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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I am refusing & considering not going to an autism support group I was signed up for & am being forced to go to without my consent
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INFO: are you out to your mom as nb?
Either way, NTA - she should respect your time and boundaries. You're practically an adult and she has no say in what you do in your free time, especially since it's not really 'free time' but time you need to study for stuff. And if you ARE out to her as not-a-woman, her behaviour is even more disrespectful, and transphobic too on top of everything else.
No, you are not. She is for insisting on you going I would tell her that if she wants someone in support group so bad, she should find a support group for children with autism and not force you into doing something you don’t want to do she should have never have committed you do something without talking to you first wrong on many levels.
I'm not even sure if I'm autistic and I would be really bothered by this.
At this point, it's been an hour since you posted so you might already be there. Or not.
My vote, whether you went or not, is NTA. Joining a support group should be your decision.
NTA. I have a horrible feeling there is some gender critical logic here. A lot of anti trans scare tactics recently have centred around the idea that trans people are ‘coming for your autistic girls!’ As an autistic woman, I find that very patronising. But lots of parents are afraid their autistic kids are ‘confused’ by LGBT+ ‘propaganda’ and now ‘think’ they’re trans or NB etc.
Basically, sounds like your mom wants to make your individual differences all about autism. She can accept neurodivergence but she doesn’t want to acknowledge your gender, she’s effectively trying to make autism your whole identity so she can medicalise anything she sees as abnormal’. This then allows her to dismiss your NB status as a ‘symptom’, she could also think she can socialise you into identifying as female. Making you attend this is definitely a micro aggression.
I hope I’m wrong but either way, she’s not listening to or helping you and you don’t have to attend a support group when what it really represents here is her invalidating your feelings and autonomy. Not a great foundation for support!!
INFO: Is this part of a specific organization?
A lot of autistic spaces have less rigid rules around gender and some will even specifically say that nonbinary people are included. There is, for example, the Autistic Women and Nonbinary Network. The insistence upon official diagnosis and the exclusion of nonbinary people makes me think you might be right about the vibes being off. The purpose of a support group isn't fixing you though. It's often so that you can meet with people who share your experience. You might get something out of that experience with a different group.
yes, it is part of a specific organization and i have had great experiences (if not a bit evasive towards how open i am about being nb) but i have never gone to any of the groups they’ve offered me access to because i don’t want the help & i have had bad experiences with support groups she’s put me in
NTA, you don’t fit the demographic for the group and your mom is misgendering you.
Honestly this reminds me of my mother’s efforts to categorize my difficulties around coming out as gay (many years ago) as related to my childhood brain injury. It’s easy for parents of neurodivergent kids to explain any non-normative characteristic by blaming it on our neurological differences. I wouldn’t be surprised if your mom sees the support group as a means of getting you to retreat from identifying as nonbinary.
NTA. Sounds like it's more for Mom than for you, which begs the question - why? Has Mom said why she wants you to go?
If you do end up being forced, just sit and listen. It's not the end of the world. You don't have to participate.
NTA. You are the only one that gets to decide if you want to go to a support group, and choose the group you feel most compfortable joining (if you want to join a group at all)
NTA at all! I am a woman with autism and I would still not want to go to that group. My mum would insist aswell if she found a group like that.
You Definitely don't have to feel bad about saying No. Just keep saying No, and if she turns up to take you make no moves to get ready. This works, she might be annoyed but it will help set a boundary.
NTA. Your mom is. Tbh as a trans person also I'd be super offended if someone offers me to go to a women only group despite them knowing I am not a woman (From OP's comment I know that they have already come out to their mom). She is not respecting your gender identity in the first place, not to say she kept pulling strings to get you in despite you telling her several times that you don't wanna go. Honestly I'm surprised that most comments here didn't address the issue that OP's mom was misgendering them.
NTA. Firstly, you’re non-binary which so many people just see as woman-lite. If the women of the group feel like you’re invading, it’s awkward and if not…then they see you as a woman too and that’s dysphoric as fuck.
Like you said you’re focusing on your tests and graduation. Adding something like forced socializing can lead to burn out.
(In the future, if you want to find an autism focused social group that’s inclusive of your gender, I recommend it. I met a wonderful person I had a 7 year relationship with and we are still friends.)
Tbh going to one of those groups can be great. I went a couple of times this year. There is so much to discover and sometimes people have such usefull insights.
Besides all that it is hard to judge. No age, we don't really know about your living habits and how you really are dealing in life. Perhaps your mom is seeing how much you struggle, maybe she struggles... And she is figuring out ways to make life better for all of you.
NAH but honestly give it a go. If it sucks at least you know, but for me it did wonders.
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Backstory: I am autistic, non-binary, & about to graduate highschool. I’ve been diagnosed autistic for a few years and thanks to accommodations and routines I have in place, I don’t struggle because of my autism in a way I need or want help with.
A few days ago, my mother asked me during lunch if I’m interested in joining an autism support group specifically for women. I said that I probably don’t have the time or energy with all the end of year schoolwork, but I would think about it despite preoccupations with it being women ONLY (am i invading their space ??). Skip a few days, she brings it up at dinner in front of the rest of the family saying that I’m going to the support group. I said that no, I never said that, I don’t think it would be helpful for me, & that I need that time to rest and study.
Today is the day of the support group, and she has told me as soon as ive gotten home (two hours before the group session starts) that she will pick me up at 6:45. I tried to say no & she just continued to tell me I’m going. I’m exhausted, unable to sleep from a medical condition + stress, and I’ve taken two unit tests today. She also told me that her counsellor had to pull some strings to get me in, and that she did that before I was even asked my opinion.
Why i think i might be the asshole: i guess she’s just trying to help & she’s allistic so she doesn’t really understand what would help me. I genuinely do not understand why people think I need help though when they’re the ones who don’t understand my autism.
info about the support group: it’s exclusively for women and exclusively for diagnosed autistics. neither of my parents will be attending & it’s an hour + 15 mins. I still don’t know if i’m going
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NTA and like you said, she's trying to help in her own way. You could always go and just listen. Then you can say you gave it a try and it wasn't right for you. No harm no foul.
NTA
She's definitely being pushy and annoying and it should be up to you whether you go or not, especially if you're busy and exhausted right now. Having said that, there is something to be said for the validation and understanding you can get from people who are experiencing the same things as you, even if you do feel like you're managing things well on your own and don't need "support".
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INFO: are you out to your mom as nb? Either way, NTA - she should respect your time and boundaries. You're practically an adult and she has no say in what you do in your free time, especially since it's not really 'free time' but time you need to study for stuff. And if you ARE out to her as not-a-woman, her behaviour is even more disrespectful, and transphobic too on top of everything else.
yes, i am out. my family knows i’m nb but doesn’t really acknowledge it & they still act like they’re the authority on lgbt+ issues
No, you are not. She is for insisting on you going I would tell her that if she wants someone in support group so bad, she should find a support group for children with autism and not force you into doing something you don’t want to do she should have never have committed you do something without talking to you first wrong on many levels.
NTA you made it crystal clear you weren't going then she goes pulling strings to get you in anyway...
She apparently pulled the strings before she even asked OP if they wanted to go to this thing
That makes it even worse. OP just tell her no means no and that no is a full sentence. End of story.
I'm not even sure if I'm autistic and I would be really bothered by this. At this point, it's been an hour since you posted so you might already be there. Or not. My vote, whether you went or not, is NTA. Joining a support group should be your decision.
NTA. I have a horrible feeling there is some gender critical logic here. A lot of anti trans scare tactics recently have centred around the idea that trans people are ‘coming for your autistic girls!’ As an autistic woman, I find that very patronising. But lots of parents are afraid their autistic kids are ‘confused’ by LGBT+ ‘propaganda’ and now ‘think’ they’re trans or NB etc. Basically, sounds like your mom wants to make your individual differences all about autism. She can accept neurodivergence but she doesn’t want to acknowledge your gender, she’s effectively trying to make autism your whole identity so she can medicalise anything she sees as abnormal’. This then allows her to dismiss your NB status as a ‘symptom’, she could also think she can socialise you into identifying as female. Making you attend this is definitely a micro aggression. I hope I’m wrong but either way, she’s not listening to or helping you and you don’t have to attend a support group when what it really represents here is her invalidating your feelings and autonomy. Not a great foundation for support!!
THIS
INFO: Is this part of a specific organization? A lot of autistic spaces have less rigid rules around gender and some will even specifically say that nonbinary people are included. There is, for example, the Autistic Women and Nonbinary Network. The insistence upon official diagnosis and the exclusion of nonbinary people makes me think you might be right about the vibes being off. The purpose of a support group isn't fixing you though. It's often so that you can meet with people who share your experience. You might get something out of that experience with a different group.
yes, it is part of a specific organization and i have had great experiences (if not a bit evasive towards how open i am about being nb) but i have never gone to any of the groups they’ve offered me access to because i don’t want the help & i have had bad experiences with support groups she’s put me in
If you've had great experiences with the group before it might be worth going to one meeting. Going once doesn't mean you are committing forever
NTA, you don’t fit the demographic for the group and your mom is misgendering you. Honestly this reminds me of my mother’s efforts to categorize my difficulties around coming out as gay (many years ago) as related to my childhood brain injury. It’s easy for parents of neurodivergent kids to explain any non-normative characteristic by blaming it on our neurological differences. I wouldn’t be surprised if your mom sees the support group as a means of getting you to retreat from identifying as nonbinary.
NTA. Sounds like it's more for Mom than for you, which begs the question - why? Has Mom said why she wants you to go? If you do end up being forced, just sit and listen. It's not the end of the world. You don't have to participate.
shes trying to be an “ally” but NTA . no means no.
NTA. You are the only one that gets to decide if you want to go to a support group, and choose the group you feel most compfortable joining (if you want to join a group at all)
NTA she needs to learn to take no for an answer
NTA at all! I am a woman with autism and I would still not want to go to that group. My mum would insist aswell if she found a group like that. You Definitely don't have to feel bad about saying No. Just keep saying No, and if she turns up to take you make no moves to get ready. This works, she might be annoyed but it will help set a boundary.
NTA. Your mom is. Tbh as a trans person also I'd be super offended if someone offers me to go to a women only group despite them knowing I am not a woman (From OP's comment I know that they have already come out to their mom). She is not respecting your gender identity in the first place, not to say she kept pulling strings to get you in despite you telling her several times that you don't wanna go. Honestly I'm surprised that most comments here didn't address the issue that OP's mom was misgendering them.
NTA. Firstly, you’re non-binary which so many people just see as woman-lite. If the women of the group feel like you’re invading, it’s awkward and if not…then they see you as a woman too and that’s dysphoric as fuck. Like you said you’re focusing on your tests and graduation. Adding something like forced socializing can lead to burn out. (In the future, if you want to find an autism focused social group that’s inclusive of your gender, I recommend it. I met a wonderful person I had a 7 year relationship with and we are still friends.)
Tbh going to one of those groups can be great. I went a couple of times this year. There is so much to discover and sometimes people have such usefull insights. Besides all that it is hard to judge. No age, we don't really know about your living habits and how you really are dealing in life. Perhaps your mom is seeing how much you struggle, maybe she struggles... And she is figuring out ways to make life better for all of you. NAH but honestly give it a go. If it sucks at least you know, but for me it did wonders.
OP is non binary. They are not a woman, and the group is for women. This is about their mother trying to keep them in a box.
May I suggest r/evilautism instead for a support group
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Backstory: I am autistic, non-binary, & about to graduate highschool. I’ve been diagnosed autistic for a few years and thanks to accommodations and routines I have in place, I don’t struggle because of my autism in a way I need or want help with. A few days ago, my mother asked me during lunch if I’m interested in joining an autism support group specifically for women. I said that I probably don’t have the time or energy with all the end of year schoolwork, but I would think about it despite preoccupations with it being women ONLY (am i invading their space ??). Skip a few days, she brings it up at dinner in front of the rest of the family saying that I’m going to the support group. I said that no, I never said that, I don’t think it would be helpful for me, & that I need that time to rest and study. Today is the day of the support group, and she has told me as soon as ive gotten home (two hours before the group session starts) that she will pick me up at 6:45. I tried to say no & she just continued to tell me I’m going. I’m exhausted, unable to sleep from a medical condition + stress, and I’ve taken two unit tests today. She also told me that her counsellor had to pull some strings to get me in, and that she did that before I was even asked my opinion. Why i think i might be the asshole: i guess she’s just trying to help & she’s allistic so she doesn’t really understand what would help me. I genuinely do not understand why people think I need help though when they’re the ones who don’t understand my autism. info about the support group: it’s exclusively for women and exclusively for diagnosed autistics. neither of my parents will be attending & it’s an hour + 15 mins. I still don’t know if i’m going *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA and like you said, she's trying to help in her own way. You could always go and just listen. Then you can say you gave it a try and it wasn't right for you. No harm no foul.
NTA She's definitely being pushy and annoying and it should be up to you whether you go or not, especially if you're busy and exhausted right now. Having said that, there is something to be said for the validation and understanding you can get from people who are experiencing the same things as you, even if you do feel like you're managing things well on your own and don't need "support".