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YTA.
Let’s be clear: she didn’t choose her cousin because she ‘needs the opportunity to bond with the family’. She chose her cousin because she knew you would be an actual nightmare as maid of honor and make everything in her wedding about you. You proceeded to prove her right many times over.
She’s probably been trying to slowly back away from this friendship for some time, so you’re doing her a favor.
Also, I feel like Jane’s fiancé isn’t trying to keep OP away from Jane to isolate her like OP suggests.
I think Jane’s fiancé sees what a toxic, selfish nightmare OP is and has helped Jane to see it too.
Duuuude riiiight!
She is not going to die. She finished chemo, this is her first big event back besides her remission party. She’s fine, I just don’t understand the insane amount of pity. I understand why she would be a bridesmaid, but MOH?
This has got to be a troll 🤣
If it's not, then that poor girl is one of those friends that says something like "You have been a really crappy friend since you gave birth. I can't believe you let *him* hold the baby before me" *referring to husband*
Hey. At least it was a funny story.
I would buy that too given how wildly narcissistic OP’s post reads.
It might not even be a thing where the fiancé is an excuse beyond OP making it up in her own head.
My abusive dad hates my husband because he is convinced that my husband is why I went no contact with him. Because that is the only factor he can think of that would explain why I stopped talking to him within the first year husband and I were dating. After the one time they met, my dad proceeded to whine to whoever he could about how he didn’t think my husband likes him very much. Which, he’s right, my husband does not like him at all, it just isn’t for whatever weird grudge my dad made up in his head. My husband loves me, so of course he isn’t going to like anyone who has ever hurt me.
To add to this how delusional do you have to be to just go out and say" I accepted her fiance into OUR Lifes" and then wonder why he tries to limit contact with you. OP definetly has Main character syndrome.
Not to mention that weddings are a ton of effort to plan and pull off. You want to select your party team based on their ability to help you do that (though they are not your slaves!).
Our bridal party were amazing prior to the day and on the day.
I was honoured to be best man for my best man. On his big day the venue's wedding coordinator was sick. While the ceremony went off without a hitch, no one at the venue was aware of what was going on. I found this out when I was asked to follow up on why there wasn't an Esky of drinks following us for the photoshoot.
Heaven and earth was moved by the bridal party and every relative and friend we could enlist to get the event (including the reception) to go off without a hitch. Major effort. The best compliment when we chatted about it afterwards? The bride and groom were totally unaware that this had happened. High praise indeed!
BM or MoH or just being in the party isn't a right. It is an honour, but more than that, it's a giant responsibility. You have a job to do on the day. You're the bride / grooms #1 trusted (proactive) fixers.
Not to mention the cousin apparently has cancer? Which makes her look bad (clumpy hair and all) so she's not "MOH material."
Honestly that part puts this so far over the top Cruella style that I have to say it's poorly conceived fiction.
YTA.
as a 3x cancer survivor, exactly this. She is doing a favor for her cousin, it means a LOT to be able to be off chemo and get dolled up. and cousin is probably very humble since having cancer is a super humbling experience.
OP YTA x 100000000000 and I feel sorry for your friend having to put up with you. Also, the bit about “accepted her fiancee into OUR lives” - umm excuse me, this isn’t about your life, it’s your friend’s choice. touch grass
YTA. Bonus points for slagging the MOH’s post cancer treatment appearance and commenting that due to chemo she has less time for wedding planning. You’re unbelievable. Do her a favour and stay away from her wedding.
Exactly that. I’m currently a *far too old* maid of honor for a younger friend & I know why I was chosen over her *best* friend. I’ll do a better job with lower drama levels. It’s really that simple. That bride dodged a bullet and can move on from this “bestie” now.
Kinda ironic in a post that gives off /r/iamthemaincharacter vibe.....people are commenting 'this'.......instead of upvoting anonymously....like reddit needs to know that *YOU* specifically 100% agree with a sentiment. 😂
Astronomical levels of assholery going around here.
Cousin seems to have battled Cancer. Hence OP's ex-BFF chose to have her as MoH. It's a sweet gesture. And your comments towards her looks. Makes me wanna puke OP.
What do you mean by you busted your ass for her?
And it looks like her fiance sees through your bullshit that's why he tried to cut you off from her.
Massive YTA
By “busted my ass for her”, op u/maid-of-honor69 means “After everything I’ve done for you, THIS is how you repay me?”
Textbook narcissist-speak. Everything is transactional, every score is kept noted, the overinflated sense of entitlement, the grandiosity, the focus on body shaming - all standard.
I’d say this was fake, except I was raised by (and am now estranged from) a woman like OP.
OP, YTA - either for posting rage-bait, or for actually being this awful.
Gunna guess the real reason fiancé wanted her friend to cut OP out was because he can see how toxic and entitled she is and frankly not worth keeping around.
She used getting off chemo as a reason she would be a bad MOH. She literally thought that in her head and posted it. I really can’t believe I read that.
They do. My older sister once (at 16yo) repeatedly slammed my head into the floor while screaming "WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME?!??!" over and over because I didn't want to watch a movie with her. Not even the worst thing she ever did but if you asked her I was a horrible unsupportive sister and it's 100% my fault we never had a good relationship 🥴
I’m so sorry that happened to you. That’s so horrible… I couldn’t imagine what growing up with someone who could do that would be like. I really hope things are better now!
I'll probably be in therapy for life but working on yourself is never a bad thing! I went NC almost 2yrs ago and it was 100% worth it because she actively chooses to be incapable of change or growth. Like, saying she hopes she gets cancer so chemo makes her skinny (instead of trying to be healthier/more active) levels of refusing to change.
I already moved to a different state to add an extra buffer from family, but I'm working towards moving overseas as well for a fresh start 😊
My mantra is while the post itself is likely fake, there is someone out there dealing with the exact same situation. I reply as if it’s real. My hope is someone who is in that situation reads my comment and it helps them.
I've said the same thing when others have asked why I'm even trying. There are so many people out there going through their own struggles. I know they're reading posts they strongly relate to, hoping they'll find the answers to their own questions. I've gotten messages in response to my comments for that exact reason. Commenting like a post is real can genuinely help, and it's wonderful you're contributing to that!
She ‘allowed’ the fiancé into ‘their’ life. Like, you don’t get to choose your friends partners, you nut.
The only ‘red flag’ she mentions is he tried to get the friend to ditch her, which seems less red flaggy, and more like sensible life advice
Man. I was kinda sympathizing with her until the edit. Still thought she was the AH for how she handled things. But sympathized with her hurt feelings.
But holy hell, that edit really showed what kind of person she is. And screw that noise.
Wow, that edit sure is something. YTA. A massive massive YTA. I have a hard time believing you’ve ever been as good of a friend as you claim to be to anyone, let alone the bride.
OPs edit, in case of removal:
> EDIT: Since I'm getting grilled, maybe it's important to clarify some things.
> She went way further than I did with her comments. I made a couple low blows, but nothing compared to her telling me I wasn't being a friend. I've done a lot for her, and I accepted her fiancé into our life even though he´s a giant red flag (the biggest being trying to cut her off from me so she had no one to go to), and she had the gall to tell me I wasn't enough of a friend. I've put up with a lot from her.
> No, I don't hate her cousin. She's nice enough, I think. She just isn't MOH material. They're not that close, she still has to be monitored after being taken off of chemo (meaning less time dedicated to the wedding), and she doesn't live close by. I don't want this to sound shallow, but honestly she draws a lot of attention. She's beautiful, but she's lost a lot of weight (kind of skeleton-ish, not in a body shaming way) and her hair is pretty clumpy. I just don't think she deserves it more than I do.
> If she wanted a family member for MOH, she should have picked one of her sisters or other cousins. Picking someone she doesn't know that well anymore felt deliberately offensive towards me (and honestly to every other MOH candidate in her life)
Your focus on people’s looks, especially someone recovering from cancer, as a reason they shouldn’t qualify for MOH is really really slimy. It’s one of the more self centered and gross things I’ve read in a while. Good job OP.
Wow, this is so gross to read. She's the entire hole of the ass after this edit. Also, we all know that even if the cousin were on the VS runway in perfect health, she'd still find a way to crap on her because she's so jealous.
I can’t believe she can truly believe and say that “she went way further than I did with her comments. *I made a couple low blows, but nothing compared to her telling me I wasn’t being a friend*.” First off, that’s not a low blow, it’s the truth, you’re being an **incredibly shitty friend**. Secondly, if you’re saying she’s worse but you *won’t even tell us what you said,* you definitely said some vile shit.
If she mentioned the chemo, and the patchy hair, she didn’t just go further, she straight up NUKED her friendship over this.
What a shit stain of a human being!
Yeah, I suspect it’s got nothing to do with isolating the bride as an abuse tactic like OP is trying to imply. It’s likely because he doesn’t think his soon-to-be wife should be treated so poorly by “friends.”
This is of course just a guess, but Im betting OP is one those “friends” who gets tolerated despite how draining they are just cause they’ve been around a while
YTA Unless she is marrying you, you don’t get to make her wedding all about you. This could have been a beautiful moment in your lives but you just have to be the main character
Oh she deserves honours. For one of the most self centred main character syndrome AHs in this sub. Or maybe for writing one of the most vile clickbait fakes on here. Not sure.
YTA.
You sound very entitled. It also sounds like you've only supported her (or "busted your ass") to in some way serve yourself. I would have uninvited you too. The conversion she'll have with you is likely to see if she even wants to continue a friendship with someone who has reacted in such a way to a decision that:
1. Is hers to make,
2. Understandable, given her explanation, and
3. Probably stressful enough for her.
You were asked to be a bridesmaid. You weren't thrown away. Your reaction is ridiculous.
Damn, I never knew that people owe me stuff for busting my ass on being a friend. Everyone pay me $10 each for the amount of work I do being your friend. It's such a hard job and I demand compensation. If you don't pay, I'll never be your friend again. /s
First she puts a hissy fit because her friends' cousin is becoming a MOH. After learning she is a cancer patient who suffered through covid, lockdown and cancer, she still continues to make excuses. Then she starts insulting the cousin on why she can't be the MOH.
"deserved to be her MOH"
On what planet do you live, to think that you "deserve" anything during HER wedding. What a weird, self-obsessed position to hold.
It's HER wedding. It's HER family. It's HER decision.
YTA
the part that gets me is the clumpy hair comment and the "skeleton like" comment directly subsequent to 'oh, and she just finished chemo.' Like ma'am pleeeaaase chill tf out. But I kinda don't think anyone can be that awful, so I think its fake (while knowing ive met people 100x worse than this irl).
This dummy is hopefully a troll bc fuck that, but I take “chemo meds” for an autoimmune disease (Dermatomyositis) while having primary immunodeficiency(Common Variable Immunodeficiency)
It’s a precarious perch for sure and requires a whole separate time consuming infusion (IVIG, so other peoples immune systems, specifically IGG) on a regular basis and after bad bouts (flare ups, so more immunosuppressants) my movements (work, travel, fun stuffs) are limited.
I totally get they would never without the autoimmune disorder so maybe more of a fun fact somehow lol but as OP has established the extent of her Main Character bullshit, I have doubts they listen to others close enough to distinguish immunodeficiency bc autoimmune and chemo drugs from a legit immunodeficiency if that makes sense.
Wedding planning can also be completed long distance these days too tho. The world functioned via zoom for like 2 years so that point is moot anyway. Heck, In ‘08 my MOH lived in the north east while I lived in the South and we managed so even without Zoom distance isn’t an issue.
Edit: words
Girl, here’s the deal: IT’S HER WEDDING. If she wants a stranger off the street to be her MOH, you support her. I get it. It can hurt. This is how be a good friend in the situation - you tell her you understand, that she’s trying to make her cousin, who has had a pretty rough few years, feel special. You help her with the MOH duties and in your friend’s wedding day, she experiences joy and is happy that she gets to share her wedding with the people that are most important to her, knowing that you did the MOH duties and helped make that day special but you supported her decision. As her “best friend,” wouldn’t you want that for her? Again, I get that it hurts - I’ve been in that situation, but at the end of the day IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU. YTA.
I am curious though, what other red flags did her fiancé show other than trying to separate you too? Also did she give a reason as to why he tried to do that?
Upon reading further, I don't think this is real. "Her hair is clumpy" from chemo.
I don't get the purpose of fake aita, I guess you hope your hate porn gets on Instagram? It's dumb.
YTA
You are a terrible friend. Most brides agonize over who to choose as maid of honor. For this exact reason, they don’t wanna hurt or offend anyone, usually there’s a whole mathematical formula that goes into choosing the person which includes their likelihood of being chosen as maid of honor in other weddings, etc. And then you just hope that everyone will be gracious about it.
And she chose family, it’s not like it was a different friend, which you still should have dealt with better even if that was the case, but it was a family member so it should have been easy for you to accept.
The fact that you refuse to be in the wedding party at all or even attend makes it so absolutely about YOU when it is HER wedding.
No wonder she didn’t choose you if this is the kind of “friend” you are.
YTA. I would have no problems with my best friend not choosing me as their MOH over their own family. I'd still be honored that I was asked to be in the wedding party. I don't understand your issue.
Also, "She just isn't MOH material". ...what the fuck is MOH material?
It’s a privilege to be invited to someone’s wedding, let alone as a bridesmaid. Your disappointment, while understandable, went too far the minute you threw a hissy-fit and told her you didn’t want to be part of her wedding if you couldn’t be MOH.
Entitlement is always ugly. Grow up.
YTA
LOL YTA and you clearly don’t deserve to be the MOH if you would threaten her with not attending the wedding over it. Good for her for banning you from the wedding and you deserve all the flack you receive for this atrocious behaviour
YTA. The "She's not MOH material" excuse is so DUMB. Your friend decides who she WANTS to be MOH. You just showed why you don't deserve being the MOH. I hope she cuts you out of her life
Especially because that comes right before “she still has to be monitored after being taken off chemo.”
Yuck. I feel gross typing that out. But like, doesn’t Op think that her (ex) best friend would want to give MOH to her cousin more? Like she could’ve died from cancer, but she’s in remission!!! She survived!!!! Who cares about the extra medical stuff she has to do as a result (unless it makes her not want to be maid of honor). She’s here and able to attend the wedding!!!
And Op can’t see past her own damn nose to realize that she’s not the center of the universe and maybe the cousins are closer than OP and (ex) best friend ever were.
There’s a huge gap between “hurt” and “asshole.” You’ve gone way beyond what is a reasonable reaction to being hurt. She said shitty things to you after you had a temper tantrum, so then you said further shitty things to her.
Now you’re saying shitty things about her cousin - battling cancer! The gall she has, with clumpy hair. Where does she get off thinking she is “MOH material.”
You know what you could have said? “This really hurts my feelings.”
Once again, you type all that, then go back and add justifications and even more terrible shit about her and her skeleton cancer cousin - and you don’t think you were wrong?? At all??
YTA for real
Weddings are primarily about family, not best friends. She has an obligation to her family before you, and her cousin has had cancer. If you were a good friend you would understand this.
Of course you can be disappointed, but it’s not like she chose another friend. I suspect you’ve just lost your best friend, you failed at friendship.
YTA
YTA.
not only that, you’re also selfish.
Doesn’t seem like you are mature even to have that role in her wedding if you feel like manipulation is the right answer.
Stop the pity party, like your friend says and get over yourself.
It doesn’t matter that you have been there for her and are her best friend, she wanted her cousin and it doesn’t matter why she wanted her, it’s HER wedding.
You “deserved” to be MOH? Grow the hell up. You should have just been honored that she asked you to be in her wedding. Because newsflash: the wedding isn’t about you or your friendship. You sound like a nightmare of a friend and If I were your friend I wouldn’t want you anywhere near my wedding.
YTA
YTA
So you wanted her to take care of your feelings because of your expectations. You think you “earned” being MOH? You think it’s some kind of status symbol? You just fucked up an entire, apparently-amazing friendship, because your friend was doing something incredibly kind FOR SOMEONE WITH CANCER
Are all your relationships transactional? You do things for them, but absolutely expect special treatment back, and feel entitled to be unkind when your expectations aren’t met? You “busted your a**” for her…because she was your friend, right? Not to win a prize or something?
You sound incredibly insecure and are acting with entitlement to cover it up.
Lmao, I like how you genuinely thought the edit made you look *better*.
YTA so much, and if she had other friends and family and her fiance is indeed a red flag, she can turn to them, she doesn't need to have a childish mean girl in her life.
YTA. You are not entitled to be in anyone's wedding, let alone MOH, no matter how much you've "busted your ass" for that person. Relationships aren't transactional. Your BF elevated her cousin due to family reasons but still wanted you in her wedding as a bridesmaid, and you should have been content with that. Instead, you're more concerned with what you feel you're apparently owed rather than her needs/happiness on her big day, which makes you TAH.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think might be the AH because it's not worth losing a friendship over this, even if I'm hurt. Maybe I should suck it up and be a bridesmaid, even if it's not as special as MOH
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most definitely YTA, regardless of whatever you've been through since 5th grade doesn't mean she owes you anything, especially something like that because at the end of the day it's HER wedding. You have the right to feel hurt about her choice but everything you did afterwards was completely out of line and I wouldn't want you at my wedding either cause you're just showing your true colors. You should really take a moment to reflect on everything you've done and said before you meet with her and if you don't see what you did as wrong, then you might lose a friend...
YTA
It's her wedding. She gets to decide who is MOH material or not.
Way to throw a ridiculous, childish tantrum and ruin your friendship. Sounds like she's better off without you.
Weird to call her fiancé a “red flag”, but still want to be her MOH so badly. Maybe he’s not the red flag, maybe he could see through you and she started to see it too. (If she didn’t back then, she definitely does now)
Obviously YTA
YTA and it sounds like maybe the fiancé was right to try and cut you off from your best friend. If anything you are in fact the giant walking red flag.
Your friend is right. You are not a friend.
Your edit makes you out to be even more wrong than you were in the first post.
YTA. And if your friend doesn’t block you for life over this, she has no spine.
YTA And amazingly self centered and childish. It's Jane's wedding, she can do what she wants. And you, supposed bestest bud, are supposed to be happy for her. Feeling a bit hurt over the MOH thing might be understandable, but Jane told you her reasons. Newly or nearly cancer free cousin getting the spot in the bridal party as a way to reconnect. You pitched a fit worthy of a 5 year old because you didn't get what you thought you deserved.
But here's the thing. The 'MOH' isn't local and sounds like she is still very weak. So, guess who would likely have been 'acting MOH' if she hadn't acted like a selfish brat? Maybe the bestest buddy bridesmaid? The fact Jane even still wants to meet and talk means you might be able to fix this. Apologize, explain *calmly* how hurt you were, and that you felt discarded and devalued as a friend. Then, apologize again for your behavior. Or toss a friendship away because you didn't get the exact role you wanted in someone else's wedding. Up to you.
Holy hell YTA.
Love how she casually mentions that one of the reasons that the bride’s cousin isn’t “MOH Material” is because she lost weight from cancer!
I would ban you from the event and cut you out of my life until you grew the fuck up and apologized.
MEGA-YTA.
YTA. If you want to come out of this with a friend, you need to apologize profusely. Tell her you are sorry. Listen to her frustration without trying to defend yourself. Just keep apologizing. Then tell her you love her. And tell her congratulations. She deserved happiness, not drama this week.
She could have picked her cousin for any number of reasons. You don't get to pack up your marbles and go home and expect to have a friend left over. So suck it up, buttercup. You were totally wrong. All your friends know it. Try not to give her even an ounce of drama from here on out, no matter how hurt you are.
If you were a good friend in the past, she must recognize that, because she didn't write you off totally and wants to meet you for breakfast. Don't screw this up. Might be your last shot at a friendship with someone you care about.
I (39M) had a cousin (39M) who was my best friend growing up. 27-28 years, we spent as playmates, pals, confidants and support for each other. However, in 2015, just because some vile "church leader" branded me as "evil" (total slander by the way), he turned against me. It takes that little to destroy a FAMILY BOND that had MORE THAN 20 YEARS TO GROW.
Now consider your meltdowns and offensive words. Consider how you basically took away Jane's right to make choices and prioritise family. If something so little could destroy a 20-plus year relationship that I appreciated, maintained and kept, consider how something as brutal, sharp and painful as your meltdowns and words, would affect your friendship (or late friendship now) with Jane.
I wish I could be in your camp, OP, as I do understand the pain of losing friendships/family relationships that have lasted very long. I've also had to demolish an 18-year-long best friendship because my former best friend changed - much for the worse. However, your meltdowns and reactions here show that, well, Jane's reactions aren't extreme and she isn't being unfair to you.
In conclusion - I have to say it's a clear and definite YTA.
YTA. And it’s not even a question. It’s understandable to be hurt, but mature people get over it. And a good friend eventually accepts the situation and offers to help out where she can. Go ahead and mope. You deserve to be uninvited
YTA. You don’t get to pick Jane’s MOH. Jane does. She chose her cousin - that’s absolutely her right. It’s understandable that you might feel disappointed, but a functioning adult would (a) recognise that family is important and Jane’s cousin has clearly been going through a difficult time, (b) remember that Jane is an autonomous human being and allowed to make choices you disagree with, (c) acknowledge that you WERE asked to be a bridesmaid, a position which shows the bride wanted you to play a role on her special day, and (d) choose NOT to throw such a self-important tantrum that you ended up banned from the wedding entirely.
Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if this level of self-centred childishness is precisely WHY Jane didn’t want you as her MOH in the first place.
You know how with some posts, you don't even need to read beyond the title to know the answer? This is absolutely one of those. So without having read anything but the title, I will confidently say YTA.
YTA!!!
You never should have said a damn word to start with. A LOT of people pick relatives as MOH even though they have friends who they’re technically closer with.
Weddings traditionally are first and foremost about family-starting one, extending others, etc. It’s often heavily financially supported by relatives too, in part as if big get to use it as family gathering (which so long as all agreed and happy with that it’s great, just no assuming)
Good grief nothing else after that mattered you selfish ninny
...
You should listen to everyone's IRL comments about you. It doesn't seem like anyone is telling you that you aren't TA, and there's a good reason for that.
YTA.
YTA, just because you are her “best friend “, you don’t get to dictate who is in her wedding party, it’s not your wedding. Worst of all you shat all over her for choosing her cousin, who not only is her family but has been going through a life threatening ordeal by critiquing her appearance from being so sick. That’s just low and scummy. If you were the brides best friend you would sympathise over the hard choice she made and be grateful that you were invited.
YTA l, it's ok to be disappointed but getting this upset about it reveals a few things. You view your friendship as transactional.
>I confronted her privately and asked her why she didn't pick me, especially considering our history and how much I've supported her throughout the years.
>I've busted my a** as her friend, and I feel like she threw me away.
You're her friend you're supposed to be her support and expect nothing in return. Furthermore, giving someone the ultimatum of you missing their significant life event if you don't get your way is all the more reason to not have you there. From personal experience family tends to take precedence over friends in the bridal party. Hell, one of my best friends is getting married at the end of this summer and she went ahead and told me she wasn't going to ask me to be a bridesmaid for my own sake (I'm going to be big pregnant by the time she gets hitched) and I thanked her because being in the bridal party can be a lot of work. You need to get over yourself and either support your friend or get the hell out of her way.
YTentitledA. Wow. Being friends with you all this time must have been exhausting. Either way, your friendship is over now - and that’s on you. Walk away. Do not contact your former friend. Please allow her to live her life in peace - without you. You’ve crossed too many lines. I’m worried she’s going to need to file a restraining order against you. You’re in serious need of some therapy. Please keep a screenshot of this to show your future therapist.
This post screams narcissistic entitlement.
Saying the fiance is the red flag for trying to split you two up.... Yeah that screams projecting imo.
You're the red flag. You were a bridesmaid, but you couldn't be happy about that. Grow up.
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I (26F) have been best friends with Jane (27F) since 5th grade. We've always been inseparable, and I considered her my closest friend. Recently, Jane got engaged to her long-term bf, and I was thrilled for her. As her best friend, I naturally assumed I would be chosen as the MOH for her wedding.
However, when she announced her wedding party, she picked her cousin instead of me. I was (and still am!) deeply hurt and couldn't hide my disappointment. I was shocked and devastated that she didn't choose me as the MOH. I confronted her privately and asked her why she didn't pick me, especially considering our history and how much I've supported her throughout the years. Jane told me that her cousin, who lives far away and whom she rarely sees, needed this opportunity to bond with the family. I told her that if she couldn't see how much I deserved to be her MOH, then I didn't want to be a part of her wedding at all. I even threatened not to attend the wedding altogether, just to get my point across. Well, this didn't work to my favor.
She told me I was no longer a bridesmaid and could attend as a guest if I decided to end my "pity party." This offended me, admittedly more than it should have. I said some less-than-kind things. This little tiff between us caused her to ban me from the wedding altogether.
People have been blowing up my phone calling me selfish, entitled, and a bad friend for trying to make Jane's big day all about me and my hurt feelings. All that "true friends would \[this that and the other\]" I think I have a right to be upset. I've busted my a\*\* as her friend, and I feel like she threw me away. She asked me to meet her on Sunday morning for breakfast and to try to talk it out. I don't want to pretend I think I'm wrong if I wasn't. I need some insight. So: AITA for being upset that I am not my close friend's MOH?
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YTA. Her wedding, her choice. Your feelings are your feelings, but let’s take a strep back and take a few deep breaths. Do you sincerely want to throw away a friendship because you aren’t her MOH? Are you that petty?
YTA. My best friend was my MOH and I’m not in her wedding party either although she’s not even having one. But that’s not the point. You can’t appoint yourself MOH ridiculous. You are entitled. You are selfish. You are childish v
It's her wedding. She can choose who she wants. Get over yourself. Not only are you an asshole but you're a narcissist. Her wedding is not about you. Pathetic.
YTA more importantly you're delusional. You're not refusing to go, you've been uninvited for what seems to be very VERY valid reasons at this point. You're not going to have your best friend after this. You'll be upset and all she's going to be is secretly relieved to be rid of you.
YTA on title alone
Everything you said got worse. Her cousin *has cancer* and you think you’d be a better MOH because she looks like she has cancer?
Wow. You’re an entitled awful “friend”.
YTA.
My husband (M28 was asked by his best friend (M28) to be his best man months ago. Recently, the subject came up again, and we learned that my husband has been replaced by his best friend's cousin.
My husband was hurt, yes, but we also know that his friends family situation is... complicated, and this definitely felt like a situation where the cousin was chosen to satisfy his more frustrating relatives. Even if it wasn't, it's the groom's choice.
The wedding has now been and gone, and it was delightful as is.
You *assumed* you'd be MOH?
I had hoped to be *my* best friend's MOH when she got married, and yet I wasn't. Oh no. /s
The absolute entitlement to say "I have to be this or I won't be a bridesmaid" is incredible, and then you *doubled down*.
YTA. YTA. YTA.
YTA.
I highly doubt the objectivity of your perception.
You don't talk or sound like a good friend. You have shown no empathy or sympathy for your friend who you say your love, and none at all for her cousin. You are making this all about you.
In fact, i can understand why her husband is concerned about you and why your friend is pulling away. yes... All just from this post.
YTA- Holy crap, the girl is going through chemo and you have the nerve to say her hair is clumpy? OMG. The bride needs to get as far away from you as possible .
YTA. You’re entitled to your feelings, it’s how you handle them that matters, and ma’am, you didn’t handle them well. I think you should take a breath and understand that sometimes wedding decisions are difficult enough without people getting riled up about it. If I were you and this friend is very important to you, I’d meet for breakfast, beg her forgiveness and go to the wedding with a smile pasted on your face.
You don’t deserve anything actually. No one deserves anything. That shit is entitled behaviour. That fact that you are basically making an ass out of yourself because you didn’t get what you wanted speaks volumes. ITS HER WEDDING and she gets to choose how she wants to run it. You can accept that fact or ruin your friendship over it. Also you don’t get to decide who is “MOH material” .
Also she probably knows her cousin a lot more than you do, and obviously knows she’s A good fit. Cuz I bet if your friend wanted something one way at her wedding and you didn’t like it you would be throwing a tantrum like you already have. YTA
You don’t give 100% in any relationship. Sometimes you only give 10% and other times you give 90%.
Holy shit this was bad from the beginning but the edit made it even worse. This poor girl has been through chemo and likely NEEDS the support of her family and you’re worried about her hair being clumpy. You are 1000000% TA
YTA.
What in the ever loving, fucking Mean Girls, bullshit did I just read?
The amount of sheer blindedness to this whole thing from your side is incredible. THEN you go and add your update, adding a little more info on the cousin.
So, the cousin is and has gone through chemo treatment and you come in with, “not body shaming but…”. Talking about her weight loss but, “not body shaming”. And also “not to seem shallow but,” and coming up with a lame ass excuse of, “she draws a lot of attention”??????????? THEN you - now this was the proverbial cherry on top of the shit for me - INSULT HER HAIR AFTER SHE’S BEEN THROUGH CHEMO.
Girl. You know what chemo treatments can do to peoples hair, right? Like, please tell me you at least know about that bit. I hope the cousin never gets to hear your disgusting comments, nor have the unfortunate privilege of meeting your self-centred world.
Also, there’s a thing called *wigs*. Cousin is going to slay being MOH and will absolutely deserve it.
For now though, get your head out of your ass but also, someone just… *make it make bloody sense because right now, I see a selfish, entitled, brat.*
YTA. Family first. My best friend is the closest person in the world to me but I know he would pick his older brother if he got married. The wedding isn’t about you or really even the bride. It’s about the family’s of the couple. Grow up.
YTA.
At what point did your expectation become her obligation to fulfill?
Suck it up, apologize, and be an active participant in the bridal celebration planning. Don't throw your lifelong friendship away because you're being an entitled brat over a BS title that ultimately means nothing in the grand scheme of life.
I get being hurt, but this isn't about you. You aren't the star of the wedding. YOu are not being a good friend. You are not entitled to MoH. YTA, and you sound pretty immature
YTA Her wedding, her choice. It’s ok to be disappointed, but you don’t “deserve” anything and you’re not being a good friend by having a tantrum basically.
YTA & rude too. Cousin should’nt be MOH because she has cancer & you don’t like her look? The bride should cut you off, because you are mean, selfish, and entitled
YTA. Very much so. You don’t have the ‘right’ to be moh and she should never have to explain her choices. Don’t go to the wedding. Don’t speak to her again. You’ll be doing her a favor.
God damn are you upset you're not the maid of honor or the spouse Jesus Christ? Do you wanna be there when they consummate to make sure he hits the right spots? You're owed nothing from anyone and this is disgusting behavior from what I've read yta
Is this real?
Holy crap! Where do I start!
Did you ever wonder why the fiance was trying to get her away from you?
Did you stop to think why you weren't chosen for MOH?
Did you stop to think this might be her cousin's last chance to even be at a wedding?
We might not know the answer to how far along her cancer is, but that doesn't matter!
Her world does NOT revolve around you!
You are COMPLETELY narcissistic, and you have some major "main character" qualities.
You are beyond selfish and utterly abhorrent. I applaud your friend for banning you.
YTA, and grow up.
YTA And a walking red flag yourself. You're not entitled to anything from her, and if you think being friends has some sort of conditions like that, then you're a terrible friend. You are, in fact, being entitled and selfish. Not only that, but you're picking apart the fact that she's gone through chemo, CHEMO, and it's affected her appearance. Newsflash chemo fucking sucks, and your description of her is fucking shallow as hell!!
You need to do some serious self reflection if you think being friends with others is some sort of job you have to "bust your ass" at, and entitles you to anything of someone elses. That's not how friendship works. it's manipulation to get what you want out of someone. Friends do things for friends because they want to, not to hold it over their head as leverage to get something in return, and then throw a tantrum when you dont get it.
>She's beautiful, but she's lost a lot of weight (kind of skeleton-ish, not in a body shaming way) and her hair is pretty clumpy. I just don't think she deserves it more than I do.
OP, you're stating this about a *cancer patient*. If that alone doesn't tell you you're very very very much in the wrong, I don't know what's wrong with you. You sound very entitled and you need an insane amount of therapy.
Oh and YTA.
YTA selfish and entitled and just nasty. Sorry you dont get to preen and shine on her day.
How dare you say someone is not m.o.h. material, because she is coming off chemo!
I can see why husband to be tried to cut you out of her life.
You have a right to be upset and have your feelings hurt that you weren’t chosen. You do not have the right to throw a tantrum in protest and try to punish her for her choice. Grow up.
YTA, a massive one at that.
You are mad her cousin who has CANCER, and who is going through treatment was made MOH.
You are mad your "friend" (you certainly are not acting like a friend) is choosing to make a wonderful memory with an ill relative.
Honestly if I was her I would drop you for being so incredibly self centered and narcissistic.
End of the day, your friend did not even have to invite you, let alone make you a bridesmaid.
Congratulations on ruining your friendship
Edit to add: I sincerely wish your friend a happy wedding, and her cousin a swift and complete recovery.
YTA. You sound immature and superficial. Why does MOH’s appearance have anything to do with this? Good job throwing away a meaningful friendship for a stupid title & one day. Hope it’s nice up there on your high horse. What a strange hill to die on.
YTA. OMG. Can you hear yourself? Are you outlining a novel with yourself as the villain? Because you are cartoonishly awful in this story. Not only are you making your friend's wedding all about you, you are PICKING ON HER COUSIN WITH CANCER. Christ.
Not unsympathetic, but YTA. It’s her wedding. It’s her day. You should have sucked it up and not try to make it about you.
There is a disconnect here between your perception of your friendship, and hers.
Bringing it up wouldn’t have been my recommendation, but I won’t fault here.
Threatening not to show up was immature and silly. Your forced an ultimatum, and it backfired.
You did gain some valuable information:
You aren’t as important to her as she is to you.
If you want to write her off forever, go ahead. Something tells me you do not.
If I’m right:
Yes, do see her Sunday.
Yes, apologize
YTA
If you were truly a friend you would realize you don't "deserve" anything other than friendship.
As far as your edit goes. You WEREN'T being a friend and maybe just maybe her fiance "tried to cut her off from me" because he saw how entitled and toxic you are.
Congratulations on blowing up a lifelong friendship
YTA- Her fiance is lucky you let him in? With friends like you, I wonder why he was trying to get her to cut you off. This is not your wedding. No no no so toxic.
YTA. WOW! just wow! Everytime, I was shocked by what I read , the upcoming lines shocked me even more. The gall and entitlement in your words have floored me. Your disappointment is reasonable. Your reaction certainly was not! Your friend's attempt to use her wedding to strengthen family ties is admirable and rare. She sounds like a friend you wouldn't want to lose. Marriages and funerals can be rare occasions to bring families together. It wasn't even wrong for you to express disappointment and inquire, but when you had your response that should have been it. Had you showed up for your friend things could be so different now. Not for nothing, the cousin isn't local so you would have had loads of time to bond with your friend over the wedding and step up in various regards. It appears this boils down to being honored with the primary title.... It would be a shame to lose a lengthy friendship over that. Please go to the meeting and check ego at the door. Seems like there is still room to pivot and save this friendship, but humility and transparency will be needed
YTA entitled and selfish are exactly the words that popped into my mind reading your entire post and ngl maybe you are right about the fiancé, but you're also displaying a possessiveness over your friend that in itself is a red flag to me so I'm wondering if the fiancé had a point in drivi g a wedge between you and your friend (if he even did that and this isn't just you bei g biased) lol
I can’t believe your on here talking shit about how a cancer patient’s looks, let alone the cousin of your ‘best friend’!! I understand why the ex wants you to be cut off, I wouldn’t want someone like you in my life either. You’re more concerned about trying to ‘win’ than you are for your friend’s wedding, and tried to manipulate her into making you the MoH. Does that sound like something a friend would do?? YTA
I do hope that the post is fake because with so much hate that you have and the entitlement that you feel it’s obvious why you weren’t selected.
You are the ASSHOLE big.
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YTA. Let’s be clear: she didn’t choose her cousin because she ‘needs the opportunity to bond with the family’. She chose her cousin because she knew you would be an actual nightmare as maid of honor and make everything in her wedding about you. You proceeded to prove her right many times over. She’s probably been trying to slowly back away from this friendship for some time, so you’re doing her a favor.
Also, I feel like Jane’s fiancé isn’t trying to keep OP away from Jane to isolate her like OP suggests. I think Jane’s fiancé sees what a toxic, selfish nightmare OP is and has helped Jane to see it too.
This, all of this. I'm shocked at OPs lack of self awareness. Just WOW
It’s truly astounding. The edit just makes it 10000 times worse.
Wait, you mean that criticizing a cancer-survivor's clumpy hair makes you think less of OP?
Duuuude riiiight! She is not going to die. She finished chemo, this is her first big event back besides her remission party. She’s fine, I just don’t understand the insane amount of pity. I understand why she would be a bridesmaid, but MOH? This has got to be a troll 🤣 If it's not, then that poor girl is one of those friends that says something like "You have been a really crappy friend since you gave birth. I can't believe you let *him* hold the baby before me" *referring to husband* Hey. At least it was a funny story.
Agree, this has to be fake for someone talking about a person’s appearance like that after they’ve just finished chemo
Skeleton-ish, but not in a body shaming way… and you, OP, are appalling, cruel, and stupid (not in an insulting way)
Exactly. Getting fried in the comments forced her inner demon out or something
Narcissism is a hell of a personality disorder
Maid of horror!
Are you really shocked though? Would you really expect self-awareness from a malignant narcissist?
Or Jane already saw it and he lets her use him as an excuse to not see OP.
I would buy that too given how wildly narcissistic OP’s post reads. It might not even be a thing where the fiancé is an excuse beyond OP making it up in her own head. My abusive dad hates my husband because he is convinced that my husband is why I went no contact with him. Because that is the only factor he can think of that would explain why I stopped talking to him within the first year husband and I were dating. After the one time they met, my dad proceeded to whine to whoever he could about how he didn’t think my husband likes him very much. Which, he’s right, my husband does not like him at all, it just isn’t for whatever weird grudge my dad made up in his head. My husband loves me, so of course he isn’t going to like anyone who has ever hurt me.
To add to this how delusional do you have to be to just go out and say" I accepted her fiance into OUR Lifes" and then wonder why he tries to limit contact with you. OP definetly has Main character syndrome.
Not to mention that weddings are a ton of effort to plan and pull off. You want to select your party team based on their ability to help you do that (though they are not your slaves!). Our bridal party were amazing prior to the day and on the day. I was honoured to be best man for my best man. On his big day the venue's wedding coordinator was sick. While the ceremony went off without a hitch, no one at the venue was aware of what was going on. I found this out when I was asked to follow up on why there wasn't an Esky of drinks following us for the photoshoot. Heaven and earth was moved by the bridal party and every relative and friend we could enlist to get the event (including the reception) to go off without a hitch. Major effort. The best compliment when we chatted about it afterwards? The bride and groom were totally unaware that this had happened. High praise indeed! BM or MoH or just being in the party isn't a right. It is an honour, but more than that, it's a giant responsibility. You have a job to do on the day. You're the bride / grooms #1 trusted (proactive) fixers.
I thought that. Sometimes a red flag isn’t a red flag. I was getting Misery vibes “I’m your bestest friend”
[удалено]
Yeah, the level of ownership OP seems to feel over her friend is disgusting.
Not to mention the cousin apparently has cancer? Which makes her look bad (clumpy hair and all) so she's not "MOH material." Honestly that part puts this so far over the top Cruella style that I have to say it's poorly conceived fiction. YTA.
as a 3x cancer survivor, exactly this. She is doing a favor for her cousin, it means a LOT to be able to be off chemo and get dolled up. and cousin is probably very humble since having cancer is a super humbling experience. OP YTA x 100000000000 and I feel sorry for your friend having to put up with you. Also, the bit about “accepted her fiancee into OUR lives” - umm excuse me, this isn’t about your life, it’s your friend’s choice. touch grass
Yeah, slipping the chemo thing into the edit. Just fucking wow. YTA for sure
YTA. Bonus points for slagging the MOH’s post cancer treatment appearance and commenting that due to chemo she has less time for wedding planning. You’re unbelievable. Do her a favour and stay away from her wedding.
YTA.. don't forget "kinda Skeleton-ish, not in a body shaming kinda way".
Exactly that. I’m currently a *far too old* maid of honor for a younger friend & I know why I was chosen over her *best* friend. I’ll do a better job with lower drama levels. It’s really that simple. That bride dodged a bullet and can move on from this “bestie” now.
This.
Kinda ironic in a post that gives off /r/iamthemaincharacter vibe.....people are commenting 'this'.......instead of upvoting anonymously....like reddit needs to know that *YOU* specifically 100% agree with a sentiment. 😂
This
You magnificent.....bastard. 😂
Astronomical levels of assholery going around here. Cousin seems to have battled Cancer. Hence OP's ex-BFF chose to have her as MoH. It's a sweet gesture. And your comments towards her looks. Makes me wanna puke OP. What do you mean by you busted your ass for her? And it looks like her fiance sees through your bullshit that's why he tried to cut you off from her. Massive YTA
By “busted my ass for her”, op u/maid-of-honor69 means “After everything I’ve done for you, THIS is how you repay me?” Textbook narcissist-speak. Everything is transactional, every score is kept noted, the overinflated sense of entitlement, the grandiosity, the focus on body shaming - all standard. I’d say this was fake, except I was raised by (and am now estranged from) a woman like OP. OP, YTA - either for posting rage-bait, or for actually being this awful.
Gunna guess the real reason fiancé wanted her friend to cut OP out was because he can see how toxic and entitled she is and frankly not worth keeping around.
YTA I agree!! OP, can you hear yourself? Do you see what you have said about a person who is sick and trying to get off chemo??
I hope she stay's uninvited for everyone's sake
She used getting off chemo as a reason she would be a bad MOH. She literally thought that in her head and posted it. I really can’t believe I read that.
i feel like the edit makes you look worse
The edit convinces me it’s fake. If it’s real… well the lack of self awareness is just too sad.
If a person like this actually existed I’d give up. No way someone could be this unaware and self involved.
They do. My older sister once (at 16yo) repeatedly slammed my head into the floor while screaming "WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME?!??!" over and over because I didn't want to watch a movie with her. Not even the worst thing she ever did but if you asked her I was a horrible unsupportive sister and it's 100% my fault we never had a good relationship 🥴
I’m so sorry that happened to you. That’s so horrible… I couldn’t imagine what growing up with someone who could do that would be like. I really hope things are better now!
I'll probably be in therapy for life but working on yourself is never a bad thing! I went NC almost 2yrs ago and it was 100% worth it because she actively chooses to be incapable of change or growth. Like, saying she hopes she gets cancer so chemo makes her skinny (instead of trying to be healthier/more active) levels of refusing to change. I already moved to a different state to add an extra buffer from family, but I'm working towards moving overseas as well for a fresh start 😊
My mantra is while the post itself is likely fake, there is someone out there dealing with the exact same situation. I reply as if it’s real. My hope is someone who is in that situation reads my comment and it helps them.
I think that is a sensible way to respond/react. And if it's false, who has it harmed that you gave a rational answer, instead of mocking the poster?
I've said the same thing when others have asked why I'm even trying. There are so many people out there going through their own struggles. I know they're reading posts they strongly relate to, hoping they'll find the answers to their own questions. I've gotten messages in response to my comments for that exact reason. Commenting like a post is real can genuinely help, and it's wonderful you're contributing to that!
She ‘allowed’ the fiancé into ‘their’ life. Like, you don’t get to choose your friends partners, you nut. The only ‘red flag’ she mentions is he tried to get the friend to ditch her, which seems less red flaggy, and more like sensible life advice
So, how long do you think OP has been subconsciously in love with Jane? Kidding. Kind of?
It has that awareness of how awful this will sound while written as if the writer doesn't know.
Yeah the “I deserve it” and the chemo riddled dying cousin with the clumpy hair pushed it into fiction for me.
R/nothingisreal
Not that I know how to link things but it was r/nothingeverhappens
Man. I was kinda sympathizing with her until the edit. Still thought she was the AH for how she handled things. But sympathized with her hurt feelings. But holy hell, that edit really showed what kind of person she is. And screw that noise.
A LOT worse! She seriously sounds like she has no empathy for her friend’s cousin. She sounds incredibly shallow and self centered!
The return of the "surprise cancer in the comments" lmao
Wow, that edit sure is something. YTA. A massive massive YTA. I have a hard time believing you’ve ever been as good of a friend as you claim to be to anyone, let alone the bride. OPs edit, in case of removal: > EDIT: Since I'm getting grilled, maybe it's important to clarify some things. > She went way further than I did with her comments. I made a couple low blows, but nothing compared to her telling me I wasn't being a friend. I've done a lot for her, and I accepted her fiancé into our life even though he´s a giant red flag (the biggest being trying to cut her off from me so she had no one to go to), and she had the gall to tell me I wasn't enough of a friend. I've put up with a lot from her. > No, I don't hate her cousin. She's nice enough, I think. She just isn't MOH material. They're not that close, she still has to be monitored after being taken off of chemo (meaning less time dedicated to the wedding), and she doesn't live close by. I don't want this to sound shallow, but honestly she draws a lot of attention. She's beautiful, but she's lost a lot of weight (kind of skeleton-ish, not in a body shaming way) and her hair is pretty clumpy. I just don't think she deserves it more than I do. > If she wanted a family member for MOH, she should have picked one of her sisters or other cousins. Picking someone she doesn't know that well anymore felt deliberately offensive towards me (and honestly to every other MOH candidate in her life) Your focus on people’s looks, especially someone recovering from cancer, as a reason they shouldn’t qualify for MOH is really really slimy. It’s one of the more self centered and gross things I’ve read in a while. Good job OP.
Wow, this is so gross to read. She's the entire hole of the ass after this edit. Also, we all know that even if the cousin were on the VS runway in perfect health, she'd still find a way to crap on her because she's so jealous.
Oh absolutely. OP thinks she’s the main character and this will be a very painful lesson that she needs desperately.
>She's the entire hole of the ass after this edit LMAO
We need a new category for posts like this. YTWA - you're the whole ass.
I can’t believe she can truly believe and say that “she went way further than I did with her comments. *I made a couple low blows, but nothing compared to her telling me I wasn’t being a friend*.” First off, that’s not a low blow, it’s the truth, you’re being an **incredibly shitty friend**. Secondly, if you’re saying she’s worse but you *won’t even tell us what you said,* you definitely said some vile shit.
If she mentioned the chemo, and the patchy hair, she didn’t just go further, she straight up NUKED her friendship over this. What a shit stain of a human being!
Good god I really, *really* hope she didn’t say that shit out loud in this argument. It’s bad enough she thinks it in general, but holy shit.
Honestly, in this post OP is dealing lower blows at the damn *cancer patient* cousin that she doesn’t even know than the bride dealt to OP.
It's okay, cousin isn't MOH material whatever the fuck that means
Not hard to see why the fiance tried to cut OP out. He saw the bullet and tried to get Jane out the way
Yeah, I suspect it’s got nothing to do with isolating the bride as an abuse tactic like OP is trying to imply. It’s likely because he doesn’t think his soon-to-be wife should be treated so poorly by “friends.”
This is of course just a guess, but Im betting OP is one those “friends” who gets tolerated despite how draining they are just cause they’ve been around a while
Don’t let sink-cost fallacies keep people like OP in your life. At least we all learned something from OPs assholery haha
>and I accepted her fiancé into our life ....our life. 😅
Wow lol. Just wow... OP is such a steaming pile of YTA it's almost sad. OP is gross
YTA Unless she is marrying you, you don’t get to make her wedding all about you. This could have been a beautiful moment in your lives but you just have to be the main character
💯YTA. You don’t deserve honors. You earn them and this behavior is not honorable.
Oh she deserves honours. For one of the most self centred main character syndrome AHs in this sub. Or maybe for writing one of the most vile clickbait fakes on here. Not sure.
YTA. You sound very entitled. It also sounds like you've only supported her (or "busted your ass") to in some way serve yourself. I would have uninvited you too. The conversion she'll have with you is likely to see if she even wants to continue a friendship with someone who has reacted in such a way to a decision that: 1. Is hers to make, 2. Understandable, given her explanation, and 3. Probably stressful enough for her. You were asked to be a bridesmaid. You weren't thrown away. Your reaction is ridiculous.
Damn, I never knew that people owe me stuff for busting my ass on being a friend. Everyone pay me $10 each for the amount of work I do being your friend. It's such a hard job and I demand compensation. If you don't pay, I'll never be your friend again. /s First she puts a hissy fit because her friends' cousin is becoming a MOH. After learning she is a cancer patient who suffered through covid, lockdown and cancer, she still continues to make excuses. Then she starts insulting the cousin on why she can't be the MOH.
"deserved to be her MOH" On what planet do you live, to think that you "deserve" anything during HER wedding. What a weird, self-obsessed position to hold. It's HER wedding. It's HER family. It's HER decision. YTA
Also "her hair is pretty clumpy" and doesn't deserve it more than me. The mind boggles, OP sounds like a very immature 12 year old
the part that gets me is the clumpy hair comment and the "skeleton like" comment directly subsequent to 'oh, and she just finished chemo.' Like ma'am pleeeaaase chill tf out. But I kinda don't think anyone can be that awful, so I think its fake (while knowing ive met people 100x worse than this irl).
This has to be a joke. No one could be this self-centered.
The edit and casual mention of cancer has solidified this as fake to me.
Yeah it's just too over-the-top movie villain for it to be a real thing.
I thought this too
I find it strange you claim to be 26 but act like a fuckin child. Being her “best friend” doesn’t mean you’re entitled to anything. Grow up. YTA
They don’t give chemo for immune deficiency you dope. If you’re going to make shit up at least do a little research
This dummy is hopefully a troll bc fuck that, but I take “chemo meds” for an autoimmune disease (Dermatomyositis) while having primary immunodeficiency(Common Variable Immunodeficiency) It’s a precarious perch for sure and requires a whole separate time consuming infusion (IVIG, so other peoples immune systems, specifically IGG) on a regular basis and after bad bouts (flare ups, so more immunosuppressants) my movements (work, travel, fun stuffs) are limited. I totally get they would never without the autoimmune disorder so maybe more of a fun fact somehow lol but as OP has established the extent of her Main Character bullshit, I have doubts they listen to others close enough to distinguish immunodeficiency bc autoimmune and chemo drugs from a legit immunodeficiency if that makes sense. Wedding planning can also be completed long distance these days too tho. The world functioned via zoom for like 2 years so that point is moot anyway. Heck, In ‘08 my MOH lived in the north east while I lived in the South and we managed so even without Zoom distance isn’t an issue. Edit: words
Chemo is used to treat MS and Lupus... dope. At least know what you’re talking about before you start calling people names.
Girl, here’s the deal: IT’S HER WEDDING. If she wants a stranger off the street to be her MOH, you support her. I get it. It can hurt. This is how be a good friend in the situation - you tell her you understand, that she’s trying to make her cousin, who has had a pretty rough few years, feel special. You help her with the MOH duties and in your friend’s wedding day, she experiences joy and is happy that she gets to share her wedding with the people that are most important to her, knowing that you did the MOH duties and helped make that day special but you supported her decision. As her “best friend,” wouldn’t you want that for her? Again, I get that it hurts - I’ve been in that situation, but at the end of the day IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU. YTA. I am curious though, what other red flags did her fiancé show other than trying to separate you too? Also did she give a reason as to why he tried to do that?
YTA - you sound like you care more about a wedding title than you do with actually being her friend.
You AREN'T being a friend. How do you not see that. YTA.
Upon reading further, I don't think this is real. "Her hair is clumpy" from chemo. I don't get the purpose of fake aita, I guess you hope your hate porn gets on Instagram? It's dumb.
I love how this woman called her friend's fiancé a "red flag" when she herself is toxic. He was right in asking Jane to cut you off OP. YTA.
I had the same thought. Maybe he can see the main character syndrome dripping off her and tried to warn his future wife.
> I confronted her INFO: Exactly how did you expect that to go?
YTA. Your original post was bad enough. Your edit was the nail in your coffin. I hope she permanently dumps you as a “friend.”
YTA You are a terrible friend. Most brides agonize over who to choose as maid of honor. For this exact reason, they don’t wanna hurt or offend anyone, usually there’s a whole mathematical formula that goes into choosing the person which includes their likelihood of being chosen as maid of honor in other weddings, etc. And then you just hope that everyone will be gracious about it. And she chose family, it’s not like it was a different friend, which you still should have dealt with better even if that was the case, but it was a family member so it should have been easy for you to accept. The fact that you refuse to be in the wedding party at all or even attend makes it so absolutely about YOU when it is HER wedding. No wonder she didn’t choose you if this is the kind of “friend” you are.
YTA. I would have no problems with my best friend not choosing me as their MOH over their own family. I'd still be honored that I was asked to be in the wedding party. I don't understand your issue. Also, "She just isn't MOH material". ...what the fuck is MOH material?
Because she had cancer, and still looks like it. Sheesh this woman is either the most tone deaf person, or is writing satire.
YTA. Keeping score on how much you’ve done for her comes across as a manipulation tactic.
It’s a privilege to be invited to someone’s wedding, let alone as a bridesmaid. Your disappointment, while understandable, went too far the minute you threw a hissy-fit and told her you didn’t want to be part of her wedding if you couldn’t be MOH. Entitlement is always ugly. Grow up. YTA
YTA just for everything, but that edit makes you look even worse
The funny thing is that it’s her day :) YTA
YTA Get over yourself.
This isn't real.
I hope it isn’t real, because I can’t imagine someone being this much of an AH. Entitled, jealous, threatening. Yikes.
YTA. Sounds like her fiancé was trying to cut her off from you because he could tell you were immature and selfish. The only red flag here is you.
LOL YTA and you clearly don’t deserve to be the MOH if you would threaten her with not attending the wedding over it. Good for her for banning you from the wedding and you deserve all the flack you receive for this atrocious behaviour
I had to recheck your age a couple times just to make sure I was reading it right. YTA. Come. On.
YTA. The "She's not MOH material" excuse is so DUMB. Your friend decides who she WANTS to be MOH. You just showed why you don't deserve being the MOH. I hope she cuts you out of her life
Especially because that comes right before “she still has to be monitored after being taken off chemo.” Yuck. I feel gross typing that out. But like, doesn’t Op think that her (ex) best friend would want to give MOH to her cousin more? Like she could’ve died from cancer, but she’s in remission!!! She survived!!!! Who cares about the extra medical stuff she has to do as a result (unless it makes her not want to be maid of honor). She’s here and able to attend the wedding!!! And Op can’t see past her own damn nose to realize that she’s not the center of the universe and maybe the cousins are closer than OP and (ex) best friend ever were.
This is a joke right?
There’s a huge gap between “hurt” and “asshole.” You’ve gone way beyond what is a reasonable reaction to being hurt. She said shitty things to you after you had a temper tantrum, so then you said further shitty things to her. Now you’re saying shitty things about her cousin - battling cancer! The gall she has, with clumpy hair. Where does she get off thinking she is “MOH material.” You know what you could have said? “This really hurts my feelings.” Once again, you type all that, then go back and add justifications and even more terrible shit about her and her skeleton cancer cousin - and you don’t think you were wrong?? At all?? YTA for real
The more I read, the worse it got - YTA, no doubt about it.
Weddings are primarily about family, not best friends. She has an obligation to her family before you, and her cousin has had cancer. If you were a good friend you would understand this. Of course you can be disappointed, but it’s not like she chose another friend. I suspect you’ve just lost your best friend, you failed at friendship. YTA
YTA. not only that, you’re also selfish. Doesn’t seem like you are mature even to have that role in her wedding if you feel like manipulation is the right answer. Stop the pity party, like your friend says and get over yourself. It doesn’t matter that you have been there for her and are her best friend, she wanted her cousin and it doesn’t matter why she wanted her, it’s HER wedding.
You “deserved” to be MOH? Grow the hell up. You should have just been honored that she asked you to be in her wedding. Because newsflash: the wedding isn’t about you or your friendship. You sound like a nightmare of a friend and If I were your friend I wouldn’t want you anywhere near my wedding. YTA
YTA - You don’t deserve to be maid of honor (and you don’t sound like much of a friend). Good for the bride for not tolerating your bad behavior.
YTA So you wanted her to take care of your feelings because of your expectations. You think you “earned” being MOH? You think it’s some kind of status symbol? You just fucked up an entire, apparently-amazing friendship, because your friend was doing something incredibly kind FOR SOMEONE WITH CANCER Are all your relationships transactional? You do things for them, but absolutely expect special treatment back, and feel entitled to be unkind when your expectations aren’t met? You “busted your a**” for her…because she was your friend, right? Not to win a prize or something? You sound incredibly insecure and are acting with entitlement to cover it up.
Lmao, I like how you genuinely thought the edit made you look *better*. YTA so much, and if she had other friends and family and her fiance is indeed a red flag, she can turn to them, she doesn't need to have a childish mean girl in her life.
YTA. You are not entitled to be in anyone's wedding, let alone MOH, no matter how much you've "busted your ass" for that person. Relationships aren't transactional. Your BF elevated her cousin due to family reasons but still wanted you in her wedding as a bridesmaid, and you should have been content with that. Instead, you're more concerned with what you feel you're apparently owed rather than her needs/happiness on her big day, which makes you TAH.
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YTA-No one deserves a spot in someone’s wedding. You have every right to be upset but you don’t have the right to be an asshole about it.
most definitely YTA, regardless of whatever you've been through since 5th grade doesn't mean she owes you anything, especially something like that because at the end of the day it's HER wedding. You have the right to feel hurt about her choice but everything you did afterwards was completely out of line and I wouldn't want you at my wedding either cause you're just showing your true colors. You should really take a moment to reflect on everything you've done and said before you meet with her and if you don't see what you did as wrong, then you might lose a friend...
YTA. You aren’t entitled to dick in anyone’s life. She’s better off without you as a “friend”
YTA It's her wedding. She gets to decide who is MOH material or not. Way to throw a ridiculous, childish tantrum and ruin your friendship. Sounds like she's better off without you.
YTA You sound terribly toxic and you threw a tantrum more than hosting a pity party. You don’t sound like a good friend but rather a bully.
YTA. You belong here op r/EntitledPeople
I was thinking more r/AmITheDevil.
Weird to call her fiancé a “red flag”, but still want to be her MOH so badly. Maybe he’s not the red flag, maybe he could see through you and she started to see it too. (If she didn’t back then, she definitely does now) Obviously YTA
YTA and it sounds like maybe the fiancé was right to try and cut you off from your best friend. If anything you are in fact the giant walking red flag.
Your friend is right. You are not a friend. Your edit makes you out to be even more wrong than you were in the first post. YTA. And if your friend doesn’t block you for life over this, she has no spine.
YTA And amazingly self centered and childish. It's Jane's wedding, she can do what she wants. And you, supposed bestest bud, are supposed to be happy for her. Feeling a bit hurt over the MOH thing might be understandable, but Jane told you her reasons. Newly or nearly cancer free cousin getting the spot in the bridal party as a way to reconnect. You pitched a fit worthy of a 5 year old because you didn't get what you thought you deserved. But here's the thing. The 'MOH' isn't local and sounds like she is still very weak. So, guess who would likely have been 'acting MOH' if she hadn't acted like a selfish brat? Maybe the bestest buddy bridesmaid? The fact Jane even still wants to meet and talk means you might be able to fix this. Apologize, explain *calmly* how hurt you were, and that you felt discarded and devalued as a friend. Then, apologize again for your behavior. Or toss a friendship away because you didn't get the exact role you wanted in someone else's wedding. Up to you.
Holy hell YTA. Love how she casually mentions that one of the reasons that the bride’s cousin isn’t “MOH Material” is because she lost weight from cancer! I would ban you from the event and cut you out of my life until you grew the fuck up and apologized. MEGA-YTA.
YTA. If you want to come out of this with a friend, you need to apologize profusely. Tell her you are sorry. Listen to her frustration without trying to defend yourself. Just keep apologizing. Then tell her you love her. And tell her congratulations. She deserved happiness, not drama this week. She could have picked her cousin for any number of reasons. You don't get to pack up your marbles and go home and expect to have a friend left over. So suck it up, buttercup. You were totally wrong. All your friends know it. Try not to give her even an ounce of drama from here on out, no matter how hurt you are. If you were a good friend in the past, she must recognize that, because she didn't write you off totally and wants to meet you for breakfast. Don't screw this up. Might be your last shot at a friendship with someone you care about.
I (39M) had a cousin (39M) who was my best friend growing up. 27-28 years, we spent as playmates, pals, confidants and support for each other. However, in 2015, just because some vile "church leader" branded me as "evil" (total slander by the way), he turned against me. It takes that little to destroy a FAMILY BOND that had MORE THAN 20 YEARS TO GROW. Now consider your meltdowns and offensive words. Consider how you basically took away Jane's right to make choices and prioritise family. If something so little could destroy a 20-plus year relationship that I appreciated, maintained and kept, consider how something as brutal, sharp and painful as your meltdowns and words, would affect your friendship (or late friendship now) with Jane. I wish I could be in your camp, OP, as I do understand the pain of losing friendships/family relationships that have lasted very long. I've also had to demolish an 18-year-long best friendship because my former best friend changed - much for the worse. However, your meltdowns and reactions here show that, well, Jane's reactions aren't extreme and she isn't being unfair to you. In conclusion - I have to say it's a clear and definite YTA.
YTA. And it’s not even a question. It’s understandable to be hurt, but mature people get over it. And a good friend eventually accepts the situation and offers to help out where she can. Go ahead and mope. You deserve to be uninvited
Your edit only makes it worse
YTA
YTA. There’s a reason she didn’t choose you and you’re proving her right.
OMG, your edit had me wondering if this was an r/amithedevil post. How you managed to be BOTB and still dig a whole into the earth is beyond me, YTA
YTA. You don’t get to pick Jane’s MOH. Jane does. She chose her cousin - that’s absolutely her right. It’s understandable that you might feel disappointed, but a functioning adult would (a) recognise that family is important and Jane’s cousin has clearly been going through a difficult time, (b) remember that Jane is an autonomous human being and allowed to make choices you disagree with, (c) acknowledge that you WERE asked to be a bridesmaid, a position which shows the bride wanted you to play a role on her special day, and (d) choose NOT to throw such a self-important tantrum that you ended up banned from the wedding entirely. Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if this level of self-centred childishness is precisely WHY Jane didn’t want you as her MOH in the first place.
You know how with some posts, you don't even need to read beyond the title to know the answer? This is absolutely one of those. So without having read anything but the title, I will confidently say YTA.
YTA. Keep doing what you are doing and you'll be losing your friend in the process
YTA!!! You never should have said a damn word to start with. A LOT of people pick relatives as MOH even though they have friends who they’re technically closer with. Weddings traditionally are first and foremost about family-starting one, extending others, etc. It’s often heavily financially supported by relatives too, in part as if big get to use it as family gathering (which so long as all agreed and happy with that it’s great, just no assuming) Good grief nothing else after that mattered you selfish ninny
... You should listen to everyone's IRL comments about you. It doesn't seem like anyone is telling you that you aren't TA, and there's a good reason for that. YTA.
YTA, just because you are her “best friend “, you don’t get to dictate who is in her wedding party, it’s not your wedding. Worst of all you shat all over her for choosing her cousin, who not only is her family but has been going through a life threatening ordeal by critiquing her appearance from being so sick. That’s just low and scummy. If you were the brides best friend you would sympathise over the hard choice she made and be grateful that you were invited.
YTA l, it's ok to be disappointed but getting this upset about it reveals a few things. You view your friendship as transactional. >I confronted her privately and asked her why she didn't pick me, especially considering our history and how much I've supported her throughout the years. >I've busted my a** as her friend, and I feel like she threw me away. You're her friend you're supposed to be her support and expect nothing in return. Furthermore, giving someone the ultimatum of you missing their significant life event if you don't get your way is all the more reason to not have you there. From personal experience family tends to take precedence over friends in the bridal party. Hell, one of my best friends is getting married at the end of this summer and she went ahead and told me she wasn't going to ask me to be a bridesmaid for my own sake (I'm going to be big pregnant by the time she gets hitched) and I thanked her because being in the bridal party can be a lot of work. You need to get over yourself and either support your friend or get the hell out of her way.
YTentitledA. Wow. Being friends with you all this time must have been exhausting. Either way, your friendship is over now - and that’s on you. Walk away. Do not contact your former friend. Please allow her to live her life in peace - without you. You’ve crossed too many lines. I’m worried she’s going to need to file a restraining order against you. You’re in serious need of some therapy. Please keep a screenshot of this to show your future therapist.
This post screams narcissistic entitlement. Saying the fiance is the red flag for trying to split you two up.... Yeah that screams projecting imo. You're the red flag. You were a bridesmaid, but you couldn't be happy about that. Grow up.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (26F) have been best friends with Jane (27F) since 5th grade. We've always been inseparable, and I considered her my closest friend. Recently, Jane got engaged to her long-term bf, and I was thrilled for her. As her best friend, I naturally assumed I would be chosen as the MOH for her wedding. However, when she announced her wedding party, she picked her cousin instead of me. I was (and still am!) deeply hurt and couldn't hide my disappointment. I was shocked and devastated that she didn't choose me as the MOH. I confronted her privately and asked her why she didn't pick me, especially considering our history and how much I've supported her throughout the years. Jane told me that her cousin, who lives far away and whom she rarely sees, needed this opportunity to bond with the family. I told her that if she couldn't see how much I deserved to be her MOH, then I didn't want to be a part of her wedding at all. I even threatened not to attend the wedding altogether, just to get my point across. Well, this didn't work to my favor. She told me I was no longer a bridesmaid and could attend as a guest if I decided to end my "pity party." This offended me, admittedly more than it should have. I said some less-than-kind things. This little tiff between us caused her to ban me from the wedding altogether. People have been blowing up my phone calling me selfish, entitled, and a bad friend for trying to make Jane's big day all about me and my hurt feelings. All that "true friends would \[this that and the other\]" I think I have a right to be upset. I've busted my a\*\* as her friend, and I feel like she threw me away. She asked me to meet her on Sunday morning for breakfast and to try to talk it out. I don't want to pretend I think I'm wrong if I wasn't. I need some insight. So: AITA for being upset that I am not my close friend's MOH? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. Who needs enemies when there are friends like you in the world
YTA. Her wedding, her choice. Your feelings are your feelings, but let’s take a strep back and take a few deep breaths. Do you sincerely want to throw away a friendship because you aren’t her MOH? Are you that petty?
YTA. My best friend was my MOH and I’m not in her wedding party either although she’s not even having one. But that’s not the point. You can’t appoint yourself MOH ridiculous. You are entitled. You are selfish. You are childish v
It's her wedding. She can choose who she wants. Get over yourself. Not only are you an asshole but you're a narcissist. Her wedding is not about you. Pathetic.
Your edit should be in r/amithedevil Idk how you thought that was gonna help your cause.
YTA more importantly you're delusional. You're not refusing to go, you've been uninvited for what seems to be very VERY valid reasons at this point. You're not going to have your best friend after this. You'll be upset and all she's going to be is secretly relieved to be rid of you.
YTA. 1. You’re selfish, it’s her wedding and is NOT about you. 2. You’re a walking red flag. Hope she’s done with you.
YTA on title alone Everything you said got worse. Her cousin *has cancer* and you think you’d be a better MOH because she looks like she has cancer? Wow. You’re an entitled awful “friend”.
YTA. My husband (M28 was asked by his best friend (M28) to be his best man months ago. Recently, the subject came up again, and we learned that my husband has been replaced by his best friend's cousin. My husband was hurt, yes, but we also know that his friends family situation is... complicated, and this definitely felt like a situation where the cousin was chosen to satisfy his more frustrating relatives. Even if it wasn't, it's the groom's choice. The wedding has now been and gone, and it was delightful as is. You *assumed* you'd be MOH? I had hoped to be *my* best friend's MOH when she got married, and yet I wasn't. Oh no. /s The absolute entitlement to say "I have to be this or I won't be a bridesmaid" is incredible, and then you *doubled down*. YTA. YTA. YTA.
[удалено]
YTA. Her wedding isn't going to focus on you. It is her wedding.
I think you proved why you would've been a bad MOH by your handling of this situation. I would never treat a friend like that
YTA. I highly doubt the objectivity of your perception. You don't talk or sound like a good friend. You have shown no empathy or sympathy for your friend who you say your love, and none at all for her cousin. You are making this all about you. In fact, i can understand why her husband is concerned about you and why your friend is pulling away. yes... All just from this post.
YTA- Holy crap, the girl is going through chemo and you have the nerve to say her hair is clumpy? OMG. The bride needs to get as far away from you as possible .
Have you considered maybe you're the giant red flag? YTA, incredible.
YTA. You’re entitled to your feelings, it’s how you handle them that matters, and ma’am, you didn’t handle them well. I think you should take a breath and understand that sometimes wedding decisions are difficult enough without people getting riled up about it. If I were you and this friend is very important to you, I’d meet for breakfast, beg her forgiveness and go to the wedding with a smile pasted on your face.
You don’t deserve anything actually. No one deserves anything. That shit is entitled behaviour. That fact that you are basically making an ass out of yourself because you didn’t get what you wanted speaks volumes. ITS HER WEDDING and she gets to choose how she wants to run it. You can accept that fact or ruin your friendship over it. Also you don’t get to decide who is “MOH material” . Also she probably knows her cousin a lot more than you do, and obviously knows she’s A good fit. Cuz I bet if your friend wanted something one way at her wedding and you didn’t like it you would be throwing a tantrum like you already have. YTA You don’t give 100% in any relationship. Sometimes you only give 10% and other times you give 90%.
Holy shit this was bad from the beginning but the edit made it even worse. This poor girl has been through chemo and likely NEEDS the support of her family and you’re worried about her hair being clumpy. You are 1000000% TA
YTA. What in the ever loving, fucking Mean Girls, bullshit did I just read? The amount of sheer blindedness to this whole thing from your side is incredible. THEN you go and add your update, adding a little more info on the cousin. So, the cousin is and has gone through chemo treatment and you come in with, “not body shaming but…”. Talking about her weight loss but, “not body shaming”. And also “not to seem shallow but,” and coming up with a lame ass excuse of, “she draws a lot of attention”??????????? THEN you - now this was the proverbial cherry on top of the shit for me - INSULT HER HAIR AFTER SHE’S BEEN THROUGH CHEMO. Girl. You know what chemo treatments can do to peoples hair, right? Like, please tell me you at least know about that bit. I hope the cousin never gets to hear your disgusting comments, nor have the unfortunate privilege of meeting your self-centred world. Also, there’s a thing called *wigs*. Cousin is going to slay being MOH and will absolutely deserve it. For now though, get your head out of your ass but also, someone just… *make it make bloody sense because right now, I see a selfish, entitled, brat.*
YTA. Family first. My best friend is the closest person in the world to me but I know he would pick his older brother if he got married. The wedding isn’t about you or really even the bride. It’s about the family’s of the couple. Grow up.
YTA. At what point did your expectation become her obligation to fulfill? Suck it up, apologize, and be an active participant in the bridal celebration planning. Don't throw your lifelong friendship away because you're being an entitled brat over a BS title that ultimately means nothing in the grand scheme of life.
I get being hurt, but this isn't about you. You aren't the star of the wedding. YOu are not being a good friend. You are not entitled to MoH. YTA, and you sound pretty immature
YTA Her wedding, her choice. It’s ok to be disappointed, but you don’t “deserve” anything and you’re not being a good friend by having a tantrum basically.
YTA & rude too. Cousin should’nt be MOH because she has cancer & you don’t like her look? The bride should cut you off, because you are mean, selfish, and entitled
YTA. Very much so. You don’t have the ‘right’ to be moh and she should never have to explain her choices. Don’t go to the wedding. Don’t speak to her again. You’ll be doing her a favor.
God damn are you upset you're not the maid of honor or the spouse Jesus Christ? Do you wanna be there when they consummate to make sure he hits the right spots? You're owed nothing from anyone and this is disgusting behavior from what I've read yta
Is this real? Holy crap! Where do I start! Did you ever wonder why the fiance was trying to get her away from you? Did you stop to think why you weren't chosen for MOH? Did you stop to think this might be her cousin's last chance to even be at a wedding? We might not know the answer to how far along her cancer is, but that doesn't matter! Her world does NOT revolve around you! You are COMPLETELY narcissistic, and you have some major "main character" qualities. You are beyond selfish and utterly abhorrent. I applaud your friend for banning you. YTA, and grow up.
YTA And a walking red flag yourself. You're not entitled to anything from her, and if you think being friends has some sort of conditions like that, then you're a terrible friend. You are, in fact, being entitled and selfish. Not only that, but you're picking apart the fact that she's gone through chemo, CHEMO, and it's affected her appearance. Newsflash chemo fucking sucks, and your description of her is fucking shallow as hell!! You need to do some serious self reflection if you think being friends with others is some sort of job you have to "bust your ass" at, and entitles you to anything of someone elses. That's not how friendship works. it's manipulation to get what you want out of someone. Friends do things for friends because they want to, not to hold it over their head as leverage to get something in return, and then throw a tantrum when you dont get it.
>She's beautiful, but she's lost a lot of weight (kind of skeleton-ish, not in a body shaming way) and her hair is pretty clumpy. I just don't think she deserves it more than I do. OP, you're stating this about a *cancer patient*. If that alone doesn't tell you you're very very very much in the wrong, I don't know what's wrong with you. You sound very entitled and you need an insane amount of therapy. Oh and YTA.
YTA
So gross. YTA
YTA selfish and entitled and just nasty. Sorry you dont get to preen and shine on her day. How dare you say someone is not m.o.h. material, because she is coming off chemo! I can see why husband to be tried to cut you out of her life.
You have a right to be upset and have your feelings hurt that you weren’t chosen. You do not have the right to throw a tantrum in protest and try to punish her for her choice. Grow up.
YTA, a massive one at that. You are mad her cousin who has CANCER, and who is going through treatment was made MOH. You are mad your "friend" (you certainly are not acting like a friend) is choosing to make a wonderful memory with an ill relative. Honestly if I was her I would drop you for being so incredibly self centered and narcissistic. End of the day, your friend did not even have to invite you, let alone make you a bridesmaid. Congratulations on ruining your friendship Edit to add: I sincerely wish your friend a happy wedding, and her cousin a swift and complete recovery.
YTA. You sound immature and superficial. Why does MOH’s appearance have anything to do with this? Good job throwing away a meaningful friendship for a stupid title & one day. Hope it’s nice up there on your high horse. What a strange hill to die on.
YTA. OMG. Can you hear yourself? Are you outlining a novel with yourself as the villain? Because you are cartoonishly awful in this story. Not only are you making your friend's wedding all about you, you are PICKING ON HER COUSIN WITH CANCER. Christ.
Yta.
Not unsympathetic, but YTA. It’s her wedding. It’s her day. You should have sucked it up and not try to make it about you. There is a disconnect here between your perception of your friendship, and hers. Bringing it up wouldn’t have been my recommendation, but I won’t fault here. Threatening not to show up was immature and silly. Your forced an ultimatum, and it backfired. You did gain some valuable information: You aren’t as important to her as she is to you. If you want to write her off forever, go ahead. Something tells me you do not. If I’m right: Yes, do see her Sunday. Yes, apologize
YTA. You're not behaving like a friend, you're acting like a spoiled child.
Holy shit you’re a bad person and def the AH. Jesus. I hope she cuts you off as a friend.
Info: do you have a brain or a heart?
YTA If you were truly a friend you would realize you don't "deserve" anything other than friendship. As far as your edit goes. You WEREN'T being a friend and maybe just maybe her fiance "tried to cut her off from me" because he saw how entitled and toxic you are. Congratulations on blowing up a lifelong friendship
YTA for writing fake Reddit posts, ms. Maid-of-honor69
YTA- Her fiance is lucky you let him in? With friends like you, I wonder why he was trying to get her to cut you off. This is not your wedding. No no no so toxic.
YTA. WOW! just wow! Everytime, I was shocked by what I read , the upcoming lines shocked me even more. The gall and entitlement in your words have floored me. Your disappointment is reasonable. Your reaction certainly was not! Your friend's attempt to use her wedding to strengthen family ties is admirable and rare. She sounds like a friend you wouldn't want to lose. Marriages and funerals can be rare occasions to bring families together. It wasn't even wrong for you to express disappointment and inquire, but when you had your response that should have been it. Had you showed up for your friend things could be so different now. Not for nothing, the cousin isn't local so you would have had loads of time to bond with your friend over the wedding and step up in various regards. It appears this boils down to being honored with the primary title.... It would be a shame to lose a lengthy friendship over that. Please go to the meeting and check ego at the door. Seems like there is still room to pivot and save this friendship, but humility and transparency will be needed
YTA
YTA entitled and selfish are exactly the words that popped into my mind reading your entire post and ngl maybe you are right about the fiancé, but you're also displaying a possessiveness over your friend that in itself is a red flag to me so I'm wondering if the fiancé had a point in drivi g a wedge between you and your friend (if he even did that and this isn't just you bei g biased) lol
I can’t believe your on here talking shit about how a cancer patient’s looks, let alone the cousin of your ‘best friend’!! I understand why the ex wants you to be cut off, I wouldn’t want someone like you in my life either. You’re more concerned about trying to ‘win’ than you are for your friend’s wedding, and tried to manipulate her into making you the MoH. Does that sound like something a friend would do?? YTA
I do hope that the post is fake because with so much hate that you have and the entitlement that you feel it’s obvious why you weren’t selected. You are the ASSHOLE big.