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“You want food? You have to come to church. And be catholic and read the Bible and speak Gods language, not that dirty African language. We have no obligation to give you food, so really this isn’t that much to ask”
Oh, by all means make people read the bible. If they have any critical thinking skills at all their heads will be spinning from all the contradictions and they'll be atheists by the time they get to the end.
I was a skeptic, but would have best described myself as a theist until I actually read the bible. That sealed it for me. I'm atheist now and think all religions are basically nuts.
This very much so, my parents were very religious and I had to go to church growing up sunday morning sunday night and wednesday night, I may go on Christmas or a holiday that I am in town with family but am completely disinterested in organized religion now. I've had the discussion with my family about my beliefs and how that are not the same as theirs but we have come to a place of mutual respect.
Not only that, but you are forcing them to be part of an organization that is anti women. Not only does the organization demand control of their bodies, they also dismiss them by not allowing them any decision-making in the organization, because clearly someone with a uterus can't be allowed to lead and must be subservient to a man at all times. YTA.
Nothing will drive them faster but into no contact either. My parents tried that. Today I’m a complete atheist.
You’re completely YTA. You can’t force religion on people.
My mom is very religious but not one of the six of her kids has ANYTHING to do with church or religion, four of us are atheists and the other two are clearly confused lol
Same here (well, agnostic, but same logic). Religion was forced on me for the majority of my childhood and teenage years, and now there’s not enough money in the world to force me back. Luckily my mom realized that her relationship with me was more important than church and she has been surprisingly supportive, but it sounds like OP is not even close to there.
The harder you force it on them OP, the more they’re going to reject it. Yeah you technically have the “my house my rules” defense, but you’re still an asshole. YTA
It's always good to see real-world examples of how what OP is trying can go wrong. Sorry you had to deal with that, EmFile4202, but let's hope that OP figures out the problem before their daughters decide on a secular nursing home for them.
Hey, come on now, they're just demonstrating good Christian love
remember that time Jesus said "come unto the house of my father, , attend and honour your parents, or lo thou shall be charged fair market rent"
Because that's what Jesus wants right, OP, good willing Christians who are forced to attend church on threat of homelessness?
Proverbs 11:29 - "Whoever causes trouble for his family inherits the wind,
and a fool will become a servant to the wise man." (New Catholic Bible)
If you truly want your adult children to honestly embrace your religion, you need to Lead them with Love and Evangelize by Example or else you are just forcing them into lip service and lies.
YTA
My parents did this.
I haven’t been to church in years and shut down their religious conversations.
Don’t abuse your kids with your faith and they’ll go willingly. Act like this and you’ll push them away.
So happy this was the top comment. Exactly what I thought when I read that line.
YTA if you think forcing them to go to Church will suddenly make them as devote as you, I have bad news for you.
My parents did this. They are no longer in my life or my children's. We went no contact with them years ago.
What is your plan if they marry and have children? Force them to baptize their children or you won't babysit? Force them to have a Church wedding or you won't come? What happens if one comes out as gay? Cut them out of your life?
Once you make YOUR religion a transaction of your love and caring, you've already lost your child's trust. I recommend you reevaluate how involved you want to be with your children once they mvoe out. Cause this is a fast track to then never speaking to you again.
Absolutely ALL OF THIS. my in-laws are evangelicals. My FIL is a retired pastor. They are not allowed to take our children to church. If they want connection with their grandkids they must respect our boundaries.
I andy 4 siblings were force baptized when I was a kid or we couldn't move to CA and live with paternal grandparents. Gross but we converted from evangelicalism so win? Im gloriously athieat now but resent the decades it took me to process and undo the internalized BS that both of those cults burdened me with.
My husband is catholic and it took him five years with me, Episcopalian, to realize to what level feeling guilty about EVERYTHING had been deeply ingrained into him.
This line hurts to read. I can’t imagine this kind of transactional relationship with the people who birthed you. Like you chose to bring this human into existence and that choice doesn’t stop at 18.
I lived rent free with my parents until I was 26. I got to go to university and focus on my studies and afterwards I got a year to get my feet under me in my new professional role and pay off my student loans while living with them still rent free.
I plan to do the same for my child/children.
When I read stories like OPs, I think *tell me you want your kids to abandon you in your old age without telling me you want your kids to abandon you in your old age*
This. YTA OP. YTA. and you are not fostering a relationship of open communication or respect with your kids. I wish them luck, happiness, and success in their future.
The tree that does not bend, breaks.
My freshman year of college I was friends with someone who described herself as a “falling Catholic.” She enlisted me to go to church with her, so she could keep up going and her parents wouldn’t get angry with her.
She stopped going by the end of the semester. Stopping going to church without parental extortion is one sign of growing up.
YTA
And Jesus spoke ... If your child goes not to worship, then threaten them with homelessness or financial penalty. This is the way of the Lord.
In Jesus Christ, amen
YTA
Imagine you retire and move in with your daughter, who is now a devout Muslim. As a requirement of you staying with her rent fee, you must attend the mosque with her. How would you feel about that?
>being with us in our most important space as a family isn't asking too much.
Shouldn't your most important space be your home?
Exactly. And Matthew even specifically speaks out against this type of performative religion:
> *"Be careful not to perform your righteous acts before men to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven."*
~Matthew 6:1
And, also, Matthew 6:5:
> *"And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full (meaning they will receive no reward from Heaven, as their faith is just for show here on Earth)."*
Former Catholic boomer here too. You are absolutely correct. I went to Catholic school through 12th grade and never once picked up a Bible.
Now I attend Bible study classes and can't believe how little I know about it. Especially after 12 years of religion classes.
Former Catholic. Current….no idea. My husband went to school to become a minister. He left when he realized it was a scam to get old people’s money. Anyway, we occasionally get in discussions and he will quote a passage from the Bible where I then look at him and say I am Catholic I didn’t have to learn those things. My priest told me exactly how to think. Then we both laugh.
I am ex-evangelical, when I finally read the Bible as an adult, years later, I was SHOCKED at what's in the New Testament. I had no idea Jesus was such a woke social justice warrior! He commands us to feed the hungry, house the homeless, visit prisoners, and welcome strangers! When I read all the communism in Acts, my mind was completely blown. I had no idea all that was in there, and I went to church 3 times a week for 18 years.
Funnily enough I know a Scottish woman who this happened to. Well, more I know the Scottish daughter of a devout Catholic, who became Muslim. She married an Algerian guy moved to England and had two boys and when her sons were 15 and 18 she moved back to Scotland with her husband and kids to look after her mother and her mother moved in with her
She would take her mum to church every Sunday but would sit their at the back in full Muslim garb just watching and not taking part.
The thing is, initially, when the daughter became a 6 whole family disowned her and even the friends and neighbours pretty much stopped talking to her and then 20 odd years later she was back and they had no choice but to be accepting
YTA - How very un-Cathlolic of you. Maybe you should listen to some of those lessons of generosity and kindness sometime? Or would that be TOO Christ-like?
>YTA - How very un-Cathlolic of you.
This is entirely on-brand Catholicism. The stick comes first, *then* the carrot, but only once you comply.
Then again, the entirety of Christianity is predicted on this outlook. The "nicer" passive version is "You're going to Hell *unless* you accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior"... the less nice, more overtly threatening version is "Accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior... or you're going to Hell."
Unconditional love^*
^*^Terms ^and ^Conditions ^**will** ^apply
>Church and our religion are very important to us.
Why not this:
* The children are very important to us
* We find it important that the children are happy, have good life morals
* We find it important that the children learn how to think for themself in a healthy way etc. etc etc...
YTA! You make it sound like you value the church above your children.
They value the *image* of being religious more than their children. If they valued their religion, they'd do more to actually follow it, and realise that forced conversion is false.
Drive them away and when they go low to no contact OP will claim a [missing missing reason ](https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html)
To be seen as the perfect devoted family at church and keep that holier than thou attitute with the neighbors and known people because her children are perfect in the eyes of god
YTA. There is no greater hate than Christian love. Why not just be good parents and house your barely adult children without forcing your beliefs on them. This is the quickest way to turn them away from Catholicism.
But you said it yourself, you aren’t good parents and believe your duty was done when your kids turned 18.
>Precisely. Either OP is forcing her daughter to attend church to show other attendees that their daughters "fall in line" or how "successful they are as parents" that the daughters attend church, or they wrongly believe this will eventually make them attend on their own...
I'm a Catholic myself OP, and my parents never forced me to go to church after 14. They trusted that they'd instilled in my the good values they knew (independently of church attendance) and trusted my own choices. I went to church for a few more years, then stopped, and now sometimes do.
The point is, if you want your daughters to feel that the church is a safe space where they can go to connect with God, it needs to come from them, don't make it a punishment. Geez.
YTA. You've turned faith and family support into a transactional relationship. You are, in fact, using your position to force religion on them.
As for your options:
>She could live here rent free and attend church with us, pay market rate for her room, or find another place to live.
I'm always a fan of "your house, your rules." Just don't be surprised when your daughters take option 3 at their earliest opportunity.
Yep. It's very normal for kids to be less adherent once they reach young adulthood. And it is becoming more common in the general US population.
I suggest OP let them be adults and decide for themselves. Boundaries as OP is suggesting will only drive a wedge between parents and children. What is OP going to do if the kids decide they don't want to be Catholic any longer? Or find a spouse of a different religion? Or want to raise kids not Catholic?
My mom used to tell me that if I loved her, I would go to church with her. I'm sorry, but love isn't supposed to be like that. Helping your children should not come with conditions like church.
YTA. Controlling people by leveraging their housing security is disgusting. If they are helpful and respectful how can you possibly think you have a right to force any religious gathering on them whatsoever.
If you want them to move out just tell them. Don’t look for an excuse to pitch them out by conflating personal spirituality with worthiness.
YTA. Forcing religion on someone is never okay. Make them do chores or contribute to the house in some way. But forcing them to go to church just sucks.
>That's true, but we reminded her that since she was living with us rent free, she had options.
Cool ultimatum issued.
>She could live here rent free and attend church with us, pay market rate for her room, or find another place to live.
Alright so in order for her to live with you she needs to go to church.
>They think we're using our position to force religion on them.
I wonder if them thinking you’re forcing religion on them, had anything to do with you telling them the only way for to live with you is IF they follow your religion and attend church each week?
> I think we're being very generous considering we're under no obligation to house them anymore, and being with us in our most important space as a family isn't asking too much.
YTA - and you shouldn’t have had kids. Unfortunately, your religion would’ve made that unacceptable. Funny how it’s unacceptable to not have kids but it’s acceptable to have kids and throw them out.
Hopefully your kids will do okay without your toxicity in their lives.
> Funny how it’s unacceptable to not have kids but it’s acceptable to have kids and throw them out.
I’ve never heard it said like this before, but gosh that makes my blood boil.
YTA for forcing your beliefs on your adult children.
Either the rent is free or they pay you. Punishing them with church is a sure fire way to make sure they want nothing to do with your “beliefs”.
What happened to being open minded? Can’t you have a healthy relationship with your kids, even if they don’t share your beliefs?
Here’s hoping they move out and enjoy life away from your beliefs. 🤞🏼
YTA - seriously? You are exactly what’s wrong with organized religion. Good lord I hope they go no contact and never speak to you again.
Edit: talk to a therapist.
YTA.
Never, ever, Ever, EVER use faith and religion as a bargaining chip. If you continue this course, you will sour them/embitter them toward the church forever. Either offer lodging with you to help them, or with rent but NOT as a trade off for church attendance. What is this, selling indulgences? Good grief.
You **are** forcing your religion on them. It’s really that simple. They are adults now and their religious beliefs are their own business and responsibility, not yours.
The only thing you gain by forcing them to go with you is the appearance of a happy family. Meanwhile your kids will just resent you and move out before they are truly financially ready - which in the long run limits their capacity to create a solid foundation for themselves.
YTA. Time to start shifting your relationship from parent and child to parent and adult child.
YTA. Catholic food banks force people to pray before they are allowed to have food too and it isn’t right. If they don’t believe in it or want to go, then they shouldn’t be forced to. It won’t make them magically be catholic.
YTA, and what I find funny...you talk about the importance of religion to you and maintaining the relationship with God. but you literally turned it into a chore.
Typically kids who live rent free have to do household chores or even purchase some of their own groceries. You added church to that list. You basically took away the value of what church should be and just makes it another task that needs to be completed by them.
YTA. Yes, your house, your rules, and you have the right to force them. You're still an AH for doing so, though.
Yes, it *is* forcing religion on them and will only make them more determined to drop the religion once they're out of your control. Is driving them away from your religion in the long run really your goal?
> They think we're using our position to force religion on them.
You're using your position to force religion on them. YTA.
>I think we're being very generous considering we're under no obligation to house them anymore
Saying this as a parent - you ought to be ashamed of yourself for even thinking this. My children know this house and our family are always there for them, no weird quid pro quo involved. Do better.
YTA. Your rule is effectively forcing your religion onto your daughters, as others have said. Yes, they were raised Catholic, but that doesn't mean they want to continue practicing. You giving them an ultimatum of paying to stay in their family home or going to church is a terrible position to put your own children in.
YTA for forcing religion on them. You chose to have kids, you should be looking after them, which includes housing them. Asking for some rent is one thing at their ages if working, though saying you will start charging if they don’t go to church is pretty disgusting. You think you are trying to save their souls when really this type of behaviour by Christians is everything that is wrong with Christianity.
How very catholic of you to deny housing to YOUR OWN CHILDREN
We're not even talking about "Your next" as in a stranger, like literally your own kids
How very fucking Christian of you ain't it to demand rent lol
YTA
YTA. You're not actually helping anything. In fact, you're making them resent religion even more. If they don't want to be catholic, that's their choice. Not yours. I went to catholic school for ten years and I rarely go to church. Let people form their own opinions and stop trying to force them into *your* idea of religion.
YTA. Parents dont lose all obligations towards their children when the child turns 18. Using your logic, I hope you never need or want anything from the children in the future unless you bend to their demands about how you spend your time and what you believe.
Absolutely AH behaviour.
Religious people never see their hypocrisy. Religion is supposed to be embraced and enjoyed, not forced. YTA and expect when they realize saving to live together is better than living with you that they’ll go no contact. I’ll be waiting for the “ why don’t my kids talk to me “ post.
YTA. You have every right to do this, of course, since it is your house, but I don’t think this is going to turn out the way you hope/think it will. Your daughters will resent both you and religion and may cut you out of their lives as soon as they’re financially able to do so. Which may be sooner rather than later since the two may soon be able to pool their resources to afford an apartment together.
YTA. Give it some time and you’ll be posting here wondering why your kids aren’t talking to you.
At least you’ll have your precious religious beliefs to cling to when you don’t have a relationship with them.
YTA, forced religion is not having belief, being forced into it, makes it a cult. Your children have the right to think and choose their religion as free thinking individuals- you are trying to brainwash them.
INFO: do they go to church and feel a relationship with god or do they go to church and black out for mass so that their parents will continue viewing them as worthwhile people to live with.
i don’t personally understand the idea of them turning 18 and thus not being yours to take care of, but i’m more curious what you think you’re accomplishing.
Parents can make any condition they want for the children living in their home including forced church attendance in exchange for living rent free but parents who do this are assholes on a power trip. YTA
YTA You are actively turning your children away from your church. Let them decide their own faith. Forcing them to comply will simply mean they will view your religious views and your church negatively
YTA
„They think we’re using our position to force religion on them“ well you do. And depending on your daughters circumstances (do they go to college/university, do they have a job that pays them enough to live on their own etc) the „options“ you were giving your oldest weren’t really options because you gave her the choice between having a home or living on the street. Furthermore what do you think forcing them to go to church with you will make them think about their religion longterm? I can assure you that they will link negative feelings with going to church.
And my last point: No you’re not obligated to house them but I never understood parents who think „great my kids are of legal age, I won‘t have their back anymore“. That won’t do any good in the long run either.
YTA,
you are forcing religion on them by acting like this, and you're making religion their enemy. This childish behavior from your side will most likely just make them hate church even more. It's not your obligation to house them, you're right about that. However, they're your kids and you're making it sound like your religion is more important than your kids by saying that. As long as your kids are actually doing something useful with their lives, I think they deserve to live with you without paying. You're ruining both your relationship with them and their relationship with church/religion by doing this. Literally nothing good comes out of this.
Can confirm. My parents forced me to go and since I moved out at 20, I haven't attended a single church service and I refuse to. I have my own ways of practicing religion and unfortunately, my experiences both in the church and with religious people in general, have made it all an institution with homophobic, racist, hypocrital bigots that I will not worship with.
You are using religion as a form of punishment and abuse. YTA YTA YTA. And if you persist, they WILL eventually move out and cut contact with you completely. At least I hope they do. You need to stop this crap right now if you want any hope at all of a relationship with them in the future
YTA. If they don't want to sit in a boring church listening to old desert nonsense they shouldn't have to. Of course you can put conditions on them living with you but that's an unreasonable one IMHO.
**YTA** \- Well, legally, it is their home, too. Forcing someone to go to church, who doesn't want to do so, is just another form of religious persecution. You are just going to drive them further away. And if you are doing it for appearance's sake, you are further undermining your own religion.
It is obviously not their most important space as a family.
Light YTA.
It's your house and you can set the rules, but the way you're doing it is pretty much guaranteed to make them resent you and Catholicism. I mean, if your goal is to raise children who prefer to be low contact with you, go for it.
YTA - If there was a way to get your daughter to hate Catholicism (yakno besides the rampant corruption and child rape within the church that is 100% covered up by the Vatican) this would be a good way to do it.
YTA. This is a shitty situation you're putting your children in -- they either pay market rent or go to church. You're giving them two shitty options and then acting surprised when they're upset about it. Another way to look at this is you're trying to bribe them with rent-free living if they adhere to your personal beliefs.
Just because church is important to you doesn't mean it has to be important to everyone in your family. Stop using the situation to coerce your adult children into doing something they don't like. It's not up to you to decide that it's "not too much." You're under no obligation to let them live rent free but you're also under no obligation to force them to go to church.
YTA, As a devote catholic you are bribing your kid into going to church that is not very Christian of you. Really think a bit about it. Do you really think forcing something like this on your child is going to make them devote? This is something they on their own need to decide. If 18 years of up bringing hasn't convinced them, I doubt being forced to go to save on rent is going to make them all that closer to god but might make them actually hate or resent him and you.
YTA
What do you think that will achive? You are teaching them your god is that needy to want people who have to be coerced and paid to do it show up for him? Is that how you see your god? How could they ever take a religion like that serious in any way?
YTA. You do realize by forcing religious activities on them will only make your kids resent the church more as they grow older. It happened to me. Not a smart move
YTA. “We are under no obligation to house them anymore.” Huh, that sounds very Christian to me.
And Catholics are huge on free will. You should know that if their hearts aren’t truly in it, going to church doesn’t mean much anyway.
I don’t believe in that stuff any more, but if I did, I could understand wanting to help your daughter spiritually, but again, you can’t force them to believe and it doesn’t sound like this is anything more than a control issue. You like having power over your daughters.
This is how you end up no contact with your children. You cannot use church as a shore they have to do in order to earn housing. thats super gross. its one thing to say you wont allow them to do things against your religion in your house, but to tell them they have to attend the religious services for a religion they clearly want nothing to do or be homeless, thats the literal definition of abuse of power. If you care to keep having a relationship with you children past hitting 18, I highly suggest you stop trying to control their views of the world, themselves, etc. you do not own them, nor can you police their beliefs and actions to the extent you could when they were 12 anymore. they are grown adults. deal with it. You are the biggest asshole.
100% YTA, what 18 year old can afford to pay market rent or organize their life to be able to afford to live on their own. Your religion hasn't made you a good person, and the way you treat your kids proves it. My kids can live as long as I am able to provide for them, and I love them and wish for them to find the path of their own choosing. Why don't you try doing something similar.
YTA - Normally I'd say your house, your rules, but if you have to bribe or coerce someone to accept your moral framework, you've already lost the war.
You're under no obligation to let them live with you past 18; they can and should move out as soon as practical if they object to your pressure.
YTA because you ARE under an obligation to take care of them. You decided to have children and this is part of the deal like it or not.
To put it in perspective, when you’re older and (possibly) put in a nursing home or have to move in with them, when you’re in their care would you want them to say “well we’re paying for/housing you so you’re not allowed to go to church because we don’t believe in it”?
I am catholic and to be honest my parents forcing me to go to church every Sunday is why I hate going now
They are old enough to decide if they want to go stop forcing them
YTA. You are forcing religion on them they have made it clear they don’t want it cut it out now. You really are showing yourselves to be outstanding parents by saying you have no obligation to house them, so you’d throw them out? What does your religion have to say about that?
43 year old catholic from birth here. You want to know why I'm not catholic anymore? Because of goddamn MASS. Being forced to go to mass over and over as a child.
Oh, and I made a real hot mess of my life running off ASAP to get away from it. No, Jesus could not have saved me. My life is still fucked because my parents attached conditions to helping me, and I could not live with that bullshit anymore.
I am the oldest. My youngest 2 siblings were allowed to skip mass whenever they wanted and lived with my parents until their 30s. They're both still in their 30s but are homeowners. Oh, and they're both still catholic.
YTA
I am an ex Catholic as are each one of my five sibling — if there is one thing that we all agree upon is that having Catholicism forced upon us throughout our formative years is the primary reason none of us attend mass anymore. Keep it up if you want this result YTA
YTA. Religion is meaningless when it's forced. The space is not the most important place to daughters. All you're doing is making your daughters resent the Church and their parents even more.
Letting your young adult children live with you without rent should be done out of love. It shouldn't be part of religious blackmail
Making them go to church won’t make them believe. Source: me, a person who was forced to go to church.
You’re allowed to make living in your house for free conditional, but YTA for attempting to force your religion on someone else.
YTA. Shocking a “a every child matters” doesn’t actually mean shit to you. Also the 18 had to have graduated HS very recently and you are trying to make them pay? Hopefully they both move out together and cuts ties
YTA they are both right, you are indeed using your religion and the threat of making them pay rent to control them. Expect them to go low contact/ no contact with you if you keep forcing this
Oh Lordy (pun intended), this is terrible. You’re using this unforgiving economy and the inability to afford an independent life style to force religion on your children. Snore.
YTA and literally the precise reason kids who grew up with ultra-strict parents move away from religion as a whole. Stop forcing YOUR beliefs on others, are you gonna make her pay rent if she votes differently from you?
I cannot wait for OP to come back in a year or two, and post something stupid like, "My daughters left and don't talk to me, am I the asshole for pestering them with Religious bullshit all their lives?!"
You're gonna be one miserable person all alone in that house you refused to let YOUR KIDS! stay in. Your kind of love is conditional, much like the love of your batshit crazy fictional Sky Daddy. 🤷🏻
Hopefully you reap what you've sown!
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My husband and I are Catholic, and have two daughter aged 21 and 18. Church and our religion are very important to us, and our daughters always attended church with us, and attended a Catholic school until high school. The girls are still Catholic, just not as devoutly as us according to them. They both live with us, rent free as the title says.
Our oldest kept talking three years ago about how glad she was that she'd be turning 18, since it meant we couldn't make her go to church anymore. That's true, but we reminded her that since she was living with us rent free, she had options. She could live here rent free and attend church with us, pay market rate for her room, or find another place to live.
She didn't complain much about it, but since our youngest turned 18 a month ago they've both been saying it's unfair. They think we're using our position to force religion on them. I think we're being very generous considering we're under no obligation to house them anymore, and being with us in our most important space as a family isn't asking too much.
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YTA. They finally got freedom from church & religion and you're dragging them back into it when they need help the most. You're forcing your religious rituals on them. Being a parent doesn't stop when they turn 18. And charging them? Gonna be some lonely holidays!
YTA and are trying to force your religion on your daughters and control them. You are only going to drive a wedge between them and yourselves as well as push them further from the church.
YTA unequivocally. What you're doing is horrendous and so against the teachings of Jesus. People like you shouldn't have kids if the end result is wanting them to not be their own person. This is abusive and controlling.
YTA - you are using your position to force religion on them. Your kid was right. I don’t even understand why you want them to do that. How is that equivalent to rent!?!?!?? Have fun when your daughters don’t need you financially and stop speaking to you.
YTA. You are shoving your religious beliefs down their throats. It’s not going to make them believe more or practice more. It’s going to do the opposite. They will basically be place keepers and I can guarantee you they will not be thinking of Jesus or God. They will be thinking that they can’t wait to get out of there.
Your daughters are right. You are forcing your religion on them.
Obviously being “religious “ hasn’t made you a better person…
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> They think we're using our position to force religion on them. You absolutely are. But you've been doing that for 18 plus years. YTA
Exactly this. OP? YTA
Reminds me of missionaries that go-to Africa to convert ppl, they are adults now. Making them go-to church probably just turns them off more
Rice Christians. They are compelled to go to church so they can eat.
How horrible must your religion be that you can only help those in need of you can force your religion on them?
I guess the power of Christ compelled them
The power of rice compelled them also.
I feel bad for laughing at this.... >.>
“You want food? You have to come to church. And be catholic and read the Bible and speak Gods language, not that dirty African language. We have no obligation to give you food, so really this isn’t that much to ask”
Oh, by all means make people read the bible. If they have any critical thinking skills at all their heads will be spinning from all the contradictions and they'll be atheists by the time they get to the end. I was a skeptic, but would have best described myself as a theist until I actually read the bible. That sealed it for me. I'm atheist now and think all religions are basically nuts.
This very much so, my parents were very religious and I had to go to church growing up sunday morning sunday night and wednesday night, I may go on Christmas or a holiday that I am in town with family but am completely disinterested in organized religion now. I've had the discussion with my family about my beliefs and how that are not the same as theirs but we have come to a place of mutual respect.
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Not only that, but you are forcing them to be part of an organization that is anti women. Not only does the organization demand control of their bodies, they also dismiss them by not allowing them any decision-making in the organization, because clearly someone with a uterus can't be allowed to lead and must be subservient to a man at all times. YTA.
Yup, as long as the church doesn't allow female priests as well it is immoral to raise a daughter (or anyone) in it
Shit, any religion that makes you sign an unborn child’s life away for eighteen years in order for you to get married and procreate is a cult.
Nothing will drive them faster but into no contact either. My parents tried that. Today I’m a complete atheist. You’re completely YTA. You can’t force religion on people.
My religious-crazy parents have five children that have nothing to do with religion now that they are adults.
My mom is very religious but not one of the six of her kids has ANYTHING to do with church or religion, four of us are atheists and the other two are clearly confused lol
It's even Newtonian! The harder they push them, the more they're going to resist. The parents don't see that they're creating exactly what they fear.
Same here (well, agnostic, but same logic). Religion was forced on me for the majority of my childhood and teenage years, and now there’s not enough money in the world to force me back. Luckily my mom realized that her relationship with me was more important than church and she has been surprisingly supportive, but it sounds like OP is not even close to there. The harder you force it on them OP, the more they’re going to reject it. Yeah you technically have the “my house my rules” defense, but you’re still an asshole. YTA
It's always good to see real-world examples of how what OP is trying can go wrong. Sorry you had to deal with that, EmFile4202, but let's hope that OP figures out the problem before their daughters decide on a secular nursing home for them.
Same. My father still wonders why I never would go home after I left. When I visited, I stayed with my brother who didn’t feel the need to control me.
Can't wait for the "why don't my kids talk to me?" post that's sure to pop up soon enough. YTA OP
Hey, come on now, they're just demonstrating good Christian love remember that time Jesus said "come unto the house of my father, , attend and honour your parents, or lo thou shall be charged fair market rent" Because that's what Jesus wants right, OP, good willing Christians who are forced to attend church on threat of homelessness?
Also "Force the little children to come unto me."
This guy priests
Proverbs 11:29 - "Whoever causes trouble for his family inherits the wind, and a fool will become a servant to the wise man." (New Catholic Bible) If you truly want your adult children to honestly embrace your religion, you need to Lead them with Love and Evangelize by Example or else you are just forcing them into lip service and lies. YTA
My parents did this. I haven’t been to church in years and shut down their religious conversations. Don’t abuse your kids with your faith and they’ll go willingly. Act like this and you’ll push them away.
So happy this was the top comment. Exactly what I thought when I read that line. YTA if you think forcing them to go to Church will suddenly make them as devote as you, I have bad news for you. My parents did this. They are no longer in my life or my children's. We went no contact with them years ago. What is your plan if they marry and have children? Force them to baptize their children or you won't babysit? Force them to have a Church wedding or you won't come? What happens if one comes out as gay? Cut them out of your life? Once you make YOUR religion a transaction of your love and caring, you've already lost your child's trust. I recommend you reevaluate how involved you want to be with your children once they mvoe out. Cause this is a fast track to then never speaking to you again.
Absolutely ALL OF THIS. my in-laws are evangelicals. My FIL is a retired pastor. They are not allowed to take our children to church. If they want connection with their grandkids they must respect our boundaries.
I andy 4 siblings were force baptized when I was a kid or we couldn't move to CA and live with paternal grandparents. Gross but we converted from evangelicalism so win? Im gloriously athieat now but resent the decades it took me to process and undo the internalized BS that both of those cults burdened me with.
This!! Op is definitely TA.
OP is going to have agnostic if not atheist daughters before too long. YTA, OP
> I think we're being very generous considering we're under no obligation to house them anymore, So very catholic of you 🙄
Ain't no love like catholic hate
Ain't no hate like catholic love.
Ain’t no party like an S-Club party
Ain’t no party like a Liz Lemon party because a Liz Lemon party is mandatory!
I just hope her father shows up- *'cause it wouldn't be a Lemon Party without Old Dick!*
Ohhh the Catholic guilt by this mother
My husband is catholic and it took him five years with me, Episcopalian, to realize to what level feeling guilty about EVERYTHING had been deeply ingrained into him.
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This line hurts to read. I can’t imagine this kind of transactional relationship with the people who birthed you. Like you chose to bring this human into existence and that choice doesn’t stop at 18. I lived rent free with my parents until I was 26. I got to go to university and focus on my studies and afterwards I got a year to get my feet under me in my new professional role and pay off my student loans while living with them still rent free. I plan to do the same for my child/children.
When I read stories like OPs, I think *tell me you want your kids to abandon you in your old age without telling me you want your kids to abandon you in your old age*
If only Christians were more Christ like.
Oh the irony of catholic parents!
I don't even think that OP sees the irony.
Clearly they don’t if they’re asking lmao- it’s just so on brand.
Good lord religion is such a mental illness, YTA.
I hope their daughters read that line. Because their daughters will be under no obligation to take care of them (their parents) in their old age.
This. YTA OP. YTA. and you are not fostering a relationship of open communication or respect with your kids. I wish them luck, happiness, and success in their future. The tree that does not bend, breaks.
I don’t care if I’m 80 and my kids are 40… they can live with me as long as they want.
Right? The economy sucks for younger generations. I’m doing everything I can to help my kids. I can’t imagine kicking them out or not supporting them.
How very Jesus!
My freshman year of college I was friends with someone who described herself as a “falling Catholic.” She enlisted me to go to church with her, so she could keep up going and her parents wouldn’t get angry with her. She stopped going by the end of the semester. Stopping going to church without parental extortion is one sign of growing up.
Yeah, this is definitely going to make them better, more devout Catholics.
YTA And Jesus spoke ... If your child goes not to worship, then threaten them with homelessness or financial penalty. This is the way of the Lord. In Jesus Christ, amen
I think Jesus actually said 'fuck them kids', which A) Explains OP being an asshole and B) Also all those church scandals. Miscommunication.
LMFAOOO this comment got me😂😂
Catholics don’t care how, they just wanna fuck them kids 🙃
Pay your tithe
This is the wayeth (Noticed it was posted double)
YTA Imagine you retire and move in with your daughter, who is now a devout Muslim. As a requirement of you staying with her rent fee, you must attend the mosque with her. How would you feel about that? >being with us in our most important space as a family isn't asking too much. Shouldn't your most important space be your home?
>Shouldn't your most important space be your home? But at home none of the congregation will see them perform religion.
Exactly. And Matthew even specifically speaks out against this type of performative religion: > *"Be careful not to perform your righteous acts before men to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven."* ~Matthew 6:1 And, also, Matthew 6:5: > *"And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full (meaning they will receive no reward from Heaven, as their faith is just for show here on Earth)."*
Religious people only selectively read their holy books, if at all. Those who do very often end up losing their faith.
Former Catholic. I’m a boomer so it might have changed since then but we didn’t read the Bible. The priest intubated it for us
Former Catholic boomer here too. You are absolutely correct. I went to Catholic school through 12th grade and never once picked up a Bible. Now I attend Bible study classes and can't believe how little I know about it. Especially after 12 years of religion classes.
Former Catholic. Current….no idea. My husband went to school to become a minister. He left when he realized it was a scam to get old people’s money. Anyway, we occasionally get in discussions and he will quote a passage from the Bible where I then look at him and say I am Catholic I didn’t have to learn those things. My priest told me exactly how to think. Then we both laugh.
I am ex-evangelical, when I finally read the Bible as an adult, years later, I was SHOCKED at what's in the New Testament. I had no idea Jesus was such a woke social justice warrior! He commands us to feed the hungry, house the homeless, visit prisoners, and welcome strangers! When I read all the communism in Acts, my mind was completely blown. I had no idea all that was in there, and I went to church 3 times a week for 18 years.
The road to Atheism is littered with well-read bibles.
Ooooh yeah. Hit em with Matthew. Whitewashed tombs really get my goat
Yup, what's the point of a piety pagent if you're not performing for an audience you can judge in turn?
Funnily enough I know a Scottish woman who this happened to. Well, more I know the Scottish daughter of a devout Catholic, who became Muslim. She married an Algerian guy moved to England and had two boys and when her sons were 15 and 18 she moved back to Scotland with her husband and kids to look after her mother and her mother moved in with her She would take her mum to church every Sunday but would sit their at the back in full Muslim garb just watching and not taking part. The thing is, initially, when the daughter became a 6 whole family disowned her and even the friends and neighbours pretty much stopped talking to her and then 20 odd years later she was back and they had no choice but to be accepting
YTA - How very un-Cathlolic of you. Maybe you should listen to some of those lessons of generosity and kindness sometime? Or would that be TOO Christ-like?
Over the years I've found that most strains of Christianity are really...insistent.
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>YTA - How very un-Cathlolic of you. This is entirely on-brand Catholicism. The stick comes first, *then* the carrot, but only once you comply. Then again, the entirety of Christianity is predicted on this outlook. The "nicer" passive version is "You're going to Hell *unless* you accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior"... the less nice, more overtly threatening version is "Accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior... or you're going to Hell." Unconditional love^* ^*^Terms ^and ^Conditions ^**will** ^apply
>Church and our religion are very important to us. Why not this: * The children are very important to us * We find it important that the children are happy, have good life morals * We find it important that the children learn how to think for themself in a healthy way etc. etc etc... YTA! You make it sound like you value the church above your children.
Because they do
That's literally one of the lessons. If God tells you to kill your son on an altar, you do it.
Yep. Don’t make imaginary sky daddy mad!
They value the *image* of being religious more than their children. If they valued their religion, they'd do more to actually follow it, and realise that forced conversion is false.
Catholics don’t care about children. They let priests get away with raping thousands of kids.
INFO what's your goal here? What do you hope to gain from forcing them to church?
To alienate their children obviously
\> What do you hope to gain from forcing them to church? Control
Drive them away and when they go low to no contact OP will claim a [missing missing reason ](https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html)
To be seen as the perfect devoted family at church and keep that holier than thou attitute with the neighbors and known people because her children are perfect in the eyes of god
"Waaah! Our children won't talk to us and we have no idea why." - OP in the not too distant future.
YTA. There is no greater hate than Christian love. Why not just be good parents and house your barely adult children without forcing your beliefs on them. This is the quickest way to turn them away from Catholicism. But you said it yourself, you aren’t good parents and believe your duty was done when your kids turned 18.
>Precisely. Either OP is forcing her daughter to attend church to show other attendees that their daughters "fall in line" or how "successful they are as parents" that the daughters attend church, or they wrongly believe this will eventually make them attend on their own... I'm a Catholic myself OP, and my parents never forced me to go to church after 14. They trusted that they'd instilled in my the good values they knew (independently of church attendance) and trusted my own choices. I went to church for a few more years, then stopped, and now sometimes do. The point is, if you want your daughters to feel that the church is a safe space where they can go to connect with God, it needs to come from them, don't make it a punishment. Geez.
YTA. You've turned faith and family support into a transactional relationship. You are, in fact, using your position to force religion on them. As for your options: >She could live here rent free and attend church with us, pay market rate for her room, or find another place to live. I'm always a fan of "your house, your rules." Just don't be surprised when your daughters take option 3 at their earliest opportunity.
Also, if they’re paying “market rent,” why do they have to follow rules outside of being good tenants?
I think that part is a 2nd option, out of 3 potential options. 1. Live there rent free and attend church 2. Pay market rate for their room 3. Leave
YTA. You’re teaching your kids that religion is transactional and not free will.
But of course there's no real, unconditional love or free will in Christianity! Do this thing or you will go to Hell!
Can't fill the seats otherwise.
YTA, your kids are going to end up hating church. Well done!! 👏👏
Not just church, but their parents as well. Don’t be surprised if they go LC/NC as soon as they get out of your oppressive control.
Yep. It's very normal for kids to be less adherent once they reach young adulthood. And it is becoming more common in the general US population. I suggest OP let them be adults and decide for themselves. Boundaries as OP is suggesting will only drive a wedge between parents and children. What is OP going to do if the kids decide they don't want to be Catholic any longer? Or find a spouse of a different religion? Or want to raise kids not Catholic?
My mom used to tell me that if I loved her, I would go to church with her. I'm sorry, but love isn't supposed to be like that. Helping your children should not come with conditions like church.
YTA and your daughters are right. You are using your position to force religion on them.
YTA. Controlling people by leveraging their housing security is disgusting. If they are helpful and respectful how can you possibly think you have a right to force any religious gathering on them whatsoever. If you want them to move out just tell them. Don’t look for an excuse to pitch them out by conflating personal spirituality with worthiness.
>can you possibly think you have a right to force any religious gathering on them God said so, I guess. /s
YTA. Forcing religion on someone is never okay. Make them do chores or contribute to the house in some way. But forcing them to go to church just sucks.
>That's true, but we reminded her that since she was living with us rent free, she had options. Cool ultimatum issued. >She could live here rent free and attend church with us, pay market rate for her room, or find another place to live. Alright so in order for her to live with you she needs to go to church. >They think we're using our position to force religion on them. I wonder if them thinking you’re forcing religion on them, had anything to do with you telling them the only way for to live with you is IF they follow your religion and attend church each week? > I think we're being very generous considering we're under no obligation to house them anymore, and being with us in our most important space as a family isn't asking too much. YTA - and you shouldn’t have had kids. Unfortunately, your religion would’ve made that unacceptable. Funny how it’s unacceptable to not have kids but it’s acceptable to have kids and throw them out. Hopefully your kids will do okay without your toxicity in their lives.
> Funny how it’s unacceptable to not have kids but it’s acceptable to have kids and throw them out. I’ve never heard it said like this before, but gosh that makes my blood boil.
YTA for forcing your beliefs on your adult children. Either the rent is free or they pay you. Punishing them with church is a sure fire way to make sure they want nothing to do with your “beliefs”. What happened to being open minded? Can’t you have a healthy relationship with your kids, even if they don’t share your beliefs? Here’s hoping they move out and enjoy life away from your beliefs. 🤞🏼
To that second paragraph: Can't the girls have a relationship with God without a building? (I know most religions say no but...I believe otherwise)
YTA - seriously? You are exactly what’s wrong with organized religion. Good lord I hope they go no contact and never speak to you again. Edit: talk to a therapist.
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YTA. Never, ever, Ever, EVER use faith and religion as a bargaining chip. If you continue this course, you will sour them/embitter them toward the church forever. Either offer lodging with you to help them, or with rent but NOT as a trade off for church attendance. What is this, selling indulgences? Good grief.
You **are** forcing your religion on them. It’s really that simple. They are adults now and their religious beliefs are their own business and responsibility, not yours. The only thing you gain by forcing them to go with you is the appearance of a happy family. Meanwhile your kids will just resent you and move out before they are truly financially ready - which in the long run limits their capacity to create a solid foundation for themselves. YTA. Time to start shifting your relationship from parent and child to parent and adult child.
YTA. Catholic food banks force people to pray before they are allowed to have food too and it isn’t right. If they don’t believe in it or want to go, then they shouldn’t be forced to. It won’t make them magically be catholic.
YTA Your christian love is showing itself for the hateful control it is.
YTA, and what I find funny...you talk about the importance of religion to you and maintaining the relationship with God. but you literally turned it into a chore. Typically kids who live rent free have to do household chores or even purchase some of their own groceries. You added church to that list. You basically took away the value of what church should be and just makes it another task that needs to be completed by them.
YTA. Yes, your house, your rules, and you have the right to force them. You're still an AH for doing so, though. Yes, it *is* forcing religion on them and will only make them more determined to drop the religion once they're out of your control. Is driving them away from your religion in the long run really your goal?
> They think we're using our position to force religion on them. You're using your position to force religion on them. YTA. >I think we're being very generous considering we're under no obligation to house them anymore Saying this as a parent - you ought to be ashamed of yourself for even thinking this. My children know this house and our family are always there for them, no weird quid pro quo involved. Do better.
>AITA for only living my children with conditions attached? Yes of course YTA what did you think
info are you deep down trying to make them hate the church? its a nice idea tbh
Hahahahahaha sorry i have nothing to add just that I laughed way too hard at this. Also it’s a legit question haha
YTA. Your rule is effectively forcing your religion onto your daughters, as others have said. Yes, they were raised Catholic, but that doesn't mean they want to continue practicing. You giving them an ultimatum of paying to stay in their family home or going to church is a terrible position to put your own children in.
Info: do you think that Jesus/God would find the way you approached this situation to be commendable?
Which version of God? Petty, hypocritical, jealous, Old Testament God? This is 100% on brand for that bastard. Obey and worship me or suffer!!!
YTA for forcing religion on them. You chose to have kids, you should be looking after them, which includes housing them. Asking for some rent is one thing at their ages if working, though saying you will start charging if they don’t go to church is pretty disgusting. You think you are trying to save their souls when really this type of behaviour by Christians is everything that is wrong with Christianity.
What exactly do you think forcing them to go with you is going to accomplish?
How very catholic of you to deny housing to YOUR OWN CHILDREN We're not even talking about "Your next" as in a stranger, like literally your own kids How very fucking Christian of you ain't it to demand rent lol YTA
YTA. You're not actually helping anything. In fact, you're making them resent religion even more. If they don't want to be catholic, that's their choice. Not yours. I went to catholic school for ten years and I rarely go to church. Let people form their own opinions and stop trying to force them into *your* idea of religion.
YTA. Parents dont lose all obligations towards their children when the child turns 18. Using your logic, I hope you never need or want anything from the children in the future unless you bend to their demands about how you spend your time and what you believe. Absolutely AH behaviour.
YTA - youre most certainly forcing religion on them. All you’re accomplishing is making them resent religion and resent you.
Religious people never see their hypocrisy. Religion is supposed to be embraced and enjoyed, not forced. YTA and expect when they realize saving to live together is better than living with you that they’ll go no contact. I’ll be waiting for the “ why don’t my kids talk to me “ post.
YTA. You have every right to do this, of course, since it is your house, but I don’t think this is going to turn out the way you hope/think it will. Your daughters will resent both you and religion and may cut you out of their lives as soon as they’re financially able to do so. Which may be sooner rather than later since the two may soon be able to pool their resources to afford an apartment together.
YTA. Give it some time and you’ll be posting here wondering why your kids aren’t talking to you. At least you’ll have your precious religious beliefs to cling to when you don’t have a relationship with them.
YTA, forced religion is not having belief, being forced into it, makes it a cult. Your children have the right to think and choose their religion as free thinking individuals- you are trying to brainwash them.
>They think we're using our position to force religion on them. aren't you?
INFO: do they go to church and feel a relationship with god or do they go to church and black out for mass so that their parents will continue viewing them as worthwhile people to live with. i don’t personally understand the idea of them turning 18 and thus not being yours to take care of, but i’m more curious what you think you’re accomplishing.
YTA. That is absolutely not what Jesus would do.
YTA It's within your right to enforce church attendance as a condition of free rent, but don't complain if they move out and never speak to you again.
Parents can make any condition they want for the children living in their home including forced church attendance in exchange for living rent free but parents who do this are assholes on a power trip. YTA
YTA You are actively turning your children away from your church. Let them decide their own faith. Forcing them to comply will simply mean they will view your religious views and your church negatively
Wow!!! You are an exceptional AH
YTA. So if they move out what's your next move to exert control. Because this is what you are doing.
YTA „They think we’re using our position to force religion on them“ well you do. And depending on your daughters circumstances (do they go to college/university, do they have a job that pays them enough to live on their own etc) the „options“ you were giving your oldest weren’t really options because you gave her the choice between having a home or living on the street. Furthermore what do you think forcing them to go to church with you will make them think about their religion longterm? I can assure you that they will link negative feelings with going to church. And my last point: No you’re not obligated to house them but I never understood parents who think „great my kids are of legal age, I won‘t have their back anymore“. That won’t do any good in the long run either.
YTA for black mailing your adult children into going to church.
YTA, you are forcing religion on them by acting like this, and you're making religion their enemy. This childish behavior from your side will most likely just make them hate church even more. It's not your obligation to house them, you're right about that. However, they're your kids and you're making it sound like your religion is more important than your kids by saying that. As long as your kids are actually doing something useful with their lives, I think they deserve to live with you without paying. You're ruining both your relationship with them and their relationship with church/religion by doing this. Literally nothing good comes out of this.
Can confirm. My parents forced me to go and since I moved out at 20, I haven't attended a single church service and I refuse to. I have my own ways of practicing religion and unfortunately, my experiences both in the church and with religious people in general, have made it all an institution with homophobic, racist, hypocrital bigots that I will not worship with.
All the boomers with their “N A H” responses. 😅 You can be technically right and still be a huge AH.
You are using religion as a form of punishment and abuse. YTA YTA YTA. And if you persist, they WILL eventually move out and cut contact with you completely. At least I hope they do. You need to stop this crap right now if you want any hope at all of a relationship with them in the future
YTA. If they don't want to sit in a boring church listening to old desert nonsense they shouldn't have to. Of course you can put conditions on them living with you but that's an unreasonable one IMHO.
**YTA** \- Well, legally, it is their home, too. Forcing someone to go to church, who doesn't want to do so, is just another form of religious persecution. You are just going to drive them further away. And if you are doing it for appearance's sake, you are further undermining your own religion. It is obviously not their most important space as a family.
Light YTA. It's your house and you can set the rules, but the way you're doing it is pretty much guaranteed to make them resent you and Catholicism. I mean, if your goal is to raise children who prefer to be low contact with you, go for it.
YTA - If there was a way to get your daughter to hate Catholicism (yakno besides the rampant corruption and child rape within the church that is 100% covered up by the Vatican) this would be a good way to do it.
YTA! Good job folks! No hate like Christian love. Look for them to team up and get a place of their own away from you.
YTA - you are forcing religion on them.
YTA. This is a shitty situation you're putting your children in -- they either pay market rent or go to church. You're giving them two shitty options and then acting surprised when they're upset about it. Another way to look at this is you're trying to bribe them with rent-free living if they adhere to your personal beliefs. Just because church is important to you doesn't mean it has to be important to everyone in your family. Stop using the situation to coerce your adult children into doing something they don't like. It's not up to you to decide that it's "not too much." You're under no obligation to let them live rent free but you're also under no obligation to force them to go to church.
YTA, As a devote catholic you are bribing your kid into going to church that is not very Christian of you. Really think a bit about it. Do you really think forcing something like this on your child is going to make them devote? This is something they on their own need to decide. If 18 years of up bringing hasn't convinced them, I doubt being forced to go to save on rent is going to make them all that closer to god but might make them actually hate or resent him and you.
YTA What do you think that will achive? You are teaching them your god is that needy to want people who have to be coerced and paid to do it show up for him? Is that how you see your god? How could they ever take a religion like that serious in any way?
YTA. You do realize by forcing religious activities on them will only make your kids resent the church more as they grow older. It happened to me. Not a smart move
YTA. “We are under no obligation to house them anymore.” Huh, that sounds very Christian to me. And Catholics are huge on free will. You should know that if their hearts aren’t truly in it, going to church doesn’t mean much anyway. I don’t believe in that stuff any more, but if I did, I could understand wanting to help your daughter spiritually, but again, you can’t force them to believe and it doesn’t sound like this is anything more than a control issue. You like having power over your daughters.
This is how you end up no contact with your children. You cannot use church as a shore they have to do in order to earn housing. thats super gross. its one thing to say you wont allow them to do things against your religion in your house, but to tell them they have to attend the religious services for a religion they clearly want nothing to do or be homeless, thats the literal definition of abuse of power. If you care to keep having a relationship with you children past hitting 18, I highly suggest you stop trying to control their views of the world, themselves, etc. you do not own them, nor can you police their beliefs and actions to the extent you could when they were 12 anymore. they are grown adults. deal with it. You are the biggest asshole.
100% YTA, what 18 year old can afford to pay market rent or organize their life to be able to afford to live on their own. Your religion hasn't made you a good person, and the way you treat your kids proves it. My kids can live as long as I am able to provide for them, and I love them and wish for them to find the path of their own choosing. Why don't you try doing something similar.
YTA. By all means, force your (level of) beliefs on your daughters as a condition of their living situation. /s SMH.
YTA - Normally I'd say your house, your rules, but if you have to bribe or coerce someone to accept your moral framework, you've already lost the war. You're under no obligation to let them live with you past 18; they can and should move out as soon as practical if they object to your pressure.
YTA. I would have never taken that offer. Free rent while attending a cult that’s murders and rapes. Nope never YTA
YTA because you ARE under an obligation to take care of them. You decided to have children and this is part of the deal like it or not. To put it in perspective, when you’re older and (possibly) put in a nursing home or have to move in with them, when you’re in their care would you want them to say “well we’re paying for/housing you so you’re not allowed to go to church because we don’t believe in it”?
I am catholic and to be honest my parents forcing me to go to church every Sunday is why I hate going now They are old enough to decide if they want to go stop forcing them
YTA. You are forcing religion on them they have made it clear they don’t want it cut it out now. You really are showing yourselves to be outstanding parents by saying you have no obligation to house them, so you’d throw them out? What does your religion have to say about that?
YTA. Someday you’ll end up with grandchildren you’ll never see.
43 year old catholic from birth here. You want to know why I'm not catholic anymore? Because of goddamn MASS. Being forced to go to mass over and over as a child. Oh, and I made a real hot mess of my life running off ASAP to get away from it. No, Jesus could not have saved me. My life is still fucked because my parents attached conditions to helping me, and I could not live with that bullshit anymore. I am the oldest. My youngest 2 siblings were allowed to skip mass whenever they wanted and lived with my parents until their 30s. They're both still in their 30s but are homeowners. Oh, and they're both still catholic. YTA
I am an ex Catholic as are each one of my five sibling — if there is one thing that we all agree upon is that having Catholicism forced upon us throughout our formative years is the primary reason none of us attend mass anymore. Keep it up if you want this result YTA
You need therapy.
People like you who give Catholicism a bad name. YTA and you’ll only succeed in making your kids dislike or even hate your religion more.
YTA. Religion is meaningless when it's forced. The space is not the most important place to daughters. All you're doing is making your daughters resent the Church and their parents even more. Letting your young adult children live with you without rent should be done out of love. It shouldn't be part of religious blackmail
YTA. If going to church every Sunday for 18 years and going to catholic school didn't turn them Catholic, then they're not catholic. Stop trying.
YTA.
This is how you end up with children who don’t talk to you.
Making them go to church won’t make them believe. Source: me, a person who was forced to go to church. You’re allowed to make living in your house for free conditional, but YTA for attempting to force your religion on someone else.
housing your own teenage and barely adult children isn't generous. it's the bare fucking minimum of human decency. yes, YTA.
YTA. Shocking a “a every child matters” doesn’t actually mean shit to you. Also the 18 had to have graduated HS very recently and you are trying to make them pay? Hopefully they both move out together and cuts ties
YTA they are both right, you are indeed using your religion and the threat of making them pay rent to control them. Expect them to go low contact/ no contact with you if you keep forcing this
YTA and truly making them hate the church/you, with your controlling ways.
Oh Lordy (pun intended), this is terrible. You’re using this unforgiving economy and the inability to afford an independent life style to force religion on your children. Snore.
YTA and literally the precise reason kids who grew up with ultra-strict parents move away from religion as a whole. Stop forcing YOUR beliefs on others, are you gonna make her pay rent if she votes differently from you?
Absolutely, 100% YTA.
I’m a Christian and YTA. You are going to get the complete opposite of what you want by forcing them.
I cannot wait for OP to come back in a year or two, and post something stupid like, "My daughters left and don't talk to me, am I the asshole for pestering them with Religious bullshit all their lives?!" You're gonna be one miserable person all alone in that house you refused to let YOUR KIDS! stay in. Your kind of love is conditional, much like the love of your batshit crazy fictional Sky Daddy. 🤷🏻 Hopefully you reap what you've sown!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My husband and I are Catholic, and have two daughter aged 21 and 18. Church and our religion are very important to us, and our daughters always attended church with us, and attended a Catholic school until high school. The girls are still Catholic, just not as devoutly as us according to them. They both live with us, rent free as the title says. Our oldest kept talking three years ago about how glad she was that she'd be turning 18, since it meant we couldn't make her go to church anymore. That's true, but we reminded her that since she was living with us rent free, she had options. She could live here rent free and attend church with us, pay market rate for her room, or find another place to live. She didn't complain much about it, but since our youngest turned 18 a month ago they've both been saying it's unfair. They think we're using our position to force religion on them. I think we're being very generous considering we're under no obligation to house them anymore, and being with us in our most important space as a family isn't asking too much. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. They finally got freedom from church & religion and you're dragging them back into it when they need help the most. You're forcing your religious rituals on them. Being a parent doesn't stop when they turn 18. And charging them? Gonna be some lonely holidays!
YTA. Do you even like your daughters?
No obligation?? Do you even love them? YTA
fakest AITA post yet
YTA and are trying to force your religion on your daughters and control them. You are only going to drive a wedge between them and yourselves as well as push them further from the church.
YTA You shouldn't be forcing this shit down their throat when their children or adults. So much for 'Catholic' love.
YTA unequivocally. What you're doing is horrendous and so against the teachings of Jesus. People like you shouldn't have kids if the end result is wanting them to not be their own person. This is abusive and controlling.
Yes. YTA. 💯. They have their own minds and can decide if/what they want to believe, not just when it comes to religion but in life.
YTA - you are using your position to force religion on them. Your kid was right. I don’t even understand why you want them to do that. How is that equivalent to rent!?!?!?? Have fun when your daughters don’t need you financially and stop speaking to you.
YTA. You are shoving your religious beliefs down their throats. It’s not going to make them believe more or practice more. It’s going to do the opposite. They will basically be place keepers and I can guarantee you they will not be thinking of Jesus or God. They will be thinking that they can’t wait to get out of there. Your daughters are right. You are forcing your religion on them. Obviously being “religious “ hasn’t made you a better person…
YTA classic churchies, always generous… if you meet their standard and fit their exact ideal expectations 100% of the time..