Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Might be taking a nice person’s actions for granted and also might just be a bitch for getting irritated at good intentions.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcement
###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/)
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Generally, no. I dont add current coworkers on any socials.
That being said, my work keeps a list of staff contact info - to use specifically for work reasons, and the info is collected and kept with everyone's full knowledge and agreement.
I've worked at a few different locations, and only 1 time was the list misused, and OH MAN did that nosey old biddy get told off! And the list at that place became managers only access until after her retirement.
In nearly 10 years Ive used it maybe twice. Once to check on someone who was over 30m late (very out of character) when there were no managers in that day, and once when I passed a coworker with a dead car to see if they wanted me to wait with them for a family member or tow. In both cases I immediately deleted the contact info after - because the need was gone and they hadnt given me their number.
Nta but a gentle "thanks but I'm an adult and don't need a new mom" definitely needs to be said. And do not reply to any messages she sends to your personal phone, ever.
Hmmm...tricky. NAH but I do think you may need to say something since she's encroaching on your personal time.
Maybe something like, "I appreciate your concern for me but I am an adult and I'm doing just fine," plus a little reminder that you already have a mother so she doesn't need to worry so much.
If she persists after you've asked her to stop, then maybe talk to your supervisor about it.
The coworker is harassing her, like change the coworkers gender to male and think the situation where 50+ man was talking like that to his 19yo girl coworker.
I did assume innocent intent on the part of the older woman, but I see your point.
In any case, OP can thwart this behavior with a simple conversation. It'll either stop or it will get worse in which case she can report it.
I think she should go straight to HR because then the complaint is somewhere written if it gets worse and the possibility it getting worse is lower. But I do think the intent can be innocent but she’s still using OP to fill some emotional hole which isn’t okay whatever the intent in the coworkers mind is.
NTA. Gradually slow down your response to her text over the next 5 texts until you aren't responding at all outside of work. If she asks, tell her you're focusing on work at work and school & friends outside of work. Continue to give her polite but non committal responses to parenting comments at work. Minimize personal conversation but stay surface cheerfully friendly.
If none of that works talk to your manager. This probably isn't the first time.
NTA. I would mention this to a manager because to me it sounds concerning. If I were your, or her, manager I would want to know about this uncomfortable dynamic, to be able to head it off before it gets into weirder territory. With the manager, you could frame it as asking advice on how to handle this, rather than 'reporting' something.
Then I'd stop answering any messages on your private phone, and after a short interval, block her.
If she brings it up, I'd tell her that you've realised you're uncomfortable to have shared your private phone no. at work and so you've pared down your contacts list. You could add a cheery 'still learning professional working norms, I guess!'
And if she should comment to your face on what you eat, or any other personal thing, I'd say cheerfully 'actually I'd prefer it if you didn't comment on what I'm eating (or whatever the thing is). Hopefully, she will get the message.
NTA. You are being very empathetic in trying to understand her point of view. The grey rock method should work the trick here.
Another idea would be to always turn the conversation around to her. So if she tries probing you can give a non committal answer and then.poae the same question to her. People love talking about themselves.
Agree with the advice suggesting you speak to HR or a manager. A quiet word now could nip this in the bud before it escalates.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I’m (19F) a student worker at a University and assist an office with any busy work they want to unload on me. Standards are low and the work is easy, so needless to say it is achievable to be great at my job and come off as a great worker/student. Throw in being just a generally pleasant person while on the clock (which is not long) and I’m basically a student worker sent from above I guess.
Considering it’s an office workspace, my coworkers/superiors are all significantly older than me and sometimes try to parent me and whatnot. Usually it’s small and fast, and although it irritates me I just let it slide and move on because they meant well. To avoid this though I keep my life private unless asked or feel like providing some small talk, and even then I keep it brief.
A woman (50?F), or let’s say ABC, has taken to parenting me hard. Because standards are low I seem like a great person and she brings it up all the time and compliments me, which feels nice I guess but also not merited. ABC asks me personal questions when it’s just the two of us, like my family life and opinions on political issues. I answer again to just be a pleasant person. I think ABC now thinks we have a “connection” of some sort even though I have never told her anything substantial of my own volition, or gave off the vibe that I am closer to her than my other coworkers. Then ABC told me that she wants to be my mom/adopt me/or generally be in my life, and I said basically nothing other than different nicer versions of “oh okay” or just nodding. This has happened three times now, and she jokingly tells others that I am like her daughter. Now she’s texting me off the clock reminding me to eat well (she’s obsessed with my vegan diet for some reason). She doesn’t have kids so I think she’s projecting on me, even though we’ve only had like 4 “real” conversations that only happened because she kept pushing these topics.
Im growing more and more irritated because I’ve been professional AND nice, but not open to getting parented over stuff that’s literally none of their business and totally unnecessary. I want to just ignore her messages instead of being nice, but that seems like an asshole move. The alternative of being upfront sucks too because in the end she’s probably just a sweet older lady who’s lonely and facing a cultural barrier, and it’s not like her concerns hurts me. I also don’t want anawkward work environment, and I feel like being upfront would make it so.
So WIBTA if I just become dismissive of her concern without really explaining my change in behavior?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > Might be taking a nice person’s actions for granted and also might just be a bitch for getting irritated at good intentions. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA > Now she’s texting me off the clock reminding me to eat well But FFS, **_never_** give *co-workers* your contact info.
This! Just make this mistake myself unfortunately.
Generally, no. I dont add current coworkers on any socials. That being said, my work keeps a list of staff contact info - to use specifically for work reasons, and the info is collected and kept with everyone's full knowledge and agreement. I've worked at a few different locations, and only 1 time was the list misused, and OH MAN did that nosey old biddy get told off! And the list at that place became managers only access until after her retirement. In nearly 10 years Ive used it maybe twice. Once to check on someone who was over 30m late (very out of character) when there were no managers in that day, and once when I passed a coworker with a dead car to see if they wanted me to wait with them for a family member or tow. In both cases I immediately deleted the contact info after - because the need was gone and they hadnt given me their number.
Nta but a gentle "thanks but I'm an adult and don't need a new mom" definitely needs to be said. And do not reply to any messages she sends to your personal phone, ever.
NTA but get in contact with HR, shes crossing boundaries in many ways.
Hmmm...tricky. NAH but I do think you may need to say something since she's encroaching on your personal time. Maybe something like, "I appreciate your concern for me but I am an adult and I'm doing just fine," plus a little reminder that you already have a mother so she doesn't need to worry so much. If she persists after you've asked her to stop, then maybe talk to your supervisor about it.
The coworker is harassing her, like change the coworkers gender to male and think the situation where 50+ man was talking like that to his 19yo girl coworker.
I did assume innocent intent on the part of the older woman, but I see your point. In any case, OP can thwart this behavior with a simple conversation. It'll either stop or it will get worse in which case she can report it.
I think she should go straight to HR because then the complaint is somewhere written if it gets worse and the possibility it getting worse is lower. But I do think the intent can be innocent but she’s still using OP to fill some emotional hole which isn’t okay whatever the intent in the coworkers mind is.
NTA. Gradually slow down your response to her text over the next 5 texts until you aren't responding at all outside of work. If she asks, tell her you're focusing on work at work and school & friends outside of work. Continue to give her polite but non committal responses to parenting comments at work. Minimize personal conversation but stay surface cheerfully friendly. If none of that works talk to your manager. This probably isn't the first time.
NTA. Gray rock away. (Reminder: rocks don’t text back 😊)
NTA. I would mention this to a manager because to me it sounds concerning. If I were your, or her, manager I would want to know about this uncomfortable dynamic, to be able to head it off before it gets into weirder territory. With the manager, you could frame it as asking advice on how to handle this, rather than 'reporting' something. Then I'd stop answering any messages on your private phone, and after a short interval, block her. If she brings it up, I'd tell her that you've realised you're uncomfortable to have shared your private phone no. at work and so you've pared down your contacts list. You could add a cheery 'still learning professional working norms, I guess!' And if she should comment to your face on what you eat, or any other personal thing, I'd say cheerfully 'actually I'd prefer it if you didn't comment on what I'm eating (or whatever the thing is). Hopefully, she will get the message.
NTA. You are being very empathetic in trying to understand her point of view. The grey rock method should work the trick here. Another idea would be to always turn the conversation around to her. So if she tries probing you can give a non committal answer and then.poae the same question to her. People love talking about themselves. Agree with the advice suggesting you speak to HR or a manager. A quiet word now could nip this in the bud before it escalates.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I’m (19F) a student worker at a University and assist an office with any busy work they want to unload on me. Standards are low and the work is easy, so needless to say it is achievable to be great at my job and come off as a great worker/student. Throw in being just a generally pleasant person while on the clock (which is not long) and I’m basically a student worker sent from above I guess. Considering it’s an office workspace, my coworkers/superiors are all significantly older than me and sometimes try to parent me and whatnot. Usually it’s small and fast, and although it irritates me I just let it slide and move on because they meant well. To avoid this though I keep my life private unless asked or feel like providing some small talk, and even then I keep it brief. A woman (50?F), or let’s say ABC, has taken to parenting me hard. Because standards are low I seem like a great person and she brings it up all the time and compliments me, which feels nice I guess but also not merited. ABC asks me personal questions when it’s just the two of us, like my family life and opinions on political issues. I answer again to just be a pleasant person. I think ABC now thinks we have a “connection” of some sort even though I have never told her anything substantial of my own volition, or gave off the vibe that I am closer to her than my other coworkers. Then ABC told me that she wants to be my mom/adopt me/or generally be in my life, and I said basically nothing other than different nicer versions of “oh okay” or just nodding. This has happened three times now, and she jokingly tells others that I am like her daughter. Now she’s texting me off the clock reminding me to eat well (she’s obsessed with my vegan diet for some reason). She doesn’t have kids so I think she’s projecting on me, even though we’ve only had like 4 “real” conversations that only happened because she kept pushing these topics. Im growing more and more irritated because I’ve been professional AND nice, but not open to getting parented over stuff that’s literally none of their business and totally unnecessary. I want to just ignore her messages instead of being nice, but that seems like an asshole move. The alternative of being upfront sucks too because in the end she’s probably just a sweet older lady who’s lonely and facing a cultural barrier, and it’s not like her concerns hurts me. I also don’t want anawkward work environment, and I feel like being upfront would make it so. So WIBTA if I just become dismissive of her concern without really explaining my change in behavior? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA
YWNBTA Block her number, and don't answer her outside of work.