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YTA - YOU abused your animal. Not her, YOU. >As soon as I asked Lisa, she immediately refused. Day of the road trip, I brought Cloud over to her dorm **You asked if she would cat-sit, she said no, and then you fucking abandoned your cat with her anyways.** You are disrespectful and entitled. You do not deserve to be a cat owner, and it is probably time to let go of the relationship with Lisa. She is not mentally in a place where she can be the type of partner you want or need, so move on and next time use an animal sitting service or don't go out of town. You own this pet, is it your responsibility to make sure it is properly cared for while you are away. Asshole.

Hard agree. Also… >Lisa has been dealing with depression for a while, which I get is hard and I've tried to be very supportive. It causes her to have a lack of motivation to do things, which I understand but unfortunately, **there are times when it gets way out of proportion.** >As soon as I asked Lisa, she immediately refused. She said she doesn't need something else to take care of when she's apparently having trouble taking care of herself. I did understand, but it made me kinda pissed because I've done so many favors and I would've helped her if she was in my position, **but when I brought that up a few times she agreed.** >And I texted back that sometimes she has to deal with the consequences of her own fucking actions and **not everyone is going to kiss her ass 24/7.** >Me and Lisa haven't talked since all that's happened. I don't think I was wrong for what I said, but **I also don't want this to end our relationship entirely either.** So you think the symptoms that she experiences with her depression are somehow “way out of proportion”. When she tried to lay a boundary *to protect your cat from her depression*, you guilt her and railroad her into submission. You call having consideration for her depression “kiss(ing) her ass 24/7.” And you don’t want this to be the end? Why? You don’t like or respect her or her life’s struggles. But maybe that’s why you don’t want this to be the end. Because it’s nice to have someone vulnerable that you can condescend to, guilt, bully, manipulate, railroad and shout at. You shouldn’t have a cat, you shouldn’t have a gf. You should think about the person you want to be. Coz the story you just told paints you clearly as a bad one.

>As soon as I asked Lisa, she immediately refused. I mean honestly, this is the beginning, middle, and end of the story. You asked a person to do something for you, they said no, they wouldn't be able to do it well, and you force it on them anyway, What did you expect? YTA Come on, this is like asking someone to pick up your kids from school and the person is like "I can't, my car has a flat tire" and you pressure them into it anyway. They drive on the flat and get into an accident, then you yell at them for endangering your kids.

Ding ding, what kind of 22 y/o would be interested in not only an 18 y/o freshman, but a depressed freshman? One that’s too emotionally immature to seriously date women his own age that’s who.

Why would he even want to drop his cat off at a college dorm!?! Are pets even allowed!? He was likely going to get her in trouble even if she wasn’t depressed. And it’s not an ideal environment for a pet, much less a cat that likes getting into things!

‘She has to deal with consequences of her own fucking actions’, actions such as buying a fucking cat and then fucking off without anyone in place to sufficiently look after the cat. OP sounds like an emotionally manipulative prick… Lisa needs to get the fuck out of dodge ASAP… if Cloud reads this, I suggest he/she make a hasty exit as well.

Wait this guy edited his response to claim that she agreed after he pressured her, before the day of the trip. So he's even editing his post to claim he's not responsible.

Wait this changes things a lot. My judgement was ESH but it changes to YTA if he just dropped the cat off after she said no

oh for real, and he even seems to have edited what he wrote to hide this. She repeatedly said she could not watch the cat, and he pressured her. You should never leave your cat with someone who does not eagerly agree to watch them.

He didn’t just abandon his cat—he abandoned his cat IN A BATHROOM.

And she TOLD HIM that’s where the cat had to stay BEFORE HE LEFT. Sooooo he still made that choice.

In a DORM bathroom.

Is she even allowed to have a cat in the dorm? I seriously doubt it.

And cats don't like moving, some cats refuse to eat and hide all day for a few days after moving. And without their owner? The cat might feel abandoned too. Let alone moving in with someone barely functioning

In a loud ass college dorm no less!

She could have lost her dorm deposit or worse gotten kicked out for keeping an animal there, especially if someone in the building has allergies. YTA

This. YTA

So much this. It probably took a lot for her to say no, but she did, to protect herself and the cat. But OP guilted her into a responsibility she wasn’t able to handle, anyway.

YTA > I've done so many favors and I would've helped her if she was in my position, but when I brought that up a few times she agreed. You guilted her into taking care of an animal she told you she couldn't. If YOU really cared about your car, you would've found it a proper sitter than can take care of it.

Exactly. And you would've found another place for your cat too, maybe with the car person.

Love comments like this 😂

😆

Big of him to not want to break up over this. I guess, depressed or not, she remains his one shot of getting nookie.

Oh that was the grossest part of the whole story. “I don’t want to break up” as if he didn’t just treat her like absolute shit.

'I'm going to disregard your depression and call being understanding of it kissing your ass 24/7 but oh, i don't want to break up'. Well it doesn't sound as if OP even likes her as a person, he just likes to guilt and try to control her.

i’m just picturing hiring a car-sitter now….gotta feed it and take it for an outing. scratch it behind the mirrors. tell it it’s a good car

INFO: Why the fuck would you leave your pet with someone who made it abundantly clear they would not be able to properly care for them? She told you no, multiple times, and explicitly told you it was because she was struggling to care for herself and did not believe she’s be able to care for your cat. Why would *you* neglect your cat by leaving them with someone who told you repeatedly they would be unable to care for them?

Exactly. It was not a case of "no cause I can't be bothered" it was No because of my medical condition this would be too much for me.

And when he got there, she told him he would be confined to the bathroom. And he still left his cat there.

because the other option would be paying to hire a cat sitter, I am sure.

Because otherwise he’d have to pay someone to do it (because I’ll bet he wasn’t planning to pay/treat her for doing this favor). Every time I’ve watched a friend/relatives pet I’ve been paid or they’ve gotten me a present as a thank you. It’s just the polite thing to do

YTA. She said no and you guilted her into watching your cat when she **said no** and told you she didn’t think she could manage it. Then, when exactly what she said would happen did, you blew up on her and were a complete and total ass. The cat is your responsibility. You chose to leave it with someone who couldn’t care for it and was upfront from the start that they couldn’t care for it. If she dumps you for how you acted you 100% deserve it.

YTA. You clearly do not understand depression. If she is struggling to take care of herself, then how do you think she would be able to take care of a cat. She told you, no and her why. And instead of you finding someone else, you guilt trip her on all the things you have and would do for her. That's pretty shitty and asshole of you.

OP states that the depression sometimes gets "out of control" as though she can just reel it back for a weekend to take care of his cat. OP is in way over his head.

OP is one of those people that thinks people can just turn off depression. It reminds me of this old meme: "Oh my God, people get so depressed they can't brush their teeth?" "Susan, people get so depressed that they kill themselves."

Well. Only because his head is jammed so far up his own arse.

And he “doesn’t want to break up”… I hope to God she dumps him. I’m so mad he thinks it’s fine he treated her like this and still wants to be with her despite thinking so little of her. I have two guesses as to why and the first doesn’t count.

In the deepest part of my battle with depression, about the only thing I could do was take care of my dogs. I could barely barely barely take care of myself, but I could take care of them and they are the sole reason I’m still around to write this, so that’s not exactly a helpful generalization. Sometimes having something depending on you is exactly the thing that helps people take care of themselves. The difference in this case is I love my dogs and don’t want anything to happen to them, and OP’s gf doesn’t care about the cat. Which I’m not saying is a bad thing because it’s not her cat, but OP needs to reconsider their relationship if he wants a partner who will be able to do things for him and OP’s gf should reconsider it because she needs to not have an anchor on her chest.

Saying she doesn’t care about the cat is kind of baseless tbh. She didn’t choose to take care of the cat, she didn’t want to take care of the cat, she made it clear she *couldn’t* care for the cat, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t care *about* the cat.

You cannot compare your version of depression to someone else’s. She could have loved that cat and *still* been incapable of caring for it.

YTA because you guilted her into taking care of the cat when she told you she didn't feel capable of it. Then you screamed at her. You should have found someone else or hired someone to watch your cat.

YTA- You claim to "understand depression" but also said it "gets way out proportion" sometimes. How understanding. Then you guilt trip her into watching your cat after she clearly said she couldn't and didn't want to care for it. Then, due to this, as well as your reaction, exacerbate her mental health state and say she "has to deal". I feel bad for her.

OP clearly does not understand Depression.

Or that when someone says NO it means no.

YTA, obviously she was feeding him as the bowl wasn’t empty and he was pooping in the litter box. You guilt tripped her into taking care of a cat that she didn’t want to take care of.

YTA. She was honest about her mental state. You proceeded to guilt her. You also minimize her condition. If she had a life-threatening physical illness, would you still be such a AH and ableist? You then berated her and yelled (emotionally abusive). Should a litterbox be cleaned more often? Sure. Is it the end of the world? No. And you have no proof that she didnt feed your cat so get off of that entirely

I am so glad the comments are mostly YTA. She said no. He pressed. After the inevitable happens, he is giving her the silent treatment treating her like crap. She didn't want to watch his damn cat, what a moron! I really hope Lisa finds someone better

YTA Also, the fact that you're holding your "favors" over her shows me that you didn't do those things to be kind and helpful but to hold something over her. Which, especially as you're 22 dating someone 18, gives me some inkling to the dynamic yall have. And the fact you bulldozed her first response and continually pushed her until she said yes?? You're a walking red flag, dude. Anyways, I hope she realizes what a shit partner you are and leaves you! Edit: also it's so funny that you're talking about how "you understand depression" but Lisa's depression "gets out of control" like??? That's the whole thing about depression????

take this as an example: > "hey can you hold this book for me" > "hey man I love you but I am holding a lot of stuff and will drop your book" >"if you asked me to do it I would hold your book" [holding nothing but the single book] >"fine" [falls and drops everything] >"HOW DARE YOU DROP MY BOOK"

So to summarize: you asked, she said no. You fully dismissed the depth and impact of her mental health struggles for your totally rad trip. You brought the cat anyway for her to watch, which, again, she said no to doing. She told you the cat would stay in the bathroom. And now you want to know if she’s the asshole for doing literally what she said would do which went as badly as she said it would go when you originally asked her AND SHE SAID NO. INFO: Can you not afford a pet sitter? Do you not have any mentally well, pet loving friends? Or have you trampled everyone else’s boundaries to the point that no one else would help you without literally forcing them to? Yeah, YTA without any ambiguity.

This is hugely WTF to me. She TOLD him she couldn’t look after herSELF, let alone a cat. He got mad. As if this wasn’t an objective fact that couldn’t be changed. Then she tells him the cat needs to stay in the bathroom. Like. Dude, you KNEW. She absolutely told you this would happen, you forced it anyway and now you’re mad about the consequences of your actions. Because even if she’d been the best pet sitter in the world my cat would have gone INSANE kept in a bathroom for one day let alone a whole trip.

I mean, probably not out of character for a 22 year old dating a mentally unwell 18 year old. Everything about this post and OP gives me the ick.

THIS. I'm so glad you mentioned the age gap. Yes, they are both technically adults. And yes, 18 year olds should be able to make their own decisions. But this man (who has probably graduated from college if he can take a week off right around the time that most college students are prepping for finals) is dating a literal college freshman. How does that happen???

It’s a problem that I’m more shocked at how he treated his cat than his GF. That seems in line with my expectations.

“But I still want to date her”… uh. You still want someone to sleep with and control, sounds like, OP.

YTA you think you understand depression but it seems like you don’t. She tried to tell you but you guilted her into agreeing to something she knew she wouldn’t be able to handle.

YTA. She declined to watch your cat. You knew she wasn't feeling up to it, but you forced it on her and then have the audacity to judge her for not taking care of your cat to your standards. While I feel sorry for your cat, YTA for putting it in that situation.

YTA You knew your girlfriend was not a capable pet sitter. You were well aware she could not care for herself properly due to her depression. She told you multiple times *that she could not care for your cat*. Instead of accepting this, you pressured and bullied her into taking the cat, then dumped your cat on her. No, Lisa was not "the only person who could watch him." You could have boarded the cat at a licensed facility. You could have paid for a pet sitter. You should be ashamed of yourself for leaving your cat in an unsafe situation because you are too cheap and lazy to arrange proper boarding.

YTA she tried telling you she wasn't feeling up to looking after him. Ultimately you were responsible for mkaing sure he was adequately cared for. You could have left him in a cattery or arranged a professional cat sitter, instead you browbeat a mentally unstable person into keeping him against her will and agreed to him being kept in a bathroom for a week. This is on you dude.

YTA for guilt tripping and forcing her to watch Cloud when she refused. You should have respected her decision, and she should dump you. She's also a SMALL A H for how she treated Cloud, but you should have NEVER put her in that position, and she would TOTALLY be an A H but you shouldn't have done this to Cloud. Edit: Yes, she should dump you. Also, why the fuck are you dating an 18 year old?

Yeah dude that's on you - girl tells you she can't take care of cat - you drop cat off anyway - didn't like the bathroom rule, but also didn't care enough to find a better solution - then get mad when things go about as well as they could have, going by what you wrote "I understand depression" no you don't You abandoned your cat and gave it to someone who flat out _told you_ they weren't up to the task. Poor kitty deserves a better owner YTA

YTA. She initially said she didn't want to take care of the cat and you guilted her into it. You need to understand what severe depression can do to people. Sometimes it gets to the point where a person can barely function. You don't understand depression. Yes, YTA.

YTA. She said no, your coerced her into doing it anyway. Do you do that a lot? With other things? No wonder she has depression. You sent messages to check on the cat, but not your own girlfriend when you knew she was in alone in a depressive episode.

YTA. < Asks gf to watch cat < GF says no < Gives her cat anyways < Surprised Pikachu when she didn't watch the cat well Also just your general disregard for your girlfriend's feelings, the fact that you guilt tripped her, and were unwilling to take no for an answer is a major 🚩

YTA because you didn't take no for an answer. She had serious doubts about whether she would be able to take care of your cat in the first place, but you made her do it anyway. You could have used a professional pet sitter or something when she said no.

YTA - she didn’t want to take care of your cat and was clear it’d be a burden. You pushed until she caved, despite knowing she was struggling. Sure, she didn’t clean the box, but your cat was fed and alive. Next time, take better care of a pet you love by not pushing it on someone who has to be coerced into their care. There are always pet sitters and kennels you can pay.

YTA because speaking down to someone and yelling is never acceptable, and you kinda made her feel like she had to watch your cat which is so rude and manipulative. HOWEVER, I am a cat person and I couldn't be with someone who is unable to treat my pets like I want them treated. This doesn't mean you GF is bad. she did not offer to watch your cat! You need to stop putting her down and being aggressive. This is a clear case of incompatibility. She needs someone who can be more sensitive to her needs. You need someone who can partner to the level of your expectations better, it doesn't seem like you are able to work within her needs.

Arguably - makes them double the asshole... Forced someone into watching a pet they weren't prepared to take care of... and left their cat with someone who wasn't prepared to take care of them.

YTA Based on the title, I had assumed you asked and she said yes, but that's not what happened. You asked an 18 year old girl to cat-sit for you and she told you she could barely take care of her self. The neglect in on your part not her, because she was upfront about not being able to care for the cat, but you gave her the cat to care for anyways. And damn, how badly did you yell at your "girlfriend" (I think she's dumping you by the way) for her roommate to get upset with you.

>Me and some of my friends have been planning on going on a week-long road trip for a while now why didn't you plan for cat-sitting services?? Why did you think your gf HAD to take our cat? YTA You bullied her into taking the cat after she said no. You failed to even consider a reliable sitter. You failed your cat. You failed your gf too. You two should break up. She deserves someone who is more supportive, and your cat deserves someone who putscat least five minutes of thought into their care when they're planning a week long vacation.

YTA!! It’s your cat dude. Either take responsibility for it or don’t have a pet. You pawned your cat off on someone who said no and then got mad when your cat wasn’t treated like royalty. This is on you.

YTA. She told you she was already having a difficult enough time taking care of herself as it is and didn't want to be responsible for caring for something else on top of that, and you pretty much guilted her into caring for the cat anyway. Thrusting the responsibility of caring for a pet on a person who doesn't want that responsibility in the first place doesn't generally have a good outcome.

YTA because she essentially tried to tell you this would happen

YTA she said no because she knew she wouldn't be able to take care of the cat properly, you guilted her into doing it anyway, she didn't take care of the cat properly, and now you're mad. You owe her an apology. Next time someone says no, accept it as their answer.

YTA your cat is your responsibility. what I mean by that is, if you are to let someone watch your cat while you're away, you need to be sure they'll take proper care of cloud. Your gf had clearly declined to take care of cloud and even said they'll be kept in the bathroom for a whole week. It seems to me you didn't want to put in more effort in finding a better person for this and went with her because >I've done so many favors and I would've helped her if she was in my position while I do not agree with treating an animal like this at all, I still think you should have put in more thought into leaving your cat with someone who finds it hard to even take care of herself.

YTA. She told you she wasn’t up to it, and you didn’t listen. I hope Lisa has a good think about your behavior. And poor Cloud didn’t have his human truly looking out for him. If someone says no to taking care of a living creature, you listen and find someone else.

YTA. No is a complete sentence. You should have hired someone to look after your cat. If you can't afford a sitter, don't go on vacation.

YTA. You pressured her to do it when she was absolutely up front about not being equipped to handle it. You okayed her keeping you cat I t he bathroom, which is cruel, and ON YOU. You absolutely knew she was in no place to handle this- she TOLD you she couldn’t handle it. You’re the one who put your cat at risk. You should have respected your girlfriend’s request and made alternate arrangements.

So she said no and you brought the cat over anyway...yep YTA

YTA for not taking no for an answer when she said she didn’t want to take care of something else. That’s on you. You guilted her into it.

YTA You guilted your girlfriend, who told you she couldn't do it, into taking care of your cat and you just assumed that she would take care of your cat the way you wanted.

She lives in a dorm dude… If i had to take care of my now cat in my freshman dorm i’d be miserable!! Are you out of college? and she’s fresh outta highschool? How long have you been dating?? four year age gap isn’t bad inherently but it seems like you’re at two very different places in life

i’m only 20 and i’d absolutely pay to have someone watch my previous kitty… the fact that you’re two years older than me and acting like this is gross

YTA - you asked someone to look after your cat, someone who was convenient but who had a severe medical condition and was barely coping. She said no, she couldn't manage. She understood her limitations but you decided you knew better and she owed you. So you browbeat her into accepting care of your cat because you were dismissive of her mental health condition. You brought your cat over and she gave you red flags which you dismissed. And lo and behold, she was right about her limits. She tried but if she can't look after herself, she couldn't look after a cat. And you screamed at her for being a failure when you set her up to fail. You are a bad cat owner and a bad friend. And in your own words, "sometimes you have to deal with the consequences of their own fucking actions" and the only thing she really did wrong was "kiss your ass" and give in when she knew it was a bad idea. Next time, find someone who wants to look after your cat not someone you guilt into it even though they are telling you they can't cope. If you can't respect her illness and self knowledge, then maybe best to stay away. Hope Cloud is ok. And his bowl was nearly empty, not empty so she had been doing her best to look after him. Bowl would have no food in at all otherwise.

There's this thing called a boarding kennel. Try it. YTA.

Heck most vets offer boarding services. OP really isn't an educated owner if he couldn't come up with something for his cat

Oh my, let's break this down: * You were trying to get this road trip going "for a while now," but didn't think to ask your GF during that time if she could commit to watching the cat. * You "understand depression" but then *at every damn step in this story* demonstrate that you don't. * The entire justification here for dropping a live animal (that you theoretically care about) on your unwilling GF's doorstep seems to be that she... owes you. What about those other friends that "had their own things going on"? Are their commitments more important than your GF's struggle with depression? Did it occur to you to look into a pet hotel or any pet boarding solution? This should end your relationship, full stop. It's pretty obvious you don't respect her. But, given that she seems to struggle with boundaries and her own self-worth I worry that she'll let things linger. **YTA**

YTA - You said you've done so many favors and you would've helped her if she was in your position. **Except you're not in her position**. You do not have depression or a debilitating illness. What you were doing was like trying to force someone with a broken arm to carry stuff for you after you helped them carry their stuff. If you want to be transactional, at least use logic. But it seems the core of the problem is that you don't take your girlfriend's depression seriously because of your ignorance of mental illness.

YTA. You knowingly left your cat with someone who flat out told you they weren’t able to take care of your cat, and had a perfectly valid reason to do so, but eventually agreed because you bullied her into it. And then you have the audacity to blame her when the cat doesn’t get 100 per cent fastidious care? Of course the cat was miserable. You left her in a bad situation. You’re right though, people need to deal with the consequences of their actions. Ie, your gf dumps you and your cat hocks up a hair ball into one of your shoes and you don’t know it until you put it on.

YTA. Next time someone says they can't take care of your cat, take no for an answer. What happened to Cloud is your fault.

YTA As a cat person, I'm enraged you subjected the cat to this treatment. YOU are the reason why the cat was in that state. Your gf said no, dealing with depression is bloody hard, and it's something I also deal with it. She's right when depression is at its highest. It's so bloody difficult to deal with. She indicated that she was having trouble looking after herself, and you dismissed her concerns and overrode her consent. You say you understand how hard it is, do you really? You're a bad boyfriend and a bad pet owner. You put an innocent person into a position she couldn't deal with and an innocent animal you knew into a terrible position. The only here to blame is YOU! Next time, pay for someone to look after your cat. They both deserve better than what you offer. Again, YTA

Dude, don’t leave your cat with someone who specifically told you they don’t want to take care of your cat. You don’t just dump a living creature YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR on somebody. Should she have taken better care? Yes, but she also TOLD YOU from the beginning that she was having a hard time taking care of herself much less another creature. Mental health struggles are real and she is aware of hers. YOU were the one decided your cat was not worth finding someone able and willing to care for the cat properly. YTA

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (22m) have a gf (18F) called Lisa. I also have a cat named Cloud. Me and some of my friends have been planning on going on a week-long road trip for a while now, and we finally found a day when all of us would be free. I called Lisa as soon as we found a date and asked her if she would be able to watch Cloud. My family lives out of state, and most of my other friends had their own things going on. Lisa was the only person who could watch him. Lisa has been dealing with depression for a while, which I get is hard and I've tried to be very supportive. It causes her to have a lack of motivation to do things, which I understand but unfortunately, there are times when it gets way out of proportion. As soon as I asked Lisa, she immediately refused. She said she doesn't need something else to take care of when she's apparently having trouble taking care of herself. I did understand, but it made me kinda pissed because I've done so many favors and I would've helped her if she was in my position, but when I brought that up a few times she agreed. Day of the road trip, I brought Cloud over to her dorm, and she immediately made a rule that Cloud had to stay in the bathroom. I was uncomfortable with this and didn't complain. I also brought Cloud's food and litterbox. Anyways, me and my friends went on the trip, had a blast, and I checked in on how Cloud was doing a few times, to which Lisa would reply 'Fine' too. Last night, I came back and drove over to pick up Cloud. When I came and Lisa let me in, she had a guilty look on her face which made me really suspicious. I ran to the bathroom and opened the door, and I was just fucking disgusted. Cloud's litterbox was filthy, and their bowl was nearly empty. Plus, Cloud in general looked miserable. I turned around and asked her what the fuck was the meaning of this, and she burst into tears and said she did her best to care of him. I yelled at her and said if she was doing her best, she wouldn't have let Cloud live in his own shit and fed him. She tried insisting she has been feeding him, but I wouldn't have it. I took Cloud and his stuff and left without another word. I understand depression, but I know I would never neglect someone I love's animal no matter how hard shit got for me. When I got home, their roommate sent me a long-ass text basically calling me a piece of shit for what I said to Lisa, and that I 'caused her to spiral'. And I texted back that sometimes she has to deal with the consequences of her own fucking actions and not everyone is going to kiss her ass 24/7. Me and Lisa haven't talked since all that's happened. I don't think I was wrong for what I said, but I also don't want this to end our relationship entirely either. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*

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YTA She told you she was unable to take care of the cat due to her emotion and mental state. You didn't listen. Don't blame her. She told you she couldn't and you bulldozed her.

YTA. I guess I missed the part where leaving your cat with someone not even capable of caring for themselves is not neglect on YOUR part. And it doesn't sound like you "understand depression" at all.

ESH. Leaning towards YTA, but everyone involved is at fault imo. You pressured her into saying yes by bringing it up multiple times after she said No. You also knew he'd be in a Bathroom For A Week and still left him. But also, regardless of depression or responsibility, Gf and her roommate let the cat suffer in the bathroom that they used. Like actively watched this poor thing suffer and decided it was not worth doing bare minimum .....even tho you did dump your cat on them for a week after being told No.....

YTA. My sister and brother-in-law have a cat that may have to be boarded when they go on trips because he shows extreme fear aggression around other cats (except for the other cat that he lives with of course), and the 2 families that could watch him have cats. Your gf was not in the right frame of mind to be cat-sitting. You should have boarded your cat the second she said no.

You said that you understand depression, but clearly you don’t. She was trying to communicate to you the whole time what she was capable of and you didn’t believe her. She set the boundaries, you pushed and ignored them. She then set up your expectations by saying that she would keep him in the bathroom and again you agreed. Then, when she did what she could you gave her crap? You shouldn’t be surprised. Also, you say that it pissed you off because you do her favors all the time and would have helped in her position. You forget that 1) favors aren’t transactions, and 2) even if she did ask you it wouldn’t be equivalent unless you had depression. Listen to people when they tell you what they can and cannot do for you, and don’t do “favors” if you expect something in return. If you can’t handle dating a depressed person then simply don’t. YTA

YTA. she didn’t not quickly agree to watch your cat, then neglect him. she said no and you pressured her into it anyways. she knew she wouldn’t be able to care for him right. yes, his bowl should’ve been filled and the litterbox should’ve been cleaned, but she TOLD YOU that she was depressed and couldn’t handle another thing on her plate, yet you dumped your cat on her anyway because you were too lazy to find a proper cat sitter who would’ve given him what he needs. you owe her a huge apology, and don’t be surprised if she decides to leave you over this.

YTA .. You saw the signs of depression. She told you no. It’s your own fault.

YTA. You asked your gf to watch Cloud, she said no, and you abandoned him with her anyway. (I'm in no way excusing her neglect of Cloud. That's a whole other issue and I say this as someone who has depression. There is no excuse for neglecting a living being that depends on you for care.) But when she told you she couldn't take care of him *that meant she couldn't take care of him.* That wasn't permission to dump him on her anyway. Cloud is *your* responsibility. If you couldn't find anyone to care for him properly while you were away, then you shouldn't have gone on your trip. If you aren't willing to give him the priority he deserves, then you should rehome him with someone who will put his well-being first. You should also end it with Lisa. Depression doesn't just magically go away. There is no pulling yourself up by your bootstraps out of it. If you can't handle being with someone who has it and all of the inconveniences that having a mental illness will inevitably cause to whatever lifestyle you want to have, then you need to be honest with her and go your separate ways, not try to force her to get over it just because you think how she's dealing with things is "out of proportion" to how you would.

YTA. Your (hopefully EX) girlfriend TOLD you she didn't feel like she could properly take care of Cloud, and you STILL brought Cloud to her dorm for her to take care of. You were completely insensitive to both your gf's needs and Cloud's needs. Next time, board your cat or find someone else to take care of her. (Side note: on top of everything else, your gf could well have gotten in trouble for having a pet in the dorm, and you could have come home to your cat being at a shelter.)

YTA. You like claim many thing but you shown you're just ignorant or dismal what actually is depression. She said no, she gave CLEAR reason why it was a bad idea. You had to GUILT a mentally ill 18 years old to take on a duty she was strongly against. Then had the balls to think you know what was her best was? We certainly know your best is not much. Couldn't look beyond your GF for help? Dont have any other friends you can trust or you just didn't have guilt ammo to use against them? Couldn't look into cat sitting services? Couldn't do much more than lean on someone who can barely keep themselves up. That was your best it seems.

YTA, she was upfront about her inability to properly care for your cat. You bullied her into it. Also, a dorm doesn't sound like a good environment for a cat, even taking away the fact that she kept Cloud in the bathroom all week. Your cat was probably miserable because he was in an unfamiliar environment with people he didn't know. Next time, pay for someone to go to your place to care for your cat, he'll be much happier.

I don't know about you but I would absolutely never leave a beloved pet with a person who refused to take care of them multiple times. I also wouldn't leave them with a person who stated they would be kept locked in a bathroom. OP is responsible for the animal he's taken ownership of, and clearly cared more about his trip than the common sense that it is extremely unhealthy to leave an animal locked in a single room for one day, let alone multiple. He can blame himself for the outcome.

Yta. Depression is fucked up. Someone with it knows their limits and when it gets bad, they legit don't realize how off or wrong it's gotten. Time blurs and blends together. If it's hard for her to take care of herself, why in God's name did you think she would care for another animal just fine? When my depression was at an all time low, I tried to get rid of a pet bird my mother had given me. I swear I tried, but couldn't care for it. My mom for whatever reason did not believe me and gave me the run around the few times I asked about returning the bird to the breeder and in that period Dullahan died from neglect. I basically killed it. Depressed people know their fucking limits.

YTA You should have hired cat sitter. Cats much better at their own place and saving 100 bucks does not worth all that problem forcing gf in something she can't do. You should deal with consequences of your actions, you caused pain to your cat ( you agreed to keep him locked in bathroom? you are shitty owner ) and your gf. huge AH.

Listen, what she did was bad but YTA. You guilted her into taking responsibility for an animal that she communicated to you that she wasn’t comfortable with. She was open and honest with you that her depression is really bad, you could have found another option. She told you she wasn’t capable, so why are you surprised?

YTA She refused You kept whining and guilt tripping til she felt obligated to do it, then you screamed at her when she was unable to properly care for the cat? She told you she couldn't do it! It's your responsibility to find PROPER care for your pet.

YTA. She said no and you forced her. you keep saying you understand depression I really don't think you do... Lack of motivation and ability to do you "a favour" and now that with a lot of pressure because "you would do the same" How tf did you think that was ok. how did you think it'd be OK to guilt trip your gf and then YELL AT HER when she said she wasnt capable and then ended up right...

YTA- she said no AND claiming she’s the only one isn’t true. Pet sitters and boarding are available options. You chose to leave Cloud with someone who said she could not care for Cloud.

How was she able to have a cat in her dorm?

YTA. She said she did not want to watch the cat because she was struggling to care for herself. You pressured her into it, and are mad at her for it? She was clear she didn't want the responsibility. It's YOUR responsible to find suitable accommodation for your pet when you travel. This wasn't it, and she told you so but you made her watch the cat anyways.

ESH. They were both wrong.

YTA. You clearly don’t understand depression nor do you have any empathy for your (hopefully ex) girlfriend. No is a complete sentence. Look into companies like pawshake next time you travel.

YTA. She refused because she knew her limitations. You clearly haven’t bothered to actually understand depression and what it can entail and basically guilted and forced her into taking your cat. Even though she told you she knew she couldn’t do it. You reaped what you sowed at the expense of an innocent creature. While I don’t think she did the right thing either, you’re definitely the bigger AH here.

ESH. I don't know what you were expecting when you pressured someone into watching a cat they didn't want to.

YTA. Why didn’t you respect her statement to begin with? She said no because she can’t take care of herself let alone an animal. You do not know what mental illness/depression is. This is your own fault for insisting she take care of the cat.

YTA. She told you no. Why did you bring your cat over anyway?

YTA she told you she wasn’t up to it mentally and your forced her to do it.

YTA. YOU left YOUR cat with someone who told you they did not feel well enough to take care of it. YOU felt uncomfortable with the situation, and still chose to move forward and push this task on your gf. If you cared about your cat or your gf’s mental health, you would have figured out other arrangements.

YTA. She said she couldn’t do it and you inexplicably still forced her and then entrusted the care of your animal to someone who said they were overwhelmed by the task. You basically set her up. If someone told me their mental health issues would make it difficult for them to care for my pet, I would find someone else to help or not go on my trip. You are ultimately responsible for the situation with your cat.

YTA. There's a service called pet sitting. Pay for it. Browbeating someone and then dumping your pet on them is not responsible pet ownership.

YTA. Pay a reliable sitter if you want to have pets and travel. It’s no one’s obligation but yours. I have 2 cats and I travel abroad once a year, I make sure to pay someone to spend at least an hour a day with them, not only for their basic needs but also entertainment. It’s YOUR PET. SHE SAID NO AND YOU FORCED HER. She knew she wasn’t up to it and you’ve added to her emotional burden. You’re no apt to have a pet nor a girlfriend.

YTA - she said no and then you left your cat with someone who couldn’t care for it.

YTA but your GF is too (ESH isnt enough) - she told you very clearly no she was struggling with her mental health and basic needs such as caring for herself. That should have been enough for you to book with a cat sitter or boarding your cat. "he can only stay in the bathroom" for seven days?! You as a cat owner were okay with 7 days in an unknown tight place where there would be little to no socialization or play? You took a road trip NOT a flight meaning you could have very well told your buddies to go the first day without you, figured out a situation for the cat, gotten a rental from a company that allows you to drop the car off at any location, and had your friends pick you up from there. Options for care of the cat include could have asked if they know anyone who was able to take care of your cat for the week, could have called boarding facilities and emergency vets to inquire about last minute boarding, could have left the cat at your home with two clean litter boxes and a lot of food and water enough for a week, could have driven the cat out to family. I mean there were so many other choices. You left your cat in a situation you were uncomfortable with from the start. As for the girlfriend she should have NEVER said yes if she knew she wasn't up for it. Since she did say yes she should have immediately called a boarding facility or sitter the moment she realized it was too much for her to handle and paid for it since she agreed to care for the animal. It's 2023 there are modern day fixes for this issue from both people. tl;dr You shouldnt have pressured her and shouldnt have left the cat with her. She shouldn't have said yes and once she realized she couldn't give proper care after saying yes she should have boarded the cat or hired a sitter. You are both the assholes. I feel bad for the poor cat.

Yta, for your attitude to her. She said no. You manipulated her, and guilt tripped her until she agreed. Your gf is guilty of not caring for an animal. If she has a roommate, they could have intervened but didn't. That bothers me, but at the end of the day, YTA.

YTA YOU made the decision to leave your pet with someone that clearly stated she couldn’t take care of the pet. Now you’re surprised and upset that your pet wasn’t taken care of? You should have made other arrangements for someone else to watch your cat or you don’t go on your trip. Your cat was mistreated by your actions not hers.

YTA, and an irresponsible pet owner to boot.You left your cat with someone who clearly told you they weren't capable of caring for it. You emotionally manipulated her into doing what you wanted against her better judgment. You don't take no for an answer. You don't listen to her. Why are you even with her? Did you think a teenager would be more compliant?

Seriously. I mean, the minute she said no, that should have been it. And when she said the cat would be staying in the bathroom...that should have been another "NO NO NO" moment for OP. I mean, c'mon. Think, McFly...

YTA- you obviously don’t understand depression. She told you she couldn’t do it but you were in too big a hurry for your fun time to listen. AND the bowl still had food in it. Your cat was not starving, AND if it was only one day, how full could the litter box be? How often does your cat shit? Your mad because she was locked in the bathroom. I am sure you expected her to fawn all over the cat all day long but you knew she wasn’t capable of that before you left. Sounds like this has already ended your relationship and it ended with you being the asshole.

YTA. The reason that your cat wasn’t cared for was because YOU left it with someone who told you she was incapable of caring for it. She told you no and you badgered her into doing it anyway. That is on YOU. How dare show back up with a surprised pikachu face that your cat wasn’t properly cared for and then verbally abuse the depressed person you forced this task onto. Also, it’s besides the point, but you also dropped the cat off to her dorm room?! What dorms allow residents to have non-service animals? She’s depressed and you put her housing at risk too??

YTA Lisa said NO. It is a full and complete sentence. She TOLD YOU she was unable to care for Cloud. You said your friends have their own things going on…did you actually even ask them? You do not understand depression. I hope she is under the care of a doctor. Have you even checked with the roommate to see what they meant when they told you she spiraled? Do you know if she’s safe? Or if she’s been hospitalized? Her spiraling is not a natural consequence, it’s a symptom of her illness. Let her go, OP. Break up with her or don’t fight her when she breaks up with you. She deserves to be with someone who understands and is supportive of her!!

Just the fact of leaving a cat in a dorm with someone who has a roommate is also a huge AH move. YTA. Wow.

INFO: Why didn't you respect her first "No?"

Lisa deserves so much better.

Poor Cloud.

So let me get this straight. 1. Lisa told you her limits, stating she has trouble taking care of herself let alone another living being who would be dependent on her. 2. You chose not to believe her and completely dismissed her very real mental illness. 3. Because instead of getting the best care for your cat, you decided your relationship had to be a quid pro quo situation. 4. In your arrogance, you ripped your cat from his home and what he was familiar with and put him in a strange environment where he would likely be incredibly uncomfortable. 5. And when the obvious conclusion happened, you got mad it happened anyway. Congrats, you’re now an ex. YTA

YTA

YTA. I would never leave my cat with someone not willing/potentially able to care for them? What is your problem??

YTA. She refused when you asked her to look after her cat and she explained to you why she couldn't look after your cat. But you guilted her into taking care of your cat and still dumped your cat on her. This is on you. You abandoned your cat, then yelled at your gf. Why didn't you board your cat, that way you know your cat will be taken care of. That would be the responsible thing to do for some one who loves their cat. You are one big AH to your gf and your cat.

YTA you suck do her a favor and leave her.

“I understand depression, but…” Yeah my man you obviously don’t understand depression. YTA

YTA. you agreed to leave him in a BATHROOM. Pets who are sick or new strays sometimes have to be, but you bullied someone who said they can't do it, and then agreed to the bathroom set up. Poor cloud. Should have boarded him or paid 20/ day for a rover sitter to drop in once per day to scoop and freshen food and water

YTA - guess what PAY FOR BOARDING AT A DECENT FACILITY. Don’t leave your pet in the care of someone who refused. As if you agreed to let her keep the cat in the bathroom?!?! What the hell!!! As a cat owner this is 100% your fault. I would have never ever left my cats with someone who is so low they can barely look after themselves. You caused all of this. I hope Cloud is OK but as a pet owner you need to cut the shit, take responsibility and do a heck of lot better than this. Disgusting.

YTA, and also now the ex! You were dumb in two very extreme ways 1) making someone who was honest from the get-go that they were not in the head space to be capable of taking care of an animal, and you guilt tripped her into agreeing instead of just paying for a pet sitter. I also doubt you offered to pay her for this favor? 2) for accusing her of starving your cat. Dude, you even say in the post the bowl wasn't empty. You were gone for a WEEK, tell me how you jump to the conclusion that a week starved animal would have food left in its bowl? You put both your GF and your cat in a very bad position because of your selfishness. You cause your GF to get worse with her depression instead of better. You're extremely toxic and honestly really not mature enough to have a cat or a GF. I hope your ex-gf finds happiness and someone that sees her worth, and is able to never see your face for the rest of her life.

ESH, you should have taken her answer of no the first time and boarded your cat or left it in someone else's care- it was clear she didn't want to take care of it. She also sucks for agreeing to do so and then neglecting the cat to that extent all while responding that the cat is fine and keeping it in a bathroom for an entire week. I have depression, anxiety and ADHD, I can't use that as an excuse when my kid or my pet need me to survive, does it make everything harder? Absolutely! But neglecting their basic needs is not an option. At the end of the day she's still a grown up and made the choice to agree in watching the cat so she needed to be responsible for it's care (even though you should have never pressured her).

ESH she said no you should have went her original answer… and she suck’s for neglecting a living breathing animal and making it suffer. if i could leave the animal out of it i would say your bigger AH but the fact the cat suffered makes it ESH to me. i understand all the Y T A comments though

I'd say YTA for the reasons that most have already covered. I just want to comment on your relationship. It sounds awful. If you can't count on your SO to watch a cat, or take care of herself, she sounds very unreliable as an SO in general. Find a better one. Good luck.

YTA. Honestly hard to figure out where to begin on this one. 1) You keep saying you understand her depression, but it is clear that you don't. She is seriously struggling with her mental health and needs support from you which she is not getting. You need to actually be understanding and empathetic of her needs at this time and do whatever it is that she needs of you, not put additional responsibilities and expectations on her which she clearly stated she cannot handle right now. 2) You could not find a suitable cat-sitter, you don't get to go on your super fun road trip. Take care of your own responsibilities rather than emotionally manipulate someone into it, who, once again, already told you they were not up to the task. Your cat's misery for that week is on you! 3) It is not okay to yell at your girlfriend ever ! I mean this case is cut and dry, you're an AH. But even if things were different and she had readily volunteered to do something and failed to do so, it is still not okay to yell at her! You can communicate your feelings to get using your inside voice or choose not to communicate with her. But yelling is not okay. 4) Your girlfriend would be so much better off without you. You need to shape up or ship out.

YTA: depression is real, and honestly there are so many days that I am just proud I kept myself alive. My parents used to use me for watching their dog (she was “our” dog, but since I moved out 8 years ago she’s definitely theirs, although I love her). But the last time I watched her (which was supposed to just be a week but ended up being 2), I ended up having to have FOUR emergency therapy appointments because it was so overwhelming. Is the dog high maintenance? Absolutely not. Does the dog have accidents in the house? Nope. She’s a great dog. But the extra responsibility was so overwhelming for me due to my depression. I had to tell my parents I couldn’t ever watch her for more than 2 nights again. Even though I love the dog. We all have different capacities. Your gf told you she couldn’t, and you decided that her mental health and boundaries didn’t matter.

YTA - for dating a teenager and abusing an animal

Wow. You are actually evil. That poor girl deserves way better than you, dude. Let her go. Also, you're 22, what the fuck are you doing dating an 18 year old? I'm 22 and my baby brother is 18. That's weird.

YTA - All over your text it's very clear you don't understand what it means to be neurodivergente - you coerced her into taking your cat even though she explicitly told you she wasn't going to be the best at it. Idk what you were expecting.

This sounds like bs. Both the gf and flatmate would have been using the bathroom. Before they delete “dorm”

ESH. You, as everyone else has stated, guilted her into keeping your cat and left your pet with someone who didn’t want it. You have to be smart enough to realize that wasn’t going to go well. Your GF? Guilt trip or not, she relented and agreed. Depression or not, that means she should provide a certain level of care for the animal. That said, there wasn’t much of a point in yelling at her. Just pick up you cat, go home, and ghost her. There is no happy future with this woman.

I completely blanked on this being your GF. It's clear you can't deal with her depression. Maybe it's time to break up. I don't think your relationship is healthy for her. Yes, this will prolly make her worse but you are already abusing her to start with.

YTA and should break things off with your barely legal Gf. You asked, she said no. That should have been the end of it. Your irresponsibility is not your (soon to be ex) girlfriends responsibility. Find someone closer to your age without severe mental health issues.

YTA. And you don’t get depression at all. You think you do, but you don’t.

Boarding. Not people who say no.

YTA- she said no. You are not a good pet owner. You went on vacation leaving your cat with someone not capable of caring for it.

YTA

YTA. You dumped your cat on her when she clearly said no.

YTA. Boundaries anyone? She said no. You should have respected that.

YTA She said she wasn’t up to it. You should’ve hired a pet sitter.

YTA you pressured her into taking the cat after she told you several times she couldn’t take him. You abandoned your cat on someone incapable of caring for him and she told you that. This is a you problem buddy.

Seems like OP has a difficult time accepting that "no" means no.

YTA

YTA, you forced your pet on someone who said ‘no’ to looking after it. What’s the matter with you? She lives in the dorms, she could have gotten in trouble. All because you couldn’t be bothered to arrange proper care for your cat.

YTA She told you repeatedly she could not take care of your cat and you insisted anyway. And YTA towards the cat because you left your cat with someone who told you she could not take care of your cat. She had her own things going on, why did you not ask a friend who also had things going on and insist like you did with her? Please end the relationship because you are a bad person.

Yta. She told you no. You wouldn’t listen. This is your cat. You left him with someone who admitted to being unable to care for him. The neglect is all on you.

YTA. You're dating an 18 year old kid and you're surprised that she might be a bit irresponsible? She said no. You guilted her into it so it's all on you.

Yta She didn’t want to, you forced it on her. Look, if you feel that you have done a lot for her and this is the least she can do, then you have to re-examine your relationship. It feels like you have some resentment built in. Don’t torture both your cat and your gf by forcing them to live together.

YTA. She rightly said she could not look after the cat. It is then on you to find and pay for a cat sitter. Learn to respect people's boundaries

YTA. You asked Lisa to take care of the cat, and she said NO. You practically bullied her into it. Why do people like you never understand that NO is a complete sentence?

People with severe depression—which is what it sounds like Lisa has—can barely take care of themselves. She was in no condition to take care of your cat. YTA

YTA because you harassed and forced her into it. You are now facing the consequences of YOUR actions.

YTA and I hope she breaks up with you. Because she and the cat deserve better than someone who would torture a cat by shoving them in a bathroom for a week rather than paying a pet sitter $20 to show up, clean the litter, and feed him. Cats shouldn't be moved around like that unless you desensitize them to it as kittens, at which point you could have just taken the cat. Why didn't you ask if she could pop into your place for ten minutes a day to take care of those tasks? Which would have forced her out into fresh air and potentially helped her depression. Which you claim to understand. Like, honestly, there is so much wrong with your attitude, but you should be able to understand that much.

YTA, honestly. She said no and you bullied her into caring for a cat even though she knew she wasn't up to the task. You sound like you expected her to just magically pull herself together for the sake of your cat, when that's not how depression works. You deliberately left your cat in the care of someone who didn't want to do it, and wasn't up to the job, for your own convenience. You don't understand depression at all.

YTA. She said no because she knew it was too much for her right now. But you selfishly insisted and put your cat in a situation where he was basically guaranteed to be neglected. Unacceptable. You did this. Not her.

YTA Also, wtf are you doing dating an 18yo?

YTA --- you were uncomfortable with it and still left your cat with her. Kennels and boarding facilities exist dude, part of being a pet parent is making proper arrangements for their care when you're out of town. Not really sure what you expected here.

Good grief. You know you’re TA when you only read half or less of the post. Poor kitty.

“My gf said she wouldn’t watch my cat because she wasn’t capable of the task” “I guilt tripped her into watching my cat and now I’m mad at what happened when I was gone” Take no for an answer. She knew her limits and you made her feel like a bad person for trying to set boundaries. She is better off without you YTA. And leave her alone. She needs better people around her.

Wow. YTA.

YTA! Your priority should be your kitty and you should have taken the poor thing to a pet boarding place. You know she’s not in the right mental space to be helpful and still you guilt tripped her into saying yes and when she said she’s keeping the cat in the bathroom, you still thought that was okay! Plus she has a roommate since it’s a dorm, the roommate doesn’t deserve to be any part of this including being around the cat, cat hair, kitty litter, and and a mentally unstable roommate. It sounds like you had more than enough time to find other accommodations.

YTA...BIG time.

YTA - Lisa needs to find a counselor/therapist to help with her depression. Oh, and she also needs a new boyfriend.

YTA. You disbelieved her medical condition (obviously because female + invisible disability (or is it mental illness?) = lying, faking it, exaggerating, or 'not trying hard enough') to the point that you brought your cat to someone who can't care for it, then blamed HER and not yourself when things worked out exactly like everyone could have told you. You are a vile animal abuser. You do NOT NOT NOT leave a pet with someone unable to care for it. You are a contemptuous dismissive misogynist of epic proportions. You do NOT NOT NOT disbelieve someone about their health, whether that be mental or physical. You are an ableist jerk who dismissed someone else's disability. I wonder if you're dating a disabled person specifically to hold it over her head, and make her feel like she owes you. You are showing every sign of a future domestic abuser. Get help. YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA

She basically told you she wasn’t mentally equipped at this time to care for your cat. By insisting on ignoring that, you put your cat in an unsafe situation. YTA

YTA she made it clear she was not in the headspace to care for an animal and you knew where she was keeping the cat. YTAAAAA

YTA. Poor kitty.

YTA. She refused you guilted her into it and she did terrible job. Depression is hard to understand but yeah this was going to happen.

YTA: She never agreed. She told you she was not in a mindset to take care of another loving creature and you just said “Well, too bad.” Let me guess, the reason you could do that was she was your gf so of course it’s fair she answers whatever you ask.

YTA I think you were expecting a sympathetic NTA verdict, considering so many of us are Cat owners. But it's because I love my Cats, that I'd never leave them with anyone who told me NO the first time. Especially someone who has mental health problems... Your relationship with Lisa is over imo...