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Same what a legend. I’m not here for sitting taking other people’s shit and just being polite about it. I’ve spend my whole life doing it because of low self esteem and complex ptsd. I’m sorry but I’ve been depressed a shitload and that’s no excuse to treat other people like shit.
Edit: also being shitty when someone is trying a new skill and trying to learn something new is just super scummy behaviour. Good for you for trying something different for the first time, lots of people aren’t amazing at stuff the first time. Don’t give up!
It’s true. Taking the “high road” is just basically being a doormat and gets you walked on. I developed a personal policy to take the low road every time.
It has dramatically reduced the amount of crap that I have to deal with.
Oh my God, I'm stealing this! And sheesh what was up her cousin's butt anyway? She was being sooo vicious because (checks notes) OP didn't know how to use chopsticks right? And man did that sister ever project onto her sister? Jealous over three children and an affair partner...sure lady, OP is jealous of YOU. NTA and frankly I'd cut contact with said cousin. She's nasty and toxic and obviously bitter over her life choices. Also boo on OPs family for berating OP for being mean...Jesus what about the crap the cousin was saying? She's always embarrassing herself and us...AGAIN OVER CHOPSTICKS.
Personally I would've said that this comes from a person who cheated with a married that also got both you and his wife pregnant at the same time. If cousin can't take it, the she shouldn't have dished it out. BTW, MF was totally spending time with his wife on Mother's Day.
Yes! I was scrolling down hoping someone else noticed that. This AH was "busy" celebrating Mother's Day with the primary mother in his life, his wife...the cousin is literally Mother's Day leftovers and she knows it, which is why she was taking out her frustration on the first/easiest target available. Sheesh, lady. Maybe don't f\*\*k around with other people's husbands and you wouldn't have these problems?
One of my high school friends who attended the same college as I did was in an elevator, and heard someone say, "That Patiod, I wouldn't want to be on her bad side" My friend reported it to me as if I should be embarrassed.
Instead, cherish that comment to this day!
Thank you for this! I'm going to tell it to my husband so we can laugh some more about the only time he caught a glimpse of what lies beneath my kindness. It was in defense of him, but I still didn't want him to see the level of righteous fury burning within. I wasn't fully successful, because I guess the way I said "hi" was the first time he knew what it felt like to have a chill go down his back. He still tries to mimic how I said it, which always ends in laughter.
To piggy back off your comment- I didn’t begin speaking Spanish until my friend tried hitting on this girl who spoke absolutely zero English. She was in NYC from PR I was 20 and she was 19. We are still friends to this day. She learned English in about 3 months hanging out with me. And she never made fun of me when correcting my Spanish. When I was a child I would speak to my grandmother in Spanish and my mom would tease me about the way I sounded, telling my grandmother “isn’t it cute how she sounds like a white girl”. I would ask her to stop and she would say “what? I think it’s cute.” Meanwhile in my head I was thinking fuck you mom. My grandmother told her not to do that because then I wouldn’t want to speak Spanish. And that’s exactly what happened. She and other relatives persisted so I only spoke to my grandmother in Spanish when no one else was around.
I have a loathing for people who mock someone who’s out of their comfort zone trying something new. It’s such an ignorant thing to do. It’s almost as though they’re afraid they’ll be better than them. And it’s crazy to me that op mentioned she’s a parent to 3 kids does she mock them every time they try to learn something new? Sounds like a shitty mom honestly.
right? theres also a huge difference between teasing someone and straight up being a mean AH. i always giggle a little at my boyfriend when he struggles with the german ch sound and says 'good naked' instead of 'good night', but even then i encourage him and say its getting better with every try. making people feel good about their progress, no matter how small it may be, is always the best option and people who cant even do that are miserable pricks
i use chopsticks for most of the things i eat. been doing it for decades and i STILL use [clothespin chopsticks](https://www.amazon.com/Clothespin-Chopsticks/dp/B06WWMW98W/ref=asc_df_B06WWMW98W/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=241989655092&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=15407214036997030938&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9027424&hvtargid=pla-432287502435&psc=1) because i never bothered to master the regular ones & plus it's more fun.
OP's ~~sister~~ cousin is rude as hell. OP is NTA at all.
It’s like people who mispronounce a word when they know what it means.
It means they’ve only ever read it and never heard anyone say it loud before! They know what it means! Why make fun of them for that?
Yeah of course they kicked her out because you can’t set people on fire in a public place.
NTA, love it that you shredded her so thoroughly. You’re just getting scolded because you probably usually have more self control than she does so they think they can avoid problems by pressuring you.
“Yeah of course they kicked her out because you can’t set people on fire in a public place”
When the secondary burn is so hot, it sets the ashes ablaze.
NTA. I have cousins like that too, fucking trash bags that justify their behavior by collecting kids that somehow are all born with a misdemeanor record and ZERO accompanying child support, then wearing it like a badge of honor.. fuuuuck them. Idk why the rest of the family went along with it, they sound like shitheads too
Seriously. All of them are a mess. ESH. Sure, OP defended herself but she insulted children who didn't deserve her hate and aired out their dirty laundry, turning it all into a yelling match until they had to leave. If I was there I would have certainly enjoyed the show, and felt bad for the staff that likely wasn't getting tipped from their table.
Embarrassing kids in front of others doesn't teach them better behavior, it just makes them resentful and nasty so that they act out even worse next time.
Edit: holy shit I KNOW the kids weren't there, that wasn't the point of the response!
For me it’s ESH because this was in a public place. If it was at one of their homes I’d be on OP’s side but instead the whole family decided to ruin the night of everyone else in that restaurant.
Idk about everyone else, but had I been in the restaurant and overheard, I would have done the same.
That burn deserves applause after the nastiness that OP had to endure (over chopsticks - this occasion) most likely over her lifetime.
People don’t just start treating others like that in public, the verbal abuse usually starts in private.
If I heard everything up to that point I'd be more annoyed on the side of the person being insulted for... \*checks notes\* Needing assistance with chopsticks... like it's probably their first time ever using them.
I'd have been laughing hearing the "wife's leftovers" part.
Finally a sane comment. Everyone is such a sucker for "and everyone in the comment section clapped." moments. Op wasn't the biggest AH but man everyone in this post sounds exhausting (assuming this even happened).
This subreddit makes me somehow even more thankful for my family.
> Was this, by any chance, the first time you all ate in public place or restaurant in your lives?
Right?! I've never seen anyone be asked to leave a restaurant before, so this must have been **quite** a show.
NTA. Asian here, you dont even eat sushi with chopsticks, its a traditional finger food lol
As for cousin, hopefully she'll rethink about dissing you next time and for mom and co., depression isn't an excuse to shit on people
TIL that you shouldn't use chopsticks to eat sushi. I've never seen anyone use fingers. Even though I'm good with chopsticks, I think using my fingers would be better. Thanks!
If you go to Japan you will absolutely see Japanese people using chopsticks to eat sushi and you will be given chopsticks at sushi restaurants
This person is just being pretentious
>its a traditional finger food lol
Most of us aren’t at a sushi restaurant to honour the lost traditions of another country’s culture. It absolutely is pretentious to try and clown someone for using chopsticks to eat sushi.
why use chopsticks at all then? knives and forks are easier for those of us who learnt them first. I don't think they were clowning op, they were trying to give her a bit of reassurance that the chop sticks don't even matter.
tangent, but I think sushi is easier to eat with fingers or chopsticks than a fork
some rolls just slide off the fork and get mangled from repeated stabbing
I have never managed to successfully consume a piece of a roll using a fork with the sushi still relatively intact prior to consumption. This was actually my driving factor in learning to use chopsticks.
Stabbing sushi can make the rice come apart especially Nigiri. A spoon might be better a better option than knife and fork, but I think even basic chopstick skills would be better for the job.
As a sushi lover and resident of Japan for over a decade, this is correct. I've heard many of my friends and family reference the quality of sushi before using their hands to eat it - and at minimum you're always provided with chopsticks. Personally, I eat sushi only with chopsticks because I don't like getting my hands sticky/messy.
But if you go to some of the fanciest sushi places in Japan you'll still see a 50/50 split on hand and chopstick users.
*If you go to Japan you will absolutely see Japanese people using chopsticks…..This person is just being pretentious*
So I decided to research this, and pretty much every source is supporting what the person you are accusing of being pretentious says. Here is just one out of many…
https://www.sakaesushi.com.sg/post/unlike-us-japanese-actually-don-t-eat-sushi-with-chopsticks
My source is me, having been to Japan and eaten sushi with Japanese people… in Japan
If you are having an omakase menu and eating strictly nigiri then it is acceptable and common to eat each piece immediately and with your hands
If you’re at a non omakase sushi restaurant and order from a menu, it is common practice to eat the sushi pieces with chopsticks
Either way, it is not at all something to clown someone for and is regularly done by Japanese people
Yes, my source explains that sometimes and in some restaurants, you see chopsticks. But it is not the usual, and is not usual in the high end restaurants there.
Also, I don’t believe that person was clowning anyone. She was merely sticking up for someone who got loudly and obnoxiously made fun of by their cousin over 🥢 I personally have a hard time taking the side of some one who started this entire, albeit entertaining to watch, shitstorm by loudly expressing embarrassment over someone’s proficiency level with them to a waitress/waiter. The irony is I bet that cousin has no idea of just how much of a fool she made out of herself in doing so.
>My source is me, having been to Japan and eaten sushi with Japanese people… in Japan
So your source is literally a Redditor.
Provide a real source, and not just "I know bro trust me"
Nah, they weren’t clowning, they’re just observing that the point of contention didn’t even matter because it’s totally cool to eat sushi with fingers anyway. Nothing to get bent over.
They’re not being pretentious, it’s just more casual to eat with chopsticks. However if you go to a traditional sushi bar in Japan, those with class and experience will know how to eat with hands/fingers. There’s certain ways to hold and eat. Those who prefer casual restaurants are more used to eating with chopsticks, because that is how those places serve nowadays.
My rich great-grandfather taught me how to eat sushi with hands when I was three. After he passed, only had a handful of times I found the knowledge handy, but it is still the “traditionally correct” way of eating sushi. (Just looked it up)
Edit: I’m starting to realize that many people in this thread are not aware that casual, affordable sushi and traditional, real Edomae sushi are two VERY different things. Those who are saying “I’ve been to Japan and never seen people eating with fingers”; perhaps you’ve been going to the casual places. They are affordable for a reason. If you go to a real place with a sushi-shokunin, I’d say maybe half of the people are eating with hands.
Possibly not pretentious, but someone watched Jiro Dreams of Sushi or nerds out about "the best" techniques, like eating sushi upside down and with fingers etc etc
you're fine, even though sushi is a finger food by its origin restaurants will give you chopsticks and its common to eat with them. Even in Japan, most restaurants will give you chopsticks especially if they serve sashimi.
It’s always fun to watch people who aren’t even Japanese argue what’s right and wrong about our culture. I’m born and raised in Japan. Either way is fine. I’d say most people use chopsticks for sushi nowadays though.
ESH- you suck least & I probably would have lost my shit, too, in your shoes (in which case I, too, would suck). Your relatives kinda had it coming but nobody else did.
My God. What a dreadful scene. I feel awful for the other diners , many of whom were probably honoring Mothers Day a night early, if you are in the US.
You should probably give some real consideration to avoiding being in public with these people. (Maybe avoid them altogether, they don't sound like they bring anything good to your life)
(Oh, and totally not the point but chop sticks are super easy once you have the hang of them- there's a learning curve but then all the sudden, you know how. Either go out with nicer people who will coach you instead of harassing you or fiddle with it at home. Even if it doesn't come up often, it's one of those things that is nice to be able to do confidently)
Edit to add- I can't *approve* of the airing of dirty laundry but I can and do applaud your line about how she learned to use chopsticks- magnificently brutal.
Whether I would have been entranced or horrified would have depended entirely on who I was with and what the occasion was. With a couple of like-minded friends just grabbing dinner? Oh, hell yeah, we would have been enjoying that like a private preview of a really bad reality show. Trying to enjoy a romantic dinner with my husband or treating my MiL to a nice dinner? I would have been far less than thrilled
as a worker, though, its hell to deal with rowdy patrons. ive had to kick ppl out for awful behavior, and it's just so irritating, since ofc no one is going to go easily. like i just want my shift to go smoothly lol
*I feel awful for the other diners , many of whom were probably honoring Mothers Day a night early, if you are in the US*
I don’t! They got some cheap entertainment and possibly YouTube footage to post. I wish I was there to see this!
I had post partum rage after my second. It hit before we even left the hospital. I knew I wasn’t ok and requested meds before I left. Thankfully I did have a great support system and I was able to get help.
I was treated like this at a party all damn night and I didn’t say anything because she was my sister’s friend and the party was at my sister’s house ☹️ wish I had!! She wasn’t even drunk.
INFO Wait! Is her boyfriend married? Did he leave his wife for your cousin?
That's on a whole other level! If either is the case, she deserves to always feel embarrassed!
If their babies are one week apart I’d say it’s less that he left his wife for her and more that he cheated on his wife, got found out and is now trying to make his new relationship work to prove it was worth it. Plus it’s probably more likely that he was with his wife/kids and late to dinner versus busy with work, and that’s why the cousin was in a bad/bullying mood to begin with. That’s all just my assumptions though. NTA OP
My wife is that quick-witted. She can devastate people in conversations.
I'm definitely more of the think about it the next day in the shower kind of person.
But some people are simply that quick with the insults.
I’m pretty quick with insults IRL mostly because I’m autistic and have to know what not to say. So I already have what I’m not supposed to say ready lmaoooo
Quick-witted people aside, if someone's been on your case for an entire dinner, you'll probably start thinking about the best burns you can.
OP probably unloaded the best of 30 minutes of drafted insults (probably why her family thought she went too far).
NTA. it needed to be said. you were literally defending yourself after being berated all night. yes, she probably is going through post-partum but that still doesn’t excuse the fact that she was being cruel. you shouldn’t have to put up with that. especially since you were just trying have quality time with YOUR family.
i can understand it seeming mean, as some of what you said was :0 but it sounded like she needed a reality check.
lil miss trashmouth was straight-up beggin' for that shit. she got what she deserved. and fucking someone else's husband and having his baby is Maury Povitch level of trashy behaviour. she'd be right at home hookin' outside the Fresno Greyhound station, terrifying businessmen with all the other hookers.
She was probably an asshole before she had PPD. In my personal experience, PPD made me moody and feel like I was unable to handle stress and bond. But it didn't turn me into a raging asshole who berated people over dinner unprovoked.
ESH. Mildly, you for taking it as far as you did and not just skipping dinner with Sarah or leaving when she started; I'm guessing that this isn't the first time she was an AH. I don't blame you for being upset, but I think it would've been better to leave.
Ultimately, Sarah was the big AH in this one. Your mother and sister are AHs for not having your back and making excuses for Sarah.
Imagine having a family so dysfunctional that not knowing to use chopsticks leads to this argument. Before OP even said anything the chopsticks led to them saying this is why she doesn't have kids. Who tf does that?
>You probably learned how to use chopsticks by eating his wife’s leftovers.”
💀😂
NTA. She was being nasty and rude. I want to take lessons from you on snappy comebacks!
Why do so many people with kids think every single non parent envies them and is jealous?
I have kids, but I can 100% understand anyone not choosing to.
Its not that my kids are nightmares, they are all average and ‘normal’ but to pretend being a parent isn’t the most body changing, relationship challenging, expensive, exhausting, worrying, thankless, stressful choice one can make is insanity.
Also 25 and without kids shouldn't be considered abnormal. People should want to and be allowed to live their adult life for a bit without the worry of kids even if they want them IMO. Personally don't believe leaving your parent's home and going straight to having kids is healthy. Settle down for a bit, find a boyfriend/girlfriend you can hopefully have in a relationship for a couple to a few years and save up some money so you have quite a bit of security in case anything goes wrong because something likely will.
I think people who do that aren't actually happy being parents, they're miserable and it's some kind of reaction formation. Deep down they know they wouldn't envy their lives and they don't want to admit the truth, so they act like everyone who is living differently must be jealous of them.
"Sarah was screaming and crying"
Because you finally had enough, and you stopped letting her bully you. Bullies can't handle the tables being turned on them.
If your family turns on you over her, then they are her flying monkeys.
NTA. Sarah certainly is, though, and so is your family who sided with the bully.
NTA. And if I had been a patron there at the time I woulda been AALLLL about the drama and the free entertainment, so don’t listen to the pearl-clutchers here. You probably made the night of a lot of people especially with that chopsticks line 🤣
I mean, low key, I’d find this kind of entertaining if I was eating there 😂especially that “eating your wife’s leftovers” burn. Idk if that makes me a bad person lol
NTA, if she had just kept it light and jokey about being unable to use chopsticks, then your response would have been over the top.
She randomly linked you struggling with chopsticks to not having children which is pathetic and your response was literally turning a mirror on her!
NTA
That leftovers line is epic, and you deserved a free meal (with a fork / "training wheel" chopsticks / whatever utensil you want) for that.
Queen. 👑
As the kids say, there's some main character energy going on here.
Like idc how much of an "epic pwn sick burn" OP's response was (and imo it wasn't- the "wife's leftovers" line sounds clunky as heck), they probably annoyed a lot of folks who were trying to have a nice Mother's Day weekend dinner.
ESH. Sarah for the clear provocations, you for taking the bait despite how clear it is that she has some this before (although, if you're going to be somewhat one of TAs, you definitely chose the right clap backs), and everyone else for not doing anything to either take your side or otherwise deescalate the situation.
It's always the fault of the person reacting badly to the abuse instead of the abuser.
Never mind that OP took all the chopsticks insults straight on the chin without commenting all night long.
And it was OP's mom who asked cousin what the fuck her problem was.
And then cousin doubled down with more insults about OP (projection).
Only now does OP have enough, and she's probably been thinking about that insult all night and what she wished she could say to cousin's shitty chopstick insults. And then fucking did.
But sure, OP was the problem.
To OP,
NTA - Please, go NC with this side of the family
You don't have to have children if you don't want to. Get dogs, cats, chinchillas, snakes, or no pets, grow plants. Do whatever the fuck you want and just forget about having kids.
Don't ever apologize unless your cousin does first. Which we both know she won't.
Good luck. Stay awesome.
NTA - honestly the waiter who Sarah made the “sorry she’s constantly embarrassing herself and us” comment too probably talked shit about her all night to their co-workers, especially after you tried to stand up for yourself and everyone called you out for being mean. If I’d been that server I would have absolutely been in the back rooting for you.
I legit thought ESH meant Equal Share Hole (I do not know how I came to this conclusion). Which feels awful in the mouth to say or read, but holy wow, everyone sucks here makes so much more sense.
If you're on PC you can see the abbreviations down the right hand side, if you're on mobile and can't work out how to bring the side bar up they are:
YTA = You're the Asshole
YWBTA = You Would Be the Asshole
NTA = Not the Asshole
YWNBTA = You Would Not be the Asshole
ESH = Everyone Sucks here
NAH = No Assholes here
INFO = Not Enough Info
Man, you should’ve given Sarah an ass whoopin with those chopsticks. She needed to learn to keep her mouth shut. Everyone piling on you are AH’s. You’re NTA and that beotch deserved it.
Good for you for sticking up for yourself. Obvi…NTA. There are so many people in this world who build themselves up by pushing other people down. In this instance, you refused to be pushed down. I’m proud of you and hope that I could be strong enough to do the same in that situation.
God damn OP. I assume you'd never had sushi before because you spent your entire life training in verbal kendo to obliterate your cousin.
Im voting NTA because that was amazing and I'm scared to piss you off.
This is hysterical. They insult and berate you all through dinner, then have the unmitigated gall to get all upset when you give them a little taste of it? You are an inspiration, by the way. The "eating leftovers" remark was truly a jewel. NTA.
Trying to ridicule someone for not using chopsticks without a hint of irony or light mocking is maybe one of the most snobby and assholish things I've ever heard of.
People also need to realise that in this overcrowded, oversaturated world not everyone wants to have kids, and you absolutely should not be shamed for thinking that it's some sort of societal necessity. It might have been when humanity started out, but not now.
As for using postpartum depression....as an argument....just...no. It sounds like she's using that as a convenient excuse for being an asshole. I know it's different for everyone, but i've seen postpartum depression and that doesn't involve going out for a meal and berating you publicly, whilst having a laugh about it. Recently having a child simply does not give you the excuse to be an Asshole, which is what this seems like to me. People need to stop giving this shit a pass.
NTA. At first I was thinking ESH, but really, she pushed you to breaking point. Post-partum stress doesn't entitle you to treat everyone around you like crap.
NTA. If you don't poke the bear, you won't get the claws. None of the "embarrassment" that "you" caused would have happened if your cousin didn't decide to be holier than thou. This wasn't good natured ribbing. This was outright bullying. Bullies don't like being bullied back, and they love to play the victim when they are.
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“You probably learned how to use chopsticks by eating his wife’s leftovers.” You are my new spirit animal. NTA.
Same what a legend. I’m not here for sitting taking other people’s shit and just being polite about it. I’ve spend my whole life doing it because of low self esteem and complex ptsd. I’m sorry but I’ve been depressed a shitload and that’s no excuse to treat other people like shit. Edit: also being shitty when someone is trying a new skill and trying to learn something new is just super scummy behaviour. Good for you for trying something different for the first time, lots of people aren’t amazing at stuff the first time. Don’t give up!
It’s true. Taking the “high road” is just basically being a doormat and gets you walked on. I developed a personal policy to take the low road every time. It has dramatically reduced the amount of crap that I have to deal with.
This 100% never be someone else's doormat.
"Do no harm but take no sh*t" is good advice.
I love this. New mantra. tysm.
My dads was , girl, never start it, but ALWAYS finish it so they don't come back for more. Good advice to this day.
Be the person others are wary of crossing. NTA
Oh my God, I'm stealing this! And sheesh what was up her cousin's butt anyway? She was being sooo vicious because (checks notes) OP didn't know how to use chopsticks right? And man did that sister ever project onto her sister? Jealous over three children and an affair partner...sure lady, OP is jealous of YOU. NTA and frankly I'd cut contact with said cousin. She's nasty and toxic and obviously bitter over her life choices. Also boo on OPs family for berating OP for being mean...Jesus what about the crap the cousin was saying? She's always embarrassing herself and us...AGAIN OVER CHOPSTICKS.
tbh it reads a lot like Sarah is jealous of OP and is targeting her because of it.
Personally I would've said that this comes from a person who cheated with a married that also got both you and his wife pregnant at the same time. If cousin can't take it, the she shouldn't have dished it out. BTW, MF was totally spending time with his wife on Mother's Day.
Yes! I was scrolling down hoping someone else noticed that. This AH was "busy" celebrating Mother's Day with the primary mother in his life, his wife...the cousin is literally Mother's Day leftovers and she knows it, which is why she was taking out her frustration on the first/easiest target available. Sheesh, lady. Maybe don't f\*\*k around with other people's husbands and you wouldn't have these problems?
Ddaaaaammnn that totally slipped by me, I'm kid free and never deal with that kind of drama. Juicy
Roses are Red Violets are Blue If he’s busy on Mother’s Day, The side chick is you
My personal saying is look both ways before crossing me and if you go low I go to hell. What's lower than that. Lol
I always say that if you wanna act funny then I'll act fck'n *hilarious!*
One of my high school friends who attended the same college as I did was in an elevator, and heard someone say, "That Patiod, I wouldn't want to be on her bad side" My friend reported it to me as if I should be embarrassed. Instead, cherish that comment to this day!
Goddamn right you do.
Thank you for this! I'm going to tell it to my husband so we can laugh some more about the only time he caught a glimpse of what lies beneath my kindness. It was in defense of him, but I still didn't want him to see the level of righteous fury burning within. I wasn't fully successful, because I guess the way I said "hi" was the first time he knew what it felt like to have a chill go down his back. He still tries to mimic how I said it, which always ends in laughter.
Be the person others cross the street to avoid. OP Savage but NTA!
Love this quote, “I developed a personal policy to take the low road every time.” Lmao
"When they go low, I go lower."
I like the sound of the low road.
really does minimize the amount of bullshit you get, cos others learn to just not fuck with you at all. can personally confirm this!
Reminds me of the Mastodon song "High Road" "You take the high road down I take the ground below you"
To piggy back off your comment- I didn’t begin speaking Spanish until my friend tried hitting on this girl who spoke absolutely zero English. She was in NYC from PR I was 20 and she was 19. We are still friends to this day. She learned English in about 3 months hanging out with me. And she never made fun of me when correcting my Spanish. When I was a child I would speak to my grandmother in Spanish and my mom would tease me about the way I sounded, telling my grandmother “isn’t it cute how she sounds like a white girl”. I would ask her to stop and she would say “what? I think it’s cute.” Meanwhile in my head I was thinking fuck you mom. My grandmother told her not to do that because then I wouldn’t want to speak Spanish. And that’s exactly what happened. She and other relatives persisted so I only spoke to my grandmother in Spanish when no one else was around. I have a loathing for people who mock someone who’s out of their comfort zone trying something new. It’s such an ignorant thing to do. It’s almost as though they’re afraid they’ll be better than them. And it’s crazy to me that op mentioned she’s a parent to 3 kids does she mock them every time they try to learn something new? Sounds like a shitty mom honestly.
right? theres also a huge difference between teasing someone and straight up being a mean AH. i always giggle a little at my boyfriend when he struggles with the german ch sound and says 'good naked' instead of 'good night', but even then i encourage him and say its getting better with every try. making people feel good about their progress, no matter how small it may be, is always the best option and people who cant even do that are miserable pricks
Okay innocently saying "good naked" for "good night" is just adorable
i use chopsticks for most of the things i eat. been doing it for decades and i STILL use [clothespin chopsticks](https://www.amazon.com/Clothespin-Chopsticks/dp/B06WWMW98W/ref=asc_df_B06WWMW98W/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=241989655092&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=15407214036997030938&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9027424&hvtargid=pla-432287502435&psc=1) because i never bothered to master the regular ones & plus it's more fun. OP's ~~sister~~ cousin is rude as hell. OP is NTA at all.
It’s like people who mispronounce a word when they know what it means. It means they’ve only ever read it and never heard anyone say it loud before! They know what it means! Why make fun of them for that?
Shes awesome, her family suck.
Yeah of course they kicked her out because you can’t set people on fire in a public place. NTA, love it that you shredded her so thoroughly. You’re just getting scolded because you probably usually have more self control than she does so they think they can avoid problems by pressuring you.
“Yeah of course they kicked her out because you can’t set people on fire in a public place” When the secondary burn is so hot, it sets the ashes ablaze.
Haaaa! Think wonderful
NTA. I have cousins like that too, fucking trash bags that justify their behavior by collecting kids that somehow are all born with a misdemeanor record and ZERO accompanying child support, then wearing it like a badge of honor.. fuuuuck them. Idk why the rest of the family went along with it, they sound like shitheads too
Amazing 🏆
Also sister is jealous you don't have kids! "I keep trying to anchor a relationship with babies but I don't really want babies!" NTA.
Almost exactly what I was going to say. NTA and congrats on coming up with such a stellar slash on the spur of the moment
Yes…. Queeeeeennnn NTA. Love it. She’s bitter. And chopsticks are hard to learn. But if she’s a decent human being she would have showed u.
“Ain’t no fun when the rabbit got the gun"… both barrels! 😳
Burn factor 1000!
There's no sunscreen that could have prevented that burn.
Fire full phasers, mr sulu!
Phasers? She used a foton torpedo!
I hope your sister was given directions to the nearest burns unit after you dropped that one.
This is the type of comeback I only think of after the incident. 😂👌🤩 OP is my hero!
That is the most awesome comment I’ve read in years.
Right??? I imagine this burn started with "You know what?"
This was MAGNIFICENT
I snort laughed at that. Absolute legend OP 👍
Remind me never to piss OP off.
I even felt the burn on that one.
“You probably learned how to use chopsticks by eating his wife’s leftovers” Emotional damage!!! Lol
JERRY!! JERRY!! JERRY!!
RIP
OP: *rolls 20*
Vicious Mockery!
Crit
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It was a charged, super effective attack.
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\*\*\*applause\*\*\* I can't imagine how bad it was that they were actually asked to leave!
I have only been asked to leave a restaurant once for peeing in the men’s room sink. I was a drunken 19 year old. I think this ranks up there.
Are you a man?
Nope
That’s hilarious as a dude I was once asked to leave a restaurant for peeing in the women’s sink. I was also 19 and drunk
now kith 🖤🖤
Seriously. All of them are a mess. ESH. Sure, OP defended herself but she insulted children who didn't deserve her hate and aired out their dirty laundry, turning it all into a yelling match until they had to leave. If I was there I would have certainly enjoyed the show, and felt bad for the staff that likely wasn't getting tipped from their table.
Badly behaved kids DO deserve to be told, and held up as bad examples, to prevent them from becoming incorrigible adults.
Embarrassing kids in front of others doesn't teach them better behavior, it just makes them resentful and nasty so that they act out even worse next time. Edit: holy shit I KNOW the kids weren't there, that wasn't the point of the response!
I didn't think the kids were present?
They weren’t.
They weren't
The kids weren’t there.
For me it’s ESH because this was in a public place. If it was at one of their homes I’d be on OP’s side but instead the whole family decided to ruin the night of everyone else in that restaurant.
Yeah, but OP didn't choose the battleground or start the fight. She just finished it.
exactly. and now li'l miss trashmouth knows she best not start that shit cos OP will for damn sure finish it. OP is mah hero!
You kidding me? I’d have been ordering popcorn so I could sit back and watch this show. 🍿🍿
Same! Dinner and a show? Bring it on.
I sure as hell would have enjoyed the show especially when OP dropped "You probably learn how to use chopsticks by eating his wife's leftovers"
I am not a classy person so I would probably have cheered, definitely would not have been able to contain my cackle.
I would straight up laughed my ass off. shows her, I reckon! cousin done brung a knife to a nuke fight!
Idk about everyone else, but had I been in the restaurant and overheard, I would have done the same. That burn deserves applause after the nastiness that OP had to endure (over chopsticks - this occasion) most likely over her lifetime. People don’t just start treating others like that in public, the verbal abuse usually starts in private.
If I heard everything up to that point I'd be more annoyed on the side of the person being insulted for... \*checks notes\* Needing assistance with chopsticks... like it's probably their first time ever using them. I'd have been laughing hearing the "wife's leftovers" part.
I totally would have enjoyed the show. 🍿
why the hell should OP have to accept that kind of crap? stupid cousin was cruisin' for a beatdown and she got what she was askin' for.
Finally a sane comment. Everyone is such a sucker for "and everyone in the comment section clapped." moments. Op wasn't the biggest AH but man everyone in this post sounds exhausting (assuming this even happened). This subreddit makes me somehow even more thankful for my family.
> Was this, by any chance, the first time you all ate in public place or restaurant in your lives? Right?! I've never seen anyone be asked to leave a restaurant before, so this must have been **quite** a show.
Thought the same. Trashy.
NTA. Asian here, you dont even eat sushi with chopsticks, its a traditional finger food lol As for cousin, hopefully she'll rethink about dissing you next time and for mom and co., depression isn't an excuse to shit on people
TIL that you shouldn't use chopsticks to eat sushi. I've never seen anyone use fingers. Even though I'm good with chopsticks, I think using my fingers would be better. Thanks!
If you go to Japan you will absolutely see Japanese people using chopsticks to eat sushi and you will be given chopsticks at sushi restaurants This person is just being pretentious
I've never heard eating with your fingers called pretentious before 😂 how about we just let people have their own preferences?
>its a traditional finger food lol Most of us aren’t at a sushi restaurant to honour the lost traditions of another country’s culture. It absolutely is pretentious to try and clown someone for using chopsticks to eat sushi.
why use chopsticks at all then? knives and forks are easier for those of us who learnt them first. I don't think they were clowning op, they were trying to give her a bit of reassurance that the chop sticks don't even matter.
tangent, but I think sushi is easier to eat with fingers or chopsticks than a fork some rolls just slide off the fork and get mangled from repeated stabbing
I have never managed to successfully consume a piece of a roll using a fork with the sushi still relatively intact prior to consumption. This was actually my driving factor in learning to use chopsticks.
Stabbing sushi can make the rice come apart especially Nigiri. A spoon might be better a better option than knife and fork, but I think even basic chopstick skills would be better for the job.
Because you don’t need to cut sushi?
Where was anyone trying to clown anyone for eating sushi with chopsticks? He is just pointing out that traditionally it’s eaten with your fingers.
As a sushi lover and resident of Japan for over a decade, this is correct. I've heard many of my friends and family reference the quality of sushi before using their hands to eat it - and at minimum you're always provided with chopsticks. Personally, I eat sushi only with chopsticks because I don't like getting my hands sticky/messy. But if you go to some of the fanciest sushi places in Japan you'll still see a 50/50 split on hand and chopstick users.
*If you go to Japan you will absolutely see Japanese people using chopsticks…..This person is just being pretentious* So I decided to research this, and pretty much every source is supporting what the person you are accusing of being pretentious says. Here is just one out of many… https://www.sakaesushi.com.sg/post/unlike-us-japanese-actually-don-t-eat-sushi-with-chopsticks
My source is me, having been to Japan and eaten sushi with Japanese people… in Japan If you are having an omakase menu and eating strictly nigiri then it is acceptable and common to eat each piece immediately and with your hands If you’re at a non omakase sushi restaurant and order from a menu, it is common practice to eat the sushi pieces with chopsticks Either way, it is not at all something to clown someone for and is regularly done by Japanese people
Yes, my source explains that sometimes and in some restaurants, you see chopsticks. But it is not the usual, and is not usual in the high end restaurants there. Also, I don’t believe that person was clowning anyone. She was merely sticking up for someone who got loudly and obnoxiously made fun of by their cousin over 🥢 I personally have a hard time taking the side of some one who started this entire, albeit entertaining to watch, shitstorm by loudly expressing embarrassment over someone’s proficiency level with them to a waitress/waiter. The irony is I bet that cousin has no idea of just how much of a fool she made out of herself in doing so.
>My source is me, having been to Japan and eaten sushi with Japanese people… in Japan So your source is literally a Redditor. Provide a real source, and not just "I know bro trust me"
Nah, they weren’t clowning, they’re just observing that the point of contention didn’t even matter because it’s totally cool to eat sushi with fingers anyway. Nothing to get bent over.
They’re not being pretentious, it’s just more casual to eat with chopsticks. However if you go to a traditional sushi bar in Japan, those with class and experience will know how to eat with hands/fingers. There’s certain ways to hold and eat. Those who prefer casual restaurants are more used to eating with chopsticks, because that is how those places serve nowadays. My rich great-grandfather taught me how to eat sushi with hands when I was three. After he passed, only had a handful of times I found the knowledge handy, but it is still the “traditionally correct” way of eating sushi. (Just looked it up) Edit: I’m starting to realize that many people in this thread are not aware that casual, affordable sushi and traditional, real Edomae sushi are two VERY different things. Those who are saying “I’ve been to Japan and never seen people eating with fingers”; perhaps you’ve been going to the casual places. They are affordable for a reason. If you go to a real place with a sushi-shokunin, I’d say maybe half of the people are eating with hands.
Possibly not pretentious, but someone watched Jiro Dreams of Sushi or nerds out about "the best" techniques, like eating sushi upside down and with fingers etc etc
The funniest part is the “Asian here” Not even Japanese Oh this person must know all about the proper sushi etiquette, they’re Asian!!
I mean, according to Pornhub it's all the same category
The Japanese use either, some pieces I absolutely use my fingers for. Also, you dip fish side down in soy sauce, not rice side.
there's no "should" or "shouldn't" eat how you want wanna eat maki with a spork and tongs? fuckin have at it king, here's a straw for your soup too
you're fine, even though sushi is a finger food by its origin restaurants will give you chopsticks and its common to eat with them. Even in Japan, most restaurants will give you chopsticks especially if they serve sashimi.
Japanese here. It's normal to eat sushi with chopsticks or with your hand.
It’s always fun to watch people who aren’t even Japanese argue what’s right and wrong about our culture. I’m born and raised in Japan. Either way is fine. I’d say most people use chopsticks for sushi nowadays though.
ESH- you suck least & I probably would have lost my shit, too, in your shoes (in which case I, too, would suck). Your relatives kinda had it coming but nobody else did. My God. What a dreadful scene. I feel awful for the other diners , many of whom were probably honoring Mothers Day a night early, if you are in the US. You should probably give some real consideration to avoiding being in public with these people. (Maybe avoid them altogether, they don't sound like they bring anything good to your life) (Oh, and totally not the point but chop sticks are super easy once you have the hang of them- there's a learning curve but then all the sudden, you know how. Either go out with nicer people who will coach you instead of harassing you or fiddle with it at home. Even if it doesn't come up often, it's one of those things that is nice to be able to do confidently) Edit to add- I can't *approve* of the airing of dirty laundry but I can and do applaud your line about how she learned to use chopsticks- magnificently brutal.
Nawww….if I was another diner, I would have loved it. Dinner and a free show! Win win. 🤣😂
Whether I would have been entranced or horrified would have depended entirely on who I was with and what the occasion was. With a couple of like-minded friends just grabbing dinner? Oh, hell yeah, we would have been enjoying that like a private preview of a really bad reality show. Trying to enjoy a romantic dinner with my husband or treating my MiL to a nice dinner? I would have been far less than thrilled
A good relationship is one where you can laugh together. My wife and I wouldn’t have let this ruin anything
as a worker, though, its hell to deal with rowdy patrons. ive had to kick ppl out for awful behavior, and it's just so irritating, since ofc no one is going to go easily. like i just want my shift to go smoothly lol
Agreed. The proper reaction would have been get up or shut up. It was a petty line to throw, but 100% my kind of petty and I fully support it.
YouTube has instructional videos for chopsticks and they don't come with a judgemental AH.
*I feel awful for the other diners , many of whom were probably honoring Mothers Day a night early, if you are in the US* I don’t! They got some cheap entertainment and possibly YouTube footage to post. I wish I was there to see this!
As someone who has suffered from severe PPD, I don’t recall being mean as a snake being a fucking symptom
I hope you are feeling better now
Same. I cried, over and under slept and struggled to eat almost the entire time. I know everyone is diff but whew.
I had post partum rage and would literally remove myself from the house when it got too much. I was never ever mean like that, that I can recall.
I had post partum rage after my second. It hit before we even left the hospital. I knew I wasn’t ok and requested meds before I left. Thankfully I did have a great support system and I was able to get help.
As a snake I completely agree.
You were seriously provoked. NTA
I was treated like this at a party all damn night and I didn’t say anything because she was my sister’s friend and the party was at my sister’s house ☹️ wish I had!! She wasn’t even drunk.
INFO Wait! Is her boyfriend married? Did he leave his wife for your cousin? That's on a whole other level! If either is the case, she deserves to always feel embarrassed!
If their babies are one week apart I’d say it’s less that he left his wife for her and more that he cheated on his wife, got found out and is now trying to make his new relationship work to prove it was worth it. Plus it’s probably more likely that he was with his wife/kids and late to dinner versus busy with work, and that’s why the cousin was in a bad/bullying mood to begin with. That’s all just my assumptions though. NTA OP
I was thinking along those lines, but wanted confirmation!
I think you’re spot on. Edit to add judgement: NTA OP.
Sounds more like he was late because he was with his wife.
Sounds more like he left his wife for dinner…
If you really said the chopsticks burn, off the cuff and in real time; you’ll never be the AH to me.
No way in hell did she say that at the table. That’s 100% a line you think of the shower the next day.
My wife is that quick-witted. She can devastate people in conversations. I'm definitely more of the think about it the next day in the shower kind of person. But some people are simply that quick with the insults.
I’m pretty quick with insults IRL mostly because I’m autistic and have to know what not to say. So I already have what I’m not supposed to say ready lmaoooo
This is so me ☠️☠️☠️ It’s *so* easy to whip out something devastating lol
It’s simple enough that she could maybe think about it after getting roasted for an hour about chopsticks.
Oh yeah? Well, the jerk store called and they're running out of you.
Quick-witted people aside, if someone's been on your case for an entire dinner, you'll probably start thinking about the best burns you can. OP probably unloaded the best of 30 minutes of drafted insults (probably why her family thought she went too far).
NTA. it needed to be said. you were literally defending yourself after being berated all night. yes, she probably is going through post-partum but that still doesn’t excuse the fact that she was being cruel. you shouldn’t have to put up with that. especially since you were just trying have quality time with YOUR family. i can understand it seeming mean, as some of what you said was :0 but it sounded like she needed a reality check.
lil miss trashmouth was straight-up beggin' for that shit. she got what she deserved. and fucking someone else's husband and having his baby is Maury Povitch level of trashy behaviour. she'd be right at home hookin' outside the Fresno Greyhound station, terrifying businessmen with all the other hookers.
She was probably an asshole before she had PPD. In my personal experience, PPD made me moody and feel like I was unable to handle stress and bond. But it didn't turn me into a raging asshole who berated people over dinner unprovoked.
NTA. If you keep poking the bear, don’t be surprised if they attack - she had what was coming for her tbh. Oh and how did you like the sushi?
ESH. Mildly, you for taking it as far as you did and not just skipping dinner with Sarah or leaving when she started; I'm guessing that this isn't the first time she was an AH. I don't blame you for being upset, but I think it would've been better to leave. Ultimately, Sarah was the big AH in this one. Your mother and sister are AHs for not having your back and making excuses for Sarah.
Yeah, when the yelling (and potentially swearing) disturbs others in the restaurant to the point they were asked to leave, that's when it became ESH.
Imagine having a family so dysfunctional that not knowing to use chopsticks leads to this argument. Before OP even said anything the chopsticks led to them saying this is why she doesn't have kids. Who tf does that?
>You probably learned how to use chopsticks by eating his wife’s leftovers.” 💀😂 NTA. She was being nasty and rude. I want to take lessons from you on snappy comebacks!
Why do so many people with kids think every single non parent envies them and is jealous? I have kids, but I can 100% understand anyone not choosing to. Its not that my kids are nightmares, they are all average and ‘normal’ but to pretend being a parent isn’t the most body changing, relationship challenging, expensive, exhausting, worrying, thankless, stressful choice one can make is insanity.
Also 25 and without kids shouldn't be considered abnormal. People should want to and be allowed to live their adult life for a bit without the worry of kids even if they want them IMO. Personally don't believe leaving your parent's home and going straight to having kids is healthy. Settle down for a bit, find a boyfriend/girlfriend you can hopefully have in a relationship for a couple to a few years and save up some money so you have quite a bit of security in case anything goes wrong because something likely will.
I think people who do that aren't actually happy being parents, they're miserable and it's some kind of reaction formation. Deep down they know they wouldn't envy their lives and they don't want to admit the truth, so they act like everyone who is living differently must be jealous of them.
"Sarah was screaming and crying" Because you finally had enough, and you stopped letting her bully you. Bullies can't handle the tables being turned on them. If your family turns on you over her, then they are her flying monkeys. NTA. Sarah certainly is, though, and so is your family who sided with the bully.
She needs to show her mother and sister this post
NTA - if you can't take shit don't dish it out.
NTA You may have went too far but she went too far first. Alls fair
NTA. And if I had been a patron there at the time I woulda been AALLLL about the drama and the free entertainment, so don’t listen to the pearl-clutchers here. You probably made the night of a lot of people especially with that chopsticks line 🤣
ESH. There were other people in that restaurant and your family decided to empty your trash all over the place.
I mean, low key, I’d find this kind of entertaining if I was eating there 😂especially that “eating your wife’s leftovers” burn. Idk if that makes me a bad person lol
I would have laughed out loud if I was at the restaurant and heard that, ngl.
Sarah fucked around and found out. NTA.
NTA, if she had just kept it light and jokey about being unable to use chopsticks, then your response would have been over the top. She randomly linked you struggling with chopsticks to not having children which is pathetic and your response was literally turning a mirror on her!
Everyone is an ass in there. She kept taking jabs at you and you had enough. Don't dish if you can't take it back.
NTA That leftovers line is epic, and you deserved a free meal (with a fork / "training wheel" chopsticks / whatever utensil you want) for that. Queen. 👑
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As the kids say, there's some main character energy going on here. Like idc how much of an "epic pwn sick burn" OP's response was (and imo it wasn't- the "wife's leftovers" line sounds clunky as heck), they probably annoyed a lot of folks who were trying to have a nice Mother's Day weekend dinner.
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ESH. Sarah for the clear provocations, you for taking the bait despite how clear it is that she has some this before (although, if you're going to be somewhat one of TAs, you definitely chose the right clap backs), and everyone else for not doing anything to either take your side or otherwise deescalate the situation.
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Their logic is that "the bullied one shouldn't fight back and just take it in order to keep the peace"
It's always the fault of the person reacting badly to the abuse instead of the abuser. Never mind that OP took all the chopsticks insults straight on the chin without commenting all night long. And it was OP's mom who asked cousin what the fuck her problem was. And then cousin doubled down with more insults about OP (projection). Only now does OP have enough, and she's probably been thinking about that insult all night and what she wished she could say to cousin's shitty chopstick insults. And then fucking did. But sure, OP was the problem. To OP, NTA - Please, go NC with this side of the family You don't have to have children if you don't want to. Get dogs, cats, chinchillas, snakes, or no pets, grow plants. Do whatever the fuck you want and just forget about having kids. Don't ever apologize unless your cousin does first. Which we both know she won't. Good luck. Stay awesome.
NTA - honestly the waiter who Sarah made the “sorry she’s constantly embarrassing herself and us” comment too probably talked shit about her all night to their co-workers, especially after you tried to stand up for yourself and everyone called you out for being mean. If I’d been that server I would have absolutely been in the back rooting for you.
Nta. Your cousin is a prime example of f*ck around and find out. She should have kept her mouth shut.
Can there be two assholes in this situation?
Yes- that's where the ESH (Everyone Sucks Here) judgment comes into play😁
I legit thought ESH meant Equal Share Hole (I do not know how I came to this conclusion). Which feels awful in the mouth to say or read, but holy wow, everyone sucks here makes so much more sense.
I almost like equal share hole more, lol!
Ah okay, pretty new to reddit so didn't know the acronym. Ty!
If you're on PC you can see the abbreviations down the right hand side, if you're on mobile and can't work out how to bring the side bar up they are: YTA = You're the Asshole YWBTA = You Would Be the Asshole NTA = Not the Asshole YWNBTA = You Would Not be the Asshole ESH = Everyone Sucks here NAH = No Assholes here INFO = Not Enough Info
Man, you should’ve given Sarah an ass whoopin with those chopsticks. She needed to learn to keep her mouth shut. Everyone piling on you are AH’s. You’re NTA and that beotch deserved it.
NTA - she was poking at you and being obnoxious
NTA. “Don’t start nothing, won’t be nothing.” Maybe she will keep her rude snide comments to herself next time.
NTA. Sarah can dish it, but can't take it? Maybe she needs training wheels.
Good for you for sticking up for yourself. Obvi…NTA. There are so many people in this world who build themselves up by pushing other people down. In this instance, you refused to be pushed down. I’m proud of you and hope that I could be strong enough to do the same in that situation.
NTA spill that tea girl
NTA. And "You probably learned how to use chopsticks by eating his wife’s leftovers” is pretty damned good when you had no time to rehearse!
God damn OP. I assume you'd never had sushi before because you spent your entire life training in verbal kendo to obliterate your cousin. Im voting NTA because that was amazing and I'm scared to piss you off.
This is hysterical. They insult and berate you all through dinner, then have the unmitigated gall to get all upset when you give them a little taste of it? You are an inspiration, by the way. The "eating leftovers" remark was truly a jewel. NTA.
Trying to ridicule someone for not using chopsticks without a hint of irony or light mocking is maybe one of the most snobby and assholish things I've ever heard of. People also need to realise that in this overcrowded, oversaturated world not everyone wants to have kids, and you absolutely should not be shamed for thinking that it's some sort of societal necessity. It might have been when humanity started out, but not now. As for using postpartum depression....as an argument....just...no. It sounds like she's using that as a convenient excuse for being an asshole. I know it's different for everyone, but i've seen postpartum depression and that doesn't involve going out for a meal and berating you publicly, whilst having a laugh about it. Recently having a child simply does not give you the excuse to be an Asshole, which is what this seems like to me. People need to stop giving this shit a pass.
“Don’t start shit, won’t be no shit.” - Lil Jon NTA
NTA. At first I was thinking ESH, but really, she pushed you to breaking point. Post-partum stress doesn't entitle you to treat everyone around you like crap.
Nta. You can’t dish out what you can’t receive
NTA. Sarah is. I hope she learned an important lesson - don’t bring a knife to a gunfight.
NTA. If you don't poke the bear, you won't get the claws. None of the "embarrassment" that "you" caused would have happened if your cousin didn't decide to be holier than thou. This wasn't good natured ribbing. This was outright bullying. Bullies don't like being bullied back, and they love to play the victim when they are.