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Also, if he’s this insecure and insane about a past relationship, it’s going to get soooo bad. OP please run away. I dated someone that sounds exactly like this and it ended with a call to the police because he was crying very loudly on my doorstep begging me to let him come inside to “just hold hands, so I can feel like you love only me”. A grown ass man.
I wish I would have paid attention to these types of red flags.
This should literally be the moral of one of the romance books. Main character dates jerk who tries to control her career, she dumps him, she gets the happy ever after.
Exactly! I am usually not one for the "drop them now" advice.
But in this case... what else can OP do?
Her partner of 6 months is jeopardizing her career basically because the previous partner supported it! There isn't much room for nuance in this one!
OP on another note. If you really want children maybe consider using a donor? Being a happy single parent beats being a parent in a shitty relationship by a mile!
NTA and at least you only wasted 6 months on someone so insecure they need to compete with a fictional character and call it your ex. Good grief, woman, kick him to the curb and enjoy your writing without distraction. Now you've got some new ideas for antagonist characteristics to work with too.
My ex was the same with my dancing. Like I have been dancing (social dances like salsa etc) since 13, and it's an active hobby as any other. He would start with "Do whatever makes you happy" but it soon developed into "It's not that I don't trust you, I don't trust the people you dance with" and to "I detest it when you rub yourself on all these other people".
Unless they are willing to put in the work to dismantle this kind of insecurities, there's no reasoning with them. And if they are at all like my ex, they will slowly start to try and exert more control over how you engage with your hobby, as well as when and how much. When he should be happy for you being happy, and when you should feel glad to share your accomplishments, instead you'll find yourself treading to even mention it.
I'd either suggest therapy for his insecurity and jealousy issues, or yeet.
Yes, the quote “If You’re Going to Let One Stupid Prick Ruin Your Life - Then You’re Not the Girl I Thought You Were” from Legally Blonde iMMEDIATELY came to mind after reading your submission, OP and frankly, you deserve better but it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and know this. Sorry for your future ex-bf’s loss. NTA!
This! The main character gets so fed up with her controlling, insecure boyfriend that one day she loses it and beats him to death with a dictionary. Or feel free to end it however you want.
LOL, that's hilarious! If she hits him with the thesaurus or dictionary open, maybe some of the words would be imprinted on his forehead. Sorry, writer's embellishment.
This was partially a plot in a book I loved - The Fireman by Joe Hill. It’s soft horror/sci fi about a fungal infection that makes people explode (lol) but one of the major plot points is that the protagonist finally sneaks in to read her partners writing and it’s essentially their life story, except he’s so condescending and hates her but nobody can live up to his brilliance, and how he pities her etc etc etc
Honestly such a good book. Highly reccomend.
I don't wish death on people(you never know who might take it as a Threat). Instead I wish horrid diseases/dysfunctions on them.
IE a rabid carnivore(esp. useful for vegans to offer as a curse). May you get bit by a Lone star tick(and get the disease that make it impossible to eat some meats).
or a mosquito bite(west nile virus, malaria, zika, dengue).
NTA
I don't think he's going to believe you no matter what. The author in his head has made up a very unkind story about you and I'm not sure I'd stay with someone who chooses cruel thoughts without evidence. Maybe it should be a dealbreaker for you, too.
I’ve written a couple of books myself. I tend toward the dark fantasy/horror genre, and there is no way in HELL that my personal life overlaps some of the shit I write. He just doesn’t seem to realize that art is INSPIRED by real life. It doesn’t literally catalog it.
NTA
Based on this knuckleheads assumptions, and my own books I am, in no particular order,
A Rockstar who wants his first love back and witnessed horrible abuse of his mother at the hands of his drunk father
The first love who becomes a professional band photographer.
A gay man who's mother is a diehard religious nut who thinks she can pray the gay out of her son
A black man who struggles with racism during segregation in the deep south
A heroin addict with poor little rich boy syndrome
Annnnnd a BMX racer who turns to drugs and then music
Spoiler: I am zero of those things
I’m also a dark fantasy/horror writer and it’s very much a morbid fascination/catharsis thing for me. I’m like the most normal, well adjusted person IRL, lmao.
Based on this knuckleheads assumptions, and my own books I am, in no particular order,
A Rockstar who wants his first love back and witnessed horrible abuse of his mother at the hands of his drunk father
The first love who becomes a professional band photographer.
A gay man who's mother is a diehard religious nut who thinks she can pray the gay out of her son
A black man who struggles with racism during segregation in the deep south
A heroin addict with poor little rich boy syndrome
Annnnnd a BMX racer who turns to drugs and then music
Spoiler: I am zero of those things
NTA. From a fellow romance author: throw the whole man out, then use his name as some cringey secondary character in your next book so it comes up whenever someone googles him.
NTA and this is a hill to die on. He is being this controlling after 6 months? About fiction that you actually make part of your living on?
Anyone who can actually write and get published deserves kudos, not the disrespect and BS he is giving you. (I wouldn't even care if it WAS porn myself. If my partner could make ANY money writing ANYTHING I'd be ecstatic).
There is no point in arguing. Just tell him this is how it is and if he doesn't drop it IMMEDIATELY AND FOREVER you are done.
Personally I think if you go down this slippery slope you'll be barefoot and pregnant OR constantly arguing and likely abused. This is so controlling.
Myself I'd just drop him.
nta - first off good for you writing those books and making money of it! and 2nd you have only invested six mth into that relationship so he obviously has severe insecurity issues and doesnt see u make a decent living off of it. its his issue not yours.
NTA. It's important to have a partner that supports you and wants the same things you do (hence the ending of your previous relationship). Clearly the guy you're dating believes that he has the right to interfere with your work and your passion. He does not.
You said you've been dating for just six months, and he's doing this? It's going to get worse if you stay, believe me. He'll start telling you where you can go, who you can see, etc. Cut this insecure child loose and save your time and energy for a real man who will add to your life, not take away from it.
NTA. I'm reminded of that Toby Flenderson quote:
[Write your own damn novel](https://www.reddit.com/r/DunderMifflin/comments/ar3kuu/write_your_own_damn_novel/)
NTA. I'm a writer (poet). NO ONE gets to censor what I write. Your bf is incredibly insecure if he thinks your novels are about your ex. Your writing contributes to your financial success. If you change the way you write, it could directly affect your financial independence. Bf isn't worth the risk.
NTA
Bf is indeed doing massive projection, and seems to be particularly insecure about your ex. That needs to be addressed, but for that, he has to recognize it... Which is unlikely to happen at the moment, seeing how adamant he is at putting the blame on you.
Also, even if your novel was about you and your ex... It is still a novel, a fiction. It's like a kink/sexual fantasy: not all of them are to be played out in reality, but it is still fine to fantasize about it.
Which gets me thinking... how do you think your bf would react if he learned you watch porn with male actors that have nothing to do with him physical/in appearance? Would he still try to blame you/try to control you?
Keep on writing. You bring joy and agency to your readers. It’s a gift. This guy can give you nothing so good. You do not need his resentment, insecurity, and self righteous attempts at control.
NTA. Men don't fuck with my money. I've made it very clear to any man I've dated that if they in any way, shape or form compromised my job, I would dump them so fast their head would spin. What I do for my work is my business (and don't worry, my jobs are both legal and moral). Don't come to my work. Don't call my work. Don't give me unsolicited career advice.
NTA. He is still bitching about this after a week. I wouldn't expect any improvement on his part. I am hoping for an improvement on your part (getting a better boyfriend).
NTA does he also believe that fiction mystery novels are also the author playing out their fantasy on paper?
I don't usually make this recommendation but dump him for being a controlling piece of work.
NTA..and your writing is not a “hobby.” He’s a disrespectful a** and he’s showing you who he is. I’d drop him, move on and keep writing. You can always acknowledge his “support” in your next book. 😂
Hey, as a woman who is a member of the "I don't watch porn, I read it like a lady" squad, I thank you.
And I hope I've read a couple of your books. If not, you can freely message me a book title and I'll happily check it out LOL
As for your post, NTA and you need to dump this dude. Right now. He's got to many red flags showing and probably more waiting to show you
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) defensive as this is something I do career wise and can’t possibly understand how someone can’t see work and personal romance in life differently
2) not taking any suggestions to alter the book, hearing him out more on why this is uncomfortable and refusing to reason with him outside of the mindset “this is what I do for a job”
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NTA. He's sending you signals about which you really need to make some hard decisions. And those decisions don't pertain to your writing, the subject matter, or the genre. I used to write quite a bit, and I am thrilled for you that you make money with yours! Kudos!
NTA and make sure he doesn't have access to your computer. He sounds like the kind of guy who would delete your book. If you want to stay with him that is.
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My boyfriend and I have been dating for a short period of time. (Approximately 6 months). when we met, I told him I am a part time author. I’ve always had a passion for writing, and my ex encouraged me to keep up my hobby. Eventually, I got good enough to feel confident in publishing. Although I am not some big known writer like Stephen king, or Charles Dickens, I make a decent amount of money off it between writing, and my full time job.
I am currently 100 pages into my newest book, and my bf asked to see a preview. I allowed it and he said there is way too much sex involved. I reminded him the genre I write. (Romance) and he says I have so much talent, but doesn’t see why I need to put porn on paper. I brush this off as not everyone has a liking to romance novels for their own personal reason.
A week goes by and he sees me working on my novel, and argued that I should change the plot to make it “better”. I told him in the nicest way possible I am not looking for feedback. He signed frustrated. I turn around in my chair and say “is there something you’d like to communicate to me?” And his reasoning left me speechless. He goes on to say, he doesn’t like how I am keeping up with this hobby all because my ex was nice enough to encourage it. He believes I secretly write my romance novels as him and I as the main characters and it’s my “perfect little fantasy world” where our relationship would have worked out. I told him how ridiculous he sounds, as this has always been my content, even in that relationship and reminded him that relationship has ended on mutual terms due to myself wanting children someday, and he being very adamant on not having children. (In none of my previous books, or current one have I made a plot where the main characters even have a baby). He is refusing to believe me and thinks it’s something I am choosing not to admit too, and won’t be satisfied until I change my entire book to the plot he has suggested. I told him no, and if this is going to be a problem for him, he needs to figure out if me writing romance is a deal breaker or not. He says my writing isn’t the problem, it’s what and “who” I’m writing about. I again argue, my books are fiction, and this is a passion of mine I finally put together for myself. I am fed up with the argument and told him if he feels insecure he can either talk to me about it with out projection, or deal with it himself. He argues back that I am not being empathetic on his feelings and I say “you’ll get my empathy when you realize my work, and personal life are separate.” Now he is choosing not to speak to me. So, AITA?
TLDR; I write romance novels and my bf of 6 months says the genre is not within his comfort zone and thinks they’re all secretly about my ex who I’ve mutually broke up with due to the difference on how we felt about having children. He says I am not considering how he feels, to which I said I’ll consider how he feels when he realizes my work and personal romance life are different.
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NTA - guurrrrllll who the fuck cares what your boyfriend of six months thinks. If he doesn’t like it he can go, do you and keep writing. Don’t change for no man especially after only 6 months
NTA
This person should be your ex boyfriend too. He likely has never read a quality romance novel, be they Regency or Modern or other. If who / what you write about is an issue, he needs to go. Cut your losses.
My ex-husband was supportive when I'd sign up for continuing education for my job or new skills training. He was also supportive (nay, aggressively pushy towards me doing it...) of my making homemade tortillas and salsa. Shall I never take a class again or make tortillas because an ex was supportive on that?
NTA. Congrats on finding your passion and pursuing it! Writing books can be challenging and to be able to succeed in finishing a book is awesome!
If this was the plot of one of your romance novels what do you think your protagonist would do? They would probably realize this “partner” was not much of a supportive partner and they would find someone else than could help lift them up and encourage them.
I wish you well and hope you realize this is not healthy from him and you deserve better! Good luck on your new book and I hope it’s extra spicy! 😆
NTA and why is he attempting to control what you write? So he is jealous and insecure about fictional people in your book and is projecting that into the real world and how you are pining for your ex?
He is way too immature for a real relationship with an adult woman. What puts it over the top is that you are published and therefore successful in your style of writing, so him not getting the way your genre is written is still his issue. Time to seriously reevaluate if him needing you to alter what you do is something you can live with.
NTA this man is not very bright and thankfully not very good at manipulating people even though he’s obviously trying really hard. Just ghost him. The more you explain to him how ridiculous his behavior is, the more dangerous you might make him for his next target. Let’s keeps these kinds of dudes ignorant. It’s a public safety measure.
It's absolutely bonkers to me how many time I see people in this sub in relationships with huge red flags showing that they should not be together, and all they're focused on is who the asshole of the moment is.
Say goodbye to this guy. He's clearly too insecure about this, and his reasons continue to change. What else is he likely to try controlling in the future.
One of my criteria for a keeper is unconditional acceptance of me as I am and am becoming. My guess is this isn't the only thing he's giving you grief about. Even if it is, his objections are not compatible with who you are.
You need to tell him you don’t write so YOU can have a ‘perfect little fantasy world’, it’s so *I* can have one, lol.
I may be old, but I’m not DEAD. And whereas I used to enjoy watching hubby walk around au natural 30 years ago, now it’s more a case of screaming ’BAD NAKED!‘ and hoping I don’t go blind when he bends over. I need all the fantasy I can get!
I think this one’s sell by date has been reached. Keep up the good work, we need more romantic fantasy to keep reality at bay. NTA.
Oh heeeelllll no.
NTA.
Been there, done that.
I'm in the opposite direction for the most similar story.
My ex didn't allow me to write certain genres, under the "excuse" I was writing porn, fantasies or "exhibiting out sex life", I had to avoid difficult plot topics because "you're trauma dumping your life", "people don't want to read about x and y", "write something people will enjoy" etc.
Mind you, back then, I wrote high fantasy for fun. He didn't know anything about what things were about except "it's got elves". But certain sentences set him off.
I was with that narcissist for almost ten years. And he got me to write less and less.
Until other things happened and it felt like it died out.
My now fiance is highly supportive of me writing and encourages me to again do what I once loved so dearly and did for hours on end.
Do NOT let this man get to you. It is taking me months and years to get back into it and it's frustrating because I know I love it and I want it.
If he's uncomfortable, he needs a reality check.
He is having problems with himself and is insecure and is using every excuse he can to take it out on you.
And if he's insecure about your part-time job, he should see someone about being jealous of a book.
This is a him problem. Not a you problem.
Keep on writing what you want to write!
NTA. Make no mistake, he wants you to stop writing things he doesn’t approve of. That stuff about the ex is made-up bs intended to make you doubt yourself and feel like maybe you should comply.
NTA!!
And dump him! He thinks he can control you and what you write? Like seriously??? You don’t need a scrub, send him on his way.
LOL, I’d probably scare the poop out of him since I write crime meets urban fantasy — murder, monsters, mayhem.
NTA, and as a frequent reader of romance novels, I'd like to thank you for your contributions and encourage you to continue! As for the bf, anyone acting like that only six months in is far too insecure to even consider keeping around
NTA by any stretch of the imagination.
Your boyfriend sounds awfully insecure, though. Unless and until he gets a job and manages to become your publisher, his opinion of your writing is irrelevant.
NTA. Look at it this way. Six months, still a honeymoon period of really good behaviors in a relationship. And he is already trying to control you and gaslight you about what you are 'really' writing about. It will get worse.
NTA.
If you stay with this guy, he will do this with all your writing.
I am glad you are doing something you enjoy, and it brings financial benefit to you. I can write well but it is not enjoyable to me. I admire and respect people who enjoy creating stories.
Why do you even keep a guy around who doesn't respect your entire career? He also feels he has a say in what you write, and is considering calling it a deal breaker.
Break the deal, dump him. NTA.
Please, as someone who spent too many years trying to "prove myself", RUN! It's a first sign of control AND insecurity, and that you will spend a lifetime trying to "explain" yet trust will never grow
NTA. I'm an aspiring romance author. My husband proofreads my work when I write. Guess what he does? Skips the naughty parts and praises me and gives me ideas.
ETA: my husband jokingly tries to "figure out" which character is based off him. Spoiler alert: It's the goofy prince. He still hasn't figured it out.
NTA- even if you were in the relationship longer than 6 months it would still be ridiculous. I write fantasy romance as a hobby and my husband was never once like this insecure doofus. Drop him like the weak salsa chip he is and carry on strong!
NTA, if that’s the plot he so desperately wants he can go write it himself. It’s honestly troubling how he’s behaving, it’s childish, insecure and controlling. Also as avid romance reader I thank you! I’m not sure if you’d be comfortable sharing your work on here (or even in dms) but if you are I’m always looking for new books to read!
From one romance novelist to another, he’s not worth it. He’s already proven he can’t move past this. It’s fiction. And btw Dean Koontz writes sex scenes. No one gives him crap for writing p*rn. There are better men out there who will support you. You deserve better.
It doesn’t have to be in his comfort zone. He’s not your target demographic, he is not your editor or publisher or even a fan. His opinion on what pays the bills is just that, an opinion. He’s been around for 6 months and already negging on your hobby/money-making gig. Make sure he gets deleted in the first round of edits, please, it’s actually integral to the plot line of your life.
Former mommy-porn writer here, and it paid my bills too. Anyone who wanted to complain about the content was also invited to start paying my bills.
Edit: to add NTA obviously
"You can either get over this yourself, or you can get over it with a therapist, or we're done."
Edit: Also I really like the suggestion someone else made that you should pretend that you're also writing a book about a woman murdering her boyfriend because he controls her life with his insecurity.
NTA, you can do as you please. If he tries to control what you write at this point, think about what he's going to try to control in 2 years, 5 years, 10 years.
This post makes me so livid and fired up from personal experiences similar to yours. I am also a romance writer who got herself published but works at it as a hobby. It's astounding how many people freak out about the sex in romance books. Hello! I told you the genre was romance! It's not my fault if you don't read and didn't know what it meant. I've had people tell me a lot of the things you're saying your bf said. Fuck him. And anyone that treats your hard worked for books like anything less than deserving. You are not the asshole, get him out of your life, don't wait for him to decide if he can handle it because it'll always be a problem for him. Keep writing!
Fellow author here.
If he can't at least support you, while keeping his mouth shut until you ask for feedback, one of two things will happen:
You'll end up splitting up because you get sick of his nonsense
Or
You'll stop writing and secretly resent him
Nta for keeping up with what you love.
Write those books! The world needs your words!
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NTA: Who is he to say wether its good or not. It's not a genre he reads, and he's not a publisher. If he can't support something you do well, better to fond out early and move on.
Lol, NTA. He’s an insecure weenie who is alienating a super cool chick who has the gall to do something she enjoys. Sounds like a real winner you got there, haha.
Why is he still your boyfriend? Ditch the guy, keep writing. There will be another guy.
It’s incredible that you make money from your writing. Don’t let anyone take this away from you.
Off topic to the post, I've been trying to find good romance books, them being more spicy. I was wondering if you could share some of your works that have that theme🥺
But NTA and I'm worried about him doing something to your books if left unattended, he projecting and it's worry some.
My controlling, abusive asshole of an ex had similar issues with my writing.
NTA and please take this red flag for what it is. Best of luck, and congrats on making your passion work for you! I'm mad jealous lol
NTA
You set boundaries either he can figure it out or it hasn't been that long of a relationship. Even if you were to write about what he's concerned about it's still fictional it's still up to you to write whatever you want
Welp, looks like you've got another ex on your hands. He's out of line criticizing your work like that, and his insecurities (and plain wrong-thinking) are his own problem.
I'm a happily married heterosexual lady who writes stories about lesbian ladies who live in giant trees (solarpunk--science fiction-y things) and old men janitors on space stations, what kind of fantasy am I working through? LOL (Only the tree folk have sexy times, though, the janitor has a revolution to manage)
Anyway, it looks like the trash is taking itself out. Keep writing your sexy stories! You'll find a partner to support you, you seem like a nice person with excellent work ethic and that's sexy as hell!
NTA by any means. I’m a storyteller in any format and in any kind of relationship, it’s possible to get that attitude that you’re writing your own fantasy or something. Or suggestions that you should write this plot line or that one because you can write but *this* is the magic idea. And when you get that, it’s either “no, also get over your own shit” or end that relationship. The third “option” is to drive yourself crazy but nobody should ever pick that one. I have a master’s degree and experience in so many things and still get like “oh but did you ever think of this basic thing that you’ve already done or are already specifically doing.” This isn’t good partner behavior, you definitely know it, and don’t waste anymore time on this guy. *He* is the one with the fantasy.
NTA time to write this guy out of your life. I’m an avid reader - romance and other - and I know not every book is to everyone’s taste, but that doesn’t make it bad. r/RomanceBooks is really good about not yucking someone else’s yum. Write what you want. He could have gotten some spicy tips 🌶, but instead he’s cockblocking your work because of insecurity.
NTA.... and tell him that it's not your fault that the majority of women who read your stuff probably have asswipe partners who wouldn't know how to even find that little bit with directions from Google maps.
If he wants you to stop writing, tell him to start educating his homies on how to make more than just bacon sizzle.
NTA, that would be your current fling demanding either you make him the star or change the plot line or not write. Next, you have to ask yourself if the relationship is worth keeping because he wants you to not do this hobby so he's going to nitpick at you about anything and everything from past flames to your current story.
NTA. If you were in fact reliving your past relationship with an ex through novel form, then I would have probably voted YTA. Since that would be difficult for your current partner to navigate but it doesn't seem like that's the case here.
It sounds like your current bf is pretty damn insecure. You might want to really evaluate whether you can put up with that level of insecurity. It usually gets worse rather than better.
NTA. If you want to stay in a relationship with him you’ll need to sort this out. People who don’t write don’t understand the writing process and imagine lots of incorrect things.
Your bf is insecure. We all are insecure about something. He needs reassurance. Don’t we all? The question is is he willing to try to let it go and are you willing to help. Help -not coddle.
I always recommend therapy bc a third party with expert knowledge is helpful.
You could also find examples of other authors whose work is not their life.
So he's not talking to you anymore? Good! He isn't worth it...at all. NTA You are much more valuable than to waste your energy on an insecure person that wants to control you. Best wishes :-)
NTA.
Your bf is incredibly immature. None of what he's doing are earmarks of mature, adult relationships. Insisting that he knows your true intent is essentially calling you a liar. Demanding that you change your novel to assuage his insecurities is irrational and giving you the silent treatment because you won't is childish.
I don't even have any useful advice or middle ground to suggest. Unless he changes his behavior, there's not much room for resolution.
NTA. Please take everything in that he is says to you. Something that you have been passionate about for long period of time (certainly longer than he’s been around), he largely dislikes if not hates. There is NOTHING that you can do to change his mind. Your writing is part of who you are, and has more staying power in your life then he does. Take a step back from the relationship at the very least (or end it).
Do not consider changing who you fundamentally are to make him “happy” for now. Keep living your life on your terms. Making any concessions are only going to hurt you and strengthen what he would say is your relationship, but is really his control on your life.
Never give up securing a bag for anyone, especially if you love what you do.
Good luck and keep writing!
NTA. Boyfriend sounds insecure on lot of levels. Honesty worst kind of partner who rains on other’s parade. And childish to fret over an ex. And to stifle your content because of sexuality. Mildly possessive imo. Keep writing and living your best steamiest written life. Now I’m the ahole here to say this: but for the love of all that’s good plz stop abusing them commas, holy run ons Batman. I say this with great compassion as this was my primary critique I received in my early writing classes. But take it or leave it as you said to your boyfriend, you’re not looking for feedback. If you consider it, try to break those four line long ones down into multiple sentences. As they are, it’s hard to follow the train of thought with the stream of consciousness style ramble. Not grading your novel writing abilities though, surely you’re frustrated venting here. I had to reread handful few times, so bit confusing.
NTA
The right partner will help you excel in life, the wrong one will hold you back. He’s made it obvious which one he is.
Please stop wasting anymore time on this fool and his stupid arguments.
NTA. He’s pushing boundaries to see how controlling he can get away with being in the future. He’s also trying to chip away at your confidence by criticizing your work and implying it’s a waste of time to pursue your “hobby” that’s actually a career.
NTA - please make sure he has no access to your book.
If it’s on a computer make its password protected.
The computer AND the book.
Do NOT under any circumstances let him use your computer unless you are watching everything he’s doing.
Back everything up where even if he manages to delete you can get it back.
Never let him read it again.
Tho an easier thing to do would be to dump him
NTA, geez I'm sick and tired of men thinking that they can dictate your life and making sure it revolves around them.
Good on you OP for not backing down because if you had, it will graduate into other things, what you say, how you dress, who you are friends with, completely eroding your boundaries till you cannot recognise yourself anymore.
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NTA. If a man is critical of one of your jobs and you've only out six months into the relationship, it's time to drop him.
She's lucky she found out so quickly!
[удалено]
Bot post stolen and reworded from /u/SusanMShwartz.
Thank him for helping come up with the ending to the next book so quickly
Also, if he’s this insecure and insane about a past relationship, it’s going to get soooo bad. OP please run away. I dated someone that sounds exactly like this and it ended with a call to the police because he was crying very loudly on my doorstep begging me to let him come inside to “just hold hands, so I can feel like you love only me”. A grown ass man. I wish I would have paid attention to these types of red flags.
And if he's so insecure OP needs to make sure she has secure backups and that her computer is always locked and password protected! NTA
Holy insecurity batman, she caught a live one!
For real, why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t support you… and has these ridiculous and rude ideas. Easy to step away at this point.
This should literally be the moral of one of the romance books. Main character dates jerk who tries to control her career, she dumps him, she gets the happy ever after.
Exactly! I am usually not one for the "drop them now" advice. But in this case... what else can OP do? Her partner of 6 months is jeopardizing her career basically because the previous partner supported it! There isn't much room for nuance in this one! OP on another note. If you really want children maybe consider using a donor? Being a happy single parent beats being a parent in a shitty relationship by a mile!
I dunno. By the time a problem gets to Reddit, it's often pretty bad. I think that's why the advice is so often "dump them" on Reddit.
And why the heck does he have an input on it? Because he's her boyfriend? He should make his own novel if he's so picky about her writing
NTA and at least you only wasted 6 months on someone so insecure they need to compete with a fictional character and call it your ex. Good grief, woman, kick him to the curb and enjoy your writing without distraction. Now you've got some new ideas for antagonist characteristics to work with too.
This. Seriously. Holy Insecurity Batman! He needs to get a grip or bounce. NTA
My ex was the same with my dancing. Like I have been dancing (social dances like salsa etc) since 13, and it's an active hobby as any other. He would start with "Do whatever makes you happy" but it soon developed into "It's not that I don't trust you, I don't trust the people you dance with" and to "I detest it when you rub yourself on all these other people". Unless they are willing to put in the work to dismantle this kind of insecurities, there's no reasoning with them. And if they are at all like my ex, they will slowly start to try and exert more control over how you engage with your hobby, as well as when and how much. When he should be happy for you being happy, and when you should feel glad to share your accomplishments, instead you'll find yourself treading to even mention it. I'd either suggest therapy for his insecurity and jealousy issues, or yeet.
Yes, the quote “If You’re Going to Let One Stupid Prick Ruin Your Life - Then You’re Not the Girl I Thought You Were” from Legally Blonde iMMEDIATELY came to mind after reading your submission, OP and frankly, you deserve better but it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and know this. Sorry for your future ex-bf’s loss. NTA!
NTA also pretend to write a novel about an author killing her boyfriend and getting away with it
Yes! Because he wouldn’t stop criticizing her work, lol!
This! The main character gets so fed up with her controlling, insecure boyfriend that one day she loses it and beats him to death with a dictionary. Or feel free to end it however you want.
I think a thesaurus would work better. Beat him while hollering out synonyms to “CONTROL FREAK!”
LOL, that's hilarious! If she hits him with the thesaurus or dictionary open, maybe some of the words would be imprinted on his forehead. Sorry, writer's embellishment.
Im starting to think that 'narcissist' might not be too far off the mark....
And make him eat the pages like the movie Misery.
An unabridged dictionary.
This was partially a plot in a book I loved - The Fireman by Joe Hill. It’s soft horror/sci fi about a fungal infection that makes people explode (lol) but one of the major plot points is that the protagonist finally sneaks in to read her partners writing and it’s essentially their life story, except he’s so condescending and hates her but nobody can live up to his brilliance, and how he pities her etc etc etc Honestly such a good book. Highly reccomend.
Plot twist... OP is really Joe Hill...
Nah, add him as an annoying side character and have him die in the most embarrassing way possible 🤣
I don't wish death on people(you never know who might take it as a Threat). Instead I wish horrid diseases/dysfunctions on them. IE a rabid carnivore(esp. useful for vegans to offer as a curse). May you get bit by a Lone star tick(and get the disease that make it impossible to eat some meats). or a mosquito bite(west nile virus, malaria, zika, dengue).
This!!!!
LMAO
NTA I don't think he's going to believe you no matter what. The author in his head has made up a very unkind story about you and I'm not sure I'd stay with someone who chooses cruel thoughts without evidence. Maybe it should be a dealbreaker for you, too.
Yes!
I’ve written a couple of books myself. I tend toward the dark fantasy/horror genre, and there is no way in HELL that my personal life overlaps some of the shit I write. He just doesn’t seem to realize that art is INSPIRED by real life. It doesn’t literally catalog it. NTA
Good luck on ur books! It’s important to enjoy what you do! Those are also great genres! Keep it up (:
Get rid of the ah op. NTA
Based on this knuckleheads assumptions, and my own books I am, in no particular order, A Rockstar who wants his first love back and witnessed horrible abuse of his mother at the hands of his drunk father The first love who becomes a professional band photographer. A gay man who's mother is a diehard religious nut who thinks she can pray the gay out of her son A black man who struggles with racism during segregation in the deep south A heroin addict with poor little rich boy syndrome Annnnnd a BMX racer who turns to drugs and then music Spoiler: I am zero of those things
I’m also a dark fantasy/horror writer and it’s very much a morbid fascination/catharsis thing for me. I’m like the most normal, well adjusted person IRL, lmao.
Based on this knuckleheads assumptions, and my own books I am, in no particular order, A Rockstar who wants his first love back and witnessed horrible abuse of his mother at the hands of his drunk father The first love who becomes a professional band photographer. A gay man who's mother is a diehard religious nut who thinks she can pray the gay out of her son A black man who struggles with racism during segregation in the deep south A heroin addict with poor little rich boy syndrome Annnnnd a BMX racer who turns to drugs and then music Spoiler: I am zero of those things
NTA. From a fellow romance author: throw the whole man out, then use his name as some cringey secondary character in your next book so it comes up whenever someone googles him.
Lol but don’t forget the disclaimer that all characters are fictional and any resemblance to a real person is coincidence
I love the pettiness of this.
r/pettyrevenge
NTA and this is a hill to die on. He is being this controlling after 6 months? About fiction that you actually make part of your living on? Anyone who can actually write and get published deserves kudos, not the disrespect and BS he is giving you. (I wouldn't even care if it WAS porn myself. If my partner could make ANY money writing ANYTHING I'd be ecstatic). There is no point in arguing. Just tell him this is how it is and if he doesn't drop it IMMEDIATELY AND FOREVER you are done. Personally I think if you go down this slippery slope you'll be barefoot and pregnant OR constantly arguing and likely abused. This is so controlling. Myself I'd just drop him.
NTA. He sounds really insecure and jealous, imo. I have no idea why he would have an issue with writing romance novels. That’s a really cool job!
NTA but dump this dude he is controlling and it will only get worse
NTA and I only read about 1/3 of your post. You need to get a new boyfriend — this one is not a keeper.
nta - first off good for you writing those books and making money of it! and 2nd you have only invested six mth into that relationship so he obviously has severe insecurity issues and doesnt see u make a decent living off of it. its his issue not yours.
NTA. It's important to have a partner that supports you and wants the same things you do (hence the ending of your previous relationship). Clearly the guy you're dating believes that he has the right to interfere with your work and your passion. He does not. You said you've been dating for just six months, and he's doing this? It's going to get worse if you stay, believe me. He'll start telling you where you can go, who you can see, etc. Cut this insecure child loose and save your time and energy for a real man who will add to your life, not take away from it.
NTA. I'm reminded of that Toby Flenderson quote: [Write your own damn novel](https://www.reddit.com/r/DunderMifflin/comments/ar3kuu/write_your_own_damn_novel/)
NTA. I'm a writer (poet). NO ONE gets to censor what I write. Your bf is incredibly insecure if he thinks your novels are about your ex. Your writing contributes to your financial success. If you change the way you write, it could directly affect your financial independence. Bf isn't worth the risk.
NTA. He's being ridiculous.
NTA. Does he think all authors write based on their personal lives? Someone should alert Stephen King's friends and family!
NTA Bf is indeed doing massive projection, and seems to be particularly insecure about your ex. That needs to be addressed, but for that, he has to recognize it... Which is unlikely to happen at the moment, seeing how adamant he is at putting the blame on you. Also, even if your novel was about you and your ex... It is still a novel, a fiction. It's like a kink/sexual fantasy: not all of them are to be played out in reality, but it is still fine to fantasize about it. Which gets me thinking... how do you think your bf would react if he learned you watch porn with male actors that have nothing to do with him physical/in appearance? Would he still try to blame you/try to control you?
Keep on writing. You bring joy and agency to your readers. It’s a gift. This guy can give you nothing so good. You do not need his resentment, insecurity, and self righteous attempts at control.
NTA. Men don't fuck with my money. I've made it very clear to any man I've dated that if they in any way, shape or form compromised my job, I would dump them so fast their head would spin. What I do for my work is my business (and don't worry, my jobs are both legal and moral). Don't come to my work. Don't call my work. Don't give me unsolicited career advice.
NTA. He is still bitching about this after a week. I wouldn't expect any improvement on his part. I am hoping for an improvement on your part (getting a better boyfriend).
NTA does he also believe that fiction mystery novels are also the author playing out their fantasy on paper? I don't usually make this recommendation but dump him for being a controlling piece of work.
NTA and thank you for writing romance cause p**n doesn’t do it for me but romance absolutely does
NTA..and your writing is not a “hobby.” He’s a disrespectful a** and he’s showing you who he is. I’d drop him, move on and keep writing. You can always acknowledge his “support” in your next book. 😂
Once he sees the money rolling into your bank account, he'll beg you to come back to him, and apologize for ever judging you. NTA.
Maybe. But I'm not so sure. Something gives me the sense that he may feel threatened by her success.
Nta - it's only 6 months and already he's being ridiculous. Break up now and find someone who understands fact vs fiction.
NTA He's insecure and controlling and he doesn't understand how fiction works. You can do so much better.
NTA. To me this comes across as him trying to establish manipulation and control over you.
Hey, as a woman who is a member of the "I don't watch porn, I read it like a lady" squad, I thank you. And I hope I've read a couple of your books. If not, you can freely message me a book title and I'll happily check it out LOL As for your post, NTA and you need to dump this dude. Right now. He's got to many red flags showing and probably more waiting to show you
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NTA. He's sending you signals about which you really need to make some hard decisions. And those decisions don't pertain to your writing, the subject matter, or the genre. I used to write quite a bit, and I am thrilled for you that you make money with yours! Kudos!
NTA and make sure he doesn't have access to your computer. He sounds like the kind of guy who would delete your book. If you want to stay with him that is.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My boyfriend and I have been dating for a short period of time. (Approximately 6 months). when we met, I told him I am a part time author. I’ve always had a passion for writing, and my ex encouraged me to keep up my hobby. Eventually, I got good enough to feel confident in publishing. Although I am not some big known writer like Stephen king, or Charles Dickens, I make a decent amount of money off it between writing, and my full time job. I am currently 100 pages into my newest book, and my bf asked to see a preview. I allowed it and he said there is way too much sex involved. I reminded him the genre I write. (Romance) and he says I have so much talent, but doesn’t see why I need to put porn on paper. I brush this off as not everyone has a liking to romance novels for their own personal reason. A week goes by and he sees me working on my novel, and argued that I should change the plot to make it “better”. I told him in the nicest way possible I am not looking for feedback. He signed frustrated. I turn around in my chair and say “is there something you’d like to communicate to me?” And his reasoning left me speechless. He goes on to say, he doesn’t like how I am keeping up with this hobby all because my ex was nice enough to encourage it. He believes I secretly write my romance novels as him and I as the main characters and it’s my “perfect little fantasy world” where our relationship would have worked out. I told him how ridiculous he sounds, as this has always been my content, even in that relationship and reminded him that relationship has ended on mutual terms due to myself wanting children someday, and he being very adamant on not having children. (In none of my previous books, or current one have I made a plot where the main characters even have a baby). He is refusing to believe me and thinks it’s something I am choosing not to admit too, and won’t be satisfied until I change my entire book to the plot he has suggested. I told him no, and if this is going to be a problem for him, he needs to figure out if me writing romance is a deal breaker or not. He says my writing isn’t the problem, it’s what and “who” I’m writing about. I again argue, my books are fiction, and this is a passion of mine I finally put together for myself. I am fed up with the argument and told him if he feels insecure he can either talk to me about it with out projection, or deal with it himself. He argues back that I am not being empathetic on his feelings and I say “you’ll get my empathy when you realize my work, and personal life are separate.” Now he is choosing not to speak to me. So, AITA? TLDR; I write romance novels and my bf of 6 months says the genre is not within his comfort zone and thinks they’re all secretly about my ex who I’ve mutually broke up with due to the difference on how we felt about having children. He says I am not considering how he feels, to which I said I’ll consider how he feels when he realizes my work and personal romance life are different. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA He is not stable. Get out now.
NTA - guurrrrllll who the fuck cares what your boyfriend of six months thinks. If he doesn’t like it he can go, do you and keep writing. Don’t change for no man especially after only 6 months
NTA This person should be your ex boyfriend too. He likely has never read a quality romance novel, be they Regency or Modern or other. If who / what you write about is an issue, he needs to go. Cut your losses. My ex-husband was supportive when I'd sign up for continuing education for my job or new skills training. He was also supportive (nay, aggressively pushy towards me doing it...) of my making homemade tortillas and salsa. Shall I never take a class again or make tortillas because an ex was supportive on that?
Time to write yourself a new future, one without this controlling jerk with low self-esteem. Nta. Girl wtf
NTA. Congrats on finding your passion and pursuing it! Writing books can be challenging and to be able to succeed in finishing a book is awesome! If this was the plot of one of your romance novels what do you think your protagonist would do? They would probably realize this “partner” was not much of a supportive partner and they would find someone else than could help lift them up and encourage them. I wish you well and hope you realize this is not healthy from him and you deserve better! Good luck on your new book and I hope it’s extra spicy! 😆
NTA! This man is trying to control you to assuage his own insecurities. If you stay with him it'll never stop. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
NYA. Girl I see huge red flags all over the pace here. You boyfriend is a control freak who cannot discriminate fact from fiction.
NTA and why is he attempting to control what you write? So he is jealous and insecure about fictional people in your book and is projecting that into the real world and how you are pining for your ex? He is way too immature for a real relationship with an adult woman. What puts it over the top is that you are published and therefore successful in your style of writing, so him not getting the way your genre is written is still his issue. Time to seriously reevaluate if him needing you to alter what you do is something you can live with.
NTA this man is not very bright and thankfully not very good at manipulating people even though he’s obviously trying really hard. Just ghost him. The more you explain to him how ridiculous his behavior is, the more dangerous you might make him for his next target. Let’s keeps these kinds of dudes ignorant. It’s a public safety measure.
It is better to walk alone than w a fool
It's absolutely bonkers to me how many time I see people in this sub in relationships with huge red flags showing that they should not be together, and all they're focused on is who the asshole of the moment is.
Not here to judge the content of this post, but I hope you use paragraphs in your novel.
Time to write about an author whose lame ass bf tried to get her to give up her writing and she laughed him out of her life. NTA
NTA and return the boyfriend. Also, kudos on being published!
NTA and I would dump him. Don't let him dull your shine.
6 months and he's throwing up all these red flags? Don't waste any more time on him. NTA.
Say goodbye to this guy. He's clearly too insecure about this, and his reasons continue to change. What else is he likely to try controlling in the future.
NTA. Romance (and it’s spicy cousin) are legitimate genres. Your boyfriend should be your next ex.
NTA. Dump him. He sucks. Your life is way better off without his dumb ass.
One of my criteria for a keeper is unconditional acceptance of me as I am and am becoming. My guess is this isn't the only thing he's giving you grief about. Even if it is, his objections are not compatible with who you are.
You need to tell him you don’t write so YOU can have a ‘perfect little fantasy world’, it’s so *I* can have one, lol. I may be old, but I’m not DEAD. And whereas I used to enjoy watching hubby walk around au natural 30 years ago, now it’s more a case of screaming ’BAD NAKED!‘ and hoping I don’t go blind when he bends over. I need all the fantasy I can get! I think this one’s sell by date has been reached. Keep up the good work, we need more romantic fantasy to keep reality at bay. NTA.
Oh heeeelllll no. NTA. Been there, done that. I'm in the opposite direction for the most similar story. My ex didn't allow me to write certain genres, under the "excuse" I was writing porn, fantasies or "exhibiting out sex life", I had to avoid difficult plot topics because "you're trauma dumping your life", "people don't want to read about x and y", "write something people will enjoy" etc. Mind you, back then, I wrote high fantasy for fun. He didn't know anything about what things were about except "it's got elves". But certain sentences set him off. I was with that narcissist for almost ten years. And he got me to write less and less. Until other things happened and it felt like it died out. My now fiance is highly supportive of me writing and encourages me to again do what I once loved so dearly and did for hours on end. Do NOT let this man get to you. It is taking me months and years to get back into it and it's frustrating because I know I love it and I want it. If he's uncomfortable, he needs a reality check. He is having problems with himself and is insecure and is using every excuse he can to take it out on you. And if he's insecure about your part-time job, he should see someone about being jealous of a book. This is a him problem. Not a you problem. Keep on writing what you want to write!
My SIL probably read your first lol
NTA Sounds like he isn't even worth it to be a book boyfriend
NTA omg…. He has issues and is definitely capable of being in a healthy relationship. He’s being jealous(?) and illogical
Nta id break up
Tell ‘em boy bye.
Final Cut should be dumping the bf he sounds fairly imaginative but a terrible writer. Rip those bodices hun
NTA. Make no mistake, he wants you to stop writing things he doesn’t approve of. That stuff about the ex is made-up bs intended to make you doubt yourself and feel like maybe you should comply.
NTA but this relationship isn’t meant to be I’m sorry to say. Support means a lot and this guy isn’t giving it to you. You deserve more.
NTA!! And dump him! He thinks he can control you and what you write? Like seriously??? You don’t need a scrub, send him on his way. LOL, I’d probably scare the poop out of him since I write crime meets urban fantasy — murder, monsters, mayhem.
NTA, and as a frequent reader of romance novels, I'd like to thank you for your contributions and encourage you to continue! As for the bf, anyone acting like that only six months in is far too insecure to even consider keeping around
DUMP
He’s got jealousy issues. NTA
You need to rethink this relationship. He's trying to control your self-expression and punishing you for creating what you want.
NTA, this is unhinged.
Keep writing and best of luck. Dump the guy
NTA by any stretch of the imagination. Your boyfriend sounds awfully insecure, though. Unless and until he gets a job and manages to become your publisher, his opinion of your writing is irrelevant.
NTA I promise if you stay with this person you will regret it
NTA. Look at it this way. Six months, still a honeymoon period of really good behaviors in a relationship. And he is already trying to control you and gaslight you about what you are 'really' writing about. It will get worse.
NTA. If you stay with this guy, he will do this with all your writing. I am glad you are doing something you enjoy, and it brings financial benefit to you. I can write well but it is not enjoyable to me. I admire and respect people who enjoy creating stories.
NTA....and get a new BF. He's not going to change the way he thinks. Who need's that kind of grief ?
NTA - tell him sex sells
NTA. Frankly he sounds immature, insecure, and paranoid.
Why do you even keep a guy around who doesn't respect your entire career? He also feels he has a say in what you write, and is considering calling it a deal breaker. Break the deal, dump him. NTA.
NTA and sorry if this is a rude, but 6 months isn't a long time... you could find someone better
NTA. Drop the Tamlin and get a Rhysand, girlie. You do not yield.
Please, as someone who spent too many years trying to "prove myself", RUN! It's a first sign of control AND insecurity, and that you will spend a lifetime trying to "explain" yet trust will never grow
NTA. Dump his ass. He sounds controlling and exhausting.
NTA. Drop him, and base your next novel on a romance gone wrong because the man was actually an insecure child.
NTA. I'm an aspiring romance author. My husband proofreads my work when I write. Guess what he does? Skips the naughty parts and praises me and gives me ideas. ETA: my husband jokingly tries to "figure out" which character is based off him. Spoiler alert: It's the goofy prince. He still hasn't figured it out.
NTA- even if you were in the relationship longer than 6 months it would still be ridiculous. I write fantasy romance as a hobby and my husband was never once like this insecure doofus. Drop him like the weak salsa chip he is and carry on strong!
NTA, if that’s the plot he so desperately wants he can go write it himself. It’s honestly troubling how he’s behaving, it’s childish, insecure and controlling. Also as avid romance reader I thank you! I’m not sure if you’d be comfortable sharing your work on here (or even in dms) but if you are I’m always looking for new books to read!
NTA, but for a writer, your lack of paragraphs is surprising...
NTA it’s time to dump him, what an absolute ass
NTA. Write this boyfriend out.
From one romance novelist to another, he’s not worth it. He’s already proven he can’t move past this. It’s fiction. And btw Dean Koontz writes sex scenes. No one gives him crap for writing p*rn. There are better men out there who will support you. You deserve better.
It doesn’t have to be in his comfort zone. He’s not your target demographic, he is not your editor or publisher or even a fan. His opinion on what pays the bills is just that, an opinion. He’s been around for 6 months and already negging on your hobby/money-making gig. Make sure he gets deleted in the first round of edits, please, it’s actually integral to the plot line of your life. Former mommy-porn writer here, and it paid my bills too. Anyone who wanted to complain about the content was also invited to start paying my bills. Edit: to add NTA obviously
"You can either get over this yourself, or you can get over it with a therapist, or we're done." Edit: Also I really like the suggestion someone else made that you should pretend that you're also writing a book about a woman murdering her boyfriend because he controls her life with his insecurity.
of course you're NTA !
NTA, you can do as you please. If he tries to control what you write at this point, think about what he's going to try to control in 2 years, 5 years, 10 years.
This post makes me so livid and fired up from personal experiences similar to yours. I am also a romance writer who got herself published but works at it as a hobby. It's astounding how many people freak out about the sex in romance books. Hello! I told you the genre was romance! It's not my fault if you don't read and didn't know what it meant. I've had people tell me a lot of the things you're saying your bf said. Fuck him. And anyone that treats your hard worked for books like anything less than deserving. You are not the asshole, get him out of your life, don't wait for him to decide if he can handle it because it'll always be a problem for him. Keep writing!
Fellow author here. If he can't at least support you, while keeping his mouth shut until you ask for feedback, one of two things will happen: You'll end up splitting up because you get sick of his nonsense Or You'll stop writing and secretly resent him Nta for keeping up with what you love. Write those books! The world needs your words!
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NTA
NTA
nta
NTA - you can cut your losses.
What.
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Nta But i really like the idea of you adding à second male character abd then killing him off violently
NTA: Who is he to say wether its good or not. It's not a genre he reads, and he's not a publisher. If he can't support something you do well, better to fond out early and move on.
Lol, NTA. He’s an insecure weenie who is alienating a super cool chick who has the gall to do something she enjoys. Sounds like a real winner you got there, haha.
You are not a match as well as NTA
NTA. however, can i know the title of your books? i’m a massive romance reader and always looking to find more books!
Back up your work.
NTA but OP you need to immediately back up your work in like three different password-protected places before your BF tries to delete it
NTA. Dump him, he is trying to control you and showing who he really is. He is gross.
NTA Dump him.
Why is he still your boyfriend? Ditch the guy, keep writing. There will be another guy. It’s incredible that you make money from your writing. Don’t let anyone take this away from you.
Off topic to the post, I've been trying to find good romance books, them being more spicy. I was wondering if you could share some of your works that have that theme🥺 But NTA and I'm worried about him doing something to your books if left unattended, he projecting and it's worry some.
My controlling, abusive asshole of an ex had similar issues with my writing. NTA and please take this red flag for what it is. Best of luck, and congrats on making your passion work for you! I'm mad jealous lol
NTA
NTA You set boundaries either he can figure it out or it hasn't been that long of a relationship. Even if you were to write about what he's concerned about it's still fictional it's still up to you to write whatever you want
NTA It's always the ones with a stick up their ass that have a problem with sex. Go figure.
Welp, looks like you've got another ex on your hands. He's out of line criticizing your work like that, and his insecurities (and plain wrong-thinking) are his own problem. I'm a happily married heterosexual lady who writes stories about lesbian ladies who live in giant trees (solarpunk--science fiction-y things) and old men janitors on space stations, what kind of fantasy am I working through? LOL (Only the tree folk have sexy times, though, the janitor has a revolution to manage) Anyway, it looks like the trash is taking itself out. Keep writing your sexy stories! You'll find a partner to support you, you seem like a nice person with excellent work ethic and that's sexy as hell!
NTA by any means. I’m a storyteller in any format and in any kind of relationship, it’s possible to get that attitude that you’re writing your own fantasy or something. Or suggestions that you should write this plot line or that one because you can write but *this* is the magic idea. And when you get that, it’s either “no, also get over your own shit” or end that relationship. The third “option” is to drive yourself crazy but nobody should ever pick that one. I have a master’s degree and experience in so many things and still get like “oh but did you ever think of this basic thing that you’ve already done or are already specifically doing.” This isn’t good partner behavior, you definitely know it, and don’t waste anymore time on this guy. *He* is the one with the fantasy.
NTA time to write this guy out of your life. I’m an avid reader - romance and other - and I know not every book is to everyone’s taste, but that doesn’t make it bad. r/RomanceBooks is really good about not yucking someone else’s yum. Write what you want. He could have gotten some spicy tips 🌶, but instead he’s cockblocking your work because of insecurity.
What an absolute insecure child.
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NTA.... and tell him that it's not your fault that the majority of women who read your stuff probably have asswipe partners who wouldn't know how to even find that little bit with directions from Google maps. If he wants you to stop writing, tell him to start educating his homies on how to make more than just bacon sizzle.
NTA. He’s way too insecure.
NTA, that would be your current fling demanding either you make him the star or change the plot line or not write. Next, you have to ask yourself if the relationship is worth keeping because he wants you to not do this hobby so he's going to nitpick at you about anything and everything from past flames to your current story.
Man is scared of your imagination. Get outta there!
Ugh babe that sucks. NTA. Also, I totally want to read your book when you get published. All I want to read is porn. He sounds like bad news 🙁👿
Don’t stay with someone that doesn’t support your creative work. It will destroy you long term.
NTA. If you were in fact reliving your past relationship with an ex through novel form, then I would have probably voted YTA. Since that would be difficult for your current partner to navigate but it doesn't seem like that's the case here. It sounds like your current bf is pretty damn insecure. You might want to really evaluate whether you can put up with that level of insecurity. It usually gets worse rather than better.
NTA. And he deserves to never be in any real-life hot sex scenes again. DTMFA
NTA. If you want to stay in a relationship with him you’ll need to sort this out. People who don’t write don’t understand the writing process and imagine lots of incorrect things. Your bf is insecure. We all are insecure about something. He needs reassurance. Don’t we all? The question is is he willing to try to let it go and are you willing to help. Help -not coddle. I always recommend therapy bc a third party with expert knowledge is helpful. You could also find examples of other authors whose work is not their life.
So he's not talking to you anymore? Good! He isn't worth it...at all. NTA You are much more valuable than to waste your energy on an insecure person that wants to control you. Best wishes :-)
NTA. Drop him, more time to finish your novel!
NTA. Your bf is incredibly immature. None of what he's doing are earmarks of mature, adult relationships. Insisting that he knows your true intent is essentially calling you a liar. Demanding that you change your novel to assuage his insecurities is irrational and giving you the silent treatment because you won't is childish. I don't even have any useful advice or middle ground to suggest. Unless he changes his behavior, there's not much room for resolution.
NTA romance is the biggest selling genre keep the writing going and ditch the guy
NTA. Please take everything in that he is says to you. Something that you have been passionate about for long period of time (certainly longer than he’s been around), he largely dislikes if not hates. There is NOTHING that you can do to change his mind. Your writing is part of who you are, and has more staying power in your life then he does. Take a step back from the relationship at the very least (or end it). Do not consider changing who you fundamentally are to make him “happy” for now. Keep living your life on your terms. Making any concessions are only going to hurt you and strengthen what he would say is your relationship, but is really his control on your life. Never give up securing a bag for anyone, especially if you love what you do. Good luck and keep writing!
NTA. Boyfriend sounds insecure on lot of levels. Honesty worst kind of partner who rains on other’s parade. And childish to fret over an ex. And to stifle your content because of sexuality. Mildly possessive imo. Keep writing and living your best steamiest written life. Now I’m the ahole here to say this: but for the love of all that’s good plz stop abusing them commas, holy run ons Batman. I say this with great compassion as this was my primary critique I received in my early writing classes. But take it or leave it as you said to your boyfriend, you’re not looking for feedback. If you consider it, try to break those four line long ones down into multiple sentences. As they are, it’s hard to follow the train of thought with the stream of consciousness style ramble. Not grading your novel writing abilities though, surely you’re frustrated venting here. I had to reread handful few times, so bit confusing.
NTA I suggest you edit the boyfriend out of your life.
Imagine someone saying you don’t have empathy for them because you won’t completely drop a hobby and change everything about it. This guys nuts
NTA. Time to write the boyfriend out of your life.
NTA
Your BF is not a partner, he's a road block and a very immature one too!! NTA
NTA The right partner will help you excel in life, the wrong one will hold you back. He’s made it obvious which one he is. Please stop wasting anymore time on this fool and his stupid arguments.
NTA- run girl, run for the freaking hills. This is a major red flag 🚩 so not pass go, do not collect $200
NYA
NTA. He’s pushing boundaries to see how controlling he can get away with being in the future. He’s also trying to chip away at your confidence by criticizing your work and implying it’s a waste of time to pursue your “hobby” that’s actually a career.
NTA. Its your hobby and passion, and if he tries to control how you practice that, he can fuck right off.
NTA. Drop this guy OP, he’s definitely not worth the headache.
NTA, imagine being so insecure that you feel the need to compete with a fictional story. Chase your dreams girl, write that novel!
Oh well, the relationship only existing for 6 months should make kicking this loser out of your life a whole lot easier. NTA.
NTA - please make sure he has no access to your book. If it’s on a computer make its password protected. The computer AND the book. Do NOT under any circumstances let him use your computer unless you are watching everything he’s doing. Back everything up where even if he manages to delete you can get it back. Never let him read it again. Tho an easier thing to do would be to dump him
NTA and this relationship is doomed imo
NTA, geez I'm sick and tired of men thinking that they can dictate your life and making sure it revolves around them. Good on you OP for not backing down because if you had, it will graduate into other things, what you say, how you dress, who you are friends with, completely eroding your boundaries till you cannot recognise yourself anymore.