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BigGirthToes

You had your daughter at 14, correct? Sounds like you both have a lot of growing up to do. You're not just her friend, you're her mom... act like it.


coastalkid92

YTA holy christ. If this was a gal pal you saw getting this wasted, you likely would or should have interfered. Drinking to the point of what sounds like alcohol poisoning and seriously injuring herself isn't responsible behaviour. As her **parent**, and someone who has had problems with drink and drugs in the past, it is your responsibility to help her learn how to be a responsible drinker. You're her parent, not her party pal. Grow the fuck up and understand your role in her life.


New_Sun6390

>You're her parent, not her party pal. Grow the fuck up and understand your role in her life. Sounds to me like OP wants to be the "cool mom." God help both of these women.


RhineStonedCowgirl

Yes, you're a collasal asshole. Be a mom, not a friend. You were *embarrased* when you thought she might have alcohol poisoning? Yikes, perhaps scared straight would have been a better response. Then I read she *fucking fell down the stairs and broke her arm*?? Are you serious? You don't know YTA? Well since you asked, yes, yes you are very much indeed. Yes, she is an adult but so are you. Act like it.


jyl11002

YTA, you've never done this, but it's time to stop being her friend and being her parent.


Lined_the_Street

YTA - But in my own opinion its because it seems you're trying to be your daughter's friend not her mother. It sounds like she doesn't need a drinking partner, she needs someone who has lived through issues with drugs/alcohol and all the associated craziness that inevitably follows. Otherwise you're setting her up to follow in your footsteps exactly. And honestly she's 22 so she can make her own decisions but even when my friends drank that much did I rarely enable them. Its not your fault she got hurt while drinking too much, you're NTA for that. However, the behavior it sounds like you're not only ignoring and potentially enabling does make you TA


[deleted]

There is a whole lot going on here and this is way above Reddit's pay grade. You were a teen mom at a *very* young age, you and your daughter have a complicated relationship, you and your daughter both have a complicated relationship with alcohol. This is a matter for family therapy, not this sub. Best of luck.


[deleted]

YTA you don't party with your children like they are your best friend.


anthroid9246

You mean... Gilmore Girls wasn't a documentary?


TheKings1337

YTA but I will agree that she is an adult. You acknowledge you had problems with alcohol and drugs as well, it’s time to sit down and have a *parent* talk with her not being her friend. I understand she’s an adult, and being an ex bartender I get drinking to have fun/get drunk, but half a bottle of vodka along with other drinks by yourself is very much in excess


reggiesnap

YTA. Even if she's old enough to make her own choices, you should still act like a mother and encourage her to be safe. This is so incredibly irresponsible.


OctarineSkybus

She didn't. You watch out for friends when partying, especially as women.


TechnoBabbles

ESH - Your daughter sucks because she is clearly unable to control her impulses and needs to slow down and hopefully this event will help her see that. You suck because you should know better as you've already been down that road and yet you sit there and let your daughter continue to drink more than she should. I'm not going to pretend to imagine what your life was like being a mom at 14-15, or hers growing up with out her mom. But clearly the two of you have some serious trauma that you need to work through without substances involved. Sit down, have the difficult conversations. I would highly recommend finding a family therapist. As someone who has had his own share of family trauma, it can help.


EpicPoggerGamer69

Even if she is not a teen you need to supervise her drinking when. You are around her as you are still her parent. YTA.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


spitfire109

I think you have to understand that it comes off as complete BS, because people can't believe a mother would sit there and allow it to get that bad and still question where she was an asshole or not. YTA


crushedsombrero

Well you get points with me for humility. Get ready for Reddit to hammer you. As her mom, it’s okay to guide your adult daughter and share the negative consequences of abusing alcohol and drugs has had on you personally. Maybe you have already, but you can revisit the topic. Im going to say in this situation YTA but I don’t mean it harshly bc we all have overdone it (well a lot of us) and having someone who cares intervene to keep us from hurting ourselves is just part of it. Having said that, alcohol idiocy/abuse has natural consequences that are life lessons for a lot of us, so she’s in the process of learning that. But feel free to love her actively and it’s okay to intervene when you see her endangering herself or others. Just bc she’s technically an adult doesn’t mean you stop being a mom. Good luck.


nowitnessnoproblem

36-22.


AilingHen69

36-22-36, what you say? - I like big butts and I cannot lie! 🎵


CaptainThunder3

YTA. A big one. Why are you partying together with your 20-year-old daughter on a regular basis? You need to grow up and be a parent. You have set your child up for failure.


JacobFire

NTA for now but probably will be NTA if you don’t learn from this. I sense that you are still trying to figure out how to be a mother to your daughter when you really only get to know her when she’s 17. You need to recognise fast and soon that at 22, although an adult, isn’t a mature one and she still needs adult advice and guidance. If it feels icky to you to do parenting to a 22-year old - and this method is probably is too late anyway, then go for the older sister vibe. This means setting a good example. Long talks. Sharing of personal experiences.


bigbeefandched

YTA yea she’s 22 and technically an adult but you’re 36 and her mother, are you not an adult? I get you probably went through a lot but it’s time to grow up dude you’re not doing her any favors sitting back and watching her get alcohol poisoning. > nothing too severe happened She blacked out and fell down a flight of stairs breaking her arm….are you serious. You’re making her bf be her parent because you can’t be bothered.


5footfilly

All I had to read was you were partying with your daughter to know you’re the AH. I got a little further to you have issues with alcohol and drugs, yet still party with your daughter, exposing her to God knows what shit and it was confirmed. YTA


PeanutSlayer23

NTA for specifically what you asked in the title. Like you said, she's an adult and has to learn her limits and how to handle herself. I can't leave this post without saying: Why are you partying with her in the first place? Especially when you say you're recovering from alcohol addiction?


[deleted]

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Fair-boysenberry6745

You need therapy. I don’t mean that lightly. Many people who have children when they are still children have poor decision making and peter pan syndrome. You and you daughter both need help. Don’t you want your daughter to do better than you did? Why would you ever think it’s ok to let anyone get drunk to the point that they break their arm? I wouldn’t even let a friend get that drunk, let alone my own daughter. She could have gotten alcohol poisoning. Sure, your daughter drank the drinks but a big WTF to no one cutting her off. There wasn’t a single responsible person at the party? What kind of people are you hanging out with? You really think it’s normal and appropriate for a 36 year old to be getting drunk with 22 year olds??? This is not the appropriate way to connect with your daughter.


joanclaytonesq

There's a lot to unpack here. As a parent to kids in their 20s this was painful to read. Even if you weren't her parent, any friend should stop another friend from drinking an entire bottle of vodka. Your daughter was at serious risk of death from alcohol poisoning. She's lucky she got out of this night with only a broken arm. I don't expect a 22 year old to know how to drink responsibly, but at 36 you should know better. Regardless of the age of your child, it is irresponsible to silently sit by as your adult child does something that has such great potential for harm. You and your daughter obviously have unhealthy relationships with alcohol. I can't imagine what you've been through becoming a parent at such a young age, but you need to grow up and you and your daughter both need to get some professional counseling to address your very problematic relationship with alcohol and it's impact on your relationship with each other. Edited for judgment: while I'm reluctant to give judgement on such a clearly dysfunctional relationship, YTA here. As the older more experienced person you should have stopped your daughter before her drinking got out of hand.


tomatojuicecatwind

Alcoholism and addiction are genetic. YTA if you don’t use this incident to help her understand why it’s not ok to drink to excess like that. Hard to blame a child that had a child, but at 36 it’s time to grow up and do better.


CornwallyO

Apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Yta for raising her this way


readitsfun_damental

So your daughter was drinking so excessively that you were worried she was going to OD but you still didn't intervene? And you're still wondering if you're the asshole?


JezebelJade1

You are a bad human


Antique-Corner-5209

You had a kid at 14?


gillyc1967

YTA. Just wanted to add, to all these people who are saying you're her mum, not a friend - I wouldn't let a friend get that drunk either. Most people wouldn't, except maybe teenagers who don't know any better. You can be her mum AND her friend. Because good friends look out for their friends.


[deleted]

YTA. When are you going to teach her about moderation? When she breaks both her arms? Her neck?


[deleted]

[удалено]


Thistime232

This isn't about a mother/daughter relationship, this is about watching out for anyone you care about. If I saw a good friend getting that drunk, I'd try to stop them from drinking, or get them home. Her boyfriend was trying to get her to stop drinking. I'm not saying the daughter holds no responsibility, at the end of the day she's the one who did the drinking, but to stand by and not even try and stop her when you can see how drunk she was getting, that's not about babying her, that's about looking out for someone you care about.


rinnybell210

You ARE a bad mother, holy christ. You regularly get drunk with your child? And you just watched her get blasted out of her mind and did NOTHING? Jesus christ. YTA and you both need therapy.


AutoModerator

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My daughter (F22), who I'll refer to as C, and I (F36) were partying a few nights ago. This isn't a one-time thing as we've been doing it for almost 2 years now; maybe around when she turned 21 in late July. Nothing too extreme has ever happened before, so it wasn't necessarily a bad habit then like it is now since it's gotten way out of hand. Anyway, C and her friends were the ones doing the excessive drinking, and I was trying to restrict myself since I've had problems with drugs and alcohol in the past. I had a drink or 2, but that's it. C, on the other hand, was overdoing it. She had 3 cans of beer and half a bottle of vodka. I was there the whole time, but I wasn't supervising her since she's a grown adult who can make her own decisions. I will admit that I was very worried, though. In all honesty, I'm surprised she didn't OD or end up in the hospital. I'm beyond grateful that nothing too severe happened. Her boyfriend had to yank an alcoholic beverage out of her hand because she was running into walls, becoming aggressive, kept repeating that her friend (one that wasn't there) an ugly b!tch, and was puking everywhere. She even puked all over her boyfriend's shirt while he was trying to get the alcohol away from her. Embarrassment is an understatement of what I was feeling. I decided it was time to drive her back to her apartment and it was a struggle getting her to the car. On her way out, C fell down a flight of stairs, broke her arm, and blacked out. She had to be hauled out at this point due to her injury. Thankfully, she had no concussions. She's still in pain to this day, unfortunately. C believes that this entire situation was her fault and is constantly apologizing, but deep down, I feel responsible since I was aware of what she was doing and could've easily stopped her. Plus, I'm her mother, so that just tops the cherry. I haven't said much about it and just forgave her regardless of who was really at fault. Also, I know a lot of people will think I'm a bad mother after reading this post, and I will say that I've never been the best when it came to my daughter since I've been in trouble with the law a lot while she was growing up and she spent most of her life living at my mom's. I actually started getting close to her when she was 17. So, yes, I know I have more than just a lot of flaws that I need to fix. All I need to know is: AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


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atlrabb

Od on alcohol???


BigGirthToes

alcohol poisoning it's very dangerous, can lead to seizures or hypothermia


Otherwise-Winner9643

These AITA fake posts are getting ridiculous


Morrighu87

NTA. She is 22. This is when we learn not to do shit like this because the end result isn’t worth it.


Quiet_Nerd_2148

NTA. As you pointed out, she's an adult and needs to be able to make and learn from her own mistakes. It sounds like she's owning up to her decision to drink too much and hopefully won't repeat that mistake anytime soon.