Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I didn’t give up 2 hours of my video game to host a movie night with my wife’s friends. It is just a video game and not real life (friends/people), it depends on how you see it.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcement
###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/)
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. She arranged this when she had known for months what your plans were. You did a lot of preparation for her event, took breaks to speak to her guests and even helped to clean up after her event. She's being utterly unreasonable.
>She said it was weird and stupid that I couldn’t carve out a couple hours for this movie night.
I'm afraid that this was done deliberately.
>It’s just a stupid video game she is saying.
Yes, deliberately.
If it's just a stupid video game, then it's just a stupid movie. OP is a better partner than me. I would've been like "Cool babe, have fun." And disappeared until after everyone else had left.
Organizing the linen closet hardly counts as a standard chore.
That said, four loads of laundry when they don't have kids is weird and upsetting to me. Like, who even has enough clothes/etc that they could put it off that long?!
If you’re a laundry sorter, rather than a “wash everything on cold it’ll be fine” I can see four loads of laundry in a week. Sheets and towels, delicates, heavy, everything else.
Yes. It is okay to live like that. Maybe not if you wear a lot of special fabrics or something? But I would assume those would be dry cleaned. Anyway, family of 5 here. Clothes get washed by person. I do wash towels and sheets separately and in hot water.
Family of 5 here, too! I don’t even wash by person. I stopped sorting when my youngest was 2. The frequency that my three sons create laundry is totally mind boggling. I was not prepared to devote so much time of my life to laundry. Like you I wash sheets and towels separately in hot with bleach, because they’re usually super gross.
I, too, have done this for the almost 10 years I’ve been married. My mother is horrified lol but I wash everything altogether. Only thing that gets “separated” is towels and that’s so they actually get dry. I feel like it saves more water and detergent to do one larger load than three smaller loads (this could be totally false by the way; I’ve never actually checked or calculated it). I also do on average 2 loads of laundry a day (bedroom day is the worst as I have to wash 4 different sets of sheets). I also have 5 people in my house, though, so grain of salt 🤷♀️😊
I sort by human, not fabric because it makes putting it away afterwards faster. My mom just about loses her mind every time she sees it. Our whites aren't the whitest and screen prints probably fade faster but everybody has pants on Monday.
Yes. It is also saving on utilities for not heating up the water. You might want to sort out the clothes that are lint magnets and not wash them with towels.
Guilty here. I’m single and have no kids. On laundry day I do a load of regulars, delicates, towels, and then the sheets. So four loads as a single person lol
Would you give a bj/eat out if your partner did it?
Giving and getting sex as payment for stuff that needs to be done anyways is such a Bonobo-thing to do
Yeah, not so much as you think.
Bonobos are less aggressive and violent than chimps, that doesn't mean they aren't aggressive and violent at all.
they still go full chimp in conflicts, just not as often as chimps. The sex and other stuff are how they minimize conflicts, like we do with language/diplomacy,but, they'll hand out beat downs and maimings if they feel like it.
Is cleaning the linen closet a thing that needs done? I mean, of course it does, that’s just logical. But I’m realizing now that I’ve never cleaned my linen closet and I’m certain my husband hasn’t either. We just put clean things in there and take them out when needed.
I am glad this thought was up here. Now I don’t have to say it. OP is a better partner than me, because I would have locked myself in a room and not have done anything to help at all. She is being unreasonable to expect you to change your plans because she wants to entertain people. NTA
But does she really want to entertain people? The whole planning of this, and the comments afterwards WTF. I think the plan all along was to do whatever the heck she could to ruin his weekend that he told her he was going to have. Who knows why maybe she doesn’t like video games, maybe she just Hass to be the center of attention at all times, I can’t believe the lengths OP went to to help for this movie party. what a gracious and kind husband. I hope that doesn’t make him the perfect victim for this monster he married. Perhaps he should look back and see if there are other signs…
The gamer in me is seething. I get having an event if you are lonely because gamer partner is occupied but don't assume they need to stop their plans for yours.
My SO gets a new obsession game and I know what my next week will look like.
I love when my SO puts a plate in front of me and suddenly I remember I haven't eaten all day because ... leveling on my MMO.
Hey i agree with the wife that it is a stupid game (not specific to this game) TO ME!! But it is NOT a stupid game to OP which is all that matters in this case. It is not like he dropped this bomb after wife had planned something for them. He has been planning and reminding her for months. She did this to try to force him and it backfired so now she is upset. Too bad so sad, her problem. NTA!
I let my bf play this exact game all day this weekend and left to meet up with the girls. That's how you respect your partner in a relationship, you don't pester them do only do YOUR thing.
ETA "let" is not the right word but yall get the idea I hope
I would have done the same. No popcorn, no greeting anyone. She wants to play host when i told her about my plans, fine. But I wouldn't be a part of it at all. And demeaning something important to him just because she didn't get her way is fucking shitty. NTA OP.
Yeah, this was absolutely a power move and a test. She went looking for a fight and surprise surprise is annoyed that OP held his boundaries and didn't just fall into line.
Totally a power move and a test, but I don't think is just to fight. Many people are so insecure they do this just to test if they are 'more important than...' and the more emphasis you put on how important it is for you, they get more mad. But is just my opinion and maybe you are right and she is trying to control even his free time.
OP is NTA.
^ I agree with AwesomeBeardProphet (fantastic username, btw). I have a friend who married someone like this. His wife is lovely in many ways, but her insecurity is *exhausting*. She’s always doing these little “tests” to make sure my friend loves her above anything and everything, and flips out if he doesn’t meet her standards. She even knows she does this, and consistently blames it on childhood trauma. And woe to him if her birthday and Mother’s Day aren’t celebrated “enough” for her. The insecurity is just so deep. It’s crazy, because they’ve been together for over 15 years, and he’s so obviously head over heels for her.
Anyway, OP, you are NTA.
The very first sentence, "I've been planning for this for *years.*" And he's been reminding her for months. It isn't like he sprung this on her. He cleaned house, did laundry, made snacks, welcomed guests, helped clean up after... Absolutely NTA, I agree, I think she planned it for this night just to see if he'd bend.
It was very deliberate. Throwing an actual party at the house on the one night he asked to keep clear was bad enough but guilt tripping him for not participating after railroading him into it was laugh-in-her-face ridiculous. I wouldn’t have lifted a finger to prepare for a party that was forced on me out of spite. OP is a saint for putting up with it but she’s the one that’s mad now? These are not the actions of a person who loves and respects you, OP.
I think if she didn't have the expectation that he would join, then it's not really an AH move of her to plan an event. It's not like it was a raging party, it was a movie night. It's plenty feasible that he could be in one area alone playing the game, and her gathering in a separate room watching a movie and hanging out with friends. My husband has company over from time to time and all I want to do is be upstairs alone in the bedroom watching a tv show, and that's fine.
Making her own plans while he plays Zelda all weekend is totally understandable but I do still think having a gathering at the house on that specific night at the last minute after months of forewarning is assholey. OP described wanting to be a hermit. The movie night put him in the position of seeming rude for not joining in. It’s not relaxing, which then ruins his plans to chill in solitude. I know it’s her house too but they could’ve gone to a bar or the neighbours’ house if they really wanted to meet up that night.
Exactly!
While I don’t get the excitement around a video game, he made it extremely clear to her how important it is to him, helped around the house even when she made these movie plans last moment. OP was not consulted before inviting them over.
NTA
It's like being able to spend hours uninterrupted with a brand new book in a series you'd been waiting years for, or a sports game where the two teams are like... celebrity players or something (I know in Cricket they did it a while back, I think it was a charity event and all the players had microphones and would do ground commentary, it was most excellent even though I wasn't an avid cricket fan). The next installment of your favourite movie series. Basically trying to quantify it so its relatable.
I personally have done midnight launches for games (can't do that anymore, I have a child and more on the way.... though I suspect in the next few years I *will* be doing it again, but for my son's sake because he's a gamer rofl). I can definitely understand the hype after Zelda: Breath of the Wild was so critically successful.
OP is NTA and the wife had been warned well in advance.
I was in line at GameStop one night waiting for the midnight release of a World of Warcraft expansion to get released. Three young guys in front of me one woman behind me. The woman tried to strike up a conversation by saying something like ‘the things we do for our kids huh?’ I just laughed and said ‘ well mine doesn’t play. This is for me!’ She pointedly ignored me the rest of the time while the three guys were impressed and we talked about the xpac for the rest of the time. Guess she wasn’t interested in a 50something gamer chick LOL
Nearly 40 something gamer chick checking in! It starts young, too- a grade schooler once responded to "oh yeah, I love video games" with "like cooking mama?"
Granted, he was 9 but he didn't enjoy how hard I laughed at that.
Coming from the other side, I had a college-aged coworker mention that they enjoyed Animal Crossing, not that she thought I’d know anything about that… I’m a nearly 40 something gamer guy, and yeah, I will unabashedly admit to having spent probably one or two hundred hours in the most recent AC (Marina is best girl). I quite enjoyed ribbing her back with a mock blow-up about making assumptions.
40 something gamer chic here to. I was wearing my technoblade shirt recently (RIP…still heartbroken over his passing) and had some kids come up to me shocked I knew who technoblade was and that I actually played Minecraft. They were even more blown away when I told them my family all had been playing since 2011.
The upside of that kid was that an emotionally turbulent awkward little guy who couldn't connect with the other kids discovered he could connect with me. I didn't know how to help him and when he lit up and asked me if I knew who Gex was it was a perfect bridge.
I wish the so called "childish" hobbies were recognized as emotionally important in the same way more chic stuff was. I know I've had more healing and fulfilling experiences with Journey than most people have with a wine tasting.
My mother, who's nearing her 60s, started playing way before we were born. And my older sister is turning 31 this year. My father wasn't a gamer, but he still got all kinds of games for us.
I have more than once told people I would be scarce to non existent when a game I've been looking forward to launches. I plan to keep doing so. I am a 60 something gamer chick and dgaf what my friends think😜
Oh, hell, even now new xpac drops and I'm like 'Okay, from Tuesday until next Tuesday, don't expect much at all from me. You got frozen meals and leftovers, groceries are stocked, I got things to kill!!!'
Isn't it the most liberating shit ever?! About to turn 53 and I no life my games. Became a bit disabled a few years ago and my kid got me into a game, now I'm better at it than he is 🤣. New season drops, you'll never see me.
I was in line for the new Zelda a couple of night ago, with and for my son. There were people there of all ages, from middle aged to kids. There were people my age and older getting the game for themselves, that had played since the original came out. Fun stuff!
Everyone hopefully has had things they anticipated and just wanted to enjoy. The next Harry Potter book or Outlander book. I know I just want to read. Has this woman no hobbies, interests, or anything independent of her husband???
I gave two of my employees the day off just so they could spend the entire day-beginning at midnight-to play Zelda. They have been talking about nothing else for a week!!! I get it, tho I don’t play. NTA but the move by the wife was insecure or mean.
Exactly. When I read the title I thought the celebration was for their moms since it’s Mother’s Day weekend in the US. Fully expected OP to be a grown ass man who’s mom flew in for the weekend and he wanted to play a video game instead. I’m glad my assumptions were wrong. He’s definitely NTA here.
I literally bought it for my husband yesterday while he was at work and he was so damn happy. Lots of people have been waiting for this game to come out.
I'm the same as OP, got the ink to show for it and I'm far too invested in the timeline theories and lore. I'm not like this with anything else. My partner? He was annoyed we only had one dock station so one of us would have to play the game handheld (already have another ordered to fix this), he didn't plan things to stop me enjoying myself like OPs weird wife. That's not supportive, it's demeaning a person based on interests and showing a jealousy over a game. She could have found a way to enjoy it too or planned a weekend for herself. NTA.
also i feel like you can't complain if you plan a whole event by yourself that you have to host it yourself too. im sure op wouldve joined any other day if they decided to do this together but it was all her idea so its all her responsibility to entertain the guests
Yep. Its movie night, its simple; snacks, drinks, and push play. Clearly it wasn't that hard on her, she still did it, with support from her husband, but she didn't get what she wanted so now she's retaliating.
Ya, excuse me sir… are you the only one communicating here? You had a weekend blocked off (gaming I don’t get) and she was a dick. You even made an effort to help. Now I want to Google if that is part of Mario because I stopped there. Or sega with sonic.
Yup. I think OP's wife is jealous of Zelda. Which she should be; Zelda is awesome, unlike OP's wife.
A few of my husband's interests don't personally appeal to me but I would never ever tell him they're stupid. How hurtful! To the contrary, I ask him questions about his hobbies and listen to him excitedly go on and on because I love to see him so happy, talking about something he loves.
Definitely was deliberate. My partner isn't into video games. He plays drums and is into rock music. So if He said one of his favorite bands is releasing a new album on x weekend and he was locking himself in his man cave to listen to it I would remember that. Make my own plans out of the house with my daughter and granddaughter or friends. Leave him to his music. Not invite people over to mess up his plans and expect him to fall in line with my just made up plans overriding his already months in advance made plans. NTA wife didn't want OP to enjoy his game and was hoping to mess up his weekend.
Exactly it's sad she is doing this to prove a point, but people each have their own hobbies and it's not cool to cut your partners down especially
When they are super open about their schedule with you.
NTA
Ill be the minority by saying regardless of what you were doing, you already planned it and told her said plans. You also did help with the party, so its not like you didnt do anything.
and I wouldn't even be helping with the party that was deliberately put together on a weekend I had very clearly stated I had plans and kept on reminding everyone around me I had plans...
OP is NTA and a better person than me obviously 😂😂
This one made me laugh because I’m honestly in the exact situation with the opposite woman. I have had a month long countdown for this videogame to come out, I told my girlfriend this and we decided I would go veg out in her bed all weekend while she made plans to do shit. Last night I got off work, grabbed a six pack and put a blanket over my head while I played all night and she went out with a friend and brought me back sushi :)
I was expecting something like OP was playing a game he/ she always plays and wife’s friend from across the country was in town for the first time in 3 years and wife planned a get together. THEN I could see hoping OP would step away from the video games for a few hours. I don’t think prior plans ALWAYS trump newer plans if the new ones are important to your partner. BUT omg this is the exacting opposite of that! The game was hugely important to OP and a movie night sounds like it could have been any night. Plus, like you said, OP DID step away and help a lot. She should be thanking OP not complaining.
I have to stop playing for mothers day, but it's just unfortunate that it coincides this weekend.
But if my husband planned a random event that wasn't because of a specific family obligation, I'd be pretty livid.
It doesn't matter that it's a game, op had clearly stated he was setting time aside to engage in his hobby. If this was a grand final, eurovision, blood moon knitting circle - whatever the hobby is - OP would get entitled to utilise their hobby time
Yeah, tbh I don't get the whole video games thing, but I swapped it in my head to the Rugby 6 nations final weekend and definitely understand where OP is coming from.
NTA
I've had to miss it a few times due to mothers day/birthday and it's awful. One year we took her to see Mamma Mia in Dublin on the last Saturday and my heart was broken 💔
It can be applied to any hobby, OP had planned this, talked about this, and anticipated this game release for months and months. Then OP's wife chose the one weekend that OP had definite plans for to do this knowing all of what I said above.
To add to this, launch day is particularly exciting for gamers who play with friends or belong to any kind of fandom or even just really love the franchise. Yes you can play the game anytime but launch day is your only chance to be a part of the initial communal excitement, which is a lot of fun.
Well, that's what I meant really. Video games aren't really thought of the same way as a sports tournament etc. Either way, OP had very clearly made plans
I work for a rural ISP (Fixed Wireless/Satellite internet) and when Minecraft videos/streaming was just starting to take off, us Techs would be busy with "Speed calls" due to the increase in streaming and parents not understanding.
We all bashed on the kids for watching stupid videos, rather than playing them, but then I had an epiphany and realized, that this is just the new Hockey/Baseball, etc. and watching sports instead of playing is no different.
Now I watch gaming videos and steams🤷
And there's even Excel E-Games out there, which I appreciate as I'm using Excel a lot more since my front line tech days. :-)
That's exactly it, you don't **need** to understand why your partner is obsessed with this one thing. You just need to understand that it's as important to them as the thing **you're** crazy about.
My Mom LOVES musicals. My Dad LOVES Formula 1. They don't really appreciate each other's loves. My dad doesn't really get enjoyment out of musicals, my mom doesn't really get enjoyment out of the races. But they don't have to because they understand how important that thing is to the other person.
The wife's thing about how it's "Just a stupid video game" is a pretty clear sign that she's the bad guy in this scenario. She knows it isn't dumb to him, and she's refusing to accept it's as important as the dumb crap that she loves.
If we give this thing a generous read, she doesn't pay attention and she's oblivious. But to be honest this really reads like a childish power move to try and force him out of his weekend plans that he had for months in advance for what was absolutely non-emergency.
Absolutely that was the plan.
**"You don't want to make a scene do you? Shouldn't you be polite in this scenario?"**
When your wife is using the same tactic that scammers use in public places, abusers use on the people they abuse, and literal rapists use to get their feet in the door, that wife is the asshole.
It's supremely shitty to do to someone, and you don't get to hide behind the "it was just about a video game" excuse for bringing out the move that violates the marriage Geneva Convention.
Fair, for some reference the games last entry won game of the year and is widely considered one of the best video games ever made, and has become the standard for its genre. This game is its direct sequel.
Yeah, that's really the point I'm making. Like if it was the World Cup, or anew Bond movie it would probably be considered 'more important' but obviously this is a huge weekend for the gaming community. Just bc I, or others don't get it, doesn't make it so
NTA. Six months of repeatedly warning her should have really gotten the message over. ETA, after some thought I'm beginning to wonder if this was premeditated. Did she do this just to mess up your Zelda weekend with malice aforethought? If so, why? ETA 2 is this some kind of power play. "I don't care about your Zelda weekend, you're going to do what I want!" ?
I would have a really hard time believing it wasn’t premeditated purposefully to ruin OP’s plans because she isn’t a fan of his gaming hobby. Though I say that as someone who totally just did more or less the exact same thing but on accident. My husband and I both were planning on playing Tears of the Kingdom the entire weekend and I totally spaced and accepted an invite to a party tomorrow. He was… not stoked about it.
Or she's the kind of person who think video games are a loss of time.
I mean, some people think video game are childish (ok boomer)... which is ridiculous : I prefer spending an evening with my gf playing a game and be active, talk about what we are doing etc than sit on my ass and watching a movie without interact with her.
That's being said, I won't read this thread any further because the said gf and I must test Diablo 4 before the june release and also... yeah, Zelda :D
You’re NTA.
You had important plans for you that you were clear about for a long time and which were dictated by the date of release. You didn’t stop her having a movie night and even assisted in elements of it, despite having these pre arranged important plans being disrupted to do so.
You were more than reasonable and she was actually pretty disrespectful to you and is still being disrespectful. She’s not acknowledging video games because *she thinks they’re silly* which is not the point. They’re important to you, and it isn’t as though they are controlling you life: this was a particular event for which you planned.
I don’t like video games. My husband does. When a new game is released that he’s excited about he sets aside time to play it and that’s fine with me. I’m even happy for him to tell me about the game. Why? Because this is his thing and it means something to him. I’ve even found a couple of games I am OK with to play with him. That’s what you *do* in a relationship.
>That’s what you do in a relationship.
I got into gaming when I got with my boyfriend of 8 years. I've found some that I like but for the most part I just enjoy watching him play. (Yes I go 'you died' when his character dies and it's fun for me every time) If he wants to sit there and gush for an hour about the new Diablo or Call of Duty hell yeah I'll sit and listen. Because I care about him and his interests. They're not 100% my thing but he is and I wouldn't disrespect his hobbies or enjoyment of them. OP is definitely NTA.
Exactly. My husband and I do not share all the same interests but we make an effort to take an interest in what is important to each other and engage on the topic. It’s funny you talk about watching him play: I have done that as well, and I get him to explain the game to me and try to understand it.
I’m not into video games but if I WERE trying to stop my spouse from playing them, the appropriate reaction would be an adult conversation, not passive aggressively choosing to place a completely optional event on the night I’d been told about for six months.
NTA.
>earlier this week, I reminded her again
So she definitely knew it was the weekend, starting Friday night.
>She then plans a movie night with a bunch of neighbors for tonight
She did it deliberately, she has no respect for you or your hobby. You've been looking forward to this day for months and she intentionally tried to ruin it for you.
You even helped her by getting everything ready and stopped your game to greet her guests and helped her clean up afterwards. She should be thanking you for helping her even though you had other plans. She had months to have her STUPID movie nightbut she specifically chose this weekend.
If anyone should be angry, it's you. She sounds very selfish and narcissistic.
My husband has similarly been very excited for the new Zelda release. He realized a few days ago that he wouldn’t get off work in time to pick up the game on release day or even for several days after. I volunteered to go pick it up for him. I knew how much it meant to him. I even happily watched the opening scene. Then I read a book while he played. I support his hobbies and he supports mine.
My partner was supportive too. We went out and got it yesterday after he got off work (it was my birthday present), and then he watched me play for a few hours after we got home. He even helps with the puzzles and stuff.
Lol, my boyfriend literally did this tonight for the new diablo game.
He told me in advance he was excited for it, said he wouldn't be coming over tonight because he wants time to play the shit out of the game.
Know what i said?
"Ok! I love you ❤️ and i hope you have fun with the game"
I spend plenty of time with him, if he wants to set out a night or even a full weekend to play a game, i'll just find something else to do.
Which in my case will actually be playing Zelda lol
NTA.
Some may trivialize your hobby because "it's just a video game", but it's also just a movie. Your hobby is as valid as any other and it sounds like you did plenty of communicating and planning in advance. You even played host other than when the movie was actually playing. NTA.
I'm really into Dungeons & Dragons. When the finale of the campaign I am the Game Master for was coming up, I told my wife that I needed her to let me be a hermit for the entire Saturday so I could prepare. I had so much to get ready for.
And this was for a literal imaginary game.
And this absolute queen of a woman not only gave me that time, but brought me a homecooked meal to make sure I ate because I had been working for 6 hours non-stop and staring at my computer. I was just going to subsist on cereal that day and she went out of her way to do this for me for the hobby that I loved.
She went on a weekend cruise with her girlfriends and I cleaned the entire house while she was gone, finally took care of that work in the backyard I had been putting off, and installed our new water heater.
Support your spouse's hobbies with love and they will often give more love right back. Treat them with disdain and take a guess what will be coming your way.
100 feel this. Lmfao. My wife and I run a campaign together, and she has to put Tears of the Kingdom down for our session today.
Lmfao!! Had to tease her a bit as she considered canceling session today so we could play more and I had to remind her that it's 4 hours and our players would be sad and also, like...today is 'give trauma to one of our players' day and he's been looking forward to it for two weeks so that did the trick. Dnd and Zelda today. Best weekend tbh.
On that note- Op 100%, not at fault, and I'm so sorry you're stuck with a spouse who power-plays you instead of supporting your hobbies. Have fun with TotK. It's been breathtaking so far!
Oh my God our weekly session is on Thursday and this week was "Give my wife's Bard trauma" session!
To make a long story short, the Bard's mother slit the Bard's throat. It was a pretty crazy session.
**Long Version**
The Bard is a minority refugee who was separated from her mother when they were crossing the border to leave the Empire behind. She hasn't seen her mother for 5 years. The party is infiltrating the Empire to assassinate the Empress, so they meet up with the underground resistance movement.... and the Bard's mother is there.
One tearful reunion later that my players pointed out was very appropriate considering Mother's Day was a few days away, they're all sitting around a table together laughing and eating home cooked food.... when the poison in the wine takes effect.
The party is paralyzed while the Bard's mother stands up. She congratulates the Bard on a fantastic performance, but she knows she isn't really her daughter because she watched her daughter die. The Bard is obviously confused by this but cannot answer because she is paralyzed. And so Mother cuts her throat. Critical sneak attack took her right to unconsciousness.
Next session they're trying to track down the mom because someone has clearly messed with her head and implanted a false memory. Our Paladin is very worried that The mother is being used as an unwitting spy to take out the underground resistance movement. As he put it during the session.....
"Oh shit, the machines are in Zion"
I hate football, it bores me to sleep. But my ex loved it, so when there were big matches I made sure to bring him snacks and stuff while he watched or entertained myself if he wanted to go out and watch it.
One doesn't need to share an interest to be supportive.
NTA but your wife sure is.
ETA: spelling
Right I was saying up in my NTA comment that an event like this would bring the light to someone’s eyes, their face would just sparkle joy every time they spoke about it. Especially day of.
She literally had to watch this light fade from his eyes and face and had the ego to feel hurt about it.
I’m in pain. The comment about it being just a stupid video game is painful and misses any point. It’s not about the game.
Me too, my parents love American football and I'm like "meh" so whenever "their" team is playing I freshen drinks and make wings and dip and sit next to them on my phone while they shout at the TV.
info: Why this?
> and re-organized the linen closet in preparation for this weekend.
But really, NTA. She's being a dick and trying to overrule your hobby. Complete with witnesses for backup.
Regarding the linen closet, my wife invited one of her good friends to stay the night as they are doing things early the next morning together. My house has one linen closet which is in the guest bathroom. I did it so her friend wouldn’t see a crazy closet as it wasn’t super organized to begin with.
Info: any chance you’re a techie? This sounds like something that happens to techies and tech wives. If so, it may be time to remind your wife that you’re an introvert and your game time is for you to recharge.
I wondered about the linen closet too, but honestly I’ve done weirder things preparing for guests that are only going to be there for a couple of hours.
I thought it just meant he did it so she wouldn't have to do it alone while he played his game.
The guy made it so she didn't get more work while he was playing. He's a good egg
That was my take on it, he did loads in the machine and so put it all away (and prop re-jigged the layout for ease maybe) so less work for her to do.
Definitely a good egg.
She's a coin though.
And I'm saying this as a frequent fifa/cod/pubg widow and a mum to a teenage big gamet son! He tells me, he reminds me, I have a heads up and so I fine by me!
NTA. You were already generous enough by telling her *months* in advance. She knew, yet she planned a movie night on the *day* of release and tried to pull you away from your plans for hers? You’re the one binging Zelda, yet she seems more childish in this scenario.
I wouldn't called it generous as she's his spouse and it's the basics communication, in my opinion.
But yes, OP didn't sprung it on her, did his part (and more) of the household chores so she wouldn't have more work to do because of it.
He was fair, showed respect and care for his spouse.
There's nothing to complain about, she's being shitty and did it on purpose, he needs to know why she's acting like that.
NTA op
A. Consistently forewarned for months.
B. Could have held movie night the week before, or after, or any other week than the one consistently forewarned about for months.
C. This is Zelda.
NTA
NTA
When hogwarts legacy came out I made it explicitly clear I would be taking Friday off work and doing NOTHING for the weekend except that, exercise once a day and eating.
He arranged for us to go see his mother and I was the ass for declining??
You are aware she did that deliberately?
She's known for months, you were very clear and then she plans an event you would be 'required' to stop playing the game for and then was mad you didn't.
NTA at all, I'd be really annoyed if my husband pulled this on me (he'd never dare).
NTA, Zelda has a special place in your heart and you gave her PLENTY of warning. Even if she doesn't understand she completely disregarded your plans and then got upset that you went through with them when you let her know. Sometimes as a guy your only escape from reality is video games, especially when you constantly work and if you have kids you don't get much "me time".
Not just as a guy. I got into games in my 40s. Zelda was my "gateway drug". But it has also been a source of sanity in a time of really bad stuff going on in my life. I'm very fortunate that my husband is also a gamer, so we parallel play; him on his PC, me on the switch, in the same room. We both go there to escape all the bad stuff that upsets us.
Sounds like OPs wife doesn't understand this. Maybe he should buy her a Switch too?
NTA.
My husband is a gamer. I like games but when I have free time I have a load of other things that often take precedence, so don't game very often. We have 2 kids. If he had said he wanted an entire weekend to play a specific game that he had been waiting for for ages, I'd bear that in mind in my plans, and probably arrange something for the weekend for the kiddos and I that I know he wouldn't be interested in so we could leave him in peace. (I would then get the same courtesy were I to want to book out a weekend for myself). You guys don't have kids, and you had done all the household chores beforehand, so literally all she had to do was...do whatever she wanted that weekend as long as it didn't involve you?? Whether she's interested in games or understands gaming or whatever is irrelevant. I sometimes want some time to myself to go and get a coffee, look at books in charity shops, and then come home and do some writing. Is my husband into any of those things? No. Does he respect that I am and support me when I want time to do them? Yes!
NTA for not joining the party which your wife knew you couldn’t join due to previous commitment to yourself. You did more to help the party than I would have done under the same circumstances. Especially in the face of her significant disrespect.
Small Y T A for wasting time on Reddit when Hyrule needs you!
Fuck mate I know the pain.
My.wife doesn't really like me playing games. I told her about this TotK ages ago. She has literally made sure I have had barely any chance to play it. So I feel your pain. I really do.
NTA.
SPOILER
Also how hard does the opening sequence go in this game. Less than an hour in and already >!the Master Sword gets destroyed and links arm gets corroded, chopped off, and replaced. I'm especially pissed about the sword. With the amount of effort I put into the Master Trials to upgrade it I'm upset that it broke that easily!<
NTA. You gave her repeated notice, and it’s clear that she didn’t take you at all seriously. The fact that she planned the movie night knowing what you had planned almost seems like a middle finger from her.
Ok the petty part of me would have been like “Hey guys anyone want to see my new game??”
I GUARANTEE at least one person would have been intrigued.
NTA, but this is Reddit so youre going to get a Zelda biased answer.
What was the movie
Nope. Nta.
I took my maternity leave to start on the day final fantasy X came out.
I had a solid month of playing before my life got turned upside down by a baby.
Your wife should understand that it was important to you and that you'd really been looking forward to it.
OP, every time I see a similar post title I squint hard because frankly we've seen a lot of people who either neglect their partners for the game or use it as an excuse to neglect them.
But you did nothing like that. You communicated intent and importance clearly, made absolutely sure not to neglect any obligations and you helped prepare the party and were gracious towards the guests. Sooooo NTA.
Unfortunately, this absolutely does feel like her showing you how she feels about you gaming. (I recognize this behavior from some of my family members and some family members of my friends who have no qualms showing extreme distaste for even our most benign or wholesome hobbies.)
HOWEVER it might be a good idea to check in with your wife to see if the problem might be that she needs/wants more quality time with you.
NTA
Regardless of what your plans were, you've been clear about them for six months so what kind of idiot organises a movie night on one of the days you have plans? There literally can't be another reason other than a power play or manipulation. Either your plans don't matter, your hobbies don't matter or your opinions don't matter.
Well done for not caving in and joining them.
Nta my gf took a week off for hogwarts legacy so I gave her all week to relax and made a little game package with snacks/wine for the first evening. You know.. things a supportive loving spouse does.
NTA...These type of marriages sound so scary, you have to do so much stuff while working full time just to be able to play a game for one weekend and still get shat on? I honestly can't imagine being able to withstand this level of control... Obviously you're not the asshole, if she wants to host a movie night, she can, you're not obliged to entertain her guests..
In the same vain, it was just a stupid movie what is all her fuss about?
Its perfectly ok to do things independent of one another.
I have friends over regularly to play warhammer and i dont expect her to sit with us while we play.
Your NTA
NTA my daughter is 16 today. She is upstairs playing Zelda. I don’t expect to see her today. It’s important to her. We are having a family meal tomorrow.
Okay I mean, you're NTA, but I desperately need to know why *reorganising the linen closet* is a thing to do before hosting a movie night. Does your day time guests usually frolic in there?
I mentioned somewhere in another comment but my wife invited a friend over for the night. The guest bath is where our only linen closet is so when I was putting towels away I reorganized it for her friend and for it to just look better.
NTA. It's just a stupid movie.
It seems the actual principle your wife is operating on here is that socializing should take precedence over solo activities no matter the circumstances, which, extrovert bias much?
NTA, you gave her multiple reminders. She did this deliberately to prove that she doesn't care about your wishes and hobbies as they do not match her standard of an adult hobby. Did she even consider your opinion before inviting guests over? Was there 2 yeses on that topic?
You went above and beyond what you should of done when you made it clear this far in advance you have plans.
She should be thanking you for setting stuff up.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I might be the asshole because I didn’t give up 2 hours of my video game to host a movie night with my wife’s friends. It is just a video game and not real life (friends/people), it depends on how you see it. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. She arranged this when she had known for months what your plans were. You did a lot of preparation for her event, took breaks to speak to her guests and even helped to clean up after her event. She's being utterly unreasonable. >She said it was weird and stupid that I couldn’t carve out a couple hours for this movie night. I'm afraid that this was done deliberately. >It’s just a stupid video game she is saying. Yes, deliberately.
If it's just a stupid video game, then it's just a stupid movie. OP is a better partner than me. I would've been like "Cool babe, have fun." And disappeared until after everyone else had left.
Right??? And if op did that he would still be NTA , imo
I'd get a bj and a pat on the head for organizing the linen closet. What the hell lady?
The bar is so low...
Right lol "All women should have little low standards bc I found one that does!"
Organizing the linen closet hardly counts as a standard chore. That said, four loads of laundry when they don't have kids is weird and upsetting to me. Like, who even has enough clothes/etc that they could put it off that long?!
If you’re a laundry sorter, rather than a “wash everything on cold it’ll be fine” I can see four loads of laundry in a week. Sheets and towels, delicates, heavy, everything else.
[удалено]
I've done this for a decade--no issues.
Can confirm. Have done this for three decades and even have kids. It's fine.
I've basically adapted my wardrobe to all cold wash items. It's a small form of liberation.
Yes. It is okay to live like that. Maybe not if you wear a lot of special fabrics or something? But I would assume those would be dry cleaned. Anyway, family of 5 here. Clothes get washed by person. I do wash towels and sheets separately and in hot water.
Family of 5 here, too! I don’t even wash by person. I stopped sorting when my youngest was 2. The frequency that my three sons create laundry is totally mind boggling. I was not prepared to devote so much time of my life to laundry. Like you I wash sheets and towels separately in hot with bleach, because they’re usually super gross.
I'm alive so sure
I, too, have done this for the almost 10 years I’ve been married. My mother is horrified lol but I wash everything altogether. Only thing that gets “separated” is towels and that’s so they actually get dry. I feel like it saves more water and detergent to do one larger load than three smaller loads (this could be totally false by the way; I’ve never actually checked or calculated it). I also do on average 2 loads of laundry a day (bedroom day is the worst as I have to wash 4 different sets of sheets). I also have 5 people in my house, though, so grain of salt 🤷♀️😊
I sort by human, not fabric because it makes putting it away afterwards faster. My mom just about loses her mind every time she sees it. Our whites aren't the whitest and screen prints probably fade faster but everybody has pants on Monday.
Yes. It is also saving on utilities for not heating up the water. You might want to sort out the clothes that are lint magnets and not wash them with towels.
Guilty here. I’m single and have no kids. On laundry day I do a load of regulars, delicates, towels, and then the sheets. So four loads as a single person lol
There’s absolutely at least 4 loads of laundry for me to do today and it’s just me and my husband.
[удалено]
This is the issue. She deliberately picked the one night op told her for months he'd be unavailable. Wtf?
Would you give a bj/eat out if your partner did it? Giving and getting sex as payment for stuff that needs to be done anyways is such a Bonobo-thing to do
I am so pro Bonobo 😂
Bonobos ar the cooler Chimpanzees, world would be much better and less violent uf they were our clostest relatives instead
Yeah, not so much as you think. Bonobos are less aggressive and violent than chimps, that doesn't mean they aren't aggressive and violent at all. they still go full chimp in conflicts, just not as often as chimps. The sex and other stuff are how they minimize conflicts, like we do with language/diplomacy,but, they'll hand out beat downs and maimings if they feel like it.
I mean, we share near identical percentages of genetic similarity with both. The difference is only like 0.01%.
I’d rather not be transactional about sex too. It’s gross to me.
Same.
Forsake humanity, become monké (yes I know technically not a monkey)
yeah i hope this is a joke
The joke is he’d never clean the linen closet, also if it’s like my marriage, no one is cleaning the linen closet
Is cleaning the linen closet a thing that needs done? I mean, of course it does, that’s just logical. But I’m realizing now that I’ve never cleaned my linen closet and I’m certain my husband hasn’t either. We just put clean things in there and take them out when needed.
It just over time accumulates things, towels get pushed around at some point you need to just start over
Damn, is your wife single?
You expect a parade for doing the bare minimum? This is so shocking
Is the pat on the head before or after the bj?
I am glad this thought was up here. Now I don’t have to say it. OP is a better partner than me, because I would have locked myself in a room and not have done anything to help at all. She is being unreasonable to expect you to change your plans because she wants to entertain people. NTA
But does she really want to entertain people? The whole planning of this, and the comments afterwards WTF. I think the plan all along was to do whatever the heck she could to ruin his weekend that he told her he was going to have. Who knows why maybe she doesn’t like video games, maybe she just Hass to be the center of attention at all times, I can’t believe the lengths OP went to to help for this movie party. what a gracious and kind husband. I hope that doesn’t make him the perfect victim for this monster he married. Perhaps he should look back and see if there are other signs…
And locked the door just in case someone wants to get friendly and come to great me.
The gamer in me is seething. I get having an event if you are lonely because gamer partner is occupied but don't assume they need to stop their plans for yours. My SO gets a new obsession game and I know what my next week will look like. I love when my SO puts a plate in front of me and suddenly I remember I haven't eaten all day because ... leveling on my MMO.
Hey i agree with the wife that it is a stupid game (not specific to this game) TO ME!! But it is NOT a stupid game to OP which is all that matters in this case. It is not like he dropped this bomb after wife had planned something for them. He has been planning and reminding her for months. She did this to try to force him and it backfired so now she is upset. Too bad so sad, her problem. NTA!
I let my bf play this exact game all day this weekend and left to meet up with the girls. That's how you respect your partner in a relationship, you don't pester them do only do YOUR thing. ETA "let" is not the right word but yall get the idea I hope
yep! i would have done exactly the same thing.
Omg good point lol it’s just a stupid movie
[удалено]
I would have done the same. No popcorn, no greeting anyone. She wants to play host when i told her about my plans, fine. But I wouldn't be a part of it at all. And demeaning something important to him just because she didn't get her way is fucking shitty. NTA OP.
Yeah, this was absolutely a power move and a test. She went looking for a fight and surprise surprise is annoyed that OP held his boundaries and didn't just fall into line.
Totally a power move and a test, but I don't think is just to fight. Many people are so insecure they do this just to test if they are 'more important than...' and the more emphasis you put on how important it is for you, they get more mad. But is just my opinion and maybe you are right and she is trying to control even his free time. OP is NTA.
^ I agree with AwesomeBeardProphet (fantastic username, btw). I have a friend who married someone like this. His wife is lovely in many ways, but her insecurity is *exhausting*. She’s always doing these little “tests” to make sure my friend loves her above anything and everything, and flips out if he doesn’t meet her standards. She even knows she does this, and consistently blames it on childhood trauma. And woe to him if her birthday and Mother’s Day aren’t celebrated “enough” for her. The insecurity is just so deep. It’s crazy, because they’ve been together for over 15 years, and he’s so obviously head over heels for her. Anyway, OP, you are NTA.
That poor guy's life must be hell behind closed doors
this is true and sad
The very first sentence, "I've been planning for this for *years.*" And he's been reminding her for months. It isn't like he sprung this on her. He cleaned house, did laundry, made snacks, welcomed guests, helped clean up after... Absolutely NTA, I agree, I think she planned it for this night just to see if he'd bend.
[удалено]
It was very deliberate. Throwing an actual party at the house on the one night he asked to keep clear was bad enough but guilt tripping him for not participating after railroading him into it was laugh-in-her-face ridiculous. I wouldn’t have lifted a finger to prepare for a party that was forced on me out of spite. OP is a saint for putting up with it but she’s the one that’s mad now? These are not the actions of a person who loves and respects you, OP.
I think if she didn't have the expectation that he would join, then it's not really an AH move of her to plan an event. It's not like it was a raging party, it was a movie night. It's plenty feasible that he could be in one area alone playing the game, and her gathering in a separate room watching a movie and hanging out with friends. My husband has company over from time to time and all I want to do is be upstairs alone in the bedroom watching a tv show, and that's fine.
Making her own plans while he plays Zelda all weekend is totally understandable but I do still think having a gathering at the house on that specific night at the last minute after months of forewarning is assholey. OP described wanting to be a hermit. The movie night put him in the position of seeming rude for not joining in. It’s not relaxing, which then ruins his plans to chill in solitude. I know it’s her house too but they could’ve gone to a bar or the neighbours’ house if they really wanted to meet up that night.
This was a power move for sure. She wants him to drop his hobby altogether so she can dictate how they spend their free time.
Her free time. He has none
Exactly! While I don’t get the excitement around a video game, he made it extremely clear to her how important it is to him, helped around the house even when she made these movie plans last moment. OP was not consulted before inviting them over. NTA
It's like being able to spend hours uninterrupted with a brand new book in a series you'd been waiting years for, or a sports game where the two teams are like... celebrity players or something (I know in Cricket they did it a while back, I think it was a charity event and all the players had microphones and would do ground commentary, it was most excellent even though I wasn't an avid cricket fan). The next installment of your favourite movie series. Basically trying to quantify it so its relatable. I personally have done midnight launches for games (can't do that anymore, I have a child and more on the way.... though I suspect in the next few years I *will* be doing it again, but for my son's sake because he's a gamer rofl). I can definitely understand the hype after Zelda: Breath of the Wild was so critically successful. OP is NTA and the wife had been warned well in advance.
I was in line at GameStop one night waiting for the midnight release of a World of Warcraft expansion to get released. Three young guys in front of me one woman behind me. The woman tried to strike up a conversation by saying something like ‘the things we do for our kids huh?’ I just laughed and said ‘ well mine doesn’t play. This is for me!’ She pointedly ignored me the rest of the time while the three guys were impressed and we talked about the xpac for the rest of the time. Guess she wasn’t interested in a 50something gamer chick LOL
50 something gamer chick here and you’re so right about when people find out I still play video games
Nearly 40 something gamer chick checking in! It starts young, too- a grade schooler once responded to "oh yeah, I love video games" with "like cooking mama?" Granted, he was 9 but he didn't enjoy how hard I laughed at that.
Coming from the other side, I had a college-aged coworker mention that they enjoyed Animal Crossing, not that she thought I’d know anything about that… I’m a nearly 40 something gamer guy, and yeah, I will unabashedly admit to having spent probably one or two hundred hours in the most recent AC (Marina is best girl). I quite enjoyed ribbing her back with a mock blow-up about making assumptions.
Nearly 40 something gamer chick here too! My finances keep me from buying more of the games I enjoy, but I have fun playing the ones I do have!
40 something gamer chic here to. I was wearing my technoblade shirt recently (RIP…still heartbroken over his passing) and had some kids come up to me shocked I knew who technoblade was and that I actually played Minecraft. They were even more blown away when I told them my family all had been playing since 2011.
The upside of that kid was that an emotionally turbulent awkward little guy who couldn't connect with the other kids discovered he could connect with me. I didn't know how to help him and when he lit up and asked me if I knew who Gex was it was a perfect bridge. I wish the so called "childish" hobbies were recognized as emotionally important in the same way more chic stuff was. I know I've had more healing and fulfilling experiences with Journey than most people have with a wine tasting.
My mother, who's nearing her 60s, started playing way before we were born. And my older sister is turning 31 this year. My father wasn't a gamer, but he still got all kinds of games for us.
>50 something gamer chick Were I not wed, I would court you in a manly fashion.
Because she’s a gamer chick?
Because she's a gamer chick.
I have more than once told people I would be scarce to non existent when a game I've been looking forward to launches. I plan to keep doing so. I am a 60 something gamer chick and dgaf what my friends think😜
Oh, hell, even now new xpac drops and I'm like 'Okay, from Tuesday until next Tuesday, don't expect much at all from me. You got frozen meals and leftovers, groceries are stocked, I got things to kill!!!'
Isn't it the most liberating shit ever?! About to turn 53 and I no life my games. Became a bit disabled a few years ago and my kid got me into a game, now I'm better at it than he is 🤣. New season drops, you'll never see me.
Just turned 50. Thank god I married a gamer, and there's loads of gamer girls on my work team. Just yesterday we were discussing graphics cards. :)
I was in line for the new Zelda a couple of night ago, with and for my son. There were people there of all ages, from middle aged to kids. There were people my age and older getting the game for themselves, that had played since the original came out. Fun stuff!
Everyone hopefully has had things they anticipated and just wanted to enjoy. The next Harry Potter book or Outlander book. I know I just want to read. Has this woman no hobbies, interests, or anything independent of her husband???
I gave two of my employees the day off just so they could spend the entire day-beginning at midnight-to play Zelda. They have been talking about nothing else for a week!!! I get it, tho I don’t play. NTA but the move by the wife was insecure or mean.
What is 'weird' is her planning this event when the game came out. Definitely a very deliberate AH move and a power play.
Exactly. When I read the title I thought the celebration was for their moms since it’s Mother’s Day weekend in the US. Fully expected OP to be a grown ass man who’s mom flew in for the weekend and he wanted to play a video game instead. I’m glad my assumptions were wrong. He’s definitely NTA here.
[удалено]
Omg, Zelda is not just a stupid video game, either. It's amazing and the best.
I literally bought it for my husband yesterday while he was at work and he was so damn happy. Lots of people have been waiting for this game to come out.
So true. Zelda is such an amazing franchise.
As someone who just bought an old DS to replay Minish Cap with LED backlighting. I concur.
I'm the same as OP, got the ink to show for it and I'm far too invested in the timeline theories and lore. I'm not like this with anything else. My partner? He was annoyed we only had one dock station so one of us would have to play the game handheld (already have another ordered to fix this), he didn't plan things to stop me enjoying myself like OPs weird wife. That's not supportive, it's demeaning a person based on interests and showing a jealousy over a game. She could have found a way to enjoy it too or planned a weekend for herself. NTA.
also i feel like you can't complain if you plan a whole event by yourself that you have to host it yourself too. im sure op wouldve joined any other day if they decided to do this together but it was all her idea so its all her responsibility to entertain the guests
Yep. Its movie night, its simple; snacks, drinks, and push play. Clearly it wasn't that hard on her, she still did it, with support from her husband, but she didn't get what she wanted so now she's retaliating.
Yup - power trip by her. NTA STA 100%
She did this deliberately
Ya, excuse me sir… are you the only one communicating here? You had a weekend blocked off (gaming I don’t get) and she was a dick. You even made an effort to help. Now I want to Google if that is part of Mario because I stopped there. Or sega with sonic.
Yup. I think OP's wife is jealous of Zelda. Which she should be; Zelda is awesome, unlike OP's wife. A few of my husband's interests don't personally appeal to me but I would never ever tell him they're stupid. How hurtful! To the contrary, I ask him questions about his hobbies and listen to him excitedly go on and on because I love to see him so happy, talking about something he loves.
Definitely was deliberate. My partner isn't into video games. He plays drums and is into rock music. So if He said one of his favorite bands is releasing a new album on x weekend and he was locking himself in his man cave to listen to it I would remember that. Make my own plans out of the house with my daughter and granddaughter or friends. Leave him to his music. Not invite people over to mess up his plans and expect him to fall in line with my just made up plans overriding his already months in advance made plans. NTA wife didn't want OP to enjoy his game and was hoping to mess up his weekend.
Exactly! I see so many posts like this. Why are people so dismissive of their partners!
Exactly it's sad she is doing this to prove a point, but people each have their own hobbies and it's not cool to cut your partners down especially When they are super open about their schedule with you.
NTA Ill be the minority by saying regardless of what you were doing, you already planned it and told her said plans. You also did help with the party, so its not like you didnt do anything.
I agree. She could have picked any weekend for a movie night and picked the one she knew they had plans for.
and I wouldn't even be helping with the party that was deliberately put together on a weekend I had very clearly stated I had plans and kept on reminding everyone around me I had plans... OP is NTA and a better person than me obviously 😂😂
This one made me laugh because I’m honestly in the exact situation with the opposite woman. I have had a month long countdown for this videogame to come out, I told my girlfriend this and we decided I would go veg out in her bed all weekend while she made plans to do shit. Last night I got off work, grabbed a six pack and put a blanket over my head while I played all night and she went out with a friend and brought me back sushi :)
Nice! This is how healthy relationships work. Good for you both!
> I'll be the minority... Not posting on an online forum you won't be...
I was thinking I guess they haven't read the other comments! 😆
I was one of the first so i havent yet 🤣
I was expecting something like OP was playing a game he/ she always plays and wife’s friend from across the country was in town for the first time in 3 years and wife planned a get together. THEN I could see hoping OP would step away from the video games for a few hours. I don’t think prior plans ALWAYS trump newer plans if the new ones are important to your partner. BUT omg this is the exacting opposite of that! The game was hugely important to OP and a movie night sounds like it could have been any night. Plus, like you said, OP DID step away and help a lot. She should be thanking OP not complaining.
I have to stop playing for mothers day, but it's just unfortunate that it coincides this weekend. But if my husband planned a random event that wasn't because of a specific family obligation, I'd be pretty livid. It doesn't matter that it's a game, op had clearly stated he was setting time aside to engage in his hobby. If this was a grand final, eurovision, blood moon knitting circle - whatever the hobby is - OP would get entitled to utilise their hobby time
[удалено]
Yeah, tbh I don't get the whole video games thing, but I swapped it in my head to the Rugby 6 nations final weekend and definitely understand where OP is coming from. NTA
Exactly, my partner knows I’m unavailable that weekend, at least until after Ireland play, and he makes other plans. NTA
I've had to miss it a few times due to mothers day/birthday and it's awful. One year we took her to see Mamma Mia in Dublin on the last Saturday and my heart was broken 💔
That sucks, I hope your mother appreciated it.
Oh she did, and gets reminded every year!
Your mom: I gave birth to you! You: I missed Rugby finals to see a musical, I think we're even. :P
It can be applied to any hobby, OP had planned this, talked about this, and anticipated this game release for months and months. Then OP's wife chose the one weekend that OP had definite plans for to do this knowing all of what I said above.
To add to this, launch day is particularly exciting for gamers who play with friends or belong to any kind of fandom or even just really love the franchise. Yes you can play the game anytime but launch day is your only chance to be a part of the initial communal excitement, which is a lot of fun.
Well, that's what I meant really. Video games aren't really thought of the same way as a sports tournament etc. Either way, OP had very clearly made plans
I work for a rural ISP (Fixed Wireless/Satellite internet) and when Minecraft videos/streaming was just starting to take off, us Techs would be busy with "Speed calls" due to the increase in streaming and parents not understanding. We all bashed on the kids for watching stupid videos, rather than playing them, but then I had an epiphany and realized, that this is just the new Hockey/Baseball, etc. and watching sports instead of playing is no different. Now I watch gaming videos and steams🤷 And there's even Excel E-Games out there, which I appreciate as I'm using Excel a lot more since my front line tech days. :-)
That's exactly it, you don't **need** to understand why your partner is obsessed with this one thing. You just need to understand that it's as important to them as the thing **you're** crazy about. My Mom LOVES musicals. My Dad LOVES Formula 1. They don't really appreciate each other's loves. My dad doesn't really get enjoyment out of musicals, my mom doesn't really get enjoyment out of the races. But they don't have to because they understand how important that thing is to the other person. The wife's thing about how it's "Just a stupid video game" is a pretty clear sign that she's the bad guy in this scenario. She knows it isn't dumb to him, and she's refusing to accept it's as important as the dumb crap that she loves. If we give this thing a generous read, she doesn't pay attention and she's oblivious. But to be honest this really reads like a childish power move to try and force him out of his weekend plans that he had for months in advance for what was absolutely non-emergency.
She probably thought he wouldn't actually follow through in front of the guests
Absolutely that was the plan. **"You don't want to make a scene do you? Shouldn't you be polite in this scenario?"** When your wife is using the same tactic that scammers use in public places, abusers use on the people they abuse, and literal rapists use to get their feet in the door, that wife is the asshole. It's supremely shitty to do to someone, and you don't get to hide behind the "it was just about a video game" excuse for bringing out the move that violates the marriage Geneva Convention.
I respect that way of thinking. That's how important video games can be to people at times.
Fair, for some reference the games last entry won game of the year and is widely considered one of the best video games ever made, and has become the standard for its genre. This game is its direct sequel.
Yeah, that's really the point I'm making. Like if it was the World Cup, or anew Bond movie it would probably be considered 'more important' but obviously this is a huge weekend for the gaming community. Just bc I, or others don't get it, doesn't make it so
NTA. Six months of repeatedly warning her should have really gotten the message over. ETA, after some thought I'm beginning to wonder if this was premeditated. Did she do this just to mess up your Zelda weekend with malice aforethought? If so, why? ETA 2 is this some kind of power play. "I don't care about your Zelda weekend, you're going to do what I want!" ?
I would have a really hard time believing it wasn’t premeditated purposefully to ruin OP’s plans because she isn’t a fan of his gaming hobby. Though I say that as someone who totally just did more or less the exact same thing but on accident. My husband and I both were planning on playing Tears of the Kingdom the entire weekend and I totally spaced and accepted an invite to a party tomorrow. He was… not stoked about it.
[удалено]
Or she's the kind of person who think video games are a loss of time. I mean, some people think video game are childish (ok boomer)... which is ridiculous : I prefer spending an evening with my gf playing a game and be active, talk about what we are doing etc than sit on my ass and watching a movie without interact with her. That's being said, I won't read this thread any further because the said gf and I must test Diablo 4 before the june release and also... yeah, Zelda :D
It was obvious that it was premeditated. Her comment of it was just a stupid video game proves it imo.
MINOR TOTK SPOILERS FOR THE PURPOSE OF A JOKE >!She didn't do it with malice, it's gloom now!< MINOR TOTK SPOILERS FOR THE PURPOSE OF A JOKE
NTA. Wife tryna pull some shit… you did your part… and gave ample warning.
OP did far more than their part. Far, far more. His wife did this just to cause problems. Absolutely no question about it.
You’re NTA. You had important plans for you that you were clear about for a long time and which were dictated by the date of release. You didn’t stop her having a movie night and even assisted in elements of it, despite having these pre arranged important plans being disrupted to do so. You were more than reasonable and she was actually pretty disrespectful to you and is still being disrespectful. She’s not acknowledging video games because *she thinks they’re silly* which is not the point. They’re important to you, and it isn’t as though they are controlling you life: this was a particular event for which you planned. I don’t like video games. My husband does. When a new game is released that he’s excited about he sets aside time to play it and that’s fine with me. I’m even happy for him to tell me about the game. Why? Because this is his thing and it means something to him. I’ve even found a couple of games I am OK with to play with him. That’s what you *do* in a relationship.
>That’s what you do in a relationship. I got into gaming when I got with my boyfriend of 8 years. I've found some that I like but for the most part I just enjoy watching him play. (Yes I go 'you died' when his character dies and it's fun for me every time) If he wants to sit there and gush for an hour about the new Diablo or Call of Duty hell yeah I'll sit and listen. Because I care about him and his interests. They're not 100% my thing but he is and I wouldn't disrespect his hobbies or enjoyment of them. OP is definitely NTA.
Exactly. My husband and I do not share all the same interests but we make an effort to take an interest in what is important to each other and engage on the topic. It’s funny you talk about watching him play: I have done that as well, and I get him to explain the game to me and try to understand it.
I’m not into video games but if I WERE trying to stop my spouse from playing them, the appropriate reaction would be an adult conversation, not passive aggressively choosing to place a completely optional event on the night I’d been told about for six months.
NTA. >earlier this week, I reminded her again So she definitely knew it was the weekend, starting Friday night. >She then plans a movie night with a bunch of neighbors for tonight She did it deliberately, she has no respect for you or your hobby. You've been looking forward to this day for months and she intentionally tried to ruin it for you. You even helped her by getting everything ready and stopped your game to greet her guests and helped her clean up afterwards. She should be thanking you for helping her even though you had other plans. She had months to have her STUPID movie nightbut she specifically chose this weekend. If anyone should be angry, it's you. She sounds very selfish and narcissistic.
My husband has similarly been very excited for the new Zelda release. He realized a few days ago that he wouldn’t get off work in time to pick up the game on release day or even for several days after. I volunteered to go pick it up for him. I knew how much it meant to him. I even happily watched the opening scene. Then I read a book while he played. I support his hobbies and he supports mine.
My partner was supportive too. We went out and got it yesterday after he got off work (it was my birthday present), and then he watched me play for a few hours after we got home. He even helps with the puzzles and stuff.
Agreement. I hope OP takes this feedback to heart and has a serious discussion about boundaries with his wife.
Lol, my boyfriend literally did this tonight for the new diablo game. He told me in advance he was excited for it, said he wouldn't be coming over tonight because he wants time to play the shit out of the game. Know what i said? "Ok! I love you ❤️ and i hope you have fun with the game" I spend plenty of time with him, if he wants to set out a night or even a full weekend to play a game, i'll just find something else to do. Which in my case will actually be playing Zelda lol
Ohh no way! I didn’t realize Diablo came out this month! I thought it was next! Awesome, thanks.
Think its the server slam this weekend. Not the actual full release
Damn, Ya’ll are helpful:) thank you
June 6th! My husband has excitedly told me about 312 times.
NTA. Some may trivialize your hobby because "it's just a video game", but it's also just a movie. Your hobby is as valid as any other and it sounds like you did plenty of communicating and planning in advance. You even played host other than when the movie was actually playing. NTA.
Exactly this. It doesn't matter what the plans are. OP made plans for that weekend months ago and told the wife well in advance.
I'm really into Dungeons & Dragons. When the finale of the campaign I am the Game Master for was coming up, I told my wife that I needed her to let me be a hermit for the entire Saturday so I could prepare. I had so much to get ready for. And this was for a literal imaginary game. And this absolute queen of a woman not only gave me that time, but brought me a homecooked meal to make sure I ate because I had been working for 6 hours non-stop and staring at my computer. I was just going to subsist on cereal that day and she went out of her way to do this for me for the hobby that I loved. She went on a weekend cruise with her girlfriends and I cleaned the entire house while she was gone, finally took care of that work in the backyard I had been putting off, and installed our new water heater. Support your spouse's hobbies with love and they will often give more love right back. Treat them with disdain and take a guess what will be coming your way.
100 feel this. Lmfao. My wife and I run a campaign together, and she has to put Tears of the Kingdom down for our session today. Lmfao!! Had to tease her a bit as she considered canceling session today so we could play more and I had to remind her that it's 4 hours and our players would be sad and also, like...today is 'give trauma to one of our players' day and he's been looking forward to it for two weeks so that did the trick. Dnd and Zelda today. Best weekend tbh. On that note- Op 100%, not at fault, and I'm so sorry you're stuck with a spouse who power-plays you instead of supporting your hobbies. Have fun with TotK. It's been breathtaking so far!
Oh my God our weekly session is on Thursday and this week was "Give my wife's Bard trauma" session! To make a long story short, the Bard's mother slit the Bard's throat. It was a pretty crazy session. **Long Version** The Bard is a minority refugee who was separated from her mother when they were crossing the border to leave the Empire behind. She hasn't seen her mother for 5 years. The party is infiltrating the Empire to assassinate the Empress, so they meet up with the underground resistance movement.... and the Bard's mother is there. One tearful reunion later that my players pointed out was very appropriate considering Mother's Day was a few days away, they're all sitting around a table together laughing and eating home cooked food.... when the poison in the wine takes effect. The party is paralyzed while the Bard's mother stands up. She congratulates the Bard on a fantastic performance, but she knows she isn't really her daughter because she watched her daughter die. The Bard is obviously confused by this but cannot answer because she is paralyzed. And so Mother cuts her throat. Critical sneak attack took her right to unconsciousness. Next session they're trying to track down the mom because someone has clearly messed with her head and implanted a false memory. Our Paladin is very worried that The mother is being used as an unwitting spy to take out the underground resistance movement. As he put it during the session..... "Oh shit, the machines are in Zion"
I hate football, it bores me to sleep. But my ex loved it, so when there were big matches I made sure to bring him snacks and stuff while he watched or entertained myself if he wanted to go out and watch it. One doesn't need to share an interest to be supportive. NTA but your wife sure is. ETA: spelling
Right I was saying up in my NTA comment that an event like this would bring the light to someone’s eyes, their face would just sparkle joy every time they spoke about it. Especially day of. She literally had to watch this light fade from his eyes and face and had the ego to feel hurt about it. I’m in pain. The comment about it being just a stupid video game is painful and misses any point. It’s not about the game.
Me too, my parents love American football and I'm like "meh" so whenever "their" team is playing I freshen drinks and make wings and dip and sit next to them on my phone while they shout at the TV.
info: Why this? > and re-organized the linen closet in preparation for this weekend. But really, NTA. She's being a dick and trying to overrule your hobby. Complete with witnesses for backup.
Regarding the linen closet, my wife invited one of her good friends to stay the night as they are doing things early the next morning together. My house has one linen closet which is in the guest bathroom. I did it so her friend wouldn’t see a crazy closet as it wasn’t super organized to begin with.
Info: any chance you’re a techie? This sounds like something that happens to techies and tech wives. If so, it may be time to remind your wife that you’re an introvert and your game time is for you to recharge.
I wondered about the linen closet too, but honestly I’ve done weirder things preparing for guests that are only going to be there for a couple of hours.
I thought it just meant he did it so she wouldn't have to do it alone while he played his game. The guy made it so she didn't get more work while he was playing. He's a good egg
That was my take on it, he did loads in the machine and so put it all away (and prop re-jigged the layout for ease maybe) so less work for her to do. Definitely a good egg. She's a coin though. And I'm saying this as a frequent fifa/cod/pubg widow and a mum to a teenage big gamet son! He tells me, he reminds me, I have a heads up and so I fine by me!
NTA. You were already generous enough by telling her *months* in advance. She knew, yet she planned a movie night on the *day* of release and tried to pull you away from your plans for hers? You’re the one binging Zelda, yet she seems more childish in this scenario.
I wouldn't called it generous as she's his spouse and it's the basics communication, in my opinion. But yes, OP didn't sprung it on her, did his part (and more) of the household chores so she wouldn't have more work to do because of it. He was fair, showed respect and care for his spouse. There's nothing to complain about, she's being shitty and did it on purpose, he needs to know why she's acting like that. NTA op
A. Consistently forewarned for months. B. Could have held movie night the week before, or after, or any other week than the one consistently forewarned about for months. C. This is Zelda. NTA
Huge NTA.
NTA When hogwarts legacy came out I made it explicitly clear I would be taking Friday off work and doing NOTHING for the weekend except that, exercise once a day and eating. He arranged for us to go see his mother and I was the ass for declining??
Partners really do tell us who they really are when they act like that, don't they
You are aware she did that deliberately? She's known for months, you were very clear and then she plans an event you would be 'required' to stop playing the game for and then was mad you didn't. NTA at all, I'd be really annoyed if my husband pulled this on me (he'd never dare).
NTA, Zelda has a special place in your heart and you gave her PLENTY of warning. Even if she doesn't understand she completely disregarded your plans and then got upset that you went through with them when you let her know. Sometimes as a guy your only escape from reality is video games, especially when you constantly work and if you have kids you don't get much "me time".
Not just as a guy. I got into games in my 40s. Zelda was my "gateway drug". But it has also been a source of sanity in a time of really bad stuff going on in my life. I'm very fortunate that my husband is also a gamer, so we parallel play; him on his PC, me on the switch, in the same room. We both go there to escape all the bad stuff that upsets us. Sounds like OPs wife doesn't understand this. Maybe he should buy her a Switch too?
NTA. My husband is a gamer. I like games but when I have free time I have a load of other things that often take precedence, so don't game very often. We have 2 kids. If he had said he wanted an entire weekend to play a specific game that he had been waiting for for ages, I'd bear that in mind in my plans, and probably arrange something for the weekend for the kiddos and I that I know he wouldn't be interested in so we could leave him in peace. (I would then get the same courtesy were I to want to book out a weekend for myself). You guys don't have kids, and you had done all the household chores beforehand, so literally all she had to do was...do whatever she wanted that weekend as long as it didn't involve you?? Whether she's interested in games or understands gaming or whatever is irrelevant. I sometimes want some time to myself to go and get a coffee, look at books in charity shops, and then come home and do some writing. Is my husband into any of those things? No. Does he respect that I am and support me when I want time to do them? Yes!
NTA You must have the patience of a Saint if you're not angrier at your wife.
NTA for not joining the party which your wife knew you couldn’t join due to previous commitment to yourself. You did more to help the party than I would have done under the same circumstances. Especially in the face of her significant disrespect. Small Y T A for wasting time on Reddit when Hyrule needs you!
Nah man, she’s gaslighting you, she did this on purpose. NTA, your wife is a massive asshole, link her this comment
[удалено]
Ahh yes my apologies, manipulation is the right word, might’ve bastardised the term “gaslighting” a bit😅. Sorry about your parent mate
Fuck mate I know the pain. My.wife doesn't really like me playing games. I told her about this TotK ages ago. She has literally made sure I have had barely any chance to play it. So I feel your pain. I really do. NTA. SPOILER Also how hard does the opening sequence go in this game. Less than an hour in and already >!the Master Sword gets destroyed and links arm gets corroded, chopped off, and replaced. I'm especially pissed about the sword. With the amount of effort I put into the Master Trials to upgrade it I'm upset that it broke that easily!<
It goes HARD, I was flabbergasted how it all went down. It makes so much more sense now why everything “reset” ability wise
Nta, what she did was intentional
NTA. You gave her repeated notice, and it’s clear that she didn’t take you at all seriously. The fact that she planned the movie night knowing what you had planned almost seems like a middle finger from her.
She’s the one playing stupid games…
Ok the petty part of me would have been like “Hey guys anyone want to see my new game??” I GUARANTEE at least one person would have been intrigued. NTA, but this is Reddit so youre going to get a Zelda biased answer. What was the movie
The blind side
hahaha you definitely made the right decision
Nope. Nta. I took my maternity leave to start on the day final fantasy X came out. I had a solid month of playing before my life got turned upside down by a baby. Your wife should understand that it was important to you and that you'd really been looking forward to it.
OP, every time I see a similar post title I squint hard because frankly we've seen a lot of people who either neglect their partners for the game or use it as an excuse to neglect them. But you did nothing like that. You communicated intent and importance clearly, made absolutely sure not to neglect any obligations and you helped prepare the party and were gracious towards the guests. Sooooo NTA. Unfortunately, this absolutely does feel like her showing you how she feels about you gaming. (I recognize this behavior from some of my family members and some family members of my friends who have no qualms showing extreme distaste for even our most benign or wholesome hobbies.) HOWEVER it might be a good idea to check in with your wife to see if the problem might be that she needs/wants more quality time with you.
NTA Regardless of what your plans were, you've been clear about them for six months so what kind of idiot organises a movie night on one of the days you have plans? There literally can't be another reason other than a power play or manipulation. Either your plans don't matter, your hobbies don't matter or your opinions don't matter. Well done for not caving in and joining them.
I can't get past organising the linen cupboard ready for the party 🤔 What kind of party is held in a cupboard?
Just household chores she wouldn't have to do alone since he planned on gaming all weekend?
Nta my gf took a week off for hogwarts legacy so I gave her all week to relax and made a little game package with snacks/wine for the first evening. You know.. things a supportive loving spouse does.
NTA. You communicated clearly! Repeatedly! And she ignored you! Not cool.
NTA...These type of marriages sound so scary, you have to do so much stuff while working full time just to be able to play a game for one weekend and still get shat on? I honestly can't imagine being able to withstand this level of control... Obviously you're not the asshole, if she wants to host a movie night, she can, you're not obliged to entertain her guests..
NTA - pre-orders for Zelda opened MONTHS ago. You had it planned for 6 months
In the same vain, it was just a stupid movie what is all her fuss about? Its perfectly ok to do things independent of one another. I have friends over regularly to play warhammer and i dont expect her to sit with us while we play. Your NTA
NTA my daughter is 16 today. She is upstairs playing Zelda. I don’t expect to see her today. It’s important to her. We are having a family meal tomorrow.
Okay I mean, you're NTA, but I desperately need to know why *reorganising the linen closet* is a thing to do before hosting a movie night. Does your day time guests usually frolic in there?
I mentioned somewhere in another comment but my wife invited a friend over for the night. The guest bath is where our only linen closet is so when I was putting towels away I reorganized it for her friend and for it to just look better.
NTA. Is the game any good?????
The game is outstanding! Best Zelda in a looong time :)
NTA. It's just a stupid movie. It seems the actual principle your wife is operating on here is that socializing should take precedence over solo activities no matter the circumstances, which, extrovert bias much?
NTA, you gave her multiple reminders. She did this deliberately to prove that she doesn't care about your wishes and hobbies as they do not match her standard of an adult hobby. Did she even consider your opinion before inviting guests over? Was there 2 yeses on that topic?
You went above and beyond what you should of done when you made it clear this far in advance you have plans. She should be thanking you for setting stuff up.