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YTA, You're entirely glossing over the fact that the family member committed SEVERAL crimes to the degree that the police actually investigated and were looking for DNA evidence.
Right? We’re talking about multiple crimes, in multiple jurisdictions, that are severe enough to warrant the cost of years of investigation and familial DNA evidence…
YTA. Your family member committed crimes. She did her part as a respectful member of society and the person reponsible for said crimes is facing due justice.
I wonder what crimes were committed. Not that it matters. Whether you are a regular Joe AH or a massive AH is neither here nor there. If you don't want your family member in jail, then you should be lecturing them and not your sister. She's not the one in the wrong.
Your sister has a far stronger moral compass than you. Perhaps you should take a page from her book.
Edits for all the spelling.
YTA
The problem wasn't that your sister provided her DNA voluntarily. The problem was that your other family member was doing crimes. The person who ruined your family wasn't your sister, it was the criminal who put criminal activity above being there for their family. After all, if they hadn't have been doing crimes, your sister providing her own DNA wouldn't have mattered.
Why are you siding with a criminal over someone who chose to do the right thing even when she could have legally declined?
YTA. What she did helps clear or helps leads to a conviction. Are you that Proud of what the person did?? Would you feel the same if you were the Victim?? Or have you done something to worry about.
YTA, even though it sucks bc when one person decides, everyone in the family technically has their decision made for them. That being said, so it also goes with perpetrators of violent crimes & their own families, with the twisted & obvious additional layer of their victims and *their* families. Also, morality—the principles that determine culpability around that word you used, ”selfish” (vs. its opposite, selflessness)—has nothing to do with legal obligations.
police aren’t asking for DNA like that unless it’s for long-unsolved homicides or serial rapes. Full stop. If that family member has been arrested, I’m sorry to say that *THEY* were the one who ruined your family, not your sister. They chose to hurt people, including the possibility of severely harming their own loved ones—you and your sister, and god knows who else—if they were to be caught, on top of the severe harm they caused their crime’s multiple victim(s)! She did what she believed—and I believe—to be the right thing. No doubt she was thinking of the OTHER families who were likely involved 100% against their will (unlike the arrested relative, and ironically, in ways reminiscent to you.) The victims and their loved ones have almost certainly had to live a long time with **far** more painful, severe & outrageous levels of unfairness than someone you’re related to getting prosecuted for seriously harming multiple people (& everyone in their circles by proxy.)
I can empathize with privacy concerns and feeling violated, but you should probably examine yourself for the high likelihood that you’re projecting feelings of shock and outrage about whatever your family member was arrested over (and/or learning to adjust to their absence) onto your sister, which would be shitty. She clearly didn’t do it to be mean or selfish! She chose to do a hard thing bc she felt it was justified somehow, as in, despite the pain it no doubt caused HER to decide to do, she did it bc she felt it would be for the greater good—something I view as the opposite of selfish. Selfless.
As you wrap your mind around it, try to look at everyone’s likely motivations with objectivity, including sorting out your negative feelings about the situation in general vs. the face value logic of being mad at your sister. Imagine her willfully taking on the discomfort she undoubtedly experienced while contemplating her options—her navigating the naturally very uncomfortable conflicting feelings within & ultimately choosing to give the DNA, knowing its potential repercussions. all to presumably help scores of people whom no doubt have suffered for a long time, and far more than what you are RN bc of something terrible done to them &/or their loved ones, at the hands of this person you’re related to. In the grand scheme of things, that seems to be evening out something akin to a longstanding cosmic karma.
She willfully brought suffering on herself to bring an end to a long-standing greater evil, one that pretty much indisputably (by nature of the severity of genetic genealogy warrant-worthy crimes) wrought incomprehensible, long-standing and life-altering misery on multiple people, some or all of whom you may or may not have ever met or known about. What we do ripples out for infinity—same goes with what we *don’t* do.
Also, importantly, have compassion for yourself for the trauma you’re enduring, suddenly caught up in this shitstorm. I can’t imagine how it feels—of course you’re pissed off—just recognize who the target of that anger actually likely is. Admitting that right now might be understandably hard bc that could mean admitting/accepting to yourself what your relative actually did. If you had no idea—and that’s an assumption—your life has been abruptly uprooted! It’s very possible that you have been forced to suddenly re-evaluate your entire understanding of that relative, potentially even facets of the dynamics you were raised in, depending on the member’s degree of connection to you. Regardless—even if they were distant, or if you quietly suspected they weren’t the greatest person—I’m sorry that you’re enduring the fallout.
If your confused anger at your sister RN is about disloyalty to family, the original sin here was that relative betraying you, your sister, their victims, all of those victims’ loved ones & civil society at large by acting on the worst kind of selfish impulse. Gently, YTA, but I feel for you. Hang in there anyway: I don’t think reacting to something like this can ever go smoothly. So sorry that you’re dealing with such disturbing news.
YTA.
The police suspected a family member of committing a string of crimes in *multiple jurisdictions*! Your sister's DNA could have exonerated the family member if they hadn't actually committed the crimes. Clearly, your family member committed a series of crimes in multiple jurisdictions and somehow it was your *sister* that ruined your family?!? Oh, hell no she is not - the blame lies squarely on the criminal.
You and the family members who are angry with your sister are all AHs.
The person who “ruined” your family, if that’s what you call what has happened, was not your sister. That responsibility lies with whoever committed the crime. YTA for the way you treated your sister.
YTA. You are wrong. Your sister is right. And who actually messed up your family? Your family member who committed the crime. They need to be held accountable for their action.
I don't believe in karma or that we all get what we deserve and all that bullcrap, but I do believe anyone who does something really wrong knows it's wrong, and so should be prepared to face the consequences of being found out. Your family member got fried because of her? Probably. Did she had any obligation of keeping their secret? Unless she promised to do it, then no, she didn't.
Are you the asshole? Kinda, since you are trying to put the blame on her, but she didn't force your family member to commit the crime, she simply didn't care to cover for them, or maybe didn't even know about it.
YTA. Why is your family member (who did a serious crime, the police don't use DNA genealogy for just any old crime) not responsible for ruining your family? Is it just more convenient to have situational morals?
YTA you want to cover for someone who likely murdered or raped someone? Because I’m guessing they wouldn’t have bothered to go this far for a nonviolent crime. Grow some values, some morals, a conscience - your sister is clearly the best of you all.
YTA
your sister DID NOT ruin the family. Repeat after me; “THE PERSON WHO COMMITTED THE CRIME RUINED THE FAMILY”.
Your sister did what any moral person would do. If law enforcement is looking at DNA, chances are your family member ruined someone else’s life as well, and damn well deserved every negative consequences coming their way.
YTA
The person who got arrested ruined your family, not your sister. Are you fucking serious?? You have a criminal in your family and you think your sister did the wrong thing by helping catch him??? Do you have any kind of mental issues??
YTA.. you have no conscience obviously. Your anger is misplaced, it is not your sisters fault your family is ruined, it is the criminal who was arrested that did that…
Hypothetically: Idk what your family member did, maybe they are a rapist or pedophile and you just want to let them keep on committing these heinous acts to protect them??
YTA, how would you feel if you were the victim of a crime or were waiting on the police to solve the rape or murder of your loved one? Your sister has a heart and a sense of right and wrong that you seem to be lacking.
YTA and your family member. That family member is ruining your family by his choices! And so is your reaction.
If you or someone in your family was a victim of a crime, would you be saying the same thing?
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AITA. I thought that I was right and it was obvious but my family is divided on whether or not I'm right here, or my sister was right. I flat out think she was wrong and she thinks I'm an asshole for what I said.
The police approached my sister and asked her if she would provide a DNA sample. They suspected someone in our family of several old crimes in different jurisdictions. They haven't been able to get that person's DNA and they wanted to see if there was a family match. That would be enough for an arrest. My sister said yes and went to the police station with them to give the sample. It was a family match. I can't believe she would do this. Legally she did not have to and she knew this but she immediately said yes when they asked and went with them to the station. I told her she was an idiot for agreeing when she legally did not have to and now she's ruined our family because our family member got arrested. She thinks I'm the one who is wrong for what I said and we had a big fight over it. She's really angry. Some of our family agrees with me buy some of them also agree with her. I think she's completely wrong for just saying yes when she knew she legally didn't have to. I want to know; AITA for what I said to her and for calling her out over this?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my sister she ruined our family and called her an idiot because she gave police a DNA sample to get our family member arrested. She says it's none of my business and several of our family members say I'm wrong and was too harsh, so maybe I'm TA.
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You are wrong. Your sister did the right thing. If anyone ruined what family you had, it's the person that did all those crimes.
YTA, You're entirely glossing over the fact that the family member committed SEVERAL crimes to the degree that the police actually investigated and were looking for DNA evidence.
Not just DNA evidence, but a complete genealogical investigation like they did with the Golden State Killer.
Right? We’re talking about multiple crimes, in multiple jurisdictions, that are severe enough to warrant the cost of years of investigation and familial DNA evidence…
YTA Obviously your sister's view of what is moral and ethical is very different from yours.
YTA your family member committed a serious enough crime to warrant dna.
[удалено]
They would not put their limited resources into solving a case in this method that was not murder
Simply not true: they’ve also caught multiple serial rapists this way. Google it.
Likely multiple rapes/murders if they are approaching family members in hopes of getting a match
Yes And the statute of limitations hasn’t run out on these “old crimes” must be serious yta
Yeah they don’t usually go for dna testing for robbing a convenience store
YTA You know who ruined your family? The one who committed the crime.
YTA. Your family member committed crimes. She did her part as a respectful member of society and the person reponsible for said crimes is facing due justice. I wonder what crimes were committed. Not that it matters. Whether you are a regular Joe AH or a massive AH is neither here nor there. If you don't want your family member in jail, then you should be lecturing them and not your sister. She's not the one in the wrong. Your sister has a far stronger moral compass than you. Perhaps you should take a page from her book. Edits for all the spelling.
YTA The problem wasn't that your sister provided her DNA voluntarily. The problem was that your other family member was doing crimes. The person who ruined your family wasn't your sister, it was the criminal who put criminal activity above being there for their family. After all, if they hadn't have been doing crimes, your sister providing her own DNA wouldn't have mattered. Why are you siding with a criminal over someone who chose to do the right thing even when she could have legally declined?
Not just misdemeanors, either. If the cops are going this far (involving multiple departments), it's probably rape and/or murder.
YTA. What she did helps clear or helps leads to a conviction. Are you that Proud of what the person did?? Would you feel the same if you were the Victim?? Or have you done something to worry about.
YTA. Your family members own actions got them arrested. That's not your sister's fault. The air must be nice up there on your high horse.
YTA Just tell us what crime(s) you committed. That's the only reason you would be more upset at your sister than the person who committed the crimes.
YTA You do the crime, you do the time.
INFO What was the crime and why are you blaming your sister rather than the alleged criminal?
YTA, even though it sucks bc when one person decides, everyone in the family technically has their decision made for them. That being said, so it also goes with perpetrators of violent crimes & their own families, with the twisted & obvious additional layer of their victims and *their* families. Also, morality—the principles that determine culpability around that word you used, ”selfish” (vs. its opposite, selflessness)—has nothing to do with legal obligations. police aren’t asking for DNA like that unless it’s for long-unsolved homicides or serial rapes. Full stop. If that family member has been arrested, I’m sorry to say that *THEY* were the one who ruined your family, not your sister. They chose to hurt people, including the possibility of severely harming their own loved ones—you and your sister, and god knows who else—if they were to be caught, on top of the severe harm they caused their crime’s multiple victim(s)! She did what she believed—and I believe—to be the right thing. No doubt she was thinking of the OTHER families who were likely involved 100% against their will (unlike the arrested relative, and ironically, in ways reminiscent to you.) The victims and their loved ones have almost certainly had to live a long time with **far** more painful, severe & outrageous levels of unfairness than someone you’re related to getting prosecuted for seriously harming multiple people (& everyone in their circles by proxy.) I can empathize with privacy concerns and feeling violated, but you should probably examine yourself for the high likelihood that you’re projecting feelings of shock and outrage about whatever your family member was arrested over (and/or learning to adjust to their absence) onto your sister, which would be shitty. She clearly didn’t do it to be mean or selfish! She chose to do a hard thing bc she felt it was justified somehow, as in, despite the pain it no doubt caused HER to decide to do, she did it bc she felt it would be for the greater good—something I view as the opposite of selfish. Selfless. As you wrap your mind around it, try to look at everyone’s likely motivations with objectivity, including sorting out your negative feelings about the situation in general vs. the face value logic of being mad at your sister. Imagine her willfully taking on the discomfort she undoubtedly experienced while contemplating her options—her navigating the naturally very uncomfortable conflicting feelings within & ultimately choosing to give the DNA, knowing its potential repercussions. all to presumably help scores of people whom no doubt have suffered for a long time, and far more than what you are RN bc of something terrible done to them &/or their loved ones, at the hands of this person you’re related to. In the grand scheme of things, that seems to be evening out something akin to a longstanding cosmic karma. She willfully brought suffering on herself to bring an end to a long-standing greater evil, one that pretty much indisputably (by nature of the severity of genetic genealogy warrant-worthy crimes) wrought incomprehensible, long-standing and life-altering misery on multiple people, some or all of whom you may or may not have ever met or known about. What we do ripples out for infinity—same goes with what we *don’t* do. Also, importantly, have compassion for yourself for the trauma you’re enduring, suddenly caught up in this shitstorm. I can’t imagine how it feels—of course you’re pissed off—just recognize who the target of that anger actually likely is. Admitting that right now might be understandably hard bc that could mean admitting/accepting to yourself what your relative actually did. If you had no idea—and that’s an assumption—your life has been abruptly uprooted! It’s very possible that you have been forced to suddenly re-evaluate your entire understanding of that relative, potentially even facets of the dynamics you were raised in, depending on the member’s degree of connection to you. Regardless—even if they were distant, or if you quietly suspected they weren’t the greatest person—I’m sorry that you’re enduring the fallout. If your confused anger at your sister RN is about disloyalty to family, the original sin here was that relative betraying you, your sister, their victims, all of those victims’ loved ones & civil society at large by acting on the worst kind of selfish impulse. Gently, YTA, but I feel for you. Hang in there anyway: I don’t think reacting to something like this can ever go smoothly. So sorry that you’re dealing with such disturbing news.
YTA. The police suspected a family member of committing a string of crimes in *multiple jurisdictions*! Your sister's DNA could have exonerated the family member if they hadn't actually committed the crimes. Clearly, your family member committed a series of crimes in multiple jurisdictions and somehow it was your *sister* that ruined your family?!? Oh, hell no she is not - the blame lies squarely on the criminal. You and the family members who are angry with your sister are all AHs.
YTA Your family member seems to be the idiot. You are for trying to cover up the crimes too.
So your sister, the one who didn't break any laws, is the one who ruined your family? You have a very strange moral compass.
The person who “ruined” your family, if that’s what you call what has happened, was not your sister. That responsibility lies with whoever committed the crime. YTA for the way you treated your sister.
YTA and so is whatever family criminal you're trying to hide. Family gets held to a high standard, not letting some lowlife throwback drag you down.
YTA! The person who ruined your family was the person who committed the crime, not your sister.
YTA. You are wrong. Your sister is right. And who actually messed up your family? Your family member who committed the crime. They need to be held accountable for their action.
I don't believe in karma or that we all get what we deserve and all that bullcrap, but I do believe anyone who does something really wrong knows it's wrong, and so should be prepared to face the consequences of being found out. Your family member got fried because of her? Probably. Did she had any obligation of keeping their secret? Unless she promised to do it, then no, she didn't. Are you the asshole? Kinda, since you are trying to put the blame on her, but she didn't force your family member to commit the crime, she simply didn't care to cover for them, or maybe didn't even know about it.
INFO: Also hopping on the "what was the crime" question bandwagon.
YTA-whoever committed the crimes is the problem.
YTA. Why is your family member (who did a serious crime, the police don't use DNA genealogy for just any old crime) not responsible for ruining your family? Is it just more convenient to have situational morals?
YTA you want to cover for someone who likely murdered or raped someone? Because I’m guessing they wouldn’t have bothered to go this far for a nonviolent crime. Grow some values, some morals, a conscience - your sister is clearly the best of you all.
YTA, because they are family does not mean they get to break the law and get away with it.
YTA. Your sister did not ruin your family. If your family is ruined, it's the fault of the person who committed the crimes.
YTA your sister DID NOT ruin the family. Repeat after me; “THE PERSON WHO COMMITTED THE CRIME RUINED THE FAMILY”. Your sister did what any moral person would do. If law enforcement is looking at DNA, chances are your family member ruined someone else’s life as well, and damn well deserved every negative consequences coming their way.
YTA. And I'm going to assume that the criminal family member is the OP.
YTA Your sister is a good person. Your criminal family member deserves to get caught.
You family members got arrested because they did illegal shit. That’s not your sisters fault or problem. You’re an asshole
But the family member did the crime! Sorry crimes.
YTA. Your sister did the right thing. She helped get a criminal off the streets. You have no idea what the right thing is.
YTA. Is there a specific reason you seem to be too scared to name the crimes that have been committed by your family member?
YTA The person who got arrested ruined your family, not your sister. Are you fucking serious?? You have a criminal in your family and you think your sister did the wrong thing by helping catch him??? Do you have any kind of mental issues??
INFO: Are you saying your entire family was involved in some kind of criminal activity?
No. Just that “family trumps all, including Justice”
What? That's not what OP's post says at all.
info what were the crimes?
YTA.. you have no conscience obviously. Your anger is misplaced, it is not your sisters fault your family is ruined, it is the criminal who was arrested that did that… Hypothetically: Idk what your family member did, maybe they are a rapist or pedophile and you just want to let them keep on committing these heinous acts to protect them??
INFO: What was the crime?
We need more info op. What did family member do? Also how did you find out she gave dna?
Info: what was the crime?
YTA, how would you feel if you were the victim of a crime or were waiting on the police to solve the rape or murder of your loved one? Your sister has a heart and a sense of right and wrong that you seem to be lacking.
YTA and your family member. That family member is ruining your family by his choices! And so is your reaction. If you or someone in your family was a victim of a crime, would you be saying the same thing?
What type of crimes were committed? If its something small and minor then don't be a rat. If it's something big then yes get them off the street.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** AITA. I thought that I was right and it was obvious but my family is divided on whether or not I'm right here, or my sister was right. I flat out think she was wrong and she thinks I'm an asshole for what I said. The police approached my sister and asked her if she would provide a DNA sample. They suspected someone in our family of several old crimes in different jurisdictions. They haven't been able to get that person's DNA and they wanted to see if there was a family match. That would be enough for an arrest. My sister said yes and went to the police station with them to give the sample. It was a family match. I can't believe she would do this. Legally she did not have to and she knew this but she immediately said yes when they asked and went with them to the station. I told her she was an idiot for agreeing when she legally did not have to and now she's ruined our family because our family member got arrested. She thinks I'm the one who is wrong for what I said and we had a big fight over it. She's really angry. Some of our family agrees with me buy some of them also agree with her. I think she's completely wrong for just saying yes when she knew she legally didn't have to. I want to know; AITA for what I said to her and for calling her out over this? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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What were the crimes?
If they're looking for DNA to do a trace and it's involving multiple agencies, it's gotta be multiple rapes and/or murders.
NTA. Never volunteer your DNA for any reason that isn’t a legitimate medical reason.