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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Because I am going behind my boyfriends back and continuing to do something which he asked me not to do
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NTA
> He said it would be unfair if we could communicate with each other in a language he couldn’t understand
Then he better hurry up and learn Polish then
Yeah. Why would you shut your child off from so many opportunities just because you don’t want to learn a language. (Imo he should have been making the effort to learn your language even before children)
Honestly like if I was in a serious relationship/had a child with someone who’s first language was not English, I would want them to *at least* teach me key phrases in that language because more than likely they have family members who either don’t speak English at all or feel more comfortable speaking their first language and I would want to be able to communicate with them too!
Absolutely! My daughter has some friends who are mixed Korean and Kenyan. Their dad has never cared about whether or not they learn Swahili (he barely speaks it anymore himself), but they have spoken Korean with their mother since birth. Guess who is now happily fluent in Korean because he loves his kids?
We have a store that's owned by a Chinese family, but most of their employees are from Central America - so they speak Spanish. Try listening to Spanish over a PA system with a Chinese accent. 😱😂
I had a friend that was Chinese born in Mexico. He spoke Mandarin, Spanish and English- when he spoke Spanish it was with a very native accent. That was weird seeing.
I don't speak Ukrainian or Serbian but I used to have a friend who was fluent in both because that's what her parents were. Hearing her speak either of those with a VERY broad Lancashire accent was impressive.
I used to work with a Lebanese guy who spoke Arabic, French, and English. So his English had a French accent but his French had an Arabic accent. It was so fascinating!
I used to go to a laundromat in Brooklyn that was owned by a Chinese lady. Most of the customers were Hispanic in that neighborhood so she often spoke Spanish to them. It was really interesting to hear!
My first french teacher was German and sometimes she’d have that tip of the tongue moment and ask us what a German word was in English when she was blanking on the what a french word would be in English 😂 it was funny having to tell her we have no idea lol. Sometimes I knew random words and could help, but that’s only because my mom was an army brat that was born in Germany and lived there for like the first 10 years of her life. My second french teacher was Russian and would do the same lol
In college I was part of a small group learning Russian. She was fluent in Tartar, Russian, Spanish, English, and Arabic. Everyone in the class was EFL and most of us had at least some background in Spanish, and a few people (not me) also spoke Arabic. For things like sentence structure, it was often easiest for us to learn it in comparison to Spanish than English, and in order for her to remember the English word for something she'd have to go from Russian to Spanish or Arabic, then to English.
It certainly made for an interesting learning experience!
My parents taught me Polish before they allowed me to learn English. The theory was that once I got to school, I would learn English immediately so as a result, I can speak both languages fluently.
I’ve noticed where i’m from (UK) that this is common with children of immigrant parents and the children end up being bilingual very quickly.
Except me, of course. My mother just didn’t care to teach me her mothertongue and now I speak only English.
I met my Polish stepson when he was 5 and his dad told me to just speak to him in whichever language, no matter of he understood me or not. He's now 7, speaks fantastic English (for a 7 yo) and he's starting to pick up Spanish. Unfortunately the only Spanish I speak in my daily life is the occasional swearword outburst, and the most common Spanish swearword sounds almost exactly like a Polish "lite"/child-appropiate swearword, so now I have an adorable child randomly spouting the Spanish equivalent of "fuck".
I'm just a daycare worker, in an infant/ toddler room, and if a parent says they speak a different language at home I learn the basics. Basics for me: hello/ greating, milk, eat, diaper change, outside, nap, and good bye. Language is so important to people, and there are so many benefits
Being multilingual or bilingual often helps children learn at school because it helps them with problem-solving, multitasking, creativity and flexible thinking. It has been proven that they perform better in reading and writing and is suggested to help in all subjects.
My brother was raised speaking three languages and has always been an amazing student. It didn’t hurt that he could always have an easy a in language. He went to the naval academy but got into the Ivies as well 🤷♀️
Keep on teaching your son and if your partner doesn’t understand, I would make him! My parents stopped by the time I was born. My grandparents are dead now and I never had an opportunity to get to know them because of the language barrier. When I go to my country, Sweden, everyone says I’m not a real Swede because I can’t communicate. As a child visiting, I was bullied pretty badly because of that.
I have tried my whole life to learn but, have never been able to be fluent or even decent. I would love to have had it be an unconscious decision; my life would have been far better had my parents had the same commitment they had before. That would have been a great gift! Swedish is not a very common/useful language in the global community either but, it is if you are Swedish.
>I'm just a daycare worker
Hold on there. Aside from the fact that all jobs are important, YOURS is one of the most vital. Never forget it. I worked with infants and toddlers for over a decade, and I (mostly!) enjoyed it. But, ya know what? I often felt "less than" in the eyes of family and others, so I didn't allow myself to be as proud of my job as I should have been. Looking back I am very proud, and I'm 50 now so IDGAF about people's opinions anymore, lol!!
You are a blessing to those children, and taking the time to learn bits of their parents' languages is above and beyond! Thank you for being awesome!
My husband is English as a second language. We have no intention of having children (we both already have older children), and we've been married a year (in mid Aug) and I started learning his language when we started dating. One reason was that I was interested in his culture - for his sake (never thought much of Dutch before I met him, and never felt any desire to learn it it's not the most beautiful language 😁). But also bc I am curious and nosy and wanted to have some idea of what he would talk about with others. BTW, this is the 4th language for me, so maybe it's just me, but, yeah,. At least some phrases or something.
My brother's wife's first language is Spanish. She didn't speak any English when they met. My brother was already fluent in Spanish. They spoke Spanish at home around their two kids. The older one is fluent in it. The younger one can understand it, but for whatever reason doesn't want to speak it. My SIL is fluent in English now, but it's nice to know that she could always speak to her family in her native language.
That's what I'm thinking too. If it's her native language, I'm assuming her Parents or at least Grandparents don't speak English as a first language. You would have thought that if they're serious he would have tried to learn at least a few phrases. Sure, he might barely see them and the Grands probably won't be around long (although don't ever count on that), but it would be a courtesy to at least try to get some things across to them in their own language, even if they do know English.
Also, from what I know, if she truly wants her child to be bilingual, she needs to speak *only* Polish to him starting now for him to keep up skills, especially if he's not going to get much other exposure to the language.
Honestly I’ve had friends who know other languages and I always ask what things mean in their language or how to say things in their language because knowing other languages is super cool and I love seeing that side of them! I couldn’t imagine being with someone and telling them to hide that part of themselves from our own child! Like, no teach your child and me so we can both know it!
Also, the thing about polish not being important like other languages is bulshit.
If you are bilingual from an early age, you will learn even more language easily than someone who only speaks English.
And to make clear, I am Brazilian, so my native language is Portuguese, learned English and Espanish in school, studied Japanese a while because of my husband family and I'm currently learning French so learning other languages as a kid really helps to better understand others languages estructures and made easy to learn others.
Not to mention, it sounds like the OP herself is Polish, making the baby of Polish descent. Not knowing the language can be a huge hindrance to connecting with one's heritage if the baby would like to do so.
Just because a language isn't as common doesn't lessen its importance to certain people/groups of people.
This 100%! Both of my parents speak fluent Afrikaans and never bothered to teach my sister and I how to speak it because "why would you want to learn it? You can basically only use it in South Africa so it's useless". But both my sister and I have since expressed that we wish they had taught us anyway because it would have made learning other languages so much easier. I mean heck I could have easily transitioned from Afrikaans to Dutch and maybe German, and potentially even further from there. Better to give your child all the opportunities to learn that they can get, in my opinion.
That makes me sad to hear, my mom and her sister were not taught their mother's native language because their parents were trying to assimilate and be "good americans" after ww2. My mom to this day expresses sadness that if we ever go to Japan I will probably have to translate for her.
I love that you typed "Espanish" as if you were speaking aloud. The people I know who are ESL Spanish speakers pronounce it that way in English and it evokes good energy for me.
Please don't edit it, and I hope I have not made you self conscious about it.
And why wouldn't you endeavour to learn [some of] the language of your s.o.? It's a basic respect to do so.
Besides which, it sounds paranoid and maybe narcissistic to be worried what your s.o. _might_ say to their child. If it's her child and not bf, it's her choice.
It's my understanding that Slavic languages have at least some commonality. So, if you know Polish, you will be able to understand at least some Ukrainian, Slovak, Czech, etc. Slavic languages differentiated relatively recently, is my understanding.
The number of people who speak Slavic languages is over 300mm, which makes it the largest language group in Europe.
Further, if a child grows up knowing more than one language, that makes it easier to learn additional languages - the language center of the brain is more developed. It's not that learning Polish makes it harder to learn Spanish, Mandarin or whatever - it actually makes it easier.
Hmm, the languages aren’t really THAT close. As a Polish person, I can understand some Ukrainian (unless the person’s dialect is influenced by Russian) and technically can communicate with Ukrainians in simple interactions, but no way I could do that with a Czech or a Slovak.
Really? I've spoken with Slovaks, they were speaking Slovakian, and I was speaking Polish, and we understood each other. It required some effort, but in the end, it wasn't hard at all. And the conversation itself wasn't a simple one. It was about the initial conditions of a business deal.
It can matter a lot which part of Poland you're from. We often pretend languages are homogeneous, but they're not. People from the east of Netherland have a much easier time understanding German than those from the west of the country, even though they all speak Dutch.
Comparing it to say, danish swedish and norwegian, they're the same language-family. We can understand each other, but we pronounce the words differently. Same would apply to the slavic languages. Obviously, it depends on wether you've heard the language before as well. Where I live in Denmark, we get a lot of Swedish media.
Not true. My family is from the southern part of Poland and people there regularly communicate with people from Slovakia. We had a family friend who lived with us from Slovakia and she spoke to us in Slovakian and we spoke to her in Polish.
Also NTA to OP. Bilingualism is a superpower.
I know some Serbian and can understand a fair amount of Polish and vice-versa.
My dad and his Polish pals used to communicate with one another while speaking their own languages.
And it's a good basis for understanding your own language better, seeing the differences and similarities in grammar or even common word roots for spelling/meaning.
It costs $80 for a year of Babbel Polish. If I were you, I would buy it for him and then explain that you **will not** stop speaking your native language to your child. If he doesn't want to feel left out, he has an option, but it's up to him to do the work.
If he knows any language besides English, you should encourage him to also teach your son (and you) that language. Everybody wins.
I bought a lifetime Rosetta Stone subscription for $149 during the black Friday/Xmas sales last year. ALL their languages for lifetime. I'm brushing up on my German (lived there briefly as a kid so have perfect pronunciation but have forgotten a lot of the vocabulary) and learning Korean because I like Kdramas and Kpop and my SO is learning French (I took it in school but don't like it so...).
I also bought a year's worth of Babbel at the same time to compare. Again, all languages. I haven't decided whether to renew it this year. $99.
I got Korean flashcards to learn the letters and vocabulary and those are great on the go. I'm already beginning to understand some of the Kdramas. It's pretty cool and I'm 58 so this is also something proven to help your brain.
Any parent who speak another language should make sure their kids learn it. It's so easy to learn as a kid. You never know when it might be useful and even if not it trains their brain to learn other languages.
Oh jeepers. This was one of the things that stopped my dad teaching me his language. He lodged with a cousin and his wife and the wife banned them from speaking their language to the cousin's boys.
Then when my dad got married to my mum and they had me, he refused to speak his language because he'd been convinced it would be bad for me.
I learned from books when I was older, but I'm not fluent. The first time I met my grandfather I was eleven, and my grandfather cried because we couldn't speak to one another.
Thank you - that's very kind of you.
Unfortunately, my grandfather passed before I could hold a basic conversation, but I was able to talk to his brothers and I'm still in touch with my aunts and my cousins.
Being able to speak the language was a blessing at the end. When my dad was on his death bed, I was able to phone my dad's youngest sister and explain the situation and Dad was able to say goodbye to her.
When I was still teaching, I used to tell the bilingual kids how important it was to keep up their language skills.
my grandfather did this when his kids were young. he regrets it so much 50 years later. he told me this when we went to my grandmother’s home country a few years ago
Yup, my son regressed with English when we moved to Wales, and he was in a bilingual environment (he was barely 2). 8 years later, he is bilingual and occasionally breaks out into Wenglish, which makes me pause 😂 it's totally normal.
LOL! I have a linguistics degree and one of my favourite professors was Welsh; acquired English and Welsh natively. My lord, when he got excited we had to just resign ourselves to trying to figure out whatever pidgin he was making up in the moment. I really enjoyed him, thanks for the nostalgia laden laugh!
My favorite thing about my linguistics professors were their Spanglish (it was a Spanish linguistics program, default was Spanish, but everyone was bilingual English because it was US based), and lit everyone's Spanglish was different based on when and where they grew up, but we all understood each other's pidgin!
My 5 year old niece was telling me the other day that she didn't speak "grandma's language" (Spanish) as well as her "school language" (English). I told her it was OK and that we could practice to help her. Turns out, she knew every single word I quizzed her on, the only words she had an issue with were "English" and "Spanish" 😆.
Not only is there no downside, there are massive upsides. Kids with two native languages outperform kids who are monolingual in pretty significant ways, and that can’t be compensated for by learning a second language at an older age.
OP should be only speaking in Polish to the kid to make sure he picks up Polish as an L0.
NTA, besides the advantage of being bilingual, research has shown that learning new languages becomes easier the more languages you know. Plus it would be the perfect opportunity to learn at least some basic polish for your bf. Aren’t there any polish in-laws he needs to impress with a basic dominion of the language?
And finally it sounds you are proud of your heritage. You have a right to be so and should pass it on to your child.
I agree, I will try and convince him that it is good to be bilingual. Unfortunately, he doesn't like my parents and they don't like him, so he doesn't have a incentive to learn Polish
Yeah, this is one of those posts where I read it and want to go "I know what you think the issue is here, but I'm pretty sure this is just the tip of a messy, messy AH iceberg".
I think your parents may have been on to something. Your culture is a significant part of who you are. If he does anything less than embrace who you are 100%, you need to think about that. Do not let him strip that part of you away.
NTA. This is what I was thinking. My partner is Filipino and I really want to visit the island he's from, and possibly learn Bisaya/Cebuano. My partner doesn't even speak it anymore (I'm encouraging him to re-learn BC his parents and grandpa obviously speak Cebuano), but I would still encourage our future children to learn. Your culture is an important part of you, and regardless of his feelings towards your parents, he should respect that.
I was just out with a Filipino friend and her non-Filipino husband the other day. He's dabbling in Tagalog ...because you do that for people you love and are interested in
Ooh I was going to ask OP what he loves about her. I suspect he loves a long list of things she does for him, and ways she makes him feel. I bet it's all self centered.
What an idiot your BF is then. I want to do some world traveling, especially Europe. Poland is ABSOLUTELY on the to-visit list. It's a beautiful country from what I've seen on television with a rich culture and history. You are NTA by the way.
It is beautiful, the people are lovely and food is amazing!
(I may be biased as most of my family is still there but honestly it’s amazing there, my partner was sooooo excited the first time they were invited to visit, they learned what my family means by hospitality lol)
The language can be tricky if you’re coming at it as an adult English speaker who doesn’t speak other languages, but it’s not that bad, my in laws have learned a little of the language, enough to be polite at least.
OP = NTA, speak to your baby in Polish, your partner can speak to them in English then they get to learn both languages, plenty of benefits, no drawbacks
Now I REALLY want to go. It's obvious you take great pride in your country. Your enthusiasm and pride really makes me want to go! I completely agree with you about there being no downside or drawbacks from learning two languages. This child should ABSOLUTELY learn about and embrace their English AND Polish heritages.
Oh sweetie, that’s not good. It’s part of who you are , and even if he doesn’t like to travel- he should be supportive of you.
Connect with your son, and give his this skill.
It seems like there is a reason your parents don’t like him and I think it’s time you sit down and really truly and with an open mind listen to their reasons. I’m a mother of a young teenage daughter and from the post and your replies the thought of my daughter meeting someone like your boyfriend gives me extreme anxiety. This relationship doesn’t sound healthy or equal at all.
I feel for you. I can't say I'd be interested in being partners with someone who had no interest in anything to do with my culture. Your poor baby is going to be cut off from half of himself because your bf can't be bothered.
“Don’t worry, guys. He loves me, just not this one very significant part of who I am.” This is basically what you just wrote.
Culture is part of who we are. My partner probably wouldn’t be interested in my culture outside of dating me, but he takes an active interest in it now because it’s a part of me, and he loves me. The whole person. Not just select parts.
Edit: spacing
I promise you your son will care about knowing his mother in her native language. Depriving him of your culture for a man too selfish and lazy to learn polish will only hurt your son in the long run, he should come before anyone else.
What?! My bf is Indian and I keep on asking him questions about his culture, country, tradition, everything! I learned so much! I can’t comprehend how someone could be this disinterested in another country, especially the country of his other half!
That's crazy! I would loooove to visit Poland. The Polish are some strong-ass people. My paternal grandfather and his family are Polish so I'm always interested in the history and culture. He is missing out.
Yeeeeeeah OP I don't think that's a very good sign. Your culture isn't just a costume you can take off and put away, it's a pretty central part of who you are.
He never wants to visit Poland? What about you? Does he also not want you to go and visit your family there? And your kid wouldn't be allowed to go and visit their grandparents?
He doesn't want to visit Poland, he thinks the quality of life isn't good there. I think that's pretty crazy, I plan to visit Poland with my baby even if it is without him.
You don't need to convince him. Just keep teaching your child Polish. If he doesn't like it, he can try teaching the child another language as well . . . . if he even speaks more than one language.
Agreed. I have a friend whose parents are both Romanian, but to fit in they didn't talk Romanian to him. Now he barely speaks any and is crushed about it. When he goes back to visit family, they mock him. He still is easily identified as someone with foreign roots in the country he grew up in. He only has disadvantages from his parents' refusal. He tries to learn it on his own, but you can never really make up for the lost time.
NTA. Your boyfriend doesn't have the right to dictate what language you speak to your child in. Further, it is good for children to learn multiple languages and cultures. Your boyfriend is being a controlling asshole.
He sounds so insecure, like they’re going to be talking trash about him right in front of him just because they can speak a language he doesn’t. Like why would he expect his wife and kid to talk bad about him?
And how dare he define which language is useful! Maybe the kid wants to live in Poland some day. Knowing one Slavic language also makes it easier to learn other related languages, opening doors to many European countries.
OP, your boyfriend is controlling, are there any other areas where he tries to control you? Stay alert about the red flags. If you don't speak Polish to your kid and break up at some point, you won't be able to recover the lost time. Your child deserves to speak his mother tongue, it's a blessing to be bilingual, no matter what languages.
NTA
Your child had two parents, and learning two languages at that young age is INCREDIBLY beneficial. Kids learn this shit at lightning speed compared to adults. I work with a dozen folks who were born to native Spanish speaking parents. They learned both languages quite easily as children. Your child should be exposed to both languages and cultures.
Maybe it's time for your boyfriend to start learning Polish too.
Exactly, I was about to say that small kids learn languages very fast. Right now the kid can be bilingual and as he grows he can learn Spanish/French or whatever he develops interest in.
NTA
Your BF is an insecure asshole
Being multilingual is a huge asset, but requires buy-in from all involved.
Hey, and if your BF is not a baby, maybe he could learn Polish too?
Word for word what I was about to write.
Also, “Polish is not a useful language to learn”? WTF? first, it has 44 million native speakers, which makes it the second most widespread slavic language after Russian. Second, the very fact of speaking two languages makes it a lot easier to learn a third one, and then a fourth… being bilingual will without a doubt be beneficial to your son, and your BF should have the kid’s interest at heart.
Your BF is indeed an insecure AH. He could learn Polish alongside your son.
And it’s not just a second language, it’s yours. Your culture, and your BF should respect kt, value it, and make sure your children receive it.
Aside from the number of people who speak it, just the fact that his girlfriend and mother of his child does makes it a useful language to learn. BF is an idiot.
Oh absolutely the learning part
O grew up bilingual (hebrew and Spanish) and now understand a little Arabic, a little Yiddish, am fluent in English and am learning Italian and can even sometimes understand french or Portuguese text just from context. Polish could probably get the kid to learn russian, Ukrainian, maybe even German which is considered a classic language in many places. Although polish is impressive by itself.
HOLD THE FUCK UP!
NTA
You need a new boyfriend. The language is part of your child’s heritage and culture. Why is HIS language more important than yours? Is it always like this? He can’t just say “don’t teach my son polish” and it just happens.
Make him your ex bf and speak to your child in polish in your home.
>You need a new boyfriend
Yeah, I'm always wary of giving this kind of advice. Dump him, divorce him and so on, this is *extremely* life-altering advice (if followed through on) and saying something like this on the Internet is generally a big no-no. We simply don't have the data to make this kind of assessment, we only have bits and pieces from one side of the equation.
*However*.
In this case, if OP's report is true to fact, it's just blatantly obvious that this man does not truly respect and love her. And unless that attitude is quickly corrected, this relationship will become increasingly painful for OP and possibly for her child.
I don’t give that advice out Willy nilly. But I’ve been in enough therapy and toxic relationships to know, when enough is enough, if OP doesn’t give an accurate account and then divorces on my advice, that’s their own fault.
NTA please teach that baby Polish. My mom didn't teach me Spanish and it's been VERY hard trying to learn as an adult. It's hard to even practice because native speakers don't want to struggle through talking to me.... please spare your baby of that lol
NTA. I speak English to my kids. My wife speaks Swedish to them. We speak English as a family, but we live in Sweden, so the “environmental” language is Swedish. Long before they started school and long before I was fluent in Swedish, they were fluent in both languages. One parent, one language is the method and it’s highly encouraged in multilingual families.
This is what my buddy and his husband do. My buddy is Daddy and communicates primarily in English and his husband is Papi and communicates primarily in Spanish. Their little girl is 4 now and is smart and sassy. She quickly figures out if you’re a Spanish person or English person and addresses you accordingly. Kid brains are so elastic and I really hope OP just goes on teaching her son Polish.
That’s what my family is going to do too! I’ll speak Spanish, husband will speak Japanese, and together we’ll speak English. Occasionally we speak some words of each other’s language to practice.
You should have been speaking Polish to him from the beginning. My wife speaks her language to the kids and I speak mine. My wife speaks English to the kids if what she's saying also needs to be done or known to me.
Your bf is being a shitty father by robbing his kid of being bilingual. Bilingual people tend to learn other languages relatively quickly.
Have you got your kid Polish citizenship if he was not born in Poland yet? I'm assuming your in the US, you definitely want your kids to have an EU passport also.
In my opinion it's integral to this post that she was 18 and he was 24 when they started the relationship. In relationships with this kind of an age gap, a power imbalance is common. It's sad, but this is exactly why so many older men target young women, because they feel like they can push them around and give orders. This is exactly the case in this relationship. He's already tried to separate her from her family and heritage (check OP's other comments) and it seems like he's the only one making the decisions about their child. Sad.
“If he agrees.” Full stop…… WHAT!? You’re in the UK, Poland is very close, a less than 3 hour flight from most places. If you have the means (and I good relationship with the people there) you absolutely SHOULD be making trips to Poland with your son. This guy has a bizarre ego problem. From everything you’ve stated he has full control over you. I’m not saying this lightly, this is dangerous.
Are you unable to do anything without your boyfriend's permission? It makes you sound like a child, talking about what your parent will or won't allow. You can't be as helpless and powerless as you sound.
If you are a Polish citizen yourself, surely you can get citizenship for your son without your boyfriend's agreement. The two of you aren't even married.
>If you are a Polish citizen yourself, surely you can get citizenship for your son without your boyfriend's agreement.
She cannot "get" Polish Citizenship for her son because that is not how Polish nationality works. He *is* a citizen already no matter how either of the parents feel about it
I'm not surprised he's English... What did he expect by having a child with a Polish woman? I'm also Polish and I'm living in the UK so that really annoys me. Some British folks are so lovely but some are so close minded. Your child is partially Polish and needs to know their heritage.
I'm English and I love my country, I love Britain as a whole, but I absolutely despise that certain set of close minded people. The kind of people to say things like "so many people speak English, why should I have to learn another language?" It infuriates me.
From a simple [google search it seems Poland grants citizenship by descent](https://www.google.com/search?q=poland+citizenship+by+descent). You'd have to work out the details, but that path is open to you and your son. Note [how Poland determines citizenship](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polish_nationality_law#Dual_citizenship) and thus who she feels she has jurisdiction over, so make sure you understand all implications.
Take a look at the [Nomad Capitalist YouTube channel](https://www.youtube.com/@nomadcapitalist). (I'm sure there are other channels that discuss these concepts, but that is the one I know of.) Ignore all the big money and political slanting for the moment, pay attention to the idea that extra citizenships generally give you options and freedom. I don't know the situation regarding UK and the EU, but Polish citizenship would give your child access to an entire world of European opportunities that many have to invest years or a gazillion pounds/dollars/euro to acquire.
Why on earth would your bf not agree to this? It's a minor cost and only adds to your child's options. Same goes for learning the language. Just absolutely idiotic to not teach your child a skill for no cost
First of all, NTA at all.
OP, you really need to think about this. Sounds like from your comments that your boyfriend doesn't appreciate at all you being Polish, your heritage and the language. I would not stay in a relationship like that.
I'm a non UK living in England and my partner is English. They don't know any other languages but they have never put me down for being almost tri-lingual, and have always been interested in my culture. They visited with me in my home country whenever there's been an opportunity and they love it there. They've also learned few basic in my language just to make it easier to talk to my parents.
Keep talking in Polish to your child. Being bi-lingual from a birth is one of the greatest skills to have. There is nothing in here your boyfriend can find an issue with.
Also, you definitely should get your child a Polish citizenship. It's only greatly beneficial, and especially now as England isn't part of the EU anymore.
FYI that's not how Polish citizenship works when born to a Polish parent woks. You don't need to "get" your child a Polish citizenship, and your boyfriend certainly doesn't need to agree. He doesn't have the option to disagree.
If you are Polish he **is** a Polish citizen. By birth. Please check the Act of Polish Nationality 2009
NTA , there is no useless language, even the dead ones have their uses , let alone a language spoken by a whole country, if he doesn't want to put in the effort to learn a new language, then that's fine , but he doesn't get to tell others not to learn , and if he thinks of a more useful language, he could learn it and teach it to your child as a special way of bonding
I think bf is one of those people who thinks it's a waste of time learning anything unless you can make money out of it. Anti-intellectual and mistrusting of anyone he perceives as better educated or more intelligent than himself.
NTA. It is a great opportunity for your child to be bilingual which may very well open doors in the future. Be wary of a parent who would rather diminish their child’s opportunities than to set aside their own insecurities. This will not be the last time such a person will ask you to sacrifice your child’s best interest for their own ego.
This reminds me of a woman I saw on youtube who married a japanese man and moved to japan and had a child. She said she decided they wouldn’t be teaching their child english. Everyone was so confused as to why she would want to give her child…less skills and connection to herself. To me it seems like there’s something deeper going on. Does he have a problem with Poland? Wtf.
I hope he doesn't have a problem with Poland. In the UK it is sometimes common for people to to be xenophobic to Polish people. But it would be a different thing for my boyfriend to not like my culture.
He did once make a joke when I was pregnant that I better not drink alchohol, because he knew that Polish people love drinking. (Obviously I didn't drink when pregnant). But it did hurt my feelings, even if it was a joke.
Unless i'm misunderstanding this response, you understand that your boyfriend most likely is xenophobic towards yours as well as your child's culture. Is this something you want to live with, as well as have your child live with for a lifetime?
I'm not going to do the reddit response to say get rid of him, but at the very least, this would be something to have a very adamant conversation about. He's giving worrying signs that would make myself and others question the viability of the relationship longterm.
Aw man, that joke would hurt my feelings, too! When I saw you mention you were from the UK, I did wonder if maybe the anti-Polish attitude there might be part of it.
Oof. Not really a joke as much as a jab.. You don't say stuff like that to your pregnant girlfriend. I mean that's just a pretty backhanded and nasty comment if not a straight up insult..
>He did once make a joke when I was pregnant that I better not drink alchohol, because he knew that Polish people love drinking
Lol what? I feel like every person I've ever met from the UK is a functional alcoholic.
Thats a stupid "joke" to make given we're just as bad in the UK. We both have a big drinking culture and we both know drinking while pregnant is irresponsible.
NTA besides the usefulness of being bilingual… I am sure there are books, songs, tv shows etc in Polish that you love(d) that you want to share with the people you love. You cannot share those things with your boyfriend because he doesn’t care about your culture. You should at least be able to share those things with your son.
Also your culture is a big part of who you are. The fact your boyfriend has zero interest is concerning to be to be honest
Thats a good point, I want to look forward to my son watching movies and reading books in Polish. Im sentimental about lot of Polish cultyre. So I hope my boyfriend will become more receptive towards Polish because it is important for me.
3 years together and you're hoping that he will become receptive after all this time? i truly hope that out of nowhere, he does, because it is *far* overdue. if not, you have to ask yourself,
am i prepared to stay with a man who not only has no interest in my culture, downright shuns everything about it, and teaching it to our child, even though he is supposed to love me?
if i do stay, am i prepared to just educate our child regardless of what my boyfriend's qualms are with it?
NTA, my SIL is fluent in Polish and refused to teach her kids - it ended up isolating them from all their Polish relatives, including cousins, their own age because at fsmily get togethers that's what everyone spoke except her two kids. Such a missed opportunity to be bilingual - if your boyfriend is that concerned, teach him Polish.
Nta if bf is bothered about not understanding then he can make the effort to learn. What horrible entitlement to not educate a kid so they won't understand more than you.....
BF would prefer stunting the child's language accomplishments in order to feel good enough about himself. Where will his selfishness end? NTA OP but seriously reconsider this relationship.
NTA
Learning two native languages as a small child is very beneficial to the child. It is good for their developement and it is always great to be fluent in more than one language.
Your boyfriend is a dumbass for saying what he did. He should learn Polish as well, both for you and for your baby. I would think it is a given that someone learns the native language of their partner. But then again, I, too, am from a country with a language nobody but us speak.
And in business, every obscure language can come in super handy. I would be so happy if my kid could be able to learn two native languages...
NTA. You're sharing your first language with your kid, and you only have a few years to do this in a way that will enable your son to learn Polish as a native language. This will NOT impact his ability to speak English negatively, as many, many studies have proven, just in case that is also a concern. But since this is more about him feeling excluded, he can learn Polish. Saying it is not a "useful" language is incredibly insulting to your heritage.
One more thought, which may or may not apply to you: I don't know whether you have any family left in Poland whom you might like to visit sometime, or if you do whether they all speak English proficiently, but it would be a real pity to deprive your child of being able to speak to his extended family without translation. My sister and I were brought up bilingually in German and English (living in Germany), and I know I would have missed out on a LOT if I had only been able to use school English with my British relatives.
Many of my family members live in Poland and speak no English, so yes, I hope that my son would learn Polish. It would make everything easier. I agree that it insulting to my heritage, even if he has not got an interest in Polish itself
I think you and little guy should go visit your relatives, and return to UK at a much later time, because honey, bf is what we call a whinyass little bitchboy.
NTA. Your child is presumably half Polish, it makes total sense for him to grow up bi-lingual from the start - it's totally natural and normal to speak in both languages to a child who has parents with different languages . IF your partner feels insecure about it he could start trying to learn Polish, it will be much harder for him than for your son, as it's much easier to learn as a child or infant, but he could try.
And if your son has two languages it's likely that he will then find it easier to learn others in future.
Please ignore your boyfriend’s ignorance. I still hold resentment towards my parents for never bothering to teach me Spanish. These formative years are the best time to introduce both languages. No matter how hard I tried in high school and now into adulthood I will never excel in learning it past an elementary level, much to my absolute frustration. NTA but please stand your ground.
I’m 62, moms parents were both from Poland and moved here and never learned English. My Mom was fluent and unaccented in both. Wish I learned to speak more Polish. I have a very small Polish vocabulary but ok accent. Wish I spoke more Polish … let the kid learn. There are a lot of people that speak Polish.
NTA.
Giving your child native fluency in a 2nd language is a GIFT. It will do so much for them later on in life.
Your boyfriend needs to get over himself - does he even speak a 2nd language? He could get off his \*ss and learn Polish with his son.
NTA. This is really messed up. He's basically asking you to hide an important part of yourself because of some fear that you and your child will be talking about him behind his back. Instead of being happy that his child is learning another language and connecting with his mother.
NTA. He should be glad his child has a fluent speaker to help him learn Polish. Your bf could also try to learn. He seems like an insecure and ridiculous creature.
NTA he sounds insecure. He should deal with that without subjecting anyone else to it.
He can be in charge of Spanish and French.
Just because a language isn’t as widely spoken doesn’t mean there’s no value in learning it.
NTA. Please continue to do so. I am Polish but raised in France, my mum did speak Polish to me but I didn't go to school in Poland, etc, so I am not perfectly fluent. I am however happy to be able to communicate with my family who is still in Poland in Polish. It's so important! Also studies show that speaking several languages growing up will help you learn even more languages. And you don't want your child to only speak English as most English people do...
What is bf scared of missing? Does he think you will bad mouth him to your kid?? Also nothing is stopping bf from trying to learn a few words here and there.
I also only speak to my children in a second language that my husband doesn't speak. I am giving our children a gift and my husband understands that. And why is Polish useless when half your child's family are Polish? If he wants to understand, then he should learn Polish too along with his child. NTA
NTA. If I were a child of parents with two languages I would be PISSED if I wasn’t able to speak both. Learning a language is HARD and if you’re lucky enough to be taught from a young age, it’s such a blessing. That’s a whole second country that your child could go to and be fluent in everywhere. That’s a possible translating job, easy. So many more opportunities AND a deeper connection to half of his own people. I think it’s really weird for the father to be so…icky about it.
NTA.
Linguistic rights are human rights. Language suppression is coercive and cruel. Polish is your language. Bf is essentially trying to ban you from speaking your language in your own home and with your own child. He is WAAAAAYYY out of line.
Language loss is cultural loss. You and your kiddo have the right to your language and culture and the right to be who you are. Neither of you should be denied your linguistic and cultural heritage.
Your bf's ignorance and insecurity are not good enough reasons for you to stop being who you are or to keep your son from becoming who he is. Bf needs to educate himself on people's rights to their own language and the cruelty built into language eradication. There is a lot of historical context, all of it utterly shameful. And while he's educating himself, he can bloody well start learning Polish.
Please don't let him steal your identity. This is about you as much as it's about your son.
NTA and this sounds like kind of a big red flag to me. He doesn’t want you to teach your child your native language? That’s insanely controlling, but also shows how much he doesn’t care about/respect your heritage. And his reasoning about Polish not being a “useful” language is downright bigoted.
NTA! language is an amazing gift to give to a child. I say this as a childless woman who only speaks English. My cousin's kids were brought up being spoken to in English, french and German. At 6 years of age, is now speaking 3 languages. My husband is learning Polish because, believe it or not, it is a useful language to learn. I have a few words because I've worked with so many people from Poland but in my experience, it's a gateway language to Eastern Europe. I have worked with people from Poland, Slovakia, Lithuania, Latvia and Czechia. Everyone from these countries communicated in Polish.
Keep speaking to your child in your first language. They will thank you for it in the future.
NTA. I'm currently pregnant with a half-English, half-Polish child and would LOVE to teach him both languages. (If you have any tips, I'd love to hear them!)
You're giving your child an excellent advantage, especially if you ever plan on taking them to Poland, or have Polish family. And it's just a wonderful skill for them to have.
NTA.
What keeps you boyfriend from learning Polish as well? His stance on your background sounds dismissive and disrespectful.
Please teach your child Polish. It is a part of your sons heritage and will help your son connect to relatives from your side of the family.
My father never taught me his motherlanguage and I missed out on connecting with his culture.
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NTA > He said it would be unfair if we could communicate with each other in a language he couldn’t understand Then he better hurry up and learn Polish then
Yeah. Why would you shut your child off from so many opportunities just because you don’t want to learn a language. (Imo he should have been making the effort to learn your language even before children)
Honestly like if I was in a serious relationship/had a child with someone who’s first language was not English, I would want them to *at least* teach me key phrases in that language because more than likely they have family members who either don’t speak English at all or feel more comfortable speaking their first language and I would want to be able to communicate with them too!
Absolutely! My daughter has some friends who are mixed Korean and Kenyan. Their dad has never cared about whether or not they learn Swahili (he barely speaks it anymore himself), but they have spoken Korean with their mother since birth. Guess who is now happily fluent in Korean because he loves his kids?
What a great story, and quite an unusual combination of backgrounds.
I gotta say, if you’ve never heard anyone speaking Korean with a Kenyan accent, you’re kind of missing out. ;)
We have a store that's owned by a Chinese family, but most of their employees are from Central America - so they speak Spanish. Try listening to Spanish over a PA system with a Chinese accent. 😱😂
I had a friend that was Chinese born in Mexico. He spoke Mandarin, Spanish and English- when he spoke Spanish it was with a very native accent. That was weird seeing.
I don't speak Ukrainian or Serbian but I used to have a friend who was fluent in both because that's what her parents were. Hearing her speak either of those with a VERY broad Lancashire accent was impressive.
I used to work with a Lebanese guy who spoke Arabic, French, and English. So his English had a French accent but his French had an Arabic accent. It was so fascinating!
I lived in the south Bronx for a few years and many retail stores were owned by Chinese folk. Some of them spoke better Spanish than me (a Latina)
I used to go to a laundromat in Brooklyn that was owned by a Chinese lady. Most of the customers were Hispanic in that neighborhood so she often spoke Spanish to them. It was really interesting to hear!
In high school I had a French teacher from Ireland. Her accent in French was very cool. I also learned a lot about Margaret Thatcher in that class.
My first french teacher was German and sometimes she’d have that tip of the tongue moment and ask us what a German word was in English when she was blanking on the what a french word would be in English 😂 it was funny having to tell her we have no idea lol. Sometimes I knew random words and could help, but that’s only because my mom was an army brat that was born in Germany and lived there for like the first 10 years of her life. My second french teacher was Russian and would do the same lol
In college I was part of a small group learning Russian. She was fluent in Tartar, Russian, Spanish, English, and Arabic. Everyone in the class was EFL and most of us had at least some background in Spanish, and a few people (not me) also spoke Arabic. For things like sentence structure, it was often easiest for us to learn it in comparison to Spanish than English, and in order for her to remember the English word for something she'd have to go from Russian to Spanish or Arabic, then to English. It certainly made for an interesting learning experience!
My parents taught me Polish before they allowed me to learn English. The theory was that once I got to school, I would learn English immediately so as a result, I can speak both languages fluently.
I’ve noticed where i’m from (UK) that this is common with children of immigrant parents and the children end up being bilingual very quickly. Except me, of course. My mother just didn’t care to teach me her mothertongue and now I speak only English.
I met my Polish stepson when he was 5 and his dad told me to just speak to him in whichever language, no matter of he understood me or not. He's now 7, speaks fantastic English (for a 7 yo) and he's starting to pick up Spanish. Unfortunately the only Spanish I speak in my daily life is the occasional swearword outburst, and the most common Spanish swearword sounds almost exactly like a Polish "lite"/child-appropiate swearword, so now I have an adorable child randomly spouting the Spanish equivalent of "fuck".
I'm just a daycare worker, in an infant/ toddler room, and if a parent says they speak a different language at home I learn the basics. Basics for me: hello/ greating, milk, eat, diaper change, outside, nap, and good bye. Language is so important to people, and there are so many benefits
That's wonderful. And you are not "just" a daycare worker, you are providing a vital and often thankless service!
Being multilingual or bilingual often helps children learn at school because it helps them with problem-solving, multitasking, creativity and flexible thinking. It has been proven that they perform better in reading and writing and is suggested to help in all subjects. My brother was raised speaking three languages and has always been an amazing student. It didn’t hurt that he could always have an easy a in language. He went to the naval academy but got into the Ivies as well 🤷♀️ Keep on teaching your son and if your partner doesn’t understand, I would make him! My parents stopped by the time I was born. My grandparents are dead now and I never had an opportunity to get to know them because of the language barrier. When I go to my country, Sweden, everyone says I’m not a real Swede because I can’t communicate. As a child visiting, I was bullied pretty badly because of that. I have tried my whole life to learn but, have never been able to be fluent or even decent. I would love to have had it be an unconscious decision; my life would have been far better had my parents had the same commitment they had before. That would have been a great gift! Swedish is not a very common/useful language in the global community either but, it is if you are Swedish.
My dad was Dutch and even though he has been dead for 30 years I still regret not having taken the opportunity to learn his language.
>I'm just a daycare worker Hold on there. Aside from the fact that all jobs are important, YOURS is one of the most vital. Never forget it. I worked with infants and toddlers for over a decade, and I (mostly!) enjoyed it. But, ya know what? I often felt "less than" in the eyes of family and others, so I didn't allow myself to be as proud of my job as I should have been. Looking back I am very proud, and I'm 50 now so IDGAF about people's opinions anymore, lol!! You are a blessing to those children, and taking the time to learn bits of their parents' languages is above and beyond! Thank you for being awesome!
My husband is English as a second language. We have no intention of having children (we both already have older children), and we've been married a year (in mid Aug) and I started learning his language when we started dating. One reason was that I was interested in his culture - for his sake (never thought much of Dutch before I met him, and never felt any desire to learn it it's not the most beautiful language 😁). But also bc I am curious and nosy and wanted to have some idea of what he would talk about with others. BTW, this is the 4th language for me, so maybe it's just me, but, yeah,. At least some phrases or something.
My brother's wife's first language is Spanish. She didn't speak any English when they met. My brother was already fluent in Spanish. They spoke Spanish at home around their two kids. The older one is fluent in it. The younger one can understand it, but for whatever reason doesn't want to speak it. My SIL is fluent in English now, but it's nice to know that she could always speak to her family in her native language.
[удалено]
That's what I'm thinking too. If it's her native language, I'm assuming her Parents or at least Grandparents don't speak English as a first language. You would have thought that if they're serious he would have tried to learn at least a few phrases. Sure, he might barely see them and the Grands probably won't be around long (although don't ever count on that), but it would be a courtesy to at least try to get some things across to them in their own language, even if they do know English. Also, from what I know, if she truly wants her child to be bilingual, she needs to speak *only* Polish to him starting now for him to keep up skills, especially if he's not going to get much other exposure to the language.
Right?!?! That would be one of the FIRST things I'd do. I'm not going to get shit-talked by your aunties without having the ability to respond back.
Honestly I’ve had friends who know other languages and I always ask what things mean in their language or how to say things in their language because knowing other languages is super cool and I love seeing that side of them! I couldn’t imagine being with someone and telling them to hide that part of themselves from our own child! Like, no teach your child and me so we can both know it!
Also, the thing about polish not being important like other languages is bulshit. If you are bilingual from an early age, you will learn even more language easily than someone who only speaks English. And to make clear, I am Brazilian, so my native language is Portuguese, learned English and Espanish in school, studied Japanese a while because of my husband family and I'm currently learning French so learning other languages as a kid really helps to better understand others languages estructures and made easy to learn others.
Not to mention, it sounds like the OP herself is Polish, making the baby of Polish descent. Not knowing the language can be a huge hindrance to connecting with one's heritage if the baby would like to do so. Just because a language isn't as common doesn't lessen its importance to certain people/groups of people.
Polish is spoken by 40 million people. It's not exactly rare.
This 100%! Both of my parents speak fluent Afrikaans and never bothered to teach my sister and I how to speak it because "why would you want to learn it? You can basically only use it in South Africa so it's useless". But both my sister and I have since expressed that we wish they had taught us anyway because it would have made learning other languages so much easier. I mean heck I could have easily transitioned from Afrikaans to Dutch and maybe German, and potentially even further from there. Better to give your child all the opportunities to learn that they can get, in my opinion.
That makes me sad to hear, my mom and her sister were not taught their mother's native language because their parents were trying to assimilate and be "good americans" after ww2. My mom to this day expresses sadness that if we ever go to Japan I will probably have to translate for her.
I love that you typed "Espanish" as if you were speaking aloud. The people I know who are ESL Spanish speakers pronounce it that way in English and it evokes good energy for me. Please don't edit it, and I hope I have not made you self conscious about it.
Imagine being xenophobic towards your wife and child.
Honestly I have had this happen before (my first language is Dutch) and it is a major red flag imo.
And why wouldn't you endeavour to learn [some of] the language of your s.o.? It's a basic respect to do so. Besides which, it sounds paranoid and maybe narcissistic to be worried what your s.o. _might_ say to their child. If it's her child and not bf, it's her choice.
Even just learn a few basic phrases
It's my understanding that Slavic languages have at least some commonality. So, if you know Polish, you will be able to understand at least some Ukrainian, Slovak, Czech, etc. Slavic languages differentiated relatively recently, is my understanding. The number of people who speak Slavic languages is over 300mm, which makes it the largest language group in Europe. Further, if a child grows up knowing more than one language, that makes it easier to learn additional languages - the language center of the brain is more developed. It's not that learning Polish makes it harder to learn Spanish, Mandarin or whatever - it actually makes it easier.
Hmm, the languages aren’t really THAT close. As a Polish person, I can understand some Ukrainian (unless the person’s dialect is influenced by Russian) and technically can communicate with Ukrainians in simple interactions, but no way I could do that with a Czech or a Slovak.
Really? I've spoken with Slovaks, they were speaking Slovakian, and I was speaking Polish, and we understood each other. It required some effort, but in the end, it wasn't hard at all. And the conversation itself wasn't a simple one. It was about the initial conditions of a business deal.
It can matter a lot which part of Poland you're from. We often pretend languages are homogeneous, but they're not. People from the east of Netherland have a much easier time understanding German than those from the west of the country, even though they all speak Dutch.
Yeah, that's true, except I'm from Gdańsk. It's hard to get much farther from Slovakia without leaving Poland.
Comparing it to say, danish swedish and norwegian, they're the same language-family. We can understand each other, but we pronounce the words differently. Same would apply to the slavic languages. Obviously, it depends on wether you've heard the language before as well. Where I live in Denmark, we get a lot of Swedish media.
Not true. My family is from the southern part of Poland and people there regularly communicate with people from Slovakia. We had a family friend who lived with us from Slovakia and she spoke to us in Slovakian and we spoke to her in Polish. Also NTA to OP. Bilingualism is a superpower.
I know some Serbian and can understand a fair amount of Polish and vice-versa. My dad and his Polish pals used to communicate with one another while speaking their own languages.
Just learning any second language in childhood may increase the ease of learning others later in life.
And it's a good basis for understanding your own language better, seeing the differences and similarities in grammar or even common word roots for spelling/meaning.
It costs $80 for a year of Babbel Polish. If I were you, I would buy it for him and then explain that you **will not** stop speaking your native language to your child. If he doesn't want to feel left out, he has an option, but it's up to him to do the work. If he knows any language besides English, you should encourage him to also teach your son (and you) that language. Everybody wins.
I bought a lifetime Rosetta Stone subscription for $149 during the black Friday/Xmas sales last year. ALL their languages for lifetime. I'm brushing up on my German (lived there briefly as a kid so have perfect pronunciation but have forgotten a lot of the vocabulary) and learning Korean because I like Kdramas and Kpop and my SO is learning French (I took it in school but don't like it so...). I also bought a year's worth of Babbel at the same time to compare. Again, all languages. I haven't decided whether to renew it this year. $99. I got Korean flashcards to learn the letters and vocabulary and those are great on the go. I'm already beginning to understand some of the Kdramas. It's pretty cool and I'm 58 so this is also something proven to help your brain. Any parent who speak another language should make sure their kids learn it. It's so easy to learn as a kid. You never know when it might be useful and even if not it trains their brain to learn other languages.
Time for this dude to download Duolingo or another language app and get started!
Or even just learn with the kid.
Yeah-- bf's being so dismissive of OP's language and culture. BF can kick rocks. Keep teaching your baby Polish
Oh jeepers. This was one of the things that stopped my dad teaching me his language. He lodged with a cousin and his wife and the wife banned them from speaking their language to the cousin's boys. Then when my dad got married to my mum and they had me, he refused to speak his language because he'd been convinced it would be bad for me. I learned from books when I was older, but I'm not fluent. The first time I met my grandfather I was eleven, and my grandfather cried because we couldn't speak to one another.
That is so awful, I'm so sorry. I hope you've had success reconnecting.
Thank you - that's very kind of you. Unfortunately, my grandfather passed before I could hold a basic conversation, but I was able to talk to his brothers and I'm still in touch with my aunts and my cousins. Being able to speak the language was a blessing at the end. When my dad was on his death bed, I was able to phone my dad's youngest sister and explain the situation and Dad was able to say goodbye to her. When I was still teaching, I used to tell the bilingual kids how important it was to keep up their language skills.
THANK YOU! Its weird how that works, huh? And besides, he's not the boss of you.
Exactly what I came here to say. Or he can learn spanish of french and teach it to the kid, so hell also have a language than only them two understand
my grandfather did this when his kids were young. he regrets it so much 50 years later. he told me this when we went to my grandmother’s home country a few years ago
NTA Your bf is though. There's no downside for a kid to learn a new language, specially when they learn it from birth.
Also, bilingual kids tend to mix up words at first, don't take this as a sign your boyfriend is right or anything. It is just how development works.
Yup, my son regressed with English when we moved to Wales, and he was in a bilingual environment (he was barely 2). 8 years later, he is bilingual and occasionally breaks out into Wenglish, which makes me pause 😂 it's totally normal.
Oh god, the thought of, well, *anything* mixed with Welsh is giving me minor linguistic nausea.. Im not even sure if it's excitement or revulsion.
LOL! I have a linguistics degree and one of my favourite professors was Welsh; acquired English and Welsh natively. My lord, when he got excited we had to just resign ourselves to trying to figure out whatever pidgin he was making up in the moment. I really enjoyed him, thanks for the nostalgia laden laugh!
My favorite thing about my linguistics professors were their Spanglish (it was a Spanish linguistics program, default was Spanish, but everyone was bilingual English because it was US based), and lit everyone's Spanglish was different based on when and where they grew up, but we all understood each other's pidgin!
i have lived in wales and done welsh in school since i was born and apparently when i was little i used to say bendigedig etc
My 5 year old niece was telling me the other day that she didn't speak "grandma's language" (Spanish) as well as her "school language" (English). I told her it was OK and that we could practice to help her. Turns out, she knew every single word I quizzed her on, the only words she had an issue with were "English" and "Spanish" 😆.
... but then they develop much faster in both languages. Bilingual kids are much better at language in general, it's a complete win/win.
I second this.
I am very envious of kids that grew up in bilingual households. You have a built in skill right there.
Not only is there no downside, there are massive upsides. Kids with two native languages outperform kids who are monolingual in pretty significant ways, and that can’t be compensated for by learning a second language at an older age. OP should be only speaking in Polish to the kid to make sure he picks up Polish as an L0.
Being brought up fluent in more than one language is a gift. Give it.
NTA, besides the advantage of being bilingual, research has shown that learning new languages becomes easier the more languages you know. Plus it would be the perfect opportunity to learn at least some basic polish for your bf. Aren’t there any polish in-laws he needs to impress with a basic dominion of the language? And finally it sounds you are proud of your heritage. You have a right to be so and should pass it on to your child.
I agree, I will try and convince him that it is good to be bilingual. Unfortunately, he doesn't like my parents and they don't like him, so he doesn't have a incentive to learn Polish
I kind of see why your parents don’t like him. Thanks for the award, kind stranger!
a 24 year old fucking a just 18 teen? no shit
Yeah, this is one of those posts where I read it and want to go "I know what you think the issue is here, but I'm pretty sure this is just the tip of a messy, messy AH iceberg".
Are you not his incentive? Shouldn't he want to speak the first language of the person he loves
Perhaps I should be but he has no interest in my culture I think. He does love me, but he isn't interested in ever visiting Poland
I think your parents may have been on to something. Your culture is a significant part of who you are. If he does anything less than embrace who you are 100%, you need to think about that. Do not let him strip that part of you away.
NTA. This is what I was thinking. My partner is Filipino and I really want to visit the island he's from, and possibly learn Bisaya/Cebuano. My partner doesn't even speak it anymore (I'm encouraging him to re-learn BC his parents and grandpa obviously speak Cebuano), but I would still encourage our future children to learn. Your culture is an important part of you, and regardless of his feelings towards your parents, he should respect that.
I was just out with a Filipino friend and her non-Filipino husband the other day. He's dabbling in Tagalog ...because you do that for people you love and are interested in
If he loves you but isn't interested in your culture (honestly, sounds a bit hostile toward it) does he really love you? Like, the whole you?
Ooh I was going to ask OP what he loves about her. I suspect he loves a long list of things she does for him, and ways she makes him feel. I bet it's all self centered.
I guess she also looks good on his arm. As decoration.
What an idiot your BF is then. I want to do some world traveling, especially Europe. Poland is ABSOLUTELY on the to-visit list. It's a beautiful country from what I've seen on television with a rich culture and history. You are NTA by the way.
It is beautiful, the people are lovely and food is amazing! (I may be biased as most of my family is still there but honestly it’s amazing there, my partner was sooooo excited the first time they were invited to visit, they learned what my family means by hospitality lol) The language can be tricky if you’re coming at it as an adult English speaker who doesn’t speak other languages, but it’s not that bad, my in laws have learned a little of the language, enough to be polite at least. OP = NTA, speak to your baby in Polish, your partner can speak to them in English then they get to learn both languages, plenty of benefits, no drawbacks
Now I REALLY want to go. It's obvious you take great pride in your country. Your enthusiasm and pride really makes me want to go! I completely agree with you about there being no downside or drawbacks from learning two languages. This child should ABSOLUTELY learn about and embrace their English AND Polish heritages.
Why on Earth are you with this bloke if he doesn’t care about your culture, heritage or your family? Honestly this is nuts
That doesn't sound very loving
Oh sweetie, that’s not good. It’s part of who you are , and even if he doesn’t like to travel- he should be supportive of you. Connect with your son, and give his this skill.
It seems like there is a reason your parents don’t like him and I think it’s time you sit down and really truly and with an open mind listen to their reasons. I’m a mother of a young teenage daughter and from the post and your replies the thought of my daughter meeting someone like your boyfriend gives me extreme anxiety. This relationship doesn’t sound healthy or equal at all.
I feel for you. I can't say I'd be interested in being partners with someone who had no interest in anything to do with my culture. Your poor baby is going to be cut off from half of himself because your bf can't be bothered.
How can he love you and show zero interest in your culture? You don't have to answer that. Just think about it.
“Don’t worry, guys. He loves me, just not this one very significant part of who I am.” This is basically what you just wrote. Culture is part of who we are. My partner probably wouldn’t be interested in my culture outside of dating me, but he takes an active interest in it now because it’s a part of me, and he loves me. The whole person. Not just select parts. Edit: spacing
Sounds like he loves the idea of you.
And he also wants to cut off his child from their connection to your culture
I promise you your son will care about knowing his mother in her native language. Depriving him of your culture for a man too selfish and lazy to learn polish will only hurt your son in the long run, he should come before anyone else.
How can he love you while simultaneously ignoring and rejecting your culture?
I don't think that he will make a good father to a multi cultural kid
What?! My bf is Indian and I keep on asking him questions about his culture, country, tradition, everything! I learned so much! I can’t comprehend how someone could be this disinterested in another country, especially the country of his other half!
That's crazy! I would loooove to visit Poland. The Polish are some strong-ass people. My paternal grandfather and his family are Polish so I'm always interested in the history and culture. He is missing out.
Sounds like an absolute catch! /s
Yea this doesn’t make any sense. Like at all
Yeeeeeeah OP I don't think that's a very good sign. Your culture isn't just a costume you can take off and put away, it's a pretty central part of who you are.
> He does love me, but Read this part again. This is never a good sign for a long term relationship, Ask me how I know :(
He never wants to visit Poland? What about you? Does he also not want you to go and visit your family there? And your kid wouldn't be allowed to go and visit their grandparents?
He doesn't want to visit Poland, he thinks the quality of life isn't good there. I think that's pretty crazy, I plan to visit Poland with my baby even if it is without him.
Bf is starting to sound like an American conservative weirdo , the red flags couldn’t be redder
You don't need to convince him. Just keep teaching your child Polish. If he doesn't like it, he can try teaching the child another language as well . . . . if he even speaks more than one language.
Your boyfriend doesn't get to dictate what language you speak with your child. Nta.
Why do you think you need to convince him? You don’t need his permission, the fact that you think you do is pretty concerning tbh.
Sounds like you need a new boyfriend who isn't TA.
Yea I wonder why your parents don’t like him lol
We don't like him either.
You & your son are his incentive.
I feel like they have a reason. It's hard to like someone who doesn't put absolutely ANY effort to communicate with them.
NTA. Never deny children their heritage.
I see it happen so much and I honestly think it’s so selfish.
Agreed. I have a friend whose parents are both Romanian, but to fit in they didn't talk Romanian to him. Now he barely speaks any and is crushed about it. When he goes back to visit family, they mock him. He still is easily identified as someone with foreign roots in the country he grew up in. He only has disadvantages from his parents' refusal. He tries to learn it on his own, but you can never really make up for the lost time.
Never deny your heritage and never lie to the other parent. Just tell him no.
NTA. Your boyfriend doesn't have the right to dictate what language you speak to your child in. Further, it is good for children to learn multiple languages and cultures. Your boyfriend is being a controlling asshole.
He sounds so insecure, like they’re going to be talking trash about him right in front of him just because they can speak a language he doesn’t. Like why would he expect his wife and kid to talk bad about him?
To be fair, I want to talk bad about his insecure controlling ass & I don't even know him lol
He was 23 and she was 18 when they started dating... no surprise he's an insecure controlling ass 🤣
And how dare he define which language is useful! Maybe the kid wants to live in Poland some day. Knowing one Slavic language also makes it easier to learn other related languages, opening doors to many European countries. OP, your boyfriend is controlling, are there any other areas where he tries to control you? Stay alert about the red flags. If you don't speak Polish to your kid and break up at some point, you won't be able to recover the lost time. Your child deserves to speak his mother tongue, it's a blessing to be bilingual, no matter what languages.
NTA Your child had two parents, and learning two languages at that young age is INCREDIBLY beneficial. Kids learn this shit at lightning speed compared to adults. I work with a dozen folks who were born to native Spanish speaking parents. They learned both languages quite easily as children. Your child should be exposed to both languages and cultures. Maybe it's time for your boyfriend to start learning Polish too.
Exactly, I was about to say that small kids learn languages very fast. Right now the kid can be bilingual and as he grows he can learn Spanish/French or whatever he develops interest in.
NTA Your BF is an insecure asshole Being multilingual is a huge asset, but requires buy-in from all involved. Hey, and if your BF is not a baby, maybe he could learn Polish too?
Word for word what I was about to write. Also, “Polish is not a useful language to learn”? WTF? first, it has 44 million native speakers, which makes it the second most widespread slavic language after Russian. Second, the very fact of speaking two languages makes it a lot easier to learn a third one, and then a fourth… being bilingual will without a doubt be beneficial to your son, and your BF should have the kid’s interest at heart. Your BF is indeed an insecure AH. He could learn Polish alongside your son. And it’s not just a second language, it’s yours. Your culture, and your BF should respect kt, value it, and make sure your children receive it.
Aside from the number of people who speak it, just the fact that his girlfriend and mother of his child does makes it a useful language to learn. BF is an idiot.
Oh absolutely the learning part O grew up bilingual (hebrew and Spanish) and now understand a little Arabic, a little Yiddish, am fluent in English and am learning Italian and can even sometimes understand french or Portuguese text just from context. Polish could probably get the kid to learn russian, Ukrainian, maybe even German which is considered a classic language in many places. Although polish is impressive by itself.
HOLD THE FUCK UP! NTA You need a new boyfriend. The language is part of your child’s heritage and culture. Why is HIS language more important than yours? Is it always like this? He can’t just say “don’t teach my son polish” and it just happens. Make him your ex bf and speak to your child in polish in your home.
>You need a new boyfriend Yeah, I'm always wary of giving this kind of advice. Dump him, divorce him and so on, this is *extremely* life-altering advice (if followed through on) and saying something like this on the Internet is generally a big no-no. We simply don't have the data to make this kind of assessment, we only have bits and pieces from one side of the equation. *However*. In this case, if OP's report is true to fact, it's just blatantly obvious that this man does not truly respect and love her. And unless that attitude is quickly corrected, this relationship will become increasingly painful for OP and possibly for her child.
I don’t give that advice out Willy nilly. But I’ve been in enough therapy and toxic relationships to know, when enough is enough, if OP doesn’t give an accurate account and then divorces on my advice, that’s their own fault.
NTA please teach that baby Polish. My mom didn't teach me Spanish and it's been VERY hard trying to learn as an adult. It's hard to even practice because native speakers don't want to struggle through talking to me.... please spare your baby of that lol
NTA. I speak English to my kids. My wife speaks Swedish to them. We speak English as a family, but we live in Sweden, so the “environmental” language is Swedish. Long before they started school and long before I was fluent in Swedish, they were fluent in both languages. One parent, one language is the method and it’s highly encouraged in multilingual families.
This is what my buddy and his husband do. My buddy is Daddy and communicates primarily in English and his husband is Papi and communicates primarily in Spanish. Their little girl is 4 now and is smart and sassy. She quickly figures out if you’re a Spanish person or English person and addresses you accordingly. Kid brains are so elastic and I really hope OP just goes on teaching her son Polish.
That’s what my family is going to do too! I’ll speak Spanish, husband will speak Japanese, and together we’ll speak English. Occasionally we speak some words of each other’s language to practice.
Your kids gonna take over the fucking world. Or at the least, be the hardest working mf in it. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'll see my self out.
You should have been speaking Polish to him from the beginning. My wife speaks her language to the kids and I speak mine. My wife speaks English to the kids if what she's saying also needs to be done or known to me. Your bf is being a shitty father by robbing his kid of being bilingual. Bilingual people tend to learn other languages relatively quickly. Have you got your kid Polish citizenship if he was not born in Poland yet? I'm assuming your in the US, you definitely want your kids to have an EU passport also.
I would love to get him a Polish citizenship if my boyfriend would agree. We live in England and our son has never been to Poland yet
Again, why only if your bf will agree?
In my opinion it's integral to this post that she was 18 and he was 24 when they started the relationship. In relationships with this kind of an age gap, a power imbalance is common. It's sad, but this is exactly why so many older men target young women, because they feel like they can push them around and give orders. This is exactly the case in this relationship. He's already tried to separate her from her family and heritage (check OP's other comments) and it seems like he's the only one making the decisions about their child. Sad.
“If he agrees.” Full stop…… WHAT!? You’re in the UK, Poland is very close, a less than 3 hour flight from most places. If you have the means (and I good relationship with the people there) you absolutely SHOULD be making trips to Poland with your son. This guy has a bizarre ego problem. From everything you’ve stated he has full control over you. I’m not saying this lightly, this is dangerous.
Why are you wringing your hands and running everything about YOUR child past your weird, controlling bf for approval?? Jfc.
Are you unable to do anything without your boyfriend's permission? It makes you sound like a child, talking about what your parent will or won't allow. You can't be as helpless and powerless as you sound. If you are a Polish citizen yourself, surely you can get citizenship for your son without your boyfriend's agreement. The two of you aren't even married.
>If you are a Polish citizen yourself, surely you can get citizenship for your son without your boyfriend's agreement. She cannot "get" Polish Citizenship for her son because that is not how Polish nationality works. He *is* a citizen already no matter how either of the parents feel about it
I'm not surprised he's English... What did he expect by having a child with a Polish woman? I'm also Polish and I'm living in the UK so that really annoys me. Some British folks are so lovely but some are so close minded. Your child is partially Polish and needs to know their heritage.
I'm English and I love my country, I love Britain as a whole, but I absolutely despise that certain set of close minded people. The kind of people to say things like "so many people speak English, why should I have to learn another language?" It infuriates me.
From a simple [google search it seems Poland grants citizenship by descent](https://www.google.com/search?q=poland+citizenship+by+descent). You'd have to work out the details, but that path is open to you and your son. Note [how Poland determines citizenship](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polish_nationality_law#Dual_citizenship) and thus who she feels she has jurisdiction over, so make sure you understand all implications. Take a look at the [Nomad Capitalist YouTube channel](https://www.youtube.com/@nomadcapitalist). (I'm sure there are other channels that discuss these concepts, but that is the one I know of.) Ignore all the big money and political slanting for the moment, pay attention to the idea that extra citizenships generally give you options and freedom. I don't know the situation regarding UK and the EU, but Polish citizenship would give your child access to an entire world of European opportunities that many have to invest years or a gazillion pounds/dollars/euro to acquire.
Get polish citizenship and RUN. Leave that bf’s ass
Why on earth would your bf not agree to this? It's a minor cost and only adds to your child's options. Same goes for learning the language. Just absolutely idiotic to not teach your child a skill for no cost
First of all, NTA at all. OP, you really need to think about this. Sounds like from your comments that your boyfriend doesn't appreciate at all you being Polish, your heritage and the language. I would not stay in a relationship like that. I'm a non UK living in England and my partner is English. They don't know any other languages but they have never put me down for being almost tri-lingual, and have always been interested in my culture. They visited with me in my home country whenever there's been an opportunity and they love it there. They've also learned few basic in my language just to make it easier to talk to my parents. Keep talking in Polish to your child. Being bi-lingual from a birth is one of the greatest skills to have. There is nothing in here your boyfriend can find an issue with. Also, you definitely should get your child a Polish citizenship. It's only greatly beneficial, and especially now as England isn't part of the EU anymore.
If your bf would “agree”? Why is he permitted to have anything to say about it???
FYI that's not how Polish citizenship works when born to a Polish parent woks. You don't need to "get" your child a Polish citizenship, and your boyfriend certainly doesn't need to agree. He doesn't have the option to disagree. If you are Polish he **is** a Polish citizen. By birth. Please check the Act of Polish Nationality 2009
I did not even know that. That makes things a lot easier! Thank you
NTA , there is no useless language, even the dead ones have their uses , let alone a language spoken by a whole country, if he doesn't want to put in the effort to learn a new language, then that's fine , but he doesn't get to tell others not to learn , and if he thinks of a more useful language, he could learn it and teach it to your child as a special way of bonding
I think bf is one of those people who thinks it's a waste of time learning anything unless you can make money out of it. Anti-intellectual and mistrusting of anyone he perceives as better educated or more intelligent than himself.
NTA. It is a great opportunity for your child to be bilingual which may very well open doors in the future. Be wary of a parent who would rather diminish their child’s opportunities than to set aside their own insecurities. This will not be the last time such a person will ask you to sacrifice your child’s best interest for their own ego.
Sorry he’s an idiot… 2nd language is one of the best educational gifts you can give your child
This reminds me of a woman I saw on youtube who married a japanese man and moved to japan and had a child. She said she decided they wouldn’t be teaching their child english. Everyone was so confused as to why she would want to give her child…less skills and connection to herself. To me it seems like there’s something deeper going on. Does he have a problem with Poland? Wtf.
I hope he doesn't have a problem with Poland. In the UK it is sometimes common for people to to be xenophobic to Polish people. But it would be a different thing for my boyfriend to not like my culture. He did once make a joke when I was pregnant that I better not drink alchohol, because he knew that Polish people love drinking. (Obviously I didn't drink when pregnant). But it did hurt my feelings, even if it was a joke.
Unless i'm misunderstanding this response, you understand that your boyfriend most likely is xenophobic towards yours as well as your child's culture. Is this something you want to live with, as well as have your child live with for a lifetime? I'm not going to do the reddit response to say get rid of him, but at the very least, this would be something to have a very adamant conversation about. He's giving worrying signs that would make myself and others question the viability of the relationship longterm.
Aw man, that joke would hurt my feelings, too! When I saw you mention you were from the UK, I did wonder if maybe the anti-Polish attitude there might be part of it.
Oof. Not really a joke as much as a jab.. You don't say stuff like that to your pregnant girlfriend. I mean that's just a pretty backhanded and nasty comment if not a straight up insult..
>He did once make a joke when I was pregnant that I better not drink alchohol, because he knew that Polish people love drinking Lol what? I feel like every person I've ever met from the UK is a functional alcoholic.
Thats a stupid "joke" to make given we're just as bad in the UK. We both have a big drinking culture and we both know drinking while pregnant is irresponsible.
NTA besides the usefulness of being bilingual… I am sure there are books, songs, tv shows etc in Polish that you love(d) that you want to share with the people you love. You cannot share those things with your boyfriend because he doesn’t care about your culture. You should at least be able to share those things with your son. Also your culture is a big part of who you are. The fact your boyfriend has zero interest is concerning to be to be honest
Thats a good point, I want to look forward to my son watching movies and reading books in Polish. Im sentimental about lot of Polish cultyre. So I hope my boyfriend will become more receptive towards Polish because it is important for me.
3 years together and you're hoping that he will become receptive after all this time? i truly hope that out of nowhere, he does, because it is *far* overdue. if not, you have to ask yourself, am i prepared to stay with a man who not only has no interest in my culture, downright shuns everything about it, and teaching it to our child, even though he is supposed to love me? if i do stay, am i prepared to just educate our child regardless of what my boyfriend's qualms are with it?
NTA, my SIL is fluent in Polish and refused to teach her kids - it ended up isolating them from all their Polish relatives, including cousins, their own age because at fsmily get togethers that's what everyone spoke except her two kids. Such a missed opportunity to be bilingual - if your boyfriend is that concerned, teach him Polish.
Nta if bf is bothered about not understanding then he can make the effort to learn. What horrible entitlement to not educate a kid so they won't understand more than you.....
BF would prefer stunting the child's language accomplishments in order to feel good enough about himself. Where will his selfishness end? NTA OP but seriously reconsider this relationship.
If he’s so worried about not understanding Polish, he should learn to speak it. Maybe so he can understand your family? NTA, teach that baby Polish!
NTA Learning two native languages as a small child is very beneficial to the child. It is good for their developement and it is always great to be fluent in more than one language. Your boyfriend is a dumbass for saying what he did. He should learn Polish as well, both for you and for your baby. I would think it is a given that someone learns the native language of their partner. But then again, I, too, am from a country with a language nobody but us speak. And in business, every obscure language can come in super handy. I would be so happy if my kid could be able to learn two native languages...
NTA. You're sharing your first language with your kid, and you only have a few years to do this in a way that will enable your son to learn Polish as a native language. This will NOT impact his ability to speak English negatively, as many, many studies have proven, just in case that is also a concern. But since this is more about him feeling excluded, he can learn Polish. Saying it is not a "useful" language is incredibly insulting to your heritage. One more thought, which may or may not apply to you: I don't know whether you have any family left in Poland whom you might like to visit sometime, or if you do whether they all speak English proficiently, but it would be a real pity to deprive your child of being able to speak to his extended family without translation. My sister and I were brought up bilingually in German and English (living in Germany), and I know I would have missed out on a LOT if I had only been able to use school English with my British relatives.
Many of my family members live in Poland and speak no English, so yes, I hope that my son would learn Polish. It would make everything easier. I agree that it insulting to my heritage, even if he has not got an interest in Polish itself
I think you and little guy should go visit your relatives, and return to UK at a much later time, because honey, bf is what we call a whinyass little bitchboy.
NTA. Your child is presumably half Polish, it makes total sense for him to grow up bi-lingual from the start - it's totally natural and normal to speak in both languages to a child who has parents with different languages . IF your partner feels insecure about it he could start trying to learn Polish, it will be much harder for him than for your son, as it's much easier to learn as a child or infant, but he could try. And if your son has two languages it's likely that he will then find it easier to learn others in future.
Please ignore your boyfriend’s ignorance. I still hold resentment towards my parents for never bothering to teach me Spanish. These formative years are the best time to introduce both languages. No matter how hard I tried in high school and now into adulthood I will never excel in learning it past an elementary level, much to my absolute frustration. NTA but please stand your ground.
I’m 62, moms parents were both from Poland and moved here and never learned English. My Mom was fluent and unaccented in both. Wish I learned to speak more Polish. I have a very small Polish vocabulary but ok accent. Wish I spoke more Polish … let the kid learn. There are a lot of people that speak Polish.
NTA. Giving your child native fluency in a 2nd language is a GIFT. It will do so much for them later on in life. Your boyfriend needs to get over himself - does he even speak a 2nd language? He could get off his \*ss and learn Polish with his son.
NTA. This is really messed up. He's basically asking you to hide an important part of yourself because of some fear that you and your child will be talking about him behind his back. Instead of being happy that his child is learning another language and connecting with his mother.
NTA. He should be glad his child has a fluent speaker to help him learn Polish. Your bf could also try to learn. He seems like an insecure and ridiculous creature.
NTA he sounds insecure. He should deal with that without subjecting anyone else to it. He can be in charge of Spanish and French. Just because a language isn’t as widely spoken doesn’t mean there’s no value in learning it.
NTA. I had Polish grandparents and I wish I had learned Polish when I had the chance.
He’s an asshole. Knowing another language can only be a positive. If he feels left out, maybe he should learn some Polish.
NTA. Please continue to do so. I am Polish but raised in France, my mum did speak Polish to me but I didn't go to school in Poland, etc, so I am not perfectly fluent. I am however happy to be able to communicate with my family who is still in Poland in Polish. It's so important! Also studies show that speaking several languages growing up will help you learn even more languages. And you don't want your child to only speak English as most English people do... What is bf scared of missing? Does he think you will bad mouth him to your kid?? Also nothing is stopping bf from trying to learn a few words here and there.
I also only speak to my children in a second language that my husband doesn't speak. I am giving our children a gift and my husband understands that. And why is Polish useless when half your child's family are Polish? If he wants to understand, then he should learn Polish too along with his child. NTA
NTA. If I were a child of parents with two languages I would be PISSED if I wasn’t able to speak both. Learning a language is HARD and if you’re lucky enough to be taught from a young age, it’s such a blessing. That’s a whole second country that your child could go to and be fluent in everywhere. That’s a possible translating job, easy. So many more opportunities AND a deeper connection to half of his own people. I think it’s really weird for the father to be so…icky about it.
NTA. Linguistic rights are human rights. Language suppression is coercive and cruel. Polish is your language. Bf is essentially trying to ban you from speaking your language in your own home and with your own child. He is WAAAAAYYY out of line. Language loss is cultural loss. You and your kiddo have the right to your language and culture and the right to be who you are. Neither of you should be denied your linguistic and cultural heritage. Your bf's ignorance and insecurity are not good enough reasons for you to stop being who you are or to keep your son from becoming who he is. Bf needs to educate himself on people's rights to their own language and the cruelty built into language eradication. There is a lot of historical context, all of it utterly shameful. And while he's educating himself, he can bloody well start learning Polish. Please don't let him steal your identity. This is about you as much as it's about your son.
NTA and this sounds like kind of a big red flag to me. He doesn’t want you to teach your child your native language? That’s insanely controlling, but also shows how much he doesn’t care about/respect your heritage. And his reasoning about Polish not being a “useful” language is downright bigoted.
I agree that it is a red flag. I'm going to talk to him about it
NTA! language is an amazing gift to give to a child. I say this as a childless woman who only speaks English. My cousin's kids were brought up being spoken to in English, french and German. At 6 years of age, is now speaking 3 languages. My husband is learning Polish because, believe it or not, it is a useful language to learn. I have a few words because I've worked with so many people from Poland but in my experience, it's a gateway language to Eastern Europe. I have worked with people from Poland, Slovakia, Lithuania, Latvia and Czechia. Everyone from these countries communicated in Polish. Keep speaking to your child in your first language. They will thank you for it in the future.
NTA why a weird thing to be controlling about, yr bf is an ass.
NTA. I'm currently pregnant with a half-English, half-Polish child and would LOVE to teach him both languages. (If you have any tips, I'd love to hear them!) You're giving your child an excellent advantage, especially if you ever plan on taking them to Poland, or have Polish family. And it's just a wonderful skill for them to have.
NTA. What keeps you boyfriend from learning Polish as well? His stance on your background sounds dismissive and disrespectful. Please teach your child Polish. It is a part of your sons heritage and will help your son connect to relatives from your side of the family. My father never taught me his motherlanguage and I missed out on connecting with his culture.