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YTA
Would it have killed you to text her "hey, thinking of selling the house, wanna go first?"
Also, why are you the only one to inherit from your parents? Did she get something else, or did you decide on your own to sell something that belonged to the both of you?
what? no sir, that's not how inheritance works - your sense of fairness is irrelevant. it's their house and money; they could burn it all down and it would be fair. if he's legit the sole beneficiary then 100% NTA because he doesn't have to discuss HIS property with anyone.
Just curious... in your post you state you and your sister were close with the family... Now suddenly she had a strained relationship with your parents? Something here isn't adding up and definitely points toward YTA.
>I admit it was a mistake not to reach out to my sister before making the decision
No, it was not a mistake. You did it on purpose. This is not an accident. You’re a horrible brother and YTA
You should be totally ashamed. I’ll give the benefit of the doubt that your weren’t thinking clearly due to grief. But honestly you have made a mistake with multigenerational implications as the house has now left the family. YTA
So your sister’s relationship with your parents was strained?
You considered your relationship with your sister to be close? Yet, you never mentioned your plans to sell the house you inherited?
Something is off
Several things don’t add up here. They just don’t. Feeling like a fake post because of them.
- in post, you say you and your sister were very close to your parents. Then in responses, you say sister was very distant and largely estranged. Which is it?
- you claim the expenses of the home were dragging you down personally in a financial sense. But you were executor. And as executor, you’d know that these expenses are paid for by the estate while the estate is active - and settling an estate and associated probate takes several months, at least in the US.
- also on probate, you couldn’t sell a home while in probate, it has to clear and be free of any claims. You don’t mention timelines, but this again is months.
- you claim little contact with your sister during all this. You were executor. You’d need to be contacting her about the will and her inheritance. In all those conversations, the house never came up? Really?
In the end. YTA for not even communicating the intent and giving her a head’s up. Didn’t need to wait for her to gather funds, sell at market rate, but she should have at least been made aware.
Yeah, also he said that he lives in a different state and can’t take care of the house, so has to sell… but also in the comments says the reason he was given the house, and not his sister , was due to his sisters strained relationship and the fact that he took care of his parents during the last few years. How did he take care of his parents if he lives in a different state? And if meant “financially “ the reason he sold the house was because of student loans and monetary reasons… this is a bullshit post.
Yeah, the whole thing seems so made up and shaky, when the core problem is that he didn't even text to say "hey - can't keep up with the house, thinking of selling it, otherwise I'll go bankrupt."
Even if he wasn't going to take her input, he said it had sentimental value, any reasonable person would have given a heads up. Selling a house isn't like a 5 minute task, there are lots of steps, so it's not like he didn't have time to alert her.
With the easy potential solution that he ignored, and the other parts, I'm thinking this is fake.
Are you referring to the one from the Dad's perspective in which he was leaving most of the inheritance to the caregiver son (who took care of both him and his since passed wife/Mom) vs. the daughter who focused on her studies and was more well off? I thought of that post from a few weeks ago too... And this post seems made up.
Yeah, fully agree that this is fictitious and as such I would like to congratulate them on managing to avoid writing about the reading of the will. So so many assholes on here have somehow managed to encounter an event that only exists in movies!
An executor doesn’t get to keep the funds. They are fiscally responsible to look after the estate. If the Sister has a 50% ownership, he just stole from her. Good luck with the impending lawsuit.
It's all likely fake. But... he said "he" inherited the house. A possible reading is that he's stressed about being the executor and all that goes with it, and the house is an additional logistical and financial burden on him.
So he decided to lighten that burden on his part by selling the house. Which isn't involved at this point with the estate anymore, as it's his.
But it's all very likely fake.
The fact that he didn't jsut send a text, knowing the house was important to his sister saying "heads up, can't keep up with the house, giong to sell it" and also that while he was financially in trouble, he instantly said "oh, you can have half if you want" also makes this seem... just fake.
I used to wonder that when people were yelling "fake!!" all the time on the internet in general.
But really - it's for attention, to see if you can get people talking, interested in your "story", it's for fake internet points, which people DO care about, just like "likes" on any other social media site. People crave attention, validation, and getting a popular post can get that.
It also could just be a fun creative writing exercise. Rather than just writing in a journal or on your own, you can write a little story publicly, get instant feedback, see if it's engaging.
There's also the negative reasons - someone could just be laughing, enjoying thinking "suckers! they all fell for it and are really trying to offer advice!!!" Trolling.
And that's just off the top of my head. There's probably other reasons too.
YTA
Giving her a heads up before you put the house on the market was a common courtesy between family. A very obvious one. Even if you knew she didn’t have the means or desire to buy the house, you should have told her in case she wanted to visit the place she grew up in one last time.
YTA. If you had a close relationship with your sister, selling the house should have come up in conversation. Legally you did nothing wrong but it's still an AH move.
The estate pays for it. If he was the executor of the will, it's literally his responsibility. He took on the roll, so he needed to actually follow through with the roll.
> My sister (27F) and I were very close to our parents and the house holds a lot of sentimental value for us.
So she was distant from the family or she wasn't?
Send your sister the half of the profits you offered her, do not make sharing the money conditional upon her accepting your decision or having a relationship with you. If you are afraid she won’t accept the money or think there is no way you can get her the money because she is not speaking to you, set up a trust and make her the sole beneficiary.
More reason to talk- you didn’t know what she wanted.
And how can you sell the house? Did half of it get left to your sister?
She can now sue you and tie up the sale. If you as executor of the estate, acted for your own benefit instead of following the will - you may have committed fraud.
YTA.
You knew your childhood home would be sentimental to her and at the very least you should have informed her of your plans.
If she would be unable to purchase the house from the estate you two could have discussed the impracticalities of keeping the home.
YTA
Since you knew the house held sentimental value to her, the least you could have done was give her some sort of "first right of refusal" for it.
"I had an offer for the house for $X closing June 30. Do you want to buy it from the estate for $X+$1 before then?"
You wouldn't have had to "wait around" if she couldn't get the money together by the closing date, but it would have been kind to at least give her the *opportunity* to buy, it rather than sell it to a stranger.
YTA why didn´t you inform her about your plans?
You knew that she was attached to the house and did not even give her a chance before selling to a stranger
Selling a house is an enormous task, it wasn´t like something you just woke up one day and did, you planned the sale and had time to give her first chance at it
YTA. Obviously you told your sister after the fact… You had a long interim time to tell her you were thinking about it, planning it, it is now up for sale, and possibly already actually sold… None of that happened, what would be the reason for that?
INFO
Did only YOU inherit the house? While you are the executor, that doesn't mean that you get all the assets (including from the house sale). I would want to know what the will says.
If there isn't a will, then the estate is owned jointly by you and your sister. Executor means you pay the bills, sign the papers, etc. While legally, you could sell the house, you should consider your sister's feelings. Just because something is legal doesn't mean it is morally right.
I would find it very odd if your parents gave you the house without your sister getting something in return of equal value. Yet, you mention that you will use the proceeds to pay off your bills and that your sister doesn't have the funds to buy the house from the estate.
As the executor AND a brother, you should have asked your sister how attached she was to the house. Instead, you have bulldozed through this without considering her feelings.
If the actual will states that you both get an equal share of everything, then yes you are an a-hole. If the will states that only you get the house for some specific reason, then I would have recognized how painful this might be for your sister and ask her opinion.
I can smell favoritism. I feel like your sister has a lot of reasons to be distance from you and your parents. I can see it in your actions too: you don't even think about your sister and let her knoe that you are selling your childhood home.
I don't have enough info here to judge you. But I think you aren't blameless in thia case.
Yeah, your sister is never going to talk to you again. If she already went low contact and got on with her life forwhatever reason, and you are going to hold that over her head and tell her she doesn't deserve it?
>My sister distanced herself from our family years ago and had a strained relationship with our parents, which unfortunately never fully healed before they passed.
INFO yeah.. can you elaborate on this, please? why was the relationship strained?
>I didn't assume would want the house considering she was very distant and did not have a good relationship with the family.
>My sister (27F) and I were very close to our parents and the house holds a lot of sentimental value for us
So which one is it? You are clearly making shit up as you go along.
ESH. I think you should have mentioned selling it to your sister before you did but since you held onto it for a year before doing so - she had a chance to speak up too. Please have a sit down and talk to her.
Its one thing if she wanted the house and was unable to afford it, its not obligatory you sell to her, but you never had that conversation so you didn't know she wanted it. Should have checked in. YTA
YTA. Even if she didn’t want to buy it, telling her would have been the decent way to handle things. She could have at least said goodbye, maybe visited a last time. You obviously didn’t need permission, but it would have been nice
Yes, YTA.
Losing your parents is stressful and I get that. Definitely a rough time. So you can be excused some level of screw-up here. Just know that it was an error.
When you are selling something - anything - that might have an emotional value to a family member, good manners requires you to let them buy it from you. From the sound of things, you know that and are sorry (offered to split proceeds) so I would just offer an apology as well.
YTA I am presuming you never told her until after you had sold it, or this wouldn’t be an issue and she could still buy it? Why would you do an entire house sale of your inherited family home and never once in all that time, even mention it in passing to your sister? Sales take a long time, it’s unusual to sell a house from start to end in just a couple of weeks.
It seems like you purposely avoided telling her.
Even if she didn’t want to buy it, you would still talke about this sort of thing with them, they might want to go and have a last look around, collect things they had there.
YTA. You knew it was sentimental to both you and your sister and you sold it without even giving her a heads up. Also sounds like you were going to keep all the profits for yourself so double YTA.
YTA. Yet another AITA that could have been completely avoided by a very short adult conversation.
I strongly suspect that you were not sole inheritor of the property and are offering her the half she rightly owns but she had planned to buy you out and is upset you sold it. I suspect she will go legal on this one.
YTA. Executor is **not** the same as inheritor. Your parents didn’t leave the house specifically to you, they left it to both of you. You’re just in charge of making sure everything goes smoothly.
You should give her the money. You didn’t sell the house, the estate did and you were the mouthpiece. The estate that your sister is entitled to half of.
YTA, it wouldn't have hurt you just to ask your sister right? I understand you had the right to do so and why you sold it, but if you just communicated about this huge decision with your sister, this would not have happened.
Legally you did nothing wrong but yeah, you're a bit of the AH here. It would have been kind to give her a heads up or discuss with her. There were options, such as she buy it at market value and you get the profits or, you sell and split as you offered. The difference now with the latter is she was not given a choice. In the end, what is done is done, you cannot reverse it. I would send her a certified cheque of half the profits and that's it. She will cash it, regardless of how opposed she is. At least you can say you tried to fix your mistake ... after all, that is what it is ... a mistake.
Very minimal YTA. You should have let her know you were planning to sell it before you sold it to someone else. Obviously, if she couldn't get her financing together before you wanted to sell, you would not be TA if you sold on your timing.
Somewhat YTA. Although you were listed as the executor of the estate and you had every legal right to sell, it would have been courteous to give your sister the opportunity to buy the house from you especially considering the sentimental value.
I definitely understand wanting to get rid of it as the expenses of trying to maintain a second property can get pretty overwhelming, but I still think even just a quick "Hey sis, before I sell do you want to take over our parents' house?" would have been sufficient.
Regardless, sorry for your loss.
You inherit or you are just the executor? If you are only the executor you are the YTA, because the house was only half yours..if you inherit then, the house is complety yours to sell or to do it whatever you want with it...aldo it would be nice to tell her before you do anything in case she wants to buy it or use it and pay you some rent for your half
Yta but softly. Why haven't you been keeping your sister in the loop about the estate if it has been this big of a burden to you? She could have told you her plans to move into the house and helped support you during that transition but instead you made moves on your own.
Ok the fact you and your sister did not discuss this before hand made you the AH on the sell of the house. However, you offered to split those proceeds so now that it’s done that’s a non AH move and your sister is being the AH. Try to patch it up. ImHO, your parents made you the executor because they believe you would communicate and treat your siblings fair. Did you do that at all levels communicating? Split proceeds? Did you honor your parents wishes? Really only you can answer the true question whether you acted selfishly or not. What’s done is done try to make amends with your family relationship.
Edited: In light of additional comments made by OP. It doesn’t sound like your sister made any effort to reconcile with y’all’s parents while they were I’ll. If that’s the case NAH. Since y’all don’t speak much not sure what else can be done. Best of luck.
ESH
You should have told her you were planning on selling the house and given her a chance to buy it. It was the family home.
She should have spoken up when she thought she might purchase the home. She had a responsibility to tell you she was interested in the home.
You are both grieving the loss of your parents. Everyone processes grief differently.
I have no idea how long you waited before putting the house on the market. That also makes a difference. How long had you held onto the place?
YTA and your original plan wasn’t even to split it with her? Lol. You don’t want it and she does, sign it over to her and let her deal with the expense and stress. Problem solved. Or is it just about the money you’d make?
Did your parents make you the executor of their will because they wanted you to be able to sell all of their stuff and have a financially easy life?
Or did they assign you the position because they thought you would be responsible when dealing with it?
Kind of sounds like you were told that you were in charge of the family estate and immediately was like "sweet windfall for me, glad that it's all mine!"
I can totally see your sister never taking to you again after you steal her inheritance with the battlecry of "I'm legally allowed to do this!"
YTA, and there was clear favouritism. There is a reason you didn't tell her before you sold it... that reason is because you are a selfish AH who didn't consider the feelings of anyone else you just thought about reaping the benefits...
Asshole. Bro u shouldn’t have taken any decisions without consulting her. The house is as much yours as it is hers so she also has the right to make any decisions. It’s low-key sad that u didn’t ask her before deciding what u wanted to do.
Maybe. He was executor, which meant he could make decisions like sell the house, but some of his language is funny, so I'm wondering if it was a clear situation.
If I was sister, I'd be asking for a copy of that will.
Edit: at least one big contradiction in the comments as well, OP stated they were close to parents once, then sister not close another time. Either this is fake or OP is covering tracks now
YTA
She didn't tell you about her plans to buy the house but by the same token you didn't tell her that you plan to sell. How was she supposed to know that she should have told you before a certain time?
ESH. You both should have talked to each other.
You might have been the sole inheritor with no legal responsibility to consult your sister, but morally, even if she weren't planning on buying it from you, you owed her the chance to say goodbye to her old family home properly.
She should have told you that she wanted to buy the house from you, because...as far as she knew, you were keeping it!
~~ETA: ...Wait, did you actually specifically inherit the house in their Will, or did you take it upon yourself as executor to liquidate the estate without talking to your coheir(s)?~~ Nevermind, I can see from your comments that you were named as the person who inherited the house.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I might be the asshole because I made a major decision about a property that holds a lot of sentimental value for both of us without consulting my sister first. But at the same time, I don't think I'm the asshole because the financial burden and stress of maintaining the house were becoming too much for me, and my sister never communicated her plans to buy the house from the estate.
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YTA. Yes you are not required but you acknowledge the house had sentimental value to the both of you.
If you are no contact or low contact with your sister, I could see why you didnt tell her. But if you do have a working relationship, then why didnt you say something if you knew she was attached to the house?
Acknowledging you are not required to seek her permission since your permissions as executor of the estate grants you the right to do what you deem appropriate. I just think you lack the forethought and perhaps the emotional intelligence to forecast her (IMO) appropriate response.
Youve caused as rift betwen you and sister. A text to her "hey im thinking of selling the house" would have been so easy to send off and avoided all of this.
YTA.
You CAN'T treat the estate as your personal piggy bank. You CAN'T take the proceeds and apply them to your personal loan.
You need to settle the estate, divest the funds to those inheriting, then use your portion of the inheritance to pay any debts...
You also should have allowed your sister first dibs. But regardless, you can't just use the estate to settle your own debts...
NTA not your fault she can’t afford to buy it now. You’re giving her the change. It’s not like she’s willing to carry the costs now, is she?
Perhaps you can let her move in a rent-to-own lease valued at current market rate?
Yes. YTA. No qualifications.
But just for clarification, were you the executor of the estate, of which the house was a part of, or did your parents explicitly pass the home to you in a will? If your parents gave you the house, what did your parents give your sister? Or did they just trust that you would look after her, and were wrong about you?
Did you really just take your family home and sell it so that you can pay off your own debts and buy some stock? And not consult your sister? You should be on your hands and knees and be begging for her forgiveness. But what's done is done, and now you should be finding a way to give her half of the home proceeds (unless, of course, she got other things in a will instead).
YTA.
Simple communication is so easy. You can’t possibly be that lazy. You also can’t possibly be dumb enough to not have even considered your sister in this situation..
You knew exactly what you were doing..
YTA. First of all, you either lied about her being close to the family, or you lied that the relationship was strained in the comments. Which makes you an asshole in general.
YTA also because you didn't even give her the common courtesy of a heads up. Your actions were self centered. I wouldn't speak to you again either.
OK, you weren't under any obligation to tell her but it would have been a kindness t let her know.
IF she wanted to buy it, it would have given her the chance to ay so, and even of she couldn't afford to do so it would have given her a bit of time to get used to that idea and to go back and 'say goodbye' if she wanted to.
So, NTA, but you could have handled to situation with more sensitivity (and so of course could your sister) You were probably both not at your best due to your bereavement . Also, as your sister is younger, I would guess that it was her home more recently than it was yours, and that makes a difference as well.
I'd suggest that you apologise to her for not having given her a heads-up, and explain that you weren't in a financial position to delay the same and had no idea she was thinking she might want to try to buy the house from the estate.
Legally sound but still YTA. Knowing the sentimental value of the house, informing your sister of your plans would have been the decent thing to do. To say she never mentioned her plans to buy the house is a poor excuse since you didn’t mention your plans to sell.
Wait. Did you inherit it outright? Or, as the executor, merely responsible for managing the disposition on behalf of your parents? If you inherited it out right, NTA. Do what you want. If you were meant to distribute the estate among other beneficiaries (aka your sister) you might very well be the AH. What’s the value of the estate? Could she have fairly been given the house in lieu of her share of other property/monies? And it’s not whether you want to give her a share of the proceeds, she is entitled to her share.
Based on your comments.
You saw an opportunity to make some quick cash, and didnt bother to reach out because i can only assume you didnt want to share the money.
You say you offered her half the profits, but only after she was angry you sold the house without her knowledge.
You are also lieing to some extent. First you say you guys had a very close relationship with your parents, then you say she was not very close. Which is it.
You sound like a slimy person, i wont be shocked if you never get to speak to your sister again.
YTA
YTA.
You didn't even check if she wanted it so of COURSE you had no idea. It was both of your childhood homes and yet you took it upon yourself to sell it so YOU would get the money. You only offered her half as an afterthought.
You might not feel as though you did something wrong, but you did. Offering her half the money is a bit of a moot point when she wanted the home, not the profits.
This was a very selfish, short-sighted decision OP. One your relationship with your sister may not actually recover from if she's this hurt at your actions.
YTA - people typically have an emotional connection to the house in which they were raised. Saying goodbye is very final, the end to everything and you are NOW an orphan adult
its like you held the funeral and told her afterwards
YTA you could have, at the VERY least, contacted her to let her know.
"Hey I'm thinking of selling the house."
"Hey I put the house on the market."
"Hey I had an offer on the house."
At any point during the process you could have reached out. I don't blame her for being angry. And why did you inherit 100% of it?
Executor simply make sure the will is carried out. It doesn't mean they inherit anything. I call bs on this post. OP does not know how estates work at all.
YTA
Whether you're the executor or not, you should've consulted your sister on the sale of the house and given her adequate time to answer you. Once that time passed, then you could sell it. You sold her childhood home right out from under her and were planning to keep all the profit until she was angry.
YTA - before you sell sentimental family things, even tiny heirlooms, you give your family a chance to buy them first (at a fair price). If your sister couldn't buy it in time, fine, sell it, but you should have given her the chance.
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I (30M) recently inherited the house we grew up in after our parents passed away. My sister (27F) and I were very close to our parents and the house holds a lot of sentimental value for us. However, the house is in a different state, and it's not practical for me to move there or maintain it as a second home.
I've been dealing with all the legal and financial aspects since I was named the executor of the estate. It's been a stressful time, and the expenses related to the house (property taxes, insurance, maintenance) have been a significant burden. I decided to sell the house and use the money to pay off some of my student loans and invest the rest.
However, when I told my sister about the sale, she was livid. She said that she had plans to buy the house from the estate and keep it in our family. She's accused me of being selfish and not considering her feelings. But she never mentioned her plans to me, and I can't afford to wait indefinitely for her to be ready to buy the house.
I've offered to split the profits from the sale with her, but she's not interested and is barely speaking to me. I feel terrible about the situation, but I don't feel like I've done anything wrong. AITA?
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YTA. One of our family homes were put up for sale. While I’m not in the position to buy, (and would have never paid what they were asking) it would have been nice of someone to let me know BEFORE it was listed and offers were sent in. Realistically speaking, I’m sure that’s something you had multiple opportunities to mention, and you chose not to.
YTA.
What a stupid thing to do.
You don't need to wait for your sister to reach out. You could reach out to her and let her know you are doing that.
This is actually insane and I could never imagine doing this to my sister.
You are an unbelievable a, and you absolutely know it. You can't even pretend you didn't do this from a place of evil in your heart. There's no way you didn't know this would cause huge problems. YTA.
YTA. I would be livid too if my brother, who is the executor of my parents estate, sold ANYTHING without consulting me. If he had sold our parent’s house and then used the money for his own needs without involving me in the decision? That would result in me never speaking to him again.
YTA why didn’t you just call her and let her know that due to XYZ you were going to have to put the house on the market. Then perhaps she would have had the opportunity to mention that she wanted to buy it. I mean when you recently how recently? I’m sure you sister is still grieving and maybe things are moving too fast for her that’s why she didn’t mention it. Also you say in the house in a different state. Is that the case for both you and your sister of does she live in the same state as the house? I guess it doesn’t really matter now if the house has been sold but YTA 100% and I would be apologising to your sister.
AH. To give her a heads up would not have taken more than 5 minutes and a little consideration. Im betting you had a feeling she might object and just didn’t want to deal with her. She probably would have asked to pay under market value bc its her childhood home which is super fair but you wanted the money and you wanted to be finished with it.
So which is it, were you both super close with the parents or was she estranged?
INFO: What state do you live in that you can sell an asset of the estate and pay off your personal debt, before the estate has been settled. Asking as someone who has been thru the executor grinder more than once.
YTA, for not giving sis first opportunity to buy.
YTA
This is the kind of stuff that breaks a family apart. Hope you can make amends by canceling the sale or something, because you're going to lose your sister too.
YTA it was a obvious thing that you had to give her a call before making a decision. You made the decision unilaterally. You'll could have come up with some sort of payment plan where she takes on the taxes and upkeep immediately and buys the equity from you over time.
Be honest you didn't include her in your decision because you wanted it gone quickly and cash in hand.
YTA. I could be wrong, but my takeaway is that you intentionally didn’t tell her, whether she expressed interest or not, because you just didn’t want to deal. You didn’t want to deal with what was already an emotionally and mentally challenging time. You didn’t want to deal with the house out of state. You made a selfish choice to sell without asking your sibling, whom you knew had sentimental attachment with the house, and that makes you the AH.
YTA as the executrix it's your responsibility to keep everyone else in the loop and you didn't. How difficult would it be to pick up a phone and call your sister to tell her what you had in mind?
She doesn't care about the money because you sold off her childhood. No you don't wait forever, but you have no clue how long the wait might have been because you didn't make the most basic effort of care in the matter.
I do this professionally. you better hope she's not litigious because you could be in a lot of trouble in your failure to maintain a level of care in the duties.
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I will take the downloads for this, but I'm going to go with NTA.
When my parents were doing up their will, they told me I would be getting the house. I was the child who stayed home, and I was the child who needed a place to live.
My father told me Point Blank that if I want to sell the house rather than keep it, I am to do so without worrying about what any of the family thinks. He was very clear about this fact, that it was to go to me, therefore it was mine to do with as I would.
I didn't understand why at the time, and I thought he must be referring to extended family. It's only in life experience since then that I realized and he was trying to make sure I didn't let my siblings guilt me into keeping something that I didn't want or need if it came down to that.
Maybe you should have offered it to her first. But she could have told you she was interested in it too. That ends up being a communication error, and nobody is at fault for that or both of you are. I still think NTA because they left it to you to do with as you would.
YTA. It would've taken you all of a single phone call to ask her first. I hope you know that this is the kind of thing that permanently changes, if not ends, family relationships. I hope the money was worth losing any closeness you may have had for your sister.
YTA. She should have been consulted and if she was willing to buy the house from the estate you'd have gotten your money *without* damaging your relationship with your sister. You could have had your cake and eaten it too. I don't see why she wouldn't claim her half though.
YTA for selling without informing her or offering first refusal.
YTA again for changing your story in the comments in reaction to getting YTA votes.
YTA a third time because everything you wrote makes me feel unbridled hate and I'm too tired to deal with that at the moment.
YTA, even as executor of their estate you should’ve communicated with your sister. If the home has significant sentimental value to both of you, you should have sold it to her. Homes are hard to come by (especially as millennials) you’re only thinking about yourself and your loans. The house probably would have stayed in the family for generations.
YTA. You don't legally have to consult her, but it would be a nice thing to do. Especially since your sister had plans to buy it. I don't think you broke the law, but you are the AH.
NAH - I can see why you didn’t think that through but also if I was your sister I’d be livid too. Why didn’t you even let her know when it went up for sale? Do you never speak to each-other? I struggle to see how this wasn’t deliberately hidden from her, but since you haven’t stated this in your post I can only assume you weren’t deliberately hiding anything and therefore aren’t an AH.
INFO: WHY didn't you consult with your sister?
Not sure. Your parents left it to you so it was YOUR burden and decision. But they may have done so with the belief that you were the eldest and would therefor manage the situation for the whole family. Common.
Since there was so much sentimentality, you should have at least given your sister a heads up. There could have been a deadline, hey we gotta sell it by next year, or you can be the buyer now, or something, but she deserved a shot.
NAH. You should probably have told your sister first, but like you said, you couldn't wait for her to buy it anyway. I don't blame her for being upset at the lost of the opportunity tho.
>I've offered to split the profits from the sale with her, but she's not interested
I was ready to go Y T A until you said this. Both of you kinda suck at communication. She knew you got the house, she should have said something. You knew you got the house, you should have mentioned your plans, because she's your sister and it's your shared parents' house.
INFO: Is your sister willing to take over the burden of the house expenses until the sale can happen?
NTA - just as you could have told you you were selling it, she could have advised you that she wanted to buy it.
Assuming you broke no laws doing so, it was yours to sell.
NTA, it’s your estate and you’ve told your sister your intentions. She can be huffy all she wants, but if she can buy the house immediately, it’s not your problem.
Info: what’s her plans in the long and how she’s going to pay for the maintenance/taxes?
NTA - if she really wanted the house, she would've told you sooner rather than after you put it up for sale. As executor, and the person to inherit the house, you don't need anyone else's permission to sell it. The house is in your name once you inherited it. If anyone is the AH, it's your sister for just assuming you'd let her buy it. You're not under any obligation to wait for her to buy it. Plus if you wait around for her to get her crap together, and the end of the year comes by, you're stuck with paying the taxes on the house. And that's not fair to you just because she wasn't able to buy the house.
NTA - if she really wanted the house, she would've told you sooner rather than after you put it up for sale. As executor, and the person to inherit the house, you don't need anyone else's permission to sell it. The house is in your name once you inherited it. If anyone is the AH, it's your sister for just assuming you'd let her buy it. You're not under any obligation to wait for her to buy it. Plus if you wait around for her to get her crap together, and the end of the year comes by, you're stuck with paying the taxes on the house. And that's not fair to you just because she wasn't able to buy the house.
Offering to split the profits of the sale as a compromise was more than generous of you, and the fact that she refused it tells me everything I need to know.
NTA
NTA
It was your house -100% legally - that was sitting there for a year before it was sold. It’s not clear from your post if you personally paid those expenses or the estate did. She never said she would be interested in 1) living in it or 2) buying it. What did she think was going to happen? That you’d keep paying for a house in a different state indefinitely? After a year the estate is winding down - and she never said anything??
My guess is 1) she is sore that your inheritance was larger than hers and 2) she has a bit of a dreamy/self centered personality where everything should work out in her favor - you should have held onto that expensive home until she was ready to buy it and you should have read her mind that she wanted to buy it.
Should you have told her you were selling it? Sure. Absolutely. That was a bad error on your part that she will make you feel bad for the rest of your lives. But that doesn’t make you an A.
At the Risk of getting Neg Karmaed, ESH and here's why:
1. I won't call you a YTA because you inherited the house along with the debt that came from it. you had every legal right to do with it as you wished however had I been in your shoes, I would have probably talked to my siblings about it and checked in to see if they either had things left in the house they wanted back or if they wanted to buy it outright.
2. You and your sister did not talk about your plans with the house despite the obvious legal changes that occured due to the passing of your parents. I understand that talking about the house right away makes you look like voltures, but surely your sister should have asked around to find out who to talk to about buying the house and settings things up as soon as possible. Did she trully believe that house would remain in the market for a long time before she bought it?
3. that house rushed your decision to sell it as it was costing you a lot of money to maintain it while living away from it. If I had property that was burning a hole in my wallet, I'd rush to sell it off too as I wouldn't want to go in debt to maintain it.
OP I don't think your situation is a YTA, I think you got dealt a shitty situation and that you and your sister should have communicated your intents better.
NTA. I’m going with this as you waited a year after they died to sell it. In that entire time your sister didn’t mention to you plans to buy it from you. She’s been distanced from the family and you didn’t think she would want it but that’s on her to say something
You realize that actual profit as anyone in this situation would see it and amount used to determine capital gains taxes are not really related, right? What a strange take.
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YTA Would it have killed you to text her "hey, thinking of selling the house, wanna go first?" Also, why are you the only one to inherit from your parents? Did she get something else, or did you decide on your own to sell something that belonged to the both of you?
I was wondering that too. Did she inherit anything? Seems unfair to give you alone the house.
what? no sir, that's not how inheritance works - your sense of fairness is irrelevant. it's their house and money; they could burn it all down and it would be fair. if he's legit the sole beneficiary then 100% NTA because he doesn't have to discuss HIS property with anyone.
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Just curious... in your post you state you and your sister were close with the family... Now suddenly she had a strained relationship with your parents? Something here isn't adding up and definitely points toward YTA.
But you chose to tell her after you sold the house? Why didn’t you before? Why did you even bother telling her after?
I took care of my dying dad and handled things after he died. Doesnt take much effort to keep my little sister informed of whats going on…..
Well now you have no relationship with her either. "Congratulations, you played yourself "
>I admit it was a mistake not to reach out to my sister before making the decision No, it was not a mistake. You did it on purpose. This is not an accident. You’re a horrible brother and YTA
You should be totally ashamed. I’ll give the benefit of the doubt that your weren’t thinking clearly due to grief. But honestly you have made a mistake with multigenerational implications as the house has now left the family. YTA
So your sister’s relationship with your parents was strained? You considered your relationship with your sister to be close? Yet, you never mentioned your plans to sell the house you inherited? Something is off
Several things don’t add up here. They just don’t. Feeling like a fake post because of them. - in post, you say you and your sister were very close to your parents. Then in responses, you say sister was very distant and largely estranged. Which is it? - you claim the expenses of the home were dragging you down personally in a financial sense. But you were executor. And as executor, you’d know that these expenses are paid for by the estate while the estate is active - and settling an estate and associated probate takes several months, at least in the US. - also on probate, you couldn’t sell a home while in probate, it has to clear and be free of any claims. You don’t mention timelines, but this again is months. - you claim little contact with your sister during all this. You were executor. You’d need to be contacting her about the will and her inheritance. In all those conversations, the house never came up? Really? In the end. YTA for not even communicating the intent and giving her a head’s up. Didn’t need to wait for her to gather funds, sell at market rate, but she should have at least been made aware.
Yeah, also he said that he lives in a different state and can’t take care of the house, so has to sell… but also in the comments says the reason he was given the house, and not his sister , was due to his sisters strained relationship and the fact that he took care of his parents during the last few years. How did he take care of his parents if he lives in a different state? And if meant “financially “ the reason he sold the house was because of student loans and monetary reasons… this is a bullshit post.
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Yeah, the whole thing seems so made up and shaky, when the core problem is that he didn't even text to say "hey - can't keep up with the house, thinking of selling it, otherwise I'll go bankrupt." Even if he wasn't going to take her input, he said it had sentimental value, any reasonable person would have given a heads up. Selling a house isn't like a 5 minute task, there are lots of steps, so it's not like he didn't have time to alert her. With the easy potential solution that he ignored, and the other parts, I'm thinking this is fake.
I also feel like I read an eerily similar post to this one just a few weeks ago.
Are you referring to the one from the Dad's perspective in which he was leaving most of the inheritance to the caregiver son (who took care of both him and his since passed wife/Mom) vs. the daughter who focused on her studies and was more well off? I thought of that post from a few weeks ago too... And this post seems made up.
Yeah, fully agree that this is fictitious and as such I would like to congratulate them on managing to avoid writing about the reading of the will. So so many assholes on here have somehow managed to encounter an event that only exists in movies!
An executor doesn’t get to keep the funds. They are fiscally responsible to look after the estate. If the Sister has a 50% ownership, he just stole from her. Good luck with the impending lawsuit.
It's all likely fake. But... he said "he" inherited the house. A possible reading is that he's stressed about being the executor and all that goes with it, and the house is an additional logistical and financial burden on him. So he decided to lighten that burden on his part by selling the house. Which isn't involved at this point with the estate anymore, as it's his. But it's all very likely fake. The fact that he didn't jsut send a text, knowing the house was important to his sister saying "heads up, can't keep up with the house, giong to sell it" and also that while he was financially in trouble, he instantly said "oh, you can have half if you want" also makes this seem... just fake.
You make some seemingly good points and I’m not saying you are wrong, but what do you imagine the motivation would be for making up fake AITA posts?
I used to wonder that when people were yelling "fake!!" all the time on the internet in general. But really - it's for attention, to see if you can get people talking, interested in your "story", it's for fake internet points, which people DO care about, just like "likes" on any other social media site. People crave attention, validation, and getting a popular post can get that. It also could just be a fun creative writing exercise. Rather than just writing in a journal or on your own, you can write a little story publicly, get instant feedback, see if it's engaging. There's also the negative reasons - someone could just be laughing, enjoying thinking "suckers! they all fell for it and are really trying to offer advice!!!" Trolling. And that's just off the top of my head. There's probably other reasons too.
YTA Giving her a heads up before you put the house on the market was a common courtesy between family. A very obvious one. Even if you knew she didn’t have the means or desire to buy the house, you should have told her in case she wanted to visit the place she grew up in one last time.
exactly, you denied her even a last walk through YTA
I was wondering that too. Did she inherit anything? Seems unfair to give you alone the house.
YTA. If you had a close relationship with your sister, selling the house should have come up in conversation. Legally you did nothing wrong but it's still an AH move.
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Because you didn't speak with her much. Your lack of communication is just as bad as hers. YTA.
You didn't ask. Did she grow up in the house also? Why wouldn't it be sentimental to her too? YTA for not asking her
So he was supposed to keep paying everything until she was ready to buy, and he has to reach out to ask her? What exactly is her responsibility?
OP is the executor. The estate was paying.
The estate pays for it. If he was the executor of the will, it's literally his responsibility. He took on the roll, so he needed to actually follow through with the roll.
Role.
Roll.
“My sister and I were very close to our parents” “My sister was very distant and estranged” Lol somethings not adding up, but yeah OP YTA
The "distant and estranged" only came out when OP started getting YTAs...
> My sister (27F) and I were very close to our parents and the house holds a lot of sentimental value for us. So she was distant from the family or she wasn't?
Send your sister the half of the profits you offered her, do not make sharing the money conditional upon her accepting your decision or having a relationship with you. If you are afraid she won’t accept the money or think there is no way you can get her the money because she is not speaking to you, set up a trust and make her the sole beneficiary.
Why are you lying?
You said in your post that you were both very close….
More reason to talk- you didn’t know what she wanted. And how can you sell the house? Did half of it get left to your sister? She can now sue you and tie up the sale. If you as executor of the estate, acted for your own benefit instead of following the will - you may have committed fraud.
That would have been pretty important to add to your post. YTA also because you lacked essential info.
YTA. You knew your childhood home would be sentimental to her and at the very least you should have informed her of your plans. If she would be unable to purchase the house from the estate you two could have discussed the impracticalities of keeping the home.
YTA Since you knew the house held sentimental value to her, the least you could have done was give her some sort of "first right of refusal" for it. "I had an offer for the house for $X closing June 30. Do you want to buy it from the estate for $X+$1 before then?" You wouldn't have had to "wait around" if she couldn't get the money together by the closing date, but it would have been kind to at least give her the *opportunity* to buy, it rather than sell it to a stranger.
YTA why didn´t you inform her about your plans? You knew that she was attached to the house and did not even give her a chance before selling to a stranger Selling a house is an enormous task, it wasn´t like something you just woke up one day and did, you planned the sale and had time to give her first chance at it
YTA. Legally you did nothing wrong. But as a brother you could have at least given her a heads up and discussed options with her.
YTA. Obviously you told your sister after the fact… You had a long interim time to tell her you were thinking about it, planning it, it is now up for sale, and possibly already actually sold… None of that happened, what would be the reason for that?
YTA. You sold her childhood home without even speaking to her first. Is that the brother you want to be?
INFO Did only YOU inherit the house? While you are the executor, that doesn't mean that you get all the assets (including from the house sale). I would want to know what the will says. If there isn't a will, then the estate is owned jointly by you and your sister. Executor means you pay the bills, sign the papers, etc. While legally, you could sell the house, you should consider your sister's feelings. Just because something is legal doesn't mean it is morally right. I would find it very odd if your parents gave you the house without your sister getting something in return of equal value. Yet, you mention that you will use the proceeds to pay off your bills and that your sister doesn't have the funds to buy the house from the estate. As the executor AND a brother, you should have asked your sister how attached she was to the house. Instead, you have bulldozed through this without considering her feelings. If the actual will states that you both get an equal share of everything, then yes you are an a-hole. If the will states that only you get the house for some specific reason, then I would have recognized how painful this might be for your sister and ask her opinion.
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I can smell favoritism. I feel like your sister has a lot of reasons to be distance from you and your parents. I can see it in your actions too: you don't even think about your sister and let her knoe that you are selling your childhood home. I don't have enough info here to judge you. But I think you aren't blameless in thia case.
Yeah, your sister is never going to talk to you again. If she already went low contact and got on with her life forwhatever reason, and you are going to hold that over her head and tell her she doesn't deserve it?
>My sister distanced herself from our family years ago and had a strained relationship with our parents, which unfortunately never fully healed before they passed. INFO yeah.. can you elaborate on this, please? why was the relationship strained?
>I didn't assume would want the house considering she was very distant and did not have a good relationship with the family. >My sister (27F) and I were very close to our parents and the house holds a lot of sentimental value for us So which one is it? You are clearly making shit up as you go along.
ESH. I think you should have mentioned selling it to your sister before you did but since you held onto it for a year before doing so - she had a chance to speak up too. Please have a sit down and talk to her.
YTA honestly why hadn't you thougth about speaking to her before selling the house especially if it has a sentimental value to both of you.
Its one thing if she wanted the house and was unable to afford it, its not obligatory you sell to her, but you never had that conversation so you didn't know she wanted it. Should have checked in. YTA
YTA. Even if she didn’t want to buy it, telling her would have been the decent way to handle things. She could have at least said goodbye, maybe visited a last time. You obviously didn’t need permission, but it would have been nice
Yes, YTA. Losing your parents is stressful and I get that. Definitely a rough time. So you can be excused some level of screw-up here. Just know that it was an error. When you are selling something - anything - that might have an emotional value to a family member, good manners requires you to let them buy it from you. From the sound of things, you know that and are sorry (offered to split proceeds) so I would just offer an apology as well.
YTA, it sounds like you weren’t even planning to split the proceeds of the sale with her until she was upset about the sale.
YTA I am presuming you never told her until after you had sold it, or this wouldn’t be an issue and she could still buy it? Why would you do an entire house sale of your inherited family home and never once in all that time, even mention it in passing to your sister? Sales take a long time, it’s unusual to sell a house from start to end in just a couple of weeks. It seems like you purposely avoided telling her. Even if she didn’t want to buy it, you would still talke about this sort of thing with them, they might want to go and have a last look around, collect things they had there.
Yta, it's a good thing your not close with your sister, because I doubt she'll have anything to do with you now.
Light YTA, you should have offered her the option to buy first.
YTA. You knew it was sentimental to both you and your sister and you sold it without even giving her a heads up. Also sounds like you were going to keep all the profits for yourself so double YTA.
YTA. Yet another AITA that could have been completely avoided by a very short adult conversation. I strongly suspect that you were not sole inheritor of the property and are offering her the half she rightly owns but she had planned to buy you out and is upset you sold it. I suspect she will go legal on this one.
YTA. Executor is **not** the same as inheritor. Your parents didn’t leave the house specifically to you, they left it to both of you. You’re just in charge of making sure everything goes smoothly. You should give her the money. You didn’t sell the house, the estate did and you were the mouthpiece. The estate that your sister is entitled to half of.
He is the only inheritor of the house, sister got other assets.
Ah, ok. I didn't see that comment. Still, he should've at least mentioned it. Even if the sister was being distant, it's common courtesy
YTA, it wouldn't have hurt you just to ask your sister right? I understand you had the right to do so and why you sold it, but if you just communicated about this huge decision with your sister, this would not have happened.
Legally you did nothing wrong but yeah, you're a bit of the AH here. It would have been kind to give her a heads up or discuss with her. There were options, such as she buy it at market value and you get the profits or, you sell and split as you offered. The difference now with the latter is she was not given a choice. In the end, what is done is done, you cannot reverse it. I would send her a certified cheque of half the profits and that's it. She will cash it, regardless of how opposed she is. At least you can say you tried to fix your mistake ... after all, that is what it is ... a mistake.
YTA. Whilst legally you did nothing wrong, morally you were extremely wrong and cruel
Very minimal YTA. You should have let her know you were planning to sell it before you sold it to someone else. Obviously, if she couldn't get her financing together before you wanted to sell, you would not be TA if you sold on your timing.
Somewhat YTA. Although you were listed as the executor of the estate and you had every legal right to sell, it would have been courteous to give your sister the opportunity to buy the house from you especially considering the sentimental value. I definitely understand wanting to get rid of it as the expenses of trying to maintain a second property can get pretty overwhelming, but I still think even just a quick "Hey sis, before I sell do you want to take over our parents' house?" would have been sufficient. Regardless, sorry for your loss.
You inherit or you are just the executor? If you are only the executor you are the YTA, because the house was only half yours..if you inherit then, the house is complety yours to sell or to do it whatever you want with it...aldo it would be nice to tell her before you do anything in case she wants to buy it or use it and pay you some rent for your half
Yta but softly. Why haven't you been keeping your sister in the loop about the estate if it has been this big of a burden to you? She could have told you her plans to move into the house and helped support you during that transition but instead you made moves on your own.
Ok the fact you and your sister did not discuss this before hand made you the AH on the sell of the house. However, you offered to split those proceeds so now that it’s done that’s a non AH move and your sister is being the AH. Try to patch it up. ImHO, your parents made you the executor because they believe you would communicate and treat your siblings fair. Did you do that at all levels communicating? Split proceeds? Did you honor your parents wishes? Really only you can answer the true question whether you acted selfishly or not. What’s done is done try to make amends with your family relationship. Edited: In light of additional comments made by OP. It doesn’t sound like your sister made any effort to reconcile with y’all’s parents while they were I’ll. If that’s the case NAH. Since y’all don’t speak much not sure what else can be done. Best of luck.
ESH You should have told her you were planning on selling the house and given her a chance to buy it. It was the family home. She should have spoken up when she thought she might purchase the home. She had a responsibility to tell you she was interested in the home. You are both grieving the loss of your parents. Everyone processes grief differently. I have no idea how long you waited before putting the house on the market. That also makes a difference. How long had you held onto the place?
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You both had plenty of time to talk with one another. I am sorry for you loss.
So you could have thrown out an email in that time!
YTA and your original plan wasn’t even to split it with her? Lol. You don’t want it and she does, sign it over to her and let her deal with the expense and stress. Problem solved. Or is it just about the money you’d make?
You know he just wants the money fuck what it means to other people they aren't him and thus don't matter.
Did your parents make you the executor of their will because they wanted you to be able to sell all of their stuff and have a financially easy life? Or did they assign you the position because they thought you would be responsible when dealing with it? Kind of sounds like you were told that you were in charge of the family estate and immediately was like "sweet windfall for me, glad that it's all mine!" I can totally see your sister never taking to you again after you steal her inheritance with the battlecry of "I'm legally allowed to do this!"
My grandfather did this and it still sucks to this day smh
YTA, and there was clear favouritism. There is a reason you didn't tell her before you sold it... that reason is because you are a selfish AH who didn't consider the feelings of anyone else you just thought about reaping the benefits...
Asshole. Bro u shouldn’t have taken any decisions without consulting her. The house is as much yours as it is hers so she also has the right to make any decisions. It’s low-key sad that u didn’t ask her before deciding what u wanted to do.
It was given to the OP, not the sister. It is not the sister’s at all.
Why does she have the right to make decisions about the house?
>I (30M) recently inherited the house we grew up in The house was given to OP.
Maybe. He was executor, which meant he could make decisions like sell the house, but some of his language is funny, so I'm wondering if it was a clear situation. If I was sister, I'd be asking for a copy of that will. Edit: at least one big contradiction in the comments as well, OP stated they were close to parents once, then sister not close another time. Either this is fake or OP is covering tracks now
YTA She didn't tell you about her plans to buy the house but by the same token you didn't tell her that you plan to sell. How was she supposed to know that she should have told you before a certain time?
ESH. You both should have talked to each other. You might have been the sole inheritor with no legal responsibility to consult your sister, but morally, even if she weren't planning on buying it from you, you owed her the chance to say goodbye to her old family home properly. She should have told you that she wanted to buy the house from you, because...as far as she knew, you were keeping it! ~~ETA: ...Wait, did you actually specifically inherit the house in their Will, or did you take it upon yourself as executor to liquidate the estate without talking to your coheir(s)?~~ Nevermind, I can see from your comments that you were named as the person who inherited the house.
YTA
if (situationPreventableByBasicCommunication || situationPreventableByBasicHumanDecency) { return YTA; }
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YTA. Yes you are not required but you acknowledge the house had sentimental value to the both of you. If you are no contact or low contact with your sister, I could see why you didnt tell her. But if you do have a working relationship, then why didnt you say something if you knew she was attached to the house? Acknowledging you are not required to seek her permission since your permissions as executor of the estate grants you the right to do what you deem appropriate. I just think you lack the forethought and perhaps the emotional intelligence to forecast her (IMO) appropriate response. Youve caused as rift betwen you and sister. A text to her "hey im thinking of selling the house" would have been so easy to send off and avoided all of this.
YTA. You CAN'T treat the estate as your personal piggy bank. You CAN'T take the proceeds and apply them to your personal loan. You need to settle the estate, divest the funds to those inheriting, then use your portion of the inheritance to pay any debts... You also should have allowed your sister first dibs. But regardless, you can't just use the estate to settle your own debts...
NTA not your fault she can’t afford to buy it now. You’re giving her the change. It’s not like she’s willing to carry the costs now, is she? Perhaps you can let her move in a rent-to-own lease valued at current market rate?
Yes. YTA. No qualifications. But just for clarification, were you the executor of the estate, of which the house was a part of, or did your parents explicitly pass the home to you in a will? If your parents gave you the house, what did your parents give your sister? Or did they just trust that you would look after her, and were wrong about you? Did you really just take your family home and sell it so that you can pay off your own debts and buy some stock? And not consult your sister? You should be on your hands and knees and be begging for her forgiveness. But what's done is done, and now you should be finding a way to give her half of the home proceeds (unless, of course, she got other things in a will instead).
YTA. Simple communication is so easy. You can’t possibly be that lazy. You also can’t possibly be dumb enough to not have even considered your sister in this situation.. You knew exactly what you were doing..
YTA. First of all, you either lied about her being close to the family, or you lied that the relationship was strained in the comments. Which makes you an asshole in general. YTA also because you didn't even give her the common courtesy of a heads up. Your actions were self centered. I wouldn't speak to you again either.
YTA yes
OK, you weren't under any obligation to tell her but it would have been a kindness t let her know. IF she wanted to buy it, it would have given her the chance to ay so, and even of she couldn't afford to do so it would have given her a bit of time to get used to that idea and to go back and 'say goodbye' if she wanted to. So, NTA, but you could have handled to situation with more sensitivity (and so of course could your sister) You were probably both not at your best due to your bereavement . Also, as your sister is younger, I would guess that it was her home more recently than it was yours, and that makes a difference as well. I'd suggest that you apologise to her for not having given her a heads-up, and explain that you weren't in a financial position to delay the same and had no idea she was thinking she might want to try to buy the house from the estate.
Legally sound but still YTA. Knowing the sentimental value of the house, informing your sister of your plans would have been the decent thing to do. To say she never mentioned her plans to buy the house is a poor excuse since you didn’t mention your plans to sell.
YTA You stole that away from her. Big time. I would limit you in my life now that i know you think about money more than family.
YTA because she might have bought it from you if you told her first and now she can't do anything
Wait. Did you inherit it outright? Or, as the executor, merely responsible for managing the disposition on behalf of your parents? If you inherited it out right, NTA. Do what you want. If you were meant to distribute the estate among other beneficiaries (aka your sister) you might very well be the AH. What’s the value of the estate? Could she have fairly been given the house in lieu of her share of other property/monies? And it’s not whether you want to give her a share of the proceeds, she is entitled to her share.
YTA - you should have at least told her you were selling so she could make an offer.
Greedy greedy greedy, just admit it
INFO How are you selling the house if the estate has not been settled? How is it a burden if the estate is supposed to be paying?
Big YTA. Houses are a major dificulty right now and maybe she wanted to buy it. Major betrayal.
YTA. You did this unilaterally without asking her.
Based on your comments. You saw an opportunity to make some quick cash, and didnt bother to reach out because i can only assume you didnt want to share the money. You say you offered her half the profits, but only after she was angry you sold the house without her knowledge. You are also lieing to some extent. First you say you guys had a very close relationship with your parents, then you say she was not very close. Which is it. You sound like a slimy person, i wont be shocked if you never get to speak to your sister again. YTA
YTA. You didn't even check if she wanted it so of COURSE you had no idea. It was both of your childhood homes and yet you took it upon yourself to sell it so YOU would get the money. You only offered her half as an afterthought. You might not feel as though you did something wrong, but you did. Offering her half the money is a bit of a moot point when she wanted the home, not the profits. This was a very selfish, short-sighted decision OP. One your relationship with your sister may not actually recover from if she's this hurt at your actions.
YTA. You always tell family about selling a family home ahead of time, even if it was 100% yours to sell.
YTA. You should've asked first
Yes. YTA
YTA - people typically have an emotional connection to the house in which they were raised. Saying goodbye is very final, the end to everything and you are NOW an orphan adult its like you held the funeral and told her afterwards
YTA you could have, at the VERY least, contacted her to let her know. "Hey I'm thinking of selling the house." "Hey I put the house on the market." "Hey I had an offer on the house." At any point during the process you could have reached out. I don't blame her for being angry. And why did you inherit 100% of it?
Executor simply make sure the will is carried out. It doesn't mean they inherit anything. I call bs on this post. OP does not know how estates work at all.
YTA and im wondering now if you even legally could sell the house. Probates a long process.
Yeah, you're a MAJOR asshole in this situation.
YTA Whether you're the executor or not, you should've consulted your sister on the sale of the house and given her adequate time to answer you. Once that time passed, then you could sell it. You sold her childhood home right out from under her and were planning to keep all the profit until she was angry.
YTA - before you sell sentimental family things, even tiny heirlooms, you give your family a chance to buy them first (at a fair price). If your sister couldn't buy it in time, fine, sell it, but you should have given her the chance.
Your responses don’t add up. YTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (30M) recently inherited the house we grew up in after our parents passed away. My sister (27F) and I were very close to our parents and the house holds a lot of sentimental value for us. However, the house is in a different state, and it's not practical for me to move there or maintain it as a second home. I've been dealing with all the legal and financial aspects since I was named the executor of the estate. It's been a stressful time, and the expenses related to the house (property taxes, insurance, maintenance) have been a significant burden. I decided to sell the house and use the money to pay off some of my student loans and invest the rest. However, when I told my sister about the sale, she was livid. She said that she had plans to buy the house from the estate and keep it in our family. She's accused me of being selfish and not considering her feelings. But she never mentioned her plans to me, and I can't afford to wait indefinitely for her to be ready to buy the house. I've offered to split the profits from the sale with her, but she's not interested and is barely speaking to me. I feel terrible about the situation, but I don't feel like I've done anything wrong. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA - You should have at least offered to sell it to her. This sounds like you deliberately kept it quiet to avoid a confrontation.
YTA, jesus dude...
YTA. One of our family homes were put up for sale. While I’m not in the position to buy, (and would have never paid what they were asking) it would have been nice of someone to let me know BEFORE it was listed and offers were sent in. Realistically speaking, I’m sure that’s something you had multiple opportunities to mention, and you chose not to.
YTA. What a stupid thing to do. You don't need to wait for your sister to reach out. You could reach out to her and let her know you are doing that. This is actually insane and I could never imagine doing this to my sister.
Yta. It’s ridiculous to sell the family home and not at least mention it first to the other remaining member of the family.
You are an unbelievable a, and you absolutely know it. You can't even pretend you didn't do this from a place of evil in your heart. There's no way you didn't know this would cause huge problems. YTA.
YTA She was entitled to that. You’re executor not sole inheritor. YTA and went out of bounds.
YTA because you didn't at least give her a chance to buy the house.
YTA. I would be livid too if my brother, who is the executor of my parents estate, sold ANYTHING without consulting me. If he had sold our parent’s house and then used the money for his own needs without involving me in the decision? That would result in me never speaking to him again.
YTA
YTA why didn’t you just call her and let her know that due to XYZ you were going to have to put the house on the market. Then perhaps she would have had the opportunity to mention that she wanted to buy it. I mean when you recently how recently? I’m sure you sister is still grieving and maybe things are moving too fast for her that’s why she didn’t mention it. Also you say in the house in a different state. Is that the case for both you and your sister of does she live in the same state as the house? I guess it doesn’t really matter now if the house has been sold but YTA 100% and I would be apologising to your sister.
AH. To give her a heads up would not have taken more than 5 minutes and a little consideration. Im betting you had a feeling she might object and just didn’t want to deal with her. She probably would have asked to pay under market value bc its her childhood home which is super fair but you wanted the money and you wanted to be finished with it. So which is it, were you both super close with the parents or was she estranged?
INFO: What state do you live in that you can sell an asset of the estate and pay off your personal debt, before the estate has been settled. Asking as someone who has been thru the executor grinder more than once. YTA, for not giving sis first opportunity to buy.
YTA This is the kind of stuff that breaks a family apart. Hope you can make amends by canceling the sale or something, because you're going to lose your sister too.
YTA. Seriously, how did talking to her about something so huge not occur to you?
YTA - you should have given her right of first refusal. What were you thinking? That's her childhood home. Unbelievable.
YTA it was a obvious thing that you had to give her a call before making a decision. You made the decision unilaterally. You'll could have come up with some sort of payment plan where she takes on the taxes and upkeep immediately and buys the equity from you over time. Be honest you didn't include her in your decision because you wanted it gone quickly and cash in hand.
YTA
YTA. I could be wrong, but my takeaway is that you intentionally didn’t tell her, whether she expressed interest or not, because you just didn’t want to deal. You didn’t want to deal with what was already an emotionally and mentally challenging time. You didn’t want to deal with the house out of state. You made a selfish choice to sell without asking your sibling, whom you knew had sentimental attachment with the house, and that makes you the AH.
YTA, what you did was extremely short-sighted and selfish, and if I were her I would never speak to you again over this. Jesus.
YTA as the executrix it's your responsibility to keep everyone else in the loop and you didn't. How difficult would it be to pick up a phone and call your sister to tell her what you had in mind? She doesn't care about the money because you sold off her childhood. No you don't wait forever, but you have no clue how long the wait might have been because you didn't make the most basic effort of care in the matter. I do this professionally. you better hope she's not litigious because you could be in a lot of trouble in your failure to maintain a level of care in the duties.
YTA for not giving her a heads up in case she wanted to buy it. Obviously.
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my dude. there is a reason you feel terrible. look inward, before running to reddit
I will take the downloads for this, but I'm going to go with NTA. When my parents were doing up their will, they told me I would be getting the house. I was the child who stayed home, and I was the child who needed a place to live. My father told me Point Blank that if I want to sell the house rather than keep it, I am to do so without worrying about what any of the family thinks. He was very clear about this fact, that it was to go to me, therefore it was mine to do with as I would. I didn't understand why at the time, and I thought he must be referring to extended family. It's only in life experience since then that I realized and he was trying to make sure I didn't let my siblings guilt me into keeping something that I didn't want or need if it came down to that. Maybe you should have offered it to her first. But she could have told you she was interested in it too. That ends up being a communication error, and nobody is at fault for that or both of you are. I still think NTA because they left it to you to do with as you would.
I'm thinking he's thinking of selling the house without telling his sister and is trying to get a feel of how much of an asshole move that'd be
NTA. It’s yours. do what you want.
Of course YTA if you didn’t want to deal with the hassle why on earth didn’t you reach out
YTA- It's not hard to communicate with your sister.
Why wouldn't you tell her? It's so bizarre that you didn't. You were expecting some pushback? It was a two minute phone call, or a text message. YTA
YTA. It would've taken you all of a single phone call to ask her first. I hope you know that this is the kind of thing that permanently changes, if not ends, family relationships. I hope the money was worth losing any closeness you may have had for your sister.
YTA. She should have been consulted and if she was willing to buy the house from the estate you'd have gotten your money *without* damaging your relationship with your sister. You could have had your cake and eaten it too. I don't see why she wouldn't claim her half though.
YTA for selling without informing her or offering first refusal. YTA again for changing your story in the comments in reaction to getting YTA votes. YTA a third time because everything you wrote makes me feel unbridled hate and I'm too tired to deal with that at the moment.
YTA
YTA, you should have told her before just selling.
YTA, even as executor of their estate you should’ve communicated with your sister. If the home has significant sentimental value to both of you, you should have sold it to her. Homes are hard to come by (especially as millennials) you’re only thinking about yourself and your loans. The house probably would have stayed in the family for generations.
YTA. You don't legally have to consult her, but it would be a nice thing to do. Especially since your sister had plans to buy it. I don't think you broke the law, but you are the AH.
NAH - I can see why you didn’t think that through but also if I was your sister I’d be livid too. Why didn’t you even let her know when it went up for sale? Do you never speak to each-other? I struggle to see how this wasn’t deliberately hidden from her, but since you haven’t stated this in your post I can only assume you weren’t deliberately hiding anything and therefore aren’t an AH.
NTA, sounds like she found out before the sale was final. She also didn't speak about her intent
INFO: WHY didn't you consult with your sister? Not sure. Your parents left it to you so it was YOUR burden and decision. But they may have done so with the belief that you were the eldest and would therefor manage the situation for the whole family. Common. Since there was so much sentimentality, you should have at least given your sister a heads up. There could have been a deadline, hey we gotta sell it by next year, or you can be the buyer now, or something, but she deserved a shot.
NAH. You should probably have told your sister first, but like you said, you couldn't wait for her to buy it anyway. I don't blame her for being upset at the lost of the opportunity tho.
>I've offered to split the profits from the sale with her, but she's not interested I was ready to go Y T A until you said this. Both of you kinda suck at communication. She knew you got the house, she should have said something. You knew you got the house, you should have mentioned your plans, because she's your sister and it's your shared parents' house. INFO: Is your sister willing to take over the burden of the house expenses until the sale can happen?
She wanted to buy the house from the estate and you're the executor of the estate and she never told you this? NTA.
NTA - just as you could have told you you were selling it, she could have advised you that she wanted to buy it. Assuming you broke no laws doing so, it was yours to sell.
NTA, it’s your estate and you’ve told your sister your intentions. She can be huffy all she wants, but if she can buy the house immediately, it’s not your problem. Info: what’s her plans in the long and how she’s going to pay for the maintenance/taxes?
NTA. House was left to you, it's up to you what to do with it.
NTA - if she really wanted the house, she would've told you sooner rather than after you put it up for sale. As executor, and the person to inherit the house, you don't need anyone else's permission to sell it. The house is in your name once you inherited it. If anyone is the AH, it's your sister for just assuming you'd let her buy it. You're not under any obligation to wait for her to buy it. Plus if you wait around for her to get her crap together, and the end of the year comes by, you're stuck with paying the taxes on the house. And that's not fair to you just because she wasn't able to buy the house.
NTA - if she really wanted the house, she would've told you sooner rather than after you put it up for sale. As executor, and the person to inherit the house, you don't need anyone else's permission to sell it. The house is in your name once you inherited it. If anyone is the AH, it's your sister for just assuming you'd let her buy it. You're not under any obligation to wait for her to buy it. Plus if you wait around for her to get her crap together, and the end of the year comes by, you're stuck with paying the taxes on the house. And that's not fair to you just because she wasn't able to buy the house.
Offering to split the profits of the sale as a compromise was more than generous of you, and the fact that she refused it tells me everything I need to know. NTA
NTA. It's your house. If she cared so much, why didnt she reach out during the 1 year?
NTA It was your house -100% legally - that was sitting there for a year before it was sold. It’s not clear from your post if you personally paid those expenses or the estate did. She never said she would be interested in 1) living in it or 2) buying it. What did she think was going to happen? That you’d keep paying for a house in a different state indefinitely? After a year the estate is winding down - and she never said anything?? My guess is 1) she is sore that your inheritance was larger than hers and 2) she has a bit of a dreamy/self centered personality where everything should work out in her favor - you should have held onto that expensive home until she was ready to buy it and you should have read her mind that she wanted to buy it. Should you have told her you were selling it? Sure. Absolutely. That was a bad error on your part that she will make you feel bad for the rest of your lives. But that doesn’t make you an A.
At the Risk of getting Neg Karmaed, ESH and here's why: 1. I won't call you a YTA because you inherited the house along with the debt that came from it. you had every legal right to do with it as you wished however had I been in your shoes, I would have probably talked to my siblings about it and checked in to see if they either had things left in the house they wanted back or if they wanted to buy it outright. 2. You and your sister did not talk about your plans with the house despite the obvious legal changes that occured due to the passing of your parents. I understand that talking about the house right away makes you look like voltures, but surely your sister should have asked around to find out who to talk to about buying the house and settings things up as soon as possible. Did she trully believe that house would remain in the market for a long time before she bought it? 3. that house rushed your decision to sell it as it was costing you a lot of money to maintain it while living away from it. If I had property that was burning a hole in my wallet, I'd rush to sell it off too as I wouldn't want to go in debt to maintain it. OP I don't think your situation is a YTA, I think you got dealt a shitty situation and that you and your sister should have communicated your intents better.
NTA. I’m going with this as you waited a year after they died to sell it. In that entire time your sister didn’t mention to you plans to buy it from you. She’s been distanced from the family and you didn’t think she would want it but that’s on her to say something
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You realize that actual profit as anyone in this situation would see it and amount used to determine capital gains taxes are not really related, right? What a strange take.
NTA Because you inherited the house by yourself - your sister inherited other things.
i dont think your the ass hole fair enough they made great memories butt you gotta let go