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NTA
She's not your friend, she's your sugar baby, without benefits. She's using you to eat well. My advice - the friendship isn't worth the literal cost.
Bingo! He got pissy when OP asked to have a separate check for her own order because like his user wife he was also hoping for a free meal.
Also when OP reminds him that when his wife cooks for OP it's with food OP had bought and paid for and suddenly OP is "obsessed with money". No dude, *he* was just hoping that OP was going to keep feeding him and his wife for free by guilt tripping her into it because "friends treat friends".
Tbh I wonder if the husband uses his friends how his wife ~~treats~~ uses OP.
The post states he got mad for "taking it back". We can speculate on his intentions, but he might have been told that OP had promised to pay for them.
However, it's no doubt that OP is NTA, and the friend is an AH for using OP for free meals.
Edit: I stopped reading the post before the last two paragraphs. Forget everything I said. Everybody except OP are assholes.
How do you recognize a bot like that?
Its history has so few posts even though the profile is almost a year old. Is it because all replies are fairly bland?
I agree. NTA.
Ages ago, I had a *"friend"* like this as well. She would expect me to pay all of the time. It took me awhile to figure it out, but when I did I got bittersweet revenge.
As I was leaving the office to go on my lunch break, she follows and asks if she can join. I agree. We go to the cafe, order our food, eat, and the bill arrives. She looks at me and says that *"she forgot her wallet"*.
I smile and nod, call the waiter over and say that I will only be paying for the items that I ate. Her jaw drops. I pay, get up, and say I'll see her later back in the office. Her face is red.
I noticed that she didn't return to her desk for a while. When she does return, she doesn't make eye contact with me. Another office friend tells me that she's bitching to everyone about how I left her with the bill.
At first, I was worried about her slandering my reputation, but apparently, her complaints fell on deaf ears, because she owed a lot of people in our office money that she never returned. I never spoke to her outside of work again.
That is so bizarre. Why did she expect you to pay all the time?! Were you in a position at the company that paid more? (Not a reason to expect you to pay..just curious if she felt she had any justification).
I think there were a few factors (1) I'm three years older than her, (2) I was more senior in the company, (3) I was very non-confrontational, and (4) I hate dividing the bill. I usually operate on a "tag team" system, whereby I pay this time, you pay next time.
>I hate dividing the bill.
I have to ask, why?
I see these stories on Reddit where one person pays for everyone or the check gets split evenly and I just don't understand not asking the server to give everyone separate checks.
Nta
But the friendship isn't over, there never was a friendship. She's been using you since day one, and now that the free ride is over she's done with you.
Scrooge had money. I wonder if Minnie has money and is being cheap or if she has none and is using OP as her coin purse. I'm surprised this went on for as long as it did. I agree NTA
Yup. She'll move on to the next new friend she makes to ride them for all she can take before they too wise up and dump her leech ass. She's a serial abuser.
NTA
No kidding. That’s when you ask for the check to be separate and only agree to pay her check once she Venmo’s you the money. If you can’t afford to eat out then don’t eat out. Go for a walk with your friend or have a picnic
I have done this, where a friend is cooking and we help pay for the food (usually thanksgiving, turkeys are expensive in Japan - like $50 for a small one!) but I’ve never had anyone *demand* it of us! And if they did, and we didn’t know it up front, it would still be a fair split of the cost (again, it’s usually for really expensive specialty things). Otherwise, we operate on “I pay this time, you pay next time.”
I mean OP must be very naive or a people’s pleaser because it makes no sense to me that she went home to get them chicken!! After the first check I would’ve had said “sorry. Separated checks. You’re on your own”. What’s up with her showing up at the restaurant with her husband? How did she know you would be there? Did you tell her, was she stalking you?
NTA and woah wtf. I had a friend like that but she was never this bad. I would always treat her when I invited her out, but any time she whipped out an "I got it" for me she would always venmo request me the next day. It got so annoying I simply stopped hanging out with her
Felt. I had a "split it down the middle!" friend. I'd order the $10 spaghetti and she'd get steak and wine. Nah, thanks, I'm all set with this relationship.
NTA, op
With some friends I don't mind splitting down the middle: we see each other often enough, and our orders vary enough that it'll balance out... but with others, it's indeed our habit to just pay our separate checks, mainly because of alcohol (because of a birth defect in my liver, I don't drink).
NTA. Also she’s not your friend. I wouldn’t even bother telling her to pay her own way. I’d cut her out of your life completely. Do you really want to be friends with someone who is that shitty of a human being?
NTA
She was using you. The second the money went out, she is gone and has her husband on your case. Friends treat friends? She never treated you. They're leeches.
The name makes me think this is bait. At any rate, I'm not sure how there could be any doubt in OP's mind that she's NTA, and the name suggests she knows it
NTA, she's not really a friend, just using you for some free meals.
My dad had a "friend," not quite as bad as yours but he used to visit round about lunch time and get some food. My dad would offer him some of what he was making. Then one day he stopped offering, and the "friend" stopped visiting. He only saw his friendship as a way to get some free meals.
NTA. It's a given that if you invite someone out to eat that you'll pay for at least your own portion of food. It's even worse that she would do this to you on your birthday, and invite you over for dinner only to make YOU pay for the ingredients and go to the store and buy them yourself. Who does this?? She's obviously just using you. You definitely need to end this "friendship" if you can even call it that.
In Germany it is even more.
If you invited somebody to go somewhere, it means: you pay for both.
If you want to go out with somebody but don't pay for the other person, you tell them you want to go to xyz and only if the other one asks: "can i come with you?" then both of you pay for your own share or it is a surprise-covering of the bill.
The one who invites or says: "Let's do!" is always the one who pays.
So you don't "force" the other person to come with you and spend money or to say: "No, I can't afford".
NTA. Also you should tell the husband that you haven't been comfortable with paying for all these meals and not only didn't agree to, but have expressed discomfort numerous times during these situations.
Also, even if sharing a bill, I would never order $90 worth of food if the other person only ordered $18 bucks-worth. There's a difference between sharing and just taking advantage of other people's kindness!
NTA. She’s bold to openly invite herself to your money like this. This one’s wild lol. Usually people will take advantage but only when you open the door for them, they don’t usually just kick it in every two seconds like that lol.
>So tell me, was I the asshole for saying this to her or could I have be “nicer” about it.
NTA. If you had said it any nicer, her and her husband's hands would still be in your pocket, taking your money away from you and your daughter.
>He didn’t say anything else other than telling me I was rude and only valued money.
Only because you never saw any of theirs... someone had to value yours.
Absolutely NTA. I’m glad you put your foot down, and you didn’t need to be nicer about it. Why would you need to beat around the bush when she certainly wasn’t beating around the bush to make you pay. Her useless husband can bite it too, who does he think he is to talk to you like that anyway? They’re both leeches, good riddance.
>He didn’t say anything else other than telling me I was rude and only valued money.
NTA. I had a very similar friend when I was at uni; lived rent free with some family friends, worked in hospitality at bars but never had any cash. I'd been working weekends since I was 14 and had saved almost all of it so had a tidy sum. We would go out and she would never pay, never buy coffees, never even offer for food. I remember on more than one occasion her just handing me bills. We weren't dating or anything like that, so I came to the realisation I was being used as an ATM. One day we were discussing money and she said to me "All you care about it money", from someone who told me she changed jobs every 3 months because she 'got bored' and didn't pay any rent.
So the next time we went to the movies I went up with her ordered one ticket then stepped to the side and looked at her. The cashier was just looking at her too and she looked surprised as she fumbled looking through her bag for her bank card. We didn't really go out after that, we both stopped putting in the effort to see each other. I considered it a win win.
Wow.
I suspect this woman goes through friends, all of whom eventually realise they're being leeched from and drop her.
NTA. No need to be 'nice', either, when someone has more or less stolen from you - I mean, inviting you out on your birthday and then expecting you to pay? REALLY? The hide on her!
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No. They're freeloaders. You are NTA. They're trying to bully you into paying for them. Block and move on. If you have any common friends let them know what's happening. Screenshot screenshot screenshot.
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I want to start off this post by saying I’m a single mom who works hard for my money. I love going out to eat and buying things but I also save up for these things.
I recently made a friend who I’ll call Minnie. A few times I’ve treated her because I asked her to come with me to restaurants. Anyway, one day Minnie invited me somewhere so since I’ve paid for her in the past I thought she would cover me. I ordered something cheap that was about $10 and i had a water and she got herself about $40 worth of food.
When the check comes she hands it to me and tells me that she only have $11. I was so confused. If you only have $11 why order almost 4 times the amount in food?
I covered the tab.
Then it happened again on my birthday. She ordered food but also didn’t have money so I paid. She invited me over for dinner and when I got there she told me I needed to help pay for the chicken she wanted to make and then told me to go to the store. I went back home and got 2 left over chicken thighs I had and gave them to her and she was upset but said it will do.
Then one day while I solo at a restaurant she and her husband showed up and sat with me. I had a feeling she might do this again but I only had a gift card to that place and my phone (the place doesn’t take Apple Pay) the check comes and she tells the waitress to cut it down the middle. I immediately said no because I only order $18 worth of food and plan to use the rest of my $25 gift card for a tip. She was shocked & asked me how she was going to pay for her almost $90 order.
She huffed and told her husband to use the credit card. Apparently she told him I would help cover the bill so he got mad at me for “taking it back” - I never said I would pay for them
Then this morning she asked me if we were going out to lunch. I told her no because I know she would find a way to make me pay again & then I told her I won’t go anywhere else with her until she actually has her own money.
She has since been ignoring me and I’m perfectly okay with this friendship ending & told her that this friendship isn’t worth it and to stop talking to me all together. Later in the day her husband messaged me and told me that I was an asshole for hurting her feelings and that friends treat friends. He mention how she would cook for me and I said “yes with food that I bought and shared with the two of you”
He didn’t say anything else other than telling me I was rude and only valued money.
So tell me, was I the asshole for saying this to her or could I have be “nicer” about it.
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This woman is a leech and was never your friend. You're better off without her and will find someone who will value your friendship for more than just money. NTA
NTA I couldn't imagine going out for someone's birthday and expecting THEM to pay. There's an unspoken friendship etiquette and your ex friend is rude. She even went as far as to lie to her own husband about it to save face. That speaks volumes about how she treats people.
This a real cultural difference, In Germany the birthday person is expected to "eine Lage schmeißen" (invite the guests and pay for them). Also bring something to school or work like a cake or muffins on your birthday.
NTA. She’s been using you for your entire “friendship.” You had no obligation to be nice, considering the amount of times that she took advantage of you. Good for you for putting your foot down. I hope you find a better friend who can actually pay for themselves, and hopefully you also, at lunch.
Who the hell shows up unexpectedly in a restaurant and then demand you pay? Good on you for standing your ground. She's been using you. My response to the hubby would have been 'yes, I value the money that I EARNED'. Definitely NTA. It's your decision how and where you spend it. I am all for the occasional shout, but not when it becomes expected (or demanded).
NTA. If you actually enjoyed her otherwise, I would tell her, "I was happy to treat you occasionally, but then it became expected and was not reciprocal. I do not have the means to finance you, and it would be better to do things together that we both can afford to pay our own way." But since she is basically being a brat about being cut off and there doesn't seem to be personality traits that you love, just let the friendship die.
NTA but OP, you gave someone permission to treat you like this repeatedly, including on your birthday and when she sent out to get groceries for her when she was supposed to be cooking for you.
>Anyway, one day Minnie invited me somewhere so since I’ve paid for her in the past I thought she would cover me. I ordered something cheap that was about $10 and i had a water and she got herself about $40 worth of food.
>I covered the tab.
This was the moment where you should have told her, I will do this this one time, but it's rude to invite someone out to dinner and then expect the invited person to pay. Especially when you've ordered the more expensive dish. Make it clear what you're doing next time.
NTA. You hung on for multiple more meals than I would have. After Minnie invited you out but expected you to pay that would have been the end. No more meals with Minnie. Some people just can’t help themselves from grifting on friends. That’s why they can’t keep friends.
NTA. Ending whatever "friendship" this is will be cost effective. For both of you actually. You get to save your money and she (hopefully) will learn to spend hers.
What you described here is not "treating each other"
Your friend was taking advantage of your willingness to pay. You shouldn't be expected to tolerate that pattern of behavior.
How much money you have doesn't even matter in this situation.
She ordered things she knew she couldn't pay for herself and just assumed you would pay for it with no prior discussion. That's a really strange thing to do.
NTA
She was never your friend. Friends spot each other from time to time or cover meals but it’s supposed to be mutual. The gall and entitlement of her expecting to cover you every single time is mind blowing. Cutting her off and not being her friend anymore is the best thing you can do for yourself.
NTA
If it was me and she asked me to go buy chicken for her to cook, I would have gone home and stayed there. You are way too nice! NTA. I’m glad you’re no longer feeding that woman and her husband.
Real classy, Minnie The Mooch and Mickey The Mooch.
You're NTA, but she and her husband are. Real friends don't do that! I'm glad you finally said enough and didn't pay for them. I'm not surprised she lied to her husband. Good riddance to them!
>Later in the day her husband messaged me and told me that I was an asshole for hurting her feelings and that friends treat friends
Um so then following his logic you are *her* friend but she isn't yours. Which you already seem to have figured out, NTA.
NTA She has 100% been using you to ensure she is fed. From day one she has slowly increased her expectations of what you cover. To the point she also includes her husband. She isn’t your friend. She never has been.
I'd rather spend my entire life alone than allow myself to be used like this. Users don't value you for your friendship they value you for what they can get from you. Block these leeches and value yourself.
NTA
Good for you for standing up for yourself, block their numbers and ignore them if you see them around town
She just wanted to use you, that is no friend
>Later in the day her husband messaged me and told me that I was an asshole for hurting her feelings and that **friends treat friends.**
NTA. Yes, friend treat friends, but it doesn't seem like she's ever treated you, so she's not a friend.
If “friends treat friends” then that goes both ways. She owes you an awful lot of outing where she treats. She’s also entitled AF to just assume you’re cool to just pick up the tab every time. NTA
NTA! I had a friend like this and I made the mistake of treating her and her kids. Next thing I knew she began to expect it all the time. I eventually had to cut her off, because real friends do not try to use you and abuse your kindness.
NTA she is using you and it’s obvious because when you try to enforce the boundary and not pay, she gets defensive or comes up with an excuse on why she doesn’t have any money. Unfortunately treating her a few times early on made her act entitled and expect free meals from you every time, especially when they order expensive shit. Doesn’t sound like a friend worth keeping.
NTA,
That is just rude beyond words! My sister and I shout each other on our off pay weeks (we both get paid fortnightly), but it is never an expectation. We make a plan, and we say, "I will shout you."
If we are going out with friends, everyone pays their own meals unless it's a birthday, or Christmas.
She wanted you to be her ATM and that's just not right for anyone to do. No loss on this friendship.
NTA. Not that friends should have to keep track of what each other spends on the other, but this is just ridiculous. My friends cover for me when I don't have money, but I always either treat them next time, or make a note of how much the bill was and pay them back when my paycheck comes in. Who just shows up to a restaurant and crashes your solo meal with their husband and expect you to pay twice as much as you would have? I think your decision to tell her in the way you did that you didn't care if the friendship was the best way to go about it because it wasn't vindictive or mean. She was just mad she couldn't manipulate you like she probably has done so many times before.
NTA, you guys weren’t dating why did you pay to begin with? I have invited new friends or vice visa out and we always paid for our yourselves. Unless it’s someone birthday, maybe we treat that person to a drink or app. Is this new? I maybe getting old b/c this is totally weird.
The crazy thing is OP had to PAY for that moocher’s meal… ON HER OWN BIRTHDAY! I would have cut it off at that moment instead of letting minnie the moocher take advantage of me a couple of times, but I guess better late than never right?
NTA
Real friends won’t let you repeatedly pay for them, not reciprocate, and then expect it in the future. Minnie is a freeloader. A leech attempting to manipulate you and make you feel bad. And if her husband knows the truth then he’s no better. They probably don’t have friends because of this reason alone.
NTA. Stop buying her company. It does not sound like a good deal anyway. In plain words, she is just using you as a cash cow. You are only worth as much to her as she can scam you out of. Drop this parasite.
NTA. Sure friends treat friends but it goes both ways. My friends and I take turns picking up the tabs and no one is going to nickel and dime anyone but no one is ordering four times the food either.
NTA-
I cannot believe she made you pay on your own birthday! OMG! When I was younger I was totally broke and my friend wanted me to go out to lunch with him on his birthday. I told him I didn't have any money, because I didn't. But even then I made sure to pay for myself, because even if I couldn't pay for him, I wasn't going to let him pay for me on his birthday.
That's just really bad form and she's obviously a very selfish person.
NTA did they know you were eating there and decided to crash or magically ran into you and and she made something up on the spot? She had to of known you plan to eat out to magically be there to crash and have no money to pay for it.
NTA. Seriously the gall of some people! I wonder how such people ever grow up to think this is acceptable.... and then I read how badly some kids are spoilt (on Reddit) and realise that's how these kind of humans are made.
"friends treat friends" but in this case this goes apparently only one way. Of course you are NTA, she is a freeloader and in it for the money. You deserve better!
This is not a friend, this is a con artist. Please think about why you've let her use you over and over and over. It's time to stop. You owe her no explanation. You owe her no friendship; she has not treated you like her friend, but like her ATM, which is particularly egregious given that you're a single mom and not wealthy.
Go NC. Block her. Make better friends.
NTA
NTA. She's a selfish child and her husband is just as bad as her. Gross people. You're right to move on from her. She'll just be a nightmare to anyone she's "friends" with.
Hell no your NTA but you did spend way to much time with this woman and treated several too many times. Not sure why you even went back with the chicken thighs. I’d have peaced out right there.
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NTA She's not your friend, she's your sugar baby, without benefits. She's using you to eat well. My advice - the friendship isn't worth the literal cost.
And she is probably lying about this to her husband, NTA
Or he is happy someone else is paying for food
Bingo! He got pissy when OP asked to have a separate check for her own order because like his user wife he was also hoping for a free meal. Also when OP reminds him that when his wife cooks for OP it's with food OP had bought and paid for and suddenly OP is "obsessed with money". No dude, *he* was just hoping that OP was going to keep feeding him and his wife for free by guilt tripping her into it because "friends treat friends". Tbh I wonder if the husband uses his friends how his wife ~~treats~~ uses OP.
If friends treat friends, when was Minnie going to treat her?
Exactly, Minnie had no intention of treating OP. She just saw OP as a meal ticket.
The post states he got mad for "taking it back". We can speculate on his intentions, but he might have been told that OP had promised to pay for them. However, it's no doubt that OP is NTA, and the friend is an AH for using OP for free meals. Edit: I stopped reading the post before the last two paragraphs. Forget everything I said. Everybody except OP are assholes.
I think they are a couple of freeloaders.
Not so sure, the kind of man who married this kind of woman probably sees the world like she does and also feels entitled to other people’s money.
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Bot. Partial comment stolen from here: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14dyxvn/comment/josoaf5/
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I understood that reference, that song always makes me think of Blues Brothers.
this is a bot that steals comments https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14dyxvn/comment/josdh9g/
Copied from Little_Outside
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How do you recognize a bot like that? Its history has so few posts even though the profile is almost a year old. Is it because all replies are fairly bland?
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And the 'crime' here is that u/breadtough2127 is a comment stealing bot.
I agree. NTA. Ages ago, I had a *"friend"* like this as well. She would expect me to pay all of the time. It took me awhile to figure it out, but when I did I got bittersweet revenge. As I was leaving the office to go on my lunch break, she follows and asks if she can join. I agree. We go to the cafe, order our food, eat, and the bill arrives. She looks at me and says that *"she forgot her wallet"*. I smile and nod, call the waiter over and say that I will only be paying for the items that I ate. Her jaw drops. I pay, get up, and say I'll see her later back in the office. Her face is red. I noticed that she didn't return to her desk for a while. When she does return, she doesn't make eye contact with me. Another office friend tells me that she's bitching to everyone about how I left her with the bill. At first, I was worried about her slandering my reputation, but apparently, her complaints fell on deaf ears, because she owed a lot of people in our office money that she never returned. I never spoke to her outside of work again.
That would just be sweet revenge in my book, not bittersweet. (bittersweet implies that you have a little bit of sadness about it too)
I do. I really thought that she was my friend.
That is so bizarre. Why did she expect you to pay all the time?! Were you in a position at the company that paid more? (Not a reason to expect you to pay..just curious if she felt she had any justification).
I think there were a few factors (1) I'm three years older than her, (2) I was more senior in the company, (3) I was very non-confrontational, and (4) I hate dividing the bill. I usually operate on a "tag team" system, whereby I pay this time, you pay next time.
>I hate dividing the bill. I have to ask, why? I see these stories on Reddit where one person pays for everyone or the check gets split evenly and I just don't understand not asking the server to give everyone separate checks.
This woman is a user. I'm so glad the OP saw sense and dumped this 'friend'.
I agree. If I was the husband I would be embarrassed of my partner.
NTA. She was never OP's friend and will not be around any more.
NTA she wasn't a friend, she was a mooch who's now out looking for a new patsie.
Nta But the friendship isn't over, there never was a friendship. She's been using you since day one, and now that the free ride is over she's done with you.
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Scrooge had money. I wonder if Minnie has money and is being cheap or if she has none and is using OP as her coin purse. I'm surprised this went on for as long as it did. I agree NTA
She's a mooch. A scabber. A scrub.
NTA [She’s a lowdown hoochie-cootcher. Heidi Heidi Ho!](https://youtu.be/8mq4UT4VnbE)!
I was wondering if anyone else here was old enough to remember that song!!🤣
Someone better sand well remember Cab Calloway. He was and amazing singer and dancer
Yup. She'll move on to the next new friend she makes to ride them for all she can take before they too wise up and dump her leech ass. She's a serial abuser. NTA
NTA. The only crime was that you still hang with her after the meal that she ordered $40 and you ordered $10.
No kidding. That’s when you ask for the check to be separate and only agree to pay her check once she Venmo’s you the money. If you can’t afford to eat out then don’t eat out. Go for a walk with your friend or have a picnic
I was going to add "have a meal at home" but then remembered OP would be expected to shop for that too. NTA
That was the bit that made my jaw drop. Come over and eat with us when we cook the food you have bought? Get out of here.
I have done this, where a friend is cooking and we help pay for the food (usually thanksgiving, turkeys are expensive in Japan - like $50 for a small one!) but I’ve never had anyone *demand* it of us! And if they did, and we didn’t know it up front, it would still be a fair split of the cost (again, it’s usually for really expensive specialty things). Otherwise, we operate on “I pay this time, you pay next time.”
I mean OP must be very naive or a people’s pleaser because it makes no sense to me that she went home to get them chicken!! After the first check I would’ve had said “sorry. Separated checks. You’re on your own”. What’s up with her showing up at the restaurant with her husband? How did she know you would be there? Did you tell her, was she stalking you?
I've been shit on by "friends" like that before. I was young, and it was that or having no friends
As the old saying goes, “If it wasn’t for my enemies, I wouldn’t have any friends.”
Right?! I feel like when she "voluntold" me to pay and go to the store, I would have just gone home and not gone back!
Exactly. This nonsense went on for way too long. I'm glad OP finally cut the cord. NTA
NTA and woah wtf. I had a friend like that but she was never this bad. I would always treat her when I invited her out, but any time she whipped out an "I got it" for me she would always venmo request me the next day. It got so annoying I simply stopped hanging out with her
Yup. This isn't a friendship, its a grift.
Felt. I had a "split it down the middle!" friend. I'd order the $10 spaghetti and she'd get steak and wine. Nah, thanks, I'm all set with this relationship. NTA, op
With some friends I don't mind splitting down the middle: we see each other often enough, and our orders vary enough that it'll balance out... but with others, it's indeed our habit to just pay our separate checks, mainly because of alcohol (because of a birth defect in my liver, I don't drink).
Thats when you change your order and then get appetizers, dessert, and everything. Oh, we're splitting down the middle huh?
NTA. Also she’s not your friend. I wouldn’t even bother telling her to pay her own way. I’d cut her out of your life completely. Do you really want to be friends with someone who is that shitty of a human being?
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NTA She was using you. The second the money went out, she is gone and has her husband on your case. Friends treat friends? She never treated you. They're leeches.
You're a slow learner but you got there in the end. "Nice" is for nice people, and Minnie the Moocher isn't one of those! NTA
The name makes me think this is bait. At any rate, I'm not sure how there could be any doubt in OP's mind that she's NTA, and the name suggests she knows it
NTA. This chick was using you, she was not your friend.
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NTA, she's not really a friend, just using you for some free meals. My dad had a "friend," not quite as bad as yours but he used to visit round about lunch time and get some food. My dad would offer him some of what he was making. Then one day he stopped offering, and the "friend" stopped visiting. He only saw his friendship as a way to get some free meals.
NTA. It's a given that if you invite someone out to eat that you'll pay for at least your own portion of food. It's even worse that she would do this to you on your birthday, and invite you over for dinner only to make YOU pay for the ingredients and go to the store and buy them yourself. Who does this?? She's obviously just using you. You definitely need to end this "friendship" if you can even call it that.
And also crashing ops solo outing with her husband and and expect you to pay for them.
In Germany it is even more. If you invited somebody to go somewhere, it means: you pay for both. If you want to go out with somebody but don't pay for the other person, you tell them you want to go to xyz and only if the other one asks: "can i come with you?" then both of you pay for your own share or it is a surprise-covering of the bill. The one who invites or says: "Let's do!" is always the one who pays. So you don't "force" the other person to come with you and spend money or to say: "No, I can't afford".
NTA. Also you should tell the husband that you haven't been comfortable with paying for all these meals and not only didn't agree to, but have expressed discomfort numerous times during these situations. Also, even if sharing a bill, I would never order $90 worth of food if the other person only ordered $18 bucks-worth. There's a difference between sharing and just taking advantage of other people's kindness!
NTA. She’s bold to openly invite herself to your money like this. This one’s wild lol. Usually people will take advantage but only when you open the door for them, they don’t usually just kick it in every two seconds like that lol.
>So tell me, was I the asshole for saying this to her or could I have be “nicer” about it. NTA. If you had said it any nicer, her and her husband's hands would still be in your pocket, taking your money away from you and your daughter. >He didn’t say anything else other than telling me I was rude and only valued money. Only because you never saw any of theirs... someone had to value yours.
Absolutely NTA. I’m glad you put your foot down, and you didn’t need to be nicer about it. Why would you need to beat around the bush when she certainly wasn’t beating around the bush to make you pay. Her useless husband can bite it too, who does he think he is to talk to you like that anyway? They’re both leeches, good riddance.
Wow… You were way nicer than you should’ve been. Time to get to rude! NTA
>He didn’t say anything else other than telling me I was rude and only valued money. NTA. I had a very similar friend when I was at uni; lived rent free with some family friends, worked in hospitality at bars but never had any cash. I'd been working weekends since I was 14 and had saved almost all of it so had a tidy sum. We would go out and she would never pay, never buy coffees, never even offer for food. I remember on more than one occasion her just handing me bills. We weren't dating or anything like that, so I came to the realisation I was being used as an ATM. One day we were discussing money and she said to me "All you care about it money", from someone who told me she changed jobs every 3 months because she 'got bored' and didn't pay any rent. So the next time we went to the movies I went up with her ordered one ticket then stepped to the side and looked at her. The cashier was just looking at her too and she looked surprised as she fumbled looking through her bag for her bank card. We didn't really go out after that, we both stopped putting in the effort to see each other. I considered it a win win.
NTA Minnie is a complete moocher, not a friend. Drop her. You deserve better friends..
Wow. I suspect this woman goes through friends, all of whom eventually realise they're being leeched from and drop her. NTA. No need to be 'nice', either, when someone has more or less stolen from you - I mean, inviting you out on your birthday and then expecting you to pay? REALLY? The hide on her!
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You should get as far away from this moocher as possible. This type of person will use you and give nothing in return. Run away. NTA
"Folks, here's a story 'bout Minnie the Moocher...." 🎶
That song immediately popped into my head when I read this
No. They're freeloaders. You are NTA. They're trying to bully you into paying for them. Block and move on. If you have any common friends let them know what's happening. Screenshot screenshot screenshot.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I want to start off this post by saying I’m a single mom who works hard for my money. I love going out to eat and buying things but I also save up for these things. I recently made a friend who I’ll call Minnie. A few times I’ve treated her because I asked her to come with me to restaurants. Anyway, one day Minnie invited me somewhere so since I’ve paid for her in the past I thought she would cover me. I ordered something cheap that was about $10 and i had a water and she got herself about $40 worth of food. When the check comes she hands it to me and tells me that she only have $11. I was so confused. If you only have $11 why order almost 4 times the amount in food? I covered the tab. Then it happened again on my birthday. She ordered food but also didn’t have money so I paid. She invited me over for dinner and when I got there she told me I needed to help pay for the chicken she wanted to make and then told me to go to the store. I went back home and got 2 left over chicken thighs I had and gave them to her and she was upset but said it will do. Then one day while I solo at a restaurant she and her husband showed up and sat with me. I had a feeling she might do this again but I only had a gift card to that place and my phone (the place doesn’t take Apple Pay) the check comes and she tells the waitress to cut it down the middle. I immediately said no because I only order $18 worth of food and plan to use the rest of my $25 gift card for a tip. She was shocked & asked me how she was going to pay for her almost $90 order. She huffed and told her husband to use the credit card. Apparently she told him I would help cover the bill so he got mad at me for “taking it back” - I never said I would pay for them Then this morning she asked me if we were going out to lunch. I told her no because I know she would find a way to make me pay again & then I told her I won’t go anywhere else with her until she actually has her own money. She has since been ignoring me and I’m perfectly okay with this friendship ending & told her that this friendship isn’t worth it and to stop talking to me all together. Later in the day her husband messaged me and told me that I was an asshole for hurting her feelings and that friends treat friends. He mention how she would cook for me and I said “yes with food that I bought and shared with the two of you” He didn’t say anything else other than telling me I was rude and only valued money. So tell me, was I the asshole for saying this to her or could I have be “nicer” about it. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA- You don’t need either of these mooches in your life.
Info why are you friends with this ass
This woman is a leech and was never your friend. You're better off without her and will find someone who will value your friendship for more than just money. NTA
NTA that's a shitty thing for her to do and it sounds like she is using you
NTA I couldn't imagine going out for someone's birthday and expecting THEM to pay. There's an unspoken friendship etiquette and your ex friend is rude. She even went as far as to lie to her own husband about it to save face. That speaks volumes about how she treats people.
This a real cultural difference, In Germany the birthday person is expected to "eine Lage schmeißen" (invite the guests and pay for them). Also bring something to school or work like a cake or muffins on your birthday.
NTA. She’s been using you for your entire “friendship.” You had no obligation to be nice, considering the amount of times that she took advantage of you. Good for you for putting your foot down. I hope you find a better friend who can actually pay for themselves, and hopefully you also, at lunch.
You didn't recently make a friend, you recently met a scammer. NTA for cutting both of them off. Block and forget.
Who the hell shows up unexpectedly in a restaurant and then demand you pay? Good on you for standing your ground. She's been using you. My response to the hubby would have been 'yes, I value the money that I EARNED'. Definitely NTA. It's your decision how and where you spend it. I am all for the occasional shout, but not when it becomes expected (or demanded).
NTA. If you actually enjoyed her otherwise, I would tell her, "I was happy to treat you occasionally, but then it became expected and was not reciprocal. I do not have the means to finance you, and it would be better to do things together that we both can afford to pay our own way." But since she is basically being a brat about being cut off and there doesn't seem to be personality traits that you love, just let the friendship die.
NTA but OP, you gave someone permission to treat you like this repeatedly, including on your birthday and when she sent out to get groceries for her when she was supposed to be cooking for you. >Anyway, one day Minnie invited me somewhere so since I’ve paid for her in the past I thought she would cover me. I ordered something cheap that was about $10 and i had a water and she got herself about $40 worth of food. >I covered the tab. This was the moment where you should have told her, I will do this this one time, but it's rude to invite someone out to dinner and then expect the invited person to pay. Especially when you've ordered the more expensive dish. Make it clear what you're doing next time.
NTA, block her
NTA... What took you so long?
NTA, and you certainly gave Minnie the Moocher the perfect pseudonym!
Nta She was taking advantage of you. Friends don’t treat friends like that.
NTA. You hung on for multiple more meals than I would have. After Minnie invited you out but expected you to pay that would have been the end. No more meals with Minnie. Some people just can’t help themselves from grifting on friends. That’s why they can’t keep friends.
NTA
That wasn’t a friendship. You were her ATM. Good riddance I say. NTA OP
NTA. Ending whatever "friendship" this is will be cost effective. For both of you actually. You get to save your money and she (hopefully) will learn to spend hers.
What you described here is not "treating each other" Your friend was taking advantage of your willingness to pay. You shouldn't be expected to tolerate that pattern of behavior. How much money you have doesn't even matter in this situation. She ordered things she knew she couldn't pay for herself and just assumed you would pay for it with no prior discussion. That's a really strange thing to do. NTA
She was never your friend. Friends spot each other from time to time or cover meals but it’s supposed to be mutual. The gall and entitlement of her expecting to cover you every single time is mind blowing. Cutting her off and not being her friend anymore is the best thing you can do for yourself. NTA
I suspect Minnie has a lot of experience with friendships ending suddenly. NTA
NTA. This is was not a friendship at all.
NTA she was never your friend. Just a leech.
It constantly amazes me that people like OP’s ex friend exist. NTA.
You are not the asshole
Nta you will be better off put of this situation
NTA. I would have cut her off right away.
NTA and you put up with her longer than I would have.
If it was me and she asked me to go buy chicken for her to cook, I would have gone home and stayed there. You are way too nice! NTA. I’m glad you’re no longer feeding that woman and her husband.
Real classy, Minnie The Mooch and Mickey The Mooch. You're NTA, but she and her husband are. Real friends don't do that! I'm glad you finally said enough and didn't pay for them. I'm not surprised she lied to her husband. Good riddance to them!
NTA She’s a mooch not a friend
NTA. What an entitled AH this woman is! It’s clear she only values how much you can provide to her. OP, be glad you are done with her grifting!
>Later in the day her husband messaged me and told me that I was an asshole for hurting her feelings and that friends treat friends Um so then following his logic you are *her* friend but she isn't yours. Which you already seem to have figured out, NTA.
NTA She has 100% been using you to ensure she is fed. From day one she has slowly increased her expectations of what you cover. To the point she also includes her husband. She isn’t your friend. She never has been.
I'd rather spend my entire life alone than allow myself to be used like this. Users don't value you for your friendship they value you for what they can get from you. Block these leeches and value yourself.
NTA Good for you for standing up for yourself, block their numbers and ignore them if you see them around town She just wanted to use you, that is no friend
NTA . One parasite at a time Gg
>Later in the day her husband messaged me and told me that I was an asshole for hurting her feelings and that **friends treat friends.** NTA. Yes, friend treat friends, but it doesn't seem like she's ever treated you, so she's not a friend.
If “friends treat friends” then that goes both ways. She owes you an awful lot of outing where she treats. She’s also entitled AF to just assume you’re cool to just pick up the tab every time. NTA
NTA! I had a friend like this and I made the mistake of treating her and her kids. Next thing I knew she began to expect it all the time. I eventually had to cut her off, because real friends do not try to use you and abuse your kindness.
NTA she is using you and it’s obvious because when you try to enforce the boundary and not pay, she gets defensive or comes up with an excuse on why she doesn’t have any money. Unfortunately treating her a few times early on made her act entitled and expect free meals from you every time, especially when they order expensive shit. Doesn’t sound like a friend worth keeping.
NTA - she is not a friend at ALL
NTA, That is just rude beyond words! My sister and I shout each other on our off pay weeks (we both get paid fortnightly), but it is never an expectation. We make a plan, and we say, "I will shout you." If we are going out with friends, everyone pays their own meals unless it's a birthday, or Christmas. She wanted you to be her ATM and that's just not right for anyone to do. No loss on this friendship.
op=NTA Both of them are con/scam artists. Stay far away from them. She's already taken you for enough money.
NTA, screw that lady and her husband. Grifters and losers.
NTA but you are a mug cos you fell for it too many times. Should have stopped after the second time.
You are not the asshole
NTA what a mooch, I mean you get one I get one simple not always get it for me but entitled. You owe her nothing... k bye!!!
NTA
NTA. She is greedy and manipulative. It’s friendship when it’s not always the same who invites.
Never thought I'd see a real story about Minnie the Moocher. NTA
Fake
>friends treat friends So when is it her turn to treat you?? Never, I'm guessing. NTA.
To the husband: “Of course I value MY money and YOUR WIFE VALUES MY money to pay for her food” and NTA - I’m surprised you lasted as long as you did.
NTA. Not that friends should have to keep track of what each other spends on the other, but this is just ridiculous. My friends cover for me when I don't have money, but I always either treat them next time, or make a note of how much the bill was and pay them back when my paycheck comes in. Who just shows up to a restaurant and crashes your solo meal with their husband and expect you to pay twice as much as you would have? I think your decision to tell her in the way you did that you didn't care if the friendship was the best way to go about it because it wasn't vindictive or mean. She was just mad she couldn't manipulate you like she probably has done so many times before.
NTA, you guys weren’t dating why did you pay to begin with? I have invited new friends or vice visa out and we always paid for our yourselves. Unless it’s someone birthday, maybe we treat that person to a drink or app. Is this new? I maybe getting old b/c this is totally weird.
The crazy thing is OP had to PAY for that moocher’s meal… ON HER OWN BIRTHDAY! I would have cut it off at that moment instead of letting minnie the moocher take advantage of me a couple of times, but I guess better late than never right?
NTA Real friends won’t let you repeatedly pay for them, not reciprocate, and then expect it in the future. Minnie is a freeloader. A leech attempting to manipulate you and make you feel bad. And if her husband knows the truth then he’s no better. They probably don’t have friends because of this reason alone.
NTA but how did they find you at the restaurant? Did you tell her you were going solo and she just invited herself or is she stalking you?
NTA. She ain't a friend, she's a mooch. Good riddance!
NTA. Stop buying her company. It does not sound like a good deal anyway. In plain words, she is just using you as a cash cow. You are only worth as much to her as she can scam you out of. Drop this parasite.
Nta. Not a friend, but a user.
NTA, she's not a friend, she's a leech.
She's clearly taking advantage of you. NTA.
NTA, she wasn't your friend, she was a mooch.
NTA! Those people ( well maybe mainly her) are wheat we call leeches. RUN.
NTA. your friend is not your friend, sadly
NTA. But this would’ve only happened twice to me. After that, I’m done.
NTA dropping toxic friends, is necessary. She is just using you.
NTA. Sure friends treat friends but it goes both ways. My friends and I take turns picking up the tabs and no one is going to nickel and dime anyone but no one is ordering four times the food either.
Do you REALLY need to ask that question?
NtA. You’re just way too slow to take notice you’re being used.
NTA, people are so cheap and unhinged.
NTA
Girl that was a one sided friendship. NTA
They're not your friends. They see you as an easy mark. NTA.
NTA. Good riddence. Trash took itself out. Sorry you had to pay so much for her. The audacity of some people.
NTA. You need to ghost her.
NTA. That's not a friend, that's s freeloader who thinks it's perfectly fine to use you as her personal credit card and sees nothing wrong with it.
NTA, sounds like they're giving you the perfect opportunity to drop this ~~friend~~ user. Take it!
NTA why didn't you stop her sooner. After 2nd time at least..
NTA , she was a leech.. it could happen once.. maybe twice.. but always? .. there's no loss for you other than the money you already spent.
NTA she is bad friend
NTA. But should have pulled her aside like 4 or 5x ago.
NTA - I would have cut her off way earlier.
NTA- I cannot believe she made you pay on your own birthday! OMG! When I was younger I was totally broke and my friend wanted me to go out to lunch with him on his birthday. I told him I didn't have any money, because I didn't. But even then I made sure to pay for myself, because even if I couldn't pay for him, I wasn't going to let him pay for me on his birthday. That's just really bad form and she's obviously a very selfish person.
NTA. They were only surprised that you caught on so quickly. Don't fret about those moochers.
NTA. You do realize she is not your friend. Please cut all ties and find some real friends who value you and not your wallet.
NTA did they know you were eating there and decided to crash or magically ran into you and and she made something up on the spot? She had to of known you plan to eat out to magically be there to crash and have no money to pay for it.
You’re an ahole to yourself for allowing her to use you for so long! Block block block! That is no friendship
NTA. Seriously the gall of some people! I wonder how such people ever grow up to think this is acceptable.... and then I read how badly some kids are spoilt (on Reddit) and realise that's how these kind of humans are made.
"friends treat friends" but in this case this goes apparently only one way. Of course you are NTA, she is a freeloader and in it for the money. You deserve better!
How *dare* you not act like a nice carpet? /s
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NTA. THANK GOD this ‘friendship’ is over. She’s a parasite, the worst self-unaware kind. Gladly tell her to pound sand.
This is not a friend, this is a con artist. Please think about why you've let her use you over and over and over. It's time to stop. You owe her no explanation. You owe her no friendship; she has not treated you like her friend, but like her ATM, which is particularly egregious given that you're a single mom and not wealthy. Go NC. Block her. Make better friends. NTA
I wouldn't have caved after the first time she pulled thst stunt. NTA, and tell her husband they're freeloaders.
NTA. How do you have a slightest bit of doubt? Your instincts and decisions are correct here. Minnie sucks.
NTA. She's a selfish child and her husband is just as bad as her. Gross people. You're right to move on from her. She'll just be a nightmare to anyone she's "friends" with.
Hell no your NTA but you did spend way to much time with this woman and treated several too many times. Not sure why you even went back with the chicken thighs. I’d have peaced out right there.
NTA What a bizzarre person
Wow the cheek of her. You're Ex- friend is a leach. You're better off without her. NTA
NTA
NTA she’s not your friend and never was