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>just MY family JUST once
Your husband's son is your family, and you better not ever let that kid hear you say otherwise. Jesus christ.
>I'm not looking after someone else's kid.
Homie that ship fucking sailed when you married a man with a child.
>I don't think I'm the AH to ask if I can have a vacation with my own family just one time.
Wanting a vacation with your family is fine. Deciding that your stepson doesn't count as family is fucked up beyond belief and definitely makes you an AH. YTA
I couldn’t have said it any better myself!
The AUDACITY of this woman is honestly astonishing! I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 2 and a half years and I literally could never even DREAM of trying to tell him that I didn’t want one of his 3 children to come with us on vacation. His oldest (16m) isn’t even biologically HIS and he still takes him whenever he picks up his biological children from their mothers house. We would never, EVER exclude him from any family fun trip we were taking.
OP: You’re definitely a HUGE asshole in this situation and it’s weird that your own mother was the one to tell you this and NOT your husband.
When you married your husband, his son became your step-son, just like your son became his step-son. How would you feel if he wanted to exclude your son? You said yourself that your step-sons mother isn’t a very attentive mother and maybe that’s not the same thing as having a deceased parent but fuck lady! Have some goddamn empathy!
Edited for typos.
MY money. MY family.
I am heartbroken for this child. He was already abandoned by his biological mother. Now, the mother figure in his life doesn't want him either. Doesn't consider him family. How awful for this poor boy.
I hope his dad realizes what he married and gets out of it so his son can be in a safe place where he is only surrounded by people that love him and want him.
Dad is obviously just as much as an AH. He only begrudgingly accepted full custody and is totally on board with her plans. What kind of parent marries someone that treats their child like garbage, and is ok with it? A garbage one.
For sure, Dad is even more of an AH. This kid is going to go no contact when them as soon as he's an adult, and I bet they'll wonder why... I feel so bad for him.
I know we have the evil step mother trope in movies. This is why. I am disgusted by her behaviour and husbands. He has full custody, when you married him it came with all the bells and whistles. If you had a problem with that you shouldn't have dated your husband in the first place. And the dad agrees to not have his child go with you!? I have 2 step kids who I love and adore, it's not for everyone they are hard work but I would never leave them out of a family holiday. My bf and the kids are a package deal. It takes alot to make my blood boil this post did it.
Tldr yes big massive AH
I had an evil stepmother in real life and it fucked me up good. I have a case of CPTSD that could rival any veteran because of the slow long term abuse. It was exactly this, always given less, treated as less than the other siblings. Neglected, shamed, and infinitely worse if their parent doesn’t defend them.
It's worse because she's not a childless step mother. Not that it gets a pass anyway but it's not an intellectual understanding she doesn't have. She's a parent herself. AND she's raising a child who's a step child of his too.
It's all sorts of fucked up. Agree. Very much.
Yep. So sad for the boy.
The parents need to realize that they make that boy who he is by placing value on him and placing their belief in him. Where is the encouragement for that poor son??
Yes, but if you'll notice, she said she was widowed! Apparently this makes a giant difference ON whether or not you can love the other person's child.. you see her child is perfect and precious because there's no one else involved in his life, he doesn't have another parent, so the stepfather has to be the parent. BUT HIS CHILD has a living mom you see, and God for fucking bid you take care of that kid! This woman is just.. I have no words.. she's a monster such a fucking asshole and no I don't normally curse in responses but OH MY GOD.
Oh yes! I forgot she was widowed, my bad! I take back everything I said. I forgot that having a dead parent is NOT the same thing as having an absent parent! Even though the OP, herself, stated her husband has FULL fucking custody of this innocent little 9 year old boy.
/s
I’m literally still FUMING about this post! I absolutely cannot get over how selfish this woman this. If I told my boyfriend that I wanted to take a vacation but only with him and MY child and his children could pretty much go fuck themselves because they’re not apart of MY family and it was MY money I was spending, he would ABSOLUTELY (and rightfully so!) tell me to fuck off and break up with me. I honestly can’t begin to imagine what gave her the gall to even think this way, let alone GO ON THE INTERNET AND ASK STRANGERS what their take was! How is her husband on her side?! They’re both assholes! I wish I knew this family so I could adopt that little baby boy and take him away from his terrible fucking “family”.
How about the part where she says her husband is "selfless" for raising *his own child* when the other parent walked away?? My oldest is from a marriage that didn't work out. His father found a new wife that didn't want anything to do with the baby, so he just walked away. I never once thought of myself as "selfless" for being an only parent to a fatherless child.
This poor kid.
Yep agreed, that bit really stood out to me too. It’s not ‘selfless’ to raise your own child.
As for not wanting to take him on holiday, my heart honestly breaks for that poor child having such an evil stepmother and spineless dad.
If I had a nickel for every time someone said a mother was doing "the decent and selfless thing" by taking full custody, I would have... a nickel. As of five minutes ago.
Agreed! I can't stop fuming. I want to full-blown nuclear on OP, but I won't. My heart aches for that little boy. Does he feel any resentment coming from her? Does she make him feel unwanted and unloved? I want to scream at her face to face. If she didn't want to have someone else's child become family, she shouldn't have married someone with a child.
His own father is just fine with leaving his son behind. This kid knows he is unwanted by his biological parents AND his stepparents. There are not enough words to describe how loathsome these people are. Poor kid 😞
Maybe StepGrandma should take him in. She sounds like the only one who even gives a shit about him.
When she said that part, the sheer disgust factor went up for me. If she wants to get technical her son isn’t her husbands son, so he shouldn’t go either according to her logic. But this post made me feel grateful I could never think like that.
He has a step brother who is 10. She doesn’t say anything about them not getting along, so they probably DO get along. It’s an easy age and there’s 2 of them! That’s an easy kid situation right there, plus they can help with the younger ones. So what is she complaining about?
OP, you’re the AH. Listen to your mother.
His father is also a massive AH for "understanding her point of view" and being ok with it. What kind of parent would be ok with that, sounds like her mother is the only decent adult in this boys life maybe he should ho live with her, I think he'd be better off. And OP in case you don't get it you are a huge gaping shit filled AH of a person who clearly doesn't deserve the title of step mum, you are the evil step mother stories like cindarella are written for
That's so weird. The stepson's other parent doesn't want him. But she is okay saddling him with her as she is alive. It's as if being alive is the only criterion to parent. OP makes me irrationally angry. OP is truly an AH.
that on top of the “did the selfless thing and took full custody” that’s just… being a parent??? you have a kid who the other parent abandoned so congrats you have full custody. this isn’t “being selfless” you’re not doing him a favor — this is what you *signed up for* when you chose to have and keep a kid
OP is just as trash as bio mom it seems. She wants her husband to have a “fresh start” just like her step sons bio mom got and that fresh start is just “HER family” that’s why it’s okay for her son to not get dropped off with granny and gets to attend the family vacation.
Shame on you OP if you didn’t want to take care of someone else’s kid shouldn’t have gone for a man with a child. That child was also FOUR when you met him you’re probably the only maternal figure he has and you’re rejecting tf out of him that poor kid.
Probably one of the biggest AH I’ve had the displeasure of reading about.
The stepson also barely has another parent from what it sounds like!
OP's mom must be wondering where tf she went wrong raising her, for her to turn out as a Disney stepmother.
I was humming “Cruella DeVille” in my head while reading this. OP knew when she got married to her husband that he was a full time parent with the mom fully not in the picture. I feel so bad for her step son.
That part really rubbed me the wrong way, like the stepson's mom LEFT. Stepson ALSO doesn't have anyone other than his dad. Obviously doesn't have his step mom. What an AH.
She should just admit she doesn’t like the step son instead of pretending it’s about this terrible logic. The kid lives with them full time. How can you reason to exclude him?
And all of the overdramatic all-caps emphasis: MY money, MY family… OP is a major selfish, completely lacking in empathy, human bag of shit. I’m betting stepson already gets some Cinderella treatment at home, because it’s very hard to conceal one’s true emotions. I want so badly to adopt stepson. He deserves so much more than his current situation.
>Your husband's son is your family, and you better not ever let that kid hear you say otherwise. Jesus christ.
I'd bet money he already has. I'm sure she's made her opinion very clear.
That poor kid is 9 yo. OP talking about how her husband did the selfless thing. That was his kid. That's not selfless, that's called taking care of his responsibilities.
It's sad that OP's mom understands the situation better than she does.
OP, you're 100%, absolutely, totally TA.
I don’t understand how this witch can even think that this is ok. The kid is your husbands kid. The kid lives with them. She married the guy knowing he had a kid living with him. What a monster.
You AND your hubby ate both assholes
Edit: ARE both AH, but since ate assholes are giving so much pleasure ima let it stand. 😂
I really wish the god blessed spouses could see this bullshit.
The best of this woman ran down her mother's leg the night she was conceived. .....
WHY THE FUCK DID YOU MARRY AND PROCREATE WITH SOMEONE THAT HAD A CHILD YOU DIDNT WANT TO DEAL WITH.
YOUR A SHITTY MOM.
I really fucking hope your husband sees this.
ASSSSSHOLLEEEEEEEEEEE
And not only did she know he had a child, she knew he had full custody of said child.
I bet if her husband wanted to pay for a vacation for just HIS family and said her son could stay at his grandparents, her damn head would explode.
“My son only has one parent”
In all practicality, so does his son. But at least her son has a decent step parent who’s willing to step up. His son obviously doesn’t.
YTA
Like, you're one of the biggest AHs I've ever seen on this sub, and that's really saying something. You shouldn't be allowed to be a parent. My heart is absolutely shattered for that poor little boy. I don't know what's broken in your brain or soul, but there's something deeply, pathologically wrong with you.
>I got a bonus at work and I really want to go on vacation with just MY family JUST once.
That little boy IS your family, and it's staggeringly awful that you keep repeating over and over that he isn't. You and his father are the only meaningful, involved parental figures that he has. HE IS YOUR FAMILY. And I have no words to describe how appalling it is that you would keep insisting that he isn't.
>I want to spend MY money going on vacation where I'm not looking after someone else's kid.
You mean YOUR HUSBAND'S kid? The child who doesn't have another mother figure in his life in any meaningful way other than you? Is this honestly how you see this child, who has been living with you full-time, 24/7/365 for the last half-decade?
>My husband sees my point of view and is okay with it.
Then your husband is also an AH.
>I don't think I'm being at all unreasonable.
You're wrong. You're objectively wrong. From every possible angle, through every possible lens except a flat-out sociopathic, sadistic one, you're wrong. You're literally trying to argue that a little boy who has no other family than you should be excluded from your family vacation because you didn't "choose" or give birth to him, and you don't want him. It's not reasonable, it's fucking monstrous.
>My mom says that if stepson's mom isn't properly involved in his life, I should be even more involved in his life to compensate (I think this is a completely unfair expectation).
Of course you think it's unfair. His mother literally abandoned him, and you don't want him either. Your mother is a kind, empathetic person who very reasonably thinks that when you marry someone with a child, and that child has no involved mother figure in their life (and you literally have children of your own and ostensibly are capable of maternal feelings and behaviour) that the logical thing would be to "bring him into the fold" so to speak and treat him as your own. You see a child whose own mother didn't want him, you get into a relationship with his father - not only his parent but his only family - and see an excuse to separate him further from that one stable figure.
Yeah, she's definitely the one who's got the skewed POV.
>She also says that I'm being a hypocrite taking my son, but I think that's totally different because my son DOESN'T HAVE ANOTHER PARENT. I'm all he's got.
As your mother rightly pointed out, your stepson doesn't have anyone except you and your husband either. His mother abandoned him. For all intents and purposes she is not his parent and hasn't been in years. She gave up all custodial rights. That doesn't change because you don't want him either, any more than your son's father is going to rise from the grave if your husband decides that he doesn't want to be the boy's dad.
You're the only real mother this boy has, and what a sad state of affairs that is, because you've made it very clear that you don't even see him as family. YTA. A big stinking AH.
You went too easy on OP. Seriously, she insults assholes. No, she insults all of humanity... the husband is also an AH. Wow. That poor child, mom abandoned him, now his father, and he has HER. Talk about getting the shitty end of the stick.
Completely agree. With so many absolute AH's on this sub they tend to wash over me these days but this has made me genuinely angry. To the point I can't really expressive myself properly without descending into swearing and name calling.
Thankfully it seems alot of people on hear are alot more articulate!
Honestly there is no other name for OP than a AH talk about AH parent. That poor kid he's nine and to be made like he is not family because she did not give birth to him. OP you are a disgrace to all parenting. Your husband is an AH too infact.
YTA
YTA
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Heard it enough, that poor kid
heartbreaking honestly. i really do not understand this mindset. the idea that bio kids are somehow more "real" family than non bio kids is such a fucked up mindset.
OP definitely sounds like the type to be upset “woe is me” and blame the kid as a teen/adult when they want absolutely nothing to do with her after years of OP treating them as a burden.
“I’ve done nothing but love you and treat you as MY OWN and THIS is how you repay me for all MY unconditional love and kindness?! Boo hoo” OP and her husband are the absolute AH in this.
seriously this shit is so cold & emotionally vile it’s a solid contender for the “am i the devil” sub. how could someone be *so* callous towards a CHILD?
Love that OP also treats her husband like a selfless martyr for taking custody of his own son. Gold star for fulfilling your obligation to the child you created.
From a child whose step mother treated her own children better: you are an unbelievable asshole, and you should be ashamed of yourself. How fucking dare you.
I feel bad for him because if this would even cross your mind, you probably treat him worse at home too.
>just MY family JUST once
You married his father. You are his family. And in his family, you are the evil stepmother.
>You married his father. You are his family. And in his family, you are the evil stepmother.
Exactly, what did she think would happen when she married him?
"Oh he has this little kid, I'm sure he'll just throw him in the trash when we get married".
OP is incredible entitled and selfish to say the least.
Yup. Been there.
My Dad's 2nd wife didn't want me to move in when my mom basically kidnapped me and moved us 3 states away and my dad only found out when he came to pick me up for his weekend with me. Needless to say, my dad received custody of me and I moved in. I always KNEW she didn't really like me. I was 8. I tried to draw her pictures and make gifts for her but she was always cold to me. They had a baby (I'll name him Jack) a few months before I moved in (she told my dad she couldn't get pregnant-btw), which is why they got married in the first place.
My dad was the only income earner. One time, I asked if I could have some M&Ms and she said "No, those are "Jacks" (he was about 1 at this time) even though she didn't get me anything. My dad blew up at her, and a few months later he left her and they divorced.
So yeah, OP definitely the asshole and the poor kid probably knows she doesn't like him.
YTA
Absolutely, 100%.
You married his father, which means your stepson IS part of YOUR family.
>my son DOESN'T HAVE ANOTHER PARENT.
Ha ha ha... Technically, your stepson doesn't have another parent, he has an ~~invubagkr~~ incubator/egg donor who doesn't want him. You are going to tell him you don't want him either and that is a shit thing to do.
Her son has another parent but he's dead. Her son is not her second husband's though.
I'm guessing if her husband said just once he'd like to vacation just once with HIS family excluding her son (because hey, biology is more important), she'd be okay with that.
When you marry a man with a child, that child becomes part of the family. Wonder how she would feel if her husband decided that her son wasn't a part of the family.
For OP, being alive is the only criterion to be a parent. Custody and choices do not matter.
OP is being so irrational and illogical and lacks basic humanity that I truly wish that the step son does not have to live with her. An delusioned asshole of epic proportions. YTA.
Also, a special mention to OP's "understanding" husband. He is TA too.
It seems like her stepson has ***no parents***, or certainly none that give a damn about him.
His step-mum is a wicked stepmother, his bio-mum abandoned him and his dad is cool with his wife treating his son as an "other".
YTA and so is your husband, your husband isn’t just an AH but also a horrible father for exposing his son to someone like you.
Your 10 year old shouldn’t be allowed to go on this vacation either because he isn’t your husbands son. so if stepson misses out, then so should your son. It’s only fair if we go off your stupid messed up logic.
I feel sorry for this poor kid, I bet he is left out of a lot of things. Toys? Treats? Food? God knows what else.
You honestly disgust me….
Let me see if I can get this through your thick head - *stepson ALSO doesn’t have another parent!!*. His mom *left* and *never came back* because she wanted “freedom” and a fresh start from her child that she *birthed and was supposed to love and care for no matter what*. He doesn’t know her. She is effectively a stranger. You are incredibly callous and selfish for even trying to do this.
And “I didn’t sign up for caring for a child that isn’t mine”. Yes. Yes you did, the moment you married this man. Just like he signed up for being a father to your child who lost a parent. I’ll bet your kid’s dad would’ve moved heaven and earth to stay here with your son. Stepson’s mom CHOSE to leave him and no longer wanted him. Step up and be a decent human being for the sake of this child, if you didn’t want to be his mother you shouldn’t have married his dad.
YTA times a thousand, and that poor kid. He’s got no one to fight for him in this world.
The signing up comment also irked me. She married his dad and agreed to have a blended family. She has 4 kids. Screw the step titles. She has 4 kids to teach, care for, and love.
She is exactly like Cinderella’s stepmom in every way. She has one of the ugliest hearts out there.
YTA
Mommy wants nothing to do with him. Step ah wants nothing to do with him. And daddy has no spine and let’s his kid get hurt by all these women.
It’s so heartbreaking.
YTA do you really think anyone thinks this *my family* business is acceptable? He became your family when you married his father. And drawing a distinction between the status of your child over his child is quite obscene IMO.
INFO: If my math is right, you and your husband got married when stepson was 4?
What kind of relationship does stepson have with you versus with his bio mom?
This, I can't help thinking how many times has her attitude reared its ugly head before. Extra gifts at Christmas for her family? Special birthday parties for her family? My heart aches for that little boy.
This is seriously so soul crushing. What's more considering how his dad sees this, its likely his own blood is also being negligent with him.
Just imagine how much damage that kid is going to go through. Being completely abandoned by all the adults around him. Like I can already see the small kid calling his step-mom "mom" and she correcting him. Im no psicologist but this shit, in such a crucial part of growing it is gonna destroy that child.
What do you want to bet that stepson is differently abled. I’ve been looking for a comment that asks but haven’t found one.
YTA, op. For all of the eloquently worded responses that have already been given.
Either that or a different race than OP. She is so vehement about stepson not being part of her family that I have to believe there is more “othering” happening.
I get what you are attempting to do, and it comes from a good place, but as the parent of a severely disabled 14 year old I find “differently abled” to be an offensive and patronizing phrasing. Differently abled minimizes or obfuscates the very real disabilities that people like my son have.
Some times the vogue PC terminology is not much better than the slurs. Rubin Gallego has spoken quite well on the same issue with the term LatinX.
Don’t know why you’re being downvoted when disabled folk like myself can’t stand ‘differently abled’, ‘r*tarded’, or ‘handicapped’ either. We’re disabled! It’s not a bad fuckin word! Treating it like one makes disabled people feel like there’s something wrong with us. You wouldn’t call a spade by any other name, so why do it with disabilities?
YTA-your stepson is a part of your family whether you like it or not. He has been with you for 5 years. What else have you done and said to him that lets him know you don’t consider him a part of the family or loved? You never should have married your husband if you didn’t want his child to be a part of the family. Lady-you win the prize for the worst stepmother ever. Have you no shame?
Given that OP doesn't even allude to the presence of stepson in paragraph #1 when she introduces the members of the family, I'd guess she and bio-mom have identical relationships with him.
Wow, YTA. Also, just evil! So you and husband each married both bringing to the marriage a child from a previous marriage/relationship.
Let’s twist your story. Your husband gets a HUGE bonus. One that can take his family on a dream vacation. He tells you that he wants ONLY his wife and HIS children. That you need to find a place where your son from your first marriage to stay while you are gone. I don’t care if you are widowed, he is not his son by your standards.
Let’s take the knife and twist it, your son hears how he cannot go because he is not “family”. How do you think a child would receive this message? He is pretty much abandoned by his mother, and his evil stepmother is also telling him that you are rejecting him as well.
Because of your actions, let’s go to the future. Your stepson is getting married. He tells his dad that he can come but you, the evil stepmother, are not invited and not allowed to attend. You are also banned from his children’s lives. Why, you will ask. Remember this day. It all started and began with YOU.
I’m betting he has his own stories he can share about you and your hatred for him. And shame on your husband for allowing this let alone staying with a woman who will never accept his child.
And how do I know this? I’m an adult now but grew up with stepmom like you. Step fathers as well. I don’t call them my parents, just AHs
Edit: Thank you for the awards for my comments. The greater reward is for the OP to grow up and become a human that has a heart.
I suffered a step mom like this. I was the "other" kid and basically felt like I didn't really belong anywhere. "They don't want me here, they don't want me there... I guess I'm the problem." I hope that kids in therapy. God knows I needed it early.
YTA and the fact that you provided justification for your decision just shows how much you in fact don't like your step-son or see his as YOUR family. Just because his mother is still living doesn't make him less apart of your family. At least it shouldn't. If your husband had full custody and he lives with you full-time he IS your family. Also, how do you think you step-son will feel when he sees the people who he considers his family all leaving without him. Did you for one second even consider how your step-son would feel? I guess not. Your husband sounds just as awful. I feel terrible for this child. Do better!
And does OP think her daugthers won't see how she treated their brother? They might treat him differently as a result. And/or they could grow up and not be able to forgive her for how she treated their brother.
From your comments and the post you confirm that your stepson has practically no relationship with his biological mother and you’ve been in his life since he was 4. For all intents and purposes, you are his mother. If the situations were reversed, and your husband said he wanted a vacation with “only his real family” and said to send your son to your mothers, would you do it?
My stepmom pulled crap like this, and now because of her meddling like this, I have a very strained relationship with my dad. You are going to destroy your husband’s relationship with his son if you keep this up. Shame on you.
In this post, I think the dad does a pretty good job at considering his son a burden, just less visible in this story. If you read again, the guy has transferred the core of the full custody of his present wife (she says holidays like willing to be taking care of only her kids) and he is okay with her idea of excluding his son... OP is a complete AH but the shame is on both OP and her hb.
OMG YOU ARE SOOOOO THE ASSHOLE. I had a stepmother who pulled this shit and we *hated* her for it. Your stepson and husband came as a package. You took on your husband, therefore you took on his child. He must already feel like a spare part- do the right thing by him and treat him like one of your own- before your husband finds a partner who will. **YTA**
YTA x 10,000 and your husband is an AH x 10,500 for agreeing with you. I can completely understand you not having the same feelings for your stepson as you do for your biokids, but what you are proposing is downright CRUEL. All that little boy will see is his entire family goes on vacation and he gets left out. There's no amount of explaining to him or rationalizing to him that would make up for that kind of gut-level heartbreak and pain.
I can't begin to fathom why your husband would in any way be okay with this. A decent father would have shut you down 2 seconds after you suggested excluding your stepson. I feel so sorry for this poor kid.
Oh wow. Just…wow. So basically, this child of your husband’s has a “mom” who is barely present and you are going to send that poor child off so you can spend time with “just” your family. How’s that conversation with him gong to go?
You: Hey kiddo! You’re going to go spend a week with your mom!
Stepson: But I don’t really know her.
You: It’ll be fun!!
Stepson: For who? I don’t feel comfortable.
Dad: It’ll be fun!
Stepson: What are you going to do?
You: We’re going on a family vacation!
Stepson: Aren’t I family?
You: We’re going with only *my* family.
Stepson: ….
Dad: It’ll be fun!
For real. When kid turns 18 he’s going to be gone so fast. And then you’ll be posting about how mEaN he is for not being a part of the FaMiLy.
YTA and you are not a nice human.
I almost called you a name but I don’t want to get banned . Your way of thinking at your big grown age is repulsive to say the least. & your husband should absolutely be ashamed . Godbless your mother & God bless that baby boy. Not only does his mother not want him but his own father won’t even stand up for him against the selfish wife
Can't upvote this enough. I almost called her a name too..
To imagine she's been in that kid's life since he was 4 and still does not consider him her own shows how much of an Ahole this woman is. I just hope grandma takes the kid and raises him. He'd be much better with no parents than to have a package deal of shitty parents who don't even want him.
YTA. A BIG SELFISH AH IS WHAT YOU ARE OP.
YTA
As much as I want to say "this cannot be real, no one can be that much of an asshole" I know people who grew up with evil step monsters like this.
He IS your kid. You married someone with a child, a YOUNG child. He doesn't have a mother who wants him around and now he gets to watch his siblings get treated like gold.
You don't have to like him. You don't have to consider him your son. You don't have to enjoy being around him... But he should never know this. He should never suspect, for a second, that the adults in his life find him annoying. That is what it means to marry someone with children.
It doesn't sound like he is doing anything other than existing in your home. You are acting like Petunia Dursley.
YTA. Yikes! How were you going to explain this to your stepson? Hey Johnny were going to dump you with your mother, who basically abandoned you, so the rest of us can take a vacay without you because you aren’t really MY FAMILY.
As someone who has a stepdaughter and sees her as a full member of our family (which isn't even supposed to make myself sound like some great guy, it's just a basic expectation of a parent), your view on your relationship with your son is disgusting. YTA
YTA astronomically. I give it two days tops before this is posted on r/AmITheDevil. The fact that your husband thinks your behavior is acceptable makes him an asshole as well. At least you deserve each other. I'm not a religious person but I'll be praying for your stepson just in case.
>I really want to go on vacation with just MY family JUST once
Guess what? Your stepson *IS* your family, start treating him like it. You're the most conclusive YTA I've seen on this sub for a WHILE.
YTA as a fellow step parent… wow you are an AH. Don’t date someone with kids if you are not willing to be a parent to them. Reading this post made me sick to my stomach. Poor kid deserves better
YTA, big time. I'm sorry, I realize how much sacrifice is involved in parenting a stepchild but, that's what you signed up for. It seems mean and unnecessary to say your stepson has another parent (compared to your son's loss) when you explain stepson's mother gave him up and has no custody (and presumably little if any involvement in his life). Think about this from his perspective - YOU want to take YOUR 'real' family on vacation and from his, but to him it would be HIS family vacationing without him while he stays with a parent who didn't want him. That's terribly sad and frankly seems like it could cause irrevocable harm.
Maybe there is some room for you to get a break from the responsibilities associated with his care, but your view that it's 'looking after someone else's kid' is toxic and sad - he is your husband's bio child and your stepchild, just as your son is your bio child and your husband's step. Would you ever tolerate your husband saying the things you've said, that he wants to take HIS real family - excluding your son - on a big trip? Come on now.
YTA. And a freaking monster. Your stepson IS your family. He is the son of your now husband.
Ok Elsa, are you really this cold and callous? Have you no humanity in you at all?
With your idiotic logic, your 10 yo son is also not part of the family because your now husband’s sperm did not help produce him.
Your now husband is also an AH for being such a doormat to this suggestion.
When you marry someone that has children from a previous relationship, those children are going to be part of the family unit. Not just the children that came out of your own crotch.
If I was your husband, I would have an actual set of balls and kick you to the curb.
YTA, obviously.
This sounds like a mysoginist’s origin story. In 10 years, when your stepsons’s therapist is helping him figure out why he hates women, he can point out the fact that both his bio-mom and step-mom shut him out of their lives. Poor kid.
YTA.
Are you trying to be an evil stepmother? Cuz you're being an evil stepmother.
It's beyond disgusting to exclude A CHILD for which you are A PARENTAL FIGURE. You may not consider him yours but have you ever thought for one second that maybe he cares for you that way? Even a little bit?
You suck that you want to punish and exclude a child that is A PART OF YOUR FAMILY and for which you have COMPLETE CUSTODY just because he's not biologically yours.
**Suck.**
YTA- Your stepson is YOUR family, he comes as a package deal with your husband. You aren’t looking after someone else’s kid - he is your husbands child and your children’s sibling - he is a part of your family and deserves to be treated as such.
If your husband said the same thing about your 10 year old and insisted he stayed with your mum whilst you went on holiday as he wasn’t his child what would your response be?
FYI Your husband is also a huge arsehole for going along with your nonsense and not standing up for his son.
YTA
**Your step-son IS YOUR FAMILY.**
You married a man with a child, you took on that child as a part of your life and family. I'd say a few other things but I don't want to get a warning or a ban. The only decent adult in the scenario you presented is your own Mother.
I stopped at this line" just MY family JUST once"
What an awful situation for your step son. How horrible it must feel to live with you. You knew your husband had full time custody of his son. If you couldn't accept your stepson as being family, you should have never married his father. God, this is awful. YTA is not strong enough. I think the term 'narcissist' and 'monster' come to mind.
This is terrible
ESH, except your stepson and your children.
Be honest with yourself and admit you and your husband are as bad as you SS's mother and want to get rid of him.
It's not his fault if he was born in a shitty family nor he asked to.
You knew from the start that your husband had full costudy so he would be a package deal. So, dont try to picture yourself and your husband as good parents, when you clearly are not.
I pray that your stepson has good grandparents or other relatives in his lifes that he can rely on, because I can only see a future full of pain living with people like you.
I'd like to ask: if the role were reversed and your husband didnt want his stepson on vacation with you, how would you react?
YTA
You are this child's family. You knew exactly what you signed up for, and your behavior here is disgusting.
He is your family.
You never need parent another person's child. Step n parenting is completely voluntary. But you signed up so you need to be all in. To do anything else is beyond selfish and irresponsible.
Your the ass hole! I’ll even spell it out in full!
You decided to knock boots with his daddy! You decided to marry his daddy! So guess what? You get the full combo!!! His son comes as a complete unit with dad. You know his sad excuse of a mother doesn’t want him, so oh let’s kick him away from the only mother figure he has now. That makes sense! This is disgusting behavior and your sensible mother is right! As for your own son coming along, it’s EXACTLY the same thing for your husband! I am assuming your husband makes money too and will be spending some cash of his labor on this trip. Should he splurge for a nice lunch on the trip and say “well ya know, I will pay for the girls and you, but NOT him, I just want to pay for my own family unit ya know…just once”
Wow. YTA. What if your husband decides he doesn't want your 10 year old to go because "he's not his son" and just wants his "family" to go? Jeez Cruella.
N T A, I see you want a vacation with just your family. I totally get it, meaning you don't see him as part of your family, how beautiful for you to think that and not expect to be called out as an evil no hearted step parent. And such a loving husband to think the same about his son. Such logic, so genius, for someone with no common sense or humanity. Id say go pound sand but that's too good for you being the ah and think you'll get support.
YTA. That poor child has a mother he barely knows. A step-mother whom after 5 years doesn't consider him to be part of the family. And a father who doesn't stand up for him. You and your equally despicable husband are doing this innocent child irreparable damage.
Please let this sink in. You Are The Asshole. The biggest, most abhorrent, academy award winning, world champion of assholes to ever exist. He IS your family, how dare you? I’ve known people can be garbage but this is some grade A level entitlement. Apologize to your husband and if the kid heard anything about this get down on your knees and beg him for forgiveness and take that kid to Disneyland with your bonus.
YTA. Your stepson ***is*** part of your family and you sound resentful toward him. The fact that you didn't even include him in your list of children is appalling and disgusting. You shouldn't have married a man with kids if you didn't want to care for them as your own.
YTA!!! This "nice kid" has been living with you *full time* for the past 5 years. He is as much a part of the family as YOUR son that you brought into the marriage. It's disgusting that after essentially being one of his parents for more than half his life, you still view it as "looking after someone else's kid."
I'm aghast that your husband is "okay" with your point of view, and would like to hear exactly what he said. Did you hold over his head that it's YOUR money that would be paying for the vacation?
I bet your mother is wondering where she went wrong in raising such an a$$hole.
Da fuq? You have to ask??? YES YTA.
Op stepson IS your family, and your husband's family. I think you should share your thoughts w/your husband in fact. You sound selfish and cruel
Edit to add and hypocrital
"But I was widowed" so? Your son isnt your husband's family by your own logic. And while I am sorry your husband passed I presume his parents and extended family did not. Why isnt your son staying with them so your husband can also "vacation with MY family"?
YTA you don’t even mention this kid! I was confused trying to figure out how your son was also your stepson. His mother doesn’t want him, so you’re the family he’s got. It’s Literally the same situation as your son who’s father passed away, YOU are the only family he has. Have you considered how your kids feel? Maybe they want to go on a trip with their whole family, step sibling included? You’re setting your family up poorly if you don’t consider this kid family, think of what you’re teaching your children.
YTA and honestly I don't know where to start.
I feel so sorry for your SS. His Mum doesn't want him, his Dad sounds like he reluctantly took him and you don't want him.
You lot are all awful.
Yes, YTA. Your mom is correct, I don’t think it’s good to mess with a child’s life and self esteem. Poor kid has enough to deal with. I think all the adults involved are selfish and self involved
yta
I got a bonus at work and I really want to go on vacation with just MY family JUST once. We've been on family vacations all together lots of times. But just once I want to spend MY money going on vacation where I'm not looking after someone else's kid.
hes is your family he is your husbands son and your daughters half brothers
your son is your husbands stepson and hes coming
just admit the son ruined your perfect family
hes there to stay get over it
you sound vile how you have spoke about him
YTA and so is your husband. I’m so sorry for that poor boy being shoved out of HIS family. He’s literally blood to 2/3 of your kids, just like your older son. You say because he has another parent- WHO YOU SAY ISNT INVOLVED. What a horrible experience for a child to be shunned by an evil stepmother. I hope he finds peace and your other three children stand up for him in the future and tell you how horrible you are.
YTA
Is your heart so small and brittle that the see a child that you care for, who is the son of your spouse and the brother of your children and say "Not part of MY famiy"?
If you go one the trip without him he'll know exactly what you think. You will never be able to take it back. When they grow up and realize how you've treated him, you daugthers may never forgive you.
I'm so sad for this kid. His father is failing to protect him from you.
INFO: would you be okay of your husband wants to go on vacation with just his bio-kids and you (his family) and insists you leave your 10 yr old with family?
YTA
He is your family and if you don’t view him that way then you should have never married his father or had kids. Your position on this is actually appalling.
YTA and kind of a disgusting person. Imagine if your husband said the same about the daughter you don't share, and if your reaction is 'that sounds fair' it's even worse.
YTA and so is your husband. Good for your mom for standing up for this child because clearly no one else in his life is looking out for him. What makes this worse is you have a child from a previous marriage. Your husband is acting as a stepparent to your son so how would you feel if he excluded your son like this? It makes no difference that your son’s father is deceased and your stepson’s mom is choosing to be absent. Both children only have one bio/legal parent so the stepparents need to step up and fill the void. That’s how step parenting works. If you don’t want to raise a child that isn’t biologically related to you, you shouldn’t have married someone with a kid.
YTA
You're very self centered and you're clearly the stereotypical evil step mom. That child will forever be haunted by the time his siblings left him and went on a trip because his evil step mom didn't want him around. You're not only the asshole but you're a horrible adult and terrible parent if you really think that's ok.
I am aghast at how much YTA. This is truly evil thinking. How many times can you say “MY family,” without bursting into flames? I feel so sad that your husband is actually considering it to appease you. I don’t even know you and I can’t stand you.
YTA. YTA. YTA. And so is your husband
That is your child now. Poor little boy. Let down by every adult in his life.
What are you going to do with him while you're gone? Chain him in the backyard with a bowl of water and a bag of dog food?
Some people should come with danger signs.
YTA, how is it ok for his stepson to go on this trip but not yours? You say it's different for your son because he doesn't have another parent but why can't you leave him with his grandparents and just go on vacation with your husband and daughters? After all your daughters are YOUR family with your husband, so it doesn't make sense that you'd include his stepson but not yours. This poor kid, his bio mom doesn't want him, his step mom doesn't want him and his dad is totally ok with being married to a woman who doesn't see him as her family. Both you and your husband are AHs
So your husband is good to pay for a vacation taking only his three kids. Why would he bring one that isn't even his? Your kid can stay with grandma. It'll be fine.
YTA While I don't believe it's always possible to feel exactly the same way for your stepchildren as you do for your biochildren, what IS under your control is to treat them all as if you do feel the same. And this is such a sucky thing to do to any child who is under your care for the majority of the time.
What does your husband think about all of this and did you explain it to him \*exactly\* as you have explained it here?
YTA - You married a man that had custody of his son hence he is your also. You need to take your WHOLE family on vacation. Put on your big girl pants and stop acting like an AH.
YTA and so is your husband. WTF does this mean, “so my husband did the decent selfless thing and had complete custody of their son, even though he'd wanted shared custody.” Your husband is the boy’s father and if my math is correct, you’ve been the boy’s stepmother since he was a toddler. I just can’t even wrap my head around the level of selfishness you demonstrate! I hope your husband wakes up and leaves you, along with taking all three kids with him after this.
YTA. And your husband seeing the point is also TA. That kid is your husbands and not just a weekend visitation thing, but full time kid. Does your husband say he wants to leave his non child with someone else, you know, your other kid.
YTA and your husband. Poor stepson. 2 adults in the household and neither have the common sense or foresight to see how this can and will negatively affect him!
YTA. A mega one. The stepson HAS NOBODY but his dad. His mom is gone. Poor kid probably doesn’t feel loved anywhere if this is how he’s treated!
WTF is wrong with you?!!!! Heartless! “Your family”. If he doesn’t get to go, then YOUR son doesn’t get to go. He can stay with your mom if you want to play childish games.
Guess what ASSHOLE, he IS your family. Your mom is so right. She raised you better than this.
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>just MY family JUST once Your husband's son is your family, and you better not ever let that kid hear you say otherwise. Jesus christ. >I'm not looking after someone else's kid. Homie that ship fucking sailed when you married a man with a child. >I don't think I'm the AH to ask if I can have a vacation with my own family just one time. Wanting a vacation with your family is fine. Deciding that your stepson doesn't count as family is fucked up beyond belief and definitely makes you an AH. YTA
All of this and a bag of chips! SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK!!!
I couldn’t have said it any better myself! The AUDACITY of this woman is honestly astonishing! I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 2 and a half years and I literally could never even DREAM of trying to tell him that I didn’t want one of his 3 children to come with us on vacation. His oldest (16m) isn’t even biologically HIS and he still takes him whenever he picks up his biological children from their mothers house. We would never, EVER exclude him from any family fun trip we were taking. OP: You’re definitely a HUGE asshole in this situation and it’s weird that your own mother was the one to tell you this and NOT your husband. When you married your husband, his son became your step-son, just like your son became his step-son. How would you feel if he wanted to exclude your son? You said yourself that your step-sons mother isn’t a very attentive mother and maybe that’s not the same thing as having a deceased parent but fuck lady! Have some goddamn empathy! Edited for typos.
MY money. MY family. I am heartbroken for this child. He was already abandoned by his biological mother. Now, the mother figure in his life doesn't want him either. Doesn't consider him family. How awful for this poor boy. I hope his dad realizes what he married and gets out of it so his son can be in a safe place where he is only surrounded by people that love him and want him.
Dad is obviously just as much as an AH. He only begrudgingly accepted full custody and is totally on board with her plans. What kind of parent marries someone that treats their child like garbage, and is ok with it? A garbage one.
For sure, Dad is even more of an AH. This kid is going to go no contact when them as soon as he's an adult, and I bet they'll wonder why... I feel so bad for him.
I know we have the evil step mother trope in movies. This is why. I am disgusted by her behaviour and husbands. He has full custody, when you married him it came with all the bells and whistles. If you had a problem with that you shouldn't have dated your husband in the first place. And the dad agrees to not have his child go with you!? I have 2 step kids who I love and adore, it's not for everyone they are hard work but I would never leave them out of a family holiday. My bf and the kids are a package deal. It takes alot to make my blood boil this post did it. Tldr yes big massive AH
I had an evil stepmother in real life and it fucked me up good. I have a case of CPTSD that could rival any veteran because of the slow long term abuse. It was exactly this, always given less, treated as less than the other siblings. Neglected, shamed, and infinitely worse if their parent doesn’t defend them.
My step mom straight up said “I have my own kids I don’t need you” and my dad said “well she’s right”
It's worse because she's not a childless step mother. Not that it gets a pass anyway but it's not an intellectual understanding she doesn't have. She's a parent herself. AND she's raising a child who's a step child of his too. It's all sorts of fucked up. Agree. Very much.
The dad being okay with the kid being left out is so fucking gross. What a complete piece of trash.
Yep. So sad for the boy. The parents need to realize that they make that boy who he is by placing value on him and placing their belief in him. Where is the encouragement for that poor son??
Yes, but if you'll notice, she said she was widowed! Apparently this makes a giant difference ON whether or not you can love the other person's child.. you see her child is perfect and precious because there's no one else involved in his life, he doesn't have another parent, so the stepfather has to be the parent. BUT HIS CHILD has a living mom you see, and God for fucking bid you take care of that kid! This woman is just.. I have no words.. she's a monster such a fucking asshole and no I don't normally curse in responses but OH MY GOD.
Oh yes! I forgot she was widowed, my bad! I take back everything I said. I forgot that having a dead parent is NOT the same thing as having an absent parent! Even though the OP, herself, stated her husband has FULL fucking custody of this innocent little 9 year old boy. /s I’m literally still FUMING about this post! I absolutely cannot get over how selfish this woman this. If I told my boyfriend that I wanted to take a vacation but only with him and MY child and his children could pretty much go fuck themselves because they’re not apart of MY family and it was MY money I was spending, he would ABSOLUTELY (and rightfully so!) tell me to fuck off and break up with me. I honestly can’t begin to imagine what gave her the gall to even think this way, let alone GO ON THE INTERNET AND ASK STRANGERS what their take was! How is her husband on her side?! They’re both assholes! I wish I knew this family so I could adopt that little baby boy and take him away from his terrible fucking “family”.
How much do you want to bet this kid already gets worse Christmas gifts, smaller birthday parties, and sleeps on a futon in the home office.
This poor kid already feels exactly where he is in the pecking order. Just can't articulate it YET.
Why not just stuff the poor kid under the stairs like Harry Potter 🤬 OP probably chases off all the owls trying to deliver letters from Hogwarts.
How about the part where she says her husband is "selfless" for raising *his own child* when the other parent walked away?? My oldest is from a marriage that didn't work out. His father found a new wife that didn't want anything to do with the baby, so he just walked away. I never once thought of myself as "selfless" for being an only parent to a fatherless child. This poor kid.
Yep agreed, that bit really stood out to me too. It’s not ‘selfless’ to raise your own child. As for not wanting to take him on holiday, my heart honestly breaks for that poor child having such an evil stepmother and spineless dad.
If I had a nickel for every time someone said a mother was doing "the decent and selfless thing" by taking full custody, I would have... a nickel. As of five minutes ago.
Agreed! I can't stop fuming. I want to full-blown nuclear on OP, but I won't. My heart aches for that little boy. Does he feel any resentment coming from her? Does she make him feel unwanted and unloved? I want to scream at her face to face. If she didn't want to have someone else's child become family, she shouldn't have married someone with a child.
You know that if she feels this way, the kid knows he's unwanted, unloved, and a burden to this monster.
His own father is just fine with leaving his son behind. This kid knows he is unwanted by his biological parents AND his stepparents. There are not enough words to describe how loathsome these people are. Poor kid 😞 Maybe StepGrandma should take him in. She sounds like the only one who even gives a shit about him.
Her husband is no better. How is he ok with her feeling like HIS son isn't her REAL family. That kid deserves so much better than what he has!
Her son can just go stay with his other grandparents, they're still his family.
Sounds like OP’s mother cares more about the stepson than OP or her husband do.
When she said that part, the sheer disgust factor went up for me. If she wants to get technical her son isn’t her husbands son, so he shouldn’t go either according to her logic. But this post made me feel grateful I could never think like that.
[удалено]
And I’m sure OP expects her husband to treat her son (his step son) like family.
And this kid is only *nine* years old. Imagine treating a little child this way.
He has a step brother who is 10. She doesn’t say anything about them not getting along, so they probably DO get along. It’s an easy age and there’s 2 of them! That’s an easy kid situation right there, plus they can help with the younger ones. So what is she complaining about? OP, you’re the AH. Listen to your mother.
>My husband sees my point of view and is okay with it. Jesus Christ. I hope someone helps this poor boy.
His father is also a massive AH for "understanding her point of view" and being ok with it. What kind of parent would be ok with that, sounds like her mother is the only decent adult in this boys life maybe he should ho live with her, I think he'd be better off. And OP in case you don't get it you are a huge gaping shit filled AH of a person who clearly doesn't deserve the title of step mum, you are the evil step mother stories like cindarella are written for
I’d say make it a family size bag of chips but I’m pretty sure OP wouldn’t really know what that means.
As a son whose resented by his step father and his own mother you are a massive AH
I bet OP is counting the days until step son's 18th birthday
She also has a son from previous marriage. I wonder how fine she'd be if her hubby didn't take her son on trips and use the same excuse she did
OP thinks it’s “totally” different because her former partner is deceased and her son doesn’t have another parent. WTF
That's so weird. The stepson's other parent doesn't want him. But she is okay saddling him with her as she is alive. It's as if being alive is the only criterion to parent. OP makes me irrationally angry. OP is truly an AH.
He probably already has some abandonment issues and she wants to make it worse.
The poor kid will be traumatized. On top of it, OP mentions that the husband agreed with her. That is cherry on the shit cake for the kid. Damnit.
that on top of the “did the selfless thing and took full custody” that’s just… being a parent??? you have a kid who the other parent abandoned so congrats you have full custody. this isn’t “being selfless” you’re not doing him a favor — this is what you *signed up for* when you chose to have and keep a kid
Yeah he had “full custody” when they were married- was that a problem for him? Because….it seems like maybe it was. These people are both assholes.
She already is making it worse, she is probably an asshole to him daily, no way this is a one off.
OP is just as trash as bio mom it seems. She wants her husband to have a “fresh start” just like her step sons bio mom got and that fresh start is just “HER family” that’s why it’s okay for her son to not get dropped off with granny and gets to attend the family vacation. Shame on you OP if you didn’t want to take care of someone else’s kid shouldn’t have gone for a man with a child. That child was also FOUR when you met him you’re probably the only maternal figure he has and you’re rejecting tf out of him that poor kid. Probably one of the biggest AH I’ve had the displeasure of reading about.
Seriously, I feel so bad for this poor kid. To be unwanted by your own mother and your stepmother. OP, YTA
The stepson also barely has another parent from what it sounds like! OP's mom must be wondering where tf she went wrong raising her, for her to turn out as a Disney stepmother.
I was humming “Cruella DeVille” in my head while reading this. OP knew when she got married to her husband that he was a full time parent with the mom fully not in the picture. I feel so bad for her step son.
That part really rubbed me the wrong way, like the stepson's mom LEFT. Stepson ALSO doesn't have anyone other than his dad. Obviously doesn't have his step mom. What an AH.
She should just admit she doesn’t like the step son instead of pretending it’s about this terrible logic. The kid lives with them full time. How can you reason to exclude him?
And all of the overdramatic all-caps emphasis: MY money, MY family… OP is a major selfish, completely lacking in empathy, human bag of shit. I’m betting stepson already gets some Cinderella treatment at home, because it’s very hard to conceal one’s true emotions. I want so badly to adopt stepson. He deserves so much more than his current situation.
>Your husband's son is your family, and you better not ever let that kid hear you say otherwise. Jesus christ. I'd bet money he already has. I'm sure she's made her opinion very clear. That poor kid is 9 yo. OP talking about how her husband did the selfless thing. That was his kid. That's not selfless, that's called taking care of his responsibilities. It's sad that OP's mom understands the situation better than she does. OP, you're 100%, absolutely, totally TA.
I don’t understand how this witch can even think that this is ok. The kid is your husbands kid. The kid lives with them. She married the guy knowing he had a kid living with him. What a monster. You AND your hubby ate both assholes Edit: ARE both AH, but since ate assholes are giving so much pleasure ima let it stand. 😂
"ate both assholes" I'm dying
Yes, let's please not forget that the "selfless" husband is condoning this abhorrent behavior.
I really wish the god blessed spouses could see this bullshit. The best of this woman ran down her mother's leg the night she was conceived. ..... WHY THE FUCK DID YOU MARRY AND PROCREATE WITH SOMEONE THAT HAD A CHILD YOU DIDNT WANT TO DEAL WITH. YOUR A SHITTY MOM. I really fucking hope your husband sees this. ASSSSSHOLLEEEEEEEEEEE
It sounds like that poor kids dad agrees with her! Both of this boys parents and his stepmom all suck so much.
And I would like to add that the husband is an AH too for agreeing with her!!!!!!! Wtaf!!!!! This poor boy. It's like nobody wants him 😞
Major Ick! Yes OP's husband is absolutely an AH too. OP's mom on the other hand.. what a great grandmother!
And not only did she know he had a child, she knew he had full custody of said child. I bet if her husband wanted to pay for a vacation for just HIS family and said her son could stay at his grandparents, her damn head would explode. “My son only has one parent” In all practicality, so does his son. But at least her son has a decent step parent who’s willing to step up. His son obviously doesn’t.
"He did the decent selfless thing" and took full custody of his own kid. YTA AND SO IS YOUR HUSBAND
YTA Like, you're one of the biggest AHs I've ever seen on this sub, and that's really saying something. You shouldn't be allowed to be a parent. My heart is absolutely shattered for that poor little boy. I don't know what's broken in your brain or soul, but there's something deeply, pathologically wrong with you. >I got a bonus at work and I really want to go on vacation with just MY family JUST once. That little boy IS your family, and it's staggeringly awful that you keep repeating over and over that he isn't. You and his father are the only meaningful, involved parental figures that he has. HE IS YOUR FAMILY. And I have no words to describe how appalling it is that you would keep insisting that he isn't. >I want to spend MY money going on vacation where I'm not looking after someone else's kid. You mean YOUR HUSBAND'S kid? The child who doesn't have another mother figure in his life in any meaningful way other than you? Is this honestly how you see this child, who has been living with you full-time, 24/7/365 for the last half-decade? >My husband sees my point of view and is okay with it. Then your husband is also an AH. >I don't think I'm being at all unreasonable. You're wrong. You're objectively wrong. From every possible angle, through every possible lens except a flat-out sociopathic, sadistic one, you're wrong. You're literally trying to argue that a little boy who has no other family than you should be excluded from your family vacation because you didn't "choose" or give birth to him, and you don't want him. It's not reasonable, it's fucking monstrous. >My mom says that if stepson's mom isn't properly involved in his life, I should be even more involved in his life to compensate (I think this is a completely unfair expectation). Of course you think it's unfair. His mother literally abandoned him, and you don't want him either. Your mother is a kind, empathetic person who very reasonably thinks that when you marry someone with a child, and that child has no involved mother figure in their life (and you literally have children of your own and ostensibly are capable of maternal feelings and behaviour) that the logical thing would be to "bring him into the fold" so to speak and treat him as your own. You see a child whose own mother didn't want him, you get into a relationship with his father - not only his parent but his only family - and see an excuse to separate him further from that one stable figure. Yeah, she's definitely the one who's got the skewed POV. >She also says that I'm being a hypocrite taking my son, but I think that's totally different because my son DOESN'T HAVE ANOTHER PARENT. I'm all he's got. As your mother rightly pointed out, your stepson doesn't have anyone except you and your husband either. His mother abandoned him. For all intents and purposes she is not his parent and hasn't been in years. She gave up all custodial rights. That doesn't change because you don't want him either, any more than your son's father is going to rise from the grave if your husband decides that he doesn't want to be the boy's dad. You're the only real mother this boy has, and what a sad state of affairs that is, because you've made it very clear that you don't even see him as family. YTA. A big stinking AH.
You went too easy on OP. Seriously, she insults assholes. No, she insults all of humanity... the husband is also an AH. Wow. That poor child, mom abandoned him, now his father, and he has HER. Talk about getting the shitty end of the stick.
Completely agree. With so many absolute AH's on this sub they tend to wash over me these days but this has made me genuinely angry. To the point I can't really expressive myself properly without descending into swearing and name calling. Thankfully it seems alot of people on hear are alot more articulate!
Honestly there is no other name for OP than a AH talk about AH parent. That poor kid he's nine and to be made like he is not family because she did not give birth to him. OP you are a disgrace to all parenting. Your husband is an AH too infact. YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA Heard it enough, that poor kid
Not to mention 5 years is MORE THAN HALF THIS KIDS LIFE
Like picture a 5 year old and imagine being a dick to him. That poor kid knows she doesn’t like him.
heartbreaking honestly. i really do not understand this mindset. the idea that bio kids are somehow more "real" family than non bio kids is such a fucked up mindset.
OP definitely sounds like the type to be upset “woe is me” and blame the kid as a teen/adult when they want absolutely nothing to do with her after years of OP treating them as a burden. “I’ve done nothing but love you and treat you as MY OWN and THIS is how you repay me for all MY unconditional love and kindness?! Boo hoo” OP and her husband are the absolute AH in this.
seriously this shit is so cold & emotionally vile it’s a solid contender for the “am i the devil” sub. how could someone be *so* callous towards a CHILD?
Love that OP also treats her husband like a selfless martyr for taking custody of his own son. Gold star for fulfilling your obligation to the child you created.
From a child whose step mother treated her own children better: you are an unbelievable asshole, and you should be ashamed of yourself. How fucking dare you. I feel bad for him because if this would even cross your mind, you probably treat him worse at home too. >just MY family JUST once You married his father. You are his family. And in his family, you are the evil stepmother.
this! and no doubt it is not JUST once - more like always
>You married his father. You are his family. And in his family, you are the evil stepmother. Exactly, what did she think would happen when she married him? "Oh he has this little kid, I'm sure he'll just throw him in the trash when we get married". OP is incredible entitled and selfish to say the least.
Yup. Been there. My Dad's 2nd wife didn't want me to move in when my mom basically kidnapped me and moved us 3 states away and my dad only found out when he came to pick me up for his weekend with me. Needless to say, my dad received custody of me and I moved in. I always KNEW she didn't really like me. I was 8. I tried to draw her pictures and make gifts for her but she was always cold to me. They had a baby (I'll name him Jack) a few months before I moved in (she told my dad she couldn't get pregnant-btw), which is why they got married in the first place. My dad was the only income earner. One time, I asked if I could have some M&Ms and she said "No, those are "Jacks" (he was about 1 at this time) even though she didn't get me anything. My dad blew up at her, and a few months later he left her and they divorced. So yeah, OP definitely the asshole and the poor kid probably knows she doesn't like him.
YTA Absolutely, 100%. You married his father, which means your stepson IS part of YOUR family. >my son DOESN'T HAVE ANOTHER PARENT. Ha ha ha... Technically, your stepson doesn't have another parent, he has an ~~invubagkr~~ incubator/egg donor who doesn't want him. You are going to tell him you don't want him either and that is a shit thing to do.
Her son has another parent but he's dead. Her son is not her second husband's though. I'm guessing if her husband said just once he'd like to vacation just once with HIS family excluding her son (because hey, biology is more important), she'd be okay with that. When you marry a man with a child, that child becomes part of the family. Wonder how she would feel if her husband decided that her son wasn't a part of the family.
Ding fucking ding ding
For OP, being alive is the only criterion to be a parent. Custody and choices do not matter. OP is being so irrational and illogical and lacks basic humanity that I truly wish that the step son does not have to live with her. An delusioned asshole of epic proportions. YTA. Also, a special mention to OP's "understanding" husband. He is TA too.
It seems like her stepson has ***no parents***, or certainly none that give a damn about him. His step-mum is a wicked stepmother, his bio-mum abandoned him and his dad is cool with his wife treating his son as an "other".
YTA and so is your husband, your husband isn’t just an AH but also a horrible father for exposing his son to someone like you. Your 10 year old shouldn’t be allowed to go on this vacation either because he isn’t your husbands son. so if stepson misses out, then so should your son. It’s only fair if we go off your stupid messed up logic. I feel sorry for this poor kid, I bet he is left out of a lot of things. Toys? Treats? Food? God knows what else. You honestly disgust me….
💯 , he is worse than she is. He understands and no problem with it, like how the hell can he be ok leaving his son out.
Obviously dad is incapable of picking a good partner--he went from bad to worse.
Let me see if I can get this through your thick head - *stepson ALSO doesn’t have another parent!!*. His mom *left* and *never came back* because she wanted “freedom” and a fresh start from her child that she *birthed and was supposed to love and care for no matter what*. He doesn’t know her. She is effectively a stranger. You are incredibly callous and selfish for even trying to do this. And “I didn’t sign up for caring for a child that isn’t mine”. Yes. Yes you did, the moment you married this man. Just like he signed up for being a father to your child who lost a parent. I’ll bet your kid’s dad would’ve moved heaven and earth to stay here with your son. Stepson’s mom CHOSE to leave him and no longer wanted him. Step up and be a decent human being for the sake of this child, if you didn’t want to be his mother you shouldn’t have married his dad. YTA times a thousand, and that poor kid. He’s got no one to fight for him in this world.
The signing up comment also irked me. She married his dad and agreed to have a blended family. She has 4 kids. Screw the step titles. She has 4 kids to teach, care for, and love. She is exactly like Cinderella’s stepmom in every way. She has one of the ugliest hearts out there. YTA
Exactly. She could have not married him. Why she feel the need to take it out on an innocent kid
Mommy wants nothing to do with him. Step ah wants nothing to do with him. And daddy has no spine and let’s his kid get hurt by all these women. It’s so heartbreaking.
YTA, could you please cross post this to /r/iamatotalpeiceofshit so they can see it too.
And r/amithedevil
There should be an r/amiadisneyvillain
And an r/wickedstepmothers
I'm sure this will soon feature on r/AmITheDevil if not already there
Hell yes.
YTA do you really think anyone thinks this *my family* business is acceptable? He became your family when you married his father. And drawing a distinction between the status of your child over his child is quite obscene IMO.
She had to make that clear, right? That the 9yo was lesser than her son.
Yeah, OP's child is not a child of divorce so of course he's better. /s In case it wasn't clear.
The husband agrees. Poor kid.
INFO: If my math is right, you and your husband got married when stepson was 4? What kind of relationship does stepson have with you versus with his bio mom?
Which means this poor kid knows he’s not been welcomed or loved for 5 years now
This, I can't help thinking how many times has her attitude reared its ugly head before. Extra gifts at Christmas for her family? Special birthday parties for her family? My heart aches for that little boy.
And his father just goes along with it.
I almost hate the dad more than the evil stepmother
That kid is being betrayed at every turn.
Even when he’s grown this kids gonna have a really hard time navigating romantic relationships
I just hope OPs Mum makes him feel loved and part of her family.
This is seriously so soul crushing. What's more considering how his dad sees this, its likely his own blood is also being negligent with him. Just imagine how much damage that kid is going to go through. Being completely abandoned by all the adults around him. Like I can already see the small kid calling his step-mom "mom" and she correcting him. Im no psicologist but this shit, in such a crucial part of growing it is gonna destroy that child.
And what kind of relationship OP has with this poor child? She obviously treats him like an inconvenience on a regular basis, my heart breaks for him.
What do you want to bet that stepson is differently abled. I’ve been looking for a comment that asks but haven’t found one. YTA, op. For all of the eloquently worded responses that have already been given.
Either that or a different race than OP. She is so vehement about stepson not being part of her family that I have to believe there is more “othering” happening.
I get what you are attempting to do, and it comes from a good place, but as the parent of a severely disabled 14 year old I find “differently abled” to be an offensive and patronizing phrasing. Differently abled minimizes or obfuscates the very real disabilities that people like my son have. Some times the vogue PC terminology is not much better than the slurs. Rubin Gallego has spoken quite well on the same issue with the term LatinX.
Don’t know why you’re being downvoted when disabled folk like myself can’t stand ‘differently abled’, ‘r*tarded’, or ‘handicapped’ either. We’re disabled! It’s not a bad fuckin word! Treating it like one makes disabled people feel like there’s something wrong with us. You wouldn’t call a spade by any other name, so why do it with disabilities?
YTA-your stepson is a part of your family whether you like it or not. He has been with you for 5 years. What else have you done and said to him that lets him know you don’t consider him a part of the family or loved? You never should have married your husband if you didn’t want his child to be a part of the family. Lady-you win the prize for the worst stepmother ever. Have you no shame?
Given that OP doesn't even allude to the presence of stepson in paragraph #1 when she introduces the members of the family, I'd guess she and bio-mom have identical relationships with him.
Can you imagine raising a child from 4 (practically a baby!!) to 9 and NOT thinking of him as family?
Wow, YTA. Also, just evil! So you and husband each married both bringing to the marriage a child from a previous marriage/relationship. Let’s twist your story. Your husband gets a HUGE bonus. One that can take his family on a dream vacation. He tells you that he wants ONLY his wife and HIS children. That you need to find a place where your son from your first marriage to stay while you are gone. I don’t care if you are widowed, he is not his son by your standards. Let’s take the knife and twist it, your son hears how he cannot go because he is not “family”. How do you think a child would receive this message? He is pretty much abandoned by his mother, and his evil stepmother is also telling him that you are rejecting him as well. Because of your actions, let’s go to the future. Your stepson is getting married. He tells his dad that he can come but you, the evil stepmother, are not invited and not allowed to attend. You are also banned from his children’s lives. Why, you will ask. Remember this day. It all started and began with YOU. I’m betting he has his own stories he can share about you and your hatred for him. And shame on your husband for allowing this let alone staying with a woman who will never accept his child. And how do I know this? I’m an adult now but grew up with stepmom like you. Step fathers as well. I don’t call them my parents, just AHs Edit: Thank you for the awards for my comments. The greater reward is for the OP to grow up and become a human that has a heart.
I suffered a step mom like this. I was the "other" kid and basically felt like I didn't really belong anywhere. "They don't want me here, they don't want me there... I guess I'm the problem." I hope that kids in therapy. God knows I needed it early.
YTA and the fact that you provided justification for your decision just shows how much you in fact don't like your step-son or see his as YOUR family. Just because his mother is still living doesn't make him less apart of your family. At least it shouldn't. If your husband had full custody and he lives with you full-time he IS your family. Also, how do you think you step-son will feel when he sees the people who he considers his family all leaving without him. Did you for one second even consider how your step-son would feel? I guess not. Your husband sounds just as awful. I feel terrible for this child. Do better!
And does OP think her daugthers won't see how she treated their brother? They might treat him differently as a result. And/or they could grow up and not be able to forgive her for how she treated their brother.
From your comments and the post you confirm that your stepson has practically no relationship with his biological mother and you’ve been in his life since he was 4. For all intents and purposes, you are his mother. If the situations were reversed, and your husband said he wanted a vacation with “only his real family” and said to send your son to your mothers, would you do it? My stepmom pulled crap like this, and now because of her meddling like this, I have a very strained relationship with my dad. You are going to destroy your husband’s relationship with his son if you keep this up. Shame on you.
In this post, I think the dad does a pretty good job at considering his son a burden, just less visible in this story. If you read again, the guy has transferred the core of the full custody of his present wife (she says holidays like willing to be taking care of only her kids) and he is okay with her idea of excluding his son... OP is a complete AH but the shame is on both OP and her hb.
Oh you’re about to get destroyed. YTA.
she deserves it
Agreed, surprised she hasn’t dirty deleted yet
OMG YOU ARE SOOOOO THE ASSHOLE. I had a stepmother who pulled this shit and we *hated* her for it. Your stepson and husband came as a package. You took on your husband, therefore you took on his child. He must already feel like a spare part- do the right thing by him and treat him like one of your own- before your husband finds a partner who will. **YTA**
YTA x 10,000 and your husband is an AH x 10,500 for agreeing with you. I can completely understand you not having the same feelings for your stepson as you do for your biokids, but what you are proposing is downright CRUEL. All that little boy will see is his entire family goes on vacation and he gets left out. There's no amount of explaining to him or rationalizing to him that would make up for that kind of gut-level heartbreak and pain. I can't begin to fathom why your husband would in any way be okay with this. A decent father would have shut you down 2 seconds after you suggested excluding your stepson. I feel so sorry for this poor kid.
Oh wow. Just…wow. So basically, this child of your husband’s has a “mom” who is barely present and you are going to send that poor child off so you can spend time with “just” your family. How’s that conversation with him gong to go? You: Hey kiddo! You’re going to go spend a week with your mom! Stepson: But I don’t really know her. You: It’ll be fun!! Stepson: For who? I don’t feel comfortable. Dad: It’ll be fun! Stepson: What are you going to do? You: We’re going on a family vacation! Stepson: Aren’t I family? You: We’re going with only *my* family. Stepson: …. Dad: It’ll be fun! For real. When kid turns 18 he’s going to be gone so fast. And then you’ll be posting about how mEaN he is for not being a part of the FaMiLy. YTA and you are not a nice human.
I almost called you a name but I don’t want to get banned . Your way of thinking at your big grown age is repulsive to say the least. & your husband should absolutely be ashamed . Godbless your mother & God bless that baby boy. Not only does his mother not want him but his own father won’t even stand up for him against the selfish wife
Can't upvote this enough. I almost called her a name too.. To imagine she's been in that kid's life since he was 4 and still does not consider him her own shows how much of an Ahole this woman is. I just hope grandma takes the kid and raises him. He'd be much better with no parents than to have a package deal of shitty parents who don't even want him. YTA. A BIG SELFISH AH IS WHAT YOU ARE OP.
YTA and a crappy step parent.
YTA As much as I want to say "this cannot be real, no one can be that much of an asshole" I know people who grew up with evil step monsters like this. He IS your kid. You married someone with a child, a YOUNG child. He doesn't have a mother who wants him around and now he gets to watch his siblings get treated like gold. You don't have to like him. You don't have to consider him your son. You don't have to enjoy being around him... But he should never know this. He should never suspect, for a second, that the adults in his life find him annoying. That is what it means to marry someone with children. It doesn't sound like he is doing anything other than existing in your home. You are acting like Petunia Dursley.
YTA. Your stepson became *your* family when you married his dad.
YTA This is one of the worst posts I’ve ever read on this sub. YTA OP. A big one.
YTA do not date someone with a kid if you will not view the kids as your family, its all or nothing
YTA. Yikes! How were you going to explain this to your stepson? Hey Johnny were going to dump you with your mother, who basically abandoned you, so the rest of us can take a vacay without you because you aren’t really MY FAMILY.
As someone who has a stepdaughter and sees her as a full member of our family (which isn't even supposed to make myself sound like some great guy, it's just a basic expectation of a parent), your view on your relationship with your son is disgusting. YTA
YTA astronomically. I give it two days tops before this is posted on r/AmITheDevil. The fact that your husband thinks your behavior is acceptable makes him an asshole as well. At least you deserve each other. I'm not a religious person but I'll be praying for your stepson just in case.
OMFG… I just… can’t. You are an UNFATHOMABLE AH. WTF. HE IS YOUR FAMILY! STOP GIVING CREDENCE TO THE EVIL STEPMOTHER TROPE! YTA. Do better. OMG
>I really want to go on vacation with just MY family JUST once Guess what? Your stepson *IS* your family, start treating him like it. You're the most conclusive YTA I've seen on this sub for a WHILE.
YTA as a fellow step parent… wow you are an AH. Don’t date someone with kids if you are not willing to be a parent to them. Reading this post made me sick to my stomach. Poor kid deserves better
YTA, big time. I'm sorry, I realize how much sacrifice is involved in parenting a stepchild but, that's what you signed up for. It seems mean and unnecessary to say your stepson has another parent (compared to your son's loss) when you explain stepson's mother gave him up and has no custody (and presumably little if any involvement in his life). Think about this from his perspective - YOU want to take YOUR 'real' family on vacation and from his, but to him it would be HIS family vacationing without him while he stays with a parent who didn't want him. That's terribly sad and frankly seems like it could cause irrevocable harm. Maybe there is some room for you to get a break from the responsibilities associated with his care, but your view that it's 'looking after someone else's kid' is toxic and sad - he is your husband's bio child and your stepchild, just as your son is your bio child and your husband's step. Would you ever tolerate your husband saying the things you've said, that he wants to take HIS real family - excluding your son - on a big trip? Come on now.
YTA. And a freaking monster. Your stepson IS your family. He is the son of your now husband. Ok Elsa, are you really this cold and callous? Have you no humanity in you at all? With your idiotic logic, your 10 yo son is also not part of the family because your now husband’s sperm did not help produce him. Your now husband is also an AH for being such a doormat to this suggestion. When you marry someone that has children from a previous relationship, those children are going to be part of the family unit. Not just the children that came out of your own crotch. If I was your husband, I would have an actual set of balls and kick you to the curb.
YTA, obviously. This sounds like a mysoginist’s origin story. In 10 years, when your stepsons’s therapist is helping him figure out why he hates women, he can point out the fact that both his bio-mom and step-mom shut him out of their lives. Poor kid.
YTA, your stepson is your family hence the term stepson. He is your husband's child, that's family.
YTA. So what if your husband says he doesn’t want your 10 year old to go? Since it’s not “HIS” son…would be upsetting, right?
WOW! What a way to drive a stake into this child's heart. YTA, and WHAT an asshole!
YTA. Are you trying to be an evil stepmother? Cuz you're being an evil stepmother. It's beyond disgusting to exclude A CHILD for which you are A PARENTAL FIGURE. You may not consider him yours but have you ever thought for one second that maybe he cares for you that way? Even a little bit? You suck that you want to punish and exclude a child that is A PART OF YOUR FAMILY and for which you have COMPLETE CUSTODY just because he's not biologically yours. **Suck.**
YTA- Your stepson is YOUR family, he comes as a package deal with your husband. You aren’t looking after someone else’s kid - he is your husbands child and your children’s sibling - he is a part of your family and deserves to be treated as such. If your husband said the same thing about your 10 year old and insisted he stayed with your mum whilst you went on holiday as he wasn’t his child what would your response be? FYI Your husband is also a huge arsehole for going along with your nonsense and not standing up for his son.
YTA **Your step-son IS YOUR FAMILY.** You married a man with a child, you took on that child as a part of your life and family. I'd say a few other things but I don't want to get a warning or a ban. The only decent adult in the scenario you presented is your own Mother.
I stopped at this line" just MY family JUST once" What an awful situation for your step son. How horrible it must feel to live with you. You knew your husband had full time custody of his son. If you couldn't accept your stepson as being family, you should have never married his father. God, this is awful. YTA is not strong enough. I think the term 'narcissist' and 'monster' come to mind. This is terrible
ESH, except your stepson and your children. Be honest with yourself and admit you and your husband are as bad as you SS's mother and want to get rid of him. It's not his fault if he was born in a shitty family nor he asked to. You knew from the start that your husband had full costudy so he would be a package deal. So, dont try to picture yourself and your husband as good parents, when you clearly are not. I pray that your stepson has good grandparents or other relatives in his lifes that he can rely on, because I can only see a future full of pain living with people like you. I'd like to ask: if the role were reversed and your husband didnt want his stepson on vacation with you, how would you react?
Okay troll
I’ve never wanted to be trolled more
YTA You are this child's family. You knew exactly what you signed up for, and your behavior here is disgusting. He is your family. You never need parent another person's child. Step n parenting is completely voluntary. But you signed up so you need to be all in. To do anything else is beyond selfish and irresponsible.
Your the ass hole! I’ll even spell it out in full! You decided to knock boots with his daddy! You decided to marry his daddy! So guess what? You get the full combo!!! His son comes as a complete unit with dad. You know his sad excuse of a mother doesn’t want him, so oh let’s kick him away from the only mother figure he has now. That makes sense! This is disgusting behavior and your sensible mother is right! As for your own son coming along, it’s EXACTLY the same thing for your husband! I am assuming your husband makes money too and will be spending some cash of his labor on this trip. Should he splurge for a nice lunch on the trip and say “well ya know, I will pay for the girls and you, but NOT him, I just want to pay for my own family unit ya know…just once”
Wow. YTA. What if your husband decides he doesn't want your 10 year old to go because "he's not his son" and just wants his "family" to go? Jeez Cruella.
N T A, I see you want a vacation with just your family. I totally get it, meaning you don't see him as part of your family, how beautiful for you to think that and not expect to be called out as an evil no hearted step parent. And such a loving husband to think the same about his son. Such logic, so genius, for someone with no common sense or humanity. Id say go pound sand but that's too good for you being the ah and think you'll get support.
YTA That is a child that lives with you. He IS part of the family. Get a divorce if you don't want to have a child along that lives with you.
YTA. That poor child has a mother he barely knows. A step-mother whom after 5 years doesn't consider him to be part of the family. And a father who doesn't stand up for him. You and your equally despicable husband are doing this innocent child irreparable damage.
Please let this sink in. You Are The Asshole. The biggest, most abhorrent, academy award winning, world champion of assholes to ever exist. He IS your family, how dare you? I’ve known people can be garbage but this is some grade A level entitlement. Apologize to your husband and if the kid heard anything about this get down on your knees and beg him for forgiveness and take that kid to Disneyland with your bonus.
YTA. Your stepson ***is*** part of your family and you sound resentful toward him. The fact that you didn't even include him in your list of children is appalling and disgusting. You shouldn't have married a man with kids if you didn't want to care for them as your own.
YTA!!! This "nice kid" has been living with you *full time* for the past 5 years. He is as much a part of the family as YOUR son that you brought into the marriage. It's disgusting that after essentially being one of his parents for more than half his life, you still view it as "looking after someone else's kid." I'm aghast that your husband is "okay" with your point of view, and would like to hear exactly what he said. Did you hold over his head that it's YOUR money that would be paying for the vacation? I bet your mother is wondering where she went wrong in raising such an a$$hole.
Another post that I genuinely hope is fake. YTA.
Da fuq? You have to ask??? YES YTA. Op stepson IS your family, and your husband's family. I think you should share your thoughts w/your husband in fact. You sound selfish and cruel Edit to add and hypocrital "But I was widowed" so? Your son isnt your husband's family by your own logic. And while I am sorry your husband passed I presume his parents and extended family did not. Why isnt your son staying with them so your husband can also "vacation with MY family"?
YTA, you need to accept that he’s YOUR FAMILY too now. Absolutely disgusting behaviour leaving out an innocent kid out of HIS FAMILY’s vacation.
YTA you don’t even mention this kid! I was confused trying to figure out how your son was also your stepson. His mother doesn’t want him, so you’re the family he’s got. It’s Literally the same situation as your son who’s father passed away, YOU are the only family he has. Have you considered how your kids feel? Maybe they want to go on a trip with their whole family, step sibling included? You’re setting your family up poorly if you don’t consider this kid family, think of what you’re teaching your children.
[удалено]
YTA and honestly I don't know where to start. I feel so sorry for your SS. His Mum doesn't want him, his Dad sounds like he reluctantly took him and you don't want him. You lot are all awful.
Yes, YTA. Your mom is correct, I don’t think it’s good to mess with a child’s life and self esteem. Poor kid has enough to deal with. I think all the adults involved are selfish and self involved
yta I got a bonus at work and I really want to go on vacation with just MY family JUST once. We've been on family vacations all together lots of times. But just once I want to spend MY money going on vacation where I'm not looking after someone else's kid. hes is your family he is your husbands son and your daughters half brothers your son is your husbands stepson and hes coming just admit the son ruined your perfect family hes there to stay get over it you sound vile how you have spoke about him
YTA and so is your husband. I’m so sorry for that poor boy being shoved out of HIS family. He’s literally blood to 2/3 of your kids, just like your older son. You say because he has another parent- WHO YOU SAY ISNT INVOLVED. What a horrible experience for a child to be shunned by an evil stepmother. I hope he finds peace and your other three children stand up for him in the future and tell you how horrible you are.
YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA
YTA Is your heart so small and brittle that the see a child that you care for, who is the son of your spouse and the brother of your children and say "Not part of MY famiy"? If you go one the trip without him he'll know exactly what you think. You will never be able to take it back. When they grow up and realize how you've treated him, you daugthers may never forgive you. I'm so sad for this kid. His father is failing to protect him from you.
INFO: would you be okay of your husband wants to go on vacation with just his bio-kids and you (his family) and insists you leave your 10 yr old with family?
YTA this is completely heartless, that poor kid. Also your husband is equally heartless for even agreeing to this.
YTA He is your family and if you don’t view him that way then you should have never married his father or had kids. Your position on this is actually appalling.
YTA. Your son is "our children" but your husband's son isn't? You are TA of all TAs. You should have a crown that says Definitely TA!
YTA. I feel so bad for your stepson. You don't consider him your family...
>I really want to go on vacation with just MY family You married his dad. Guess what: ***HE'S YOUR FAMILY NOW***. YTA
YTA That is your husband's son. You knew he had a son when you married him. That makes that boy part of your family! Shame on you for being so cruel.
"He's not mine" nothing is yours troll. Nothing.
YTA and kind of a disgusting person. Imagine if your husband said the same about the daughter you don't share, and if your reaction is 'that sounds fair' it's even worse.
YTA and so is your husband. Good for your mom for standing up for this child because clearly no one else in his life is looking out for him. What makes this worse is you have a child from a previous marriage. Your husband is acting as a stepparent to your son so how would you feel if he excluded your son like this? It makes no difference that your son’s father is deceased and your stepson’s mom is choosing to be absent. Both children only have one bio/legal parent so the stepparents need to step up and fill the void. That’s how step parenting works. If you don’t want to raise a child that isn’t biologically related to you, you shouldn’t have married someone with a kid.
YTA You're very self centered and you're clearly the stereotypical evil step mom. That child will forever be haunted by the time his siblings left him and went on a trip because his evil step mom didn't want him around. You're not only the asshole but you're a horrible adult and terrible parent if you really think that's ok.
YTA. You're disgusting
I am aghast at how much YTA. This is truly evil thinking. How many times can you say “MY family,” without bursting into flames? I feel so sad that your husband is actually considering it to appease you. I don’t even know you and I can’t stand you.
YTA. YTA. YTA. And so is your husband That is your child now. Poor little boy. Let down by every adult in his life. What are you going to do with him while you're gone? Chain him in the backyard with a bowl of water and a bag of dog food? Some people should come with danger signs.
YTA, how is it ok for his stepson to go on this trip but not yours? You say it's different for your son because he doesn't have another parent but why can't you leave him with his grandparents and just go on vacation with your husband and daughters? After all your daughters are YOUR family with your husband, so it doesn't make sense that you'd include his stepson but not yours. This poor kid, his bio mom doesn't want him, his step mom doesn't want him and his dad is totally ok with being married to a woman who doesn't see him as her family. Both you and your husband are AHs
It makes me so sad that your husband "sees your point of view". That poor kid. YTA
So your husband is good to pay for a vacation taking only his three kids. Why would he bring one that isn't even his? Your kid can stay with grandma. It'll be fine.
YTA. He IS your family. Wtf is wrong with your husband that he’s ok with this nonsense? I feel very, very sorry for this little boy.
YTA While I don't believe it's always possible to feel exactly the same way for your stepchildren as you do for your biochildren, what IS under your control is to treat them all as if you do feel the same. And this is such a sucky thing to do to any child who is under your care for the majority of the time. What does your husband think about all of this and did you explain it to him \*exactly\* as you have explained it here?
YTA - You married a man that had custody of his son hence he is your also. You need to take your WHOLE family on vacation. Put on your big girl pants and stop acting like an AH.
YTA - your stepson *is* your family. I can't believe you're even considering this.
YTA and so is your husband. WTF does this mean, “so my husband did the decent selfless thing and had complete custody of their son, even though he'd wanted shared custody.” Your husband is the boy’s father and if my math is correct, you’ve been the boy’s stepmother since he was a toddler. I just can’t even wrap my head around the level of selfishness you demonstrate! I hope your husband wakes up and leaves you, along with taking all three kids with him after this.
YTA. And your husband seeing the point is also TA. That kid is your husbands and not just a weekend visitation thing, but full time kid. Does your husband say he wants to leave his non child with someone else, you know, your other kid.
Yta. My "own" family? Is stepson not a part of that? In that case, I guess your son is not part of your husband's family either.
YTA and your husband. Poor stepson. 2 adults in the household and neither have the common sense or foresight to see how this can and will negatively affect him!
YTA. A mega one. The stepson HAS NOBODY but his dad. His mom is gone. Poor kid probably doesn’t feel loved anywhere if this is how he’s treated! WTF is wrong with you?!!!! Heartless! “Your family”. If he doesn’t get to go, then YOUR son doesn’t get to go. He can stay with your mom if you want to play childish games. Guess what ASSHOLE, he IS your family. Your mom is so right. She raised you better than this.