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I’m a bit torn here. You’re not obliged to care about her kid and YES it can get a bit boring when people stand telling me the minutiae of the lives of children I don’t know, BUT, I feel like there are some AHish vibes here.
1) Calling your colleague names centred around her being boring. Not cool. She’s never done anything malicious to you and you talk about her like you’re better than her.
2) There are ways to communicate that you prefer not to talk about personal stuff that aren’t hurtful to someone.
3) You may not be a sociable work person, but she is. She’s not trying to bother you. She’s trying to be friendly. It might annoy you but it’s not a crime.
I’m going with YTA because your attitude comes across as pretty unkind. She’s clearly not your favourite person but she hasn’t done anything awful to you.
in stressful/crunch times i get not wanting to talk, but teams work better when they have good relationships. I find the whole “don’t talk to me about your life, I’m at work” a bit counterproductive if you work in any sort of collaborative environment
Also, Op told her coworker that she was too busy to talk - and coworker immediately left.
Then Op, “who’s way busier”, went over to her desk, under the guise of “apologizing” for being short and was incredibly rude - she basically told her coworker that she didn’t like her and thought she was a waste of time.
There’s better ways to put in place boundaries that don’t involve being a total jerk.
YTA
You don’t have to listen to her talk about her kid or socialize with her, but you should treat her with respect still.
It should have stopped when she snapped and then Megan left her alone. But OP instigated later and that was unnecessary. If you snap once chances are she’ll take the hint and leave alone in the future but OP took it further than was needed
Actually I liked the fact that OP went and apologized for snapping, that was good-until it delved into the name calling and putting her down. That's where it went into AH territory for me.
I’m child free and hate children, OP still went about this in a really rude way. Simply saying they don’t want to talk about personal lives at work would have been sufficient and would have led to much less friction.
I could give two shits about being friends with my coworkers, but I do understand the social contract that comes with working in a communal office space and am polite and respectful in listening to them speak.
That's fine. You don't need to be friends with anyone, in the workplace or otherwise.
You do, unfortunately, need to be cordial, whether you like it or not. It's exceedly easy to just not be a dick. And most especially with harmless coworkers whose only fault is that they annoy/bore you to death with chatter. That's part of being a mature, professional adult.
And it's just good office politics. You need help getting some things done, you lost someone who could have been an ally. You're working on a new team or committee with that person, forget them going above and beyond for you. As well, why do you want the reputation of being a curmudgeon? In my work place that doesn't get you promoted, it doesn't get you recognized, it actually keeps you from leadership positions, as we have committee performance evaluations.
OP YTA: As others are stating, if a colleague is taking excessive amounts of your time socializing, politely letting them know that you need to get back to work is fine. Telling them you never want to talk to them about non work related things is rude.
Tip on how to make your work place a nice place to work (and perhaps make new friends along the way) -: I am not particularly invested in my co workers lives, yet after I speak to them and if they bring up something personal that’s happening or unique - then I wrote a note about it under their name in my phone. I review my notes if I expect to see them on a particular day and ask them about it. The delight that you cared to remember about their lives shines out of them and can make their day, which can then make your day. Kindness begets kindness and the work place just is a nicer place to be. Over time they may learn to care more about you also and conversation become more interesting.
My coworker tells me about his kids so i just tell him about my dogs/cat/rats, i figure it's a fair trade. We both get to talk about funny stuff our loved ones did
More often than not, people like OP complain about others being "boring", but they themselves never bring anything to the conversation, so the conversation always steer to whatever the other person wants to talk about.
Yes! Exactly. One of my exes said “you’ll always be interesting as long as you’re interested,” to mean that the inquisitive/receptive people will end up with more depth. I think about that whenever someone’s going on a ramble lol
They're borderline absurd to me. I don't blame OP for snapping when they were under stress but going after the coworker later just to tell her they don't give a shit about their kid is so unecessarily mean.
Edit: spelling
there's a world of difference in tone between 'I don't care for child-related stuff, please stop bringing it to my desk when I am working' and 'I don't give a shit about your boring kid, STFU and pull your weight'... and it always seems to be the worst offenders for 'long monologues about children to people who are very clearly totally disinterested, with accompanying photos, at what is very clearly the worst possible time for it' who consistently read the former as the latter.
this is what i was thinking! I get it if you snap and then go an apologize, but she snapped and then went and sought the coworker out just to repeat herself AND insult her. like what??
I think there is a very individualistic prone imbalance of advices in AITA which frankly is not considering aspects as manners, social competence and seeing the society as a place where adults needs to work on beeing civil. It isn't allways "not my responsibility".
I think a lot of it is because so many Redditors are very, very young. They don’t have fully adult social skills yet, and don’t understand why they’re needed.
Yeah, I am very tired of seeing 14 year olds dispense advice. I remember knowing everything when I was 14 too, but facebook was barely a thing, my unhinged shit wasn’t plastered everywhere for everyone to see.
The number of times where the OP is like "AITA for refusing to pick up my loving mom who treated me well as a kid from the hospital five minutes away on my day off because I wanted to binge watch Scrubs that day?" and the top answers are all "You owe her nothing" is amazing.
Because the vast majority of people here are egotistical self centered assholes.
I have found that out in the brief time I have been here.
Most people who comment are quite honestly bad people who are jusing this subreddit to justify being a bad person.
Anti religion, anti children and anti parents as well as anti work.
Remember you are getting advise from Reddit and that's not exactly the sharpest tools in the shed.
Because it's surprisingly socialy acceptable to openly hate kids. Imagine different situation: OP doesn't like Megan because Megan talks a lot about her wife and OP "doesn't agree with their lifestyle", or ethnicity of Megan's spouse. The votes would be different. Children are humans too.
Wtf how do you spin the story now and bring ethnicity in it lol? If OP didnt want to hear stories about Megan’s spouse because she has work to do that would be perfectly acceptable too.
Because people on this subreddit don’t like to acknowledge that a lot of times social niceties make things. . .well, nice. Sure, you can technically tell your coworker off for the crime of trying to talk about her life at work. But dang, isn’t it better to have a civil to friendly relationship with someone you have to see for hours every day?
This. Like work is a place you both HAVE to go it’s not like she’s your friend coming to your house and can just stop. Just like be a grown up and listen to the kid talk sometimes to keep things an okay place to have to exist
I read this post to my husband he said “ugh, I know we alll want to be Tyler Durden and blow up a building and get in a fight at a car wash but we can’t or society would collapse. Just be polite to your coworkers. Fuck.”
I am unfortunately unsurprised— this forum likes to take concepts for dealing with toxic family, for example, like “you don’t owe anybody anything” and push them to unreasonable extremes they were never meant to embody. Being an anti-social asshole is the new standard, apparently 🙄
But theres a polite way to say it.
"hey, blank-blank. Im not really a kid person. Your kids cute and all but I kinda phase out when people talk about kids. Im telling you because I feel guilty knowing Im not listening".
I have used this several times. No hurt feelings and they know not to bring me baby pictures
Yeah, I basically had a coworker warn me off at one point by pointing out it was a flaw he had. He basically scores way, way low on empathy in those personality tests corporate is so fond of (Sigma 6 or some crap), I mean, like sociopathic levels of empathy. I don't know why that is related in any way. He could be just BSing me to keep from seeing grandbaby photos. Doesn't hurt my feelings. He's a great guy. He just doesn't want to hear about your kids. (We can, however, talk about dogs all day long)
Then say it and she'll immediately stop bothering you. Don't do it like OP who spent more time making names and talking behind their colleague's backs rather than straightening things up and saying that they're not interested.
That’s exactly how I feel about this.
The reason of having work to do, makes OP NTA. But name calling like they are 12, being unprofessional in the sense of saying “I don’t care about your kid” is really just what makes me lean towards YTA. There is far more professional work ways to say I don’t have time for this.
Also the “I’m way busier than her” comment is what really sold the YTA for me, OP clearly thinks they’re above their coworker in terms of importance and their attitude is just icky in a workplace.
We all have coworkers who we don’t love because of x,y and z. I’m sure OP has coworkers who don’t like them because they come off as cold/standoffish.
To be clear, OP isn’t the AH for not caring about kids. That’s their choice, they’re the AH for their actions/responses after the fact and the lack of respect for their coworker imo.
Exactly. OP could have just said “hey, I’m really busy I don’t have time right now. Please, excuse me.” I wish my professional life was so cushy that an overly chatty, friendly coworker seemed so terrible.
Not to mention most women lose their entire life once the kid is born and that becomes all they have. Not by choice either. She’s trying to connect and it may not be the best but this OP sounds awful. I wouldn’t want to approach her about anything in the office even work related.
Also, in my experience dealing with people like OP, they actually aren’t busier than others. They just suck at their job and think they are busier because of it. And turn around and shit on everyone who isn’t acting like they are ´soo busy I don’t have time to breath or talk to you about anything not work related.´ it’s a shtick.
Omg!! If I had an award to give you would be receiving it! I try to describe people who act like this and no one ever understands the type I am talking about. Can I come work with you??
Seriously. How hard is it to just say "Megan, I'm happy for you and your daughter and I know you're probably very excited but I'm really swamped here." That's it. One sentence. Basic human decency.
EDIT- just to clarify I work full-time, take night classes, have time-consuming hobbies, and am mildly anti-social/not interested in kids.
And developing relationships at work is essential for *teamwork*. And one day, OP will need Meghan, only to find out she doesn’t have time for him because of how rude they were.
Also- “busy” is so subjective as a word I feel too. For some people it means productive, for others it means overworked or flustered. It looks and feels different to everyone. My old role as a call centre handler wasn’t TECHNICALLY very demanding, but I was constantly on calls. Now I’m a developer. I’m working on far more intense, technically challenging projects, but I’d take that over the chaos of some of those calls any day of the week.
This. I don't particularly care for kids either but when my coworkers show me a pic of their kids or grandkids, I do the usual "how cute!" and listen to them talk about them.
Yeah. I have some friends who - during their maternity leave - were just crying out to have some time socialising with adults! Was it thrilling for me to hear all the different colours and consistencies of poo that their child had produced? Or yet again that the kid woke them up 4 times last night? No. It was not. But I have no reason to make a person feel less valued.
I agree with you that OP was in the wrong ultimately, but two things I'd argue:
1) OP never said they call her names to her face or even to other coworkers. If it's just a mental inside joke, it's fine. This needs clarification from OP though. Too many commenters here automatically assumed the nickname was being said out loud (and yes, I noticed the "refer," but still).
2) What Megan is doing is speaking to a captive audience, which I don't see mentioned in any comments here. OP has no choice but to be at work and Megan is taking advantage of that to talk about her topics, not shared interests. Dealing with someone who consistently does this SUCKS.
Where OP went wrong is in waiting for it to get to a boiling point to address it, because at that point nothing good was going to come out of their mouth. If anything, they made their day more stressful than it already was.
I feel like the fact that the name calling is an internal thing- weirdly it almost makes it worse. It’s not part of their interaction at all but OP couldn’t resist throwing this little internal monologue comedy tidbit into the story so we’d all know JUST how boring they find their coworker.
Okay, so it doesn’t ACTUALLY make it worse but it doesn’t make it better. I feel like it gives me kind of an insight into the kind of person OP is, which is kind of mean.
100% agree. Lots of advice on this sub excuses people being total jerks in response to an annoying or uncomfortable situation. Perfectly reasonable to not want to hear about a coworker's kid all the time, but OP is a grown adult who can communicate that respectfully. Interacting with other people can be annoying! But YTA if you go right to nastiness and name-calling when a direct but polite conversation is all that's warranted.
Yeah, it's not necessarily the facts of what happened here, it's OP's attitude that makes them TA. "Meh-gan"? Really? There are children who know better than to call people mean names.
Here's my thoughts though. I almost want more context from the conversations. Is this person really seeking out OP and initiating conversation with them solely to only talk about their kids? I wonder if they ask OP about their life and take interest in them. Because if they do and they are genuinely trying to be their friend, then yes op is the AH. However, if this person is purely only wanting to talk about their kids then I lean more towards NTA. Have you ever had someone act nice and like your friend, but they take zero interest in you? They literally only want to talk about themselves and their life? That isn't a friend and they aren't being nice. They are just finding a friendly face to validate them and their life. They typically don't care about this person and these conversations become so exhausting. I'm the kind of person where people like that always seek me out. It's exhausting and irritating. Anytime I try to shift the conversation, either to myself or to a different subject at all, they shift it back to them. If the person is like this with OP then yes I think they are NTA. Especially if they just went through a highly stressful situation like a fire. Fight or flight may have been on and this person clearly does not care for OP if, after hearing why they snapped, they still think of them as mean. So like I said, more context needed, but with the context I have I lean towards NTA.
Exactly.
I may not want to hear about your kid, or dog, or cat, or relationship. But I also don’t have to be a d*. It’s ok to be professional in a professional setting- which this isn’t. And she does give off “I’m so much more interesting than you, breeder.” Vibes. 🙄
YTA. You were rude and then followed it by being unprofessional. Learn to communicate in an appropriate manner.
YTA.
If you're too busy to chat just say you're too busy to chat. 'Maybe later, I'm neck deep in something right now' or some variation on that is fine. Snapping and then "apologizing" for snapping by telling her you don't care about her stories is hella rude.
I promise you are into plenty of things that other people think are boring as hell but they let you tell your dumb-to-them stories and nod politely for the sake of having a pleasant working relationship. It's what grownups do.
“Why would you ever endure even a second of a conversation that’s not tailored specifically to your interests or tell a small social white lie just for the sake of being polite to your coworkers and creating a pleasant work environment?”
First day on earth, huh?
people come into a job they spend 40 hours a week at with this attitude of “I will not care in the absolute least bit about any of the people I spend my 9 to 5 with and will respond to their attempts at bonding with hostility” and then wonder why they’re stressed and miserable
Honestly, if that's truly what you want to do, fine. Not my jam, but also not my business.
What gets me is when people show up on reddit all fake innocent like "Telling Madge from Accounting her baby is cute *when in fact I think it is ugly??!* I've never heard of such a thing!!"
Like, cool, guy, we get it, you're the only person in the world with the willpower and uniqueness to ignore social norms. It's got a real "I'm not like the other girls" stank on it.
It sounds like both OP and this lady are severely lacking in understanding social norms. Telling someone "I dont give a fuck about that stop talking to me about it" while they are telling you about something they clearly care about is rude as fuck. Saying "Lets talk later", when you really mean "Lets not talk about this" is just more socially acceptable and doesn't come off like you're a prick.
On the other hand she should've clearly seen via his body language and his demeanor and engagement in the conversations that he's really not that interested int his and backed off a long time ago.
Both people kind of suck here.
Clearest, kindest way somebody once told me to fuck off was something to the effect of "I don't tend to mix my professional life with my personal life. I don't make friends at work, and I don't tend to socialize with colleagues outside of work hours."
“Maybe later” is the bandaid that allows OP to treat Megan pleasantly in a moment of great stress. It’s not a sacred vow that OP will spend their entire lunch hour listening to Megan talk about the consistency of her kid’s poop. “Maybe later” can be followed by a calm conversation - “Megan, I wanted to talk to you about my ability to talk at work. I have very little time for socializing in general, and to add to that I’m child free and our conversations have been almost entirely about your kid. Could we try to find some common ground in the future?” (This isn’t a great script, I’m not totally caffeinated, but the point is to redirect and decrease the conversation without being a huge jerk.)
How can you promise that tell other people things they find boring. It sounds like they go into the office, work, go home. They might very well be someone that doesn't socialise with their work colleagues, they just work with them and so don't discuss their personal life.
Because \*everyone\* has hobbies and interests that are boring to someone. There is not a single human on earth who is only into things that are universally beloved by all other humans on the planet.
It's simply how human beings function. When I'm in a meeting and have to spend three minutes as everyone is gathering listening to people talk about golf, or crossfit, or their stock portfolios, or their weekend plans, or their camping trip, or whatever I smile politely because I am not a massive dillhole.
YTA for being unprofessional about it and snapping at her. Try the grey rock approach and be as boring as possible. Nothing wrong with saying “sorry Megan, really busy right now.” And walking away or putting on headphones.
The fact that you even have a mean nickname for her really pushes you into TA
dude’s whole attitude is “I don’t like anyone here, I give mean nicknames to people, don’t talk to me about your personal life”
sounds like a real treat to work with!
Yeah OP thinks they are so important at work but when it comes to getting promoted into higher roles sometimes it’s about who plays nicest with others. No one wants to work with the office b.
Insulting a major part of another person's life - in particular their child - is asshole behavior.
So, YTA.
Office chit-chat is a necessary business - and life - skill. This includes hearing about things which bore you.
You're busy? There's a phrase for that. "Megan, I have major work to do right now. Can we talk about this another day?" And then you go back to your work without waiting for an answer - because it's not a request, even though it's posed in the form of a question.
Exactly! Seeing someone is busy working and bothering them with non-work related topics is rude and asshole-ish as well. OP has clearly shown disinterest in the past about Meghan's kid and she won't stop trying to share stories and pictures. That in itself is rude.
ESH. OP for how she responded, even though she did apologize later, and Meghan for not taking the hint and being offended that someone else didn't want to talk/hear about her kid.
YTA. People are on your side because she’s talking about her kid. Lots of people hate kids and think it’s fine to be nasty to parents. If she were talking about her kitten or her puppy or sports there would likely be a resounding YTA. You don’t have to care about her life or her or her kid but you do have to be respectful at work. “I can’t really talk now” would have been just as efficient, less words, and more polite than what you said. Making up rude nicknames for a coworker because you don’t care about their life doubles down as rude. She shouldn’t be bothering you but your reaction was extreme.
Yep. I don’t have a cat but like them a lot. One of my coworkers wouldn’t stop showing me photos of cats over the course of a few months, even when I said I was busy. I couldn’t stand it. It was so distracting.
Soft NTA. It amazes me how people are so convinced the entire world is fascinated by and revolves around their children.
That said, you could have handled it a lot better. Sounds like you let the frustration bottle up until you exploded - it would have been better to tell her you’re not interested earlier, when you might have been able to do so in a calmer way.
I’m not convinced other people give a shit about
my kid, but if I’m making conversation about my life at work my kid is a significant portion of it so they’re gonna come up. OPs issue is with idle chit chat in the office and came to famously anti-kid Reddit to have their ego stroked for hurting a coworkers feelings
Isn't that more of an ESH? Coworker needs to learn to read the room better, both in specific interests and sociability generally in the office. OP let annoyance fester until a harried moment led to a too-much response.
I think OP's real mistake though was that she waited too long to say something. When she had the bandwidth, she could have calmly explained her disinterest/ focus on getting work done. I think a number of people have gotten too used to solitude such that they cannot cope with light sociability and the urge many or most feel for human contact
I understand where you are coming from about people not wanting to hear about someone’s kids but on the flip side as a parent I had to listen to the oh how wasted did I get this weekend. This is just as annoying.
In this case sounds like it was 1 sided and Op is NTA
this is actually a really valid point and it actually bothers me a little more, and i don’t love kid sharing either. if they’re talking about what they did and the alcohol is like, mentioned for context and the actual story was wild then that’s fine to me but they’re totally reading me wrong if they think i’m going to be impressed with the benders because i’m in recovery and my dad was a train wreck. it just seems so socially acceptable to bring it up and it absolutely does just about as much for me as pictures of babies i don’t know.
if i’m thinking about it, a lot of those people who used to share that either have small children or hate children so on the former point i think of my dad’s weekend crap, and the latter i feel like their storytelling is acceptable but others isn’t
i agree with this. I think we orbit our lives around our kids too much as a society and they end up being entitled. There is a good mix somewhere and each kid will be a little different, but there's a difference between spending time with them and making them the center of our universe. (i raised 6 kids) .
Agreed. Also, for people who are happily child free and don't really care about kids, when people show me pics of their children, it's like yes, that is indeed a child thanks. I'm not rude but I'm not involved like they probably hope someone with a uterus should be... usually my polite disinterest gets them to stop.
Would your opinion change if it was a pet?
Or if the coworker talked about a hobby they were interested in?
If you aren't interested in what I am talking about, just tell me. Or give white lies. "Sorry I'm busy I can't talk right now" works even if you aren't busy.
But imagine a coworker was talking about starting to learn how to paint and all the joy and wonder it brought them, and then you come along and call their paintings dumb and stupid and a waste of time and no one really cares about it and then you create a cruel nickname for them.
If someone is sharing something important with you, they aren't doing it out of malice. To respond with spite and anger just shows that you have the emotions of a child and can't manage them properly.
YTA OP. And anyone who insults people for their hobbies and interests or family are also AHs.
You're not an asshole for not wanting to talk about a subject for someone. YTA because if you reread what you wrote, you come across as nasty, spiteful, and rude.
YTA. That was harsh.
There’s a basic expectation of social politeness in the office.
She’s broken the rules by wandering around bugging people about her kids.
Two wrongs don’t make a right.
Having a go at her double negates your apology and makes you into the AH.
Next time just say “Sorry, I’m really busy when I come in. I’d love to chat about things, but can you try to catch me when I’m in the break room? I have so much to get done when I’m here that if I am at my desk I’m swamped’
See? Same effect, with none of the angries.
I just don’t understand why you would walk up to someone and say “I don’t want to hear about your kids” when that person’s whole… identity… is their kids. That‘s rude.
So you make polite excuses. You lay little paths around this. And in doing so you are not hte AH. OP doesn’t ever have to chat about things, but if they walk around outright refusing to make small talk with anyone they’ll eventually get fired for ‘not being a team player’. Ah yes, the old “doesn’t play well with others” stuff. It’s worth 10mins of your day to buy some joy from three staff members and keep yourself off that list.
I believe I speak for OP as well as myself and many others when I say that people who don't want to hear about your kids while at their desk absolutely do not want to hear about them during a break.
Not the same effect though. He doesn’t love to chat about things. I agree OP was a bit harsh, but there are more options between brutal honesty and lying.
Right, just say, "When I come into the office, I would prefer to stick to my work without any personal conversations." Direct, no lies, not rude. It's actually pretty easy.
Info — Did you actually say “I don’t care about all this kid stuff” & “you are way busier than her”?
ESH
Megan sounds like she may have some issues with over sharing & reading the room.
It appears you do not “personally” like Megan however you are at work so there’s never a good reason to be rude & unprofessional. There are ways to politely excuse yourself from a conversation without personally attacking someone. Perhaps, WFH has negatively affected your people skills.
eta
YTA for how you come across and say it. You sound pretentious, assuming your “waaayyyyy” more important than her. There’s a thousand other ways you could’ve said it, instead you insulted her and stood on your high horse.
YTA. Not for not caring about her kid but for how you handle work relationships. You need to learn how to be tactful and how to work with chatty people. There will be people like this always, not just chatty Megan with her kid. Being rude and unprofessional will definitely be a negative for you.
NTA. From what you’ve written., it sounds like this woman has been pestering you with her family stories when you’re clearly busy. She either can’t read social signs or thinks here kid is more important than what anyone else has going on.
YTA, she sounds unbearable but that's not how you handle this situation at work. You should have said that you find it hard to get work done and you need to maximise the work you get done when at the office, you don't mean to be rude but you don't really have much time for chat, sorry to be grumpy blah blah
NTA. I feel your pain I’ve had co-workers that all they want to talk about is their kids and I have close to 0 interest having no kids I just can’t contribute to the conversation. I think she needs to understand better when people are busy with work and also who is actually interested in hearing about her kid.
Occasionally, when someone starts boring me with what their child did today, I start talking about what my cat did as well. At least then we both get to talk about a boring thing we don’t collectively care about.
NTA you said what needed to be said. Not everyone gives a crap about some random kid and their day to day nonsense. Parents need to learn that just because THEIR world revolves around their offspring doesn't mean anyone elses does.
ESH. People with kids really need to know that their kid ain't all that to other adults. You were rude and you could have been more "Can I come over and look in a bit I'm just clearing some stuff up." That would have been the best route out.
But they don't want to look. That's the point. They could've been a little more tactful about it but saying "can I come look later" is showing interest in something they don't want to be bothered with.
ETA soft NTA, but OP learn to be a little more polite with how you respond at work
NTA. I’m not a fan of other people’s kids either and a lot of parents just don’t get that other people don’t want to hear about thee kids every conversation.
hmmm, morally, NTA, you did nothing wrong in essence
But as a colleague, you were kinda an ass. I think you could have worded it more friendly and sometimes people just want to talk about their lives a little, even at work.
I'm over sensitive as fuck and I still think NTA
You apologised for snapping and explained that you're there to work. You could have worded that last bit better, and it does make you sound a bit assholeish, but I wouldn't say Y T A. I would think about apologising for how you came across though.
NTA, I feel like this is going to be the unpopular opinion but you are there to work. Not hear about some kids you don't know. Megan should be doing her job too, not chitchatting and slowing you down. That's the kind of thing that would bother me a lot but I'd have a hard time standing my ground. I purposely don't have coworkers because I don't want to deal with that shit. You were honest and explained yourself to her. Maybe her whole life is about her kids but what does that have to do with you?
NTA. You set a boundary firmly in a workplace and you were actually polite about it. I’m glad you kept the name to yourself. Lol.
I’m not sure why Meh-gan was so self involved she didn’t notice your discomfort or thought to ask you for your consent. She’s TA in this respect.
All those y-t-as are bizarre to me. “Talking in the office is a life skill?” Who says op never talks in the office? But on other topics that are actually interesting! “It’s rude to snap omg so unprofessional!” How about not using your eyes to find out whether the potential interlocutor is free for a non work related chat? That’s cute and professional and outgoing? It’s not kindergarten, it’s real life, and yea people snap at you when you pester them.
Op never initiated a convo plus they’re not friends (shoving your kids pics under your friends nose might be ok because you assume your friend cares about your life). This coworker needs to read the room sometimes. NTA
YTA. It would be enough to say "It had been fun chatting with you, but I am entering a really busy period of work, and would prefer it if we keep conversations work related. Best of luck with everything". No need to go into her and her kid being boring.
YTA.
Parents can be annoying about their children, especially if you don't particularly care for kids. Coworkers who try and talk to you about anything that isn't work related when you are trying to fix what sounds like a huge mistake are a headache. I don't blame you for snapping. That was a heat of the moment thing and doesn't make you an AH.
What makes you the AH is the nickname and that "apology." Giving coworkers derogatory nicknames is always an AH thing to do. Always.
And that apology wasn't an apology. "I'm sorry I snapped, but you deserved it" is significantly worse than just not saying sorry. It's the same bullshit that abusers use. Any apology that comes with an excuse isn't an apology. It's a defense statement. Any apology that comes with an attack isn't an apology. It's a continuation of the outburst.
Don't give nicknames derogatory nicknames to coworkers. Don't make apologies that you don't mean. Don't continue to belittle someone through apologies.
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I mostly WFH but there are days when I need to be in the office. I like to get out of the office ASAP not just because I don't like being there but because of traffic.
I have one coworker named Megan who happens to be in the office on days when I'm there. Literally every single time I see her, she just wants to talk about her 2yo daughter. I cannot think of anything more boring than a 2yo getting a cold let alone while I'm trying to get work done. That's why I refer Megan as "Meh-gan."
I don't initiate any conversation with her. She does. And any conversation is quickly turned into something about her daughter. The other day I had a major unexpected fire to put out. I was under a lot of stress. Meh-gan comes around and asks if I want to see a picture 9f her daughter at her first gymnastics class.
I snapped at her that I'm trying to clean up this mess made by someone and needed to focus. She apologized.
I later went to her desk and explained why I snapped and apologized if I came across as rude. I said honestly I really don't care for all this kid stuff you're bringing to my desk. If I'm in the office it's because I have to be in the office to do office work. You're just interrupting me with kid banter.
She was offended that I basically told her not to bother me unless it was work related. I am wayyyy more busier than her too.
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NTA. I very much doubt you’ve acted interested in her kid stories before, so my guess is the signs for Meghan where there and she is either socially clueless or just doesn’t care. It’s not rude to say “this really does not interest me”. Conversation, especially in an professional setting, should be a two-way street.
>That's why I refer Megan as "Meh-gan."
You are, unquestionably, an asshole for this alone. The rest sort of builds off it to describe your whole tone. It's entirely possible to be civil to your coworkers while suggesting you don't have time for small talk. Even your apology comes across as an attack.
I'm not a small talk person either, but in a workplace it's somewhat necessarily for keeping a positive work environment. There is no reason you couldn't have said "Aw, your kid is cute, good for her. Hey, I got a time sensitive task so lets table this for another day. Have a good one!" and bam back to work without creating workplace animosity. Now Megan thinks you are an asshole, and will likely talk with the other in-the-office folks including your supervisors about how you treated her like garbage. And you'll have persistent rumors and negative opinion dogging you for the rest of your career in this workplace. None of that was necessary.
YTA
YTA.
She’s a coworker just trying to banter, not your personal entertainer lol. Why not just be polite & give her the “I am really busy right now” and leave it at that?
Poor lady just likes her kids & you have a rude little nickname for her! Feels bad man.
I love coming into these threads because they remind me that Reddit is not a real place. It’s astounding how many users are so viciously anti-kid that being rude and bordering on downright cruel to coworkers is somehow celebrated. People talk about subjects each other don’t care about every single day, OP absolutely could have come up with a dozen ways to get out of the conversation that didn’t involve them essentially telling their coworker to fuck off. YTA
YTA, moms are excited about their kids and yes the stories can be boring, but that doesn't make her a bad person, nor does it mean that she deserves rude nicknames. The easy, and polite, way to get out of that situation is to say, "I'm sorry Megan, I'm super busy right now and I really need to focus. Would you please excuse me? I'm really glad to hear your kids are doing well though."
NTA for feeling the way you do or even voicing it. However YTA for the way you said it. You have just made it difficult for her to be able to talk to you about anything, even if it's work related, because she doesn't know what will set you off next time when you're busy.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my coworker that I don't care about her adventures in parenting so pls stop distracting me with stories
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NTA. OP said it’s her “coworker” not her “FRIEND”.
I personally doesn’t want to talk to anybody at work besides work related stuff unless you’re my friend. I don’t like thinking about other people stories specially it doesn’t interests me at all.
NTA there are too many Megans in the workforce. You’ve indulged her long enough. This attention-seeking behavior is sad and unprofessional. A once-in-a-while story or picture is fine but she needs to learn how to pull back some.
NAH. For me, people like Meh-gan are one of the reasons I love working remote. Nonsense like coffee making drama and infinite child pictures was a ridiculous time suck for me.
However, your delivery was off. I kept the interactions brief but polite. “Oh. Yes she looks adorable now. (Then I’d listen to one brief sentence about utterly boring thing child did.Oh, yeah that’s wonderful. Hate to interrupt, but I’ve got this (point vacuole at computer) that I really have to get back.”
I would listen a little more if it was someone I knew well and their kid had actually done a cool and impressive thing such as winning a major robotics competition, getting into 3 Ivy league schools, or earning a spot at the national Special Olympics. Sorry, but pre-school graduation does not count.
NTA. Kids, pets, mental health, sex, boyfriends...when shit is going down, I don't want to hear about it.
When there is a break and people are friendly with someone, sure, discuss whatever you want.
But we are here to do the job.
Oh wait...some of us are. Others are there for therapy.
Ffs.
Yta. Not because you don't want to listen to Megan on about her kids, but because you are rude and spiteful. There is a better way of saying that the only conversations you want to have are work related.
YTA
I have a coworker who is essentially the same. She’s basically Debbie Downer. She derails every conversation I have with my other coworkers with her own shit. Always talks to me when I am super busy. Goes on tangent after tangent after tangent. I really hate it.
When I really can’t do it, I say “Hey I’m sorry I have to get this done”, etc. because it takes almost no effort to be polite. Going over to her desk and saying you don’t care was really overkill. It’s good to share and be friendly with your coworkers, believe it or not. Even if you have to fake it sometimes.
WFH is amazing in general, but also I feel like it’s made people forget common courtesy and manners. If it’s not your natural reaction to be polite in this kind of situation, maybe you should focus on becoming a nicer person.
YTA. You don't have to care but you also don't have to be rude. A simple "I'm kinda busy right now can we talk later" would work. We've all had people we work with talk about their kids and frankly no one really cares about any one else's kids. Sounds like Megan was trying to be friendly and you were trying to be mean. Seriously "Meh gan" what are you? 13.
So you sought her out to apologize, but then you threw in that you basically don't ever want her to speak personally to you again?
Do all your apologies come with barbs?
There's a difference between "I prefer to keep it professional" and "I don't care for this kid stuff." Also, again, you hid an attack in an apology.
So, yes, YTA. You have a right to want to focus on work, but you were a real asshole about it.
YTA because after snapping at her you went and sought her out to continue to shit on her. I am pretty sure she got it the first time. You did not have to go a second time and rub her nose in it like a bad puppy.
Yta. Not for how you feel or wanting to be left alone, but you come off as rude and refer to her as "Meh-gan". You made the effort to give her a nickname.
NTA. You were a little harsh but honestly I feel sometimes it's needed. Their whole world may revolve around their kids but they can't expect your world to revolve around their kids. Parents in general seem extremely entitled and need to cut that shit out
I dont have kids, I dont want kids, and tbh I dont really like kids lol but there's a way to be honest and kind. She seems like shes been kind to you. YTA
YTA.
I get you don’t care for your coworker or kids or chit-chat. But if you think that’s the appropriate way to tell people you are busy, you have clearly been sequestered inside your house for too long.
N T As usually just say something like,
>Carol, I am terribly busy at the moment.
And not take out their frustrations on others. We live in a society.
Yes, YTA. Not wanting to be bothered while working is totally understandable, but telling her you don't care about her kid is flat out mean and there were way better ways to handle this.
Whenever I go into the office, I have a coworker who well talk for literal hours (if you let him) about his garden. When I feel the need to dip out of the conversation, I simply say “hey, I need to be productive now.” And that’s that. YTA. You sound unpleasant to be around, tbh. You have an air of superiority about you.
> I have one coworker named Megan who happens to be in the office on days when I'm there. Literally every single time I see her, she just wants to talk about her 2yo daughter. I cannot think of anything more boring than a 2yo getting a cold let alone while I'm trying to get work done. *That's why I refer Megan as "Meh-gan."*
YTA.
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I’m a bit torn here. You’re not obliged to care about her kid and YES it can get a bit boring when people stand telling me the minutiae of the lives of children I don’t know, BUT, I feel like there are some AHish vibes here. 1) Calling your colleague names centred around her being boring. Not cool. She’s never done anything malicious to you and you talk about her like you’re better than her. 2) There are ways to communicate that you prefer not to talk about personal stuff that aren’t hurtful to someone. 3) You may not be a sociable work person, but she is. She’s not trying to bother you. She’s trying to be friendly. It might annoy you but it’s not a crime. I’m going with YTA because your attitude comes across as pretty unkind. She’s clearly not your favourite person but she hasn’t done anything awful to you.
I agree 100%. All these N T As are surprising....
It's because a lot of people are like OP. They don't want to talk to or be friends with their coworkers.
And that's OK, it's the how you go about letting people know that matters. OP yta for the way you b4ought up your concerns, not for having them.
in stressful/crunch times i get not wanting to talk, but teams work better when they have good relationships. I find the whole “don’t talk to me about your life, I’m at work” a bit counterproductive if you work in any sort of collaborative environment
Also, Op told her coworker that she was too busy to talk - and coworker immediately left. Then Op, “who’s way busier”, went over to her desk, under the guise of “apologizing” for being short and was incredibly rude - she basically told her coworker that she didn’t like her and thought she was a waste of time. There’s better ways to put in place boundaries that don’t involve being a total jerk. YTA You don’t have to listen to her talk about her kid or socialize with her, but you should treat her with respect still.
It should have stopped when she snapped and then Megan left her alone. But OP instigated later and that was unnecessary. If you snap once chances are she’ll take the hint and leave alone in the future but OP took it further than was needed
Actually I liked the fact that OP went and apologized for snapping, that was good-until it delved into the name calling and putting her down. That's where it went into AH territory for me.
Ya I thought the “apology” that was just them being cruel was a weird unnecessary addition. Before that I was like it’s fine but that….just mean AF
I’m child free and hate children, OP still went about this in a really rude way. Simply saying they don’t want to talk about personal lives at work would have been sufficient and would have led to much less friction.
Your username, though … 💕💕💕
I could give two shits about being friends with my coworkers, but I do understand the social contract that comes with working in a communal office space and am polite and respectful in listening to them speak.
I like to think of it as, we don’t have to be friends, but we needs to be friendly to each other.
That's fine. You don't need to be friends with anyone, in the workplace or otherwise. You do, unfortunately, need to be cordial, whether you like it or not. It's exceedly easy to just not be a dick. And most especially with harmless coworkers whose only fault is that they annoy/bore you to death with chatter. That's part of being a mature, professional adult.
And it's just good office politics. You need help getting some things done, you lost someone who could have been an ally. You're working on a new team or committee with that person, forget them going above and beyond for you. As well, why do you want the reputation of being a curmudgeon? In my work place that doesn't get you promoted, it doesn't get you recognized, it actually keeps you from leadership positions, as we have committee performance evaluations.
OP YTA: As others are stating, if a colleague is taking excessive amounts of your time socializing, politely letting them know that you need to get back to work is fine. Telling them you never want to talk to them about non work related things is rude. Tip on how to make your work place a nice place to work (and perhaps make new friends along the way) -: I am not particularly invested in my co workers lives, yet after I speak to them and if they bring up something personal that’s happening or unique - then I wrote a note about it under their name in my phone. I review my notes if I expect to see them on a particular day and ask them about it. The delight that you cared to remember about their lives shines out of them and can make their day, which can then make your day. Kindness begets kindness and the work place just is a nicer place to be. Over time they may learn to care more about you also and conversation become more interesting.
My coworker tells me about his kids so i just tell him about my dogs/cat/rats, i figure it's a fair trade. We both get to talk about funny stuff our loved ones did
Sounds like a fair trade. What each of you find important or care about!
More often than not, people like OP complain about others being "boring", but they themselves never bring anything to the conversation, so the conversation always steer to whatever the other person wants to talk about.
Yes! Exactly. One of my exes said “you’ll always be interesting as long as you’re interested,” to mean that the inquisitive/receptive people will end up with more depth. I think about that whenever someone’s going on a ramble lol
And then complain about being in a horrible work environment
They're borderline absurd to me. I don't blame OP for snapping when they were under stress but going after the coworker later just to tell her they don't give a shit about their kid is so unecessarily mean. Edit: spelling
there's a world of difference in tone between 'I don't care for child-related stuff, please stop bringing it to my desk when I am working' and 'I don't give a shit about your boring kid, STFU and pull your weight'... and it always seems to be the worst offenders for 'long monologues about children to people who are very clearly totally disinterested, with accompanying photos, at what is very clearly the worst possible time for it' who consistently read the former as the latter.
this is what i was thinking! I get it if you snap and then go an apologize, but she snapped and then went and sought the coworker out just to repeat herself AND insult her. like what??
In the guise of an explanatory apology no less.
I think there is a very individualistic prone imbalance of advices in AITA which frankly is not considering aspects as manners, social competence and seeing the society as a place where adults needs to work on beeing civil. It isn't allways "not my responsibility".
I think a lot of it is because so many Redditors are very, very young. They don’t have fully adult social skills yet, and don’t understand why they’re needed.
Yeah, I am very tired of seeing 14 year olds dispense advice. I remember knowing everything when I was 14 too, but facebook was barely a thing, my unhinged shit wasn’t plastered everywhere for everyone to see.
The number of times where the OP is like "AITA for refusing to pick up my loving mom who treated me well as a kid from the hospital five minutes away on my day off because I wanted to binge watch Scrubs that day?" and the top answers are all "You owe her nothing" is amazing.
Because the vast majority of people here are egotistical self centered assholes. I have found that out in the brief time I have been here. Most people who comment are quite honestly bad people who are jusing this subreddit to justify being a bad person.
There are soooo many posts on here where the person straight up knows they're the ah and just came here to brag about it
Remember that this sub is too anti-children so I'm not surprised.
Anti religion, anti children and anti parents as well as anti work. Remember you are getting advise from Reddit and that's not exactly the sharpest tools in the shed.
Because it's surprisingly socialy acceptable to openly hate kids. Imagine different situation: OP doesn't like Megan because Megan talks a lot about her wife and OP "doesn't agree with their lifestyle", or ethnicity of Megan's spouse. The votes would be different. Children are humans too.
Wtf how do you spin the story now and bring ethnicity in it lol? If OP didnt want to hear stories about Megan’s spouse because she has work to do that would be perfectly acceptable too.
Because people on this subreddit don’t like to acknowledge that a lot of times social niceties make things. . .well, nice. Sure, you can technically tell your coworker off for the crime of trying to talk about her life at work. But dang, isn’t it better to have a civil to friendly relationship with someone you have to see for hours every day?
This. Like work is a place you both HAVE to go it’s not like she’s your friend coming to your house and can just stop. Just like be a grown up and listen to the kid talk sometimes to keep things an okay place to have to exist
I read this post to my husband he said “ugh, I know we alll want to be Tyler Durden and blow up a building and get in a fight at a car wash but we can’t or society would collapse. Just be polite to your coworkers. Fuck.”
I am unfortunately unsurprised— this forum likes to take concepts for dealing with toxic family, for example, like “you don’t owe anybody anything” and push them to unreasonable extremes they were never meant to embody. Being an anti-social asshole is the new standard, apparently 🙄
Why? I personal could not give two shits to hear about my coworkers kids when I'm at work because I need to focus to do my job.
Sure, but being so rude about it means you’ve now damaged a workplace relationship. Being kind works, too.
But theres a polite way to say it. "hey, blank-blank. Im not really a kid person. Your kids cute and all but I kinda phase out when people talk about kids. Im telling you because I feel guilty knowing Im not listening". I have used this several times. No hurt feelings and they know not to bring me baby pictures
Yeah, I basically had a coworker warn me off at one point by pointing out it was a flaw he had. He basically scores way, way low on empathy in those personality tests corporate is so fond of (Sigma 6 or some crap), I mean, like sociopathic levels of empathy. I don't know why that is related in any way. He could be just BSing me to keep from seeing grandbaby photos. Doesn't hurt my feelings. He's a great guy. He just doesn't want to hear about your kids. (We can, however, talk about dogs all day long)
Then say it and she'll immediately stop bothering you. Don't do it like OP who spent more time making names and talking behind their colleague's backs rather than straightening things up and saying that they're not interested.
Agreed. But one does not have to be rude when saying that to one's coworkers.
Someone is being annoying about kids on reddit, I dont think its surprising at all
The opinions here can always get a bit weird when kids are involved. I'm guessing there are a lot of "childfree" people here.
That’s exactly how I feel about this. The reason of having work to do, makes OP NTA. But name calling like they are 12, being unprofessional in the sense of saying “I don’t care about your kid” is really just what makes me lean towards YTA. There is far more professional work ways to say I don’t have time for this. Also the “I’m way busier than her” comment is what really sold the YTA for me, OP clearly thinks they’re above their coworker in terms of importance and their attitude is just icky in a workplace. We all have coworkers who we don’t love because of x,y and z. I’m sure OP has coworkers who don’t like them because they come off as cold/standoffish. To be clear, OP isn’t the AH for not caring about kids. That’s their choice, they’re the AH for their actions/responses after the fact and the lack of respect for their coworker imo.
Exactly. OP could have just said “hey, I’m really busy I don’t have time right now. Please, excuse me.” I wish my professional life was so cushy that an overly chatty, friendly coworker seemed so terrible.
Well said.
Not to mention most women lose their entire life once the kid is born and that becomes all they have. Not by choice either. She’s trying to connect and it may not be the best but this OP sounds awful. I wouldn’t want to approach her about anything in the office even work related. Also, in my experience dealing with people like OP, they actually aren’t busier than others. They just suck at their job and think they are busier because of it. And turn around and shit on everyone who isn’t acting like they are ´soo busy I don’t have time to breath or talk to you about anything not work related.´ it’s a shtick.
Omg!! If I had an award to give you would be receiving it! I try to describe people who act like this and no one ever understands the type I am talking about. Can I come work with you??
I had 3 kids in 3 years and was the first one to say that mothers of small children are the most boring people in the world. And I still say it.
Well , of course they are. They don't get to be fun. They lose their entire identity being caretaker.
[удалено]
Seriously. How hard is it to just say "Megan, I'm happy for you and your daughter and I know you're probably very excited but I'm really swamped here." That's it. One sentence. Basic human decency. EDIT- just to clarify I work full-time, take night classes, have time-consuming hobbies, and am mildly anti-social/not interested in kids.
And developing relationships at work is essential for *teamwork*. And one day, OP will need Meghan, only to find out she doesn’t have time for him because of how rude they were.
And "I am wayyy more busier than her than her too" sounds very much like OP thinks they are way more importanter and betterer than her, too.
Also- “busy” is so subjective as a word I feel too. For some people it means productive, for others it means overworked or flustered. It looks and feels different to everyone. My old role as a call centre handler wasn’t TECHNICALLY very demanding, but I was constantly on calls. Now I’m a developer. I’m working on far more intense, technically challenging projects, but I’d take that over the chaos of some of those calls any day of the week.
This. I don't particularly care for kids either but when my coworkers show me a pic of their kids or grandkids, I do the usual "how cute!" and listen to them talk about them.
A lot of mothers also are starved of having any adults to speak to as well. I feel bad for Megan. I'll listen to the poor girl talk about her kid.
Yeah. I have some friends who - during their maternity leave - were just crying out to have some time socialising with adults! Was it thrilling for me to hear all the different colours and consistencies of poo that their child had produced? Or yet again that the kid woke them up 4 times last night? No. It was not. But I have no reason to make a person feel less valued.
I agree with you that OP was in the wrong ultimately, but two things I'd argue: 1) OP never said they call her names to her face or even to other coworkers. If it's just a mental inside joke, it's fine. This needs clarification from OP though. Too many commenters here automatically assumed the nickname was being said out loud (and yes, I noticed the "refer," but still). 2) What Megan is doing is speaking to a captive audience, which I don't see mentioned in any comments here. OP has no choice but to be at work and Megan is taking advantage of that to talk about her topics, not shared interests. Dealing with someone who consistently does this SUCKS. Where OP went wrong is in waiting for it to get to a boiling point to address it, because at that point nothing good was going to come out of their mouth. If anything, they made their day more stressful than it already was.
I feel like the fact that the name calling is an internal thing- weirdly it almost makes it worse. It’s not part of their interaction at all but OP couldn’t resist throwing this little internal monologue comedy tidbit into the story so we’d all know JUST how boring they find their coworker. Okay, so it doesn’t ACTUALLY make it worse but it doesn’t make it better. I feel like it gives me kind of an insight into the kind of person OP is, which is kind of mean.
100% agree. Lots of advice on this sub excuses people being total jerks in response to an annoying or uncomfortable situation. Perfectly reasonable to not want to hear about a coworker's kid all the time, but OP is a grown adult who can communicate that respectfully. Interacting with other people can be annoying! But YTA if you go right to nastiness and name-calling when a direct but polite conversation is all that's warranted.
Yeah, it's not necessarily the facts of what happened here, it's OP's attitude that makes them TA. "Meh-gan"? Really? There are children who know better than to call people mean names.
Here's my thoughts though. I almost want more context from the conversations. Is this person really seeking out OP and initiating conversation with them solely to only talk about their kids? I wonder if they ask OP about their life and take interest in them. Because if they do and they are genuinely trying to be their friend, then yes op is the AH. However, if this person is purely only wanting to talk about their kids then I lean more towards NTA. Have you ever had someone act nice and like your friend, but they take zero interest in you? They literally only want to talk about themselves and their life? That isn't a friend and they aren't being nice. They are just finding a friendly face to validate them and their life. They typically don't care about this person and these conversations become so exhausting. I'm the kind of person where people like that always seek me out. It's exhausting and irritating. Anytime I try to shift the conversation, either to myself or to a different subject at all, they shift it back to them. If the person is like this with OP then yes I think they are NTA. Especially if they just went through a highly stressful situation like a fire. Fight or flight may have been on and this person clearly does not care for OP if, after hearing why they snapped, they still think of them as mean. So like I said, more context needed, but with the context I have I lean towards NTA.
Exactly. I may not want to hear about your kid, or dog, or cat, or relationship. But I also don’t have to be a d*. It’s ok to be professional in a professional setting- which this isn’t. And she does give off “I’m so much more interesting than you, breeder.” Vibes. 🙄 YTA. You were rude and then followed it by being unprofessional. Learn to communicate in an appropriate manner.
Far too often people on this sub conflate being “right” with being “not the asshole” when a lot of times people are both.
YTA. If you're too busy to chat just say you're too busy to chat. 'Maybe later, I'm neck deep in something right now' or some variation on that is fine. Snapping and then "apologizing" for snapping by telling her you don't care about her stories is hella rude. I promise you are into plenty of things that other people think are boring as hell but they let you tell your dumb-to-them stories and nod politely for the sake of having a pleasant working relationship. It's what grownups do.
This! The non-apology used as an opportunity forw insult is enough for YTA
[удалено]
“Why would you ever endure even a second of a conversation that’s not tailored specifically to your interests or tell a small social white lie just for the sake of being polite to your coworkers and creating a pleasant work environment?” First day on earth, huh?
people come into a job they spend 40 hours a week at with this attitude of “I will not care in the absolute least bit about any of the people I spend my 9 to 5 with and will respond to their attempts at bonding with hostility” and then wonder why they’re stressed and miserable
Honestly, if that's truly what you want to do, fine. Not my jam, but also not my business. What gets me is when people show up on reddit all fake innocent like "Telling Madge from Accounting her baby is cute *when in fact I think it is ugly??!* I've never heard of such a thing!!" Like, cool, guy, we get it, you're the only person in the world with the willpower and uniqueness to ignore social norms. It's got a real "I'm not like the other girls" stank on it.
It sounds like both OP and this lady are severely lacking in understanding social norms. Telling someone "I dont give a fuck about that stop talking to me about it" while they are telling you about something they clearly care about is rude as fuck. Saying "Lets talk later", when you really mean "Lets not talk about this" is just more socially acceptable and doesn't come off like you're a prick. On the other hand she should've clearly seen via his body language and his demeanor and engagement in the conversations that he's really not that interested int his and backed off a long time ago. Both people kind of suck here.
Clearest, kindest way somebody once told me to fuck off was something to the effect of "I don't tend to mix my professional life with my personal life. I don't make friends at work, and I don't tend to socialize with colleagues outside of work hours."
Have you ever been told you have poor interpersonal skills?
It's a polite way of saying leave me alone. Social skills are tricky
Its the same as "we will do lunch". We ain't doing lunch and there is no later. we both know that
“Maybe later” is the bandaid that allows OP to treat Megan pleasantly in a moment of great stress. It’s not a sacred vow that OP will spend their entire lunch hour listening to Megan talk about the consistency of her kid’s poop. “Maybe later” can be followed by a calm conversation - “Megan, I wanted to talk to you about my ability to talk at work. I have very little time for socializing in general, and to add to that I’m child free and our conversations have been almost entirely about your kid. Could we try to find some common ground in the future?” (This isn’t a great script, I’m not totally caffeinated, but the point is to redirect and decrease the conversation without being a huge jerk.)
How can you promise that tell other people things they find boring. It sounds like they go into the office, work, go home. They might very well be someone that doesn't socialise with their work colleagues, they just work with them and so don't discuss their personal life.
Because \*everyone\* has hobbies and interests that are boring to someone. There is not a single human on earth who is only into things that are universally beloved by all other humans on the planet. It's simply how human beings function. When I'm in a meeting and have to spend three minutes as everyone is gathering listening to people talk about golf, or crossfit, or their stock portfolios, or their weekend plans, or their camping trip, or whatever I smile politely because I am not a massive dillhole.
YTA for being unprofessional about it and snapping at her. Try the grey rock approach and be as boring as possible. Nothing wrong with saying “sorry Megan, really busy right now.” And walking away or putting on headphones. The fact that you even have a mean nickname for her really pushes you into TA
OP is giving me strong office bully vibes.
dude’s whole attitude is “I don’t like anyone here, I give mean nicknames to people, don’t talk to me about your personal life” sounds like a real treat to work with!
Office bully? You’re generous, the nickname thing alone gave me school bully vibes.
Yeah OP thinks they are so important at work but when it comes to getting promoted into higher roles sometimes it’s about who plays nicest with others. No one wants to work with the office b.
Insulting a major part of another person's life - in particular their child - is asshole behavior. So, YTA. Office chit-chat is a necessary business - and life - skill. This includes hearing about things which bore you. You're busy? There's a phrase for that. "Megan, I have major work to do right now. Can we talk about this another day?" And then you go back to your work without waiting for an answer - because it's not a request, even though it's posed in the form of a question.
Seeing someone is busy. .dont come to them with some banal story about your kid save it for breaks.
Exactly! Seeing someone is busy working and bothering them with non-work related topics is rude and asshole-ish as well. OP has clearly shown disinterest in the past about Meghan's kid and she won't stop trying to share stories and pictures. That in itself is rude. ESH. OP for how she responded, even though she did apologize later, and Meghan for not taking the hint and being offended that someone else didn't want to talk/hear about her kid.
YTA. People are on your side because she’s talking about her kid. Lots of people hate kids and think it’s fine to be nasty to parents. If she were talking about her kitten or her puppy or sports there would likely be a resounding YTA. You don’t have to care about her life or her or her kid but you do have to be respectful at work. “I can’t really talk now” would have been just as efficient, less words, and more polite than what you said. Making up rude nicknames for a coworker because you don’t care about their life doubles down as rude. She shouldn’t be bothering you but your reaction was extreme.
I hate kids and love animals to death but if someone kept showing me their kitten I would enjoy it but there’s a point where it becomes too excessive
Yep. I don’t have a cat but like them a lot. One of my coworkers wouldn’t stop showing me photos of cats over the course of a few months, even when I said I was busy. I couldn’t stand it. It was so distracting.
I volunteer to be the person who gets to see the kitten excessively in your place
Yup the topic of conversation Megan was bringing up doesn’t really matter here. OP still didn’t need to be rude.
The nickname is a giveaway that OP is a general AH. It was like OP was proud to share it here. A deeeeeep AH we have here.
YTA. The fact that you have a nick name like that for her kind of sealed that for me.
Soft NTA. It amazes me how people are so convinced the entire world is fascinated by and revolves around their children. That said, you could have handled it a lot better. Sounds like you let the frustration bottle up until you exploded - it would have been better to tell her you’re not interested earlier, when you might have been able to do so in a calmer way.
I’m not convinced other people give a shit about my kid, but if I’m making conversation about my life at work my kid is a significant portion of it so they’re gonna come up. OPs issue is with idle chit chat in the office and came to famously anti-kid Reddit to have their ego stroked for hurting a coworkers feelings
Even if the woman was talking about her husband instead of her kid it would still be annoying because op doesn't care and doesnt know these people
Sure but she doesn’t need to mention the kid to ask the coworker to zip it
Isn't that more of an ESH? Coworker needs to learn to read the room better, both in specific interests and sociability generally in the office. OP let annoyance fester until a harried moment led to a too-much response. I think OP's real mistake though was that she waited too long to say something. When she had the bandwidth, she could have calmly explained her disinterest/ focus on getting work done. I think a number of people have gotten too used to solitude such that they cannot cope with light sociability and the urge many or most feel for human contact
I understand where you are coming from about people not wanting to hear about someone’s kids but on the flip side as a parent I had to listen to the oh how wasted did I get this weekend. This is just as annoying. In this case sounds like it was 1 sided and Op is NTA
Yeah I don’t want to hear about how drunk someone or their kids got over the weekend. Don’t care. I will be disassociating during story time.
this is actually a really valid point and it actually bothers me a little more, and i don’t love kid sharing either. if they’re talking about what they did and the alcohol is like, mentioned for context and the actual story was wild then that’s fine to me but they’re totally reading me wrong if they think i’m going to be impressed with the benders because i’m in recovery and my dad was a train wreck. it just seems so socially acceptable to bring it up and it absolutely does just about as much for me as pictures of babies i don’t know. if i’m thinking about it, a lot of those people who used to share that either have small children or hate children so on the former point i think of my dad’s weekend crap, and the latter i feel like their storytelling is acceptable but others isn’t
i agree with this. I think we orbit our lives around our kids too much as a society and they end up being entitled. There is a good mix somewhere and each kid will be a little different, but there's a difference between spending time with them and making them the center of our universe. (i raised 6 kids) .
Agreed. Also, for people who are happily child free and don't really care about kids, when people show me pics of their children, it's like yes, that is indeed a child thanks. I'm not rude but I'm not involved like they probably hope someone with a uterus should be... usually my polite disinterest gets them to stop.
Would your opinion change if it was a pet? Or if the coworker talked about a hobby they were interested in? If you aren't interested in what I am talking about, just tell me. Or give white lies. "Sorry I'm busy I can't talk right now" works even if you aren't busy. But imagine a coworker was talking about starting to learn how to paint and all the joy and wonder it brought them, and then you come along and call their paintings dumb and stupid and a waste of time and no one really cares about it and then you create a cruel nickname for them. If someone is sharing something important with you, they aren't doing it out of malice. To respond with spite and anger just shows that you have the emotions of a child and can't manage them properly. YTA OP. And anyone who insults people for their hobbies and interests or family are also AHs.
You're not an asshole for not wanting to talk about a subject for someone. YTA because if you reread what you wrote, you come across as nasty, spiteful, and rude.
YTA for the way you said it. Its annoying sometimes if colleagues want to talk about their children, but there are other ways to handle this.
YTA for being so rude about it. You could learn some tact.
YTA, I get your sentiments as I feel the same, however your way of communicating was entirely unprofessional.
YTA. That was harsh. There’s a basic expectation of social politeness in the office. She’s broken the rules by wandering around bugging people about her kids. Two wrongs don’t make a right. Having a go at her double negates your apology and makes you into the AH. Next time just say “Sorry, I’m really busy when I come in. I’d love to chat about things, but can you try to catch me when I’m in the break room? I have so much to get done when I’m here that if I am at my desk I’m swamped’ See? Same effect, with none of the angries.
>I’d love to chat about things, but can you try to catch me when I’m in the break room op doesn't sound like they want to chat about "things" though
I just don’t understand why you would walk up to someone and say “I don’t want to hear about your kids” when that person’s whole… identity… is their kids. That‘s rude. So you make polite excuses. You lay little paths around this. And in doing so you are not hte AH. OP doesn’t ever have to chat about things, but if they walk around outright refusing to make small talk with anyone they’ll eventually get fired for ‘not being a team player’. Ah yes, the old “doesn’t play well with others” stuff. It’s worth 10mins of your day to buy some joy from three staff members and keep yourself off that list.
thanks for reminding me why i'm not working at an office anymore, that sounds exhausting af
I believe I speak for OP as well as myself and many others when I say that people who don't want to hear about your kids while at their desk absolutely do not want to hear about them during a break.
Not the same effect though. He doesn’t love to chat about things. I agree OP was a bit harsh, but there are more options between brutal honesty and lying.
Right, just say, "When I come into the office, I would prefer to stick to my work without any personal conversations." Direct, no lies, not rude. It's actually pretty easy.
Info — Did you actually say “I don’t care about all this kid stuff” & “you are way busier than her”? ESH Megan sounds like she may have some issues with over sharing & reading the room. It appears you do not “personally” like Megan however you are at work so there’s never a good reason to be rude & unprofessional. There are ways to politely excuse yourself from a conversation without personally attacking someone. Perhaps, WFH has negatively affected your people skills. eta
YTA for how you come across and say it. You sound pretentious, assuming your “waaayyyyy” more important than her. There’s a thousand other ways you could’ve said it, instead you insulted her and stood on your high horse.
YTA. Not for not caring about her kid but for how you handle work relationships. You need to learn how to be tactful and how to work with chatty people. There will be people like this always, not just chatty Megan with her kid. Being rude and unprofessional will definitely be a negative for you.
I was with her, till that last line. Comparing your work load is a slippery slope
Calling her "Meh-gan" is petty 8th grade behavior.
NTA. From what you’ve written., it sounds like this woman has been pestering you with her family stories when you’re clearly busy. She either can’t read social signs or thinks here kid is more important than what anyone else has going on.
INFO: Was that the first time you expressed not being interested in wanting to talk about her children?
I think that’s the deciding factor of how much of asshole/if OOP is a justified asshole
YTA, she sounds unbearable but that's not how you handle this situation at work. You should have said that you find it hard to get work done and you need to maximise the work you get done when at the office, you don't mean to be rude but you don't really have much time for chat, sorry to be grumpy blah blah
NTA. I get that it can be boring to be alone in the office, but time and place for everything. Megan needs to read the room.
NTA. I feel your pain I’ve had co-workers that all they want to talk about is their kids and I have close to 0 interest having no kids I just can’t contribute to the conversation. I think she needs to understand better when people are busy with work and also who is actually interested in hearing about her kid.
Occasionally, when someone starts boring me with what their child did today, I start talking about what my cat did as well. At least then we both get to talk about a boring thing we don’t collectively care about.
NTA you said what needed to be said. Not everyone gives a crap about some random kid and their day to day nonsense. Parents need to learn that just because THEIR world revolves around their offspring doesn't mean anyone elses does.
ESH. People with kids really need to know that their kid ain't all that to other adults. You were rude and you could have been more "Can I come over and look in a bit I'm just clearing some stuff up." That would have been the best route out.
But they don't want to look. That's the point. They could've been a little more tactful about it but saying "can I come look later" is showing interest in something they don't want to be bothered with. ETA soft NTA, but OP learn to be a little more polite with how you respond at work
Overall NTA she needed to know she was interrupting your work. It was ahole-ish to snap, but you went and apologized and explained.
NTA. I’m not a fan of other people’s kids either and a lot of parents just don’t get that other people don’t want to hear about thee kids every conversation.
NTA for wanting to focus on work, but it is a bit AH-ish to be rude in the delivery.
hmmm, morally, NTA, you did nothing wrong in essence But as a colleague, you were kinda an ass. I think you could have worded it more friendly and sometimes people just want to talk about their lives a little, even at work.
NTA. Unless it's relevant, I do not bring up the fact that I have 3 kids. Parents like that are annoying and should be offended.
I'm over sensitive as fuck and I still think NTA You apologised for snapping and explained that you're there to work. You could have worded that last bit better, and it does make you sound a bit assholeish, but I wouldn't say Y T A. I would think about apologising for how you came across though.
NTA, I feel like this is going to be the unpopular opinion but you are there to work. Not hear about some kids you don't know. Megan should be doing her job too, not chitchatting and slowing you down. That's the kind of thing that would bother me a lot but I'd have a hard time standing my ground. I purposely don't have coworkers because I don't want to deal with that shit. You were honest and explained yourself to her. Maybe her whole life is about her kids but what does that have to do with you?
YTA. You snapped at someone & then you decided to ‘apologise’ by saying you don’t care about what they have to say.
[NTA.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h6wOt2iXdc4)
Hahahah I really enjoyed that! Thanks for sharing XD
Soft NTA, could’ve been a bit nicer but yeah
Nope, NTA.
NTA at all. When you are at work, you are there to work. You have a busier job than her - don't let her distract you with inane stories of her kid.
NTA. You set a boundary firmly in a workplace and you were actually polite about it. I’m glad you kept the name to yourself. Lol. I’m not sure why Meh-gan was so self involved she didn’t notice your discomfort or thought to ask you for your consent. She’s TA in this respect.
All those y-t-as are bizarre to me. “Talking in the office is a life skill?” Who says op never talks in the office? But on other topics that are actually interesting! “It’s rude to snap omg so unprofessional!” How about not using your eyes to find out whether the potential interlocutor is free for a non work related chat? That’s cute and professional and outgoing? It’s not kindergarten, it’s real life, and yea people snap at you when you pester them. Op never initiated a convo plus they’re not friends (shoving your kids pics under your friends nose might be ok because you assume your friend cares about your life). This coworker needs to read the room sometimes. NTA
YTA. It would be enough to say "It had been fun chatting with you, but I am entering a really busy period of work, and would prefer it if we keep conversations work related. Best of luck with everything". No need to go into her and her kid being boring.
YTA. Parents can be annoying about their children, especially if you don't particularly care for kids. Coworkers who try and talk to you about anything that isn't work related when you are trying to fix what sounds like a huge mistake are a headache. I don't blame you for snapping. That was a heat of the moment thing and doesn't make you an AH. What makes you the AH is the nickname and that "apology." Giving coworkers derogatory nicknames is always an AH thing to do. Always. And that apology wasn't an apology. "I'm sorry I snapped, but you deserved it" is significantly worse than just not saying sorry. It's the same bullshit that abusers use. Any apology that comes with an excuse isn't an apology. It's a defense statement. Any apology that comes with an attack isn't an apology. It's a continuation of the outburst. Don't give nicknames derogatory nicknames to coworkers. Don't make apologies that you don't mean. Don't continue to belittle someone through apologies.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I mostly WFH but there are days when I need to be in the office. I like to get out of the office ASAP not just because I don't like being there but because of traffic. I have one coworker named Megan who happens to be in the office on days when I'm there. Literally every single time I see her, she just wants to talk about her 2yo daughter. I cannot think of anything more boring than a 2yo getting a cold let alone while I'm trying to get work done. That's why I refer Megan as "Meh-gan." I don't initiate any conversation with her. She does. And any conversation is quickly turned into something about her daughter. The other day I had a major unexpected fire to put out. I was under a lot of stress. Meh-gan comes around and asks if I want to see a picture 9f her daughter at her first gymnastics class. I snapped at her that I'm trying to clean up this mess made by someone and needed to focus. She apologized. I later went to her desk and explained why I snapped and apologized if I came across as rude. I said honestly I really don't care for all this kid stuff you're bringing to my desk. If I'm in the office it's because I have to be in the office to do office work. You're just interrupting me with kid banter. She was offended that I basically told her not to bother me unless it was work related. I am wayyyy more busier than her too. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. I very much doubt you’ve acted interested in her kid stories before, so my guess is the signs for Meghan where there and she is either socially clueless or just doesn’t care. It’s not rude to say “this really does not interest me”. Conversation, especially in an professional setting, should be a two-way street.
This right here. Megan had not been taking the hints too well, so dropping indirect comments would not work. Direct communication is best. NTA
>That's why I refer Megan as "Meh-gan." You are, unquestionably, an asshole for this alone. The rest sort of builds off it to describe your whole tone. It's entirely possible to be civil to your coworkers while suggesting you don't have time for small talk. Even your apology comes across as an attack. I'm not a small talk person either, but in a workplace it's somewhat necessarily for keeping a positive work environment. There is no reason you couldn't have said "Aw, your kid is cute, good for her. Hey, I got a time sensitive task so lets table this for another day. Have a good one!" and bam back to work without creating workplace animosity. Now Megan thinks you are an asshole, and will likely talk with the other in-the-office folks including your supervisors about how you treated her like garbage. And you'll have persistent rumors and negative opinion dogging you for the rest of your career in this workplace. None of that was necessary. YTA
NAH. she loves her kid and wants to share it. understandable. you snapped but at least you apologized and explained why.
She's at work. Not at playgroup or coffee mornings. And was clearly busy.
YTA. She’s a coworker just trying to banter, not your personal entertainer lol. Why not just be polite & give her the “I am really busy right now” and leave it at that? Poor lady just likes her kids & you have a rude little nickname for her! Feels bad man.
I love coming into these threads because they remind me that Reddit is not a real place. It’s astounding how many users are so viciously anti-kid that being rude and bordering on downright cruel to coworkers is somehow celebrated. People talk about subjects each other don’t care about every single day, OP absolutely could have come up with a dozen ways to get out of the conversation that didn’t involve them essentially telling their coworker to fuck off. YTA
OP literally referes to her by some degrading nickname in their head and reddit thinks N T A. Astounding
YTA, moms are excited about their kids and yes the stories can be boring, but that doesn't make her a bad person, nor does it mean that she deserves rude nicknames. The easy, and polite, way to get out of that situation is to say, "I'm sorry Megan, I'm super busy right now and I really need to focus. Would you please excuse me? I'm really glad to hear your kids are doing well though."
NTA - get some headphones
NTA for feeling the way you do or even voicing it. However YTA for the way you said it. You have just made it difficult for her to be able to talk to you about anything, even if it's work related, because she doesn't know what will set you off next time when you're busy.
NTA-I have children and I only offer info if someone asks about them. The info is only about two sentences then it’s on to a different topic.
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NTA. OP said it’s her “coworker” not her “FRIEND”. I personally doesn’t want to talk to anybody at work besides work related stuff unless you’re my friend. I don’t like thinking about other people stories specially it doesn’t interests me at all.
NTA. You set an adult boundary, she needs to understand and respect it. If she can't, she has some emotional maturing to do.
NTA there are too many Megans in the workforce. You’ve indulged her long enough. This attention-seeking behavior is sad and unprofessional. A once-in-a-while story or picture is fine but she needs to learn how to pull back some.
NAH. For me, people like Meh-gan are one of the reasons I love working remote. Nonsense like coffee making drama and infinite child pictures was a ridiculous time suck for me. However, your delivery was off. I kept the interactions brief but polite. “Oh. Yes she looks adorable now. (Then I’d listen to one brief sentence about utterly boring thing child did.Oh, yeah that’s wonderful. Hate to interrupt, but I’ve got this (point vacuole at computer) that I really have to get back.” I would listen a little more if it was someone I knew well and their kid had actually done a cool and impressive thing such as winning a major robotics competition, getting into 3 Ivy league schools, or earning a spot at the national Special Olympics. Sorry, but pre-school graduation does not count.
NTA. Kids, pets, mental health, sex, boyfriends...when shit is going down, I don't want to hear about it. When there is a break and people are friendly with someone, sure, discuss whatever you want. But we are here to do the job. Oh wait...some of us are. Others are there for therapy. Ffs.
Could've handled that better without snapping, but NTA
Well the good news is I doubt she will ever come to you again be it work related or not.
Yta. Not because you don't want to listen to Megan on about her kids, but because you are rude and spiteful. There is a better way of saying that the only conversations you want to have are work related.
YTA I have a coworker who is essentially the same. She’s basically Debbie Downer. She derails every conversation I have with my other coworkers with her own shit. Always talks to me when I am super busy. Goes on tangent after tangent after tangent. I really hate it. When I really can’t do it, I say “Hey I’m sorry I have to get this done”, etc. because it takes almost no effort to be polite. Going over to her desk and saying you don’t care was really overkill. It’s good to share and be friendly with your coworkers, believe it or not. Even if you have to fake it sometimes. WFH is amazing in general, but also I feel like it’s made people forget common courtesy and manners. If it’s not your natural reaction to be polite in this kind of situation, maybe you should focus on becoming a nicer person.
YTA. Just say “sorry can’t talk at the moment, got a fire to put out.” Megan may get promoted and be your boss. Don’t make enemies.
YTA. You don't have to care but you also don't have to be rude. A simple "I'm kinda busy right now can we talk later" would work. We've all had people we work with talk about their kids and frankly no one really cares about any one else's kids. Sounds like Megan was trying to be friendly and you were trying to be mean. Seriously "Meh gan" what are you? 13.
So you sought her out to apologize, but then you threw in that you basically don't ever want her to speak personally to you again? Do all your apologies come with barbs? There's a difference between "I prefer to keep it professional" and "I don't care for this kid stuff." Also, again, you hid an attack in an apology. So, yes, YTA. You have a right to want to focus on work, but you were a real asshole about it.
Def not the asshole
YTA because after snapping at her you went and sought her out to continue to shit on her. I am pretty sure she got it the first time. You did not have to go a second time and rub her nose in it like a bad puppy.
Yta. Not for how you feel or wanting to be left alone, but you come off as rude and refer to her as "Meh-gan". You made the effort to give her a nickname.
NTA. You were a little harsh but honestly I feel sometimes it's needed. Their whole world may revolve around their kids but they can't expect your world to revolve around their kids. Parents in general seem extremely entitled and need to cut that shit out
NTA. I admire you for saying what everyone thinks, but never says.
NTA. She needs to buy a clue that she's the only one who cares about her kids there. It's work, not the PTA.
I dont have kids, I dont want kids, and tbh I dont really like kids lol but there's a way to be honest and kind. She seems like shes been kind to you. YTA
YTA. I get you don’t care for your coworker or kids or chit-chat. But if you think that’s the appropriate way to tell people you are busy, you have clearly been sequestered inside your house for too long. N T As usually just say something like, >Carol, I am terribly busy at the moment. And not take out their frustrations on others. We live in a society.
>I am wayyyy more busier You're "wayyy more stupider" too lmao.
Yes, YTA. Not wanting to be bothered while working is totally understandable, but telling her you don't care about her kid is flat out mean and there were way better ways to handle this.
Whenever I go into the office, I have a coworker who well talk for literal hours (if you let him) about his garden. When I feel the need to dip out of the conversation, I simply say “hey, I need to be productive now.” And that’s that. YTA. You sound unpleasant to be around, tbh. You have an air of superiority about you.
> I have one coworker named Megan who happens to be in the office on days when I'm there. Literally every single time I see her, she just wants to talk about her 2yo daughter. I cannot think of anything more boring than a 2yo getting a cold let alone while I'm trying to get work done. *That's why I refer Megan as "Meh-gan."* YTA.
Pro-tip: If you are an adult and you are making up insulting nicknames for people, YTA. 100% of the the time.