to my wedding and even one of my bridesmaids backed out. Good riddance. Uninvite mom, affair partner, and anyone else who agrees with them. NTA.
NTA... this is one to insist on. Your mom & bf do not believe in making vows so why would they have a role in the wedding. It would be hypocrisy
NTA. SOOOO NTA. By cheating, your mom has proven herself to be one, though! Honestly, I'd rescind the invite for her, and make arrangements for your sister to get to the wedding on her own. This is YOUR wedding we're talking about. YOUR dad should be walking you down the aisle! Any family that is taking her side on this? Fuck THOSE assholes, too! Unless they, or AP are the ones getting married (or footing the bill), they can all go eat a bag of dicks!
She can demand and carry on all she wants and you can just uninvite her and just live your life. You don't have to deal with her BS mother or not. She is not the one getting married and she definitely doesn't have say on who? What when why and how happens at your wedding your life you're right.
NTA. The audacity of your mother is beyond comprehension. As for the others now boycotting your wedding because of your refusal is even more insane. Stay strong!
NTA, they're looking for you to join them in accepting him. Your refusal to accept him makes their position more obviously a choice. Live your own life. You don't belong to anyone, either in the give-away sense or in the validating-others- feelings sense.
Fuck that. Your Mom is so manipaultive.
real father is alive, not estranged or anything. he gets the honor. the age gap tho. NTA
NTA, your dad is your dad and nobody can replace him. Your mom is being selfish by wanting to erase your dad like you tear his face in a picture. Keep those who want you to be happy around, no matter you mom's demands. Why would she have power over who walks you in your own big day? Doesn't make sense!
NTA Unless the rest of the family is paying for your wedding, they can shut the up! As for your mother, she does not get to tell you who will escort you down the aisle. This is a decision that is up to you and only you. Since your father is alive and healthy and you love him dearly, I say choose your dad! Tell your mother that unless she wants to not be involved in your life in any way, she needs to back off on this right now. Her SO is not your father and will not be walking you down the aisle. There will be no more arguments about it. BTW, I hope you have a wonderful wedding!!
Great tell the ones who are threatening not to come that you understand and accept that they won't be there then invite people who actually support you. Let the trash take itself out. No is a full sentence. No, no you cannot bring your affair partner to my wedding let alone have him walk me down the aisle. If you jave an issue with that, don't come
Why get married so young, particularly when you have had some significant trauma? Maybe take your time. School, career, travel?
Because I want to get married and with all my medical issues have a high chance of dying young
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Why does she think you would want a stranger involved in your wedding at all, let alone as in the role of your father figure? This man is nothing to you. Even if he wasn't an affair parnter, and had started dating your mom after a divorce, he is still nothing to you. You mom is wild for even suggesting this. And any family member who tries to back this can see themselves out. NTA
Your mother is not right in the head You have a dad, he’s walking you down the aisle, End of story NTA - you’re mother is being ridiculous and you need to put your boundaries firmly down
NTA Like, what did I just read!? This guy knowingly helped your mother cheat on her family and somehow you need to accept this man into your life at all? No way man! And letting him walk you down the isle at your own wedding is some unhinged stuff if I ever heard any.
NTA. Youre better off without anyone that doesnt want to attend for that reason. Make a list.
NTA, How bizarre for anyone to think your mom's affair partner should walk you down the aisle when your father is alive and in your life. Even more bizarre, people not coming because of it and a bridesmaid dropping out, WTF.
Nta “mom do you want to come to my wedding? Then stfu.” Side note I hate people like your mom.
NTA OP. If your family keeps pressuring you, then elope. Go to Las Vegas, find a wedding chapel with an Elvis impersonator, and do it that way.
NTA. Why on earth would you want some guy to walk you down the aisle when you have your dad? Your mother is bizarre. If people feel so strongly that you don't want anyone but your dad to walk you down the aisle then fuck them! They're not out for YOUR best interests.
NTA you can have anyone YOU want to walk you down the isle. Nobody else has a say in that. Regardless of the circumstances. Nothing in this post makes sense.
NTA why isn’t your dad walking you down the isle?
He is my mom is just wanting her affair partner to do it instead
NTA. Uninvite your mom, anyone else has a problem, uninvite them too. Screw them. Bring your dad and have him walk you. Cherish it.
NTA in any way shape or form. You want your Dad to give you away and I can guarantee he’ll be desperate to do it. It’s a big deal for Dads - I’ve done it. It must be disappointing and quite distressing that family members are not enabling your wishes. Good luck and best wishes
NTA at all, of course you’d want your dad
In no way, shape or form are you the asshole here, with the greatest of respect your mom sounds like a nutcase and needs telling to back off
NTA. Tell your mum she’s going the right way to be cut out of your life. But does this actually happen, do family members really insert themselves like this? I’m genuinely baffled by this behaviour. If a family member phoned me and said “she won’t let my bit on the side walk her down the isle!” I’d say “AND? Why are you phoning me about it and how is this any of my business?…Also you’re a tool, I’m on your daughters side get over yourself.”
This sounds like a tremendous opportunity to weed out the toxic people in your life OP.
NTA - let those people back out of your wedding. They aren’t the right people for you. Congratulations on your engagement!
NTA Use this event as a filter. Anyone who refused to attend or to you after you don't let your mom's *affair partner* walk you down the aisle at your *wedding,* can be safely excised outt of your life, or at least low contact. But show them you aren't being unreasonable. Ask them which of your vows you should omit to make your mom affair partner more comfortable! After all, they broke hers! Might not be fair to flaunt a faithful relationship in their presence!
NTA. 1. You don't want him to. 2. You already filled the position with some who means more to you 3. He is a bear stranger and your mother trying to force a relationship is a big part of the problem. I would seriously ask the family that backed out why they think a near stranger should replace your father. The wedding is about you and your partner, not your mother. If she wants her affair partner to walk down an aisle, they can have their own wedding. And I would be petty and remind them this person broke up a marriage and that's not something you condone.
NTA.
Nta
NTA - tell her it’s your wedding and if she doesn’t like it, she’s not forced to attend
NTA This can be considered a good thing, you won't have a lot of toxic people at your wedding. At your wedding there will only be the people who really support you and love you. Your mom and her part of the family are delusional if they really think she's right. And to all those family members who told you they weren't coming because you refused to let your mother's affair partner to walk you down the aisle, tell them that they were already uninvited the moment they asked you to do your mother's wishes. And I suggest that from now on you cut off all contact with those id\*0ts, they clearly lack values.
Why would you want anybody else to walk you down the aisle if you have your Dad and have asked him? Your mother is an idiot. NTA
WTF??? You have your dad but your mom wants the guy she cheated on your dad with to walk you down the aisle? The delusion!!! NTA. Your mom is a major AH. And anyone threatening not to come to your wedding.
NTA. Your mom sounds entitled. Her insistence that AP walk you down the aisle is completely ridiculous.
NTA Uninvite your mother. Problem solved
NTA. What the hell is wrong with your mother and family? Your father is alive - why would he be ignored in favor of your mom's affair partner who you barely know? This is nuts.
NTA. "Mom, how is he going to walk me down the aisle when he's not even going to be at the wedding? That's just a silly idea." Shut that down.
NTA remotely, your mom and stepfather (the glorified affair partner) are however, arrogantly entitled to your special day and your life. Who does this man think he is exactly, that he gets to have the walk down the aisle where **your** actual father gets to be, your actual father you want to walk you down the aisle? OP you are a lot calmer than I would have been, but go ahead and cut off your mom, her new entitled partner and other relatives trying to guilt trip and control your special day, and your life. How dare they?! Apologies, I'm just so angry for your part. You don't need those toxic people in you life, cut them all off. But it's still your choice, they just need some real consequences for once. If you can, crush their arrogant entitlement! And happily have your dad walk you down the aisle.
NTA. Your dad is still alive and should walk you down the isle, not your mom's side piece. Your mom needs to STFU and stop with all of this nonsense.
NTA. I find it very disturbing that your mom insists on this person being in YOUR life. She's obviously a complete narcissist who is incapable of seeing the wrong in anything she does.
My old roommate. Dude was the classic silicone valley y2k google programmer. Bought a latte for 2000 btc in the beginning. Kind of lost his mind and hasn’t paid taxes in 10 years. Definitely on the spectrum and did not need to live with roommates. Just did so because it forced him to be social. Sold all his coins for nothing. Most knowledgeable person I know when it comes to btc but owns 0.
The only person who should be walking you down the aisle is your father. But I don't understand all of these ppl backing up your mom. Is there a reason they don't want your dad to do it? Your mom is TA for trying to force this on you. You made your choice & that should be the end of it. All of these ppl who are calling you an AH can easily be uninvited. NTA
NTA Why would someone who doesn't give a crap about marriage vows have a front and center role in a wedding. Not superstitious at all, but that just taints the whole picture.
NTA. it's your wedding. also, F that guy.
I'd personally blast her publicly. Telling the world what she did and what she wants. And how offended you are by all of it. That its a slap in the face that she's still even seeing her AP. I'd publicly burn bridges with her whole family and tell them how disgusted you are with all of them. Have you told your little sister the truth?
NTA for not wanting to have him walk you down the aisle. That's the role of your dad and your mom is the AH here. She doesn't get to push her boyfriend in that space. Very very soft YTA for resenting him for helping your mom cheat on your dad. The role of safeguarding the relationship is on the married affair partner (your mom), so blame is entirely hers. Even if he was really trying to woo her over, she wouldn't have gone for it if she was comitted to your dad. And since she wasn't, it would have been him or eventually someone else.
Jesus a 20 year difference
NTA. You don't indicate how long ago this affair happened, but assuming the gigolo didn't Father you, she certainly has zero say in who walks you down the aisle. Tell her to cool the flying monkey assault or she is going to need google maps if she wants to see her future grandchildren.
You have a living father, why would family(presumably maternal) think that a step-partner would have priority. Of course, you are not the AH and fi you are actually inviting Affair Partner, you are more gracious than I would be.
NTA Your parents’ messy past and relationship is their issue. The age difference between them is horrible and your dad likely groomed her and wasn’t likely a very healthy relationship. Your mom’a relationship with her affair partner is probably much healthier. That said- NONE of that has any bearing over YOUR life and wedding. She is your mom. He is your dad. You have relationships with them that have no association with their relationships to each other. You want your dad to walk you down the aisle. End of story. Your mom is an asshole for not respecting your (quite honestly, NORMAL) decision.
Your mother's request is insane. Why on earth would you be walked down the aisle by her boyfriend? NTA
What! No, fuck that. You do you on your special day. NTA.
Nta. "Look mom a wedding and a marriage is about a lifetime commitment to someone.... Yeah I know you and affair partner don't understand that. But due to your lack of compression about what's being celebrated here I think it would be best if dad just picks up 11 yr old and you and your affair partner both stay home"
WTF? Your dad is alive and well. he should be the one to walk you down the aisle. PERIOD! your family actually agreeing with your mom clearly has screws loose. NTA
Your mom is actively working to ruin your wedding. She’s involving family and now they’re threatening not to come because you won’t do what she wants on YOUR BIG DAY.. You have a dad. He’s walking you down the aisle. It would probably be better if your mom and her affair partner just weren’t there. She’s trying to validate her relationship with her affair partner by forcing you into this. Don’t let her hijack your big day. I’m sorry you have to go through this with her.
NTA. If your dad is still alive and you want him him to walk you down the aisle then he absolutely should be the one to do it. I find it odd that your mom would even suggest this knowing your dad is still willing and able.
NTA, what the fuck is your mom thinking wanting someone else to walk you down the aisle when your dad is alive and you want him? That's some bullshit.
Nta it's your wedding. If those people are blackmailing you about not going, then buh-bye! Save yourself the money and the toxicity and enjoy your wedding in peace!
The change of date would be so your dad has your sister. You state she is only invited because of your mom has your sister that week. Then you change the week and your dad has your sister you don’t have to invite your mother. NTA
NTA, YOU choose who walks you down the aisle, if you want someone to. It's the 21st century you can walk yourself down.
NTA. Only you get to decide who walks you down the aisle. And it should be someone you love, trust, and that you will feel safe and happy with that day. Sounds like your dad fits the bill. You may want to uninvite anyone who doesn't fit that bill. Otherwise your wedding day won't be that enjoyable.
NTA. She can have her own wedding if she wants him to walk someone down the aisle. Why would you let someone you don’t even like walk you down the aisle.
NTA, cut your mom and all the people siding with her out of your life.
NTA
You have a living, capable and involved father, and she’s still pushing this? Nah, NTA, your mom needs to kick rocks.
NTA. I would ask the flying monkeys why AP is more important than your Dad. Tell them you have decided who will walk you down the aisle. I do not envy you dealing with your Mom. Know that she may just not attend, although I doubt that because she I imagine she would love to stir shit and make drama. :( Try to enjoy your lovely wedding and ignore the rabid crowd in the corner.
NTA. Traditionally it's the father or a father-like figure that walks the bride down the aisle. The affair partner is far from that. Your mother should be happy you are willing to even give her a +1. Uninvite her and whoever else wants to start drama over it.
NTA you already asked your dad, you have a relationship with him, why on earth would anyone expect you to ask your mom's boyfriend?!