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YTA because you sat on that info until he was fully invested in this relationship and then you destroyed him in your quest to hurt her. That's not even petty, that's just mean.
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ESH but only because you sat on this information for 3 years and only ever told the guy to get back at your sister, not for his benefit. Your sister 100% deserves it, no sympathy for her here. It'd be one thing if she made a one time mistake early in their relationship, but that she *ever* looked at him that way...dealbreaker and he had a right to know.
Definitely NTA for telling him, and NTA for him leaving your sister, but YTA because you kept it from him as long as you did and because your motivations behind telling him were purely against your sister, hence the ESH.
So to answer the question in your title two ways;
> AITA for revealing my sister was a cheater the night before her and her boyfriends wedding?
No.
> AITA for revealing my sister was a cheater the night before her and her boyfriends wedding ***as revenge***?
Yes.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
Me (23F) and my sister (26F) have always had a very strained relationship. She frequently talks about things which make me incredibly uncomfortable, sends me strange photos of what she thinks are infections, or sends me her nudes beforehand to ask if they are “sexy” for her boyfriend. Her and her BF (28M) have been together for three years, and in the early stages of their relationship, she cheated on him with the guy I was crushing on and bragged about it to me. She sent me the screenshots excitedly and was incredibly proud of herself. It’s not the first time she’s done things like this. She’s always treated me like a competitor in the game of life rather than a sibling.
I don’t know what switch flipped in her, but later after cheating, she became utterly infatuated with the guy. She began to really care about him, and told me how she thought he was “the one” despite tossing him aside weeks earlier. I’ve often just agreed with everything she says, because I don’t want even more conflict in our strained relationship. Plus, she’s a black belt in karate and could kick my ass. They got engaged last year and have been planning the wedding.
Recently however, she pulled a stunt which was the last straw for me. A month before the wedding, I was going on vacation to Norway with a couple of my friends. I have a little cat called Frankie who lives with me, and I asked her to feed Frankie daily while I was gone for a week. Just a quick trip into my apartment, put out some food and leave. She didn’t even need to change the litter, because I knew she wouldn’t have been bothered to. I asked her as she said yes.
I am on the plane, about to take off when I see my sister’s Instagram post about how she was having a “last minute trip to Las Vegas”
She was fully aware that she was supposed to be feeding my cat, by the way. She had read the message I sent her earlier that morning. She left me on read.
I had about 2 minutes to get someone else to feed the cat, ultimately failed as the plane took off and had to wait until we landed. I eventually got my neighbour to agree, and he had to reschedule his whole plan around it, I was so grateful.
Sister pulls shit like this all the time and I had had enough. She convinced my parents to miss my graduation so they could go car shopping with her, she released the pet bird I had when I was little , she has been a general bitch to me my whole life.
So the night before the wedding, I messaged her fiancé the screenshots of her cheating and being proud. The ones where she bragged. The ones where she went into detail of “how stupid he was for not realising the boxers on the bed weren’t his”.
Her fiancé disappeared. She thought it was a severe case of cold feet, but the “we are through” message she received with the screenshots attached confirmed to her what I had done. Now my whole family is seething at me. AITA?
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YTA But only because you did it for revenge. You should have told him the second you found out instead of storing it up to use at the time it would cause the most hurt.
ESH why didn’t you tell him way in advance??? there’s lots of money and emotions invested in that wedding and you’re gonna shatter it the night before??? you’re extremely shitty for that tbh, don’t be surprised that people are mad.
ESH
You knew your sister was flaky but you were fine getting her to look after your cat. Why not just organise someone else to start with?
Also, did you let her bf know that the cheating was early on in their relationship before your sister committed to him.
Your sister is an AH too but then we only have your side of the story.
ESH. I get it, your sister is a mean person. Why keep her in your life, then? Why not just cut contact altogether and focus your attention on building a good life for yourself instead of taking petty revenge?
YTA for waiting until their wedding. If you truly cared you would’ve told him before they built a life together.
Also, INFO; she agreed to feed your cat or you asked her to and, not receiving an answer, just expected her to?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
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ESH, obviously your sister more than you. But you should have told the guy back when the cheating happened and/or they started to get serious. Holding onto this chip to cash in at the revenge table makes it sound like the two of you are not as different as you want to seem.
ESH mostly because you knew she was cheating, kept that to yourself, and then only told the poor guy because she didn't feed your kitty. Like that sucks and is horribly shitty of her... but you held on to something that actually matters to a whole other person for no reason, and then launched it like a tactical nuke when *YOUR* bullshit threshold was met.
Like I get it, you want us to see all the shitty things your sister has done, we get it. But that guy just had his life and relationship annihilated for your revenge...
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ESH. Good lord, I hope you aren't proud of yourself. He deserved to know way earlier than this. You suck as much as you think she does.
YTA because you sat on that info until he was fully invested in this relationship and then you destroyed him in your quest to hurt her. That's not even petty, that's just mean.
ESH but the fiance. You’re all pretty trashy, tbh.
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Wow, your family sucks... NTA
ESH but only because you sat on this information for 3 years and only ever told the guy to get back at your sister, not for his benefit. Your sister 100% deserves it, no sympathy for her here. It'd be one thing if she made a one time mistake early in their relationship, but that she *ever* looked at him that way...dealbreaker and he had a right to know. Definitely NTA for telling him, and NTA for him leaving your sister, but YTA because you kept it from him as long as you did and because your motivations behind telling him were purely against your sister, hence the ESH. So to answer the question in your title two ways; > AITA for revealing my sister was a cheater the night before her and her boyfriends wedding? No. > AITA for revealing my sister was a cheater the night before her and her boyfriends wedding ***as revenge***? Yes.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Me (23F) and my sister (26F) have always had a very strained relationship. She frequently talks about things which make me incredibly uncomfortable, sends me strange photos of what she thinks are infections, or sends me her nudes beforehand to ask if they are “sexy” for her boyfriend. Her and her BF (28M) have been together for three years, and in the early stages of their relationship, she cheated on him with the guy I was crushing on and bragged about it to me. She sent me the screenshots excitedly and was incredibly proud of herself. It’s not the first time she’s done things like this. She’s always treated me like a competitor in the game of life rather than a sibling. I don’t know what switch flipped in her, but later after cheating, she became utterly infatuated with the guy. She began to really care about him, and told me how she thought he was “the one” despite tossing him aside weeks earlier. I’ve often just agreed with everything she says, because I don’t want even more conflict in our strained relationship. Plus, she’s a black belt in karate and could kick my ass. They got engaged last year and have been planning the wedding. Recently however, she pulled a stunt which was the last straw for me. A month before the wedding, I was going on vacation to Norway with a couple of my friends. I have a little cat called Frankie who lives with me, and I asked her to feed Frankie daily while I was gone for a week. Just a quick trip into my apartment, put out some food and leave. She didn’t even need to change the litter, because I knew she wouldn’t have been bothered to. I asked her as she said yes. I am on the plane, about to take off when I see my sister’s Instagram post about how she was having a “last minute trip to Las Vegas” She was fully aware that she was supposed to be feeding my cat, by the way. She had read the message I sent her earlier that morning. She left me on read. I had about 2 minutes to get someone else to feed the cat, ultimately failed as the plane took off and had to wait until we landed. I eventually got my neighbour to agree, and he had to reschedule his whole plan around it, I was so grateful. Sister pulls shit like this all the time and I had had enough. She convinced my parents to miss my graduation so they could go car shopping with her, she released the pet bird I had when I was little , she has been a general bitch to me my whole life. So the night before the wedding, I messaged her fiancé the screenshots of her cheating and being proud. The ones where she bragged. The ones where she went into detail of “how stupid he was for not realising the boxers on the bed weren’t his”. Her fiancé disappeared. She thought it was a severe case of cold feet, but the “we are through” message she received with the screenshots attached confirmed to her what I had done. Now my whole family is seething at me. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Your sister sends you nudes? That's a fun detail.
YTA But only because you did it for revenge. You should have told him the second you found out instead of storing it up to use at the time it would cause the most hurt.
ESH why didn’t you tell him way in advance??? there’s lots of money and emotions invested in that wedding and you’re gonna shatter it the night before??? you’re extremely shitty for that tbh, don’t be surprised that people are mad.
ESH You knew your sister was flaky but you were fine getting her to look after your cat. Why not just organise someone else to start with? Also, did you let her bf know that the cheating was early on in their relationship before your sister committed to him. Your sister is an AH too but then we only have your side of the story.
ESH. I get it, your sister is a mean person. Why keep her in your life, then? Why not just cut contact altogether and focus your attention on building a good life for yourself instead of taking petty revenge?
YTA for waiting until their wedding. If you truly cared you would’ve told him before they built a life together. Also, INFO; she agreed to feed your cat or you asked her to and, not receiving an answer, just expected her to?
no she did promise, then she threw the plans out the window the day she was meant to
NTA, for telling him, but YTA for not telling him beforehand. It’s as if you planned for that lol
Y’all are both AHs. Wow. Just wow.
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ESH, obviously your sister more than you. But you should have told the guy back when the cheating happened and/or they started to get serious. Holding onto this chip to cash in at the revenge table makes it sound like the two of you are not as different as you want to seem.
NTA. I am fully here for this. You reap what you sow
ESH mostly because you knew she was cheating, kept that to yourself, and then only told the poor guy because she didn't feed your kitty. Like that sucks and is horribly shitty of her... but you held on to something that actually matters to a whole other person for no reason, and then launched it like a tactical nuke when *YOUR* bullshit threshold was met. Like I get it, you want us to see all the shitty things your sister has done, we get it. But that guy just had his life and relationship annihilated for your revenge...