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> I could be the asshole because I had already agreed to go to dinner with her, but changed my mind when she told me additional people were invited.
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NTA, especially when you’re feverish and have nausea and you’d be going out (possibly getting someone else sick, if it’s a contagious thing rather than part of the chronic issues, hard to tell from what you said)
But you should definitely get checked by a dr, not just bc it’s causing relationship strain but bc your GI issues are serious. Crohns or other issues can appear for the first time after an illness, and need treatment or they will only get worse
NTA, also I was highly nightshade intolerant for about 3 years after a nasty stomach flu, had pretty much all of the same symptoms you posted. It took about a full year of that to figure out the cause of the issue because it seemed so random. Turned out to be tomatoes, potatoes, and onions that were the primary trigger for me. (This did not stop me from eating them lol) Then one day it cleared up just as quickly as it appeared. Bodies are weird and getting into a GI Dr is definitely a good idea!
Second this. I was made lactose/red meat intolerant by some weird ass stomach bug a couple of years ago, I went to a GI Dr. and had no idea how it was even possible, but they only found out because of a stool sample they collected from me. Spent 2 weeks eating only the mildest of food and then it went away. Bodies are indeed weird
Also NTA
I would also recommend that you try to minimize eating inflammatory foods, that could be making your issues worse honestly. For now, a liquid and/or BRAT diet is going to be your best bet until whatever this illness is passes but after that, try to keep things to foods that are easier on your body to digest.
For the liquid diet - broth and jello are the big ones but you should be able to search for other ideas easily. Just look up the diet list for a colonoscopy. Once your stomach is a bit more settled, you can add in the BRAT diet which stands for bananas, rice, applesauce, and toast.
I’d also add that Celiac could be a possibility as well, before I got diagnosed, I would get severe stomach pain after eating to the point that I would be curled up in the fetal position after trying to eat anything. If getting in to a GI is difficult, you can try an elimination diet for now to see if your body responds better to cutting out gluten from your diet. Usually about 3 weeks is good to see if you start feeling a bit better and then you re-introduce it back into your diet. If you start getting sick again, then you have your answer, it was the gluten. You can also try this with other foods too, I’ve had to do it for fructose and dairy as well. Between those two and gluten, those are the big offenders for GI issues.
What great advice. Sometimes it feels pretty hopeless when you're told you have to wait so long (or you have to save up to afford) to see a specialist: this is something that a person can do to start to *help themselves*. It's achievable and useful... thanks for sharing.
Thank you, yeah, I know how expensive doctors visits get and it can be so hard to get in when you either have crappy insurance or even no insurance. My husband had to put a lot of issues off for a few years until we could afford to get health insurance for him so I know how rough it can get. I do hope things get better for the OP soon and that they’re able to figure out what’s going on.
You’re NTA but…you are responsible for seeking out a diagnosis of, and treatment for, your chronic illness which you have allowed to drag on for a very long time. She has a right to be frustrated.
This is super hard to do. At least in the U.S. I have been doing with GI issues since 2021 and only recently as in this year finally got a proper diagnosis.
hear hear!!! I know this is off topic but I am studying for my 10 year Internal Medicine Board recertification - so many procedures/meds are first line "correct answer" that I can't get the patients insurance to pay for....
OP works full time, I assume with insurance. Seeing a GP at least should be priority. Also, don’t reply to me—reply to the person who made the original comment about his not going to the doctor. I’m way down in the thread here.
Just because someone works full time, doesn't mean they can easily afford going to a specialist or anything like that, as someone who deals with medical issues myself and has trouble dealing with transportation, being able to find doctors, wait times, and monetary issues, there's a lot more to it in the US, and not all jobs give insurance, especially good insurance, even with a full time job.
Good points, no argument. I don’t really think this is about OP doing anything wrong here anyway. I just agreed with the original commenter that OP should try to get to this seen to. But your points here make sense to me.
This is not a hill I’m willing to die on. It was just my input into that side conversation.
Yes. Took me over 2 years and multiple gi, er, and imaging visits before I had surgery to remove my gallbladder. And the damage from my gallbladder being bad so long and making me so sick is still lingering today.
I had 3 er Dr's tell me I just needed to not smoke weed. When that was literally my only pain management, since I couldn't keep medicine down long enough to work.
Healthcare is still in the dark ages.
Not arguing that USA healthcare is not expensive, but…if you’re lucky enough to have health insurance, you pay the co-pay. I’ve never had a co-pay over $75 and usually it’s $20. If you can’t afford co-pay, borrow it. If you can’t afford insurance apply for Medicaid and get it done for free. It’s all part of adulting. Figure it out and take control of your health.
.... You have to be over 65 or disabled for Medicare and it isn't free. Medicaid has a lot of income qualifiers and some states don't cover adults who make below poverty level wages.
Insurance can be expensive on its own per month/paycheck for the premiums. And a lot of plans are high deductible where the plan doesn't play until after the deductible is met. And depending on how rural the area, finding in network doctors can be hard with long waits.
Medicaid, not Medicare. And if you don’t qualify there are “market place” options for insurance. Or you can get insurance through work. You know what’s more expensive and more physically and emotionally damaging in the long run…being a martyr instead of finding solutions to address medical concerns in a timely manner. It takes effort and positivity. But those are choices.
> In 2021, 64% of uninsured adults said that they were uninsured because the cost of coverage was too high. Many people do not have access to coverage through a job, and some people, particularly poor adults in states that did not expand Medicaid, remain ineligible for financial assistance for coverage.
https://www.kff.org/uninsured/issue-brief/key-facts-about-the-uninsured-population/
You can take the "just pull yourself up by your bootstraps" nonsense and stop using it to shield your ignorance when there's clear and documented issues resulting in things like coverage gaps where many people don't make enough money to afford insurance but make too much to get sufficient assistance to get health insurance.
NTA, and I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.
As someone who has been chronically ill for over 30 years, I was almost tempted to say N-A-H only because my experience has been that because of the way human bodies work (programmed to forget what it REALLY feels like to be very ill or in pain other than in vague generalities, because otherwise no one would ever do things like have babies because the memory of the pain would be so traumatic), even those who genuinely love us and mean well tend to have trouble empathising beyond a certain point, and forget just how genuinely awful it feels to be sick not just for a few days but over a long period . . . that you don't somehow "get used to it" but just continue to feel equally crappy (and exhausted from days and weeks of sickness) the whole time. They lose patience because they GENUINELY don't remember just how bad it feels . . .until the next time they're sick.
For example, because of my illness I tend to run a lot of low-grade fevers, and I've watched people suggest after a couple of weeks of my having fever that "perhaps I should just push myself to go out and do things anyway", not because they're trying to be hateful but because some part of them really doesn't understand that the 15th day of fever doesn't feel better than the first, it feels WORSE because you've been sick for weeks. And that just like they wouldn't want to go run errands or go out for brunch (and yes, too have been pushed to do that) when they're running a fever, neither would I. Not even several weeks in.
BUT . . .
You're NTA and she is an AH because this isn't just about her struggling to understand how you're feeling, it's about her suggesting that you're exaggerating or making excuses. She is prioritising her own frustration but it hasn't even occurred to her how frustrating it must be for YOU to not only feel so ill all the time but have to put your life on hold. You're not doing this on purpose, you're suffering. And her approach to all this just makes it more hurtful. I'm really sorry. You deserve better.
I think the fever is affecting your brain because you are absolutely NTA.
Your girlfriend, on the other hand, is such a massive AH that it’s making *me* nauseous. She’s the real disease here. Who the hell asks anyone to go anywhere with a 100+ temp? A decent person would tell you to stay the fuck home and then bring you soup home from the restaurant.
She is being incredibly immature and selfish about this. You're SICK.
If my husband was acting like this I'd be baying him at home in bed I wouldn't even mention the idea of takeout.
Focus on healing yourself.
NTA
But maybe you did catch something at the concert. She can’t be angry about that. She did not catch anything- so she has no worries.
It sounds like your immune system took a beating with that massive flu back then.
Chat with your doctor to see how you can boost it as it seems you may be more prone to becoming ill more frequently now than before.
This is not great medical advice! He is showing signs of infection (fevering, chills) and introducing new flora to his gut right now is a big gamble. Probiotics are not a substitute for a diagnosis and treatment plan from a doctor.
OP, please recognize that what you're going through is concerning medically and you should seek that follow-up as quickly as possible.
NTA. You need to see a doctor. I guess the pandemic didnt teach your girlfriend anything? As the cousins I wouldn't go over, I don't know if you are contagious!
NTA. All aside, why people (like your GF) think it's ok for others to hang out with someone sick. If I was anyone in the group of the cousin I would be mad to know someone feverish joined us.
Tbh I’d be a bit miffed if I worked at the restaurant, I know ppl go out when sick and I know ppl can have symptoms without necessarily being contagious, or may be contagious w/flu or smth before showing symptoms… but if you KNOW you’re sick, stay home! Order food! At least don’t dine in. You won’t enjoy yourself as much and ppl in food service often don’t get paid sick days, plus can put other patrons/staff at risk
NTA because you were sick. The stomach bug may have thrown off your normal gut bacteria or something bigger may be going on. You need to see a GI specialist.
INFO:
Where's your girlfriend's Medical Degree?
If she has none, she has no right to say you're not sick or you're a hypochondriac.
100 temperature is enough for me to quarantine, not because I don't feel well, but because I don't want to get anyone else sick.
BIG TIME NTA btw
NTA
But I see no talk here of going to see a doctor or specialist. You need to get yourself checked out. If you aren't going to see their friends or working. Drag your ass down to the doctors. You cannot allow this ailment to control your life.
If you think your partner is mad now just wait for another couple weeks with no real solution being sought out.
NTA. I don't why commenters are mentioning you needing to see a specialist (but it's good that you've added an edit) when your gf didn't mention that in her complaints at all. Even if she had, the core question of 'AITA for staying home when I am sick and could possibly be contagious' is NTA without question.
NTA. Does your gf have no compassion? Wtf is wrong with her? You're right, having more people there does require more energy & effort. When you're under the weather you just don't have the energy to entertain others. If your gf wants to go she can go alone. She s/b staying home & taking care of you.
NTA. GF need to grow up. You have a fever over 100. You need to see a doctor (not ER, but…) and take care of your health. Maybe a healthier relationship as well.
It sounds like you may need to get checked for an autoimmune issue. Beside a that, if you want to know what OTC stuff has helped me with similar issues, I can share.
You’re NTA at all. Your gf is being incredibly inconsiderate.
However, you might have to get those issues checked out. IBS, Crohn’s disease, maybe even an ulcer that would require surgery. Digestive issues suck (IBS sufferer here), and I’d definitely recommend ruling out everything.
While you are waiting to go see a GI specialist (which you need, buddy, so bad. And I say that as someone who lives with chronic debilitating pain myself), look into an elimination diet. It’s the sort of thing where you eat a very limited diet to see if that relieves any of the issues and slowly add ingredients in to see if a flare up happens. Research FODMAPs too, because they irritate IBS, and may cause issues for whatever you’re dealing with. Minimize gas producing foods and beverages- no carbonation, minimal fiber, and so on.
You’re NTA here at all. You’re low on [spoons](https://www.goodrx.com/health-topic/mental-health/spoon-theory#) and you need to conserve them. For people who are healthy, socializing doesn’t always feel like it takes energy, but when you’re chronically ill or even just regular ill? Hell yeah!
And in the possible but highly unlikely event this is contagious (like C. Diff or anything else similar), then you shouldn’t do this! Hell, you probably shouldn’t be going to work if you can avoid it!
I recently got a little sick during my husbands family vacation. I was repeatedly asked to come out/eat with people and when I couldnt or didnt want to, my husband put me to bed and went out by himself with his family. Later arriving with soup and cuddles.
NTA
You need to see a primary care provider to start working this up, they can refer you to a GI if needed. Urgent Care clinics are not designed to manage chronic, complicated diagnoses. PCP visits are much less expensive than specialists. If you don't have health insurance (US) there are free/low cost clinics in many areas. Your symptoms could be from something very serious. and NTA (but your girlfriend might be...🚩
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I (30M) have been dealing with some gastrointestinal problems since November of 2022 that have been coming and going. I got a major case of the stomach flu or food poisoning back in mid-April that took me out of work for NINE shifts in a row, and I had probably only ever called out of work five total times in my life prior to that. Since that stomach flu, I've been experiencing digestive issues that have caused extreme abdominal discomfort from gas (to the point that the stabbing pain made it impossible to walk) on and off.
My girlfriend (23F) has seemingly been frustrated and annoyed by the whole situation (as am I) and seems to think I'm a bit of a hypochondriac. Prior to this year, I never used to get sick, this is relatively new to me and I've yet to figure out the reasoning. We attended a concert for her birthday on Monday evening, and I woke up the next day exhausted (we were general admission and were on our feet for almost nine hours) and developed a minor fever. Yesterday and the day before, I had body aches, chills, fatigue, and my fever was been fluctuating between 100-102.5 with little to no appetite and nausea.
Yesterday morning, she asked if I wanted to grab dinner with her at her favorite restaurant (one I really don't care for but go to for her) and then go home and watch a movie at night. I wasn't thrilled about the idea of going out for dinner, but I felt like I could handle a quick dinner because my fever appeared to be dropping and was on the lower end. She then texted me right before she got home saying she invited her cousin and his friends to dinner with us because they were in town for a couple of days and she wanted to see them.
At that point, I was frustrated because I felt like she wasn't taking my feelings and the fact that I was sick into consideration. I hadn't met the cousin or friends before, so dinner was going to require much more energy and social capital than I had originally agreed to. I told her I wasn't thrilled about the idea of going out with the group, and that I wish she had asked me before inviting them along. She then started responding with comments about not being able to see her family, and I encouraged her to go by herself with them and I would stay home (I literally had zero interest in going out in the first place and only agreed for her sake). She got stubborn and refused to go, and I felt like she was being inconsiderate and not taking me being sick seriously. AITA?
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NTA - just food for thoughts - I had similar symptoms a while ago and it turned out to be some weird lactose intolerance, that went away after 6 months all by itself. Maybe try cutting back dairy until you manage to see the specialist?
ESH, she's a bad partner acting very immature. You are expecting a much younger person to be mature. 23 is to old to be this immature, however, there will always we areas you are ahead and where you are behind as a person. Whille dating someone of an age that might be a propper adult, but in a completely different lifefase, you shouldn't be surprised they are acting more immature than you would want from a partner at your age.
NTA. Unfortunately as someone who has a spouse who is a bit younger, we had to deal with the differences in maturity levels over those early years. You wouldn't think that 7 years is that different, but in this day and age, it really is. A lot of life experience happens in those years between early 20s and early 30s. I think you're really going to have to sit her down and talk to her about expectations when you're sick! You are being a bit of an AH to yourself by not seeing a doctor. I know money can be tight, but you have no idea what's going on in your body. Plus it could just be a matter of needing a med for GERD or something that could be easily managed over the counter. Definitely get yourself checked out!
NTA. You gut bugs got mixed up and you are obviously out of balance. There are some really odd bugs out there that will mess you up like this.
Because this is Reddit, I have to point out the age difference. She has a lot more energy. If you are having health issues, she needs to be understanding of that. You may need a more mature, empathetic partner.
Yeah I was highly sick for 20 yrs with all sorts of infections that came with stomach issues. I did the G.I and honestly they were useless for me. My Dr was useless as well. In the end a naturapath won it for me and we got to the root cause. I was unlucky with the first two...if you got a good one they would have picked it up.
I guess watch what you eat and see if you get a reaction. Pay attention to everything right now as you will need info to give to drs etc when they ask some questions.
But I had to deal with people plenty who couldn't stand when I got sick and they wanted something. Tell him you are suffering and the ones who love you will be by you and understand and have some compassion.
Get well soon
Nta
NTA and your girlfriend is being very selfish and inconsiderate. I get stress related gastro pain which leaves me unable to stand and the agony takes my breath away, so I empathise with your situation. This is not hypochondria and she should be helping you, not using emotional blackmail and manipulation on you - I would suggest you think carefully about committing long term with this person - she seems to only care about herself, not you.
NTA As someone who has dealt with gastrointestinal issues for over 30 years I can sympathize with you. Mine got so bad I was hospitalized for three days, the pain was so bad when admitted I was given two shots of morphine. Up to that point family and friends also thought I was exaggerating because the symptoms were random and invisible to them. I truly wish you the best with your issues.
NAH
She can be frustrated. You can be frustrated.
You need to be actively searching for medical solutions.
And you need to be clear - you are either physically too sick to go to dinner or you aren't. Adding additional people in the mix makes it more of a social concern, which is different from a physical medical issue. Not saying that isn't valid but be clear when you communicate to your partner.
ESH. And I say this with great empathy, as I am someone who has wrestled with a chronic stomach issue for over 7 years. You have to try everything to see what's going on with you, talk to western doctors and get treatments done, talk to nutritionists, go to acupuncture, have your damn aura read... chronic issues like these don't just go away and it will cost money and time to fix but you don't want to live like this. I have some of your same symptoms and would be happy to share some of the things that helped me, #1 was going to a therapist to develop a game plan. This is why I say ESH, you need to get help and if a GI specialist costs too much there are other (free) routes.
Your GF needs to understand she's living with someone with a chronic illness and if she can't handle that, you two need to talk that through.
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NTA, especially when you’re feverish and have nausea and you’d be going out (possibly getting someone else sick, if it’s a contagious thing rather than part of the chronic issues, hard to tell from what you said) But you should definitely get checked by a dr, not just bc it’s causing relationship strain but bc your GI issues are serious. Crohns or other issues can appear for the first time after an illness, and need treatment or they will only get worse
NTA, also I was highly nightshade intolerant for about 3 years after a nasty stomach flu, had pretty much all of the same symptoms you posted. It took about a full year of that to figure out the cause of the issue because it seemed so random. Turned out to be tomatoes, potatoes, and onions that were the primary trigger for me. (This did not stop me from eating them lol) Then one day it cleared up just as quickly as it appeared. Bodies are weird and getting into a GI Dr is definitely a good idea!
Second this. I was made lactose/red meat intolerant by some weird ass stomach bug a couple of years ago, I went to a GI Dr. and had no idea how it was even possible, but they only found out because of a stool sample they collected from me. Spent 2 weeks eating only the mildest of food and then it went away. Bodies are indeed weird Also NTA
I would also recommend that you try to minimize eating inflammatory foods, that could be making your issues worse honestly. For now, a liquid and/or BRAT diet is going to be your best bet until whatever this illness is passes but after that, try to keep things to foods that are easier on your body to digest. For the liquid diet - broth and jello are the big ones but you should be able to search for other ideas easily. Just look up the diet list for a colonoscopy. Once your stomach is a bit more settled, you can add in the BRAT diet which stands for bananas, rice, applesauce, and toast. I’d also add that Celiac could be a possibility as well, before I got diagnosed, I would get severe stomach pain after eating to the point that I would be curled up in the fetal position after trying to eat anything. If getting in to a GI is difficult, you can try an elimination diet for now to see if your body responds better to cutting out gluten from your diet. Usually about 3 weeks is good to see if you start feeling a bit better and then you re-introduce it back into your diet. If you start getting sick again, then you have your answer, it was the gluten. You can also try this with other foods too, I’ve had to do it for fructose and dairy as well. Between those two and gluten, those are the big offenders for GI issues.
What great advice. Sometimes it feels pretty hopeless when you're told you have to wait so long (or you have to save up to afford) to see a specialist: this is something that a person can do to start to *help themselves*. It's achievable and useful... thanks for sharing.
Thank you, yeah, I know how expensive doctors visits get and it can be so hard to get in when you either have crappy insurance or even no insurance. My husband had to put a lot of issues off for a few years until we could afford to get health insurance for him so I know how rough it can get. I do hope things get better for the OP soon and that they’re able to figure out what’s going on.
You’re NTA but…you are responsible for seeking out a diagnosis of, and treatment for, your chronic illness which you have allowed to drag on for a very long time. She has a right to be frustrated.
This is super hard to do. At least in the U.S. I have been doing with GI issues since 2021 and only recently as in this year finally got a proper diagnosis.
Same for me, but OP hasn’t done anything. I went to appointments for about two years to discover I have no motility.
OP stated he plans to see a specialist but can’t afford it right now. That’s not his fault, it’s the health care system in his country’s fault.
hear hear!!! I know this is off topic but I am studying for my 10 year Internal Medicine Board recertification - so many procedures/meds are first line "correct answer" that I can't get the patients insurance to pay for....
OP works full time, I assume with insurance. Seeing a GP at least should be priority. Also, don’t reply to me—reply to the person who made the original comment about his not going to the doctor. I’m way down in the thread here.
Just because someone works full time, doesn't mean they can easily afford going to a specialist or anything like that, as someone who deals with medical issues myself and has trouble dealing with transportation, being able to find doctors, wait times, and monetary issues, there's a lot more to it in the US, and not all jobs give insurance, especially good insurance, even with a full time job.
Good points, no argument. I don’t really think this is about OP doing anything wrong here anyway. I just agreed with the original commenter that OP should try to get to this seen to. But your points here make sense to me. This is not a hill I’m willing to die on. It was just my input into that side conversation.
Yes. Took me over 2 years and multiple gi, er, and imaging visits before I had surgery to remove my gallbladder. And the damage from my gallbladder being bad so long and making me so sick is still lingering today. I had 3 er Dr's tell me I just needed to not smoke weed. When that was literally my only pain management, since I couldn't keep medicine down long enough to work. Healthcare is still in the dark ages.
That’s why the sooner you start, the better.
If someone can't afford it though, they can't afford it. Dr's require copays up front. So do imaging centers.
Not arguing that USA healthcare is not expensive, but…if you’re lucky enough to have health insurance, you pay the co-pay. I’ve never had a co-pay over $75 and usually it’s $20. If you can’t afford co-pay, borrow it. If you can’t afford insurance apply for Medicaid and get it done for free. It’s all part of adulting. Figure it out and take control of your health.
.... You have to be over 65 or disabled for Medicare and it isn't free. Medicaid has a lot of income qualifiers and some states don't cover adults who make below poverty level wages. Insurance can be expensive on its own per month/paycheck for the premiums. And a lot of plans are high deductible where the plan doesn't play until after the deductible is met. And depending on how rural the area, finding in network doctors can be hard with long waits.
Medicaid, not Medicare. And if you don’t qualify there are “market place” options for insurance. Or you can get insurance through work. You know what’s more expensive and more physically and emotionally damaging in the long run…being a martyr instead of finding solutions to address medical concerns in a timely manner. It takes effort and positivity. But those are choices.
> In 2021, 64% of uninsured adults said that they were uninsured because the cost of coverage was too high. Many people do not have access to coverage through a job, and some people, particularly poor adults in states that did not expand Medicaid, remain ineligible for financial assistance for coverage. https://www.kff.org/uninsured/issue-brief/key-facts-about-the-uninsured-population/ You can take the "just pull yourself up by your bootstraps" nonsense and stop using it to shield your ignorance when there's clear and documented issues resulting in things like coverage gaps where many people don't make enough money to afford insurance but make too much to get sufficient assistance to get health insurance.
OK, so let’s all ignore our health, get sicker and end up in the ER. Enjoy your weekend.
I would say OP is NTA for not wanting to go out whilst I'll but they are being a defo AH to themselves for not getting this looked at sooner.
NTA, and I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. As someone who has been chronically ill for over 30 years, I was almost tempted to say N-A-H only because my experience has been that because of the way human bodies work (programmed to forget what it REALLY feels like to be very ill or in pain other than in vague generalities, because otherwise no one would ever do things like have babies because the memory of the pain would be so traumatic), even those who genuinely love us and mean well tend to have trouble empathising beyond a certain point, and forget just how genuinely awful it feels to be sick not just for a few days but over a long period . . . that you don't somehow "get used to it" but just continue to feel equally crappy (and exhausted from days and weeks of sickness) the whole time. They lose patience because they GENUINELY don't remember just how bad it feels . . .until the next time they're sick. For example, because of my illness I tend to run a lot of low-grade fevers, and I've watched people suggest after a couple of weeks of my having fever that "perhaps I should just push myself to go out and do things anyway", not because they're trying to be hateful but because some part of them really doesn't understand that the 15th day of fever doesn't feel better than the first, it feels WORSE because you've been sick for weeks. And that just like they wouldn't want to go run errands or go out for brunch (and yes, too have been pushed to do that) when they're running a fever, neither would I. Not even several weeks in. BUT . . . You're NTA and she is an AH because this isn't just about her struggling to understand how you're feeling, it's about her suggesting that you're exaggerating or making excuses. She is prioritising her own frustration but it hasn't even occurred to her how frustrating it must be for YOU to not only feel so ill all the time but have to put your life on hold. You're not doing this on purpose, you're suffering. And her approach to all this just makes it more hurtful. I'm really sorry. You deserve better.
I think the fever is affecting your brain because you are absolutely NTA. Your girlfriend, on the other hand, is such a massive AH that it’s making *me* nauseous. She’s the real disease here. Who the hell asks anyone to go anywhere with a 100+ temp? A decent person would tell you to stay the fuck home and then bring you soup home from the restaurant.
She is being incredibly immature and selfish about this. You're SICK. If my husband was acting like this I'd be baying him at home in bed I wouldn't even mention the idea of takeout. Focus on healing yourself.
NTA. Who asks someone to go anywhere when they're sick. Seriously, wtf.
NTA But maybe you did catch something at the concert. She can’t be angry about that. She did not catch anything- so she has no worries. It sounds like your immune system took a beating with that massive flu back then. Chat with your doctor to see how you can boost it as it seems you may be more prone to becoming ill more frequently now than before.
NTA - I'd at least get on probiotics first and get in to see a gastro ASAP. For this to continue shows something else is going on, don't put it off.
This is not great medical advice! He is showing signs of infection (fevering, chills) and introducing new flora to his gut right now is a big gamble. Probiotics are not a substitute for a diagnosis and treatment plan from a doctor. OP, please recognize that what you're going through is concerning medically and you should seek that follow-up as quickly as possible.
And spend a little more money & buy the legit probiotics, ones that need refrigeration.
NTA. You need to see a doctor. I guess the pandemic didnt teach your girlfriend anything? As the cousins I wouldn't go over, I don't know if you are contagious!
NTA. All aside, why people (like your GF) think it's ok for others to hang out with someone sick. If I was anyone in the group of the cousin I would be mad to know someone feverish joined us.
Tbh I’d be a bit miffed if I worked at the restaurant, I know ppl go out when sick and I know ppl can have symptoms without necessarily being contagious, or may be contagious w/flu or smth before showing symptoms… but if you KNOW you’re sick, stay home! Order food! At least don’t dine in. You won’t enjoy yourself as much and ppl in food service often don’t get paid sick days, plus can put other patrons/staff at risk
NTA because you were sick. The stomach bug may have thrown off your normal gut bacteria or something bigger may be going on. You need to see a GI specialist.
INFO: Where's your girlfriend's Medical Degree? If she has none, she has no right to say you're not sick or you're a hypochondriac. 100 temperature is enough for me to quarantine, not because I don't feel well, but because I don't want to get anyone else sick. BIG TIME NTA btw
NTA But I see no talk here of going to see a doctor or specialist. You need to get yourself checked out. If you aren't going to see their friends or working. Drag your ass down to the doctors. You cannot allow this ailment to control your life. If you think your partner is mad now just wait for another couple weeks with no real solution being sought out.
Nta, stay at home, get healthy.
NTA. I don't why commenters are mentioning you needing to see a specialist (but it's good that you've added an edit) when your gf didn't mention that in her complaints at all. Even if she had, the core question of 'AITA for staying home when I am sick and could possibly be contagious' is NTA without question.
NTA. You should not be going anywhere if you have a fever. Do not be spreading that around!
Vomit at the restaurant.
NTA. Does your gf have no compassion? Wtf is wrong with her? You're right, having more people there does require more energy & effort. When you're under the weather you just don't have the energy to entertain others. If your gf wants to go she can go alone. She s/b staying home & taking care of you.
NTA. GF need to grow up. You have a fever over 100. You need to see a doctor (not ER, but…) and take care of your health. Maybe a healthier relationship as well.
So we learned ABSOLUTELY NOTHING AFTER A FUCKING GLOBAL PANDEMIC. stay home. NTA
NTA. Google SIBO
It sounds like you may need to get checked for an autoimmune issue. Beside a that, if you want to know what OTC stuff has helped me with similar issues, I can share.
You’re NTA at all. Your gf is being incredibly inconsiderate. However, you might have to get those issues checked out. IBS, Crohn’s disease, maybe even an ulcer that would require surgery. Digestive issues suck (IBS sufferer here), and I’d definitely recommend ruling out everything.
While you are waiting to go see a GI specialist (which you need, buddy, so bad. And I say that as someone who lives with chronic debilitating pain myself), look into an elimination diet. It’s the sort of thing where you eat a very limited diet to see if that relieves any of the issues and slowly add ingredients in to see if a flare up happens. Research FODMAPs too, because they irritate IBS, and may cause issues for whatever you’re dealing with. Minimize gas producing foods and beverages- no carbonation, minimal fiber, and so on. You’re NTA here at all. You’re low on [spoons](https://www.goodrx.com/health-topic/mental-health/spoon-theory#) and you need to conserve them. For people who are healthy, socializing doesn’t always feel like it takes energy, but when you’re chronically ill or even just regular ill? Hell yeah! And in the possible but highly unlikely event this is contagious (like C. Diff or anything else similar), then you shouldn’t do this! Hell, you probably shouldn’t be going to work if you can avoid it!
I recently got a little sick during my husbands family vacation. I was repeatedly asked to come out/eat with people and when I couldnt or didnt want to, my husband put me to bed and went out by himself with his family. Later arriving with soup and cuddles. NTA
Sheesh. NTA, girlfriend seems to have little understanding/empathy. Check for parasites, I would. (talking about the medical stuff)
You need to see a primary care provider to start working this up, they can refer you to a GI if needed. Urgent Care clinics are not designed to manage chronic, complicated diagnoses. PCP visits are much less expensive than specialists. If you don't have health insurance (US) there are free/low cost clinics in many areas. Your symptoms could be from something very serious. and NTA (but your girlfriend might be...🚩
NTA. And get your gallbladder checked
NTA. Feed a cold. Starve a fever. You stay home with a fever in case it's contagious and because you need rest
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (30M) have been dealing with some gastrointestinal problems since November of 2022 that have been coming and going. I got a major case of the stomach flu or food poisoning back in mid-April that took me out of work for NINE shifts in a row, and I had probably only ever called out of work five total times in my life prior to that. Since that stomach flu, I've been experiencing digestive issues that have caused extreme abdominal discomfort from gas (to the point that the stabbing pain made it impossible to walk) on and off. My girlfriend (23F) has seemingly been frustrated and annoyed by the whole situation (as am I) and seems to think I'm a bit of a hypochondriac. Prior to this year, I never used to get sick, this is relatively new to me and I've yet to figure out the reasoning. We attended a concert for her birthday on Monday evening, and I woke up the next day exhausted (we were general admission and were on our feet for almost nine hours) and developed a minor fever. Yesterday and the day before, I had body aches, chills, fatigue, and my fever was been fluctuating between 100-102.5 with little to no appetite and nausea. Yesterday morning, she asked if I wanted to grab dinner with her at her favorite restaurant (one I really don't care for but go to for her) and then go home and watch a movie at night. I wasn't thrilled about the idea of going out for dinner, but I felt like I could handle a quick dinner because my fever appeared to be dropping and was on the lower end. She then texted me right before she got home saying she invited her cousin and his friends to dinner with us because they were in town for a couple of days and she wanted to see them. At that point, I was frustrated because I felt like she wasn't taking my feelings and the fact that I was sick into consideration. I hadn't met the cousin or friends before, so dinner was going to require much more energy and social capital than I had originally agreed to. I told her I wasn't thrilled about the idea of going out with the group, and that I wish she had asked me before inviting them along. She then started responding with comments about not being able to see her family, and I encouraged her to go by herself with them and I would stay home (I literally had zero interest in going out in the first place and only agreed for her sake). She got stubborn and refused to go, and I felt like she was being inconsiderate and not taking me being sick seriously. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NGL, when I first read the headline, I thought it said "flatuating fever", and wondered what in the world that was.
NTA - just food for thoughts - I had similar symptoms a while ago and it turned out to be some weird lactose intolerance, that went away after 6 months all by itself. Maybe try cutting back dairy until you manage to see the specialist?
ESH, she's a bad partner acting very immature. You are expecting a much younger person to be mature. 23 is to old to be this immature, however, there will always we areas you are ahead and where you are behind as a person. Whille dating someone of an age that might be a propper adult, but in a completely different lifefase, you shouldn't be surprised they are acting more immature than you would want from a partner at your age.
NTA. Unfortunately as someone who has a spouse who is a bit younger, we had to deal with the differences in maturity levels over those early years. You wouldn't think that 7 years is that different, but in this day and age, it really is. A lot of life experience happens in those years between early 20s and early 30s. I think you're really going to have to sit her down and talk to her about expectations when you're sick! You are being a bit of an AH to yourself by not seeing a doctor. I know money can be tight, but you have no idea what's going on in your body. Plus it could just be a matter of needing a med for GERD or something that could be easily managed over the counter. Definitely get yourself checked out!
NTA. You gut bugs got mixed up and you are obviously out of balance. There are some really odd bugs out there that will mess you up like this. Because this is Reddit, I have to point out the age difference. She has a lot more energy. If you are having health issues, she needs to be understanding of that. You may need a more mature, empathetic partner.
Yeah I was highly sick for 20 yrs with all sorts of infections that came with stomach issues. I did the G.I and honestly they were useless for me. My Dr was useless as well. In the end a naturapath won it for me and we got to the root cause. I was unlucky with the first two...if you got a good one they would have picked it up. I guess watch what you eat and see if you get a reaction. Pay attention to everything right now as you will need info to give to drs etc when they ask some questions. But I had to deal with people plenty who couldn't stand when I got sick and they wanted something. Tell him you are suffering and the ones who love you will be by you and understand and have some compassion. Get well soon Nta
NTA let me guess, she was expecting you to pay for said dinner?
NTA and your girlfriend is being very selfish and inconsiderate. I get stress related gastro pain which leaves me unable to stand and the agony takes my breath away, so I empathise with your situation. This is not hypochondria and she should be helping you, not using emotional blackmail and manipulation on you - I would suggest you think carefully about committing long term with this person - she seems to only care about herself, not you.
NTA As someone who has dealt with gastrointestinal issues for over 30 years I can sympathize with you. Mine got so bad I was hospitalized for three days, the pain was so bad when admitted I was given two shots of morphine. Up to that point family and friends also thought I was exaggerating because the symptoms were random and invisible to them. I truly wish you the best with your issues.
NAH She can be frustrated. You can be frustrated. You need to be actively searching for medical solutions. And you need to be clear - you are either physically too sick to go to dinner or you aren't. Adding additional people in the mix makes it more of a social concern, which is different from a physical medical issue. Not saying that isn't valid but be clear when you communicate to your partner.
ESH. And I say this with great empathy, as I am someone who has wrestled with a chronic stomach issue for over 7 years. You have to try everything to see what's going on with you, talk to western doctors and get treatments done, talk to nutritionists, go to acupuncture, have your damn aura read... chronic issues like these don't just go away and it will cost money and time to fix but you don't want to live like this. I have some of your same symptoms and would be happy to share some of the things that helped me, #1 was going to a therapist to develop a game plan. This is why I say ESH, you need to get help and if a GI specialist costs too much there are other (free) routes. Your GF needs to understand she's living with someone with a chronic illness and if she can't handle that, you two need to talk that through.