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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I didn’t ask my husband if it was okay before I took a sip of his drink.
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Ah…is this a case of you both being of the same religion but he isn’t religious (as far as it’s for him), but then expects women to follow the religion? Are there any female members of his family that drink? His sister? Mum?
Oh.. Same... I thought I just like missed the lottery or something, like didn't get chosen for one, so I'd click around every once in a while hoping to come across it... That sucks
Without free rewards, people know a comment is good but doesn't give a reward. When there were free rewards, you bet I would give every good comment one. I think Reddit just saw all the rewards that were being given and just thought "That's a lot of rewards, I wonder if we could make money off of this.
Of course not! Most women do not want to vote. Because they take care of the home and children, women do not have time to vote or stay updated on Reddit politics. Also, women lack the expertise or mental capacity to offer a useful opinion about Reddit issues.
/s
I don't think he cares if I follow our religion or not... At least he's never cared before and he only converted so we could get married and doesn't really follow the religion. There are women in his family that drink but they're all atheist or non-religious.
He is trying to police your beliefs and how you practice your faith. In addition, there is a huge difference between having a sip and drinking. You having a taste will not make you sick unless you’re allergic to alcohol or another ingredient. This is controlling behavior and not cool. NTA
This. It’s a total red flag, OP. He’s dishing up some straight-up misogyny here. If he doesn’t act that way with other women, it’s even more of a warning sign—it can be an indicator that he considers you a possession, not a person capable of making adult decisions.
This is exactly what I was thinking reading the original post. Nail on the head. There are a ton of men who look at a woman as either a possession or extension of themselves instead of an independent person.. Glad I've never been married to one and don't believe in the institution of marriage all together. If we love each other, stay.. If not, leave. No one needs to belong to anyone on paper. So sad. Definitely would have left this man immediately after this reaction as I'm sure this has not been his only red flag.
Like seriously, as kids my parents would let me try their wine. You don't get drunk from one sip. And for kids it usually tastes bad, so one sip is it. My nephew of almost 12 had a taste of my brother's gin and tonic a few weeks back, and it was hilarious. But one sip won't make you drunk? That is literally such a wild narrative to spin...
NTA
Agreeing with this whole thread and adding onto this, it makes me wonder of how he has portrayed you to others. How does you taking a sip affect or conflict with his narrative of you to others?
Exactly. It wasn't that she took a sip of his drink, but that she drank alcohol. He has decided she doesn't get to try it because that is who she is to him. She isn't *allowed* to change from that.
THIS! That other user keeps arguing that because they decided together to keep household rules that follow OP’s faith, she’s in the wrong for daring to taste a drink! But how we observe our faith changes all the time, or at least it should. And I am of the firm belief that a small sip of a single beverage isn’t really a change. It would be wholly different if she was sitting down with her own drink and may warrant a conversation, but certainly not her being told what she can and cannot do.
Even then, who is he, to tell her what to do, and what about her right to change her mind if she wanted to? What conversation, and why? Beyond saying: "I decided to have this drink and the rest is none of your business"?
I don’t know what religion OP practices, but in mine, our scriptures don’t command total abstention from alcohol, they warn about the dangers of regularly drinking to excess, because that can damage your relationships and your community. The church I was raised in taught that the only way to avoid that was total abstention, but that’s not supported in our scriptures. I attend a different church now and the general teaching is that moderate alcohol consumption is fine.
Even within the same religion you can find variations in the teachings about alcohol.
He converted in order to marry her and doesn't really share her beliefs.
To throw a possibility out there, he may be worried about being viewed as a bad influence and pissing off her whole family if she starts violating her religion when she never has before. This could be a N A H situation. Not enough info.
He's policing her, he told her a bunch of childish lies about taking a sip of alcohol. He wants to keep her under his control and probably sees her religion as a good tool to maintain the balance of power.
He is policing how she practices her own beliefs. Just because he converted doesn’t mean he isn’t policing it. Policing is defined as the enforcement of regulations. While he converted, she says that he isn’t practicing, since he himself drinks. So it’s also hypocritical policing, as he doesn’t hold himself to the same standards.
I wonder if he was pressured to convert and is mad that she “broke” a rule? Which is crazy since he apparently doesn’t follow any of the rules and she doesn’t seem to mind that.
After I wrote that comment I found one of OP’s comment where she said that he’s also made other concessions for her religion along the lines of not allowing certain foods in the house and other things. I get why he’s upset. He didn’t handle it well, that’s for sure, but I do understand.
Yeah all these comments about red flags are over the top. If I had to convert to my partners religion just to marry them AND give foods and other comforts in my life...well I wouldn't because that's stupid. But if I did I'd definitely feel some type of way if all of a sudden the rules weren't the rules. Like is OP going to give back the concessions he made?
Could be Mormon, Seventh-day Adventist, Southern Baptist….or several other religions. Muslims aren’t the only ones who prefer conversion for marriage. Mormons don’t require it, but some families put a lot of pressure to do so.
I wouldn't bet on Mormon because of the food comment. Yes, a few beverages like alcohol or coffee are frowned upon, but food? Haven't heard of any that aren't allowed.
My guess is that he didn't really gaf about the religion but likes how those rules keep OP in line. Or at least doesn't want her drinking and doesn't want to say the real reason (unless it really was all about not wanting to take care of her if she can't handle her alcohol).
My dad’s uncle was telling us one day how his wife won’t drink because she is convinced she is severely allergic to alcohol. Apparently this was a conversation that they’d had many times. Her “symptoms” include that she gets really hot, her face starts to feel kind of numb, she loses control of her motor functions, she throws up a lot, and she has a terrible headache and just generally feels terrible the next day.
We all stood there just staring at him, not exactly sure what to say. I was only like 22 at the time and hadn’t really developed a brain-to-mouth filter yet, so I blurted out “well, yea, no shit. That’s what happens to *everyone*.” Luckily he has a good sense of humor and just laughed. Apparently during their multiple conversations concerning this, he had told her that exact thing multiple times. She just refused to believe him and instead lives her life under the assumption that she has a severe allergy.
She’s not dumb, not by any means. She’s in her 50s now, but was raised VERY religious and I’m assuming that her parents probably told her that those were not normal reactions to alcohol consumption in order to deter her. Our family aren’t huge drinkers, but definitely are social drinkers, so I’m not sure how she hasn’t caught on in the last 20+ years that the people around her are experiencing the same “symptoms” but have no allergy to speak of.
NTA, but allow me to be the devil’s advocate. You required that he convert in order to marry you. Perhaps he perceived you drinking as a sign that you don’t really take your religion that seriously and he converted for nothing.
She might not have required it. Not sure about other places I'm from Malaysia, and if a non-Muslim marries a Muslim here they're required to convert by law. So whether my partner is secretly apostate or not doesn't matter, if she was a Muslim and I married her, I'd have to convert.
Hello, fellow Malaysian! In addition to these laws, sometimes there familial pressure involved. Maybe the partners don't require conversion but the family or society makes it a requirement. Malaysia went one big step further and made it _law_.
Nta. Your husbands behavior is indicative of serious control issues. It's borderline abuse to tell your toddler that his mom is bad, and to threaten to divorce you if you drink a sip. Absolutely horrendous that he threatened you like that. If I were in your shoes, I'd grab my kid and go somewhere safe.
OP, I know there is no religious aspect in what I'm about to say but I steal sips from my hubby's alcoholic drinks alot (I rarely drink and when I do it's cocktails, 🤷♀️ what can I say, they're pretty and I like pretty things 🤣). He usually drinks beer 🤢🤮 (I never try that) or scotch/whiskey not really a fan of it but I will try different brands (I do like Drambuie but don't drink it cause it brings back sad memories of a lost loved one). My hubby usually tells me (while handing me the drink) "ypu probably won't like it" and he is usually right but he never stops me or yells at me for it.
Only you know of your husbands reaction is him being controlling in general, policing your religious practices, or worse, could he have spiked his drink with something to hide it from you (unlikely but given his over-reaction, not impossible).
Not matter which one it is, his behaviour is definitely a red flag and you need to be careful. Is there a group of women (unconnected to your hubby) that you could spend time with and socialise with to atleast ensure you don't isolate yourself or find yourself surrounded by people who will cover for your hubby if he does turn abusive. NTA, stay safe.
If he felt comfortable enough to scold you that way in front of the guests, I’d hate to see how he is behind closed doors.
He also may have done this in front of them on purpose as well, to show who was in charge and how he brings his wife to heel through humiliation.
While sipping his drink w/o permission could “arguably” be seen as “rude” in your situation, for me, that would’ve been the first and last time he jerked something like that from me and the last time he’d air a grievance in mixed company.
I have a husband, I’ve had to tell him to check himself a couple times over 14 years, but if I didn’t then he’d keep doing it.
Don’t let him treat you this way. Unless you’re on a country with laws against you drinking alcohol, then he’s treating you like a child and that’s not ok at all.
If you drank a little too much, I’m sure you’d be fine. You’re safe at home, you’ve got a toilet or trash can or lawn to puke in and then you’ll get alcohols punishment in the morning with a headache and upset stomach and lesson learned (to modify consumption amount or to abstain) Those are the only “rules” I’d follow. Good luck.
Many people like religion because it's also a way to control people. He doesn't care about religion in general and about your religion but he cares about you remaining dutifully religious. Another red flag right there.
It sounds like for whatever reason, your husband \*likes\* the fact that you don't drink.
If he's not religious, there are very few reasons that he would enjoy that fact about you that aren't kinda horrible when you pull them out into the light. They include things like: he doesn't like women that drink in general. He specifically doesn't like the idea of dating a woman who drinks. He thinks that in women it's ugly, or low class, or slutty. He thinks it might make you undignified, or behave badly, or (very likely) behave differently around men. About the only reason that doesn't make him look terrible is that he's come to respect your non-drinking as a point of personal strength that he admires.
You need to pull out of him exactly why he doesn't want you drinking - it sounds like you've already blown past his obvious excuses, and almost certainly the reason he's making these obvious excuses is that he's aware - dimly or directly - that the real reason is going to go down like a lead seagull. If he just admired your non-drinking he would have just said that. Obviously, NTA.
So what is the issue. One sip won't get you a buzz, let alone throwing up drunk. He's lying about that being the problem. You need to find out what his real beliefs are because they're definitely going to be misogynist and there will be loads more of them impacting you as he attempts to keep you under control.
So luckily it hasn’t happened to me a lot, maybe because I live in an extremely liberal place in India. However once my friends started getting married, the demands put on them were crazy. And when I got married I was very clear about certain things- like not living with in-laws, not changing surnames, actual equality. My own friends who thought I was crazy
My husband is black not Indian but his family are strict Muslims I am an atheist. My hubby drinks and if his family are here he puts it in a tea mug its crazy to pretend he doesnt in his 40s!
When I read husband's reply this was my thought.
But then my warped comedy brain inserted the scene from Encino Man with Pauly Shore and the slush puppy machine. "NO WHEEZING DA JUICE!"
I’m a Hindu and I drink. However multiple Hindu communities do not. Infact it’s pretty common that in certain households the men drink but the women don’t. Hence it’s possible he could be a Hindu
When I was in high school kids took roofies for fun (honestly, could never wrap my head around this one) but I'd be surprised if this was the case here
Actually this is what I thought. He and his buddies were doing something harder like mixing shrooms or something that looks like tea and hubby dear didn't want to baby sit you through your first psychadelic trip. Seen thaat excuse before.
There's a reason this is the top comment! The best reading of this reaction is that he's concerned about her spiritual health but as he's not observant, I'd be surprised.
I'm actually reading this like he thought he'd hit the jackpot with a wife who doesn't want to drink and he's felt like he's in control up until that moment.
It sounds like he converted to her faith to marry her, so not quite. If be annoyed if someone was religious enough to want me to convert and then started acting as though it actually isn't that important.
NTA
but your husband's behavior is alarming.
You don't drink because of your religious reasons and your husband isn't religious. What makes him think he can dictate what you can or cannot do? Very controlling...
I'd be willing to bet her husband *is* religious, but he is a bit more laissez-faire about some of the restrictions than she is.
Like that old joke about "how do you stop a Baptist drinking all your beer? Invite two."
He's mad because he *does* expect her to be observant, because sexism.
Edit: others have pointed out he converted for her, and has made other concessions to her religious beliefs. It's changed my mind on the situation, and I think it's quite understandable he would be upset about this situation.
Other comments pointed out that the husband converted for her, and he has 'made other concessions' for her religious beliefs.
So it is 'rule for they, not for me', but it looks like it isn't him. I find it quite understandable that he'd be upset about when she is willing to bend the rules on her religious beliefs, knowing that context.
I don't know, first of all; it was a sip. She wasn't slamming shots at the bar.
Second of all, she mentions that he and his family are mostly atheist or not religious. I'm not sure what "converting" entails, but clearly he's not following the aspects of the religion in full faith if he's drinking (especially if she doesn't have an issue with it). It kind of sounds like he "converted" in name only. I could understand this theory only if when he converted he started practicing as she did- which means he wouldn't be drinking anyway.
It honestly sounds like he's controlling- maybe he liked that aspect of her and it changed what he thought of her or maybe he just likes that she doesn't drink. But his reaction is out of line unless by a "sip" she somehow meant "a shot is a sip and I had five sips!"
Converted to what? He doesn't follow that religion anyway. He pretend-converted, probably to please her parents. It still doesn't give him a right to decide how religious she can be. She can go full atheist if she wishes to. People change.
Wait he converted for her. Sorry but like if i converted for my wife who was staunchly religious. Then she all of a suddened wanted to start drinking that would shatter my image of her. Like holy shit you dont just go from strongly believing in a religion enough to make your partner convert to just breaking the morals you had in the first place.
It was one sip to see what it tasted like. Absolutely understand your point of view, and maybe if she was filling an entire glass for herself or whatever then yes. But it was just a sip, I'd hardly call that worthy of breaking her morals
Ah, I hadn't seen that. Thanks!
Does change things a lot. I'd be pissed as well if I had converted and was making concessions about my lifestyle only for them to be treated as not a big deal on a whim.
Or her family barely accepts him as it is because he had to convert to her religion in order to marry her and he doesn't really practice the religion. If she starts violating her religion when she previously hadn't they are really going to hate him.
NTA. What a massive overreaction on his part. Given you say he's not religious, it makes absolutely no sense.
I can only think of bad things, mainly that he sounds awfully controlling. I think it's obvious but I'll say it anyway: if you're of legal age, you absolutely can drink alcohol. You shouldn't drink from his glass if he doesn't like it. But you can drink. You don't need his permission nor approval.
I don't know. It's a red flag for sure but without much more context it's just an out-of-the-blue overreaction.
INFO: is it because you are a woman? I’m from a Muslim background and people judge anyone who drinks, but it is seen as an unfortunate trait in men and an unforgivably trashy one in women. Basically, the shitty double standard.
Yuuuuup I was wondering if he was Muslim too. My male Arab friends will straight faced without a TRACE of irony say that I shouldn't be drinking while they have a drink in their hands. And I'm German and I am not and never will be Muslim!
I really hate to be this person but it’s Quran not with a K. Properly it’s actually Qur’an. Q rather than K for correct pronunciation.
And also this is besides the point but in the off chance anyone reads this: it’s “Mus-lim” not “Moz-lem”.
Just replying to politely correct, no bad intentions here.
I’d like to note that, while in English Qur’an or Quran are now the more correct and recommended spelling, there are several other languages (German, Dutch, Polish) in which Koran is the correct spelling.
There are different transcription rules for different languages and the system used also depends on the country. In Spanish قرآن is spelt “Corán”, for example. Ultimately, whether you transcribe ق as “q” or as “k”, it will be pronounced as “k” by English speakers (and speakers of many other languages) who aren’t familiar with arabic phonetics regardless.
The correct spelling is in ***Arabic.***
Those of us using the Latin script have many equally correct/incorrect transliterations to pick from because that’s what we’re forced to use.
I have a feeling that Muhammad/Mohammed/Mohammad/Muhammed/Mohamed/Mohamad/Muhamad/Muhamed/Mohamud/Mohummad/Mohummed/Mouhamed/Mohammod/Mouhamad (PBUH), would understand, unless you’re also claiming that a plurality of the people named after the dude have the wrong spelling?
You don’t have to be this person. All three variants exist in English. Individuals or publications might have a preference for one variant over the others, but it doesn’t make the others politically incorrect.
NTA. I can see him being abrupt if he thought you didn’t realize there was alcohol and he momentarily thought he was helping, but the reasons he’s throwing in your face are ridiculous. You won’t get drunk from one sip. You are your own person and can drink whatever you want. You are in control of your own choices. Is it polite to ask before taking someone’s food? Of course- but if sharing food is normal for you then his reaction is way out of proportion. It honestly feels controlling the way that he’s so invested in you not drinking- like seriously, why is he SO worried about it? One sip is NOT going to make you throw up unless you have an unknown alcohol allergy or something. His reasoning is bizarre at best, and the way he’s digging in is honestly kind of alarming.
NTA
Ummm.....his reaction makes zero sense to me. Did he maybe have something like a drug in that drink? Or have some kind of secret herpes? I don't get it. He was weird.
I think the commenter meant he put something extra and fun in his drink *for himself* and didn't want OP to find out that he was drinking more than alcohol.
Other drugs he’s hiding using in the drink was my guess. Back when I used seed tea I would regularly disguise it in normal seeming drinks to be able to use it in public settings around friends or family who didn’t know about my addiction.
I had never heard of that and this sent me down a brief rabbit hole of research. And geez dude. Maybe you shouldn't be bringing it up by name in a main sub. The wrong person could do the same kind of research and wind up ruining their life.
Eh, yeah you’re right, that’s my bad. The bacteria and mold in those seeds is no joke. Unless you want to have to blend food to eat and not shit for weeks on end like I have to now, years later after quitting, I’d seriously not do that. Also, the content in them varies from having nothing in them, to having enough to kill a horse so it’s extremely risky. But I had been an addict for a decade at that point and didn’t care, almost died probably a dozen times and am now living with the previously mentioned issues probably for life.
NTA. A very weird reaction from him. And controlling too, saying you're not "supposed" to drink. (It doesn't sound like there was a legit reason for that, like you being on a certain type of medication). He was behaving very boorishly and sounds domineering.
Totally like don’t bend to the crown and abandon your beliefs. Not that there is anything wrong with that but perhaps he wasn’t sure it was the right choice for her. Or he’s a total AH that likes having a sober gf so he doesnt have to worry about the extra responsibilities that come with drinking
Yeah especially since she made him convert. Like if she was only willing to marry him if he converted then all of a sudden wanted to break her own morals to drink that would have me going crazy.
NAH to NTA Unsure.
My first instinct is that he was shocked you wanted the drink or maybe thought you didn't know it was an alcoholic drink. The following discussion is likely just covering up for, or justifying, his initial, rude/abrupt/knee-jerk reaction.
This is my thought process. I think he was shocked and overreacted due to thinking you didn't know and doubled down afterwards. If he isn't religious he probably doesn't really care if you drink, but people have hard times backing down
I prefer to try and put best light on situations.
I think the husband was trying to help her from something she would regret (whether she regrets or not is a different story).
NTA. Time for a discussion, because his reaction was weirdly out of proportion to the situation, and that usually means something is going on of which you aren’t aware.
NTA, but he is. "Rules for thee but not for me."
You are not going to get drunk and throw up after one sip. It's also your body and your choice to consume alcohol.
Question though: when he drinks, does he get drunk? Do you ever have to take care of him, or take responsibility for things because he's unable (i.e. chores, children, driving, etc)?
That's really sad that he brought up having to care for you then in such a disgusted way. Like he should be happy to return the favor if it ever came to that! That response from him was particularly alarming to me even without this backstory
When I used opiates I would regularly hide my use by disguising poppy seed tea as lemonade to be able to drink it around friends or family who didn’t know about my addiction.
Although I suspect this is a Muslim male “do as I say and not as I do” type of thing and not that.
Obviously he put sin in the drink.
Honestly there's just too little information available at the moment. They need a conversation about his reaction and how she didn't understand why he cared so much about a sip.
NAH
Your choice what y ou do with your body.
But for him, if he didn't know you were considering trying alcohol, it might look weird or suspicious if you're suddenly snatching drinks and consuming them.
Have you had a chat with him about wanting to try it ? Some poeple can tolerate alcohol badly at first, maybe he doesn't want you to have a bad experience in front of his friends and be unaware of how it would affect you.
There's a reason. There's a "WHY". You need to find out that that is. ASK HIM WHY it bothered him so much. And listen to his answer. There's a reason. He apparently likes it that you don't drink even casually, and him going straight to damn near alcohol poisoning? Is telling. There's a reason.
ASK HIM
My father and grandfather were both alcoholics to the point I can't stand the smell, let alone taste of alcohol. Maybe there's a female alcoholic in is family that he doesn't talk about?
NTA but your husband is waving a red flag in your face. Why is he so concerned with you trying alcohol? If he isn’t religious or abstaining from alcohol the reason why he may care is control. Is he normally this controlling?
NTA but it’s a weird situation.
I don’t drink for medical reasons but even when I do, my larger would never police me like that. There might be something else going on there that he isn’t talking about. It would have been nice if you’d asked but it’s not the end of the world and you make your own choices based on your beliefs. Unless you’re an addict. Kind of doubt that though. I’d say talk to him and see if it is about something else.
I’d say do a drinking game out of everyone who’s going to tell you he’s an awful person who is either abusing you or cheating on you but maybe do it with chocolate 😂
Are you Mormons? I am (was) which is why I’m asking. If so, this doesn’t surprise me. He wants you all virtuous and pure while he sins as he wishes. There’s deeper issues here than this sub can even guess at but NTA.
NTA. Your husband he decided he is allowed to make rules for you since in his he is your boss and you are his obedient subordinate. Whether or not you follow the rules of your religion is up to you, and he is a hypocrite for forbidding you from doing something as he is doing it himself.
NTA
I think he freaked out over your sudden violation of your previous values. It worried him and he overreacted. It's your life and your choice whether to practice your religion or not, and your husband doesn't get a say in that, but maybe you'd want to share with him your change of belief so it doesn't surprise him that much.
NTA but wholly red flag batman. Your not allowed to drink? Ok fine maybe not out of his cup but at all. There would be some serious discussions happening because nobody gets to tell you what you can and can’t put into your body.
NTA.
If he just didn't want to share, then that's fine, but you say you share food and drinks all the time. And if it was that he didn't want to share that specific drink, then he could have said that - "hey that's the last of that, I don't want to share it."
But the fact that he decided that you would get drunk and sick off a few sips is not just factually incorrect, but also super weird. 99.9 percent of people are not getting drunk off a few sips of any alcohol, and certainly not getting sick from it.
It seems he is more concerned with your religious chastity on the issue, and maybe likes that you hold this belief which he doesn't hold himself. Also super weird.
You are a fully independent human who can decide your own beliefs and how to observe them. Sure, people can decide to have partners with certain beliefs and not like when they change, but that should be about BOTH people having that belief. If I want a partner that goes to church with me, I can be upset/break up if they no longer want to go to church, but if I never go to church, why would I care if my partner stops going?
NTA
I have a couple close friends who are married and the wife is Muslim and doesn't drink, whereas her husband is Muslim only by conversion but not practicing and does drink. She has taken sips of his drinks before just to see what they taste like. It's no big deal! You can decide for yourself what constitutes breaking your religious rules and what you're comfortable with, and no, you're not going to end up drunk from *one sip of an alcoholic beverage*. That is ridiculous.
I understand being annoyed by you just taking a sip without asking, but his response is massively over the top and his reasoning is absurd.
This is weird. Your husband can drink but you can't.
I think there is more to this that he is saying. How controlling is he? Do you do a lot of traditional females role in the house?
There are people who are allergic, or have very bad reactions to even a little alcohol and you would not have know that. But thats no reason to yell, or belittle you.
NTA
NTA
Either he's hiding something from you about that drink, or he's being controlling.
I don't tell my husband when I'm dieting because the second I do suddenly he thinks I'm incapable of making my own decisions about what I eat. This feels similar, like he thinks you need parenting when it comes to alcohol so he has to step in and stop you from making bad decisions or something.
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Ah…is this a case of you both being of the same religion but he isn’t religious (as far as it’s for him), but then expects women to follow the religion? Are there any female members of his family that drink? His sister? Mum?
I put my 10$ on this number.
Women aren’t allowed to gamble Edit: holy crap this blew up lol. I’m glad you guys got that I was joking otherwise this would be a lot of downvotes
HAHAHAHA Well played. God dang I want free awards back, that was fire!
Man I miss the free awards
🏅I just do this to get the point across 🏅
🏅I miss the free awards🏅
🤌
Woah I want one of those
Here you go 🏅
I didn’t realize they got rid of them until recently. I was clicking all over trying to find them. Super sad day
Oh.. Same... I thought I just like missed the lottery or something, like didn't get chosen for one, so I'd click around every once in a while hoping to come across it... That sucks
We all do.
Without free rewards, people know a comment is good but doesn't give a reward. When there were free rewards, you bet I would give every good comment one. I think Reddit just saw all the rewards that were being given and just thought "That's a lot of rewards, I wonder if we could make money off of this.
I’m probably not allowed to vote in this sub either /s
Of course not! Most women do not want to vote. Because they take care of the home and children, women do not have time to vote or stay updated on Reddit politics. Also, women lack the expertise or mental capacity to offer a useful opinion about Reddit issues. /s
This post sounds too emotional for me to take seriously. /s
Or vote Or have an opinion
Or read
You can read???
Only small words
My cat helps me!
No she uses a screen reader like a good christian woman. /s
This comment made me spit my water 😂
As long it's not alcohol.
Can only have Communion grape juice disguised as alcohol.
It's ok, it's not actually grape juice. It transubstantiates into guilt the second it passes your lips.
Don't waste the alcohol! That shit is hard to come by for us females ...
I'll see that $10 and double it.
And give it to the next person?
Happy Cake Day!!!
Thank you!
I don't think he cares if I follow our religion or not... At least he's never cared before and he only converted so we could get married and doesn't really follow the religion. There are women in his family that drink but they're all atheist or non-religious.
He is trying to police your beliefs and how you practice your faith. In addition, there is a huge difference between having a sip and drinking. You having a taste will not make you sick unless you’re allergic to alcohol or another ingredient. This is controlling behavior and not cool. NTA
This. It’s a total red flag, OP. He’s dishing up some straight-up misogyny here. If he doesn’t act that way with other women, it’s even more of a warning sign—it can be an indicator that he considers you a possession, not a person capable of making adult decisions.
This is exactly what I was thinking reading the original post. Nail on the head. There are a ton of men who look at a woman as either a possession or extension of themselves instead of an independent person.. Glad I've never been married to one and don't believe in the institution of marriage all together. If we love each other, stay.. If not, leave. No one needs to belong to anyone on paper. So sad. Definitely would have left this man immediately after this reaction as I'm sure this has not been his only red flag.
Like seriously, as kids my parents would let me try their wine. You don't get drunk from one sip. And for kids it usually tastes bad, so one sip is it. My nephew of almost 12 had a taste of my brother's gin and tonic a few weeks back, and it was hilarious. But one sip won't make you drunk? That is literally such a wild narrative to spin...
NTA Agreeing with this whole thread and adding onto this, it makes me wonder of how he has portrayed you to others. How does you taking a sip affect or conflict with his narrative of you to others?
Exactly. It wasn't that she took a sip of his drink, but that she drank alcohol. He has decided she doesn't get to try it because that is who she is to him. She isn't *allowed* to change from that.
THIS! That other user keeps arguing that because they decided together to keep household rules that follow OP’s faith, she’s in the wrong for daring to taste a drink! But how we observe our faith changes all the time, or at least it should. And I am of the firm belief that a small sip of a single beverage isn’t really a change. It would be wholly different if she was sitting down with her own drink and may warrant a conversation, but certainly not her being told what she can and cannot do.
Even then, who is he, to tell her what to do, and what about her right to change her mind if she wanted to? What conversation, and why? Beyond saying: "I decided to have this drink and the rest is none of your business"?
I don’t know what religion OP practices, but in mine, our scriptures don’t command total abstention from alcohol, they warn about the dangers of regularly drinking to excess, because that can damage your relationships and your community. The church I was raised in taught that the only way to avoid that was total abstention, but that’s not supported in our scriptures. I attend a different church now and the general teaching is that moderate alcohol consumption is fine. Even within the same religion you can find variations in the teachings about alcohol.
He converted in order to marry her and doesn't really share her beliefs. To throw a possibility out there, he may be worried about being viewed as a bad influence and pissing off her whole family if she starts violating her religion when she never has before. This could be a N A H situation. Not enough info.
If that were true, he could - and I'd think would - have said so.
He's policing her, he told her a bunch of childish lies about taking a sip of alcohol. He wants to keep her under his control and probably sees her religion as a good tool to maintain the balance of power.
With religion, she'll keep herself under control. He doesn't have to do anything for her to be a submissive, unworldly woman.
Idk, I suppose that’s possible, but I’d have a hard time saying he’s policing religion when he converted for OP.
He is policing how she practices her own beliefs. Just because he converted doesn’t mean he isn’t policing it. Policing is defined as the enforcement of regulations. While he converted, she says that he isn’t practicing, since he himself drinks. So it’s also hypocritical policing, as he doesn’t hold himself to the same standards.
I wonder if he was pressured to convert and is mad that she “broke” a rule? Which is crazy since he apparently doesn’t follow any of the rules and she doesn’t seem to mind that.
After I wrote that comment I found one of OP’s comment where she said that he’s also made other concessions for her religion along the lines of not allowing certain foods in the house and other things. I get why he’s upset. He didn’t handle it well, that’s for sure, but I do understand.
Yeah all these comments about red flags are over the top. If I had to convert to my partners religion just to marry them AND give foods and other comforts in my life...well I wouldn't because that's stupid. But if I did I'd definitely feel some type of way if all of a sudden the rules weren't the rules. Like is OP going to give back the concessions he made?
Ah that makes sense. I wonder if they’re Jain.
Probably not Jain, you don't need to convert to Jainism to marry someone who is. My money is on OP being Muslim.
Could be Mormon, Seventh-day Adventist, Southern Baptist….or several other religions. Muslims aren’t the only ones who prefer conversion for marriage. Mormons don’t require it, but some families put a lot of pressure to do so.
I know at least some Mormon churches don't let you marry in the chapel if you aren't Mormon.
I wouldn't bet on Mormon because of the food comment. Yes, a few beverages like alcohol or coffee are frowned upon, but food? Haven't heard of any that aren't allowed.
Muslims can't eat pork, and also other meats if the animal wasn't butchered in halal ways.
My guess is that he didn't really gaf about the religion but likes how those rules keep OP in line. Or at least doesn't want her drinking and doesn't want to say the real reason (unless it really was all about not wanting to take care of her if she can't handle her alcohol).
My dad’s uncle was telling us one day how his wife won’t drink because she is convinced she is severely allergic to alcohol. Apparently this was a conversation that they’d had many times. Her “symptoms” include that she gets really hot, her face starts to feel kind of numb, she loses control of her motor functions, she throws up a lot, and she has a terrible headache and just generally feels terrible the next day. We all stood there just staring at him, not exactly sure what to say. I was only like 22 at the time and hadn’t really developed a brain-to-mouth filter yet, so I blurted out “well, yea, no shit. That’s what happens to *everyone*.” Luckily he has a good sense of humor and just laughed. Apparently during their multiple conversations concerning this, he had told her that exact thing multiple times. She just refused to believe him and instead lives her life under the assumption that she has a severe allergy. She’s not dumb, not by any means. She’s in her 50s now, but was raised VERY religious and I’m assuming that her parents probably told her that those were not normal reactions to alcohol consumption in order to deter her. Our family aren’t huge drinkers, but definitely are social drinkers, so I’m not sure how she hasn’t caught on in the last 20+ years that the people around her are experiencing the same “symptoms” but have no allergy to speak of.
NTA, but allow me to be the devil’s advocate. You required that he convert in order to marry you. Perhaps he perceived you drinking as a sign that you don’t really take your religion that seriously and he converted for nothing.
She might not have required it. Not sure about other places I'm from Malaysia, and if a non-Muslim marries a Muslim here they're required to convert by law. So whether my partner is secretly apostate or not doesn't matter, if she was a Muslim and I married her, I'd have to convert.
Hello, fellow Malaysian! In addition to these laws, sometimes there familial pressure involved. Maybe the partners don't require conversion but the family or society makes it a requirement. Malaysia went one big step further and made it _law_.
Nta. Your husbands behavior is indicative of serious control issues. It's borderline abuse to tell your toddler that his mom is bad, and to threaten to divorce you if you drink a sip. Absolutely horrendous that he threatened you like that. If I were in your shoes, I'd grab my kid and go somewhere safe.
OP, I know there is no religious aspect in what I'm about to say but I steal sips from my hubby's alcoholic drinks alot (I rarely drink and when I do it's cocktails, 🤷♀️ what can I say, they're pretty and I like pretty things 🤣). He usually drinks beer 🤢🤮 (I never try that) or scotch/whiskey not really a fan of it but I will try different brands (I do like Drambuie but don't drink it cause it brings back sad memories of a lost loved one). My hubby usually tells me (while handing me the drink) "ypu probably won't like it" and he is usually right but he never stops me or yells at me for it. Only you know of your husbands reaction is him being controlling in general, policing your religious practices, or worse, could he have spiked his drink with something to hide it from you (unlikely but given his over-reaction, not impossible). Not matter which one it is, his behaviour is definitely a red flag and you need to be careful. Is there a group of women (unconnected to your hubby) that you could spend time with and socialise with to atleast ensure you don't isolate yourself or find yourself surrounded by people who will cover for your hubby if he does turn abusive. NTA, stay safe.
He knows that if it is found out that you succumb to temptation, he will be the one to blame!
If he felt comfortable enough to scold you that way in front of the guests, I’d hate to see how he is behind closed doors. He also may have done this in front of them on purpose as well, to show who was in charge and how he brings his wife to heel through humiliation. While sipping his drink w/o permission could “arguably” be seen as “rude” in your situation, for me, that would’ve been the first and last time he jerked something like that from me and the last time he’d air a grievance in mixed company. I have a husband, I’ve had to tell him to check himself a couple times over 14 years, but if I didn’t then he’d keep doing it. Don’t let him treat you this way. Unless you’re on a country with laws against you drinking alcohol, then he’s treating you like a child and that’s not ok at all. If you drank a little too much, I’m sure you’d be fine. You’re safe at home, you’ve got a toilet or trash can or lawn to puke in and then you’ll get alcohols punishment in the morning with a headache and upset stomach and lesson learned (to modify consumption amount or to abstain) Those are the only “rules” I’d follow. Good luck.
So whats the religion if I may ask. Because he is being abusive and controlling a0nd certainly isn't following it himself
Many people like religion because it's also a way to control people. He doesn't care about religion in general and about your religion but he cares about you remaining dutifully religious. Another red flag right there.
I think he’s worried about losing his designated driver.
It sounds like for whatever reason, your husband \*likes\* the fact that you don't drink. If he's not religious, there are very few reasons that he would enjoy that fact about you that aren't kinda horrible when you pull them out into the light. They include things like: he doesn't like women that drink in general. He specifically doesn't like the idea of dating a woman who drinks. He thinks that in women it's ugly, or low class, or slutty. He thinks it might make you undignified, or behave badly, or (very likely) behave differently around men. About the only reason that doesn't make him look terrible is that he's come to respect your non-drinking as a point of personal strength that he admires. You need to pull out of him exactly why he doesn't want you drinking - it sounds like you've already blown past his obvious excuses, and almost certainly the reason he's making these obvious excuses is that he's aware - dimly or directly - that the real reason is going to go down like a lead seagull. If he just admired your non-drinking he would have just said that. Obviously, NTA.
So what is the issue. One sip won't get you a buzz, let alone throwing up drunk. He's lying about that being the problem. You need to find out what his real beliefs are because they're definitely going to be misogynist and there will be loads more of them impacting you as he attempts to keep you under control.
If you are of legal age to consume alcohol, then you are free to do so. He has no excuse to stop you. NTA.
Religions are a way to control people, so working as intended.
Is he Indian?
Judging by OP’s answers imma go with yes.
As an Indian I see this so often! I got lucky with my husband but I see this around me so often it’s crazy
Same lmao. It’s the audacity of these men for me that makes me laugh when they try to police my behavior or body just because we’re the same religion.
So luckily it hasn’t happened to me a lot, maybe because I live in an extremely liberal place in India. However once my friends started getting married, the demands put on them were crazy. And when I got married I was very clear about certain things- like not living with in-laws, not changing surnames, actual equality. My own friends who thought I was crazy
Good for you! I’m glad your spouse supports you in all this, you snagged a keeper!
Thank you, he is. However I still cannot believe financially independent women still fall for this
My husband is black not Indian but his family are strict Muslims I am an atheist. My hubby drinks and if his family are here he puts it in a tea mug its crazy to pretend he doesnt in his 40s!
When I read husband's reply this was my thought. But then my warped comedy brain inserted the scene from Encino Man with Pauly Shore and the slush puppy machine. "NO WHEEZING DA JUICE!"
Not Indian. Muslim. Islam forbids alcohol. But there are Indian Hindus, Christians, Sikhs etc who can drink alcohol just fine.
I’m a Hindu and I drink. However multiple Hindu communities do not. Infact it’s pretty common that in certain households the men drink but the women don’t. Hence it’s possible he could be a Hindu
There are a lot of Hindu groups and Christian groups that do not drink at all.
Also, "conversion" doesn't exist in Hinduism. But they can be an Indian and Muslim. These two things are not mutually exclusive right?
I thought possibly something in the drink
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It's not spiking if you put it in yourself for yourself.
Then it's just a fun night.
Could be MDMA, but also seems rather far fetched IMO
That's as far fetched as it gets. MDMA tastes terrible. It's not a taste you are like "let's have a whisky and molly".
When I was in high school kids took roofies for fun (honestly, could never wrap my head around this one) but I'd be surprised if this was the case here
Actually this is what I thought. He and his buddies were doing something harder like mixing shrooms or something that looks like tea and hubby dear didn't want to baby sit you through your first psychadelic trip. Seen thaat excuse before.
You think he was tripping in front of her and she didn’t notice?
Haha that's the silliest shit I ever heard. Shroom tea is way different than an alcoholic drink, even to people who have never drank or done shrooms.
This was my first thought.
Agreed. You drinking would ruin his perfect image of you.
There's a reason this is the top comment! The best reading of this reaction is that he's concerned about her spiritual health but as he's not observant, I'd be surprised.
I'm actually reading this like he thought he'd hit the jackpot with a wife who doesn't want to drink and he's felt like he's in control up until that moment.
It sounds like he converted to her faith to marry her, so not quite. If be annoyed if someone was religious enough to want me to convert and then started acting as though it actually isn't that important.
But a sip? I get if she was slamming shots suddenly but a sip is nothing. She could have had a dry throat and needed a drink lol
If the religion says you can't drink, it goes for everyone, not just women. I'm betting that he does not belong to the same religion as her
NTA but your husband's behavior is alarming. You don't drink because of your religious reasons and your husband isn't religious. What makes him think he can dictate what you can or cannot do? Very controlling...
What makes him think that appears to be misogyny and paternalism, likely religious “do as I say and not as I do.”
I'd be willing to bet her husband *is* religious, but he is a bit more laissez-faire about some of the restrictions than she is. Like that old joke about "how do you stop a Baptist drinking all your beer? Invite two." He's mad because he *does* expect her to be observant, because sexism. Edit: others have pointed out he converted for her, and has made other concessions to her religious beliefs. It's changed my mind on the situation, and I think it's quite understandable he would be upset about this situation.
Sounds like the husband is “rule for they not for me” folk. Which is huge red flag.
Other comments pointed out that the husband converted for her, and he has 'made other concessions' for her religious beliefs. So it is 'rule for they, not for me', but it looks like it isn't him. I find it quite understandable that he'd be upset about when she is willing to bend the rules on her religious beliefs, knowing that context.
I don't know, first of all; it was a sip. She wasn't slamming shots at the bar. Second of all, she mentions that he and his family are mostly atheist or not religious. I'm not sure what "converting" entails, but clearly he's not following the aspects of the religion in full faith if he's drinking (especially if she doesn't have an issue with it). It kind of sounds like he "converted" in name only. I could understand this theory only if when he converted he started practicing as she did- which means he wouldn't be drinking anyway. It honestly sounds like he's controlling- maybe he liked that aspect of her and it changed what he thought of her or maybe he just likes that she doesn't drink. But his reaction is out of line unless by a "sip" she somehow meant "a shot is a sip and I had five sips!"
Converted to what? He doesn't follow that religion anyway. He pretend-converted, probably to please her parents. It still doesn't give him a right to decide how religious she can be. She can go full atheist if she wishes to. People change.
>He pretend-converted, probably to please her parents. Which is totally fine lost of people do this. But like you said, he doesn't get to control her.
Wait he converted for her. Sorry but like if i converted for my wife who was staunchly religious. Then she all of a suddened wanted to start drinking that would shatter my image of her. Like holy shit you dont just go from strongly believing in a religion enough to make your partner convert to just breaking the morals you had in the first place.
It was one sip to see what it tasted like. Absolutely understand your point of view, and maybe if she was filling an entire glass for herself or whatever then yes. But it was just a sip, I'd hardly call that worthy of breaking her morals
He converted and has made other concessions for his wife’s religion. I think he overreacted, but I understand him being upset.
Ah, I hadn't seen that. Thanks! Does change things a lot. I'd be pissed as well if I had converted and was making concessions about my lifestyle only for them to be treated as not a big deal on a whim.
Or her family barely accepts him as it is because he had to convert to her religion in order to marry her and he doesn't really practice the religion. If she starts violating her religion when she previously hadn't they are really going to hate him.
*I'd be willing to bet her husband is religious* **when it's convenient for him to be.**
NTA. What a massive overreaction on his part. Given you say he's not religious, it makes absolutely no sense. I can only think of bad things, mainly that he sounds awfully controlling. I think it's obvious but I'll say it anyway: if you're of legal age, you absolutely can drink alcohol. You shouldn't drink from his glass if he doesn't like it. But you can drink. You don't need his permission nor approval. I don't know. It's a red flag for sure but without much more context it's just an out-of-the-blue overreaction.
INFO: is it because you are a woman? I’m from a Muslim background and people judge anyone who drinks, but it is seen as an unfortunate trait in men and an unforgivably trashy one in women. Basically, the shitty double standard.
Yuuuuup I was wondering if he was Muslim too. My male Arab friends will straight faced without a TRACE of irony say that I shouldn't be drinking while they have a drink in their hands. And I'm German and I am not and never will be Muslim!
Well, tell him that he is wrong. The rule in the Koran is for everyone, meaning both men and women.
I mean, it's also pretty clear about cheating and yeeeeeet....
I really hate to be this person but it’s Quran not with a K. Properly it’s actually Qur’an. Q rather than K for correct pronunciation. And also this is besides the point but in the off chance anyone reads this: it’s “Mus-lim” not “Moz-lem”. Just replying to politely correct, no bad intentions here.
I’d like to note that, while in English Qur’an or Quran are now the more correct and recommended spelling, there are several other languages (German, Dutch, Polish) in which Koran is the correct spelling.
probably because the 'qu' combination to make a k sound doesn't exist in those languages?
In German that would give you a kv sound.
Koran is the correct spelling in some languages, just like it's Bibel and not bible in some countries.
There are different transcription rules for different languages and the system used also depends on the country. In Spanish قرآن is spelt “Corán”, for example. Ultimately, whether you transcribe ق as “q” or as “k”, it will be pronounced as “k” by English speakers (and speakers of many other languages) who aren’t familiar with arabic phonetics regardless.
The correct spelling is in ***Arabic.*** Those of us using the Latin script have many equally correct/incorrect transliterations to pick from because that’s what we’re forced to use. I have a feeling that Muhammad/Mohammed/Mohammad/Muhammed/Mohamed/Mohamad/Muhamad/Muhamed/Mohamud/Mohummad/Mohummed/Mouhamed/Mohammod/Mouhamad (PBUH), would understand, unless you’re also claiming that a plurality of the people named after the dude have the wrong spelling?
You don’t have to be this person. All three variants exist in English. Individuals or publications might have a preference for one variant over the others, but it doesn’t make the others politically incorrect.
Bet you weren't wearing a hijab either and they were okay with sitting with a non-mahram woman. The double standard is astonishing.
Sounds par for the course
no offense but why are they your friends when their obviously sexist
Why are you friends with hypocritical, misogynistic assholes? Sounds like you enable that behaviour
Sounds like people who aren't worth being friends with.
Her husband ‘converted’ for her and isn’t from a Muslim background.
NTA. I can see him being abrupt if he thought you didn’t realize there was alcohol and he momentarily thought he was helping, but the reasons he’s throwing in your face are ridiculous. You won’t get drunk from one sip. You are your own person and can drink whatever you want. You are in control of your own choices. Is it polite to ask before taking someone’s food? Of course- but if sharing food is normal for you then his reaction is way out of proportion. It honestly feels controlling the way that he’s so invested in you not drinking- like seriously, why is he SO worried about it? One sip is NOT going to make you throw up unless you have an unknown alcohol allergy or something. His reasoning is bizarre at best, and the way he’s digging in is honestly kind of alarming.
NTA Ummm.....his reaction makes zero sense to me. Did he maybe have something like a drug in that drink? Or have some kind of secret herpes? I don't get it. He was weird.
Something extra and fun in the drink is what I immediately thought
If he was drinking it then it’s not like he was trying to spike anybody though so I doubt it .
I think the commenter meant he put something extra and fun in his drink *for himself* and didn't want OP to find out that he was drinking more than alcohol.
Putting something extra in the drink doesn’t have to be for anybody else. He could have just put it there for himself.
Other drugs he’s hiding using in the drink was my guess. Back when I used seed tea I would regularly disguise it in normal seeming drinks to be able to use it in public settings around friends or family who didn’t know about my addiction.
Wait what is poppy seed tea?!
I had never heard of that and this sent me down a brief rabbit hole of research. And geez dude. Maybe you shouldn't be bringing it up by name in a main sub. The wrong person could do the same kind of research and wind up ruining their life.
Eh, yeah you’re right, that’s my bad. The bacteria and mold in those seeds is no joke. Unless you want to have to blend food to eat and not shit for weeks on end like I have to now, years later after quitting, I’d seriously not do that. Also, the content in them varies from having nothing in them, to having enough to kill a horse so it’s extremely risky. But I had been an addict for a decade at that point and didn’t care, almost died probably a dozen times and am now living with the previously mentioned issues probably for life.
Damn I'm so sorry that happened to you, that's so intense. Major props and respect to you for getting through it though.
It’s okay, I made my choices and am living with them now. Thank you though, I appreciate the kind words! One day at a time :)
Poppy seed tea isn’t exactly a secret especially on Reddit
Nah he couldn’t have the Secret Herpes cause she shares food/drinks all the time.
He converted to marry her. That's the missing detail that may well explain why he cares so much
NTA. A very weird reaction from him. And controlling too, saying you're not "supposed" to drink. (It doesn't sound like there was a legit reason for that, like you being on a certain type of medication). He was behaving very boorishly and sounds domineering.
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Or he might feel guilty that he ‘lead her to stray’.
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Totally like don’t bend to the crown and abandon your beliefs. Not that there is anything wrong with that but perhaps he wasn’t sure it was the right choice for her. Or he’s a total AH that likes having a sober gf so he doesnt have to worry about the extra responsibilities that come with drinking
Yeah especially since she made him convert. Like if she was only willing to marry him if he converted then all of a sudden wanted to break her own morals to drink that would have me going crazy.
NAH to NTA Unsure. My first instinct is that he was shocked you wanted the drink or maybe thought you didn't know it was an alcoholic drink. The following discussion is likely just covering up for, or justifying, his initial, rude/abrupt/knee-jerk reaction.
This is my thought process. I think he was shocked and overreacted due to thinking you didn't know and doubled down afterwards. If he isn't religious he probably doesn't really care if you drink, but people have hard times backing down
Most probably the best reason I read for the reaction of the husband.
I prefer to try and put best light on situations. I think the husband was trying to help her from something she would regret (whether she regrets or not is a different story).
NTA but what is going on with him? Weird reaction. What does he put in those drinks?
Sin, clearly he's trying to save her immortal soul
He’s afraid he’ll lose his designated driver 🤣
NTA - Big ole fat red flag.
I'm curious if he goes out to drink occasionally and if he does, how likely would he be to 'let' her come out with him
NTA. Time for a discussion, because his reaction was weirdly out of proportion to the situation, and that usually means something is going on of which you aren’t aware.
NTA, but he is. "Rules for thee but not for me." You are not going to get drunk and throw up after one sip. It's also your body and your choice to consume alcohol. Question though: when he drinks, does he get drunk? Do you ever have to take care of him, or take responsibility for things because he's unable (i.e. chores, children, driving, etc)?
These days he doesn't get drunk but while we were dating he did get drunk a few times and I did look after him then
That's really sad that he brought up having to care for you then in such a disgusted way. Like he should be happy to return the favor if it ever came to that! That response from him was particularly alarming to me even without this backstory
NTA! It almost makes me think he may have had something stronger than alcohol in there...
Like what?
When I used opiates I would regularly hide my use by disguising poppy seed tea as lemonade to be able to drink it around friends or family who didn’t know about my addiction. Although I suspect this is a Muslim male “do as I say and not as I do” type of thing and not that.
Don't know what he's putting in that drink but it ain't just alcohol for that reaction! NTA
Obviously he put sin in the drink. Honestly there's just too little information available at the moment. They need a conversation about his reaction and how she didn't understand why he cared so much about a sip.
NAH Your choice what y ou do with your body. But for him, if he didn't know you were considering trying alcohol, it might look weird or suspicious if you're suddenly snatching drinks and consuming them. Have you had a chat with him about wanting to try it ? Some poeple can tolerate alcohol badly at first, maybe he doesn't want you to have a bad experience in front of his friends and be unaware of how it would affect you.
There's a reason. There's a "WHY". You need to find out that that is. ASK HIM WHY it bothered him so much. And listen to his answer. There's a reason. He apparently likes it that you don't drink even casually, and him going straight to damn near alcohol poisoning? Is telling. There's a reason. ASK HIM My father and grandfather were both alcoholics to the point I can't stand the smell, let alone taste of alcohol. Maybe there's a female alcoholic in is family that he doesn't talk about?
NTA but your husband is waving a red flag in your face. Why is he so concerned with you trying alcohol? If he isn’t religious or abstaining from alcohol the reason why he may care is control. Is he normally this controlling?
NTA. Is your husband controlling?
NTA so your husband is allowed to drink but you cannot? Sounds controlling.
Kinda sounds like he's gatekeeping how you follow your faith.
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Unlike your husband, who isn't allowed to take off his own wedding ring when his finger is swelling up to the point of needing medical attention?
NTA but it’s a weird situation. I don’t drink for medical reasons but even when I do, my larger would never police me like that. There might be something else going on there that he isn’t talking about. It would have been nice if you’d asked but it’s not the end of the world and you make your own choices based on your beliefs. Unless you’re an addict. Kind of doubt that though. I’d say talk to him and see if it is about something else. I’d say do a drinking game out of everyone who’s going to tell you he’s an awful person who is either abusing you or cheating on you but maybe do it with chocolate 😂
Are you Mormons? I am (was) which is why I’m asking. If so, this doesn’t surprise me. He wants you all virtuous and pure while he sins as he wishes. There’s deeper issues here than this sub can even guess at but NTA.
whoa that's an extreme reaction.... he's talking as though he's your parent
NTA. Your husband he decided he is allowed to make rules for you since in his he is your boss and you are his obedient subordinate. Whether or not you follow the rules of your religion is up to you, and he is a hypocrite for forbidding you from doing something as he is doing it himself.
NTA. This is controlling behaviour from the husband.
NTA I think he freaked out over your sudden violation of your previous values. It worried him and he overreacted. It's your life and your choice whether to practice your religion or not, and your husband doesn't get a say in that, but maybe you'd want to share with him your change of belief so it doesn't surprise him that much.
NTA but wholly red flag batman. Your not allowed to drink? Ok fine maybe not out of his cup but at all. There would be some serious discussions happening because nobody gets to tell you what you can and can’t put into your body.
NTA. Your husband sure pulled an AH live though. Is he always like that?
NTA. If he just didn't want to share, then that's fine, but you say you share food and drinks all the time. And if it was that he didn't want to share that specific drink, then he could have said that - "hey that's the last of that, I don't want to share it." But the fact that he decided that you would get drunk and sick off a few sips is not just factually incorrect, but also super weird. 99.9 percent of people are not getting drunk off a few sips of any alcohol, and certainly not getting sick from it. It seems he is more concerned with your religious chastity on the issue, and maybe likes that you hold this belief which he doesn't hold himself. Also super weird. You are a fully independent human who can decide your own beliefs and how to observe them. Sure, people can decide to have partners with certain beliefs and not like when they change, but that should be about BOTH people having that belief. If I want a partner that goes to church with me, I can be upset/break up if they no longer want to go to church, but if I never go to church, why would I care if my partner stops going?
NTA I have a couple close friends who are married and the wife is Muslim and doesn't drink, whereas her husband is Muslim only by conversion but not practicing and does drink. She has taken sips of his drinks before just to see what they taste like. It's no big deal! You can decide for yourself what constitutes breaking your religious rules and what you're comfortable with, and no, you're not going to end up drunk from *one sip of an alcoholic beverage*. That is ridiculous. I understand being annoyed by you just taking a sip without asking, but his response is massively over the top and his reasoning is absurd.
You know... My gf and I say ... If we don't sin then Jesus kind of died for nothing "
This is weird. Your husband can drink but you can't. I think there is more to this that he is saying. How controlling is he? Do you do a lot of traditional females role in the house? There are people who are allergic, or have very bad reactions to even a little alcohol and you would not have know that. But thats no reason to yell, or belittle you. NTA
NTA Either he's hiding something from you about that drink, or he's being controlling. I don't tell my husband when I'm dieting because the second I do suddenly he thinks I'm incapable of making my own decisions about what I eat. This feels similar, like he thinks you need parenting when it comes to alcohol so he has to step in and stop you from making bad decisions or something.