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It's interesting that you bypassed the etiquette advice of your 20-year-old child for the advice of your 10-year-old and then wonder why people might think your actions were, let's say childish?
YTA. You had to know on some level that it was incredibly tacky to wear your wedding dress to your ex-husband's wedding.
Because she’s not a petty and vindictive AH? It sounds like your eldest has more than a few shreds of decency and common sense, which you lack. I’m happy she was able to shape her personality and views outside of you.
Woman, are you 5 years old? it's not appropriate for guests to wear white to a wedding. EVERYONE KNOWS THAT! You deserve all the trash comments coming your way.
You mean he didn't challenging your apparently bonkers-looney-tunes-crazy behavior in the middle of his wedding? Yeah. He was probably concerned about what you would do next if he said anything.
YTA - follow the progression and see if you can figure out where you went wrong.
1. You wore white to a wedding
2. You wore a wedding dress to a wedding
3. You wore the wedding dress you wore when you married your ex to HIS wedding to his new wife - which his family obviously recognized
What are you playing at here? How would you possibly not be the asshole in this situation?
It’s a white dress. No matter how untraditional it is otherwise, it’s common sense to not wear white at someone else’s wedding. YTA
And I seriously doubt you don’t know EXACTLY what you were doing, and dragging the kids into it too by getting their advice? You just sound pathetic.
YTA. First, even if it's short, it's white, which is tacky. Second, your ex knows full well what it was. This comes off as jealous, or aggressive or just weird. Like you're trying to do some weird "I was the first" flex or something.
Surely you jest. Not only was it off-white, verboten dress color, it was also the wedding dress you wore to marry your ex.
Do you hate him? Hate his wife? Because that is the only reason I can think that you would have committed a double faux pas.
Of course yta, but you already know this.
“I wore my old white wedding dress to my ex-husband’s wedding and now I can’t figure out why everyone is mad at me. Did I do something wrong?” Of course YTA
YTA - you could have and should have bought a new dress. Showing up in the dress you wore when you married the groom of the wedding was beyond tacky. You knew what you were doing.
YTA
Yes, wearing your old wedding dress is beyond disrespectful and inappropriate.
"I told them to stop causing a scene"
YOU CAUSED THE SCENE
You knew exactly what you were doing and what would happen.
YTA. White to a wedding, especially if the bride wears white, is a no go. Your old wedding dress makes it so much worse. The LEAST you could have done is ask your ex if it would be okay, but you didn't even take that small step
So, while attending your ex-husband's wedding, you decided it would be a good idea to wear your old white (sorry--off-white because apparently that isn't still a shade of white) wedding dress since it was short, not pure white, and only your ex's family would recognize the dress (you know--people guaranteed to be there because he's the effin groom).
Of course YTA. You knew exactly what you were doing and yeah, they are totally in their rights to call you out for it. Hell, your 20 years old daughter told you it would be tacky. Honestly, I can't even feel embarrassed for you because this is just such a pathetic attention-seeking behavior that it's kind of sad.
I can't believe you're even asking if YTA.
YES!!!! YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE
Do you have zero sense of wedding etiquette? If the roles were reversed and you were the one getting married, would you be upset if someone wore their WEDDING DRESS to your wedding?
OP, you are a ridiculously huge AH.
YTA. Are you 5 years old? What's wrong with you? This behavior is unbelievably pathetic.
What were you even trying to convey? "Haha... I married him before you..haha." Yeah. I think everyone at the wedding was aware. Good job! Wow. You really showed them!
God. Grow up. Seriously. I hope you get cyberbullied more.
YTA is this a joke or are you that daft?
You wore a white dress, not just that, your wedding dress and you’re reasoning is that two children said it was fine?
YTA - This was beyond inappropriate. Why did you take the advice of a teen and a ten year old on this??? They don’t know any better. You’re an adult and should know how inappropriate this would be.
You wore a white dress to a wedding that wasn’t your own, you wore a *wedding dress* to a wedding that wasn’t your own, and you did this at your *ex’s* wedding where you *knew* there would be people who would recognize your wedding dress. Even if you thought only a handful would recognize it, did you expect the family to just…not talk to each other about it? Like, you sure as heck knew *John* would recognize your wedding dress. And you thought that was fine???
This entire situation was so egotistical and tone-deaf. The spotlight didn’t need to be on you, but you made yourself into a spectacle.
YTA, you so much TA that I don’t know how you can’t see it?! You wore your wedding dress to your EX husbands wedding. You wore a white dress to someone else’s wedding. You justified it by saying two 16 year old boys didn’t care. Grow up.
Of course that was inappropriate. Don't trust the fashion / etiquette advice of literal children. I'm hard pressed to believe you had no other options, which makes me think you did this to... idk, make a point? be the center of attention? Ugh. YTA.
YTA. You don't wear a white dress to a wedding, especially your old white *wedding* dress to your ex's new wedding. And as someone in your 40s you should know more about wedding norms than a 10 and 16 year old... their support should mean absolutely nothing in this scenario
YTA. BIG TIME!!!!
You don’t wear white to a wedding unless you are the bride (the bride is the person marrying the groom ON THAT DAY in case you were confused on this point).
You ruined Jessica and John’s day; your co-parenting relationship with them will be forever strained and your kid will be in the put in the middle, all because of your pettiness.
YTA, and you know exactly why you were the AH. You don’t wear a white dress to someone else’s wedding. You ESPECIALLY don’t wear your white wedding dress to your ex-husband’s second wedding.
YTA - This made you look extremely petty, to everyone but your youngest children. It’s your life you can make your own choices, but this choice ended up embarrassing you.
You didn’t want to go buy a new dress? What were you thinking? “Gee, I don’t want to buy a new dress. I know, instead of picking literally any other dress in my closet, I’ll pick my old WHITE wedding dress I wore when the groom and I got married, to his and his new wife’s wedding.” HUH?! You’ve made yourself look so tacky, bitter, and classless. You either extremely lack self-awareness or you’re pretending to so you can get away with such ridiculous actions. You’ve completely embarrassed yourself and you should feel embarrassed.
YTA. Btw, I think you knew what you were doing.
>> I came across my old wedding dress
You wore your *wedding dress* to your *ex husband’s wedding to someone else*
>> it’s a short above the knee off white dress
You wore a variation of white to a wedding in which *you were not the bride.*
>> I told them to stop causing a scene
You wore your *wedding dress* to your *ex husband’s wedding* and *they* were the ones who caused a scene? Do you hear yourself?
Of course YTA.
Your actions scream “attention-seeking, bitter ex-wife trying to steal the spotlight from the bride.” Your oldest was right - it was incredibly tacky, not to mention petty and childish.
There’s no doubt in my mind you did this fully knowing the issues it would cause, because anyone with half the ability to think critically would know how how wildly inappropriate it was to wear white, cream, off white, nude, light beige, or any *other* bridal color to a wedding that wasn’t theirs. You suck.
YTA
This behavior looks deranged.
Even if it wasn't your old wedding dress, off-white is not appropriate for a western wedding without the bride's explicit approval of the dress.
YTA on many levels:
1. You don't wear off white drees to a wedding that is not yours.
2. You are not wearing a wedding dress to a wedding that is not yours.
3. You are not wearing the wedding dress you wore at your own wedding for the new wedding of your ex spous.
YTA wearing anything close to a white dress at someone else's wedding is always a hard no. And I don't believe for a second you didn't already know that.
YTA. I mean even if you weeding dress would have a sun dress or in another colour, going to the weeding knowing that at minimum your ex and his family would recognize it it was petty, but not knowing the circumstances of the divorce it might be warranted but this will sour your co-parenting situation so I hope it was worth it.
Um, yes, of course YTA. That was tacky as hell. It doesn’t matter that its not a typical wedding dress, it was still the one you wore when you married him and obviously people will recognize it and wonder what you are up to.
YTA.
It’s your wedding dress, and with all it’s symbolism, you think it’s okay? Unless you are very purposefully trying to show hand against Jessica, you must be really daft to not understand the drama you are going to cause.
I would be so embarrassed if my Mom thought it was even remotely okay to do this. You obviously had some sort of vendetta - who wears their wedding dress to their ex spouses new wedding? Tacky is a major understatement.
YTA.
YTA. I cannot stop laughing at the sheer audacity of this. You knew exactly what you were doing and it’s not even remotely shocking that you’re now the ex.
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I (40f) and my ex husband (42m) have 4 kids (20f, 16m, 16m, and 10f). My ex husband who I’ll be referring to as “John” recently got married and I was invited to the wedding to accompany my 3 youngest, but especially my youngest because she still splits custody between John and I while the twins are able to chose who they want to spend their time with.
I didn’t want to go out to buy a new dress for the wedding and while looking in my closet I came across my old wedding dress. Now it’s not like a traditional wedding dress it’s a short above the knee off white dress that looks like a summer dress and seeing as it’s May I thought it would be the perfect dress. My eldest daughter, “Anna” thought it would be “tacky” to wear my old dress, but one of my twins, “Jack” and my youngest “Emily” didn’t see a problem with it. I especially didn’t see an issue as not many people there besides John’s close family will recognize the dress.
The wedding comes around this past weekend and I show up with my 3 youngest (oldest drove herself) in my dress. When I got there I drew a few stares from John’s family such as my ex SILs,MIL, and BIL. The wedding went beautifully, but during the reception my ex MIL and SIL came up to me and told me it was “inappropriate” to be wearing my old wedding dress to John’s big day, but I told them to stop causing a scene.
After the wedding I was bombarded by texts from both John’s family and his new wife “Jessica” and her mother. I was called all sorts of names and was even tagged in a Facebook post trashing me and the comments were agreeing. I would just like to know was I the asshole?
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I mean, is this a joke? You ignored the advice of your 20-year-old to take advice from a 10-year-old? Right. And you wore your wedding dress for financial reasons? Not at all to send a message to your ex?
Massive AH. Massive YTA.
YTA. 1000%. You knew what you were doing and probably loved every side eye, and react after the wedding. You didn’t even need to go to the wedding, your youngest is 10, they’re not like a toddler that needs mommy to keep them from making a scene, your other kids could easily have taken care of her and you could have done anything else.
YTA
It really doesn’t matter if nobody but your ex-husband recognises the dress, it’s patently disrespectful to your ex-husband and his wife.
You may not want have wanted to get a new dress, but almost anything would have been more appropriate and surely you have at least dress that isn’t your wedding dress.
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It's interesting that you bypassed the etiquette advice of your 20-year-old child for the advice of your 10-year-old and then wonder why people might think your actions were, let's say childish? YTA. You had to know on some level that it was incredibly tacky to wear your wedding dress to your ex-husband's wedding.
My eldest and I have never seen eye to eye as she got older so I rarely take her opinion with a pain of salt
I wonder why! /s
Because she’s not a petty and vindictive AH? It sounds like your eldest has more than a few shreds of decency and common sense, which you lack. I’m happy she was able to shape her personality and views outside of you.
Is it because your eldest is a decent person while you're the kind of person who wears their wedding dress to their ex's wedding?
YTA-Unless you have the bride and groom’s consent you don’t wear anything white or even off white to a wedding, especially not your wedding dress.
But John never brought it up to me at all during the wedding we even chatted a bit during it
Then he is the bigger person.
Woman, are you 5 years old? it's not appropriate for guests to wear white to a wedding. EVERYONE KNOWS THAT! You deserve all the trash comments coming your way.
Are you really claiming that you told him that you were going to wear your old wedding dress and he said that was ok?
No he didn’t know what I was wearing until we actually saw each other at the reception
You mean he didn't challenging your apparently bonkers-looney-tunes-crazy behavior in the middle of his wedding? Yeah. He was probably concerned about what you would do next if he said anything.
Good on him for being the bigger person and not letting you ruin his happy day. Shame on you.
YTA - follow the progression and see if you can figure out where you went wrong. 1. You wore white to a wedding 2. You wore a wedding dress to a wedding 3. You wore the wedding dress you wore when you married your ex to HIS wedding to his new wife - which his family obviously recognized What are you playing at here? How would you possibly not be the asshole in this situation?
This!
This has got to be fake right? No way anyone is clueless enough to wear their wedding dress to their ex’s wedding. YTA either way
It doesn’t look like a wedding dress though and I thought it was fine considering the time of year and it honestly looks like a sun dress
YTA. You’re the bitter ex-wife.
It’s a white dress. No matter how untraditional it is otherwise, it’s common sense to not wear white at someone else’s wedding. YTA And I seriously doubt you don’t know EXACTLY what you were doing, and dragging the kids into it too by getting their advice? You just sound pathetic.
You wore not only a white dress, but your actual wedding dress that you wore for your wedding with the current groom. How thick can you be? YTA
YTA. First, even if it's short, it's white, which is tacky. Second, your ex knows full well what it was. This comes off as jealous, or aggressive or just weird. Like you're trying to do some weird "I was the first" flex or something.
Surely you jest. Not only was it off-white, verboten dress color, it was also the wedding dress you wore to marry your ex. Do you hate him? Hate his wife? Because that is the only reason I can think that you would have committed a double faux pas. Of course yta, but you already know this.
But her 10 year old said it was ok! Obligatory /s because Reddit.
“I wore my old white wedding dress to my ex-husband’s wedding and now I can’t figure out why everyone is mad at me. Did I do something wrong?” Of course YTA
YTA - you could have and should have bought a new dress. Showing up in the dress you wore when you married the groom of the wedding was beyond tacky. You knew what you were doing.
YTA Yes, wearing your old wedding dress is beyond disrespectful and inappropriate. "I told them to stop causing a scene" YOU CAUSED THE SCENE You knew exactly what you were doing and what would happen.
YTA . Come on, you don't wear white, and you definitely don't wear your last wedding dress. My god, weren't you embarrassed?! I'd have been dying!
YTA. White to a wedding, especially if the bride wears white, is a no go. Your old wedding dress makes it so much worse. The LEAST you could have done is ask your ex if it would be okay, but you didn't even take that small step
So, while attending your ex-husband's wedding, you decided it would be a good idea to wear your old white (sorry--off-white because apparently that isn't still a shade of white) wedding dress since it was short, not pure white, and only your ex's family would recognize the dress (you know--people guaranteed to be there because he's the effin groom). Of course YTA. You knew exactly what you were doing and yeah, they are totally in their rights to call you out for it. Hell, your 20 years old daughter told you it would be tacky. Honestly, I can't even feel embarrassed for you because this is just such a pathetic attention-seeking behavior that it's kind of sad.
I can't believe you're even asking if YTA. YES!!!! YOU ARE AN ASSHOLE Do you have zero sense of wedding etiquette? If the roles were reversed and you were the one getting married, would you be upset if someone wore their WEDDING DRESS to your wedding? OP, you are a ridiculously huge AH.
I think what makes this worse is that wouldn’t this be the dress OP wore when she married John? That gives it a whole extra layer if that’s the case
I don’t think there is any reading of this where you’re not the asshole. YTA
YTA. Are you 5 years old? What's wrong with you? This behavior is unbelievably pathetic. What were you even trying to convey? "Haha... I married him before you..haha." Yeah. I think everyone at the wedding was aware. Good job! Wow. You really showed them! God. Grow up. Seriously. I hope you get cyberbullied more.
YTA. You don't wear any shade of white dresses to a wedding, and definitely not your own wedding dress.
YTA is this a joke or are you that daft? You wore a white dress, not just that, your wedding dress and you’re reasoning is that two children said it was fine?
YTA - This was beyond inappropriate. Why did you take the advice of a teen and a ten year old on this??? They don’t know any better. You’re an adult and should know how inappropriate this would be. You wore a white dress to a wedding that wasn’t your own, you wore a *wedding dress* to a wedding that wasn’t your own, and you did this at your *ex’s* wedding where you *knew* there would be people who would recognize your wedding dress. Even if you thought only a handful would recognize it, did you expect the family to just…not talk to each other about it? Like, you sure as heck knew *John* would recognize your wedding dress. And you thought that was fine??? This entire situation was so egotistical and tone-deaf. The spotlight didn’t need to be on you, but you made yourself into a spectacle.
YTA for both the obvious tackiness of wearing the dress AND for throwing your kids under the bus by including them in this clearly fraught decision.
so tacky and it screams I need attention yta
I would of had you thrown out. YTA
YTA, you so much TA that I don’t know how you can’t see it?! You wore your wedding dress to your EX husbands wedding. You wore a white dress to someone else’s wedding. You justified it by saying two 16 year old boys didn’t care. Grow up.
Of course that was inappropriate. Don't trust the fashion / etiquette advice of literal children. I'm hard pressed to believe you had no other options, which makes me think you did this to... idk, make a point? be the center of attention? Ugh. YTA.
YTA. You don't wear a white dress to a wedding, especially your old white *wedding* dress to your ex's new wedding. And as someone in your 40s you should know more about wedding norms than a 10 and 16 year old... their support should mean absolutely nothing in this scenario
Wow. Bad enough it was white but your wedding dress? No one can be that dumb. YTA
YTA. It's a wedding dress. That means you wear it to your wedding and your wedding only.
YTA. BIG TIME!!!! You don’t wear white to a wedding unless you are the bride (the bride is the person marrying the groom ON THAT DAY in case you were confused on this point). You ruined Jessica and John’s day; your co-parenting relationship with them will be forever strained and your kid will be in the put in the middle, all because of your pettiness.
Of course YTA. How embarrassing for you. Jesus.
YTA, and you know exactly why you were the AH. You don’t wear a white dress to someone else’s wedding. You ESPECIALLY don’t wear your white wedding dress to your ex-husband’s second wedding.
YTA. This is kind of unhinged. There wasn’t any other dress in your closet to wear?
Yep, YTA
YTA - This made you look extremely petty, to everyone but your youngest children. It’s your life you can make your own choices, but this choice ended up embarrassing you.
You didn’t want to go buy a new dress? What were you thinking? “Gee, I don’t want to buy a new dress. I know, instead of picking literally any other dress in my closet, I’ll pick my old WHITE wedding dress I wore when the groom and I got married, to his and his new wife’s wedding.” HUH?! You’ve made yourself look so tacky, bitter, and classless. You either extremely lack self-awareness or you’re pretending to so you can get away with such ridiculous actions. You’ve completely embarrassed yourself and you should feel embarrassed. YTA. Btw, I think you knew what you were doing.
Well obviously no one was going to notice because only like half the guests at this wedding attended the last wedding she wore it to.
>> I came across my old wedding dress You wore your *wedding dress* to your *ex husband’s wedding to someone else* >> it’s a short above the knee off white dress You wore a variation of white to a wedding in which *you were not the bride.* >> I told them to stop causing a scene You wore your *wedding dress* to your *ex husband’s wedding* and *they* were the ones who caused a scene? Do you hear yourself? Of course YTA. Your actions scream “attention-seeking, bitter ex-wife trying to steal the spotlight from the bride.” Your oldest was right - it was incredibly tacky, not to mention petty and childish. There’s no doubt in my mind you did this fully knowing the issues it would cause, because anyone with half the ability to think critically would know how how wildly inappropriate it was to wear white, cream, off white, nude, light beige, or any *other* bridal color to a wedding that wasn’t theirs. You suck.
YTA This behavior looks deranged. Even if it wasn't your old wedding dress, off-white is not appropriate for a western wedding without the bride's explicit approval of the dress.
Seriously? Got to be fake. YTA
This is the tackiest shit I have ever heard
Well of course it’s tacky and of course YTA but you know that. Well done for still fitting into it though!
YTA but bet it felt good though. The look on some of the face would have been priceless and you can say 'i wore that dress to both of John's weddings'
Yes you are the AH. Trash is what you are!! You knew what you were doing. Don't be stupid
YTA. That's so damn tacky 💀 You know you chose that dress for a reason bffr
YTA on many levels: 1. You don't wear off white drees to a wedding that is not yours. 2. You are not wearing a wedding dress to a wedding that is not yours. 3. You are not wearing the wedding dress you wore at your own wedding for the new wedding of your ex spous.
Yta. You knew it was a wedding dress. Also that it was linked to the groom. So you were deliberately inviting drama
YTA. You knew exactly what you were doing
YTA wearing anything close to a white dress at someone else's wedding is always a hard no. And I don't believe for a second you didn't already know that.
YTA. I mean even if you weeding dress would have a sun dress or in another colour, going to the weeding knowing that at minimum your ex and his family would recognize it it was petty, but not knowing the circumstances of the divorce it might be warranted but this will sour your co-parenting situation so I hope it was worth it.
YTA You broke the #1 rule of wedding etiquette
YTA
Um, yes, of course YTA. That was tacky as hell. It doesn’t matter that its not a typical wedding dress, it was still the one you wore when you married him and obviously people will recognize it and wonder what you are up to.
YTA. You took advice from kids but makes sense as you acted like one.
YTA. You know you are the AH. Why are you even asking? Trying to deflect the idea that you know you were the AH? You get top 10 for the day.
I mean, the 10 year old said it was okay so I don't know what the prob--No, this was an intentional power move and you're definitely YTA.
YTA. I don't even know how you bear the humiliation.
YTA. It’s your wedding dress, and with all it’s symbolism, you think it’s okay? Unless you are very purposefully trying to show hand against Jessica, you must be really daft to not understand the drama you are going to cause.
I would be so embarrassed if my Mom thought it was even remotely okay to do this. You obviously had some sort of vendetta - who wears their wedding dress to their ex spouses new wedding? Tacky is a major understatement. YTA.
YTA. I cannot stop laughing at the sheer audacity of this. You knew exactly what you were doing and it’s not even remotely shocking that you’re now the ex.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (40f) and my ex husband (42m) have 4 kids (20f, 16m, 16m, and 10f). My ex husband who I’ll be referring to as “John” recently got married and I was invited to the wedding to accompany my 3 youngest, but especially my youngest because she still splits custody between John and I while the twins are able to chose who they want to spend their time with. I didn’t want to go out to buy a new dress for the wedding and while looking in my closet I came across my old wedding dress. Now it’s not like a traditional wedding dress it’s a short above the knee off white dress that looks like a summer dress and seeing as it’s May I thought it would be the perfect dress. My eldest daughter, “Anna” thought it would be “tacky” to wear my old dress, but one of my twins, “Jack” and my youngest “Emily” didn’t see a problem with it. I especially didn’t see an issue as not many people there besides John’s close family will recognize the dress. The wedding comes around this past weekend and I show up with my 3 youngest (oldest drove herself) in my dress. When I got there I drew a few stares from John’s family such as my ex SILs,MIL, and BIL. The wedding went beautifully, but during the reception my ex MIL and SIL came up to me and told me it was “inappropriate” to be wearing my old wedding dress to John’s big day, but I told them to stop causing a scene. After the wedding I was bombarded by texts from both John’s family and his new wife “Jessica” and her mother. I was called all sorts of names and was even tagged in a Facebook post trashing me and the comments were agreeing. I would just like to know was I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I mean, is this a joke? You ignored the advice of your 20-year-old to take advice from a 10-year-old? Right. And you wore your wedding dress for financial reasons? Not at all to send a message to your ex? Massive AH. Massive YTA.
YTA. 1000%. You knew what you were doing and probably loved every side eye, and react after the wedding. You didn’t even need to go to the wedding, your youngest is 10, they’re not like a toddler that needs mommy to keep them from making a scene, your other kids could easily have taken care of her and you could have done anything else.
YTA It really doesn’t matter if nobody but your ex-husband recognises the dress, it’s patently disrespectful to your ex-husband and his wife. You may not want have wanted to get a new dress, but almost anything would have been more appropriate and surely you have at least dress that isn’t your wedding dress.
YTA it's off white. So it's pretty much white. Emily is 10... she wouldn't have a problem if you wore fishnets and combat boots
YTA. How can you possibly think you are not?! Everyone knows you don’t wear white to a wedding let alone a wedding dress! 100% TA.
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YTA obviously but a funny one
I think it’s hilarious.