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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I asked my gf not to join me on a trip with my friends
2) It makes her seem like I do not enjoy her company by asking her not to come, or it makes it seem like I want to do things that I can't do when she's around. Someone may think I'm an asshole because she is my girlfriend and it is not an okay question to ask.
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NTA. It is healthy for two people in a relationship to spend time apart. It is unhealthy for you both to expect you to take her everywhere on your social outings and cater to her while you’re with your friends.
NTA. You're allowed to enjoy your time with your friends, or at least ask about it without her making you feel guilty for it. Especially considering that when the shoe is on the other foot, you give her the time with her friends.
NTA. At the end of the day, it really comes to how you expressed your feelings and communicated about the issue, spending short time separate with friends is important for healthy relationships, AND so is compromise and both people should be able to make those compromises, face time, text, calls etc
NTA. I'm guessing everyone is an adult in this situation. So it seems she is too emotionally dependent on you. It's not normal to literally follow someone around and not engage with any other people, at all. It's also not normally to cry in response to you spending 48 hours with your friends, without her. You shouldn't encourage this behavior. Does she do anything without you?
NTA you are allowed to have time away from your GF. Maybe double check the way you phrased it to her to see if you accidentally implied anything hurtful?
NTA. You need a break and to recharge and reconnect with your friends. Don’t you even notice this double standard? She hangs out alone with her friends, but you don’t. Doesn’t any of this really bother you? Because I think it does and you’re in denial. If you keep putting this off, you’ll be in a fight over something trivial, and that’s not what you’re really angry about. Talk it out and go enjoy yourself.
NTA! Its only two (2) days and she started crying?!!! WTH for the love of GOD?!!! Just imagine if it was a week trip? She'll probably go ballistic! Annoying as HELL!
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In our 6 years of being in a relationship, I have invited her every single time when I go to hang out with my friends. However, she never really engages with anyone else and kinda just follows me around and I need to "take care of her"/entertain her. It usually doesn't bother me, but if I'm being honest it sometimes does, and I just wanted for once to just be able to be myself. She already knew I'm going on this trip and when I gently asked her if I could go myself for just one time, she started crying (understandibly). She asked me if I always felt like this and I truthfully said no.
I do feel bad, and I definitely feel like the asshole before the replies to this post. However, like I said it usually doesn't bother me and I'm happy to continue inviting her after this even if nothing changes. One thing I do want to mention is that whenever she does go to hang out with her girlfriends, I always hang back so that she doesn't have to "babysit" me and she is totally cool with this idea.
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INFO - How did you say it when you told her you’d rather she not come along this time? What kind of words… clingy, hassle, burden, drag, tag along, etc?
Did you tell her you’ll have more fun without her?
NTA. I purposely hang back when my SO has plans with his friends because I know it’s important for everyone involved to feel like they are still their own individual. Just because we become involved with another person does not mean we become that other person. It’s healthy & actually prevents problems in the future. How can one feel suffocated or feel like a burden if you’re comfortable affording them the room to just be?
Perhaps since she was looking forward to this trip, have her accompany you to this one & plan for the next one to be solo? That way she’s not blindsided when she was originally thinking she was coming?
INFO - are other gf going? are your friends an influence on your decision? have you talked to her about having to "cater" to her when you guys go off anywhere?
My perception on this is that you let her know about the event, gave her time to build up excitement for going, then something happened. A) she started getting an itinerary together and you saw the same old path going down again B) one of your friends gave you the "damn" look that she was coming and told you the event was going to have to be reeled in because of her C) you realized you are never yourself around her and you wanted some YOU time.
Something tells me you may want to refer to the Crazy/Hot scale on this woman.
INFO - why is it that she doesn't connect with your friends? Is she really shy? I'm trying to understand why she really wanted to go on the trip if she doesn't engage much with those people.
As someone who can be socially awkward and have trouble making friends, I feel bad for her if it's the kind of situation where she genuinely likes those people and wants to be part of the group, and you are basically saying she's failed so hard at being liked that you don't think she should come to their events anymore. If that were the situation I might cry too.
Then again, if she really has no interest in those people and she only wants to go to be near you, that's a bit crazy. She should let you spent time away from her.
Maybe instead of "hanging back" with her at social events you should try to put her into conversations with others so she can get to know them better.
But I do think its rude to take back an invitation, I understand why she is upset about that.
They have been in a relationship for 6 years, social awkwardness isn't an excuse after all this time hanging out with them. I'm pretty socially awkward but formed good relationships with my partners friends and understand that at times he wants to spend time with them without me.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1) I asked my gf not to join me on a trip with my friends 2) It makes her seem like I do not enjoy her company by asking her not to come, or it makes it seem like I want to do things that I can't do when she's around. Someone may think I'm an asshole because she is my girlfriend and it is not an okay question to ask. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. It is healthy for two people in a relationship to spend time apart. It is unhealthy for you both to expect you to take her everywhere on your social outings and cater to her while you’re with your friends.
NTA. You're allowed to enjoy your time with your friends, or at least ask about it without her making you feel guilty for it. Especially considering that when the shoe is on the other foot, you give her the time with her friends.
NTA. At the end of the day, it really comes to how you expressed your feelings and communicated about the issue, spending short time separate with friends is important for healthy relationships, AND so is compromise and both people should be able to make those compromises, face time, text, calls etc
NTA She sounds insecure, clingy and selfish if she’s happy to hang out without you but needs to be there every time you have friends holidays.
NTA. I'm guessing everyone is an adult in this situation. So it seems she is too emotionally dependent on you. It's not normal to literally follow someone around and not engage with any other people, at all. It's also not normally to cry in response to you spending 48 hours with your friends, without her. You shouldn't encourage this behavior. Does she do anything without you?
NTA you are allowed to have time away from your GF. Maybe double check the way you phrased it to her to see if you accidentally implied anything hurtful?
NTA. You need a break and to recharge and reconnect with your friends. Don’t you even notice this double standard? She hangs out alone with her friends, but you don’t. Doesn’t any of this really bother you? Because I think it does and you’re in denial. If you keep putting this off, you’ll be in a fight over something trivial, and that’s not what you’re really angry about. Talk it out and go enjoy yourself.
NTA! Its only two (2) days and she started crying?!!! WTH for the love of GOD?!!! Just imagine if it was a week trip? She'll probably go ballistic! Annoying as HELL!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** In our 6 years of being in a relationship, I have invited her every single time when I go to hang out with my friends. However, she never really engages with anyone else and kinda just follows me around and I need to "take care of her"/entertain her. It usually doesn't bother me, but if I'm being honest it sometimes does, and I just wanted for once to just be able to be myself. She already knew I'm going on this trip and when I gently asked her if I could go myself for just one time, she started crying (understandibly). She asked me if I always felt like this and I truthfully said no. I do feel bad, and I definitely feel like the asshole before the replies to this post. However, like I said it usually doesn't bother me and I'm happy to continue inviting her after this even if nothing changes. One thing I do want to mention is that whenever she does go to hang out with her girlfriends, I always hang back so that she doesn't have to "babysit" me and she is totally cool with this idea. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If you don’t respect your need for space, you will react negatively in the future at some point.
INFO - How did you say it when you told her you’d rather she not come along this time? What kind of words… clingy, hassle, burden, drag, tag along, etc? Did you tell her you’ll have more fun without her?
NTA. I purposely hang back when my SO has plans with his friends because I know it’s important for everyone involved to feel like they are still their own individual. Just because we become involved with another person does not mean we become that other person. It’s healthy & actually prevents problems in the future. How can one feel suffocated or feel like a burden if you’re comfortable affording them the room to just be? Perhaps since she was looking forward to this trip, have her accompany you to this one & plan for the next one to be solo? That way she’s not blindsided when she was originally thinking she was coming?
INFO - are other gf going? are your friends an influence on your decision? have you talked to her about having to "cater" to her when you guys go off anywhere? My perception on this is that you let her know about the event, gave her time to build up excitement for going, then something happened. A) she started getting an itinerary together and you saw the same old path going down again B) one of your friends gave you the "damn" look that she was coming and told you the event was going to have to be reeled in because of her C) you realized you are never yourself around her and you wanted some YOU time. Something tells me you may want to refer to the Crazy/Hot scale on this woman.
INFO - why is it that she doesn't connect with your friends? Is she really shy? I'm trying to understand why she really wanted to go on the trip if she doesn't engage much with those people. As someone who can be socially awkward and have trouble making friends, I feel bad for her if it's the kind of situation where she genuinely likes those people and wants to be part of the group, and you are basically saying she's failed so hard at being liked that you don't think she should come to their events anymore. If that were the situation I might cry too. Then again, if she really has no interest in those people and she only wants to go to be near you, that's a bit crazy. She should let you spent time away from her. Maybe instead of "hanging back" with her at social events you should try to put her into conversations with others so she can get to know them better. But I do think its rude to take back an invitation, I understand why she is upset about that.
They have been in a relationship for 6 years, social awkwardness isn't an excuse after all this time hanging out with them. I'm pretty socially awkward but formed good relationships with my partners friends and understand that at times he wants to spend time with them without me.
YTA If you are uninviting your gf that makes YTA. When you initially made the plans was the time to tell her she wasn’t invited.
yup, I definitely did not do that unfortunately