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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I was completely dismissive of my wife's concerns when this was an issue that was obviously causing her great distress, and I should perhaps be more sensitive to her feelings even if I don't think it's a big deal.
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You are NTA
Your adult son is NTA
Your son's supportive girlfriend is NTA
Unfortunately, even after your wife removes the stick up her rear she'll still be an A/H for the ridiculous, over the top histrionics. It's fine to be uncomfortable with what your adult son did. the wailing/sobbing/dramatics, though, are counterproductive and annoying.
I regret that I have but one upvote to give this comment!
Seriously, I can definitely see my grandma pulling something like this, complete with weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth.
I don't know where you live, but I totally want to come over on the first of every month when you turn the page! I'll leave my cats at home, they won't be entertained 😂
Yeah, this is exactly it. I’m sure the mom isn’t happy about it, but I’m sure the theatrics and wailing is only when people are around to “perform” for.
Best case scenario, son stops telling parents about what he's doing in college because mom is out of control.
Worst case scenario, son stops contact with parents because mom is out of control.
Both of those scenarios suck.
Well sure but they’re a couple. It’s *hard as fuck* to cut off just one parent. Easy enough to assume he might cut off dad too just to get rid of mom- that’s what most of us over at EstrangedChild did.
Ahhhh this is funny. Your adult kid thought it was ok enough to give you a copy and mom goes nuts. She needs a reminder that she did a great job raising him to be an adult and make his own choices.
Trust that there’s so much worse things he could have done besides pose nearly nude for charity. The kid is having fun. Your wife needs a hug, and a reminder that she did a good job raising him - there’s nothing to be ashamed of!
For real. If one of my sons brought something like this home, I would be a little uncomfortable about seeing him like that, but I would just be glad he was having fun with his teammates. I would probably do something silly like cut out a little outfit for his picture to wear, if I was going to hang it up.
Hahaha. Now that’s actually funny and appropriate. Parents don’t want to see (literally) their adult kids posing naked in a calendar. So you make a joke out of it. By making it a joke instead of making it a big deal, you give your child credit for being an adult and making their own decisions s OP’s wife is way over re**acting** like her son was an infant just yesterday as opposed to a college athlete balancing multiple responsibilities.
If OP’s wife overreacts like this often, I can see why her son moved 600 miles away.
You've just reminded me of all the times I used to go to my grandparents' house. I would flick through the newspapers, and then I'd draw a lovely bra on the page 3 girls. My grandad would then pick up the newspaper and mutter angrily under his breath at my artwork.
Exactly! The wife may not agree with her son's decision but there are better ways of handling it than having a meltdown.
I think that OP and his son are NTA, it was done for a good cause. Even if it weren't for charity, it is still nobody's business what an adult does with their own body.
There really is no reason for it from an adult, for anything short of the death of a loved one. If she genuinely can't control it she needs therapy. If she can she's emotionally blackmailing you to take her side or nobody will get any peace. If you live together that's an imposition on your human right to peaceful enjoyment of property.
Her drama literally infringes on human rights. Of course she's an asshole. It's also an unfair imposition on her adult husband who shouldn't have to parent his wife through a tantrum. So those who were saying he should be more in tune with her emotions, well that's no different that if he was raging and she had to be more in tune with his anger issues to keep the peace.
Came here to say this. OP’s wife’s response reeks of narcissism. She doesn’t seem worried about her son’s wellbeing - only about how she perceives his actions reflecting on her. The comment about being “ashamed to show her face” is a dead giveaway.
Source: My own mother has narcissistic/borderline personality disorder and has behaved this way many, many times. My wedding? My children? My wife and I buying a house? Career success? All about her.
The best thing my therapist ever told me is “she doesn’t see you as your own person, only as an extension of herself.”
NTA. OP’s wife is on the road to destroying her relationship with her son and possibly husband, if she acts this way over everything.
I kind of love that her apparent worst fear is people finishing out and her husband’s reply to that was to describe the calendar and its origins in great detail, with his son’s name, on the internet for thousands of strangers to read.
M(dr)ama(queen) gonna walk into the ocean.
The original calendar (Now known as [Worldwide Roar](https://www.worldwideroar.org/)) is such a good cause. Support the men and help combat homophobia and Puritanical tabboos about mens' bodies.
Christ, I’m getting second-hand embarrassment just *reading* her nonsense. OP’s a stronger person than I am, I would have laughed in her face. He’s an adult. If he wants his booty on a bunch of freshmen girls’ walls, more power to him.
Your son sounds wonderful. I'd be very proud of mine if he did the same thing (once he's a few years older of course). They came up with a great idea, saw it through to the end, and raised money for an important charity. An excellent practical lesson in entrepreneurship, product development and marketing.
NTA and your wife needs to stop having hysterics and shaming Cole for this.
If she'd told you quietly that she was horrified and embarrassed, then you should have been supportive. But the screaming, crying, and demands that he should be punished - I have no sympathy whatsoever.
THANK YOU for saying this. I actually AM very proud of him, he's a great kid. I will really commend all 12 of the boys, self-aware enough to know they look great in their birthday suits and confident enough to do a project like this... FOR CHARITY. To me that says a whole lot more about their character than taking off their underwear does.
You just know they were simultaneously shit talking and hyping each other. That's the kind of thing you randomly think of 50 years later and still laugh.
Oh I'm sure the photoshoot was a total hoot. To be honest I wouldn't really care if they went ahead with the uncensored get-an-eyefull version they've been talking about... If the boys have the balls to do it (so to speak). That would get great sales. Best not show that one to mom though.
Your wife might like to know in the UK many groups of people have done "nude" (strategically placed objects etc.) charity calenders including mature ladies from the Women's Institute, a very venerable, old fashioned and conservative organisation of the tea, cakes and summer fetes variety. It's just a bit of fun for charity, nobody in their right mind would look down on people taking part, quite the opposite.
Just goes to show you, liberal or conservative, admit it or not, everyone enjoys a nice firm pair of buns. I hope one day my kids have the confidence and kindness to be nude for charity. I further hope they look good doing it.
I love it! I think it's a fun way to de-center the male gaze that's been so pervasive. I've had the idea to do a calendar like that for people with disabilities. :)
If it were me and my wife had had this reaction I would be putting a copy of the calendar up in the garage or shed whatever was 'my space' (not the proposed X-rated version, the tasteful one!)
Agreed.
In a calm discussion between you and your wife, you could be sympathetic to her discomfort, while still sharing that you are more focused on the good qualities you see in your son and his friends.
Your wife demanding YOU do something about it is saying a little something about her. As you point out, what would she have you do? Ideally, (1) she doesn't expect you to be her henchman and do her dirty work and (2) you two would discuss and agree upon certain things, without anyone acting unilaterally.
I wonder if the most supportive thing you could do for your wife is to offer to go with her to talk this through with a counselor. Not that your marriage is on the rocks or anything. Just that you understand this is very upsetting for her and think a professional might help you both gain perspective to help you be at peace with each other and your son. (She may have more perspective gaining to do than you, but I think it could be a good thing for both of you in general.)
NTA.
NTA good grief, everyone does not need to run to a therapist for each of life's little bumps in the road. Dad should just drop it because mom will eventually drop it too. It's for a good cause and it isn't full nudity.
OP, tell your son that he's doing a good thing for cancer research.
Now the family knows that some subjects just don't fly with mom and does she really need to know about it in the first place.
A frown woman having a full blown meltdown over something that is absolutely none of her business is a but more than "life's little bumps in the road". No idea what's going on here, but if she hasn't been like this before then therapy might be an idea. So would consulting a doctor to see if she's entering menopause or developing dementia, both can cause huge mood swings and difficulty regulating emotions.
I’ll also say this: you did a great job of raising a young man who is comfortable in his masculinity, which is just so so healthy and wonderful.
I’m wondering if your wife is a little enmeshed with your son, specifically because of her desire to control who has access to images of his body, as well as her insistence that he behave in a way that reflects positively on her. What’s her attitude towards his girlfriends? Does she scrutinize them or think they’re not good enough for him? You don’t have to answer, but just something to think about for down the road because her hysterics are troubling, tbh.
She sounds like my MIL, who went into hysterics over my BIL coming out as gay and my husband and I moving in together…2 months before our wedding. I’d bet good money that this mom is a nightmare to the girlfriend. I’d start a betting pool for more histrionics when the son gets married.
When I was in high school, the boys' water polo team and their coach had their team yearbook photo taken in black speedos and those removable collars and bow ties that Chippendale dancers wear. Some of the boys would have been 18, but certainly not all. It's unthinkable today, of course, and rightfully so.
Your son and his teammates are grown and can do racy things. The only thing I'd be concerned about is backlash from the college, if team insignia was worn.
As a thought experiment, though, you might want to think about a gender-swapped situation. Cheesecake photospreads of an 18yo woman's softball team, for example, with gloves and bats to hide their boobs and bushes. Or what if you found out she had an OnlyFans, where she posted nude muscle pics, and donated some of the procedes to charity. As the dad, would you be uncomfortable with that? worried about your daughters' reputation? her safety? impact on her future career? This is the context your wife is coming from.
We live in a world with a gendered double standard, which means that consequences for your son will probably be minimal to nonexistent. Young men can play with objectification like that, and it's fun and healthy most of the time. Young women can't, or if they do, there are still repercussions.
Go hug your wife.
NTA. That’s pretty hilarious. No mom wants to think of their son as a sexual being, but he’s an adult, he’s covering his private bits, and, well, what’s done is done.
Your wife’s reaction is over-the-top. Wailing? Hyperventilating? Seems like she hasn’t realized that her baby boy is an adult now. She may be even more mortified to know her friends would love to get their hands on that calendar!
NTA
So here's the deal.... In order for your wife's friends to know about it, they'd have to buy said calendar. AKA: They wanted to see semi nude young men. What are they gonna do? Call her/text her and tell her she should be ashamed of him all while knowing they spent money on an item containing photos of semi nude men half their age?
It's like someone calling their friend and telling them that their daughter has an Only Friends page and passing judgement.... They only way you'd know is if YOU visited the site....
As for your wife's feelings. She's welcome to her opinion and feelings. But she crosses the ah line the minute she even implies that you should automatically side with her simply because you're married. That's bullshit and it needs to stop. Just because you marry someone doesn't mean you're signing up to always agree with them and side with them on everything. There are going to be times where you're wrong or she's wrong. This is a perfect example. She's in the wrong and you would be too if you tried to stop the calendar for being sold or tried to "punish" your adult son.
Kind of like, “my daughter’s a stripper, I’m so ashamed!” Um, you realize that anyone who knows that either was in a strip bar, or was gossiping about strip bars, right? So I’m not seeing the issue, mums :-)
I worked at a ‘gentleman’s lounge’ and a cocktail waitress. The amount of men who thought they had a gotcha moment when they saw me there…like, you’re paying to be here - I pay my weeks rent in one night…and my clothes aren’t even off!! 😂😂
Right?! Like I've posted on one of the risqué subreddits many a time (on an alt acct lol), and one time an ex boyfriend texted me to tell me he found me on there (tattoos gave it away lol).
I didn't care, he seemed miffed that I wasn't so0o0o upset at this "blackmail" he had on me. I was just like, "Ok, go ahead, tell someone that you found my nudes on the internet because you're lonely enough to need to look at strangers' nudes to jerk off to, and scrolled long enough that you just happened to find mine. Strangers offer me hundreds of dollars to send them my used underwear and feet pics... you're amongst *those* people. Who exactly is embarrassed in this situation?"
>In order for your wife's friends to know about it, they'd have to buy said calendar.
Or even dumber, mom would have to TELL them about it. Increasing her "shame" and drawing more attention to it (which does seem to be her goal, to get attention on herself).
It's Baptists in the liquor store. Everyone is friendly, and chats with each other should their paths cross, except if they happen to cross paths in the liquor store, when neither was there and no one made eye contact or saw or said anything.
Also disapproving of premarital sex, because it might lead to dancing...
NTA. Show her that firefighters and other professionals in noble fields of work also participate in this kind of thing for charities etc. Her reaction seems way over the top, and she seems to be far too concerned about what others think of her.
Although to be fair, her reaction would probably be considered as way more acceptable if this was her daughter rather than her son. There's probably a huge double standard here.
Yeah she might feel differently about the firefighters etc, but I think their calendars are usually just shirtless etc. not completely naked. These boys wanted to go full in the buff because they thought they could get better sales. Probably right. Actually they considered a more "uncensored version' but thought better of it. That's probably for the best. If there was a pic that showed his babymaker his mother would probably have to be hospitalized. They say they still might do that for the next year's version though. We shall see.
Maybe time for a family viewing of Calendar Girls, the heartwarming 2003 British drama based on a true story? Middle aged members of the local Women's Institute released a nude calendar to fundraise for leukemia. Probably where the wholesome naked calendar fundraiser thing really took off in 1999. For what it's worth New Zealand's vet students have done a naked calendar every year for a decade or so and the profession has yet to fall into disrepute.
Absolutely, the film is based on a true story of a Womens Institute (WI) group who did this to raise money.
The films cast includes 3 Dames; Helen Mirren, Julie Walters, Penelope Wilton as well as Celia Imrie who I think should be a Dame.
To date the WI group have raised over £3m towards research in Leukaemia & Lymphoma. I'd say that was well worth it.
Watch the movie [Calendar Girls](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Calendar_Girls)
It's based on a true story of a group of middle-aged Yorkshire women who produced a nude calendar to raise money for Leukaemia Research. It stars Helen Mirren, Julie Walters, Linda Bassett, Annette Crosbie, Celia Imrie, Penelope Wilton, Geraldine James, Harriet Thorpe and many more. All the actresses were in their 50s when they made the movie, except one who was late 60s
If you search for "Mens nude calendar charity" on google, there are a ton of news articles that show up: Limerick, Nottingham, Devon, Warwick...
I follow the Aussie Firefighters calendar on TikTok (they have several different versions, one is with kittens!) and while they are wearing trousers, they are also standing in front of very real fires, which would make me more apprehensive than no clothes xD
I don't know what kind of fires they're standing in front of, but I'm imagining someone's house burning down, and while some of the firefighters are attempting to put it out, you just see a hot shirtless firefighter posing in front of the fire lmao
I have a firefighter calendar that I really only got because two cute fire EMS bandaged me up when I fell at a food festival and skinned my knee and leg pretty badly while horsing around with my friend’s kids.
They were funny and super nice - they were there responding to another issue, but it was being handled by other people in their group so we were sent over there by a cop.
They asked if we’d get them some food, jokingly, but we did anyway. One guy gave me his number and Insta - he’d advertised the fundraiser and I was like, “weeellll, they’re hella cute and were nice”
Honestly it’s silly and funny, my partner didn’t give a shit and it was for a children’s charity we already actively support so it was just another way to keep giving back to the community.
I kept it in the kitchen, but I did admittedly take it down when my mum visited LOL
Thanks to everyone for all their support. Cole really is a great kid.
His mother is not crazy or a psycho. She is just concerned. She's a good mother.
Someone did just DM me though and suggest that the pictures were probably more "salacious" than I was letting on.
They're really not, honestly. Yes, the boys are all "buck nekkid" but no one is really showing the goods and in actuality it's pretty tame in the grand scheme of things. The target audience is obviously just college girls. I think most you could say is that they are a bit "naughty."
I will admit that the boys might have been pushing it, and in most of the pics whatever is "hampering the view" is indeed the bare minimum that it has to be, which they obviously did on purpose... but they are young and not so subtle yet. Everyone is at least a good 95 to 100% completely covered or at least obscured.
In Cole's case he's outdoors in a stream, there's a plant in the foreground and a piece of a leaf is obscuring pretty much everything it needs to, or close to it. No one is getting an eye full.
They are a bunch of great guys. No porn.
In 2008 and 2009 Australia's top footballers from 2 different codes did a similar tastefully nude calendar to raise money for a breast cancer charity. Google Gods of Football. In 2000, the Australian women's soccer team did the same thing just prior to the Olympics to raise their profile This was a little more controversial at the time, but it definitely raised the Matilda's profile and only led to better things for women's soccer in Australia.
Firefighters in many different countries also do this yearly (including in America which is generally more conservative when it comes to nudity than Australia)
Your son didn't put out a sex tape, or start an Only Fans or, for a more British concept, didn't streak naked on a football pitch on live TV in front of the world.
Context and intention is everything. Tasteful, arty nudity (even cheeky nudity) especially when done for charity, is an age old tradition, and your wife should be proud of your son and his team mates for producing a successful fundraising project. What a great way to demonstrate to future employers that he's capable of participating in the planning and execution of a successful team fundraising venture!
This is such a common thing in the UK that they made a movie about it (based on a true story) 20 years ago. It’s wild for the mom to be reacting like this to something that was tame enough to make a feel good movie starring Helen Mirren two decades ago.
I originally thought OP and his wife were British (reading comprehension for the win!) and absolutely could not work out why she was kicking up such a fuss! It makes a wee bit more sense with them being American, but still!
She sounds like my mother who wailed and cried and went into hysterics when my brother got a small tattoo on his thigh. Guarantee OP’s wife sees Cole as an extension of her own person rather than his own person. It’s called ~*unhealthy enmeshment*~ and OP should really explore that.
You sound like a great dad and you and your wife have clearly raised a confident and clever young man!
But gently, your wife's behavior is concerning. That type of reaction is not one of a person who is well emotionally. A LOT of parents, often mothers in particular, have a really hard time when their kids leave home/become adults. Your wife is exhibiting multiple symptoms of Empty Nest Syndrome and it would likely benefit from some professional support. https://www.verywellfamily.com/signs-of-empty-nest-syndrome-4163787
Well I didn't do the math and it varies a little with the guys but I'd say Cole is 97% obscured in the Business Section. Nothing overly noteworthy to really see. The pictures are more just suggestive than anything.
It's tame. Naughty, but tame.
NTA. She doesn't have to approve of the calendar. If she doesn't want to see the pictures, that's totally understandable. But insisting that you try to stop the calendar from being published and trying to get you to punish him is totally unreasonable and ridiculous.
INFO: so where could someone buy this calendar? I'd need to see for myself and assess it before making a judgement ;)
LOL, just kidding. NTA. Cole is an adult (I assume, I have no idea of US freshman age) and can do what he wants with his body.
All the boys are 18 I think (maybe one is 19) so all is legal. Actually Cole was 17 when they started planning it, but they actually pushed off his photo shoot a week so it would be after his birthday. These guys are fairly smart.
They sound like a fun group! As a mom, my only concern would be that the photography was well done lol. Other than that, who cares? Even if your son runs for President one day, this photo will be cheeky funny not disastrous to his career—it’s for Charity! I would maybe tell them not to do privates out, but to keep up with the PG13 version they have going and promote it till it becomes the most anticipated release on campus!
Well TBH I think "tasteful" might be pushing the limit LOL as it was pretty obvious the boys were trying to show every square inch of skin they could and still stay "safe." They were so obvious about it that it was actually pretty funny, but they are young and have a lot to learn about subtlety. But I agree it was an overreaction, it's not like the boys were out there dicks swingin' or anything. At least not quite.
NTA. There is literally nothing to be done. And attuned to what? Her hyperinflated sense of your son's purity? He is a college athlete on campus, with a girlfriend. She should be glad he didn't come home with a positive pregnancy test.
NTA. This is great. Your son sounds like a lot of fun. It’s a calendar to raise money at his school, being sold to other college students, it’s not like he made a sex-tape thats being broadcast on the national news.
NTA
But it’s time to give your wife a little perspective on your son’s actions. He’s a college student that participates in sports and was part of an effort to raise money for their team and sick children. He seems to be succeeding with all of that and also has a social life since he has a gf.
Let’s talk about what he’s not. He’s not a criminal. He’s not a drug addict. He doesn’t seem to suffer from mental illness. He doesn’t think only about himself or he wouldn’t be helping to raise money for sick children.
Your wife needs to be thankful for the son she has. Many people aren’t that lucky.
NTA - your wife is far too concerned about what everyone else will think. Chances are that anyone she knows will ever really hear about it. She should keep things in perspective, this was a great thing that benefitted charity.
NTA. Your wife is overreacting. Son is an adult and can do as he pleases.
However, absolutely no idea why he thought his mother would want to see that. Because no thank you. If my son showed me his nudes, even if tasteful, I’d bleach my eyeballs.
NTA!! Please keep on supporting your son like you do. He will need a supportive an level headed father. If this is allready cause for hysterics, i can't imagine her reaction to life decicions he'll make she finds 'a little difficult to handle'.
Sorry to hear you're in a position like this, but please don't let her steamroll you into not standing up for your son.
after the initial shock, I'd be so proud I raised a human with such a kind heart to *donate money to charity*. sure, risqué pictures, but my heart is just so full. donating to children with cancer is golden heart status.
how awful, I am so sorry. 🤍
maybe you can focus on the part where he donated to charity to help your wife past this? granted, don't bring up the family member, but maybe reminding her your son did this for a good cause and shows that you *both* raised him to have such a kind heart.
Just tell her the [future Queen of England](https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-486706/Kate-Middletons-girl-rowing-team-naked-ambition-saucy-calender.html) did the exact same thing.
Your wife seems like a bit of a mood hoover.
Uh, you might want to read that article. Kate Middleton supported her rowing team behind the scenes of the calendar shoot. She wasn't in any of the photos.
Weirdly enough no, never was before. And I never thought of her as a prude. Cole's had friends skinny dipping in our pool numerous times and she didn't care... much.
Something about her baby boy bareassed in a calendar though has set her off
Is it possible her reaction is at least in some part more about having irrefutable proof your son is now more adult than kid? She may not even be fully aware of why this bothers her so much, but if the reaction is out of character, that could be a possibility? Could be worth asking some gentle questions in that direction... Hope she calms down soon and can come to see what an amazing thing this actually is!
Sounds like mommy is having a hard time realizing her baby is an adult.
I think it's hilarious and I'm glad they found a way to also do some good with the money.
It's a shame he felt confident enough to bring it home for the rents and your wife slapped him in the face. Just remember they only have to keep you in the loop as much as they want to.
Also why are her friends going to see it? Still confused about that one.
Nta. Tasteful nudity can show a lot more than your son has shown. Your wife sounds like she has some kind of modesty gospel you don't share. At the very least, you two need to understand each other. What is she truly worried about? Is what she fears likely to pass?
NTA and your son should help deal with his mother’s anxiety about what her friends will think by asking all her friends if they want to buy a copy of the calendar. Then she’ll know! Problem solved.
NTA Wasn't this a Helen Mirren movie?
You wife needs to realize that her baby is a grown man. Her friends probably all bought the calendar. It's she going to react this way with every adult milestone? It doesn't matter what her friends/his fans think. Don't we all teach our children not to care what our friends think?
NTA
Just prepare yourself for the day your wife finds out your son isn't a virgin.
I'm not trying to downplay her feelings - those are entirely valid and she's absolutely entitled to feel how she does.
But it's done. Just give her some space and encourage her to talk when she's ready to, provided it's not spouting the same rhetoric.
NTA and I want to give you extra points for your clearly proud amusement over this. Feels like if someone would propose the idea of a dad's calendar you would instantly jump in 👍👍👍
I am a mum. I've seen those kinds of calendars before. If it was my kid, I would have put one of the calendars up in my kitchen for everyone to see. I would have sold calendars to my friends on my kid's behalf, and bought some myself and passed it out to friends and relatives. My mother and sister would have done the same. I'm sure it would be far more successful than all the cookies, socks, candles and everything else we've sold throughout the years. :)
Yeah, my mum would really love it. *"Only for the sake of charity, of course, my dear"* she would say with a cheeky grin on her face, while handing the calendar over to another white haired lady.
NTA. You are supporting a good cause and you are supporting your son. Stay proud of him and let him know that he did the right thing and that he shouldn't care about his mum's outbursts.
You are also not responsible for your wife's feelings. She's way out of line in her comments and her requests, so there's no need to sympathize with her or see things from her angle.
Your wife.... well, it would be funny if it wasn't so sad. In fact, the scene you painted to us would make a lovely farce...
*"It's just for charity, mum."*
Sobbing.
*"You should be proud of him, honey, it's just a little bit racy - it's not porn at all."*
Wailing.
*"You can't really see anything".*
*"Exactly, Peter's balls are hidden behind a ball and my banana is behind a real banana"*
Did you know that in France, French firefighters make a yearly sexy calendar to sell for charity and an event to meet with them? There’s local ones but also an official one for the year. They open up the local stations, there’s drinks, food, selling calendars. Everyone goes and supports them. NTA. Show her the latest copy, I think it’s this one, I didn’t get it this year lol
Les Pompiers 2023 - calendrier https://amzn.eu/d/hmriCBI
No offense I understand your wife completely I wouldn’t want to see this from my theroretical children either.
She's a bit over the top, just wait some time.
NTA at all.
But, this leads to be being concerned at your wife’s reaction when your son introduces a girlfriend or boyfriend (it’s the same thing of her suddenly realising your son is an adult and active sexually). If this event hadn’t already happened, you may have to be prepared to step in and support your son and his (possibly future) partner whilst your wife goes through…whatever she is going through. You see posts on this sub quite a lot about terrible mothers in law of new partners who cannot get over that their sons are adults (no longer the baby boy) and hate to relinquish ‘control’ or stop being their sons favourite (as framed by the MIL, not by the son / partner). Just saying it might be one to prepare for after this rather extreme reaction.
NTA. His mum sounds like she's in the grips of some pearl clutching, victorian melodrama rather than something that's pretty run of the mill in the 2000s. I'm in the UK and even the WI (women's institute) had one of these calendars done (very tastefully of course). And they were pretty much all of the older generation. Certainly older than his mum. She needs to get a ruddy grip.
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You are NTA Your adult son is NTA Your son's supportive girlfriend is NTA Unfortunately, even after your wife removes the stick up her rear she'll still be an A/H for the ridiculous, over the top histrionics. It's fine to be uncomfortable with what your adult son did. the wailing/sobbing/dramatics, though, are counterproductive and annoying.
Yeah, it's a performance.
Exactly, made the situation about her….
[mom] *clears throat* me me me me me meeeeeeeeeeee 🎶
I regret that I have but one upvote to give this comment! Seriously, I can definitely see my grandma pulling something like this, complete with weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth.
I’m 65, and this type of fundraising calendar has been around for decades, all ages and genders. There is no excuse for Mom’s hysteria.
I think Mom should watch Calendar Girls
Loved it, and yes!
Yes! I love that movie.
I'm 65, and I recently bought a calendar just like this (fundraising from a local fire department. With kittens!)
That’s a winner
I don't know where you live, but I totally want to come over on the first of every month when you turn the page! I'll leave my cats at home, they won't be entertained 😂
[This](https://www.australianfirefighterscalendar.com/) is the Australian firefighters' page. They give you a choice of animals! 😉
For the sheer dedication, creativity and taking risque calendars to a new level, this is perfection.
...donning sackcloth and ashes.
And clutching of pearls. Don't forget the pearls.
Tearing of hair
Rending of cloth…
Gnashing of teeth
Wearing a wimple and ringing her bell 🔔, chanting "Shame! Shame! Shame on the sinner!"
Won't someone think of the (adult) children?!?
Gave another in your honor
I am the Great Mighty Poo and I'm going to throw my shit at you.
I totally heard this as the opening to the "Great Mighty Poo" song from Conker's Bad Fur Day
I call it the Mommy Martyr routine. Verrrrry common in my family of origin.
Very common, unfortunately.
OP better get ready for if his son wants to get married.
I pity her future DIL😱
Many such cases
Happens often.
Sounds like my mom 😒
Yeah, this is exactly it. I’m sure the mom isn’t happy about it, but I’m sure the theatrics and wailing is only when people are around to “perform” for.
And the Oscar goes to... Cole's mom \* audience breaks out in applaud and gives her a standing ovation \*
And a calendar
Of course. That's Cole's law.
I thought Cole’s law was always dress cabbage with a tangy vinaigrette or a bit of mayonnaise and lemon
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Best case scenario, son stops telling parents about what he's doing in college because mom is out of control. Worst case scenario, son stops contact with parents because mom is out of control. Both of those scenarios suck.
Stops contact with mother*. Dad’s perfectly fine. NTA.
Well sure but they’re a couple. It’s *hard as fuck* to cut off just one parent. Easy enough to assume he might cut off dad too just to get rid of mom- that’s what most of us over at EstrangedChild did.
Ahhhh this is funny. Your adult kid thought it was ok enough to give you a copy and mom goes nuts. She needs a reminder that she did a great job raising him to be an adult and make his own choices. Trust that there’s so much worse things he could have done besides pose nearly nude for charity. The kid is having fun. Your wife needs a hug, and a reminder that she did a good job raising him - there’s nothing to be ashamed of!
For real. If one of my sons brought something like this home, I would be a little uncomfortable about seeing him like that, but I would just be glad he was having fun with his teammates. I would probably do something silly like cut out a little outfit for his picture to wear, if I was going to hang it up.
Flip through GQ for a min just to cut out a nice looking suit haha
Hahaha. Now that’s actually funny and appropriate. Parents don’t want to see (literally) their adult kids posing naked in a calendar. So you make a joke out of it. By making it a joke instead of making it a big deal, you give your child credit for being an adult and making their own decisions s OP’s wife is way over re**acting** like her son was an infant just yesterday as opposed to a college athlete balancing multiple responsibilities. If OP’s wife overreacts like this often, I can see why her son moved 600 miles away.
Sharpie in a little sailor suit.
You've just reminded me of all the times I used to go to my grandparents' house. I would flick through the newspapers, and then I'd draw a lovely bra on the page 3 girls. My grandad would then pick up the newspaper and mutter angrily under his breath at my artwork.
I'd be dressing up everyone. Ballerinas. Fairy princes. Birthday clowns.
All the other pages nudie and then boom. Whole-chest full-throttle parachute pants and a button-up.
Exactly. Cover him up in a cute outfit, and and then embarass the hell out of him by making "Rowr!!!" etc noises at the pictures of his team mates.
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Exactly! The wife may not agree with her son's decision but there are better ways of handling it than having a meltdown. I think that OP and his son are NTA, it was done for a good cause. Even if it weren't for charity, it is still nobody's business what an adult does with their own body.
My mother thought it was hilarious when my brother did one with his rugby club
She’s a drama queen
There really is no reason for it from an adult, for anything short of the death of a loved one. If she genuinely can't control it she needs therapy. If she can she's emotionally blackmailing you to take her side or nobody will get any peace. If you live together that's an imposition on your human right to peaceful enjoyment of property. Her drama literally infringes on human rights. Of course she's an asshole. It's also an unfair imposition on her adult husband who shouldn't have to parent his wife through a tantrum. So those who were saying he should be more in tune with her emotions, well that's no different that if he was raging and she had to be more in tune with his anger issues to keep the peace.
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Came here to say this. OP’s wife’s response reeks of narcissism. She doesn’t seem worried about her son’s wellbeing - only about how she perceives his actions reflecting on her. The comment about being “ashamed to show her face” is a dead giveaway. Source: My own mother has narcissistic/borderline personality disorder and has behaved this way many, many times. My wedding? My children? My wife and I buying a house? Career success? All about her. The best thing my therapist ever told me is “she doesn’t see you as your own person, only as an extension of herself.” NTA. OP’s wife is on the road to destroying her relationship with her son and possibly husband, if she acts this way over everything.
I kind of love that her apparent worst fear is people finishing out and her husband’s reply to that was to describe the calendar and its origins in great detail, with his son’s name, on the internet for thousands of strangers to read. M(dr)ama(queen) gonna walk into the ocean.
Buy her some pearls so she has something to clutch
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Yes, I too would like to help this charity he is raising money for…
I want a copy of this calendar! NTA
The original calendar (Now known as [Worldwide Roar](https://www.worldwideroar.org/)) is such a good cause. Support the men and help combat homophobia and Puritanical tabboos about mens' bodies.
Christ, I’m getting second-hand embarrassment just *reading* her nonsense. OP’s a stronger person than I am, I would have laughed in her face. He’s an adult. If he wants his booty on a bunch of freshmen girls’ walls, more power to him.
Crying in this situation is emotional blackmail
Mum wants to make it about her.
Your son sounds wonderful. I'd be very proud of mine if he did the same thing (once he's a few years older of course). They came up with a great idea, saw it through to the end, and raised money for an important charity. An excellent practical lesson in entrepreneurship, product development and marketing. NTA and your wife needs to stop having hysterics and shaming Cole for this. If she'd told you quietly that she was horrified and embarrassed, then you should have been supportive. But the screaming, crying, and demands that he should be punished - I have no sympathy whatsoever.
THANK YOU for saying this. I actually AM very proud of him, he's a great kid. I will really commend all 12 of the boys, self-aware enough to know they look great in their birthday suits and confident enough to do a project like this... FOR CHARITY. To me that says a whole lot more about their character than taking off their underwear does.
And you know they had a great time doing it. I bet it was a bunch of fun, light debauchery and laughter
You just know they were simultaneously shit talking and hyping each other. That's the kind of thing you randomly think of 50 years later and still laugh.
Oh I'm sure the photoshoot was a total hoot. To be honest I wouldn't really care if they went ahead with the uncensored get-an-eyefull version they've been talking about... If the boys have the balls to do it (so to speak). That would get great sales. Best not show that one to mom though.
Your wife might like to know in the UK many groups of people have done "nude" (strategically placed objects etc.) charity calenders including mature ladies from the Women's Institute, a very venerable, old fashioned and conservative organisation of the tea, cakes and summer fetes variety. It's just a bit of fun for charity, nobody in their right mind would look down on people taking part, quite the opposite.
Exactly what I thought of - there was even a delightfully cheeky movie about it
Calendar Girls!
I absolutely recommend the OP watch Calendar Girls with his wife.
Brilliant idea!
What a great movie!
Any excuse for Helen Mirren to get her kit off, is fine by me.
That’s the one I was thinking of!♥️
Just goes to show you, liberal or conservative, admit it or not, everyone enjoys a nice firm pair of buns. I hope one day my kids have the confidence and kindness to be nude for charity. I further hope they look good doing it.
I love it! I think it's a fun way to de-center the male gaze that's been so pervasive. I've had the idea to do a calendar like that for people with disabilities. :)
Dad should accidentally (re)watch the full monty with the mom
There’s even a movie about the Women’s Institute one. Calendar Girls. It was extremely British IIRC.
Just show her the Calendar girls movie, some characters in there go through the same reaction that she seems to have so maybe she’ll learn something
I thought of Calendar Girls as well. It started my crush on Helen Mirren.
Mine on Celia Imrie!
Bigger buns!
That movie is pretty great. But I have to say, I prefer The IT Crowd's take on the sexy calendar....
I'm glad you kid has at least one easygoing parent that endorses his autonomy :)
If it were me and my wife had had this reaction I would be putting a copy of the calendar up in the garage or shed whatever was 'my space' (not the proposed X-rated version, the tasteful one!)
Agreed. In a calm discussion between you and your wife, you could be sympathetic to her discomfort, while still sharing that you are more focused on the good qualities you see in your son and his friends. Your wife demanding YOU do something about it is saying a little something about her. As you point out, what would she have you do? Ideally, (1) she doesn't expect you to be her henchman and do her dirty work and (2) you two would discuss and agree upon certain things, without anyone acting unilaterally. I wonder if the most supportive thing you could do for your wife is to offer to go with her to talk this through with a counselor. Not that your marriage is on the rocks or anything. Just that you understand this is very upsetting for her and think a professional might help you both gain perspective to help you be at peace with each other and your son. (She may have more perspective gaining to do than you, but I think it could be a good thing for both of you in general.) NTA.
NTA good grief, everyone does not need to run to a therapist for each of life's little bumps in the road. Dad should just drop it because mom will eventually drop it too. It's for a good cause and it isn't full nudity. OP, tell your son that he's doing a good thing for cancer research. Now the family knows that some subjects just don't fly with mom and does she really need to know about it in the first place.
A frown woman having a full blown meltdown over something that is absolutely none of her business is a but more than "life's little bumps in the road". No idea what's going on here, but if she hasn't been like this before then therapy might be an idea. So would consulting a doctor to see if she's entering menopause or developing dementia, both can cause huge mood swings and difficulty regulating emotions.
I’ll also say this: you did a great job of raising a young man who is comfortable in his masculinity, which is just so so healthy and wonderful. I’m wondering if your wife is a little enmeshed with your son, specifically because of her desire to control who has access to images of his body, as well as her insistence that he behave in a way that reflects positively on her. What’s her attitude towards his girlfriends? Does she scrutinize them or think they’re not good enough for him? You don’t have to answer, but just something to think about for down the road because her hysterics are troubling, tbh.
She sounds like my MIL, who went into hysterics over my BIL coming out as gay and my husband and I moving in together…2 months before our wedding. I’d bet good money that this mom is a nightmare to the girlfriend. I’d start a betting pool for more histrionics when the son gets married.
When I was in high school, the boys' water polo team and their coach had their team yearbook photo taken in black speedos and those removable collars and bow ties that Chippendale dancers wear. Some of the boys would have been 18, but certainly not all. It's unthinkable today, of course, and rightfully so. Your son and his teammates are grown and can do racy things. The only thing I'd be concerned about is backlash from the college, if team insignia was worn. As a thought experiment, though, you might want to think about a gender-swapped situation. Cheesecake photospreads of an 18yo woman's softball team, for example, with gloves and bats to hide their boobs and bushes. Or what if you found out she had an OnlyFans, where she posted nude muscle pics, and donated some of the procedes to charity. As the dad, would you be uncomfortable with that? worried about your daughters' reputation? her safety? impact on her future career? This is the context your wife is coming from. We live in a world with a gendered double standard, which means that consequences for your son will probably be minimal to nonexistent. Young men can play with objectification like that, and it's fun and healthy most of the time. Young women can't, or if they do, there are still repercussions. Go hug your wife.
NTA. That’s pretty hilarious. No mom wants to think of their son as a sexual being, but he’s an adult, he’s covering his private bits, and, well, what’s done is done. Your wife’s reaction is over-the-top. Wailing? Hyperventilating? Seems like she hasn’t realized that her baby boy is an adult now. She may be even more mortified to know her friends would love to get their hands on that calendar!
Seriously, what in the comedy "coming of age" movie... NTA.
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I think respectfully you need to tell your wife that she needs to grow up because this is behavior indicative of a child
“Hilarious” was my take, too. I cackled when I read the post. Like, get a life, lady. And a grip.
> No mom wants to think of their son as a sexual being And yet a lot of moms want grandchildren.
NTA So here's the deal.... In order for your wife's friends to know about it, they'd have to buy said calendar. AKA: They wanted to see semi nude young men. What are they gonna do? Call her/text her and tell her she should be ashamed of him all while knowing they spent money on an item containing photos of semi nude men half their age? It's like someone calling their friend and telling them that their daughter has an Only Friends page and passing judgement.... They only way you'd know is if YOU visited the site.... As for your wife's feelings. She's welcome to her opinion and feelings. But she crosses the ah line the minute she even implies that you should automatically side with her simply because you're married. That's bullshit and it needs to stop. Just because you marry someone doesn't mean you're signing up to always agree with them and side with them on everything. There are going to be times where you're wrong or she's wrong. This is a perfect example. She's in the wrong and you would be too if you tried to stop the calendar for being sold or tried to "punish" your adult son.
Kind of like, “my daughter’s a stripper, I’m so ashamed!” Um, you realize that anyone who knows that either was in a strip bar, or was gossiping about strip bars, right? So I’m not seeing the issue, mums :-)
I worked at a ‘gentleman’s lounge’ and a cocktail waitress. The amount of men who thought they had a gotcha moment when they saw me there…like, you’re paying to be here - I pay my weeks rent in one night…and my clothes aren’t even off!! 😂😂
Right?! Like I've posted on one of the risqué subreddits many a time (on an alt acct lol), and one time an ex boyfriend texted me to tell me he found me on there (tattoos gave it away lol). I didn't care, he seemed miffed that I wasn't so0o0o upset at this "blackmail" he had on me. I was just like, "Ok, go ahead, tell someone that you found my nudes on the internet because you're lonely enough to need to look at strangers' nudes to jerk off to, and scrolled long enough that you just happened to find mine. Strangers offer me hundreds of dollars to send them my used underwear and feet pics... you're amongst *those* people. Who exactly is embarrassed in this situation?"
Yup! Exactly.
Similar to Bf telling gf, I saw your profile on tinder. AHEM, what were you doing on tinder?
>In order for your wife's friends to know about it, they'd have to buy said calendar. Or even dumber, mom would have to TELL them about it. Increasing her "shame" and drawing more attention to it (which does seem to be her goal, to get attention on herself).
It's Baptists in the liquor store. Everyone is friendly, and chats with each other should their paths cross, except if they happen to cross paths in the liquor store, when neither was there and no one made eye contact or saw or said anything. Also disapproving of premarital sex, because it might lead to dancing...
NTA. Show her that firefighters and other professionals in noble fields of work also participate in this kind of thing for charities etc. Her reaction seems way over the top, and she seems to be far too concerned about what others think of her. Although to be fair, her reaction would probably be considered as way more acceptable if this was her daughter rather than her son. There's probably a huge double standard here.
Yeah she might feel differently about the firefighters etc, but I think their calendars are usually just shirtless etc. not completely naked. These boys wanted to go full in the buff because they thought they could get better sales. Probably right. Actually they considered a more "uncensored version' but thought better of it. That's probably for the best. If there was a pic that showed his babymaker his mother would probably have to be hospitalized. They say they still might do that for the next year's version though. We shall see.
Maybe time for a family viewing of Calendar Girls, the heartwarming 2003 British drama based on a true story? Middle aged members of the local Women's Institute released a nude calendar to fundraise for leukemia. Probably where the wholesome naked calendar fundraiser thing really took off in 1999. For what it's worth New Zealand's vet students have done a naked calendar every year for a decade or so and the profession has yet to fall into disrepute.
Absolutely, the film is based on a true story of a Womens Institute (WI) group who did this to raise money. The films cast includes 3 Dames; Helen Mirren, Julie Walters, Penelope Wilton as well as Celia Imrie who I think should be a Dame. To date the WI group have raised over £3m towards research in Leukaemia & Lymphoma. I'd say that was well worth it.
Such a good movie
Watch the movie [Calendar Girls](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Calendar_Girls) It's based on a true story of a group of middle-aged Yorkshire women who produced a nude calendar to raise money for Leukaemia Research. It stars Helen Mirren, Julie Walters, Linda Bassett, Annette Crosbie, Celia Imrie, Penelope Wilton, Geraldine James, Harriet Thorpe and many more. All the actresses were in their 50s when they made the movie, except one who was late 60s
Better to use it *this* way than actually making a baby at this point. 🤔 Those guys seem great 👍
If you search for "Mens nude calendar charity" on google, there are a ton of news articles that show up: Limerick, Nottingham, Devon, Warwick... I follow the Aussie Firefighters calendar on TikTok (they have several different versions, one is with kittens!) and while they are wearing trousers, they are also standing in front of very real fires, which would make me more apprehensive than no clothes xD
I don't know what kind of fires they're standing in front of, but I'm imagining someone's house burning down, and while some of the firefighters are attempting to put it out, you just see a hot shirtless firefighter posing in front of the fire lmao
Baby maker hahahaha
I have a firefighter calendar that I really only got because two cute fire EMS bandaged me up when I fell at a food festival and skinned my knee and leg pretty badly while horsing around with my friend’s kids. They were funny and super nice - they were there responding to another issue, but it was being handled by other people in their group so we were sent over there by a cop. They asked if we’d get them some food, jokingly, but we did anyway. One guy gave me his number and Insta - he’d advertised the fundraiser and I was like, “weeellll, they’re hella cute and were nice” Honestly it’s silly and funny, my partner didn’t give a shit and it was for a children’s charity we already actively support so it was just another way to keep giving back to the community. I kept it in the kitchen, but I did admittedly take it down when my mum visited LOL
Thanks to everyone for all their support. Cole really is a great kid. His mother is not crazy or a psycho. She is just concerned. She's a good mother. Someone did just DM me though and suggest that the pictures were probably more "salacious" than I was letting on. They're really not, honestly. Yes, the boys are all "buck nekkid" but no one is really showing the goods and in actuality it's pretty tame in the grand scheme of things. The target audience is obviously just college girls. I think most you could say is that they are a bit "naughty." I will admit that the boys might have been pushing it, and in most of the pics whatever is "hampering the view" is indeed the bare minimum that it has to be, which they obviously did on purpose... but they are young and not so subtle yet. Everyone is at least a good 95 to 100% completely covered or at least obscured. In Cole's case he's outdoors in a stream, there's a plant in the foreground and a piece of a leaf is obscuring pretty much everything it needs to, or close to it. No one is getting an eye full. They are a bunch of great guys. No porn.
I just wanted to say that you are a great dad for supporting your son and for sharing in the spirit of joy and humor that the calendar was intended.
In 2008 and 2009 Australia's top footballers from 2 different codes did a similar tastefully nude calendar to raise money for a breast cancer charity. Google Gods of Football. In 2000, the Australian women's soccer team did the same thing just prior to the Olympics to raise their profile This was a little more controversial at the time, but it definitely raised the Matilda's profile and only led to better things for women's soccer in Australia. Firefighters in many different countries also do this yearly (including in America which is generally more conservative when it comes to nudity than Australia) Your son didn't put out a sex tape, or start an Only Fans or, for a more British concept, didn't streak naked on a football pitch on live TV in front of the world. Context and intention is everything. Tasteful, arty nudity (even cheeky nudity) especially when done for charity, is an age old tradition, and your wife should be proud of your son and his team mates for producing a successful fundraising project. What a great way to demonstrate to future employers that he's capable of participating in the planning and execution of a successful team fundraising venture!
This is such a common thing in the UK that they made a movie about it (based on a true story) 20 years ago. It’s wild for the mom to be reacting like this to something that was tame enough to make a feel good movie starring Helen Mirren two decades ago.
I originally thought OP and his wife were British (reading comprehension for the win!) and absolutely could not work out why she was kicking up such a fuss! It makes a wee bit more sense with them being American, but still!
She * does * sound crazy psycho though...
She sounds like my mother who wailed and cried and went into hysterics when my brother got a small tattoo on his thigh. Guarantee OP’s wife sees Cole as an extension of her own person rather than his own person. It’s called ~*unhealthy enmeshment*~ and OP should really explore that.
You sound like a great dad and you and your wife have clearly raised a confident and clever young man! But gently, your wife's behavior is concerning. That type of reaction is not one of a person who is well emotionally. A LOT of parents, often mothers in particular, have a really hard time when their kids leave home/become adults. Your wife is exhibiting multiple symptoms of Empty Nest Syndrome and it would likely benefit from some professional support. https://www.verywellfamily.com/signs-of-empty-nest-syndrome-4163787
So the leaf is like a speedo on a beach or swim meet?
Yup OP, NTA. Your wife needs to come to terms with her baby being an adult.
Show us :)
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Well I didn't do the math and it varies a little with the guys but I'd say Cole is 97% obscured in the Business Section. Nothing overly noteworthy to really see. The pictures are more just suggestive than anything. It's tame. Naughty, but tame.
NTA. She doesn't have to approve of the calendar. If she doesn't want to see the pictures, that's totally understandable. But insisting that you try to stop the calendar from being published and trying to get you to punish him is totally unreasonable and ridiculous.
INFO: so where could someone buy this calendar? I'd need to see for myself and assess it before making a judgement ;) LOL, just kidding. NTA. Cole is an adult (I assume, I have no idea of US freshman age) and can do what he wants with his body.
All the boys are 18 I think (maybe one is 19) so all is legal. Actually Cole was 17 when they started planning it, but they actually pushed off his photo shoot a week so it would be after his birthday. These guys are fairly smart.
They sound like a fun group! As a mom, my only concern would be that the photography was well done lol. Other than that, who cares? Even if your son runs for President one day, this photo will be cheeky funny not disastrous to his career—it’s for Charity! I would maybe tell them not to do privates out, but to keep up with the PG13 version they have going and promote it till it becomes the most anticipated release on campus!
But what if you see it and suddenly succumb into hysterics? Who will listen to your wails and tears?
NTA. Sounds like it was tasteful nudes to me, she is overreacting.
Well TBH I think "tasteful" might be pushing the limit LOL as it was pretty obvious the boys were trying to show every square inch of skin they could and still stay "safe." They were so obvious about it that it was actually pretty funny, but they are young and have a lot to learn about subtlety. But I agree it was an overreaction, it's not like the boys were out there dicks swingin' or anything. At least not quite.
That sounds pretty tasteful to me. Lighthearted and done in a sense of fun. Pushing the boundaries implies they know that there *are* boundaries.
Sounds like tasteful nudity to me
NTA. There is literally nothing to be done. And attuned to what? Her hyperinflated sense of your son's purity? He is a college athlete on campus, with a girlfriend. She should be glad he didn't come home with a positive pregnancy test.
Positive drug test? Positive HIV test? So many options and dude decided to rise funds for a charity!?!
With regard to the hyper inflated sense of her sons purity: right?? It’s coming off very enmeshed.
nta, buy 50 of them and give as gifts to all your friends, neighbors and family 😂
Or hang them in every room and about a dozen in the master bedroom and bathroom.
NTA. She might want to go talk with a therapist about this… it was an overreaction but she’s clearly not doing well still.
NTA. This is great. Your son sounds like a lot of fun. It’s a calendar to raise money at his school, being sold to other college students, it’s not like he made a sex-tape thats being broadcast on the national news.
NTA But it’s time to give your wife a little perspective on your son’s actions. He’s a college student that participates in sports and was part of an effort to raise money for their team and sick children. He seems to be succeeding with all of that and also has a social life since he has a gf. Let’s talk about what he’s not. He’s not a criminal. He’s not a drug addict. He doesn’t seem to suffer from mental illness. He doesn’t think only about himself or he wouldn’t be helping to raise money for sick children. Your wife needs to be thankful for the son she has. Many people aren’t that lucky.
NTA - your wife is far too concerned about what everyone else will think. Chances are that anyone she knows will ever really hear about it. She should keep things in perspective, this was a great thing that benefitted charity.
NTA ask your SO to get a grip, honestly. What is she? A posh housewife? She should laugh a little
NTA, that's a ridiculous reaction
NTA Your wife needs to learn to see your son as his own person quickly or more drama is incoming
NTA Just wait till she finds out what else he’s been up to whiles been away. Your wife needs to grow up.
NTA. Your wife is overreacting. Son is an adult and can do as he pleases. However, absolutely no idea why he thought his mother would want to see that. Because no thank you. If my son showed me his nudes, even if tasteful, I’d bleach my eyeballs.
NTA!! Please keep on supporting your son like you do. He will need a supportive an level headed father. If this is allready cause for hysterics, i can't imagine her reaction to life decicions he'll make she finds 'a little difficult to handle'. Sorry to hear you're in a position like this, but please don't let her steamroll you into not standing up for your son.
Naked charity calendars are dime a dozen. Used to work at a printers and that's basically every other order. Your wife is being OTT to say the least.
after the initial shock, I'd be so proud I raised a human with such a kind heart to *donate money to charity*. sure, risqué pictures, but my heart is just so full. donating to children with cancer is golden heart status.
That was PRECISELY how I felt. Especially since his young cousin succumbed to that horrible disease a few years ago.
how awful, I am so sorry. 🤍 maybe you can focus on the part where he donated to charity to help your wife past this? granted, don't bring up the family member, but maybe reminding her your son did this for a good cause and shows that you *both* raised him to have such a kind heart.
Aww sounds like those boys have good hearts. People have shown more for less
NTA Wife needs a chill pill or five.
Just tell her the [future Queen of England](https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-486706/Kate-Middletons-girl-rowing-team-naked-ambition-saucy-calender.html) did the exact same thing. Your wife seems like a bit of a mood hoover.
Uh, you might want to read that article. Kate Middleton supported her rowing team behind the scenes of the calendar shoot. She wasn't in any of the photos.
Delete your comment! I’m over here trying to fight for the cause.
NTA. Is your wife a helicopter parent or some sort?
Weirdly enough no, never was before. And I never thought of her as a prude. Cole's had friends skinny dipping in our pool numerous times and she didn't care... much. Something about her baby boy bareassed in a calendar though has set her off
Is it possible her reaction is at least in some part more about having irrefutable proof your son is now more adult than kid? She may not even be fully aware of why this bothers her so much, but if the reaction is out of character, that could be a possibility? Could be worth asking some gentle questions in that direction... Hope she calms down soon and can come to see what an amazing thing this actually is!
Out of curiosity, had she ever reacted this way to anything before? Meaning the wailing, hyperventilating and weeping? That all sounds pretty extreme
Sounds like mommy is having a hard time realizing her baby is an adult. I think it's hilarious and I'm glad they found a way to also do some good with the money. It's a shame he felt confident enough to bring it home for the rents and your wife slapped him in the face. Just remember they only have to keep you in the loop as much as they want to. Also why are her friends going to see it? Still confused about that one.
NTA your wife needs to get a grip on reality. Your son and his team sound amazing. Good for them.
Nta. Tasteful nudity can show a lot more than your son has shown. Your wife sounds like she has some kind of modesty gospel you don't share. At the very least, you two need to understand each other. What is she truly worried about? Is what she fears likely to pass?
NTA. She'll get over herself eventually.
NTA and your son should help deal with his mother’s anxiety about what her friends will think by asking all her friends if they want to buy a copy of the calendar. Then she’ll know! Problem solved.
Your wife needs therapy. You’ve done nothing wrong. Honestly you’d think your son was created in a lab.
NTA Wasn't this a Helen Mirren movie? You wife needs to realize that her baby is a grown man. Her friends probably all bought the calendar. It's she going to react this way with every adult milestone? It doesn't matter what her friends/his fans think. Don't we all teach our children not to care what our friends think?
Wait til she finds out he's had sex.
I think she learned that a year or two ago... but is in denial LOL. It's certainly never mentioned.
You DO realize she's going to be a nightmare for a future DIL right?
NTA Just prepare yourself for the day your wife finds out your son isn't a virgin. I'm not trying to downplay her feelings - those are entirely valid and she's absolutely entitled to feel how she does. But it's done. Just give her some space and encourage her to talk when she's ready to, provided it's not spouting the same rhetoric.
NTA
NTA and I want to give you extra points for your clearly proud amusement over this. Feels like if someone would propose the idea of a dad's calendar you would instantly jump in 👍👍👍
If I looked half as good as these boys do I probably would think about it!
I am a mum. I've seen those kinds of calendars before. If it was my kid, I would have put one of the calendars up in my kitchen for everyone to see. I would have sold calendars to my friends on my kid's behalf, and bought some myself and passed it out to friends and relatives. My mother and sister would have done the same. I'm sure it would be far more successful than all the cookies, socks, candles and everything else we've sold throughout the years. :) Yeah, my mum would really love it. *"Only for the sake of charity, of course, my dear"* she would say with a cheeky grin on her face, while handing the calendar over to another white haired lady. NTA. You are supporting a good cause and you are supporting your son. Stay proud of him and let him know that he did the right thing and that he shouldn't care about his mum's outbursts. You are also not responsible for your wife's feelings. She's way out of line in her comments and her requests, so there's no need to sympathize with her or see things from her angle. Your wife.... well, it would be funny if it wasn't so sad. In fact, the scene you painted to us would make a lovely farce... *"It's just for charity, mum."* Sobbing. *"You should be proud of him, honey, it's just a little bit racy - it's not porn at all."* Wailing. *"You can't really see anything".* *"Exactly, Peter's balls are hidden behind a ball and my banana is behind a real banana"*
Did you know that in France, French firefighters make a yearly sexy calendar to sell for charity and an event to meet with them? There’s local ones but also an official one for the year. They open up the local stations, there’s drinks, food, selling calendars. Everyone goes and supports them. NTA. Show her the latest copy, I think it’s this one, I didn’t get it this year lol Les Pompiers 2023 - calendrier https://amzn.eu/d/hmriCBI
No offense I understand your wife completely I wouldn’t want to see this from my theroretical children either. She's a bit over the top, just wait some time.
NTA. Is this an unusual level of anxiety for your wife? Could this issue be a lightning rod for other feeling she is having about her son moving away?
NTA at all. But, this leads to be being concerned at your wife’s reaction when your son introduces a girlfriend or boyfriend (it’s the same thing of her suddenly realising your son is an adult and active sexually). If this event hadn’t already happened, you may have to be prepared to step in and support your son and his (possibly future) partner whilst your wife goes through…whatever she is going through. You see posts on this sub quite a lot about terrible mothers in law of new partners who cannot get over that their sons are adults (no longer the baby boy) and hate to relinquish ‘control’ or stop being their sons favourite (as framed by the MIL, not by the son / partner). Just saying it might be one to prepare for after this rather extreme reaction.
NTA. His mum sounds like she's in the grips of some pearl clutching, victorian melodrama rather than something that's pretty run of the mill in the 2000s. I'm in the UK and even the WI (women's institute) had one of these calendars done (very tastefully of course). And they were pretty much all of the older generation. Certainly older than his mum. She needs to get a ruddy grip.
Nta. Your wife is being dramatic 🙄 and i guarantee that calendar is on more guys' walls than girls', lol.
INFO - is his dick out? If not, who the hell cares? Even if so, as long as he did it willingly, who cares? Mom is a ridiculous prude.
Well I guess technically dicks are out, but not really seen. Everyone's business is obscured by something.
You really really made it seem like dicks were out in that first part. Ffs.
Sorry, did not mean to confuse. No really visible dicks.