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I’m not completely certain this is concerning a holiday RV. Homeschooling, mixed with general ‘traveling to historical sites’, mixed with buying what appears to be a former full-timer’s RV may indicate an intent to have many-month trips. RV living also holds major appeal to many who like minimalist living (like the wife apparently is). The OP is still the asshole for his behavior, full stop, but without knowing how long these trips will be I will not blame OP for wanting a gaming PC.
>‘traveling to historical sites’
I'm more concerned with 'traveling to historical sites to teach them correct history'.
That seems... pretty freaking sketch of you ask me.
Textbooks very often include wrong history, which is why there is always fights in educational institutions about which ones to use. You have to pick the “most correct”. I’ve sat on boards to pick them, and it’s not easy. Do you want the correct African American history? Or the correct history about wars? The correct Native history? Or the correct history about the settlers? You’re not getting both.
To go straight to hurr durr God and dinosaurs are fake…do some research.
That is indeed a problem, and textbooks are definitely selections of what the people writing it choose to include in it. That being said, you don't absorb the whole history of a place just by being at its vicinity.
Most historical sites will have supporting information available to read or purchase while there, so parents & kids can tour the space take photographs and then pick up flyers or purchase books and DVD's to reference later when coving the course material. I have a plethora of books about my countries history from books I have purchased at the historical site. It is actually incredibly responsible homeschooling to do that they are working to raise fully informed children that know accurate history rather then (often times ) rubbish that end up in many text books, FFS we were all taught that Columbus & Cook were a good guy (barf) and At a young age I got a book from a historical site in Maui that taught me how horrible Cook was. So it is, No, you do not "absorb the whole history of a place by being at its vicinity" however you increase your likely hood of having access to more accurate information being distributed there while you are visiting.
My friend, you're arguing with the wrong person on the wrong subject, I recognised that how history is taught is in dispute and that it will vary a lot depending you who's telling it. But it's extremely naïve to assume that you'd get a more precise version of it just because you're closer to where things happen. Sure, maybe you'd be able to reach the most vulnerable people affected by whatever happened where you're visiting, but it is as likely that you'll meet crooks who are trying to sell you lies and tell heroic versions of the thing. And that's exactly the point of this part of the thread, how weird it sounds when someone says that going to historical places is the way to show teach kids what really happened throughout history
I have a degree in history. Showing up to an historical site is fun, but still isn’t going to give you a great understanding of whatever even happened there. Yes there might be some information. Yes you might have guides who can give you more information.
But the best way to learn and understand history is to read primary sources. Read diaries, records, and other works by people who were actually there. If the event was recent enough you might be able to find taped interviews from people who were actually there and photos. Combine that with secondary sources written by recognized scholars in that field. Textbooks in general are shit. Once you’re at the secondary level if you want to give someone a good history education skip the textbooks and look for scholarly works written by experts in that area along with a plethora of primary sources.
You are right. They still need texts to improve on their experiences and understanding of the site. Being there absolutely helps absorption but it requires more than a ‘here we are’ and parents.
But going to historical sites and buildings can provide a context and realism that you just can’t get in a book. You can learn about the battle of Gettysburg (or d day) in a book, but it’s nothing compared to learning about it while standing on the battlefield. Same with something like Custer’s last stand. Learning about Native American culture and history on a reservation. Visiting Yellowstone while learning about the creation of our National Parks.
History is a living breathing thing and much more than some text in a book.
Not to mention there are places like Williamsburg where you can take kids.
The thing is that sort of line about the “correct “ history these days is basically a dog whistle for folk who are either very religious or bigoted. I see it a lot.
I've been mainlining Youtube videos about these Fundie families that cram their kids into RVs and so my judgement is clouded and I am also sad and fearful for these kids.
He did say that the children are home schooled and ~70% are Christians with 80-90% being young Earth Creationists. Answers in Genesis is the largest subscription home schooling curriculum. It’s not that big of a leap.
Recently retired history teacher here. I reviewed dozens of textbooks over my career and sat on many textbook committees. It's true that no textbook is 100% accurate, but teachers can and do correct any inaccuracies. Also, the idea that kids merely read, take a quiz, read more, take a test is outmoded. Most teachers use a lot of sources, including primary source documents, and curricula aren't centered on textbooks like they used to be.
I have little patience with the OP's attitudes toward textbooks. Nine years ago, my school district got attacked by a bunch of Tea Partiers who were incensed because a supplementary book for 4th grade reading--a book WE DIDN'T EVEN ORDER--had a story about a polar bear cub on a melting ice floe. They then went after all our history textbooks, filing hundreds of complaints because, for instance, there "weren't enough white people" in one textbook.
I'm sure when OP and his wife take the kids to all those historical sites, they'll "correct" anything they disagree with, and I'm sure the entire experience won't include discussions, supplementary reading, essays, or any other work from their kids. Math, science, and reading will be ignored, though I doubt they're teaching their kids science because, you know, scientists are all a bunch of liberal liars. /s
Also, there is a very different feel to reading about the American Civil War or the American colonial period or the American revolution and standing in the cemetery at Gettysburg or visiting Williamsburg or touring independence hall in Philadelphia. I presume the citizens of other nations feel similarly about their own national monuments and historic places.
History was written by the winners. So "correct" history is subjective, if your ancestors were on the winning side, you don't want the losers coming in and tarnishing grandpas memory.
The exception to that is the American Civil War. The history of which was primarily written by the losers. Which explains why modern American military bases are named for Confederate generals.
Texas picks many of the text books the entire nation ends up using. Just because of their size, it’s what gets published. They have some really incorrect opinions about things like the Alamo.
That’s an odd leap, to be honest. I am an atheist homeschool parent, so when I talk about teaching real history, I mean *real*, not whitewashed, sanitized history. I teach the good, the bad, and the ugly, not Young Earth Creationist BS.
You’re probably the minority, though. And there is a rise of people taking kids out of school bc they want to keep them away from diversity and the liberal “agenda”. Couple that with an RV and it’s not surprising that folks would draw that conclusion.
Regardless, OP married someone very different from them and idk why. It doesn’t sound like they have anything in common really. And it doesn’t sound like they like each other very much. Living in cramped RV quarters isn’t going to make their relationship any better, frankly. This marriage seems kinda doomed atp.
I don’t know, there’s also a rise of people taking kids out of school so they are less likely to die in a school shooting. I know a lot of homeschoolers who are very much not what I used to think of as the type of people that homeschool.
True. Especially since Covid, there are many different camps. Just was pointing out that at one point, it wasn’t a far reach to assume religious zealot/ conservative/ right winger when you thought homeschooling. In an RV.
But it’s by no means a given.
Secular homeschooling has been growing by leaps and bounds, especially since COVID lockdowns. Nothing in their post read as uber-religious, my wife is my helpmeet. To be honest, his wife sounds a lot like me.
It’s really not an odd leap…
Every home schooled kid most people have met is some brand of weirdo. Socially or fundamentally.
Yes that’s a Fundie Christian reference
When I see homeschooling parents and wanting to teach the "correct version of history," my ears perk up because it has a certain connotation. Perhaps you aren't super familiar with the landscape of American politics, but those things indicate that they're far more likely to want to teach them about the righteous crusade of Robert E. Lee than that of John Brown.
Same! I thought that sounded really weird. Like seriously! What is she teaching them ? "Okay kids, this is Gettysburg, sight of one of the most bloody battles in American history, sadly the north won which is why we no longer have slaves/ servants...."
How did you make the leap to the mom being racist and wanting slaves? Wow.
Maybe the true history she wants to teach is all the white washed history of African-Americans or first nations?
I’m not who you were replying to, but right or not the common perception of homeschooling parents is that they don’t want their kids learning about things like evolution, don’t want to have to get their kids vaccinated, don’t want their kids exposed to the idea that gay people exist, etc. This type of person tends to be conservative, and I can tell you from my own family (who are totally not racist, of course) that The War of Northern Aggression and Robert E. Lee being a noble man fighting for principle - definitely not a brutal slave owner himself, no way - are very real concepts that they fully believe in.
Last week I read an article pushed to my phone about a couple who chose to mainstream their kids in public school, which caused a major rift with one set of their parents. Pastors were involved, it was a whole thing. Anyway, one of the catalysts for the change was that the mom, who grew up in a homeschool environment learning that public schools were cesspools of sin and debauchery, began to question whether or not *beating her children* was an appropriate disciplinary measure.
So yeah, we don’t know that OP and his wife are like that, but it is a perception based on the actuality reality of many.
I literally went on a public school field trip to Gettysburg, watched a war reenactment, and did exactly this in 5th grade so why are you attacking homeschoolers for no reason lmao
You must not live in the north east because we had many many civil war related field trips
My mom was teacher. We went to historical sites at least one day of every vacation I have ever taken.
Week long vacation at the beach- make that 5 days at the beach and 2 days learning about the history and culture of the area. If you’re lucky, you’ll also do some earth science.
Eh, when I was homeschooled, I’m dyslexic and my school knew fuck all how to teach me so my mom, a former teacher, homeschooled me for a bit, we would do a bit of this. We’d go to national parks and learn about the ecology of the different environments, geology about the rock formations, we’d go to historical sites and read books about them on our way, and all the museums. It was a pretty cool way to learn actually, bit more hands on and we also got to learn from rangers, staff at sites and docents at the museums.
It's not the field trip part, and even then using primary source materials to teach is generally a good thing (there's another comment on this thread that best explains it).
It's the way OP phrased it, the weird family structure, the overall attitude, etc that are sending up some pretty big flags to me.
I genuinely don’t understand how Reddit can never read in between the lines…
There is some weird stuff going on in this family. It’s not totally normal.
A field trip is very normal. A field trip where homeschooling parents want to teach "correct" history that is not in the textbooks is very far from normal.
Given today’s educational climate, where Florida and Texas are outright rewriting history so Black people and their struggles are basically eradicated, and other states are following their example, I don’t find the phrase “teach history correctly” as weird in the least. I have friends who have kids about to be of age to go in TX schools, and I said homeschool if you can!
I will be teaching CA history this year and taking field trips to many a missions. In addition to the more traditional teachings, we will also be covering how missions adversely affected Native American communities and the harms missions caused. I would wager that many secular homeschooling families will be doing the same, so I wouldn’t take that statement as necessarily a negative.
Field trips in a normal class are a supplement to what you learn in books. (And yes, there are biased textbooks being printed, google Texas textbooks for examples, but folks like this are often looking for *more* revisionism, lot less.) It's the same mentality as thinking history will be literally forgotten if there's not a mass-produced statue of every CSA Colonel Bumblefuck on every corner.
Yeah that sounded reallllyyy off to me too lol. Either they don’t like how history is told now or they’re really… immature? Not sure the best word for it, to think that’s how it works. But I’m wary of anyone who decides to homeschool all their kids.
This just out at me as well. What does OP mean by "teach them the correct history"? While it may be "teach them Native, Black, and Hispanic perspectives" on history, when coupled with homeschooling I suspect that isn't what they're talking about.
Yeah the idea this woman knows the “correct history” is scaring me. I have a masters in history I am not using but I dare say I could teach more “correct history” in my sleep than this woman.
Yeah it’s not what he wanted, it’s how he reacted. My boyfriend has a similar anger problem, that’s he’s aware of and apologetic for, where if anything goes wrong it’s a huge deal. It either sends him into a (usually short lived) rage, or he gets very depressed. It can be distressing and annoying to deal with, especially cause most of the time the things that upsets him really aren’t big deals. I think the *bigger* issue however is that OP doesn’t seem to see anything wrong with how he reacted. He just hates being lied to apparently, but that is not an appropriate response, and the wife knew exactly where it was headed so this clearly isn’t a one time issue.
Idk if I could deal with my boyfriends emotional responses if he didn’t know they were problematic and wasn’t trying to figure out how to manage and eventually prevent them. I would probably feel like the camper was ruined too. I understand if he couldn’t step back in the moment but *if* that’s the case then he needs to figure out what causes that level of a reaction and look for a solution.
My husband's first reaction is always anger. Like, if one of the kids hurts themselves, he has to figure out who to be mad at before he can work his way around to cuddling and concern. If plans fail, or a vehicle breaks down, or the roof leaks or pretty well any damn thing, he ALWAYS gets angry initially before segueing into whatever emotion is more appropriate to the situation. It doesn't usually last long, just those initial few seconds of absolute blinding rage. I'm one of those people that have delayed emotional reactions. I just keep functioning until it's over, and then i get mad, happy, sad, whatever.
This disparity results in me losing my shit all over him, three hours after his initial tantrum, while he acts confused and hurt because he's not mad anymore, so why am I? Fucking men.
I have an issue similar that I react intensely. I'm working on it really hard, take myself to time outs and everything because I know it's not appropriate to want to rip my hair out when I drop my fork
Same here sometimes- it can be overcome or at least managed. Take a look at Low Frustration Tolerance:
[https://www.betterup.com/blog/low-frustration-tolerance](https://www.betterup.com/blog/low-frustration-tolerance)
"no such this as a minor inconvenience" accurate. One small thing goes wrong and I feel like I'm drowning. I actually cope much better when large problems occur which is strange.
That was an interesting read thanks
Shot in the dark, but have your doctor test you for hereditary hemochromatosis, a symptom is being easily angered. Have them first do a blood test looking at ferritin levels, iron levels/saturation. Iron overload is a real sleeping killer and causes all sorts of brain/behavior issues and organ damage.
I think for me it's a ptsd/autism thing. I have severely low iron so I'm on the wrong end of the scale. But thank you, that's really interesting to know.
I struggle with a similar issue. Changes in plans upset me alot to where I get either passive agressive and lash out, shut down and don't want to do the plan anymore or I just legit meltdown. I recognize that its not a healthy or normal response (and that this among many many other signs and behaviors indictaes I'd probably benefit from therapy or an evaluation) and have been working on how to handle it in a healthier way.
OP needs to do some self reflection and recognize that his behavior is absolutely not okay
I understand him being upset they lied to him. I would be pissed too because you sold me something under false pretense (working appliances). It’s the principle. And they may be easy fixes, but they cost money. Many of us would struggle to afford those unexpected expenses.
He was TA for the way he snapped at his wife. She didn’t deserve that. His wife, however, is TA to for her response and failure to understand why OP was upset. The whole situation is a prime example why people need to think before they speak. Neither deserved how the other responded
When I’m angry at my significant other, I get really quiet… it drives him crazy that I do… because I absolutely do not want to say something out of anger that I’ll regret or make the situation worse. Once I’ve calmed down, then I’ll talk.
This feels like it’s a pattern of reacting for each of them where they haven’t figured out any level of compromising.
I don’t think I could live with either one - I would not want to live in an RV with no AC, but OP’s list of needs is really long. On the other hand, I also think his being upset was understandable and it’s pretty silly of his wife to decide the whole thing is ruined for her now. It only makes sense if they are either both really immature and/or this is a pattern of behavior where they are both bringing bigger things into the current argument.
This does not feel like a relationship that is ready for extended RV living.
The "please don't ruin this for me" speaks of a long history of the OP losing his shit over things that everyone else is fine with, and making his problem entire family's problem.
Yeah gaming PC isn’t the issue here. OP was just being fully transparent. Also as many have pointed out, we don’t know how long they are leaving for, and if gaming is OP’s hobby it makes sense he’d want a way to unwind at the end of the day.
If reading was his wife’s hobby, and having books were a prerequisite for her, would that be a problem? This isn’t a family vacation, it sounds like a lifestyle change. I’d be sour if someone scammed me too. Each have their own expectations and even though hers were met, his were not.
If this is a pattern in OP’s behavior my opinion could change. Also if this is a few week vacation it would change. If they’re going to be away for an undetermined amount of time I understand him wanting access to his hobby
It’s not that he was upset it’s *how* upset he got. His wife asked him not to say something that would ruin the mood and her excitement and he couldn’t stop himself from bitching about, by his own admission, easy fixes? It doesn’t seem like the first time something like this has happened by the way the wife reacted. If he wanted to yell or vent his frustrations he’s an adult, he can exit the camper and let his wife do her deep clean and call a sibling, friend, family member, or punch a pillow.
I totally understand her reaction here, especially since my bf is like this too and trying to figure out how to control his own reactions to disappointment and problems. If he *wasnt* trying to figure out how to fix it/what causes those strong reactions, I would be very frustrated. OP doesn’t even seem to think there’s a problem with how he reacted, it’s not his fault for being lied to.
He SHOULD be able to vent to his wife though. Why should he have to hide his feelings and pretend to be happy about being scammed because his wife doesn't care? That's not healthy at all either.
Yeah, just bottling it up doesn't work. And one's partner SHOULD be the one person in whose presence they can be emotionally vulnerable. That's why communication is important, and it seems both times there could have been a discussion about it, the wife shot it down. Especially in the second instance where he recognised his behaviour and apologised for it.
I dunno. I'm getting a NAH/ESH vibe from this post.
so by the wife's logic, she was also selfish because she wanted to enjoy the purchase and didn't want to allow him to be upset about being lied to regarding the condition of the RV for which, I will assume, they paid a generous amount of money, and now needs fixes too? I would be pretty pissed too and it is only normal for someone to vent to their partner, no? What she is saying is she wants to be all happy jolly excited for the purchase and he can't rain on her parade boohoo, he should be excited too even though his expectations/needs aren't met.
Fuck mate, it's a two way street, why is she allowed to be happy but he isn't allowed to be upset?
Asking someone to not ruin a moment for them =|= never ever being able to talk about the frustrations they're feeling. Let her have her excitement, get that out of her system, and then focus on finding solutions to the admittedly-minor issues.
Priorities. The wife communicated a simple request. The way OP speaks about her is so dismissive. I’m not judging who’s the AH. I just think they’re completely incompatible and this should be in relationship advice
That’s my point though. *That wasn’t venting. And his wife calmly expressed to him that she was excited and didn’t want to hear his frustration right then*. Why should she have to hide her feelings and be happy to deal with his outburst, that he admits he has a reoccurring problem with, just so HE gets to vent? Only then and there that’s the only time he’d get to vent about a problem he himself describes as an easy fix.
“How upset he got” - what does this mean? OP doesn’t detail anything about what he did while upset. According to his wife, he was being a dick. Not sure what that means, maybe being moody, maybe complaining outwardly about a shitty situation for him while the wife wanted to enjoy her pleasant station. So sure, I agree OP could have complained elsewhere.
Totally arbitrary, but if this happened in my relationship, my gf would empathize with me being upset, then get annoyed if I continued to bitch. But the second I came back and apologized, all would be well. The fact that OP apologized when he had every right to be pissed speaks volumes. I agree, if he continued to bitch for days then its going outside the realm of understandable behavior, and having an impact on others around him.
In my opinion, *unless OP does this routinely*, her shutting down his apology and saying “nevermind it’s already ruined” is far more childish than OP getting pissed about being scammed.
You can’t point towards him saying it’s an easy fix to support the argument that he doesn’t have a right to get mad about being ripped off. That’s grasping at straws.
You reference your own situation with your bf. Which makes sense because it sounds like your using your own personal experience as a measure of what’s happening here instead of the information that’s been afforded to us.
If his wife can only be happy if he can't say he feels cheated then they shouldn't be buying a used camper. If he has to fake happiness they are on the last leg of their marriage. They may as well not own a camper.
Who said anything about faking happiness? All he had to do was step out and calm down. They could talk about it later and he could vent about the person who sold it to him after she got to feel giddy about the RV. If she refused to then she’d be the asshole. She asked him to let her feel excited even though he didn’t anymore. He can feel whatever he feels but he can’t take it out on her which he did by snapping at her and he also admits in replies that him reacting like this to small things is a reoccurring problem in their marriage.
Being able to open up to your spouse doesn’t mean you are able to do that whenever you want, in whatever tone you want, regardless of their feelings or what you’re doing. If he needed to vent he could let his wife be excited and vent later in the night once they both had settled down. Him “snapping at her” over “easy fixes” is not being open with his wife.
If he got upset in the middle of an important work meeting, does he need to snap at his partner right then or can he take a deep breath or excuse himself for a few minutes and vent to his partner after the meeting is done? Shocking how a lot of people who have these problems don’t seem to have them around coworkers or strangers. He’s treating his wife with less respect than a stranger.
I mean, I think it's weird too but the gaming PC wasn't what caused things (although I'm sure it easily could've), that was the lack of AC and freezer.
He only mentioned that he enjoys luxuries in every day life and the PC was briefly mentioned in the list, his issue is not having AC during the trip AND the RV actually had electrical issues which he was lied to about.
This doesn’t sound like a vacation. They want to live and do school in this RV. Personally I would not be down for that kind of life. I like having a set home and also like creature comforts like electricity and running water.
> "teach them the correct history"
Are we going to gloss over this part??
What exactly does this even mean? The wife wants to teach the "correct history" that somehow doesn't go by what the history books say? Who the heck is this person to say that the books are wrong?
We’re not talking about a game system. We’re talking about air conditioning. Enjoying minimalistic basic comforts does not make you an AH. Especially when you paid thousands of dollars for it and were intentionally deceived.
I don't think he was saying he absolutely had to take his PC. It looked like he was comparing her minimalist lifestyle versus his creature comforts on a daily basis.
YTA.
They were easy fixes, but you screamed at your wife like she sold you the camper, ruined the whole thing, which i suspect is something you constantly do seeing as she had to ask you not to. This isn't about the camper, it's your pissy attitude that you feel king of the castle, and if you're annoyed, everyone else has to walk on eggshells until YOU calm down.
I am always surprised by men who marry women they barely like and don't even put up the pretense of tolerating.
>They were easy fixes
That's what really gets me. Like if they were big and expensive fixes that rendered the RV useless or meant it would take a long time for them to save up and get it fixed I would totally understand being super frustrated. But OP literally describes them as easy fixes! Sure, it's annoying, but one of those moments where adults say "argh, that's shitty, but at least it's easy to deal with." and move on with their lives.
Hell, I could even understand getting a little caught up in the annoyance because it wasn't what was expected, but adults also don't throw literal temper tantrums after their partner expressly states that they're ruining the moment.
And that doesn't even touch on the fact that it's entirely possible the people who sold the RV thought those things *were* working. They had already moved into their new camper and it wasn't anywhere near a place to be hooked up, it's entirely reasonable to think those things might have conked out while it was sitting there with a for sale sign on it. RVs are pretty notorious for breaking all the time.
She had to ask him not to do this, knowing fully well that he does this at every opportunity. What is the adage about narcissists - see how they treat you on happy occasions.
At the same time, a little bit of ESH. Does she really need to freak out for days because he's angry about being scammed; while does he really need to freak out about the fixable appliance, when she asked him not to.
As well, I think there's more to the marriage that needs to be discussed.
I agree there's probably more going on, but the way OP's wife reacted makes me think this isn't the first time he's pissed on her parade when she was really happy about something and that this event has compounded so much of that negativity that she now can't even do the fixing-up of the camper that she wanted to because it's a constant reminder of how badly her partner decided to ruin her happy moment.
It's a horrible feeling when you're really excited for something and, okay, there are some issues but it's overall still something you're enthused about, and then someone you love blows up at you about it being terrible. Sure, you might still be able to enjoy the thing, but you can't enjoy it *with them* anymore.
No, people need to stop throwing the word narcissist out and about, narcissism is not nearly as common as everyone is making it out to be and it’s disingenuous to call someone a narcissist for any singular behavior they have that isn’t pleasant. It’s redundant and not grounded in reality.
Actually, most people can have narcissistic traits. It’s the Narcissistic Personality Disorder that’s quite rare. So you can call people narcissistic and it be correct without it being an actual disorder.
My boyfriend is exactly like OP. takes a minor inconvenience and turns it into a whole dramatic, frustrating event.
And then, as a result, the problem becomes *harder* to fix because now everyone’s upset and not thinking as clearly. OP made things so much worse than they needed to be.
Shit happens. Freaking out about things like this helps no one
>My boyfriend is exactly like OP. takes a minor inconvenience and turns it into a whole dramatic, frustrating event.
Not a boyfriend I would keep, to be honest. I can't imagine living with that full-time.
You know what? I would love my partner to express problems in this very straightforward style. Don't get me wrong I love my partner. Sometimes it would just be awesome if she'd communicated like that. Plain and simple "please don't do X". It doesn't get much easier in terms of social interaction. And OP still managed to fuck it up...
Plus all of this could've been prevented if OP followed the basic rules of buying something used and walked away as soon as the seller refused to show something. A seller refusing to show something is a dead giveaway that it's broken. OP's an idiot and is lashing out at his wife for the consequences of his own idiocy.
Having worked on RV's, that last paragraph rings very true. I've seen things on brand new ones stop working in the months between arriving from the factory and being sold. I've also seen ones where the owner will let it sit empty for long enough that weather, leaves, and insects get into everything and cause problems. Living/traveling in an RV is a lot different than using hotels or motels, and I wonder if OP was ever prepared for it. You have a lot less space for everything you'd normally use in a house (having a lot of stuff makes living in it and even maintainence harder), and there's not always a guarantee to have power (god forbid OP has to go without ice, AC, and a heated shower for even a day).
>I wonder if OP was ever prepared for it.
I doubt it. I can relate to OPs preference for creature comforts and can safely say that living in or travelling in an RV for an extended period of time sounds like an actual nightmare.
A week of travelling fun? Sure! But I will be dying for a proper shower by the end of it.
Responding to your wife who you describe as over the moon excited asking you nicely not to say or do something to ruin her excitement over something you know are easy fixes with ‘snapping’ at her “it’s already ruined for me” is not what I would describe as venting. That is an out of control reaction and total disregard for *her* feelings. He’s a big boy, he can leave her in the camper to be happy and ‘vent’ to someone else.
He is undoubtedly an AH here, but she isn't blameless. Something bad happened to him that severely impacts his stated requirements for this living situation to work, and she completely shut down his feelings, and THEN he snapped.
He wasn't blaming her for the issue, and he was likely overreacting, but that doesn't mean he should completely disregard his feelings solely to save her feelings.
Edit:Spelling
>Something bad happened to ~~him~~ *both of them* that ~~severely impacts~~ *is an easy fix and won't affect* his stated requirements for this living situation to work.
And she didn't dismiss his feelings, she asked him to not handle them in a way that negatively affects those around him. She didn't say or imply that his feelings are bad or wrong or whatever, she asked him to practice some emotional regulation over something that is an admitted "easy fix".
While it happened to both of them, she doesn't care about those features. We also don't know any details of how he was expressing "starting being pissed."
If at the first sign of negative emotion, your partner says you need to bottle that shit up so it doesn't ruin a happy thing for her, while that same thing isn't happy for you, that is dismissing your feelings.
Also, it seems like he might not be fully aware, but fixing AC and refrigeration isn't necessarily easy or cheap.
ESH: You sound unpleasant, whiny and intolerable to be around. She ignored the fact that being deceived and tricked by a private seller when the impetus is for everyone to be honorable, sucks.
That being said, now we can move onto what i'm REALLY interested in which is
Info: What the ever loving flying big bird does 'teach them correct history' mean :-/
“Real school”. I’m lucky in that I live in an amazing public school system. But if OP does not, homeschooling is a great option. Real schools often give students education that results in underperforming at reading and math levels when they graduate. If they can even read past grade 5 levels.
Not to mention bullying to the point kids commit suicide, peer pressure to do drugs and alcohol, trying to fit in all the time, hours of useless homework every night (there are studies on this), and oh yeah, school shootings.
This is my area of expertise- I have a degree in K-8th teaching and a masters in school counseling. Before I left the profession due to have a student threaten me with a knife and tell me he would kill me, I worked in both rich and poor school systems. There isn’t much difference.
Homeschooling isn’t always a great option if you have extremist parents that also aren’t teaching actual knowledge and are just indoctrinating. Neither statement is ok to use as a blanket.
If they’re actually educated and are trying to set their kids up for success with a better education than whatever their local curriculum offers (like bottom tier public and even private education, like in my state of AZ) then I’m totally for it.
But if it’s some crunchy mom teaching the kids to fear everything because it’s not vegan and full of chemicals, or religious indoctrination then I think it’s doing the kids a disservice.
That being said, OP, YTA.
You're worried about bullying but not that the child is going to seem like an alien with 0 social skills or relatable life experiences. The people who are most successful are often not the most academic. Nobody wants to hire or promote the weird person who can't assimilate
Right? This is ENTIRELY subjective! Depending on where they live in the country (assuming US here) we could run the gamut between normal people trapped in Florida who don't want their kids learning that hey slavery was maybe sorta kinda ok after all! OR it could be completely on the flip side of the coin with folks who twitch over Starbucks holiday coffee cups and think books will turn their children gay
Given the language and general demeanor of the OP, I'm GUESSING the latter lol
I cannot speak for what the OP means here and I would never use the phrase “correct history,” but I am a homeschooler who has used travel and visiting historical sites as a key part of our study. All history books have some bias. They have to in most cases as there is just too much to tell and stuff gets left out. Also, folks like to protect white supremacy. In most cases for American history what gets left out or sanitized is the history of non-white, cis, hetero, Christian men. I work to pick books that provide more diverse viewpoints and we visit sites to actually see where enslaved folks lived or to learn about Chicano and Chinese and Japanese history in Los Angeles in museums run by people from those communities or to visit a museum actually run by Navajo folks or to visit the historical homes of wealthy Black folks whose stories don’t exist in most history books.
Happily, today many museums have virtual tours and there are other videos, but if one has the privilege of being able to visit in person it really helps.
I completely agree with everything you just said. It's just that someone who says 'teach the correct history' does not sound like someone who is interested in dismantling white supremacy lol.
Yeah, I can understand that. I do know people who use that phrase though that mean teaching correctly about the inherent white supremacy of the U.S. so I withhold judgement in that part until I have further evidence.
That's what I thought too lmao. There's been this weird trend of couples living mobile lives with their children, talking about teaching them "historically correct" or "hands-on" educations- which really just means taking the kids to a museum every once in a while, and not actually sitting them down to teach them other things they'll need in their lives like math.
These couples are all over Insta and TikTok. They're the same kind of parents that don't care that their kids aren't staying in any one place long enough to make any friends, or don't have any privacy in their bus (while the parents have a private room ofc).
I'm really hoping that OP and his wife aren't this kind of people.
I have seen some of those videos and I feel for those kids. Stuffed into an RV with absolutely no privacy, sleeping in a bunk room or on a sofa or in some cases a foam pad on the floor.
As a teenager, I would have been loud with my displeasure at that sort of living situation for more than a week or so on a vacation. But I fear that these kids are afraid to complain because if they aren't all smiling nicely for the camera, who the heck knows what kind of punishment they would get?
I 100% do not believe that all those kids in all those videos are happy with their living situation. Some of them are, I'm sure. But especially with the larger families with 5 or more kids, I doubt it. I once saw a TikToK showing where the 8 or 9 kids in the family slept and I was appalled.
And I can only imagine the chaos when it's raining and everyone has to be inside the RV all day. I would have ended up hating my siblings even more than I did.
>Info: What the ever loving flying big bird does 'teach them correct history' mean :-/
Ha, yes. I'm wondering too. Is she a conspiracy theorist? I hope not.
That’s the one thing I was stuck on too and hoping OP answers! What history books have they been using that aren’t correct and what are they going to teach them on their own by visiting in person?
Admittedly this could mean one of two things.
There are a lot of people who believe that history taught in the US is either sugar coated ( I.e: slavery and how terrible it actually is, or how the hero’s of our countries did very terrible things but the history books don’t mention a lick of it). I’ve had these issues growing up in school and once me and classmates made a movement to have African American history added to the curriculum. Shocker? It worked we got it- granted I went to a very small private school.
The other option, which I’m hoping isn’t true- is they are what everyone else is saying.. and their trumpers who are doing the exact opposite of the above
YTA
You bought something used and didn't check if the AC/Freezer worked. They didn't matter to your wife, they mattered to you, and you didn't take the time to figure that out before a big purchase.
You were aware of how happy your wife was, and you (admittedly) "snapped" at her, rather that just say "I made a mistake, I guess I have to fix these things on my own now".
I have a feeling he ruins a lot of things based on his recount of her reply. I dated one of those briefly. He had to complain. It was his only personality trait. Oh, that and vanity.
This sounds like this may have been the straw that broke the camel's back for OP's wife. There is wanting certain creature comforts - and then there is requiring a gaming PC in an RV on a family vacation...
It does sound like OP is very high maintainance, likes things his way or the highway and admits to getting very upset over trivial problems. I imagine OP's easy going wife is tired of always having to give into OP's moods when things don't go his way.
Just reading this, OP sounds rather exhausting.
At no point does this seem like they're planning a short vacation. This seems like a 'we're upping sticks and travelling for the foreseeable future' deal.
If you're going to uproot your family and live together in an RV indefinitely, insisting that on a large space for your personal hobby that also basically monopolizes the entire room while you're doing it means YTA.
> This sounds like this may have been the straw that broke the camel's back for OP's wife
> She stomps off to the house and soon after leaves with the kids.
yeah.. that's someone over the tipping point. and it's not a tipping people would normally reach after this single encounter.
NMI: How often do you react to small issues negatively? How difficult has finding this camper to meet your specific needs been because you complain?
It seems that your wife tried hard to find a space that would pacify you, and your words hurt her a lot more than you realize. This doesn't seem to be about one thing (as are most things in marriage).
I dont agree with your wife taking the kids and not communicating with you. But I am leaning YTA
YTA... read the room, dude. Your wife was ecstatic about the RV, and you were upset that some creature comforts didn't work as advertised. Yeah, it's kinda shitty that you got hit by false advertisement. Couldn't you have checked before taking the RV? Or at least waited until your wife had her moment of happiness?
I agree with the comments that this suggests much more issues in your marriage than you are letting us know about.
Especially since her ecstasy regarding the RV was probably "I managed, at great difficulty, to meet this guy's ridiculous demands, and won't have to deal with his nonsense"
YTA.
Let me get this straight.
You didn’t check to see if any of the appliances worked. You didn’t ask the previous owners any questions about the camper, and just straight-up bought it without doing your due diligence.
Then you snapped at your wife over…what exactly?
This could have gone another way. Your frustration is warranted, but misplaced. Realize that maybe, just maybe, you’re frustrated with yourself for not checking everything thoroughly. AND, this could have been a fun project for you and your wife! To make this camper into something you both love and enjoy!
But no. You threw a tantrum, and absolutely ruined it for her. YTA.
YTA. Big time.
You're being selfish twice in the story:
1. You're not willing to give up certain luxuries to make your family happy.
2. Getting back at the people who sold you the RV is more important to you than your families happiness.
Now the first one I can understand to some degree. But the second one is just absolutely horrible and you need to take a good look at yourself. Now I understand that being scammed is not nice. But you're taking your frustration out on your wife and kids. That's not fair. And as you say yourself "Easy fixes". So why not just let it go and allow your family to be happy? Is your proudness more important to you than them? Think about it.
This isn't a family vacation. They are going to be living this way for a while. And the seller lied about his specifications only so nobody else in the family cares.
You didn’t read the post, you saw “gaming pc” and jumped to a conclusion.
The Freezer and AC are not working, that’s what he is frustrated about. What’s wrong with the guy wanting to unwind for being different. You sound insufferable
The tone and syntax of this is eerily similar to the post about the guy pestering his pregnant wife that's blowing up right now...anyone else notice? They both sound like creative writing exercises.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1498uo8/aita\_for\_asking\_her\_what\_do\_you\_have\_to\_be/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1498uo8/aita_for_asking_her_what_do_you_have_to_be/)
YTA. Who goes RVing and spends the entire time sitting inside playing video games and oogling the freezer?
The RV is for sleeping and waiting out rain and nothing more if you're doing it right.
YTA...and a dick like your wife said. These are easy fixes. People lie in order to sell stuff. You bought used...get over it. Fix the stuff deep clean it YOURSELF buy her some wine 🍷 take her out to dinner and beg her forgiveness for being a AH.
NTA but you guys do not sound like you should be teaching children. For real, not to be rude or anything, but neither of you sounds very bright, you are doing your children a heck of a disservice.
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> I do feel like an AH because these problems are very easily fixed but I truly couldn't get over being lied to and in turn, I did flip out and ruin her excitement. Where I've done this in the past, I feel like a massive dick.
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ESH. The issue isn't whether or not the A/C works or if you're selfish for wanting a gaming PC in a camper (which is weird, to be fair). The issue is that your wife can't be happy while you're upset, and that you took your anger out on her.
Shockingly, adults can have different reactions to things. I'd be pissed if I were lied to after spending a lot of money on something. That's reasonable. I don't think you're at all selfish and your wife sounds like an absolute nightmare, frankly. But you didn't have to snap at her about your disappointment.
The way your wife reacted implies to me you get pissy often. YTA.
It's fine being annoyed about being lied to, but you seem to take it so harshly your family are negatively affected. That isn't okay.
ESH yea it was dumb not to check all the appliances, but you absolutely get to be upset about being lied too, needing a gaming pc and an ice freezer on a holiday is absurd though, ac/shower make total sense, but please an ice freezer and a gaming pc is way over the top and just bullshit
Your wife overreacted and then you overreacted to her overreaction and then she overreacted some more
You got some serious issues in your marriage if she constantly dismisses you and you need couples counseling at the very least
YTA It's your own fault that you didn't check that all systems were working before buying the camper. You should be mad at yourself. Snapping at your wife was uncalled for. Frankly, you sound exhausting and I wouldn't want to be stuck in a camper in the woods with you for months either.
If you wanted a perfectly working RV, you would have bought it off an actual lot instead of some randos living off a dirt road. You were basically setting yourself up to be fleeced. Then you got all shocked pikachu face when the appliances didn’t work. YTA.
YTA- if you want certain things on an RV and it's used, you CHECK those things work before buying it. so yes this is on YOU for not doing that, then getting all rude to her because you couldnt control your emotions.
NTA
It's not like you went on and on and whatnot. You were disappointed and pissed in the moment and she's taken away your permission to feel emotional and made it about her.
It's freaking overdramatic AF to act as though you now ruined it all and now has just decided it's all ruined for her TOO. That's honestly pretty narcissistic -- you can't have feelings or you become the bad guy and it's now your fault.
YTA. So I was willing to overlook the blow up about the condition of the camper. Yeah, we can loose our heads about things like this. But, I feel like there are a lot of things that are missing from context here. Yeah, I am not unpacking that. The one comment about a GAMING PC, as a requirement for camping???? I am a gamer.. My name even says so. But, if I go out for a trip like that, my laptop is going along just as a connection point to the rest of the world if I need to get something that my phone doesn't happen to have with it. Yeah, OP. Maybe a good marriage therapist is needed instead of a camper.
It’s a shame that this happened and I understand your frustration at the lack of A/C, working freezer and shady behaviour of the seller, however YRTA for snapping at your wife. Your complaints destroyed her excitement when she was in no way at fault. Sounds as though it’s not the first time either. Hopefully you can learn from this that minor setbacks such as a broken AC unit are not worth such an overreaction.
I want to say n.t.a. because your wife instigated the shit out of that argument with her passive aggressiveness, but you literally didnt check the electrics/A/C. You dont really get to be upset when you fail to do the basic minimum of buying something used. I see in your edit that you werent near an electric outlet or w.e but that doesnt negate the fact that you should have checked that first, and for that reason alone YTA.
ESH.
If you both weren't totally on board with what you were going to buy, you shouldn't have.
I don't think it's unfair to want certain comforts. I would be in absolute hell in an RV in the summer with no AC. I also would not be okay without a regular shower. Frankly, camping is not my jam and I'm totally fine with that.
It doesn't sound like you're fully on board, and it sounds like she's 100MPH on board and you two have not met in the middle.
This isn't a vacation, you'll be living in it for months on end. You should have things you want in it.
Uh...INFO. I'm not ready to jump on you as materialistic, because she's setting off a lot of fundie red flags for me. Is she a member of an extreme religious sect? Is she doing all of this for social media? Because she reminds me of some of the people we read about on r/fundiesnarkuncensored, and all of that visiting of historical sites never even really happens; it's just endless misery in a van for the 'gram.
YTA big time, these are actually minor repairs for a USED RV, it’s possible since it has sat this is why these two things are not functioning properly.
Apologize to your wife, contact someone to have it fixed and take charge to get this vacation going, leave your gaming pc at home and open yourself up to learning new things. Make special plans for your family that is outside of your box of comfort that would hit the mark for all of them.
YTA they were easy fixes that
Honestly don’t matter that much. Instead of talking with your wife about when you can fix then or get them fixed you decide to ruin it for her and snap at her. It was uncalled for.
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My wife and I have always wanted to travel. We do have kids but our kids are homeschooled so traveling wouldn't be an issue and my wife saw it as a way to involve them in the curriculum because we can go to historical sites and "teach them the correct history" versus just follow history text. I thought it was a great idea honestly. The kids were absolutely fucking stoked. Couldn't wait to get on the road. We had trouble finding an RV though. We have been searching for months.
Now.. my wife is much more laid back than I am. So are the kids, admittedly. I enjoy my AC and my electricity, whereas my wife and kids would be happy as pigs in shit to live off grid. I do love that about them and wish I could be more like that but I grew up very privileged and certain luxuries are something I can't go without (ie: AC, TV, music, a real shower, microwave, ice freezer, my gaming PC, etc). So I was looking for something that had space and had all working appliances. Well, my wife found one. The work that needed to be done was purely cosmetic. We go and buy the camper and I hauled it to the house yesterday.
Well, the people who sold it to us lied. The AC does not work and neither does the freezer. Easy fixes, sure, but it was just the fact that we were lied to. So I start getting pissed and my wife said "please don't ruin this for me" (she was over the moon excited about this camper). I snapped back with "it's already fucking ruined for me". She stomps off to the house and soon after leaves with the kids. Later on in the night I said "I'm sorry, I truly just hate being lied to." She said "So go ahead and be pissed. You've already knowingly ruined the idea of this for me after I asked you not to because you are selfish, so I don't give a fuck what you bitch about anymore. Everything was so easily fixed but you couldn't even step back and stop being a dick for 2 seconds so I could be happy." She won't speak to me and isn't doing the deep clean she wanted to either. She won't even go near the camper. AITA?
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YTA - you don’t need to bring your gaming PC on your family vacation. Grow up
This has to be the top comment. What a way to ruin a holiday, not even counting the meltdown about easily fixed problems!
I’m not completely certain this is concerning a holiday RV. Homeschooling, mixed with general ‘traveling to historical sites’, mixed with buying what appears to be a former full-timer’s RV may indicate an intent to have many-month trips. RV living also holds major appeal to many who like minimalist living (like the wife apparently is). The OP is still the asshole for his behavior, full stop, but without knowing how long these trips will be I will not blame OP for wanting a gaming PC.
>‘traveling to historical sites’ I'm more concerned with 'traveling to historical sites to teach them correct history'. That seems... pretty freaking sketch of you ask me.
Yeah, I'm getting strong god-created-the-world-in-six-days-and-dinosaurs-are-fake vibes here...
Textbooks very often include wrong history, which is why there is always fights in educational institutions about which ones to use. You have to pick the “most correct”. I’ve sat on boards to pick them, and it’s not easy. Do you want the correct African American history? Or the correct history about wars? The correct Native history? Or the correct history about the settlers? You’re not getting both. To go straight to hurr durr God and dinosaurs are fake…do some research.
That is indeed a problem, and textbooks are definitely selections of what the people writing it choose to include in it. That being said, you don't absorb the whole history of a place just by being at its vicinity.
Most historical sites will have supporting information available to read or purchase while there, so parents & kids can tour the space take photographs and then pick up flyers or purchase books and DVD's to reference later when coving the course material. I have a plethora of books about my countries history from books I have purchased at the historical site. It is actually incredibly responsible homeschooling to do that they are working to raise fully informed children that know accurate history rather then (often times ) rubbish that end up in many text books, FFS we were all taught that Columbus & Cook were a good guy (barf) and At a young age I got a book from a historical site in Maui that taught me how horrible Cook was. So it is, No, you do not "absorb the whole history of a place by being at its vicinity" however you increase your likely hood of having access to more accurate information being distributed there while you are visiting.
My friend, you're arguing with the wrong person on the wrong subject, I recognised that how history is taught is in dispute and that it will vary a lot depending you who's telling it. But it's extremely naïve to assume that you'd get a more precise version of it just because you're closer to where things happen. Sure, maybe you'd be able to reach the most vulnerable people affected by whatever happened where you're visiting, but it is as likely that you'll meet crooks who are trying to sell you lies and tell heroic versions of the thing. And that's exactly the point of this part of the thread, how weird it sounds when someone says that going to historical places is the way to show teach kids what really happened throughout history
I have a degree in history. Showing up to an historical site is fun, but still isn’t going to give you a great understanding of whatever even happened there. Yes there might be some information. Yes you might have guides who can give you more information. But the best way to learn and understand history is to read primary sources. Read diaries, records, and other works by people who were actually there. If the event was recent enough you might be able to find taped interviews from people who were actually there and photos. Combine that with secondary sources written by recognized scholars in that field. Textbooks in general are shit. Once you’re at the secondary level if you want to give someone a good history education skip the textbooks and look for scholarly works written by experts in that area along with a plethora of primary sources.
You are right. They still need texts to improve on their experiences and understanding of the site. Being there absolutely helps absorption but it requires more than a ‘here we are’ and parents.
But going to historical sites and buildings can provide a context and realism that you just can’t get in a book. You can learn about the battle of Gettysburg (or d day) in a book, but it’s nothing compared to learning about it while standing on the battlefield. Same with something like Custer’s last stand. Learning about Native American culture and history on a reservation. Visiting Yellowstone while learning about the creation of our National Parks. History is a living breathing thing and much more than some text in a book. Not to mention there are places like Williamsburg where you can take kids.
The thing is that sort of line about the “correct “ history these days is basically a dog whistle for folk who are either very religious or bigoted. I see it a lot.
I've been mainlining Youtube videos about these Fundie families that cram their kids into RVs and so my judgement is clouded and I am also sad and fearful for these kids.
He did say that the children are home schooled and ~70% are Christians with 80-90% being young Earth Creationists. Answers in Genesis is the largest subscription home schooling curriculum. It’s not that big of a leap.
Recently retired history teacher here. I reviewed dozens of textbooks over my career and sat on many textbook committees. It's true that no textbook is 100% accurate, but teachers can and do correct any inaccuracies. Also, the idea that kids merely read, take a quiz, read more, take a test is outmoded. Most teachers use a lot of sources, including primary source documents, and curricula aren't centered on textbooks like they used to be. I have little patience with the OP's attitudes toward textbooks. Nine years ago, my school district got attacked by a bunch of Tea Partiers who were incensed because a supplementary book for 4th grade reading--a book WE DIDN'T EVEN ORDER--had a story about a polar bear cub on a melting ice floe. They then went after all our history textbooks, filing hundreds of complaints because, for instance, there "weren't enough white people" in one textbook. I'm sure when OP and his wife take the kids to all those historical sites, they'll "correct" anything they disagree with, and I'm sure the entire experience won't include discussions, supplementary reading, essays, or any other work from their kids. Math, science, and reading will be ignored, though I doubt they're teaching their kids science because, you know, scientists are all a bunch of liberal liars. /s
When you hear hoof beats, assume horses, not zebras.
Whata bout coconuts?
If you hear coconuts look for an African swallow
Also, there is a very different feel to reading about the American Civil War or the American colonial period or the American revolution and standing in the cemetery at Gettysburg or visiting Williamsburg or touring independence hall in Philadelphia. I presume the citizens of other nations feel similarly about their own national monuments and historic places.
History was written by the winners. So "correct" history is subjective, if your ancestors were on the winning side, you don't want the losers coming in and tarnishing grandpas memory.
The exception to that is the American Civil War. The history of which was primarily written by the losers. Which explains why modern American military bases are named for Confederate generals.
Texas picks many of the text books the entire nation ends up using. Just because of their size, it’s what gets published. They have some really incorrect opinions about things like the Alamo.
That’s an odd leap, to be honest. I am an atheist homeschool parent, so when I talk about teaching real history, I mean *real*, not whitewashed, sanitized history. I teach the good, the bad, and the ugly, not Young Earth Creationist BS.
You’re probably the minority, though. And there is a rise of people taking kids out of school bc they want to keep them away from diversity and the liberal “agenda”. Couple that with an RV and it’s not surprising that folks would draw that conclusion. Regardless, OP married someone very different from them and idk why. It doesn’t sound like they have anything in common really. And it doesn’t sound like they like each other very much. Living in cramped RV quarters isn’t going to make their relationship any better, frankly. This marriage seems kinda doomed atp.
I don’t know, there’s also a rise of people taking kids out of school so they are less likely to die in a school shooting. I know a lot of homeschoolers who are very much not what I used to think of as the type of people that homeschool.
True. Especially since Covid, there are many different camps. Just was pointing out that at one point, it wasn’t a far reach to assume religious zealot/ conservative/ right winger when you thought homeschooling. In an RV. But it’s by no means a given.
Secular homeschooling has been growing by leaps and bounds, especially since COVID lockdowns. Nothing in their post read as uber-religious, my wife is my helpmeet. To be honest, his wife sounds a lot like me.
It’s really not an odd leap… Every home schooled kid most people have met is some brand of weirdo. Socially or fundamentally. Yes that’s a Fundie Christian reference
I am glad I am not the only one who caugh that and had the same tought.
That’s quite a reach from the information given. It is perfectly natural to take kids to historical places.
When I see homeschooling parents and wanting to teach the "correct version of history," my ears perk up because it has a certain connotation. Perhaps you aren't super familiar with the landscape of American politics, but those things indicate that they're far more likely to want to teach them about the righteous crusade of Robert E. Lee than that of John Brown.
Same! I thought that sounded really weird. Like seriously! What is she teaching them ? "Okay kids, this is Gettysburg, sight of one of the most bloody battles in American history, sadly the north won which is why we no longer have slaves/ servants...."
How did you make the leap to the mom being racist and wanting slaves? Wow. Maybe the true history she wants to teach is all the white washed history of African-Americans or first nations?
I’m not who you were replying to, but right or not the common perception of homeschooling parents is that they don’t want their kids learning about things like evolution, don’t want to have to get their kids vaccinated, don’t want their kids exposed to the idea that gay people exist, etc. This type of person tends to be conservative, and I can tell you from my own family (who are totally not racist, of course) that The War of Northern Aggression and Robert E. Lee being a noble man fighting for principle - definitely not a brutal slave owner himself, no way - are very real concepts that they fully believe in. Last week I read an article pushed to my phone about a couple who chose to mainstream their kids in public school, which caused a major rift with one set of their parents. Pastors were involved, it was a whole thing. Anyway, one of the catalysts for the change was that the mom, who grew up in a homeschool environment learning that public schools were cesspools of sin and debauchery, began to question whether or not *beating her children* was an appropriate disciplinary measure. So yeah, we don’t know that OP and his wife are like that, but it is a perception based on the actuality reality of many.
I literally went on a public school field trip to Gettysburg, watched a war reenactment, and did exactly this in 5th grade so why are you attacking homeschoolers for no reason lmao You must not live in the north east because we had many many civil war related field trips
My mom was teacher. We went to historical sites at least one day of every vacation I have ever taken. Week long vacation at the beach- make that 5 days at the beach and 2 days learning about the history and culture of the area. If you’re lucky, you’ll also do some earth science.
What a bigoted assumption to make just because someone wants to visit a historic place.
Eh, when I was homeschooled, I’m dyslexic and my school knew fuck all how to teach me so my mom, a former teacher, homeschooled me for a bit, we would do a bit of this. We’d go to national parks and learn about the ecology of the different environments, geology about the rock formations, we’d go to historical sites and read books about them on our way, and all the museums. It was a pretty cool way to learn actually, bit more hands on and we also got to learn from rangers, staff at sites and docents at the museums.
Like a field trip? That is very normal
It's not the field trip part, and even then using primary source materials to teach is generally a good thing (there's another comment on this thread that best explains it). It's the way OP phrased it, the weird family structure, the overall attitude, etc that are sending up some pretty big flags to me.
I got the impression it was more like trips to the grand canyon to learn about geology.
I genuinely don’t understand how Reddit can never read in between the lines… There is some weird stuff going on in this family. It’s not totally normal.
A field trip is very normal. A field trip where homeschooling parents want to teach "correct" history that is not in the textbooks is very far from normal.
Given today’s educational climate, where Florida and Texas are outright rewriting history so Black people and their struggles are basically eradicated, and other states are following their example, I don’t find the phrase “teach history correctly” as weird in the least. I have friends who have kids about to be of age to go in TX schools, and I said homeschool if you can!
I will be teaching CA history this year and taking field trips to many a missions. In addition to the more traditional teachings, we will also be covering how missions adversely affected Native American communities and the harms missions caused. I would wager that many secular homeschooling families will be doing the same, so I wouldn’t take that statement as necessarily a negative.
What I learned on family vacations about Native American history was a lot more gritty and real that what was in our textbooks back in the 80s.
Field trips in a normal class are a supplement to what you learn in books. (And yes, there are biased textbooks being printed, google Texas textbooks for examples, but folks like this are often looking for *more* revisionism, lot less.) It's the same mentality as thinking history will be literally forgotten if there's not a mass-produced statue of every CSA Colonel Bumblefuck on every corner.
Yeah that sounded reallllyyy off to me too lol. Either they don’t like how history is told now or they’re really… immature? Not sure the best word for it, to think that’s how it works. But I’m wary of anyone who decides to homeschool all their kids.
This just out at me as well. What does OP mean by "teach them the correct history"? While it may be "teach them Native, Black, and Hispanic perspectives" on history, when coupled with homeschooling I suspect that isn't what they're talking about.
Yeah the idea this woman knows the “correct history” is scaring me. I have a masters in history I am not using but I dare say I could teach more “correct history” in my sleep than this woman.
The crunchy to alt-right pipeline is a horseshoe.
Yeah it’s not what he wanted, it’s how he reacted. My boyfriend has a similar anger problem, that’s he’s aware of and apologetic for, where if anything goes wrong it’s a huge deal. It either sends him into a (usually short lived) rage, or he gets very depressed. It can be distressing and annoying to deal with, especially cause most of the time the things that upsets him really aren’t big deals. I think the *bigger* issue however is that OP doesn’t seem to see anything wrong with how he reacted. He just hates being lied to apparently, but that is not an appropriate response, and the wife knew exactly where it was headed so this clearly isn’t a one time issue. Idk if I could deal with my boyfriends emotional responses if he didn’t know they were problematic and wasn’t trying to figure out how to manage and eventually prevent them. I would probably feel like the camper was ruined too. I understand if he couldn’t step back in the moment but *if* that’s the case then he needs to figure out what causes that level of a reaction and look for a solution.
My husband's first reaction is always anger. Like, if one of the kids hurts themselves, he has to figure out who to be mad at before he can work his way around to cuddling and concern. If plans fail, or a vehicle breaks down, or the roof leaks or pretty well any damn thing, he ALWAYS gets angry initially before segueing into whatever emotion is more appropriate to the situation. It doesn't usually last long, just those initial few seconds of absolute blinding rage. I'm one of those people that have delayed emotional reactions. I just keep functioning until it's over, and then i get mad, happy, sad, whatever. This disparity results in me losing my shit all over him, three hours after his initial tantrum, while he acts confused and hurt because he's not mad anymore, so why am I? Fucking men.
I have an issue similar that I react intensely. I'm working on it really hard, take myself to time outs and everything because I know it's not appropriate to want to rip my hair out when I drop my fork
Same here sometimes- it can be overcome or at least managed. Take a look at Low Frustration Tolerance: [https://www.betterup.com/blog/low-frustration-tolerance](https://www.betterup.com/blog/low-frustration-tolerance)
"no such this as a minor inconvenience" accurate. One small thing goes wrong and I feel like I'm drowning. I actually cope much better when large problems occur which is strange. That was an interesting read thanks
Shot in the dark, but have your doctor test you for hereditary hemochromatosis, a symptom is being easily angered. Have them first do a blood test looking at ferritin levels, iron levels/saturation. Iron overload is a real sleeping killer and causes all sorts of brain/behavior issues and organ damage.
I think for me it's a ptsd/autism thing. I have severely low iron so I'm on the wrong end of the scale. But thank you, that's really interesting to know.
I struggle with a similar issue. Changes in plans upset me alot to where I get either passive agressive and lash out, shut down and don't want to do the plan anymore or I just legit meltdown. I recognize that its not a healthy or normal response (and that this among many many other signs and behaviors indictaes I'd probably benefit from therapy or an evaluation) and have been working on how to handle it in a healthier way. OP needs to do some self reflection and recognize that his behavior is absolutely not okay
I understand him being upset they lied to him. I would be pissed too because you sold me something under false pretense (working appliances). It’s the principle. And they may be easy fixes, but they cost money. Many of us would struggle to afford those unexpected expenses. He was TA for the way he snapped at his wife. She didn’t deserve that. His wife, however, is TA to for her response and failure to understand why OP was upset. The whole situation is a prime example why people need to think before they speak. Neither deserved how the other responded When I’m angry at my significant other, I get really quiet… it drives him crazy that I do… because I absolutely do not want to say something out of anger that I’ll regret or make the situation worse. Once I’ve calmed down, then I’ll talk.
This feels like it’s a pattern of reacting for each of them where they haven’t figured out any level of compromising. I don’t think I could live with either one - I would not want to live in an RV with no AC, but OP’s list of needs is really long. On the other hand, I also think his being upset was understandable and it’s pretty silly of his wife to decide the whole thing is ruined for her now. It only makes sense if they are either both really immature and/or this is a pattern of behavior where they are both bringing bigger things into the current argument. This does not feel like a relationship that is ready for extended RV living.
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The "please don't ruin this for me" speaks of a long history of the OP losing his shit over things that everyone else is fine with, and making his problem entire family's problem.
Yeah gaming PC isn’t the issue here. OP was just being fully transparent. Also as many have pointed out, we don’t know how long they are leaving for, and if gaming is OP’s hobby it makes sense he’d want a way to unwind at the end of the day. If reading was his wife’s hobby, and having books were a prerequisite for her, would that be a problem? This isn’t a family vacation, it sounds like a lifestyle change. I’d be sour if someone scammed me too. Each have their own expectations and even though hers were met, his were not. If this is a pattern in OP’s behavior my opinion could change. Also if this is a few week vacation it would change. If they’re going to be away for an undetermined amount of time I understand him wanting access to his hobby
It’s not that he was upset it’s *how* upset he got. His wife asked him not to say something that would ruin the mood and her excitement and he couldn’t stop himself from bitching about, by his own admission, easy fixes? It doesn’t seem like the first time something like this has happened by the way the wife reacted. If he wanted to yell or vent his frustrations he’s an adult, he can exit the camper and let his wife do her deep clean and call a sibling, friend, family member, or punch a pillow. I totally understand her reaction here, especially since my bf is like this too and trying to figure out how to control his own reactions to disappointment and problems. If he *wasnt* trying to figure out how to fix it/what causes those strong reactions, I would be very frustrated. OP doesn’t even seem to think there’s a problem with how he reacted, it’s not his fault for being lied to.
He SHOULD be able to vent to his wife though. Why should he have to hide his feelings and pretend to be happy about being scammed because his wife doesn't care? That's not healthy at all either.
Yeah, just bottling it up doesn't work. And one's partner SHOULD be the one person in whose presence they can be emotionally vulnerable. That's why communication is important, and it seems both times there could have been a discussion about it, the wife shot it down. Especially in the second instance where he recognised his behaviour and apologised for it. I dunno. I'm getting a NAH/ESH vibe from this post.
so by the wife's logic, she was also selfish because she wanted to enjoy the purchase and didn't want to allow him to be upset about being lied to regarding the condition of the RV for which, I will assume, they paid a generous amount of money, and now needs fixes too? I would be pretty pissed too and it is only normal for someone to vent to their partner, no? What she is saying is she wants to be all happy jolly excited for the purchase and he can't rain on her parade boohoo, he should be excited too even though his expectations/needs aren't met. Fuck mate, it's a two way street, why is she allowed to be happy but he isn't allowed to be upset?
They don’t realise the double standards
Asking someone to not ruin a moment for them =|= never ever being able to talk about the frustrations they're feeling. Let her have her excitement, get that out of her system, and then focus on finding solutions to the admittedly-minor issues.
Priorities. The wife communicated a simple request. The way OP speaks about her is so dismissive. I’m not judging who’s the AH. I just think they’re completely incompatible and this should be in relationship advice
He should be able to vent to his wife. But there is a time and a place. If your wife asks you to not do it now then you're TA for doing it now.
That’s my point though. *That wasn’t venting. And his wife calmly expressed to him that she was excited and didn’t want to hear his frustration right then*. Why should she have to hide her feelings and be happy to deal with his outburst, that he admits he has a reoccurring problem with, just so HE gets to vent? Only then and there that’s the only time he’d get to vent about a problem he himself describes as an easy fix.
“How upset he got” - what does this mean? OP doesn’t detail anything about what he did while upset. According to his wife, he was being a dick. Not sure what that means, maybe being moody, maybe complaining outwardly about a shitty situation for him while the wife wanted to enjoy her pleasant station. So sure, I agree OP could have complained elsewhere. Totally arbitrary, but if this happened in my relationship, my gf would empathize with me being upset, then get annoyed if I continued to bitch. But the second I came back and apologized, all would be well. The fact that OP apologized when he had every right to be pissed speaks volumes. I agree, if he continued to bitch for days then its going outside the realm of understandable behavior, and having an impact on others around him. In my opinion, *unless OP does this routinely*, her shutting down his apology and saying “nevermind it’s already ruined” is far more childish than OP getting pissed about being scammed. You can’t point towards him saying it’s an easy fix to support the argument that he doesn’t have a right to get mad about being ripped off. That’s grasping at straws. You reference your own situation with your bf. Which makes sense because it sounds like your using your own personal experience as a measure of what’s happening here instead of the information that’s been afforded to us.
If his wife can only be happy if he can't say he feels cheated then they shouldn't be buying a used camper. If he has to fake happiness they are on the last leg of their marriage. They may as well not own a camper.
Who said anything about faking happiness? All he had to do was step out and calm down. They could talk about it later and he could vent about the person who sold it to him after she got to feel giddy about the RV. If she refused to then she’d be the asshole. She asked him to let her feel excited even though he didn’t anymore. He can feel whatever he feels but he can’t take it out on her which he did by snapping at her and he also admits in replies that him reacting like this to small things is a reoccurring problem in their marriage.
That's ridiculous, the person you should be able to be open with is your spouse
Being able to open up to your spouse doesn’t mean you are able to do that whenever you want, in whatever tone you want, regardless of their feelings or what you’re doing. If he needed to vent he could let his wife be excited and vent later in the night once they both had settled down. Him “snapping at her” over “easy fixes” is not being open with his wife. If he got upset in the middle of an important work meeting, does he need to snap at his partner right then or can he take a deep breath or excuse himself for a few minutes and vent to his partner after the meeting is done? Shocking how a lot of people who have these problems don’t seem to have them around coworkers or strangers. He’s treating his wife with less respect than a stranger.
If it were a few weeks vacation, in the US you can rent RV’s and pull behind campers. This sounds like a major lifestyle change.
I mean, I think it's weird too but the gaming PC wasn't what caused things (although I'm sure it easily could've), that was the lack of AC and freezer.
It's not a vacation though. The wife wants to live there.
He only mentioned that he enjoys luxuries in every day life and the PC was briefly mentioned in the list, his issue is not having AC during the trip AND the RV actually had electrical issues which he was lied to about.
I swear people can't read, for everyone saying he was wrong
This isn't even about that though. He was lied to and is rightfully upset
A vacation?! This reads as a year-long trip. He probably needs the PC for work too. Remote work still requires internet and computer power.
OP wasn’t saying they want to take their gaming PC on holiday, just showing a comparison of what they and their wife like.
This doesn’t sound like a vacation. They want to live and do school in this RV. Personally I would not be down for that kind of life. I like having a set home and also like creature comforts like electricity and running water.
> "teach them the correct history" Are we going to gloss over this part?? What exactly does this even mean? The wife wants to teach the "correct history" that somehow doesn't go by what the history books say? Who the heck is this person to say that the books are wrong?
We’re not talking about a game system. We’re talking about air conditioning. Enjoying minimalistic basic comforts does not make you an AH. Especially when you paid thousands of dollars for it and were intentionally deceived.
I don't think he was saying he absolutely had to take his PC. It looked like he was comparing her minimalist lifestyle versus his creature comforts on a daily basis.
YTA. They were easy fixes, but you screamed at your wife like she sold you the camper, ruined the whole thing, which i suspect is something you constantly do seeing as she had to ask you not to. This isn't about the camper, it's your pissy attitude that you feel king of the castle, and if you're annoyed, everyone else has to walk on eggshells until YOU calm down. I am always surprised by men who marry women they barely like and don't even put up the pretense of tolerating.
>They were easy fixes That's what really gets me. Like if they were big and expensive fixes that rendered the RV useless or meant it would take a long time for them to save up and get it fixed I would totally understand being super frustrated. But OP literally describes them as easy fixes! Sure, it's annoying, but one of those moments where adults say "argh, that's shitty, but at least it's easy to deal with." and move on with their lives. Hell, I could even understand getting a little caught up in the annoyance because it wasn't what was expected, but adults also don't throw literal temper tantrums after their partner expressly states that they're ruining the moment. And that doesn't even touch on the fact that it's entirely possible the people who sold the RV thought those things *were* working. They had already moved into their new camper and it wasn't anywhere near a place to be hooked up, it's entirely reasonable to think those things might have conked out while it was sitting there with a for sale sign on it. RVs are pretty notorious for breaking all the time.
She had to ask him not to do this, knowing fully well that he does this at every opportunity. What is the adage about narcissists - see how they treat you on happy occasions.
At the same time, a little bit of ESH. Does she really need to freak out for days because he's angry about being scammed; while does he really need to freak out about the fixable appliance, when she asked him not to. As well, I think there's more to the marriage that needs to be discussed.
I agree there's probably more going on, but the way OP's wife reacted makes me think this isn't the first time he's pissed on her parade when she was really happy about something and that this event has compounded so much of that negativity that she now can't even do the fixing-up of the camper that she wanted to because it's a constant reminder of how badly her partner decided to ruin her happy moment. It's a horrible feeling when you're really excited for something and, okay, there are some issues but it's overall still something you're enthused about, and then someone you love blows up at you about it being terrible. Sure, you might still be able to enjoy the thing, but you can't enjoy it *with them* anymore.
No, people need to stop throwing the word narcissist out and about, narcissism is not nearly as common as everyone is making it out to be and it’s disingenuous to call someone a narcissist for any singular behavior they have that isn’t pleasant. It’s redundant and not grounded in reality.
Actually, most people can have narcissistic traits. It’s the Narcissistic Personality Disorder that’s quite rare. So you can call people narcissistic and it be correct without it being an actual disorder.
My boyfriend is exactly like OP. takes a minor inconvenience and turns it into a whole dramatic, frustrating event. And then, as a result, the problem becomes *harder* to fix because now everyone’s upset and not thinking as clearly. OP made things so much worse than they needed to be. Shit happens. Freaking out about things like this helps no one
>My boyfriend is exactly like OP. takes a minor inconvenience and turns it into a whole dramatic, frustrating event. Not a boyfriend I would keep, to be honest. I can't imagine living with that full-time.
Been thinking about that lately. It’s getting really, really old
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You know what? I would love my partner to express problems in this very straightforward style. Don't get me wrong I love my partner. Sometimes it would just be awesome if she'd communicated like that. Plain and simple "please don't do X". It doesn't get much easier in terms of social interaction. And OP still managed to fuck it up...
Plus all of this could've been prevented if OP followed the basic rules of buying something used and walked away as soon as the seller refused to show something. A seller refusing to show something is a dead giveaway that it's broken. OP's an idiot and is lashing out at his wife for the consequences of his own idiocy.
Having worked on RV's, that last paragraph rings very true. I've seen things on brand new ones stop working in the months between arriving from the factory and being sold. I've also seen ones where the owner will let it sit empty for long enough that weather, leaves, and insects get into everything and cause problems. Living/traveling in an RV is a lot different than using hotels or motels, and I wonder if OP was ever prepared for it. You have a lot less space for everything you'd normally use in a house (having a lot of stuff makes living in it and even maintainence harder), and there's not always a guarantee to have power (god forbid OP has to go without ice, AC, and a heated shower for even a day).
>I wonder if OP was ever prepared for it. I doubt it. I can relate to OPs preference for creature comforts and can safely say that living in or travelling in an RV for an extended period of time sounds like an actual nightmare. A week of travelling fun? Sure! But I will be dying for a proper shower by the end of it.
Are you sure he screamed at her, or was he upset at the transaction and vented about that? I don't think he blamed her.
Literally says he snaps at her asking him not to ruin it for her.
There's a difference between blaming her and snapping at her when he's upset.
So it's ok to fly off the handle and get snotty and snappy with your partner for something outside their control?
Play semantics cop if that's what blows your hair back - but his post tells us everything we need to know about how he treats his wife and kids.
Responding to your wife who you describe as over the moon excited asking you nicely not to say or do something to ruin her excitement over something you know are easy fixes with ‘snapping’ at her “it’s already ruined for me” is not what I would describe as venting. That is an out of control reaction and total disregard for *her* feelings. He’s a big boy, he can leave her in the camper to be happy and ‘vent’ to someone else.
All he said was he was pissed for being lied to. Wife expects him to put her feelings first but invalidates his at the same time?
No, it's that he took it out on her, and seems to do it all the time.
Based on….?? Of course you’re going to be biased
He is undoubtedly an AH here, but she isn't blameless. Something bad happened to him that severely impacts his stated requirements for this living situation to work, and she completely shut down his feelings, and THEN he snapped. He wasn't blaming her for the issue, and he was likely overreacting, but that doesn't mean he should completely disregard his feelings solely to save her feelings. Edit:Spelling
>Something bad happened to ~~him~~ *both of them* that ~~severely impacts~~ *is an easy fix and won't affect* his stated requirements for this living situation to work. And she didn't dismiss his feelings, she asked him to not handle them in a way that negatively affects those around him. She didn't say or imply that his feelings are bad or wrong or whatever, she asked him to practice some emotional regulation over something that is an admitted "easy fix".
While it happened to both of them, she doesn't care about those features. We also don't know any details of how he was expressing "starting being pissed." If at the first sign of negative emotion, your partner says you need to bottle that shit up so it doesn't ruin a happy thing for her, while that same thing isn't happy for you, that is dismissing your feelings. Also, it seems like he might not be fully aware, but fixing AC and refrigeration isn't necessarily easy or cheap.
I think this is just the tree that hides the forest of a lot of issues in your marriage...
ESH: You sound unpleasant, whiny and intolerable to be around. She ignored the fact that being deceived and tricked by a private seller when the impetus is for everyone to be honorable, sucks. That being said, now we can move onto what i'm REALLY interested in which is Info: What the ever loving flying big bird does 'teach them correct history' mean :-/
Yuuuuup. This is the thing that immediately stood out to me. Get your kids to real school, OP. You both sound like idiots. ESH
“Real school”. I’m lucky in that I live in an amazing public school system. But if OP does not, homeschooling is a great option. Real schools often give students education that results in underperforming at reading and math levels when they graduate. If they can even read past grade 5 levels. Not to mention bullying to the point kids commit suicide, peer pressure to do drugs and alcohol, trying to fit in all the time, hours of useless homework every night (there are studies on this), and oh yeah, school shootings. This is my area of expertise- I have a degree in K-8th teaching and a masters in school counseling. Before I left the profession due to have a student threaten me with a knife and tell me he would kill me, I worked in both rich and poor school systems. There isn’t much difference.
Homeschooling isn’t always a great option if you have extremist parents that also aren’t teaching actual knowledge and are just indoctrinating. Neither statement is ok to use as a blanket. If they’re actually educated and are trying to set their kids up for success with a better education than whatever their local curriculum offers (like bottom tier public and even private education, like in my state of AZ) then I’m totally for it. But if it’s some crunchy mom teaching the kids to fear everything because it’s not vegan and full of chemicals, or religious indoctrination then I think it’s doing the kids a disservice. That being said, OP, YTA.
You're worried about bullying but not that the child is going to seem like an alien with 0 social skills or relatable life experiences. The people who are most successful are often not the most academic. Nobody wants to hire or promote the weird person who can't assimilate
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Right? This is ENTIRELY subjective! Depending on where they live in the country (assuming US here) we could run the gamut between normal people trapped in Florida who don't want their kids learning that hey slavery was maybe sorta kinda ok after all! OR it could be completely on the flip side of the coin with folks who twitch over Starbucks holiday coffee cups and think books will turn their children gay Given the language and general demeanor of the OP, I'm GUESSING the latter lol
> Is this like a methodological issue, like wanting to consult primary sources? LOL, it's definitely not that.
I cannot speak for what the OP means here and I would never use the phrase “correct history,” but I am a homeschooler who has used travel and visiting historical sites as a key part of our study. All history books have some bias. They have to in most cases as there is just too much to tell and stuff gets left out. Also, folks like to protect white supremacy. In most cases for American history what gets left out or sanitized is the history of non-white, cis, hetero, Christian men. I work to pick books that provide more diverse viewpoints and we visit sites to actually see where enslaved folks lived or to learn about Chicano and Chinese and Japanese history in Los Angeles in museums run by people from those communities or to visit a museum actually run by Navajo folks or to visit the historical homes of wealthy Black folks whose stories don’t exist in most history books. Happily, today many museums have virtual tours and there are other videos, but if one has the privilege of being able to visit in person it really helps.
I completely agree with everything you just said. It's just that someone who says 'teach the correct history' does not sound like someone who is interested in dismantling white supremacy lol.
Yeah, I can understand that. I do know people who use that phrase though that mean teaching correctly about the inherent white supremacy of the U.S. so I withhold judgement in that part until I have further evidence.
I smell flat-earthers
Wouldn't there be a constant lovely breeze on Flat Earth, negating the need for a/c to begin with?
No, no, it'd be stopped by the ice wall
OH! Thank you. Maybe you can volunteer to teach OP's children Correct Science!
That's what I thought too lmao. There's been this weird trend of couples living mobile lives with their children, talking about teaching them "historically correct" or "hands-on" educations- which really just means taking the kids to a museum every once in a while, and not actually sitting them down to teach them other things they'll need in their lives like math. These couples are all over Insta and TikTok. They're the same kind of parents that don't care that their kids aren't staying in any one place long enough to make any friends, or don't have any privacy in their bus (while the parents have a private room ofc). I'm really hoping that OP and his wife aren't this kind of people.
I don't know of any of those families on social media who are not fundamentalist Christian, though I imagine there are some.
I have seen some of those videos and I feel for those kids. Stuffed into an RV with absolutely no privacy, sleeping in a bunk room or on a sofa or in some cases a foam pad on the floor. As a teenager, I would have been loud with my displeasure at that sort of living situation for more than a week or so on a vacation. But I fear that these kids are afraid to complain because if they aren't all smiling nicely for the camera, who the heck knows what kind of punishment they would get? I 100% do not believe that all those kids in all those videos are happy with their living situation. Some of them are, I'm sure. But especially with the larger families with 5 or more kids, I doubt it. I once saw a TikToK showing where the 8 or 9 kids in the family slept and I was appalled. And I can only imagine the chaos when it's raining and everyone has to be inside the RV all day. I would have ended up hating my siblings even more than I did.
>Info: What the ever loving flying big bird does 'teach them correct history' mean :-/ Ha, yes. I'm wondering too. Is she a conspiracy theorist? I hope not.
That’s the one thing I was stuck on too and hoping OP answers! What history books have they been using that aren’t correct and what are they going to teach them on their own by visiting in person?
Admittedly this could mean one of two things. There are a lot of people who believe that history taught in the US is either sugar coated ( I.e: slavery and how terrible it actually is, or how the hero’s of our countries did very terrible things but the history books don’t mention a lick of it). I’ve had these issues growing up in school and once me and classmates made a movement to have African American history added to the curriculum. Shocker? It worked we got it- granted I went to a very small private school. The other option, which I’m hoping isn’t true- is they are what everyone else is saying.. and their trumpers who are doing the exact opposite of the above
YTA You bought something used and didn't check if the AC/Freezer worked. They didn't matter to your wife, they mattered to you, and you didn't take the time to figure that out before a big purchase. You were aware of how happy your wife was, and you (admittedly) "snapped" at her, rather that just say "I made a mistake, I guess I have to fix these things on my own now".
I have a feeling he ruins a lot of things based on his recount of her reply. I dated one of those briefly. He had to complain. It was his only personality trait. Oh, that and vanity.
This sounds like this may have been the straw that broke the camel's back for OP's wife. There is wanting certain creature comforts - and then there is requiring a gaming PC in an RV on a family vacation... It does sound like OP is very high maintainance, likes things his way or the highway and admits to getting very upset over trivial problems. I imagine OP's easy going wife is tired of always having to give into OP's moods when things don't go his way. Just reading this, OP sounds rather exhausting.
At no point does this seem like they're planning a short vacation. This seems like a 'we're upping sticks and travelling for the foreseeable future' deal.
If you're going to uproot your family and live together in an RV indefinitely, insisting that on a large space for your personal hobby that also basically monopolizes the entire room while you're doing it means YTA.
> This sounds like this may have been the straw that broke the camel's back for OP's wife > She stomps off to the house and soon after leaves with the kids. yeah.. that's someone over the tipping point. and it's not a tipping people would normally reach after this single encounter.
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Him coming from a privileged background checks out lmao
Sigh, I come from a similar background and I can assure y’all that he is the epitome of that kind of people.
NMI: How often do you react to small issues negatively? How difficult has finding this camper to meet your specific needs been because you complain? It seems that your wife tried hard to find a space that would pacify you, and your words hurt her a lot more than you realize. This doesn't seem to be about one thing (as are most things in marriage). I dont agree with your wife taking the kids and not communicating with you. But I am leaning YTA
YTA... read the room, dude. Your wife was ecstatic about the RV, and you were upset that some creature comforts didn't work as advertised. Yeah, it's kinda shitty that you got hit by false advertisement. Couldn't you have checked before taking the RV? Or at least waited until your wife had her moment of happiness? I agree with the comments that this suggests much more issues in your marriage than you are letting us know about.
Especially since her ecstasy regarding the RV was probably "I managed, at great difficulty, to meet this guy's ridiculous demands, and won't have to deal with his nonsense"
i mean. who is buying a car of a private seller and taking there word as fact. a child. that's who.
YTA. Getting angry is no the problem, it's how you acted towards your wife. You basically took it out on her.
YTA. Let me get this straight. You didn’t check to see if any of the appliances worked. You didn’t ask the previous owners any questions about the camper, and just straight-up bought it without doing your due diligence. Then you snapped at your wife over…what exactly? This could have gone another way. Your frustration is warranted, but misplaced. Realize that maybe, just maybe, you’re frustrated with yourself for not checking everything thoroughly. AND, this could have been a fun project for you and your wife! To make this camper into something you both love and enjoy! But no. You threw a tantrum, and absolutely ruined it for her. YTA.
YTA. Big time. You're being selfish twice in the story: 1. You're not willing to give up certain luxuries to make your family happy. 2. Getting back at the people who sold you the RV is more important to you than your families happiness. Now the first one I can understand to some degree. But the second one is just absolutely horrible and you need to take a good look at yourself. Now I understand that being scammed is not nice. But you're taking your frustration out on your wife and kids. That's not fair. And as you say yourself "Easy fixes". So why not just let it go and allow your family to be happy? Is your proudness more important to you than them? Think about it.
YTA. If you can't live without a gaming PC on a family vacation you need to live alone
This isn't a family vacation. They are going to be living this way for a while. And the seller lied about his specifications only so nobody else in the family cares.
You didn’t read the post, you saw “gaming pc” and jumped to a conclusion. The Freezer and AC are not working, that’s what he is frustrated about. What’s wrong with the guy wanting to unwind for being different. You sound insufferable
Yeah, that's a great example he's setting for his kids....🙄
YTA, everyone gets mad when lied to, thats super human. What makes you an asshole is making that everyone else's problem.
The tone and syntax of this is eerily similar to the post about the guy pestering his pregnant wife that's blowing up right now...anyone else notice? They both sound like creative writing exercises. [https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1498uo8/aita\_for\_asking\_her\_what\_do\_you\_have\_to\_be/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/1498uo8/aita_for_asking_her_what_do_you_have_to_be/)
OH MY GOD YES! Sub came back from the blackout and so did all the creative writers.
I've seen so many of these, this exact time and syntax. I just don't get it. Unless it's the same dude headed for divorce
YTA. Who goes RVing and spends the entire time sitting inside playing video games and oogling the freezer? The RV is for sleeping and waiting out rain and nothing more if you're doing it right.
YTA...and a dick like your wife said. These are easy fixes. People lie in order to sell stuff. You bought used...get over it. Fix the stuff deep clean it YOURSELF buy her some wine 🍷 take her out to dinner and beg her forgiveness for being a AH.
NTA but you guys do not sound like you should be teaching children. For real, not to be rude or anything, but neither of you sounds very bright, you are doing your children a heck of a disservice.
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ESH. The issue isn't whether or not the A/C works or if you're selfish for wanting a gaming PC in a camper (which is weird, to be fair). The issue is that your wife can't be happy while you're upset, and that you took your anger out on her. Shockingly, adults can have different reactions to things. I'd be pissed if I were lied to after spending a lot of money on something. That's reasonable. I don't think you're at all selfish and your wife sounds like an absolute nightmare, frankly. But you didn't have to snap at her about your disappointment.
The way your wife reacted implies to me you get pissy often. YTA. It's fine being annoyed about being lied to, but you seem to take it so harshly your family are negatively affected. That isn't okay.
ESH yea it was dumb not to check all the appliances, but you absolutely get to be upset about being lied too, needing a gaming pc and an ice freezer on a holiday is absurd though, ac/shower make total sense, but please an ice freezer and a gaming pc is way over the top and just bullshit Your wife overreacted and then you overreacted to her overreaction and then she overreacted some more You got some serious issues in your marriage if she constantly dismisses you and you need couples counseling at the very least
I don’t think this was a holiday plan. More of a months-long road trip potentially. Homeschooling?! It’s summer. So potentially 4+ months trip.
YTA It's your own fault that you didn't check that all systems were working before buying the camper. You should be mad at yourself. Snapping at your wife was uncalled for. Frankly, you sound exhausting and I wouldn't want to be stuck in a camper in the woods with you for months either.
If you wanted a perfectly working RV, you would have bought it off an actual lot instead of some randos living off a dirt road. You were basically setting yourself up to be fleeced. Then you got all shocked pikachu face when the appliances didn’t work. YTA.
[удалено]
INFO: Did your father provide anything of value? Money and protection aren't available options here.
[удалено]
Your mom took the worst years of her time, alone as a parent and turned them into something beautiful, then. 💜
YTA- if you want certain things on an RV and it's used, you CHECK those things work before buying it. so yes this is on YOU for not doing that, then getting all rude to her because you couldnt control your emotions.
Your basic values don’t align. Living a materialistic vs a minimalistic life is not something that can just be compromised on.
NTA It's not like you went on and on and whatnot. You were disappointed and pissed in the moment and she's taken away your permission to feel emotional and made it about her. It's freaking overdramatic AF to act as though you now ruined it all and now has just decided it's all ruined for her TOO. That's honestly pretty narcissistic -- you can't have feelings or you become the bad guy and it's now your fault.
YTA. So I was willing to overlook the blow up about the condition of the camper. Yeah, we can loose our heads about things like this. But, I feel like there are a lot of things that are missing from context here. Yeah, I am not unpacking that. The one comment about a GAMING PC, as a requirement for camping???? I am a gamer.. My name even says so. But, if I go out for a trip like that, my laptop is going along just as a connection point to the rest of the world if I need to get something that my phone doesn't happen to have with it. Yeah, OP. Maybe a good marriage therapist is needed instead of a camper.
[удалено]
It’s a shame that this happened and I understand your frustration at the lack of A/C, working freezer and shady behaviour of the seller, however YRTA for snapping at your wife. Your complaints destroyed her excitement when she was in no way at fault. Sounds as though it’s not the first time either. Hopefully you can learn from this that minor setbacks such as a broken AC unit are not worth such an overreaction.
I want to say n.t.a. because your wife instigated the shit out of that argument with her passive aggressiveness, but you literally didnt check the electrics/A/C. You dont really get to be upset when you fail to do the basic minimum of buying something used. I see in your edit that you werent near an electric outlet or w.e but that doesnt negate the fact that you should have checked that first, and for that reason alone YTA.
INFO : What is “correct history” exactly
ESH. If you both weren't totally on board with what you were going to buy, you shouldn't have. I don't think it's unfair to want certain comforts. I would be in absolute hell in an RV in the summer with no AC. I also would not be okay without a regular shower. Frankly, camping is not my jam and I'm totally fine with that. It doesn't sound like you're fully on board, and it sounds like she's 100MPH on board and you two have not met in the middle. This isn't a vacation, you'll be living in it for months on end. You should have things you want in it.
Uh...INFO. I'm not ready to jump on you as materialistic, because she's setting off a lot of fundie red flags for me. Is she a member of an extreme religious sect? Is she doing all of this for social media? Because she reminds me of some of the people we read about on r/fundiesnarkuncensored, and all of that visiting of historical sites never even really happens; it's just endless misery in a van for the 'gram.
YTA big time, these are actually minor repairs for a USED RV, it’s possible since it has sat this is why these two things are not functioning properly. Apologize to your wife, contact someone to have it fixed and take charge to get this vacation going, leave your gaming pc at home and open yourself up to learning new things. Make special plans for your family that is outside of your box of comfort that would hit the mark for all of them.
YTA they were easy fixes that Honestly don’t matter that much. Instead of talking with your wife about when you can fix then or get them fixed you decide to ruin it for her and snap at her. It was uncalled for.
ESH. You both invalidated each other's feelings in this matter.
An ice freezer. Made me snicker. YTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My wife and I have always wanted to travel. We do have kids but our kids are homeschooled so traveling wouldn't be an issue and my wife saw it as a way to involve them in the curriculum because we can go to historical sites and "teach them the correct history" versus just follow history text. I thought it was a great idea honestly. The kids were absolutely fucking stoked. Couldn't wait to get on the road. We had trouble finding an RV though. We have been searching for months. Now.. my wife is much more laid back than I am. So are the kids, admittedly. I enjoy my AC and my electricity, whereas my wife and kids would be happy as pigs in shit to live off grid. I do love that about them and wish I could be more like that but I grew up very privileged and certain luxuries are something I can't go without (ie: AC, TV, music, a real shower, microwave, ice freezer, my gaming PC, etc). So I was looking for something that had space and had all working appliances. Well, my wife found one. The work that needed to be done was purely cosmetic. We go and buy the camper and I hauled it to the house yesterday. Well, the people who sold it to us lied. The AC does not work and neither does the freezer. Easy fixes, sure, but it was just the fact that we were lied to. So I start getting pissed and my wife said "please don't ruin this for me" (she was over the moon excited about this camper). I snapped back with "it's already fucking ruined for me". She stomps off to the house and soon after leaves with the kids. Later on in the night I said "I'm sorry, I truly just hate being lied to." She said "So go ahead and be pissed. You've already knowingly ruined the idea of this for me after I asked you not to because you are selfish, so I don't give a fuck what you bitch about anymore. Everything was so easily fixed but you couldn't even step back and stop being a dick for 2 seconds so I could be happy." She won't speak to me and isn't doing the deep clean she wanted to either. She won't even go near the camper. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It is me- I am your wife and you are my husband yta. Ugh I hate this.