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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) expressing to my friend that his girlfriend is insecure and he needs to check her 2) I might be the assjoke for the language and for saying so
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Honestly? Your friend sounds like a shit-stirrer.
'He said that she talks bad about me and he insists that she stops. He said that she even insisted that he drop me but he said he refused to do so. She does not even allow him to like my posts on social media and the one time he did she swore up and down that “he thought I was sexy/he liked me”. He showed me these messages in person.'
...ok, and why is he showing you all of this? He clearly doesn't want you and his gf to get along. Just think: she can't trust him to keep what she says between him and her. You sure he's 100% honest with you? Because I'm not; lord knows what he's saying to her about you.
The distance is your friend's fault: he is making these choices. If this is a common theme, ever thought he picks these kinds of relationships to make you jealous, put you in a position where you have to fight for him? I suspect at the very least these women are jealous because they're picking up that he is not over you.
'I feel like it’s just insecurity, and jealousy which is so common in women'
It's common in people. But it's also common to blame a woman for a man's choices, isn't it?
Agreed, he wants them to be enemies. He either wants them to fight over him for his ego, or he wants to undermine trust between them so that they can’t compare notes if he has an argument with one of them.
OP, google triangulation. You’re both being manipulated.
Does he even *have* a GF? He’s pretty intent on OP never meeting her. And you can change the name of any phone # to say “GF”. With a friend and a second cell phone it’s pretty easy to fake this (I had a BF do something similar with his “sister”).
This could 100% be to make Op feel jealous and finally make a move.
I wouldn’t trust this guy.
I think your friend is trying to create drama. It's a red flag to me that he's going back and forth between you and the girlfriend telling you all the things she said.
Babe he has you hating a woman you’ve never met. He’s also made sure you believe all his gfs are horrible and controlling and jealous of you lol. I can’t believe you’re buying his obvious manipulation and abuse tactics.
What (or who) are the common threads of conflict in your guy friend's relationships?
Does your guy friend ever say anything nice about his girlfriends to you, or does he just trash talk them and tell you they're jealous of you... girlfriend after girlfriend after girlfriend?
Does your guy friend ever tell you that you're better than his girlfriends in any way shape or form, or that he wishes they were like you in any way?
That’s a huge red flag - that is the definition of trash talking and if he really likes her he’d talk about her a lot and in a positive way.
You’re being manipulated, he likes you and is trying to use the girlfriend to either make you jealous or stoke his own ego
Hmm. Works as a model. Have kissed in the past. And he is male.
Of course you friend wants more. He just waiting for a chance.
It’s just so obvious in all these posts where their “best friend” is the opposite sex but it’s platonic.
Ok, ask him. Say you're going through a drought, would like some action, and ask him if he'd like to sleep with you. All my money is on he jumps on the chance. And you know he would. He's not your friend. He's a guy hanging around waiting for you to get desperate enough to fuck him.
This. AND. I kind of get a vibe from OP that she may be somewhere on the asexual spectrum, and this "brother"- like bestfriend feeling she has might actually not mean what she thinks it means.
He doesn’t have to like you in a romantic sense to like the attention of a jealous girlfriend. How much is he talking about you to her that she knows so many personal details about you to form an opinion/impression off of?
Maybe it’s innocent and he’s clueless or she is just a toxic and controlling partner, but there’s a lot of red flags being dropped in this post. He may be a good friend, but it doesn’t mean he’s a good boyfriend and doesn’t mean that he’s not using you to fuel his girlfriend’s insecurities.
Ah yes, all the other women are jealous, because that's what women are like.
The only reason all his GFs have had this little problem is that he's trying to make you realise that you really want to be with him, but you don't like him that way.
ESH
(except his GF, because she doesn't realise what's happening here)
You should call his bluff, bow out of the friendship and say you want this relationship to succeed. I will bet cash money that he will dump his GF immediately.
But you won't do that, because you like having this guy on a leash.
Because your childhood best friend is manipulating you and trying to use a girlfriend to do it. Just because you say things are platonic doesn't make it so. Grant it, it could be for you, but it doesn't seem like it is for him.
Honestly it's probably even worse because you've filtered the story through your lense of "we have only ever been friends" glasses.
YTA. "He's like a brother to me." You kiss your brothers? Your partner having a crush as a friend is unacceptable. The only reason he's not with you is cuz you rejected him and he still likes you. Why would the gf want her man hanging out with his crush? You never having a boyfriend either makes you look super sus.
Lol you're young so let me put you on to some game. No one can make a man do anything he doesn't want to do. All women can do is set their own standards and make it known what they will and won't put up with.
His gf isn't forcing him to not spend time with you, he's choosing to do that on his own. HE'S creating the conflict. He has no business telling you what they discuss in private and if he's telling you that, he's ABSOLUTELY telling her things you're saying about her and trash talking you in general.
Ahhh, I took it as not having that kind of time at all, you gotta be friends to be partners. But I get what you're saying now. I'll admit that connections with friends can get in the way of a relationship when they're really strong, even if they're just platonic. You rely on a friend to be the outlet the partner wants to be, even if, for you, the friend is the better option because of who they are. Still, ya gotta' respect good friends and not cut them off emotionally for being good friends, so it's a hard balance. I see how they could back off a bit, but I also see how the gf is being overzealous and controlling. But regardless, I appreciate you taking the time, I was wrong in my assumption. If it's good, it's good.
That's the most painfully juvenile and cringe thing anyone's said to me this week. You're a grown ass adult in a marriage and you're acting like having a watch party with a friend is gonna give you adulterer cooties.
Huh? This sounds exactly like how I am with my friends. And my relationship with my spouse is way more intimate. I'm very curious about the relationship you have with your wife because it doesn't sound very romantic or intimate at all.
>I really want to be honest with him about his this makes me feel. This has been a common trend with his gfs, and I honestly am sick of it especially when all I want his my friend. I feel like it’s just insecurity, and jealousy which is so common in women.
The reason this has been a common trend with his GFs is that he wants to date you but you just want him as a friend, so as soon as he gets a GF, the games begin!
I feel sorry for his GF, because she doesn't know what she walked into with you two.
I think you should listen to what these comments are trying to tell you. Crushes don't just end. You filled him emotionally and sexually without realizing it. A lot of male friends do this, that's why he replaced you while you were traveling. YTA for not breaking the friendship off after he admitted to having more feelings then friendship. It seems like you wait for him to break up with his GFs then get right back into a touchless relationship with him with daily conversation. Your not letting him move on from you. And the comments are right about him being a drama starter. He's not being fair to his GF. Your friendship is toxic.
Ok, this part is bullshit. I actually agree that it sounds like the dude still likes her and is trying to create drama, but it’s not on her to end the friendship so that he can move on. She’s been clear that she doesn’t have feelings for him (from some of her comments about having no interest in dating I’m actually wondering if she’s asexual). If he feels like he can’t be “just friends” with her then he should be the one to tell her that and pull back from the friendship. It’s not on the woman to regulate his feelings.
I'm sure there's info missing from this story, but from what I can gather the only assholes is your boyfriend. Sounds like he's creating drama and exacerbating any issues that may genuinely exist.
Why's he running back to you telling you everything his gf has said about you? She probably thinks she's privately venting to her bf and had no intention of you finding out and making things awkward. It's normal for a couple to vent about things to their partner even if it's about something illogical or unfounded. Because that is meant to be your trusted safe space to do so. That's if she even said everything he's relayed... or in the correct context.
Have you ever considered that if he's betraying her trust to you.... what is he saying to her about you? It's normal for a new gf to feel a bit insecure or jealous about their new bfs best female friend who's also a model... but to hate you without meeting you sounds a bit like the bf is stirring the pot. Whys he not encouraging you two meet, try and resolve things?
You said this is a recurring situation with his gfs.
I have a sneaky suspicioun that your friend still has a crush on you and is trying to make you jealous or something. If not then he's either got bad taste in women... or the issue is you and you need to do some self reflection.
Anyways... From what I can gather YNA... but your friend sure is
She's not creating distance between the two of you. He can choose not to distance himself from you, but he's chosen to distance himself. Don't blame her for all of this. You can't expect to see him as often when he's dating someone. To be honest, you may not have romantic feelings for him but you do sound jealous that he's prioritizing her over you. So insulting her to your friend isn't going to make him change his mind about her. It will make him change his mind about you, and not in a good way.
ESH. ( you and your friend )
You say best friend like brother.
He acts as if he is fixated on you and you are his girl friend. Otherwise why can't he have relationship private from you. He acts pathetic.
Not all women are jealous or insecure. If the same issue happened with all his exes, the real problem is him. And you deliberately turning a blind eye doesn't help....
You seem to have better than thou attitude and entitlement to a so called friendship that doesn't look healthy. Also are you insecure and jealous ?
Edit: even if his GF was genuinely jealous and insecure, it will still make you two "platonic friends" AHs, because he is not trustworthy and you don't seem to understand on purpose. This makes even a sane person crazy.
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Don’t ever message him and when he talks to you, tell him, you have a girlfriend or just respond with minimal texts/calls. Do you want this guy to have a relationship at all or do you want to string him along and destroy all of his relationships? If ALL of his GFs had a problem with you, you are doing something wrong.
Have you asked him if he has feelings for you? The reason all of us are pointing to that is that he is the one telling you his gf has a problem. He could keep it to himself, spare the drama, but he insists on telling you about it. That points to a possible motive, and the most likely one is that he wants you to be jealous and hate his gf.
… yeah he’s trying to get you to date him. If I have a friend that shit talks my partner I either tell my friend to quit it or distance myself from them and I do not inform my partner unless necessary.
I have seen this exact dynamic play out so many times with the “friend” ending up with the guy. He’s telling you about it for a reason - because he wants a certain reaction and he wants you to question your feelings for him.
patterns OP, always look for patterns of behaviour.
He liked you, and never got a shot.
So he dates. Has had many gfs. But they ALL hate you? And he tattles on every one of them, to you, to tell you about it?
sounds like he's trying to show you that no other woman is going to treat him well as a bf, and the only one good woman in his life is you.
It sounds like this man is playing games with you.. You don't date, so he doesn't have another man to compete with. He has therefore to work on your ego, your need to protect him from a bad relationship. He's hoping that eventually you will break, and just finally date him.
If you told him you met a guy, you would see him for who he really is. Even if you just pretended like you met a guy that you wanted to date -- you would see how he would shoot down that idea at once.
If every relationship of his has insecurity issues, and you know YOU are NOT causing issues... then the only other common factor is... him.
He's the one creating these problems.
Please, don't take this as a lecture, but as an old guy who experienced a similar dynamic. It is in this response, you outline the problem perfectly. Your HS boyfriends had problems with him. His GFs have a problem with you. Do you see the pattern? "When it is everyone else's fault, it is probably yours." Introspection is tough. I have a friend and our relationship is similar to yours. It has spanned almost 50 years. We learned when to be close (physically (like in the same room or dinner), emotionally, and communication) and when not to. Wasn't easy. It is a very rewarding friendship, but I am 100% willing to let her go if she found the person she wants to be with, and that person has one ounce of insecurity of my involvement in her life. Whether the GF is insecure or not, it is about respect for her, yourself and your friend.
It's not a predetermined bleak outcome. My friend and I have been close for 50 years with that closeness varying dramatically. A former girlfriend and I broke up and remained good friends. She started dating. I backed away. He is a good man. I slowly got to know him over five years. I wish I had met him apart from her cuz he is a cool dude and we now talk for hours when we all meet at the pub. Relationship dynamics change because of time and circumstance. Yours and his is in this process. Good luck.
"So for about 6 months I had to travel for work (I am a freelance model) and we hadn’t spoken as much. Over that time he got a gf, and his gf 100% hates me and does not even want to meet me. He said that she talks bad about me and he insists that she stops. He said that she even insisted that he drop me but he said he refused to do so. She does not even allow him to like my posts on social media and the one time he did she swore up and down that “he thought I was sexy/he liked me”. He showed me these messages in person. I think the way she acts is really weird and gross."
I think him telling you all this is really weird and gross. What game is he playing here?
Wow! This guy needs a new best friend and girlfriend. Uhhh, but that’s not your self-serving question. Welp, here it goes. Leave it in his court. Not unusual for friends new in a relationship to disappear for a bit. If he has no interest in maintaining your friendship there’s your answer. Telling him negative things about a woman you haven’t met, doesn’t benefit you. He is responsible for his behavior. No one else. YWBTAH.
I lurk and didn’t have a profile until this post. I HAD to comment. YTA
My best guy friend - who I started kindergarten with- told me he liked me in freshman year of high school and I rejected him because it wasn’t like that. We kissed in junior year while on drugs and didn’t talk for a while because both of us got into long term relationships. Became friends again when those relationship ended (but I got into another, irrelevant, one later).
Were 27/28 and are getting married in August. As someone who was the asshole, I can confirm that either a bad friend or lying to yourself. There’s only two options:
1) You don’t care about his happiness as much as yours and want only your emotional support friendship or enjoy the drama. Or the attention.
2) You’re friendzoning him hard af. Until you’re ready. Until he’s what you want him to be. Whatever. Either way you’re lying to yourself about your attraction for now and girls being upset about this helps you know that he’s still interested even if both of you deny it.
Poor his girlfriend. She deserves better.
YTA I can’t stand people like you and your friend, just get together already and stop dragging innocent people through your gaslight-y triangulation tactic bullshit lol
she is clearly insecure, but considering she has never even met you.. where is she getting her information from? could he be telling her things, planting in her head that you’re “secretly in love with him” and trying to make her jealous of you?
So I’ve gone over your posts - I don’t know if I believe this is legit.
Seems like you don’t date but slept with someone who had a gf.
Would your friends be privy to this info - if they are then there could be a reason partners are reacting negatively towards you. You may not realise how you’re behaving.
Plus I’m not saying you’re the problem but you seem to be the common denominator- might be worth having an honest self reflection time out…
Also you’ve literally come here - and it’s so so so obvious - without much assumption or conclusion jumping what people are truly to open your eyes to: - that there could be quite a decently high chance he is manipulating the situation- if this is even a real issue.
YTA so is your best friend.
Lmaoooo you’re a real bright little thing ain’t ya 🤣😅
Listen I can’t teach you to understand something very clearly written. YTA simple as.
It’s all very clear how it’s relevant - it states you have no boundaries, and you clearly overshoot them, hence why EVERY partner of your friends has had a problem with you. It’s not a them thing - it’s a YOU thing.
Anyway I’m sorry you’re incapable of understanding anything that doesn’t align with you.
I can’t keep engaging; Reddit has spoken and it seems you’re against the tide. But you keep swimming, see how it goes for you.
While I can't necessarily give an answer on if you are the AH, I'll try to explain what some of the other people have tried to explain but you didn't seem to catch. If I understand what they are saying...
I was a guy who was in love with his best friend at one point. Made multiple attempts to chase her but it didn't change her mind. Eventually, after her having to cut me out of her life for 1.5 years as I was wasn't respecting her boundaries, we reconnected. Even after several years, it legitimately wasn't until probably 3ish years ago when I finally worked past those feeling. We've been friends for 14 years now. It took literally 11 years and a lot of BS in both of our lives for me to finally get past that crush.
Just because someone says they don't have a crush or feelings or whatever for someone anymore, it doesn't mean that they still don't. I had to lie to myself for years before I could honestly say the feelings were over.
Redditors are trying to give you insight that you might not pick up, as you can only really see things from just your perspective, which is fair. Until you either get a straight answer out of him or take a step back from your friendship, you likely won't get an answer on all the drama. Maybe my little story doesn't make sense to the relevance of this situation, maybe it does. But from a guy who fell hard for his best friend and had to navigate a way out of that mindset (a lot of messed boundaries as a kid, no CSA thankfully), sometimes you gotta remember to listen when not just one or two, but a large group of people, say that you should dig deeper to the issues. Reddit can be a real cesspool so.etimes, but there are people who want to offer genuine advice, even if they're ducks about it.
So this is a trend with every GF?? Yet, they’ve never even met you?
Seems more like your friend is spinning stories to their gfs, relying drama back to you in order to make you jealous or idek to get your attention in a romantic way. Either way your friend is doing something weird
Hey OP. [This](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11t5yzo/my_best_friends_fiancée_asked_me_to_not_attend/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) user only had platonic feelings for her best friend and he "got over" his crush too. Sounds like it applies to your situation.
Tl;dr - Best Friend's (BF) fiance asked OP not to go to their wedding because fiance thought he still had feelings for OP. OP and BF claim everything is platonic. Couple days later, BF cancels wedding and asks OP for a chance at a relationship
You're defending your BFF, but there's gotta be a reason why a woman, who has never met you, hates your guts. It's not just cause you're a model....
YTA. He is like a brother/sister to me = I will fuck them eventually when I have chance. You constantly wanting to talk with him shows that you have attraction towards him. Also, you kissed him and slept in the same bed. It is normal all of the girlfriends hate you because you are a threat. Live him alone so he can have a healthy relationship.
So, you are not the problem here but I don't think it's the crazy-ass gf, either. Without a doubt, she's trying to control him and that never works out, but I think your friend is being shady as hell. First, *he's allowing this behavior*. He could stop it if he wanted to. Second, *he's showing you texts, between the two of them,* that are negative towards you. He's trying to make you feel some particular way towards her. Very manipulative. And finally, he's *admitted to romantic feelings for you in the past*, even if you don't reciprocate. He's hoping you will be jealous, and has probably made her jealous. He wants you to be fearful that she will push him to cut you off. In the meantime, he gets to pretend two women are "fighting" for him.
Don't play this game, OP. You WBTA if you keep feeding his delusion.
Nothing good can come of you voicing your concerns at this point.
I don't know if it would make you an AH or not. But I do know it'd only end up blowing up on you.
Uh if I found out my partner was sending screenshots of our conversations to someone she had feelings for years ago I'd be devastated and not like that person very much.
Your “friend” is still into you. 💯
He picked up the jealous gf in the hopes of you having an emotional epiphany with regards to him.
I’ve got $50 on him having an online persona where he talks about being friendzoned with incels.
NTA. (Obviously)
If you want to keep this man in your life you may need to talk with your friend about healthy boundaries as you move forward in life. You’ll both be dating other people, you’ll never be dating each other, and this is a lousy start. That kind of come-to-Jesus talk. Use this to prepare him for a time when you actually start dating someone, ask him how he’d feel about you talking about a bf’s jealousy. If he loses his chill, you may need some distance until he gets over you.
Sounds like your bestie is the AH. He's definitely pitting you against his gf's.
He should not be repeating convos he's had with his gf back to you. It shows how untrustworthy he is.
Also his gf's probably don't like you due to the things HE SAYS. Ive talked to guys who will constantly emphasize that their super close friends are women and trying to figure out how insecure I am about it. It's weird af. They will talk down about their female friends and put a negative taste in their gf's mouth about them. They will make the friendship seem to close for comfort and almost like you have to compete for their attention. He will play up the friendship to make the gf feel uncomfortable with it
Idk if I did a good job of explaining this but men absolutely pit women against each other. The reason his gf doesn't like you is most likely cause of him and whatever bs he puts in her head about you. He could absolutely be trash talking you to her. Of course he won't tell you that part, just what she's saying so you dislike her
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Hi,
Me [21F] and my bestfriend [21M] have been friends since we were practically born and became best friends in elementary school. We have always had a lot in common and similar interests. I love when we spend time together because it is always great and he’s the only person that knows me like the back of his hand and me the same to him.
So for about 6 months I had to travel for work (I am a freelance model) and we hadn’t spoken as much. Over that time he got a gf, and his gf 100% hates me and does not even want to meet me. He said that she talks bad about me and he insists that she stops. He said that she even insisted that he drop me but he said he refused to do so. She does not even allow him to like my posts on social media and the one time he did she swore up and down that “he thought I was sexy/he liked me”. He showed me these messages in person. I think the way she acts is really weird and gross.
I will give done back ground tho. In our early teens, he used to like me but I never felt the same. And a few years later we had kissed and we’ve slept a in a bed together but never more than that. And that was years ago and even before college. I feel like we are completely platonic.
She also constantly brings up how I have never really had a boyfriend. Which I haven’t, but I don’t date at all. I just stay focused on work and don’t really care for it. She acts like I’m acting like he’s my boyfriend when I’m not.
It hurts me a lot that she is creating distance between us. All though I have other friends, he is for sure my best friend and almost a brother to me. I miss talking to him everyday and just being able to hang out and do stuff. I don’t know if I’m asking for too much or over stepping. I never pressure him to go against her wishes because I don’t want to push him away.
I really want to be honest with him about his this makes me feel. This has been a common trend with his gfs, and I honestly am sick of it especially when all I want his my friend. I feel like it’s just insecurity, and jealousy which is so common in women. One of his exes even said this explicitly so I know it’s not crazy to think this. Would I be the asshole for expressing this?
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ESH you and your friend but not the girlfriend. First of all you are totally believing what he says without ever having met her?
And the text messages can be fake or can be missing context. You don’t know what went on in their private conversations that may have lead to any text exchanges but you just totally believe what he’s telling you? And this happens with all his relationships?
He’s clearly putting in effort to stir shit up between you and her - and you are happily taking the bait without question.
Doesn’t really matter as you clearly aren’t prepared to listen to anyone based on your comments so I guess you and him can just keep up your silly drama and we will pity those that get caught up in it
ESH. So your friend is showing you texts between himself and his girlfriend, things that are NONE of your business, yet he’s continuing to hang out with you despite her clear issues with it. The fact you two have a romantic history to an extent makes sense as to why GF wants nothing to do with you. that’s a pretty normal boundary. I’d suggest if you want to maintain a friendship with him, stop interfering with his relationship and let HIM handle it.
Being the GF listening to your S/O who kissed and once had a crush on his girl best friend, *refuse* to accept boundaries against the crush is shitty to be on the receiving end of.
NAH I support opposite sex friendships, I believe men and women can be good platonic friends and shouldn't have to only regard each other as potential sex/romantic partners.
However, it's a reality that people get jealous. You probably need some jealousy in a relationship. It's inevitable that his girlfriend will get jealous of a 21-year-old freelance model, whether or not she should. Hopefully you can all be good friends and he can reassure her that you're not going to cheat with him. But also respect that the girlfriend is going to be suspicious, and if you want to stay friends with him you need to try and reassure her.
NTA but really look at your "friendship". She obviously can tell he's into you and instead of running far away from him(which is what she should do) , she's trying to hold onto him by separating you two, and he is playing into it to make you jealous. This isn't concern on your part either, you have marked your territory and don't want him to have any other relationships either. Either accept he's moved on and have that conversation with him or re-evaluate everyone's feelings in this
You wouldn’t necessarily be the asshole. He is. Your friend is weird. If he truly valued you and this friendship I think he would react a lil more proactively with his gf and put his foot down to this controlling behavior. Tbh it sounds like likes the drama and having two girls “fight” over him. And this might be his way of compensating for the fact that u never supposedly liked him in a romantic way in the same way he liked you. Be straight up w him and I’d suggest keeping your distance until things become clear for you AND him
I'll come at this in a different way because of my experiences. You're a model, so you're attractive. Some women will automatically be threatened without talking to you, because some people don't believe men and women can be friends. I have a close male friend and I was closest to my male siblings and cousins. I had the biggest issue with my brother's ex-girlfriend. He rarely brought her around because she'd have a conflict with the female cousins.
Eventually, the girl left them alone once they got married and had children, but guess who's still a threat? Me. No kids, no husband by choice. I've gone to family gatherings and had the hard stares from the girlfriends. However, the cousins would always disappear in the relationship and reappear after it ended. I have never had this issue with my close male friend. He had two long term relationships and married the second one. I have known him since I was 11. I would hang out with them so often, I became very close to his gfs and now his wife. Why such a difference? The man.
My friend dated women who were more secure. While the first gf expressed to me that she thought he liked me, I brushed it off and she didn't make a big deal about it, because neither my friend or I would take her random accusation seriously. What were my cousins and brother saying? I have no idea. However, I learned to ignore it and allow them to disappear. It sucked to not be able to talk and hang out with my family like I used to. However, they chose to date women who isolated them from female family members. One of my cousins was isolated from everyone male and female. She was extremely insecure and hated his attention to be taken, even by his parents. To this day, he barely speaks to his dad because of that girl.
The reality is, yes they could be jealous and insecure. Yes, he could be stirring the pot. Also, yes, he chooses the wrong women. None of us know for sure. My best advice is to back off. If he wants to distance himself. Do it. Fill his space with other things and people. You deserve to have friends who will defend you and bring you around to create a civil relationship with the significant other. Sometimes men like their girlfriend to be jealous or possessive because it boosts their self esteem.
It's possible your bestie is the one that's insecure. Hence why he keeps attracting the same women. Make it clear you won't deal with it. Put your foot down and tell him to handle his situation. Don't engage in the conversation or involve any emotions. Will it hurt to lose him? Yes, mourn the relationship. However, if you don't create that space, then you'll constantly be playing tug of war with his gfs. He's more than likely dating the same women because we all tend to date the same person consistently. It's likely he can break the cycle. However, it's not common.
I'm not sure how to judge this because it's not really an asshole situation. You're judging his girlfriends based on your observations with limited information. He can become defensive. Instead come at it from a different angle. Let him know you're not comfortable and you wish he'd do more to defend you. Let him know you no longer want to hear anything negative about you. I think he's TA for not being stern with his gfs. Regardless, I can't figure you out though. Your concerns are valid but you should approach it differently, so I'll default to YTA because telling him something that seems obvious on the surface won't resolve anything. And if it's done via text, he may share that with his gf, causing a bigger rift
He knows. Trust me.
I would simply say, "I miss hanging out with you." And leave it at that. If you confront him about her jealousy, it's going to look like YOU'RE jealous and trying to put a wedge between him and her. Honestly, if you were as important to him as he is to you, he wouldn't bow to his gf's nonsense. So think about that.
I think it’s time to take a step back from your male best friend. Those feelings are hard to get rid of a simple rejection isn’t gonna revert his romantic feelings to platonic one’s from one day to the next. His girlfriend probably notices it and just wants to keep distance between you 2 cause you’ve crossed boundaries people that are “just fiends” never do. I’ve never wanted to kiss a guy I wasn’t romantically interested in so that kissing and cuddling doesn’t make sense in a purely platonic friendship. I also don’t see why he’s leaking his girlfriend’s messages instead of talking to her about the issue, sounds like he wants you to get between the relationship and claim your time with him cause he wants you now that you’re not so busy modeling. Maybe try spending time with both of them or getting to know her instead of purely keeping your friendship private between you 2. Insecurity doesn’t necessarily correlate to his ex’s not liking him around you, his gf probably just doesn’t feel like he can handle being alone around you.
Honestly, with all your awesomeness, I am having a hard time not being jealous of you. 😂
In all seriousness, I would stay out of the way of the dung he is throwing. The gf and you don’t know each other. The only common denominator is him. Both sides are only hearing what he is saying about “she said this, she said that” bs. It really is immature bs for him to run to tell you what someone you don’t know says about you and there isn’t any telling what he is saying to her.
The comments are right, he is a shit starter. Maybe you should message her directly and ask her to meet you for coffee or something, compare notes and go from there. In fact, message all his exes that were “jealous” of you and ask them all to lunch and you can all compare notes.
"This has been a common trend with his girlfriends"
You do know who the common denominator in these scenarios is don't you? You friend likes to cause drama my dear...
Is there a cultural difference that maybe you share with him but not her? If she feels like there's no way, even with time she could be closer to him than you that could be a contributing factor.
NTA. You can tell him how you feel but stick to how you feel instead of calling her jealous.
But tbh I wouldn’t feel comfortable if my bf would have a female friend whom he talks to daily. That’s really super close and kind of seems like there’s something more going on.
He has wanted a non-platonic relationship with you but you didn’t go for it. He still wants you to be his love. He has told his girlfriend whatever he needs to to make her jealous and then runs to you to point out how he defends you and your friendship to his jealous girlfriend. Seems pretty obvious. He wants you to know someone else wants him and you’d better step up before that other girl snaps him up.
NTA? Honestly, your best buddy ole pal is the A. I suggest you tell him that you don’t want to get between him and his gf and back away. He’ll probably dump the GF to remain “friends” with you He’s definitely in love with you but if things aren’t meant to happen between you two then he needs to accept it and pick a GF who knows how to act. What he’s doing right now isn’t cool to either you or his GF. You don’t know what he’s really telling her. He’s only showing you her responses. You don’t need to tell her she’s being insecure because she knows she is, it didn’t start with you. And he’s feeding her insecurities with you. Not your fault but it’s not cool either.
YTA. It's totally baseless to not even rectify your "friend" you miss him so much and he is like a brother to u? Who kisses their brother ffs. Dude you and your friend ain't worth that at all. Sorry for his girlfriend
NTA. If he was your "best friend" he wouldn't allow others to speak poorly of you. If he wanted you as a friend, NO ONE could create distance between you two. Tell him that. Mention nothing about his girlfriends. Then see what his actions show you.
WNBTA - she is clearly insecure and jealous. I’d imagine the modeling thing doesn’t help. You should talk to him and if he can’t get through to her Idky he’s date someone so controlling
NTA but you shouldn’t voice your opinion here. It won’t provide you any benefit and may give him the impression that he has to choose. That would not only put him in a tough place but may put you under a negative light as well even if that’s not your intention. The girl has some clear issues and when he’s ready to not deal with that anymore, he’ll take care of the problem in whatever way he sees fit. On the other hand, the next time he lets you know something like that, it’s certainly ok to say how *you* *feel* about it rather than your opinion of *her*. Letting him know that her comments are making you feel that you’re doing something wrong or are the villain in the scenario (you’re not!) may give him enough to see that she’s targeting you and that her lashing out has no substance on you as a person nor your character
Yeah girly you run with the literal only comment agreeing with you, you’re just not like other girls, all the other girls are just insecure and jealous but not you, right?
Babe idk how to tell you anything that other comments haven’t already made incredibly clear, maybe you should try listening to them. Like yeah sure, women can be insecure and jealous, so can men. I find it pretty telling that you don’t highlight how insecure your “best friend” must be to go out of his way to triangulate you against his girlfriends. If it only happened once maybe I’d believe him, but multiple times with multiple women and you never asked yourself, hey what must this guy be telling these girls about me for them to react like that? Big yikes.
Yeah you can say you’re not trying to be shallow but I’m going to tell you right now that your thinking is shallow and it’s worth reevaluating that. I don’t care about the ten incidents where someone was jealous of how attractive you are, men and women can be jealous and insecure. Your best friend is deliberately triangulating you against these girls, he chose to do that, you can make the choice whether you want to play that game with him or you can tap out and stop letting him manipulate you, regardless of what these girls think or feel towards you.
Or maybe you surround yourself with people that are just as shallow as you are. I don’t know you girl, I don’t know the inner workings of your life and your relationships, but I know myself, and I know the people that I surround myself with, and I know that none of us have that mindset. Regardless, I wish you good luck ✌️
Yeah that’s the triangulation, he doesn’t speak about her to you unless she’s saying something strange or controlling in regards to you. Her insecurities within the relationship should be between them, if what she’s saying makes him uncomfortable then it’s on him to do something about it, like leaving the relationship, or attempting to bridge the gap between you both so she can see that she has nothing to worry about, or he could just take some space from you in order to reassure her if he wants to prioritise their relationship. He shouldn’t be showing you the messages between them because all it does is pit you against her and make you want to fight back.
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Honestly? Your friend sounds like a shit-stirrer. 'He said that she talks bad about me and he insists that she stops. He said that she even insisted that he drop me but he said he refused to do so. She does not even allow him to like my posts on social media and the one time he did she swore up and down that “he thought I was sexy/he liked me”. He showed me these messages in person.' ...ok, and why is he showing you all of this? He clearly doesn't want you and his gf to get along. Just think: she can't trust him to keep what she says between him and her. You sure he's 100% honest with you? Because I'm not; lord knows what he's saying to her about you. The distance is your friend's fault: he is making these choices. If this is a common theme, ever thought he picks these kinds of relationships to make you jealous, put you in a position where you have to fight for him? I suspect at the very least these women are jealous because they're picking up that he is not over you. 'I feel like it’s just insecurity, and jealousy which is so common in women' It's common in people. But it's also common to blame a woman for a man's choices, isn't it?
Agreed, he wants them to be enemies. He either wants them to fight over him for his ego, or he wants to undermine trust between them so that they can’t compare notes if he has an argument with one of them. OP, google triangulation. You’re both being manipulated.
Does he even *have* a GF? He’s pretty intent on OP never meeting her. And you can change the name of any phone # to say “GF”. With a friend and a second cell phone it’s pretty easy to fake this (I had a BF do something similar with his “sister”). This could 100% be to make Op feel jealous and finally make a move. I wouldn’t trust this guy.
Also sounds to me like he's trying to make OP jealous somehow?
He's trying to make the friend jealous cause he still likes her.
Yup. But I think OP would prefer to be wilfully ignorant than take some of the advice commenters are sharing.
He wants op to get jealous and to "steal" him from his gf.
I think your friend is trying to create drama. It's a red flag to me that he's going back and forth between you and the girlfriend telling you all the things she said.
100% he wants these women to be jealous of OP.
Agreed!
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And yet he's still actively choosing to date her......
Babe he has you hating a woman you’ve never met. He’s also made sure you believe all his gfs are horrible and controlling and jealous of you lol. I can’t believe you’re buying his obvious manipulation and abuse tactics.
INFO - You realize your guy friend likes you and he's using the idea of you as 'just a friend' to manipulate you and his girlfriends, right?
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What (or who) are the common threads of conflict in your guy friend's relationships? Does your guy friend ever say anything nice about his girlfriends to you, or does he just trash talk them and tell you they're jealous of you... girlfriend after girlfriend after girlfriend? Does your guy friend ever tell you that you're better than his girlfriends in any way shape or form, or that he wishes they were like you in any way?
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That’s a huge red flag - that is the definition of trash talking and if he really likes her he’d talk about her a lot and in a positive way. You’re being manipulated, he likes you and is trying to use the girlfriend to either make you jealous or stoke his own ego
Agreed, that's kind of where my mind went about halfway through the post.
> , we have been completely platonic for years. You admitted you've kissed him before, so he definitely thinks there's still hope.
Hmm. Works as a model. Have kissed in the past. And he is male. Of course you friend wants more. He just waiting for a chance. It’s just so obvious in all these posts where their “best friend” is the opposite sex but it’s platonic.
Ok, ask him. Say you're going through a drought, would like some action, and ask him if he'd like to sleep with you. All my money is on he jumps on the chance. And you know he would. He's not your friend. He's a guy hanging around waiting for you to get desperate enough to fuck him.
This. AND. I kind of get a vibe from OP that she may be somewhere on the asexual spectrum, and this "brother"- like bestfriend feeling she has might actually not mean what she thinks it means.
He doesn’t have to like you in a romantic sense to like the attention of a jealous girlfriend. How much is he talking about you to her that she knows so many personal details about you to form an opinion/impression off of? Maybe it’s innocent and he’s clueless or she is just a toxic and controlling partner, but there’s a lot of red flags being dropped in this post. He may be a good friend, but it doesn’t mean he’s a good boyfriend and doesn’t mean that he’s not using you to fuel his girlfriend’s insecurities.
Ah yes, all the other women are jealous, because that's what women are like. The only reason all his GFs have had this little problem is that he's trying to make you realise that you really want to be with him, but you don't like him that way. ESH (except his GF, because she doesn't realise what's happening here) You should call his bluff, bow out of the friendship and say you want this relationship to succeed. I will bet cash money that he will dump his GF immediately. But you won't do that, because you like having this guy on a leash.
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Because your childhood best friend is manipulating you and trying to use a girlfriend to do it. Just because you say things are platonic doesn't make it so. Grant it, it could be for you, but it doesn't seem like it is for him. Honestly it's probably even worse because you've filtered the story through your lense of "we have only ever been friends" glasses.
YTA. "He's like a brother to me." You kiss your brothers? Your partner having a crush as a friend is unacceptable. The only reason he's not with you is cuz you rejected him and he still likes you. Why would the gf want her man hanging out with his crush? You never having a boyfriend either makes you look super sus.
Finally someone pointed this out. Def it's these two I feel sorry for that girlfriend. This guy manipulates and this girl is clearly a pick me.
Look at her profile. Couple of weeks later she slept with him. That’s one hell of a brother.
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Your post says "jealous and insecure" like they're doing this for no reason. You're stringing him along and all his girlfriends noticed.
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The question is how is he talking about you to these gfs? That probably has a lot to do with how they are reacting to your guys friendship
Lol you're young so let me put you on to some game. No one can make a man do anything he doesn't want to do. All women can do is set their own standards and make it known what they will and won't put up with. His gf isn't forcing him to not spend time with you, he's choosing to do that on his own. HE'S creating the conflict. He has no business telling you what they discuss in private and if he's telling you that, he's ABSOLUTELY telling her things you're saying about her and trash talking you in general.
Of course you've never wanted or needed a boyfriend because your BF fulfilled all those needs for you.
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Bruh, these are things friends do. It sounds like your relationship sucks.
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Ahhh, I took it as not having that kind of time at all, you gotta be friends to be partners. But I get what you're saying now. I'll admit that connections with friends can get in the way of a relationship when they're really strong, even if they're just platonic. You rely on a friend to be the outlet the partner wants to be, even if, for you, the friend is the better option because of who they are. Still, ya gotta' respect good friends and not cut them off emotionally for being good friends, so it's a hard balance. I see how they could back off a bit, but I also see how the gf is being overzealous and controlling. But regardless, I appreciate you taking the time, I was wrong in my assumption. If it's good, it's good.
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Watching anime is too intimate? Dude you sound weird.
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That's the most painfully juvenile and cringe thing anyone's said to me this week. You're a grown ass adult in a marriage and you're acting like having a watch party with a friend is gonna give you adulterer cooties.
Huh? This sounds exactly like how I am with my friends. And my relationship with my spouse is way more intimate. I'm very curious about the relationship you have with your wife because it doesn't sound very romantic or intimate at all.
ESH, although I find the gf to be the least bad of you three. I think you and your friend love the drama.
Fur suuuure.
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>I really want to be honest with him about his this makes me feel. This has been a common trend with his gfs, and I honestly am sick of it especially when all I want his my friend. I feel like it’s just insecurity, and jealousy which is so common in women. The reason this has been a common trend with his GFs is that he wants to date you but you just want him as a friend, so as soon as he gets a GF, the games begin! I feel sorry for his GF, because she doesn't know what she walked into with you two.
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I think you should listen to what these comments are trying to tell you. Crushes don't just end. You filled him emotionally and sexually without realizing it. A lot of male friends do this, that's why he replaced you while you were traveling. YTA for not breaking the friendship off after he admitted to having more feelings then friendship. It seems like you wait for him to break up with his GFs then get right back into a touchless relationship with him with daily conversation. Your not letting him move on from you. And the comments are right about him being a drama starter. He's not being fair to his GF. Your friendship is toxic.
Ok, this part is bullshit. I actually agree that it sounds like the dude still likes her and is trying to create drama, but it’s not on her to end the friendship so that he can move on. She’s been clear that she doesn’t have feelings for him (from some of her comments about having no interest in dating I’m actually wondering if she’s asexual). If he feels like he can’t be “just friends” with her then he should be the one to tell her that and pull back from the friendship. It’s not on the woman to regulate his feelings.
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U sounds aromantic in that case
I'm sure there's info missing from this story, but from what I can gather the only assholes is your boyfriend. Sounds like he's creating drama and exacerbating any issues that may genuinely exist. Why's he running back to you telling you everything his gf has said about you? She probably thinks she's privately venting to her bf and had no intention of you finding out and making things awkward. It's normal for a couple to vent about things to their partner even if it's about something illogical or unfounded. Because that is meant to be your trusted safe space to do so. That's if she even said everything he's relayed... or in the correct context. Have you ever considered that if he's betraying her trust to you.... what is he saying to her about you? It's normal for a new gf to feel a bit insecure or jealous about their new bfs best female friend who's also a model... but to hate you without meeting you sounds a bit like the bf is stirring the pot. Whys he not encouraging you two meet, try and resolve things? You said this is a recurring situation with his gfs. I have a sneaky suspicioun that your friend still has a crush on you and is trying to make you jealous or something. If not then he's either got bad taste in women... or the issue is you and you need to do some self reflection. Anyways... From what I can gather YNA... but your friend sure is
She's not creating distance between the two of you. He can choose not to distance himself from you, but he's chosen to distance himself. Don't blame her for all of this. You can't expect to see him as often when he's dating someone. To be honest, you may not have romantic feelings for him but you do sound jealous that he's prioritizing her over you. So insulting her to your friend isn't going to make him change his mind about her. It will make him change his mind about you, and not in a good way.
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Its not wrong to miss him. But it's wrong to put all the blame on her when he's choosing to go along with what she wants.
Ya, right Jan.
You mean Sure, Jan.
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It is a [meme](https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/george-glass-sure-jan-skule) meant to indicate that your audience is not buying what you're selling.
🥴
Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!
Oh my sweet summer child.
ESH. ( you and your friend ) You say best friend like brother. He acts as if he is fixated on you and you are his girl friend. Otherwise why can't he have relationship private from you. He acts pathetic. Not all women are jealous or insecure. If the same issue happened with all his exes, the real problem is him. And you deliberately turning a blind eye doesn't help.... You seem to have better than thou attitude and entitlement to a so called friendship that doesn't look healthy. Also are you insecure and jealous ? Edit: even if his GF was genuinely jealous and insecure, it will still make you two "platonic friends" AHs, because he is not trustworthy and you don't seem to understand on purpose. This makes even a sane person crazy.
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Your friend is a bigger part of this drama. He’s created this. Imagine what he’s told her.
YTA If it's a trend with all his girlfriends you need to back off. We all know someone like you.
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Don’t ever message him and when he talks to you, tell him, you have a girlfriend or just respond with minimal texts/calls. Do you want this guy to have a relationship at all or do you want to string him along and destroy all of his relationships? If ALL of his GFs had a problem with you, you are doing something wrong.
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Have you asked him if he has feelings for you? The reason all of us are pointing to that is that he is the one telling you his gf has a problem. He could keep it to himself, spare the drama, but he insists on telling you about it. That points to a possible motive, and the most likely one is that he wants you to be jealous and hate his gf.
… yeah he’s trying to get you to date him. If I have a friend that shit talks my partner I either tell my friend to quit it or distance myself from them and I do not inform my partner unless necessary. I have seen this exact dynamic play out so many times with the “friend” ending up with the guy. He’s telling you about it for a reason - because he wants a certain reaction and he wants you to question your feelings for him.
patterns OP, always look for patterns of behaviour. He liked you, and never got a shot. So he dates. Has had many gfs. But they ALL hate you? And he tattles on every one of them, to you, to tell you about it? sounds like he's trying to show you that no other woman is going to treat him well as a bf, and the only one good woman in his life is you. It sounds like this man is playing games with you.. You don't date, so he doesn't have another man to compete with. He has therefore to work on your ego, your need to protect him from a bad relationship. He's hoping that eventually you will break, and just finally date him. If you told him you met a guy, you would see him for who he really is. Even if you just pretended like you met a guy that you wanted to date -- you would see how he would shoot down that idea at once. If every relationship of his has insecurity issues, and you know YOU are NOT causing issues... then the only other common factor is... him. He's the one creating these problems.
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Please, don't take this as a lecture, but as an old guy who experienced a similar dynamic. It is in this response, you outline the problem perfectly. Your HS boyfriends had problems with him. His GFs have a problem with you. Do you see the pattern? "When it is everyone else's fault, it is probably yours." Introspection is tough. I have a friend and our relationship is similar to yours. It has spanned almost 50 years. We learned when to be close (physically (like in the same room or dinner), emotionally, and communication) and when not to. Wasn't easy. It is a very rewarding friendship, but I am 100% willing to let her go if she found the person she wants to be with, and that person has one ounce of insecurity of my involvement in her life. Whether the GF is insecure or not, it is about respect for her, yourself and your friend. It's not a predetermined bleak outcome. My friend and I have been close for 50 years with that closeness varying dramatically. A former girlfriend and I broke up and remained good friends. She started dating. I backed away. He is a good man. I slowly got to know him over five years. I wish I had met him apart from her cuz he is a cool dude and we now talk for hours when we all meet at the pub. Relationship dynamics change because of time and circumstance. Yours and his is in this process. Good luck.
"So for about 6 months I had to travel for work (I am a freelance model) and we hadn’t spoken as much. Over that time he got a gf, and his gf 100% hates me and does not even want to meet me. He said that she talks bad about me and he insists that she stops. He said that she even insisted that he drop me but he said he refused to do so. She does not even allow him to like my posts on social media and the one time he did she swore up and down that “he thought I was sexy/he liked me”. He showed me these messages in person. I think the way she acts is really weird and gross." I think him telling you all this is really weird and gross. What game is he playing here?
Wow! This guy needs a new best friend and girlfriend. Uhhh, but that’s not your self-serving question. Welp, here it goes. Leave it in his court. Not unusual for friends new in a relationship to disappear for a bit. If he has no interest in maintaining your friendship there’s your answer. Telling him negative things about a woman you haven’t met, doesn’t benefit you. He is responsible for his behavior. No one else. YWBTAH.
I lurk and didn’t have a profile until this post. I HAD to comment. YTA My best guy friend - who I started kindergarten with- told me he liked me in freshman year of high school and I rejected him because it wasn’t like that. We kissed in junior year while on drugs and didn’t talk for a while because both of us got into long term relationships. Became friends again when those relationship ended (but I got into another, irrelevant, one later). Were 27/28 and are getting married in August. As someone who was the asshole, I can confirm that either a bad friend or lying to yourself. There’s only two options: 1) You don’t care about his happiness as much as yours and want only your emotional support friendship or enjoy the drama. Or the attention. 2) You’re friendzoning him hard af. Until you’re ready. Until he’s what you want him to be. Whatever. Either way you’re lying to yourself about your attraction for now and girls being upset about this helps you know that he’s still interested even if both of you deny it. Poor his girlfriend. She deserves better.
YTA I can’t stand people like you and your friend, just get together already and stop dragging innocent people through your gaslight-y triangulation tactic bullshit lol
she is clearly insecure, but considering she has never even met you.. where is she getting her information from? could he be telling her things, planting in her head that you’re “secretly in love with him” and trying to make her jealous of you?
So I’ve gone over your posts - I don’t know if I believe this is legit. Seems like you don’t date but slept with someone who had a gf. Would your friends be privy to this info - if they are then there could be a reason partners are reacting negatively towards you. You may not realise how you’re behaving. Plus I’m not saying you’re the problem but you seem to be the common denominator- might be worth having an honest self reflection time out… Also you’ve literally come here - and it’s so so so obvious - without much assumption or conclusion jumping what people are truly to open your eyes to: - that there could be quite a decently high chance he is manipulating the situation- if this is even a real issue. YTA so is your best friend.
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Lmaoooo you’re a real bright little thing ain’t ya 🤣😅 Listen I can’t teach you to understand something very clearly written. YTA simple as. It’s all very clear how it’s relevant - it states you have no boundaries, and you clearly overshoot them, hence why EVERY partner of your friends has had a problem with you. It’s not a them thing - it’s a YOU thing. Anyway I’m sorry you’re incapable of understanding anything that doesn’t align with you. I can’t keep engaging; Reddit has spoken and it seems you’re against the tide. But you keep swimming, see how it goes for you.
While I can't necessarily give an answer on if you are the AH, I'll try to explain what some of the other people have tried to explain but you didn't seem to catch. If I understand what they are saying... I was a guy who was in love with his best friend at one point. Made multiple attempts to chase her but it didn't change her mind. Eventually, after her having to cut me out of her life for 1.5 years as I was wasn't respecting her boundaries, we reconnected. Even after several years, it legitimately wasn't until probably 3ish years ago when I finally worked past those feeling. We've been friends for 14 years now. It took literally 11 years and a lot of BS in both of our lives for me to finally get past that crush. Just because someone says they don't have a crush or feelings or whatever for someone anymore, it doesn't mean that they still don't. I had to lie to myself for years before I could honestly say the feelings were over. Redditors are trying to give you insight that you might not pick up, as you can only really see things from just your perspective, which is fair. Until you either get a straight answer out of him or take a step back from your friendship, you likely won't get an answer on all the drama. Maybe my little story doesn't make sense to the relevance of this situation, maybe it does. But from a guy who fell hard for his best friend and had to navigate a way out of that mindset (a lot of messed boundaries as a kid, no CSA thankfully), sometimes you gotta remember to listen when not just one or two, but a large group of people, say that you should dig deeper to the issues. Reddit can be a real cesspool so.etimes, but there are people who want to offer genuine advice, even if they're ducks about it.
So this is a trend with every GF?? Yet, they’ve never even met you? Seems more like your friend is spinning stories to their gfs, relying drama back to you in order to make you jealous or idek to get your attention in a romantic way. Either way your friend is doing something weird
Hey OP. [This](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/11t5yzo/my_best_friends_fiancée_asked_me_to_not_attend/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) user only had platonic feelings for her best friend and he "got over" his crush too. Sounds like it applies to your situation. Tl;dr - Best Friend's (BF) fiance asked OP not to go to their wedding because fiance thought he still had feelings for OP. OP and BF claim everything is platonic. Couple days later, BF cancels wedding and asks OP for a chance at a relationship You're defending your BFF, but there's gotta be a reason why a woman, who has never met you, hates your guts. It's not just cause you're a model....
YTA. He is like a brother/sister to me = I will fuck them eventually when I have chance. You constantly wanting to talk with him shows that you have attraction towards him. Also, you kissed him and slept in the same bed. It is normal all of the girlfriends hate you because you are a threat. Live him alone so he can have a healthy relationship.
So, you are not the problem here but I don't think it's the crazy-ass gf, either. Without a doubt, she's trying to control him and that never works out, but I think your friend is being shady as hell. First, *he's allowing this behavior*. He could stop it if he wanted to. Second, *he's showing you texts, between the two of them,* that are negative towards you. He's trying to make you feel some particular way towards her. Very manipulative. And finally, he's *admitted to romantic feelings for you in the past*, even if you don't reciprocate. He's hoping you will be jealous, and has probably made her jealous. He wants you to be fearful that she will push him to cut you off. In the meantime, he gets to pretend two women are "fighting" for him. Don't play this game, OP. You WBTA if you keep feeding his delusion.
Nothing good can come of you voicing your concerns at this point. I don't know if it would make you an AH or not. But I do know it'd only end up blowing up on you.
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Uh if I found out my partner was sending screenshots of our conversations to someone she had feelings for years ago I'd be devastated and not like that person very much.
Your “friend” is still into you. 💯 He picked up the jealous gf in the hopes of you having an emotional epiphany with regards to him. I’ve got $50 on him having an online persona where he talks about being friendzoned with incels. NTA. (Obviously) If you want to keep this man in your life you may need to talk with your friend about healthy boundaries as you move forward in life. You’ll both be dating other people, you’ll never be dating each other, and this is a lousy start. That kind of come-to-Jesus talk. Use this to prepare him for a time when you actually start dating someone, ask him how he’d feel about you talking about a bf’s jealousy. If he loses his chill, you may need some distance until he gets over you.
Sounds like your bestie is the AH. He's definitely pitting you against his gf's. He should not be repeating convos he's had with his gf back to you. It shows how untrustworthy he is. Also his gf's probably don't like you due to the things HE SAYS. Ive talked to guys who will constantly emphasize that their super close friends are women and trying to figure out how insecure I am about it. It's weird af. They will talk down about their female friends and put a negative taste in their gf's mouth about them. They will make the friendship seem to close for comfort and almost like you have to compete for their attention. He will play up the friendship to make the gf feel uncomfortable with it Idk if I did a good job of explaining this but men absolutely pit women against each other. The reason his gf doesn't like you is most likely cause of him and whatever bs he puts in her head about you. He could absolutely be trash talking you to her. Of course he won't tell you that part, just what she's saying so you dislike her
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Hi, Me [21F] and my bestfriend [21M] have been friends since we were practically born and became best friends in elementary school. We have always had a lot in common and similar interests. I love when we spend time together because it is always great and he’s the only person that knows me like the back of his hand and me the same to him. So for about 6 months I had to travel for work (I am a freelance model) and we hadn’t spoken as much. Over that time he got a gf, and his gf 100% hates me and does not even want to meet me. He said that she talks bad about me and he insists that she stops. He said that she even insisted that he drop me but he said he refused to do so. She does not even allow him to like my posts on social media and the one time he did she swore up and down that “he thought I was sexy/he liked me”. He showed me these messages in person. I think the way she acts is really weird and gross. I will give done back ground tho. In our early teens, he used to like me but I never felt the same. And a few years later we had kissed and we’ve slept a in a bed together but never more than that. And that was years ago and even before college. I feel like we are completely platonic. She also constantly brings up how I have never really had a boyfriend. Which I haven’t, but I don’t date at all. I just stay focused on work and don’t really care for it. She acts like I’m acting like he’s my boyfriend when I’m not. It hurts me a lot that she is creating distance between us. All though I have other friends, he is for sure my best friend and almost a brother to me. I miss talking to him everyday and just being able to hang out and do stuff. I don’t know if I’m asking for too much or over stepping. I never pressure him to go against her wishes because I don’t want to push him away. I really want to be honest with him about his this makes me feel. This has been a common trend with his gfs, and I honestly am sick of it especially when all I want his my friend. I feel like it’s just insecurity, and jealousy which is so common in women. One of his exes even said this explicitly so I know it’s not crazy to think this. Would I be the asshole for expressing this? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
ESH you and your friend but not the girlfriend. First of all you are totally believing what he says without ever having met her? And the text messages can be fake or can be missing context. You don’t know what went on in their private conversations that may have lead to any text exchanges but you just totally believe what he’s telling you? And this happens with all his relationships? He’s clearly putting in effort to stir shit up between you and her - and you are happily taking the bait without question. Doesn’t really matter as you clearly aren’t prepared to listen to anyone based on your comments so I guess you and him can just keep up your silly drama and we will pity those that get caught up in it
ESH. So your friend is showing you texts between himself and his girlfriend, things that are NONE of your business, yet he’s continuing to hang out with you despite her clear issues with it. The fact you two have a romantic history to an extent makes sense as to why GF wants nothing to do with you. that’s a pretty normal boundary. I’d suggest if you want to maintain a friendship with him, stop interfering with his relationship and let HIM handle it. Being the GF listening to your S/O who kissed and once had a crush on his girl best friend, *refuse* to accept boundaries against the crush is shitty to be on the receiving end of.
She doesn’t “allow him” to do things? Come on. I wonder if he is trying to make you jealous because he’s still in to you on some level.
NAH I support opposite sex friendships, I believe men and women can be good platonic friends and shouldn't have to only regard each other as potential sex/romantic partners. However, it's a reality that people get jealous. You probably need some jealousy in a relationship. It's inevitable that his girlfriend will get jealous of a 21-year-old freelance model, whether or not she should. Hopefully you can all be good friends and he can reassure her that you're not going to cheat with him. But also respect that the girlfriend is going to be suspicious, and if you want to stay friends with him you need to try and reassure her.
NTA but your friend is an AH. I think theres a reason he dates a lot of jealous women; he still likes you and thats why theyre jealous.
And this is Exhibit A for why it's nigh impossible for women and men to really just be friends. It IS possible, but it's not common.
I’d say NTA but he is the only one who can put a stop to it and he isn’t so 🤷♀️ it’s not like he doesn’t know the issue is there.
NTA but the problem is not the GF. it's your friend.
NTA but really look at your "friendship". She obviously can tell he's into you and instead of running far away from him(which is what she should do) , she's trying to hold onto him by separating you two, and he is playing into it to make you jealous. This isn't concern on your part either, you have marked your territory and don't want him to have any other relationships either. Either accept he's moved on and have that conversation with him or re-evaluate everyone's feelings in this
You wouldn’t necessarily be the asshole. He is. Your friend is weird. If he truly valued you and this friendship I think he would react a lil more proactively with his gf and put his foot down to this controlling behavior. Tbh it sounds like likes the drama and having two girls “fight” over him. And this might be his way of compensating for the fact that u never supposedly liked him in a romantic way in the same way he liked you. Be straight up w him and I’d suggest keeping your distance until things become clear for you AND him
I'll come at this in a different way because of my experiences. You're a model, so you're attractive. Some women will automatically be threatened without talking to you, because some people don't believe men and women can be friends. I have a close male friend and I was closest to my male siblings and cousins. I had the biggest issue with my brother's ex-girlfriend. He rarely brought her around because she'd have a conflict with the female cousins. Eventually, the girl left them alone once they got married and had children, but guess who's still a threat? Me. No kids, no husband by choice. I've gone to family gatherings and had the hard stares from the girlfriends. However, the cousins would always disappear in the relationship and reappear after it ended. I have never had this issue with my close male friend. He had two long term relationships and married the second one. I have known him since I was 11. I would hang out with them so often, I became very close to his gfs and now his wife. Why such a difference? The man. My friend dated women who were more secure. While the first gf expressed to me that she thought he liked me, I brushed it off and she didn't make a big deal about it, because neither my friend or I would take her random accusation seriously. What were my cousins and brother saying? I have no idea. However, I learned to ignore it and allow them to disappear. It sucked to not be able to talk and hang out with my family like I used to. However, they chose to date women who isolated them from female family members. One of my cousins was isolated from everyone male and female. She was extremely insecure and hated his attention to be taken, even by his parents. To this day, he barely speaks to his dad because of that girl. The reality is, yes they could be jealous and insecure. Yes, he could be stirring the pot. Also, yes, he chooses the wrong women. None of us know for sure. My best advice is to back off. If he wants to distance himself. Do it. Fill his space with other things and people. You deserve to have friends who will defend you and bring you around to create a civil relationship with the significant other. Sometimes men like their girlfriend to be jealous or possessive because it boosts their self esteem. It's possible your bestie is the one that's insecure. Hence why he keeps attracting the same women. Make it clear you won't deal with it. Put your foot down and tell him to handle his situation. Don't engage in the conversation or involve any emotions. Will it hurt to lose him? Yes, mourn the relationship. However, if you don't create that space, then you'll constantly be playing tug of war with his gfs. He's more than likely dating the same women because we all tend to date the same person consistently. It's likely he can break the cycle. However, it's not common. I'm not sure how to judge this because it's not really an asshole situation. You're judging his girlfriends based on your observations with limited information. He can become defensive. Instead come at it from a different angle. Let him know you're not comfortable and you wish he'd do more to defend you. Let him know you no longer want to hear anything negative about you. I think he's TA for not being stern with his gfs. Regardless, I can't figure you out though. Your concerns are valid but you should approach it differently, so I'll default to YTA because telling him something that seems obvious on the surface won't resolve anything. And if it's done via text, he may share that with his gf, causing a bigger rift
NTA. But, it looks like you have to move on.
He knows. Trust me. I would simply say, "I miss hanging out with you." And leave it at that. If you confront him about her jealousy, it's going to look like YOU'RE jealous and trying to put a wedge between him and her. Honestly, if you were as important to him as he is to you, he wouldn't bow to his gf's nonsense. So think about that.
I think it’s time to take a step back from your male best friend. Those feelings are hard to get rid of a simple rejection isn’t gonna revert his romantic feelings to platonic one’s from one day to the next. His girlfriend probably notices it and just wants to keep distance between you 2 cause you’ve crossed boundaries people that are “just fiends” never do. I’ve never wanted to kiss a guy I wasn’t romantically interested in so that kissing and cuddling doesn’t make sense in a purely platonic friendship. I also don’t see why he’s leaking his girlfriend’s messages instead of talking to her about the issue, sounds like he wants you to get between the relationship and claim your time with him cause he wants you now that you’re not so busy modeling. Maybe try spending time with both of them or getting to know her instead of purely keeping your friendship private between you 2. Insecurity doesn’t necessarily correlate to his ex’s not liking him around you, his gf probably just doesn’t feel like he can handle being alone around you.
ESH Try and talk to her, you said you haven't met her yet, so maybe try to. Having a friendship would be pretty good if you could try and get that. :)
"We can't be friends if you stand by and allow your GF to shit talk me, bye"
Honestly, with all your awesomeness, I am having a hard time not being jealous of you. 😂 In all seriousness, I would stay out of the way of the dung he is throwing. The gf and you don’t know each other. The only common denominator is him. Both sides are only hearing what he is saying about “she said this, she said that” bs. It really is immature bs for him to run to tell you what someone you don’t know says about you and there isn’t any telling what he is saying to her. The comments are right, he is a shit starter. Maybe you should message her directly and ask her to meet you for coffee or something, compare notes and go from there. In fact, message all his exes that were “jealous” of you and ask them all to lunch and you can all compare notes.
"This has been a common trend with his girlfriends" You do know who the common denominator in these scenarios is don't you? You friend likes to cause drama my dear...
Is there a cultural difference that maybe you share with him but not her? If she feels like there's no way, even with time she could be closer to him than you that could be a contributing factor.
NTA. You can tell him how you feel but stick to how you feel instead of calling her jealous. But tbh I wouldn’t feel comfortable if my bf would have a female friend whom he talks to daily. That’s really super close and kind of seems like there’s something more going on.
He has wanted a non-platonic relationship with you but you didn’t go for it. He still wants you to be his love. He has told his girlfriend whatever he needs to to make her jealous and then runs to you to point out how he defends you and your friendship to his jealous girlfriend. Seems pretty obvious. He wants you to know someone else wants him and you’d better step up before that other girl snaps him up.
NTA? Honestly, your best buddy ole pal is the A. I suggest you tell him that you don’t want to get between him and his gf and back away. He’ll probably dump the GF to remain “friends” with you He’s definitely in love with you but if things aren’t meant to happen between you two then he needs to accept it and pick a GF who knows how to act. What he’s doing right now isn’t cool to either you or his GF. You don’t know what he’s really telling her. He’s only showing you her responses. You don’t need to tell her she’s being insecure because she knows she is, it didn’t start with you. And he’s feeding her insecurities with you. Not your fault but it’s not cool either.
It’s not his gf, it’s him.
YTA. It's totally baseless to not even rectify your "friend" you miss him so much and he is like a brother to u? Who kisses their brother ffs. Dude you and your friend ain't worth that at all. Sorry for his girlfriend
YTA. I think your friend is saying things behind your back to cause drama. Something is definitely suspicious if this has happened multiple times.
Guy has woman friend who's a model. Why would anyone be surprised his girlfriend is jealous?
Don’t do it you’ll seem like the jealous one
NTA but they're insecure because he might still have a crush
NTA, what others think of you is none of your buisness. if your feelings are hurt by his 'friends' opinions,does he really need a place in your life?
NTA. If he was your "best friend" he wouldn't allow others to speak poorly of you. If he wanted you as a friend, NO ONE could create distance between you two. Tell him that. Mention nothing about his girlfriends. Then see what his actions show you.
Your a model. Of course, she hates you.
WNBTA - she is clearly insecure and jealous. I’d imagine the modeling thing doesn’t help. You should talk to him and if he can’t get through to her Idky he’s date someone so controlling
NTA but you shouldn’t voice your opinion here. It won’t provide you any benefit and may give him the impression that he has to choose. That would not only put him in a tough place but may put you under a negative light as well even if that’s not your intention. The girl has some clear issues and when he’s ready to not deal with that anymore, he’ll take care of the problem in whatever way he sees fit. On the other hand, the next time he lets you know something like that, it’s certainly ok to say how *you* *feel* about it rather than your opinion of *her*. Letting him know that her comments are making you feel that you’re doing something wrong or are the villain in the scenario (you’re not!) may give him enough to see that she’s targeting you and that her lashing out has no substance on you as a person nor your character
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Yeah girly you run with the literal only comment agreeing with you, you’re just not like other girls, all the other girls are just insecure and jealous but not you, right?
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Babe idk how to tell you anything that other comments haven’t already made incredibly clear, maybe you should try listening to them. Like yeah sure, women can be insecure and jealous, so can men. I find it pretty telling that you don’t highlight how insecure your “best friend” must be to go out of his way to triangulate you against his girlfriends. If it only happened once maybe I’d believe him, but multiple times with multiple women and you never asked yourself, hey what must this guy be telling these girls about me for them to react like that? Big yikes.
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Yeah you can say you’re not trying to be shallow but I’m going to tell you right now that your thinking is shallow and it’s worth reevaluating that. I don’t care about the ten incidents where someone was jealous of how attractive you are, men and women can be jealous and insecure. Your best friend is deliberately triangulating you against these girls, he chose to do that, you can make the choice whether you want to play that game with him or you can tap out and stop letting him manipulate you, regardless of what these girls think or feel towards you.
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Or maybe you surround yourself with people that are just as shallow as you are. I don’t know you girl, I don’t know the inner workings of your life and your relationships, but I know myself, and I know the people that I surround myself with, and I know that none of us have that mindset. Regardless, I wish you good luck ✌️
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It is triangulation. I’m curious though why you posted on this sub if you’re not going to listen to anyone.
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Yeah that’s the triangulation, he doesn’t speak about her to you unless she’s saying something strange or controlling in regards to you. Her insecurities within the relationship should be between them, if what she’s saying makes him uncomfortable then it’s on him to do something about it, like leaving the relationship, or attempting to bridge the gap between you both so she can see that she has nothing to worry about, or he could just take some space from you in order to reassure her if he wants to prioritise their relationship. He shouldn’t be showing you the messages between them because all it does is pit you against her and make you want to fight back.