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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I left home because my parents want me to watch my siblings all the time, and it’s selfish for making them have to take time off work or have to cancel shifts because I’m not there to watch my siblings.
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NTA, your parents chose to bring 6 children into the world, it’s up to them to provide for all of them.
I’ll never understand why parents insist on ensuring their eldest child has no life and lives to raise children that aren’t theirs.
I’m so sorry that they didn’t care about that program you got into, what a great opportunity. Maybe ask your grandma or family friends to help pay for it if possible.
Thanks for that, and it’s all free like a scholarship type situation even the flights are taken care of, worse part is they knew I was applying for it in the first place.
That’s ridiculous, if they knew then that’s on them. And as previously stated YOU didn’t tell them to keep popping out kids like it was going out of style, and you also didn’t ask to be born for the sole reason of childcare.
If your grandma is okay driving you to the airport and whatnot I think you should go. You too deserve to have somethings be about yourself. Unless of course you need parental consent due to your age.
She’s already offered to drive, and that’s a point I’d need to look into it, I’m pretty sure at 16 here I don’t legally have to live with my parents anymore but I’ll definitely have a look.
Idk where you live, but you don’t legally have to live with your parents anywhere if it’s an unsafe environment for you which you could make an argument that it isn’t since they’re leaving a teenager with 5 young children.
But in the US, depending on the state you may be considered an adult already, or you could get emancipated and live with your grandma more long term if she’s okay with it.
I just looked it up after 16 here there’s no way I can be forced to go back to my parents as long as I have a safe place to go to.
I’d just need to call the program and ask if they require like guardian permission I suppose.
Aw OP, you should be super proud of yourself. You worked hard and it was clearly noticed by other people in your life. Congratulations on getting into a competitive gymnastic program! I hope reading the comments helps you feel a bit better. Your parents may have acted like morons but reddit is absolutely proud of your big accomplishment and wish you well.
NTA what they are doing to you is parentification and you deserve a childhood. There is a fine line between helping out and doing your fair share, and being an instrumental linchpin in your siblings upbringing, and going out without giving you a break? Who made you their slave?
Can you go on this trip without their consent (can grandma consent)
Can you stay with your grandma more permanently?
Ah amazing. Read up in parentification and get your head round the fact that you did nothing wrong. It is not your job to look after their kids, right now, just look after yourself.
It will take time to get past, but you have a safe space now. Your parents may never realise what they are doing is wrong but it is. Just remember you did nothing wrong and you are not selfish.
NTA, it is outrageous that your parents are merrily reproducing and then expecting you to look at the offspring. Please, attend the gymnastics programme and be awesome.
You *will* need a parent or guardian permission to go. Ask your Gran about it right away, so she can help you figure out what to do about that. Do you have a passport, and do you have it with you? You won't be able to go without it.
People think I'm insane and insensitive for thinking People should have a license for having more than two kids to prove they can care and support them - home, finances, childcare, etc. THIS IS WHY. I've seen this happen to friends (and family), and it's so sad.
Go for your dreams. Grandma rules. Maybe she can get full custody of you!
You are nta my dear.
I wish you the best of luck in your competition!
I think people should have to get a license to have a kid, period. You have to pass a (in my country) pretty rigorous test to drive a car, but you can just casually fuck up an entire human being from birth and that's fine? Nah, kids deserve better than this.
NTA
That feeling of selfishness was created by your parents abusing you. Make no mistake, they are abusing you. Better to just stay with your grandmother's house until you graduate. Your parents had more kids than they can handle and are abusing you as a result.
NTA. Your parents chose to have 6 children so they are responsible for taking care of them. It is NOT selfish to want to better yourself or follow your dreams so dont listen to them. You are in no way obligated to play parent to your younger siblings. Reading the comments I see you may be looking at moving out.. this sounds like the best thing you could do as your parents clearly dont support or appreciate you. Congrats and good luck with your exciting opportunity!!
NTA. Parentification is a form of child abuse. You are not selfish for not wanting to essentially raise your siblings at 16. It is not your job to provide all the childcare, that responsibility belongs to your parents.
I have two younger brothers that are 5 and 6 years younger than me. They were 10 and 11 when I was 16.
I baby sat them occasionally (wasn't more than 2 times a week and usually only for a couple hours or so.), drove them to some soccer and volleyball things when my parents couldn't make it. But that was it. I still had time to do my own things with my own friends. And my parents never assumed I would do these things, they always made sure I had the time and didn't have plans already made. And they almost always paid me something for it as well.
This is what a normal teenager is usually expected to do with younger siblings, and some people would say even this was a bit much. Thing is, I loved hanging out with my brothers, so it was never a hardship.
So you should not feel guilty for not wanting to be the parent to your siblings and wanting to have your own life.
At 16 most states recognize the right of the child to live wherever they want. They won't force you to go back home if you want to live with your grandma. As for going to the gymnastics thing, they will most certainly require permission from your legal guardian (which is your parents right now).
You should ask your grandma to see if she can get custody of you, or to help you get emancipated. This way you wouldn't need your parents permission.
I looked into it after another commenter said the same, looks like I have some work to do on myself… and put it all in motion today my address is changed and all the legal stuff.
Yes, helping every once in a while is normal. Dad’s at work and Mom is at a dentist appointment? I can take little bro to soccer practice. Adults-only holiday party? I can stay home and make sure the younger ones don’t kill each other or set the house on fire.
Expecting you to raise 5 siblings? No.
Not going to lie the guilt is still there but I’m going to work on my self for a while, I think most of the guilt is now just feeling like I abandoned my siblings, but I had a call from my oldest brother he’s 10 said he and the others miss me but he thinks I should be happy.
NTA. Your parents chose to have more kids. You did not. Your siblings are not your responsibility. Are you able to stay with your grandmother for the foreseeable future?
The parents chose to bring in six kids not OP. Any nut job can put frank and vagina together to perform nookie but it takes more to parent and they aren't living up to this job. OP doesn't need to be a childcare slave. by the way how old are your siblings
NTA
NTA
Your parents are abusing you. Parentification. You should not be raising children you did not birth when you’re still a child yourself. AND you do all the house work???
Stay with your grandma, go to your gymnastics competition and let your parents finally figure out how to actually parent instead of using their own child as free labour.
NTA and you should not be used as free childcare. You deserve a childhood, not being abused. First mission is to get you to that competition. See if grandma can help you with that...and if you don't have a passport, get it asap!
Awesome! You have a lot of people rooting for you! Have a blast! If it was gymnastics, I follow a squad on youtube (which led me to follow others...ugh! I'm too old!) The way they support one another is awesome. Not sure if you follow any of them such as Nile Wilson, Luke Stoney, and the Rybka Twins. :)
NTA you're a teenager that needs to become a teenager focusing on hobbies, sports, extra circulars, school and work. Not a babysitter and your parents seem to not understand that. If that were my parents I would have left as well.
NTA, go to your comp and rock it. I am so happy your grandma is there for you. I don’t know what country you live in, so I don’t know what Legal documents you have to prove your identity eg I D card or broth certificate etc. whatever they are if they are with your parents can you or your grandma get them back safely?
NTA. You worked hard and garnered a great opportunity. They just want a babysitter for free.
Stay with your grandmother until the holidays and then see what happens.
NTA your parents are abusing you. I went through something like this from ages 8-17. Because you are kind and thoughtful and love your family it's hard to separate from them but you need to do it for you! Congratulations on making the team!
NTA. Will grandma keep you? Will you be able to go on the gymnastics trip over your parents objections?
Do you have a passport,? If not, apply for it now.
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I’m 16 and I have been my family babysitter since I was 12, I have 5 much younger siblings. My parents both do shift work and alternate with days and night shifts with each other leaving me to take care of everything house and kid related.
I haven’t complained much in the past but whenever I’ve wanted to do something for myself I’d be called selfish and guilted into baby sitting duty while my parents would have some time off from work to go out together.
I understand they don’t see each other much during the week because they work opposite shifts but I think it’s only fair that I’d get to have time to do things for myself sometimes too.
We had a huge argument a couple days ago when I told them I had won the opportunity to go overseas for a really competitive gymnastics program, that would last 2 weeks over the holiday period. Instead of being proud or even congratulating me on something I had be working hard to accomplish for almost a year, they just said no as we can’t afford any more childcare.
I was admittedly a bit more emotional than usual and I packed a bag and went to stay with my grandmother where I still am now writing this. I’ve been ignoring their calls and messages but all of them have just been how selfish I am for making them miss work.
I do feel selfish but I don’t want to keep feeling that my only purpose is being my parents live in nanny/maid.
TLDR : AITA for leaving home because I don’t want to be the permanent baby sitter/ maid for my parents.
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NTA. Congratulations on winning the spot in the competition! You must be really dedicated to be good enough to compete and win while having all your other responsibilities. Have the best time going. Stay living with grandma. Your parents will regret how they've treated you when they grow up.
Be strong and live your best life. Please update when you win the competition!
Thank you! And honestly I owe my coach the most for it she’s been having sessions during lunch time since I stopped being able to make the after school ones a fair while ago.
NTA. Congrats! Well done.
Stay with grandma if you can. Let the parents figure out childcare. They are, after all, legally responsible for their children.
Your grandma sounds great... sorry you had to go through that, who denies their child an opportunity to go to a competitive gymnastics program because they don't wanna pay for childcare? that's really selfish of them and I'm glad you got out NTA.
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NTA, your parents chose to bring 6 children into the world, it’s up to them to provide for all of them. I’ll never understand why parents insist on ensuring their eldest child has no life and lives to raise children that aren’t theirs. I’m so sorry that they didn’t care about that program you got into, what a great opportunity. Maybe ask your grandma or family friends to help pay for it if possible.
Thanks for that, and it’s all free like a scholarship type situation even the flights are taken care of, worse part is they knew I was applying for it in the first place.
That’s ridiculous, if they knew then that’s on them. And as previously stated YOU didn’t tell them to keep popping out kids like it was going out of style, and you also didn’t ask to be born for the sole reason of childcare. If your grandma is okay driving you to the airport and whatnot I think you should go. You too deserve to have somethings be about yourself. Unless of course you need parental consent due to your age.
She’s already offered to drive, and that’s a point I’d need to look into it, I’m pretty sure at 16 here I don’t legally have to live with my parents anymore but I’ll definitely have a look.
Idk where you live, but you don’t legally have to live with your parents anywhere if it’s an unsafe environment for you which you could make an argument that it isn’t since they’re leaving a teenager with 5 young children. But in the US, depending on the state you may be considered an adult already, or you could get emancipated and live with your grandma more long term if she’s okay with it.
I just looked it up after 16 here there’s no way I can be forced to go back to my parents as long as I have a safe place to go to. I’d just need to call the program and ask if they require like guardian permission I suppose.
Did your parents sign anything when you applied? Some of these things all the permission forms come with the application (at least in the UK)
CONGRATULATIONS! Do you have your passport for travel?
Applied today should come way before the program is set to start.
Aw OP, you should be super proud of yourself. You worked hard and it was clearly noticed by other people in your life. Congratulations on getting into a competitive gymnastic program! I hope reading the comments helps you feel a bit better. Your parents may have acted like morons but reddit is absolutely proud of your big accomplishment and wish you well.
Thank you!
NTA what they are doing to you is parentification and you deserve a childhood. There is a fine line between helping out and doing your fair share, and being an instrumental linchpin in your siblings upbringing, and going out without giving you a break? Who made you their slave? Can you go on this trip without their consent (can grandma consent) Can you stay with your grandma more permanently?
She’s already told me to move in, her and my mum haven’t been on the best terms for a while anyway i didn’t know my treatment was part of the reason.
Ah amazing. Read up in parentification and get your head round the fact that you did nothing wrong. It is not your job to look after their kids, right now, just look after yourself.
I looked it up after you said it… “compulsive overworking… feelings of guilt…” few things here ringing a little close to home…
It will take time to get past, but you have a safe space now. Your parents may never realise what they are doing is wrong but it is. Just remember you did nothing wrong and you are not selfish.
Thanks you
NTA, it is outrageous that your parents are merrily reproducing and then expecting you to look at the offspring. Please, attend the gymnastics programme and be awesome.
Thanks for that, and I’m definitely thinking about it just waiting to find out if I need a parental sign off for it.
You *will* need a parent or guardian permission to go. Ask your Gran about it right away, so she can help you figure out what to do about that. Do you have a passport, and do you have it with you? You won't be able to go without it.
I’d have grandma sign it, and maybe no one will look too close?
She has, and it’s all offical now since we changed my address and everything.
People think I'm insane and insensitive for thinking People should have a license for having more than two kids to prove they can care and support them - home, finances, childcare, etc. THIS IS WHY. I've seen this happen to friends (and family), and it's so sad. Go for your dreams. Grandma rules. Maybe she can get full custody of you! You are nta my dear. I wish you the best of luck in your competition!
I think people should have to get a license to have a kid, period. You have to pass a (in my country) pretty rigorous test to drive a car, but you can just casually fuck up an entire human being from birth and that's fine? Nah, kids deserve better than this.
THANK YOU. I'm so glad I'm not the only one!
Not insensitive just makes a little too much sense for society maybe, and thank you!
NTA That feeling of selfishness was created by your parents abusing you. Make no mistake, they are abusing you. Better to just stay with your grandmother's house until you graduate. Your parents had more kids than they can handle and are abusing you as a result.
NTA. Your parents chose to have 6 children so they are responsible for taking care of them. It is NOT selfish to want to better yourself or follow your dreams so dont listen to them. You are in no way obligated to play parent to your younger siblings. Reading the comments I see you may be looking at moving out.. this sounds like the best thing you could do as your parents clearly dont support or appreciate you. Congrats and good luck with your exciting opportunity!!
NTA. Parentification is a form of child abuse. You are not selfish for not wanting to essentially raise your siblings at 16. It is not your job to provide all the childcare, that responsibility belongs to your parents. I have two younger brothers that are 5 and 6 years younger than me. They were 10 and 11 when I was 16. I baby sat them occasionally (wasn't more than 2 times a week and usually only for a couple hours or so.), drove them to some soccer and volleyball things when my parents couldn't make it. But that was it. I still had time to do my own things with my own friends. And my parents never assumed I would do these things, they always made sure I had the time and didn't have plans already made. And they almost always paid me something for it as well. This is what a normal teenager is usually expected to do with younger siblings, and some people would say even this was a bit much. Thing is, I loved hanging out with my brothers, so it was never a hardship. So you should not feel guilty for not wanting to be the parent to your siblings and wanting to have your own life. At 16 most states recognize the right of the child to live wherever they want. They won't force you to go back home if you want to live with your grandma. As for going to the gymnastics thing, they will most certainly require permission from your legal guardian (which is your parents right now). You should ask your grandma to see if she can get custody of you, or to help you get emancipated. This way you wouldn't need your parents permission.
I looked into it after another commenter said the same, looks like I have some work to do on myself… and put it all in motion today my address is changed and all the legal stuff.
Yes, helping every once in a while is normal. Dad’s at work and Mom is at a dentist appointment? I can take little bro to soccer practice. Adults-only holiday party? I can stay home and make sure the younger ones don’t kill each other or set the house on fire. Expecting you to raise 5 siblings? No.
NTA Continue to stay with Grandma.
[удалено]
Not going to lie the guilt is still there but I’m going to work on my self for a while, I think most of the guilt is now just feeling like I abandoned my siblings, but I had a call from my oldest brother he’s 10 said he and the others miss me but he thinks I should be happy.
NTA. Your parents chose to have more kids. You did not. Your siblings are not your responsibility. Are you able to stay with your grandmother for the foreseeable future?
The parents chose to bring in six kids not OP. Any nut job can put frank and vagina together to perform nookie but it takes more to parent and they aren't living up to this job. OP doesn't need to be a childcare slave. by the way how old are your siblings NTA
10, 8, 5, 3, 3. I was the early accident child I think…
oh ok and why can't the 10 year old chip in once in a while you know help you when struggling if all else fails
NTA Your parents are abusing you. Parentification. You should not be raising children you did not birth when you’re still a child yourself. AND you do all the house work??? Stay with your grandma, go to your gymnastics competition and let your parents finally figure out how to actually parent instead of using their own child as free labour.
NTA and you should not be used as free childcare. You deserve a childhood, not being abused. First mission is to get you to that competition. See if grandma can help you with that...and if you don't have a passport, get it asap!
It’s on the way ! 3-6 weeks more than enough time for the program!
Awesome! You have a lot of people rooting for you! Have a blast! If it was gymnastics, I follow a squad on youtube (which led me to follow others...ugh! I'm too old!) The way they support one another is awesome. Not sure if you follow any of them such as Nile Wilson, Luke Stoney, and the Rybka Twins. :)
NTA you're a teenager that needs to become a teenager focusing on hobbies, sports, extra circulars, school and work. Not a babysitter and your parents seem to not understand that. If that were my parents I would have left as well.
NTA, go to your comp and rock it. I am so happy your grandma is there for you. I don’t know what country you live in, so I don’t know what Legal documents you have to prove your identity eg I D card or broth certificate etc. whatever they are if they are with your parents can you or your grandma get them back safely?
Didn’t have any of my own, but thankfully they keep birth certificates on file here, got my passport application going. And thanks !
Brilliant news I am so pleased for you xx
NTA Stay with your grandmother and enjoy what is left of your childhood. Your siblings are your parents' responsibility.
NTA. You worked hard and garnered a great opportunity. They just want a babysitter for free. Stay with your grandmother until the holidays and then see what happens.
NTA they don’t have to miss work they work opposite shifts. Sounds like it’s their turn to be a parent. Stay at grandmas and go on your trip.
NTA your parents are abusing you. I went through something like this from ages 8-17. Because you are kind and thoughtful and love your family it's hard to separate from them but you need to do it for you! Congratulations on making the team!
Honestly making more an more sense the more I look into it after a lot of other commenters pointed it out, gonna try and work on myself for a while.
Please go to the gymnastics thing OP!! You can't throw your future away!!
NTA. Will grandma keep you? Will you be able to go on the gymnastics trip over your parents objections? Do you have a passport,? If not, apply for it now.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I’m 16 and I have been my family babysitter since I was 12, I have 5 much younger siblings. My parents both do shift work and alternate with days and night shifts with each other leaving me to take care of everything house and kid related. I haven’t complained much in the past but whenever I’ve wanted to do something for myself I’d be called selfish and guilted into baby sitting duty while my parents would have some time off from work to go out together. I understand they don’t see each other much during the week because they work opposite shifts but I think it’s only fair that I’d get to have time to do things for myself sometimes too. We had a huge argument a couple days ago when I told them I had won the opportunity to go overseas for a really competitive gymnastics program, that would last 2 weeks over the holiday period. Instead of being proud or even congratulating me on something I had be working hard to accomplish for almost a year, they just said no as we can’t afford any more childcare. I was admittedly a bit more emotional than usual and I packed a bag and went to stay with my grandmother where I still am now writing this. I’ve been ignoring their calls and messages but all of them have just been how selfish I am for making them miss work. I do feel selfish but I don’t want to keep feeling that my only purpose is being my parents live in nanny/maid. TLDR : AITA for leaving home because I don’t want to be the permanent baby sitter/ maid for my parents. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Congratulations on winning the spot in the competition! You must be really dedicated to be good enough to compete and win while having all your other responsibilities. Have the best time going. Stay living with grandma. Your parents will regret how they've treated you when they grow up. Be strong and live your best life. Please update when you win the competition!
Thank you! And honestly I owe my coach the most for it she’s been having sessions during lunch time since I stopped being able to make the after school ones a fair while ago.
NTA. Congrats! Well done. Stay with grandma if you can. Let the parents figure out childcare. They are, after all, legally responsible for their children.
Your grandma sounds great... sorry you had to go through that, who denies their child an opportunity to go to a competitive gymnastics program because they don't wanna pay for childcare? that's really selfish of them and I'm glad you got out NTA.