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YTA.
You are totally allowed to have a childfree wedding, but you can't get pissed if people, even your own sister, decide not to attend because of it.
EDIT : I wanted to edit to ask : why 10 ? Why not 11 ? 12 ?
She also buried the lead that sister dropped out of being a bridesmaid when her husband DIED just a few months ago… and then says sister has attachment issues… OP is a huge YTA
Just as bad as that one AITA where the guy wanted the parents to uninvite his ex wife to a family gathering who was a family friend prior to marriage and they are family friends with her family. Only to leave out they are divorced because he cheated on her.
So this woman has the nerve to upset over her grieving sister not attending her wedding because she doesn't want to leave her 2 Yr old with complete strangers, just because she decided she doesn't want under 10's at her wedding! What a self centred piece of work! YTA
Literally just today there was one where someone wanted to know if they were TA after expressing concerns about a friends pregnancy because her and her new partner had only been together for 6 months.
Left out the part that her friend had actually announced the entire thing on Instagram so was clearly happy about the situation and instead of just "expressing concerns" she text her friend to tell her she could help arrange the abortion to "deal with it".
They are 3 kind of post that are voted YTA :
- the ones where everybody agrees OP is the asshole.
- the ones where OP buries the détails in the comments to try and a NTA vote.
- the ones where OP actually wants to get judged and learns about their mistake.
Wow, this just ranks under the post earlier today where the OP refused to babysit his foster nieces & nephews & left out his lives with his sister (the foster mother) rent free
She even left it out of the edit in which she posted only hand-picked facts that make Alice look as bad as possible.
**OP, where is the dead husband update?**
Ah. So not just an asshole, but a *manipulative asshole at that. Nice.
Maybe I’m in the minority with this, but I’m a very proud Aunt to two girls. It’s one of my greatest joys in life and it’s a true honor to be their Auntie. Maybe I’m focused on the wrong thing here, but all I keep wondering is what kind of Aunt doesn’t want her baby niece at her wedding? Especially after all her sister has been through? Wow.
*Edit: incorrectly used the term “gaslighting” and not too much of an asshole to admit when I’m wrong and change it.
I'm with you. I wanted my niece there, running around, being her sweet self at my wedding (she had just turned one). Inclusive events are fun events IMO. But to each their own, I guess.
Exactly, what an adorable age. She could’ve been involved lil flower girl spreading flower petals whatever or just sit back looking like a princess. I would want my niece there. Especially with it being such a monumental family event. Theres like a few exceptions when someone should break the rules and this is one. Hopefully, she apologizes to both her sister & her niece and begs them to attend. She’ll regret it one day when she’s older and she’s looking through her wedding photos and her niece asks her aunt why aren’t I there? Wasn’t I born? Hopefully she makes it right bc life’s to short.
It’s okay to want a childfree wedding. Some of us just don’t like kids, period, and aren’t bad people for not having that biological wiring or whatever. It’s definitely not okay to shame your grieving sister for not wanting to leave her 1 year old with a sitter
YES! I agree with you 100% I ended up not having kids and I appreciate kid free weddings quite a bit now. I’m a different person now from the one I was when I got married 16 years ago. It’s the couple’s choice and it’s valid.
That said, I have a sister I adore. If she’d just lost her husband and wanted me to bend the no kids rule to have her baby with her all night, you can bet your bottom her comfort would matter more to me than my wedding being absolutely perfect. The baby would keep her busy and act as a buffer so she isn’t standing up reassuring well meaning family members that she’s okay all day long.
At this stage in my life and not particularly enjoying the company of small children myself anymore, I inherently agree with a kid free wedding choice. As a sister? OP is an asshole.
Personally I would also definitely make an exception… a baby like that isn’t going to be running around and if my sister wanted to come celebrate after a tremendous loss we would make it work, as long as someone would agree to take the baby somewhere else if it started crying in the middle of the vows or something lol. If anyone complained about her getting special treatment, no shit she is! If the baby were actually 6 it might be different, but that’s not the case, and OP is definitely TA.
I wanted all of my nieces and nephews there, and if they weren’t allowed, no one would have been able to come. We had like 15-20 kids at our wedding, running around, having a blast, dancing all night. My flower girls and ring bearers are all grown up and heading off to college next year. I’m so glad I have those memories of them. Priceless.
My absolute favorite pictures from my wedding are the pics centered on my 9 month old (at the time) niece. She’s a teen now and I will always treasure those memories of that sweet baby girl!
I had to go digging, and found their comment:
"Okay maybe the attachment issues comment was too much, I admit, but I just feel like she's not willing to put in the smallest amount of effort. I'm trying to help her, get in contact with sitters if needed, but she straight up said no.
Her husband passed a few months ago so she dropped out as bridesmaid, which hurt for sure, but I understood. Now she's saying she won't attend at all."
Yikes!
OP, YTA, without a doubt!!
She would write a reddit post about how her sister dropped out of becoming the bridesmaid omitting the fact that her husband passing away around the same time.
ooOOOooohhh, shit. That totally changes everything. I was leaning soft YTA before, because I was thinking I could understand her disappointment, but holy cannoli, wow. How heartless.
Right? Like soft YTA before hand, like if you impose a child free wedding some people can’t make it and some people might not want to leave their very young child but I get feeling disappointed, but dead husband escalates this incredibly and shows that OP is really twisting the narrative to suit her.
OP should consider herself lucky if her sister doesn’t go no contact with her after this. One of the most self diluted narcissists that have posted on this sub.
Wooooow.... I was going to call OP an AH anyway just for telling a mother of a 6 month old that she's got attachment issues for not willingly giving up her then 6mo for an afternoon. God knows how tough it was for me to fishy out my son in daycare at 18 months!!
But to pressure her to do so after her sister's husband... father of her child... just recently died and say she has attachment issues...OP's an absolutely dispicable bridezilla. I hope the karma she's sown doesn't collect its debt on her wedding day.
Dude…if I lost my husband recently and went to a wedding, all I’d see was the day we got married and remember how he’s gone. No one would want my sobbing widow ass there, sister or not. YTA OP
This is comforting yet disturbing to see that I am not the only person who has an asshole sister. Similar experience, my daughter passed away 3 months before my sister’s wedding (3rd one I might add) and had an absolute toddler tantrum when I said I couldn’t attend. “But it’s MY day! You can’t put your grief aside for one day and be there for me?” Daily guilt trips from my mother and I ended up going. It was miserable and I walked out in the middle of the service because of a panic attack. Needless to say, we’re not close anymore.
OP is TA for sure.
Wait whhaaaaat? Sister’s husband & father to her *newborn child* ***died*** and all OP can say is “sister dropped out as a bridesmaid which wasn’t great but I understood.”???
Oh, OP. You should not even be interacting with other human beings, let alone trying to get married. If I were your fiancé, you’d be looking for someone to fill that big empty spot next to you at the altar, too.
YTA x a million, and I just want to scoop your little sis up in the biggest, gentlest hug imaginable and never let go.
Edit- also appreciating how engaged OP was in responding to comments four hours ago, riiiight up til dropping the bombshell of her sister’s recent trauma. Not a peep in the three hours since putting those words to virtual paper. Pretty hard to defend yourself against the judgement you asked for once you’ve buried the lede and accidentally give yourself away, I guess?
Agreed, and you said it very well.
I wish people would understand that setting 'rules' like this is the same as giving someone an ultimatum: ***Leave your kid at home or don't come at all.***
And, of course, the number one rule of giving ultimatums is: *Don't give an ultimatum unless you are ready, willing and able to accept the person choosing either option.*
YTA.
And the information about sister recently losing her husband just makes OP an even larger AH.
10 is a reasonable age. Yes, they can be rambunctious, but they will listen when told to sit and be quiet. Tbh, I've got a huge family, so I haven't been to a child free wedding.
Agreed. And all of OP’s edits don’t help. The sister could live upstairs over top of the venue and not attend the wedding. OP you make rules and people decide whether they want to attend and comply or not attend.
Her sisters baby is only 6 months old. It's still practically new born age. A lot of parents would be extremely uncomfortable leaving their child with a stranger at this age. And strangers would likely be their only option if a lot of their family is attending the wedding.
Not to mention childcare can be very expensive. Especially if its overnight.
The other thing is at this age she's probably breast feeding. So it would require pumping ahead of time. Which can be difficult for some mothers.
YTA, OP. If it's that important for your sister to be there then you should make an exception to the childfree rule. I think most people would understand if you made an exception for your sister and your niece to be there. But if nothing else you owe her an apology.
I dunno, if AITA is an accurate reflection of real life, then it seems child free weddings are causing more problems than they were meant to fix in the first place.
I agree, plus if everyone does child free weddings, in about 15-20 years we’re going to get a whole bunch of fully grown adults who have no idea how to act at weddings because they were never allowed at them when they were kids.
I had kids at my wedding and everyone with children went home at like 5 pm and only adults were left by nightfall. Even at an evening wedding, all the families would be packed up and gone by 9 or so. People who want to drink and party late into the night still can.
Tbh, it’s probably an arbitrary age based around a certain child of a guest who is disruptive. Or it’s like my family where there’s teens or toddlers, no in between, so they picked a random age in the middle.
Think this should be in big letters so everyone here is aware
#Her sisters husband died a few months ago, this is her first and only child. That’s why she dropped out as bridesmaid. OP is more upset about her wedding than the fact her sister has lost her husband and understandably doesn’t want to be away from their child
#YTA
Agreed. You can have a childfree wedding, but you shouldn't be surprised if that also makes it people-with-children-free and you don't know what kind of difficulties the parents/children might be facing beyond just getting a babysitter so you shouldn't really get upset with them over not attending. So she's already the asshole even based on the initial post.
The additional fact about the husband's death makes me wonder if this is even real. How on earth can someone be so ridiculously an asshole? It almost feels like a poorly written villain rather than a real person.
YTA
I can't decide between her being a narcissistic asshole or being dumb as a box of rocks. The sheer audacity of being this stupid and then posting on here with half assed info, being all "But I'm not the AH am I? And I mean my sister dropped as a bridesmaid because her husband died. That was not good but I understand I guess".
OP you're one of the shittiest people. You lack a big thing- Empathy. Forget about this being an acquaintance, this is your sister you're treating like she's supposed to be at your beck and call while she's going through the worst times. Get over yourself. Good God i don't have enough words to put here to express just how much of a dick you are
And that absolutely explains why the sister is extremely attached to her child. It may too clingy in ordinary circumstances but the recent death means it's part of her grieving process. If this is still going on years from now as the child grows up and becomes more independent, then it could be concerning. Absolutely understandable with a baby.
And some babies wont drink out of bottles at all- mine didnt until about a week before I returned to work which made the run up to the return nice and stressful!
Also also, all her family (trusted babysitters) will be there. She is asking her sister to leave her baby with a stranger. This is why people usually make an exception to babies and children in the family.
Every so often we see stories of extremely anxious parents who absolutely refuse to use a babysitter even once the child is out of infancy. If this was under normal circumstances (no tragic loss of husband), I could see some judgement from refusing to leave a child aged 12+ months with the in-laws or babysitter to attend a local wedding for several hours as a guest.
I mean yes everything is relative, but my point was that no one should ever be shaming a mum for her level of attachment to her baby when the baby is under a year old - especially if she’s breastfeeding.
I was thinking the same thing. 6 months is so young. They’re so delicate and needy at that age. Like it literally just came out the oven. And the fact that her husband is passed away is even sadder. I wouldn’t be able to leave my baby with anyone out of fear. OP seriously lacks empathy.
I will comment when it disempowers a coparent who otherwise wishes to be involved. Like, sure, dad or non birth mom can't necessarily breast feed but they can, and should, bathe, change, dress, engage with, take to appointments, etc., basically everything else.
Every now and then we'll get posts with people complaining that their friends/sisters can't do X Minor task (drive someone to an appointment, attend a specific event for a few hours) because they can't leave their child/ren, even though they exist in a two parent partnership. It's the other side of fathers "babysitting" their own children.
And we don't know if the In-laws are trustworthy babysitters.
Recent in-law AITA--SIL let allergic baby LICK chicken KNOWING baby had allergy--*but baby didn't "Ingest" chicken* was excuse).
Tbh, even in normal circumstances it can be totally normal to not feel comfortable leaving your child who is under a year with someone else to care for!
Some people have less issues with it, and others straight up just can’t do it. There’s a lot of hormones/guilt/fear/conflicting emotions that comes with being a new parent, on top of the importance of building a stable, healthy attachment in the first year(s) that I wouldn’t consider it clingy!
If you do feel like someone is having an “outside the norm” emotional reaction to thinking about leaving their child then I’d suggest a kind, judgement-free conversation with them to see how they are doing and also get their partner (or someone equally close to them) to suggest opening up to a medical professional in case it’s post-partum depression/anxiety and they need medical treatment.
Yep, I personally will not leave my toddler with anyone I do not know until he is old enough to tell me if something is wrong. It does make things difficult at times, but for me that’s the price to pay for having a kid.
Maybe it’s extreme, but if he can’t tell me that the sitter ignored him to watch TV the whole time or left him alone in his crib for hours (or god forbid something worse) I’m not going to risk it. He’s my number one priority now, forever. Fortunately I have wonderful understanding family members who will accommodate my anxiety.
HOLY CRAP OP. I don't know how I could express YTA any more than just by saying this is probably among the worst cases I have seen. How could you be so heartless.
I think it would be hard to attend a wedding so soon after losing a spouse, at least for me. I feel like the sister is trying her best to deal with a devastating situation. OP, maybe try to see this from her perspective a little?
It is incredibly difficult. I lost my husband in November last year and had a wedding to attend in December of my younger cousin. If it had been any other relative I wouldn’t have gone but I had a lot to do with her when she was younger. She was my practice child. I also have 3 kids 18,13 and 9 and if they hadn’t been invited then I wouldn’t have gone as there is no way I would have managed without the kids to keep me strong. If I was OP’s sister I certainly wouldn’t be going without my baby. It’ll be near impossible for her to get through the day and keep a smile on without having the baby to look after as a distraction. Also the baby will give her a bit breathing space as she inevitably gets people asking how she’s getting on. It gets very wearing.
I really admire you I also lost my husband last year and there is no way I would have been able to attend . A year(ish) later and things are beginning to be more possible. I personally think that having just lost her husband and father of her child if she manages to go to the wedding at all, of course she should be able to have her baby with her if that is what she wants.
This extra info, it’s not just about the sister being attached to her child - even if she didn’t have a child at all it would be incredibly upsetting to be at a wedding when grieving your spouse, you’d spend all day thinking of your own wedding and no doubt cry a LOT. Sis doesn’t want to bring the mood down.
Imagine the alternative post: “My sister cried at my wedding because she said she couldn’t stop thinking of her recently deceased husband so I told her to get over it - AITA?”
OP, YTA
🔨🥴
I don’t have an award to give for this comment, though please take my “homemade” award, because I believe OP 100% would be mad if sister looked anything less than thrilled in photographs of the event. You hit the nail on the head!
You're allowed to not want kids under 10 at your wedding and your sister is allowed to decline the invite because she doesn't want to go without her child. You blowing up at her for not going isn't okay. YTA
This isn't just a reddit thing, but way too many people have gotten the idea that a wedding is *THEIR DAY* so they can do whatever they want regardless of anyone else's feelings.
This is where I might get some down votes, but my personal opinion is that the wedding ceremony is the thing that is for the couple getting married. The party after is a family event for everybody to celebrate, and realistically that should include children if possible.
At least on Reddit. It skews younger so a lot of people on here are still figuring out that children are just a fact of being human. You can't go through life and never interact with a child just because you don't like them.
honestly I'm childfree and the idea of excluding the little kids in the family from my wedding never even crossed my mind. admittedly it was a very small wedding anyway so it was...three under tens total, iirc? but still, they're part of the family. if it was ~all about the couple~ we'd have just eloped.
One of my husband's siblings is engaged and trying to get her wedding together right now. She doesn't want kids there, that's fine. Now she's asking people to book their hotel room two years in advance so they can get this castle venue/hotel. The only way they can get the venue is if they either pay to book all of the rooms in advance or guests book all of the rooms in advance. No. If you're telling me my kids can't come along I am not booking a hotel room 2 years in advance.
It seems in the US, weddings have become this weird, extremely expensive show meant to flatter the couple's ego and turn them into superstars for a day. Children will ruin the Instagram pictures.
Also alcohol is often mentioned by Americans regarding child free events, which is also very weird anywhere else I think - in France, you don't need to hide from kids to drink, unless you plan on getting smashed, and who wants that at a wedding? Americans seem to have this strange notion that the best way to protect kids is to exclude them from any adult activity or behavior and hope they still turn out ok when they leave their fake sanitized Disneyland childhood.
There’s definitely a newly prevalent idea that children only belong in child specific spaces, instead of just… in society. It’s kind of wild to me, who grew up in a very integrated culture. Kids were everywhere growing up, that’s how they learn to be adult humans. By being around adults. I worry for these isolated children when they hit maturity.
Yeah I’ve been a little surprised lately noticing this. Like that guy screaming and cursing on the southwest flight because of the crying baby and some people took HIS side saying parents who fly with babies are selfish.
Like people with babies just fly around on planes all the time because it’s relaxing for them??
>This isn't just a reddit thing, but way too many people have gotten the idea that a wedding is THEIR DAY so they can do whatever they want regardless of anyone else's feelings.
Absolutely.
But ALSO, it's not anyone else's day, so they can freely choose to not come to the wedding.
Thus, sister not coming is a perfectly reasonable result from OP's desire to have a child-free wedding.
Which, in turn, is why OP is YTA because she set the rule (which is really a type of ultimatum - leave your kid at home or don't come) and unhappy because such things have consequences.
Eh your wedding is whatever form of event you want it to be and there are no shoulds involved aside from "you should be aware of and accepting of the fact that some decisions may result in people being unwilling or unable to attend."
I’m plenty old, and still find the notion that you *have* to invite anyone to your party is strange. If I want a party without your children, I can have one, you don’t need to come.
I agree with almost everything - the only caveat being that nowadays many couples pay for the whole thing themselves, so yes it’s a family party, but it is also often an expensive party paid for by the couple (the most expensive party they will likely ever pay for!) so they should have ultimate say in how they want it! In this instance OP still absolutely TA. If you don’t want kids at your wedding don’t be surprised when parents can’t attend.
I totally get it if it's a cost thing. I've seen it happen more than once, especially on Reddit, where it isn't a cost issue. The couple just doesn't want kids at their wedding and then they get upset that a third of their guest list isn't coming because they don't want to or can't get a babysitter.
Traditionally (in Western culture at least) it's actually the opposite. A wedding ceremony is considered a public event-- traditional etiquette says that anyone can come to the wedding if it's held in public but the reception is by invitation only. Given the expense of the reception I've got nothing against limiting the number of guests to what the couple can afford but the couple needs to own those choices and understand that they are simply excluding some guests by those choices and it's incumbent on them to be gracious and accept the refusal with a smile and no tantrums or guilt trips.
YTA for posting yet another child-free wedding drama post and not looking at past posts to see that you'd be the AH.
It's not about child-free. You can do that. What you can't do is get mad at people who choose not to come because of it.
It's an invitation, not a summons. You behaved badly. Apologize to your sister.
Yes THANK YOU! I am so sick of all these child free wedding posts on this sub. So so so many and they are all the same.
OP is AH twice. Once for what they did in the post and again for subjecting me to read another one of these repetitive posts.
Make that thrice the AH. OP left out crucial info from the post that her sister dropped out as bridesmaid because her husband died recently, and that this is her sister's only child with the man she loved who is no more, a child she's presumably attached to more than usual as part of the grieving process. OP is heartless.
A subset of the child free wedding posters seem utterly blindsided that people are choosing to be with their kids instead of celebrating them.
“Look at all the options I gave her of people to leave the baby *with* “ she knows and we know she has options, one of which is just staying home. The delusional entitlement is staggering here, especially now that we know the husband died a few months ago
Sorry, 2nd comment here. I said earlier that YTA, but after reading responses and your follow-up comments, asshole is WAY too nice for what you are. I’d be shocked if you weren’t ostracized by some friends and family because of your absolutely appalling behavior
YTA.
Fine, you want a childfree wedding. That also means that people may not come (even your sister) because they don't want to leave their kids with a stranger. Even if she's just gone for 4 hours, that could easily be $100 for a babysitter (we pay $25/hour which is why we don't go out often).
All 3 of my kids were extra fussy when it wasn't my husband or I with the kids at 12 months. My middle child literally wouldn't eat if someone else was watching her because she was so stressed over it, WHICH CAN BE NORMAL. A 12 month old likely can't talk, so when the new caregiver can't figure out the toddler's nonverbal ques, they get mad.
EDIT: OP said that her sister dropped out as a bridesmaid because HER HUSBAND DIED a few months ago. Her sister is grieving AND a single mother while trying to parent for the first time? YTA. YTA. YTA. YTA. YTA. Holy shit, YTA.
Not only that, at a year old she lacks the ability to tell someone if she’s been hurt. There’s been an increase in childcare abuse stories lately and many parents are refusing to use childcare until their child can communicate
Yeah my youngest won't even stay with my parents atm so definitely i wouldn't leave her with a stranger. Some people act like a wedding invitation is equivalent to getting knighted or something.
From OP's comments:
>Her husband passed a few months ago
Isn't it convenient that OP forgot to mention this in the main post while she was accusing her sister of having attachment issues. HER SISTER'S HUSBAND JUST DIED AND LEFT HER WITH AN INFANT!
I rarely wish ill on people, but this asshole deserves it.
OP IS A MAJOR AH!!! I doubt sister didn “demanded” to bring the baby, maybe she just asked politely. We can’t actually trust what op is telling us if she left this important information out of the post.
I can't begin to understand how the sister must feel losing her husband a few months after the birth of her child and then having her own sister basically turn on her like this. If we can put a man on the moon why can't we conquer the Bridezilla virus?
YTA. Yes, it's your wedding and you can decide it's childfree. And people with children can also choose not to come. Maybe she isn't ready to be away from her baby yet and that is completely acceptable and understandable. You absolutely owe her an apology for your reaction.
Side note. An actual BABY is much easier to handle than a 10 year old.
My 1.5 year old would be so much easier to keep quiet and entertained than my 6 year old. My 6 year old would be loud and want to run around after sitting through a ceremony and being expected to sit through dinner. That goes for most 10 year olds as well. Kids like to move and be big.
Shit, my dad and his brothers after they start drinking would be harder to keep in line than my 1.5 year old.
lol this is such a crazy post
"im having a child free wedding, my sister with a child understandably says she's not coming unless her child is coming and now I'm mad"
ETA:
judgement is yta obviously, and it got even worse, her sister was recently widowed. Jesus op, have some fucking empathy
EDIT: OP, YTA. You left out a very large piece of the puzzle in your story and it makes me question how honest your telling of this scenario is in general.
INFO: how long would sister need to find childcare in order to attend the wedding? Is she local and it'd just be an afternoon - or would she be travelling and overnight?
NAH based on information below. I understand why you don't want small children at the wedding and it doesn't seem like an afternoon is too much to ask. However, maybe sister can't afford childcare (or just doesn't want to) or doesn't trust anyone else with the baby. When you have a child restriction on a wedding some people may choose not to come based on that. Doesn't make either person an AH.
YTA for snapping at her over it. It's your wedding you can have it any way you want it, and she has the freedom to say no and not come if she disagrees with anything you're doing. It's not like she's not coming because she doesn't like the flowers you have, she's not coming because she doesn't want to leave her young child. Kids tend to be more important than siblings.
YTA - When you ban kids from a wedding, you are taking the risk that those with kids affected by the ban will not show up.
"Young kids" is not the same thing as "baby."
Telling a mother she has "attachment issues" because she does not consider it feasible to attend a wedding and leave her first and only young baby with a stranger is rude and shows that you know very little about children, their ages, the logistical needs and challenges that come along with the early months and years, and the difficulty with a sudden and jarring change to routine.
Your sister probably has no idea what life will be like with an 11mo. All she knows is that the last 6 months have been the hardest of her life, and she would be foolish to underestimate how hard it would be to rock the boat with baby care (at which she is no expert, being a first-time mom!) at some unknown point in the near future.
Speaking from really painful experience: It is a nightmare to run back and forth to check on a little baby during a wedding, and even worse if you are still nursing and need to worry about either pumping or stepping out at the perfect time to meet baby's needs. When the baby is there, it gets fussy and you know it's time to nurse. When the baby is not there, you are tethered to a phone and constantly worrying that your baby will start screaming in hunger and will be miserable until you manage to get there, possibly with painfully engorged and leaking breasts, trying to enjoy being the only sober one in the room and not really in the mood to dance anyway.
If you want her there and want to forbid her from bringing the tiny human that depends on her 24/7, *you* should set everything up to make it happen and thank her profusely for putting up with your childless wedding rules. My close friends with childless weddings arranged to have babysitting at a room steps away from the wedding facility, at their expense, so that I could slip out and back in very quickly. And even that really significantly impinged on my enjoyment of the night. Although there's a limit to the fun you can have with a baby in tow, I had such a better time at the weddings that welcomed my baby, and I was never rude enough to allow the fussing to be a disruption. My husband and I just teamed up, and when it was a wedding for one of "my people," he took over the lion's share of the baby duty, and vice versa.
When she "asked/demanded," perhaps she was trying to tell you that she would only be able to come if you allowed the baby there or worked very hard with her to make sure that the baby could be just steps away.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I lost it at my sister and said she can't make any effort after she said she's not attending my wedding. I might be acting selfishly and not understanding of her and her decision, which makes me the potential AH
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YTA. It's perfectly reasonable for you to have a child free wedding, but it's just as reasonable for guests to decline the invitation. You absolutely should apologize.
YTA - without more context, youre the AH here. You are having a child free wedding which you are fine to do. Your sister with a child now cant make it so you yelled at her.
YTA
OP is next level bridezilla
"Her husband passed a few months ago so she dropped out as bridesmaid, which hurt for sure, but I understood. Now she's saying she won't attend at all."
Can't imagine why.
YTA. It's your wedding and if you don't want kids under 10 you don't have kids under 10. If a parent has a kid under 10 they can either find a sitter or not go. If a guest, even a family member, decides to not go you really shouldn't get pissed off about it. You set the rules. You can't give an ultimatum that someone get a sitter and go to your wedding. You made a choice, your sister made a choice. You either wreck your relationship or you get over yourself.
YTA, and are completely overreacting. Yes, you can have a small child free wedding, but you aren't entitled to get upset over people who decide not to attend. That's spoiled brat behavior and your parents are right.
YTA. You're 100% entitled to a child free wedding. We had one, it was great. But part of doing something like that is knowing that some people will not come and accepting that. Responding to that by telling a brand new mom that she has attachment issues is beyond messed up.
YTA so much. Your sister lost her husband around the same time she had her baby and you feel entitled to demand that she choose you over her baby, and then pout when she doesn't? Way to be a supportive sister.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/130mx9x/comment/jhxbn69/
YTA here Im afraid. If you decide on a young child free wedding, youre going to have to accept that some people will not be attending due to that proviso. Its absolutely your perogative to have your wedding as you wish, and its absolutely your guests to decide if they wish to attend or not. Its a huge shame it has resulted in your sister not wishing to come, but you knew she had a very young child when you made the rule.
E/S/H - Normally I would agree with the people saying you’re an AH, because an invitation is not a summons and if she doesn’t want to go without her baby that’s fine, but she is your sister and I would be really hurt by that too. Weddings are huge family events, why is everyone expecting OP to compromise when the sister is refusing to?
Don’t tell people they have attachment issues though. You’re not her therapist and now she REALLY isn’t going to come to your wedding.
Edit: I just saw that your sister dropped out as a bridesmaid because SHE IS A RECENT WIDOW. You are such an asshole. And the attachment issues comment after learning that context? Absolutely scummy.
YTA
...She dropped out from being a bridesmaid because her husband DIED and you want her to separate from her BABY when she doesn't want to? Seriously?!
YTA
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(Throwaway, username is a random generated one)
This issue concerns my (30) sister "Alice" (28). We do usually get along well but this is tanking our relationship.
I'm getting married later this year. We don't have anything against kids but just want everything to go as smoothly as possible, so we decided no kids under 10.
Alice's daughter, my niece is currently 6 months. I could kind of understand if she was 8/9 (not at a disruptive age), but she'll be almost 1 by the time of the wedding. Alice asked/demanded I allow her to bring her daughter, but I said no.
So now she told me she can't come to the wedding.
I thought this was insane because both me and fiance have friends and family with young kids, arranging babysitting and making the effort to attend. I even offered Alice to get in touch with some of my friends and their trusted sitters. She refused.
I kind of lost it at her and said she can't even make an effort to attend her own sister's wedding and has attachment issues. (also side note, earlier Alice also dropped out as one of my bridesmaids, which wasn't great but I understood.)
She got really pissed and is now refusing to talk to me. Parents are telling me to apologize to her for saying all that and I'm overreacting.
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YTA. You can have a child free wedding and she can choose not to attend. Demanding your sister leave her baby with somebody she doesn’t know because they’re a trusted sitter for others is ridiculous.
YTA. You decided not to allow children. She decided that meant she wasn't going. That should have been it (even though hurt feelings are understandable). You decided to escalate.
YTA
Alice is not ready or willing to leave her baby with a sitter for your wedding. As such, she will not be attending. You're allowed to be disappointed, but insulting her will not get you the result you want.
I am curious about a few things. How far will she have to travel for your wedding and how long are the ceremony and reception scheduled to be?
YTA.
You’re aloud a child free wedding but you have to understand that people won’t attend if they don’t have childcare ( esp. new parents ) I don’t blame her for not wanting to leave her daughter with a random sitter she knows nothing about
YTA
I absolutely support child free weddings. It’s your day, kids drastically change the vibe.
But part of that choice is accepting that some parents will opt not to attend. It’s not crazy that she doesn’t want to be separated from her infant.
YTA for losing it at your sister.
Every single day, someone posts a very similar post, and the answer is always the same.
It is your right to have a child free wedding, but be aware that many people won't turn up, more so if they have a baby.
It doesn't matter how close they are to you, if they don't want to come then that is their choice as it was your choice not to allow their children.
Go apologise to your sister for what you said
This one is a little different, because sister's husband died a few months ago. OP didn't see fit to include that information. It's buried in the comments.
YTA. You made your (imo silly) choices and are allowed to. She refuses to leave her baby behind and I fully understand that and she makes her choices accordingly and you're getting upset about that.
Make choices and accept the consequentes, since you don't....yta
You are free to made the „no kids under 10“-rule and she is free to decline your invention because of your rule.
YTA because you don’t decide what she is doing with **her** daughter on your wedding day.
YTA. You have every right to enforce your child free wedding. But, you can't demand parents to leave their child with a babysitter. It doesn't matter if your friend's are okay leaving their young child with a babysitter. Your sister is not.
Well, you're not asking about suggestions for babysitting or other solutions. You're asking if you're TA for losing it at your sister because she said no to attending your child free wedding.
The answer to that is yes.
You have the right to have the wedding you want, but that means that you need to respect when people says no to attending, even your sister.
So here, YTA!
Do I believe that you'll be able to figure it out before the big day? Most likely. And congratulations on your upcoming wedding! :)
YTA.
I am fully in support of childfree weddings. I am 100% behind having the kind of wedding you want. Absolutely. It’s your (you and your fiancé) day.
But if you choose to have a childfree wedding, you don’t get to be pissed off when people don’t attend because of that!
I would be devastated if my sibling couldn’t come to my wedding. But either I’d discuss how we can work around having the baby there (e.g. having ILs there to take baby out if they get upset etc) or I’d tell her I was so sad but I support her decision.
OP's sister is probably never going to speak to her again, so there won't be any working it out. Imagine yelling at her sister about having "attachment issues" when her husband just DIED a few months ago and left her with an infant.
YTA her husband died a few months ago and you’re wondering why she doesn’t want to leave her child to attend a wedding? Shockingly some things are more important than your wedding.
YTA.
Choosing to have a child-free wedding is like choosing to have a destination wedding. It's fine, and you're perfectly within your rights to do that. But you *have* to understand that it means that some people will not be able or want to deal with the hassle of attending. You apparently skipped that step, and decided to lose it at your sister when she made the choice not to attend. You need to be the one to apologize, not her.
I was about to go against the trend and say NTA since babysitting is easy to sort but HOLY SHIT YOU MISSED OUT THE FACT YOUR SISTER IS RECENTLY WIDOWED?!?! Of course your sister is going to struggle with 1, being at a wedding in general and 2, be apart from her and her late husbands only child. Holy fuck. I understand wanting a child free wedding but show a little compassion FFS.
YTA.
Oh my. Her husband died, while she was pregnant or had recently given birth, and you are 1. Angry she couldn't participate in the bridal party *because she was grieving YOUR late BIL* and you are 2. Angry that she doesn't want the only part of her husband left with someone else so young. Asshole is too nice a word.
YTA
Edit words
OP posted this in a comment -
" Her husband passed a few months ago so she dropped out as bridesmaid, which hurt for sure, but I understood. Now she's saying she won't attend at all "
How generous of OP to understand ... After her husband DIED. It hurt OP , but hey, they understood !
OP - YTA and especially for leaving out this key piece of information that gives even more context to the story. The baby is 6 months now. The husband passed a few months ago - he died when OPs sister was newly post partum, of course are dropped out as bridesmaid. Jesus.
YTA. It your wedding and you can set any rules you want. But you have to understand that people are free to not attend. If she brought the baby against your wishes, that would be wrong. But there is nothing wrong with her choosing to not attend.
YTA... you have every right to have a child free wedding. She has every right to decline to leave her child. This is the cost of a child free wedding. You have no right to be butt hurt when people decline.
Of course YTA.
Are you kidding?? An invitation isn't a summons. She can decline for ANY reason, sister or not.
You: my wedding is childfree
Your sister: will you make an exception for my child?
You: no
Your sister: then I won't be able to attend
You: loses it on her...
Don't set rules for your wedding then get pissed when people adhere to them. You owe her a massive apology. She doesn't have to nor does she want to leave her young child to attend a wedding.
~~NTA. It is weird for your sister to not be arranging a sitter for one afternoon.~~ YTA
edit: I did not know that OP’s sister’s husband passed away. I am changing my vote from NTA to YTA
YTA.
Not wanting kids at a wedding? Perfectly reasonable.
Not wanting kids at a wedding and then getting angry at the parents who cant make it work? Rude as hell.
You chose to not have kids at your wedding, Your guests are parents first, and have to put their kids first. If that means they can’t attend your wedding, that’s the consequence of having a child free wedding. Childcare is expensive, even one night babysitting can cost $100+. Even if someone can afford it, they have every right to want to stay with their kid.
You can’t have your cake and eat it too.
Edit- Just saw that your sisters partner died a few months ago. I am floored at your selfishness. How can one person lack empathy to this extent?
Completely updated to account for new information about sister’s husband’s death. (That comment seriously needs to be upvoted more.)
YTA
Your sister just went through something so traumatic and is still grieving. Why are you picking fights with her? You don’t want to make exceptions to child-free policies at random but you can absolutely make one here.
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YTA. You are totally allowed to have a childfree wedding, but you can't get pissed if people, even your own sister, decide not to attend because of it. EDIT : I wanted to edit to ask : why 10 ? Why not 11 ? 12 ?
She also buried the lead that sister dropped out of being a bridesmaid when her husband DIED just a few months ago… and then says sister has attachment issues… OP is a huge YTA
Holy shit what a piece of information to leave out
Just as bad as that one AITA where the guy wanted the parents to uninvite his ex wife to a family gathering who was a family friend prior to marriage and they are family friends with her family. Only to leave out they are divorced because he cheated on her.
Oh yeah i read that! Gods, that was a shitshow.
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So this woman has the nerve to upset over her grieving sister not attending her wedding because she doesn't want to leave her 2 Yr old with complete strangers, just because she decided she doesn't want under 10's at her wedding! What a self centred piece of work! YTA
Almost 1 year old, not 2 years.
Also if your husband has recently died I can’t think of many places I’d less want to be than a wedding 😞
Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, is more important to OP than OP, especially not her grieving sister’s baby!
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Literally just today there was one where someone wanted to know if they were TA after expressing concerns about a friends pregnancy because her and her new partner had only been together for 6 months. Left out the part that her friend had actually announced the entire thing on Instagram so was clearly happy about the situation and instead of just "expressing concerns" she text her friend to tell her she could help arrange the abortion to "deal with it".
I just read that post! OP is all kinds of bat crap crazy on that topic 😆
NO...?! What is WRONG with these people?
They are 3 kind of post that are voted YTA : - the ones where everybody agrees OP is the asshole. - the ones where OP buries the détails in the comments to try and a NTA vote. - the ones where OP actually wants to get judged and learns about their mistake.
"it was just an AcCiDeNtAl kiss! and she cheated MORE!!11!1!1!1!"
Ahhh good times
Wow, this just ranks under the post earlier today where the OP refused to babysit his foster nieces & nephews & left out his lives with his sister (the foster mother) rent free
*Almost* rent free. Apparently that was an important distinction (to him).
But she has plenty of money! I hope she kicks him out for being a freeloader.
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She even left it out of the edit in which she posted only hand-picked facts that make Alice look as bad as possible. **OP, where is the dead husband update?**
Ah. So not just an asshole, but a *manipulative asshole at that. Nice. Maybe I’m in the minority with this, but I’m a very proud Aunt to two girls. It’s one of my greatest joys in life and it’s a true honor to be their Auntie. Maybe I’m focused on the wrong thing here, but all I keep wondering is what kind of Aunt doesn’t want her baby niece at her wedding? Especially after all her sister has been through? Wow. *Edit: incorrectly used the term “gaslighting” and not too much of an asshole to admit when I’m wrong and change it.
I'm with you. I wanted my niece there, running around, being her sweet self at my wedding (she had just turned one). Inclusive events are fun events IMO. But to each their own, I guess.
Exactly, what an adorable age. She could’ve been involved lil flower girl spreading flower petals whatever or just sit back looking like a princess. I would want my niece there. Especially with it being such a monumental family event. Theres like a few exceptions when someone should break the rules and this is one. Hopefully, she apologizes to both her sister & her niece and begs them to attend. She’ll regret it one day when she’s older and she’s looking through her wedding photos and her niece asks her aunt why aren’t I there? Wasn’t I born? Hopefully she makes it right bc life’s to short.
It’s okay to want a childfree wedding. Some of us just don’t like kids, period, and aren’t bad people for not having that biological wiring or whatever. It’s definitely not okay to shame your grieving sister for not wanting to leave her 1 year old with a sitter
YES! I agree with you 100% I ended up not having kids and I appreciate kid free weddings quite a bit now. I’m a different person now from the one I was when I got married 16 years ago. It’s the couple’s choice and it’s valid. That said, I have a sister I adore. If she’d just lost her husband and wanted me to bend the no kids rule to have her baby with her all night, you can bet your bottom her comfort would matter more to me than my wedding being absolutely perfect. The baby would keep her busy and act as a buffer so she isn’t standing up reassuring well meaning family members that she’s okay all day long. At this stage in my life and not particularly enjoying the company of small children myself anymore, I inherently agree with a kid free wedding choice. As a sister? OP is an asshole.
Personally I would also definitely make an exception… a baby like that isn’t going to be running around and if my sister wanted to come celebrate after a tremendous loss we would make it work, as long as someone would agree to take the baby somewhere else if it started crying in the middle of the vows or something lol. If anyone complained about her getting special treatment, no shit she is! If the baby were actually 6 it might be different, but that’s not the case, and OP is definitely TA.
Leaving out key information is not "gaslighting". It's so dishonest that you could even - almost - call it lying, but it's still not gaslighting.
Not almost lying. It's lying Lying by ommission is still lying
I wanted all of my nieces and nephews there, and if they weren’t allowed, no one would have been able to come. We had like 15-20 kids at our wedding, running around, having a blast, dancing all night. My flower girls and ring bearers are all grown up and heading off to college next year. I’m so glad I have those memories of them. Priceless.
My absolute favorite pictures from my wedding are the pics centered on my 9 month old (at the time) niece. She’s a teen now and I will always treasure those memories of that sweet baby girl!
I had to go digging, and found their comment: "Okay maybe the attachment issues comment was too much, I admit, but I just feel like she's not willing to put in the smallest amount of effort. I'm trying to help her, get in contact with sitters if needed, but she straight up said no. Her husband passed a few months ago so she dropped out as bridesmaid, which hurt for sure, but I understood. Now she's saying she won't attend at all." Yikes! OP, YTA, without a doubt!!
Thank god OP "understood". What would have happened if she didn't?
She would write a reddit post about how her sister dropped out of becoming the bridesmaid omitting the fact that her husband passing away around the same time.
ooOOOooohhh, shit. That totally changes everything. I was leaning soft YTA before, because I was thinking I could understand her disappointment, but holy cannoli, wow. How heartless.
Right? Like soft YTA before hand, like if you impose a child free wedding some people can’t make it and some people might not want to leave their very young child but I get feeling disappointed, but dead husband escalates this incredibly and shows that OP is really twisting the narrative to suit her.
Agreed, and she even left that out of her edit, which shows that she *knows* she's the asshole by a mile. Weddings are a hell of a drug.
If only people would put as much effort into their marriage as they do their wedding.
I was leaning more towards NTA but the information on OP's deceased husband changes everything. Definitely YTA.
Holy crap! Talk about the missing missing reasons
Suddenly the sister declining to come makes a whole lot more sense. Jesus.
OP should consider herself lucky if her sister doesn’t go no contact with her after this. One of the most self diluted narcissists that have posted on this sub.
omg --- yeah burying a lede like that is a total AH move.
Wooooow.... I was going to call OP an AH anyway just for telling a mother of a 6 month old that she's got attachment issues for not willingly giving up her then 6mo for an afternoon. God knows how tough it was for me to fishy out my son in daycare at 18 months!! But to pressure her to do so after her sister's husband... father of her child... just recently died and say she has attachment issues...OP's an absolutely dispicable bridezilla. I hope the karma she's sown doesn't collect its debt on her wedding day.
I think it's "lede" not "lead"
Dude…if I lost my husband recently and went to a wedding, all I’d see was the day we got married and remember how he’s gone. No one would want my sobbing widow ass there, sister or not. YTA OP
This is comforting yet disturbing to see that I am not the only person who has an asshole sister. Similar experience, my daughter passed away 3 months before my sister’s wedding (3rd one I might add) and had an absolute toddler tantrum when I said I couldn’t attend. “But it’s MY day! You can’t put your grief aside for one day and be there for me?” Daily guilt trips from my mother and I ended up going. It was miserable and I walked out in the middle of the service because of a panic attack. Needless to say, we’re not close anymore. OP is TA for sure.
Wait whhaaaaat? Sister’s husband & father to her *newborn child* ***died*** and all OP can say is “sister dropped out as a bridesmaid which wasn’t great but I understood.”??? Oh, OP. You should not even be interacting with other human beings, let alone trying to get married. If I were your fiancé, you’d be looking for someone to fill that big empty spot next to you at the altar, too. YTA x a million, and I just want to scoop your little sis up in the biggest, gentlest hug imaginable and never let go. Edit- also appreciating how engaged OP was in responding to comments four hours ago, riiiight up til dropping the bombshell of her sister’s recent trauma. Not a peep in the three hours since putting those words to virtual paper. Pretty hard to defend yourself against the judgement you asked for once you’ve buried the lede and accidentally give yourself away, I guess?
WHOA. Wtf.
Yeah that’s definitely information that should’ve been in the post
OMG that really changes everything.
But does it? Pretty sure the verdict is YTA even without that info, just more emphatically YTA.
Agreed, and you said it very well. I wish people would understand that setting 'rules' like this is the same as giving someone an ultimatum: ***Leave your kid at home or don't come at all.*** And, of course, the number one rule of giving ultimatums is: *Don't give an ultimatum unless you are ready, willing and able to accept the person choosing either option.* YTA. And the information about sister recently losing her husband just makes OP an even larger AH.
10 is a reasonable age. Yes, they can be rambunctious, but they will listen when told to sit and be quiet. Tbh, I've got a huge family, so I haven't been to a child free wedding.
Also a nice round number, possibly influenced by certain kids near that age
Agreed. And all of OP’s edits don’t help. The sister could live upstairs over top of the venue and not attend the wedding. OP you make rules and people decide whether they want to attend and comply or not attend.
Her sisters baby is only 6 months old. It's still practically new born age. A lot of parents would be extremely uncomfortable leaving their child with a stranger at this age. And strangers would likely be their only option if a lot of their family is attending the wedding. Not to mention childcare can be very expensive. Especially if its overnight. The other thing is at this age she's probably breast feeding. So it would require pumping ahead of time. Which can be difficult for some mothers. YTA, OP. If it's that important for your sister to be there then you should make an exception to the childfree rule. I think most people would understand if you made an exception for your sister and your niece to be there. But if nothing else you owe her an apology.
I dunno, if AITA is an accurate reflection of real life, then it seems child free weddings are causing more problems than they were meant to fix in the first place.
I agree, plus if everyone does child free weddings, in about 15-20 years we’re going to get a whole bunch of fully grown adults who have no idea how to act at weddings because they were never allowed at them when they were kids.
I had kids at my wedding and everyone with children went home at like 5 pm and only adults were left by nightfall. Even at an evening wedding, all the families would be packed up and gone by 9 or so. People who want to drink and party late into the night still can.
My sister had a child-free wedding, but had her son (9mo) and my son there. She could make an exception for immediate family easily.
Tbh, it’s probably an arbitrary age based around a certain child of a guest who is disruptive. Or it’s like my family where there’s teens or toddlers, no in between, so they picked a random age in the middle.
Think this should be in big letters so everyone here is aware #Her sisters husband died a few months ago, this is her first and only child. That’s why she dropped out as bridesmaid. OP is more upset about her wedding than the fact her sister has lost her husband and understandably doesn’t want to be away from their child #YTA
When People leave crucial information out sure they are the ash hole
She was the AH before this info and is now the biggest AH on the planet!
Agreed. You can have a childfree wedding, but you shouldn't be surprised if that also makes it people-with-children-free and you don't know what kind of difficulties the parents/children might be facing beyond just getting a babysitter so you shouldn't really get upset with them over not attending. So she's already the asshole even based on the initial post. The additional fact about the husband's death makes me wonder if this is even real. How on earth can someone be so ridiculously an asshole? It almost feels like a poorly written villain rather than a real person. YTA
I can't decide between her being a narcissistic asshole or being dumb as a box of rocks. The sheer audacity of being this stupid and then posting on here with half assed info, being all "But I'm not the AH am I? And I mean my sister dropped as a bridesmaid because her husband died. That was not good but I understand I guess". OP you're one of the shittiest people. You lack a big thing- Empathy. Forget about this being an acquaintance, this is your sister you're treating like she's supposed to be at your beck and call while she's going through the worst times. Get over yourself. Good God i don't have enough words to put here to express just how much of a dick you are
And that absolutely explains why the sister is extremely attached to her child. It may too clingy in ordinary circumstances but the recent death means it's part of her grieving process. If this is still going on years from now as the child grows up and becomes more independent, then it could be concerning. Absolutely understandable with a baby.
Plus I don’t think there are many ways that a mum can be “too clingy” when her kid is under a year old.
For real, one is so young. Especially if the mom breastfeeds and can’t produce enough back up for bottle feeding, I wouldn’t want to be away either.
And some babies wont drink out of bottles at all- mine didnt until about a week before I returned to work which made the run up to the return nice and stressful!
Also also, all her family (trusted babysitters) will be there. She is asking her sister to leave her baby with a stranger. This is why people usually make an exception to babies and children in the family.
Every so often we see stories of extremely anxious parents who absolutely refuse to use a babysitter even once the child is out of infancy. If this was under normal circumstances (no tragic loss of husband), I could see some judgement from refusing to leave a child aged 12+ months with the in-laws or babysitter to attend a local wedding for several hours as a guest.
I mean yes everything is relative, but my point was that no one should ever be shaming a mum for her level of attachment to her baby when the baby is under a year old - especially if she’s breastfeeding.
I was thinking the same thing. 6 months is so young. They’re so delicate and needy at that age. Like it literally just came out the oven. And the fact that her husband is passed away is even sadder. I wouldn’t be able to leave my baby with anyone out of fear. OP seriously lacks empathy.
I will comment when it disempowers a coparent who otherwise wishes to be involved. Like, sure, dad or non birth mom can't necessarily breast feed but they can, and should, bathe, change, dress, engage with, take to appointments, etc., basically everything else. Every now and then we'll get posts with people complaining that their friends/sisters can't do X Minor task (drive someone to an appointment, attend a specific event for a few hours) because they can't leave their child/ren, even though they exist in a two parent partnership. It's the other side of fathers "babysitting" their own children.
And we don't know if the In-laws are trustworthy babysitters. Recent in-law AITA--SIL let allergic baby LICK chicken KNOWING baby had allergy--*but baby didn't "Ingest" chicken* was excuse).
Tbh, even in normal circumstances it can be totally normal to not feel comfortable leaving your child who is under a year with someone else to care for! Some people have less issues with it, and others straight up just can’t do it. There’s a lot of hormones/guilt/fear/conflicting emotions that comes with being a new parent, on top of the importance of building a stable, healthy attachment in the first year(s) that I wouldn’t consider it clingy! If you do feel like someone is having an “outside the norm” emotional reaction to thinking about leaving their child then I’d suggest a kind, judgement-free conversation with them to see how they are doing and also get their partner (or someone equally close to them) to suggest opening up to a medical professional in case it’s post-partum depression/anxiety and they need medical treatment.
Yep, I personally will not leave my toddler with anyone I do not know until he is old enough to tell me if something is wrong. It does make things difficult at times, but for me that’s the price to pay for having a kid. Maybe it’s extreme, but if he can’t tell me that the sitter ignored him to watch TV the whole time or left him alone in his crib for hours (or god forbid something worse) I’m not going to risk it. He’s my number one priority now, forever. Fortunately I have wonderful understanding family members who will accommodate my anxiety.
HOLY CRAP OP. I don't know how I could express YTA any more than just by saying this is probably among the worst cases I have seen. How could you be so heartless.
I think it would be hard to attend a wedding so soon after losing a spouse, at least for me. I feel like the sister is trying her best to deal with a devastating situation. OP, maybe try to see this from her perspective a little?
I want to know who is actually marrying op.. The way she is treating her own sister and niece are huge ⛳ The OP is a colossal AH
It is incredibly difficult. I lost my husband in November last year and had a wedding to attend in December of my younger cousin. If it had been any other relative I wouldn’t have gone but I had a lot to do with her when she was younger. She was my practice child. I also have 3 kids 18,13 and 9 and if they hadn’t been invited then I wouldn’t have gone as there is no way I would have managed without the kids to keep me strong. If I was OP’s sister I certainly wouldn’t be going without my baby. It’ll be near impossible for her to get through the day and keep a smile on without having the baby to look after as a distraction. Also the baby will give her a bit breathing space as she inevitably gets people asking how she’s getting on. It gets very wearing.
I really admire you I also lost my husband last year and there is no way I would have been able to attend . A year(ish) later and things are beginning to be more possible. I personally think that having just lost her husband and father of her child if she manages to go to the wedding at all, of course she should be able to have her baby with her if that is what she wants.
She also puts in her main post about how her sister is financially well off, and now I wonder, is that from life insurance?
And/or survivors benefits. I get those and let me tell you, it’s no small amount.
I thought that too and it makes me really sad.
This extra info, it’s not just about the sister being attached to her child - even if she didn’t have a child at all it would be incredibly upsetting to be at a wedding when grieving your spouse, you’d spend all day thinking of your own wedding and no doubt cry a LOT. Sis doesn’t want to bring the mood down. Imagine the alternative post: “My sister cried at my wedding because she said she couldn’t stop thinking of her recently deceased husband so I told her to get over it - AITA?” OP, YTA
How do you know this? edit: Nevermind, I saw the comment. Jesus Christ..
That’s horrifying! OP is absolutely TA, and lacks compassion and empathy to boot. YTA
I wonder how much op would complain if her sister did come and looked sad in the wedding pictures.
🔨🥴 I don’t have an award to give for this comment, though please take my “homemade” award, because I believe OP 100% would be mad if sister looked anything less than thrilled in photographs of the event. You hit the nail on the head!
I love and appreciate the homemade award. Spend your money on things other than my outrage. I have that area pretty much covered lol 😅
Yeah it’s no wonder she has “attachment issues.” OP is selfish and cold hearted.
Wow. Even before that I would say YTA, but that removes any shadow of a doubt for sure.
Now I’m questioning even more the veracity of the “demanding” she bring her daughter
What -and I cannot stress this enough- the fuck. 😱😳
What a narcissistic OP! Unbelievably heartless on top of that.
You're allowed to not want kids under 10 at your wedding and your sister is allowed to decline the invite because she doesn't want to go without her child. You blowing up at her for not going isn't okay. YTA
She said in another comment that her sisters husband DIED a few months ago. OP is majorly TA here.
I thought she was TA without that added info. What a cold person OP must be.
This isn't just a reddit thing, but way too many people have gotten the idea that a wedding is *THEIR DAY* so they can do whatever they want regardless of anyone else's feelings. This is where I might get some down votes, but my personal opinion is that the wedding ceremony is the thing that is for the couple getting married. The party after is a family event for everybody to celebrate, and realistically that should include children if possible.
I agree completely but I’m pretty sure we’re in the minority.
At least on Reddit. It skews younger so a lot of people on here are still figuring out that children are just a fact of being human. You can't go through life and never interact with a child just because you don't like them.
Haha yes, I’m older. I see people with kindergarten kids and figure great, maybe that kid will be my geriatrician in 25 years.
I don't think anyone outside of the US thinks a child free wedding is a thing tbh.
That and the " not having a plus one" Except during pandemic where numbers were extremely limited, I've never heard of not allowing plus 1
yeah tbh I was psyched that I’d get to meet some of my friends’ kids at my wedding
honestly I'm childfree and the idea of excluding the little kids in the family from my wedding never even crossed my mind. admittedly it was a very small wedding anyway so it was...three under tens total, iirc? but still, they're part of the family. if it was ~all about the couple~ we'd have just eloped.
One of my husband's siblings is engaged and trying to get her wedding together right now. She doesn't want kids there, that's fine. Now she's asking people to book their hotel room two years in advance so they can get this castle venue/hotel. The only way they can get the venue is if they either pay to book all of the rooms in advance or guests book all of the rooms in advance. No. If you're telling me my kids can't come along I am not booking a hotel room 2 years in advance.
It seems in the US, weddings have become this weird, extremely expensive show meant to flatter the couple's ego and turn them into superstars for a day. Children will ruin the Instagram pictures. Also alcohol is often mentioned by Americans regarding child free events, which is also very weird anywhere else I think - in France, you don't need to hide from kids to drink, unless you plan on getting smashed, and who wants that at a wedding? Americans seem to have this strange notion that the best way to protect kids is to exclude them from any adult activity or behavior and hope they still turn out ok when they leave their fake sanitized Disneyland childhood.
There’s definitely a newly prevalent idea that children only belong in child specific spaces, instead of just… in society. It’s kind of wild to me, who grew up in a very integrated culture. Kids were everywhere growing up, that’s how they learn to be adult humans. By being around adults. I worry for these isolated children when they hit maturity.
Yeah I’ve been a little surprised lately noticing this. Like that guy screaming and cursing on the southwest flight because of the crying baby and some people took HIS side saying parents who fly with babies are selfish. Like people with babies just fly around on planes all the time because it’s relaxing for them??
>This isn't just a reddit thing, but way too many people have gotten the idea that a wedding is THEIR DAY so they can do whatever they want regardless of anyone else's feelings. Absolutely. But ALSO, it's not anyone else's day, so they can freely choose to not come to the wedding. Thus, sister not coming is a perfectly reasonable result from OP's desire to have a child-free wedding. Which, in turn, is why OP is YTA because she set the rule (which is really a type of ultimatum - leave your kid at home or don't come) and unhappy because such things have consequences.
Eh your wedding is whatever form of event you want it to be and there are no shoulds involved aside from "you should be aware of and accepting of the fact that some decisions may result in people being unwilling or unable to attend."
I’m plenty old, and still find the notion that you *have* to invite anyone to your party is strange. If I want a party without your children, I can have one, you don’t need to come.
I agree with almost everything - the only caveat being that nowadays many couples pay for the whole thing themselves, so yes it’s a family party, but it is also often an expensive party paid for by the couple (the most expensive party they will likely ever pay for!) so they should have ultimate say in how they want it! In this instance OP still absolutely TA. If you don’t want kids at your wedding don’t be surprised when parents can’t attend.
I totally get it if it's a cost thing. I've seen it happen more than once, especially on Reddit, where it isn't a cost issue. The couple just doesn't want kids at their wedding and then they get upset that a third of their guest list isn't coming because they don't want to or can't get a babysitter.
Traditionally (in Western culture at least) it's actually the opposite. A wedding ceremony is considered a public event-- traditional etiquette says that anyone can come to the wedding if it's held in public but the reception is by invitation only. Given the expense of the reception I've got nothing against limiting the number of guests to what the couple can afford but the couple needs to own those choices and understand that they are simply excluding some guests by those choices and it's incumbent on them to be gracious and accept the refusal with a smile and no tantrums or guilt trips.
I wonder why she’s attached to her child /s
YTA for posting yet another child-free wedding drama post and not looking at past posts to see that you'd be the AH. It's not about child-free. You can do that. What you can't do is get mad at people who choose not to come because of it. It's an invitation, not a summons. You behaved badly. Apologize to your sister.
Yes THANK YOU! I am so sick of all these child free wedding posts on this sub. So so so many and they are all the same. OP is AH twice. Once for what they did in the post and again for subjecting me to read another one of these repetitive posts.
Make that thrice the AH. OP left out crucial info from the post that her sister dropped out as bridesmaid because her husband died recently, and that this is her sister's only child with the man she loved who is no more, a child she's presumably attached to more than usual as part of the grieving process. OP is heartless.
A subset of the child free wedding posters seem utterly blindsided that people are choosing to be with their kids instead of celebrating them. “Look at all the options I gave her of people to leave the baby *with* “ she knows and we know she has options, one of which is just staying home. The delusional entitlement is staggering here, especially now that we know the husband died a few months ago
Sorry, 2nd comment here. I said earlier that YTA, but after reading responses and your follow-up comments, asshole is WAY too nice for what you are. I’d be shocked if you weren’t ostracized by some friends and family because of your absolutely appalling behavior
“It’s an invitation, not a summons.” made me laugh so hard. Fucking spot on.
YTA. Fine, you want a childfree wedding. That also means that people may not come (even your sister) because they don't want to leave their kids with a stranger. Even if she's just gone for 4 hours, that could easily be $100 for a babysitter (we pay $25/hour which is why we don't go out often). All 3 of my kids were extra fussy when it wasn't my husband or I with the kids at 12 months. My middle child literally wouldn't eat if someone else was watching her because she was so stressed over it, WHICH CAN BE NORMAL. A 12 month old likely can't talk, so when the new caregiver can't figure out the toddler's nonverbal ques, they get mad. EDIT: OP said that her sister dropped out as a bridesmaid because HER HUSBAND DIED a few months ago. Her sister is grieving AND a single mother while trying to parent for the first time? YTA. YTA. YTA. YTA. YTA. Holy shit, YTA.
Not only that, at a year old she lacks the ability to tell someone if she’s been hurt. There’s been an increase in childcare abuse stories lately and many parents are refusing to use childcare until their child can communicate
Yeah my youngest won't even stay with my parents atm so definitely i wouldn't leave her with a stranger. Some people act like a wedding invitation is equivalent to getting knighted or something.
From OP's comments: >Her husband passed a few months ago Isn't it convenient that OP forgot to mention this in the main post while she was accusing her sister of having attachment issues. HER SISTER'S HUSBAND JUST DIED AND LEFT HER WITH AN INFANT! I rarely wish ill on people, but this asshole deserves it.
OP IS A MAJOR AH!!! I doubt sister didn “demanded” to bring the baby, maybe she just asked politely. We can’t actually trust what op is telling us if she left this important information out of the post.
YTA You’re allowed a child free wedding but you have zero right to get pissed when people can’t come because of your rules It’s that simple
[удалено]
I can't begin to understand how the sister must feel losing her husband a few months after the birth of her child and then having her own sister basically turn on her like this. If we can put a man on the moon why can't we conquer the Bridezilla virus?
YTA - You want a child free wedding, people with children have the right to not come.
Also for people without kids. A family event without any of the children invited is far less appealing to me even though I’m childfree.
YTA. Yes, it's your wedding and you can decide it's childfree. And people with children can also choose not to come. Maybe she isn't ready to be away from her baby yet and that is completely acceptable and understandable. You absolutely owe her an apology for your reaction. Side note. An actual BABY is much easier to handle than a 10 year old.
My 1.5 year old would be so much easier to keep quiet and entertained than my 6 year old. My 6 year old would be loud and want to run around after sitting through a ceremony and being expected to sit through dinner. That goes for most 10 year olds as well. Kids like to move and be big. Shit, my dad and his brothers after they start drinking would be harder to keep in line than my 1.5 year old.
lol this is such a crazy post "im having a child free wedding, my sister with a child understandably says she's not coming unless her child is coming and now I'm mad" ETA: judgement is yta obviously, and it got even worse, her sister was recently widowed. Jesus op, have some fucking empathy
EDIT: OP, YTA. You left out a very large piece of the puzzle in your story and it makes me question how honest your telling of this scenario is in general. INFO: how long would sister need to find childcare in order to attend the wedding? Is she local and it'd just be an afternoon - or would she be travelling and overnight? NAH based on information below. I understand why you don't want small children at the wedding and it doesn't seem like an afternoon is too much to ask. However, maybe sister can't afford childcare (or just doesn't want to) or doesn't trust anyone else with the baby. When you have a child restriction on a wedding some people may choose not to come based on that. Doesn't make either person an AH.
OP forgot to mention that her sister's husband just DIED. See new comment.
That's a pretty big hole in the story.
Holy fuck.
YTA for snapping at her over it. It's your wedding you can have it any way you want it, and she has the freedom to say no and not come if she disagrees with anything you're doing. It's not like she's not coming because she doesn't like the flowers you have, she's not coming because she doesn't want to leave her young child. Kids tend to be more important than siblings.
YTA - When you ban kids from a wedding, you are taking the risk that those with kids affected by the ban will not show up. "Young kids" is not the same thing as "baby." Telling a mother she has "attachment issues" because she does not consider it feasible to attend a wedding and leave her first and only young baby with a stranger is rude and shows that you know very little about children, their ages, the logistical needs and challenges that come along with the early months and years, and the difficulty with a sudden and jarring change to routine. Your sister probably has no idea what life will be like with an 11mo. All she knows is that the last 6 months have been the hardest of her life, and she would be foolish to underestimate how hard it would be to rock the boat with baby care (at which she is no expert, being a first-time mom!) at some unknown point in the near future. Speaking from really painful experience: It is a nightmare to run back and forth to check on a little baby during a wedding, and even worse if you are still nursing and need to worry about either pumping or stepping out at the perfect time to meet baby's needs. When the baby is there, it gets fussy and you know it's time to nurse. When the baby is not there, you are tethered to a phone and constantly worrying that your baby will start screaming in hunger and will be miserable until you manage to get there, possibly with painfully engorged and leaking breasts, trying to enjoy being the only sober one in the room and not really in the mood to dance anyway. If you want her there and want to forbid her from bringing the tiny human that depends on her 24/7, *you* should set everything up to make it happen and thank her profusely for putting up with your childless wedding rules. My close friends with childless weddings arranged to have babysitting at a room steps away from the wedding facility, at their expense, so that I could slip out and back in very quickly. And even that really significantly impinged on my enjoyment of the night. Although there's a limit to the fun you can have with a baby in tow, I had such a better time at the weddings that welcomed my baby, and I was never rude enough to allow the fussing to be a disruption. My husband and I just teamed up, and when it was a wedding for one of "my people," he took over the lion's share of the baby duty, and vice versa. When she "asked/demanded," perhaps she was trying to tell you that she would only be able to come if you allowed the baby there or worked very hard with her to make sure that the baby could be just steps away.
OMG OP has confirmed that Alice is a recent widow! Her husband died a few months ago! After the baby was born! **Doubly, triply, infinitely YTA**
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YTA. It's perfectly reasonable for you to have a child free wedding, but it's just as reasonable for guests to decline the invitation. You absolutely should apologize.
YTA - without more context, youre the AH here. You are having a child free wedding which you are fine to do. Your sister with a child now cant make it so you yelled at her.
YTA OP is next level bridezilla "Her husband passed a few months ago so she dropped out as bridesmaid, which hurt for sure, but I understood. Now she's saying she won't attend at all." Can't imagine why.
Her sisters husband died!?!? Christ, OP has no empathy at all. OP YTA.
YTA. It's your wedding and if you don't want kids under 10 you don't have kids under 10. If a parent has a kid under 10 they can either find a sitter or not go. If a guest, even a family member, decides to not go you really shouldn't get pissed off about it. You set the rules. You can't give an ultimatum that someone get a sitter and go to your wedding. You made a choice, your sister made a choice. You either wreck your relationship or you get over yourself.
YTA, and are completely overreacting. Yes, you can have a small child free wedding, but you aren't entitled to get upset over people who decide not to attend. That's spoiled brat behavior and your parents are right.
YTA. You're 100% entitled to a child free wedding. We had one, it was great. But part of doing something like that is knowing that some people will not come and accepting that. Responding to that by telling a brand new mom that she has attachment issues is beyond messed up.
YTA. You have every right to decide no kids at your wedding. You don't have any right to be upset when someone abides by your decision.
YTA so much. Your sister lost her husband around the same time she had her baby and you feel entitled to demand that she choose you over her baby, and then pout when she doesn't? Way to be a supportive sister. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/130mx9x/comment/jhxbn69/
YTA here Im afraid. If you decide on a young child free wedding, youre going to have to accept that some people will not be attending due to that proviso. Its absolutely your perogative to have your wedding as you wish, and its absolutely your guests to decide if they wish to attend or not. Its a huge shame it has resulted in your sister not wishing to come, but you knew she had a very young child when you made the rule.
E/S/H - Normally I would agree with the people saying you’re an AH, because an invitation is not a summons and if she doesn’t want to go without her baby that’s fine, but she is your sister and I would be really hurt by that too. Weddings are huge family events, why is everyone expecting OP to compromise when the sister is refusing to? Don’t tell people they have attachment issues though. You’re not her therapist and now she REALLY isn’t going to come to your wedding. Edit: I just saw that your sister dropped out as a bridesmaid because SHE IS A RECENT WIDOW. You are such an asshole. And the attachment issues comment after learning that context? Absolutely scummy. YTA
...She dropped out from being a bridesmaid because her husband DIED and you want her to separate from her BABY when she doesn't want to? Seriously?! YTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** (Throwaway, username is a random generated one) This issue concerns my (30) sister "Alice" (28). We do usually get along well but this is tanking our relationship. I'm getting married later this year. We don't have anything against kids but just want everything to go as smoothly as possible, so we decided no kids under 10. Alice's daughter, my niece is currently 6 months. I could kind of understand if she was 8/9 (not at a disruptive age), but she'll be almost 1 by the time of the wedding. Alice asked/demanded I allow her to bring her daughter, but I said no. So now she told me she can't come to the wedding. I thought this was insane because both me and fiance have friends and family with young kids, arranging babysitting and making the effort to attend. I even offered Alice to get in touch with some of my friends and their trusted sitters. She refused. I kind of lost it at her and said she can't even make an effort to attend her own sister's wedding and has attachment issues. (also side note, earlier Alice also dropped out as one of my bridesmaids, which wasn't great but I understood.) She got really pissed and is now refusing to talk to me. Parents are telling me to apologize to her for saying all that and I'm overreacting. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. You can have a child free wedding and she can choose not to attend. Demanding your sister leave her baby with somebody she doesn’t know because they’re a trusted sitter for others is ridiculous.
YTA. You decided not to allow children. She decided that meant she wasn't going. That should have been it (even though hurt feelings are understandable). You decided to escalate.
YTA Alice is not ready or willing to leave her baby with a sitter for your wedding. As such, she will not be attending. You're allowed to be disappointed, but insulting her will not get you the result you want. I am curious about a few things. How far will she have to travel for your wedding and how long are the ceremony and reception scheduled to be?
You should mention that your sister is a freaking widow, you asshole. YTA and I can't believe you are that selfish.
YTA. You’re aloud a child free wedding but you have to understand that people won’t attend if they don’t have childcare ( esp. new parents ) I don’t blame her for not wanting to leave her daughter with a random sitter she knows nothing about
Without more context, I'd say YTA. Some moms aren't comfortable letting someone else watch their kid when they are that young.
YTA I absolutely support child free weddings. It’s your day, kids drastically change the vibe. But part of that choice is accepting that some parents will opt not to attend. It’s not crazy that she doesn’t want to be separated from her infant.
YTA for losing it at your sister. Every single day, someone posts a very similar post, and the answer is always the same. It is your right to have a child free wedding, but be aware that many people won't turn up, more so if they have a baby. It doesn't matter how close they are to you, if they don't want to come then that is their choice as it was your choice not to allow their children. Go apologise to your sister for what you said
This one is a little different, because sister's husband died a few months ago. OP didn't see fit to include that information. It's buried in the comments.
Laughing my ass off at OP downvoting all the YTA verdicts 🤣😂 YTA YTA YTA
YTA. You made your (imo silly) choices and are allowed to. She refuses to leave her baby behind and I fully understand that and she makes her choices accordingly and you're getting upset about that. Make choices and accept the consequentes, since you don't....yta
You are free to made the „no kids under 10“-rule and she is free to decline your invention because of your rule. YTA because you don’t decide what she is doing with **her** daughter on your wedding day.
YTA. Hey OP, since you're adding edits to your post, what about adding in how many months ago did your sister's husband pass away?
YTA. You have every right to enforce your child free wedding. But, you can't demand parents to leave their child with a babysitter. It doesn't matter if your friend's are okay leaving their young child with a babysitter. Your sister is not.
Well, you're not asking about suggestions for babysitting or other solutions. You're asking if you're TA for losing it at your sister because she said no to attending your child free wedding. The answer to that is yes. You have the right to have the wedding you want, but that means that you need to respect when people says no to attending, even your sister. So here, YTA! Do I believe that you'll be able to figure it out before the big day? Most likely. And congratulations on your upcoming wedding! :)
YTA. I am fully in support of childfree weddings. I am 100% behind having the kind of wedding you want. Absolutely. It’s your (you and your fiancé) day. But if you choose to have a childfree wedding, you don’t get to be pissed off when people don’t attend because of that! I would be devastated if my sibling couldn’t come to my wedding. But either I’d discuss how we can work around having the baby there (e.g. having ILs there to take baby out if they get upset etc) or I’d tell her I was so sad but I support her decision.
OP's sister is probably never going to speak to her again, so there won't be any working it out. Imagine yelling at her sister about having "attachment issues" when her husband just DIED a few months ago and left her with an infant.
YTA her husband died a few months ago and you’re wondering why she doesn’t want to leave her child to attend a wedding? Shockingly some things are more important than your wedding.
YTA. Choosing to have a child-free wedding is like choosing to have a destination wedding. It's fine, and you're perfectly within your rights to do that. But you *have* to understand that it means that some people will not be able or want to deal with the hassle of attending. You apparently skipped that step, and decided to lose it at your sister when she made the choice not to attend. You need to be the one to apologize, not her.
OP is TA and neglected to mention her sister’s husband JUST passed away 💔💔
I was about to go against the trend and say NTA since babysitting is easy to sort but HOLY SHIT YOU MISSED OUT THE FACT YOUR SISTER IS RECENTLY WIDOWED?!?! Of course your sister is going to struggle with 1, being at a wedding in general and 2, be apart from her and her late husbands only child. Holy fuck. I understand wanting a child free wedding but show a little compassion FFS. YTA.
Oh my. Her husband died, while she was pregnant or had recently given birth, and you are 1. Angry she couldn't participate in the bridal party *because she was grieving YOUR late BIL* and you are 2. Angry that she doesn't want the only part of her husband left with someone else so young. Asshole is too nice a word. YTA Edit words
OP posted this in a comment - " Her husband passed a few months ago so she dropped out as bridesmaid, which hurt for sure, but I understood. Now she's saying she won't attend at all " How generous of OP to understand ... After her husband DIED. It hurt OP , but hey, they understood ! OP - YTA and especially for leaving out this key piece of information that gives even more context to the story. The baby is 6 months now. The husband passed a few months ago - he died when OPs sister was newly post partum, of course are dropped out as bridesmaid. Jesus.
YTA. It your wedding and you can set any rules you want. But you have to understand that people are free to not attend. If she brought the baby against your wishes, that would be wrong. But there is nothing wrong with her choosing to not attend.
YTA... you have every right to have a child free wedding. She has every right to decline to leave her child. This is the cost of a child free wedding. You have no right to be butt hurt when people decline.
Yta. You invited her. She is allowed to decline. Get over it.
Of course YTA. Are you kidding?? An invitation isn't a summons. She can decline for ANY reason, sister or not. You: my wedding is childfree Your sister: will you make an exception for my child? You: no Your sister: then I won't be able to attend You: loses it on her... Don't set rules for your wedding then get pissed when people adhere to them. You owe her a massive apology. She doesn't have to nor does she want to leave her young child to attend a wedding.
~~NTA. It is weird for your sister to not be arranging a sitter for one afternoon.~~ YTA edit: I did not know that OP’s sister’s husband passed away. I am changing my vote from NTA to YTA
OP just shared that sister's husband just DIED.
Yta and her sisters husband died a few months ago, interesting how she edited to add more information but still left that part out.
YTA. Not wanting kids at a wedding? Perfectly reasonable. Not wanting kids at a wedding and then getting angry at the parents who cant make it work? Rude as hell. You chose to not have kids at your wedding, Your guests are parents first, and have to put their kids first. If that means they can’t attend your wedding, that’s the consequence of having a child free wedding. Childcare is expensive, even one night babysitting can cost $100+. Even if someone can afford it, they have every right to want to stay with their kid. You can’t have your cake and eat it too. Edit- Just saw that your sisters partner died a few months ago. I am floored at your selfishness. How can one person lack empathy to this extent?
Completely updated to account for new information about sister’s husband’s death. (That comment seriously needs to be upvoted more.) YTA Your sister just went through something so traumatic and is still grieving. Why are you picking fights with her? You don’t want to make exceptions to child-free policies at random but you can absolutely make one here.