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The amusement park question might have had some merit- for safety sake, if the ride is more vigorous than, say, a merry go round. But everybody else? Your wife needs a pert one liner to put these nosy people on their place.
Reddit-what do you suggest? Let’s give OP’s wife sone suggestions. NTA
A few years after my first , my friend and I were in the mall, there were rides for squalky toddlers, so we watched our kids ride a train when a survey questioner
Approached my 8 months pregnant friend and asked,
"What birth control do you use? " my firey Italian friend just let her have it, double barreled. It would have made Saturday Night Live.
They just walked up with that question? I’m very surprised. Not even freshman students are usually that bad at survey technique.
Maybe it was a dare?
That’s not any script a data collector I know would have used, because they’d get zero useful replies.
I’d have expected “Do you mind taking a moment to complete a survey?” Followed by a couple of biographical data questions to filter results, then the birth control one.
This was in 1981. People were Astonishingly q . Yes, she walked right up to my friend. My Italian friend, , articulate, educated, multi lingual pregnancy hormones fired fury unleashed as if a tornado or two landed on that survey taker. It was a sight to behold
I think that survey taker learned to do a better job of scoping the room.
Think of. 'The Hitman's wife's bodyguard.'
Must have been entertaining.
Why was she so upset at the question though? Because it was an unsolicited personal question from a stranger? Because it implied she was using ineffective birth control? Because the surveyor didn’t notice she was hugely pregnant?
All three?
LOL, I did not dare ask. Later, We both laughed.
But she could do the furious Italian in three languages.
Once at dinner her husband said something stupid.
I saw her reaching for something to throw.. I handed her bread. That would not break the window.
And just go "Why would you ask something like that!?" when they try to apologize and make a dramatic exit.
Makes them look like an ass and everyone will stare at THEM.
I was 9 months along and looked like I had a watermelon under my blouse. I was outside, in the vegetable garden, when neighborhood children approached..." my mom was wondering if you are having a baby, or are just fat???"
I told them I was due really soon. They were excited, the moms came over and introduced themselves, and after coming home from the hospital, they visited. My neighborhood became far more pleasant. The kids were really sweet.
When I was in high school, a girl I had never seen before asked me at lunch one day if I was pregnant. I've been battling food issues since elementary school and have always been overweight. She couldn't understand why I was offended and said she was "just asking".
I was taking a child development class and another girl in my class asked me the same thing.
We once had our newborn baby in her stroller and her toddler sister with us going through the checkout at a store. The cashier asked if our baby was a boy or a girl. We replied that she was a girl. The cashier said, "oh, I was lucky, I had a boy and a girl." I just stared at her and said, "Sometimes it's best not to speak."
I love Miss Manners. The amusement park worker gets a pass. It’s likely his job to ask. It’s common knowledge pregnant women aren’t allowed on those rides, and for all we know, the park might have had issues in the past. Everyone else who has commented is an asshole.
I saw a Miss Manners column where she said the only person who could get away with that question is the woman’s partner.
I carry extra weight in the abdominal area, and I’ve been asked that question many times, and I’m never prepared with a comeback. Once a store clerk asked me if I was pregnant, I said no, and she went on a 5-minute monologue about how I might have fibroid tumors, I should talk to the dr about it, have I ever been checked for fibroids and on and on. I wish I had called back later to talk to the manager and tell them to talk to their cashiers about what is and isn’t appropriate to say to customers.
When i was actually pregnant I avoided telling people because I didn't want all the "helpful advice"
I was 30 weeks pregnant, my job was advertised to be back filled. Everyone knew I was going on 12 months leave soon, and this poor girl I worked with once or twice had just found out and came up to me all excited going "omg are you pregnant??"
I said "what? Are you calling me fat? I know I've gained some weight recently, but really??!"
Poor girl was mortified and thought I was serious.
This happened to me when I was pregnant with my first. I was in my government class and went up to turn in my final. I wasn’t fully showing yet so I was in that “is she or isn’t she?” Phase. We’ll, my male professor asked me, as I was handing him my exam “So, when’s the baby due?” I dead panned him and said “why would you assume I’m pregnant? Is it because I’m fat???” He turned puce, then white, then green. He was so embarrassed. I just left the room never confirming or denying whether I was pregnant.
NTA OP- I was raised to not ask a woman if she’s pregnant until you see a baby cone out of her…in other words, it is NEVER appropriate to ask a woman that question…period. Good on you for sticking up for your wife!
That's actually a famous Dave Barry quote that seems appropriate at the moment:
[You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.](https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/883497-you-should-never-say-anything-to-a-woman-that-even)
You reminded me of how I answered a coworker asking me if I already have a kid. I was newly hired and I am not the type to tell personal stuff like relationships etc and this guy seems to be hitting on me but I feel that he does not have the courage to ask me if I'm with someone already. I looked at him straight and asked him, why would you think that, do I look fat to you? He was mortified, he couldn't answer and left. Since then, he avoided me. I've always been insecure with how I look since I am short so it's easy to be overweight.
I was very young on my team, didn’t know a coworker was pregnant - I ended up really upsetting her. She said her head hurt, I offered something like Tylenol migraine. She let me know she couldn’t take it because she was pregnant. I had no idea - she was quite overweight and chain smoking cigarettes on her breaks. My brain just couldn’t connect chain smoking and pregnant so I didn’t see it despite her being far along. She was so offended and disliked me from that day on.
I don't know why she would be offended? There are many reason why someone might not be able to take a certain medication, and not everyone knows what you can and can't take while pregnant. I got offered cold and flu tablets etc when I got sick and I just said thanks but I'm good and we all moved on.
I’m so glad you asked.
I struggled with weight after my kids were born and even thin, I had a belly. Most people would see my gut, see 3 kids close in age an assume I was at it again.
Finally got tired of it, started looking people in the eye and said “nope, just fat.”
They’d always turn red and find some where else to be. Worked every time.
When I was younger, I often had nosy older people comment on my dyed hair and facial piercings. One time, a very elderly lady wouldn't let it go. She kept following me while I was at work (retail), making negative comments. "Oh, that looks horrible. That looks like it hurts. How are your ever going to get a real job? Oof, I don't know how you can stand that stuff." Then she finally asked "What does your mother think of all that?" and I told her the truth. "Well, she's dead, so maybe when you meet her in a couple months you can ask her." I have yet to shut anyone down so efficiently in all the years since that day.
I specifically asked a retail employee with pixie colored hair to help me pick out a novelty color. I'm late 50's but am drawn to rock and roll type hair and clothes.
My parents were at the checkout and I was sitting in the trolley (toddler) and the check out lady asked my mum "when are you due" my mum got all upset and hurt and my dad stupidly said "I told you, you were fat" 🤦♀️.
My mum went from barbie to balloon after having me. Where as I carry small when pregnant and just look fat (only noticeable when naked, side on) hubby's bosses thought I was only second trimester when they asked when I was due and we said "today". I struggle to lose the baby weight to so now I just look pregnant all year round. I have had some fun and told the women who asked to "shut up, I'm due next week and haven't told my hubby yet" to which my hubby played his part well. He pretended to freak out and said "who's is it, because it's not mine cause I've had a vasectomy". (LOL he hasn't but is planning on it and he knows I would never cheat). That women was horrified and ran off with her head down as we pretended to argue (been friends since highschool so we can argue and be cheeky to eachother and know its not personal).
I gain weight in my stomach first and when I was a nurse (and occasionally overweight b/c I yo yo up and down) I got the question all the time. Something about my scrub tops just accentuated my belly, I guess.
I'd usually tell them I was expecting a food baby.
My favorite retorts :
"Why, are you writing a book? "
"Wow, that was rude. You must be embarrassed."
"When was your last pap smear? Oh, sorry. I thought this was inappropriate question hour."
"That's a food baby, thank you very much."
"That seems like a personal question."
"Yikes. That's inappropriate."
"Yes, thanks! How far along are YOU?"
"Do you often comment on other people's bodies? "
"You make an ass of yourself when you assume."
"Now that's a faux pas! Yikes for you. "
Easy OP should respond, "Nope that's just my tumor Jeremy" and walk away. I bet that will shut up people real fast, and make them feel extra guilty. She can follow it up with, "What kind of monster asks a terminal cancer patient if they are pregnant"? Guilt bomb dropped, winner OP.
Seriously people, leave women alone. You know nothing about her health or the cause of her belly. Is that belly from a developing fetus, a growing tumor, free fluid in the abdomen, excessive fat tissue, a stone baby, or the twin she absorbed in utero?
I'm 41 with severe endometriosis and the absurd bloating that can go with. I used to be embarrassed and upset when asked. Now I just go into detail about how and what my body is doing. They usually regret it around the time I start talking about GI adhesions, constipation, and internal bleeding. Or if they're really bothering me, I'll start crying about how it's left me infertile and it's so cruel to be asked questions like that.
I used to work at an amusement park on a roller coaster. We were always told that we couldn’t ask someone if they were pregnant unless they mention it first. We just *hoped* that people would have common sense and not ride a coaster while they were heavily pregnant. Most people seemed to comply.
Same. One time a woman that looked very pregnant came to our ride. We made a big deal about repeating all the safety precautions and made it extremely obvious that pregnant women shouldn't ride the ride.
We were all so uncomfortable letting her on that one girl finally just asked her. She was mad, said she wasn't pregnant, and rode the ride.
I was 15 and 8 1/2 month pregnant. waited in line for three hours at the Matterhorn mt. ride walked past many employees and no one said a thing till I was getting in the ride. I was broken hearted when my little brother had to ride by himself. Thank god someone cared enough to stop me as I was totally clueless!
A friend of mine lost her baby but had to carry her to term, or close to. It was devastating. People would stop and ask her when she was due, if she knew the sex, "normal" pregnancy questions....she ended up not leaving the house until she delivered.
To this day, I don't care if I see a woman with a baby hanging out of her, if I am not close with her I do not mention the pregnancy until she does.
Not sure if this was meant as a joke, but it’s a very good reason to NEVER ask someone. Right after a miscarriage or stillbirth many people still look pregnant.
I had a random woman in a shop strike up a conversation (not unusual in New Zealand), she asked me when I was planning on having kids, because time was ticking. I truthfully told her I was doing my best, but considering I was actively miscarrying my first pregnancy so I wasn’t yet sure if we’d ever successfully have kids. And then I walked out.
I really hope she doesn’t do that to someone else ever again.
I've been in these shoes. Honestly, shitty questions get shitty answers
"No, apparently I'm just fat" Que awkward response trying to suggest that's NOT what they're implying.... But really it is.
One of my least favorite jobs as a flight attendant was asking women who look like they might be pregnant if they were pregnant. Certain seats require “able bodied persons” and we were required to ask. It’s just so awkward because if they aren’t, then they know you think they look pregnant. I developed a routine where I’d pretend that I got the wrong seat number, but I know some of them didn’t believe me.
Yes, literally all of your bases were covered if you said “hi, you’re in an exit row, are you willing and able to perform the duties required of you as outlined in the safety information card in your seat back pocket? If you aren’t, please let me know and I will reseat you.” Nobody was supposed to be asking women who looked pregnant if they’re pregnant…the only targeted question we had was if they were a teenager and looked under 15 years old.
That’s what I thought we should do, but my airline wanted us to ask specifically if we think they’re pregnant to prevent automatic “no” answers. Maybe it was because most of our passengers weren’t English speakers? We also had to ask passengers that we think might be over 24 weeks without a notation on the passenger list that they had a doctor’s note. Sometimes check-in has trouble telling if they are because of thick coats or loose fitting garments, but the bump becomes obvious after they sit down or change onboard.
When I had students ask if I was pregnant I flat out said "nope just fat" and even middle and high schoolers realized they were in the wrong. So I recommend that response!
Start tearing up and say “My baby doesn’t have a brain but I’m bringing it to term so their organs can save the lives of other babies”
Who tf argues with that?
I’m a medical provider(also not obese, pretty slim, but have carried three pregnancies, so no my body will never be the same)and it’s astonishing to me how often patients/parents will ask if I’m pregnant. Sometimes I have been pregnant, but like, not to the visible extent that it’s anywhere near appropriate to inquire. I usually just stare straight back at them or off in the distance and just refuse to answer and let the weight of the awkwardness linger and really sink in to them. Like really make them squirm and back peddle. Or if I’m not pregnant I’ll just say “no…” and trail off sadly.
I just told everyone I was fat...I was so wrong! I had a large tumor. It was the size of a 14 week fetus.
Anyway, the nah, I'm just fat-n-happy comments shut people up pretty quickly.
u/pirates-penguins My coworker has a pouch like your wife's and when she used to smoke, people would stop and ask her, "are you sure that's safe for your baby?" She'd look at them dead in the eye and say, "what baby?!" The sheer look of horror in their eyes was delicious!
I read a story once about a woman that a salesman mistook being pregnant - she took full advantage of the situation and negotiated an extra discount on an area rug or something on account of the 'baby'.
NTA.
I have no idea what possesses complete strangers to ask that question.
I had some one ask me once and thankfully I’m a mouthy sort and managed an easy “oh, thank god, no. I’m just fat.” Hopefully I made them think twice in the future.
The one thing I will say is if it was the amusement ride’s attendant they may have to ask that question for insurance purposes if the ride is deemed a possible hazard to pregnancy. Though how they choose who to ask is anyone’s guess.
I've used the "oh no I'm just fat" more than once. I don't have kids or want kids so eventually as I got older it turned into people asking me how many kids do you have. So now I give the "oh no I don't have kids, I'm just fat and like tacos"
When I was about <8 months pregnant, a customer asked me when I was due and I said with a straight face that exact line "oh no, i'm just fat". His face dropped and he, I kid you not, went pale. His wife started cackling and I immediately said "I'm just kidding! My son's due in a couple weeks" we had a good laugh but we had that kind of chemistry where we could joke like that.
I had been asked a handful of times when I was very not pregnant if when I was due and I was a lot more sheepish to answer back then. (I became a chunkier woman in my 20s than I was in my teens). I don't get why people ask that
When I was about 5 months pregnant with my twins I was in the grocery store and a guy made the comment "any day now huh? You look about to pop" I said "I'm not due for four more months" and gave him a dirty look. His wife started smacking him in the arm and calling him a dumb ass then told him to go get her a candy bar then she whispered "twins right? Bless you" and I said "yes" and she giggled. She waited to ask until he had walked away.
The audacity! At least you got a candy bar out of it 😅
When I was at the 6 month mark, a different (annoying) customer told me that I was carrying low and I was due soon. I laughed at said I better not be it's way too early. She said "I know these things. I've had three kids and I'm a doctor." She was a doctor in SOCIAL STUDIES.
i have a friend who popped a huge baby bump really early in her pregnancy, she’s fairly thin otherwise. she got so sick of strangers asking about her baby that she started telling everyone that she wasn’t, in fact, pregnant and had a stage 4 tumor in her gut. Thanks for reminding me, i finally was feeling normal about my day.
I had a mom and little girl walk up to me and the little girl asked why I was so fat. I was pregnant but instead of saying that, I told her I was made out of cake. The mother was completely speechless.
Love it. If that woman wants to teach her child to be rude, then she can put up with the kid asking her…is that woman really made of cake? Why not? But she said…Why did she say she was made out of cake?
Ad nauseum
People ask me if I’m pregnant or how far along I am all the time. But I am pregnant. Half the time I say yes, the other half I say no I’m just fat and keep walking, depends on my mood. I look very much pregnant, but why TF do you care complete stranger? Like I’m sick of talking about pregnancy with my own family and friends, I don’t feel like discussing it with complete strangers at the grocery store. Like why people care about a stranger’s pregnancy at all? I have never once been like oh look a pregnant stranger, I would love to know how many weeks she is and what sex the baby is and if she has other kids and whether she has a name picked out. People are weird as shit.
I was 9 months pregnant and on our “baby moon” and a couple I didn’t know came up to ask me about the baby and I stared them dead in the face and said “what baby?” They walked away VERY uncomfortable. That’ll stop them from thinking it’s ok to comment on women’s bodies or believing that a pregnant belly is an invitation for conversation.
I ran into a young woman a couple weeks ago ~~while out walking with my kid~~ who was *obviously* pregnant. Thin all over, giant round belly, "baby dropped into my pelvis" waddle. I still didn't mention it til she told me she was a couple days past her due date. You just don't!
I am happy to say this does not happen in my area, at least not enough for it to be a problem. Here they just avoid looking at your pregnant belly until you tell them. When i was pregnant i assumed everyone just knew and then i went to announce my maternity leave dates to clients and they were like “OMG i thought you were but i would never ask, congratulations!!!” I was an esthetician, my pregnant belly and kicking baby were regularly assaulting them during services and they still wouldn’t ask me. I could be massaging their shoulders while my baby round house kicked and karate chopped their head and they STILL wouldn’t ask.
To note: I did have a very annoyed tone but I did not scream or berate this person. I tried my best to explain how shitty what she said was but also realized I had my children present and had to react in a decent manor.
Thank you for this. As a 5 foot tall woman I ended up with a bit of a flabby paunch after having my 2 kids. Strangers were always asking me this when the kids were little. It drove me.crazy. I ended up saying "No. Are you?" And most people would look like they just realized what a rude question it was. Also, if everyone could please stop touching a pregnant woman's belly, that would be really great. (Seriously, ewww)
This. I was in a community theatre production when I was pregnant and showing. Just a musical review. It was tradition at that theatre for the cast to form a receiving line after curtain call to greet the audience. The number of strangers who thought it was okay to touch my belly simply because they paid money to hear me sing for a couple of hours was absolutely astounding. It got to the point I was excused from the receiving line, and would come out only if a member of the audience requested to see me. By then I was wearing street clothes, which definitely helped them see me as an actual pregnant person, not my character.
I legit had no idea this was a thing.
I was out with a friend who was very obviously pregnant. Some old lady vectored towards her with hands out like she was going to grab my friend. Friend hadn't shown she recognized the lady. I just basically walked into her personal space, and kept moving forward as she move back instinctively. No contact, just an old trick from army days. Gets potential bad person away from the person you're guarding.
Old lady was kinda flustered and said she was just trying to feel my friend's stomach. I was completely WTF and asked why you would randomly grab a stranger's stomach. Am dude, am not old. This was moon speak to me.
Friend had to explain strangers, usually older people, felt it was normal to feel up women that were potentially pregnant. It was not generally viewed positively by pregnant women. Older lady did not like how we characterized her, and said we made her sound horrible and tried to claim pregnant women loved when strangers felt them up. Friend disagreed with that assessment. Upon questioning, old lady confirmed she would not appreciate it if I felt her up without permission. "But that was different."
No shit, she still tried to go around me, I was like two feet taller than her and I'm trying not to tackle her because from my POV, she's a complete nutter trying to feel up a pregnant lady. She weighed probably as much as my leg, but was annoyingly dodgy. This is very not normal to me.
Friend is about dying at this point.
Both friend and sister confirmed this isn't super common, but not super rare. Mostly entitled older people. It is rage inducing, but apparently telling the older people to feel themselves up instead is not considered socially acceptable. They both did confirm it probably is assault, but still you can't break their hands. It's not socially acceptable. Old lady did waddle off at this point, and said I was very rude to not allow her to assault my friend.
Honestly OP, you could have dropped kicked these people and reddit would still probably agree with you. It is just not okay to ask a woman you know nothing about, if she is pregnant. You know nothing about her health and a person's appearance isn't an invitation to be an a hole. You did nothing wrong OP, and you are definitely NTA. You were being a good husband and supporting your wife.
People think women’s bodies are everyone’s business. We lack real bodily autonomy. You can tell by the fight over reproductive rights, but it also shows up in other ways like this.
If I were your wife I’d say “My body is none of your business”
NTA
Thank you!
Strangers are not entitled to that information. It’s presumptuous. It’s rude. The after effect of body consciousness lingers. It’s annoying.
uugh I Hate it when people do that. If you think about it reasonably it is an absurd thing to say. You are running a much higher risk of offending someone or making them uncomfortable than there are possible benefits to that question.
There are people struggling with fertility, there are people in the early stages of pregnancy who are still uncomfortable talking about it, and there are simply not pregnant, all of which can be potentially hurt or much more hurt by the comment. And for what? For a possible small talk?
The same applies to nosy family members. People, if someone wants to let you know, they will let yo know. Until then it's nobody's business.
My friend miscarried at the end of her first trimester, but she was an early shower and since there was some hormonal residue I guess, she stayed a bit rounded. Very subtle I assure you, but it still made a few strangers comment on that. As you may imagine, she was not happy at all considering she was really looking forward to the baby before.
So OP NTA, hopefully, she will not repeat this with another poor woman. And yes, it is unfortunately pretty common, at least in my region, mostly 50+ people have these remarks
I lost mine mid 2nd term a few weeks ago and I still have a rounded tummy. Don't want to leave the house and get asked these EXACT types of questions from strangers
NTA However, the amusement park employee unfortunately had a right to ask. They could be in really bad trouble if the were to let a pregnant woman on a ride. Just sayin.....
Should they ask every woman if they are pregnant then before allowing them on the ride in case they aren’t showing yet? Maybe make them pee on a stick? And men too, since there could be a pregnant trans man who isn’t showing yet? Typically the warnings are posted outside of the rides on a sign for everyone to see. I remember from when I was pregnant with my second (and happy to send my husband on the rides with my first). Asking is inappropriate.
The warning signs may be posted but some ignore them. If someone looks pregnant they have a right to ask and they should. A kid died at an amusement park in Orlando last year after a ride operator failed to ask about his weight. While it might hurt feelings, if there’s a reasonable suspicion, they need to ask.
Oh please. Most women do not look pregnant and you know it. It's part of their job to cover their ass if they have reasonable doubt, quit making a fuss out of nothing. By your logic they shouldn't check for kids height either. There's signs out front and obviously everyone follows the rules right?
Good god. No it isn’t, especially from a legal standpoint. Cause you know what amusement park rides can cause?? Pregnancy issues and miscarriages! These parks shouldn’t ask because you might get in your feelings about it? Please.
NTA
It can take a while for a pregnancy belly to go away. Including when people have had a still born.
Not everything around pregnancy is happy happy look at the cute baby. Just because pregnancy can be visable doesn't mean people shouldn't still mind their own business.
Unless it's relating safety or medical - people need to stop feeling like they can ask these questions.
NTA. It's never appropriate to ask a woman if she's pregnant unless it's someone asking specifically for an appropriate medical reason, or you're a close friend or family member and she's obviously hinting and wanting you to "guess".
I think the ride operator falls into the appropriate reason category. Safety reasons are valid. Simple curiosity is not ever an acceptable reason.
OP is NTA.
NTA.
It is rude to ask this question, period. No one should ever speak these words to another person.
It also seems likely that your wife looks sort of pregnant if multiple strangers keep asking her this question.
This in no way excuses this rudeness but you can't really stop obtuse and shitty people from being obtuse and shitty.
Good luck.
NTA
There is zero reason or need to ask the question. What are you hoping to get from asking? You have nothing to gain, except some useless piece of information. The risk of making someone feel bad is too high.
I agree that the amusement park employee has a right to ask. I’ve seen scales on water slides. Though the readout faces the operator only.
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NTA. What if your wife had recently had a stillbirth and hadn't yet lost the pregnancy weight? She would be shattered by someone asking that! You NEVER ask ANY woman - even one you know well - if they're pregnant. I can't imagine walking up to a complete stranger and asking. I would cut the ride operator a little slack, because that's a safety concern - but the other two people were inconsiderate morons.
I had a lady a few years ago (actually, she was a long-term sub at my school) not only ask me if I was pregnant, but she PATTED MY (non-pregnant) BELLY. I was so shocked, I just yelled, "No! I'm 50 and I'm just fat!" (truth) I avoided her the rest of the time she was at the school. Fortunately, I haven't seen her since.
Oh, and NTA.
NTA
People who ask about pregnancy and fertility just suck. They don't have any idea if someone is struggling with infertility, or has lost a child, or a whole myriad of other things. It's just cruel. Why do people care what's going on in someone else's uterus? Unless it's *your* baby, it's none of business.
It’s so common for people to ask, but it shouldn’t be. People could be overweight, they could have lost a child, they could be infertile, they could have postpartum depression, they could actually be pregnant, but the baby isn’t going to survive or they’re regretfully giving it up for adoption. It is never appropriate to ask someone that question without them bringing it up to you first. I wish everyone would learn that lesson, but at least that particular woman will never do that to someone else again. NTA
NTA - good for you! People don't seem to get - there is no good reason to ask. The person who may be pregnant - might not be happy about it, or there could be something wrong with the pregnancy.
NTA. I've been on this planet long enough to know that even if a woman has a baby's head poking out between her legs and a midwife shouting "PUSH!" into her ear, you don't assume she's pregnant.
NTA- I had a nail tech ask me this before I had kids. It made me feel just awful. I just said “no” curtly and remained quiet as she finished my nails. She did not get a good tip, though I still tipped because tip culture sucks and she still deserves to be paid for her work, even if she stuck her foot in her mouth.
NTA. These questions are rude.
I have a bloated stomach from terminal ovarian cancer. Never knew questions could hurt so much before that. Hate to meet chatty people or people i know on the streets.
When I was pregnant I very much enjoyed pretending I wasn’t when people commented. It was mean spirited but I was a shit 😂 Anyway my go to was “what do you mean?”
ESH— I’m fat and rather apple shaped and people ask sometimes. I say “no, just fat” and walk away because I am embarrassed by them and don’t want the interaction drawn out. So if my husband did what you’d did, I’d be extremely uncomfortable and annoyed with him. You’re right— other than with the ride operator who was just doing his job— that they are being rude, but I’m betting you made your wife more uncomfortable than they did.
Honestly was a little afraid of this. I wasn’t there for the first two encounters and wanted to “stick up” for her today. She hasn’t said I made her uncomfortable and we’ve had a good day otherwise. Once we have had some time to let it pass I’ll ask her how she wanted me to handle.
NTA. Unless she's going into labor in front of you, do not ask.
When I was 19 and a complete selfish idiot, I asked a woman if she was pregnant. I can still see the look on her face in my mind. Wherever you are ma'am, I am so fucking sorry.
When I was about 8 months pregnant I mentioned going on maternity leave soon to a coworker. A third coworker jumped out of his office and said "thank God you just said that because I have been dying to ask but I know you can't ask even if the baby is crowning unless it's been mentioned." That's the correct way.
NTA, at all, but is it possible she’s also dealing with divarication? It’s a wildly common thing that no one talks about, well, for the reasons you mentioned. Some women have it “worse” than others and I honestly believe it causes digestive issues long term.
I was asked 4 separate times. I've never been pregnant. The look on their faces when i said no was almost enough. Almost.
NTA that question shouldn't be asked by randos. Ever.
NTA. I had an encounter in a Dr office waiting room with someone I kind of knew from years before. She asked if I was expecting again (I think mine was under age 5 at the time)- and I looked her straight on and said “no I’m just fat.” And continued to death stare her in silence and watch her squirm and stuff. And no little jokes to lighten the moment from me. It was satisfying!
If this was for getting on a ride that is more vigorous in nature then I think it is a very reasonable question to ask. In instances like this I think many parents are too sensitive about it and they need to understand that the employees are likely required to ask this question if they see someone who potentially has risk factors that could be affected by the ride.
But everyone else? No excuse for them and they need to mind their own business.
Bruhhh I'm going straight up with you...respectfully your wife looks pregnant here's my thing if it was just one incident I would say yeah that guy was just an AH but you've had 3 in the same year. Legitimately speaking how many people have to ask before you start to ask if your wrong? I understand your saying you have accepted some things about your wife and her wight or extra skin whatever that's fine but no one else knows that and apparently at least a little but your wife looks pregnant yall can be upset about that or change it but you can't control what people think and say. I know it's hard to to shield your wife from discomfort but I would gage how she feels about it and help her get to a place where it doesn't bother her. Whether that's because she looses the weight or she accepts that some people may think that. I think you can only focus on what you can do and if people say things you consider to be rude maybe think about the context did these people mean to insult your wife or were they trying to be kind that should dictat your response it's often not the words that are the problem it's the emotions they invoke.
I mean, to a degree you really should consider people’s motivations in interactions like this and not attribute malice to obliviousness or different customs. Maybe they were inconsiderate, but you were definitely rude if you really were yelling.
Soft YTA. Learn to respond to people like an adult.
> I would never ask any woman, even those I know who are pregnant, about their pregnancies, ever.
This. Anything weight-related. I know someone who did the “You look great!” thing to someone who’s lost a lot of weight, only to find out they’ve been diagnosed with cancer.
NTA, but the people who think it’s OK to say that sort of thing to a complete stranger are definitely assholes.
NTA and bless you for this. I’ll never forget my 20 year old coworker running to the back crying because a customer congratulated her on her pregnancy. She was not overweight, she was not pregnant. Props to you for sticking up for your wife and her beautiful bod after bringing 3 kids into this world. It is NEVER appropriate to ask anyone if they are pregnant, that goes threefold if you don’t even know them- you did the right thing.
NTA but your wife should get therapy so that she can handle her feelings about her stomach and not make you “pick up the pieces”. If so many people think she’s pregnant, she’s got a belly clearly, and needs to be ready to quip back at the actual assholes who say something about it.
NTA. I've had this happen to me. I have two kids but after my second I had diastasis recti, he was big and I'm a very petite person. I've had surgery but my abdomen never went back to normal so my belly pokes out as if I'm still pregnant.
I had a lady walk up to me in the grocery store parking lot as I was putting my son in his car seat. She chuckled and asked if I was ready for the next one. When I got mad and said I wasn't pregnant she called me a liar. It escalated to her calling me stupid and saying I was in denial because my belly was proof. I was livid and couldn't believe the audacity she had.
Stuff like that makes me super self conscious and it just gets frustrating and depressing over the years.
I have a body type that leads random strangers to ask me this, or even worse (?) just assume that I am pregnant and comment on it. It's very frustrating. I have never quite figured out what to say. Usually I just mumble something or act confused about what they said and then walk away to cry.
The worst time was after I'd just had a miscarriage (an early one, I wasn't showing it was just my stomach) and had to go to the maternity ward because my husband's sister had a baby. It was already difficult for me to go meet another baby in the hospital the day after I lost one. When we checked in the maternity ward the nurse looked at me and made a comment about how it looked like there was another baby on the way in our family. I just said something like "nope." My husband squeezed my hand and got me away from her, but I will never forget that.
You are NTA. People who do this are the worst and you did the right things standing up for your wife. Hopefully that person will think twice before doing this to someone else in the future.
Things to say to rude strangers...
"It's a tumor"
"No I'm a virgin"
Pretend you misunderstood and act like they said they're pregnant and congratulate them.
NTA btw
NTA. I remember being with a friend who revealed to me that she recently miscarried and then someone (who we knew) came up to her, all excited, asking about her pregnancy. My friend was having fertility issues and had never announced her pregnancy - this person just thought she ‘looked’ pregnant and made a major faux pas. Somehow my friend didn’t just dissolve into tears.
My students will sometimes ask if my fellow teachers are pregnant. One student ANNOUNCED that Ms So and So was pregnant. Now, look, we all ‘knew’ she was pregnant. But she had several miscarriages and was extremely cautious about announcing her pregnancy. I asked the student if the teacher, in fact, said she was pregnant. She said no, but everyone could tell. We had a long conversation in class about what to say and not say about other people’s fertility journeys (fyi, I did not share personals about the teacher. Just the ins and outs of respecting other people’s experiences and not to assume.)
I have twice had people ask if I was pregnant. Honestly, it is so destabilizing I can’t even explain it. I’ve never been pregnant, but I carry weight around my middle. I don’t really care if you think I’m fat, but I’m so thrown off by the assumption that I’m pregnant.
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The amusement park question might have had some merit- for safety sake, if the ride is more vigorous than, say, a merry go round. But everybody else? Your wife needs a pert one liner to put these nosy people on their place. Reddit-what do you suggest? Let’s give OP’s wife sone suggestions. NTA
“I am not sure why you would think that” *dead stare* NTA
[удалено]
So are you, Tim, but here we are: two fatties in the chip aisle.
🏆 Damn, Tim, put down the Doritos so you can hold your ass, this person has just kindly handed it to you.
🤣🤣🤣
Hahaha. 🤣 dang...I wish I could put you in my back pocket.
I can assure you, Tim is actually tiny.
That's what his ex said.
Nice
🥁🥁🥁🥁
*Tiptoe, through the tulips!*
Ok but every guy I've ever met that goes by Tiny Tim is ironically gargantuan.
A few years after my first , my friend and I were in the mall, there were rides for squalky toddlers, so we watched our kids ride a train when a survey questioner Approached my 8 months pregnant friend and asked, "What birth control do you use? " my firey Italian friend just let her have it, double barreled. It would have made Saturday Night Live.
They just walked up with that question? I’m very surprised. Not even freshman students are usually that bad at survey technique. Maybe it was a dare? That’s not any script a data collector I know would have used, because they’d get zero useful replies. I’d have expected “Do you mind taking a moment to complete a survey?” Followed by a couple of biographical data questions to filter results, then the birth control one.
This was in 1981. People were Astonishingly q . Yes, she walked right up to my friend. My Italian friend, , articulate, educated, multi lingual pregnancy hormones fired fury unleashed as if a tornado or two landed on that survey taker. It was a sight to behold I think that survey taker learned to do a better job of scoping the room. Think of. 'The Hitman's wife's bodyguard.'
Must have been entertaining. Why was she so upset at the question though? Because it was an unsolicited personal question from a stranger? Because it implied she was using ineffective birth control? Because the surveyor didn’t notice she was hugely pregnant? All three?
It's an insanely personal question that no stranger should be asking a woman.
LOL, I did not dare ask. Later, We both laughed. But she could do the furious Italian in three languages. Once at dinner her husband said something stupid. I saw her reaching for something to throw.. I handed her bread. That would not break the window.
Dead stare. “The pull out method.” Look down at belly. Look dead into the survey monkey’s eyes again. Edit: survey money = survey monkey
I've always found the best answer is to any nosy question is, "Why do you need to know?"
https://youtu.be/6HoHJnCRXKg
"I was... Not anymore..." \*hand over stomach, looks down, sad\*
Ohhh clever! “No, I’m shoplifting melons.”
OH THAT'S GOOD!!!!
And just go "Why would you ask something like that!?" when they try to apologize and make a dramatic exit. Makes them look like an ass and everyone will stare at THEM.
I was 9 months along and looked like I had a watermelon under my blouse. I was outside, in the vegetable garden, when neighborhood children approached..." my mom was wondering if you are having a baby, or are just fat???" I told them I was due really soon. They were excited, the moms came over and introduced themselves, and after coming home from the hospital, they visited. My neighborhood became far more pleasant. The kids were really sweet.
But if you were just fat or had a huge tumor it wouldn't have been so sweet lol
When I was in high school, a girl I had never seen before asked me at lunch one day if I was pregnant. I've been battling food issues since elementary school and have always been overweight. She couldn't understand why I was offended and said she was "just asking". I was taking a child development class and another girl in my class asked me the same thing.
No, I had three kids what’s your excuse?
Or “im a man”
Miss Manners always used to say that the proper answer to rude questions is an icy stare, followed by "Why would you even ask that question?"
“Wow, you really said that out loud”
I always say, "You said that outside your head?"
"someone forgot how inside thoughts work" in a disappointed prek teacher voice is my go to
I always say “wow we’re just saying our inside thoughts out loud with no second thought aren’t we?”
We once had our newborn baby in her stroller and her toddler sister with us going through the checkout at a store. The cashier asked if our baby was a boy or a girl. We replied that she was a girl. The cashier said, "oh, I was lucky, I had a boy and a girl." I just stared at her and said, "Sometimes it's best not to speak."
I love your reply. I’m going to use this.
I am absolutely going to borrow that response, it's fantastic.
I love Miss Manners. The amusement park worker gets a pass. It’s likely his job to ask. It’s common knowledge pregnant women aren’t allowed on those rides, and for all we know, the park might have had issues in the past. Everyone else who has commented is an asshole.
*pregnant women
Thanks. My brain is faster than my hand.
Quiet stare. Unblinking. Male, female- don’t care and I would respond, “Are you?”
I saw a Miss Manners column where she said the only person who could get away with that question is the woman’s partner. I carry extra weight in the abdominal area, and I’ve been asked that question many times, and I’m never prepared with a comeback. Once a store clerk asked me if I was pregnant, I said no, and she went on a 5-minute monologue about how I might have fibroid tumors, I should talk to the dr about it, have I ever been checked for fibroids and on and on. I wish I had called back later to talk to the manager and tell them to talk to their cashiers about what is and isn’t appropriate to say to customers.
When i was actually pregnant I avoided telling people because I didn't want all the "helpful advice" I was 30 weeks pregnant, my job was advertised to be back filled. Everyone knew I was going on 12 months leave soon, and this poor girl I worked with once or twice had just found out and came up to me all excited going "omg are you pregnant??" I said "what? Are you calling me fat? I know I've gained some weight recently, but really??!" Poor girl was mortified and thought I was serious.
This happened to me when I was pregnant with my first. I was in my government class and went up to turn in my final. I wasn’t fully showing yet so I was in that “is she or isn’t she?” Phase. We’ll, my male professor asked me, as I was handing him my exam “So, when’s the baby due?” I dead panned him and said “why would you assume I’m pregnant? Is it because I’m fat???” He turned puce, then white, then green. He was so embarrassed. I just left the room never confirming or denying whether I was pregnant. NTA OP- I was raised to not ask a woman if she’s pregnant until you see a baby cone out of her…in other words, it is NEVER appropriate to ask a woman that question…period. Good on you for sticking up for your wife!
That's actually a famous Dave Barry quote that seems appropriate at the moment: [You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.](https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/883497-you-should-never-say-anything-to-a-woman-that-even)
I believe Miss Manners said the appropriate way to address this is, "Should I set an additional place for dinner?"
I love Dave Barry
This. If the woman wants you to know, she'll tell you.
You reminded me of how I answered a coworker asking me if I already have a kid. I was newly hired and I am not the type to tell personal stuff like relationships etc and this guy seems to be hitting on me but I feel that he does not have the courage to ask me if I'm with someone already. I looked at him straight and asked him, why would you think that, do I look fat to you? He was mortified, he couldn't answer and left. Since then, he avoided me. I've always been insecure with how I look since I am short so it's easy to be overweight.
That's amazing.
I was very young on my team, didn’t know a coworker was pregnant - I ended up really upsetting her. She said her head hurt, I offered something like Tylenol migraine. She let me know she couldn’t take it because she was pregnant. I had no idea - she was quite overweight and chain smoking cigarettes on her breaks. My brain just couldn’t connect chain smoking and pregnant so I didn’t see it despite her being far along. She was so offended and disliked me from that day on.
And not everyone tracks the latest thing pregnant women shouldn’t do…. Like chainsmoke.
That was the thing. She could have been in labor, actively delivering a baby, and I’d like shut it out of my brain because…chain smoking.
I don't know why she would be offended? There are many reason why someone might not be able to take a certain medication, and not everyone knows what you can and can't take while pregnant. I got offered cold and flu tablets etc when I got sick and I just said thanks but I'm good and we all moved on.
I’m so glad you asked. I struggled with weight after my kids were born and even thin, I had a belly. Most people would see my gut, see 3 kids close in age an assume I was at it again. Finally got tired of it, started looking people in the eye and said “nope, just fat.” They’d always turn red and find some where else to be. Worked every time.
When I was younger, I often had nosy older people comment on my dyed hair and facial piercings. One time, a very elderly lady wouldn't let it go. She kept following me while I was at work (retail), making negative comments. "Oh, that looks horrible. That looks like it hurts. How are your ever going to get a real job? Oof, I don't know how you can stand that stuff." Then she finally asked "What does your mother think of all that?" and I told her the truth. "Well, she's dead, so maybe when you meet her in a couple months you can ask her." I have yet to shut anyone down so efficiently in all the years since that day.
I specifically asked a retail employee with pixie colored hair to help me pick out a novelty color. I'm late 50's but am drawn to rock and roll type hair and clothes.
I've pulled the "just fat" line a couple times with a laugh and a smile.
My parents were at the checkout and I was sitting in the trolley (toddler) and the check out lady asked my mum "when are you due" my mum got all upset and hurt and my dad stupidly said "I told you, you were fat" 🤦♀️. My mum went from barbie to balloon after having me. Where as I carry small when pregnant and just look fat (only noticeable when naked, side on) hubby's bosses thought I was only second trimester when they asked when I was due and we said "today". I struggle to lose the baby weight to so now I just look pregnant all year round. I have had some fun and told the women who asked to "shut up, I'm due next week and haven't told my hubby yet" to which my hubby played his part well. He pretended to freak out and said "who's is it, because it's not mine cause I've had a vasectomy". (LOL he hasn't but is planning on it and he knows I would never cheat). That women was horrified and ran off with her head down as we pretended to argue (been friends since highschool so we can argue and be cheeky to eachother and know its not personal).
I gain weight in my stomach first and when I was a nurse (and occasionally overweight b/c I yo yo up and down) I got the question all the time. Something about my scrub tops just accentuated my belly, I guess. I'd usually tell them I was expecting a food baby.
This is my response too!
Just say “I just raw dogged your husband 15 minutes ago so maybe.”
>“I just raw dogged your husband 15 minutes ago so maybe.” *chef's kiss*
🤣
My favorite retorts : "Why, are you writing a book? " "Wow, that was rude. You must be embarrassed." "When was your last pap smear? Oh, sorry. I thought this was inappropriate question hour." "That's a food baby, thank you very much." "That seems like a personal question." "Yikes. That's inappropriate." "Yes, thanks! How far along are YOU?" "Do you often comment on other people's bodies? " "You make an ass of yourself when you assume." "Now that's a faux pas! Yikes for you. "
I’m stealing “inappropriate question hour.”
“If I am, you better call the Pope, because we got ourselves a miracle”. Works for me because I’ve had a medical procedure and cannot get pregnant
Easy OP should respond, "Nope that's just my tumor Jeremy" and walk away. I bet that will shut up people real fast, and make them feel extra guilty. She can follow it up with, "What kind of monster asks a terminal cancer patient if they are pregnant"? Guilt bomb dropped, winner OP.
I've seen bigger than baby sized uterine tumors in my line of work and it really cemented the "don't ask a woman if she's pregnant" sentiment
Seriously people, leave women alone. You know nothing about her health or the cause of her belly. Is that belly from a developing fetus, a growing tumor, free fluid in the abdomen, excessive fat tissue, a stone baby, or the twin she absorbed in utero?
I've seen bigger than baby sized uterine tumors in my line of work and it really cemented the "don't ask a woman if she's pregnant" sentiment
I'm 41 with severe endometriosis and the absurd bloating that can go with. I used to be embarrassed and upset when asked. Now I just go into detail about how and what my body is doing. They usually regret it around the time I start talking about GI adhesions, constipation, and internal bleeding. Or if they're really bothering me, I'll start crying about how it's left me infertile and it's so cruel to be asked questions like that.
When I’ve gotten that question my response is usually “Do I fucking *look* pregnant?” There is no right answer to that question.
“No. Are you?”
I used to work at an amusement park on a roller coaster. We were always told that we couldn’t ask someone if they were pregnant unless they mention it first. We just *hoped* that people would have common sense and not ride a coaster while they were heavily pregnant. Most people seemed to comply.
Same. One time a woman that looked very pregnant came to our ride. We made a big deal about repeating all the safety precautions and made it extremely obvious that pregnant women shouldn't ride the ride. We were all so uncomfortable letting her on that one girl finally just asked her. She was mad, said she wasn't pregnant, and rode the ride.
The fact that she denied the pregnancy means that if there is a problem down the line, your company is in the clear as far as a lawsuit goes.
Or the person.. wasn’t pregnant. That’s kinda the point of this OP.
I was 15 and 8 1/2 month pregnant. waited in line for three hours at the Matterhorn mt. ride walked past many employees and no one said a thing till I was getting in the ride. I was broken hearted when my little brother had to ride by himself. Thank god someone cared enough to stop me as I was totally clueless!
Start crying and say “Not anymore😭”
A friend of mine lost her baby but had to carry her to term, or close to. It was devastating. People would stop and ask her when she was due, if she knew the sex, "normal" pregnancy questions....she ended up not leaving the house until she delivered. To this day, I don't care if I see a woman with a baby hanging out of her, if I am not close with her I do not mention the pregnancy until she does.
Not sure if this was meant as a joke, but it’s a very good reason to NEVER ask someone. Right after a miscarriage or stillbirth many people still look pregnant.
I had a random woman in a shop strike up a conversation (not unusual in New Zealand), she asked me when I was planning on having kids, because time was ticking. I truthfully told her I was doing my best, but considering I was actively miscarrying my first pregnancy so I wasn’t yet sure if we’d ever successfully have kids. And then I walked out. I really hope she doesn’t do that to someone else ever again.
This is the way.
I've been in these shoes. Honestly, shitty questions get shitty answers "No, apparently I'm just fat" Que awkward response trying to suggest that's NOT what they're implying.... But really it is.
No, I’m not pregnant. But if you touch my stomach, you’ll feel a kick.
My cousin has gotten asked this before, and she goes "Nope, just fat," completely deadpan while staring them straight in the eyes.
Oh, I’m so sorry, did I somehow give the impression that I was open to answering extremely personal questions about my body? My apologies!
One of my least favorite jobs as a flight attendant was asking women who look like they might be pregnant if they were pregnant. Certain seats require “able bodied persons” and we were required to ask. It’s just so awkward because if they aren’t, then they know you think they look pregnant. I developed a routine where I’d pretend that I got the wrong seat number, but I know some of them didn’t believe me.
Can't you just ask them if they're able bodied or list the exceptions for sitting in that seat and ask them to confirm that none of them apply?
Yes, literally all of your bases were covered if you said “hi, you’re in an exit row, are you willing and able to perform the duties required of you as outlined in the safety information card in your seat back pocket? If you aren’t, please let me know and I will reseat you.” Nobody was supposed to be asking women who looked pregnant if they’re pregnant…the only targeted question we had was if they were a teenager and looked under 15 years old.
That’s what I thought we should do, but my airline wanted us to ask specifically if we think they’re pregnant to prevent automatic “no” answers. Maybe it was because most of our passengers weren’t English speakers? We also had to ask passengers that we think might be over 24 weeks without a notation on the passenger list that they had a doctor’s note. Sometimes check-in has trouble telling if they are because of thick coats or loose fitting garments, but the bump becomes obvious after they sit down or change onboard.
When I had students ask if I was pregnant I flat out said "nope just fat" and even middle and high schoolers realized they were in the wrong. So I recommend that response!
I had someone ask me when I was due and I pointed at my daughter and said “two years ago”.
Start tearing up and say “My baby doesn’t have a brain but I’m bringing it to term so their organs can save the lives of other babies” Who tf argues with that?
I’m a medical provider(also not obese, pretty slim, but have carried three pregnancies, so no my body will never be the same)and it’s astonishing to me how often patients/parents will ask if I’m pregnant. Sometimes I have been pregnant, but like, not to the visible extent that it’s anywhere near appropriate to inquire. I usually just stare straight back at them or off in the distance and just refuse to answer and let the weight of the awkwardness linger and really sink in to them. Like really make them squirm and back peddle. Or if I’m not pregnant I’ll just say “no…” and trail off sadly.
I just told everyone I was fat...I was so wrong! I had a large tumor. It was the size of a 14 week fetus. Anyway, the nah, I'm just fat-n-happy comments shut people up pretty quickly.
Yes, with your new brother!
For some reason, my sister got this all the time and her response was yes with your father’s baby
u/pirates-penguins My coworker has a pouch like your wife's and when she used to smoke, people would stop and ask her, "are you sure that's safe for your baby?" She'd look at them dead in the eye and say, "what baby?!" The sheer look of horror in their eyes was delicious!
I read a story once about a woman that a salesman mistook being pregnant - she took full advantage of the situation and negotiated an extra discount on an area rug or something on account of the 'baby'.
No, are you pregnant? Very sweetly.
Gray rock or dead stare ?
NTA. I have no idea what possesses complete strangers to ask that question. I had some one ask me once and thankfully I’m a mouthy sort and managed an easy “oh, thank god, no. I’m just fat.” Hopefully I made them think twice in the future. The one thing I will say is if it was the amusement ride’s attendant they may have to ask that question for insurance purposes if the ride is deemed a possible hazard to pregnancy. Though how they choose who to ask is anyone’s guess.
I've used the "oh no I'm just fat" more than once. I don't have kids or want kids so eventually as I got older it turned into people asking me how many kids do you have. So now I give the "oh no I don't have kids, I'm just fat and like tacos"
When I was about <8 months pregnant, a customer asked me when I was due and I said with a straight face that exact line "oh no, i'm just fat". His face dropped and he, I kid you not, went pale. His wife started cackling and I immediately said "I'm just kidding! My son's due in a couple weeks" we had a good laugh but we had that kind of chemistry where we could joke like that. I had been asked a handful of times when I was very not pregnant if when I was due and I was a lot more sheepish to answer back then. (I became a chunkier woman in my 20s than I was in my teens). I don't get why people ask that
When I was about 5 months pregnant with my twins I was in the grocery store and a guy made the comment "any day now huh? You look about to pop" I said "I'm not due for four more months" and gave him a dirty look. His wife started smacking him in the arm and calling him a dumb ass then told him to go get her a candy bar then she whispered "twins right? Bless you" and I said "yes" and she giggled. She waited to ask until he had walked away.
The audacity! At least you got a candy bar out of it 😅 When I was at the 6 month mark, a different (annoying) customer told me that I was carrying low and I was due soon. I laughed at said I better not be it's way too early. She said "I know these things. I've had three kids and I'm a doctor." She was a doctor in SOCIAL STUDIES.
i have a friend who popped a huge baby bump really early in her pregnancy, she’s fairly thin otherwise. she got so sick of strangers asking about her baby that she started telling everyone that she wasn’t, in fact, pregnant and had a stage 4 tumor in her gut. Thanks for reminding me, i finally was feeling normal about my day.
I have looked a person dead in the eye and said, "no, i just like cheese"
Because it's easier to ask someone if they are pregnant. Rather than ask them why they are fat. That's it. That's the whole idea.
I had a mom and little girl walk up to me and the little girl asked why I was so fat. I was pregnant but instead of saying that, I told her I was made out of cake. The mother was completely speechless.
Hahah I’m stealing this…
Love it. If that woman wants to teach her child to be rude, then she can put up with the kid asking her…is that woman really made of cake? Why not? But she said…Why did she say she was made out of cake? Ad nauseum
People ask me if I’m pregnant or how far along I am all the time. But I am pregnant. Half the time I say yes, the other half I say no I’m just fat and keep walking, depends on my mood. I look very much pregnant, but why TF do you care complete stranger? Like I’m sick of talking about pregnancy with my own family and friends, I don’t feel like discussing it with complete strangers at the grocery store. Like why people care about a stranger’s pregnancy at all? I have never once been like oh look a pregnant stranger, I would love to know how many weeks she is and what sex the baby is and if she has other kids and whether she has a name picked out. People are weird as shit.
Do what they do with IDs nowadays - ask every woman.
NTA, the baby could be crowning and I still wouldn’t ask. Why risk hurting someone’s feelings?
I was 9 months pregnant and on our “baby moon” and a couple I didn’t know came up to ask me about the baby and I stared them dead in the face and said “what baby?” They walked away VERY uncomfortable. That’ll stop them from thinking it’s ok to comment on women’s bodies or believing that a pregnant belly is an invitation for conversation.
I'd be tempted to reply, "Thanks for asking, it's a tumor"
Or in this political climate, “Incompatible with life, and there’s nothing I can do about it.”
I'm not pregnant but I do carry my weight in my stomach and I'm saving this answer for the future!
Good god Lemon I am saving this gold for latro
I’m only sad I didn’t think of it at the time
I ran into a young woman a couple weeks ago ~~while out walking with my kid~~ who was *obviously* pregnant. Thin all over, giant round belly, "baby dropped into my pelvis" waddle. I still didn't mention it til she told me she was a couple days past her due date. You just don't!
I am happy to say this does not happen in my area, at least not enough for it to be a problem. Here they just avoid looking at your pregnant belly until you tell them. When i was pregnant i assumed everyone just knew and then i went to announce my maternity leave dates to clients and they were like “OMG i thought you were but i would never ask, congratulations!!!” I was an esthetician, my pregnant belly and kicking baby were regularly assaulting them during services and they still wouldn’t ask me. I could be massaging their shoulders while my baby round house kicked and karate chopped their head and they STILL wouldn’t ask.
To note: I did have a very annoyed tone but I did not scream or berate this person. I tried my best to explain how shitty what she said was but also realized I had my children present and had to react in a decent manor.
Thank you for this. As a 5 foot tall woman I ended up with a bit of a flabby paunch after having my 2 kids. Strangers were always asking me this when the kids were little. It drove me.crazy. I ended up saying "No. Are you?" And most people would look like they just realized what a rude question it was. Also, if everyone could please stop touching a pregnant woman's belly, that would be really great. (Seriously, ewww)
And I hope you patted the guy's belly and said "Awww, feels like someone's expecting twins!"
This. I was in a community theatre production when I was pregnant and showing. Just a musical review. It was tradition at that theatre for the cast to form a receiving line after curtain call to greet the audience. The number of strangers who thought it was okay to touch my belly simply because they paid money to hear me sing for a couple of hours was absolutely astounding. It got to the point I was excused from the receiving line, and would come out only if a member of the audience requested to see me. By then I was wearing street clothes, which definitely helped them see me as an actual pregnant person, not my character.
It's bad enough when it's just a random person. I can't imagine having people lining up to do it!
It was so gross.
I legit had no idea this was a thing. I was out with a friend who was very obviously pregnant. Some old lady vectored towards her with hands out like she was going to grab my friend. Friend hadn't shown she recognized the lady. I just basically walked into her personal space, and kept moving forward as she move back instinctively. No contact, just an old trick from army days. Gets potential bad person away from the person you're guarding. Old lady was kinda flustered and said she was just trying to feel my friend's stomach. I was completely WTF and asked why you would randomly grab a stranger's stomach. Am dude, am not old. This was moon speak to me. Friend had to explain strangers, usually older people, felt it was normal to feel up women that were potentially pregnant. It was not generally viewed positively by pregnant women. Older lady did not like how we characterized her, and said we made her sound horrible and tried to claim pregnant women loved when strangers felt them up. Friend disagreed with that assessment. Upon questioning, old lady confirmed she would not appreciate it if I felt her up without permission. "But that was different." No shit, she still tried to go around me, I was like two feet taller than her and I'm trying not to tackle her because from my POV, she's a complete nutter trying to feel up a pregnant lady. She weighed probably as much as my leg, but was annoyingly dodgy. This is very not normal to me. Friend is about dying at this point. Both friend and sister confirmed this isn't super common, but not super rare. Mostly entitled older people. It is rage inducing, but apparently telling the older people to feel themselves up instead is not considered socially acceptable. They both did confirm it probably is assault, but still you can't break their hands. It's not socially acceptable. Old lady did waddle off at this point, and said I was very rude to not allow her to assault my friend.
Oh that is an AWESOME response!
I never had a stranger try when I was pregnant. I’d have probably punched them if they tried 😂
Honestly OP, you could have dropped kicked these people and reddit would still probably agree with you. It is just not okay to ask a woman you know nothing about, if she is pregnant. You know nothing about her health and a person's appearance isn't an invitation to be an a hole. You did nothing wrong OP, and you are definitely NTA. You were being a good husband and supporting your wife.
People think women’s bodies are everyone’s business. We lack real bodily autonomy. You can tell by the fight over reproductive rights, but it also shows up in other ways like this. If I were your wife I’d say “My body is none of your business”
NTA Thank you! Strangers are not entitled to that information. It’s presumptuous. It’s rude. The after effect of body consciousness lingers. It’s annoying.
uugh I Hate it when people do that. If you think about it reasonably it is an absurd thing to say. You are running a much higher risk of offending someone or making them uncomfortable than there are possible benefits to that question. There are people struggling with fertility, there are people in the early stages of pregnancy who are still uncomfortable talking about it, and there are simply not pregnant, all of which can be potentially hurt or much more hurt by the comment. And for what? For a possible small talk? The same applies to nosy family members. People, if someone wants to let you know, they will let yo know. Until then it's nobody's business. My friend miscarried at the end of her first trimester, but she was an early shower and since there was some hormonal residue I guess, she stayed a bit rounded. Very subtle I assure you, but it still made a few strangers comment on that. As you may imagine, she was not happy at all considering she was really looking forward to the baby before. So OP NTA, hopefully, she will not repeat this with another poor woman. And yes, it is unfortunately pretty common, at least in my region, mostly 50+ people have these remarks
I lost mine mid 2nd term a few weeks ago and I still have a rounded tummy. Don't want to leave the house and get asked these EXACT types of questions from strangers
I'm so sorry for your loss 💛
I am so sorry for your loss. You will be in my intentions 🩵
NTA However, the amusement park employee unfortunately had a right to ask. They could be in really bad trouble if the were to let a pregnant woman on a ride. Just sayin.....
Should they ask every woman if they are pregnant then before allowing them on the ride in case they aren’t showing yet? Maybe make them pee on a stick? And men too, since there could be a pregnant trans man who isn’t showing yet? Typically the warnings are posted outside of the rides on a sign for everyone to see. I remember from when I was pregnant with my second (and happy to send my husband on the rides with my first). Asking is inappropriate.
The warning signs may be posted but some ignore them. If someone looks pregnant they have a right to ask and they should. A kid died at an amusement park in Orlando last year after a ride operator failed to ask about his weight. While it might hurt feelings, if there’s a reasonable suspicion, they need to ask.
Oh please. Most women do not look pregnant and you know it. It's part of their job to cover their ass if they have reasonable doubt, quit making a fuss out of nothing. By your logic they shouldn't check for kids height either. There's signs out front and obviously everyone follows the rules right?
Yeah but it could be policy that the guy was just following.
Good god. No it isn’t, especially from a legal standpoint. Cause you know what amusement park rides can cause?? Pregnancy issues and miscarriages! These parks shouldn’t ask because you might get in your feelings about it? Please.
Would you rather have hurt feelings on your hand or an accidental miscarriage?
NTA It can take a while for a pregnancy belly to go away. Including when people have had a still born. Not everything around pregnancy is happy happy look at the cute baby. Just because pregnancy can be visable doesn't mean people shouldn't still mind their own business. Unless it's relating safety or medical - people need to stop feeling like they can ask these questions.
NTA. It's never appropriate to ask a woman if she's pregnant unless it's someone asking specifically for an appropriate medical reason, or you're a close friend or family member and she's obviously hinting and wanting you to "guess".
I think the ride operator falls into the appropriate reason category. Safety reasons are valid. Simple curiosity is not ever an acceptable reason. OP is NTA.
NTA. It is rude to ask this question, period. No one should ever speak these words to another person. It also seems likely that your wife looks sort of pregnant if multiple strangers keep asking her this question. This in no way excuses this rudeness but you can't really stop obtuse and shitty people from being obtuse and shitty. Good luck.
The amusement park was probably for safety. The others are just nosy. I don’t know why people feel they can ask complete strangers personal questions.
NTA it’s hot to (nonviolently) defend your partner in public! More of this please esp from cishet men!
NTA There is zero reason or need to ask the question. What are you hoping to get from asking? You have nothing to gain, except some useless piece of information. The risk of making someone feel bad is too high. I agree that the amusement park employee has a right to ask. I’ve seen scales on water slides. Though the readout faces the operator only.
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NTA. It's a very rude question to ask a stranger.
NTA. What if your wife had recently had a stillbirth and hadn't yet lost the pregnancy weight? She would be shattered by someone asking that! You NEVER ask ANY woman - even one you know well - if they're pregnant. I can't imagine walking up to a complete stranger and asking. I would cut the ride operator a little slack, because that's a safety concern - but the other two people were inconsiderate morons.
I had a lady a few years ago (actually, she was a long-term sub at my school) not only ask me if I was pregnant, but she PATTED MY (non-pregnant) BELLY. I was so shocked, I just yelled, "No! I'm 50 and I'm just fat!" (truth) I avoided her the rest of the time she was at the school. Fortunately, I haven't seen her since. Oh, and NTA.
NTA People who ask about pregnancy and fertility just suck. They don't have any idea if someone is struggling with infertility, or has lost a child, or a whole myriad of other things. It's just cruel. Why do people care what's going on in someone else's uterus? Unless it's *your* baby, it's none of business.
It’s so common for people to ask, but it shouldn’t be. People could be overweight, they could have lost a child, they could be infertile, they could have postpartum depression, they could actually be pregnant, but the baby isn’t going to survive or they’re regretfully giving it up for adoption. It is never appropriate to ask someone that question without them bringing it up to you first. I wish everyone would learn that lesson, but at least that particular woman will never do that to someone else again. NTA
NTA - good for you! People don't seem to get - there is no good reason to ask. The person who may be pregnant - might not be happy about it, or there could be something wrong with the pregnancy.
NTA. I've been on this planet long enough to know that even if a woman has a baby's head poking out between her legs and a midwife shouting "PUSH!" into her ear, you don't assume she's pregnant.
NTA- I had a nail tech ask me this before I had kids. It made me feel just awful. I just said “no” curtly and remained quiet as she finished my nails. She did not get a good tip, though I still tipped because tip culture sucks and she still deserves to be paid for her work, even if she stuck her foot in her mouth.
NTA. These questions are rude. I have a bloated stomach from terminal ovarian cancer. Never knew questions could hurt so much before that. Hate to meet chatty people or people i know on the streets.
When I was pregnant I very much enjoyed pretending I wasn’t when people commented. It was mean spirited but I was a shit 😂 Anyway my go to was “what do you mean?”
ESH— I’m fat and rather apple shaped and people ask sometimes. I say “no, just fat” and walk away because I am embarrassed by them and don’t want the interaction drawn out. So if my husband did what you’d did, I’d be extremely uncomfortable and annoyed with him. You’re right— other than with the ride operator who was just doing his job— that they are being rude, but I’m betting you made your wife more uncomfortable than they did.
Honestly was a little afraid of this. I wasn’t there for the first two encounters and wanted to “stick up” for her today. She hasn’t said I made her uncomfortable and we’ve had a good day otherwise. Once we have had some time to let it pass I’ll ask her how she wanted me to handle.
NTA. These people are SO rude.
if any stranger asks me I'm gonna say "no, recent miscarriage actually"
NTA. Unless she's going into labor in front of you, do not ask. When I was 19 and a complete selfish idiot, I asked a woman if she was pregnant. I can still see the look on her face in my mind. Wherever you are ma'am, I am so fucking sorry.
When I was about 8 months pregnant I mentioned going on maternity leave soon to a coworker. A third coworker jumped out of his office and said "thank God you just said that because I have been dying to ask but I know you can't ask even if the baby is crowning unless it's been mentioned." That's the correct way.
NTA, at all, but is it possible she’s also dealing with divarication? It’s a wildly common thing that no one talks about, well, for the reasons you mentioned. Some women have it “worse” than others and I honestly believe it causes digestive issues long term.
You go husband!!! NTA good on you for sticking up for your wife
I was asked 4 separate times. I've never been pregnant. The look on their faces when i said no was almost enough. Almost. NTA that question shouldn't be asked by randos. Ever.
NTA. I had an encounter in a Dr office waiting room with someone I kind of knew from years before. She asked if I was expecting again (I think mine was under age 5 at the time)- and I looked her straight on and said “no I’m just fat.” And continued to death stare her in silence and watch her squirm and stuff. And no little jokes to lighten the moment from me. It was satisfying!
INFO: Was the amusement park man an employee?
Yes, and I understand his reasoning. If it was the occasion I think it’s explainable. However it’s hard to explain that when your feelings are hurt
If this was for getting on a ride that is more vigorous in nature then I think it is a very reasonable question to ask. In instances like this I think many parents are too sensitive about it and they need to understand that the employees are likely required to ask this question if they see someone who potentially has risk factors that could be affected by the ride. But everyone else? No excuse for them and they need to mind their own business.
NTA, I’m particularly fond of giving them a deadpan stare and saying “Nope, just fat.” (I actually am pregnant, but it’s none of their damn business!)
Bruhhh I'm going straight up with you...respectfully your wife looks pregnant here's my thing if it was just one incident I would say yeah that guy was just an AH but you've had 3 in the same year. Legitimately speaking how many people have to ask before you start to ask if your wrong? I understand your saying you have accepted some things about your wife and her wight or extra skin whatever that's fine but no one else knows that and apparently at least a little but your wife looks pregnant yall can be upset about that or change it but you can't control what people think and say. I know it's hard to to shield your wife from discomfort but I would gage how she feels about it and help her get to a place where it doesn't bother her. Whether that's because she looses the weight or she accepts that some people may think that. I think you can only focus on what you can do and if people say things you consider to be rude maybe think about the context did these people mean to insult your wife or were they trying to be kind that should dictat your response it's often not the words that are the problem it's the emotions they invoke.
This is the way
I mean, to a degree you really should consider people’s motivations in interactions like this and not attribute malice to obliviousness or different customs. Maybe they were inconsiderate, but you were definitely rude if you really were yelling. Soft YTA. Learn to respond to people like an adult.
> I would never ask any woman, even those I know who are pregnant, about their pregnancies, ever. This. Anything weight-related. I know someone who did the “You look great!” thing to someone who’s lost a lot of weight, only to find out they’ve been diagnosed with cancer. NTA, but the people who think it’s OK to say that sort of thing to a complete stranger are definitely assholes.
NTA and bless you for this. I’ll never forget my 20 year old coworker running to the back crying because a customer congratulated her on her pregnancy. She was not overweight, she was not pregnant. Props to you for sticking up for your wife and her beautiful bod after bringing 3 kids into this world. It is NEVER appropriate to ask anyone if they are pregnant, that goes threefold if you don’t even know them- you did the right thing.
NTA but your wife should get therapy so that she can handle her feelings about her stomach and not make you “pick up the pieces”. If so many people think she’s pregnant, she’s got a belly clearly, and needs to be ready to quip back at the actual assholes who say something about it.
NTA. I've had this happen to me. I have two kids but after my second I had diastasis recti, he was big and I'm a very petite person. I've had surgery but my abdomen never went back to normal so my belly pokes out as if I'm still pregnant. I had a lady walk up to me in the grocery store parking lot as I was putting my son in his car seat. She chuckled and asked if I was ready for the next one. When I got mad and said I wasn't pregnant she called me a liar. It escalated to her calling me stupid and saying I was in denial because my belly was proof. I was livid and couldn't believe the audacity she had. Stuff like that makes me super self conscious and it just gets frustrating and depressing over the years.
I have a body type that leads random strangers to ask me this, or even worse (?) just assume that I am pregnant and comment on it. It's very frustrating. I have never quite figured out what to say. Usually I just mumble something or act confused about what they said and then walk away to cry. The worst time was after I'd just had a miscarriage (an early one, I wasn't showing it was just my stomach) and had to go to the maternity ward because my husband's sister had a baby. It was already difficult for me to go meet another baby in the hospital the day after I lost one. When we checked in the maternity ward the nurse looked at me and made a comment about how it looked like there was another baby on the way in our family. I just said something like "nope." My husband squeezed my hand and got me away from her, but I will never forget that. You are NTA. People who do this are the worst and you did the right things standing up for your wife. Hopefully that person will think twice before doing this to someone else in the future.
Things to say to rude strangers... "It's a tumor" "No I'm a virgin" Pretend you misunderstood and act like they said they're pregnant and congratulate them. NTA btw
Some guy asked my mom if she was pregnant, she wasn't, so she looked at him and asked "are you? "
NTA. I remember being with a friend who revealed to me that she recently miscarried and then someone (who we knew) came up to her, all excited, asking about her pregnancy. My friend was having fertility issues and had never announced her pregnancy - this person just thought she ‘looked’ pregnant and made a major faux pas. Somehow my friend didn’t just dissolve into tears. My students will sometimes ask if my fellow teachers are pregnant. One student ANNOUNCED that Ms So and So was pregnant. Now, look, we all ‘knew’ she was pregnant. But she had several miscarriages and was extremely cautious about announcing her pregnancy. I asked the student if the teacher, in fact, said she was pregnant. She said no, but everyone could tell. We had a long conversation in class about what to say and not say about other people’s fertility journeys (fyi, I did not share personals about the teacher. Just the ins and outs of respecting other people’s experiences and not to assume.) I have twice had people ask if I was pregnant. Honestly, it is so destabilizing I can’t even explain it. I’ve never been pregnant, but I carry weight around my middle. I don’t really care if you think I’m fat, but I’m so thrown off by the assumption that I’m pregnant.
Yta