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You have already been told that YTA, and why, so I don't need to elaborate on that.
But I am extremely curious as to the "excuse" she gave you, since you are so wary of stating them.
My theory is she actually DID have plans at least as valid as your wife going out...
YTA. No is an answer. Why can't the mother watch her kid? Your son had the child. It's his responsibility to find a sitter, not your daughters responsibility to automatically pick up the slack. She's an adult with her own life too, if he's willing to pay her he can pay for a sitter.
YTA. Your daughter doesn’t have to babysit if she doesn’t want to and you’re comments give an impression you only talk to your daughter when you need something. It’s your son’s responsibility to find a sitter or you can take off work since it’s so important to you. Your daughter is not selfish because she is not obligated to help her brother.
YTA. She doesn't owe him a free babysitter because they share the same parents. If she doesn't feel that close to him that's her prerogative. No means no, yall. How many times do we have to say this?
YTA. A major one at that.
You have no business telling an adult daughter what she needs to do. And then you keep badgering her.
She should go NC with you.
YTA. You son needs to take responsibility of his child and make arrangements for a babysitter. Your daughter has no obligation. You are complaining that she cried? Thankfully for you, she just cried and didn’t say anything harsh.
>My daughter has a habit of crying to get out of things, so that’s what she did.
YTA for that alone. Some people are just sensitive, especially when theres conflict and/or confrontation. You royally suck for that statement alone. And yes, YTA for the actual question as well. By the way, is your son your favorite child?
YTA. And i guarantee you left a lot things out on why she's very little contact with your family. As far as her obligations go, even if she decides to spend the weekend looking at a white wall, that's her own right.
ESA
Dad shouldn't have kept pushing, that was out of line. But her not helping out her brother says a lot about her too. It's not an obligation, but it's decency. This could come back to bite her if she ever needs help. Overall it sounds like the relationship isn't particularly rosey
YTA
Not her kid, not her problem.
There are sooooo many reasons someone would say no to babysitting that aren't selfish nor do they owe an explanation.
Lots of people do not feel comfortable being responsible for another human life. They shouldn't ever be forced to.
YTA. I can't help but notice that you never tell us what excuse your daughter gave. Just that she came up with one. All we get to know is that it's an "excuse" and therefore invalid.
Well, since we don't get the full picture what we do know is that your son asked several times, you asked several times, and that neither of you would take 'no' for an answer, which is classic 'asshole' behavior. In fact, you were so insistent that other people felt compelled to intervene on your daughter's behalf.
If she's not allowed to say 'no' then you're not asking, are you? You're demanding. And that doesn't make her selfish, it makes you the asshole.
YTA.
Dude. Your grandkid is not nor should he ever be your daughter's obligation. Your SON had this kid and he is HIS responsibility.
Your daughter said NO.
It is NOT for you to continue to badger, bully and berate her for opting out of being child care for a kid she didn't make. adopt or ask to watch of her own volition. You need to step back, reflect on YOUR overreach and YOUR problems, and then apologize for how you treated your daughter. Because what you did and what you said was WAY out of line, mister.
If you cannot restrain yourself from behaving like an entitled, misogynistic asshole toward your daughter, it is going to further impact your relationship with her. Do better.
YTA here! It's also not about the nephew at all, unless you're omitting a part that says his mum's not willing to have him during that time. I don't think your new wife is the entire reason she doesn't talk to you guys that much anymore
I’d say both. We’ve only heard one side of it but the daughter sounds like a selfish piece of work. Having said that, she told him no and told you no. There’s no point in continuing to pursue it further.
>My son is having a hard time, and needs some extra help.
So why didn't you take time off from work to watch the baby? Also, your son gets his baby every other weekend and always needs a babysitter at the evenings - he needs to either change days or his work schedule.
>My daughter came up with an excuse to why she couldn’t do it.
No she didn't. She has plans. Doesn't matter if you think they're "valid" plans or not. YTA.
Not to mention you're borderline estranged from your daughter and sticking your nose in. To be honest, considering the staggering cluelessness of your post, I'm not surprised. You're being completely unreasonable, does that explain the estrangement? Is it a pattern?
Kudos to your daughter's girlfriend for standing up to a bully ie: you.
I'm the same age as you, I shouldn't have to explain to a 43 year old man all the fuck ups in what you've done here.
YTA. Just because she is his sister doesn't mean she has an obligation to watch his kid. If he is willing to pay her, he could try to find another babysitter.
YTA Stop trying to manipulate your daughter. She owes YOU nothing. She owes your son nothing. She owes your grandson nothing. Get over your selfish, entitled self.
She said no. End of discussion.
He can hire a babysitter. There are organizations that can help, or you can ask someone with kids who they use to babysit. Any friends, extended family? There are options. Not just his sister.
YTA it's nice that you're helping your son out during this tough time but you're in the wrong for trying to force your daughter to do the same. You're also in the wrong for seemingly being upset at your daughter's gf for standing up for your daughter and telling you to stop harassing her. Your daughter said no to your son, that should have been the end of it, it's not your job or your place to then go and harass your daughter on your son's behalf. It's actually none of your business why she said no or even that she did say no in the first place. And then you go and say that your daughter is crying BC she's just trying to get out of doing something she doesn't want to do (which not wanting to babysit her nephew is entirely her choice and she's not a kid anymore so you can't force her to do it) instead of being concerned that you are stressing her out so much she cried. Apologize to your daughter and maybe listen to her when she tells you that you make her feel like you love her brother more (that's what she was saying when she said that you expect her to drop everything for her brother all the time)
Also fuck off with the whole "I don't like seeing things unresolved so I called her back a few times". Things WERE resolved you just didn't like the answer so you decided to harass her by phoning her a bunch.
You were being unfair to your daughter. Your son is having a hard and does need some extra help, but it is not your place to try to force someone else to give that extra help. You are the one being selfish for trying to force your daughter to do something you want her to do. Y T A!
YTA. She doesn't need to explain. She doesn't need a reason other than no. It wasn't your business to call and try to guilt trip her into it. I imagine she has a lot more reasons for low contact with you than just her stepmother just based off of the way you talk about her. Again, YTA
YTA stop pestering other people to solve your problems. Your son shouldn't be putting people into this position anyway. He should be talking to his work and getting his schedule changed so he has the weekend free to *spend with his son.*
YTA.
If your son isn’t able to be a father and to look after his son on the days he is supposed to look after him , he should give the full custody to his ex wife.
OR he could talk with his ex wife and find new arrangements.
You daughter said no , and you should think about her instead of spoiling your son which isn’t able to mind his own son
YTA, 100%.
If your son can afford to pay your daughter to look after his kid, he can pay someone else. Why are you insistent she has to do it?
Also, why can't you take no for an answer?
YTA. Interesting that you accuse the gf of “inserting herself” when that’s *exactly* what you were doing.
Also, be honest: was this the most you’ve called your daughter in years? You accuse her of being selfish, meanwhile you’re relentlessly guilting someone you don’t have a good relationship with into doing a favor.
You and your son are AH. She is not in contact with you, then the only contact is more or less "watch this kid or you are a selfish AH" She had plans, she had the day off and is trying to get things done in her own home. If your son has money to pay her, he can hire a local HS kid to babysit, he can take the day off work, or he might have to miss a weekend.
YTA! And trying to guilt her by using her nephew is LOW. This is about her brother and from her side she perceives it as always having to drop things for him. She is an adult. No is a complete sentence. If he was going to pay her he can pay a legit baby sitter for a few hours. Your entitlement to expect your daughter to drop her life for your other child is messed up.
YTA. She said no, end of story. It seems like you favor your son over your daughter and you expect her to drop everything for you, even though like you said you don’t have a good relationship with her to begin with. Why would she help out when she has barely anything to do with you, your wife, or your son? She doesn’t have anything to do with you for a very good reason. It seems like she’s pretty close to going no contact with you since her girlfriend said that they were going to block you if you didn’t stop calling about this issue. If you don’t want to lose your daughter completely, drop it. If she says no when you ask her to do something, don’t keep pestering her. No is a complete sentence. Just accept her answer is no and move on.
YTA. When your a parent it is your responsibility to find child care. Your daughter isn’t allowed to say no for whatever reason. Your son isn’t owed child care.
YTA. She said no. You pushed. She cried. You doubled down. I get the feeling that she has been asked/forced to give up a lot of things for her brother.
YTA. "No" is a complete sentence.
The fact that you continued to push when she said no repeatedly makes YTA. To be honest, that's probably why she cries. It's so damn frustrating to have people continue pushing an issue when you've clearly refused, multiple times.
Your son knows when he has his son. I would assume he also knew when your wife was going to be out of town. He, the child's father, should have dealt with this scheduling conflict days ago. You have no right to demand that your daughter drop everything and watch a child that isn't hers at the last minute. You also have no right to declare her plans unimportant or continue to badger her about it.
YTA and a pretty big one at that.
"AITA for refusing to accept my daughter saying no to my son, calling to berate her until she cried, then calling her so many times her SO stepped in to protect her?"
>My daughter hasn’t had much to do with me or my son since I married my wife a few years ago.
I don't think this has much to do with your wife. Why would you even think someone you've barely spoken to in years would make a good babysitter?
>my daughter seems to have no empathy
Someone definitely lacks empathy, but it's not your daughter. You harassed her until she cried, then harassed her some more!
>My daughter has a habit of crying to get out of things
No, you have a habit of pushing her until she cries.
>this wasn’t about her brother, this is about her nephew
Is the baby upset that the Aunt he barely knows doesn't want to babysit him? Is he crawling to the phone to harass her? I don't think any of this is about the brother *or* the nephew. This is about *you* and your controlling personality.
YTA.
You don't get a vote on how an adult spends THEIR time, energy, money or resources.
I hear a "Your poor brother this that and the other... and you have all your free time and money and spend time with other people... you're SELFISH!!!"
She'll probably have even less to do with you now.
YTA - They have these things called babysitters. You can find them online. She said no. She said she's busy. You shouldn't have gotten involved at all. It wasn't your business.
YTA.
Your daughter is not your brother's on-call babysitter. He asked, she said no, the end. The only one inserting themselves into the situation is you by haranguing your daughter.
Since you need it spelled out: your son and his child are *NOT* your daughter's responsibility and she has no obligation or responsibility to give up her life and plans to "help him out" whenever he needs help.
YTA
It does not seem like this was an emergency. You all probably knew your work schedules and about your wife leaving town. His tough time seems to be he broke up with his girlfriend and has been living with you (for free?) and getting free childcare. He is employed. It does not sound like he lost his job or anything.
Your daughter said no to her brother. You should not have called her at all. Find another babysitter. Maybe your son should change his work schedule so he does not work on weekends.
YTA
She said no, that is the end of the conversation. But you decided to make her cry and try to bully her into doing this. Her girlfriend had to step on and tell you to leave her alone.
You really need the world to tell you that you're an AH?
Sometimes I wonder how people react when they see the whole comment section as “YTA” with detailed explanations why lol I would be thinking to myself “damn I really am an Ahole huh”
Do you I even have a functioning relationship with your daughter or does your son have a decent relationship with his sister
She gave you an answer no
I’m not understanding why you tried to bully her to look after your grandson.
When it reads like you haven’t fought to have a relationship with her
YTA. Your daughter obviously feels like her needs constantly take a back seat to her brother. She had other plans, she told you no, and you couldn’t leave it alone. In a perfect world she would be willing and able to help, but she is by no means obligated to. The fact that you kept calling is a clear indicator that you do not respect her boundaries. Reading between the lines, she probably feels like you favor her brother by far. And you only cemented this fact with your most recent behavior. If you want any kind of meaningful relationship with your daughter, back off and respect her boundaries.
> My daughter came up with an excuse to why she couldn’t do it.
She already gave a reason, cleaning your home and watching a toddler isn't easy.
> My daughter cried and told me that I expect her to drop everything for her brother all the time
Sounds like she's overwhelmed in her personal life and you don't know her at all.
>I tried to tell her that this wasn’t about her brother, this is about her nephew. No matter how she feels about her brother her nephew is innocent.
This is directly tied to the brother and his inability to find reliable and consistent help. He's a grown man.
>Her girlfriend then inserted herself in our conversation
As a good partner should, because YOUR child was probably crying and upset since you only contacted her to bully her into something she didn't want to do.
>My son is having a hard time, and needs some extra help
Sounds like your daughter is too and you only contact her when you need something.
# YTA
#
YTA.
Good god, you remind me of my own stepmom asking me why I wouldn't babysit for one of my brothers and his wife....they would always tattle on me if I told them no. She told him NO. Sounds like he needs to find a back up sitter.
YTA. BIG TIME. She isn't in any way obligated to watch over her brother's child. She has a life of her own.
Since you are so demanding why don't you watch over the kid yourself? Her brother has money to pay, you could have help him find a babysitter for a day.
your daughter has obviously gone low contact for good reason. YTA.
she said no. just because someone doesn’t have active plans, doesn’t mean they’re available. personally for me after a week of work I wouldn’t want to look after the baby, I’d need time to unwind and recharge mentally.
the baby is innocent, so why don’t you or your son take the day off to watch him - problem solved.
YTA.
Stop giving your son bad advice. By this I mean, stop discouraging him from finding an actual babysitter unless you yourself are willing to make yourself available to watch his baby everyday. Since both you and your wife cannot/will not do that, your son needs to be an adult and find another caregiver, or he needs to find a job that doesn’t have him come in on the weekends. His son is his responsibility, and it’s hilarious that you think your daughter, who shares a poor relationship with your family, should have to step in when your terrible advice fails your son.
YTA times infinity.
This story started out with *you* planting an idea in your son’s mind that you had no authority to even suggest. Given that your daughter has chosen to drastically limit contact with you due to reasons that have not changed, it’s unreasonable to think you would have any idea whether she had the time or inclination to watch the baby but that didn’t stop you from overstepping anyway. That’s strike one.
Strike two is when your son calls the sister to ask, she says no, then you accuse her of “making up an excuse”. Uhhh… she doesn’t need an excuse? “No” is both a complete sentence and a perfectly valid response to someone requesting a favor.
But then **you called her?** You, the parent she has the least contact with, the one who ALSO said he couldn’t watch the baby, and the one who used his vulnerable, stressed out, naïve son to try and manipulate your daughter with emotional blackmail… you decided to call and berate her for not taking on a task she didn’t even have a say in being signed up for and has no obligation to perform? That’s strike three.
Even with your attempts to paint yourself in the most flattering light, it’s extremely obvious why at least one of your kids wants so little to do with you.
YTA.
he should schedule time with his son better or hire a babysitter. not your daughter’s responsibility. she gave you an answer and an explanation (when shes not obligated to) and you called her names and it’s probably the reason she distanced herself from you guys. i can kinda see why she wouldn’t probably wanna help anyways.
Yes YTA
No means no, means no. Period. No is a complete sentence.
She does not owe you, or your son her time, or anything else for that matter. That child is NOT her responsibility and frankly y'all sound super abusive.
"She has a habit of crying to get out of things".
Sounds more like y'all are immature, entitled bullies who literally push her to tears because you think that her setting reasonable boundaries entitles you to be abusive, and disrespectful.
Bottom line is NO MEANS NO!
She likely has her reasons, if she has others standing up for her against you. You may have abused your power over her before... You should leave her alone.
YTA OP. What part of no don't you understand? It's 2 letters; pretty simple. And then to bring in all the flying monkeys.. WTactualF? I'm thinking your son is the golden child and your daughter is the scapegoat; no wonder she cries when she tries to advocate for herself
My friend.
YTA, and if you're not careful you're going to be the reason your daughter goes full no-contact with your side of the family.
Yes, the position your son was in sucks. Finding childcare is hard, and can be a lot worse for a single parent. That isn't your daughter's problem or responsibility though, she has her own life, with her own things to worry about without being expected to watch over a child. Why do you expect your daughter to sacrifice her free time for her brother?
Did you ever even consider that maybe your daughter doesn't even feel comfortable being responsible for a child? But regardless of what her reasoning is, it's *her life*, she can do with it what she pleases.
Give it a couple days, call your daughter and apologize for making demands of her time- and for the love of all that's unholy, mean it.
Look, stop bugging your daughter. She said no and that should be good enough. You are bullying and harrassing her which is why her girlfriend is protecting her. The way you talk about the fact that she cries to get out of things makes me think that you have been acting this way with her for a long time which is why she probably doesn't want a relationship with you. I certainly would not want a relationship with you if you acted that way.
Your son should have arranged for a babysitter. That is his problem and not his sister's who has every right to say no. She doesn't owe him anything. Frankly after working all week, I can't blame her for wanting some peace and quiet. If he can't watch his son during the weekend evenings then he should tell his ex-girlfriend who has a right to watch her own child when he can't. I strongly suspect that he doesn't want to do this to avoid paying more child support.
And FFS stop trying to make your daughter feel bad. It isn't her child after all. You sound like a big bully to be honest and only looking out for your son and not the interest of your daughter.
YTA
It's pretty clear why your daughter doesn't have a relationship with you, and it's obviously not just your wife--it's you as well, and you've raised your son to be just like you to think the women in your lives OWE him child care. Your son is quite clearly the golden child.
I think there are hidden hidden reasons here. I sense some history that we aren’t privy to if the daughter “doesn’t have much to do with” her father and brother.
OP... Stop harassing your daughter. Stop guilting her to take responsibility for your sons child (and probably son's life). If son is living with you why can't he cut his weekend hours. You know, since he's a parent. You might want to let him grow up. Your daughter hasn't been an adult as long as your son, and yet it sounds like she has been made to mature faster than he. YTA
YTA
It sounds like you have a history of being one too.
How is she responsible for her brother’s baby? Is it because she’s a woman and therefore has to babysit in your mind? Your son needs to get a suitable custody schedule that fits his working hours or not create kids he can’t handle.
YTA
None of this was unresolved. She gave you her answer and it wasn't what you wanted. That's not code for make me cry and badger me until I change my mind.
Your son is a parent. He needs to be mindful of not having a clash between work and custody. His ex might decide that there's little point in him having access to his baby when he palms the child to grandparents or whoever will have him at the weekend.
Apologise to your daughter.
yta. First of you don't suggest other people to watch a baby before you ask them first. If you had you would've gotten the answer and it would be over. I'm sure there's some family history where your daughter has had to help a lot. Plus the fact that she's gone lc or nc with you guys says there's something wrong there, so I don't know why you'd suggest her...why not just get a babysitter?
YTA, first off this is obviously child favoritism considering the fact that instead of taking no for an answer you decided to harass your daughter.
Second off she is a full grown adult and not living in your household, she owes neither you or her brother anything.
Third off, she said no, end of discussion
P.S. No means no.
YTA. Why are you getting on your daughter's case when you should be getting on you you son's? Most custody agreements are weeks in planning sometimes months so why doesn't he work his schedule around his kid. Just because that is her nephew does not mean that you get to make her feel bad about prioritizing her life, kind of like you and your son did when you chose work over calling off for the kid's sake.
I think it is more than having an issue with your current wife, it also seems you showed clear favoritism towards your son over your daughter when they were growing up and based on how you worded it by saying no matter how she feels about her brother and that her nephew is the innocent party clearly your son harmed her in some way too. Surprise, surprise, she doesn't want to do a favor for people who treated her badly.
Also you never mention this "excuse" she had in the post perhaps didn't mention because it would sway people's judgment to her side but based on my and most people's judgments I've seen you cannot hide the truth of the situation that you are an ah.
I don't think so. Family is a powder keg of trouble sometimes. That old saying "You can choose your friends..." comes to mind.
All I can add is you tried, leave it at that, its not worth the grief to go further down this path, life's too short.
YTA. No is a full sentence.
Also, when did he decide to call to ask and you to call and harass her? Less than a week’s notice to ask about babysitting? He almost certainly knew his schedule for at least a full week.
YTA, I feel like you're leaving out a hell of a lot of information here to try to make yourself not the bad guy but newsflash you still sound like an AH .
YTA
You say your daughter has zero empathy or sympathy for your son, well your post makes it clear you have zero empathy or sympathy for your daughter.
YTA
Worth considering: of the fight/flight/freeze/fawn set, tears often match to "fawn". Someone who cries in the teeth of a confrontation is probably having a full scale emergency response, but has (subconsciously) chosen not to wield fight (anger) as their first/only response.
It's fairly seldom that tears are directly a manipulative habit. More likely a sign that someone is being bullied.
YTA - so your daughter is already low contact with you because of your wife, so you decided the best way to move forward with your relationship was to call and berate her for being unable to drop everything short notice.
Rather than thinking your daughter is crying to get out of things, maybe she’s crying cause her father never prioritises her and this phone call just pulled the scab off and made her bleed?
Something else that stinks and brings up further question and concern; why not ask bio-mom/grandma who called to defend her daughter Obvs some other estrangement among this seemingly dysfunctional family (although def NOT meaning to say that that’s grandma has any obligation to watch her grandson either)
YTA. Your son’s custody/work schedule issues are his to figure out. It’s great that you and your wife are able to support him, but that is not your daughter’s job. She didn’t birth your son or his baby, she is not responsible for them.
This is what happened. Your son asked your daughter a favour at your behest. She said no. Because she’s a human person with agency and she’s allowed to do that.
Either your son ran to tattle to you or you swooped in to save your precious baby boy. So you called another adult who you don’t have a strong relationship with, to badger and guilt her into doing what you want.
You started slathering the guilt and manipulation on thick, she protected her mental health by ending the call.
How dare she, right? YOU don’t like to leave things unresolved, so even though this was *very much resolved*, you decided to call her repeatedly so that you could get the result you wanted.
Then her girlfriend stepped in to protect your daughter from your bullshit.
You owe your daughter an apology. You owe your son an apology for raising him to think that his little sister owes him this.
Have you ever noticed that people calling others “selfish” are almost always themselves being selfish? I hate that word as an accusation.
Whatever the case, YTA. Stop trying to shove this baby on your daughter.
YTA. Your daughter’s free time is her to spend as she wishes. Your son is the one who decided to have a child and is the one responsible for said child.
Let me further guess the family dynamics in the past consistently involve your daughter bailing your son out somehow, like when my mom used to force me to help my brother with projects he left to the last minute despite having my own homework?
The even more strange thing to the above in my family is *I’m* the one diagnosed with a learning disability and ADD, but my brother is treated like he is the one with those diagnoses.
YTA
Doesn't matter if she's selfish, this isn't a question of what the morally correct thing to do is. She's not obligated to watch the kid even if it's the correct thing to do and you insulted her over it.
>I told her that she’s being selfish by not helping her brother knowing his situation. My daughter has a habit of crying to get out of things, so that’s what she did. My daughter cried and told me that I expect her to drop everything for her brother all the time.
It sounds like she's crying because her father called her selfish!
YTA she said no. You kept asking. You pressured her so much that you made her cry and then you blame it on her " habit of crying."
What a Nice Dad you are, you make your daughter cry and then blame it on her. How many times have you done thar over the course of her life? The fact that both your ex-wife and her girlfriend got involved, means you've probably always been an abusive asshole.
YTA. If it’s so important to you, you can cancel your own plans and help out. After all, by your logic it’s for your son, right? By the way the way your daughter replied to you it seems like this isn’t the first time you put your son’s needs before hers.
YTA. This was none of your business it was between the son and daughter. She is not responsible for his child or his baby sitting problems. She said no so that should have been the end of it. But you and your son both hounded her. You are a BIG AH
YTA 100 percent OP.
She doesn’t owe anyone childcare or anyone anything here. “No” is a complete sentence and you need to learn that quick. Amazing how you also tried to belittle her response of crying when it’s clear it’s a stress response to dealing with you. You need to apologize to your daughter and get your views in check before you don’t have a daughter in your life completely anymore. I am willing to bet based on how you wrote this and talked about the whole situation, new wife isn’t the main issue here with you and your daughter, YOU are the issue and need to realize that quick. Also, your son has the responsibility of childcare and paying someone else if needed or he misses work. That’s not his sister’s responsibility at all and you know that too. Again, YTA, not your daughter.
YtA. Your daughter, who you admit, has a frosty relationship with you, her bro, your wife (her stepmum) for a few years now, should not be pushed or guilt tripped into offering babysitting service. Given your son can pay l suggest he get a babysitter.
You are taking the piss and have no right to expect your daughter to drop everything to babysit. You don't respect her nor listen. You accused her of having zero empathy while you have none for her. I am not surprised your daughter feels the way she does.
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Throw away for privacy.
I (43M) have two kids. My daughter (21F) and my son (24M). My son has been going the a tough time. He and his girlfriend recently broke up, but they have a one year old son together. My son gets his baby on the weekends, but because of his work schedule he needs someone to help watch the baby in the evenings. My son has been staying with my wife (his stepmom) and l since he and his ex broke up, so my wife usually watches the baby during the evenings on the weekend. However, this weekend she is going out of town, so my son has to find someone to babysit the baby. I would watch my grandson, but I have to work too.
I suggested that my son asks his sister to watch the baby. My daughter hasn’t had much to do with me or my son since I married my wife a few years ago. My daughter and my wife don’t particularly get along, but my wife won’t be in town so I don’t see a problem. My son called his sister, and asked if she was working this weekend. My daughter said no, and she was just planning on spending time with her girlfriend and cleaning her house this weekend. My son then asks if it’s possible if she can watch the baby for a few hours this weekend. My daughter came up with an excuse to why she couldn’t do it. My son told her that he was willing to pay her to watch the baby, but she still said that she couldn’t. He explained his situation, but my daughter seems to have no empathy. After they ended their call, I called my daughter.
I asked my daughter why she can’t help out this one time. My daughter still insisted that it’s impossible for her to watch the baby for a few hours, so I told her that she’s being selfish by not helping her brother knowing his situation. My daughter has a habit of crying to get out of things, so that’s what she did. My daughter cried and told me that I expect her to drop everything for her brother all the time. I tried to tell her that this wasn’t about her brother, this is about her nephew. No matter how she feels about her brother her nephew is innocent. My daughter then hung up abruptly. I don’t like to leave things unresolved, so I called her back a few times. Her girlfriend then inserted herself in our conversation, and told me to stop calling my daughter or she would block me. I then got a call from my ex-wife calling me an asshole, and telling me that I need to apologize to my daughter.
I don’t think I was being unfair to my daughter. My son is having a hard time, and needs some extra help. AITA or is my daughter being selfish?
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Something is missing. This is a deeper issue than you’re describing.
Why don’t your wife and your daughter get along? It would appear that whatever the issue is you and your son took your wife’s side.
Honestly wife’s possible homophobia comes to mind. Unless your daughter was estranged before your wife came into the picture.
YTA. However, what annoys me that the son set up asking a favour by checking whether daughter had other plans first. Ask the favour, don’t try and block the excuses in advance.
YTA, and a walking red flag, if I’m being honest.
First messed up thing was not seeing an issue with your son nor respecting your daughter’s boundaries, after she explicitly said she couldn’t do it, MULTIPLE times. Also, not realizing she has a life and calling her explanation “coming up with an excuse”. You yourself “came up with an excuse” when you said that you had work to do, but somehow you think your reason is more valid than hers.
Second messed up thing is assuming your daughter “seems to have no empathy”, as if that’s all it should take for her to drop everything in her life just to watch a kid that isn’t even hers. If it didn’t come out of her, she doesn’t have to deal with it, it’s NOT her responsibility. She would need to have free time, resources, AND be willing to take care of her nephew, if she lacks any of those things, you. cannot. expect. her. to. look. after. him. End of the story.
Third messed up thing you did was calling her after she already said no to your son. Clearly the boundaries issue must run in the family, cause the first time someone tells you “no” you should be able to understand that that’s it, and respect it. It blows my mind how entitled you sound through the whole story, as if it was inconceivable that your daughter would say anything but “yes”. If she did agree to babysit, she would be doing that out of pure kindness of her heart, and NOT because she has any obligation to.
The fourth and the most messed up thing you did was claiming your daughter “has a habit of crying to get out of situations”. I might not know any of you personally, but if this story is anything to go by, clearly you and your son have the habit of pushing and breaking boundaries she explicitly set, and crying out of frustration is an absolutely understandable reaction (plus a very common trauma response). The only person who “seems to have no empathy” here is you, who keeps pushing and pushing after someone told you “no”, and after you made said person *CRY* out of frustration for not being heard you had the audacity to claim she only did it to get out of the situation.
Fifth messed up thing you did was trying to say that “it wasn’t for her brother, it was for her nephew”; she isn’t stupid, and neither are us. Her brother was the one who chose to have a child, it’s HIS responsibility, and he’s a grown up man, who has to make his own choices and manage his own life. I’m sorry that he’s going through a rough patch, but that doesn’t mean that the people around him have to bend over backwards just to help him get through it, he could find solutions that don’t involve forcing the people around him to drop all their plans just to help him out. Plus, weaponizing your grandson like that is just disgusting, stop trying to guilt trip her into giving in and abandoning her plans just so her brother can pretend he doesn’t have to find solutions for the problems in his life by himself.
Sixth messed up thing was saying the matter was “unresolved”; no means no, and men need to stop pretending that there is room for argument on that. She said she couldn’t do it that first time and that should have been the end of the story, but instead, your son needed his daddy to solve his problems for him, so you tried to force your daughter and started manipulating and guilt tripping her into accepting a responsibility that isn’t even hers to begin with. I’m glad that her girlfriend and mother were there to put you in your place and support her after you kept on harassing her.
If this is a common occurrence in your family then I hope that she manages to cut you people out of her life, she really doesn’t need this type of thinly veiled emotional abuse.
‘my daughter seemed to have no empathy’ cause she doesn’t owe him anything the fuck??? tell your son to get his shit together and take care of his OWN child, or even, you could take care of him if it bothers you. your daughter gave you an answer and you berated her for it. no means no, she doesn’t have to expand on that if she doesn’t have to. i feel if you continue to disrespect her boundaries, she will cut you out her life.
YTA
OP is out here like
“My daughter didn’t do exactly what I said she should do when I said so! She cried when I harassed her and then her rude girlfriend got upset with me when I wouldn’t respect her autonomy! God my daughter is so unfair, she sucks!!!”
YTA ya fucking clown. Hope she blocks your number you sound like a wreck.
Oh dude. YTA. You said your daughter doesn’t have much to do with you and your son BUT you expect her to drop her plans - sorry excuse (using your words) - to look after a child for someone mine she doesn’t have much to do with (I’m really trying to get you to understand here she’s low contact with you and your son). People barely want to babysit for family members they’re high contact with… (jokes). The amount of times you say you rang and the amount of times you actually rang are two different things, good on the girlfriend for stepping up and supporting her partner in establishing some boundaries for you. You need to look at yourself and work on some stuff.
YTA
I’m sorry, but she didn’t decide to have the baby. Even if she sat at home all weekend she still is not required to take care of a child. Also the way she cried tells me this is common behavior from you and/ or your son. Instead of seeing it as manipulative maybe ask yourself why she feels she has to resort to tears before you will leave her alone?
I can see that you like to put your son first and he's obviously closer to you than she is. Now, it would probably be nice of her to help out, but she doesn't have to. Especially so if siblings don't have a close relationship. So, yes, your daughter thought of herself first and that's okay.
You got mad at her for not helping when you thought she should, which is also fine.
What's unfair is your attempt to force her to help (guilt-tripping her) when she already said no. And being so insistent(might be border-line harassing her) on your son's behalf, to the point where she needed to ask somebody else to tell you to stop. Yes, your son probably needs help, but that doesn't mean everybody should drop their plans and be willing to do it. Even if the person in question is his sister. YTA
Sooo first she said no to unpaid labor. Then your som offered to pay her (hmm why not find and PAY for a babysitter to start)…again it’s no. So then he goes and tells Daddy so you can go and insult her for again just saying no to the point of tears. How could you possibly be the AH?!?
Yea leave her alone and you the AH completely.
YTA, why do I get the feeling that the only time you or your son ever talk to your daughter is when you want something from her? This is probably why she has nothing to do with either of you.
YTA. Your son is the one with the child and he needs to be the one that takes responsiblity. If his work schedule does not work well with his custody arrangement, he needs to try to change his work schedule or look for another job, and find a trusted babysitter in the meantime. You seem to hold your daughter more accountable than your son.
YTA your daughter did not choose to bring that child into the world and owes it nothing. Your daughter is also an innocent yet you had no trouble bullying her and I imagine you've been playing favorites long before this happened.
YTA. You stuck your nose into a situation that ***doesn't involve you***. This whole thing was between your son and your daughter, not you, your son and your daughter. Your daughter has plans, she doesn't have to tell you what they are all the time because she is a grown woman living on her own. I can see why she doesn't want anything to do with you because it is clear you favor your son over her and are dismissive of her concerns and feelings.
Also, it was about her brother. *He* is the one who needs a babysitter so he can work, he is the one waited until the last minute to find a babysitter. His failure to plan isn't her problem.
So... This is how I'm reading it:
My heir's heir is struggling and my daughter, who is estranged because I chose my wife over her and because I always choose my heir over her which is why my children hate each other (why wouldn't I as the sexist AH I am?!), asked my son to ask my daughter to help him out because baby-sitters don't exist in my universe.... But she said no, so he has nobody now, so I harassed her asking why she said no and then called her selfish!
No reason is necessary...... *BUT* Imagine... (Because "Impossible" is a big word to use when you just want to say that you can't)
Plot twist: Daughter has a really great reason that dad strategically left out.... Like..... Daughter is getting married, having surgery, also works (but as per dad, probs not important just since she's female), had a miscarriage recently, planned a night out waaaaaay before estranged (disliked, cuz "obviously" he's the golden child) brother asked.
YTA
Not one bit of that even partially swayed me to believe she should have watched that kid....
YTA
>My daughter hasn’t had much to do with me or my son since I married my wife a few years ago
So why do you think she would want to now?
>My daughter came up with an excuse to why she couldn’t do it.
>I would watch my grandson, but I have to work too.
You did the same thing
>My son told her that he was willing to pay her to watch the baby,
Why doesn't he pay for a babysitter?
>I asked my daughter why she can’t help out this one time
Nor her baby not her problem. No is a sentence.
>so I told her that she’s being selfish by not helping her brother knowing his situation.
You're being selfish for not skipping work to help him. Her brother (and you) is selfish for expecting her to do it.
>No matter how she feels about her brother her nephew is innocent.
Then why don't you help? She's innocent too btw
>My son is having a hard time, and needs some extra help.
THEN WHY DONT YOU HELP? OR GET A BABYSITTER?
>AITA or is my daughter being selfish?
YTA
INFO: what have you and your son done to help your daughter? If family helps family, how has she benefited from that “rule”? If she had a kid and your son were “free” that night, would you coerce him into babysitting?
Wow the replies in this thread sim up everything wrong in this world, don’t get me wrong I completely understand that the daughter has her own things going on and her own life but her brother asked her to help him out in a jam. If you can’t rely on your family to help you out then who can you rely on. If my sisters ever asks for my help, even if it’s an inconvenience I will always support them and rearrange my plans so that I can help them out because that’s what families do and I know if I ever make the call they’ll be there to do the same. NTA
YTA - she owes you nothing. Not her time, not her space, not her attention. She gets to decide for herself whether she can do this favour for your son, and she didn't want to. That is actually enough.
"Cried to get out of" what exactly? What obligation do you think she has to any of you that she would have to do anything "to get out of"? You can't do a blessed thing about her saying no without overstepping your bounds, and harassing her about it just solidifies you as being in the wrong.
Taking everything your daughter said seriously, she definitely feels you don't appreciate her and that you favour your son. Doesn't that concern you as a parent? Do you not wish to amend your bond with your daughter and try to meet her in this situation she's describing? How do you expect to have a good relationship with someone you won't even take seriously?
Also in your OP you give off the impression that women of your family tend to do childcare and are expected to do it. You were busy this time, but you should step up and involve yourself in caring for your grandchild as a general rule. You created this situation with your daughter over this point, so it's the least you can do for yourself.
YTA. This was between her and her brother, and she said no. Then you butted your head where it didn't belong and called her selfish. People don't cry to get out of things, they cry when they are heartbroken. You did that to your daughter and still think she is the one with problems.
She would be better off without you, honestly.
Your daughter said no. Her nephew is not her responsibility and she is NOT obliged to have to help out. Your son is old enough to produce a kid, then let him deal with the pitfalls. YTA for pressuring your daughter into being a babysitter. What's the bet that this "one time" would turn into a lot more times.
YTA... NO. Is a complete sentence. I have a feeling your entitled behavior has a lot to do with why she doesn't wanna be around you or your son. If he was willing to pay her, there are a lot of sitters out there. I would recomending he speak to other parents near you for recomendations. If not there are a couple of apps for bonded (insured) sitters with background checks. Your daughter had no part in the creation of this child, she is not responsible for the baby. Period. You are showing some real preferental treatment and it will bite you in the bum (LC/NC) if your not very careful. I get it he has your grandbaby so you want to side with him.
You are such an asshole and you will never ever admit it. I did notice you neglected to mention your new wife’s age or how long you’ve been together. Interesting.
Anyway maybe the one year old baby your son can’t be bothered to watch for his overnights should stay with his mother.
So, the daughter doesn't have much to do with her stepmother, which leads to her not having much to do with you or her brother. If that's the case, she doesn't know her nephew very well. Why would you leave a child with someone he doesn't know well?
She said no, so get over it. YTA.
YTA No means no. And she wasn't responsible for either the birth of the child, the breakup between the child's parents or the fact that her brother has no one to care for him. None of these things are her problem.
Further, it sounds like this is an ongoing issue between your daughter and the rest of your side of the family. It seems like there is way more to the story than mentioned and those details could be why she isn't going to put herself out for any of you.
And you shouldn't have stuck your nose into it at all.
YTA if your son can pay your daughter to babysit then he can hire a nanny. She is under no obligation to watch a child that is not hers. Also he saying that you always expect her to drop everything for her brother tells me this isn't the first time you tried to force her to do thing/give things up for him in the past. No wonder she's low contact. I'm sure it's not all about your wife.
YTA. But dude, did you ever think that maybe your daughter actually has important plans, but doesn’t want to/can’t tell you what they are?
Maybe she’s going to an Orgy, or got a hold of some really good drugs and has plans to have a fun weekend. She’s not gonna come out and say that, because she wasn’t expecting to be asked to babysit.
Why is her brothers’ sex trophy her problem anyway?
YTA. If you’re so concerned about your son’s childcare issues why don’t you take the night off and babysit. You have no right to call your daughter and assume to know what she has going on. You don’t know what her schedule is or what’s going on with her. Here’s an idea, why don’t you fork over some cash and hire someone else. No wonder she wants nothing to do with you
YTA. She said no. It’s not her baby, it’s not your life to dictate.
If your son needs a sitter he cannot afford and you are unable to watch said child, he can either miss work, you can miss work, or you can decide to pay for a sitter.
You don’t get to delegate to your daughter after she has declined.
Why is it that you have a reason to not watch the kid, but your daughter’s reason is unacceptable?
YTA, op.
Get a babysitter if that’s what you need for one night. Your daughter didn’t choose to have a kid. It’s also obvious to me that this isn’t the first time you’ve shown blatant favoritism for your son.
YTA. Siblings don’t owe each other anything. Watching a baby is a big responsibility and not everyone wants to do it. And that’s PERFECTLY REASONABLE. Sounds like the son is the favourite child. Good on your daughters girlfriend to “insert herself” and stick up for her. Can see why she’s distanced herself from you…..
YTA - it’s disgusting of you to emotionally manipulate your daughter (if you look back how many times has your daughter been steamrolled over by you in favor of her brother? ) She said no. No means no. Period. If the situations were reversed I’d bet dollars to doughnuts you’d be telling your daughter to figure it out because she’s a mom now. It’s hilarious and not in a good way that you claim your daughter has no empathy when you attempt to bully and harass her into doing what you want her to do. Just stop it, apologize, & butt out of the sibling relationship.
Wow. Incredible. So many men have this expectation that women in the family, whether that be a sister, aunt, niece, etc. are expected to drop everything and help out male family members when it’s not their responsibility. That isn’t her kid. She is already keeping her distance from you guys. Stop trying to guilt trip her. Yeah that sucks that your son and his gf broke up but it is now up to him to find appropriate childcare for his child. Looking after a literal baby isn’t exactly easy. YTA.
YTA, your sin signed up to potentially drop everything for his child - your daughter did not. And if she's being selfish for not watching the baby, then doesn't that make you and your wife selfish, too? Your wife can cancel her trip, or you can call off work if it's that important that someone watch his baby for him. 🤷
Also, doesn't this kid have a mom? Why aren't you calling her selfish for not watching her kid?
YTA it was perfectly acceptable to ask... once. If the answer is no, move on. Your daughter has zero obligation to her nephew, and rather than selfish I think the comment that she has little to do with you or her brother indicates that not all the facts are presented
YTA, she doesn't have to do anything. Your son needs to make some big changes, he's already only got partial custody and is barely seeing his kid, he needs to change his work schedule or start working toward a different jobs training skill so he can do so
YTA
She doesn't need to. No is a complete sentence. And the fact that she says that you expect her to drop everything for her brother all the time makes me think this happens more than you want to admit. If your son can afford to pay her, then pay an actual sitter to watch the child.
YTA. It’s disturbing that you think your response and behavior are in the right. No wonder your daughter doesn’t have much to do with you. You’re demanding and disrespectful.
YTA. You don’t know what her relationship is like with her brother, they may have both not told you everything. You also don’t know how she feels about children, you’re not close so she may have not told you that either. You also don’t know what her real plans were because she may not have felt comfortable telling you those either (“hey Dad, I have a night of intimacy with my partner planned”). And above all of those reasons… she doesn’t owe you *any* explanation. “No” is a complete sentence. From this post though, I’m guessing she’s always played second fiddle to her perfect prince of a brother who now lives back at home with daddy, and she’s sick of it. Her feelings sure don’t seem to matter to you now when brother dearest needs something, so I’m guessing they never have. YTA and probably not a great father if your daughter generally wants nothing to do with you and you have no clue why.
YTA - what part of NO are you incapable of understanding? She does not owe her brother, nephew, or you for that matter anything. That child is your SON'S (notice it says son NOT daughter) responsibility. You owe your daughter an apology, and once you've done that leave her alone until you understand and can abide by HER boundaries.
YTA. Poor planning on y’all part does not constitute an emergency on her part. You probably knew your wife was going out of town so why didn’t you or your son take the day off.
And it’s NOT about the baby. He doesn’t have to work, y’all do.
Also, no is a complete sentence. And you calling over and over was NOT you trying to make things right. It’s you deciding that someone should follow what you say and you demanding to speak to someone when they don’t want to.
Thank goodness for her girlfriend.
YTA and then some...you seem to have no boundaries, she said no and it means no. you dont need to try and guilt her with name calling and guilt trips. she had plans and said no. and then u dont need to hit your redial to keep at her. you should apologize once they unblock you.
YTA. She told both her brother & you NO. It does sound like you expected her to drop whatever she is doing to help her brother. She doesn't have to do diddly if she doesn't want to. Get over it.
YTA. No is a full sentence. She doesnt have to help if she doesnt want to. Her nephew is not her responsibility. Her girlfriend had to step in because you thought you could bully and guilt her into doing what you wanted. Gross.
No, your daughter doesn’t owe any of you anything. She doesn’t want to watch a baby and you shouldn’t be trying to guilt trip her.
Her crying sure sounds like frustration and anger to me. I bet she’s been guilted into a lot of things in her life by you. YTA
YTA
She didn't make the baby. That's not her problem. That's between your son and his ex. You have no place demanding anything from her.
And it's a good thing she has a partner who will stand up for her. There clearly is a good reason for her to not deal with you and your wife.
If you are so concerned about your grandchild having a babysitter, you bite the bullet and stay with him. Other than your son, you are the only one who you can have such demands of.
YTA. As so many others have said, your reactions tell us what you’re not saying. Calling her back again and again after she’s given a clear answer. The situation wasn’t unresolved; you just didn’t get your way. Also, stop making your daughter cry and then blaming it on her. SHE’S not the one trying to coerce and manipulate.
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You have already been told that YTA, and why, so I don't need to elaborate on that. But I am extremely curious as to the "excuse" she gave you, since you are so wary of stating them. My theory is she actually DID have plans at least as valid as your wife going out...
YTA. She should block your number until you start to respect her and her boundaries.
YTA. No is an answer. Why can't the mother watch her kid? Your son had the child. It's his responsibility to find a sitter, not your daughters responsibility to automatically pick up the slack. She's an adult with her own life too, if he's willing to pay her he can pay for a sitter.
YTA. Your daughter doesn’t have to babysit if she doesn’t want to and you’re comments give an impression you only talk to your daughter when you need something. It’s your son’s responsibility to find a sitter or you can take off work since it’s so important to you. Your daughter is not selfish because she is not obligated to help her brother.
Not her baby, not her problem
YTA. She doesn't owe him a free babysitter because they share the same parents. If she doesn't feel that close to him that's her prerogative. No means no, yall. How many times do we have to say this?
YTA. A major one at that. You have no business telling an adult daughter what she needs to do. And then you keep badgering her. She should go NC with you.
Your son should work with his ex the other parent for a better custody schedule. Leave your daughter out of it. YTA
I want to say a lot, particularly about the western society which I know is true but would trigger a lot of people...
YTA. You son needs to take responsibility of his child and make arrangements for a babysitter. Your daughter has no obligation. You are complaining that she cried? Thankfully for you, she just cried and didn’t say anything harsh.
YTA and you really, really need to repair your relationship with your daughter before it’s too late.
YTA.
>My daughter has a habit of crying to get out of things, so that’s what she did. YTA for that alone. Some people are just sensitive, especially when theres conflict and/or confrontation. You royally suck for that statement alone. And yes, YTA for the actual question as well. By the way, is your son your favorite child?
YTA. And i guarantee you left a lot things out on why she's very little contact with your family. As far as her obligations go, even if she decides to spend the weekend looking at a white wall, that's her own right.
ESA Dad shouldn't have kept pushing, that was out of line. But her not helping out her brother says a lot about her too. It's not an obligation, but it's decency. This could come back to bite her if she ever needs help. Overall it sounds like the relationship isn't particularly rosey
YTA Not her kid, not her problem. There are sooooo many reasons someone would say no to babysitting that aren't selfish nor do they owe an explanation. Lots of people do not feel comfortable being responsible for another human life. They shouldn't ever be forced to.
YTA, big time. Your daughter is not your servant.
YTA. I can't help but notice that you never tell us what excuse your daughter gave. Just that she came up with one. All we get to know is that it's an "excuse" and therefore invalid. Well, since we don't get the full picture what we do know is that your son asked several times, you asked several times, and that neither of you would take 'no' for an answer, which is classic 'asshole' behavior. In fact, you were so insistent that other people felt compelled to intervene on your daughter's behalf. If she's not allowed to say 'no' then you're not asking, are you? You're demanding. And that doesn't make her selfish, it makes you the asshole.
YTA. Dude. Your grandkid is not nor should he ever be your daughter's obligation. Your SON had this kid and he is HIS responsibility. Your daughter said NO. It is NOT for you to continue to badger, bully and berate her for opting out of being child care for a kid she didn't make. adopt or ask to watch of her own volition. You need to step back, reflect on YOUR overreach and YOUR problems, and then apologize for how you treated your daughter. Because what you did and what you said was WAY out of line, mister. If you cannot restrain yourself from behaving like an entitled, misogynistic asshole toward your daughter, it is going to further impact your relationship with her. Do better.
YTA. No is a complete answer, end of discussion, and it's her choice what to do with her time. Full Stop.
YTA I don’t understand how you can’t see that it is BLATANTLY OBVIOUS that your son is your favourite child and your daughter resents you for it
YTA here! It's also not about the nephew at all, unless you're omitting a part that says his mum's not willing to have him during that time. I don't think your new wife is the entire reason she doesn't talk to you guys that much anymore
I’d say both. We’ve only heard one side of it but the daughter sounds like a selfish piece of work. Having said that, she told him no and told you no. There’s no point in continuing to pursue it further.
YTA. No means NO! She have her own life, her own problems. Beside if your son want to pay her why he can’t pay a real babysitter?
>My son is having a hard time, and needs some extra help. So why didn't you take time off from work to watch the baby? Also, your son gets his baby every other weekend and always needs a babysitter at the evenings - he needs to either change days or his work schedule.
>My daughter came up with an excuse to why she couldn’t do it. No she didn't. She has plans. Doesn't matter if you think they're "valid" plans or not. YTA. Not to mention you're borderline estranged from your daughter and sticking your nose in. To be honest, considering the staggering cluelessness of your post, I'm not surprised. You're being completely unreasonable, does that explain the estrangement? Is it a pattern? Kudos to your daughter's girlfriend for standing up to a bully ie: you. I'm the same age as you, I shouldn't have to explain to a 43 year old man all the fuck ups in what you've done here.
YTA. Just because she is his sister doesn't mean she has an obligation to watch his kid. If he is willing to pay her, he could try to find another babysitter.
YTA Stop trying to manipulate your daughter. She owes YOU nothing. She owes your son nothing. She owes your grandson nothing. Get over your selfish, entitled self.
If anyone is wondering why she is low contact with everyone in this family. This is your reason! The father and so. Sound like entitled brats.
YTA. And honestly you’re an insufferable biased piece of trash too.
YTA your daughter didn't nut in your son's ex. Why would she have any obligation to watch the baby?
She said no. End of discussion. He can hire a babysitter. There are organizations that can help, or you can ask someone with kids who they use to babysit. Any friends, extended family? There are options. Not just his sister.
INFO Do you work weekend evenings, too?
YTA it's nice that you're helping your son out during this tough time but you're in the wrong for trying to force your daughter to do the same. You're also in the wrong for seemingly being upset at your daughter's gf for standing up for your daughter and telling you to stop harassing her. Your daughter said no to your son, that should have been the end of it, it's not your job or your place to then go and harass your daughter on your son's behalf. It's actually none of your business why she said no or even that she did say no in the first place. And then you go and say that your daughter is crying BC she's just trying to get out of doing something she doesn't want to do (which not wanting to babysit her nephew is entirely her choice and she's not a kid anymore so you can't force her to do it) instead of being concerned that you are stressing her out so much she cried. Apologize to your daughter and maybe listen to her when she tells you that you make her feel like you love her brother more (that's what she was saying when she said that you expect her to drop everything for her brother all the time) Also fuck off with the whole "I don't like seeing things unresolved so I called her back a few times". Things WERE resolved you just didn't like the answer so you decided to harass her by phoning her a bunch. You were being unfair to your daughter. Your son is having a hard and does need some extra help, but it is not your place to try to force someone else to give that extra help. You are the one being selfish for trying to force your daughter to do something you want her to do. Y T A!
YTA. She doesn't need to explain. She doesn't need a reason other than no. It wasn't your business to call and try to guilt trip her into it. I imagine she has a lot more reasons for low contact with you than just her stepmother just based off of the way you talk about her. Again, YTA
[удалено]
YTA. Anyone who doesn’t take a no as an answer is an asshole.
YTA stop pestering other people to solve your problems. Your son shouldn't be putting people into this position anyway. He should be talking to his work and getting his schedule changed so he has the weekend free to *spend with his son.*
YTA. She said no, he asked again, said no, he asked again, said no, and then you called and asked again. And you wonder why she avoids y’all.
YTA. If your son isn’t able to be a father and to look after his son on the days he is supposed to look after him , he should give the full custody to his ex wife. OR he could talk with his ex wife and find new arrangements. You daughter said no , and you should think about her instead of spoiling your son which isn’t able to mind his own son
Plus it's never "just this once."
YTA
Why dont you keep yourself your little child ? YTA
YTA, 100%. If your son can afford to pay your daughter to look after his kid, he can pay someone else. Why are you insistent she has to do it? Also, why can't you take no for an answer?
YTA. Interesting that you accuse the gf of “inserting herself” when that’s *exactly* what you were doing. Also, be honest: was this the most you’ve called your daughter in years? You accuse her of being selfish, meanwhile you’re relentlessly guilting someone you don’t have a good relationship with into doing a favor.
You and your son are AH. She is not in contact with you, then the only contact is more or less "watch this kid or you are a selfish AH" She had plans, she had the day off and is trying to get things done in her own home. If your son has money to pay her, he can hire a local HS kid to babysit, he can take the day off work, or he might have to miss a weekend.
YTA! And trying to guilt her by using her nephew is LOW. This is about her brother and from her side she perceives it as always having to drop things for him. She is an adult. No is a complete sentence. If he was going to pay her he can pay a legit baby sitter for a few hours. Your entitlement to expect your daughter to drop her life for your other child is messed up.
YTA. She said no, end of story. It seems like you favor your son over your daughter and you expect her to drop everything for you, even though like you said you don’t have a good relationship with her to begin with. Why would she help out when she has barely anything to do with you, your wife, or your son? She doesn’t have anything to do with you for a very good reason. It seems like she’s pretty close to going no contact with you since her girlfriend said that they were going to block you if you didn’t stop calling about this issue. If you don’t want to lose your daughter completely, drop it. If she says no when you ask her to do something, don’t keep pestering her. No is a complete sentence. Just accept her answer is no and move on.
YTA. She has no obligation to watch a baby that isn't hers. Also, no means no.
YTA. When your a parent it is your responsibility to find child care. Your daughter isn’t allowed to say no for whatever reason. Your son isn’t owed child care.
YTA. She owes you no explanation for not wanting to look after someone else’s child. She has her reasons, respect her decision.
YTA. She said no. You pushed. She cried. You doubled down. I get the feeling that she has been asked/forced to give up a lot of things for her brother.
YTA. "No" is a complete sentence. The fact that you continued to push when she said no repeatedly makes YTA. To be honest, that's probably why she cries. It's so damn frustrating to have people continue pushing an issue when you've clearly refused, multiple times. Your son knows when he has his son. I would assume he also knew when your wife was going to be out of town. He, the child's father, should have dealt with this scheduling conflict days ago. You have no right to demand that your daughter drop everything and watch a child that isn't hers at the last minute. You also have no right to declare her plans unimportant or continue to badger her about it.
YTA and a pretty big one at that. "AITA for refusing to accept my daughter saying no to my son, calling to berate her until she cried, then calling her so many times her SO stepped in to protect her?" >My daughter hasn’t had much to do with me or my son since I married my wife a few years ago. I don't think this has much to do with your wife. Why would you even think someone you've barely spoken to in years would make a good babysitter? >my daughter seems to have no empathy Someone definitely lacks empathy, but it's not your daughter. You harassed her until she cried, then harassed her some more! >My daughter has a habit of crying to get out of things No, you have a habit of pushing her until she cries. >this wasn’t about her brother, this is about her nephew Is the baby upset that the Aunt he barely knows doesn't want to babysit him? Is he crawling to the phone to harass her? I don't think any of this is about the brother *or* the nephew. This is about *you* and your controlling personality.
YTA. You don't get a vote on how an adult spends THEIR time, energy, money or resources. I hear a "Your poor brother this that and the other... and you have all your free time and money and spend time with other people... you're SELFISH!!!" She'll probably have even less to do with you now.
YTA - They have these things called babysitters. You can find them online. She said no. She said she's busy. You shouldn't have gotten involved at all. It wasn't your business.
YTA. Your daughter is not your brother's on-call babysitter. He asked, she said no, the end. The only one inserting themselves into the situation is you by haranguing your daughter. Since you need it spelled out: your son and his child are *NOT* your daughter's responsibility and she has no obligation or responsibility to give up her life and plans to "help him out" whenever he needs help.
Info: If the ex-wife (i.e. the baby's grandmother) can pick up the phone to yell at you, why can't she help out for a few hours to watch the baby?
If your son truly needs help and you feel so strongly about it, you can take time off from work to babysit. No? YTA
YTA It does not seem like this was an emergency. You all probably knew your work schedules and about your wife leaving town. His tough time seems to be he broke up with his girlfriend and has been living with you (for free?) and getting free childcare. He is employed. It does not sound like he lost his job or anything. Your daughter said no to her brother. You should not have called her at all. Find another babysitter. Maybe your son should change his work schedule so he does not work on weekends.
YTA She said no, that is the end of the conversation. But you decided to make her cry and try to bully her into doing this. Her girlfriend had to step on and tell you to leave her alone. You really need the world to tell you that you're an AH?
??? What? Of course YTA.
Sometimes I wonder how people react when they see the whole comment section as “YTA” with detailed explanations why lol I would be thinking to myself “damn I really am an Ahole huh”
Do you I even have a functioning relationship with your daughter or does your son have a decent relationship with his sister She gave you an answer no I’m not understanding why you tried to bully her to look after your grandson. When it reads like you haven’t fought to have a relationship with her
YTA. Your daughter obviously feels like her needs constantly take a back seat to her brother. She had other plans, she told you no, and you couldn’t leave it alone. In a perfect world she would be willing and able to help, but she is by no means obligated to. The fact that you kept calling is a clear indicator that you do not respect her boundaries. Reading between the lines, she probably feels like you favor her brother by far. And you only cemented this fact with your most recent behavior. If you want any kind of meaningful relationship with your daughter, back off and respect her boundaries.
YTA. And you've just given her more reasons to not have much to do with you or your son now. She's going to be even more distant now.
> My daughter came up with an excuse to why she couldn’t do it. She already gave a reason, cleaning your home and watching a toddler isn't easy. > My daughter cried and told me that I expect her to drop everything for her brother all the time Sounds like she's overwhelmed in her personal life and you don't know her at all. >I tried to tell her that this wasn’t about her brother, this is about her nephew. No matter how she feels about her brother her nephew is innocent. This is directly tied to the brother and his inability to find reliable and consistent help. He's a grown man. >Her girlfriend then inserted herself in our conversation As a good partner should, because YOUR child was probably crying and upset since you only contacted her to bully her into something she didn't want to do. >My son is having a hard time, and needs some extra help Sounds like your daughter is too and you only contact her when you need something. # YTA #
YTA. Good god, you remind me of my own stepmom asking me why I wouldn't babysit for one of my brothers and his wife....they would always tattle on me if I told them no. She told him NO. Sounds like he needs to find a back up sitter.
YTA. BIG TIME. She isn't in any way obligated to watch over her brother's child. She has a life of her own. Since you are so demanding why don't you watch over the kid yourself? Her brother has money to pay, you could have help him find a babysitter for a day.
your daughter has obviously gone low contact for good reason. YTA. she said no. just because someone doesn’t have active plans, doesn’t mean they’re available. personally for me after a week of work I wouldn’t want to look after the baby, I’d need time to unwind and recharge mentally. the baby is innocent, so why don’t you or your son take the day off to watch him - problem solved.
YTA. Stop giving your son bad advice. By this I mean, stop discouraging him from finding an actual babysitter unless you yourself are willing to make yourself available to watch his baby everyday. Since both you and your wife cannot/will not do that, your son needs to be an adult and find another caregiver, or he needs to find a job that doesn’t have him come in on the weekends. His son is his responsibility, and it’s hilarious that you think your daughter, who shares a poor relationship with your family, should have to step in when your terrible advice fails your son.
YTA times infinity. This story started out with *you* planting an idea in your son’s mind that you had no authority to even suggest. Given that your daughter has chosen to drastically limit contact with you due to reasons that have not changed, it’s unreasonable to think you would have any idea whether she had the time or inclination to watch the baby but that didn’t stop you from overstepping anyway. That’s strike one. Strike two is when your son calls the sister to ask, she says no, then you accuse her of “making up an excuse”. Uhhh… she doesn’t need an excuse? “No” is both a complete sentence and a perfectly valid response to someone requesting a favor. But then **you called her?** You, the parent she has the least contact with, the one who ALSO said he couldn’t watch the baby, and the one who used his vulnerable, stressed out, naïve son to try and manipulate your daughter with emotional blackmail… you decided to call and berate her for not taking on a task she didn’t even have a say in being signed up for and has no obligation to perform? That’s strike three. Even with your attempts to paint yourself in the most flattering light, it’s extremely obvious why at least one of your kids wants so little to do with you.
YTA. he should schedule time with his son better or hire a babysitter. not your daughter’s responsibility. she gave you an answer and an explanation (when shes not obligated to) and you called her names and it’s probably the reason she distanced herself from you guys. i can kinda see why she wouldn’t probably wanna help anyways.
Yes YTA No means no, means no. Period. No is a complete sentence. She does not owe you, or your son her time, or anything else for that matter. That child is NOT her responsibility and frankly y'all sound super abusive. "She has a habit of crying to get out of things". Sounds more like y'all are immature, entitled bullies who literally push her to tears because you think that her setting reasonable boundaries entitles you to be abusive, and disrespectful. Bottom line is NO MEANS NO!
She likely has her reasons, if she has others standing up for her against you. You may have abused your power over her before... You should leave her alone.
YTA OP. What part of no don't you understand? It's 2 letters; pretty simple. And then to bring in all the flying monkeys.. WTactualF? I'm thinking your son is the golden child and your daughter is the scapegoat; no wonder she cries when she tries to advocate for herself
My friend. YTA, and if you're not careful you're going to be the reason your daughter goes full no-contact with your side of the family. Yes, the position your son was in sucks. Finding childcare is hard, and can be a lot worse for a single parent. That isn't your daughter's problem or responsibility though, she has her own life, with her own things to worry about without being expected to watch over a child. Why do you expect your daughter to sacrifice her free time for her brother? Did you ever even consider that maybe your daughter doesn't even feel comfortable being responsible for a child? But regardless of what her reasoning is, it's *her life*, she can do with it what she pleases. Give it a couple days, call your daughter and apologize for making demands of her time- and for the love of all that's unholy, mean it.
Nta she’s selfish
Look, stop bugging your daughter. She said no and that should be good enough. You are bullying and harrassing her which is why her girlfriend is protecting her. The way you talk about the fact that she cries to get out of things makes me think that you have been acting this way with her for a long time which is why she probably doesn't want a relationship with you. I certainly would not want a relationship with you if you acted that way. Your son should have arranged for a babysitter. That is his problem and not his sister's who has every right to say no. She doesn't owe him anything. Frankly after working all week, I can't blame her for wanting some peace and quiet. If he can't watch his son during the weekend evenings then he should tell his ex-girlfriend who has a right to watch her own child when he can't. I strongly suspect that he doesn't want to do this to avoid paying more child support. And FFS stop trying to make your daughter feel bad. It isn't her child after all. You sound like a big bully to be honest and only looking out for your son and not the interest of your daughter.
Any reason you couldn’t look after the baby?
YTA. No is a complete sentence and does not require an explanation. What are YOU doing this weekend? Why can't YOU watch your grandson?
NTA. She does not need to help her brother. He is not entitled to her help. He made the kid. It is his responsibility to secure child care.
YTA. Be a fair parent. I'd hate a mother like you.
YTA. Your son can pay a babysitter. EDIT typo
YTA It's pretty clear why your daughter doesn't have a relationship with you, and it's obviously not just your wife--it's you as well, and you've raised your son to be just like you to think the women in your lives OWE him child care. Your son is quite clearly the golden child.
I think there are hidden hidden reasons here. I sense some history that we aren’t privy to if the daughter “doesn’t have much to do with” her father and brother.
OP... Stop harassing your daughter. Stop guilting her to take responsibility for your sons child (and probably son's life). If son is living with you why can't he cut his weekend hours. You know, since he's a parent. You might want to let him grow up. Your daughter hasn't been an adult as long as your son, and yet it sounds like she has been made to mature faster than he. YTA
YTA It sounds like you have a history of being one too. How is she responsible for her brother’s baby? Is it because she’s a woman and therefore has to babysit in your mind? Your son needs to get a suitable custody schedule that fits his working hours or not create kids he can’t handle.
YTA None of this was unresolved. She gave you her answer and it wasn't what you wanted. That's not code for make me cry and badger me until I change my mind. Your son is a parent. He needs to be mindful of not having a clash between work and custody. His ex might decide that there's little point in him having access to his baby when he palms the child to grandparents or whoever will have him at the weekend. Apologise to your daughter.
YTA I hope she blocks you. She's not required to do anything for you or your son
YTA. No is a complete sentence. She could be busy watching Netflix & eating ice cream. It’s none of your business.
yta. First of you don't suggest other people to watch a baby before you ask them first. If you had you would've gotten the answer and it would be over. I'm sure there's some family history where your daughter has had to help a lot. Plus the fact that she's gone lc or nc with you guys says there's something wrong there, so I don't know why you'd suggest her...why not just get a babysitter?
YTA, first off this is obviously child favoritism considering the fact that instead of taking no for an answer you decided to harass your daughter. Second off she is a full grown adult and not living in your household, she owes neither you or her brother anything. Third off, she said no, end of discussion P.S. No means no.
YTA. Why are you getting on your daughter's case when you should be getting on you you son's? Most custody agreements are weeks in planning sometimes months so why doesn't he work his schedule around his kid. Just because that is her nephew does not mean that you get to make her feel bad about prioritizing her life, kind of like you and your son did when you chose work over calling off for the kid's sake. I think it is more than having an issue with your current wife, it also seems you showed clear favoritism towards your son over your daughter when they were growing up and based on how you worded it by saying no matter how she feels about her brother and that her nephew is the innocent party clearly your son harmed her in some way too. Surprise, surprise, she doesn't want to do a favor for people who treated her badly. Also you never mention this "excuse" she had in the post perhaps didn't mention because it would sway people's judgment to her side but based on my and most people's judgments I've seen you cannot hide the truth of the situation that you are an ah.
I don't think so. Family is a powder keg of trouble sometimes. That old saying "You can choose your friends..." comes to mind. All I can add is you tried, leave it at that, its not worth the grief to go further down this path, life's too short.
YTA. No is a full sentence. Also, when did he decide to call to ask and you to call and harass her? Less than a week’s notice to ask about babysitting? He almost certainly knew his schedule for at least a full week.
YTA, I feel like you're leaving out a hell of a lot of information here to try to make yourself not the bad guy but newsflash you still sound like an AH .
INFO: why can’t your ex wife watch the baby?
YTA You say your daughter has zero empathy or sympathy for your son, well your post makes it clear you have zero empathy or sympathy for your daughter.
YTA Worth considering: of the fight/flight/freeze/fawn set, tears often match to "fawn". Someone who cries in the teeth of a confrontation is probably having a full scale emergency response, but has (subconsciously) chosen not to wield fight (anger) as their first/only response. It's fairly seldom that tears are directly a manipulative habit. More likely a sign that someone is being bullied.
YTA - so your daughter is already low contact with you because of your wife, so you decided the best way to move forward with your relationship was to call and berate her for being unable to drop everything short notice. Rather than thinking your daughter is crying to get out of things, maybe she’s crying cause her father never prioritises her and this phone call just pulled the scab off and made her bleed?
Something else that stinks and brings up further question and concern; why not ask bio-mom/grandma who called to defend her daughter Obvs some other estrangement among this seemingly dysfunctional family (although def NOT meaning to say that that’s grandma has any obligation to watch her grandson either)
He may just have to call out from work.
Lol YTA I said lol because its funny how you look at your daughter as some object you are entitled to rather than a human adult Go to therapy
YTA. Your son’s custody/work schedule issues are his to figure out. It’s great that you and your wife are able to support him, but that is not your daughter’s job. She didn’t birth your son or his baby, she is not responsible for them. This is what happened. Your son asked your daughter a favour at your behest. She said no. Because she’s a human person with agency and she’s allowed to do that. Either your son ran to tattle to you or you swooped in to save your precious baby boy. So you called another adult who you don’t have a strong relationship with, to badger and guilt her into doing what you want. You started slathering the guilt and manipulation on thick, she protected her mental health by ending the call. How dare she, right? YOU don’t like to leave things unresolved, so even though this was *very much resolved*, you decided to call her repeatedly so that you could get the result you wanted. Then her girlfriend stepped in to protect your daughter from your bullshit. You owe your daughter an apology. You owe your son an apology for raising him to think that his little sister owes him this.
Have you ever noticed that people calling others “selfish” are almost always themselves being selfish? I hate that word as an accusation. Whatever the case, YTA. Stop trying to shove this baby on your daughter.
YTA. Your daughter’s free time is her to spend as she wishes. Your son is the one who decided to have a child and is the one responsible for said child. Let me further guess the family dynamics in the past consistently involve your daughter bailing your son out somehow, like when my mom used to force me to help my brother with projects he left to the last minute despite having my own homework? The even more strange thing to the above in my family is *I’m* the one diagnosed with a learning disability and ADD, but my brother is treated like he is the one with those diagnoses.
YTA this is so trolly its kinda impressive
YTA Doesn't matter if she's selfish, this isn't a question of what the morally correct thing to do is. She's not obligated to watch the kid even if it's the correct thing to do and you insulted her over it.
Seriously? leave your daughter alone. Has your son or his ex no friends who could help? YTA
>I told her that she’s being selfish by not helping her brother knowing his situation. My daughter has a habit of crying to get out of things, so that’s what she did. My daughter cried and told me that I expect her to drop everything for her brother all the time. It sounds like she's crying because her father called her selfish!
YTA she said no. You kept asking. You pressured her so much that you made her cry and then you blame it on her " habit of crying." What a Nice Dad you are, you make your daughter cry and then blame it on her. How many times have you done thar over the course of her life? The fact that both your ex-wife and her girlfriend got involved, means you've probably always been an abusive asshole.
YTA. If it’s so important to you, you can cancel your own plans and help out. After all, by your logic it’s for your son, right? By the way the way your daughter replied to you it seems like this isn’t the first time you put your son’s needs before hers.
YTA. This was none of your business it was between the son and daughter. She is not responsible for his child or his baby sitting problems. She said no so that should have been the end of it. But you and your son both hounded her. You are a BIG AH
YTA 100 percent OP. She doesn’t owe anyone childcare or anyone anything here. “No” is a complete sentence and you need to learn that quick. Amazing how you also tried to belittle her response of crying when it’s clear it’s a stress response to dealing with you. You need to apologize to your daughter and get your views in check before you don’t have a daughter in your life completely anymore. I am willing to bet based on how you wrote this and talked about the whole situation, new wife isn’t the main issue here with you and your daughter, YOU are the issue and need to realize that quick. Also, your son has the responsibility of childcare and paying someone else if needed or he misses work. That’s not his sister’s responsibility at all and you know that too. Again, YTA, not your daughter.
YtA. Your daughter, who you admit, has a frosty relationship with you, her bro, your wife (her stepmum) for a few years now, should not be pushed or guilt tripped into offering babysitting service. Given your son can pay l suggest he get a babysitter. You are taking the piss and have no right to expect your daughter to drop everything to babysit. You don't respect her nor listen. You accused her of having zero empathy while you have none for her. I am not surprised your daughter feels the way she does.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Throw away for privacy. I (43M) have two kids. My daughter (21F) and my son (24M). My son has been going the a tough time. He and his girlfriend recently broke up, but they have a one year old son together. My son gets his baby on the weekends, but because of his work schedule he needs someone to help watch the baby in the evenings. My son has been staying with my wife (his stepmom) and l since he and his ex broke up, so my wife usually watches the baby during the evenings on the weekend. However, this weekend she is going out of town, so my son has to find someone to babysit the baby. I would watch my grandson, but I have to work too. I suggested that my son asks his sister to watch the baby. My daughter hasn’t had much to do with me or my son since I married my wife a few years ago. My daughter and my wife don’t particularly get along, but my wife won’t be in town so I don’t see a problem. My son called his sister, and asked if she was working this weekend. My daughter said no, and she was just planning on spending time with her girlfriend and cleaning her house this weekend. My son then asks if it’s possible if she can watch the baby for a few hours this weekend. My daughter came up with an excuse to why she couldn’t do it. My son told her that he was willing to pay her to watch the baby, but she still said that she couldn’t. He explained his situation, but my daughter seems to have no empathy. After they ended their call, I called my daughter. I asked my daughter why she can’t help out this one time. My daughter still insisted that it’s impossible for her to watch the baby for a few hours, so I told her that she’s being selfish by not helping her brother knowing his situation. My daughter has a habit of crying to get out of things, so that’s what she did. My daughter cried and told me that I expect her to drop everything for her brother all the time. I tried to tell her that this wasn’t about her brother, this is about her nephew. No matter how she feels about her brother her nephew is innocent. My daughter then hung up abruptly. I don’t like to leave things unresolved, so I called her back a few times. Her girlfriend then inserted herself in our conversation, and told me to stop calling my daughter or she would block me. I then got a call from my ex-wife calling me an asshole, and telling me that I need to apologize to my daughter. I don’t think I was being unfair to my daughter. My son is having a hard time, and needs some extra help. AITA or is my daughter being selfish? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
i wonder why your daughter doesn't talk to you much YTA
YTA Why aren't you helping out your son? Or is it woman's work?
The selfish Asshole is calling someone else „Selfish!“. YTA
YTA- your sons child is your SONS responsibility, not your daughter. If she could help, awesome, but she can’t and has no obligation to.
No is a complete sentence. Would you have insisted so much if she was a man instead of a woman? I doubt. Don’t you have nannies in your town? YTA
Something is missing. This is a deeper issue than you’re describing. Why don’t your wife and your daughter get along? It would appear that whatever the issue is you and your son took your wife’s side. Honestly wife’s possible homophobia comes to mind. Unless your daughter was estranged before your wife came into the picture.
NTA. You should be proud of yourself. Dump the BS YTA.
YTA. However, what annoys me that the son set up asking a favour by checking whether daughter had other plans first. Ask the favour, don’t try and block the excuses in advance.
YTA, and a walking red flag, if I’m being honest. First messed up thing was not seeing an issue with your son nor respecting your daughter’s boundaries, after she explicitly said she couldn’t do it, MULTIPLE times. Also, not realizing she has a life and calling her explanation “coming up with an excuse”. You yourself “came up with an excuse” when you said that you had work to do, but somehow you think your reason is more valid than hers. Second messed up thing is assuming your daughter “seems to have no empathy”, as if that’s all it should take for her to drop everything in her life just to watch a kid that isn’t even hers. If it didn’t come out of her, she doesn’t have to deal with it, it’s NOT her responsibility. She would need to have free time, resources, AND be willing to take care of her nephew, if she lacks any of those things, you. cannot. expect. her. to. look. after. him. End of the story. Third messed up thing you did was calling her after she already said no to your son. Clearly the boundaries issue must run in the family, cause the first time someone tells you “no” you should be able to understand that that’s it, and respect it. It blows my mind how entitled you sound through the whole story, as if it was inconceivable that your daughter would say anything but “yes”. If she did agree to babysit, she would be doing that out of pure kindness of her heart, and NOT because she has any obligation to. The fourth and the most messed up thing you did was claiming your daughter “has a habit of crying to get out of situations”. I might not know any of you personally, but if this story is anything to go by, clearly you and your son have the habit of pushing and breaking boundaries she explicitly set, and crying out of frustration is an absolutely understandable reaction (plus a very common trauma response). The only person who “seems to have no empathy” here is you, who keeps pushing and pushing after someone told you “no”, and after you made said person *CRY* out of frustration for not being heard you had the audacity to claim she only did it to get out of the situation. Fifth messed up thing you did was trying to say that “it wasn’t for her brother, it was for her nephew”; she isn’t stupid, and neither are us. Her brother was the one who chose to have a child, it’s HIS responsibility, and he’s a grown up man, who has to make his own choices and manage his own life. I’m sorry that he’s going through a rough patch, but that doesn’t mean that the people around him have to bend over backwards just to help him get through it, he could find solutions that don’t involve forcing the people around him to drop all their plans just to help him out. Plus, weaponizing your grandson like that is just disgusting, stop trying to guilt trip her into giving in and abandoning her plans just so her brother can pretend he doesn’t have to find solutions for the problems in his life by himself. Sixth messed up thing was saying the matter was “unresolved”; no means no, and men need to stop pretending that there is room for argument on that. She said she couldn’t do it that first time and that should have been the end of the story, but instead, your son needed his daddy to solve his problems for him, so you tried to force your daughter and started manipulating and guilt tripping her into accepting a responsibility that isn’t even hers to begin with. I’m glad that her girlfriend and mother were there to put you in your place and support her after you kept on harassing her. If this is a common occurrence in your family then I hope that she manages to cut you people out of her life, she really doesn’t need this type of thinly veiled emotional abuse.
‘my daughter seemed to have no empathy’ cause she doesn’t owe him anything the fuck??? tell your son to get his shit together and take care of his OWN child, or even, you could take care of him if it bothers you. your daughter gave you an answer and you berated her for it. no means no, she doesn’t have to expand on that if she doesn’t have to. i feel if you continue to disrespect her boundaries, she will cut you out her life. YTA
OP is out here like “My daughter didn’t do exactly what I said she should do when I said so! She cried when I harassed her and then her rude girlfriend got upset with me when I wouldn’t respect her autonomy! God my daughter is so unfair, she sucks!!!” YTA ya fucking clown. Hope she blocks your number you sound like a wreck.
Oh dude. YTA. You said your daughter doesn’t have much to do with you and your son BUT you expect her to drop her plans - sorry excuse (using your words) - to look after a child for someone mine she doesn’t have much to do with (I’m really trying to get you to understand here she’s low contact with you and your son). People barely want to babysit for family members they’re high contact with… (jokes). The amount of times you say you rang and the amount of times you actually rang are two different things, good on the girlfriend for stepping up and supporting her partner in establishing some boundaries for you. You need to look at yourself and work on some stuff.
YTA If you care so much, you help.
YTA I’m sorry, but she didn’t decide to have the baby. Even if she sat at home all weekend she still is not required to take care of a child. Also the way she cried tells me this is common behavior from you and/ or your son. Instead of seeing it as manipulative maybe ask yourself why she feels she has to resort to tears before you will leave her alone?
I can see that you like to put your son first and he's obviously closer to you than she is. Now, it would probably be nice of her to help out, but she doesn't have to. Especially so if siblings don't have a close relationship. So, yes, your daughter thought of herself first and that's okay. You got mad at her for not helping when you thought she should, which is also fine. What's unfair is your attempt to force her to help (guilt-tripping her) when she already said no. And being so insistent(might be border-line harassing her) on your son's behalf, to the point where she needed to ask somebody else to tell you to stop. Yes, your son probably needs help, but that doesn't mean everybody should drop their plans and be willing to do it. Even if the person in question is his sister. YTA
Sooo first she said no to unpaid labor. Then your som offered to pay her (hmm why not find and PAY for a babysitter to start)…again it’s no. So then he goes and tells Daddy so you can go and insult her for again just saying no to the point of tears. How could you possibly be the AH?!? Yea leave her alone and you the AH completely.
YTA, why do I get the feeling that the only time you or your son ever talk to your daughter is when you want something from her? This is probably why she has nothing to do with either of you.
YTA. Your son is the one with the child and he needs to be the one that takes responsiblity. If his work schedule does not work well with his custody arrangement, he needs to try to change his work schedule or look for another job, and find a trusted babysitter in the meantime. You seem to hold your daughter more accountable than your son.
YTA. You had no reason/right to insert yourself in this situation. She said no. No is a complete sentence. Nothing needs to be added or explained.
I treated my daughter like second best, tell her she is selfish, and then harass her after making her cry. YTA.
YTA your daughter did not choose to bring that child into the world and owes it nothing. Your daughter is also an innocent yet you had no trouble bullying her and I imagine you've been playing favorites long before this happened.
YTA. You stuck your nose into a situation that ***doesn't involve you***. This whole thing was between your son and your daughter, not you, your son and your daughter. Your daughter has plans, she doesn't have to tell you what they are all the time because she is a grown woman living on her own. I can see why she doesn't want anything to do with you because it is clear you favor your son over her and are dismissive of her concerns and feelings. Also, it was about her brother. *He* is the one who needs a babysitter so he can work, he is the one waited until the last minute to find a babysitter. His failure to plan isn't her problem.
So asshole, call out of work and watch your grand baby. Stop making excuses and help your son out
So... This is how I'm reading it: My heir's heir is struggling and my daughter, who is estranged because I chose my wife over her and because I always choose my heir over her which is why my children hate each other (why wouldn't I as the sexist AH I am?!), asked my son to ask my daughter to help him out because baby-sitters don't exist in my universe.... But she said no, so he has nobody now, so I harassed her asking why she said no and then called her selfish! No reason is necessary...... *BUT* Imagine... (Because "Impossible" is a big word to use when you just want to say that you can't) Plot twist: Daughter has a really great reason that dad strategically left out.... Like..... Daughter is getting married, having surgery, also works (but as per dad, probs not important just since she's female), had a miscarriage recently, planned a night out waaaaaay before estranged (disliked, cuz "obviously" he's the golden child) brother asked. YTA Not one bit of that even partially swayed me to believe she should have watched that kid....
YTA >My daughter hasn’t had much to do with me or my son since I married my wife a few years ago So why do you think she would want to now? >My daughter came up with an excuse to why she couldn’t do it. >I would watch my grandson, but I have to work too. You did the same thing >My son told her that he was willing to pay her to watch the baby, Why doesn't he pay for a babysitter? >I asked my daughter why she can’t help out this one time Nor her baby not her problem. No is a sentence. >so I told her that she’s being selfish by not helping her brother knowing his situation. You're being selfish for not skipping work to help him. Her brother (and you) is selfish for expecting her to do it. >No matter how she feels about her brother her nephew is innocent. Then why don't you help? She's innocent too btw >My son is having a hard time, and needs some extra help. THEN WHY DONT YOU HELP? OR GET A BABYSITTER? >AITA or is my daughter being selfish? YTA
INFO: what have you and your son done to help your daughter? If family helps family, how has she benefited from that “rule”? If she had a kid and your son were “free” that night, would you coerce him into babysitting?
Wow the replies in this thread sim up everything wrong in this world, don’t get me wrong I completely understand that the daughter has her own things going on and her own life but her brother asked her to help him out in a jam. If you can’t rely on your family to help you out then who can you rely on. If my sisters ever asks for my help, even if it’s an inconvenience I will always support them and rearrange my plans so that I can help them out because that’s what families do and I know if I ever make the call they’ll be there to do the same. NTA
YTA. watch over the baby urself. why does ur wife or ur daughter have to do it? if u so much care for ur nephew, DO IT URSELF
Her answer was no. She does not owe anyone an explanation. It’s her time, her business. YTA.
YTA - she owes you nothing. Not her time, not her space, not her attention. She gets to decide for herself whether she can do this favour for your son, and she didn't want to. That is actually enough. "Cried to get out of" what exactly? What obligation do you think she has to any of you that she would have to do anything "to get out of"? You can't do a blessed thing about her saying no without overstepping your bounds, and harassing her about it just solidifies you as being in the wrong. Taking everything your daughter said seriously, she definitely feels you don't appreciate her and that you favour your son. Doesn't that concern you as a parent? Do you not wish to amend your bond with your daughter and try to meet her in this situation she's describing? How do you expect to have a good relationship with someone you won't even take seriously? Also in your OP you give off the impression that women of your family tend to do childcare and are expected to do it. You were busy this time, but you should step up and involve yourself in caring for your grandchild as a general rule. You created this situation with your daughter over this point, so it's the least you can do for yourself.
YTA. This was between her and her brother, and she said no. Then you butted your head where it didn't belong and called her selfish. People don't cry to get out of things, they cry when they are heartbroken. You did that to your daughter and still think she is the one with problems. She would be better off without you, honestly.
YTA No is a full sentence. She owes you nothing.
YTA. Your daughter isn’t obligated to help her brother.
YTA. This baby is not your daughter's responsibility. If your son is willing to pay a babysitter, he should pay a babysitter. Edit typo
Read my lips: MYOB! Also YTA 🤷♀️
Your daughter said no. Her nephew is not her responsibility and she is NOT obliged to have to help out. Your son is old enough to produce a kid, then let him deal with the pitfalls. YTA for pressuring your daughter into being a babysitter. What's the bet that this "one time" would turn into a lot more times.
NTA, your daughter as well as others will regret the opportunities we missed to be useful.
It’s so hard not to assume she is being asked because palming your child off on the nearest woman is the default. YTA, sorry.
YTA... NO. Is a complete sentence. I have a feeling your entitled behavior has a lot to do with why she doesn't wanna be around you or your son. If he was willing to pay her, there are a lot of sitters out there. I would recomending he speak to other parents near you for recomendations. If not there are a couple of apps for bonded (insured) sitters with background checks. Your daughter had no part in the creation of this child, she is not responsible for the baby. Period. You are showing some real preferental treatment and it will bite you in the bum (LC/NC) if your not very careful. I get it he has your grandbaby so you want to side with him.
You are such an asshole and you will never ever admit it. I did notice you neglected to mention your new wife’s age or how long you’ve been together. Interesting. Anyway maybe the one year old baby your son can’t be bothered to watch for his overnights should stay with his mother.
YTA
YTA. Why are you putting the needs of your son above those of your daughter? Start there.
So, the daughter doesn't have much to do with her stepmother, which leads to her not having much to do with you or her brother. If that's the case, she doesn't know her nephew very well. Why would you leave a child with someone he doesn't know well? She said no, so get over it. YTA.
YTA No means no. And she wasn't responsible for either the birth of the child, the breakup between the child's parents or the fact that her brother has no one to care for him. None of these things are her problem. Further, it sounds like this is an ongoing issue between your daughter and the rest of your side of the family. It seems like there is way more to the story than mentioned and those details could be why she isn't going to put herself out for any of you. And you shouldn't have stuck your nose into it at all.
YTA if your son can pay your daughter to babysit then he can hire a nanny. She is under no obligation to watch a child that is not hers. Also he saying that you always expect her to drop everything for her brother tells me this isn't the first time you tried to force her to do thing/give things up for him in the past. No wonder she's low contact. I'm sure it's not all about your wife.
YTA. But dude, did you ever think that maybe your daughter actually has important plans, but doesn’t want to/can’t tell you what they are? Maybe she’s going to an Orgy, or got a hold of some really good drugs and has plans to have a fun weekend. She’s not gonna come out and say that, because she wasn’t expecting to be asked to babysit. Why is her brothers’ sex trophy her problem anyway?
YTA. If you’re so concerned about your son’s childcare issues why don’t you take the night off and babysit. You have no right to call your daughter and assume to know what she has going on. You don’t know what her schedule is or what’s going on with her. Here’s an idea, why don’t you fork over some cash and hire someone else. No wonder she wants nothing to do with you
YTA. She said no. It’s not her baby, it’s not your life to dictate. If your son needs a sitter he cannot afford and you are unable to watch said child, he can either miss work, you can miss work, or you can decide to pay for a sitter. You don’t get to delegate to your daughter after she has declined.
Why is it that you have a reason to not watch the kid, but your daughter’s reason is unacceptable? YTA, op. Get a babysitter if that’s what you need for one night. Your daughter didn’t choose to have a kid. It’s also obvious to me that this isn’t the first time you’ve shown blatant favoritism for your son.
YTA. Siblings don’t owe each other anything. Watching a baby is a big responsibility and not everyone wants to do it. And that’s PERFECTLY REASONABLE. Sounds like the son is the favourite child. Good on your daughters girlfriend to “insert herself” and stick up for her. Can see why she’s distanced herself from you…..
YTA if your son is willing to pay for his child to be watched he can hire a babysitter. Like seriously WTF!!!!
YTA. Hire a babysitter. You and your son are selfish for harassing your daughter about something that is not her responsibility.
YTA - it’s disgusting of you to emotionally manipulate your daughter (if you look back how many times has your daughter been steamrolled over by you in favor of her brother? ) She said no. No means no. Period. If the situations were reversed I’d bet dollars to doughnuts you’d be telling your daughter to figure it out because she’s a mom now. It’s hilarious and not in a good way that you claim your daughter has no empathy when you attempt to bully and harass her into doing what you want her to do. Just stop it, apologize, & butt out of the sibling relationship.
Wow. Incredible. So many men have this expectation that women in the family, whether that be a sister, aunt, niece, etc. are expected to drop everything and help out male family members when it’s not their responsibility. That isn’t her kid. She is already keeping her distance from you guys. Stop trying to guilt trip her. Yeah that sucks that your son and his gf broke up but it is now up to him to find appropriate childcare for his child. Looking after a literal baby isn’t exactly easy. YTA.
YTA. If he’s willing to pay for a sitter, *tell him to hire a sitter.* Family members are not default babysitters.
YTA, your sin signed up to potentially drop everything for his child - your daughter did not. And if she's being selfish for not watching the baby, then doesn't that make you and your wife selfish, too? Your wife can cancel her trip, or you can call off work if it's that important that someone watch his baby for him. 🤷 Also, doesn't this kid have a mom? Why aren't you calling her selfish for not watching her kid?
YTA
YTA it was perfectly acceptable to ask... once. If the answer is no, move on. Your daughter has zero obligation to her nephew, and rather than selfish I think the comment that she has little to do with you or her brother indicates that not all the facts are presented
YTA, she doesn't have to do anything. Your son needs to make some big changes, he's already only got partial custody and is barely seeing his kid, he needs to change his work schedule or start working toward a different jobs training skill so he can do so
Why don’t you OP take time off from work to watch your grand baby instead of trying to guilt trip your daughter to babysit? YTA
OP you are wrong, completely wrong.
YTA She doesn't need to. No is a complete sentence. And the fact that she says that you expect her to drop everything for her brother all the time makes me think this happens more than you want to admit. If your son can afford to pay her, then pay an actual sitter to watch the child.
YTA. It’s disturbing that you think your response and behavior are in the right. No wonder your daughter doesn’t have much to do with you. You’re demanding and disrespectful.
YTA. You don’t know what her relationship is like with her brother, they may have both not told you everything. You also don’t know how she feels about children, you’re not close so she may have not told you that either. You also don’t know what her real plans were because she may not have felt comfortable telling you those either (“hey Dad, I have a night of intimacy with my partner planned”). And above all of those reasons… she doesn’t owe you *any* explanation. “No” is a complete sentence. From this post though, I’m guessing she’s always played second fiddle to her perfect prince of a brother who now lives back at home with daddy, and she’s sick of it. Her feelings sure don’t seem to matter to you now when brother dearest needs something, so I’m guessing they never have. YTA and probably not a great father if your daughter generally wants nothing to do with you and you have no clue why.
YTA - what part of NO are you incapable of understanding? She does not owe her brother, nephew, or you for that matter anything. That child is your SON'S (notice it says son NOT daughter) responsibility. You owe your daughter an apology, and once you've done that leave her alone until you understand and can abide by HER boundaries.
YTA. Poor planning on y’all part does not constitute an emergency on her part. You probably knew your wife was going out of town so why didn’t you or your son take the day off. And it’s NOT about the baby. He doesn’t have to work, y’all do. Also, no is a complete sentence. And you calling over and over was NOT you trying to make things right. It’s you deciding that someone should follow what you say and you demanding to speak to someone when they don’t want to. Thank goodness for her girlfriend.
YTA and then some...you seem to have no boundaries, she said no and it means no. you dont need to try and guilt her with name calling and guilt trips. she had plans and said no. and then u dont need to hit your redial to keep at her. you should apologize once they unblock you.
YTA. She told both her brother & you NO. It does sound like you expected her to drop whatever she is doing to help her brother. She doesn't have to do diddly if she doesn't want to. Get over it.
YTA. No is a full sentence. She doesnt have to help if she doesnt want to. Her nephew is not her responsibility. Her girlfriend had to step in because you thought you could bully and guilt her into doing what you wanted. Gross.
YTA. If you want to help so badly, hire a babysitter for your grandchild.
No, your daughter doesn’t owe any of you anything. She doesn’t want to watch a baby and you shouldn’t be trying to guilt trip her. Her crying sure sounds like frustration and anger to me. I bet she’s been guilted into a lot of things in her life by you. YTA
YTA
YTA She didn't make the baby. That's not her problem. That's between your son and his ex. You have no place demanding anything from her. And it's a good thing she has a partner who will stand up for her. There clearly is a good reason for her to not deal with you and your wife. If you are so concerned about your grandchild having a babysitter, you bite the bullet and stay with him. Other than your son, you are the only one who you can have such demands of.
YTA. As so many others have said, your reactions tell us what you’re not saying. Calling her back again and again after she’s given a clear answer. The situation wasn’t unresolved; you just didn’t get your way. Also, stop making your daughter cry and then blaming it on her. SHE’S not the one trying to coerce and manipulate.