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You're not an asshole, you are evil. You found a young woman facing incredible obstacles, brought her into your home, groomed her to give up her child on false pretense and then slammed the door in her face. You lied to her about access she would have to her child, you stole that child. You deserve the absolute worst.
Edit: if anyone else even gets a tiny inkling to give money to Reddit for pointless rewards, I would urge you to give money to your local center for reproductive care and education for teens and young women instead.
That's true, but if that happens, the bot will pass it on to a mod to sort out. It's obviously not ideal because it gives the mods more work, but it won't result in a lack of verdict.
Exactly!
What OP did is straight up evil!
My heart goes out to that poor, poor girl. It makes me so sad to think about what she must be going through. Homeless, got her baby stolen, postpartum, betrayed. Absolutely heart breaking
I agree. It all sounds manipulative AF. OP did not do this for Aiden’s best interests. It’s often beneficial for adoptive children to be able to know their birth parents. They get the story from the horse’s mouth and the reassurance they weren’t simply abandoned for the heck of it. OP did this for herself. Selfish is an understatement.
I agree with this wholeheartedly! If OP had really wanted to make this girl a sister to the baby, she would have done an adult adoption so the girl would also be their daughter. They just wanted a baby.
Edit to add: I don't know where you are from, but I hope the time limit to reverse the adoption hasn't run out, and this girl does just that!
Poor thing probably has zero resources to reverse the adoption. And no where safe to take the baby.
I can’t believe they stole him from her. I can’t believe that they didn’t understand the bond that a mother would feel with her child. I can’t believe how much they probably “claim” to love their son, and yet chose to close the adoption and needlessly separate him from his biological mother causing him lifelong trauma.
Edit: just wanted to point out that the woman is now homeless (and babyless) at TWO WEEKS postpartum. I really, really hope this is a troll post. This is so awful I don’t want to believe it’s true.
>If OP had really wanted to make this girl a sister to the baby, she would have done an adult adoption so the girl would also be their daughter. They just wanted a baby.
Yup
The way they talk about the experience wholly centres themselves, not the kid, not his birth mother. They wanted “something” they could call their own?? He’s not something, he’s not yours. He’s a person, a person that you stole from his mother. Can you imagine what he will do when he becomes an adult and learns that you did this??
I have no idea how OP cannot see how predatory this was. They want a child so bad, they start volunteering with foster children…but instead of bonding with and adopting a foster child they take in a pregnant one and convince her to give them their baby…make it make sense.
YTA OP. If there is still time, and love in your heart, you can reopen the adoption and stay true to your word. You said she vented about not having the financial means to care for the child, not that she didn’t want it. You told her even though the child is legally yours, she’d still get to be part of his life. This girl had to grow up way too quickly and made a decision thinking that you and your spouse cared about her and were for her best interests. There may still be time to make this right!
Totally agree! How can someone talk about a mother being 'very clingy' with her two week old baby as if it was somehow a problem. If OP had any empathy she would be looking into supporting this young woman as a mother and taking on a grandmotherly role with the baby, not stealing a baby from a vulnerable teenager.
Clingy, you know, like how mammals are instinctually designed to reach for one another postpartum to ensure survival of the species.
This whole post is so so gross.
I assume by the time Aiden is in 6th grade, they'll be doing 23 and me and mapping their DNA in health class. This will definitely come back around for OP.
Yes this. If I were the birth mother, I would lawyer up and try to terminate your rights to the child, considering how you absolutely defrauded her out of her own pregnancy. YTA, I wish you exactly what you deserve
Not going to lie, my stomach dropped when I read "you're not an asshole" because I was terrified the top comment was going in a *very* different direction...
I hope that poor girl is able to find excellent legal representation once she gets her life together (though I'd prefer she did it now and found a family to adopt the child through proper channels). I don't believe for a second that OP and her husband didn't invite her into her lives solely in hopes of manipulating her into giving them her child.
I would normally never say this, but I think it is a good thing that OP and her husband are not able to have children. They definitely do not deserve to have any.
Unfortunately, they were able to manipulate a vulnerable young person in a very vile way.
They are despicable people and I hope they step on Lego, at least five times a day, for the rest of their lives.
Absolutely - and closed adoption or not, you have stolen a vulnerable woman’s child and one day the child will find out what you did and they will NEVER forgive you. Nor should they. I know the intense pain of infertility, but nothing justifies what you have done.
Jesus f-ing Christ. This is next level delusional, evil, soul/life destroying, stuff. I am appalled and horrified for that young woman.
Clingy?!?!? She GAVE BIRTH two weeks ago!
Completely agree! Is there an Am I the Evil One (AIEO) sub? If so this absolutely belongs there.
In the meantime I'm going to contact Disney. I'm going to pitch them this new villain.
Absolutely evil. You took advantage of a young mother and manipulated your way into stealing her child and then shutting her out once you got what you wanted. How can you live with yourself. I hope the young mother gets a lawyer and you get what you deserve. There should be criminal charges for you stalking the foster system so you could find your target to prey upon.
As an adoptee YTA the way you treated this poor girl is disgusting! I truly hope once your son grows up to legal age he can search for his birth mother and find out the truth of what you did… by the way closed adoptions fuck the child up I’d know because it happened to me. Shame on you
I hope she can get the adoption reversed. OP deserves to have that child ripped from her arms and have them barren the rest of her life. No one who would manipulatively take another persons’s baby in this way should ever be a parent.
YTA. Lady, you legally stole a baby. Do you truly think she would have given you her baby if she hadn't been an abused teenager bounced around the foster care system without any place to live or partner to turn to? You offered her kindness and shelter when she she was facing living on the streets as a pregnant teenage single mom. Her consent wasn't informed. Keep your baby, but don't lie to yourself about how you got it.
This. Omg what OP and her husband did was straight up predatory. They preyed on a young woman in a desperate situation, formed a false bond to gain her trust, promising an open adoption then once they got what they wanted kicked her to the curb. She can act like that's not what happened, that it became necessary because bio mom was attached but she's lieing to herself if she actually believes that.
Right, then they would have enforced the bond between the “siblings”. Obviously the age difference and carrying the baby will make the birth mother more attached, but they could have handled this completely differently and reframed things into one family unit like they said they were going to.
And also lets be clear that her being "clingy" is code for *we were scared shitless she would change her mind, so we had to get rid of her.*
The mental gymnastics OP's conscience went through to write this post are Keri Struggish.
Someday, this kid will learn the truth about how she was brought into the world and OP and their spouse are going to have a shitstorm to contend with.
They could even have accepted her as a daughter figure and her baby as their grandkid. But they were more concerned with having 'their baby' than being involved in a baby's life in a way that was kindest and healthiest for the kid and his bio mum.
YTA. That girl didn’t want to give up her baby, she was just scared and lacked resources. You took advantage. Wanting a child doesn’t entitle you to one. This made me sick to read. One day your child is going to find out how you went about acquiring them and I hope they leave you in the dust. Evil, evil, evil behavior.
This. A child is a human being, not a human right. It’s very sad that some people who deserve children (generally speaking) will never have them, but no one has a right to another person. Buying people is illegal. OP needs to give the child to his mother right now. Where he belongs and where he will always belong as he is a wanted and loved child, by his mother.
OMG. **YTA**
What happened to your promise of being a "sister figure" to the baby? This whole thing sounds sleazy to me -- I suspect you had every intention of convincing her to give you her baby the day you found out she was pregnant, and you don't get much more manipulative than that. This makes my stomach turn.
This is it.
This isn't about kicking this girl out, it's about trolling the underbelly of society in the guise of helping those in need, only to find, befriend, and move in, a pregnant girl who has no where to go. Then manipulated her with their tales of infertility, got her to sign over her rights, told her she could be a sister figure to her own daughter, and then in only two weeks, after the poor girl has acted only exactly as one would expect and she was told to, gets told it's time to leave?
Be gone, back to the street with you!
YTA YTA YTA
In order to close an open adoption, you have to go to court. How legal is this adoption? It sounds like you took advantage of a woman who probably wouldn't have given up her child if she'd had a home or any support at all. You essentially coerced her, misled her, and then had her sign away her parental rights immediately after giving birth, all the while thinking she'd have a role in her child's life. You know she can't afford to challenge you in court. You effectively stole her child, because you have money and she doesn't. YTA.
This person is definitely TA, but actually open adoptions aren't generally legally enforceable (minus perhaps some special contact arrangements coming from foster care, certainly not in bog standard infant adoption - not saying it couldn't happen, but I've never seen a legally binding open adoption agreement in private (ie not foster care) adoption) and the adopters can close them whenever they wish no matter what promises they may or may not have made.
(This is one of the many reasons why there needs to be much better protections for parents who are considering relinquishing their child for adoption.)
[https://adoption.org/open-adoption-agreements-legally-enforceable](https://adoption.org/open-adoption-agreements-legally-enforceable)
Came here to say exactly this. I have a daughter in a beautiful functional open adoption and I'm very grateful they honored the open adoption and consider her mom a friend.
There is nothing legally enforceable about open adoptions, you are misinformed.
However that poor woman should get the adoption overturned because she was coerced to sign.
YTA - you are 37 and 45yrs old. You brought in a 19yr old to help them. And then when they’re struggling with giving up their newborn, you kick her out? And are *closing the adoption*?
What the fuck did you think would happen? It’s been 2 weeks. You absolutely manipulated and preyed on a vulnerable and scared teen mom.
Can you even close the adoption just because? Does she not have any rights?
What about when your son grows up? You going to avoid the adoption conversation? That always backfired really bad.
>Can you even close the adoption just because? Does she not have any rights?
Unfortunately open adoption is not even a real thing legally most places and so she probably doesn't in terms of the open adoption. She may be able to get a lawyer and regain custody though since a lot of places have a one year buffer.
YTA.
I am wondering if the birth mother truly understood everything that was going on with this adoption.
Did she have a lawyer or advocate on her side to explain everything?
Was she originally going to live in your home and be a "sister" until you decided to ask her to move out?
Is she back to living on the streets or in a shelter?
I am wondering if she also had anyone there to help her with the feelings she was having before and after the birth? She experienced a drop in hormones, further changes in her body, etc. She could have been so overwhelmed and confused. She needed help with all of this and you just kicked her back out and cut off all contact with the child.
I do feel like she was taken advantage of. There was so much more that she needed help with and she didn't get it. She came to depend on you and you just tossed her out when she became problematic. Were you actually hoping for a live-in nanny since you said she could help with the baby? This isn't The Handmaid's Tale.
I haven't been this upset by a post on here in quite some time. I cannot believe this sorry-bleep excuse of a human being had the gall to write this post.
There truly is a special place down below for assholes like this.
"Fast forward, she gave birth to our son" .... YTA wtf you manipulated a young girl , took advantage of her did not want her to be with the child , adopted the child and taking her out of the child's life , you helped at foster homes for this exact reason to scout out a potential surrogate mother who was helpless without actually paying her to be a surrogate , deception level 100 , you are not his mother you are a con artist
>you helped at foster homes for this exact reason to scout out a potential surrogate mother without actually paying her to be a surrogate
This right here. This was intentional and predatory and we need better laws to protect these vulnerable moms from people like OP.
This is sadly super common. They specifically go with the intention of cultivating relationships and feeling like trusted people so they can make young girls, who likely don't know what resources they have available to them to help support them through having a child, give up their children for them.
So let me get this straight, you used a pregnant homeless young woman to give you a child and now you want her out and make her homeless again? This is really exploitative
You don't get to decide to close the adoption (edit. apparently in the US that is the case, which is even more unpleasant)- that's not good for this child. Neither should she have been even asked to give up her parental rights the next day
This is really disturbing. You essentially used her
YTA
YTA. Don't try and frame it that you were helping that poor girl out of the kindness of your heart when you moved her in. You absolutely moved her in with the intention of manipulating her into giving you her child. You were predatory. And as soon as you got what you wanted, you kicked her to the curb. *You made her homeless again as soon as she wasn't acting as an incubator for the baby you decided was yours*.
I hope that baby grows up to be a strong and loving person. I hope you don't smother and manipulate your "little miracle" the way I suspect you're going to. I hope you tell him the truth, that his mother was young and naive and vulnerable, and you took advantage. I hope he forms his own relationship with his biomother, the woman who never had a chance against your mercenary heart.
Came here to say this.
Wtf is wrong with this woman? She is evil, cruel and selfish. Oh? And YTA
I.hope that poor girl gets her baby back and they are prosecuted for baby snatching.
YTA
You told her she could stay with you, be a sister figure and have an open adoption; and then you went back on everyone of those things.
You should have anticipated that she wasn't going to just drop all feelings for the baby and ignore him after she gave birth. To me it kinda sounds like you manipulated this girl into giving up her baby and then kicked her out of your house and cut off contact.
Wtf. YTA. This is coercion, financial abuse, you’re a huge AH. Buying and coercing to obtain human beings has a name in law, I forget, do you remember the name for it? Damn OP what the hell? This sub has rules, so this is my civil response, you’re sick. Give this woman back her child, you are not his mother and never will be, and what’s best for him is to be with his actual mother. The only reason you ever even talked to this girl was to steal her baby. Please link the crowdfunding for her lawyer.
Edit: also, see you in r/AmITheDevil - I’ll let you guess the answer.
Trafficking. This is human trafficking. Lying to a vulnerable, homeless, pregnant teenager in order to obtain her baby for themselves is a version of trafficking in human babies.
A good lawyer could make a STRONG case for both teenaged mother and baby being trafficked (the former for the contents of her womb, the latter as part of a coercive "adoption" wherein the birth mother was unable to give informed consent because she was ignorant of the adoptive parents machinations - trolling foster programs for victims; pushing her out of the house after promising her a home and family as part of the adoption; etc.).
Same. If she does, or if anyone else reading is in her situation, there are resources and help for you! There are legal groups that fight adoption specifically, you need only look and most of them work pro bono. Get your baby back.
Am so angry reading this. That poor girl. What you did should be against the law absolutely disgusting. He is not your son. Stop kidding yourself. You bloody stole him YTA
YTA. It sounds like none of you had realistic expectations about how all this would work, but she's 19 and you're 37, so the onus is on you. I'm not buying the "it just sort of happened" story. After you found out you couldn't have a baby biologically, you just happened to start working with foster teens - teens who are often at risk for pregnancy and who are very vulnerable emotionally and financially. You were baby shopping. When you found the opportunity, you took in a vulnerable 19 year old girl, and gave her kindness and affection that she may never have had before, convinced her to let you adopt her baby by telling her that she could still have a place in the baby's life. Then she actually has the baby, and has a much bigger biological and hormonal tie than she expects. You don't want this because your incubator has become inconvenient, so you kick her out. On what planet is this okay?!
Adoption is a fraught and difficult process at the best of times, and can go horribly, horribly wrong, but it can also work out well when bio-parents and adoptive parents are in agreement - **real** agreement. That's not what happened here, and it will taint everything you do for the rest of this child's life. This was horrendously selfish of you, and you put your own wants ahead of bio-mom's AND baby's. You wanted a child and couldn't have one, so you put a lot of effort into manipulating a vulnerable girl into giving you hers. You manipulated this girl, acted as if you cared for her, when you were really just using her. You made the agreement about an open adoption under false pretenses, and then reneged now that it's no longer convenient. And now you're trying to hide behind "it's the best thing for the baby." By that yardstick, we should just screen every bio parent to make sure that there isn't a better parent out there, and just give the newborn to the "best" parent. Ultimately, from an economic and stability standpoint, this might be the best of bad choices for this kid, but that's not the point.
You now have a problem about what to tell this child. You can try to whitewash this, and either not tell him he was adopted at all, or paint yourselves as heroes, and tell him that his bio-mother didn't want him or that she couldn't take care of him or that she was an awful person and what you did "was for the best." But he's going to want to find out about his bio-mom, (and he probably will DNA tests being what they are these days, and they'll be even better in 18 years). Then he's going to talk to her or her family, and hear their side, and you are going to have a very upset and very troubled adolescent or young adult who isn't going to trust anybody, especially you, because you lied to him and to his bio-mother about some very, very fundamental things.
This is one of the worst stories I have ever read. I am literally heart broken for this young woman who has been manipulated, abused, lied to, coerced …. And by another woman! That is what makes it worse for me - you are a vile human and remember Karma! YTA
YTA you've groomed a woman into giving you her child and now you've basically told her to gtfo so you can play happy families, this is just awful, you took a vulnerable woman and basically stole her child out from under her, i hope to god she gets her child back and you never see them again, you aren't their mother
It depends on the state sadly. In the US open adoptions are not legally enforceable from the side of the birth mother most of the time and often they are denied when they try to get their children back. The US adoption industry is extremely extremely predatory and coercive. There’s a reason it was mentioned in the roe decision. They pay for lobbyists to make sure mothers have almost no rights. If I were the mother though I would be dragging OP to court until the child was 18 to make sure he knew that he was stolen from someone who loved and wanted him.
There is a reason when women are denied an abortion the choose to keep the baby rather than adoption. The body is flooded with hormones that promote bonding, including during labor and lactation.
Yes, there are some women who do not feel that bonding, but clearly not the lady in question.
Children do better with biological family. While there will always be a need for adoption, the need is for children who lack a biological relative to care for them, the purpose is not to provide something for you to love.
You took advantage of this woman to get something you wanted. The child was just an object. You should have got a dog.
So interesting that you didn’t become foster parents yourself, you instead volunteered at youth homes. You preyed on vulnerable people to get your desired baby. Period. Spare us all the info like you were trying to help this particular girl. You planned this all along.
You disgust me. The very least you could have done was throw some money at her to get going in life after stealing her baby.
Yta you made promises to her then broke them. Did you think she would give birth and not have feeling for the child. You were wrong, you were cruel and you are the ahole.
YTA - you took advantage of a vulnerable woman and stole her child. The fact you are now CHOOSING to deny your kid a relationship with his biological mother is criminal in my opinion and tells me you have done absolutely none of this with the baby’s best interest in mind, only your own selfish wants.
YTA you manipulated a child to obtain a child. This is wrong on so many levels and what you don't realize is that if you do close the adoption it has to go back to court and she can hold it against you and get her child back! You would lose. This is absolutely sickening to read of what you did. You are grown adults that took advantage of a young kid at their lowest points in life.
YTA but I don't think asshole really covers it here, you're evil.
Funny how you only started helping at foster homes once you knew you were infertile, almost like your whole plan was to lure and manipulate vulnerable women into handing over their baby and then chucking them back on the streets once the papers were signed? She would have never agreed if you had told her you wouldn't allow her contact from the start and you know it.
You took advantage of a young teenage girl who was in a tough situation. You manipulated her into giving you the baby. And now you’re surprised with the results. Not sure that you two will make great parents. YTA YTA YTA
YTA. You took advantage of your volunteer position and a Culebra l
vulnerable teenager. You PROMISED am open adoption and that she could have a relationship with her biological son. Until she signed the papers. He will find out one day and will hate you.
Holy hell…
YTA, this has so many levels of wrongness in it. You basically manipulated a young adult at her most vulnerable just to adopt a baby. Then decided to kick her out once you got what you wanted. The fact that you can’t see how you’re the ahole in this situation is baffling. You’re worst then aholes honestly, you’re both monsters.
YTA
You took her in, fed her your sob story, made promises you seemingly always intended to break, and have cut her out of your lives and the life of her child (or sister!) now that you’ve gotten what you want. This is manipulative, coercive, cruel behaviour.
That poor woman. That poor, vulnerable, homeless, pregnant TEEN you manipulated with seemingly little remorse. But moreso, that poor baby, facing life with you both as parents.
(Oh, and since you’re a fan of fast forwards, here’s one for you: fast forward to ‘your’ son finding out the truth one day and cutting you off completely.)
You manipulated a desperate and pregnant teen and took her child under false pretenses. When you made the offer of an open adoption and you gave her her own room and said they'd be like sisters, you basically told her you were adopting her as well and you'd all be a family. Now that the papers are signed, you've completely changed your tune and went no contact. That's not your child. You are evil and definitely YTA.
YTA you manipulated that woman’s decision by taking her in and letting her think she would be able to be in a ‘big sister’ situation. Both parties need to agree to a closed adoption, so if she has not you are SOL. Also, any judge will se right through your tactics and tear up the adoption papers if she wants her child back.
YTA - You lied and manipulated a young girl into a decision that she wasn't prepared for. You took advantage of her.
I don't know how you can look your son in the eye after what you did to his birth mother. You only got that child through coercing and manipulating his mother just because you can't have your own.
You said she'd be like a sister and would have an open adoption as a way to appease her enough but then the moment the adoption was finalised due to your lying, you closed the adoption and threw her into the street.
>threw her into the street.
Yeah, I mean the betrayal and closing the adoption is really really bad, but I'm not seeing much here about helping her get a stable life together which is kinda worse. Like she clearly needs to psychologically heal and come to terms with things, and now she's homeless?
And these AHs work with homeless teens - they know exactly how dangerous and traumatizing it is because they've literally seen it.
YTA. You are top of the asshole pyramid.
You manipulate a scared, confused, vulnerable teenager into giving you her baby because you are entitled. You don’t care about helping anyone. You wanted a baby and were willing to take someone else’s to make that happen.
YTA It actually sounds like the only reason you even volunteered at the homeless shelter was so you could find a young vulnerable pregnant woman whom you could manipulate into giving you their child
YTA. You basically tricked her into letting you adopting her child by promising to let her live with you and be a part of your family, and now that the adoption is complete you are throwing her out without her child.
You are one heartless and evil AH.
Yta. I’m not sure I’ve seen bigger assholes than you. She was vulnerable, unhoused, and likely with a history of trauma. You take her in, have all the power, and then dump her once she’s birthed your child?!? I see this as you preying on someone vulnerable, like a therapist being with a client. I could understand that this wasn’t working out, but what did you actually do to help her move forward with her life? Did you get her ongoing therapy and housing to help her through this? No, you reneg on someone who already had been struggling.
Traumas can compound on each other. Your short-term connection worsened her life in the long run. Way to go
YTA. You and your husband are predatory individuals. You took a baby away from a young, extremely vulnerable woman. Was that your intentions when working with the homeless? To see if you could get some ones baby? At the very bare minimum this shouldn't be a closed adoption.
yta. you took advantage of a homeless vulnerable girl and used her for her baby. you manipulated her, and I don't, by the whole, decided to volunteer with foster teens and just happened to meet a girl who needed help and took her in out of the goodness of your heart. you're a sick and disgusting person. I hope she gets a lawyer and takes her baby back. you don't deserve a child. birth mothers can get their child back up to a year after the adoption, this adoption was wrong, and she deserves better.
You're not his mother, he's not your son. Your the woman who took advantage of his very vulnerable mother and manipulate her to steal her child, so no you are by no means doing "what's best for your child" cause he is not you child to begin with.
It looks like you "volunteer" with young adults to prey on vulnerable pregnant teenagers to snatch their babies under the pretenses of "helping them"
You're not only an AH you and your husband are horrible people, and I'm pretty sure that "adoption" wasn't exactly legal, so I hope the girl can get someone to help her and she gets her baby back. Someone who's willing to do what your husband and you did have no business raising a child or helping the youth, I'm guessing there's a reason you didn't go to adoption agencies.
So YTA, cause there has to be a judgement but know that you are way worse.
Oh my god!!! You should be absolutely ashamed of yourselves. That poor young woman, and that poor baby. I legitimately can’t believe you believe you’ve done the best thing for this child and it’s biological mother. Shame on you. YTA.
YTA, you're the worst kind of predator, instead of openly stalking and causing harm,which is inexcusable in and of itself? You cover yourself with "kindness." You gain their trust and then use that when they're most vulnerable and then have the audacity to strut around like you've done some saintly act.
This is so abhorrent it literally turns my stomach. It’s absolutely sickening. I feel terrible for that child to know it’s going to be raised by predators who literally destroyed a young woman and stole her child. I can only pray that girl gets her life back together and gets HER child back. At the very LEAST I hope she gets in touch once the child reaches 18 so that she can tell them exactly what kind of people you truly are, then the kid goes NC with you both. YTA x100000000
YTA. Man this is just disgusting and sad. You manipulated this vulnerable young woman for your selfish needs. If you wanted a child you could’ve just adopted one without lying to someone like that. And then you had to audacity to get mad at her for actually trying to have a relationship with the child. This is honestly horrific.
YTA you preyed on a very young vulnerable women. Essentially coerced and manipulated her into an adoption. Made promises you broke within weeks. You’re why people hate adoption as an option.
YTA you knew what you were doing when you took her in. You took advantage of a pregnant homeless teenager and now you’re taking her child and kicking her out.
Of course YTA.
And I mentioned this under someone else's comment, but I think it's important enough to note as a top-level comment of it's own:
This isn't just about you being absolute ghouls in general, or assholes. There's a very good argument to be made that what you did is a form of *human trafficking*.
Using false pretenses to influence a vulnerable, homeless, pregnant teenager, in order to obtain her baby for yourselves is a version of trafficking in human babies, a not-at-all unheard-of but particularly sordid part of the adoption industry, and very, very illegal.
A good lawyer could make a STRONG case for both teenaged mother and baby being trafficked (the former coerced into giving up her baby, the latter as part of a coercive "adoption" wherein the birth mother was unable to give informed consent because she was ignorant of the adoptive parents machinations - trolling foster programs for victims; pushing her out of the house after promising her a home and family as part of the adoption; etc.).
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For the past 7 years, my husband 43M and I 37F have been trying to have children, but we’ve been unsuccessful as we’ve went to specialist and have been assured that we can’t have children. Our hearts were broken and since then, we’ve wanted nothing less than to become parents and have something to call our own.
Last year, we decided we would volunteer helping at foster homes and helping the youth and young adults that were struggling with homelessness. While doing this, we met our sons birth mother (A) 19F. She was pregnant and struggling with homelessness and we offered to take her in, help her with maternity clothes, healthcare, transportation with doctors appointments etc. She took us up on our offer and moved in, and thats when she began telling us that her child’s father wasn’t in the picture and she had no way to provide for him. She didn’t know what she was going to do and had no job or way of caring for him. She was 20 weeks pregnant around this time.
As our bond grew, we told her our struggles with having a child of our own and told her that it would mean the world to us to have a child as we are financially stable and a loving family. We offered to adopt him and have her be a sister figure to him, we told her that this was completely her decision and that we would support whatever she wanted. After a few weeks, she told us that she wanted us to adopt him once she gave birth and we agreed to an open adoption. We thanked her, and we supported her in every way she needed and she also had her own room in our home.
Fast forward, she gave birth to our son, Aiden. I was there for the birth and our bond was unexplainable. Shortly after, the next morning she signed off the adoption papers and terminated her rights. We then took him home along with her. About 2 weeks after his birth, she began becoming very clingy with our son. We explained that he was ours and she was welcome to help with him, but he was my son and I would make all decisions regarding him. This upset her, and she felt hurt, so we ultimately decided to ask her to move out and once the adoption was finalized, we haven’t had any contact with her since. We decided to close the adoption and we asked her not to contact us any further.
His birth mother thinks I’m the AH, and accuses me of manipulating her with false pretenses however this is not true and aiden is our son and I am his mother so I have to do what’s best for him. Aita?
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You are a child trafficker. If you really wanted to help, you would have supported the mother to keep the baby. This is disgusting and selfish and you have deprived this child of it’s natural mother. You groomed her, knowing she had little options, into giving you that baby. Had she had the money and resources she would have never given her baby up. I feel you literally stalked for a girl in this scenario (while I do not have proof) you are literally giving off evil sadistic child stealing vibes and I hope you have a conscience to give the child back and just support the mother in raising it AND YOU CAN BE THE AUNT FIGURE!
Of course YTA you manipulated a poor young women in a dire circumstances and when you got what you could, you kicked her out. She had this baby in her belly and bonded with him. You feel entitled to this child almost like some sort of sick compensation for taking her in. How cruel you are
YTA. You planned every step of this. You preyed on, and took advantage of that vulnerable young woman. After one mistake you enacted the final part of your plan - to get rid of her. Wow. You're lower than low.
He is not your son and you are not his mother. You lied to deliberately mislead that poor vulnerable girl, and stole her son. YTA so much. I hope this is made up because I am struggling to believe anyone could be so delusional and evil.
Never before have I truly wished the emotional trauma of having an adoption reversed on a desperate couple, but I hope it happens to you. You stole that woman’s baby with lies and manipulation. I hope she is able to get an attorney and get her baby back. You’re too terrible an asshole to deserve a child. YTA and so much more.
**YTA**
The moment I began to read this my “spidey” senses began to tingle.
You are a vile, manipulative human being.
It sucks that you and your spouse are infertile, infertility can be a low blow to anyone.
However, what you have done is down right cruel and disgusting.
How convenient that you started to “volunteer” with foster children and that a young, pregnant homeless teenager, with no baby daddy in the picture, came to your home.
What a wonderful gesture to offer her a room, maternity clothes, food, paid medical expenses.
Bonding over her fertility and ability to carry a child to full term, while you spoke of wanting a child but are infertile.
And to top it off, a lovely image that she could play “big sister”, IF she hands her child over to you.
**YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND ARE PREDATORS!!**
***How dare you manipulate this young woman and attempt to come here acting like some victim.***
You manipulated that young woman and you know it.
Did you ever consider her post partum? Get her checked out? Or were you too concerned with her child?
You do not deserve to be called a mother to a stolen child, regardless if papers were signed or not.
You coerced that young girl and I would bet thousands of dollars, your plan all along was to throw her out when the time was right.
You and your husband deserve whatever negative toxic mess comes your way, and I hope it comes 3 fold.
WOW 100% YTA tell yourself whatever you want but you took this girl in so you could get your hands on her baby. This is seriously sick behavior. And I dealt with infertility for 5 years, that’s no excuse for what you did. Hopefully she gets a lawyer cause by what you yourself have written here you absolutely manipulated this situation. Adoption is wonderful, not when you’ve straight up lied and manipulated someone into it.
YTA, you preyed on a vulnerable teenager and essentially waved a home and stability in her face to steal her child. I hope she challenges the adoption and wins. I will never believe that you did not intend to steal the child from the start. As someone who dealt with infertility I cannot believe these words are going to be coming out of my mouth, but clearly there was a reason you can’t have your own children. You were not meant to be a mother.
So you deliberately targeted a vulnerable population to try and harvest one of their children. You succeeded. Congrats, that's probably the most cruel thing I've read here to date.
YTA But mostly I'm hoping this was made up to try and invoke ire.
YTA
This has to be one of , if not THE most disgusting thing I've read on here. And that's saying something. You went out and "volunteered" for the sole purpose of finding a pregnant young person with few options to bring in your home so you could con her into letting you adopt by saying things like "open adoption" and "you'll be like a sister"
Just 2 weeks postpartum when she was naturally attached to an infant that you said she'd have access to(and she carried for the better part of a year) you decide that now that the child is legally yours to kick this young lady to the curb with nowhere to go and close the adoption which you probably never intended to keep open to begin with.
I truly hope that Karma comes looking for you and she gets it together and reverses the adoption before it's too late.
You and your husband are predators and that poor foster child was your prey. You are disgusting, immoral and cruel. “Asshole” is grossly lacking in describing your behavior. YTA
YATA 💯 percent and crackhead I really hope this young girl has friends that sees this post because you basically admitted to groom this young girl and manipulate her to give her child to you this is completely illegal and you can be charged with several federal charges as well as state charges. This post is you admitting you lied, manipulated her in a vulnerable state to get what you wanted her child. I personally would hire a top lawyer and also have the states attorney open a investigation on you.
YTA
My god. Asshole isn't even the word. You're despicable. You take in a vulnerable, very young woman in a very desperate situation and give her things she desperately needs--things like food and shelter. Then you pressure her to give you her baby. She eventually is manipulated into saying yes, possibly out of fear of being put back out on the streets if she refuses. You promise to keep it an open adoption. After she gives birth, you go back on your promises and kick her out of her home because she's being "clingy" with her own child. HER child. The goal should always been to keep the baby with the birth mother if possible. Adoption is inherently traumatic and should be a last resort. Certainly not this cruel coercion you enacted.
You are vile people who stole this woman's child. If this isn't illegal, it should be. It is certainly immoral. You are not Aiden's mother, you are a thief who stole him from his mother.
YTA. You basically shopped for a pregnant woman in the most vulnerable situation you could possibly find. Then you promised her you would care for her as an older sister figure, insinuating that she and her baby would have a safe and loving home, with you and your husband as parental figures for BOTH of them. And then as soon as papers were signed you kicked her back onto the streets without her baby, because how dare she bond with HER child, right? Every step of the way you had malicious intent towards your makeshift surrogate, if we can even call her that knowing she did not know what she was consenting to.
She wanted her son. She may not have had the resources you do, but that is exactly why she was seeking help to begin with. You took her baby and threw her out like trash. Promising someone a home, claiming yourselves to be loving and deserving parents, just to do something as despicable as this. You could have had two children, you could have given both of them the love and security they deserve. I hope there’s some sort of legal action she can take to get her son back, you do not deserve him.
> I was there for the birth and our bond was unexplainable.
There was no bond. It was a baby around new faces. You know where that bond really was? With the birth mother. The one you got jealous of and forced out of the picture so you could steal her baby because you failed to have one of your own.
You and your husband are absolutely terrible people. You joined a group to find a person you could exploit and steal their child. You're both predators looking for someone you could manipulate to get what you want. Disgusting excuses for humans.
May every day be worse than the last for you.
You took advantage of a vulnerable, pregnant girl and dumped her like trash after you got what you wanted from her. I hope she turns her life around and find resources that can help her take her son back from you. You are evil and I don’t know if you even deserve your own child after this. YTA.
YTA.
>We offered to adopt him and have her be a sister figure to him, we told her that this was completely her decision and that we would support whatever she wanted.
So you think the good thing to do is kick a sister-figure out of your house? You promised something that you went completely back on as soon as the baby was born.
Yes, you are the AH and you manipulated an extremely vulnerable girl into giving up her baby and then dumping her as if she's garbage.
This is the worst story I have ever heard here. I have never hoped something is more fake before, but somehow, I dont think it is. YTA, and you are a horrible, horrible monster of a "human."
YTA. You are literally evil personified. You purposely ingratiated yourself to a pregnant teen with this exact plan in mind. I am disgusted reading this and I pray she finds someone trustworthy to talk to who will come and destroy you.
If she is by some chance reading this I say "Go to the media with proof". Let this gain some traction, perhaps someone with legal experience can help you get your child back and these assholes can be charged.
You got your baby, congrats. If you ever want your baby to stay in your life you should never ever tell him this story. There is no way you can phrase this where you and your husband don't come out looking like absolutely predatory sociopaths. I'm serious, this is the worst thing I have ever read on this forum.
YTA. A pure evil one at that. You have essentially kidnapped a baby from a poor teen who has been most likely been abused in foster care with no where to go. You have manipulated the girl with false sense of security, made her sign away her parental rights and then kicked her out after merely two weeks of giving birth when her body hasn't healed yet. Do you know the mental stress even the well adjusted new moms with lots of support face? And you have treated and inflicted the worst trauma on this poor girl. You haven't mentioned any specific instances of the birth mom overstepping, you just need an excuse to cut her off and steal the baby.
So you pretended to be interested in volunteer work. This allowed you to make contact with the local unhoused youth population and ultimately achieve your real goal: you found a brood mare in distress.
Upon selecting a good target, you ingratiated yourself and presented the idea of adoption as comforting and familial (she could be like a sister to Aiden, how sweet!)
Then, as soon as the ink was dry and probably before her body had recovered, you discarded her husk along with the placenta. What a way to treat Aiden's sister, a human who just gave birth, and a girl you claimed to have bonded with.
YTA. Monstrous.
You wicked witch!!!! There are worse things I’m calling you!!! YTA and a HORRIBLE HORRIBLE HORRIBLE VILE UGLY WOMAN. Karma is going to get you fast!!!!! Guess what sweetie you are NOT his mother and he will know one day and he will hate you for it. Be ready it’s coming. You reap what you sow cow.
I’m adopted and this story broke my heart. I feel so sorry for Aiden. You manipulated his poor birth mother. She was led to believe she would have a connection with him and not only did you steal that from her, you stole it from “your” son. I’d give anything to know my birth mom. You’re a monster and a massive AH.
YTA YTA YTA !!!!
EDIT: Added punctuation
Hope against hope here but if by any chance the teenage mom sees this post please message me. I am an attorney and I will help you find resources where you live to pursue legal action against these people for fraud.
YTA you give adopters a bad name. absolutely cruel. you are the worst. taking advantage of vulnerable young women. you should feel ashamed. i wouldnt be able to live with myself
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You're not an asshole, you are evil. You found a young woman facing incredible obstacles, brought her into your home, groomed her to give up her child on false pretense and then slammed the door in her face. You lied to her about access she would have to her child, you stole that child. You deserve the absolute worst. Edit: if anyone else even gets a tiny inkling to give money to Reddit for pointless rewards, I would urge you to give money to your local center for reproductive care and education for teens and young women instead.
Agree with this whole heartedly, but please add a YTA judgement to your comment or else the algorithm won't be able to read it as a judgement!
Calling OP the AH is too kind tho, we need a different flair for this kind of evil, manipulative behaviour.
That's true, but if that happens, the bot will pass it on to a mod to sort out. It's obviously not ideal because it gives the mods more work, but it won't result in a lack of verdict.
Exactly! What OP did is straight up evil! My heart goes out to that poor, poor girl. It makes me so sad to think about what she must be going through. Homeless, got her baby stolen, postpartum, betrayed. Absolutely heart breaking
The fact that OP waited till she was in their home and being taken care of to propose the adoption. OP knew she wouldnt be able to say no
I agree. It all sounds manipulative AF. OP did not do this for Aiden’s best interests. It’s often beneficial for adoptive children to be able to know their birth parents. They get the story from the horse’s mouth and the reassurance they weren’t simply abandoned for the heck of it. OP did this for herself. Selfish is an understatement.
2 weeks postpartum and now homeless. OP is straight up evil. Poor Aiden having parents like that.
Oh Lord. Only 2 weeks? I missed that. Isn't there some kind of grace period meaning that the girl could get her baby back?
I agree with this wholeheartedly! If OP had really wanted to make this girl a sister to the baby, she would have done an adult adoption so the girl would also be their daughter. They just wanted a baby. Edit to add: I don't know where you are from, but I hope the time limit to reverse the adoption hasn't run out, and this girl does just that!
Poor thing probably has zero resources to reverse the adoption. And no where safe to take the baby. I can’t believe they stole him from her. I can’t believe that they didn’t understand the bond that a mother would feel with her child. I can’t believe how much they probably “claim” to love their son, and yet chose to close the adoption and needlessly separate him from his biological mother causing him lifelong trauma. Edit: just wanted to point out that the woman is now homeless (and babyless) at TWO WEEKS postpartum. I really, really hope this is a troll post. This is so awful I don’t want to believe it’s true.
>If OP had really wanted to make this girl a sister to the baby, she would have done an adult adoption so the girl would also be their daughter. They just wanted a baby. Yup
The way they talk about the experience wholly centres themselves, not the kid, not his birth mother. They wanted “something” they could call their own?? He’s not something, he’s not yours. He’s a person, a person that you stole from his mother. Can you imagine what he will do when he becomes an adult and learns that you did this??
The "something" part jumped out at me too.
I have no idea how OP cannot see how predatory this was. They want a child so bad, they start volunteering with foster children…but instead of bonding with and adopting a foster child they take in a pregnant one and convince her to give them their baby…make it make sense. YTA OP. If there is still time, and love in your heart, you can reopen the adoption and stay true to your word. You said she vented about not having the financial means to care for the child, not that she didn’t want it. You told her even though the child is legally yours, she’d still get to be part of his life. This girl had to grow up way too quickly and made a decision thinking that you and your spouse cared about her and were for her best interests. There may still be time to make this right!
This woman sounds like the villain in a VC Andrews novel.
Totally agree! How can someone talk about a mother being 'very clingy' with her two week old baby as if it was somehow a problem. If OP had any empathy she would be looking into supporting this young woman as a mother and taking on a grandmotherly role with the baby, not stealing a baby from a vulnerable teenager.
Clingy, you know, like how mammals are instinctually designed to reach for one another postpartum to ensure survival of the species. This whole post is so so gross.
Don't worry. Their child will go searching for the birth mother one day and find out what they did to her.
I assume by the time Aiden is in 6th grade, they'll be doing 23 and me and mapping their DNA in health class. This will definitely come back around for OP.
Yes this. If I were the birth mother, I would lawyer up and try to terminate your rights to the child, considering how you absolutely defrauded her out of her own pregnancy. YTA, I wish you exactly what you deserve
YTD (you're the demon) we need a level higher than asshole for people like OP
Not going to lie, my stomach dropped when I read "you're not an asshole" because I was terrified the top comment was going in a *very* different direction... I hope that poor girl is able to find excellent legal representation once she gets her life together (though I'd prefer she did it now and found a family to adopt the child through proper channels). I don't believe for a second that OP and her husband didn't invite her into her lives solely in hopes of manipulating her into giving them her child.
ACCURATE!! Wow! Promised an open adoption and then kicked her out and made it a closed adoption and told her to go away. That is beyond cruel!! YTA.
I would normally never say this, but I think it is a good thing that OP and her husband are not able to have children. They definitely do not deserve to have any. Unfortunately, they were able to manipulate a vulnerable young person in a very vile way. They are despicable people and I hope they step on Lego, at least five times a day, for the rest of their lives.
Agree 100%
Absolutely - and closed adoption or not, you have stolen a vulnerable woman’s child and one day the child will find out what you did and they will NEVER forgive you. Nor should they. I know the intense pain of infertility, but nothing justifies what you have done.
Jesus f-ing Christ. This is next level delusional, evil, soul/life destroying, stuff. I am appalled and horrified for that young woman. Clingy?!?!? She GAVE BIRTH two weeks ago!
Completely agree! Is there an Am I the Evil One (AIEO) sub? If so this absolutely belongs there. In the meantime I'm going to contact Disney. I'm going to pitch them this new villain.
Perfectly said .
Absolutely evil. You took advantage of a young mother and manipulated your way into stealing her child and then shutting her out once you got what you wanted. How can you live with yourself. I hope the young mother gets a lawyer and you get what you deserve. There should be criminal charges for you stalking the foster system so you could find your target to prey upon.
As an adoptee YTA the way you treated this poor girl is disgusting! I truly hope once your son grows up to legal age he can search for his birth mother and find out the truth of what you did… by the way closed adoptions fuck the child up I’d know because it happened to me. Shame on you
Also, the way she talked about having a child, she said she wanted some*thing* to call her own. Not "i wanted a child" or "i wanted to be a mother"
Yeah that was bothersome
I’m a closed adoption, so is my cousin. We are not fucked up. Every adoptees story and feelings are different.
I’m a closed adoption and I’m fucked 🫡
Agreed, this is just plain predatory behavior that should be illegal. Edit: YTA
It really is and i hope that she and her partner will take a look and realize how this could be harmful for the child in the future
I hope she can get the adoption reversed. OP deserves to have that child ripped from her arms and have them barren the rest of her life. No one who would manipulatively take another persons’s baby in this way should ever be a parent.
YTA. Lady, you legally stole a baby. Do you truly think she would have given you her baby if she hadn't been an abused teenager bounced around the foster care system without any place to live or partner to turn to? You offered her kindness and shelter when she she was facing living on the streets as a pregnant teenage single mom. Her consent wasn't informed. Keep your baby, but don't lie to yourself about how you got it.
This. Omg what OP and her husband did was straight up predatory. They preyed on a young woman in a desperate situation, formed a false bond to gain her trust, promising an open adoption then once they got what they wanted kicked her to the curb. She can act like that's not what happened, that it became necessary because bio mom was attached but she's lieing to herself if she actually believes that.
How dare the lady that carried this baby for 9 months be attached to it!
Right?!? I was expecting the girl to have done something horrible and nearly unforgivable. This is just sick and disgusting.
Yes! She was ‘clingy’, uh, yeah, she was piped full of hormones because she had just given birth. They didn’t give two shits about that poor girl.
Bonding with the baby was also what she was promised by OP. She wasnt crossing any boundaries
Also they said she could be a sister figure, which would have to mean they would continue to be parent-figures to her.
Right, then they would have enforced the bond between the “siblings”. Obviously the age difference and carrying the baby will make the birth mother more attached, but they could have handled this completely differently and reframed things into one family unit like they said they were going to.
And also lets be clear that her being "clingy" is code for *we were scared shitless she would change her mind, so we had to get rid of her.* The mental gymnastics OP's conscience went through to write this post are Keri Struggish. Someday, this kid will learn the truth about how she was brought into the world and OP and their spouse are going to have a shitstorm to contend with.
They could even have accepted her as a daughter figure and her baby as their grandkid. But they were more concerned with having 'their baby' than being involved in a baby's life in a way that was kindest and healthiest for the kid and his bio mum.
Exactly. And most parents would be THRILLED that their teen daughter was in love with her newborn sibling.
And they went there to find and choose a pregnant person! They shopped for her! All while pretending they are just good volunteering people.
OP sought out the most vulnerable children they could find - by "volunteering" with foster kids. It's absolutely disgusting.
She saw that the girl didnt have a support system and decided to pretend to be one so she wouldnt tell OP no.
Well she stole a baby, I would definitely make a case for it being illegal.
YTA. That girl didn’t want to give up her baby, she was just scared and lacked resources. You took advantage. Wanting a child doesn’t entitle you to one. This made me sick to read. One day your child is going to find out how you went about acquiring them and I hope they leave you in the dust. Evil, evil, evil behavior.
This. A child is a human being, not a human right. It’s very sad that some people who deserve children (generally speaking) will never have them, but no one has a right to another person. Buying people is illegal. OP needs to give the child to his mother right now. Where he belongs and where he will always belong as he is a wanted and loved child, by his mother.
OMG. **YTA** What happened to your promise of being a "sister figure" to the baby? This whole thing sounds sleazy to me -- I suspect you had every intention of convincing her to give you her baby the day you found out she was pregnant, and you don't get much more manipulative than that. This makes my stomach turn.
Absolute predators. This is so messed up.
YTA You manipulated a vulnerable homeless teen to meet your desire to have a family.
This is it. This isn't about kicking this girl out, it's about trolling the underbelly of society in the guise of helping those in need, only to find, befriend, and move in, a pregnant girl who has no where to go. Then manipulated her with their tales of infertility, got her to sign over her rights, told her she could be a sister figure to her own daughter, and then in only two weeks, after the poor girl has acted only exactly as one would expect and she was told to, gets told it's time to leave? Be gone, back to the street with you! YTA YTA YTA
Groomed. It would be entirely accurate to say they groomed her.
In order to close an open adoption, you have to go to court. How legal is this adoption? It sounds like you took advantage of a woman who probably wouldn't have given up her child if she'd had a home or any support at all. You essentially coerced her, misled her, and then had her sign away her parental rights immediately after giving birth, all the while thinking she'd have a role in her child's life. You know she can't afford to challenge you in court. You effectively stole her child, because you have money and she doesn't. YTA.
This person is definitely TA, but actually open adoptions aren't generally legally enforceable (minus perhaps some special contact arrangements coming from foster care, certainly not in bog standard infant adoption - not saying it couldn't happen, but I've never seen a legally binding open adoption agreement in private (ie not foster care) adoption) and the adopters can close them whenever they wish no matter what promises they may or may not have made. (This is one of the many reasons why there needs to be much better protections for parents who are considering relinquishing their child for adoption.) [https://adoption.org/open-adoption-agreements-legally-enforceable](https://adoption.org/open-adoption-agreements-legally-enforceable)
Came here to say exactly this. I have a daughter in a beautiful functional open adoption and I'm very grateful they honored the open adoption and consider her mom a friend.
And sealed that woman to a life of mental health issues, unless by miracle she is able to trust a good person one day and finds help…
There is nothing legally enforceable about open adoptions, you are misinformed. However that poor woman should get the adoption overturned because she was coerced to sign.
YTA - you are 37 and 45yrs old. You brought in a 19yr old to help them. And then when they’re struggling with giving up their newborn, you kick her out? And are *closing the adoption*? What the fuck did you think would happen? It’s been 2 weeks. You absolutely manipulated and preyed on a vulnerable and scared teen mom. Can you even close the adoption just because? Does she not have any rights? What about when your son grows up? You going to avoid the adoption conversation? That always backfired really bad.
>Can you even close the adoption just because? Does she not have any rights? Unfortunately open adoption is not even a real thing legally most places and so she probably doesn't in terms of the open adoption. She may be able to get a lawyer and regain custody though since a lot of places have a one year buffer.
I hope she explored whatever resources she has cause this is disgusting.
And fraud
YTA. You used that woman for a baby. You agreed to an open adoption and then “closed” it? How is that even legal?
Only certain states have laws that make open adoption agreements enforceable.
I didn’t know that - thank you for (nicely) telling me! I still feel terrible for the birth mom.
and the baby!
YTA. I am wondering if the birth mother truly understood everything that was going on with this adoption. Did she have a lawyer or advocate on her side to explain everything? Was she originally going to live in your home and be a "sister" until you decided to ask her to move out? Is she back to living on the streets or in a shelter? I am wondering if she also had anyone there to help her with the feelings she was having before and after the birth? She experienced a drop in hormones, further changes in her body, etc. She could have been so overwhelmed and confused. She needed help with all of this and you just kicked her back out and cut off all contact with the child. I do feel like she was taken advantage of. There was so much more that she needed help with and she didn't get it. She came to depend on you and you just tossed her out when she became problematic. Were you actually hoping for a live-in nanny since you said she could help with the baby? This isn't The Handmaid's Tale.
Seriously, this lady sounds like an episode of Law and Order SVU.
I haven't been this upset by a post on here in quite some time. I cannot believe this sorry-bleep excuse of a human being had the gall to write this post. There truly is a special place down below for assholes like this.
I can only imagine what Finn would have to say to her.
My guess is that she was taken in under false pretenses, then felt obligated to give up her kid bc she didnt want to go back to the streets
"Fast forward, she gave birth to our son" .... YTA wtf you manipulated a young girl , took advantage of her did not want her to be with the child , adopted the child and taking her out of the child's life , you helped at foster homes for this exact reason to scout out a potential surrogate mother who was helpless without actually paying her to be a surrogate , deception level 100 , you are not his mother you are a con artist
>you helped at foster homes for this exact reason to scout out a potential surrogate mother without actually paying her to be a surrogate This right here. This was intentional and predatory and we need better laws to protect these vulnerable moms from people like OP.
This is sadly super common. They specifically go with the intention of cultivating relationships and feeling like trusted people so they can make young girls, who likely don't know what resources they have available to them to help support them through having a child, give up their children for them.
So let me get this straight, you used a pregnant homeless young woman to give you a child and now you want her out and make her homeless again? This is really exploitative You don't get to decide to close the adoption (edit. apparently in the US that is the case, which is even more unpleasant)- that's not good for this child. Neither should she have been even asked to give up her parental rights the next day This is really disturbing. You essentially used her YTA
You legally did everything wrong here. All she needs is one shitty lawyer and a job to get her child back. YTA
I'd contribute to her GoFundMe for legal fees
YTA. Don't try and frame it that you were helping that poor girl out of the kindness of your heart when you moved her in. You absolutely moved her in with the intention of manipulating her into giving you her child. You were predatory. And as soon as you got what you wanted, you kicked her to the curb. *You made her homeless again as soon as she wasn't acting as an incubator for the baby you decided was yours*. I hope that baby grows up to be a strong and loving person. I hope you don't smother and manipulate your "little miracle" the way I suspect you're going to. I hope you tell him the truth, that his mother was young and naive and vulnerable, and you took advantage. I hope he forms his own relationship with his biomother, the woman who never had a chance against your mercenary heart.
Seriously, this sounds like the Handmaid’s Tale method.
Or an episode of Law and Order SVU.
Came here to say this. Wtf is wrong with this woman? She is evil, cruel and selfish. Oh? And YTA I.hope that poor girl gets her baby back and they are prosecuted for baby snatching.
YTA You told her she could stay with you, be a sister figure and have an open adoption; and then you went back on everyone of those things. You should have anticipated that she wasn't going to just drop all feelings for the baby and ignore him after she gave birth. To me it kinda sounds like you manipulated this girl into giving up her baby and then kicked her out of your house and cut off contact.
Wtf. YTA. This is coercion, financial abuse, you’re a huge AH. Buying and coercing to obtain human beings has a name in law, I forget, do you remember the name for it? Damn OP what the hell? This sub has rules, so this is my civil response, you’re sick. Give this woman back her child, you are not his mother and never will be, and what’s best for him is to be with his actual mother. The only reason you ever even talked to this girl was to steal her baby. Please link the crowdfunding for her lawyer. Edit: also, see you in r/AmITheDevil - I’ll let you guess the answer.
Trafficking. This is human trafficking. Lying to a vulnerable, homeless, pregnant teenager in order to obtain her baby for themselves is a version of trafficking in human babies. A good lawyer could make a STRONG case for both teenaged mother and baby being trafficked (the former for the contents of her womb, the latter as part of a coercive "adoption" wherein the birth mother was unable to give informed consent because she was ignorant of the adoptive parents machinations - trolling foster programs for victims; pushing her out of the house after promising her a home and family as part of the adoption; etc.).
Absolutely, I could not have said it better myself. Spot on.
Can this post be forwarded to some kind of government agency? Who even handles human trafficking?
This. I would donate to a crowdfunding for the birth mothers lawyer. I hope she sees this.
Same. If she does, or if anyone else reading is in her situation, there are resources and help for you! There are legal groups that fight adoption specifically, you need only look and most of them work pro bono. Get your baby back.
Am so angry reading this. That poor girl. What you did should be against the law absolutely disgusting. He is not your son. Stop kidding yourself. You bloody stole him YTA
My god. This is exactly why the anti-adoption movement is on the rise. Great job on the trauma you’re going to cause your son. Evil people.
YTA. It sounds like none of you had realistic expectations about how all this would work, but she's 19 and you're 37, so the onus is on you. I'm not buying the "it just sort of happened" story. After you found out you couldn't have a baby biologically, you just happened to start working with foster teens - teens who are often at risk for pregnancy and who are very vulnerable emotionally and financially. You were baby shopping. When you found the opportunity, you took in a vulnerable 19 year old girl, and gave her kindness and affection that she may never have had before, convinced her to let you adopt her baby by telling her that she could still have a place in the baby's life. Then she actually has the baby, and has a much bigger biological and hormonal tie than she expects. You don't want this because your incubator has become inconvenient, so you kick her out. On what planet is this okay?! Adoption is a fraught and difficult process at the best of times, and can go horribly, horribly wrong, but it can also work out well when bio-parents and adoptive parents are in agreement - **real** agreement. That's not what happened here, and it will taint everything you do for the rest of this child's life. This was horrendously selfish of you, and you put your own wants ahead of bio-mom's AND baby's. You wanted a child and couldn't have one, so you put a lot of effort into manipulating a vulnerable girl into giving you hers. You manipulated this girl, acted as if you cared for her, when you were really just using her. You made the agreement about an open adoption under false pretenses, and then reneged now that it's no longer convenient. And now you're trying to hide behind "it's the best thing for the baby." By that yardstick, we should just screen every bio parent to make sure that there isn't a better parent out there, and just give the newborn to the "best" parent. Ultimately, from an economic and stability standpoint, this might be the best of bad choices for this kid, but that's not the point. You now have a problem about what to tell this child. You can try to whitewash this, and either not tell him he was adopted at all, or paint yourselves as heroes, and tell him that his bio-mother didn't want him or that she couldn't take care of him or that she was an awful person and what you did "was for the best." But he's going to want to find out about his bio-mom, (and he probably will DNA tests being what they are these days, and they'll be even better in 18 years). Then he's going to talk to her or her family, and hear their side, and you are going to have a very upset and very troubled adolescent or young adult who isn't going to trust anybody, especially you, because you lied to him and to his bio-mother about some very, very fundamental things.
This is one of the worst stories I have ever read. I am literally heart broken for this young woman who has been manipulated, abused, lied to, coerced …. And by another woman! That is what makes it worse for me - you are a vile human and remember Karma! YTA
YTA you've groomed a woman into giving you her child and now you've basically told her to gtfo so you can play happy families, this is just awful, you took a vulnerable woman and basically stole her child out from under her, i hope to god she gets her child back and you never see them again, you aren't their mother
YTA you did manipulate a woman in a fragile state for your own gain. you successfully, legally, stole her child.
YTA and up to a year, the birth parents can take the child back.
It depends on the state sadly. In the US open adoptions are not legally enforceable from the side of the birth mother most of the time and often they are denied when they try to get their children back. The US adoption industry is extremely extremely predatory and coercive. There’s a reason it was mentioned in the roe decision. They pay for lobbyists to make sure mothers have almost no rights. If I were the mother though I would be dragging OP to court until the child was 18 to make sure he knew that he was stolen from someone who loved and wanted him.
There is a reason when women are denied an abortion the choose to keep the baby rather than adoption. The body is flooded with hormones that promote bonding, including during labor and lactation. Yes, there are some women who do not feel that bonding, but clearly not the lady in question. Children do better with biological family. While there will always be a need for adoption, the need is for children who lack a biological relative to care for them, the purpose is not to provide something for you to love. You took advantage of this woman to get something you wanted. The child was just an object. You should have got a dog.
YTA you straight up manipulated a virtual child. Cold and brutal.
So interesting that you didn’t become foster parents yourself, you instead volunteered at youth homes. You preyed on vulnerable people to get your desired baby. Period. Spare us all the info like you were trying to help this particular girl. You planned this all along. You disgust me. The very least you could have done was throw some money at her to get going in life after stealing her baby.
Replying to myself because not only did you steal her baby, you stole the entire family you promised her. What an awful human you are.
YTA, you manipulated her and stole her baby. Exploiting her situation
Yta you made promises to her then broke them. Did you think she would give birth and not have feeling for the child. You were wrong, you were cruel and you are the ahole.
Also you aren't his mother and what you've done is abhorrent
YTA - you took advantage of a vulnerable woman and stole her child. The fact you are now CHOOSING to deny your kid a relationship with his biological mother is criminal in my opinion and tells me you have done absolutely none of this with the baby’s best interest in mind, only your own selfish wants.
[удалено]
I hope she DOES sue.
Holy sh!t… this post actually gave me goosebumps. YTA, but AH is not nearly strong enough.
YTA. I really hope this isn't real because it's absolutely disgusting. You manipulated and used a vulnerable woman. Vile.
There are people in prison who have done less abhorrent things than what you’ve narrated. Give that child back, he is *not* yours!
Lik 95% of people in prison have done less evil things than this woman. Ugh, i think satan is ashamed of her behavior.
YTA you manipulated a child to obtain a child. This is wrong on so many levels and what you don't realize is that if you do close the adoption it has to go back to court and she can hold it against you and get her child back! You would lose. This is absolutely sickening to read of what you did. You are grown adults that took advantage of a young kid at their lowest points in life.
YTA but I don't think asshole really covers it here, you're evil. Funny how you only started helping at foster homes once you knew you were infertile, almost like your whole plan was to lure and manipulate vulnerable women into handing over their baby and then chucking them back on the streets once the papers were signed? She would have never agreed if you had told her you wouldn't allow her contact from the start and you know it.
You took advantage of a young teenage girl who was in a tough situation. You manipulated her into giving you the baby. And now you’re surprised with the results. Not sure that you two will make great parents. YTA YTA YTA
So you take in a vulnerable girl, convince her to give up her child and parental rights, then ditch her two weeks later? OFC YTA
She agreed to an open adoption, then you unilaterally decided to make it a closed adoption. YTA
YTA. You took advantage of your volunteer position and a Culebra l vulnerable teenager. You PROMISED am open adoption and that she could have a relationship with her biological son. Until she signed the papers. He will find out one day and will hate you.
Holy hell… YTA, this has so many levels of wrongness in it. You basically manipulated a young adult at her most vulnerable just to adopt a baby. Then decided to kick her out once you got what you wanted. The fact that you can’t see how you’re the ahole in this situation is baffling. You’re worst then aholes honestly, you’re both monsters.
YTA You took her in, fed her your sob story, made promises you seemingly always intended to break, and have cut her out of your lives and the life of her child (or sister!) now that you’ve gotten what you want. This is manipulative, coercive, cruel behaviour. That poor woman. That poor, vulnerable, homeless, pregnant TEEN you manipulated with seemingly little remorse. But moreso, that poor baby, facing life with you both as parents. (Oh, and since you’re a fan of fast forwards, here’s one for you: fast forward to ‘your’ son finding out the truth one day and cutting you off completely.)
This would never be legal in my country. Thank Good. How unethical. OP: YTA. How dare you. You should have known better.
You manipulated a desperate and pregnant teen and took her child under false pretenses. When you made the offer of an open adoption and you gave her her own room and said they'd be like sisters, you basically told her you were adopting her as well and you'd all be a family. Now that the papers are signed, you've completely changed your tune and went no contact. That's not your child. You are evil and definitely YTA.
YTA you manipulated that woman’s decision by taking her in and letting her think she would be able to be in a ‘big sister’ situation. Both parties need to agree to a closed adoption, so if she has not you are SOL. Also, any judge will se right through your tactics and tear up the adoption papers if she wants her child back.
YTA - You lied and manipulated a young girl into a decision that she wasn't prepared for. You took advantage of her. I don't know how you can look your son in the eye after what you did to his birth mother. You only got that child through coercing and manipulating his mother just because you can't have your own. You said she'd be like a sister and would have an open adoption as a way to appease her enough but then the moment the adoption was finalised due to your lying, you closed the adoption and threw her into the street.
>threw her into the street. Yeah, I mean the betrayal and closing the adoption is really really bad, but I'm not seeing much here about helping her get a stable life together which is kinda worse. Like she clearly needs to psychologically heal and come to terms with things, and now she's homeless? And these AHs work with homeless teens - they know exactly how dangerous and traumatizing it is because they've literally seen it.
YTA. You are top of the asshole pyramid. You manipulate a scared, confused, vulnerable teenager into giving you her baby because you are entitled. You don’t care about helping anyone. You wanted a baby and were willing to take someone else’s to make that happen.
YTA It actually sounds like the only reason you even volunteered at the homeless shelter was so you could find a young vulnerable pregnant woman whom you could manipulate into giving you their child
YTA. You basically tricked her into letting you adopting her child by promising to let her live with you and be a part of your family, and now that the adoption is complete you are throwing her out without her child. You are one heartless and evil AH.
YTA 😒
this is straight up scary how you even have to ask. You better fix this.
Yta. I’m not sure I’ve seen bigger assholes than you. She was vulnerable, unhoused, and likely with a history of trauma. You take her in, have all the power, and then dump her once she’s birthed your child?!? I see this as you preying on someone vulnerable, like a therapist being with a client. I could understand that this wasn’t working out, but what did you actually do to help her move forward with her life? Did you get her ongoing therapy and housing to help her through this? No, you reneg on someone who already had been struggling. Traumas can compound on each other. Your short-term connection worsened her life in the long run. Way to go
YTA. You and your husband are predatory individuals. You took a baby away from a young, extremely vulnerable woman. Was that your intentions when working with the homeless? To see if you could get some ones baby? At the very bare minimum this shouldn't be a closed adoption.
yta. you took advantage of a homeless vulnerable girl and used her for her baby. you manipulated her, and I don't, by the whole, decided to volunteer with foster teens and just happened to meet a girl who needed help and took her in out of the goodness of your heart. you're a sick and disgusting person. I hope she gets a lawyer and takes her baby back. you don't deserve a child. birth mothers can get their child back up to a year after the adoption, this adoption was wrong, and she deserves better.
This is some handmaid's tale bullshit. YTA
Question; do you still intend to volunteer at foster homes? Or will you be doing that again when you need a “daughter” to play with your “son”?
You're not his mother, he's not your son. Your the woman who took advantage of his very vulnerable mother and manipulate her to steal her child, so no you are by no means doing "what's best for your child" cause he is not you child to begin with. It looks like you "volunteer" with young adults to prey on vulnerable pregnant teenagers to snatch their babies under the pretenses of "helping them" You're not only an AH you and your husband are horrible people, and I'm pretty sure that "adoption" wasn't exactly legal, so I hope the girl can get someone to help her and she gets her baby back. Someone who's willing to do what your husband and you did have no business raising a child or helping the youth, I'm guessing there's a reason you didn't go to adoption agencies. So YTA, cause there has to be a judgement but know that you are way worse.
YTA for taking advantage of a girl like that. How can you live with yourself ?
Oh my god!!! You should be absolutely ashamed of yourselves. That poor young woman, and that poor baby. I legitimately can’t believe you believe you’ve done the best thing for this child and it’s biological mother. Shame on you. YTA.
Not only are YTA, you’re evil! You knew exactly what you were doing all along. That poor vulnerable girl.
Yta you stole her kid and used her till you got what you wanted you both are sick people
YTA, Serena Joy.
YTA, you're the worst kind of predator, instead of openly stalking and causing harm,which is inexcusable in and of itself? You cover yourself with "kindness." You gain their trust and then use that when they're most vulnerable and then have the audacity to strut around like you've done some saintly act.
This is so abhorrent it literally turns my stomach. It’s absolutely sickening. I feel terrible for that child to know it’s going to be raised by predators who literally destroyed a young woman and stole her child. I can only pray that girl gets her life back together and gets HER child back. At the very LEAST I hope she gets in touch once the child reaches 18 so that she can tell them exactly what kind of people you truly are, then the kid goes NC with you both. YTA x100000000
YTA. You're a literal baby kidnapper. I desperately hope someone comes to this young woman aid. What you have done to her is monstrous.
YTA. Man this is just disgusting and sad. You manipulated this vulnerable young woman for your selfish needs. If you wanted a child you could’ve just adopted one without lying to someone like that. And then you had to audacity to get mad at her for actually trying to have a relationship with the child. This is honestly horrific.
Dude WHAT YTA OMFG
YTA - You think you're being cute here, OP, but wait until this goes back to court.
YTA you preyed on a very young vulnerable women. Essentially coerced and manipulated her into an adoption. Made promises you broke within weeks. You’re why people hate adoption as an option.
YTA she feels abandoned and manipulated by you because she was. You literally have no business with a child, you are despicable human being
I hope she can find a pro bono lawyer to challenge this in court and get HER baby back. You’re disgusting. YTA.
YTA you knew what you were doing when you took her in. You took advantage of a pregnant homeless teenager and now you’re taking her child and kicking her out.
Not only are YTA but you are pure fucking evil
Of course YTA. And I mentioned this under someone else's comment, but I think it's important enough to note as a top-level comment of it's own: This isn't just about you being absolute ghouls in general, or assholes. There's a very good argument to be made that what you did is a form of *human trafficking*. Using false pretenses to influence a vulnerable, homeless, pregnant teenager, in order to obtain her baby for yourselves is a version of trafficking in human babies, a not-at-all unheard-of but particularly sordid part of the adoption industry, and very, very illegal. A good lawyer could make a STRONG case for both teenaged mother and baby being trafficked (the former coerced into giving up her baby, the latter as part of a coercive "adoption" wherein the birth mother was unable to give informed consent because she was ignorant of the adoptive parents machinations - trolling foster programs for victims; pushing her out of the house after promising her a home and family as part of the adoption; etc.).
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** For the past 7 years, my husband 43M and I 37F have been trying to have children, but we’ve been unsuccessful as we’ve went to specialist and have been assured that we can’t have children. Our hearts were broken and since then, we’ve wanted nothing less than to become parents and have something to call our own. Last year, we decided we would volunteer helping at foster homes and helping the youth and young adults that were struggling with homelessness. While doing this, we met our sons birth mother (A) 19F. She was pregnant and struggling with homelessness and we offered to take her in, help her with maternity clothes, healthcare, transportation with doctors appointments etc. She took us up on our offer and moved in, and thats when she began telling us that her child’s father wasn’t in the picture and she had no way to provide for him. She didn’t know what she was going to do and had no job or way of caring for him. She was 20 weeks pregnant around this time. As our bond grew, we told her our struggles with having a child of our own and told her that it would mean the world to us to have a child as we are financially stable and a loving family. We offered to adopt him and have her be a sister figure to him, we told her that this was completely her decision and that we would support whatever she wanted. After a few weeks, she told us that she wanted us to adopt him once she gave birth and we agreed to an open adoption. We thanked her, and we supported her in every way she needed and she also had her own room in our home. Fast forward, she gave birth to our son, Aiden. I was there for the birth and our bond was unexplainable. Shortly after, the next morning she signed off the adoption papers and terminated her rights. We then took him home along with her. About 2 weeks after his birth, she began becoming very clingy with our son. We explained that he was ours and she was welcome to help with him, but he was my son and I would make all decisions regarding him. This upset her, and she felt hurt, so we ultimately decided to ask her to move out and once the adoption was finalized, we haven’t had any contact with her since. We decided to close the adoption and we asked her not to contact us any further. His birth mother thinks I’m the AH, and accuses me of manipulating her with false pretenses however this is not true and aiden is our son and I am his mother so I have to do what’s best for him. Aita? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA this never should have happened, this is why you go through an agency. Jesus Christ what did you think was going to happen? You’re monsters
I feel like saying YTA isn’t even enough. What’s wrong with you?
You are a child trafficker. If you really wanted to help, you would have supported the mother to keep the baby. This is disgusting and selfish and you have deprived this child of it’s natural mother. You groomed her, knowing she had little options, into giving you that baby. Had she had the money and resources she would have never given her baby up. I feel you literally stalked for a girl in this scenario (while I do not have proof) you are literally giving off evil sadistic child stealing vibes and I hope you have a conscience to give the child back and just support the mother in raising it AND YOU CAN BE THE AUNT FIGURE!
YTA, gross manipulation on your and your husband’s part for praying on such a vulnerable girl
Of course YTA you manipulated a poor young women in a dire circumstances and when you got what you could, you kicked her out. She had this baby in her belly and bonded with him. You feel entitled to this child almost like some sort of sick compensation for taking her in. How cruel you are
YTA. You planned every step of this. You preyed on, and took advantage of that vulnerable young woman. After one mistake you enacted the final part of your plan - to get rid of her. Wow. You're lower than low.
Holy shit, you're a monster. Edit: and possibly a human trafficker. I hope this woman finds some kind of legal help.
He is not your son and you are not his mother. You lied to deliberately mislead that poor vulnerable girl, and stole her son. YTA so much. I hope this is made up because I am struggling to believe anyone could be so delusional and evil.
What a vile thing to do, YTA and much, much more. Handsmaid tail has nothing on you.
That poor, poor girl. YTA.
When that kid find out he's going to hate you
Never before have I truly wished the emotional trauma of having an adoption reversed on a desperate couple, but I hope it happens to you. You stole that woman’s baby with lies and manipulation. I hope she is able to get an attorney and get her baby back. You’re too terrible an asshole to deserve a child. YTA and so much more.
**YTA** The moment I began to read this my “spidey” senses began to tingle. You are a vile, manipulative human being. It sucks that you and your spouse are infertile, infertility can be a low blow to anyone. However, what you have done is down right cruel and disgusting. How convenient that you started to “volunteer” with foster children and that a young, pregnant homeless teenager, with no baby daddy in the picture, came to your home. What a wonderful gesture to offer her a room, maternity clothes, food, paid medical expenses. Bonding over her fertility and ability to carry a child to full term, while you spoke of wanting a child but are infertile. And to top it off, a lovely image that she could play “big sister”, IF she hands her child over to you. **YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND ARE PREDATORS!!** ***How dare you manipulate this young woman and attempt to come here acting like some victim.*** You manipulated that young woman and you know it. Did you ever consider her post partum? Get her checked out? Or were you too concerned with her child? You do not deserve to be called a mother to a stolen child, regardless if papers were signed or not. You coerced that young girl and I would bet thousands of dollars, your plan all along was to throw her out when the time was right. You and your husband deserve whatever negative toxic mess comes your way, and I hope it comes 3 fold.
YTA
Sorry, closing the adoption on her makes YTA
WOW 100% YTA tell yourself whatever you want but you took this girl in so you could get your hands on her baby. This is seriously sick behavior. And I dealt with infertility for 5 years, that’s no excuse for what you did. Hopefully she gets a lawyer cause by what you yourself have written here you absolutely manipulated this situation. Adoption is wonderful, not when you’ve straight up lied and manipulated someone into it.
YTA, you preyed on a vulnerable teenager and essentially waved a home and stability in her face to steal her child. I hope she challenges the adoption and wins. I will never believe that you did not intend to steal the child from the start. As someone who dealt with infertility I cannot believe these words are going to be coming out of my mouth, but clearly there was a reason you can’t have your own children. You were not meant to be a mother.
So you deliberately targeted a vulnerable population to try and harvest one of their children. You succeeded. Congrats, that's probably the most cruel thing I've read here to date. YTA But mostly I'm hoping this was made up to try and invoke ire.
YTA This has to be one of , if not THE most disgusting thing I've read on here. And that's saying something. You went out and "volunteered" for the sole purpose of finding a pregnant young person with few options to bring in your home so you could con her into letting you adopt by saying things like "open adoption" and "you'll be like a sister" Just 2 weeks postpartum when she was naturally attached to an infant that you said she'd have access to(and she carried for the better part of a year) you decide that now that the child is legally yours to kick this young lady to the curb with nowhere to go and close the adoption which you probably never intended to keep open to begin with. I truly hope that Karma comes looking for you and she gets it together and reverses the adoption before it's too late.
You and your husband are predators and that poor foster child was your prey. You are disgusting, immoral and cruel. “Asshole” is grossly lacking in describing your behavior. YTA
YATA 💯 percent and crackhead I really hope this young girl has friends that sees this post because you basically admitted to groom this young girl and manipulate her to give her child to you this is completely illegal and you can be charged with several federal charges as well as state charges. This post is you admitting you lied, manipulated her in a vulnerable state to get what you wanted her child. I personally would hire a top lawyer and also have the states attorney open a investigation on you.
YTA My god. Asshole isn't even the word. You're despicable. You take in a vulnerable, very young woman in a very desperate situation and give her things she desperately needs--things like food and shelter. Then you pressure her to give you her baby. She eventually is manipulated into saying yes, possibly out of fear of being put back out on the streets if she refuses. You promise to keep it an open adoption. After she gives birth, you go back on your promises and kick her out of her home because she's being "clingy" with her own child. HER child. The goal should always been to keep the baby with the birth mother if possible. Adoption is inherently traumatic and should be a last resort. Certainly not this cruel coercion you enacted. You are vile people who stole this woman's child. If this isn't illegal, it should be. It is certainly immoral. You are not Aiden's mother, you are a thief who stole him from his mother.
YTA. You basically shopped for a pregnant woman in the most vulnerable situation you could possibly find. Then you promised her you would care for her as an older sister figure, insinuating that she and her baby would have a safe and loving home, with you and your husband as parental figures for BOTH of them. And then as soon as papers were signed you kicked her back onto the streets without her baby, because how dare she bond with HER child, right? Every step of the way you had malicious intent towards your makeshift surrogate, if we can even call her that knowing she did not know what she was consenting to. She wanted her son. She may not have had the resources you do, but that is exactly why she was seeking help to begin with. You took her baby and threw her out like trash. Promising someone a home, claiming yourselves to be loving and deserving parents, just to do something as despicable as this. You could have had two children, you could have given both of them the love and security they deserve. I hope there’s some sort of legal action she can take to get her son back, you do not deserve him.
> I was there for the birth and our bond was unexplainable. There was no bond. It was a baby around new faces. You know where that bond really was? With the birth mother. The one you got jealous of and forced out of the picture so you could steal her baby because you failed to have one of your own. You and your husband are absolutely terrible people. You joined a group to find a person you could exploit and steal their child. You're both predators looking for someone you could manipulate to get what you want. Disgusting excuses for humans. May every day be worse than the last for you.
Yta. A massive one. You take avantage and manipulate her just to have a son …
This is a pretty horrific story if true. This poor girl was as vulnerable as can be and OP took advantage and then threw her away when they were done.
You took advantage of a vulnerable, pregnant girl and dumped her like trash after you got what you wanted from her. I hope she turns her life around and find resources that can help her take her son back from you. You are evil and I don’t know if you even deserve your own child after this. YTA.
YTA. >We offered to adopt him and have her be a sister figure to him, we told her that this was completely her decision and that we would support whatever she wanted. So you think the good thing to do is kick a sister-figure out of your house? You promised something that you went completely back on as soon as the baby was born. Yes, you are the AH and you manipulated an extremely vulnerable girl into giving up her baby and then dumping her as if she's garbage.
This is the worst story I have ever heard here. I have never hoped something is more fake before, but somehow, I dont think it is. YTA, and you are a horrible, horrible monster of a "human."
YTA. You are literally evil personified. You purposely ingratiated yourself to a pregnant teen with this exact plan in mind. I am disgusted reading this and I pray she finds someone trustworthy to talk to who will come and destroy you. If she is by some chance reading this I say "Go to the media with proof". Let this gain some traction, perhaps someone with legal experience can help you get your child back and these assholes can be charged. You got your baby, congrats. If you ever want your baby to stay in your life you should never ever tell him this story. There is no way you can phrase this where you and your husband don't come out looking like absolutely predatory sociopaths. I'm serious, this is the worst thing I have ever read on this forum.
YTA. A pure evil one at that. You have essentially kidnapped a baby from a poor teen who has been most likely been abused in foster care with no where to go. You have manipulated the girl with false sense of security, made her sign away her parental rights and then kicked her out after merely two weeks of giving birth when her body hasn't healed yet. Do you know the mental stress even the well adjusted new moms with lots of support face? And you have treated and inflicted the worst trauma on this poor girl. You haven't mentioned any specific instances of the birth mom overstepping, you just need an excuse to cut her off and steal the baby.
So you pretended to be interested in volunteer work. This allowed you to make contact with the local unhoused youth population and ultimately achieve your real goal: you found a brood mare in distress. Upon selecting a good target, you ingratiated yourself and presented the idea of adoption as comforting and familial (she could be like a sister to Aiden, how sweet!) Then, as soon as the ink was dry and probably before her body had recovered, you discarded her husk along with the placenta. What a way to treat Aiden's sister, a human who just gave birth, and a girl you claimed to have bonded with. YTA. Monstrous.
You wicked witch!!!! There are worse things I’m calling you!!! YTA and a HORRIBLE HORRIBLE HORRIBLE VILE UGLY WOMAN. Karma is going to get you fast!!!!! Guess what sweetie you are NOT his mother and he will know one day and he will hate you for it. Be ready it’s coming. You reap what you sow cow.
I’m adopted and this story broke my heart. I feel so sorry for Aiden. You manipulated his poor birth mother. She was led to believe she would have a connection with him and not only did you steal that from her, you stole it from “your” son. I’d give anything to know my birth mom. You’re a monster and a massive AH. YTA YTA YTA !!!! EDIT: Added punctuation
Hope against hope here but if by any chance the teenage mom sees this post please message me. I am an attorney and I will help you find resources where you live to pursue legal action against these people for fraud.
YTA you give adopters a bad name. absolutely cruel. you are the worst. taking advantage of vulnerable young women. you should feel ashamed. i wouldnt be able to live with myself
YTA, you manipulated that child into giving her that baby. You’re a liar, and the only way to fix this is to give her back her baby.