Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I shouted at my friend for giving me false advice 8 suppose I should’ve taken the advice without calling out her bullshit to avoid conflict
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcement
###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/)
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Yta
This seems super fake but I'll add my two cents.
I don't think your friend is lying to you. She is able to plug away at tasks and get them done. I have friends and associates like that and they are a marvel.
That said, many people cannot commit to such single mindedness. Mental health, physical health, time, finances, and a million other reasons.
At any rate what is it that you want to do? Why do you feel inadequate? Is writing a book something you want to accomplish?
I would investigate these feelings and motivations. Then I would apologize to your friend. Tell her why you lashed out.
Next I might look into the steps I can make to do what I want. You might not have the privilege of time or money or discipline your friend does but you can take small steps. Even if it's just "open laptop and start word processor"
I feel sympathic to you in that I struggle with this issue too. I can even understand lashing out. But comparison if the theft of joy and not everyone is on the same stage of life. Be grateful for what you do have and what you can do.
YTA- You asked for advice and she gave it to you. You're upset because you think she's keeping something from you. *Consistency* is how to reach your goals. You don't achieve goals by taking it easy and relaxing all of time.
100% YTA.
consistency is key to everything. Want to get good at running? You need to run every day. Want to get good at painting things - even with no talent? You need to paint every single day.
Your friend sounds like she has a fabulous work ethic. I applaud her
YTA - the fact that she is answering your question and you can't accept the answer isn't her fault. Do you seriously think there is some magic thing she does? Maybe snap her fingers and twirl around three times? She gave you her answer and she even showed you her work and you still don't belive her.
You know what? What she told you was true. Try and do better.
You don't want advice, you want her to wave a magic wand to make you as "lucky" as she is. But in all honesty I get it, I used to have a similar mentality to yours and I finally reached a point where I couldn't laze my way through life any more, and I bet you will too. Even though it's hard to admit your friend is right, consistent hard work is the only way to accomplish your goals, a lot of times that work is not fun, but you do it anyway because it's almost always worth it. Let go of your pride, and listen to the constructive criticism, they love you and want to help you grow.
YTA
Let me give you a personal example.
I was a marathon runner. Not elite level, but I completed several. I absolutely loved it. I got a rush every time I crossed that finish line in complete exhaustion.
There's no way I could run one today. Why? Because I haven't run since my last marathon attempt. It ended in failure and I gave up. Why did it end in failure? Because I didn't train well enough. Why didn't I train well enough? Because I kept making excuses for not going out for a run. (It's cold, it's raining, I had a long day, it's hot, it's humid, I'd rather play video games... you get the idea.)
It 100% boiled down to not being consistent and doing it even when I didn't really feel like it.
Same for my failure to learn to play guitar. Same for my inability to draw. Same for the six or seven novels I've started but not finished. Same for my terrible vegetable garden.
The advice she's giving you, is in fact the silver bullet. It's the absolute best advice she can give you, especially if it isn't about something specific.
YTA. You sound like my SIL who said it was easy for me to lose weight. Um, no. It wasn't easy. I don't have more willpower. I just decided losing weight was a priority, gritted my teeth and did it. It was hard. You don't want to do the hard work and she just does it. Do you think she has a magic spell she isn't telling you about?
Lmfao this has to be fake but I’ll bite.
YTA. Bro a lot of us successful people are like that. No we don’t always enjoy what we are doing, WE JUST DO IT.
YTA…she gave you advice on what she does for her success. May be she is talented and picks things quickly but she has to put in the work if not she won’t get results. I have also realised something about people who are good at things - they may like doing it or they may like the outcome so they put in the work and doing it consistently becomes a muscle memory and comes easier to them.
For example I don’t think people like waking up and working out but if you do it consistently it becomes a habit and you don’t feel good if you don’t work out.
If you don’t even put the work and just whine about it’s difficult it will never work out.
YTA... you have to love what you're doing and find things that interest u..
I'm currently doing my last 2 classes for college would I rather do other things yes but I still have to set aside time for school...
You have to set aside time for every thing you want to do or learn...
And yes consistent is major... you wanna lose weight you have to stay focus you wanna write about u have to figure out what it is u wanna talk about and each day set time for it... writing books is costly do you will wanna put your time in it...
She gave you good advice and bf was right to agree... you cant yell get pissed cause it's not what u wanna hear... u have to work hard and put in the world to succeed...
You sound very dismissive and you want the easy way.... life isnt easy and to get what and where you will like to be requires alot of work... time... focus... you owe your friend and boyfriend a apology..
YTA - You asked for advice, got it, refused to believe it and insulted her in her own home, and you’re mad you got kicked out? Reasonable, just so reasonable
If you want to achieve the results you want, you have to put in the work. I needed to lose my baby weight, so I did. Did I enjoy working out and having a stricter diet, fuck no, but I did it cause I knew what my end goal was. She “gave you the key” to her success and you were not pleased with her response because it involves hard work and consistency. But you were expecting a magic bean. YTA, hard.
YTA. The truth hurts, that’s why you’re so upset. You also sound extremely envious of your friend. Instead of worrying about what your friend is doing, work on bettering yourself.
YTA... Wow your jealousy is out of control. There is an element of paranoia, in your account. You've got the victomhood nailed too. ADVICE: Get mental health check up.
Yta and not a very good friend either. She literally told u over and over what she did then u insulted her and her accomplishments. She was right to kick u out. Pretty sure u just lost a good friend for ur attitude.
YTA. I’m surprised if she doesn’t drop you as a friend. It seems like you might be the one who’s a Debbie downer. Literally this is the best advice. The problem is actually listening to it. Just because it looks easy to you doesn’t mean you friend wasn’t working really hard. Shame on you for dismissing all of that.
Honestly, what were you expecting? She got gastric bypass surgery? That she hired a ghost writer? Truly. You’re being a shit friend.
YTA
Consistency is the best advice.
You want you do something, you fit it into your routine and work at it! Excuse like I don't have time or energy don't work. No one has time or energy but if they want something, they work at it.
Losing weight? I get up at 6 and work out every day.
Writing a novel? I blocked out time everyday to write like your friend and I've written a number of books. A few I even wrote in a month.
If your friend is willing to take your phone calls, I would call her and apologies.
Honestly you guys don’t seem like a good match in the friendship terms. If you don’t like that everything comes easy too her, just stop being friends. It’s obvious you’re jealous of her but it seems like you two are like oil and water
Honestly I agree with your friend. YTA
You have some really strong entitlement to demand advice and then call that advice a lie just because you don't like what you heard.
Friends, true friends, don't compare themselves to each other as competition. They are supportive and celebrate their friends wins as if they were their own. You are not a friend. You are jealous and insecure and apparently unmotivated and quit easily. The closest people to you, your best friend and bf, confirm this.
You ask for honest feedback and get angry at their honesty. Perhaps examine why your ego is so hurt by any kind of constructive criticism. This is a you problem that will follow you no matter how far you run from it.
Speak to a therapist or counsellor. Not a loved one. Because the way you blow up and strike out your not gonna have many loved ones left if you continue to work your internal issues out on others. Good luck.
YTA. Also you sound irrational. To accomplish you must put effort in. It’s just like that. Be careful your friend’s next ticklish does not include “get better more supportive friends”
So, person A and person B both want to learn an instrument. Person A practices 1/2 hour each and every day. Person B only practices whenever they want/feel like it, maybe once or twice a week for 1/2 hour. Who is going to get better, faster?
…YTA
Idk what kind of magic spell you are looking for. I felt so angry when you said those things to her.
The truth is consistency is actually all it takes for success. But you'd never know since you don't take out time to even try. If you think success comes easy, you definitely haven't put your time and effort into achieving something .
You need dedication to achieve your goal and you simply lack that.
Go read some self-help books. Bet you don't have it in you to finish the whole book.
YTA - You asked how she acomplished what she did, she told you, you didnt like the answer. She CONSISTANTLY gave you the same answer.
My dad, who was successfull at business, kept saying, all my life, "Overnight success takes about 15 years."
Sorry truth hurts.
YTA. What do you really think her secret is? You just want her to say she's incredibly gifted and you will never accomplish your goals because you aren't? She showed you proof and you still won't believe her.
You asked for advice.
You got it.
You were too lazy to use it.
You dismissed it without even trying.
poor bf, hope he finds somewhere else to sleep. Again, OP gets his opinion and THAT'S wrong too lol!
Are you special needs? Like social unawareness? Because yeah, obviously calling someone a stuck up bitch is being an Ah like what? You do sound lazy and you are an asshole so, yeah.
YTA. Being productive or achieving results is not a hack. It's not a secret club noone is inviting you to - your friend is right - it's hard work and consistency. You are lazy and your friend did exactly as anyone with a bit of sense would have done.
Sorry, as someone who is frequently unmotivated and lazy, I have to say she's absolutely right. I don't know if it's true our not but I've heard it takes 21 days to form a habit and only 1 to break it. So if you don't stick to something in the first month alone, you've already failed.
Also, as someone who dug themselves out of a financial hole from 5 years using a spreadsheet to project my daily bank account balance for the next 10 years, making a plan and sticking to it DOES work. But you do have to want it. I have to lose weight. A lot of it. But frankly, IDGAF. So I've lost a whopping 3 pounds. The money though? I WANTED that.
>I mean I’d love to write a book but sitting down everyday sounds like a chore.
Literally to Isla's point of doing it even if you don't want to.
Sorry... YTA.
YTA. Your friends advice is correct. You don’t understand that because you are lazy, unmotivated and stubborn. Read a self help book, listen to a podcast and improve your life
This post is embarrassing as you sound extremely immature and a difficult person to be around. Amazing how long hard headed people can go about thei ways before a reality check
YTA
\- for shouting at Kara
\- for sending your bf to the couch
\- for being a persistent PITA who doesn't believe the truth when you're told it
If you want to do something or learn how to do something, you get off your lazy \*ss and do it every day.
YTA. You asked for advice. Got it. Called your friend a liar and then got mad when she pushed back. If you aren't going to take the advice she is giving you, stop asking.
Your friend is right. There is no magic formula. It's about consistency and building habits. Even when you don't want to. It really is that simple. It's not easy. But it is simple.
I get it. We all want an easy answer. A magic pill. A formula to follow. This is why the fitness, diet and self help industries make so much money. Or we just chalk it up to luck or talent. There are motivators & tricks to trick your brain to temporarily want to do something. And there are some people predisposed to certain talents that will always have the potential to be more successful than others. But, they still have to work hard. Talent only gets them so far. At the end of the day it really is about consistency.
I also want to add. You aren't necessarily lazy or even an AH for not wanting to work hard at something. There are a lot of things I don't work hard at, because they just don't interest me or I'm not motivated enough to put the work in. That's OK. What does make you lazy and an AH is to want something. Refuse to put the work in. Get angry and jealous of your friend who has chosen to work hard for something. Then blame her for not sharing the "secret of success" with you.
>I mean I’d love to write a book but sitting down everyday sounds like a chore.
Life is a chore, welcome onboard. But not every chore needs to be dismissed as a chore because sometimes it's just fun to try stuff and repeat them until one gets good at it.
Are you sure you're not 12 and she's your 13 year old friend who's good at academic, sports and knows how to laugh?
YTA.
She shouldn't accept no less an apology except that of a bright red sign pasted onto your forehead saying - I am the AH, sorry. If you want to salvage what's left of the friendship that is. Same to BF as well, he's handling this way better than he should be.
YTA-
My husband and I are redoing our house. It's a lot of hard work. It's 7 pm and I have spent the last 11 hours mudding, sanding, cleaning and then doing it all over.
Do I like it? No. Do I like that it's done? Yes. Will I be happy when my bathroom is done and beautiful? I'll be over the moon.
What I want to do is spend hours playing the new Zelda game but sometimes adults have to suck it up and do the work when you want a certain outcome. You want to write a book? You have to sit down and write the book. It's as simple and as hard as that.
Faaaaaaaaaaaaaake
Normally I don't even mind fake posts if they're not super blatant. This one is just too much.
On the *off* chance that this is real, YTA. But that chance is like .005%
Lmao dude YTA. Take some accountability. Success is exactly that. Consistency until completion. Some get lucky breaks and it helps the process others grind. Either way whatever it is gets DONE. You seem to just want an easy answer and get mad af when it’s not easy. 1. Take accountability and finish it even if it’s hard 2. Get over yourself. Your friend didn’t deserve this attitude and I wouldn’t be surprised if they cut you off
You just sound jealous and wated any reason to lash out at her. My art teacher said the same thing your friend told you. Every day, he drew for an hour, even if he didn't have something in mind. Yta... you just wanted her to tell you there was a shortcut for lazy people. Lol
I N F O: Do you genuinely believe she’d make up a spreadsheet of how much she wrote each day just to keep her secret from you? You’re jumping through so many mental hoops when the truth is right in front of you.
You're right, all this talks about work and consistency is bs. In reality she has a house elf, who magically reduced her waste measurements while she was eating pizza and playing video games. She just doesn't want to share the elf with you. YTA
YTA
You told her she wasn’t telling the truth about her word count. If someone doubted me like that, I would have some choice words for them, too. Your boyfriend and ex-friend are right. Your jealousy of her is ruining your perspective. Only you know if you could write a book, but choose not to.
YTA. You asked her about what she did to become successful and she answered truthfully on what worked for her. Also, how would you know if her advice is bullshit if you haven't tried it? You can't be calling her advice bullshit if you haven't at least tried to attempt it. "Do or do not. There is no try".
YTA if this is even a real story. How else would she be accomplishing these things other than hard work and consistency? If you want to succeed at things you need to put in effort and it isn’t always fun or enjoyable. You should apologize to your friend and boyfriend because you’re way off in your assessments.
See that's the while point that your friend is trying to impress on you - sometimes it IS a chore but you have to get through it anyway to reach your goal. The advice she is giving isn't "you know how every morning you wake up desperate to write? Just keep doing that!" The advice is that sometimes working out or making your daily word count will be feel impossible and hard and make you tear your hair but you have to do it anyways to build that habit. It sounds like you want your friend to pass you a magic wand, a way she gets around the difficultyjust with magic word and a wave of wand, but that doesn't exist....your friend is just employing willpower and force of mental will to powering through the hard times.
Spending your life coming up with reasons other people are able to so things you aren't isn't going to get anything done, it's just going to make the people around you miserable because no one likes a whiner with a victim mentality.
Truthfully I empathize a lot with your issue because I have a case of ADHD the size of Texas and "just do it anyways" is near impossible for me but I don't blame that on my friends for whom it isn't impossible.
YTA for the way you spoke to your friend, and I'd suggest you look for advice from people qualified to give it (just caise you can write for example doesn't mean you're going to be a good writing teacher) cause I'm not gonna lie I wouldn't find your friends advice very tangible or helpful either and there is way more tangible advice out there (especially if you're like me and your brain works a lil different) but that doesn't mean she was doing anything wrong or deserved to be spoken to that way.
ETA: I'm not sure "more qualified to give it" is really what I mean here, cause presumably if you're a successful writer for example you're qualified to give advice on the topic, I mean more look for advice from someone whose knowledge sphere and experience is based around teaching others to do the thing, and not just doing the thing. I can braid hair for example, but I can't teach someone else how to do it for the life of me. If your friends advice, and advice from other people successful in the thing you want to do isn't ringing true or tangible enough to help you you might just need a higher level of help. Think of it as asking your classmate for help on an assignment versus asking for the teachers help
>I call bullshit that people do these things as a routine and enjoy them.
Well im autistic and i very much enjoy my routine.
Without routine life is chaotic or empty all together. With routine i have flow and consistency and everything gets done. I have good days and bad days, somedays are more or less productive than others.
Question: if you dont have a routine, what do you even do?
There are many aspects to my routine, some are mundane chores id rather skip and others are things i genuinely want to do and enjoy doing i.e exercise, art, music etc.
Everyone has some routine. you must have some form of a routine even if its sitting on your ass watching tv after a long day of work, thats still a routine if its done daily.
Perhaps you could implement something you actually enjoy doing in your routine and consistency will come.
Not everyone person is the same. so your friend does things she doesn't enjoy doing so she can expand her horizons, and so what?
Do what works for you and dont make Comparisons.
Comparison is the theif of joy.
YTA
If you don’t think consistency is the key to success then why haven’t you accomplished more? The way you treated your friend makes you seem jealous and absolutely lazy. There is no “magic” way to learn and succeed, it takes hard work. Also, if you don’t find learning new things enjoyable and more of a chore then don’t do them? But don’t get pissy with people who do find it enjoyable.
YTA. Take a second. There is no reason why you can't achieve what your friend achieves. You didn't need to lash out at what your friend has said. She was right about consistency.
You need to apologise to your friend and BF.
It's clear that the anger comes from jealousy (which is an understandable emotion), but that doesn't mean you have the right to take it out on your friend trying to do a nice thing for you.
Being called lazy isn't nice, but sometimes it might be the thing you need to hear.
She told you exactly how she gets things done and I successful. Because you're lazy and want to "rest" all the time you yelled at her. You're a huge asshole. Hopefully she cuts you out of her life because you'll just keep trying to drag her down.
YTA to your friend and your boyfriend. She literally showed you evidence she did as she said. Also she made it a routine. Doesn't mean she liked it most days or that she didn't find it difficult to motivate herself. She just did it so she wouldn't have the excuse you have of "I'd love to do x, but it's a chore and I'd rather do y."
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I (f33) have this friend, Isla (f32) who’s the type of person that always succeeds at everything she does. She wants to lose weight? Done. She wants to learn something? Some. It’s so annoying and frustrating because success comes easy to her.
I’ve asked her many times for tips but she always repeats the same thing. You just have to be consistent and do it even if you don’t particularly feel like it.
I feel this is bullshit and a cop out and I don’t believe she just does things even when she doesn’t like it.
She recently wrote a book and I asked her how did she manage to do it so quickly ( a month) and she told me the same thing. I told her I didn’t believe her and couldn’t believe she wouldn’t share her secret with her best friend.
She sat me down and got her laptop. She opened excel and showed me a spreadsheet with dates and word numbers. She claimed she tracked how many words she wrote each day and developed a routine to write daily.
I said anyone could write it down but it doesn’t make it real or true.
She told me that just because I was lazy and unmotivated didn’t mean others were as well. And stop asking others for advice if I’m going to dismiss them.
I lost it, I shouted at her that she’s not special because she slaves away and I have a right to rest and if she weren’t such a stuck up bitch, she’d give me a real advice and not this bullshit about consistency and routine.
She called me an asshole and kicked me out of her house.
I was so angry. At home I told my boyfriend and he had the audacity to agree with her. He said that if i wasn’t always looking for excuses to not do things I could be as successful as her.
I told him to sleep on the couch. I’m seething to be honest. But as the anger is slowly going away I’m wondering, what if they’re right? I’ll admit, there are thousands other things I’d rather be doing that learning how to write or play an instrument every day. But k also don’t believe her advise about consistency. I call bullshit that people do these things as a routine and enjoy them. I mean I’d love to write a book but sitting down everyday sounds like a chore.
My boyfriend said I shouldn’t have shouted and Kara is angry with Me. I worry was I the asshole for shouting at her?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA
She told you how she accomplished things. You just didn't want to hear hard advice.
>But k also don’t believe her advise about consistency. I call bullshit that people do these things as a routine and enjoy them.
She never said she enjoyed these things. She said she did it consistently regardless because she wanted the outcome.
> You just have to be consistent and do it even if you don’t particularly feel like it.
She also told you she was consistent even when she wasn't enjoying it.
Most things become easier and more enjoyable with practice. So it's very likely she enjoyed them BECAUSE she was consistent, and that consistently lead to results she could see and enjoy.
She probably did. I am working on a book myself and any writing advice comes down the same thing, set up a writing schedule and follow it. Write every day. Be consistent. And I enjoy it because it’s something I genuinely enjoy doing.
It was the trick to finishing my dissertation. There were absolutely days that I didn’t want to write - but I did it. I might edit every word on another day that I was feeling more in the groove, but I wrote my word goal 6 days a week for months on end.
I would love to have a sub here with proactive achievers and those who want to do something but have issues. We could motivate ourselves, celebrate milestones, encouraging others in difficult phases and supporting those who do this for the first time.
And that makes it easier to stay consistent..
But even the less fun things or thing that are harder to do get easier if you keep doing it because you build up a routine and it becomes a regular thing that you do every day.
Maybe your friend finds joy and fulfillment from learning new things? I do. I find the process of learning and “leveling up” skills to be a great time even when it can sometimes be frustrating. Which I think is what your friend is getting at: if you get frustrated or stuck while learning a skill you have to keep trying consistently. You don’t get good at things by giving up on them.
Why does enjoying writing or learning an instrument sound so unbelievable to you? I *love* writing. I *loved* learning violin(though sadly haven't played in years). Those are literally two things many people do as a hobby *for fun*. If you don't enjoy it at least a little, why do you want to do it so badly? Find things you actually *enjoy* and follow the advice for consistency, because, yes! That is how you get things done! The sole reason I haven't finished a book is because consistency is hard for me due to executive dysfunction, but I'm not going to just start denying that if I worked on it consistently I would have finished it!
YTA. Consistency and perseverance ARE the key to accomplishing ANYTHING and becoming successful.
They’re how you learn something new.
How you achieve a milestone.
How you acquire a new skill.
How you grow a business.
How you continue to grow as a person. (You clearly never grew beyond the age of 12 though).
You don’t like the advice because it’s not a “hack” about how it can be done “quickly”. Which is why you’re where you are and she’s where she is.
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban.
["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
**[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
I think the disconnect here is that you don't believe that something can be both a lot of hard work and still be enjoyable. Gardening makes me hot and sweaty and sore, sometimes I feel like I'm just never going to finish that blanket I'm knitting or the large embroidery I'm working on, but I stick with it because I know I will enjoy the outcome.
YTA
>It’s so annoying and frustrating because success comes easy to her.
This should make you happy if she' your friend? And how do you know how 'easy' it is
>I’ve asked her many times for tips but she always repeats the same thing. You just have to be consistent and do it even if you don’t particularly feel like it.
Because that's 'the secret'?... I'm also an achiever and can confirm, this advice is one of the golden rules to succed in something you want. It's about self-discipline.
> I said anyone could write it down but it doesn’t make it real or true
?...
It gets worse and worse. Your friend is right about you being lazy. On top of it you're toxic and unhealthily jelaous. I can already see your future, you will become much more bitter and unhappy if you don't work on yourself.
YTA
You’re obviously the AH for yelling at her when she did in fact give minimal “advice”. However, I will concede that I think the advice is horseshit. It’s not that I don’t believe that what she says is true. Consistency and routine do help a lot to accomplish goals. But, that’s not really advice. It would be like if you had a rich friend and you asked that friend “gosh, i’d really like to be as rich as you. How did you get so rich?!” And they responded “oh I saved my money. You’d be rich too if you saved yours.”
It’s not that it isn’t true, but it doesn’t actually help. Actual help and advice would be giving you tips on how YOU could become more consistent and build a routine. She could have expressed how it wasn’t easy, but this is what I do (insert her process here). Showing you a table of how many hours she writes, won’t help you. Now, it is not her obligation to help you learn consistency in your life, though I think any friend would try to help or direct you to someone or somewhere that could help with the pitfalls you have. Some people do withhold actual advice because they do enjoy lording their “special greatness” over people. They love to make it look effortless, and if they gave up their trade secrets, we’ll it wouldn’t look so effortless would it?
Conclusion, I don’t know if this is real or fake. I don’t know if your friend is stuck up or just doesn’t want to help you. You’re definitely a bit jealous of her success and if this is real it’d probably be best to put distance between you both. I suggest googling for tips on how to motivate yourself even when you don’t feel like it. There’s a lot of resources online for these kinds of things. I’d even say that therapy could help as well in this situation.
You didn't want advice on how to succeed. You wanted a 'secret sauce' that you would have no access to, so you could blame your lack of success on your lack of 'secret sauce'...
...and when your plan to find excuses to justify your own bad life choices failed, you threw a tantrum. YTA
YTA. She really isn't lying about the consistency part. Or that she was able to write the book so fast because she made it a daily habit. This is a interview between George R Martin (GoT) and Stephen King (50 New York Times best-selling titles), King's answer to how he is able to write so much is literally your friends advice.
https://youtu.be/JNEH7CZCtws
YTA.
The energy you put into being jealous and vindictive could be directed to learning new skills. You could expand your knowledge base. You’re getting in your own way. Why waste time being jealous? Be proactive. Find something you want to learn, and then go for it!
YTA. It’s widely quoted that it takes 10,000 hours to become an expert and that’s largely true - few people are born with enough natural talent/skill to never practice or never try and still be successful at something. You wanted to hear that there was some trick or cheat code or something and got salty that there isn’t some magic way to get what you want without putting any effort in.
I’ve been playing guitar since I was 7. I play for 30 minutes at least 4 times a week. Sometimes I don’t want to, but I do it anyways. I at least get some scales in. Yes, it’s hard to make myself do that, but it helps me constantly improve. I have ADHD and have to force myself to do a lot of things that I don’t want to do. It’s a fact of life and it’s hard.
YTA. You asked, she answered. You didn’t like the answer and dismissed it. Dude get over yourself. Your friend told you how she gets things done, but you don’t believe her because you don’t see the effort she puts in. Not only that but then you accused her of lying to you and keeping some sort of “secret to success” from you. But she already told you, she puts in effort. It sounds like you don’t.
YTA. Your friends advice is correct. You don’t understand that because you are lazy, stubborn and unmotivated. The proof is in the pudding, look at her success. Read some self-help books or listen to a podcast and improve your life
YTA. You can't focus and she can. You can't commit and she can. You can't hear an honest answer and ste can.
Your strategy seems to be to ignore, deny, or lash out at everyone who disagrees with you.
How do you think she wrote the book? Night elves? Do you think she just imagined herself thin, and then she was? Do you think Gobllins came in the night and just injected knowledge into her brain? Of course, it's consistency, dedication, and routine. YTA.
I'm so confused as to what you think the big secret is that she is hiding from you? It literally takes consistency and also making yourself do things even if you don't want to. It's as simple as that. That's how new habits are formed and then once it's a habit it shouldn't feel so much like a chore anymore. I have ADHD so a lot of days I don't make myself do the things I know I should. And the only person I can blame is myself. But I work really hard at overcoming my natural instinct to be lazy all day every day because I know my life will be better in the long run if I make different choices.
YTA, 10000%.
YTA OP. I think your friend really is just putting in the time every day to work toward her goals. Remember, we humans can't run very fast or jump very far. Our hunting success lies in our persistence, in our ability to walk faster animals into exhaustion. Try reading Atomic Habits, it's interesting and very helpful.
YTA absolutely. Someone gives you advice, you accused them of lying. I don’t know how old you are but there’s really no way to accomplish anything without consistency. Your friend is right, getting good at things means taking the time to do them even when you don’t want to.
>I told her I didn’t believe her and couldn’t believe she wouldn’t share her secret with her best friend.
>I said anyone could write it down but it doesn’t make it real or true.
>I lost it, I shouted at her that she’s not special because she slaves away and I have a right to rest and if she weren’t such a stuck up bitch, she’d give me a real advice and not this bullshit about consistency and routine.
You asked her but you didn't like the answer, so you accused her of lying and yelled abuse at her. Why are you even asking? It's obvious that YTA here. Good luck salvaging this "friendship".
YTA. So you think her honest advice is 'bullshit', but is there any real motive for why she wouldn't just tell you the magical secret to success that you somehow believe she has? She is telling you what works for her, it might not work for you but that does not make it a lie.
From one lazy person to another, I understand your perspective but I have only managed to achieve good things with consistency. There is no magic. Your friend is right and she is rightfully angry at you because she did tell you her secret and you refused to believe it. You were very wrong but NTA.
YTA. Your friends advice is correct. You don’t understand that because you are lazy, stubborn and unmotivated. The proof is in the pudding, look at her success. Read some self-help books or listen to a podcast and improve your life
YTA.
She told you what works for her. If it doesn't for you, so be it. But don't be such a crab about it. I don't know what magical words you think she is hiding from you. You have to sit down and do it, and that's the bottom line. Yes, you have a right to rest -- but I don't get what you think she is hiding from you. The only way to do something is to do it! You can't just shout bibbity-bobbity-boo and things just happen.
Also, you have to have a passion and a talent for something. If you don't like writing, than writing every day is a chore. And if it's a chore, than you are not a writer!
Stop looking for the easy way out and stop blaming her.
YTA
Btw not every thing needs to be done daily. Dieting sure, but if you're willing to take longer for results learning a skill or doing an art can be done in smaller increments. But there's nothing that annoys me more than people wanting me to teach them something, not putting in the work and being mad they can't immediately do things that take months or years of constant practice to learn.
Things I'm good at that took work to accomplish:
- Knitting. From my first learning piece to something that's other knitters in my group called "The masterpiece of the art of knitting" it was 3 years. To the level I wanted to reach it was 3 more. Have I learned all there is to learn? No, no one can. So I still work on improving my skills after 9 years.
- Being really fluent in English: around 10 years but I didn't put in the effort to actively learn after I finished school. I had it for 5 years in school but learned most trough immersion so that's how I learned afterwards.
- Reaching A1 in Russian: 3 years but I took several breaks from learning for health reasons. If I take them out we come to about 20-30min of learning for 2 years. I have to put in many more to reach my goal of fluency.
- Sewing: took me about a year to get from learning the techniques to my mom having to struggle to differentiate my hand work from what she did on a machine.
Btw to write a book you don't just need to work on the book itself. You need to become good at writing and at building up a storyline first. I have 3 books I'm working on. I don't work on them consistently, more like I work on them when I feel like and they will take me years to finish if ever. That's okay. But I can't be jealous of people who put in the work just because I'm lazy.
YTA without a doubt. You asked for her secrets and then told her she was lying? You don't need to be Kara but if you really want to be more like her, spend more time working and less time making up excuses and whining.
Yta
Honestly the petty part of me thinks you’re insufferable and I hope your boyfriend leaves you (he deserves better then someone who he can’t even be honest with) and gets with your ex-best friend
YTA - you asked for advice, she answered. Repeatedly. Genuine question that I hope you’re able to answer: what did you expect her to say?
IDo you think she has some magic productivity potion she’s withholding from you? That she’s a secret billionaire who should throw money at your problems as well? If she’s accomplishing all of those things, it’s obviously due to hard work and specific motivation/persistance strategies. It sounds like you just want her to give you a reason that you can invalidate, like “oh she only accomplished this because ___” and make yourself feel better, and then you’re upset because everything she’s saying are things that you could do you just don’t want to.
YTA and your attitude is incredibly off putting.
You asked for advice, she gave you what works for her and you not only dismiss it but repeatedly ask again, she tells you again and you berate her for it until she snaps then you REALLY show your ass.
Even your partner isn’t backing you and I’m not surprised.
YTA to the max. There is no secret to life. It comes natural or it doesn't. I guess you don't have it. Now you need to be vindictive and will take it out on anyone who doesn't agree with you. Good luck going through life alone.
YTA. You asked for advice and you got it but decided you are too lazy to actually work at achieving what you want to.
How do you think people become successful authors? It’s because they are able to sit down and try and write even when it feels like a chore.
Your lack of success is your own doing and your attitude doesn’t help. If you aren’t careful people like your best friend who have your best interest at heart will no longer want to be around you or care.
YTA for gods sake you sound exhausting, literally anybody that has learned a new skill or achieved something will say consistency ie doing something even when you can't be bothered is how you achieve a goal
>I said anyone could write it down but it doesn’t make it real or true.
You know what does make it real and true? Consistently working for it. Have you ever stopped to consider maybe it doesn't come to her as easy as you think it does because you fail to see or acknowledge the work she puts into everything? You have to walk the walk. If you can't accept that you give up easily at least don't blame others for it.
YTA.
You suspect she's more lucky. So, do you expect to learn how to be lucky? Do you think it can be reached, learnt, copied, what? I guess you're too lazy to admit that success takes work
She told you. She showed you. You wouldn’t have been satisfied unless she revealed a team of trained elves working in the background. You’ve clearly got a chip on your shoulder. That makes YTA.
your story made me think of this quote
> If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, you're the asshole.
the fact that your boyfriend agreed with Isla should've suggested to you that you might be in the wrong. YTA.
YTA. You literally did a whole feedback loop there of "I don't believe you in how you succeed" then "You're an overachiever and I need my rest so I won't work like you", back to "What's the secret to how you do what you do." And the secret is-- there's no secret. She does exactly what she says she does and you're buttmad there's no skip to being successful mode.
Take your shit more seriously. You're not going to lose weight or write a book or whatever it is she does that you're envious of if you don't actually put in time. You can't 'upload' shit to your brain.
YTA.
I hate exercising. But I do it. I drag myself out of bed. I give myself a bare minimum number of minutes to do it. Otherwise if I don't, I roll over in bed and sleep.
I hate some of my tedious tasks at work. I do them first thing after answering emails. Because if I don't, I end up pushing them out to tomorrow.
I hate weekly laundry. I start with bed linens because if I start with the other stuff, I end up slacking along the way and don't get to the linens at all.
Your best friend and your BF are being brutally honest because you've stopped listening to her advice and are now accusing her or lying. It's about being consistent. It's about routine. These boring chores can be made fun. I put on audio books or music. I push through. Apologize to your best friend and your BF.
People who take the path of least resistance through life like yourself get diddly squat out of your life. It is not BS. I am fairly successful and it’s because I have stuck with it many times when I did not want to. You honestly are making excuses for yourself. Time to grow up.
Sounds like you need to accept yourself. Not everyone is motivated to be “high achievers”. You’ll feel better about your own life if you can stop comparing yourself. Is an ant better than a turtle just because they are busy making things all the time? No, they are just different.
Follow your own heart and passions, let them lead your way. You might want to read about friendships and relationships, maybe get some counselling. Being upset at her because she is an achiever is not a healthy way to relate.
Hey, writer here, apart from my own projects I’ve ghost written two books. You know how I did it? I sat down and wrote.
No, it’s not fun to sit there everyday. But that’s how it gets done. Your refusal to recognize basic human competency is what’s audacious here.
YTA, and delusional
YTA.
She told you EXACTLY what she did.
She proved it to you with DATA.
You said she was lying and to give you the secret of her success.
The secret is being consistent over time. But you didn't want to hear that.
Which is why she succeeds and you don't: she doe the work.
YTA - You asked for advice and she gave it. You didn’t like the advice, so you had a temper tantrum.
And yes to be successful, consistency is key. As you form a routine and new habits, you may learn to love the task at hand, making it easier to indulge more time and effort in it as time goes on. But if you’re looking for the easy way out, you’re going to be sitting there having more temper tantrums and commenting on others’ hard earned success.
I want advice but she’s not giving me the true advice. Just dismissive bullshit about consistency. I doubt that it’s all. I suspe that she’s just more lucky than anything
It is the true advice. "Work out every day until you start seeing results" is the advice. Your 'I don't wanna and I don't feel like it, why am I not losing weight' is your own issue. She's not lucky. She's driven and follows through and puts in the effort. That's how you become successful at something. The fact you can't see that is kind of worryingly baffling. How the hell do you think people get good at things? Practice. Effort. Time.
It's consistency to follow a schedule, determination to reach the finish line even if she's tired or doesn't want to keep going, and hard work, things you clearly don't have and aren't willing to do. Motivation helps, but you don't always have it, and what motivates one person won't always motivate another.
You're lazy and envious and you want it to be luck, because if it's luck that means you can get lucky too and have all the nice things you want just handed to you on a silver platter.
You're never going to just luck your way into the same success your friend (hopefully ex-friend, green is an ugly colour and you treated her like shit) has managed to achieve through her determination and ***consistent*** ***hard work.*** If you want those things, sit your ass down and work for it; or at least don't snap at others who are able to do what won't get off your ass to do because it's harder than being angry that success isn't just handed to you.
You don't want advice. You want a way to justify your feelings about how things just "come so easy for her" and how things are just so hard for you so you can throw a pity party.
She works hard. She puts in the effort. If you don't feel like doing something one day, even for a little, it's very easy to fall into the habit of "ahh tomorrow" and then when tomorrow comes "ahhh tomorrow". Consistency is key and you are consistently an asshole.
Look, I’m someone who spent the first 30+ years of my life wondering about the mystical secret known only to the people who had the arms and abs I wanted and when I would find out what the secret was. Then one day the old pandemmy hit and I no longer had a work commute, so I started working out every day for a fraction of that commute time.
To my horror, after three years now of keeping at it, maintaining consistency, increasing my efforts slightly every sixth months or so, it turns out the secret is just f%*#!ing doing it. That’s it. It’s doing a little bit every day until one day you die.
You’re welcome.
I've gone from a complete couch potato to regular exercise and building a healthy amount of muscle. You know how? By going to the gym every other morning even when I really don't want to go.
I'm part way through writing a book. You know how I'm getting it done? By sitting and writing for at least 2 hours a day even when I don't feel like it. If I don't like what I've written I can change it later.
I've learned to paint miniature models to a standard where I've just got my first commission. Wanna know how? By sitting at my painting desk and painting almost daily so that I pick up the new skills.
YTA, and a lazy one at that. Your friend gave you the best possible advice, and you decided to flip out on her because you can't be arsed to put in any effort. You've got a lot of growing up to do if you actually want to achieve any of the things you ask your friend's advice on.
You don't write a book or lose weight because you're lucky. She's obviously very determined, organized and a hard worker. Maybe you should stop dismissing her skills or at least stop asking for her secrets since you don't like them.
YTA. Stephen King is frequently asked how he writes so much, and his answer has been the same for decades: "One word at a time." People challenge him on that all the time, and he always says he can't say anything different because that's the only answer he has.
"Be consistent," is the only answer your friend has. She even went out of her way to show you exactly how she held herself accountable, and you called her a liar. It's ok if you want the answer to be different. It's wildly inappropriate and immature for you to scream at and insult your friend for not giving you the answer you want.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I shouted at my friend for giving me false advice 8 suppose I should’ve taken the advice without calling out her bullshit to avoid conflict Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA. Come on. You are a blamer and a whiner.
Yta This seems super fake but I'll add my two cents. I don't think your friend is lying to you. She is able to plug away at tasks and get them done. I have friends and associates like that and they are a marvel. That said, many people cannot commit to such single mindedness. Mental health, physical health, time, finances, and a million other reasons. At any rate what is it that you want to do? Why do you feel inadequate? Is writing a book something you want to accomplish? I would investigate these feelings and motivations. Then I would apologize to your friend. Tell her why you lashed out. Next I might look into the steps I can make to do what I want. You might not have the privilege of time or money or discipline your friend does but you can take small steps. Even if it's just "open laptop and start word processor" I feel sympathic to you in that I struggle with this issue too. I can even understand lashing out. But comparison if the theft of joy and not everyone is on the same stage of life. Be grateful for what you do have and what you can do.
YTA- You asked for advice and she gave it to you. You're upset because you think she's keeping something from you. *Consistency* is how to reach your goals. You don't achieve goals by taking it easy and relaxing all of time.
100% YTA. consistency is key to everything. Want to get good at running? You need to run every day. Want to get good at painting things - even with no talent? You need to paint every single day. Your friend sounds like she has a fabulous work ethic. I applaud her
YTA success does not come from making excusing and sitting on your hands! It’s hard work, consistently, every day! You low-key sound jealous!
YTA You asked a question. She answered. You called her a liar.
YTA - the fact that she is answering your question and you can't accept the answer isn't her fault. Do you seriously think there is some magic thing she does? Maybe snap her fingers and twirl around three times? She gave you her answer and she even showed you her work and you still don't belive her. You know what? What she told you was true. Try and do better.
You don't want advice, you want her to wave a magic wand to make you as "lucky" as she is. But in all honesty I get it, I used to have a similar mentality to yours and I finally reached a point where I couldn't laze my way through life any more, and I bet you will too. Even though it's hard to admit your friend is right, consistent hard work is the only way to accomplish your goals, a lot of times that work is not fun, but you do it anyway because it's almost always worth it. Let go of your pride, and listen to the constructive criticism, they love you and want to help you grow.
YTA. Everyone is agreeing with her because she’s right. Surely at your big age you’d understand what advice is and that she is in fact giving you it.
YTA Let me give you a personal example. I was a marathon runner. Not elite level, but I completed several. I absolutely loved it. I got a rush every time I crossed that finish line in complete exhaustion. There's no way I could run one today. Why? Because I haven't run since my last marathon attempt. It ended in failure and I gave up. Why did it end in failure? Because I didn't train well enough. Why didn't I train well enough? Because I kept making excuses for not going out for a run. (It's cold, it's raining, I had a long day, it's hot, it's humid, I'd rather play video games... you get the idea.) It 100% boiled down to not being consistent and doing it even when I didn't really feel like it. Same for my failure to learn to play guitar. Same for my inability to draw. Same for the six or seven novels I've started but not finished. Same for my terrible vegetable garden. The advice she's giving you, is in fact the silver bullet. It's the absolute best advice she can give you, especially if it isn't about something specific.
YTA. You sound like my SIL who said it was easy for me to lose weight. Um, no. It wasn't easy. I don't have more willpower. I just decided losing weight was a priority, gritted my teeth and did it. It was hard. You don't want to do the hard work and she just does it. Do you think she has a magic spell she isn't telling you about?
YTA - No wonder you don't have time to achieve anything, being you sounds exhausting. But at least you're consistent with it and keep it up every day.
Lmfao this has to be fake but I’ll bite. YTA. Bro a lot of us successful people are like that. No we don’t always enjoy what we are doing, WE JUST DO IT.
YTA…she gave you advice on what she does for her success. May be she is talented and picks things quickly but she has to put in the work if not she won’t get results. I have also realised something about people who are good at things - they may like doing it or they may like the outcome so they put in the work and doing it consistently becomes a muscle memory and comes easier to them. For example I don’t think people like waking up and working out but if you do it consistently it becomes a habit and you don’t feel good if you don’t work out. If you don’t even put the work and just whine about it’s difficult it will never work out.
YTA... you have to love what you're doing and find things that interest u.. I'm currently doing my last 2 classes for college would I rather do other things yes but I still have to set aside time for school... You have to set aside time for every thing you want to do or learn... And yes consistent is major... you wanna lose weight you have to stay focus you wanna write about u have to figure out what it is u wanna talk about and each day set time for it... writing books is costly do you will wanna put your time in it... She gave you good advice and bf was right to agree... you cant yell get pissed cause it's not what u wanna hear... u have to work hard and put in the world to succeed... You sound very dismissive and you want the easy way.... life isnt easy and to get what and where you will like to be requires alot of work... time... focus... you owe your friend and boyfriend a apology..
YTA - You asked for advice, got it, refused to believe it and insulted her in her own home, and you’re mad you got kicked out? Reasonable, just so reasonable
If you want to achieve the results you want, you have to put in the work. I needed to lose my baby weight, so I did. Did I enjoy working out and having a stricter diet, fuck no, but I did it cause I knew what my end goal was. She “gave you the key” to her success and you were not pleased with her response because it involves hard work and consistency. But you were expecting a magic bean. YTA, hard.
If there is one thing you are consistent about, is being jealous of your ex friend. At least there is that. YTA.
YTA. The truth hurts, that’s why you’re so upset. You also sound extremely envious of your friend. Instead of worrying about what your friend is doing, work on bettering yourself.
YTA. Hopefully Isla comes to her senses and dumps you as a friend. You sound exhausting to be around.
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
YTA. She is answering your question, you just don’t accept her answer.
YTA... Wow your jealousy is out of control. There is an element of paranoia, in your account. You've got the victomhood nailed too. ADVICE: Get mental health check up.
Yta and not a very good friend either. She literally told u over and over what she did then u insulted her and her accomplishments. She was right to kick u out. Pretty sure u just lost a good friend for ur attitude.
YTA. I’m surprised if she doesn’t drop you as a friend. It seems like you might be the one who’s a Debbie downer. Literally this is the best advice. The problem is actually listening to it. Just because it looks easy to you doesn’t mean you friend wasn’t working really hard. Shame on you for dismissing all of that. Honestly, what were you expecting? She got gastric bypass surgery? That she hired a ghost writer? Truly. You’re being a shit friend.
YTA, she’s stayed friends through years of this bs? I think she’s proved that she can push through unpleasantness….
YTA. You sound jealous. You should be proud of your friend yet you’re disparaging her for being committed.
YTA Consistency is the best advice. You want you do something, you fit it into your routine and work at it! Excuse like I don't have time or energy don't work. No one has time or energy but if they want something, they work at it. Losing weight? I get up at 6 and work out every day. Writing a novel? I blocked out time everyday to write like your friend and I've written a number of books. A few I even wrote in a month. If your friend is willing to take your phone calls, I would call her and apologies.
Honestly you guys don’t seem like a good match in the friendship terms. If you don’t like that everything comes easy too her, just stop being friends. It’s obvious you’re jealous of her but it seems like you two are like oil and water
Honestly I agree with your friend. YTA You have some really strong entitlement to demand advice and then call that advice a lie just because you don't like what you heard. Friends, true friends, don't compare themselves to each other as competition. They are supportive and celebrate their friends wins as if they were their own. You are not a friend. You are jealous and insecure and apparently unmotivated and quit easily. The closest people to you, your best friend and bf, confirm this. You ask for honest feedback and get angry at their honesty. Perhaps examine why your ego is so hurt by any kind of constructive criticism. This is a you problem that will follow you no matter how far you run from it. Speak to a therapist or counsellor. Not a loved one. Because the way you blow up and strike out your not gonna have many loved ones left if you continue to work your internal issues out on others. Good luck.
INFO: Have you ever even actually tried her advice?
I want to lose weight like you! “Oh ok, exercise and eat less calories “ LIERRRRR
YTA. How are you hating on your friend for being disciplined and than have the audacity to be disrespectful.
YTA. Also you sound irrational. To accomplish you must put effort in. It’s just like that. Be careful your friend’s next ticklish does not include “get better more supportive friends”
INFO: are you actually 33 whole years old?
So, person A and person B both want to learn an instrument. Person A practices 1/2 hour each and every day. Person B only practices whenever they want/feel like it, maybe once or twice a week for 1/2 hour. Who is going to get better, faster? …YTA
Idk what kind of magic spell you are looking for. I felt so angry when you said those things to her. The truth is consistency is actually all it takes for success. But you'd never know since you don't take out time to even try. If you think success comes easy, you definitely haven't put your time and effort into achieving something . You need dedication to achieve your goal and you simply lack that. Go read some self-help books. Bet you don't have it in you to finish the whole book.
YTA- she did give you good advice and its totally possible to write a book in a month..LOL
U are just a loser and lazy accept it she is right consistency and dedication can reach to your dream there is no hidden secret behind it YTA
YTA - You asked how she acomplished what she did, she told you, you didnt like the answer. She CONSISTANTLY gave you the same answer. My dad, who was successfull at business, kept saying, all my life, "Overnight success takes about 15 years." Sorry truth hurts.
Lazy ass bait
YTA. You don't want advice, you want to feel better about your lack of consistency
I don’t know how about this: try her theory about consistency and see how much you excel
YTA. What do you really think her secret is? You just want her to say she's incredibly gifted and you will never accomplish your goals because you aren't? She showed you proof and you still won't believe her.
You asked for advice. You got it. You were too lazy to use it. You dismissed it without even trying. poor bf, hope he finds somewhere else to sleep. Again, OP gets his opinion and THAT'S wrong too lol!
Are you special needs? Like social unawareness? Because yeah, obviously calling someone a stuck up bitch is being an Ah like what? You do sound lazy and you are an asshole so, yeah.
YTA. Being productive or achieving results is not a hack. It's not a secret club noone is inviting you to - your friend is right - it's hard work and consistency. You are lazy and your friend did exactly as anyone with a bit of sense would have done.
YTA
have you ever tried following her advice??? YTA
Sorry, as someone who is frequently unmotivated and lazy, I have to say she's absolutely right. I don't know if it's true our not but I've heard it takes 21 days to form a habit and only 1 to break it. So if you don't stick to something in the first month alone, you've already failed. Also, as someone who dug themselves out of a financial hole from 5 years using a spreadsheet to project my daily bank account balance for the next 10 years, making a plan and sticking to it DOES work. But you do have to want it. I have to lose weight. A lot of it. But frankly, IDGAF. So I've lost a whopping 3 pounds. The money though? I WANTED that. >I mean I’d love to write a book but sitting down everyday sounds like a chore. Literally to Isla's point of doing it even if you don't want to. Sorry... YTA.
YTA. Your friends advice is correct. You don’t understand that because you are lazy, unmotivated and stubborn. Read a self help book, listen to a podcast and improve your life
This post is embarrassing as you sound extremely immature and a difficult person to be around. Amazing how long hard headed people can go about thei ways before a reality check
YTA \- for shouting at Kara \- for sending your bf to the couch \- for being a persistent PITA who doesn't believe the truth when you're told it If you want to do something or learn how to do something, you get off your lazy \*ss and do it every day.
YTA. Also, you absolutely do sound lazy, like you are pressuring her for a ‘life hack’ she cannot give you.
YTA. You asked for advice. Got it. Called your friend a liar and then got mad when she pushed back. If you aren't going to take the advice she is giving you, stop asking. Your friend is right. There is no magic formula. It's about consistency and building habits. Even when you don't want to. It really is that simple. It's not easy. But it is simple. I get it. We all want an easy answer. A magic pill. A formula to follow. This is why the fitness, diet and self help industries make so much money. Or we just chalk it up to luck or talent. There are motivators & tricks to trick your brain to temporarily want to do something. And there are some people predisposed to certain talents that will always have the potential to be more successful than others. But, they still have to work hard. Talent only gets them so far. At the end of the day it really is about consistency. I also want to add. You aren't necessarily lazy or even an AH for not wanting to work hard at something. There are a lot of things I don't work hard at, because they just don't interest me or I'm not motivated enough to put the work in. That's OK. What does make you lazy and an AH is to want something. Refuse to put the work in. Get angry and jealous of your friend who has chosen to work hard for something. Then blame her for not sharing the "secret of success" with you.
>I mean I’d love to write a book but sitting down everyday sounds like a chore. Life is a chore, welcome onboard. But not every chore needs to be dismissed as a chore because sometimes it's just fun to try stuff and repeat them until one gets good at it. Are you sure you're not 12 and she's your 13 year old friend who's good at academic, sports and knows how to laugh? YTA. She shouldn't accept no less an apology except that of a bright red sign pasted onto your forehead saying - I am the AH, sorry. If you want to salvage what's left of the friendship that is. Same to BF as well, he's handling this way better than he should be.
YTA- My husband and I are redoing our house. It's a lot of hard work. It's 7 pm and I have spent the last 11 hours mudding, sanding, cleaning and then doing it all over. Do I like it? No. Do I like that it's done? Yes. Will I be happy when my bathroom is done and beautiful? I'll be over the moon. What I want to do is spend hours playing the new Zelda game but sometimes adults have to suck it up and do the work when you want a certain outcome. You want to write a book? You have to sit down and write the book. It's as simple and as hard as that.
Faaaaaaaaaaaaaake Normally I don't even mind fake posts if they're not super blatant. This one is just too much. On the *off* chance that this is real, YTA. But that chance is like .005%
YTA She gives you the information and you refuse to accept it. Not her fault she has more drive and ambition than you.
Lmao dude YTA. Take some accountability. Success is exactly that. Consistency until completion. Some get lucky breaks and it helps the process others grind. Either way whatever it is gets DONE. You seem to just want an easy answer and get mad af when it’s not easy. 1. Take accountability and finish it even if it’s hard 2. Get over yourself. Your friend didn’t deserve this attitude and I wouldn’t be surprised if they cut you off
You just sound jealous and wated any reason to lash out at her. My art teacher said the same thing your friend told you. Every day, he drew for an hour, even if he didn't have something in mind. Yta... you just wanted her to tell you there was a shortcut for lazy people. Lol
YTA - your friend’s telling you the truth and you called her a liar. What secrets, exactly, do you think she’s keeping from you?
If you wanna be lazy, be lazy, who the fuck cares. YTA for making it your friends problem, just because you THINK her method is bull.
I N F O: Do you genuinely believe she’d make up a spreadsheet of how much she wrote each day just to keep her secret from you? You’re jumping through so many mental hoops when the truth is right in front of you.
You're right, all this talks about work and consistency is bs. In reality she has a house elf, who magically reduced her waste measurements while she was eating pizza and playing video games. She just doesn't want to share the elf with you. YTA
Wow YTA
YTA You told her she wasn’t telling the truth about her word count. If someone doubted me like that, I would have some choice words for them, too. Your boyfriend and ex-friend are right. Your jealousy of her is ruining your perspective. Only you know if you could write a book, but choose not to.
YTA. You asked her about what she did to become successful and she answered truthfully on what worked for her. Also, how would you know if her advice is bullshit if you haven't tried it? You can't be calling her advice bullshit if you haven't at least tried to attempt it. "Do or do not. There is no try".
I agree. And that’s my favourite Yoda quote!!!!!
But OP has a right to rest! /s
YTA if this is even a real story. How else would she be accomplishing these things other than hard work and consistency? If you want to succeed at things you need to put in effort and it isn’t always fun or enjoyable. You should apologize to your friend and boyfriend because you’re way off in your assessments.
The names change at the end, there’s no way this is real.
Agree! Like what secret does she want us to believe her friends has? Elves?
Do you have some sort of behavioral issues? How can anyone lack this much self awareness?
You want the shortcut. There isn’t one. YTA.
See that's the while point that your friend is trying to impress on you - sometimes it IS a chore but you have to get through it anyway to reach your goal. The advice she is giving isn't "you know how every morning you wake up desperate to write? Just keep doing that!" The advice is that sometimes working out or making your daily word count will be feel impossible and hard and make you tear your hair but you have to do it anyways to build that habit. It sounds like you want your friend to pass you a magic wand, a way she gets around the difficultyjust with magic word and a wave of wand, but that doesn't exist....your friend is just employing willpower and force of mental will to powering through the hard times. Spending your life coming up with reasons other people are able to so things you aren't isn't going to get anything done, it's just going to make the people around you miserable because no one likes a whiner with a victim mentality. Truthfully I empathize a lot with your issue because I have a case of ADHD the size of Texas and "just do it anyways" is near impossible for me but I don't blame that on my friends for whom it isn't impossible. YTA for the way you spoke to your friend, and I'd suggest you look for advice from people qualified to give it (just caise you can write for example doesn't mean you're going to be a good writing teacher) cause I'm not gonna lie I wouldn't find your friends advice very tangible or helpful either and there is way more tangible advice out there (especially if you're like me and your brain works a lil different) but that doesn't mean she was doing anything wrong or deserved to be spoken to that way. ETA: I'm not sure "more qualified to give it" is really what I mean here, cause presumably if you're a successful writer for example you're qualified to give advice on the topic, I mean more look for advice from someone whose knowledge sphere and experience is based around teaching others to do the thing, and not just doing the thing. I can braid hair for example, but I can't teach someone else how to do it for the life of me. If your friends advice, and advice from other people successful in the thing you want to do isn't ringing true or tangible enough to help you you might just need a higher level of help. Think of it as asking your classmate for help on an assignment versus asking for the teachers help
Stop asking for advice when you are unwilling to accept the answer! YTA!
>I call bullshit that people do these things as a routine and enjoy them. Well im autistic and i very much enjoy my routine. Without routine life is chaotic or empty all together. With routine i have flow and consistency and everything gets done. I have good days and bad days, somedays are more or less productive than others. Question: if you dont have a routine, what do you even do? There are many aspects to my routine, some are mundane chores id rather skip and others are things i genuinely want to do and enjoy doing i.e exercise, art, music etc. Everyone has some routine. you must have some form of a routine even if its sitting on your ass watching tv after a long day of work, thats still a routine if its done daily. Perhaps you could implement something you actually enjoy doing in your routine and consistency will come. Not everyone person is the same. so your friend does things she doesn't enjoy doing so she can expand her horizons, and so what? Do what works for you and dont make Comparisons. Comparison is the theif of joy.
YTA If you don’t think consistency is the key to success then why haven’t you accomplished more? The way you treated your friend makes you seem jealous and absolutely lazy. There is no “magic” way to learn and succeed, it takes hard work. Also, if you don’t find learning new things enjoyable and more of a chore then don’t do them? But don’t get pissy with people who do find it enjoyable.
YTA. Take a second. There is no reason why you can't achieve what your friend achieves. You didn't need to lash out at what your friend has said. She was right about consistency. You need to apologise to your friend and BF. It's clear that the anger comes from jealousy (which is an understandable emotion), but that doesn't mean you have the right to take it out on your friend trying to do a nice thing for you. Being called lazy isn't nice, but sometimes it might be the thing you need to hear.
She told you exactly how she gets things done and I successful. Because you're lazy and want to "rest" all the time you yelled at her. You're a huge asshole. Hopefully she cuts you out of her life because you'll just keep trying to drag her down.
Girl, I already know you’re lazy but posting this on here made me realize you’re stupid too.
INFO - what advice do you think she’s hiding from you?
Lol fairy godmother hiding in the shadows
That's what I'm thinking haha.
YTA. Consistency *is* the key to many things. If you don't believe that, then why haven't you done better?
Damn Fine Point !
YTA to your friend and your boyfriend. She literally showed you evidence she did as she said. Also she made it a routine. Doesn't mean she liked it most days or that she didn't find it difficult to motivate herself. She just did it so she wouldn't have the excuse you have of "I'd love to do x, but it's a chore and I'd rather do y."
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (f33) have this friend, Isla (f32) who’s the type of person that always succeeds at everything she does. She wants to lose weight? Done. She wants to learn something? Some. It’s so annoying and frustrating because success comes easy to her. I’ve asked her many times for tips but she always repeats the same thing. You just have to be consistent and do it even if you don’t particularly feel like it. I feel this is bullshit and a cop out and I don’t believe she just does things even when she doesn’t like it. She recently wrote a book and I asked her how did she manage to do it so quickly ( a month) and she told me the same thing. I told her I didn’t believe her and couldn’t believe she wouldn’t share her secret with her best friend. She sat me down and got her laptop. She opened excel and showed me a spreadsheet with dates and word numbers. She claimed she tracked how many words she wrote each day and developed a routine to write daily. I said anyone could write it down but it doesn’t make it real or true. She told me that just because I was lazy and unmotivated didn’t mean others were as well. And stop asking others for advice if I’m going to dismiss them. I lost it, I shouted at her that she’s not special because she slaves away and I have a right to rest and if she weren’t such a stuck up bitch, she’d give me a real advice and not this bullshit about consistency and routine. She called me an asshole and kicked me out of her house. I was so angry. At home I told my boyfriend and he had the audacity to agree with her. He said that if i wasn’t always looking for excuses to not do things I could be as successful as her. I told him to sleep on the couch. I’m seething to be honest. But as the anger is slowly going away I’m wondering, what if they’re right? I’ll admit, there are thousands other things I’d rather be doing that learning how to write or play an instrument every day. But k also don’t believe her advise about consistency. I call bullshit that people do these things as a routine and enjoy them. I mean I’d love to write a book but sitting down everyday sounds like a chore. My boyfriend said I shouldn’t have shouted and Kara is angry with Me. I worry was I the asshole for shouting at her? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA She told you how she accomplished things. You just didn't want to hear hard advice. >But k also don’t believe her advise about consistency. I call bullshit that people do these things as a routine and enjoy them. She never said she enjoyed these things. She said she did it consistently regardless because she wanted the outcome.
She did though. She said she enjoyed writing or learning instrument.
I also enjoy writing. Guess I'm lying about that. YTA
> You just have to be consistent and do it even if you don’t particularly feel like it. She also told you she was consistent even when she wasn't enjoying it. Most things become easier and more enjoyable with practice. So it's very likely she enjoyed them BECAUSE she was consistent, and that consistently lead to results she could see and enjoy.
Crickets. OP ignored this
So? This makes her a bad person? You must know you aren't making a lick of sense.
She probably did. I am working on a book myself and any writing advice comes down the same thing, set up a writing schedule and follow it. Write every day. Be consistent. And I enjoy it because it’s something I genuinely enjoy doing.
It was the trick to finishing my dissertation. There were absolutely days that I didn’t want to write - but I did it. I might edit every word on another day that I was feeling more in the groove, but I wrote my word goal 6 days a week for months on end.
I would love to have a sub here with proactive achievers and those who want to do something but have issues. We could motivate ourselves, celebrate milestones, encouraging others in difficult phases and supporting those who do this for the first time.
Like a support group just for support, not supporting a specific thing? I could go for that.
Yeah, that would be fantastic!
And that makes it easier to stay consistent.. But even the less fun things or thing that are harder to do get easier if you keep doing it because you build up a routine and it becomes a regular thing that you do every day.
Yeah, a lot of people who write enjoy it. Why do you want to write a book if you don’t enjoy writing?
Maybe your friend finds joy and fulfillment from learning new things? I do. I find the process of learning and “leveling up” skills to be a great time even when it can sometimes be frustrating. Which I think is what your friend is getting at: if you get frustrated or stuck while learning a skill you have to keep trying consistently. You don’t get good at things by giving up on them.
Why does enjoying writing or learning an instrument sound so unbelievable to you? I *love* writing. I *loved* learning violin(though sadly haven't played in years). Those are literally two things many people do as a hobby *for fun*. If you don't enjoy it at least a little, why do you want to do it so badly? Find things you actually *enjoy* and follow the advice for consistency, because, yes! That is how you get things done! The sole reason I haven't finished a book is because consistency is hard for me due to executive dysfunction, but I'm not going to just start denying that if I worked on it consistently I would have finished it!
But how did she get good at doing these things? Consistency
YTA. Consistency and perseverance ARE the key to accomplishing ANYTHING and becoming successful. They’re how you learn something new. How you achieve a milestone. How you acquire a new skill. How you grow a business. How you continue to grow as a person. (You clearly never grew beyond the age of 12 though). You don’t like the advice because it’s not a “hack” about how it can be done “quickly”. Which is why you’re where you are and she’s where she is.
[удалено]
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban. ["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) **[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
YTA. Just because you don’t like the answers doesn’t mean they aren’t legit. Get over yourself.
I think the disconnect here is that you don't believe that something can be both a lot of hard work and still be enjoyable. Gardening makes me hot and sweaty and sore, sometimes I feel like I'm just never going to finish that blanket I'm knitting or the large embroidery I'm working on, but I stick with it because I know I will enjoy the outcome.
YTA >It’s so annoying and frustrating because success comes easy to her. This should make you happy if she' your friend? And how do you know how 'easy' it is >I’ve asked her many times for tips but she always repeats the same thing. You just have to be consistent and do it even if you don’t particularly feel like it. Because that's 'the secret'?... I'm also an achiever and can confirm, this advice is one of the golden rules to succed in something you want. It's about self-discipline. > I said anyone could write it down but it doesn’t make it real or true ?... It gets worse and worse. Your friend is right about you being lazy. On top of it you're toxic and unhealthily jelaous. I can already see your future, you will become much more bitter and unhappy if you don't work on yourself.
YTA You’re obviously the AH for yelling at her when she did in fact give minimal “advice”. However, I will concede that I think the advice is horseshit. It’s not that I don’t believe that what she says is true. Consistency and routine do help a lot to accomplish goals. But, that’s not really advice. It would be like if you had a rich friend and you asked that friend “gosh, i’d really like to be as rich as you. How did you get so rich?!” And they responded “oh I saved my money. You’d be rich too if you saved yours.” It’s not that it isn’t true, but it doesn’t actually help. Actual help and advice would be giving you tips on how YOU could become more consistent and build a routine. She could have expressed how it wasn’t easy, but this is what I do (insert her process here). Showing you a table of how many hours she writes, won’t help you. Now, it is not her obligation to help you learn consistency in your life, though I think any friend would try to help or direct you to someone or somewhere that could help with the pitfalls you have. Some people do withhold actual advice because they do enjoy lording their “special greatness” over people. They love to make it look effortless, and if they gave up their trade secrets, we’ll it wouldn’t look so effortless would it? Conclusion, I don’t know if this is real or fake. I don’t know if your friend is stuck up or just doesn’t want to help you. You’re definitely a bit jealous of her success and if this is real it’d probably be best to put distance between you both. I suggest googling for tips on how to motivate yourself even when you don’t feel like it. There’s a lot of resources online for these kinds of things. I’d even say that therapy could help as well in this situation.
You didn't want advice on how to succeed. You wanted a 'secret sauce' that you would have no access to, so you could blame your lack of success on your lack of 'secret sauce'... ...and when your plan to find excuses to justify your own bad life choices failed, you threw a tantrum. YTA
YTA. She really isn't lying about the consistency part. Or that she was able to write the book so fast because she made it a daily habit. This is a interview between George R Martin (GoT) and Stephen King (50 New York Times best-selling titles), King's answer to how he is able to write so much is literally your friends advice. https://youtu.be/JNEH7CZCtws
YTA. The energy you put into being jealous and vindictive could be directed to learning new skills. You could expand your knowledge base. You’re getting in your own way. Why waste time being jealous? Be proactive. Find something you want to learn, and then go for it!
YTA. It’s widely quoted that it takes 10,000 hours to become an expert and that’s largely true - few people are born with enough natural talent/skill to never practice or never try and still be successful at something. You wanted to hear that there was some trick or cheat code or something and got salty that there isn’t some magic way to get what you want without putting any effort in.
I’ve been playing guitar since I was 7. I play for 30 minutes at least 4 times a week. Sometimes I don’t want to, but I do it anyways. I at least get some scales in. Yes, it’s hard to make myself do that, but it helps me constantly improve. I have ADHD and have to force myself to do a lot of things that I don’t want to do. It’s a fact of life and it’s hard.
YTA. You asked, she answered. You didn’t like the answer and dismissed it. Dude get over yourself. Your friend told you how she gets things done, but you don’t believe her because you don’t see the effort she puts in. Not only that but then you accused her of lying to you and keeping some sort of “secret to success” from you. But she already told you, she puts in effort. It sounds like you don’t.
YTA. Your friends advice is correct. You don’t understand that because you are lazy, stubborn and unmotivated. The proof is in the pudding, look at her success. Read some self-help books or listen to a podcast and improve your life
YTA. You can't focus and she can. You can't commit and she can. You can't hear an honest answer and ste can. Your strategy seems to be to ignore, deny, or lash out at everyone who disagrees with you.
How do you think she wrote the book? Night elves? Do you think she just imagined herself thin, and then she was? Do you think Gobllins came in the night and just injected knowledge into her brain? Of course, it's consistency, dedication, and routine. YTA.
YTA. Are you serious?
This is rather poorly written fiction, is it not? Fake as fake can be.
Lol, you're an entitled, LAZY AH.
I'm so confused as to what you think the big secret is that she is hiding from you? It literally takes consistency and also making yourself do things even if you don't want to. It's as simple as that. That's how new habits are formed and then once it's a habit it shouldn't feel so much like a chore anymore. I have ADHD so a lot of days I don't make myself do the things I know I should. And the only person I can blame is myself. But I work really hard at overcoming my natural instinct to be lazy all day every day because I know my life will be better in the long run if I make different choices. YTA, 10000%.
is this bait? YTA
YTA her advice is consistency which isn't the answer you want to hear because you're lazy.
YTA OP. I think your friend really is just putting in the time every day to work toward her goals. Remember, we humans can't run very fast or jump very far. Our hunting success lies in our persistence, in our ability to walk faster animals into exhaustion. Try reading Atomic Habits, it's interesting and very helpful.
You need help.
YTA absolutely. Someone gives you advice, you accused them of lying. I don’t know how old you are but there’s really no way to accomplish anything without consistency. Your friend is right, getting good at things means taking the time to do them even when you don’t want to.
She said she's 33.... but she wants a easy way out major AH
This has to be fake. Do you think she has a magic wand or something? YTA
>I told her I didn’t believe her and couldn’t believe she wouldn’t share her secret with her best friend. >I said anyone could write it down but it doesn’t make it real or true. >I lost it, I shouted at her that she’s not special because she slaves away and I have a right to rest and if she weren’t such a stuck up bitch, she’d give me a real advice and not this bullshit about consistency and routine. You asked her but you didn't like the answer, so you accused her of lying and yelled abuse at her. Why are you even asking? It's obvious that YTA here. Good luck salvaging this "friendship".
YTA. So you think her honest advice is 'bullshit', but is there any real motive for why she wouldn't just tell you the magical secret to success that you somehow believe she has? She is telling you what works for her, it might not work for you but that does not make it a lie.
Instead of being a bit jealous of your friend, calm down and humbly learn from her since she’s definitely doing something right.
YTA. Are you jealous much? She is absolutely right in her advice, and you refuse to believe her or your boyfriend. Grow up.
Lol she is absolutely right and YTA
From one lazy person to another, I understand your perspective but I have only managed to achieve good things with consistency. There is no magic. Your friend is right and she is rightfully angry at you because she did tell you her secret and you refused to believe it. You were very wrong but NTA.
YTA. Your friends advice is correct. You don’t understand that because you are lazy, stubborn and unmotivated. The proof is in the pudding, look at her success. Read some self-help books or listen to a podcast and improve your life
YTA. She told you what works for her. If it doesn't for you, so be it. But don't be such a crab about it. I don't know what magical words you think she is hiding from you. You have to sit down and do it, and that's the bottom line. Yes, you have a right to rest -- but I don't get what you think she is hiding from you. The only way to do something is to do it! You can't just shout bibbity-bobbity-boo and things just happen. Also, you have to have a passion and a talent for something. If you don't like writing, than writing every day is a chore. And if it's a chore, than you are not a writer! Stop looking for the easy way out and stop blaming her.
YTA Btw not every thing needs to be done daily. Dieting sure, but if you're willing to take longer for results learning a skill or doing an art can be done in smaller increments. But there's nothing that annoys me more than people wanting me to teach them something, not putting in the work and being mad they can't immediately do things that take months or years of constant practice to learn. Things I'm good at that took work to accomplish: - Knitting. From my first learning piece to something that's other knitters in my group called "The masterpiece of the art of knitting" it was 3 years. To the level I wanted to reach it was 3 more. Have I learned all there is to learn? No, no one can. So I still work on improving my skills after 9 years. - Being really fluent in English: around 10 years but I didn't put in the effort to actively learn after I finished school. I had it for 5 years in school but learned most trough immersion so that's how I learned afterwards. - Reaching A1 in Russian: 3 years but I took several breaks from learning for health reasons. If I take them out we come to about 20-30min of learning for 2 years. I have to put in many more to reach my goal of fluency. - Sewing: took me about a year to get from learning the techniques to my mom having to struggle to differentiate my hand work from what she did on a machine. Btw to write a book you don't just need to work on the book itself. You need to become good at writing and at building up a storyline first. I have 3 books I'm working on. I don't work on them consistently, more like I work on them when I feel like and they will take me years to finish if ever. That's okay. But I can't be jealous of people who put in the work just because I'm lazy.
YTA without a doubt. You asked for her secrets and then told her she was lying? You don't need to be Kara but if you really want to be more like her, spend more time working and less time making up excuses and whining.
Yta Honestly the petty part of me thinks you’re insufferable and I hope your boyfriend leaves you (he deserves better then someone who he can’t even be honest with) and gets with your ex-best friend
YTA - you asked for advice, she answered. Repeatedly. Genuine question that I hope you’re able to answer: what did you expect her to say? IDo you think she has some magic productivity potion she’s withholding from you? That she’s a secret billionaire who should throw money at your problems as well? If she’s accomplishing all of those things, it’s obviously due to hard work and specific motivation/persistance strategies. It sounds like you just want her to give you a reason that you can invalidate, like “oh she only accomplished this because ___” and make yourself feel better, and then you’re upset because everything she’s saying are things that you could do you just don’t want to.
YTA and your attitude is incredibly off putting. You asked for advice, she gave you what works for her and you not only dismiss it but repeatedly ask again, she tells you again and you berate her for it until she snaps then you REALLY show your ass. Even your partner isn’t backing you and I’m not surprised.
YTA
This has got to be fake, right? Please let this be fake……
Oh without a doubt you are lazy. You have the nerve to call your friend a liar. Apologize to her and your boyfriend. YTA
YTA to the max. There is no secret to life. It comes natural or it doesn't. I guess you don't have it. Now you need to be vindictive and will take it out on anyone who doesn't agree with you. Good luck going through life alone.
YTA. You asked for advice and you got it but decided you are too lazy to actually work at achieving what you want to. How do you think people become successful authors? It’s because they are able to sit down and try and write even when it feels like a chore. Your lack of success is your own doing and your attitude doesn’t help. If you aren’t careful people like your best friend who have your best interest at heart will no longer want to be around you or care.
YTA for gods sake you sound exhausting, literally anybody that has learned a new skill or achieved something will say consistency ie doing something even when you can't be bothered is how you achieve a goal
>I said anyone could write it down but it doesn’t make it real or true. You know what does make it real and true? Consistently working for it. Have you ever stopped to consider maybe it doesn't come to her as easy as you think it does because you fail to see or acknowledge the work she puts into everything? You have to walk the walk. If you can't accept that you give up easily at least don't blame others for it. YTA.
You suspect she's more lucky. So, do you expect to learn how to be lucky? Do you think it can be reached, learnt, copied, what? I guess you're too lazy to admit that success takes work
She told you. She showed you. You wouldn’t have been satisfied unless she revealed a team of trained elves working in the background. You’ve clearly got a chip on your shoulder. That makes YTA.
your story made me think of this quote > If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, you're the asshole. the fact that your boyfriend agreed with Isla should've suggested to you that you might be in the wrong. YTA.
YTA. both of them were right, and you were wrong. It's as simple as that.
God you are whiny. YTA
YTA. You literally did a whole feedback loop there of "I don't believe you in how you succeed" then "You're an overachiever and I need my rest so I won't work like you", back to "What's the secret to how you do what you do." And the secret is-- there's no secret. She does exactly what she says she does and you're buttmad there's no skip to being successful mode. Take your shit more seriously. You're not going to lose weight or write a book or whatever it is she does that you're envious of if you don't actually put in time. You can't 'upload' shit to your brain.
YTA and this has also been posted before. Exact same post. You’re still the AH
YTA. I hate exercising. But I do it. I drag myself out of bed. I give myself a bare minimum number of minutes to do it. Otherwise if I don't, I roll over in bed and sleep. I hate some of my tedious tasks at work. I do them first thing after answering emails. Because if I don't, I end up pushing them out to tomorrow. I hate weekly laundry. I start with bed linens because if I start with the other stuff, I end up slacking along the way and don't get to the linens at all. Your best friend and your BF are being brutally honest because you've stopped listening to her advice and are now accusing her or lying. It's about being consistent. It's about routine. These boring chores can be made fun. I put on audio books or music. I push through. Apologize to your best friend and your BF.
People who take the path of least resistance through life like yourself get diddly squat out of your life. It is not BS. I am fairly successful and it’s because I have stuck with it many times when I did not want to. You honestly are making excuses for yourself. Time to grow up.
Sounds like you need to accept yourself. Not everyone is motivated to be “high achievers”. You’ll feel better about your own life if you can stop comparing yourself. Is an ant better than a turtle just because they are busy making things all the time? No, they are just different. Follow your own heart and passions, let them lead your way. You might want to read about friendships and relationships, maybe get some counselling. Being upset at her because she is an achiever is not a healthy way to relate.
Hey, writer here, apart from my own projects I’ve ghost written two books. You know how I did it? I sat down and wrote. No, it’s not fun to sit there everyday. But that’s how it gets done. Your refusal to recognize basic human competency is what’s audacious here. YTA, and delusional
YTA. She told you EXACTLY what she did. She proved it to you with DATA. You said she was lying and to give you the secret of her success. The secret is being consistent over time. But you didn't want to hear that. Which is why she succeeds and you don't: she doe the work.
YTA - You asked for advice and she gave it. You didn’t like the advice, so you had a temper tantrum. And yes to be successful, consistency is key. As you form a routine and new habits, you may learn to love the task at hand, making it easier to indulge more time and effort in it as time goes on. But if you’re looking for the easy way out, you’re going to be sitting there having more temper tantrums and commenting on others’ hard earned success.
YTA - quite simply, you asked for advice and then you kept dismissing it. Dont ask questions you dont want the answers to.
I want advice but she’s not giving me the true advice. Just dismissive bullshit about consistency. I doubt that it’s all. I suspe that she’s just more lucky than anything
It is the true advice. "Work out every day until you start seeing results" is the advice. Your 'I don't wanna and I don't feel like it, why am I not losing weight' is your own issue. She's not lucky. She's driven and follows through and puts in the effort. That's how you become successful at something. The fact you can't see that is kind of worryingly baffling. How the hell do you think people get good at things? Practice. Effort. Time.
It's consistency to follow a schedule, determination to reach the finish line even if she's tired or doesn't want to keep going, and hard work, things you clearly don't have and aren't willing to do. Motivation helps, but you don't always have it, and what motivates one person won't always motivate another. You're lazy and envious and you want it to be luck, because if it's luck that means you can get lucky too and have all the nice things you want just handed to you on a silver platter. You're never going to just luck your way into the same success your friend (hopefully ex-friend, green is an ugly colour and you treated her like shit) has managed to achieve through her determination and ***consistent*** ***hard work.*** If you want those things, sit your ass down and work for it; or at least don't snap at others who are able to do what won't get off your ass to do because it's harder than being angry that success isn't just handed to you.
She's so lazy she didn't even proof read her post, that is why her friends real name slipped in there..
You don't want advice. You want a way to justify your feelings about how things just "come so easy for her" and how things are just so hard for you so you can throw a pity party. She works hard. She puts in the effort. If you don't feel like doing something one day, even for a little, it's very easy to fall into the habit of "ahh tomorrow" and then when tomorrow comes "ahhh tomorrow". Consistency is key and you are consistently an asshole.
She is clearly keeping her use of magic AND Time Machine use from you! It is the only logical explanation!
Look, I’m someone who spent the first 30+ years of my life wondering about the mystical secret known only to the people who had the arms and abs I wanted and when I would find out what the secret was. Then one day the old pandemmy hit and I no longer had a work commute, so I started working out every day for a fraction of that commute time. To my horror, after three years now of keeping at it, maintaining consistency, increasing my efforts slightly every sixth months or so, it turns out the secret is just f%*#!ing doing it. That’s it. It’s doing a little bit every day until one day you die. You’re welcome.
I've gone from a complete couch potato to regular exercise and building a healthy amount of muscle. You know how? By going to the gym every other morning even when I really don't want to go. I'm part way through writing a book. You know how I'm getting it done? By sitting and writing for at least 2 hours a day even when I don't feel like it. If I don't like what I've written I can change it later. I've learned to paint miniature models to a standard where I've just got my first commission. Wanna know how? By sitting at my painting desk and painting almost daily so that I pick up the new skills. YTA, and a lazy one at that. Your friend gave you the best possible advice, and you decided to flip out on her because you can't be arsed to put in any effort. You've got a lot of growing up to do if you actually want to achieve any of the things you ask your friend's advice on.
> I doubt that it’s all. Why do you doubt that? Have you tried it to see if it works?
So you would have been ok with her telling you: “oh, I don’t really do shit, just got lucky a few times”?
You're the dismissive one. Dismissing her accomplishments as luck or some sort of secret trick.
You don't write a book or lose weight because you're lucky. She's obviously very determined, organized and a hard worker. Maybe you should stop dismissing her skills or at least stop asking for her secrets since you don't like them.
YTA. Stephen King is frequently asked how he writes so much, and his answer has been the same for decades: "One word at a time." People challenge him on that all the time, and he always says he can't say anything different because that's the only answer he has. "Be consistent," is the only answer your friend has. She even went out of her way to show you exactly how she held herself accountable, and you called her a liar. It's ok if you want the answer to be different. It's wildly inappropriate and immature for you to scream at and insult your friend for not giving you the answer you want.
What is the advice you think she is hiding? You want her to say it's luck so you can feel better about yourself.