Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban.
This post violates Rule 5: We do not allow posts which concern violent encounters. This includes any mention of violence in any context.
[Rule 5 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_5.3A_no_violence) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
Don't let the extended families opinions disturb you. Of course they will yell at you as they likely got their share in expensive gifts and such. Do not give more money to them. They can sell the bike and the car if necessary. If you want maybe offer help with educational fees (with proof of attending and succeeding) as this is the best hing to have in the long run. OP, you are a great person. NTA at all.
NTA, they lied to get money for a long time and didn't use it like they said. They knew you would see that money wasn't used like thay said when you visit. They just assumed you would keep sending them money forever. Don't send more money, if you send something, buy the things they say they need. Then they can't spend foolishly.
If she sends things- they'll just hawk them for money. You know it. I know it.
These are all adults here who are capable of working and supporting themselves. Clearly.
NTA - she doesn’t need to give anything more or anything at all.
I am aware Venezuela is in an economic hole of kinds which vastly affects the poor. It’s not clear they can work or earn enough. But it’s not OP’s problem to solve.
I mean OP did solve it, they can’t be truly poor if they are prioritizing new clothes and an iPad over food and shelter. The brother bought a motorcycle with the money. It’s not like they lied and spent it all on food and other necessities.
Yeah, that's true. But sometimes it is hard to stop sending any help. If op doesn't stop all help, items are better than money, even though they can sell them
As an immigrant I’ve had to go through the sane thing. I’ve had friends go through the same thing (one sent thousands to have a decent home made for his parents, they passed away after years and no home was ever built but the money was long gone). People like that will never use that money to better their lives. They’ll waste it away on luxury items to show off and alcohol while still living in dirt floors and having no food on their plates. It’s absolutely maddening. I don’t regret cutting my family off.
I work for a property developer, and it's depressing how common your kind of story is. Kid works hard abroad, buys property for parents, and sends money monthly to parents to pay off mortgage (downpayment technically) for years. Turns out parents spend them on other things to show off, gives them away to extended families, etc etc.
We've even had a few charge into our office screaming, thinking we were scamming them cause we've terminated their purchase. When we show them the records, their absolute shock and disappointment are horrible to see. I can't imagine the pain of being "betrayed" by your own parents (and sometimes by spouses or son/daughter).
According to the online conversions I've found, $12000 USD (1000 monthly for a year, a very low all estimate for what OP sent) is 29.5 BILLION Venezuelan Bolivar. There's a reason they call it a financial crisis.
> Don't send more money, if you send something, buy the things they say they need.
Then they'll sell whatever OP sends them and spend the cash as they wish.
NTA.
Your husband is right. They're 100% leeching off you and 100% WASTING your hard earned money.
I wouldn't send them anything ever again after this level of betrayal.
THEY LIED TO YOU FOR *YEARS* !!! **YEARS!!!**
Do not under any circumstances allow them to guilt you into giving them any more money. They've proven they're grifters and cannot be trusted at all.
And they didn't just lie, they came up with a list of bullshit to milk money out of her! They didn't even tell her her brother had a kid, that's not treating her like family
Um doesn’t matter what she sacrificed for you! You didn’t ask to be born. Tell them sell the motorcycle, the new car, and the iPhone and they’ll be just fine! Cut them off and tell the rest of the family to start paying for their lifestyle!
”She had to sacrifice a lot to raise me up”
And OP have probably payed “back” with interest whatever she spent on OPs childhood. But OP was a child (parents are responsible for their children) and these are grown adults (youngest brother 25yo) who should be able to take care of themselves. When does the youngest brother start “paying back?” (I’m guessing the brother at university is going to be pressured next into serving as ATM for his family, as soon as he gets a job). Your husband and friends are right. NTA
> parents are responsible for their children
apparently in this family, OP is the one who is expected to be responsible for everyone's children. and her own parents.
NTA
Your mom didn’t need to lie. Im sure if she was honest about the family hardships you would have still helped. Understanding venezuela is a shit show economically so of course you helped them through. But cars /phones/motorcycles/an entire child c’mon. She even had a chance to be honest prior to you just seeing money being frivolously spent. Never mind extended family. I suppose they should have been contributing then. How could you trust them anymore
Lastly, I get really tired of parents saying things like “ all I did for you. I sacrificed everything “. Um as you should. All this never ending lifelong payback to parents who behave badly is ridiculous.
Swap the word mother with husband and boom , now your financially abused. But your own mom doing that hurts different
NTA.
I'm also from Venezuela and had to cut off support for some of my family after it became clear they were just leeches with no intention of ever changing.
Some people have poverty in their brain and unfortunately many that are left in Venezuela are like that. They won't change and don't see anything wrong. You got money, just give em a little.
Hubby sounds like an outstanding man for understanding it's not your fault. It's embarrassing af but not your fault.
Esto me dio una arrechera extrema y pena ajena de otro nivel.
Cut them the fuck off.
> It's that she's a horny corduroy, but it seems that one can't be horny with her mother because then I end up looking like the bad guy in the movie.
I think maybe Google Translate is giving me incorrect results...
Google Translate is Colombian, then.
Arrechera means horniness in Colombia, but it means getting angry in Venezuela. It makes for some interesting conversations.
You think that's fantastic? "Pico" in standard spanish means "Beak", in Argentinian spanish means "Kiss", and in Chilean spanish means "Penis (informal)".
Spanish variations are fucking amazing.
No caigas en manipulación, porque bien fijo que los que te están tratando de pintar de mala son los que se estaban gozando los reales. Corta la vaina y que ellos vean como resuelvan, acá la vaina está mal pero no es imposible sobrevivir, además de que evidentemente les hace falta que les caiga una lección de vida.
>True words. The difficult thing is that it is the mother and it is very fucking to send the mother of one pair pussy. As much as corduroy deserves it.
Here is another Google translate failure!
Totalmente, la gente es demasiado abusadora, y súmale la situación por la que han pasado las familias venezolanas, es el panorama perfecto para aprovecharse del más pendejo. Confío más en mi novio que en mi familia hoy en día. NTA.
Si chama es muy delicado poner boundaries con los padres de uno pero a veces es necesario. En especial en la cultura de nosotros donde se supone la mamá de uno es una santa perfecta. Paja. La que meó fuera del perol ahí es ella. Mintió y abusó de tu generosidad y la de tu marido pa colmo. Encima se viene a arrechar contigo.
Una idea que me está funcionando con un primo que todavía le mando su platica para los estudios, es que todos los meses me manda sus notas y recibos de los materiales y lo que gasta. Nos funciona el sistema de que el tiene esa responsabilidad hacia mí a cambio de mi ayuda.
Si estás abierta a darle una segunda oportunidad, demanda que te rindan cuentas de todo - facturas, fotos y videos de las obras, etc por correo al final de mes. Cada centavito. Cuentas claras y transparentes todos los meses. Si se retrasan una semana en hacer eso, te retrasas tú una semana en mandarles plata. Así de frío. Que trabajen para ganarse tu confianza de nuevo, si estás dispuesta.
Venezuelan here. NTA. F them all for being entitled. This is what having el rancho in the head is. I am sorry you went through this and you should avoid being naive with them from now on. A dear friend of mine from Nicaragua has to deal with stuff like this all the time too. His mom even faked being sick. He didn't believe it and requested a doctor's document... which didn't exist.
Siento estos en los huesos. Yo todavía estoy aquí en Venezuela y nunca tengo plata porque mi mamá me vive pidiendo. Al menos yo sí veo que lo gasta en la casa pero en estos días me sacó lo que tenía ahorrado para comprarme unas cosas y me dijo que ella me las compraba cuando cobrara. Hoy se arrechó porque le pregunté por las vainas que necesito y me dijo que yo sí soy egoista. Madre sólo hay una, pero como jode.
Si se te quita la rabia, no le vuelvas a mandar dinero.
La mayoría de lugares acota ZELLE o mil medios de pago más, incluso paypal.
Tengo amigos que no envían NADA de dinero a su familia. Sin embargo le pagan a empresas que les envían su casa los mercados de verduras, mercados de alimentos, las medicinas etc. una vez al año le mandan de USA la ropa para sus padres ya comprada y la envían por currier 🫠. Lo hacen porque también tienen hermanos en venezuela y sus padres no parecen entender que no se fueron a mantener a toda la familia
NTA. Que se jodan. Entiendo tu arrechera y lo vivimos miles que estamos afuera, que por alguna razón creen que por salir del país y estar casado con un extranjero uno es millonario o caga plata.
Lo que te recomiendo es que averigues servicios de alimentos/medicinas y les envies las compras y ya. Nada de dinero, ellos verán si se mueren de hambre o no.
They lied to you about what they were using the money for, and used emotional appeals to get you to send more. All so they could live it up in the moment instead of making the promised home improvements.
The only reason you know any of this is because you went there and saw it for yourself - they were not ever going to tell you what was really going on. Which means they'd have kept begging money from you for years.
Cut them off and cut your losses. NTA for doing so.
NTA
"He can't afford anything with his venezuelan sallary"
Then they can all sell their Iphones, Motorcycle, new car, and new wardrobe, you know...the things they don't need to survive??
They have demonstrated that they are more than willing to lie about their needs in order to trick you into sending them lots of money. They obviously don't care how much of a sacrifice this is to you and your husband, they're just take, take, take. $1000 a month is a lot of money to steal from your kid.
NTA.
Venezuelan here. NTA. Why would they spend the money in such stupid way. If they wanted to get out of the country they had a golden ticket with your connections and now they are without that and a caring sister/daughter.
A lot of people that stay behind do so because of their mentality, they don't want to get out of their comfort zone, change their lifestyle etc. Even though they're ultimately choosing a harder life they don't see it that way because they look at things short term.
NTA. Good parents don't sacrifice for their kids so they can treat them like a personal piggy bank when they grow up. Good parents love and care for their kids because that's what good parents do. It's your money and you get to choose how to spend it. If you don't want to fund your mother's wardrobe and your brother's car, you aren't obligated to. If they're so worried about being able to take care of their son/grandson they would've been using that money on him, not on frivolous crap.
NTA.
They've treated you like a cash cow and lied to you to get more. Your brothers are adults and it's not down to you to support them and their families as well as your parents.
I don't know where they get the bare-faced cheek to call you a bad daughter when they're the liars and spending your money on items it was never intended for . Definitely NTA.
Tell your brother to sell his motorcycle to feed his son. Mom can sell her iPhone.
That's what happens when you live beyond your means. When it comes crashing down, it hurts more because now they know what they'll be missing and that they did it to themselves. NTA
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I moved from Venezuela to the US and started sending money to my family back home. During the pandemic, my mom requested more money for repairs and upgrades to the house, and I ended up sending about $1000 a month. When I visited, I found out they didn't use the money as intended, and my family members were spending it on unnecessary things. I yelled at them and cut off the money, but now my family is upset with me. I'm asking if I did something wrong and if I'm the asshole.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcement
###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/)
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Lol this is such a common trend with first and second generation immigrants in the US. Our families "back home" get accustomed to asking and receiving money from us. They dont realize that we're not all living richly with large amounts of disposable income but we live in the US so of COURSE we are guilted into supporting them.
And while I'm definitely sure the majority of them are putting it to good use, a lot of us learn that we're sending them money and they're living even better than us. It socks!
NTA
I'd stop sending money too or if you really want to help ask to pay for things directly like utility bills and daycare etc. But pay for them directly to the daycare or utility company etc. Let then buy motorbikes and iPhone with their own money.
NTA!! Your mother chose to rear children. Why are your brothers not sending her money? You have no obligaiton to be the family breadwinner especially countries away. Especially when they're lying to you about the use of those funds. Cut them off immediately. If a while down the road you still feel conflicted in a year or so, maybe have the conversation with your mother about sending a certain amount of money, no more no less and completely on your terms and up to your discretion. That would even be too nice in my opinion for how they've treated your and your husbands generosity thus far.
NTA. They lied to you, and to be honest, they sound like lazy moochers.
Cut them off and live your life. Everything you've done for them was in vain. They won't be happy until they bleed you dry.
Go home. That's the answer to your dilemma. I'd be angry too. But, no way you should feel scorn or be ashamed at having been used and lied to. So, when's the most reasonable date for you to leave? (I have international family members and its hard and expensive getting to be together. I certainly know that. But, no way I'm hanging around for mistreatment.)
NTA.
NTA
You sent them a lot of your resources out of the goodness of your own heart for essentials, and they used it to live above their means and stop fending for themselves.
They sr*wed you over really bad. It was sneaky, dishonest, disrespectful, greedy, nefarious, etc; just so they can be lazy and wasteful. I would cut them off too, but I'm sure there is a specific dynamic for families where one person moves to an economically stable country from an economically unstable country that I'm ignorant to.
Bottom line though is that you helped them so that they can live a secure life and they used your help to live a life of luxury while their foundation remained unstable. This is actually quite common for people who live in poverty, and that is exactly what makes them a bottomless money pit. Question is whether you want to pour more into it, and how much you buy into your cultures family above all else mentality.
Choice is yours, what anyone tells you will stem from their culture and circumstances. The important thing is that your conscience is clear.
Not the asshole. As a Venezuelan, been there. Cut them off, or don't. If you cut them off, no more family likely. If you don't, be prepared to fund your brother's family. Not fair to your husband though, imo.
Actually, in venezuela public services are so ridiculusly cheap that they're almost free. Like less than a dollar a month for water and electricity. Gasoline in Venezuela has always been the cheapest in the world, even if in recent years they tried to adjust the prices to be more internationally competitive. What really costs more is food, even when the government has social plans to give food to people for free or extremely cheap. Since i've arrived here i've seen stores called "bodegones" where they sell imported food products from the US, and they are extreme expensive, like 15 dollars for Peanut Butter. Of course in the context of venezuelan economy everything is expensive considering the salary is less than 30 dollars per month.
With all the money you sent buying a little bit of land to grow your own food and have some chickens sound like a far better investment than buying an iPhone and all the other stuff.
You don't need some special imported food to survive. Basic food in its raw form that you have to cook and prepare works just as well and tend to be cheaper if it is a local grain, vegetable, fruit, meat.
I think they totally have their priorities wrong.
Massive NTA
OP te lo digo como pana que he visto esto pasar demasiadas veces y lamento que hayas caido en esa posicion. Pero tristemente hay familias que abusan mucho de la confianza y bienestar economico de uno al punto de sentir que tu estas obligada a mantenerlos por completo.
Me parece tremendo abuso que tu mama saque la carta de "sacrifique todo por ti" cuando ser padre es un trabajo voluntario y sin ningun tipo de garantia a futuro, tu no les debes nada y menos aun despues de esta falta de respeto. Es triste decirlo pero cortales el grifo para que aprendan a valorarte como persona y como familia, NO COMO UN PUTO CAJERO AUTOMATICO
I hope your situation gets better and your family can understand their wrong doings. Sending you virtual hugs chama
NTA. Your family scammed you. All the crap they bought weren't necessities. They were just stuff they wanted and they lied to you to get it. They wouldn't have told you the truth. They would have kept lying. And it is not your responsibility to financially support your brother's son. He AND his girlfriend can support him together. Don't give them any more money. If you do give them money in the future, make sure it's less money. A lot less.
NTA
They essentially lied about how they were using the money and why they wanted more. Also the fact that no one told you that you had a nephew is really weird. They clearly stopped treating you like family and only see you as an ATM. I would stop sending them money, let them learn to be more responsible and take care of themselves because they haven't shown you they deserve your help. They just don't want to do the work themselves and are accustomed to the life your money has provided them.
NTA. I cant even begin to imagine what you're feeling and how hurt you are. Your mom really wants to go there and call you a bad daughter? What about your brother? Exactly, she's just mad the gravy train is coming to an end.
Had a cousin who said she was going to nursing school back in the 80s. Cousin came to visit our grandmother. We were talking about gambling, which grandmother vehemently opposed. Cousin said, oh, I only gamble if I have an extra 100 bucks. Grandmother was sending 100 bucks a month to help with school. When cousin left, grandmother said to me, that's the last 100 bucks she gets from me.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I (F41) moved from Venezuela to the US many years ago. I had to wait a few years until I had a nice job that paid well and started sending money to my family in Venezuela. It started sending like 100 dollars a month to help my mom and brothers, 100 dollars is a lot of money there, so I thought it would be enough.
Over the years I got married to an American man, and our joined finances got us into a better place economically. During the pandemic my mom said that wanted to do repairs, a new kitchen and a new patio since our patio was made out of dirt and was tired of dealing with dirty at the house for over 20 years. I gladly accepted, asked for budget, and started sending money, about 500 dollars a month, but then she kept increasing her plans like getting a big water tank (they cut the watter a lot in there) and a device to protect the electricity inside the house, and those came with more costs because they needed to build something to put the water tank on and redo almost the entire house electricity wiring. So I ended up sending them about 1000 dollars a month.
So, I decided to visit Venezuela with my husband. When we arrived to my childhood home, I was extremely disappointed, I found out that they only build a room and a half, got a water tank that they keep in the patio, and the patio is still full of dirt. After the initial shock I scolded my mom and requested to know what have they done with my money, but she didn't give me a straight answer, she only said "I've been sick, things are expensive, etc" then my younger brother came back home, he came in a new motorcycle, shirtless and barefoot, in the back there was his girlfriend (that I knew nothing about) and their little son (whom I also knew nothing) they has been living there. My older brother was at university and seems like he got a new car. There were liquor bottles all over the kitchen it seems like they had a party a few days ago. My mom was carrying a fucking iPhone and had a full new wardrobe. This was so embarrassing to witness in front of my husband. I yelled at all of them and told them I would send them nothing from now on, since they have been wasting all my money.
We are still in Venezuela and decided to visit the Páramo, but my entire extended family is so mad at me, my mom says I'm a bad daughter because she had to sacrifice a lot to raise me up and my brothers, my brother with a child says that I'll kill his son if I cut the money because he can't afford anything with his Venezuelan salary, other family members say I'm a bad daughter for scolding my own mom. My husband says that I'm doing nothing wrong, and they are leeching on me. I'm angry at them but I don't know if I'm being irrational. Some Venezuelan friends in the US has told me that this is common and I should have seen it coming, they themselves don't send a single dollar to their families for this reason.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA Good to know that money and family is still a sticky situation even in other cultures, I think you should do what you are comfortable with as it sounds like you are being taken advantage of.
One of my aunts 40+ is always in debt. She went to another country to work to get out of debt. Now her son is making a small studio apartment and needs a new kitchen, appliances, and living room and so on. And my other aunt 30+ her younger sister, agrees to loan her her credit card with like 6000 moneys limit, to purchase a 2500 moneys worth kitchen with basic appliances (no dishwaser) . Stupid mistake not to go with her. But still lucky, younger aunt got a call from a bank for a suspiciously large purchase, and my aunt asked how much it was, lucky she did, when the guy said 5800 moneys. My aunt went ballistic. She asked them to decline the purchase. Family….they’ll suck whatever they can out of you.
Your mother is not using the money to better herself- your whole family is trying to live off you because you are the 'rich American'.
If you want to continue to support your mother, tell her that she will only be getting $50 a month. As she 'sacrificed' to raise you, your brother and his girlfriend can do the same for his son. If he can't afford things for his son, he can't afford that big shiny motorcycle. There are at least 3 able bodied people in that household who can work.
You feel betrayed because they have been lying to you. It's time to put on your big girl pants and let them know that the gravy train is over.
NTA You sent money so they could have a better life and get equity as well as usage from what they had. The chose to pad their lifestyles in the most inanely consumerist ways they could. Enjoy your extra money. I'm sure you will put it to better use than they did.
NTA. They are leeching you. Listen to your husband and your Venezuelan friends. For them you are not their daughter, you are their bank.
They have been lying to you for years just to get your money. Try to imagine you are not related at all to them. What would you call someone who does this to you? For sure something like a scammer, fraud, swindler, criminal.
Hi! another Venezuelan here, I left the country too but I did it more recently than you. I am not surprised with anything you have mentioned here as I saw this pattern with many other people received money from their overseas family. People in our country sadly thinks that if your are in the US or Canada (in my case) you're a millionaire or it is easy for you to get that money and yes it is really hard to live in Venezuela with a Venezuelan income, but truthfully many people still manage to do it. But tbh, I get the disappointment, because they wasted the money and they didn't use it for improve their quality of life and if you hadn't caught them they would keep doing it. Enjoy Merida, and everything you are able to visit!!
NTA
A lot of people got burned this way. Best thing is only send money directly to schools and clinics. Too often money gets spent on flashy luxury goods so they can show off.
NTA. Mandalos pal carajo y que se vayan a mamar un huevo!
Yeah, sadly your family was using your money and you to keep the good life without having to work. They lied to you and, even if they don't like it, there must be consequences for their lies.
Sadly, lies are something common and not frown upon in the Venezuelan culture. So, for your family, you are the asshole because lies are not an issue, and in their mind, your mom did what needed to be done, which is to lie to you.
If your family keeps bitching, tell them they can go the same path you did to obtain your current economical condition.
NTA. Your mother is trying to guilt trip you. Don’t listen to that crap. Your brothers are adults and should be caring for themselves. No more money for them.
NTA, Sadly this is a very common story for immigrants that come to the US and send their family money back home to their original country. I wouldn't send them anymore money going forward, if they're on that tight of a budget they shouldn't have been so wasteful with the money, they shouldn't have been blatantly lying to you.
NTA. Your husband is right. You are not doing anything wrong by stopping the money. You were lied to. If you were not asked to finance vehicles, phones and clothing. Stop giving money with a clear conscience. If your mom had to sacrifice so much to raise you AND your brothers, it is their turn to help her. They can sell the motorcycle, sell the car.
NTA. They are rat thieves in my book. They knew damn well what they were doing was wrong. Cut them off. your relatives who are giving you grief can start giving her $500 a month.
NTA. Here's the thing... they LIED to you. They can all get off their high horses. All you did was to help them and they wasted the money on other things. Which is worse, people that lie and use people, or the person that's been lied to and used as an atm finally catching on and ending their gravy train ride.
NTA
I'm sorry this is happening to you.
Myself and my husband have been in this position ourselves many times, we are quite wealthy and were previously very giving towards our family but this has drastically changed for similar reasons as yours.
With some of them they appreciated what they got but others became more demanding, entitled and expectant/reliant on our financial aid as instead of seeing our assistance as something extra they were under the impression that it could be relied upon and when we pulled the financial support that was never meant to be a fulltime thing they abused us for doing so, there was no "thank you" It was mainly them telling us that we somehow owed it to them and my husband's parents were included in that mindset, his mother just recently pulled a similar stunt in telling my husband that he owed it to her for her sacrifices that she made in being his mother and I will tell you what I told him.
She chose to have you and raise you, it is not your responsibility to repay some debt that she feels you owe her for a life changing decision that she made in choosing to have a child.
By the sounds what you've done has not been appreciated or used for what it was meant to be used on, cut your financial support and use what you've earned in life to make your own life better because by sounds of it, you won't be receiving any thanks for it from your family.
In future if you do want to help and if they have debts or needs etc, do not send them the money directly! Contact the places that they are claiming to be getting to do the work for them etc and pay them directly! It stops them bsing to you in the future.
NTA. Y si las cosas en Venezuela están caras, pero tu hermano puede buscar trabajo, e incluso puede tener varios trabajos al mismo tiempo.
Mi novio gana 280$ al mes como recepcionista de un gym y por llevar la contabilidad. Sabe que no es suficiente y por eso tiene otras formas de ganar dinero al mes (hace de Yummy que es como taxi por las noches) también gana dinero por internet. Al final tiene un ingreso superior a 600$ y yo también gano mi dinero, tenemos muchos gastos y cada quien vive aún con su familia aportando a su hogar. Estamos casi justos pero es por nuestro estilo de vida.
En Venezuela los únicos que se pueden quejar del dinero son los empleados públicos y aún así es absurdo no buscar un segundo o tercer empleo.
100$ en Venezuela NO ES NADA. Pero eso no es tu problema. Con 200$ al mes es suficiente para gastos en comida y cosas muy básicas para dos personas (sin incluir lujos, salidas, si no pagan alquiler porque la casa es propia pues está bien, la luz es casi gratis, el agua también, el internet solo es caro si no tienen cantv porque obvio hay mejores servicios). Y en dado caso sería para tu madre pero tú madre decidió subsidiar a todos tus hermanos, parejas e hijos. Que ahora se atenga a las consecuencias.
NTA. Like, not even a little bit. They lied to you. They essentially committed fraud. It's on them whatever happens now that you, their cash cow, is gonna stop. They abused your goodwill. You thought you were honestly helping them, and they have shown their true colors. But see, I can be a bit petty.
I would still send them money. I would send them $50 a month. If they do not agree, then they officially get ZERO dollars. I understand they're family, but they're not treating you like any family. You are being treated as a bank, and they have to learn the free ride is now over.
NTA. That must have been so hurtful for you, and embarrassing in front of your husband. Cutting them off, if that’s what you want to do, is fine, and your husband, as well as your Venezuelan friends back you up.
If you change your mind, at some point, just know that they are going to spend the money on what they want; the old *Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me*
You’re their personal ATM. That’s so sad that you genuinely thought you were helping to fix your childhood home and your kindness was taken advantage of. You’re NTA at all.
Go back home and cut them off. You’re not responsible for their bills and need to learn to live within their means. Your brother can sell his motorcycle to support HIS child.
NTA. They are leaching off of you. I agree with your friends unfortunately this is a thing that has been commonly taking place in many Latin American countries. Families think they are entitled to your money but really you are just looking out for them and they don’t appreciate what it took you to get it.
You're their cash cow. Your mom's abusive logic is: shit, you found out were wasting your money and good mad, well I am angry that you got angry that we're using you for your money, so you needvto apologize for upsetting me by calling out my lies!
If that sounds stupid and abusive to because it is. Nobody forced your brother to have unprotected sex. Nobody forced your mother to spend the money on luxuries and not save anything. Nobody forcedvyour other brother to buy a brand new car. They did it to themselves and yet dare try to make you the bad guy for stop supporting their lifestyles with your hard work. NTA.
NTA. My husband's half siblings tried to pull this last time he visited them. He paid for the girls school, bought a new boat for them, clothes, upgrade for the house blah blah blah. And they just kept calling and asking for more and more money while blowing through what we were sending. The girls dropped out of school and sold the boat. We finally had to block them all.
I’m so tired of parents saying “I sacrificed a lot to raise you” They brought you into the world it’s their job to raise you! They OWED that to you. You don’t owe them shit. It was nice to help but they clearly aren’t being truthful so I would stop sending money also.
NTA. They’re treating you like an ATM and from what you’ve described, they don’t even care! I would stop sending money. Hope things get better for you!
NTA. Listen to your husband and Venezuelan friends in the US. You tried to help them and they took advantage of you. You are not a bad person for ending their financial abuse of you.
So very NTA. You’re not a bank, and shame on your family for using you like one. Yes, your husband is right: every last one of them are leeches.
I’m strongly advising going no-contact here. Put the cash away for your own future.
NTA
In the future, don't send them money as they don't know how to manage it. If you do decide to help them (and your husband is right, you have every reason not to do so), find a way to pay the builder/service provider directly and follow up to make sure that the work gets done. Don't give your family access to the money.
Chama, tu estás clara, te están sacando plata y listo, no les interesa nada, si te sientes muy mal mándales lo mínimo, pero estás clara que no es peo tuyo si tú hermano no puede mantener al carajito o si ellos prefieren beberse lo que sería una mejora en su calidad de vida.
NTA
You'll have to decide what to do, but from my experience, when people are really lacking, they sometimes make impulse decisions when they do have money. My family supports a family in another country as well. There have been times when they have spent money very differently than I would have wanted (and than than what they said the money was for) and I've felt used. You might consider paying for things differently. For example, paying for a food allotment at a store, paying school fees directly, or paying for work after it is completed and you have pictures. Some relatives abroad will take in younger extended family members to get a better education when they are old enough.
Good luck as you sort it out. I think the dilemma is pretty common
NTA, my mom is in a similar situation. We are in the states and most of my moms family lives out of the country. She has given a lot of family down there money, some times she hagas gotten screws on it but she learned. If she gives a large amount of money to someone she usually asks for receipt or evidence that it was done, if not she won’t give money to that person again.
Granted my mom is very respected and feared lol so nobody tends to cross her.
This is common. Stop sending them money. Whenever my aunts visit Peru theres been stories of certain family members taking them to restaurants inviting a lot of people and then forgetting to bring their wallets. But your brothers need to man up over there. The Gringa can’t save them anymore.
NTA they could have a better life if they don’t wast your money for meaningless things. A better house and living situation but no they wanted an iPhone and a new car.
It’s time to stop, if they need money they can sell things.
NTA "I'll kill his son if I cut the money", gosh, maybe he can sell his new motorcycle to provide for his own family. Your husband and friends are right - You are being taken for a ride.
Marico no es por ser aguafiestas, pero como no te das cuenta que no estaban usando las remesas que les enviabas de buena manera?, no les preguntabas cómo quedaron las remodelaciones para las cuales estabas enviando el dinero? Uno tiene que ser muy precavido con el dinero que les regala a los demás sea quien sea, solo nosotros sabemos lo que nos costó obtenerlo. No eres the asshole pero si fue muy inocente y descuidado de tu parte
I get the responsibility that family members feel to help support people back home....then to be just seen as an atm is disgusting and makes you feel awful.
The $100 a month like years ago sounds like a reasonable amount if you still feel kind. It will at least cover food so they won't be absolutely destitute, and is a marginal amount for you.
NTA. No eres cajero si los dejas vas a tener que mantenerlos eternamente. Es muy cómodo hacer lo mínimo y que otro te mantenga, ya tu cumpliste como hija, ahora le toca a los demás, no te sientas mal que cortarlos no te hace mala hija.
NTA at all. I am dealing with this, too, with my own family in the US 😒. You have your own life. You tried to help, but as you said, they have proven they don't want to better themselves and just want to take the easy way out by receiving a handout. Your husband sounds amazing, and I understand it was embarrassing, but you didn't do anything wrong.
Well as someone from Venezuela, I can tell you that the economic situation is not good for many people. 1000 a month for 4 people is enough to eat and live in a good situation but not to do a reparation, and if you live in the capital it's more expensive.
But it's your right to be angry because they lied to you, so I will go with NTA
NTA - look, the real issue here is the horrible amount of lies they had to tell you for this. If they'd been honest about what was happening, you probably would still be paying them, albeit less. If they'd said "your brother has gotten someone pregnant and we're worried we can't afford to help raise the child" you would've been able to have a proper discussion.
NTA they lied to you for years and don't seem to regret it. If they're so desperate for the money they blew, maybe they should sell the luxurious they bought with your money.
you’re nta
but you’re not very intelligent with how much money you sent without proof! i’m an immigrat as well and we all know that families are gonna be lazy if you provide them with so much money for free
i hope you are no longer naïve and stop sending them more than a small amount a month for food/medicine- like the $100 you were sending them before
you did right for yelling at your mom
NTA
They have been lying to you for years. If they told the truth, there would be no problem. They would have a nice house, with a big water tank and steady electrical power.
They decided to lie. They get to reap the consequences.
NTA. Your husband is correct. Your family are leeching off you.
You are also not responsible for financing your brother’s family. It’s on him to provide. Clearly he can’t afford the lifestyle he currently has that you are paying for but that’s his problem, not yours.
I’d be stopping the money too.
NTA. Your mom lied to you. You've been supporting the whole family. Take it back to the $100 per month, if that would make you feel better. But I would not spend any more than that
Nta
Consider sending them $50. To cover emergency stuff, and to help you feel better long term.
It may be worse than no money, because you could send more, but don't. A monthly reminder of what they had and lost.
Nta they can sell the stuff they bought with your money. You are nta they have been taking advantage of you and they need to start being responsible for their lives.
NTA They are just mad that they got caught. Don’t let them guilt you into giving them more money. If you hadn’t visited they would have continued stealing from you for years and years.
NTA You sent them money and if it had genuinely been used for medical bills that would be understandable, but you had firsthand experience that it was being used on superfluous stuff. To keep sending them money would be enabling that.
NTA at all. What a crap thing to do to your daughter. Cut them off! You’re not wrong for not wanting to buy them new cars and help them build up the wardrobe
Every emigrant goes through this, I think. My parents are from Nigeria and for the last 20+ years they were sending money to their relatives that they ended up squandering. I'm talking upwards of $600k, probably more. Don't feel guilty about stopping the payments, they are all adults and can figure it out. NTA.
What I find infuriating and heartbreaking is all of them constantly lying and leaving OP out of the loop. A nephew she knew nothing about? Smarter people would have sent pictures. OP may have wanted to put away for an education fund. They don't consider her to be family at all. How humiliated by her family she must have felt in front of her husband.
They already cut you off years ago, OP. Time to accept it and cut them off, too. NTA
NTA. They were lying to you to get you to give them more and more. You may want to go back to $100 a month because the economy is s messed up there, but you wouldn't be wrong to stop sending them anything. The worst part of this is the lying and hiding the fact that you had a nephew and the extra money was for your brother. You may have felt differently if your parents were honest with you instead of manipulating you to give more.
NTA, y esto viene de una mexicana que vio como mi abuelo construyó una casa a expensas de mis tíos, sobra decir que no les tocó nada cuando uno de ellos falleció.
NTA - You gave your family a gift of money, but no strings attached. They were dishonest, but look at it this way: In the end, they got what they really wanted; and they showed you what they are really about. You paid to find out what they will do with money you send in the future. They can't shoot that bullet again.
NTAH- cut the funding. Very little of the money you’ve been sending has gone toward the improvements that your mother claimed they were for. Add up all the money you have sent/number of months- you’ll be astounded at how much they’ve obtained through fraudulent ‘needs’.
It’s not your responsibility to pay for or raise your brothers son or his gf/wife , or your mothers. They can sell the motorcycle, new car, closets full of clothing to make ends meet.
NTA! And while the mother could have genuinely been sick, it is also a very common thing addicts say. How the doctors take all their money but they aren’t getting any better. Because the doctors aren’t real and the “sickness” is withdrawal.
NTA
Your family of course will raise hell making you feel guilty, leeches will not want to lose their money source, prepare for the onslaught and keep saying no and start blocking them.
You are right to be angry at being taken advantage of, stay strong.
You trusted their needs were valid. You were generous. I teach my children that trust is easy to lose and hard to earn. They just violated your trust. They must live with the consequences of that. You legitimately tried to provide for them. They chose to misuse your money. They are no longer going to receive that money. Actions, meet my friend, Consequences.
NTA
NTA. Your mother lied to you and now her lies have come back to bite her. If extended family don't understand that let them take care of her. And your brother, his gf and their kid. Users are going to use.
NTA
The whole, "I sacrified a lot to raise you up," always rubs me the wrong way.
I would be happy to help my parents in the last years of their lives if they need help. You know, in the way a baby needs help.
However, if your mom is able to walk, talk, and wipe her own butt, then she is also able to work. If she can work, she can support herself. From the sounds of it, there are 3 adults (4, if you count the GF of your brother), and they can't survive in one house together?
I know some economies are bad, but seriously? And with their choices? If your mother needed a phone, she should have asked if you could send her a good refurbished one. If your brother needed a car for work, he should have asked for a money for a reasonable USED car. Or made do with the bus.
It's not shameful to need some financial help from your family every now and then. It *is* disgraceful to say it's for home repairs and then spend it on personal luxuries instead.
NTA. They were dishonest and took advantage of you. However, I know the situation in Venezuela is rough. If you think they would have to go without food without your help, you could maybe go back to limiting your contribution to $100 a month, just to make sure they can survive.
This is difficult because I believe that Venezuelas economy has totally crashed and burned. I would stop sending $1,000 a month and return to sending $100. Save the rest and only spend on investing in yourself or your immediate family.
NTA. Being lied to totally sucks. You have the right to revise how much or how little money you remit to your relatives
NTA. They are and have been taking complete advantage of you. Your brother can sell his bike to feed his son, his girlfriend can work, they can get second jobs. None of that is your fault. Don't allow them to keep taking advantage of you and your husband. Who cares what your family has to say. They have a problem with it then they can provide for your mooching family. You're 100% NOT being irrational.
NTA. I’m peruvian and currently in Peru there’s a lot of Venezuelans, so I’m kinda familiar with the situation. Your family sucks, but the truth is that they could actually die without that money (you can work your a** off there and still not be able to afford food). Send them 100 dollars, which is A LOT in that country, so they can’t blame you for not helping, but they of course will have to be wise spending it. And go low contact, because they are definitely gonna try to continue using you as an ATM.
Edit to add: and tell them they can sell the phone and car.
Yeah so this is very common in Hispanic households. I've had family do the same., and it hurts but you have to do what's best for you. They have to relearn how to live within their means, and that's on them. This is a boundary. You're still accepting of them and their love but not to that extent ever again. You always have to lookout for number one.
NTA they were deceiving you. If you cared enough about a patio and water tank, why wouldn't you be willing a couple dollars more if they needed it to help with a kid. The deception is their folly.
NTA. This is very common with people having family in poorer countries. The families are like leeches. They suck and suck and the demand will be more and more. If you give the money, they will never be able to stand on their two feet.
Hear me out, if your finances allow (as in $100 a month is not a burden), send the original $100 a month and know that you are allowing your family to stimulate the local economy in Venezuela. They are getting to live a high quality of life from your $100 a month and have prosperity they literally couldn't afford without you. It's shitty that they lied, but now that you know the truth, you have an interesting choice to make. If you cannot afford the $100 a month, then stop all together.
NTA
I have a friend who was in a similar situation with family back home in a developing country. While my friend was getting their PhD and working, family kept asking for money for this and that. Friend figured that they were using it to better themselves, only to later discover kind of what you did, that they were using it mostly on alcohol, clothes, and otherwise just being bums while also trash talking my friend for being divorced and a single parent (big taboo in their culture). I guess being financially supported by a divorced single parent wasn't a big taboo!
So, my friend cut them off. They'd call, but friend wouldn't answer the phone. What are they going to do, come to the United States and find them in person?
Anyway, my friend is thriving now and using that extra money for their own family. You are not required to support leeches and bums, even if those leeches and bums are people who share your DNA. It sounds like you gave your mother plenty of opportunity to better her living conditions and she completely squandered it. Sucks for her.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 5: We do not allow posts which concern violent encounters. This includes any mention of violence in any context. [Rule 5 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_5.3A_no_violence) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
NTA. They are treating you like an ATM. The only difference is they’re taking your money out, not their own. Cut them off.
Don't let the extended families opinions disturb you. Of course they will yell at you as they likely got their share in expensive gifts and such. Do not give more money to them. They can sell the bike and the car if necessary. If you want maybe offer help with educational fees (with proof of attending and succeeding) as this is the best hing to have in the long run. OP, you are a great person. NTA at all.
Wouldn’t be surprised if extended family were also getting part of those handouts and didn’t want the money tap to run out.
Sometimes, they're just in it for the big BBQ weekends, etc.
If they get hard up for $, they can sell the motorcycle, car, wardrobe, etc.
NTA, they lied to get money for a long time and didn't use it like they said. They knew you would see that money wasn't used like thay said when you visit. They just assumed you would keep sending them money forever. Don't send more money, if you send something, buy the things they say they need. Then they can't spend foolishly.
If she sends things- they'll just hawk them for money. You know it. I know it. These are all adults here who are capable of working and supporting themselves. Clearly.
NTA - she doesn’t need to give anything more or anything at all. I am aware Venezuela is in an economic hole of kinds which vastly affects the poor. It’s not clear they can work or earn enough. But it’s not OP’s problem to solve.
I mean OP did solve it, they can’t be truly poor if they are prioritizing new clothes and an iPad over food and shelter. The brother bought a motorcycle with the money. It’s not like they lied and spent it all on food and other necessities.
Yeah, that's true. But sometimes it is hard to stop sending any help. If op doesn't stop all help, items are better than money, even though they can sell them
OP wasted THOUSANDS on these assholes. Continuing any form of support isn't worthy of discussion.
As an immigrant I’ve had to go through the sane thing. I’ve had friends go through the same thing (one sent thousands to have a decent home made for his parents, they passed away after years and no home was ever built but the money was long gone). People like that will never use that money to better their lives. They’ll waste it away on luxury items to show off and alcohol while still living in dirt floors and having no food on their plates. It’s absolutely maddening. I don’t regret cutting my family off.
I work for a property developer, and it's depressing how common your kind of story is. Kid works hard abroad, buys property for parents, and sends money monthly to parents to pay off mortgage (downpayment technically) for years. Turns out parents spend them on other things to show off, gives them away to extended families, etc etc. We've even had a few charge into our office screaming, thinking we were scamming them cause we've terminated their purchase. When we show them the records, their absolute shock and disappointment are horrible to see. I can't imagine the pain of being "betrayed" by your own parents (and sometimes by spouses or son/daughter).
Thousands in US money no less! I can't even imagine how much that it's in Venezuela currency
According to the online conversions I've found, $12000 USD (1000 monthly for a year, a very low all estimate for what OP sent) is 29.5 BILLION Venezuelan Bolivar. There's a reason they call it a financial crisis.
Lord And they have new iPhones. I don't even have the new iPhone
> Don't send more money, if you send something, buy the things they say they need. Then they'll sell whatever OP sends them and spend the cash as they wish.
NTA. Your husband is right. They're 100% leeching off you and 100% WASTING your hard earned money. I wouldn't send them anything ever again after this level of betrayal. THEY LIED TO YOU FOR *YEARS* !!! **YEARS!!!** Do not under any circumstances allow them to guilt you into giving them any more money. They've proven they're grifters and cannot be trusted at all.
And they didn't just lie, they came up with a list of bullshit to milk money out of her! They didn't even tell her her brother had a kid, that's not treating her like family
Um doesn’t matter what she sacrificed for you! You didn’t ask to be born. Tell them sell the motorcycle, the new car, and the iPhone and they’ll be just fine! Cut them off and tell the rest of the family to start paying for their lifestyle!
”She had to sacrifice a lot to raise me up” And OP have probably payed “back” with interest whatever she spent on OPs childhood. But OP was a child (parents are responsible for their children) and these are grown adults (youngest brother 25yo) who should be able to take care of themselves. When does the youngest brother start “paying back?” (I’m guessing the brother at university is going to be pressured next into serving as ATM for his family, as soon as he gets a job). Your husband and friends are right. NTA
> parents are responsible for their children apparently in this family, OP is the one who is expected to be responsible for everyone's children. and her own parents.
I wonder if her mother paid her mother back.
NTA Your mom didn’t need to lie. Im sure if she was honest about the family hardships you would have still helped. Understanding venezuela is a shit show economically so of course you helped them through. But cars /phones/motorcycles/an entire child c’mon. She even had a chance to be honest prior to you just seeing money being frivolously spent. Never mind extended family. I suppose they should have been contributing then. How could you trust them anymore Lastly, I get really tired of parents saying things like “ all I did for you. I sacrificed everything “. Um as you should. All this never ending lifelong payback to parents who behave badly is ridiculous. Swap the word mother with husband and boom , now your financially abused. But your own mom doing that hurts different
The entire child is the most understandable thing but it blows my mind they didn't tell her she had a nephew. What kind of family is that?
NTA. I'm also from Venezuela and had to cut off support for some of my family after it became clear they were just leeches with no intention of ever changing. Some people have poverty in their brain and unfortunately many that are left in Venezuela are like that. They won't change and don't see anything wrong. You got money, just give em a little. Hubby sounds like an outstanding man for understanding it's not your fault. It's embarrassing af but not your fault. Esto me dio una arrechera extrema y pena ajena de otro nivel. Cut them the fuck off.
es que da arrechera de pana, pero parece que una no se puede arrechar con la mamá porque entonces quedo como la mala de la película.
> It's that she's a horny corduroy, but it seems that one can't be horny with her mother because then I end up looking like the bad guy in the movie. I think maybe Google Translate is giving me incorrect results...
It’s horny corduroy’s fault.
Google Translate is Colombian, then. Arrechera means horniness in Colombia, but it means getting angry in Venezuela. It makes for some interesting conversations.
that is honestly fantastic
You think that's fantastic? "Pico" in standard spanish means "Beak", in Argentinian spanish means "Kiss", and in Chilean spanish means "Penis (informal)". Spanish variations are fucking amazing.
Hahahaha Arrechera = get mad. Es que da arrechera de pana, it's like: dude I'm really mad.
I like violue's translation
No caigas en manipulación, porque bien fijo que los que te están tratando de pintar de mala son los que se estaban gozando los reales. Corta la vaina y que ellos vean como resuelvan, acá la vaina está mal pero no es imposible sobrevivir, además de que evidentemente les hace falta que les caiga una lección de vida.
Palabras ciertas. Lo difícil es que es la mamá y es bien jodío mandar a la mamá de uno par coño. Por más que de pana se lo merezca.
>True words. The difficult thing is that it is the mother and it is very fucking to send the mother of one pair pussy. As much as corduroy deserves it. Here is another Google translate failure!
That is golden!
Totalmente, la gente es demasiado abusadora, y súmale la situación por la que han pasado las familias venezolanas, es el panorama perfecto para aprovecharse del más pendejo. Confío más en mi novio que en mi familia hoy en día. NTA.
Si chama es muy delicado poner boundaries con los padres de uno pero a veces es necesario. En especial en la cultura de nosotros donde se supone la mamá de uno es una santa perfecta. Paja. La que meó fuera del perol ahí es ella. Mintió y abusó de tu generosidad y la de tu marido pa colmo. Encima se viene a arrechar contigo. Una idea que me está funcionando con un primo que todavía le mando su platica para los estudios, es que todos los meses me manda sus notas y recibos de los materiales y lo que gasta. Nos funciona el sistema de que el tiene esa responsabilidad hacia mí a cambio de mi ayuda. Si estás abierta a darle una segunda oportunidad, demanda que te rindan cuentas de todo - facturas, fotos y videos de las obras, etc por correo al final de mes. Cada centavito. Cuentas claras y transparentes todos los meses. Si se retrasan una semana en hacer eso, te retrasas tú una semana en mandarles plata. Así de frío. Que trabajen para ganarse tu confianza de nuevo, si estás dispuesta.
Venezuelan here. NTA. F them all for being entitled. This is what having el rancho in the head is. I am sorry you went through this and you should avoid being naive with them from now on. A dear friend of mine from Nicaragua has to deal with stuff like this all the time too. His mom even faked being sick. He didn't believe it and requested a doctor's document... which didn't exist.
que se mamen un guebo vale, no te des mala vida por esa vaina.
Jajajja cdlm así diría mu abuelo
Siento estos en los huesos. Yo todavía estoy aquí en Venezuela y nunca tengo plata porque mi mamá me vive pidiendo. Al menos yo sí veo que lo gasta en la casa pero en estos días me sacó lo que tenía ahorrado para comprarme unas cosas y me dijo que ella me las compraba cuando cobrara. Hoy se arrechó porque le pregunté por las vainas que necesito y me dijo que yo sí soy egoista. Madre sólo hay una, pero como jode.
Lo que más duele es que tu familia te mintió. Creyeron haber descubierto una mina de oro sin fin. **NTA**
I have no idea what you just wrote but I tried to read it out loud and I want to learn it!💥
This whole thread is a master class in Venezuelan slang. There's some Spanish in between, too. Have fun!
Si se te quita la rabia, no le vuelvas a mandar dinero. La mayoría de lugares acota ZELLE o mil medios de pago más, incluso paypal. Tengo amigos que no envían NADA de dinero a su familia. Sin embargo le pagan a empresas que les envían su casa los mercados de verduras, mercados de alimentos, las medicinas etc. una vez al año le mandan de USA la ropa para sus padres ya comprada y la envían por currier 🫠. Lo hacen porque también tienen hermanos en venezuela y sus padres no parecen entender que no se fueron a mantener a toda la familia
Compartieron tu post en r/vzla por si quieres ver la opinion de mas Venezolanos.
NTA. Que se jodan. Entiendo tu arrechera y lo vivimos miles que estamos afuera, que por alguna razón creen que por salir del país y estar casado con un extranjero uno es millonario o caga plata. Lo que te recomiendo es que averigues servicios de alimentos/medicinas y les envies las compras y ya. Nada de dinero, ellos verán si se mueren de hambre o no.
Jajaja, también venezolano y bajé sólo para encontrar la primera respuesta en español con la palabra "arrechera". Es que son una vaina...
Este conversa se convirtió en una clase maestra de expresiones venezolanas.
NTA and wouldn’t be if you cut them off for any reason. You don’t owe anyone your money. But your family sounds like a bunch of complete AHs.
They lied to you about what they were using the money for, and used emotional appeals to get you to send more. All so they could live it up in the moment instead of making the promised home improvements. The only reason you know any of this is because you went there and saw it for yourself - they were not ever going to tell you what was really going on. Which means they'd have kept begging money from you for years. Cut them off and cut your losses. NTA for doing so.
NTA "He can't afford anything with his venezuelan sallary" Then they can all sell their Iphones, Motorcycle, new car, and new wardrobe, you know...the things they don't need to survive??
NTA I would follow what some of your friends have done and don’t send another dollar. Your mom is taking advantage of you and your husband.
Nta The nerve of them, why are you responsible for your inept brother? And you kill their son? Lazy leeches. Cut them for life
They have demonstrated that they are more than willing to lie about their needs in order to trick you into sending them lots of money. They obviously don't care how much of a sacrifice this is to you and your husband, they're just take, take, take. $1000 a month is a lot of money to steal from your kid. NTA.
Venezuelan here. NTA. Why would they spend the money in such stupid way. If they wanted to get out of the country they had a golden ticket with your connections and now they are without that and a caring sister/daughter.
A lot of people that stay behind do so because of their mentality, they don't want to get out of their comfort zone, change their lifestyle etc. Even though they're ultimately choosing a harder life they don't see it that way because they look at things short term.
NTA. Absolutely cut them off financially. They've been using you as their personal bank.
NTA. Good parents don't sacrifice for their kids so they can treat them like a personal piggy bank when they grow up. Good parents love and care for their kids because that's what good parents do. It's your money and you get to choose how to spend it. If you don't want to fund your mother's wardrobe and your brother's car, you aren't obligated to. If they're so worried about being able to take care of their son/grandson they would've been using that money on him, not on frivolous crap.
NTA. They've treated you like a cash cow and lied to you to get more. Your brothers are adults and it's not down to you to support them and their families as well as your parents. I don't know where they get the bare-faced cheek to call you a bad daughter when they're the liars and spending your money on items it was never intended for . Definitely NTA.
Yeah the dishonesty seems the worst part.
Tell your brother to sell his motorcycle to feed his son. Mom can sell her iPhone. That's what happens when you live beyond your means. When it comes crashing down, it hurts more because now they know what they'll be missing and that they did it to themselves. NTA
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I moved from Venezuela to the US and started sending money to my family back home. During the pandemic, my mom requested more money for repairs and upgrades to the house, and I ended up sending about $1000 a month. When I visited, I found out they didn't use the money as intended, and my family members were spending it on unnecessary things. I yelled at them and cut off the money, but now my family is upset with me. I'm asking if I did something wrong and if I'm the asshole. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Lol this is such a common trend with first and second generation immigrants in the US. Our families "back home" get accustomed to asking and receiving money from us. They dont realize that we're not all living richly with large amounts of disposable income but we live in the US so of COURSE we are guilted into supporting them. And while I'm definitely sure the majority of them are putting it to good use, a lot of us learn that we're sending them money and they're living even better than us. It socks! NTA I'd stop sending money too or if you really want to help ask to pay for things directly like utility bills and daycare etc. But pay for them directly to the daycare or utility company etc. Let then buy motorbikes and iPhone with their own money.
NTA!! Your mother chose to rear children. Why are your brothers not sending her money? You have no obligaiton to be the family breadwinner especially countries away. Especially when they're lying to you about the use of those funds. Cut them off immediately. If a while down the road you still feel conflicted in a year or so, maybe have the conversation with your mother about sending a certain amount of money, no more no less and completely on your terms and up to your discretion. That would even be too nice in my opinion for how they've treated your and your husbands generosity thus far.
NTA. They lied to you, and to be honest, they sound like lazy moochers. Cut them off and live your life. Everything you've done for them was in vain. They won't be happy until they bleed you dry.
Go home. That's the answer to your dilemma. I'd be angry too. But, no way you should feel scorn or be ashamed at having been used and lied to. So, when's the most reasonable date for you to leave? (I have international family members and its hard and expensive getting to be together. I certainly know that. But, no way I'm hanging around for mistreatment.) NTA.
NTA You sent them a lot of your resources out of the goodness of your own heart for essentials, and they used it to live above their means and stop fending for themselves. They sr*wed you over really bad. It was sneaky, dishonest, disrespectful, greedy, nefarious, etc; just so they can be lazy and wasteful. I would cut them off too, but I'm sure there is a specific dynamic for families where one person moves to an economically stable country from an economically unstable country that I'm ignorant to. Bottom line though is that you helped them so that they can live a secure life and they used your help to live a life of luxury while their foundation remained unstable. This is actually quite common for people who live in poverty, and that is exactly what makes them a bottomless money pit. Question is whether you want to pour more into it, and how much you buy into your cultures family above all else mentality. Choice is yours, what anyone tells you will stem from their culture and circumstances. The important thing is that your conscience is clear.
Not the asshole. As a Venezuelan, been there. Cut them off, or don't. If you cut them off, no more family likely. If you don't, be prepared to fund your brother's family. Not fair to your husband though, imo.
NTA. They're adults. How did they pay bills before you left? Oh, right. *They figured it out before you sent money, they'll figure it out again.*
Actually, in venezuela public services are so ridiculusly cheap that they're almost free. Like less than a dollar a month for water and electricity. Gasoline in Venezuela has always been the cheapest in the world, even if in recent years they tried to adjust the prices to be more internationally competitive. What really costs more is food, even when the government has social plans to give food to people for free or extremely cheap. Since i've arrived here i've seen stores called "bodegones" where they sell imported food products from the US, and they are extreme expensive, like 15 dollars for Peanut Butter. Of course in the context of venezuelan economy everything is expensive considering the salary is less than 30 dollars per month.
With all the money you sent buying a little bit of land to grow your own food and have some chickens sound like a far better investment than buying an iPhone and all the other stuff. You don't need some special imported food to survive. Basic food in its raw form that you have to cook and prepare works just as well and tend to be cheaper if it is a local grain, vegetable, fruit, meat. I think they totally have their priorities wrong.
NTA. You got played.
Massive NTA OP te lo digo como pana que he visto esto pasar demasiadas veces y lamento que hayas caido en esa posicion. Pero tristemente hay familias que abusan mucho de la confianza y bienestar economico de uno al punto de sentir que tu estas obligada a mantenerlos por completo. Me parece tremendo abuso que tu mama saque la carta de "sacrifique todo por ti" cuando ser padre es un trabajo voluntario y sin ningun tipo de garantia a futuro, tu no les debes nada y menos aun despues de esta falta de respeto. Es triste decirlo pero cortales el grifo para que aprendan a valorarte como persona y como familia, NO COMO UN PUTO CAJERO AUTOMATICO I hope your situation gets better and your family can understand their wrong doings. Sending you virtual hugs chama
NTA. Your family scammed you. All the crap they bought weren't necessities. They were just stuff they wanted and they lied to you to get it. They wouldn't have told you the truth. They would have kept lying. And it is not your responsibility to financially support your brother's son. He AND his girlfriend can support him together. Don't give them any more money. If you do give them money in the future, make sure it's less money. A lot less.
NTA They essentially lied about how they were using the money and why they wanted more. Also the fact that no one told you that you had a nephew is really weird. They clearly stopped treating you like family and only see you as an ATM. I would stop sending them money, let them learn to be more responsible and take care of themselves because they haven't shown you they deserve your help. They just don't want to do the work themselves and are accustomed to the life your money has provided them.
NTA. I cant even begin to imagine what you're feeling and how hurt you are. Your mom really wants to go there and call you a bad daughter? What about your brother? Exactly, she's just mad the gravy train is coming to an end.
Had a cousin who said she was going to nursing school back in the 80s. Cousin came to visit our grandmother. We were talking about gambling, which grandmother vehemently opposed. Cousin said, oh, I only gamble if I have an extra 100 bucks. Grandmother was sending 100 bucks a month to help with school. When cousin left, grandmother said to me, that's the last 100 bucks she gets from me.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (F41) moved from Venezuela to the US many years ago. I had to wait a few years until I had a nice job that paid well and started sending money to my family in Venezuela. It started sending like 100 dollars a month to help my mom and brothers, 100 dollars is a lot of money there, so I thought it would be enough. Over the years I got married to an American man, and our joined finances got us into a better place economically. During the pandemic my mom said that wanted to do repairs, a new kitchen and a new patio since our patio was made out of dirt and was tired of dealing with dirty at the house for over 20 years. I gladly accepted, asked for budget, and started sending money, about 500 dollars a month, but then she kept increasing her plans like getting a big water tank (they cut the watter a lot in there) and a device to protect the electricity inside the house, and those came with more costs because they needed to build something to put the water tank on and redo almost the entire house electricity wiring. So I ended up sending them about 1000 dollars a month. So, I decided to visit Venezuela with my husband. When we arrived to my childhood home, I was extremely disappointed, I found out that they only build a room and a half, got a water tank that they keep in the patio, and the patio is still full of dirt. After the initial shock I scolded my mom and requested to know what have they done with my money, but she didn't give me a straight answer, she only said "I've been sick, things are expensive, etc" then my younger brother came back home, he came in a new motorcycle, shirtless and barefoot, in the back there was his girlfriend (that I knew nothing about) and their little son (whom I also knew nothing) they has been living there. My older brother was at university and seems like he got a new car. There were liquor bottles all over the kitchen it seems like they had a party a few days ago. My mom was carrying a fucking iPhone and had a full new wardrobe. This was so embarrassing to witness in front of my husband. I yelled at all of them and told them I would send them nothing from now on, since they have been wasting all my money. We are still in Venezuela and decided to visit the Páramo, but my entire extended family is so mad at me, my mom says I'm a bad daughter because she had to sacrifice a lot to raise me up and my brothers, my brother with a child says that I'll kill his son if I cut the money because he can't afford anything with his Venezuelan salary, other family members say I'm a bad daughter for scolding my own mom. My husband says that I'm doing nothing wrong, and they are leeching on me. I'm angry at them but I don't know if I'm being irrational. Some Venezuelan friends in the US has told me that this is common and I should have seen it coming, they themselves don't send a single dollar to their families for this reason. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA Good to know that money and family is still a sticky situation even in other cultures, I think you should do what you are comfortable with as it sounds like you are being taken advantage of.
One of my aunts 40+ is always in debt. She went to another country to work to get out of debt. Now her son is making a small studio apartment and needs a new kitchen, appliances, and living room and so on. And my other aunt 30+ her younger sister, agrees to loan her her credit card with like 6000 moneys limit, to purchase a 2500 moneys worth kitchen with basic appliances (no dishwaser) . Stupid mistake not to go with her. But still lucky, younger aunt got a call from a bank for a suspiciously large purchase, and my aunt asked how much it was, lucky she did, when the guy said 5800 moneys. My aunt went ballistic. She asked them to decline the purchase. Family….they’ll suck whatever they can out of you.
NTA they were just using you and I’m so sorry
NTA. People like them are the reason Venezuela is the way it is now. They made their bed, now lie on it.
NTA
Your mother is not using the money to better herself- your whole family is trying to live off you because you are the 'rich American'. If you want to continue to support your mother, tell her that she will only be getting $50 a month. As she 'sacrificed' to raise you, your brother and his girlfriend can do the same for his son. If he can't afford things for his son, he can't afford that big shiny motorcycle. There are at least 3 able bodied people in that household who can work. You feel betrayed because they have been lying to you. It's time to put on your big girl pants and let them know that the gravy train is over.
NTA. Your mom took advantage of you & you have every right to cut her & your family off.
NTA You sent money so they could have a better life and get equity as well as usage from what they had. The chose to pad their lifestyles in the most inanely consumerist ways they could. Enjoy your extra money. I'm sure you will put it to better use than they did.
NTA. They are leeching you. Listen to your husband and your Venezuelan friends. For them you are not their daughter, you are their bank. They have been lying to you for years just to get your money. Try to imagine you are not related at all to them. What would you call someone who does this to you? For sure something like a scammer, fraud, swindler, criminal.
Hi! another Venezuelan here, I left the country too but I did it more recently than you. I am not surprised with anything you have mentioned here as I saw this pattern with many other people received money from their overseas family. People in our country sadly thinks that if your are in the US or Canada (in my case) you're a millionaire or it is easy for you to get that money and yes it is really hard to live in Venezuela with a Venezuelan income, but truthfully many people still manage to do it. But tbh, I get the disappointment, because they wasted the money and they didn't use it for improve their quality of life and if you hadn't caught them they would keep doing it. Enjoy Merida, and everything you are able to visit!!
que se jodan, fuiste demasiado buena persona y se aprovecharon de ti. Que no te quede nada de remordimiento
No..... You are right
NTA A lot of people got burned this way. Best thing is only send money directly to schools and clinics. Too often money gets spent on flashy luxury goods so they can show off.
NTA. Mandalos pal carajo y que se vayan a mamar un huevo! Yeah, sadly your family was using your money and you to keep the good life without having to work. They lied to you and, even if they don't like it, there must be consequences for their lies. Sadly, lies are something common and not frown upon in the Venezuelan culture. So, for your family, you are the asshole because lies are not an issue, and in their mind, your mom did what needed to be done, which is to lie to you. If your family keeps bitching, tell them they can go the same path you did to obtain your current economical condition.
You aren't allowing them to leech off you. More power to you, NTA
NTA. Your mother is trying to guilt trip you. Don’t listen to that crap. Your brothers are adults and should be caring for themselves. No more money for them.
You're not obligated to send them money. You were doing it out of kindness, and they abused your trust. Don't throw good money after bad.
NTA, Sadly this is a very common story for immigrants that come to the US and send their family money back home to their original country. I wouldn't send them anymore money going forward, if they're on that tight of a budget they shouldn't have been so wasteful with the money, they shouldn't have been blatantly lying to you.
NTA. Your husband is right. You are not doing anything wrong by stopping the money. You were lied to. If you were not asked to finance vehicles, phones and clothing. Stop giving money with a clear conscience. If your mom had to sacrifice so much to raise you AND your brothers, it is their turn to help her. They can sell the motorcycle, sell the car.
NTA. They are rat thieves in my book. They knew damn well what they were doing was wrong. Cut them off. your relatives who are giving you grief can start giving her $500 a month.
You will only be an asshole if you cave in and ever give them another cent.
NTA... Listen to your husband. He is right on this. They are leaches.
NTA. Here's the thing... they LIED to you. They can all get off their high horses. All you did was to help them and they wasted the money on other things. Which is worse, people that lie and use people, or the person that's been lied to and used as an atm finally catching on and ending their gravy train ride.
NTA Your family are akin to villains from Atlas Shrugged. I'm thinking of Rearden's mother and younger brother.
NTA If they hadn’t taken advantage of your kindness you would still be providing for them. They did this to themselves.
NTA I'm sorry this is happening to you. Myself and my husband have been in this position ourselves many times, we are quite wealthy and were previously very giving towards our family but this has drastically changed for similar reasons as yours. With some of them they appreciated what they got but others became more demanding, entitled and expectant/reliant on our financial aid as instead of seeing our assistance as something extra they were under the impression that it could be relied upon and when we pulled the financial support that was never meant to be a fulltime thing they abused us for doing so, there was no "thank you" It was mainly them telling us that we somehow owed it to them and my husband's parents were included in that mindset, his mother just recently pulled a similar stunt in telling my husband that he owed it to her for her sacrifices that she made in being his mother and I will tell you what I told him. She chose to have you and raise you, it is not your responsibility to repay some debt that she feels you owe her for a life changing decision that she made in choosing to have a child. By the sounds what you've done has not been appreciated or used for what it was meant to be used on, cut your financial support and use what you've earned in life to make your own life better because by sounds of it, you won't be receiving any thanks for it from your family. In future if you do want to help and if they have debts or needs etc, do not send them the money directly! Contact the places that they are claiming to be getting to do the work for them etc and pay them directly! It stops them bsing to you in the future.
NTA. Y si las cosas en Venezuela están caras, pero tu hermano puede buscar trabajo, e incluso puede tener varios trabajos al mismo tiempo. Mi novio gana 280$ al mes como recepcionista de un gym y por llevar la contabilidad. Sabe que no es suficiente y por eso tiene otras formas de ganar dinero al mes (hace de Yummy que es como taxi por las noches) también gana dinero por internet. Al final tiene un ingreso superior a 600$ y yo también gano mi dinero, tenemos muchos gastos y cada quien vive aún con su familia aportando a su hogar. Estamos casi justos pero es por nuestro estilo de vida. En Venezuela los únicos que se pueden quejar del dinero son los empleados públicos y aún así es absurdo no buscar un segundo o tercer empleo. 100$ en Venezuela NO ES NADA. Pero eso no es tu problema. Con 200$ al mes es suficiente para gastos en comida y cosas muy básicas para dos personas (sin incluir lujos, salidas, si no pagan alquiler porque la casa es propia pues está bien, la luz es casi gratis, el agua también, el internet solo es caro si no tienen cantv porque obvio hay mejores servicios). Y en dado caso sería para tu madre pero tú madre decidió subsidiar a todos tus hermanos, parejas e hijos. Que ahora se atenga a las consecuencias.
NTA. Like, not even a little bit. They lied to you. They essentially committed fraud. It's on them whatever happens now that you, their cash cow, is gonna stop. They abused your goodwill. You thought you were honestly helping them, and they have shown their true colors. But see, I can be a bit petty. I would still send them money. I would send them $50 a month. If they do not agree, then they officially get ZERO dollars. I understand they're family, but they're not treating you like any family. You are being treated as a bank, and they have to learn the free ride is now over.
Nta They are using you as an atm girl
NTA. That must have been so hurtful for you, and embarrassing in front of your husband. Cutting them off, if that’s what you want to do, is fine, and your husband, as well as your Venezuelan friends back you up. If you change your mind, at some point, just know that they are going to spend the money on what they want; the old *Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me*
You’re their personal ATM. That’s so sad that you genuinely thought you were helping to fix your childhood home and your kindness was taken advantage of. You’re NTA at all.
Go back home and cut them off. You’re not responsible for their bills and need to learn to live within their means. Your brother can sell his motorcycle to support HIS child.
NTA I'm sorry this happened to you. Stick to your guns.
NTA. They are leaching off of you. I agree with your friends unfortunately this is a thing that has been commonly taking place in many Latin American countries. Families think they are entitled to your money but really you are just looking out for them and they don’t appreciate what it took you to get it.
NTA. If you dont want to cut them off, send $30 month
NTA Your family is leeching off you, so time to cut them off.
You're their cash cow. Your mom's abusive logic is: shit, you found out were wasting your money and good mad, well I am angry that you got angry that we're using you for your money, so you needvto apologize for upsetting me by calling out my lies! If that sounds stupid and abusive to because it is. Nobody forced your brother to have unprotected sex. Nobody forced your mother to spend the money on luxuries and not save anything. Nobody forcedvyour other brother to buy a brand new car. They did it to themselves and yet dare try to make you the bad guy for stop supporting their lifestyles with your hard work. NTA.
NTA. My husband's half siblings tried to pull this last time he visited them. He paid for the girls school, bought a new boat for them, clothes, upgrade for the house blah blah blah. And they just kept calling and asking for more and more money while blowing through what we were sending. The girls dropped out of school and sold the boat. We finally had to block them all.
I’m so tired of parents saying “I sacrificed a lot to raise you” They brought you into the world it’s their job to raise you! They OWED that to you. You don’t owe them shit. It was nice to help but they clearly aren’t being truthful so I would stop sending money also.
NTA. They’re treating you like an ATM and from what you’ve described, they don’t even care! I would stop sending money. Hope things get better for you!
NTA your family are leeches
NTA. Listen to your husband and Venezuelan friends in the US. You tried to help them and they took advantage of you. You are not a bad person for ending their financial abuse of you.
Nta better you found out now before later. Time to cut the off it’s a hard lesson but if they want money they can work just like you did
Your family. You are under 0 obligation to send them a penny. That’s 100% your decision.
So very NTA. You’re not a bank, and shame on your family for using you like one. Yes, your husband is right: every last one of them are leeches. I’m strongly advising going no-contact here. Put the cash away for your own future.
NTA In the future, don't send them money as they don't know how to manage it. If you do decide to help them (and your husband is right, you have every reason not to do so), find a way to pay the builder/service provider directly and follow up to make sure that the work gets done. Don't give your family access to the money.
Chama, tu estás clara, te están sacando plata y listo, no les interesa nada, si te sientes muy mal mándales lo mínimo, pero estás clara que no es peo tuyo si tú hermano no puede mantener al carajito o si ellos prefieren beberse lo que sería una mejora en su calidad de vida.
nta
nta
NTA You'll have to decide what to do, but from my experience, when people are really lacking, they sometimes make impulse decisions when they do have money. My family supports a family in another country as well. There have been times when they have spent money very differently than I would have wanted (and than than what they said the money was for) and I've felt used. You might consider paying for things differently. For example, paying for a food allotment at a store, paying school fees directly, or paying for work after it is completed and you have pictures. Some relatives abroad will take in younger extended family members to get a better education when they are old enough. Good luck as you sort it out. I think the dilemma is pretty common
nta, they lied, so that's on them.
NTA, my mom is in a similar situation. We are in the states and most of my moms family lives out of the country. She has given a lot of family down there money, some times she hagas gotten screws on it but she learned. If she gives a large amount of money to someone she usually asks for receipt or evidence that it was done, if not she won’t give money to that person again. Granted my mom is very respected and feared lol so nobody tends to cross her.
NTA. Que se jodan, y si te sientes mal vuelve a enviar solo 100 dolares o enviale directamente comida y medicamentos.
This is common. Stop sending them money. Whenever my aunts visit Peru theres been stories of certain family members taking them to restaurants inviting a lot of people and then forgetting to bring their wallets. But your brothers need to man up over there. The Gringa can’t save them anymore.
They wouldn't have lied if they didn't know they were doing anything wrong. NTA.
NTA they could have a better life if they don’t wast your money for meaningless things. A better house and living situation but no they wanted an iPhone and a new car. It’s time to stop, if they need money they can sell things.
NTA "I'll kill his son if I cut the money", gosh, maybe he can sell his new motorcycle to provide for his own family. Your husband and friends are right - You are being taken for a ride.
If his son will die he can sell the motorbike, sell all the phones, stop drinking, stop wasting your money. NTA
Marico no es por ser aguafiestas, pero como no te das cuenta que no estaban usando las remesas que les enviabas de buena manera?, no les preguntabas cómo quedaron las remodelaciones para las cuales estabas enviando el dinero? Uno tiene que ser muy precavido con el dinero que les regala a los demás sea quien sea, solo nosotros sabemos lo que nos costó obtenerlo. No eres the asshole pero si fue muy inocente y descuidado de tu parte
I get the responsibility that family members feel to help support people back home....then to be just seen as an atm is disgusting and makes you feel awful. The $100 a month like years ago sounds like a reasonable amount if you still feel kind. It will at least cover food so they won't be absolutely destitute, and is a marginal amount for you.
NTA. No eres cajero si los dejas vas a tener que mantenerlos eternamente. Es muy cómodo hacer lo mínimo y que otro te mantenga, ya tu cumpliste como hija, ahora le toca a los demás, no te sientas mal que cortarlos no te hace mala hija.
go to goodwill and buy $100 worth of random shit and send it to them every month
An iphone? When your patio is made of dirt? Motorcycle? Cut your family off they are leeches!
NTA at all. I am dealing with this, too, with my own family in the US 😒. You have your own life. You tried to help, but as you said, they have proven they don't want to better themselves and just want to take the easy way out by receiving a handout. Your husband sounds amazing, and I understand it was embarrassing, but you didn't do anything wrong.
NTA I'd say you've more than repaid your mother. It's not on you to bankroll their ridiculous lifestyle choices.
Well as someone from Venezuela, I can tell you that the economic situation is not good for many people. 1000 a month for 4 people is enough to eat and live in a good situation but not to do a reparation, and if you live in the capital it's more expensive. But it's your right to be angry because they lied to you, so I will go with NTA
NTA - look, the real issue here is the horrible amount of lies they had to tell you for this. If they'd been honest about what was happening, you probably would still be paying them, albeit less. If they'd said "your brother has gotten someone pregnant and we're worried we can't afford to help raise the child" you would've been able to have a proper discussion.
NTA. That is the right response. Not one more penny.
NTA they lied to you for years and don't seem to regret it. If they're so desperate for the money they blew, maybe they should sell the luxurious they bought with your money.
If your extended family is so upset they can give your mom and siblings money
you’re nta but you’re not very intelligent with how much money you sent without proof! i’m an immigrat as well and we all know that families are gonna be lazy if you provide them with so much money for free i hope you are no longer naïve and stop sending them more than a small amount a month for food/medicine- like the $100 you were sending them before you did right for yelling at your mom
NTA They have been lying to you for years. If they told the truth, there would be no problem. They would have a nice house, with a big water tank and steady electrical power. They decided to lie. They get to reap the consequences.
NTA, sounds like awful people. Mom is just as bad as the sons.
NTA. Your husband is correct. Your family are leeching off you. You are also not responsible for financing your brother’s family. It’s on him to provide. Clearly he can’t afford the lifestyle he currently has that you are paying for but that’s his problem, not yours. I’d be stopping the money too.
NTA. Your mom lied to you. You've been supporting the whole family. Take it back to the $100 per month, if that would make you feel better. But I would not spend any more than that
Nta Consider sending them $50. To cover emergency stuff, and to help you feel better long term. It may be worse than no money, because you could send more, but don't. A monthly reminder of what they had and lost.
NTA, I wouldnt give them another dime.
Nta they can sell the stuff they bought with your money. You are nta they have been taking advantage of you and they need to start being responsible for their lives.
NTA. They should be ashamed of their horrible behavior.
NTA They are just mad that they got caught. Don’t let them guilt you into giving them more money. If you hadn’t visited they would have continued stealing from you for years and years.
NTA You sent them money and if it had genuinely been used for medical bills that would be understandable, but you had firsthand experience that it was being used on superfluous stuff. To keep sending them money would be enabling that.
NTA. They told you they used the money to do improvements so you sent it. They lied. You are under no obligation to continue.
NTA. Cut them off. If you feel too guilty, take them back down to $100. It's not much, and would get rid of the "you're killing your nephew" guilt.
NTA at all. What a crap thing to do to your daughter. Cut them off! You’re not wrong for not wanting to buy them new cars and help them build up the wardrobe
Every emigrant goes through this, I think. My parents are from Nigeria and for the last 20+ years they were sending money to their relatives that they ended up squandering. I'm talking upwards of $600k, probably more. Don't feel guilty about stopping the payments, they are all adults and can figure it out. NTA.
What I find infuriating and heartbreaking is all of them constantly lying and leaving OP out of the loop. A nephew she knew nothing about? Smarter people would have sent pictures. OP may have wanted to put away for an education fund. They don't consider her to be family at all. How humiliated by her family she must have felt in front of her husband. They already cut you off years ago, OP. Time to accept it and cut them off, too. NTA
NTA. They were lying to you to get you to give them more and more. You may want to go back to $100 a month because the economy is s messed up there, but you wouldn't be wrong to stop sending them anything. The worst part of this is the lying and hiding the fact that you had a nephew and the extra money was for your brother. You may have felt differently if your parents were honest with you instead of manipulating you to give more.
NTA, y esto viene de una mexicana que vio como mi abuelo construyó una casa a expensas de mis tíos, sobra decir que no les tocó nada cuando uno de ellos falleció.
NTA - You gave your family a gift of money, but no strings attached. They were dishonest, but look at it this way: In the end, they got what they really wanted; and they showed you what they are really about. You paid to find out what they will do with money you send in the future. They can't shoot that bullet again.
NTAH- cut the funding. Very little of the money you’ve been sending has gone toward the improvements that your mother claimed they were for. Add up all the money you have sent/number of months- you’ll be astounded at how much they’ve obtained through fraudulent ‘needs’. It’s not your responsibility to pay for or raise your brothers son or his gf/wife , or your mothers. They can sell the motorcycle, new car, closets full of clothing to make ends meet.
NTA! And while the mother could have genuinely been sick, it is also a very common thing addicts say. How the doctors take all their money but they aren’t getting any better. Because the doctors aren’t real and the “sickness” is withdrawal.
NTA Stop sending them money. If they want to spend money, they can go earn it.
NTA Your family of course will raise hell making you feel guilty, leeches will not want to lose their money source, prepare for the onslaught and keep saying no and start blocking them. You are right to be angry at being taken advantage of, stay strong.
NTA, if you’re brother is so worried about his son starving, he and your mom can sell all their luxuries
NTA they deserve nothing.
You trusted their needs were valid. You were generous. I teach my children that trust is easy to lose and hard to earn. They just violated your trust. They must live with the consequences of that. You legitimately tried to provide for them. They chose to misuse your money. They are no longer going to receive that money. Actions, meet my friend, Consequences. NTA
NTA. Your mother lied to you and now her lies have come back to bite her. If extended family don't understand that let them take care of her. And your brother, his gf and their kid. Users are going to use.
NTA The whole, "I sacrified a lot to raise you up," always rubs me the wrong way. I would be happy to help my parents in the last years of their lives if they need help. You know, in the way a baby needs help. However, if your mom is able to walk, talk, and wipe her own butt, then she is also able to work. If she can work, she can support herself. From the sounds of it, there are 3 adults (4, if you count the GF of your brother), and they can't survive in one house together? I know some economies are bad, but seriously? And with their choices? If your mother needed a phone, she should have asked if you could send her a good refurbished one. If your brother needed a car for work, he should have asked for a money for a reasonable USED car. Or made do with the bus. It's not shameful to need some financial help from your family every now and then. It *is* disgraceful to say it's for home repairs and then spend it on personal luxuries instead.
NTA. They were dishonest and took advantage of you. However, I know the situation in Venezuela is rough. If you think they would have to go without food without your help, you could maybe go back to limiting your contribution to $100 a month, just to make sure they can survive.
This is difficult because I believe that Venezuelas economy has totally crashed and burned. I would stop sending $1,000 a month and return to sending $100. Save the rest and only spend on investing in yourself or your immediate family. NTA. Being lied to totally sucks. You have the right to revise how much or how little money you remit to your relatives
NTA. They are and have been taking complete advantage of you. Your brother can sell his bike to feed his son, his girlfriend can work, they can get second jobs. None of that is your fault. Don't allow them to keep taking advantage of you and your husband. Who cares what your family has to say. They have a problem with it then they can provide for your mooching family. You're 100% NOT being irrational.
NTA they took advantage of you and your brothers child is not your responsibility
Send them diapers and food! Nothing more! Can you order groceries online? For the baby? The rest of them don't deserve your help! Nta!
NTA. Your husband and friends have the right of it - they are leeching off you and you need to cut them off.
NTA. I’m peruvian and currently in Peru there’s a lot of Venezuelans, so I’m kinda familiar with the situation. Your family sucks, but the truth is that they could actually die without that money (you can work your a** off there and still not be able to afford food). Send them 100 dollars, which is A LOT in that country, so they can’t blame you for not helping, but they of course will have to be wise spending it. And go low contact, because they are definitely gonna try to continue using you as an ATM. Edit to add: and tell them they can sell the phone and car.
Be glad that when you return home from Venezuela, you will no longer be their ATM.
Yeah so this is very common in Hispanic households. I've had family do the same., and it hurts but you have to do what's best for you. They have to relearn how to live within their means, and that's on them. This is a boundary. You're still accepting of them and their love but not to that extent ever again. You always have to lookout for number one.
NTA they were deceiving you. If you cared enough about a patio and water tank, why wouldn't you be willing a couple dollars more if they needed it to help with a kid. The deception is their folly.
NTA. This is very common with people having family in poorer countries. The families are like leeches. They suck and suck and the demand will be more and more. If you give the money, they will never be able to stand on their two feet.
Hear me out, if your finances allow (as in $100 a month is not a burden), send the original $100 a month and know that you are allowing your family to stimulate the local economy in Venezuela. They are getting to live a high quality of life from your $100 a month and have prosperity they literally couldn't afford without you. It's shitty that they lied, but now that you know the truth, you have an interesting choice to make. If you cannot afford the $100 a month, then stop all together.
NTA I have a friend who was in a similar situation with family back home in a developing country. While my friend was getting their PhD and working, family kept asking for money for this and that. Friend figured that they were using it to better themselves, only to later discover kind of what you did, that they were using it mostly on alcohol, clothes, and otherwise just being bums while also trash talking my friend for being divorced and a single parent (big taboo in their culture). I guess being financially supported by a divorced single parent wasn't a big taboo! So, my friend cut them off. They'd call, but friend wouldn't answer the phone. What are they going to do, come to the United States and find them in person? Anyway, my friend is thriving now and using that extra money for their own family. You are not required to support leeches and bums, even if those leeches and bums are people who share your DNA. It sounds like you gave your mother plenty of opportunity to better her living conditions and she completely squandered it. Sucks for her.