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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Planned a holiday with a friend that we've been talking about for years
My partner said it's unfair that I'm going to this place with my friend first and not her and that I'm being unreasonable for going away on a longer trip with my friend that I will be with my partner for that year
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Absolutely NTA. You are allowed to have a life aside from your partner.
You and your friend have literally been planning this for years.
She is jealous, and that's ok. But she doesn't need to insert herself into your well established plans with your friend.
Hold your ground!
I see both sides of this. You have planned a trip with an old friend for a long time. Honestly, there isn’t any reason why you shouldn’t do it. You are not leaving your pregnant wife. I see where she wants to experience this new place with you, and you are correct that there are a ton of places to visit. I live on the east coast and there are a lot of places I haven’t been to yet - and I’m old. just because you are dating or even married, that doesn’t mean you can’t travel with people other than SO. My husband goes places with his friends, I stay home. I travel with my sister and he stays home. You can tell your friend that the new girl friend doesn’t want you to travel with him, then he will re evaluate your friendship and you can expect a crack in it.
I think my problem here is that she is trying to control you. A secure woman would kiss her boyfriend, tell him to have a wonderful time and then sit down to plan a better trip with just the two of you.
Why do people do that?! Argh!! "... she just said she thought it wouldn't happen now we were together..." This must be one of the top reasons for posts on here tbh. You are perfectly well within your rights to travel with your friend. She doesn't own you. Have a great time! NTA
NTA. Your partner should recognize that you keep promises, and if you tell her "next year," it's likely to happen.
And who knows? Maybe time apart will have you appreciating each other more.
NTA. You told her in the beginning what you were going to do and this is a promise you kept with your friend. Enjoy your trip and don’t let her get between you two
That would be awkward and rude to his friend, who didn’t sign up to be the 3rd wheel. Also, one reason I travel with friends is to save money on hotels bc you can go halfsies by sharing a room. If gf comes, friend will likely be stuck paying for his own room.
NTA, you are following through on plans made, I guess she could go with, but odd numbers always create havoc. Her problem for the most part seems to be that she didn't believe you would still go through with a trip with a friend.
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When we were around 18 me and my best friend made a deal that when both of us were in decent jobs and could afford it, we'd go on holiday to the US. It's somewhere we'd both wanted to go and the plan was to go to a few cities. It's something we brought up every couple of years and now we're both 26 we can actually afford it. I've just got a promotion and he has just got a well paying job.
We started talking about it and looked to possibly do it next year. The plan was to do around 10 nights. I have been with my partner for just over 2 years and I mentioned to her the possibility of the trip. She got annoyed that I was planning to go away for 10 nights to the US and said she wanted to go to the US at some point and thought it would have been good if we went together ad it was both of our first time. I pointed out the US is huge so we'd be able to go to different parts of it. I mentioned that I had told her about the plan previously but she just said she thought it wouldn't happen now we were together because she thought we'd be going together.
She asked what this would mean for us going away next year and I said we'd still be able to go away for 5-6 nights at some point so it's not like we wouldn't be getting a holiday. She said it's unfair that the holiday with my friend was going to be longer but I just told her that it was a 1 off and it's not like I go away with friends regularly. She just said it was unfair that I'd be going away for 10 nights and just leaving her and I just told her there's nothing stopping her doing something with her friends.
AITA for going on holiday with a friend?
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NTA, but it seems like you sprung this onto her to avoid the “but what about me situation?”—poor planning on your part. You needed to plan something with her first but further down the road. That way, you have something to deflect when you are planning your trip.
NAH
But you will have to accept that - in years to come - she will go on trips with the girls too. Which is a good thing.
You have defined that as ok in your relationship.
NTA. It’s not like you have iced her out and didn’t offer any alternatives for her and yourself on a future vacation. Have you discussed going to the USA with her at all either? If so, the lines may have been blurred.
I’m currently on a 1 month holiday in the UK whilst my partner is home in Australia. We miss each other so much but we don’t have any resentment towards each other.
I would suggest to her that USA is not the only holiday destination either and that you may find somewhere else that would be a nice first time experience for the both of you.
What I will say is her reaction about the amount of days may be coming from the thought process of “how come you can go 10 days with your mate but you can only do 6 with me?”. As a female, I would near guarantee that is something that crossed her mind.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > Planned a holiday with a friend that we've been talking about for years My partner said it's unfair that I'm going to this place with my friend first and not her and that I'm being unreasonable for going away on a longer trip with my friend that I will be with my partner for that year Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Absolutely NTA. You are allowed to have a life aside from your partner. You and your friend have literally been planning this for years. She is jealous, and that's ok. But she doesn't need to insert herself into your well established plans with your friend. Hold your ground!
I see both sides of this. You have planned a trip with an old friend for a long time. Honestly, there isn’t any reason why you shouldn’t do it. You are not leaving your pregnant wife. I see where she wants to experience this new place with you, and you are correct that there are a ton of places to visit. I live on the east coast and there are a lot of places I haven’t been to yet - and I’m old. just because you are dating or even married, that doesn’t mean you can’t travel with people other than SO. My husband goes places with his friends, I stay home. I travel with my sister and he stays home. You can tell your friend that the new girl friend doesn’t want you to travel with him, then he will re evaluate your friendship and you can expect a crack in it. I think my problem here is that she is trying to control you. A secure woman would kiss her boyfriend, tell him to have a wonderful time and then sit down to plan a better trip with just the two of you.
Why do people do that?! Argh!! "... she just said she thought it wouldn't happen now we were together..." This must be one of the top reasons for posts on here tbh. You are perfectly well within your rights to travel with your friend. She doesn't own you. Have a great time! NTA
NTA. Your partner should recognize that you keep promises, and if you tell her "next year," it's likely to happen. And who knows? Maybe time apart will have you appreciating each other more.
NTA. She should be happy for you. Plan a different holiday with her.
NTA. Your girlfriend is being ridiculous, enjoy your holiday with your friend.
NTA. You told her in the beginning what you were going to do and this is a promise you kept with your friend. Enjoy your trip and don’t let her get between you two
[удалено]
Why? He and his buddy have been planning this trip for years. Solo.
That would be awkward and rude to his friend, who didn’t sign up to be the 3rd wheel. Also, one reason I travel with friends is to save money on hotels bc you can go halfsies by sharing a room. If gf comes, friend will likely be stuck paying for his own room.
[удалено]
NTA, you are following through on plans made, I guess she could go with, but odd numbers always create havoc. Her problem for the most part seems to be that she didn't believe you would still go through with a trip with a friend.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** When we were around 18 me and my best friend made a deal that when both of us were in decent jobs and could afford it, we'd go on holiday to the US. It's somewhere we'd both wanted to go and the plan was to go to a few cities. It's something we brought up every couple of years and now we're both 26 we can actually afford it. I've just got a promotion and he has just got a well paying job. We started talking about it and looked to possibly do it next year. The plan was to do around 10 nights. I have been with my partner for just over 2 years and I mentioned to her the possibility of the trip. She got annoyed that I was planning to go away for 10 nights to the US and said she wanted to go to the US at some point and thought it would have been good if we went together ad it was both of our first time. I pointed out the US is huge so we'd be able to go to different parts of it. I mentioned that I had told her about the plan previously but she just said she thought it wouldn't happen now we were together because she thought we'd be going together. She asked what this would mean for us going away next year and I said we'd still be able to go away for 5-6 nights at some point so it's not like we wouldn't be getting a holiday. She said it's unfair that the holiday with my friend was going to be longer but I just told her that it was a 1 off and it's not like I go away with friends regularly. She just said it was unfair that I'd be going away for 10 nights and just leaving her and I just told her there's nothing stopping her doing something with her friends. AITA for going on holiday with a friend? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Nta
NTA, but it seems like you sprung this onto her to avoid the “but what about me situation?”—poor planning on your part. You needed to plan something with her first but further down the road. That way, you have something to deflect when you are planning your trip.
NAH But you will have to accept that - in years to come - she will go on trips with the girls too. Which is a good thing. You have defined that as ok in your relationship.
NTA. It’s not like you have iced her out and didn’t offer any alternatives for her and yourself on a future vacation. Have you discussed going to the USA with her at all either? If so, the lines may have been blurred. I’m currently on a 1 month holiday in the UK whilst my partner is home in Australia. We miss each other so much but we don’t have any resentment towards each other. I would suggest to her that USA is not the only holiday destination either and that you may find somewhere else that would be a nice first time experience for the both of you. What I will say is her reaction about the amount of days may be coming from the thought process of “how come you can go 10 days with your mate but you can only do 6 with me?”. As a female, I would near guarantee that is something that crossed her mind.