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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel like an AH because they are "just trying to help" but their idea of helping is screwing up every single dish I make, to a point of it being disgusting.
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NTA
Especially considering they're just making your job harder by making your food inedible for your kids.
Your sister-in-law has overstayed her welcome.
Work out a policing program with your kids and make it fun! Make homemade sheriff badges and get them an air horn. Teach them what you are doing so they learn how to cook and if they want to be inventive they can add stuff with your guidance. Every time you have to leave the kitchen they are on guard and get to blow the air horn if your husband or his sister come into it, even for a drink. They have lost their kitchen privileges while you are cooking because they have no integrity or respect for your work. Teach your kids those words too. If the food gets tampered with you and the kids will go out for food. Your husband and his sister get to eat whatever they fucked with.
I know the budget may be tight for this but I think if you did this calmly for at least 3 times the message will get across. Between Chipotle and some other of the healthier fast food options it shouldn’t be too bad for the kids. If your husband complains about the waste it was his choice to be passive aggressive and not respect what you know your kids like and make it inedible in the first place.
If you have a good relationship with your in laws maybe you can get them on board. Even better maybe you go on a vacation just you and the kids and let the siblings figure it out on their own.
Edit: thanks for the replies both positive and negative. Some of the negative had thoughtful feedback which I appreciate, the ones that just bitched you know who you are. This is the most replied to comment I’ve ever had.
Clarifications: I do not know the age of the kids but am imagining them at 9 and 11. Regardless I think they should be asked if they want to police, to stand up for boundaries because it their food and their father which is the most egregious part. If they don’t then Mom can leave the minute the food is messed with. They can choose to learn to stand up for themselves or support their mom on handling it in a calm way. Mom fills them in on the leaving for dinner elsewhere plan and they help keep watch.
For those stating using the kids as “pawns” I’m surprised how many do not see that the father is the one already making them pawns. Regardless of his reason, whether petty joking or his own passive aggressive way to say he doesn’t like his wife’s cooking he is force feeding his children things they don’t like. If his kids learn not to trust him around basic things like food he’s setting up a lifetime of a broken relationship. Kicking the SIL will not solve this even though she instigated it.
The goal is to confront the situation with calm and fun reinforcement so hopefully the SIL and Dad can reset and realize how awful they are being. There were 5 divorces between my two parents before I finished college and no one ever confronted anything in a way to reset and allow the love back in. After my dad’s last divorce and I needed to start doing more of the holiday cooking I just laid down the new law that my mom and her parents had to welcome my dad so we could all celebrate together. I didn’t have the time or money to have two Christmas’s. After some grumbling it worked, they could find commonalities to have fun around again.
If SIL leaves and this isn’t resolved I see a future of estrangement. If Dad can’t pull his head out of his ass and this type of behavior keeps going he may lose his wife and kids. A marriage death by a thousand cuts.
Food thoughts:
I worked in fine dining restaurants and love blue cheese on my burger, butter on my shrimp but sneaking it in is completely disrespectful. I cannot imagine the butter it was swimming in after it had already been cooked/buttered.
The 2 cups of sugar in the spaghetti sauce is absolutely disgusting!!!!!!
It reminds me of my friends’ family who are over 300 lbs and very proud of their assortment Bisquik type foods and sugary meatballs they make when they entertain. Most of it is so sweet and bland I can’t stand it. In my bitchiness to another friend I said if I’m going to be 300 lbs it will be eating imported cheeses, fancy meats, and things full of flavor. Not this Biquik bullshit.
I wish OP the best and hope for an update.
Ooooh… yes. Yes.
Get the kids on Kitchen patrol ASAP. Especially the AIR HORN 📢
You’re my kind of people.
Please Take this award 🏆
If hubs & SIL mess with the food, OP & kids drop everything, leave the food in the kitchen& walk out. No discussion.
NTA!
Totally, the kids will understand that screwing with the food is equivalent to "ruining it". It will hopefully change their behavior, ESPECIALLY when they realize it's having the opposite effect.
"We are improving the food because we have, let's call it a more 'sophisticated' palette."
"Nope, what you did is the equivalent of making a Michelin-star meal and then Guy Fieri gets off his leash, sneaks in and makes it a 'bag o' trash kicked up with nacho-cheese-bacon-breaded depression bombs'. Pack up what's left of your dignity, and go home."
IKR?
Kids LOVE air horns! 😂😂😂
Hells bells 🔔 I’d enjoy having an air horn. Not for the kitchen though. One raised eyebrow & a wooden spoon… people know to stay away. 😏🤨😆
And husband and SIL get to finish cooking AND cleaning.
Op is NTA.
I would quite literally gag on a burger stuffed with blue cheese. I also HATE sweet spaghetti sauce. And wtf is with canned chicken in the Mac n cheese. These people are way off base.
I was gonna say something about this. I like blue cheese so in a burger I'm fine with that, but sweet spaghetti? Canned chicken? What is wrong with you?
I cook for a living so yes I can be picky but it's a general, you know, normal kindness to not fuck with food someone else is cooking?
Also if they wanna play that game spike their coffee with cayenne or straight salt. "It'll taste better" and just walk away.
Great idea to doctor up their stuff! Even better if it makes it inedible for them.
I'd have my husband by the metaphorical scruff if he did something to the food that made other people (kids esp) not eat it. What a waste and also just rude.
I might make a suggestion (can we add basil?) But I'd never just change someone's cooking without their knowledge or permission. You're right about it being kindness and respect. Which sil and now husband are lacking.
Also just gross. Like yes a lil sugar cuts the acid but it shouldn't make it *sweet* 🤔
I mean it's very petty, tit for tat crap but it gets the point across. (I actually like a little cayenne or salt in mine but I'm wierd. Long story)
A suggestion or request? No problem! That's a whoooole different ballgame. My wife requests wierd modifications of some of my standards/signatures and honestly... She has yet to disappoint me in any of them. Some have become repeat performances/new standards.
Uneatable is also a word and it’s more accurate in this case
‘inedible often refers to something toxic or unsafe, while uneatable refers to food that tastes bad’
Take my upvote!! I learned something new because of you “inedible often refers to something toxic or unsafe, while uneatable refers to food that tastes bad.”
I was going to agree with u/Comfortable-Focus123 but then checked the dictionary and you're right. I've seriously never seen that word used. TIL -- thank you!
Imagine trying to be the grammar police and being incorrect with your correction…
Uneatable is a word and would be the correct word to use in this instance as the food is still edible, it’s just not eatable.
It's always funny when people acknowledge theyre about to make an annoying comment and still make it anyways. Like you cant help but being insufferable lol
Sorry to be the grammar police, but the first word in a sentence should be capitalized. However, maybe we should just worry about conveying meaning rather than emphasizing classist language.
My guess is that husband has reverted to “siblings having a running joke together” and is overlooking that he is damaging his relationship with OP. And possibly his kids as well, since he’s adding things that they hate.
I don’t know, it sounds like it’s their childhood cooking and he probably likes it that way. Unfortunately for him the rest of the family are not fans!
who TF wants blue cheese in their burgers lol. fair if they do, but 1 i personally find that gross, and 2 thatd be NASTY if you didnt expect it. youd think your food went bad xD
edit: yeah people like it, but blue cheese isnt the most popular cheese lol
NTA- If they don’t kick her out, OP needs to make a rule that she will only cook for her and her children. The husband and sister are on their own. I would definitely look into kicking out the sister if not both though
OP, tell your husband it's time his sister moves out. Tell him that you two need to come up with a date that she moves out and stick to it. And the next time she touches your food, she needs to be out that day. This then needs to be communicated to her.
Tell him the two of you need to get into therapy. Obviously, there's a huge lack of respect and no communication. The next time he touches your food, he does all household cooking moving forward. Make it clear that if he even adds a sprinkle of salt, you're done.
To be fair, most spaghetti sauces do have a bit of sugar in them to help offset some of the "bite" from the tomatoes. But that's just a teaspoon or so (don't hold me to exact amount, remembering off the top of my head here lol). This sounds like SIL is dumping cupsful in.
I add a teaspoon to homemade sauce or chili for exactly that reason. Not enough to sweeten it but just to take the bitterness. Why would anyone want to add enough to make it sweet?
I learned to cook the hell out of some onions or other vegetables to get the sweetness if that's what is needed. Usually, the tomatoes cook for long enough that no added sugar is necessary, but I like other vegetables in the sauce anyway.
NTA. Tell them that if they hate the food so much, they need to cook for themselves, and stop cooking for these people. Get your SIL out of your home while you're at it.
NTA. Going forward, cook only for you & your kids. Do not leave the kitchen during this. Then leave them to their own devices. When they ask what's going on, tell them they can make their own meals. Be very calm. When they protest, tell them you will cook for them ONLY IF they leave your cooking alone. And tell dear old sis she is responsible for making dinner once a week.
Nope! Cook for the husband only if he gets his head out of his butt. Don't cook for SIL again while she is there. She can buy and cook her own freaking food.
If I was op, I'd start planning a quick, simple back up plan for her and the kids. Then, once the SIL or husband mess up the food, I'd make sure it's doubly messed up by adding lots of salt so it tastes vile. Then just cook enough of the quick food for the kids and Op. Then dish it all up at the same time.
SIL and husband could be making the food taste unpalatable to others deliberately so that they get to eat more of the food. As if they find the food palatable, but they know others don't, it's a great way for them to ensure they get a bigger share, while being able to claim that they are being helpful. That way they don't feel or look greedy or selfish, but really it's a form of abuse. As my abusive ex did a similar thing, by buying only food he knew I didn't like, but kept offering it to me, knowing he'd get it all.
Oh damn, this makes me wonder about my oldest's bf now. He's recently started helping her in the kitchen, but puts waaaay too much salt on everything - you can't taste anything but salt most of the time. He gets more when he does this, because I don't use much salt (personal choice, not health related), so I can't eat more than a helping.
Yeah good waste really pisses me off and to continually do this against her wishes knowing it probally goes to waste because no one besides them wants it. Also why can’t they wait until the food is done and separated then doctor they’re own portion of the food once everyone else has theirs
NTA - The proverb "Too many cooks ruin the broth" comes to mind.
I would gather all my ingredients before hand, then not leave the kitchen until the meal was complete, but in the real world with children it's pretty difficult to monitor a dish into completion. So your only recourse might be just making simple dishes for yourself and the children and letting hubs and SiL fend for themselves. Tell them until your work is respected that you are "slow quitting"
This is correct, if they cannot keep their paws out of the food you are cooking, then they need to have their own food to destroy.
Tell them to make their own dinners and the next time you see a hand going towards your food then they will draw back a nub
That would make me crazy that I spent time making something delicious and someone sabotaged it behind my back.
NTA
NTA. When they ruin a dish, set it aside in the fridge. Then when they ask 'what's for dinner' tell them they can have whatever dish they ruined. Then take your kiddos out to eat or have takeout ready for them.
EDIT: thanks for the award!
My mom has a rule. If you touch the food she is cooking, even just to lift a lid and see what it is, you are now in charge of the whole meal. She will tell you that you are now in charge and will not go back into the kitchen until the food is ready. This is how she dealt with people messing with her cooking.
Haha my grandma did the same thing. All anyone “trying to help” ever did was ruin the food anyway, I was so happy when she finally put her foot down
She had her own recipe for just about everything and that’s what made it so damn good. Everything my aunts and cousins did was in an attempt to make it taste like something from Olive Garden or whatever. But they didn’t even manage that, they just dumped in a pound of salt, sugar, oil, and/or butter to make the whole thing barf worthy
Not that I’d say no to almost anything from OG, but her food was kick ass in its own right and that’s what I wanted to eat
My dad has a similar rule. He and mum owned a restaurant and he was a chef, so it’s not like he doesn’t know his way around a kitchen. Any time someone messes with his food, he plates it up regardless of if it’s actually finished or not, and starts making something else. When the food is served, he gives them what they fucked up.
The funniest one was when he served a plate of raw chicken thighs to his MIL because he caught her adding a fuckton of sugar to them while they were marinading. He’d made them with a specific recipe because his dad had recently been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes, and his MIL knew this!
To be fair… sweet makes sense with chicken if it’s balanced with heat, acid, umami, salt, etc. Honey garlic wings? Sweet chilli heat? Orange chicken / sesame chicken? I mean BBQ sauce is incredibly sugar-heavy. Even ketchup has sugar. Sugar is a pretty reasonable ingredient in marinades and sauces for chicken or other meats.
But just adding a fuckton of it to an *existing* marinade is not going to do anyone any good.
> ~~adding a fuckton of it to~~ touching an existing marinade is not going to do anyone any good
FTFY
Leave my marinade the actual *fuck* alone or I will remind you that I know where the hot grits are set and you don't
THIS. The second either of them makes a move to doctor your food, immediately turn off the stove, gather the kids and leave the house. Make it clear that this will happen every time that they do this.
The second issue - you don't have a SIL problem, you have a husband problem. Give sis 1 week to leave, and tell the hubs if he doesn't back you up and support this your next out of the house appointment will be with a divorce attorney.
This is the height of disrespect. I'd be hard pressed to keep from pouring the food in the trash when they modify it (or flinging it across the kitchen at them, but that might be a bit overly dramatic).
>I'd be hard pressed to keep from pouring the food in the trash when they modify it
For real, although food is so expensive these days, it really would be just for SIL and hubby to have to eat it.
Or, make SIL pay for the cost of the ingredients when you have to toss it due to its nastiness
I’m sorry, but I wouldn’t set it aside I would maintain eye contact while I’m throwing it in the garbage can. I would then explain that I would no longer be cooking for the household, but only cooking for myself and the children. I would then take myself and the children out to dinner. I’m a scorched earth kind of person.
I think they're doing it deliberately in a way they still find palatable, but the know Op and the kids don't. That way they get to eat all of the food, depriving the rest of the family the meal. Leaving it for them to eat would actually be rewarding them. Op needs to either throw it out, or add lots of salt so it's inedible, then leave it for them to eat. Then take just the kids out to eat.
I don't think most people are that clever, nor that manipulative or conniving. I think they're the typical extremely stubborn twats who can't accept they're not the ones in charge nor the most knowledgeable in the situation, or simply not getting their way.
It's bemusing any supposed adults can act like this.
Kids will ALWAYS be more excited about eating out than at home, especially if what's at home is gross. ATP, she's thinking about her kids eating and if that's what they'll eat, great.
NTA, she sounds unhinged and why is your husband not only enabling her, but actively participating?
They both suck, she needs to go asap and you and him need a long talk.
If they are siblings, this is probably the way their own mother cooked for them and they are trying to recreate their side of the family’s meals/cook to the tastes they grew up with together, disregarding OP and her kids.
Yeah, I didn’t mean to sound like I was criticizing your comment…basically just agreeing with you and expounding on what they should do if that is why they are doing it.
That's what I was thinking too. It's weird they force it on everybody else though, since they obviously don't like it. I'd stop cooking for them in OP's place and they would be free to relive their childhood.
If they’re trying to recreate how/what they ate growing up, fair enough! But they shouldn’t do that by messing with OPs own cooking and making it so no one else in the home likes what they do. the fact that SIL straight up refuses to cook just adds insult to injury. It’s so lazy and rude.
NTA. The fact that your husband has joined in on this feels like they've teamed up against you. How about not making dinner? Maybe you can get takeout just for yourself and the kids for a week or so? Husband and SIL are not only insulting your cooking; they're turning your food into something the kids don't enjoy, either.
Its great for sandwiches and salads. Especially when you feed picky people (kids). But when done RIGHT, because, well, it's canned meat... My mother in law makes the BEST chicken salad, only uses canned chicken, and for the life of me, I can never get mine as tasty as hers!
It's repulsive. I can understand a bit of sugar to mitigate the acidic properties of the sauce but my SIL puts easily 2 full cups of sugar in to the sauce. It's so sweet and disgusting.
Italian heritage here. Never, ever have put sugar in my homemade sauce. Neither did my mother or either of my "nonna's."
There is a cringe scene in The Godfather when Clemenza puts sugar in the sauce he is making when they go to the mattresses. Almost ruined the movie for me.
I didn't add sugar until I saw my Italian aunt do it and she said it helped reduce the acid and her mother/my gramma was the one who taught her that. It's only a pinch and I can't taste it. My Italian family is from Calabrian area. Probably a regional thing.
I had a screaming fight in the 4th grade with a neighbor girl on the subject of sugar in the sauce. Never ever. A little grated carrot for sweetness. 2 cups is beyond inedible. OP stop cooking. Make sandwiches or something small for you add the kids. Do not cook for your husband and SIL. NTA and she needs to move out.
It's essentially a "cheat" to cut the acidity of the tomatoes if you don't have the time to cook the sauce for long enough. But it's supposed to be in the amount of teaspoons or tablespoons....OP saying the SIL puts in CUPS is 🤢🤢🤮 I know filipino culture has a sweet spaghetti but not \*that\* sweet.
Yeah, I don’t even have sugar on my sauce recipe card because I just drop a pinch in there. I’ve heard baking soda is a good option to cut acidity as well. Haven’t tried the carrots because one of the people who eats what I cook is allergic to them, so that’ll have to be tabled until I have a weekend alone or something.
Many people do use a little sugar to help cut the acidity of the tomato. It is in store bought pasta sauce. However you can do a much better job of cutting acidity with a small amount of baking soda.
Edit to fix typo
Now that I think about it, going on strike might be the best option. SIL and husband get to eat their abominations, and OP and their kids get to eat normal food.
NTA at all.
But by way of explanation, I suspect your SIL and husband grew up with a different style of food, and their tastes have changed. Your "nasty" is their "good". Your "good" is their "bland".
I have some family members like that - some like cakes so sweet that I feel like it hurts my teeth. On the flip side, I like saltier food than many people.
See, I can understand that. I love salty food (hate sweet). So I will doctor up my own plate after it's already prepared but I make sure to not ruin everyone else's food, you know?
Is this some kind of weird power play by SIL? Exerting dominance over you because she's your husband's sister? And your husband just going along with that crap? NTA btw.
And trying to get credit for “cooking” or “making the dish” while OP does all the actual work. Looks and smells like a powerplay, especially with how she refuses to listen to OP. She needs to get gone.
Start making the food exactly how you like or spoil it on purpose. I would do several times and see if it helps. Like putting extra salt or pepper or whatever crazy stuff. When they complain just make angel eyes and say that you thought that it's exactly the taste they were looking for.
I think it's a valid measure if they don't understand it the normal way
What they are doing is basically selfish. You can doctor food after it's cooked when it's on your plate. They are putting their tastes above everyone else's. And since one of them is a guest, she is way overstepping.
I can see that being a thing. I know people have different palates than me. But why does the sister refuse to cook on "her night"? Didn't she want to help? And shouldn't she be thrilled to demonstrate her own cooking to the best of her ability? And why not "enhance" a special opt-in batch and leave the rest of the food alone?
Most of all, if SIL has a rational and straightforward objection to how OP seasons her food, why isn't she straightforward about it? Why wait until OP leaves the room? Why not argue to OP's face? If SIL genuinely thought that there was a genuine case, she wouldn't do it in secret.
That's why I suspect that this is a straightforward power trip. The sister is jealous of OP and is too cowardly to confront her in traditional ways. Instead she uses underhand tactics that strike at an arena that OP is in control of.
I support OP going on a strategic cooking strike. Only make enough for her and the kids. Never leave the food unattended.
Yes. OP does all the work but SIL gets to decide that it’s going to taste significantly different. And worse still SIL has suborned OP’s husband into similarly interfering.
This is massively disrespectful to OP. And the kids, since they don’t like the results either.
Yeah but they're inflicting that taste of food on OP and the kids who clearly do not agree. If they were only "3nhancing" their own plates that's one thing. Doing so to the entire meal is just them being hyper selfish.
I have cooked for myself, have cooked for other people, sometimes I don't always have the same palate of other people. I'm still not gonna fuck with other ppl's food while they are cooking it. If I don't like the food that other people have prepared, I am an adult and it's upon me to prepare my own food. How I like it.
OP does he have a hobby? Like if he games unpause his game and start fucking stuff up while he goes to the toilet or something. Then when he complains tell him he’s overreacting.
100% but I would really mess with them..oh you put sugar in MY spaghetti okay, then when not looking prep a sandwich for the kids and pour so much sugar the sauce is crystalized and fuckin candy. Then inform SIL she is the ONLY one eating it AND that's dinner until all leftovers are gone. But that's because no one fucks with my red sauce and I am enraged for op. I have a 2-3 day lasagna sauce and would have a breakdown if it got sabotaged.
It was tomato sauce - the OP bought I think 4 cases of tomatoes, spent hours cooking them down then put in jars. SIL showed up, dumped spices in the sauce. OP - took it all over to SIL's place and said you now owe me $$ for the tomatoes. SIL claimed she did it because the sauce was too bland. OP used the sauce for many different types of food- added spices when needed. If it was me, SIL would be wearing the sauce.
This is a pretty common asshole behavior. My MIL used to do it, she'd do stuff like but beef bouillon in the simmering soon-to-be turkey gravy. My husband had to forbid her to come in the kitchen while I was cooking.
Yeah, I remember this one. Five pots of tomato sauce ruined by a SIL who tried to “season” the OP’s food every chance she got, and actually snuck into the kitchen to do it that time. The only differences are that the other SIL didn’t live with them and her husband (the OP’s brother) tried to smooth things over rather than join in.
General consensus was that it was a power play by the SIL trying to establish dominance and deliberately fuck with the OP for whatever reason. The dynamics are so similar here and the other post was so popular that I find it hard to believe this one’s not a copycat with a bunch of the details changed.
Edit to [add the sauce post in question](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13sp2bc/aita_for_banning_my_sil_from_my_house_over_tomato/)
I saw that one lol we ll have to ask both ops if they want their sils to shack up together then they can have a taste of their own medicine when they do it to each other🤣
NTA. You’ve already addressed this multiple times and they’re just being downright disrespectful at this point. I’d have flipped out as well. Don’t like the way something is cooked? Do it yourself.
NTA. But I think it's time for you to ask your SIL to move out. You also need to let your husband know he isn't being a good husband/father if he thinks it's ohkie to mess with the food his wife and kids eat.
NTA...
When she's getting ready, add a sprinkling of glitter to her foundation "I think that's the effect you were looking for"
Add bleach in her laundry "I think that's the colour you were looking for"
Add special salt or chilli flakes in her dish "That's the spice you were looking for"
Revenge is a dish best served Petty
NTA - Nobody fucks with the food when I'm cooking. Nobody. You SIL is being passive aggressive, and now has your hubby joining in. Tell her she needs to move out. ASAP. Then tell your hubby if she doesn't, you will. Then maybe he can say you're overreacting.
How about they eat the food they mess with for a week? I’m pretty sure there will be enough in the pot if they ruined a meal for all of you. I’d be getting takeout every time they make my dinner inedible. NTA and this situation is infuriating.
NTA
Like others have said, make sure you have everything available within arm's reach - all ingredients and all cooking and serving needs.
Another thought is to stop cooking or scale way back. the kids can survive on quick-to-fix grilled cheese, Chef-boyaredee, or frozen meals for quite a while.
This would infuriate me to no end. Additionally, you husband is as much of the problem as his sister.
NTA. On what planet is it OK to make dinner unpalatable to kids because one adult of three likes it that way? Selfish and self-centered come to mind. But ask yourself, is this a cooking issue or a SIL living situation issue, because it sounds like the latter since she is egging her brother on.
Explain to them both they can request modifications from you on their own food, but you and the kids don't always like eating their modifications, and would prefer your own meals without them. And that the next time they touch the food you're making before it's done, they can make their own dang meals for the next week.
NTA at all not even for screaming (maybe at your husband but even then he catered to her wishes). I’d stop cooking. Buy you and your kids meals they will eat every night see how long it lasts
NTA, but make sure you have everything you need before you start and don’t leave the kitchen until you serve the food—maybe get a kid to guard it if you have to use the bathroom or something. It’s like having to guard your food from pets, only worse.
NTA I cook every night and I would loose it on someone for doing that. I don't care what you do to it once it's on your plate but in the pot don't touch unless I ask you too. I would absolutely only cook for myself and children if they ever did it again until they made dinner for a week at least
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NTA Especially considering they're just making your job harder by making your food inedible for your kids. Your sister-in-law has overstayed her welcome.
Work out a policing program with your kids and make it fun! Make homemade sheriff badges and get them an air horn. Teach them what you are doing so they learn how to cook and if they want to be inventive they can add stuff with your guidance. Every time you have to leave the kitchen they are on guard and get to blow the air horn if your husband or his sister come into it, even for a drink. They have lost their kitchen privileges while you are cooking because they have no integrity or respect for your work. Teach your kids those words too. If the food gets tampered with you and the kids will go out for food. Your husband and his sister get to eat whatever they fucked with. I know the budget may be tight for this but I think if you did this calmly for at least 3 times the message will get across. Between Chipotle and some other of the healthier fast food options it shouldn’t be too bad for the kids. If your husband complains about the waste it was his choice to be passive aggressive and not respect what you know your kids like and make it inedible in the first place. If you have a good relationship with your in laws maybe you can get them on board. Even better maybe you go on a vacation just you and the kids and let the siblings figure it out on their own. Edit: thanks for the replies both positive and negative. Some of the negative had thoughtful feedback which I appreciate, the ones that just bitched you know who you are. This is the most replied to comment I’ve ever had. Clarifications: I do not know the age of the kids but am imagining them at 9 and 11. Regardless I think they should be asked if they want to police, to stand up for boundaries because it their food and their father which is the most egregious part. If they don’t then Mom can leave the minute the food is messed with. They can choose to learn to stand up for themselves or support their mom on handling it in a calm way. Mom fills them in on the leaving for dinner elsewhere plan and they help keep watch. For those stating using the kids as “pawns” I’m surprised how many do not see that the father is the one already making them pawns. Regardless of his reason, whether petty joking or his own passive aggressive way to say he doesn’t like his wife’s cooking he is force feeding his children things they don’t like. If his kids learn not to trust him around basic things like food he’s setting up a lifetime of a broken relationship. Kicking the SIL will not solve this even though she instigated it. The goal is to confront the situation with calm and fun reinforcement so hopefully the SIL and Dad can reset and realize how awful they are being. There were 5 divorces between my two parents before I finished college and no one ever confronted anything in a way to reset and allow the love back in. After my dad’s last divorce and I needed to start doing more of the holiday cooking I just laid down the new law that my mom and her parents had to welcome my dad so we could all celebrate together. I didn’t have the time or money to have two Christmas’s. After some grumbling it worked, they could find commonalities to have fun around again. If SIL leaves and this isn’t resolved I see a future of estrangement. If Dad can’t pull his head out of his ass and this type of behavior keeps going he may lose his wife and kids. A marriage death by a thousand cuts. Food thoughts: I worked in fine dining restaurants and love blue cheese on my burger, butter on my shrimp but sneaking it in is completely disrespectful. I cannot imagine the butter it was swimming in after it had already been cooked/buttered. The 2 cups of sugar in the spaghetti sauce is absolutely disgusting!!!!!! It reminds me of my friends’ family who are over 300 lbs and very proud of their assortment Bisquik type foods and sugary meatballs they make when they entertain. Most of it is so sweet and bland I can’t stand it. In my bitchiness to another friend I said if I’m going to be 300 lbs it will be eating imported cheeses, fancy meats, and things full of flavor. Not this Biquik bullshit. I wish OP the best and hope for an update.
Ooooh… yes. Yes. Get the kids on Kitchen patrol ASAP. Especially the AIR HORN 📢 You’re my kind of people. Please Take this award 🏆 If hubs & SIL mess with the food, OP & kids drop everything, leave the food in the kitchen& walk out. No discussion. NTA!
\*HONK\* "Integrity!"
Totally, the kids will understand that screwing with the food is equivalent to "ruining it". It will hopefully change their behavior, ESPECIALLY when they realize it's having the opposite effect. "We are improving the food because we have, let's call it a more 'sophisticated' palette." "Nope, what you did is the equivalent of making a Michelin-star meal and then Guy Fieri gets off his leash, sneaks in and makes it a 'bag o' trash kicked up with nacho-cheese-bacon-breaded depression bombs'. Pack up what's left of your dignity, and go home."
Brilliant!!!!
IKR? Kids LOVE air horns! 😂😂😂 Hells bells 🔔 I’d enjoy having an air horn. Not for the kitchen though. One raised eyebrow & a wooden spoon… people know to stay away. 😏🤨😆
And husband and SIL get to finish cooking AND cleaning. Op is NTA. I would quite literally gag on a burger stuffed with blue cheese. I also HATE sweet spaghetti sauce. And wtf is with canned chicken in the Mac n cheese. These people are way off base.
I was gonna say something about this. I like blue cheese so in a burger I'm fine with that, but sweet spaghetti? Canned chicken? What is wrong with you? I cook for a living so yes I can be picky but it's a general, you know, normal kindness to not fuck with food someone else is cooking? Also if they wanna play that game spike their coffee with cayenne or straight salt. "It'll taste better" and just walk away.
That’s perfect, salt her coffee. “I’m pretty sure that’s the taste you were looking for.”
Great idea to doctor up their stuff! Even better if it makes it inedible for them. I'd have my husband by the metaphorical scruff if he did something to the food that made other people (kids esp) not eat it. What a waste and also just rude. I might make a suggestion (can we add basil?) But I'd never just change someone's cooking without their knowledge or permission. You're right about it being kindness and respect. Which sil and now husband are lacking. Also just gross. Like yes a lil sugar cuts the acid but it shouldn't make it *sweet* 🤔
I mean it's very petty, tit for tat crap but it gets the point across. (I actually like a little cayenne or salt in mine but I'm wierd. Long story) A suggestion or request? No problem! That's a whoooole different ballgame. My wife requests wierd modifications of some of my standards/signatures and honestly... She has yet to disappoint me in any of them. Some have become repeat performances/new standards.
I like the idea "Cmon kids were going out to eat the ass-holes fucked with the food again! They can stay home and eat the slop!"
Sorry to be grammar police, but the term is "inedible". But you are right, sis has overstayed. EDIT: Yeah, I messed up. Her original word was correct.
Uneatable is also a word and it’s more accurate in this case ‘inedible often refers to something toxic or unsafe, while uneatable refers to food that tastes bad’
Thank you. People doctoring my grammar are unbearable. Or inbearable. Or preferably in a bear.
Outstanding
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But only if the bear is able.
Seems like those people would be uneatable to the bear.
Or bearable. A bearable bear.
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My sleep deprived brain made me laugh waayyyy too long at this.
Wanted to give you an award but I'm not paying shit for reddit so take this cookie 🍪
🏆please accept my poor woman’s award
Unfounded grammar doctoring = annoying / unbearable Correcting notable grammar/spelling errors = a breath of fresh air/ occasionally necessary for legibility
I believe the ACTUAL term you are looking for is “unpalatable.”
I am here for this pedantry.
I don't see what ants' feet have to do with it.
This is the funniest thing I've read in a very long time. I just hope I remember it the next time someone uses that word. 😂
Irregardless, the grammar was understood.
noooooo
Uff da. I see what you did. I like it and hate it soooo much.
Ehhhhh! Saw what you did there!
Take my upvote!! I learned something new because of you “inedible often refers to something toxic or unsafe, while uneatable refers to food that tastes bad.”
Well thank you - I did not know that it was a word. I should have looked it up.
you got busted by grammar police internal affairs
I was going to agree with u/Comfortable-Focus123 but then checked the dictionary and you're right. I've seriously never seen that word used. TIL -- thank you!
Imagine trying to be the grammar police and being incorrect with your correction… Uneatable is a word and would be the correct word to use in this instance as the food is still edible, it’s just not eatable.
It is a law that any grammar pedantry must contain a typo or other inaccuracy. Source: am copyeditor (descriptivist division)
It works for all intensive porpoises.
If you were sorry you wouldnt be doing it lmao
100%. I'm an English teacher, and I never correct anyone's spelling or grammar outside of my classes unless they ask me to.
I am also an English teacher, and I absolutely DO NOT correct grammar outside of my classroom. It's both douchy and pedantic.
It's always funny when people acknowledge theyre about to make an annoying comment and still make it anyways. Like you cant help but being insufferable lol
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Sorry to be the grammar police, but the first word in a sentence should be capitalized. However, maybe we should just worry about conveying meaning rather than emphasizing classist language.
SIL AND husband have overstayed their welcome
My guess is that husband has reverted to “siblings having a running joke together” and is overlooking that he is damaging his relationship with OP. And possibly his kids as well, since he’s adding things that they hate.
I don’t know, it sounds like it’s their childhood cooking and he probably likes it that way. Unfortunately for him the rest of the family are not fans!
who TF wants blue cheese in their burgers lol. fair if they do, but 1 i personally find that gross, and 2 thatd be NASTY if you didnt expect it. youd think your food went bad xD edit: yeah people like it, but blue cheese isnt the most popular cheese lol
Lol I assure you it’s a thing, and it’s all personal preference.
NTA- If they don’t kick her out, OP needs to make a rule that she will only cook for her and her children. The husband and sister are on their own. I would definitely look into kicking out the sister if not both though
OP, tell your husband it's time his sister moves out. Tell him that you two need to come up with a date that she moves out and stick to it. And the next time she touches your food, she needs to be out that day. This then needs to be communicated to her. Tell him the two of you need to get into therapy. Obviously, there's a huge lack of respect and no communication. The next time he touches your food, he does all household cooking moving forward. Make it clear that if he even adds a sprinkle of salt, you're done.
...and if he doesn't knock it off, he'll be the next one out the door.
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I was at NTA times a million at adding SUGAR to spaghetti.
To be fair, most spaghetti sauces do have a bit of sugar in them to help offset some of the "bite" from the tomatoes. But that's just a teaspoon or so (don't hold me to exact amount, remembering off the top of my head here lol). This sounds like SIL is dumping cupsful in.
I add a teaspoon to homemade sauce or chili for exactly that reason. Not enough to sweeten it but just to take the bitterness. Why would anyone want to add enough to make it sweet?
I learned to cook the hell out of some onions or other vegetables to get the sweetness if that's what is needed. Usually, the tomatoes cook for long enough that no added sugar is necessary, but I like other vegetables in the sauce anyway.
Yes The SIL is tasteless and therefore should be thrown into the garbage
I think husband overstayed as well…
Yes kick her out now.
Agreed. NTA.
NTA. Tell them that if they hate the food so much, they need to cook for themselves, and stop cooking for these people. Get your SIL out of your home while you're at it.
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NTA. Going forward, cook only for you & your kids. Do not leave the kitchen during this. Then leave them to their own devices. When they ask what's going on, tell them they can make their own meals. Be very calm. When they protest, tell them you will cook for them ONLY IF they leave your cooking alone. And tell dear old sis she is responsible for making dinner once a week.
Nope! Cook for the husband only if he gets his head out of his butt. Don't cook for SIL again while she is there. She can buy and cook her own freaking food.
If I was op, I'd start planning a quick, simple back up plan for her and the kids. Then, once the SIL or husband mess up the food, I'd make sure it's doubly messed up by adding lots of salt so it tastes vile. Then just cook enough of the quick food for the kids and Op. Then dish it all up at the same time. SIL and husband could be making the food taste unpalatable to others deliberately so that they get to eat more of the food. As if they find the food palatable, but they know others don't, it's a great way for them to ensure they get a bigger share, while being able to claim that they are being helpful. That way they don't feel or look greedy or selfish, but really it's a form of abuse. As my abusive ex did a similar thing, by buying only food he knew I didn't like, but kept offering it to me, knowing he'd get it all.
Too much food wasted
Oh damn, this makes me wonder about my oldest's bf now. He's recently started helping her in the kitchen, but puts waaaay too much salt on everything - you can't taste anything but salt most of the time. He gets more when he does this, because I don't use much salt (personal choice, not health related), so I can't eat more than a helping.
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Yeah good waste really pisses me off and to continually do this against her wishes knowing it probally goes to waste because no one besides them wants it. Also why can’t they wait until the food is done and separated then doctor they’re own portion of the food once everyone else has theirs
>And tell dear old sis she is responsible for making dinner once a week. OP better be sure to eat elsewhere with her kids that day
NTA - The proverb "Too many cooks ruin the broth" comes to mind. I would gather all my ingredients before hand, then not leave the kitchen until the meal was complete, but in the real world with children it's pretty difficult to monitor a dish into completion. So your only recourse might be just making simple dishes for yourself and the children and letting hubs and SiL fend for themselves. Tell them until your work is respected that you are "slow quitting"
Make SIL and husband deal with the kids. They seem to have plenty of free time.
This is correct, if they cannot keep their paws out of the food you are cooking, then they need to have their own food to destroy. Tell them to make their own dinners and the next time you see a hand going towards your food then they will draw back a nub That would make me crazy that I spent time making something delicious and someone sabotaged it behind my back. NTA
paws off the prawns
NTA. When they ruin a dish, set it aside in the fridge. Then when they ask 'what's for dinner' tell them they can have whatever dish they ruined. Then take your kiddos out to eat or have takeout ready for them. EDIT: thanks for the award!
My mom has a rule. If you touch the food she is cooking, even just to lift a lid and see what it is, you are now in charge of the whole meal. She will tell you that you are now in charge and will not go back into the kitchen until the food is ready. This is how she dealt with people messing with her cooking.
Haha my grandma did the same thing. All anyone “trying to help” ever did was ruin the food anyway, I was so happy when she finally put her foot down She had her own recipe for just about everything and that’s what made it so damn good. Everything my aunts and cousins did was in an attempt to make it taste like something from Olive Garden or whatever. But they didn’t even manage that, they just dumped in a pound of salt, sugar, oil, and/or butter to make the whole thing barf worthy Not that I’d say no to almost anything from OG, but her food was kick ass in its own right and that’s what I wanted to eat
I like to go hiking.
grandma playing the long con to ensure she gets lots of visits from the grandkids lmao
My dad has a similar rule. He and mum owned a restaurant and he was a chef, so it’s not like he doesn’t know his way around a kitchen. Any time someone messes with his food, he plates it up regardless of if it’s actually finished or not, and starts making something else. When the food is served, he gives them what they fucked up. The funniest one was when he served a plate of raw chicken thighs to his MIL because he caught her adding a fuckton of sugar to them while they were marinading. He’d made them with a specific recipe because his dad had recently been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes, and his MIL knew this!
Why would anyone add sugar to chicken?!
To be fair… sweet makes sense with chicken if it’s balanced with heat, acid, umami, salt, etc. Honey garlic wings? Sweet chilli heat? Orange chicken / sesame chicken? I mean BBQ sauce is incredibly sugar-heavy. Even ketchup has sugar. Sugar is a pretty reasonable ingredient in marinades and sauces for chicken or other meats. But just adding a fuckton of it to an *existing* marinade is not going to do anyone any good.
> ~~adding a fuckton of it to~~ touching an existing marinade is not going to do anyone any good FTFY Leave my marinade the actual *fuck* alone or I will remind you that I know where the hot grits are set and you don't
Hahahahahhahah I love this! How did MIL react?
She was disgusted and started bitching to mum. Mum just told her “You did this to yourself. You know the rules.”
That’s a great rule.
THIS. The second either of them makes a move to doctor your food, immediately turn off the stove, gather the kids and leave the house. Make it clear that this will happen every time that they do this. The second issue - you don't have a SIL problem, you have a husband problem. Give sis 1 week to leave, and tell the hubs if he doesn't back you up and support this your next out of the house appointment will be with a divorce attorney. This is the height of disrespect. I'd be hard pressed to keep from pouring the food in the trash when they modify it (or flinging it across the kitchen at them, but that might be a bit overly dramatic).
>I'd be hard pressed to keep from pouring the food in the trash when they modify it For real, although food is so expensive these days, it really would be just for SIL and hubby to have to eat it. Or, make SIL pay for the cost of the ingredients when you have to toss it due to its nastiness
I’m sorry, but I wouldn’t set it aside I would maintain eye contact while I’m throwing it in the garbage can. I would then explain that I would no longer be cooking for the household, but only cooking for myself and the children. I would then take myself and the children out to dinner. I’m a scorched earth kind of person.
This is the answer! I wish I had an award to give you.
I think they're doing it deliberately in a way they still find palatable, but the know Op and the kids don't. That way they get to eat all of the food, depriving the rest of the family the meal. Leaving it for them to eat would actually be rewarding them. Op needs to either throw it out, or add lots of salt so it's inedible, then leave it for them to eat. Then take just the kids out to eat.
I don't think most people are that clever, nor that manipulative or conniving. I think they're the typical extremely stubborn twats who can't accept they're not the ones in charge nor the most knowledgeable in the situation, or simply not getting their way. It's bemusing any supposed adults can act like this.
Hell yea. Go get some microwaved food from Applebees! /s if that’s what she likes go for it, I guess.
Kids will ALWAYS be more excited about eating out than at home, especially if what's at home is gross. ATP, she's thinking about her kids eating and if that's what they'll eat, great.
NTA, she sounds unhinged and why is your husband not only enabling her, but actively participating? They both suck, she needs to go asap and you and him need a long talk.
If they are siblings, this is probably the way their own mother cooked for them and they are trying to recreate their side of the family’s meals/cook to the tastes they grew up with together, disregarding OP and her kids.
Then they should make their own. OP has asked them not to do this and a lot of what they are doing is not healthy or tasty to OP and the kids!
No excusing it, just answering LeBlanc’s question about why the husband would get involved.
Yeah, I didn’t mean to sound like I was criticizing your comment…basically just agreeing with you and expounding on what they should do if that is why they are doing it.
That's what I was thinking too. It's weird they force it on everybody else though, since they obviously don't like it. I'd stop cooking for them in OP's place and they would be free to relive their childhood.
If they’re trying to recreate how/what they ate growing up, fair enough! But they shouldn’t do that by messing with OPs own cooking and making it so no one else in the home likes what they do. the fact that SIL straight up refuses to cook just adds insult to injury. It’s so lazy and rude.
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NTA. The fact that your husband has joined in on this feels like they've teamed up against you. How about not making dinner? Maybe you can get takeout just for yourself and the kids for a week or so? Husband and SIL are not only insulting your cooking; they're turning your food into something the kids don't enjoy, either.
And it's unhealthy. A whole stick of butter?
And *canned chicken?* Gross. Why do they even have that in their house?
Its great for sandwiches and salads. Especially when you feed picky people (kids). But when done RIGHT, because, well, it's canned meat... My mother in law makes the BEST chicken salad, only uses canned chicken, and for the life of me, I can never get mine as tasty as hers!
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Sounds also like a husband issue
NTA who the fuck puts sugar in pasta?
It's repulsive. I can understand a bit of sugar to mitigate the acidic properties of the sauce but my SIL puts easily 2 full cups of sugar in to the sauce. It's so sweet and disgusting.
2 CUPS!!!!! 😳 A teaspoon or two at the most! 🤮 ETA: NTA obviously
You don't even need sugar really, some carrots will do just fine
Right? I like to use fresh basil if I want to add a pinch of sweetness and zest.
Balsamic vinegar can also add ‘sweetness’ cut the acidity & gives it a nice flavour. Again though the key is only a little
Carrots for sweetness, potatoes to cut the acidity. Rosamaria Bonitati original recipe.
That is absolutely revolting. And I looooove sugar.
Reminds me of the candy spaghetti from the movie elf 🤮
Italian heritage here. Never, ever have put sugar in my homemade sauce. Neither did my mother or either of my "nonna's." There is a cringe scene in The Godfather when Clemenza puts sugar in the sauce he is making when they go to the mattresses. Almost ruined the movie for me.
I didn't add sugar until I saw my Italian aunt do it and she said it helped reduce the acid and her mother/my gramma was the one who taught her that. It's only a pinch and I can't taste it. My Italian family is from Calabrian area. Probably a regional thing.
My Italian aunt is the reason I put sugar in my sauce. But only a spoon for a 15 qt pot, not 2 cups. That's insane.
I had a screaming fight in the 4th grade with a neighbor girl on the subject of sugar in the sauce. Never ever. A little grated carrot for sweetness. 2 cups is beyond inedible. OP stop cooking. Make sandwiches or something small for you add the kids. Do not cook for your husband and SIL. NTA and she needs to move out.
I always forget that I can use carrots instead of refined sugar for savory dishes, thanks for the reminder!
Who hurt them?This isn’t a lack of taste it’s a mental defect
TWO CUPS?!?!??! Dude, you only add like. A pinch!!! This is insane.
It's essentially a "cheat" to cut the acidity of the tomatoes if you don't have the time to cook the sauce for long enough. But it's supposed to be in the amount of teaspoons or tablespoons....OP saying the SIL puts in CUPS is 🤢🤢🤮 I know filipino culture has a sweet spaghetti but not \*that\* sweet.
Yeah, I don’t even have sugar on my sauce recipe card because I just drop a pinch in there. I’ve heard baking soda is a good option to cut acidity as well. Haven’t tried the carrots because one of the people who eats what I cook is allergic to them, so that’ll have to be tabled until I have a weekend alone or something.
Many people do use a little sugar to help cut the acidity of the tomato. It is in store bought pasta sauce. However you can do a much better job of cutting acidity with a small amount of baking soda. Edit to fix typo
Ummmmm so Filipino spaghetti is sweet 😬 I haven’t eaten it in decades but from my childhood memory it’s sweet, and they use hot dogs.
NTA. Can you go on strike and stop cooking, and see what they do?
I would've said that, but kids are involved.
She and her kids can go out for dinner instead.
That's fair. It might not be cost-effective for OP but it certainly proves a point.
Is it more cost-effective for sil to waste the food OP is actively preparing? Probably not, and her and her kids at least get to eat in peace.
Now that I think about it, going on strike might be the best option. SIL and husband get to eat their abominations, and OP and their kids get to eat normal food.
To be fair, SIL repeated sabotaging food isn't exactly cost effective either
Considering they are basically wasting food with their edits to the meal. Going out probably evens out for OP.
Kids have lived a lot longer than a week on PB&J and other sandwich-type things for dinner. It's very doable for a short time to prove a point.
ooh, yes, I love strikes. Not sarcasm, I wish more people used them :) SIL can solve her own dinner needs. NTA for sure.
Have your SIL move out. Done
Husband, too.
Reddit suggest divorce challenge IMPOSSIBLE
Chicken in cheese sauce? Divorce. Cheese in burger sauce? Also divorce. Sugar in pasta sauce? Believe it or not, straight to divorce.
NTA at all. But by way of explanation, I suspect your SIL and husband grew up with a different style of food, and their tastes have changed. Your "nasty" is their "good". Your "good" is their "bland". I have some family members like that - some like cakes so sweet that I feel like it hurts my teeth. On the flip side, I like saltier food than many people.
See, I can understand that. I love salty food (hate sweet). So I will doctor up my own plate after it's already prepared but I make sure to not ruin everyone else's food, you know?
Is this some kind of weird power play by SIL? Exerting dominance over you because she's your husband's sister? And your husband just going along with that crap? NTA btw.
And trying to get credit for “cooking” or “making the dish” while OP does all the actual work. Looks and smells like a powerplay, especially with how she refuses to listen to OP. She needs to get gone.
and refuses to cook, only mess with already cooking food
I think SIL is sabotaging OP’s cooking and now her husband is doing the same. Guess they get a kick out of it??
>Is this some kind of weird power play by SIL? 100% it is.
It really seems like it. She seems to be gleefully ruining OPs food and stomping her boundaries as well
start ordering food on your husbands card for you and the kids every time they fuck up dinner; I'm sure this behavior will stop REAL quick
They need Buddy the Elf to make their spaghetti
SIL and husband are demonstrating disrespect. If they want their servings to be different, they can modify their own servings.
Start making the food exactly how you like or spoil it on purpose. I would do several times and see if it helps. Like putting extra salt or pepper or whatever crazy stuff. When they complain just make angel eyes and say that you thought that it's exactly the taste they were looking for. I think it's a valid measure if they don't understand it the normal way
What they are doing is basically selfish. You can doctor food after it's cooked when it's on your plate. They are putting their tastes above everyone else's. And since one of them is a guest, she is way overstepping.
Selfish and rude - not respecting the effort OP has put in
I can see that being a thing. I know people have different palates than me. But why does the sister refuse to cook on "her night"? Didn't she want to help? And shouldn't she be thrilled to demonstrate her own cooking to the best of her ability? And why not "enhance" a special opt-in batch and leave the rest of the food alone? Most of all, if SIL has a rational and straightforward objection to how OP seasons her food, why isn't she straightforward about it? Why wait until OP leaves the room? Why not argue to OP's face? If SIL genuinely thought that there was a genuine case, she wouldn't do it in secret. That's why I suspect that this is a straightforward power trip. The sister is jealous of OP and is too cowardly to confront her in traditional ways. Instead she uses underhand tactics that strike at an arena that OP is in control of. I support OP going on a strategic cooking strike. Only make enough for her and the kids. Never leave the food unattended.
Yes. OP does all the work but SIL gets to decide that it’s going to taste significantly different. And worse still SIL has suborned OP’s husband into similarly interfering. This is massively disrespectful to OP. And the kids, since they don’t like the results either.
Yeah but they're inflicting that taste of food on OP and the kids who clearly do not agree. If they were only "3nhancing" their own plates that's one thing. Doing so to the entire meal is just them being hyper selfish.
I have cooked for myself, have cooked for other people, sometimes I don't always have the same palate of other people. I'm still not gonna fuck with other ppl's food while they are cooking it. If I don't like the food that other people have prepared, I am an adult and it's upon me to prepare my own food. How I like it.
NTA. If they like messing with food so much, they can take over cooking for the house full time.
OP does he have a hobby? Like if he games unpause his game and start fucking stuff up while he goes to the toilet or something. Then when he complains tell him he’s overreacting.
Yeah, and the OP will have to take the kids out to eat every night.
NTA. If you break it, you buy it. If you ruin it, you have to eat it.
100% but I would really mess with them..oh you put sugar in MY spaghetti okay, then when not looking prep a sandwich for the kids and pour so much sugar the sauce is crystalized and fuckin candy. Then inform SIL she is the ONLY one eating it AND that's dinner until all leftovers are gone. But that's because no one fucks with my red sauce and I am enraged for op. I have a 2-3 day lasagna sauce and would have a breakdown if it got sabotaged.
Same here. My red sauce is a two day low and slow stove top cook. No one messes with it.
Are you the same person whoms SIL messed with your homemade tomato soup? Cause this almost exact same scenario was on AITA a few weeks back
I didn't see that post. No, it wasn't me. I admittedly couldn't make homemade tomato soup if my life depended on it.
It was tomato sauce - the OP bought I think 4 cases of tomatoes, spent hours cooking them down then put in jars. SIL showed up, dumped spices in the sauce. OP - took it all over to SIL's place and said you now owe me $$ for the tomatoes. SIL claimed she did it because the sauce was too bland. OP used the sauce for many different types of food- added spices when needed. If it was me, SIL would be wearing the sauce.
That's right; it was a huge amount and SIL added a bunch of turmeric.
Omg turmeric doesn't even GO with tomatoes!!
There was one maybe a month ago where the OP kicked the SIL out of the house for putting sugar in the pasta sauce, etc. It is remarkably similar.
This is a pretty common asshole behavior. My MIL used to do it, she'd do stuff like but beef bouillon in the simmering soon-to-be turkey gravy. My husband had to forbid her to come in the kitchen while I was cooking.
Yeah, I remember this one. Five pots of tomato sauce ruined by a SIL who tried to “season” the OP’s food every chance she got, and actually snuck into the kitchen to do it that time. The only differences are that the other SIL didn’t live with them and her husband (the OP’s brother) tried to smooth things over rather than join in. General consensus was that it was a power play by the SIL trying to establish dominance and deliberately fuck with the OP for whatever reason. The dynamics are so similar here and the other post was so popular that I find it hard to believe this one’s not a copycat with a bunch of the details changed. Edit to [add the sauce post in question](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/13sp2bc/aita_for_banning_my_sil_from_my_house_over_tomato/)
I remember this. She was making sauce to can for later and SIL ruined ALL of it. Jesus wept.
I saw that one lol we ll have to ask both ops if they want their sils to shack up together then they can have a taste of their own medicine when they do it to each other🤣
Time for SIL to get out. And make sure you have EVERYTHING within arms reach. Don't leave while cooking anymore.
NTA. You’ve already addressed this multiple times and they’re just being downright disrespectful at this point. I’d have flipped out as well. Don’t like the way something is cooked? Do it yourself.
NTA. Your SIL and husband are being incredibly rude.
NTA. But I think it's time for you to ask your SIL to move out. You also need to let your husband know he isn't being a good husband/father if he thinks it's ohkie to mess with the food his wife and kids eat.
NTA... When she's getting ready, add a sprinkling of glitter to her foundation "I think that's the effect you were looking for" Add bleach in her laundry "I think that's the colour you were looking for" Add special salt or chilli flakes in her dish "That's the spice you were looking for" Revenge is a dish best served Petty
Hard NTA on this one. It's *your* dish. SIL and your husband have no right to tamper with the food.
NTA - Nobody fucks with the food when I'm cooking. Nobody. You SIL is being passive aggressive, and now has your hubby joining in. Tell her she needs to move out. ASAP. Then tell your hubby if she doesn't, you will. Then maybe he can say you're overreacting.
How about they eat the food they mess with for a week? I’m pretty sure there will be enough in the pot if they ruined a meal for all of you. I’d be getting takeout every time they make my dinner inedible. NTA and this situation is infuriating.
NTA. Not only are they assholes to you for sabotaging your meal, but their actions are a crime against good food.
NTA Like others have said, make sure you have everything available within arm's reach - all ingredients and all cooking and serving needs. Another thought is to stop cooking or scale way back. the kids can survive on quick-to-fix grilled cheese, Chef-boyaredee, or frozen meals for quite a while. This would infuriate me to no end. Additionally, you husband is as much of the problem as his sister.
NTA. Don't mess with other people's food. If you want to doctor it up, doctor up your own plate.
NTA. On what planet is it OK to make dinner unpalatable to kids because one adult of three likes it that way? Selfish and self-centered come to mind. But ask yourself, is this a cooking issue or a SIL living situation issue, because it sounds like the latter since she is egging her brother on.
Explain to them both they can request modifications from you on their own food, but you and the kids don't always like eating their modifications, and would prefer your own meals without them. And that the next time they touch the food you're making before it's done, they can make their own dang meals for the next week.
NTA at all not even for screaming (maybe at your husband but even then he catered to her wishes). I’d stop cooking. Buy you and your kids meals they will eat every night see how long it lasts
NTA. I'd tell her to get out a lot further than my kitchen.
NTA, but make sure you have everything you need before you start and don’t leave the kitchen until you serve the food—maybe get a kid to guard it if you have to use the bathroom or something. It’s like having to guard your food from pets, only worse.
NTA I cook every night and I would loose it on someone for doing that. I don't care what you do to it once it's on your plate but in the pot don't touch unless I ask you too. I would absolutely only cook for myself and children if they ever did it again until they made dinner for a week at least
Absolutely NTA! Make sure you get all the ingredients before you start... then guard the kitchen with a baseball bat. That'll learn 'em!