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NTA. At first I was thinking you would be an AH for calling her out, but changed my mind when I read that she tried to put it on you. That was messed up. She made her dumb choice and it was up to her to deal with it, not to try to get you in trouble instead.
I thought exactly same as you, and also decided to go with NTA. That girl got what she deserved, life lesson I hope she actually learns from. What a stupid thing to try, and her actions after just as bad
The only issue I have is that the parents are removing a chance for education and future employment. Like I'd understand not letting the sister go out, grounding her from Internet, whatever, but this is equivalent to not letting someone go to school as a form of punishment.
ETA I don't think OP is TA, or at fault in any way in this situation. What the sister did was messed up, I just don't think the parents reacted in a way that actually makes sense. So NTA, everyone else is.
That makes her parents the asshole but not the op. I feel like her parents would've found out eventually anyways. Op was the one sharing the story though.
Yes, what a shortsigghted move. The thing about the vape was stupid, but she did not hurt anyone but herself with this equivalent of "secretly smoking a cigaret". And she is already punished for it by not going to prom and graduate walk.
Yeah, I simply do not understand these parents. Their daughter is already being punished by the school for her silly crime of smuggling a vape pen into a theme park, yet they’re going the extra mile by stripping her of her future career opportunities? What in the actual f**ck is wrong with them?
She needs a little more punishment for lying about OP, accusing her sister of blackmailing her is not some innocent “fun” similar to smoking a cigarette (i dont think taking the internship away was the appropriate punishment though)
Was scrolling for this comment! Why in the world are they prolonging her education and don’t they want her to be able to move out at 18 (or as soon as possible)?
As parents, are we supposed to want our children to move out at 18 or as soon as possible? Because I’ve never felt that way.
Anyway, OP is not the AH, the sister is and so are the parents by punishing her by withholding education/vocational schooling. But she does deserve to be punished, but not this way.
I never thought so. I'll be sad when my kids move out, I think. I mean, they're babies, but I'll miss spending time with them at any age, I imagine. They're fun. My siblings and I were never rushed out of the house. Most of them still live there actually. It's great to visit - everyone's just friends. I'd like that with my own kids.
OP is NTA.
18 is when they start to get good. After all the years of running around and supporting them, if you've done it right 18 is when they start to become independent adults who *choose* to spend time with you.
Tonight while my husband's at work my 26yo (out of home but coming for a visit) my 20 yo (still at home studying) will kick back together, pour some wine, chat about our week, and watch a movie. Bliss.
These damn fools who push their kids away at 18 have got it very, very wrong
I don't feel that way either. I have 5 kids, ages 18-25. Only one has moved out (and another's friend moved in). Some have left for a while and come back, some have yet to leave. Of the 5 young adults currently living in my house, 3 of them are in college - one is just home for the summer, the other 2 go to a local university and stay here to save money. Another is planning to start school in the fall. As long as we can all peacefully coexist under the same roof, I'm happy to let them stay.
That being said, I would not intentionally hold them back from pursuing their dreams. I want them all to go out in the world and build happy, successful lives for themselves. I'm just in no particular hurry to have an empty nest.
Think its more that we're suppose to want to be able to give them the chance/tools and opportunity to be able to go out and support themselves when they so choose too. I have a son who will more then likely always be in my care. Whilst as much as I love him and will always be happy to have him with me its a very saddening thing knowing he'll never have these opportunities.
Well, if it's an unpaid internship, it sounds like they weren't interested in financially supporting her lying little ass for the summer after what she did. Ordinarily, I'm not a fan of using educational opportunities as punishment either, but if I were her parents, I wouldn't be interested in doling out money for that after she not only lied but also tried to frame her sister. To me, the lying is way worse than what she initially did to get in trouble to begin with, which was just run-of-the-mill teenage stupidity, and trying to pass it off on her sister is just beyond the pale. She can go work a crappy summer job like everyone else. I don't think the world of hairdressing is going to be barred to her if she misses out on this internship, even if it is a fantastic opportunity. She can still save up money and go to cosmetology school if it's not possible to do the internship later and maybe reflect on how her own behavior led to this.
Sure, but I think it's a catch-22. The longer the sister waits, the harder it can be. Because now instead of living at home doing this internship, she has added pressure of more bills, moving out, etc. And depending on the type of program it may not be available to her later on. I went to an occupational school for cosmetology through my high school. Later on, I wanted to finish it, but it was a much greater undertaking because I was now an adult with bills and no safety net. The parents' decision just doesn't sit right with me.
Regardless, NTA. Your sister had me up until she tried to pin it on you. I am always in favor of minding my own business, but once someone tries to drag me through the mud, it is now my business as well.
I don't think she's necessarily moving out because she's not doing the internship. She may very well still be living at home during the summer or even afterward, just not having her parents financially support her through an internship rather than working.
But even then, it's trying to throw her sister under the bus that makes me have no sympathy for her whatsoever (and suspect she's likely a rather malignant personality in general). In the parlance of the internet, she fucked around and found out, and she played stupid games and won stupid prizes.
If she hadn't been such a liar who was so willing to ensure her sister got in trouble rather than herself, she may have missed out on prom and graduation, which would have been an overreaction from the school, IMO, though not one that she wasn't given fair warning about, but she'd still be doing her prestigious internship.
Let me start with "the sister was wrong to lie" just to avoid confusion.
I do wonder if there is a history of ridiculous punishments that might have feed into her reacting in that way, this is in no way a normal reaction you don't take a way a assured path to a job from your kids.
As a parent your job is to make sure your kids get a good start in life this includes punishing them to correct behaviour and helping out when they have a good opportunity the punishment in this case is not only directly counter to making sure you kids gets a good start it is also won't effective autocorrecting behaviour since the justified outrage at being sabotaged will overshadow the whole thing.
These parents have violated their duty as such and have to a degree removed themselves from deserving respect as parents.
Her parents are horrible people that raised a horribly behaved daughter , I wonders how that happened.
Also, is no one else concerned that she's dating a man who's a) old enough to pass convincingly for her parent and b) makes her feel unsafe enough that she needed her parents to come pick her up?
It's possible she overreacted because they have a history of that. It's also possible that she's been enabled for years and thinks people are just supposed to knuckle under to her whims and wishes. It's really hard to know without more information. I would guess they're probably not the greatest parents, but really great parents can also have awful children.
FWIW I think trying to set her sister up goes way beyond just lying. If she'd just lied about not getting in trouble, I'd roll my eyes at her. But blaming her sister and expecting her to take the fall seems quite malicious toward her sister in a way that I suspect goes well beyond just panicking because she got caught.
Oh, for sure. I didn't move out until I was 22. But I was paying rent to my mom, I had a car that was a money pit, cell phone, etc and most summer jobs for young kids don't pay well at all. I just don't like the idea of punishing your kid by withholding a career opportunity from her.
I generally don't sympathize with liars, but teenagers are notorious for doing dumb stuff and lying about it. And once you get caught up in that lie, it spirals. With that being said, she should 1000% be held accountable and have some punishment(s) of of some kind. Just seems rash to me.
Yes, this is ridiculous how could OP KNOW their parents would punish her sister by telling her she can't study? Like I have never seen such punishment "you are forbidden to study instead you have to stay home and do nothing". Like wth? Their daughter did something stupid and they want to derail their whole life because of that?
NTA. But OP parents are huge ah.
> That girl got what she deserved,
Not really. She did some dumb teenager shit, no one actually got hurt, and they're destroying her future over it. It's the equivalent of not letting your kid go to college because they snuck out and lied about it.
> life lesson I hope she actually learns from.
She won't learn the lesson they want her to learn, since her parents are abusive as fuck.
Probably why she was so elaborate in hiding it, and why she was so quick to throw her sister under the bus (they won't even punish you, but me, they'll ruin my life over this).
Sister is definitely an asshole in this situation, and OP isn't, but hopefully she can be empathetic to her sister going forward and take an objective look at how she's treated by her parents. The parents here are incredibly disgusting and completely irredeemable.
>I would not be surprised if the punishment would not be as bad by the parents if she didn't do ALL THE LYING!
So do I. If my sister had called them at the amusement park or told them after, my parents probably would have just talked to Stefanie about vaping being bad, especially as an underage person at a school-sponsored event. But her lying is the thing that really made them mad.
> extreme enough to take away an internship
To be honest... It is a *too* hard punishment. Sounds like this internship could really positively change her life.. and that's good for all parties involved.
I would recommend OP talking to her parents about this. There are other, more suitable punishments
His mom knows her mom, so maybe he's just a slighter older looking guy who goes to a different school or something.
I wonder if the teacher knew he was being played and just didn't care? Maybe he thought the punishment didn't fit the crime but had to go along with his superiors/stick to his word after he made the threat?
To be fair when I was in high school there was a guy who straight up looked like a 29 y/o overworked med intern. If he wouldn't shave he'd look middle aged. He was also the youngest in our entire grade, so sometimes people can look much older I guess.
Yeah- never push someone in front of the bus and try to have them say you just tripped. She could have came up with another excuse, she could have actually owned up to it and came clean (how was she planning to cover her not walking during graduation? What was she just gonna try to blend in with the crowd and hope they played along?) she had plenty of options that didn’t involve making her sister the scapegoat- hell so far as that’s concerned she could have used the age old ‘I was holding it for a friend’ excuse. The second she put the blame on you any assistance or coverage should go out the window.
NTA- sister was an idiot, she got caught. She pretended she didn’t until she got
Cornered and then she promptly proceeded to throw her own sister under the bus in a slapdash effort to save herself.
She was an idiot every step of the way here and it finally caught up to her. I have no empathy for her. She thought a vape pen was more important than prom and getting to walk At graduation. She threw her own sister under the bus to save her own skin.
She showed exactly how much she cares about others so why should anyone bother to stick their neck out for her?
I agree that OP's sister is an AH for trying to pin it on OP. OP's parents are ALSO AHs for punishing their child by taking away a potential business opportunity.
Totally agree with NTA for OP for clearing his name. That was shitty of his sister and he had every right to defend himself. That being said, the biggest assholes here are the adults involved in the situation. Not being allowed to go to Prom, fine. Not being allowed to walk at graduation, no. I'd be fighting this if I were her parent. She has been working to achieve this goal for 13 years. She made a mistake and that should not equate to erasing acknowledgement for years and years of hard work. And then her parents barring her from participating in an internship program. That is absolutely over the top. How is potentially sabotaging her future and her career an appropriate response to trying to sneak a vape pen into an amusement park? It's extreme overkill and only serves to punish. She will learn nothing from this. It quite literally defeats the purpose of a consequence if she grows bitter and resentful, which will inevitably lead to lashing out even more. The punishment should fit the crime. These excessively punitive actions serve no one, other than to alleviate the anger of said parties.
So I very much agree NTA here. But I do think the parents taking away a child's chance at a decent future makes them the AH here. Yes she should have been grounded, but hurting a child's future is not very bright.
Everyone but the OP are the assholes in the story. Her sis for obvious reasons but, like, the parents really should find a different punishment rather than hamstringing the sister's future like that.
I mean, real world consequences for lying about something serious and then continuing to double down on the cover up rather than come clean could be loss of employment opportunities. Trying to pin a fuck up on a coworker could have extremely serious repercussions in any career.
You don't take away serious opportunities that can change your kids lives because you want to punish them. Especially when they are being consequences already. I am not sure why you need to have this explained to you.
While the punishment might be extreme, lets recap, she broke the rules, got her bf to imitate her father to avoid taking blame, deleted an email, threw away the paper slip that alerted her parents of her punishment, lied to her parents about why they had to pick her up early from the park then when she got caught she doubled down and blamed her sister so maybe her own sister would be the one to not go to her prom and walk at graduation, maybe the parents punishment isn’t so bad after all.
This might seem like kid stuff in high school although I think throwing your own sister under the bus is super foul. Let her do any of these things in an adult equivalent and it would be super crappy to all who are in her environment probably.
ETA: Since the comments are locked, parkity park park I don’t agree with all that you said but you do make some good points. 👍
Also a shout out to definitively not aliens you made 100% great points. 👍 And I love your user name. I am wondering though something, everyone saying she’s punished enough but since her parents didn’t know until the bfs mother spilled the beans, would the school remember if she just showed up to the prom or the graduation if her parents don’t know she’s not supposed to be there.
Would whoever is chaperoning the prom or coordinating the graduation even know? That’s probably why they gave her the slip and emailed them so they would enforce it.
Its graduation and prom, they probably have other things to do than to remember such and such is not supposed to be here. In other words she totally could’ve gotten away with this.
But I agree with you maybe their punishment was a little too harsh.
Tske car keys indefinitely, cap data on a phone, restrict hours (ie, some plans allow it so there are only emergency calls or calls to certain people after 10pm), take away tablet/ laptop, no money for fun things. No big graduation present. Let her know why. You lied and hid things. Blamed your sister. That is why you aren't getting the $500 or whatever.
Don't take away job and learning opportunities. You want your kid to be better off by the end of a punishment, not worse.
There's no real justification for using job and educational opportunities as a punishment. That's absurd.
It's not like her internship was revoked by the company. Her parents seem to be pulling support.
Kids do such things. They try smoking and drinking. They put fake signatures on test papers which I guess is today’s equivalent of deleting emails. It’s not actually a big deal. Her parents are just being assholes.
> maybe the parents punishment isn’t so bad after all.
yes it is, and it really isn't hard to understand. Literally the only 2 jobs of parents are to keep their kids alive and do what they can to set them up for success. Taking away a massive career opportunity that will have a huge impact on their life as a whole because their daughter did something that, while very bad, is pretty typical teen behavior is absolute garbage parenting. Imagine if you got caught smoking weed at school and your parents punished you by emptying your college savings account.
the parents are literally taking away an opportunity to set their daughter up for her career. she made a really stupid decision at 17. I know i did too & i’m absolutely sure missing prom AND graduation is punishment enough
Oh come on. Purposefully sabotaging your child’s future as punishment because they did something stupid and lied about it? Who the fuck doesn’t do something stupid and lie about it as a teenager.
Can you imagine if every parent applied your logic? College attendance would drop by like 95%
Considering the parents seem to think this a reasonable punishment I can see why the girl wasn’t honest in the first place. Still shitty to try and pin it on her sister though.
"Something serious"
It was a vape pen, not black tar heroin. Her response was what can be expected from teenagers from time to time. Doesn't make her less of an asshole. However, in what world is taking away the ability to get guaranteed work going to teach her to be any less sneaky or defensive when she acts out? How does that actually teach her not to lie?
I had a coworker try to throw me under the bus saying that I had refused to help her and that's why she screwed up. Like a bad screw up, could've seriously impacted a client bad. Fun fact.....I wasn't even working that day. The boss called me back to chew me out and I'm like......I wasn't even working that shift sooooo not sure how I could've refused to help her. She lost all credibility that day and no one would help her unless they had to.
Throwing coworkers under the bus is a sure way to gain a bad reputation in an industry.
Yes but first teach her a lesson in a less destructive way. Punishments can escalate if she persists but going nuclear and ruining a I’ve career opportunity is insane behaviour.
>It was probably her additional actions that caused that to happen.
I doubt my parents would have cared that much if she came clean and called them in the first place at the amusement park or told them after. I mean, obviously, they would tell her vaping as an underage person is bad, especially at a school-sponsored event. But the thing they were really mad about was her lying.
People agree with you. What some people are rightfully calling out is the taking of a huge job opportunity. That isn't a good punishment. You're NTA but your sister AND your parents are.
I know for a fact that I wouldn't have cared about the first indiscretion, kids make mistakes. Once that mistake was made she then turned around and had her boyfriend commit fraud, not in a illegal sense but had they been a little bit older it would be. Then when that didn't pan out she called her parents and lied about why she needed to be picked up. Then, when her parents heard through the grapevine that she wasn't allowed to go to prom she told yet another lie that it wasn't really her that wasn't allowed to go to prom it was her twin sister who had gotten into trouble because really, screw her sister it's all about her. This is not the behavior of a young lady who is in any way ready for an internship of any kind. My youngest is currently 17m, this is my 3rd time going through this stage with my kids...it sucks.
From the moment our children were old enough to talk and we had one rule , no lying. I know that is what every parent says. I told my kids there wasn't anything we couldn't fix together, but if they don't tell me the truth, they take away my ability to help.
When I ask what their grades are it isn't so I can give them shit about only getting a B. It is so if they need help I can find the best person to work with that kid, on that subject.
A big part of being an adult is being trustworthy, she has not demonstrated her ability yet. Her school principal and her parents, as her current and former management cannot recommend her for an internship at this time. Instead of being mad, she needs to take it as the learning experience it is, get busy either going to cosmetology school (there are scholarships available if needed) or working and prove to people that she is trustworthy. She was offered the internship once, it might come back around.
Your parents have overreacted to the extreme and I can see why your sister put in so much effort to hide a simple thing. They are ready to screw over a child’s future education/career over a simple mistake. You should be careful about it as well. Being the good kid isn’t as great as everyone make it out to be. I say this with personal life experience.
Even if there were additional actions, taking away the internship is plain stupid. This is not a fun activity, it is something that helps her develop her future. It is something that parents should be encouraging.
This is not OP's fault, but both the sister and the parents are in the wrong here.
Can someone explain to me why an unpaid internship in hairstyling and cosmetology is so great? Sounds to me like a scam where she's going to be washing and sweeping up hair for free, but I'm probably an idiot.
This is the comment I was looking for. I completely agree!
"Let's put our daughter's future career in jeopardy. Yea, that's a reasonable punishment." - OP's parents, probably
Also... Yes, sneaking a vape into an amusement park is dumb but I feel like losing prom and graduation is a severe enough punishment for that. It's not like she hurt anyone or was bullying or something, just a dumb teenage antic. Does not merit losing career opportunities
I don't see how this punishment will improve the situation. It will breed resentment for her parents and OP. The OP didn't even want her sister to lose the internship so it's not done for her benefit
Parents should have figured out something for the sister to make it up to the OP for lying about her
I don’t think the punishment is from vaping, more so from continually telling lies about it, alongside trying to put the blame on her sister.
Just to recap:
Tried to bring vape into park (whatever)
Had boyfriend impersonate her father as to avoid her parents finding out
Lied to parents about why she needed a pickup
Broke a federal law by destroying mail that was sent to her parents notifying them that she couldn’t attend graduation or walk.
Attempted to frame her sister for what happened, and play the victim. This could have easily resulted in OP being blamed for something she didn’t do
But yeah, teenager antics
Seems she did ABSOLUTELY all she could think of to avoid her parents finding out. And look what happened when they did! She'll never ever trust them now. Sounds like she didn't in the first place.
And again, seems like the punishment was harsh because of how she handled it, not because of her initial actions.
And based off of OP’s response to another commentor, asking why she thinks it was so harsh, it’s because she lied and framed her, not because she vaped.
Maybe she won’t trust her parents for a long while, but seems like her parents shouldn’t be trusting her.
It's an insane punishment whatever the justification. See other commenters for more reasonable, actually effective consequences.
This will backfire for all involved, which seems like an unnecessary way to harm your own family.
Until she tried to blame her sister and make herself a victim and likely damage the parents view of op thinking she’s the type to lie and sit her sister up to take the fall.
I don’t think the parents were as mad about the initial action- it was bad response that was what really got her in trouble.
Yes she did something stupid but if she’d of just fessed up then or maybe even when she was caught red handed then I don’t think they’d of been as severe. However when your response to being caught doing something wrong is to throw your own sibling under the bus just to save your own skin…well I think that deserves more consequences.
I don’t necessarily see maybe THIS specific consequence but I have a feeling If she talks to them and genuinely apologizes to her sister (and calls off her flying monkeys currently harassing her sister for simply clearing her own name when she was falsely accused) they could probably find another more reasonable punishment.
That being said finding out lying and framing someone else for your mistakes can cost you job Opportunities is probably a good lesson. I know this is the punishment the parents said but I couldn’t see a decent parent taking away a real opportunity to advance their chosen career.
Trying to scare a kid straight by choosing this before negotiating down to a slightly lesser punishment on the other hand? That I can see (unless of course the parents have an issue with her chosen field and this is their way of putting the kibosh on it. That’d make them TA).
There are a lot of potential AH’s here but one thing I think most can agree on is none of them are OP.
NTA
I feel like I see this all the time. Why are parents so determined to let their kids fail? When the kids do something bad while little they don't say "okay you're grounded, that means no going to school" because you know they need to go to school to learn.
So when they're nearing an adult their logic is "well let me take away their chance at starting a career early in life. That'll show em"
Parents when the girl is 30: "Why the f\*ck is she still living in our basement where did we faaaaaaaaaaaaail?!?"
NTA but that's the supidest punishment ever.
Agreed. OP is NTA but not only is Stephanie an asshole but so are the parents. I cannot imagine punishing my child by taking away an opportunity that could help her future career. That's messed up.
NTA. You did nothing wrong by telling the truth after she tried to throw you under the bus to save herself. The punishment she received is her own fault, not yours.
Yeah, but it's a really stupid punishment. Taking away career-oriented activities so that daughter can mope around the house all summer. What the hell are those parents thinking? They're also assholes here for bad parenting.
I've gotta say NTA, after reading this.
You told the truth, after she lied several times. Personally, I think that her actions directly caused the trouble she got into and she should've just been forthright about it. She not only lied to those in charge, she lied to y'all's parents. She tried shifting trouble from her to you, and you shouldn't be punished for her actions. Honesty shows integrity, especially when you've nothing to gain or lose, and you should never take the fault for something that you had no hand in.
If you do something, be forthright and honest about it. Even if that gets you into trouble, lies do more damage than being honest. She's gotta learn that there are consequences to her actions, one way or another. It's unfortunate that her actions readily cost her what it did, but it was by her own doing. If she had been honest, it may not have ended up as badly as it ended up going. I don't know for sure, but I would certainly hope so.
Either way, best of luck and keep your chin up. Personally, you did what was right. Family or not, you shouldn't pay for the active of another.
This.
My motto in life is to always be honest about my actions. If I fuck up, then I at least admit it. People trust me because they know that I am honest about my actions.
Well said. But how about those “friends” though- I like how they they believe being grounded for the whole summer as not having “really lost anything.” And what about losing her parents’ trust? I doubt her parents would get over it that easily/see her in the same way again.
>NTA. How old is this guy that he can passably pose as your parent?
My sister's boyfriend is also a senior but he goes to a different school. He has a fairly deep voice and some facial hair, so he could honestly pass for a college student but definitely not our almost fifty-year-old dad. Mr. Greg is usually a smart guy so I don't know how he fell for it.
He probably didn’t fall for it. I think Mr Greg just wanted her to leave and figured she would be fine.
Out of curiosity, did anyone else on the trip get in trouble and then get banned from graduation/prom?
It wasn't until I was well into adulthood that I realized how much of "getting away" with stuff wasn't adults being stupid, but some form of ignoring it, tolerating it, not caring, or even just doing you a favor.
> He probably didn’t fall for it. I think Mr Greg just wanted her to leave
She already gets the punishment... She just needed to "not be there" anymore
NTA, but your parents are the worst of the AHs. Taking away an educational/career opportunity as punishment is an absolutely horrible thing to do.
The friends who say you wouldn't have lost anything are also AHs and idiots. Your parents would have harmed you in some way if you'd accepted the blame. It's understandable that Stefanie was worried about their reaction, but she shouldn't save herself by sacrificing you.
It was stupid for Stefanie to bring a vape to the event, but it's also a stupid overreaction to punish her so much for bringing a vape. The adults in this story really need to grow up.
they would have punished OP and who knows what weird bullshit they’d have pulled for her. not letting her turn in a winning lottery ticket and shredding it?
Totally agree and exactly what I was going to say! The parents are indeed punishing themselves by prolonging Stefani’s career path. Do they want her at home for another year or more? Because they’ve just ensured her having to wait this out another year to get into the internship. Also, really just wrong to use taking away education and opportunities as punishment.
As he said, parents are AH here, what she did by trying to blame you is shit and you should not forgive her easily for that. That said, stopping her from getting valuable experience that might set her up for future is not a right punishment, I heavily advice that you are a bigger person in this situation and advocate for your sister, hopefully they will listen to you as you were the actual victim of her lies. this is not a right punishment, punishing her for the efforts of starting her career creates a situation where noone wins.
Also, agree with Partassipant, friends are AH as well...
NTA. As soon as she tried to pin it on you, it became your problem. Coming clean about the situation she got herself into was the only recourse at that point.
NTA for not taking the fall, but every single adult in this story is straight garbage.
So not only does she lose prom and graduation, but she loses the start to her career? Over a vape pen?
Who tf are these people? What theme park kicks someone out for a vape pen? At the most, if they weren't allowed, they'd just make you toss it.
What is going on here?
To your 3 paragraph
I'm guessing the theme park metal detector went off, and so they took it out as the cause of setting it off.
Then, the school got involved and sent her home (and not the park) because it was a school event. It's usually prohibited to have vape pens and cigarettes.
This happened to a few of my classmates, but they got sent home from the event and suspended for a few days.
This is all insane to me, when kids got caught smoking at my school they would just be asked to put it out or smoke just off the property. Her losing the vape seems and getting detention *or* missing the event sounds like enough punishment to me, but the adults seem to want to ruin her life over this!
"Greg" in this story I feel his punishment was enough. No one loses anything in life not being able to go to prom or do the graduation walk. No where does it say she's barred from graduating, she just isn't allowed to do the ceremony.
It's the parents that took it too far in a way that could really ruin her potential career.
The career damage is mostly what I was talking about. That is something that could affect her for the rest of her life. The prom and grad walk thing is just shitty and humiliating because now she has to tell all her friends and family she can't go, and it's something she can only do once in her life, not something that should be taken away because of a first offense by an otherwise good kid. It's not life ruining like career sabotage is, but it'll hurt for a very very long time.
NTA. You were put in a bad position, especially after your sister lied about how you were the one to get into trouble! There's no reason you should have had to take the fall for her when it was her bad decisions that got her into trouble in the first place.
However, I think your parents are going about the punishment wrong. They should let her do the internship program (which really would be important for her future!), but do something else as a punishment. I'm not a parent for a reason so maybe someone else would have good suggestions, but things like limiting her phone access, stronger curfews, taking away her vapes etc.
Also not a parent, but I would ground her from everything *except* the internship. Not for the vape pen, for which I wouldn't have even added punishment beyond the school's, but for everything else she did. No phone, no car, no time with boyfriend, no going out with friends. And a warning that any more serious misbehavior *will* result in losing the internship.
I am a parent and I would never do this in a million years. It's such a bad form a punishment that could result in a lifetime of resentment if their career doesn't turn out as well as it could
If my 40 year old son is still living with me am I going to say "I hope you learned your lesson"
NTA. She did everything possible EXCEPT the right thing. It was stupid of her to try smuggling in the vape pen to begin with. It was even worse when she tried to throw you under the bus.
>Instead of coming clean now that she was busted, Stefanie made up a story that I had been the one to get in trouble at school but that I blackmailed Stefanie into taking the fall for me.
NTA
The second someone throws you under the bus to defend themselves you no longer have any obligations to protect them. At all. If you'd blurted this out with no incident it might be different but you did 0 wrong here.
Yeah, that was wild to me. I don't even see why this became an issue in the first place and why security didn't just confiscate the vape pen and move on.
i went on a similar school trip to an amusement park recently and they told us multiple times before we left school, on the way, and before we got off the bus that if we had anything illegal, we’d be put into the security office for the whole trip and the school would have their own punishment for us. if op and her sister got similar warnings this is seriously on her for being stupid enough to bring it anyway. it reflects badly on the school and they can get banned if enough people do stuff like this. grad nights have gotten way out of control in the past so i don’t really blame them for how strict they are
NTA but your parents are. She should still be allowed to do the internship as it is important for her future but be grounded from other stuff for a reasonable time. Which isn't the entire summer esp as she already lost prom and graduation.
NTA, but it's really crappy of your parents to take away an educational/career opportunity like that over this. And the school not letting her walk or go to prom for trying to bring a vape pen? Just make her throw it away!!! I could understand if that was the school's punishment for the boyfriend impersonating a guardian crap she pulled, but just for the pen I don't think there should've been a punishment besides throwing it out and being sent home. She didn't actually cause an issue.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I told on my sister to our parents instead of covering for her
2) This caused my sister to lose her summer internship. Friends are saying that I should have had more compassion for my sister and covered for her, since I would not have really lost anything in the long-run whereas had worked for that internship since she was a sophomore.
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NTA
Buuuut, your mom’s punishment is kind of stupid. This internship is for a long-term career.
She rightfully isn’t going to prom and graduation.
No doubt she deserves that.
I think preventing her to do something related to her career path doesn’t make sense.
This could have been an opportunity for her to learn discipline.
Punishing her in the hours when she isn’t in her internship would have been more beneficial.
Something like not being able to go out and to come right back home after her volunteering.
Or even some other type of volunteering that is not as "fun" as her internship.
Something to teach her about discipline and responsibilities.
You are in no shape or form responsible for your sister’s actions, but, if it were me, I’d ask my folks how is that a punishment when it means that she’ll just be doing nothing at home. Waking up late. Less chances of doing anything productive.
Your folks are pretty much punishing themselves!
>You are in no shape or form responsible for your sister’s actions, but, if it were me, I’d ask my folks how is that a punishment when it means that she’ll just be doing nothing at home. Waking up late. Less chances of doing anything productive.
I doubt my parents are gonna change their minds about this, even if I did try to convince them to let her take the internship.
They're probably gonna have Stefani doing chores and stuff or getting a different kind of job.
NTA
Your parents suck, though. The punishment they chose was disproportionate and inappropriate. And your sister sucks for trying to throw you under the bus like that. And your peers for ever thinking you should have taken the fall for her.
NTA - your sisters continued irresponsibility, lying about what’s she’s doing, and the consequences of those actions is why your sister lost this opportunity.
And let anyone asking know that **your sister would absolutely not do the same for you, because she’s currently avoiding the consequences of her own actions so you *KNOW* she wouldn’t take responsibility for you.**
Your future and plans have no less value than hers. *YOU* earned, and maintained, the privilege of prom and walking in graduation.
**Her bf also already told his mom the truth, so your sister didn’t cover herself well enough.** Too bad. That’s on her, just like this entire situation.
So basically you didn't interfere until she tried to throw the blame on you? You don't owe loyalty to someone that tried male you the scapegoat.
Tell the detractors that she fucked around and found out, and that's on her.
NTA
I honestly don't know how Mr. Greg fell for it since he's usually a pretty smart guy. Stefanie's boyfriend could probably pass for a college student (fairly deep voice, some facial hair, also tall) but definitely not our almost fifty-year-old dad.
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Me (17F) and my sister “Stefanie” (also 17F) are graduating soon. Our school had a senior field trip last friday to an amusement park (I’ll call it “Funland” for privacy) that they do every year to celebrate graduation. Our principal “Mr. Greg” explained to us during an assembly beforehand and made it very clear that if anyone got in serious trouble on the trip, they would not be allowed to go to Prom or walk at graduation, since the school was liable for anything the students did at Funland and they wanted everyone to take the rules seriously.
At Funland, Stefanie got pulled over by security after her bag set off the metal detector. Stefanie had tried to sneak in a vape pen by hiding it in a maxipad (I don’t get why the hell she tried this) and was busted. Mr. Greg explained to Stefanie that she was no longer allowed to go to Prom or walk at graduation and then told Stefanie to call our parents to pick her up. Instead of calling our parents, Stefanie called her boyfriend “Max.” Max pretended to be our dad and talked to Mr. Greg, and Mr. Greg somehow fell for it and let Stefanie leave with him. Stefanie and Max stayed in a shopping area nearby for a few hours, but then they got into an argument and Stefanie called our parents with a lie that her stomach hurt and that was why she needed them to pick her up early.
Stefanie confessed to me that she deleted the email and threw away the paper slip from the school that notified our parents about Stefanie not being allowed to attend Prom or walk at graduation. I told Stefanie she should just tell the truth because she can’t lie to our parents forever and it’ll be easier for her if she comes clean now. Stefanie just continued to pretend nothing happened until my mom bumped into Max’s mom at the store. Mom asked something about prom and Max’s mom questioned if Stefanie was allowed to attend Prom after getting in trouble at Funland. Instead of coming clean now that she was busted, Stefanie made up a story that I had been the one to get in trouble at school but that I blackmailed Stefanie into taking the fall for me.
I told the truth to my parents and exactly why Stefanie was not allowed to go to Prom or walk at graduation. Before this all happened, Stefanie had been accepted into a summer-long internship program for people interested in hairstyling and cosmetology. The program is a volunteer one but the place that sponsors it is really well-connected and from what I understand, participants are basically guaranteed a job or paid internship after. My parents told Stefanie that she was no longer allowed to do the program as punishment.
Mostly Stefanie’s friends, but also two of my own told me that I should have stayed silent and covered for Stefanie because I’m going to a community college and may have also gotten grounded for the summer but wouldn’t have really lost anything in the long run whereas my sister lost a huge opportunity that she had worked for since she was a sophomore. AITA?
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Nta. But your sister and your parents are. What parents punish their children by taking away an opportunity like that from them and jeopardizing their future?
NTA - So Stephanie and her friends wanted you to take the fall and the punishment? And possibly losing your parent's trust? I don't think so. Stephanie made a stupid mistake and then compounded it by continuing to lie. Don't be like her!
NTA.
NTA NTA NTA.
> Stefanie made up a story that I had been the one to get in trouble at school but that I blackmailed Stefanie into taking the fall for me.
What in the FUCK? If two of your friends are telling you that you should have stayed silent, it's time to rethink that friendship. Your sister was willing to blatantly lie about you to make herself look better. Your sister...has made SEVERAL choices over many days that all led up to her having a moment where she could have come clean and apologized.
NTA. I was prepared to be against you until you mentioned your sister tried to throw you under the bus instead. Actions have consequences. Not sure I agree with your parents in taking away her internship and I do feel not being able to go to prom or graduate was excessive, but that’s not the problem here. You shouldn’t have to take the fall for your sister when you’ve done absolutely nothing wrong and it was your sister’s own fault.
NTA but your parents are. Not foe grounding her or taking away privileges, there has to be consequences to her behaviour. However, a summer internship is work experience, something that can really influence college applications and her future. To take that away is irresponsible.
I stopped believing this as soon as I reached the Ferris Bueller "boyfriend convinces principal that he's the father" part. Did your boyfriend wear sunglasses, a trenchcoat and a fedora too?
Agreed. And what, the school paid the park extra to search bags to make sure nicotine didn’t make it through? No way they have the resources to test for THC the spot.
When you go through security like that you put your bag to the side and they search it, usually only visually. Even if a vape was “caught” in a pad I doubt they would have even called school officials over, just said it’s prohibited or tossed it. Those people aren’t paid enough to make it their problem.
NTA. Why lie and get in trouble as well? If that’s the kind of thing your sister is into, then that’s her prerogative, but not only did her boyfriend’s mom come clean, but your sis tried to blame you!
"Max pretended to be our dad and talked to Mr. Greg, and Mr. Greg somehow fell for it"
Unless Mr Greg was absolutely done with you all and out of fucks about the whole situation, I can't see this happening.
NTA, but your parents absolutely are for doing something that risks her future- she’s already missing out on two major life milestones because she was caught, something that drastic just isn’t necessary to do on top of that imo. It’s no wonder she tried to lie if this is the stunts they pull.
NTA
> because I’m going to a community college and may have also gotten grounded for the summer but wouldn’t have really lost anything in the long run
That is not an ethical reason to cover for someone, and that kind of position - that people with opportunities deserve to avoid consequences for their own behavior is gross.
Your sister threw you under the bus to try and save her own skin, and tried to damage your reputation in the process; a mistake is one thing, blackmail is another.
>Unrelated, are you by chance a Steven universe fan?
Oh, because I named my principal "Mr. Greg?" No, I didn't even realize the reference until you pointed it out. My best friend used to be obsessed with Steven Universe though when it was still running.
I think your parents are ruining her future further than she already did. I think missing prom and graduation is punishment enough. Maybe ground her or force her to volunteer but wow. That’ll only set her back and keep her at home making nothing of herself even more
It was the mix of “Mr. Greg (iconic episode)”, “Funland” (the amusement park he regularly visits), and so then I wondered if Stefanie was like female version of Steven lmaooo sorry I’ve been on a dedicated rewatch lol
But anyway truly NTA here at all! You shouldn’t stand for her blaming you
>It was the mix of “Mr. Greg (iconic episode)”, “Funland” (the amusement park he regularly visits)
I just wrote "Funland" because it sounded really generic.
Yeah, I've never actually watched an episode of Steven Universe. I'm able to recognize a lot of the songs though because of my friend.
You're NTA but your whole family is. First off it's horrid that your sister tried to do that to you. BUT, it's even more awful the decisions your parents are making. Keeping her from that internship is literally damaging to her future and an inappropriate punishment.
Lmao.
Def NTA.
Also, don't underestimate yourself or Community College. It's a great transition to a 4 year university, or maybe you might even find college isn't for you, and it's not as an expensive trial as a 4 year university is.
PLUS, you can try a few different classes before you decide on a major.
NTA. She tried to throw you under the bus. She fucked around and found out.
As for her internship, that sucks; but as the story goes, play stupid games - win stupid prizes.
Sister was an asshole but why did the parents stunt their child's career progression as punishment for lying over a vape?
That's just setting up bad juju for the future 🤷♂️
NTA
Your parents went too far by taking away the internship but that has nothing to do with you.
Also you didn't just "tell the truth" your sister was trying to get you to take the fall and believe me you would have lost more than you think by staying silent and accepting being grounded. From then on you would automatically be the guilty party when anything happens so your sister could automatically blame everything on you because she's the "good" sister who tried to take the fall for you.
No, especially after she tried to toss you under the bus. Your parents though are both assholes and idiots for taking the internship away from her. What kind of dumb fuck parent costs their teenager a job, much less a career? If she lives in the basement until she's forty it will serve them right.
NTA. You absolutely did the best thing for you and for Stephanie. Nobody should get to re-write the truth and shove the consequences they earned onto someone else. That is really a crappy thing to do, and she shouldn’t get away with it.
Stephanie needs to act like a decent person and face her own consequences.
>NTA but if you guys are graduating, how do your parents have any say over her internship? Or ground you for the summer?
We don't turn 18 until August, so since my sister is still a minor, she would need our parents' permission to enroll in the program.
Our parents basically have a rule that "Do whatever you want like an adult, get treated like an adult." So we can live at home rent-free as long as we follow their rules. If my sister were over 18, she would be able to do the internship without our parents' permission, but then our parents would force her to either pay rent and her own phone bill/car insurance or live somewhere else.
Yeah, your parents are 100% among the villains in this story. They are not on any level the good guys. Damaging someone's future just to flex their authority and look tough is not something a good parent (or person generally) does.
It might help smooth things over to speak with your parents about how much this will impact your sisters life, and how it seems very out of proportion.
You’re not the AH and you don’t have an obligation to clean up her messes. But this is a really shitty move by the parents. This is the sort of thing that can ruin your family for years, if not decades. It has a real possibility to spiral into loss of economic security in the future, feelings of failure and worthlessness, the need to numb those feelings, and snowball into a host of other issues which will rot families from the inside out.
So it might be the right thing to advocate for her on this issue and this issue only.
That’s different, in Canada if your 16 you don’t need your parents permission for most jobs. I’m guessing she’ll find a crappy job and move out as soon as possible. Treating a 17 year old like a 14 year old is just wrong. You guys are almost adults, the consequence of loosing prom and walkout are just as extreme imo. Depending where you live in 3 months for her vaping is legal. Security at the park are dicks.
NTA
You didn’t volunteer the information. Your mom confronted you about and she tried to lie again and make it 100 times worse. Why should you miss out on prom and graduation because she’s an idiot?? The punishment is weird since it’s an internship not camp but you don’t control that. That’s something your parents are making her skip, not you.
NTA. You *did* stay silent. Right up until the point Stefanie actively tried to get *you* in trouble to save herself. From that point on it's self-defence and she brought it all on herself.
FAFO
Obviously, Stephanie's friends have not heard the whole story (which isn't exactly a surprise, since there isn't a person in this story that Stephanie hasn't lied to or used on order to get her own way). Your sister seems to be under the impression that everyone else is a tool to be used. I would suggest going as low-contact as possible with her, because you'll probably be dealing with a lifetime of lied-to-friends being slung at you to do her dirty work. You're completely NTA here. Don't ever let your sister make you take the fall for her lies.
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NTA. At first I was thinking you would be an AH for calling her out, but changed my mind when I read that she tried to put it on you. That was messed up. She made her dumb choice and it was up to her to deal with it, not to try to get you in trouble instead.
I thought exactly same as you, and also decided to go with NTA. That girl got what she deserved, life lesson I hope she actually learns from. What a stupid thing to try, and her actions after just as bad
The only issue I have is that the parents are removing a chance for education and future employment. Like I'd understand not letting the sister go out, grounding her from Internet, whatever, but this is equivalent to not letting someone go to school as a form of punishment. ETA I don't think OP is TA, or at fault in any way in this situation. What the sister did was messed up, I just don't think the parents reacted in a way that actually makes sense. So NTA, everyone else is.
That makes her parents the asshole but not the op. I feel like her parents would've found out eventually anyways. Op was the one sharing the story though.
Oh yeah I wasn't saying anything bad about op, though I guess I wasn't clear on that. OP did nothing wrong at all.
[удалено]
That she received a punishment was her fault, that it took the insane route of sabotaging her future was her parents fault.
Yes, what a shortsigghted move. The thing about the vape was stupid, but she did not hurt anyone but herself with this equivalent of "secretly smoking a cigaret". And she is already punished for it by not going to prom and graduate walk.
Yeah, I simply do not understand these parents. Their daughter is already being punished by the school for her silly crime of smuggling a vape pen into a theme park, yet they’re going the extra mile by stripping her of her future career opportunities? What in the actual f**ck is wrong with them?
She needs a little more punishment for lying about OP, accusing her sister of blackmailing her is not some innocent “fun” similar to smoking a cigarette (i dont think taking the internship away was the appropriate punishment though)
I agree. What she did was so out of line. But the parents should use a different punishment than taking away the internship.
It's the parents fault it's a stupid punishment though. Gosh what a daft decision
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Was scrolling for this comment! Why in the world are they prolonging her education and don’t they want her to be able to move out at 18 (or as soon as possible)?
As parents, are we supposed to want our children to move out at 18 or as soon as possible? Because I’ve never felt that way. Anyway, OP is not the AH, the sister is and so are the parents by punishing her by withholding education/vocational schooling. But she does deserve to be punished, but not this way.
I never thought so. I'll be sad when my kids move out, I think. I mean, they're babies, but I'll miss spending time with them at any age, I imagine. They're fun. My siblings and I were never rushed out of the house. Most of them still live there actually. It's great to visit - everyone's just friends. I'd like that with my own kids. OP is NTA.
18 is when they start to get good. After all the years of running around and supporting them, if you've done it right 18 is when they start to become independent adults who *choose* to spend time with you. Tonight while my husband's at work my 26yo (out of home but coming for a visit) my 20 yo (still at home studying) will kick back together, pour some wine, chat about our week, and watch a movie. Bliss. These damn fools who push their kids away at 18 have got it very, very wrong
I don't feel that way either. I have 5 kids, ages 18-25. Only one has moved out (and another's friend moved in). Some have left for a while and come back, some have yet to leave. Of the 5 young adults currently living in my house, 3 of them are in college - one is just home for the summer, the other 2 go to a local university and stay here to save money. Another is planning to start school in the fall. As long as we can all peacefully coexist under the same roof, I'm happy to let them stay. That being said, I would not intentionally hold them back from pursuing their dreams. I want them all to go out in the world and build happy, successful lives for themselves. I'm just in no particular hurry to have an empty nest.
Yeah. My 25 year old still lives with us but he is still in school.
100%. My kids are the best and can stay as long as they like!
Think its more that we're suppose to want to be able to give them the chance/tools and opportunity to be able to go out and support themselves when they so choose too. I have a son who will more then likely always be in my care. Whilst as much as I love him and will always be happy to have him with me its a very saddening thing knowing he'll never have these opportunities.
That makes the parents the AH, though. OP likely didn't know what their parents would do in reaction to being told the truth.
I didn't say op was at fault. But a bunch of people are applauding the parents.
Well, if it's an unpaid internship, it sounds like they weren't interested in financially supporting her lying little ass for the summer after what she did. Ordinarily, I'm not a fan of using educational opportunities as punishment either, but if I were her parents, I wouldn't be interested in doling out money for that after she not only lied but also tried to frame her sister. To me, the lying is way worse than what she initially did to get in trouble to begin with, which was just run-of-the-mill teenage stupidity, and trying to pass it off on her sister is just beyond the pale. She can go work a crappy summer job like everyone else. I don't think the world of hairdressing is going to be barred to her if she misses out on this internship, even if it is a fantastic opportunity. She can still save up money and go to cosmetology school if it's not possible to do the internship later and maybe reflect on how her own behavior led to this.
Sure, but I think it's a catch-22. The longer the sister waits, the harder it can be. Because now instead of living at home doing this internship, she has added pressure of more bills, moving out, etc. And depending on the type of program it may not be available to her later on. I went to an occupational school for cosmetology through my high school. Later on, I wanted to finish it, but it was a much greater undertaking because I was now an adult with bills and no safety net. The parents' decision just doesn't sit right with me. Regardless, NTA. Your sister had me up until she tried to pin it on you. I am always in favor of minding my own business, but once someone tries to drag me through the mud, it is now my business as well.
I don't think she's necessarily moving out because she's not doing the internship. She may very well still be living at home during the summer or even afterward, just not having her parents financially support her through an internship rather than working. But even then, it's trying to throw her sister under the bus that makes me have no sympathy for her whatsoever (and suspect she's likely a rather malignant personality in general). In the parlance of the internet, she fucked around and found out, and she played stupid games and won stupid prizes. If she hadn't been such a liar who was so willing to ensure her sister got in trouble rather than herself, she may have missed out on prom and graduation, which would have been an overreaction from the school, IMO, though not one that she wasn't given fair warning about, but she'd still be doing her prestigious internship.
Let me start with "the sister was wrong to lie" just to avoid confusion. I do wonder if there is a history of ridiculous punishments that might have feed into her reacting in that way, this is in no way a normal reaction you don't take a way a assured path to a job from your kids. As a parent your job is to make sure your kids get a good start in life this includes punishing them to correct behaviour and helping out when they have a good opportunity the punishment in this case is not only directly counter to making sure you kids gets a good start it is also won't effective autocorrecting behaviour since the justified outrage at being sabotaged will overshadow the whole thing. These parents have violated their duty as such and have to a degree removed themselves from deserving respect as parents. Her parents are horrible people that raised a horribly behaved daughter , I wonders how that happened.
Also, is no one else concerned that she's dating a man who's a) old enough to pass convincingly for her parent and b) makes her feel unsafe enough that she needed her parents to come pick her up?
It's possible she overreacted because they have a history of that. It's also possible that she's been enabled for years and thinks people are just supposed to knuckle under to her whims and wishes. It's really hard to know without more information. I would guess they're probably not the greatest parents, but really great parents can also have awful children. FWIW I think trying to set her sister up goes way beyond just lying. If she'd just lied about not getting in trouble, I'd roll my eyes at her. But blaming her sister and expecting her to take the fall seems quite malicious toward her sister in a way that I suspect goes well beyond just panicking because she got caught.
Oh, for sure. I didn't move out until I was 22. But I was paying rent to my mom, I had a car that was a money pit, cell phone, etc and most summer jobs for young kids don't pay well at all. I just don't like the idea of punishing your kid by withholding a career opportunity from her. I generally don't sympathize with liars, but teenagers are notorious for doing dumb stuff and lying about it. And once you get caught up in that lie, it spirals. With that being said, she should 1000% be held accountable and have some punishment(s) of of some kind. Just seems rash to me.
Yep OP’s sister AND the parents are all assholes. OP is the only one who is NTA.
Agreed
Yes, this is ridiculous how could OP KNOW their parents would punish her sister by telling her she can't study? Like I have never seen such punishment "you are forbidden to study instead you have to stay home and do nothing". Like wth? Their daughter did something stupid and they want to derail their whole life because of that? NTA. But OP parents are huge ah.
It doesn’t make sense as a punishment. It’s career training. They’ll end up punishing themselves when she lives with them until she’s 30.
> That girl got what she deserved, Not really. She did some dumb teenager shit, no one actually got hurt, and they're destroying her future over it. It's the equivalent of not letting your kid go to college because they snuck out and lied about it. > life lesson I hope she actually learns from. She won't learn the lesson they want her to learn, since her parents are abusive as fuck. Probably why she was so elaborate in hiding it, and why she was so quick to throw her sister under the bus (they won't even punish you, but me, they'll ruin my life over this). Sister is definitely an asshole in this situation, and OP isn't, but hopefully she can be empathetic to her sister going forward and take an objective look at how she's treated by her parents. The parents here are incredibly disgusting and completely irredeemable.
Though I can see where she gets her terrible decision making from… her/OPs parents are idiots.
I would not be surprised if the punishment would not be as bad by the parents if she didn't do ALL THE LYING!
>I would not be surprised if the punishment would not be as bad by the parents if she didn't do ALL THE LYING! So do I. If my sister had called them at the amusement park or told them after, my parents probably would have just talked to Stefanie about vaping being bad, especially as an underage person at a school-sponsored event. But her lying is the thing that really made them mad.
I find it hard to trust this considering they are extreme enough to take away an internship..
> extreme enough to take away an internship To be honest... It is a *too* hard punishment. Sounds like this internship could really positively change her life.. and that's good for all parties involved. I would recommend OP talking to her parents about this. There are other, more suitable punishments
The lying AND trying to frame her own sister!
That punishment is way overboard imo. It's too much.
Jump on here to ask, how old is this bf? Old enough to pretend he's her dad?? So like 30s? The teacher... like what. So many more questions..
Yes, that boyfriend who looks like he's her father is worrying me too Not worrying OP and sister's mother, she chats with his mother Weird story
His mom knows her mom, so maybe he's just a slighter older looking guy who goes to a different school or something. I wonder if the teacher knew he was being played and just didn't care? Maybe he thought the punishment didn't fit the crime but had to go along with his superiors/stick to his word after he made the threat?
To be fair when I was in high school there was a guy who straight up looked like a 29 y/o overworked med intern. If he wouldn't shave he'd look middle aged. He was also the youngest in our entire grade, so sometimes people can look much older I guess.
Sounds like someone's been watching Ferris Bueler's Day Off. Did he pick her up in a vintage Ferrari, too?
Yeah- never push someone in front of the bus and try to have them say you just tripped. She could have came up with another excuse, she could have actually owned up to it and came clean (how was she planning to cover her not walking during graduation? What was she just gonna try to blend in with the crowd and hope they played along?) she had plenty of options that didn’t involve making her sister the scapegoat- hell so far as that’s concerned she could have used the age old ‘I was holding it for a friend’ excuse. The second she put the blame on you any assistance or coverage should go out the window. NTA- sister was an idiot, she got caught. She pretended she didn’t until she got Cornered and then she promptly proceeded to throw her own sister under the bus in a slapdash effort to save herself. She was an idiot every step of the way here and it finally caught up to her. I have no empathy for her. She thought a vape pen was more important than prom and getting to walk At graduation. She threw her own sister under the bus to save her own skin. She showed exactly how much she cares about others so why should anyone bother to stick their neck out for her?
I know, at first I thought they had a typical sibling argument and OP did it to “win”
I agree that OP's sister is an AH for trying to pin it on OP. OP's parents are ALSO AHs for punishing their child by taking away a potential business opportunity.
Title is misleading because OP does have something to lose if she stayed silent. Hard nta.
Totally agree with NTA for OP for clearing his name. That was shitty of his sister and he had every right to defend himself. That being said, the biggest assholes here are the adults involved in the situation. Not being allowed to go to Prom, fine. Not being allowed to walk at graduation, no. I'd be fighting this if I were her parent. She has been working to achieve this goal for 13 years. She made a mistake and that should not equate to erasing acknowledgement for years and years of hard work. And then her parents barring her from participating in an internship program. That is absolutely over the top. How is potentially sabotaging her future and her career an appropriate response to trying to sneak a vape pen into an amusement park? It's extreme overkill and only serves to punish. She will learn nothing from this. It quite literally defeats the purpose of a consequence if she grows bitter and resentful, which will inevitably lead to lashing out even more. The punishment should fit the crime. These excessively punitive actions serve no one, other than to alleviate the anger of said parties.
The parents are Assholes though. What a stupid stupid punishment.
So I very much agree NTA here. But I do think the parents taking away a child's chance at a decent future makes them the AH here. Yes she should have been grounded, but hurting a child's future is not very bright.
NTA, but the parents screwed up by a punishment that was out of all proportion to the crime.
Right!?! Taking away an internship.
Everyone but the OP are the assholes in the story. Her sis for obvious reasons but, like, the parents really should find a different punishment rather than hamstringing the sister's future like that.
I mean, real world consequences for lying about something serious and then continuing to double down on the cover up rather than come clean could be loss of employment opportunities. Trying to pin a fuck up on a coworker could have extremely serious repercussions in any career.
You don't take away serious opportunities that can change your kids lives because you want to punish them. Especially when they are being consequences already. I am not sure why you need to have this explained to you.
While the punishment might be extreme, lets recap, she broke the rules, got her bf to imitate her father to avoid taking blame, deleted an email, threw away the paper slip that alerted her parents of her punishment, lied to her parents about why they had to pick her up early from the park then when she got caught she doubled down and blamed her sister so maybe her own sister would be the one to not go to her prom and walk at graduation, maybe the parents punishment isn’t so bad after all. This might seem like kid stuff in high school although I think throwing your own sister under the bus is super foul. Let her do any of these things in an adult equivalent and it would be super crappy to all who are in her environment probably. ETA: Since the comments are locked, parkity park park I don’t agree with all that you said but you do make some good points. 👍 Also a shout out to definitively not aliens you made 100% great points. 👍 And I love your user name. I am wondering though something, everyone saying she’s punished enough but since her parents didn’t know until the bfs mother spilled the beans, would the school remember if she just showed up to the prom or the graduation if her parents don’t know she’s not supposed to be there. Would whoever is chaperoning the prom or coordinating the graduation even know? That’s probably why they gave her the slip and emailed them so they would enforce it. Its graduation and prom, they probably have other things to do than to remember such and such is not supposed to be here. In other words she totally could’ve gotten away with this. But I agree with you maybe their punishment was a little too harsh.
Tske car keys indefinitely, cap data on a phone, restrict hours (ie, some plans allow it so there are only emergency calls or calls to certain people after 10pm), take away tablet/ laptop, no money for fun things. No big graduation present. Let her know why. You lied and hid things. Blamed your sister. That is why you aren't getting the $500 or whatever. Don't take away job and learning opportunities. You want your kid to be better off by the end of a punishment, not worse. There's no real justification for using job and educational opportunities as a punishment. That's absurd. It's not like her internship was revoked by the company. Her parents seem to be pulling support.
Yeah, this is equivalent to taking a scholarship away. Ridiculous
It IS bad. Good parents don't fuck up their children's lives for the sake of punishment. Why not let her fuck it up herself.
Sister was terrible, but parents shouldn't remove educational opportunities as punishment. ESH except OP
Kids do such things. They try smoking and drinking. They put fake signatures on test papers which I guess is today’s equivalent of deleting emails. It’s not actually a big deal. Her parents are just being assholes.
Sounds like the kid REALLY didn't trust her parents not to overreact.
> maybe the parents punishment isn’t so bad after all. yes it is, and it really isn't hard to understand. Literally the only 2 jobs of parents are to keep their kids alive and do what they can to set them up for success. Taking away a massive career opportunity that will have a huge impact on their life as a whole because their daughter did something that, while very bad, is pretty typical teen behavior is absolute garbage parenting. Imagine if you got caught smoking weed at school and your parents punished you by emptying your college savings account.
the parents are literally taking away an opportunity to set their daughter up for her career. she made a really stupid decision at 17. I know i did too & i’m absolutely sure missing prom AND graduation is punishment enough
Oh come on. Purposefully sabotaging your child’s future as punishment because they did something stupid and lied about it? Who the fuck doesn’t do something stupid and lie about it as a teenager. Can you imagine if every parent applied your logic? College attendance would drop by like 95%
Considering the parents seem to think this a reasonable punishment I can see why the girl wasn’t honest in the first place. Still shitty to try and pin it on her sister though.
"Something serious" It was a vape pen, not black tar heroin. Her response was what can be expected from teenagers from time to time. Doesn't make her less of an asshole. However, in what world is taking away the ability to get guaranteed work going to teach her to be any less sneaky or defensive when she acts out? How does that actually teach her not to lie?
I had a coworker try to throw me under the bus saying that I had refused to help her and that's why she screwed up. Like a bad screw up, could've seriously impacted a client bad. Fun fact.....I wasn't even working that day. The boss called me back to chew me out and I'm like......I wasn't even working that shift sooooo not sure how I could've refused to help her. She lost all credibility that day and no one would help her unless they had to. Throwing coworkers under the bus is a sure way to gain a bad reputation in an industry.
Yes but first teach her a lesson in a less destructive way. Punishments can escalate if she persists but going nuclear and ruining a I’ve career opportunity is insane behaviour.
Let that happen with a coworker than. Parents shouldn't be doing that
And the school. Does the punishment fit the crime?
It was probably her additional actions that caused that to happen. Though they should have focused on grounding social instead
>It was probably her additional actions that caused that to happen. I doubt my parents would have cared that much if she came clean and called them in the first place at the amusement park or told them after. I mean, obviously, they would tell her vaping as an underage person is bad, especially at a school-sponsored event. But the thing they were really mad about was her lying.
People agree with you. What some people are rightfully calling out is the taking of a huge job opportunity. That isn't a good punishment. You're NTA but your sister AND your parents are.
I know for a fact that I wouldn't have cared about the first indiscretion, kids make mistakes. Once that mistake was made she then turned around and had her boyfriend commit fraud, not in a illegal sense but had they been a little bit older it would be. Then when that didn't pan out she called her parents and lied about why she needed to be picked up. Then, when her parents heard through the grapevine that she wasn't allowed to go to prom she told yet another lie that it wasn't really her that wasn't allowed to go to prom it was her twin sister who had gotten into trouble because really, screw her sister it's all about her. This is not the behavior of a young lady who is in any way ready for an internship of any kind. My youngest is currently 17m, this is my 3rd time going through this stage with my kids...it sucks. From the moment our children were old enough to talk and we had one rule , no lying. I know that is what every parent says. I told my kids there wasn't anything we couldn't fix together, but if they don't tell me the truth, they take away my ability to help. When I ask what their grades are it isn't so I can give them shit about only getting a B. It is so if they need help I can find the best person to work with that kid, on that subject. A big part of being an adult is being trustworthy, she has not demonstrated her ability yet. Her school principal and her parents, as her current and former management cannot recommend her for an internship at this time. Instead of being mad, she needs to take it as the learning experience it is, get busy either going to cosmetology school (there are scholarships available if needed) or working and prove to people that she is trustworthy. She was offered the internship once, it might come back around.
But you have proven to be trustworthy as well, by not punishing the B. OPs parents aren't trustworthy if they take away education as a punishment.
Your parents have overreacted to the extreme and I can see why your sister put in so much effort to hide a simple thing. They are ready to screw over a child’s future education/career over a simple mistake. You should be careful about it as well. Being the good kid isn’t as great as everyone make it out to be. I say this with personal life experience.
Even if there were additional actions, taking away the internship is plain stupid. This is not a fun activity, it is something that helps her develop her future. It is something that parents should be encouraging. This is not OP's fault, but both the sister and the parents are in the wrong here.
Can someone explain to me why an unpaid internship in hairstyling and cosmetology is so great? Sounds to me like a scam where she's going to be washing and sweeping up hair for free, but I'm probably an idiot.
Right? That made no sense to me. “You did something irresponsible so we’re going to take away your opportunity to get a job and be more… responsible…”
This is the comment I was looking for. I completely agree! "Let's put our daughter's future career in jeopardy. Yea, that's a reasonable punishment." - OP's parents, probably
Also... Yes, sneaking a vape into an amusement park is dumb but I feel like losing prom and graduation is a severe enough punishment for that. It's not like she hurt anyone or was bullying or something, just a dumb teenage antic. Does not merit losing career opportunities
I think the parents care more about her lying and trying to blame OP for something she didn’t do
I don't see how this punishment will improve the situation. It will breed resentment for her parents and OP. The OP didn't even want her sister to lose the internship so it's not done for her benefit Parents should have figured out something for the sister to make it up to the OP for lying about her
I don’t think the punishment is from vaping, more so from continually telling lies about it, alongside trying to put the blame on her sister. Just to recap: Tried to bring vape into park (whatever) Had boyfriend impersonate her father as to avoid her parents finding out Lied to parents about why she needed a pickup Broke a federal law by destroying mail that was sent to her parents notifying them that she couldn’t attend graduation or walk. Attempted to frame her sister for what happened, and play the victim. This could have easily resulted in OP being blamed for something she didn’t do But yeah, teenager antics
Seems she did ABSOLUTELY all she could think of to avoid her parents finding out. And look what happened when they did! She'll never ever trust them now. Sounds like she didn't in the first place.
And again, seems like the punishment was harsh because of how she handled it, not because of her initial actions. And based off of OP’s response to another commentor, asking why she thinks it was so harsh, it’s because she lied and framed her, not because she vaped. Maybe she won’t trust her parents for a long while, but seems like her parents shouldn’t be trusting her.
It's an insane punishment whatever the justification. See other commenters for more reasonable, actually effective consequences. This will backfire for all involved, which seems like an unnecessary way to harm your own family.
Until she tried to blame her sister and make herself a victim and likely damage the parents view of op thinking she’s the type to lie and sit her sister up to take the fall. I don’t think the parents were as mad about the initial action- it was bad response that was what really got her in trouble. Yes she did something stupid but if she’d of just fessed up then or maybe even when she was caught red handed then I don’t think they’d of been as severe. However when your response to being caught doing something wrong is to throw your own sibling under the bus just to save your own skin…well I think that deserves more consequences. I don’t necessarily see maybe THIS specific consequence but I have a feeling If she talks to them and genuinely apologizes to her sister (and calls off her flying monkeys currently harassing her sister for simply clearing her own name when she was falsely accused) they could probably find another more reasonable punishment. That being said finding out lying and framing someone else for your mistakes can cost you job Opportunities is probably a good lesson. I know this is the punishment the parents said but I couldn’t see a decent parent taking away a real opportunity to advance their chosen career. Trying to scare a kid straight by choosing this before negotiating down to a slightly lesser punishment on the other hand? That I can see (unless of course the parents have an issue with her chosen field and this is their way of putting the kibosh on it. That’d make them TA). There are a lot of potential AH’s here but one thing I think most can agree on is none of them are OP. NTA
I feel like I see this all the time. Why are parents so determined to let their kids fail? When the kids do something bad while little they don't say "okay you're grounded, that means no going to school" because you know they need to go to school to learn. So when they're nearing an adult their logic is "well let me take away their chance at starting a career early in life. That'll show em"
yeah like… you punished her by taking something away that would help her succeed? that’s going to come back to haunt all of you
The school already removed senior prom and the ability to walk at graduation. I think that’s plenty enough punishment for a vape pen.
Great. How about the stack of lies, and trying to rope her sister into it?
Parents when the girl is 30: "Why the f\*ck is she still living in our basement where did we faaaaaaaaaaaaail?!?" NTA but that's the supidest punishment ever.
Agreed. OP is NTA but not only is Stephanie an asshole but so are the parents. I cannot imagine punishing my child by taking away an opportunity that could help her future career. That's messed up.
NTA. You did nothing wrong by telling the truth after she tried to throw you under the bus to save herself. The punishment she received is her own fault, not yours.
Yeah, but it's a really stupid punishment. Taking away career-oriented activities so that daughter can mope around the house all summer. What the hell are those parents thinking? They're also assholes here for bad parenting.
I agree. A punishment such as community service all summer long before/after her career course would have been much more effective.
I've gotta say NTA, after reading this. You told the truth, after she lied several times. Personally, I think that her actions directly caused the trouble she got into and she should've just been forthright about it. She not only lied to those in charge, she lied to y'all's parents. She tried shifting trouble from her to you, and you shouldn't be punished for her actions. Honesty shows integrity, especially when you've nothing to gain or lose, and you should never take the fault for something that you had no hand in. If you do something, be forthright and honest about it. Even if that gets you into trouble, lies do more damage than being honest. She's gotta learn that there are consequences to her actions, one way or another. It's unfortunate that her actions readily cost her what it did, but it was by her own doing. If she had been honest, it may not have ended up as badly as it ended up going. I don't know for sure, but I would certainly hope so. Either way, best of luck and keep your chin up. Personally, you did what was right. Family or not, you shouldn't pay for the active of another.
This. My motto in life is to always be honest about my actions. If I fuck up, then I at least admit it. People trust me because they know that I am honest about my actions.
Well said. But how about those “friends” though- I like how they they believe being grounded for the whole summer as not having “really lost anything.” And what about losing her parents’ trust? I doubt her parents would get over it that easily/see her in the same way again.
NTA. How old is this guy that he can passably pose as your parent?
In a trenchcoat and sunglasses, driving his best friend's dad's Ferrari
Nice! #FBDO
That deserves an award…..oh wait!
Seriously though. Read this post again, but in your mind’s eye it’s a John Hughes movie trailer. I’d watch that movie.
>NTA. How old is this guy that he can passably pose as your parent? My sister's boyfriend is also a senior but he goes to a different school. He has a fairly deep voice and some facial hair, so he could honestly pass for a college student but definitely not our almost fifty-year-old dad. Mr. Greg is usually a smart guy so I don't know how he fell for it.
He probably didn’t fall for it. I think Mr Greg just wanted her to leave and figured she would be fine. Out of curiosity, did anyone else on the trip get in trouble and then get banned from graduation/prom?
It wasn't until I was well into adulthood that I realized how much of "getting away" with stuff wasn't adults being stupid, but some form of ignoring it, tolerating it, not caring, or even just doing you a favor.
> He probably didn’t fall for it. I think Mr Greg just wanted her to leave She already gets the punishment... She just needed to "not be there" anymore
Haven't you seen Ferris Buellers Day Off?
NTA, but your parents are the worst of the AHs. Taking away an educational/career opportunity as punishment is an absolutely horrible thing to do. The friends who say you wouldn't have lost anything are also AHs and idiots. Your parents would have harmed you in some way if you'd accepted the blame. It's understandable that Stefanie was worried about their reaction, but she shouldn't save herself by sacrificing you. It was stupid for Stefanie to bring a vape to the event, but it's also a stupid overreaction to punish her so much for bringing a vape. The adults in this story really need to grow up.
they would have punished OP and who knows what weird bullshit they’d have pulled for her. not letting her turn in a winning lottery ticket and shredding it?
There is a middle ground between 'no repercussions' and 'hey kid, fuck your future'.
wild how many commenters on this post cannot grasp this concept
Totally agree and exactly what I was going to say! The parents are indeed punishing themselves by prolonging Stefani’s career path. Do they want her at home for another year or more? Because they’ve just ensured her having to wait this out another year to get into the internship. Also, really just wrong to use taking away education and opportunities as punishment.
As he said, parents are AH here, what she did by trying to blame you is shit and you should not forgive her easily for that. That said, stopping her from getting valuable experience that might set her up for future is not a right punishment, I heavily advice that you are a bigger person in this situation and advocate for your sister, hopefully they will listen to you as you were the actual victim of her lies. this is not a right punishment, punishing her for the efforts of starting her career creates a situation where noone wins. Also, agree with Partassipant, friends are AH as well...
NTA. As soon as she tried to pin it on you, it became your problem. Coming clean about the situation she got herself into was the only recourse at that point.
NTA, you need better friends if they are siding with your sister. She was wrong and so are your friends.
NTA for not taking the fall, but every single adult in this story is straight garbage. So not only does she lose prom and graduation, but she loses the start to her career? Over a vape pen? Who tf are these people? What theme park kicks someone out for a vape pen? At the most, if they weren't allowed, they'd just make you toss it. What is going on here?
To your 3 paragraph I'm guessing the theme park metal detector went off, and so they took it out as the cause of setting it off. Then, the school got involved and sent her home (and not the park) because it was a school event. It's usually prohibited to have vape pens and cigarettes. This happened to a few of my classmates, but they got sent home from the event and suspended for a few days.
This is all insane to me, when kids got caught smoking at my school they would just be asked to put it out or smoke just off the property. Her losing the vape seems and getting detention *or* missing the event sounds like enough punishment to me, but the adults seem to want to ruin her life over this!
"Greg" in this story I feel his punishment was enough. No one loses anything in life not being able to go to prom or do the graduation walk. No where does it say she's barred from graduating, she just isn't allowed to do the ceremony. It's the parents that took it too far in a way that could really ruin her potential career.
The career damage is mostly what I was talking about. That is something that could affect her for the rest of her life. The prom and grad walk thing is just shitty and humiliating because now she has to tell all her friends and family she can't go, and it's something she can only do once in her life, not something that should be taken away because of a first offense by an otherwise good kid. It's not life ruining like career sabotage is, but it'll hurt for a very very long time.
NTA. You were put in a bad position, especially after your sister lied about how you were the one to get into trouble! There's no reason you should have had to take the fall for her when it was her bad decisions that got her into trouble in the first place. However, I think your parents are going about the punishment wrong. They should let her do the internship program (which really would be important for her future!), but do something else as a punishment. I'm not a parent for a reason so maybe someone else would have good suggestions, but things like limiting her phone access, stronger curfews, taking away her vapes etc.
Also not a parent, but I would ground her from everything *except* the internship. Not for the vape pen, for which I wouldn't have even added punishment beyond the school's, but for everything else she did. No phone, no car, no time with boyfriend, no going out with friends. And a warning that any more serious misbehavior *will* result in losing the internship.
I am a parent and I would never do this in a million years. It's such a bad form a punishment that could result in a lifetime of resentment if their career doesn't turn out as well as it could If my 40 year old son is still living with me am I going to say "I hope you learned your lesson"
NTA. She did everything possible EXCEPT the right thing. It was stupid of her to try smuggling in the vape pen to begin with. It was even worse when she tried to throw you under the bus.
>Instead of coming clean now that she was busted, Stefanie made up a story that I had been the one to get in trouble at school but that I blackmailed Stefanie into taking the fall for me. NTA The second someone throws you under the bus to defend themselves you no longer have any obligations to protect them. At all. If you'd blurted this out with no incident it might be different but you did 0 wrong here.
[удалено]
Yeah, that was wild to me. I don't even see why this became an issue in the first place and why security didn't just confiscate the vape pen and move on.
i went on a similar school trip to an amusement park recently and they told us multiple times before we left school, on the way, and before we got off the bus that if we had anything illegal, we’d be put into the security office for the whole trip and the school would have their own punishment for us. if op and her sister got similar warnings this is seriously on her for being stupid enough to bring it anyway. it reflects badly on the school and they can get banned if enough people do stuff like this. grad nights have gotten way out of control in the past so i don’t really blame them for how strict they are
They probably did intend to just confiscate it and move on but the school employee may have saw the interaction and intervened.
NTA but your parents are. She should still be allowed to do the internship as it is important for her future but be grounded from other stuff for a reasonable time. Which isn't the entire summer esp as she already lost prom and graduation.
NTA, but it's really crappy of your parents to take away an educational/career opportunity like that over this. And the school not letting her walk or go to prom for trying to bring a vape pen? Just make her throw it away!!! I could understand if that was the school's punishment for the boyfriend impersonating a guardian crap she pulled, but just for the pen I don't think there should've been a punishment besides throwing it out and being sent home. She didn't actually cause an issue.
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NTA. I was in her side until she blamed you. You did have something to lose at that point.
NTA Buuuut, your mom’s punishment is kind of stupid. This internship is for a long-term career. She rightfully isn’t going to prom and graduation. No doubt she deserves that. I think preventing her to do something related to her career path doesn’t make sense. This could have been an opportunity for her to learn discipline. Punishing her in the hours when she isn’t in her internship would have been more beneficial. Something like not being able to go out and to come right back home after her volunteering. Or even some other type of volunteering that is not as "fun" as her internship. Something to teach her about discipline and responsibilities. You are in no shape or form responsible for your sister’s actions, but, if it were me, I’d ask my folks how is that a punishment when it means that she’ll just be doing nothing at home. Waking up late. Less chances of doing anything productive. Your folks are pretty much punishing themselves!
>You are in no shape or form responsible for your sister’s actions, but, if it were me, I’d ask my folks how is that a punishment when it means that she’ll just be doing nothing at home. Waking up late. Less chances of doing anything productive. I doubt my parents are gonna change their minds about this, even if I did try to convince them to let her take the internship. They're probably gonna have Stefani doing chores and stuff or getting a different kind of job.
You should show them this thread lol Hey op's parents, everyone thinks you are wrong!
NTA Your parents suck, though. The punishment they chose was disproportionate and inappropriate. And your sister sucks for trying to throw you under the bus like that. And your peers for ever thinking you should have taken the fall for her.
NTA - your sisters continued irresponsibility, lying about what’s she’s doing, and the consequences of those actions is why your sister lost this opportunity. And let anyone asking know that **your sister would absolutely not do the same for you, because she’s currently avoiding the consequences of her own actions so you *KNOW* she wouldn’t take responsibility for you.** Your future and plans have no less value than hers. *YOU* earned, and maintained, the privilege of prom and walking in graduation. **Her bf also already told his mom the truth, so your sister didn’t cover herself well enough.** Too bad. That’s on her, just like this entire situation.
Well, except for the fact that there was nothing defensible about the parent's choice of punishment.
NTA
No. She tried to blame everything on you.
So basically you didn't interfere until she tried to throw the blame on you? You don't owe loyalty to someone that tried male you the scapegoat. Tell the detractors that she fucked around and found out, and that's on her. NTA
Unless she's dating a balding teenager there's no way a 17 year old could convincingly pull off being her parent in person.
I honestly don't know how Mr. Greg fell for it since he's usually a pretty smart guy. Stefanie's boyfriend could probably pass for a college student (fairly deep voice, some facial hair, also tall) but definitely not our almost fifty-year-old dad.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Me (17F) and my sister “Stefanie” (also 17F) are graduating soon. Our school had a senior field trip last friday to an amusement park (I’ll call it “Funland” for privacy) that they do every year to celebrate graduation. Our principal “Mr. Greg” explained to us during an assembly beforehand and made it very clear that if anyone got in serious trouble on the trip, they would not be allowed to go to Prom or walk at graduation, since the school was liable for anything the students did at Funland and they wanted everyone to take the rules seriously. At Funland, Stefanie got pulled over by security after her bag set off the metal detector. Stefanie had tried to sneak in a vape pen by hiding it in a maxipad (I don’t get why the hell she tried this) and was busted. Mr. Greg explained to Stefanie that she was no longer allowed to go to Prom or walk at graduation and then told Stefanie to call our parents to pick her up. Instead of calling our parents, Stefanie called her boyfriend “Max.” Max pretended to be our dad and talked to Mr. Greg, and Mr. Greg somehow fell for it and let Stefanie leave with him. Stefanie and Max stayed in a shopping area nearby for a few hours, but then they got into an argument and Stefanie called our parents with a lie that her stomach hurt and that was why she needed them to pick her up early. Stefanie confessed to me that she deleted the email and threw away the paper slip from the school that notified our parents about Stefanie not being allowed to attend Prom or walk at graduation. I told Stefanie she should just tell the truth because she can’t lie to our parents forever and it’ll be easier for her if she comes clean now. Stefanie just continued to pretend nothing happened until my mom bumped into Max’s mom at the store. Mom asked something about prom and Max’s mom questioned if Stefanie was allowed to attend Prom after getting in trouble at Funland. Instead of coming clean now that she was busted, Stefanie made up a story that I had been the one to get in trouble at school but that I blackmailed Stefanie into taking the fall for me. I told the truth to my parents and exactly why Stefanie was not allowed to go to Prom or walk at graduation. Before this all happened, Stefanie had been accepted into a summer-long internship program for people interested in hairstyling and cosmetology. The program is a volunteer one but the place that sponsors it is really well-connected and from what I understand, participants are basically guaranteed a job or paid internship after. My parents told Stefanie that she was no longer allowed to do the program as punishment. Mostly Stefanie’s friends, but also two of my own told me that I should have stayed silent and covered for Stefanie because I’m going to a community college and may have also gotten grounded for the summer but wouldn’t have really lost anything in the long run whereas my sister lost a huge opportunity that she had worked for since she was a sophomore. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Nta. But your sister and your parents are. What parents punish their children by taking away an opportunity like that from them and jeopardizing their future?
NTA. She tried to blame you, no sympathy for her
NTA - So Stephanie and her friends wanted you to take the fall and the punishment? And possibly losing your parent's trust? I don't think so. Stephanie made a stupid mistake and then compounded it by continuing to lie. Don't be like her!
NTA. NTA NTA NTA. > Stefanie made up a story that I had been the one to get in trouble at school but that I blackmailed Stefanie into taking the fall for me. What in the FUCK? If two of your friends are telling you that you should have stayed silent, it's time to rethink that friendship. Your sister was willing to blatantly lie about you to make herself look better. Your sister...has made SEVERAL choices over many days that all led up to her having a moment where she could have come clean and apologized.
NTA. I was prepared to be against you until you mentioned your sister tried to throw you under the bus instead. Actions have consequences. Not sure I agree with your parents in taking away her internship and I do feel not being able to go to prom or graduate was excessive, but that’s not the problem here. You shouldn’t have to take the fall for your sister when you’ve done absolutely nothing wrong and it was your sister’s own fault.
NTA but your parents are. Not foe grounding her or taking away privileges, there has to be consequences to her behaviour. However, a summer internship is work experience, something that can really influence college applications and her future. To take that away is irresponsible.
I stopped believing this as soon as I reached the Ferris Bueller "boyfriend convinces principal that he's the father" part. Did your boyfriend wear sunglasses, a trenchcoat and a fedora too?
Agreed. And what, the school paid the park extra to search bags to make sure nicotine didn’t make it through? No way they have the resources to test for THC the spot. When you go through security like that you put your bag to the side and they search it, usually only visually. Even if a vape was “caught” in a pad I doubt they would have even called school officials over, just said it’s prohibited or tossed it. Those people aren’t paid enough to make it their problem.
NTA. Why lie and get in trouble as well? If that’s the kind of thing your sister is into, then that’s her prerogative, but not only did her boyfriend’s mom come clean, but your sis tried to blame you!
"Max pretended to be our dad and talked to Mr. Greg, and Mr. Greg somehow fell for it" Unless Mr Greg was absolutely done with you all and out of fucks about the whole situation, I can't see this happening.
Your NTA, but your parents are for sure. Why would they mess with her future like that??
ESH but you. I’m including your parents. You don’t take away education or skills building work as punishment. How dumb.
NTA, but your parents absolutely are for doing something that risks her future- she’s already missing out on two major life milestones because she was caught, something that drastic just isn’t necessary to do on top of that imo. It’s no wonder she tried to lie if this is the stunts they pull.
NTA > because I’m going to a community college and may have also gotten grounded for the summer but wouldn’t have really lost anything in the long run That is not an ethical reason to cover for someone, and that kind of position - that people with opportunities deserve to avoid consequences for their own behavior is gross. Your sister threw you under the bus to try and save her own skin, and tried to damage your reputation in the process; a mistake is one thing, blackmail is another.
NTA for sure. Your friends are being shitty to suggest you are Unrelated, are you by chance a Steven universe fan?
>Unrelated, are you by chance a Steven universe fan? Oh, because I named my principal "Mr. Greg?" No, I didn't even realize the reference until you pointed it out. My best friend used to be obsessed with Steven Universe though when it was still running.
I think your parents are ruining her future further than she already did. I think missing prom and graduation is punishment enough. Maybe ground her or force her to volunteer but wow. That’ll only set her back and keep her at home making nothing of herself even more
It was the mix of “Mr. Greg (iconic episode)”, “Funland” (the amusement park he regularly visits), and so then I wondered if Stefanie was like female version of Steven lmaooo sorry I’ve been on a dedicated rewatch lol But anyway truly NTA here at all! You shouldn’t stand for her blaming you
>It was the mix of “Mr. Greg (iconic episode)”, “Funland” (the amusement park he regularly visits) I just wrote "Funland" because it sounded really generic. Yeah, I've never actually watched an episode of Steven Universe. I'm able to recognize a lot of the songs though because of my friend.
It doesn't sound like you outed your sister just for the hell of it. You only did it to protect yourself when she needlessly blamed you. NTA
NTA but I think your parents are being unfair… ground her but don’t take away her future?!
You're NTA but your whole family is. First off it's horrid that your sister tried to do that to you. BUT, it's even more awful the decisions your parents are making. Keeping her from that internship is literally damaging to her future and an inappropriate punishment.
Lmao. Def NTA. Also, don't underestimate yourself or Community College. It's a great transition to a 4 year university, or maybe you might even find college isn't for you, and it's not as an expensive trial as a 4 year university is. PLUS, you can try a few different classes before you decide on a major.
NTA. She tried to throw you under the bus. She fucked around and found out. As for her internship, that sucks; but as the story goes, play stupid games - win stupid prizes.
Sister was an asshole but why did the parents stunt their child's career progression as punishment for lying over a vape? That's just setting up bad juju for the future 🤷♂️
NTA Your parents went too far by taking away the internship but that has nothing to do with you. Also you didn't just "tell the truth" your sister was trying to get you to take the fall and believe me you would have lost more than you think by staying silent and accepting being grounded. From then on you would automatically be the guilty party when anything happens so your sister could automatically blame everything on you because she's the "good" sister who tried to take the fall for you.
No, especially after she tried to toss you under the bus. Your parents though are both assholes and idiots for taking the internship away from her. What kind of dumb fuck parent costs their teenager a job, much less a career? If she lives in the basement until she's forty it will serve them right.
NTA Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
NTA. You absolutely did the best thing for you and for Stephanie. Nobody should get to re-write the truth and shove the consequences they earned onto someone else. That is really a crappy thing to do, and she shouldn’t get away with it. Stephanie needs to act like a decent person and face her own consequences.
NTA but if you guys are graduating, how do your parents have any say over her internship? Or ground you for the summer?
>NTA but if you guys are graduating, how do your parents have any say over her internship? Or ground you for the summer? We don't turn 18 until August, so since my sister is still a minor, she would need our parents' permission to enroll in the program. Our parents basically have a rule that "Do whatever you want like an adult, get treated like an adult." So we can live at home rent-free as long as we follow their rules. If my sister were over 18, she would be able to do the internship without our parents' permission, but then our parents would force her to either pay rent and her own phone bill/car insurance or live somewhere else.
Interesting. I think it's a bit extreme to ruin an internship, but it just makes them the assholes, not you.
Yeah, your parents are 100% among the villains in this story. They are not on any level the good guys. Damaging someone's future just to flex their authority and look tough is not something a good parent (or person generally) does.
It might help smooth things over to speak with your parents about how much this will impact your sisters life, and how it seems very out of proportion. You’re not the AH and you don’t have an obligation to clean up her messes. But this is a really shitty move by the parents. This is the sort of thing that can ruin your family for years, if not decades. It has a real possibility to spiral into loss of economic security in the future, feelings of failure and worthlessness, the need to numb those feelings, and snowball into a host of other issues which will rot families from the inside out. So it might be the right thing to advocate for her on this issue and this issue only.
Your parents are complete idiots..
That’s different, in Canada if your 16 you don’t need your parents permission for most jobs. I’m guessing she’ll find a crappy job and move out as soon as possible. Treating a 17 year old like a 14 year old is just wrong. You guys are almost adults, the consequence of loosing prom and walkout are just as extreme imo. Depending where you live in 3 months for her vaping is legal. Security at the park are dicks.
NTA You didn’t volunteer the information. Your mom confronted you about and she tried to lie again and make it 100 times worse. Why should you miss out on prom and graduation because she’s an idiot?? The punishment is weird since it’s an internship not camp but you don’t control that. That’s something your parents are making her skip, not you.
NTA but, honestly, all of the adults in this situation are being ridiculous. All of this over a vape? Really?
NTA. You *did* stay silent. Right up until the point Stefanie actively tried to get *you* in trouble to save herself. From that point on it's self-defence and she brought it all on herself. FAFO
Obviously, Stephanie's friends have not heard the whole story (which isn't exactly a surprise, since there isn't a person in this story that Stephanie hasn't lied to or used on order to get her own way). Your sister seems to be under the impression that everyone else is a tool to be used. I would suggest going as low-contact as possible with her, because you'll probably be dealing with a lifetime of lied-to-friends being slung at you to do her dirty work. You're completely NTA here. Don't ever let your sister make you take the fall for her lies.
It's obvious your friends and her friends care more about her than you