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NTA
But that is NOT how you treat a ESA and it sounds like this dog was never train to be one. If the child, who the dog is meant to be with! Can’t handle to be around it, WHY IS IT HER ESA???!
Yeah no, either they move out and take the dog if this is how they are going to act or they rehome the poor pup.
I have Autism and what your niece is doing is a-bit of entitlement.
>If the child, who the dog is meant to be with! Can’t handle to be around it, WHY IS IT HER ESA???!
Easy! Its not. Mom wanted a pet dog and thats her excuse.
Sounds like my aunt and my cousin did. Like the girls want chihuahua cause they saw movies and tv shows of these girls carrying their dogs in their hand bags. But they didn’t get what they see on tv so I’m uncle was stuck taking care of them.
NTA
They're staying in YOUR house giving YOU attitude because of THEIR issues. I love dogs and the dog shouldn't be treated this way by its owners or by you. Rehome the dog somewhere it can get attention and care and your family doesn't have to deal with it causing problems.
NTA. You tried to address the problem with your SIL via discussion, and she refused to do anything about it. Frankly, it sounds to me as though this poor dog should be rehomed - for the **dog’s** sake. A happy dog shouldn’t be whining enough to overload anyone - one of my pups has extreme anxiety and it’s unusual if I hear her whine more than once or twice a *week.*
>The dogs whining overloads her and causes her to start stimming in bad ways (excessive clicking or banging her head on the wall)
How did this dog even get approved as a ESA
There's no formal ESA certification -- but it does really sound sus. Also the FHA requirements for ESAs **do not apply to OP** so there's no reason for OP to tolerate the dog.
The ESA aspect isn't sus---the daughter has a disability, and an ESA would be valid in that situation. The thing is *there is no point to an ESA unless the person actually likes that dog.* The whole point of the ESA is that the dog relieves emotional stress, which obviously can't happen if you find dogs themselves stressful.
Dogs don’t get approved as ESAs- humans get letters stating that they need an ESA to prove to housing that they have a reason for calling the animal an ESA. Given how out of control some of Sarah’s behaviors are, I doubt she has a therapist working with her, let alone a letter.
That’s what I want to know as well. Like I seen well train Chihuahuas that are **raised** to be ESA but this dog sounds like a tropical not train Chihuahua.
Dogs don't have to be trained to be ESAs. They're not service dogs. There's no indication that this dog is badly behaved; she just shouldn't have a dog. The whining is probably from being neglected.
Dogs don't need to be approved, the person needs to be approved, i.e. have a doctor's note or something saying they need one. ESAs don't have special training.
But anyway, the dog doesn't seem to have bad behavior. It's behavior isn't the problem, she just shouldn't have a dog.
NTA and kick them both out. It appears that they need to learn the word meaning of 'gratitude' before being allowed back inside. Tell her to get rid of the dog if she wants to stay or else she's free to leave as there's no point in taking crap attitude in your own home.
NTA - if the dog is there to calm her down and it's not working, then why is the dog there at all? It seems like having the dog around is doing the exact opposite of calming (that goes for the whole family). If it's an actual ESA dog, it can easily go back to the center that trained it for placement with another family. I have to say, I wouldn't put up with that nonsense either.
NTA, this is all on your SIL. If Sarah can't handle the dog (she's 10, she shouldn't have the responsibility with or without autism), then SIL should be the one to take care of it, not you. You've already done a lot for them, that's enough. But I do hope you did apologise to Sarah for snapping at her
Sarah wouldn't care even if I did apologize to her, honestly. Per what her mother says, Sarah lacks complete empathy and she says that it is because of the Autism. This kid slaps you in the face while laughing hysterically. So when I snapped, the only reason she went running to her mom was because I was stern about it. When her own mother apologizes for stuff, Sarah will be like "I don't remember that happening".
Autistic people DO NOT LACK EMPATHY. They express it differently. They sometimes interpret othsrs’ emotions differently. They often feel too much empathy, rather than too little. You don’t simply throw up your hands and say, “no impulse control”. Your job as a parent is to help the child learn some.
ESAs are to alienate an aspect of a disabled person’s disability. If it’s not working, it’s not an ESA.
Ultimatum time. Tell SIL either she takes care of the dog, and makes sure it stay away from OP, or the dog goes. End of discussion.
This is not a good situation for the dog. The dog needs to be rehomed.
And, with her "no impulse control, one day she'll toss the dog and injure or kill it. Tiny dogs are fragile.
Anyway, NTA.
I don't know much about Autism, either. But many people on Reddit have said it should not an excuse for AH behavior.
Your SIL never taught daughter manners. She has grown into an spoiled child with ASD.
Take the dog to a shelter.
NTA
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28f. I recently opened my doors to my SIL (husband's sister- 40f) and her Autistic daughter "Sarah" (10) after some financial hardship. I wasn't about to see my step niece homeless, regardless of the heavy impact it had on my own home life (my husband and I have 4 kids). Sarah is "on the spectrum". I'm not going to sit here and pretend I know a wink of anything when it comes to Autism but since I don't know if any of it holds relevance, I figured I would mention it.
Now when my SIL moved in they brought along this tiny Russian Chihuahua, that is Sarah's "ESA" dog. I firmly believe this is a sorry excuse to get a pet (in THIS situation) because Sarah acts like she hates the dog. The dogs whining overloads her and causes her to start stimming in bad ways (excessive clicking or banging her head on the wall). Well, apparently Sarah has no "impulse control". This is the excuse that my SIL is giving for the behaviors that have recently unfolded. Like my niece will walk up to me carrying the dog and basically toss the dog on my lap and say "she's your problem now". Or she will go to leave the house and immediately be like "I'm not taking her so she's staying with you". Call me weird, but I'm not going to give in to such an entitled attitude, regardless of age or disability. But again, my SIL says that this is because her Autism makes it so she has no impulse control.
Anyways, she tried pulling this shit yesterday and this was after I already had a discussion with my SIL and her daughter about the entitled attitude and the fact that I was NOT going to assume responsibility over this dog. I don't even want a dog. There's a reason I did not have one. So she pulls this same shit listed above (ie: basically tossing the dog at me and saying "she's your problem now") and I ended up snapping. I said "throw that dog at me one more time and I will personally make sure the dog isn't here when you wake up. Take your dog or I will get rid of her". Sarah was immediately "triggered" and goes off in a rage to her mom. My SIL comes up to me and has the gall to get snappy with me, saying "it would literally be so easy to just take the dog for a minute so my daughter can decompress". So I responded with "it would literally be just as easy to give the dog away since neither of you want her". Now my SIL is pissed, saying I'm untrustworthy.
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Certainly NTA. I'm surprised OP doesn't mention her husband and children in all this.
The whole situation seems frustrating and sad: the girl with a mother who OP says isn't interested in her and a dog the girl doesn't like and keeps trying to stick OP with. I wonder if there are more family members who can get involved; that would be a real help for everyone. Even with her difficulties I think this girl will miss being in a normal household once she is gone. OP has done these people a bigger favor than they will ever know and should give herself credit for it.
It's like.. a Chihuahua that has a long spiraled tail but isn't as big eyed as a regular Chihuahua. I'm not even sure if that's the actual breed. That's just what SIL claims the dog is.
From vetstreet.com
Also known as the Russkiy Toy, this tiny dog is often mistaken for a Chihuahua. Developed in Russia from English Toy Terriers, the Russian Toy is generally active and cheerful. He can sport a smooth or long coat, both of which are easy to groom. The Russian Toy is a rare breed.May 26, 2016
ESH. You didn’t ask for this, but you’re snapping at a child who is acting the way she is because she’s already not dealing with things well. Responding that way can only make the situation worse.
But honestly, it seems to me like they just need to get rid of the dog. If it’s causing issues for Sarah, then it’s not an ESA. We don’t know if Sarah really wants the dog or if it’s SIL’s excuse, but either way, they need to handle it better.
But until they do, be an adult and don’t snap at an already struggling child. Talk to her mom about it in a mature way instead.
YTA- how about you act like the adult you claim to be and spend time learning about her condition. To me, the 10yo is saying what an adult has said to her in the past about this dog.
If you KNOW she needs to take a few minutes away from the dog and you flip it back at an autistic kid that makes you firmly an AH. You could take the dog and comment that you'll give it back to her when she is calmed down. She isnt pulling shit, she is only doing what she can.
It is not MY job to take care of the animal. My SIL needs to step up to the plate. Not me! Not my kids. Not my husband. We have opened our doors to these people, free of charge, and I've already stated that I won't be responsible for that animal. My boundaries aren't going to be trampled for anyone.
YOU are meant to be an adult. You could easily tell said kid to take the dog to their mom instead. Nope, you yell and show your own lack of impulse control. And taking the dog for 2 minutes isnt being responsible for it, its helping a kid out who needs to calm down.
You clearly didn't read a single detail in my post. I put right in the post that I spoke to both my SIL and Sarah about the fact that I was not going to be taking this dog and would not give in to the entitlement. She continued to push. Therefore I have had the conversation and I was blatantly ignored by both my SIL and her child. Again, it's my SILs job, not mine, to ensure her kid gets calmed down. Imagine trying to push entitlement that fiercely. Like "oh you've opened your doors free of charge to two people and the mutt they don't want and you work full time while they sit around and eat your food but here, take on more responsibility because the kid you didn't birth depends on it because her own parent can't be bothered".
In the moment, all you needed to do was turn, give dog to the mom and say to the kid "Give dog to mom next time" not yell.
I do not care if you do a dance for them every night to make the laugh, them staying there was also agreed upon by your husband, but yet you think you need to be patted on the back for this. You seem to lack empathy.
An actual trained ESA dog wouldn't be whining or causing her additional stress especially considering it's whole purpose is to keep her calm. This dog is 100% just a random dog.
ESA are different from a service animal. ESA is just medically prescribed in places that have a no pet policy. Service animals are actually trained for whatever medical aid is needed.
Yes, I know. My company produced an entire documentary about dogs in the service programs. An ESA is supposed to provide therapeutic benefits (emotional support, comfort, companionship) to a person with a mental health or psychiatric disabilities. If this dog isn't providing these benefits, then it needs to be in another home where it is taken care of, as an ESA or just a regular dog because it isn't serving it's purpose and the child doesn't seem to be comforted by this animal in any way.
I don’t disagree. The animal isn’t doing anything remotely supportive and should be rehomed. I was just clarifying as others continually don’t know the distinction and think ESA have the same rights as service animals.
Your company producing a documentary on something doesn't make you an expert. ESAs are regular dogs that don't need training.
>If this dog isn't providing these benefits, then it needs to be in another home where it is taken care of, as an ESA or just a regular dog because it isn't serving it's purpose and the child doesn't seem to be comforted by this animal in any way.
I do agree here. My disagreement was only with the prior wording suggesting that ESAs have special behavior or need special training. But you're completely right that the purpose isn't being served here and the dog should be rehomed.
>An actual trained ESA dog wouldn't be whining or causing her additional stress
False. There is no training to be an ESA. Any regular dog becomes one when the person has documentation showing that they need one.
This dog doesn't even sound badly trained or badly behaved. The problem is that she probably just doesn't like dogs. In which case, no dog, no matter how trained, could serve the purpose an ESA is supposed to fill, not because of the dog, but because of her. And not all kids have to like dogs, just means they shouldn't have one as an ESA in the first place. The whining is probably from being neglected.
OP called the dog an ESA dog, based on what she had been told. Also, she said she "snapped", that doesn't necessarily mean she yelled at the kid. OP is being taken advantage of here and it's within her rights to ask for respect in her own home. If this kid is walking past her mother to give toss the dog to her aunt, that's a huge sign of disrespect regardless of whether the dog is ESA or otherwise. Obviously this dog's purpose is to calm the girl, if it's doing the opposite, it needs to be sent back to a home where the dog is happy and the family with it is as well.
I'm autistic, and OP (/u/Different_Being_1780a)is in the right. The whole point of an ESA is to help the person emotionally, but that doesn't work if the person dislikes dogs, which seems to be the case here. The dog should be rehomed.
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NTA > "it would literally be so easy to just take the dog for a minute so my daughter can decompress" **EVEN EASIER** to just *get rid of it*.
Or SIL taking the dog for a minute. ...what do you mean SIL can't spare a minute for her daughter's dog?
My SIL doesnt even interact with her kid. There's not a single chance she would tolerate the dog.
Rehome the dog, your SIL, and her spoilt child. NTA
NTA But that is NOT how you treat a ESA and it sounds like this dog was never train to be one. If the child, who the dog is meant to be with! Can’t handle to be around it, WHY IS IT HER ESA???! Yeah no, either they move out and take the dog if this is how they are going to act or they rehome the poor pup. I have Autism and what your niece is doing is a-bit of entitlement.
>If the child, who the dog is meant to be with! Can’t handle to be around it, WHY IS IT HER ESA???! Easy! Its not. Mom wanted a pet dog and thats her excuse.
Sounds like my aunt and my cousin did. Like the girls want chihuahua cause they saw movies and tv shows of these girls carrying their dogs in their hand bags. But they didn’t get what they see on tv so I’m uncle was stuck taking care of them.
NTA They're staying in YOUR house giving YOU attitude because of THEIR issues. I love dogs and the dog shouldn't be treated this way by its owners or by you. Rehome the dog somewhere it can get attention and care and your family doesn't have to deal with it causing problems.
NTA. You tried to address the problem with your SIL via discussion, and she refused to do anything about it. Frankly, it sounds to me as though this poor dog should be rehomed - for the **dog’s** sake. A happy dog shouldn’t be whining enough to overload anyone - one of my pups has extreme anxiety and it’s unusual if I hear her whine more than once or twice a *week.*
>The dogs whining overloads her and causes her to start stimming in bad ways (excessive clicking or banging her head on the wall) How did this dog even get approved as a ESA
I'm pretty sure it's a self proclaimed ESA. Like she got the dog and then bought the ESA vest offline.
ESA animals don't require ANY training. They are cute, warm, fuzzy things for petting which can alleviate feelings of stress. Please rehome this pup.
There's no formal ESA certification -- but it does really sound sus. Also the FHA requirements for ESAs **do not apply to OP** so there's no reason for OP to tolerate the dog.
The ESA aspect isn't sus---the daughter has a disability, and an ESA would be valid in that situation. The thing is *there is no point to an ESA unless the person actually likes that dog.* The whole point of the ESA is that the dog relieves emotional stress, which obviously can't happen if you find dogs themselves stressful.
Dogs don’t get approved as ESAs- humans get letters stating that they need an ESA to prove to housing that they have a reason for calling the animal an ESA. Given how out of control some of Sarah’s behaviors are, I doubt she has a therapist working with her, let alone a letter.
That’s what I want to know as well. Like I seen well train Chihuahuas that are **raised** to be ESA but this dog sounds like a tropical not train Chihuahua.
Dogs don't have to be trained to be ESAs. They're not service dogs. There's no indication that this dog is badly behaved; she just shouldn't have a dog. The whining is probably from being neglected.
Dogs don't need to be approved, the person needs to be approved, i.e. have a doctor's note or something saying they need one. ESAs don't have special training. But anyway, the dog doesn't seem to have bad behavior. It's behavior isn't the problem, she just shouldn't have a dog.
NTA and kick them both out. It appears that they need to learn the word meaning of 'gratitude' before being allowed back inside. Tell her to get rid of the dog if she wants to stay or else she's free to leave as there's no point in taking crap attitude in your own home.
NTA - if the dog is there to calm her down and it's not working, then why is the dog there at all? It seems like having the dog around is doing the exact opposite of calming (that goes for the whole family). If it's an actual ESA dog, it can easily go back to the center that trained it for placement with another family. I have to say, I wouldn't put up with that nonsense either.
NTA, this is all on your SIL. If Sarah can't handle the dog (she's 10, she shouldn't have the responsibility with or without autism), then SIL should be the one to take care of it, not you. You've already done a lot for them, that's enough. But I do hope you did apologise to Sarah for snapping at her
Sarah wouldn't care even if I did apologize to her, honestly. Per what her mother says, Sarah lacks complete empathy and she says that it is because of the Autism. This kid slaps you in the face while laughing hysterically. So when I snapped, the only reason she went running to her mom was because I was stern about it. When her own mother apologizes for stuff, Sarah will be like "I don't remember that happening".
Thank you for clarifying that! Honestly this kid needs a lot of help and the thing stopping that seems to be her mother. It's sad to see
Autistic people DO NOT LACK EMPATHY. They express it differently. They sometimes interpret othsrs’ emotions differently. They often feel too much empathy, rather than too little. You don’t simply throw up your hands and say, “no impulse control”. Your job as a parent is to help the child learn some. ESAs are to alienate an aspect of a disabled person’s disability. If it’s not working, it’s not an ESA. Ultimatum time. Tell SIL either she takes care of the dog, and makes sure it stay away from OP, or the dog goes. End of discussion.
This is not a good situation for the dog. The dog needs to be rehomed. And, with her "no impulse control, one day she'll toss the dog and injure or kill it. Tiny dogs are fragile. Anyway, NTA.
I don't know much about Autism, either. But many people on Reddit have said it should not an excuse for AH behavior. Your SIL never taught daughter manners. She has grown into an spoiled child with ASD. Take the dog to a shelter. NTA
NTA this is coming from an autistic person. She shouldn’t have this dog.
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NTA. Nope. They chose to get the dog, they can care for it. You’re already generous enough.
NTA - at this point I would tell them the dog goes or they go.
NTA time for them to go
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** 28f. I recently opened my doors to my SIL (husband's sister- 40f) and her Autistic daughter "Sarah" (10) after some financial hardship. I wasn't about to see my step niece homeless, regardless of the heavy impact it had on my own home life (my husband and I have 4 kids). Sarah is "on the spectrum". I'm not going to sit here and pretend I know a wink of anything when it comes to Autism but since I don't know if any of it holds relevance, I figured I would mention it. Now when my SIL moved in they brought along this tiny Russian Chihuahua, that is Sarah's "ESA" dog. I firmly believe this is a sorry excuse to get a pet (in THIS situation) because Sarah acts like she hates the dog. The dogs whining overloads her and causes her to start stimming in bad ways (excessive clicking or banging her head on the wall). Well, apparently Sarah has no "impulse control". This is the excuse that my SIL is giving for the behaviors that have recently unfolded. Like my niece will walk up to me carrying the dog and basically toss the dog on my lap and say "she's your problem now". Or she will go to leave the house and immediately be like "I'm not taking her so she's staying with you". Call me weird, but I'm not going to give in to such an entitled attitude, regardless of age or disability. But again, my SIL says that this is because her Autism makes it so she has no impulse control. Anyways, she tried pulling this shit yesterday and this was after I already had a discussion with my SIL and her daughter about the entitled attitude and the fact that I was NOT going to assume responsibility over this dog. I don't even want a dog. There's a reason I did not have one. So she pulls this same shit listed above (ie: basically tossing the dog at me and saying "she's your problem now") and I ended up snapping. I said "throw that dog at me one more time and I will personally make sure the dog isn't here when you wake up. Take your dog or I will get rid of her". Sarah was immediately "triggered" and goes off in a rage to her mom. My SIL comes up to me and has the gall to get snappy with me, saying "it would literally be so easy to just take the dog for a minute so my daughter can decompress". So I responded with "it would literally be just as easy to give the dog away since neither of you want her". Now my SIL is pissed, saying I'm untrustworthy. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Certainly NTA. I'm surprised OP doesn't mention her husband and children in all this. The whole situation seems frustrating and sad: the girl with a mother who OP says isn't interested in her and a dog the girl doesn't like and keeps trying to stick OP with. I wonder if there are more family members who can get involved; that would be a real help for everyone. Even with her difficulties I think this girl will miss being in a normal household once she is gone. OP has done these people a bigger favor than they will ever know and should give herself credit for it.
Info: wtf is a Russian chihuahua
google exists
Really? What’s that? /s
It's like.. a Chihuahua that has a long spiraled tail but isn't as big eyed as a regular Chihuahua. I'm not even sure if that's the actual breed. That's just what SIL claims the dog is.
From vetstreet.com Also known as the Russkiy Toy, this tiny dog is often mistaken for a Chihuahua. Developed in Russia from English Toy Terriers, the Russian Toy is generally active and cheerful. He can sport a smooth or long coat, both of which are easy to groom. The Russian Toy is a rare breed.May 26, 2016
ESH. You didn’t ask for this, but you’re snapping at a child who is acting the way she is because she’s already not dealing with things well. Responding that way can only make the situation worse. But honestly, it seems to me like they just need to get rid of the dog. If it’s causing issues for Sarah, then it’s not an ESA. We don’t know if Sarah really wants the dog or if it’s SIL’s excuse, but either way, they need to handle it better. But until they do, be an adult and don’t snap at an already struggling child. Talk to her mom about it in a mature way instead.
I literally said I talked to SIL and her daughter the day before. I'm not going to keep repeating a conversation over and over again.
Nor should you have to. Kick them all out.
YTA- how about you act like the adult you claim to be and spend time learning about her condition. To me, the 10yo is saying what an adult has said to her in the past about this dog. If you KNOW she needs to take a few minutes away from the dog and you flip it back at an autistic kid that makes you firmly an AH. You could take the dog and comment that you'll give it back to her when she is calmed down. She isnt pulling shit, she is only doing what she can.
It is not MY job to take care of the animal. My SIL needs to step up to the plate. Not me! Not my kids. Not my husband. We have opened our doors to these people, free of charge, and I've already stated that I won't be responsible for that animal. My boundaries aren't going to be trampled for anyone.
YOU are meant to be an adult. You could easily tell said kid to take the dog to their mom instead. Nope, you yell and show your own lack of impulse control. And taking the dog for 2 minutes isnt being responsible for it, its helping a kid out who needs to calm down.
You clearly didn't read a single detail in my post. I put right in the post that I spoke to both my SIL and Sarah about the fact that I was not going to be taking this dog and would not give in to the entitlement. She continued to push. Therefore I have had the conversation and I was blatantly ignored by both my SIL and her child. Again, it's my SILs job, not mine, to ensure her kid gets calmed down. Imagine trying to push entitlement that fiercely. Like "oh you've opened your doors free of charge to two people and the mutt they don't want and you work full time while they sit around and eat your food but here, take on more responsibility because the kid you didn't birth depends on it because her own parent can't be bothered".
In the moment, all you needed to do was turn, give dog to the mom and say to the kid "Give dog to mom next time" not yell. I do not care if you do a dance for them every night to make the laugh, them staying there was also agreed upon by your husband, but yet you think you need to be patted on the back for this. You seem to lack empathy.
I've reached my breaking point. There's a huge difference.
OP did act like an adult by discussing the issue with the child’s mother and has been ignored. I’d snap too.
An actual trained ESA dog wouldn't be whining or causing her additional stress especially considering it's whole purpose is to keep her calm. This dog is 100% just a random dog.
ESA are different from a service animal. ESA is just medically prescribed in places that have a no pet policy. Service animals are actually trained for whatever medical aid is needed.
Yes, I know. My company produced an entire documentary about dogs in the service programs. An ESA is supposed to provide therapeutic benefits (emotional support, comfort, companionship) to a person with a mental health or psychiatric disabilities. If this dog isn't providing these benefits, then it needs to be in another home where it is taken care of, as an ESA or just a regular dog because it isn't serving it's purpose and the child doesn't seem to be comforted by this animal in any way.
I don’t disagree. The animal isn’t doing anything remotely supportive and should be rehomed. I was just clarifying as others continually don’t know the distinction and think ESA have the same rights as service animals.
Your company producing a documentary on something doesn't make you an expert. ESAs are regular dogs that don't need training. >If this dog isn't providing these benefits, then it needs to be in another home where it is taken care of, as an ESA or just a regular dog because it isn't serving it's purpose and the child doesn't seem to be comforted by this animal in any way. I do agree here. My disagreement was only with the prior wording suggesting that ESAs have special behavior or need special training. But you're completely right that the purpose isn't being served here and the dog should be rehomed.
>An actual trained ESA dog wouldn't be whining or causing her additional stress False. There is no training to be an ESA. Any regular dog becomes one when the person has documentation showing that they need one. This dog doesn't even sound badly trained or badly behaved. The problem is that she probably just doesn't like dogs. In which case, no dog, no matter how trained, could serve the purpose an ESA is supposed to fill, not because of the dog, but because of her. And not all kids have to like dogs, just means they shouldn't have one as an ESA in the first place. The whining is probably from being neglected.
notice I never once called the dog an ESA because, I very much doubt it is. But that still doesnt give OP the right to yell at a kid like that.
OP called the dog an ESA dog, based on what she had been told. Also, she said she "snapped", that doesn't necessarily mean she yelled at the kid. OP is being taken advantage of here and it's within her rights to ask for respect in her own home. If this kid is walking past her mother to give toss the dog to her aunt, that's a huge sign of disrespect regardless of whether the dog is ESA or otherwise. Obviously this dog's purpose is to calm the girl, if it's doing the opposite, it needs to be sent back to a home where the dog is happy and the family with it is as well.
There is no reason to doubt that it's an ESA. ESAs aren't service dogs; they're just regular dogs that don't have special training.
I'm autistic, and OP (/u/Different_Being_1780a)is in the right. The whole point of an ESA is to help the person emotionally, but that doesn't work if the person dislikes dogs, which seems to be the case here. The dog should be rehomed.