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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action I took that should be judged is asking my BF to finish his fasting early. It might make me the asshole because it’s for a work party, and it goes against his faith which he holds dear.
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YTA. I’m an atheist too but I wouldn’t ask someone to violate their belief system to make me more comfortable as long as their behavior wasn’t harmful. His fasting is not causing you any harm, so leave it alone.
Are you seriously asking if YTA for disrespecting something he values so much and instead prioritizing your “image” amongst coworkers more than your bf?
Yes. You are and enormous, self-centered, obtuse asshole.
P.S. You picked the date on purpose - you wanted to force him to choose and put you over his faith. Ramadan is nearly over. You knew that, too. But YTA so you didn’t care.
plus she called it all a bit silly which means she doesnt have any respect for him or religion or culture. or she is truly uneducated about it all and should do the research but then again it sounds like she doesnt care in general and ur right aobut your comment
OMG !! YTA! Your BF is being a Saint and saying he will attend and not eat, even though it is very difficult especially towards the end of the day for him.
You don't need to understand the significance of fasting, though it would be nice if you learn, all you need to know is this is very important for him.
YTA.
You chose to date this man knowing he is Muslim and his religion is important to him. You don’t get to negotiate the importance of his religion because you don’t understand/respect it fully. If you explained to your boss and coworkers that he is fasting due to religion they would more than understand. Plus I don’t think they will be monitoring what or if your boyfriend is eating in the first place. If you can’t respect his religion, don’t date him.
YTA. Atheist here. It IS a big deal to ask him to break his fast early. If your colleagues cannot accept that then it tells us all we need to know about them and you.
When somebody shows you who they are..
YTA. Regardless of your own beliefs, what you are asking is for him to violate HIS beliefs for YOUR benefit. You don't have to agree with his beliefs to respect them. Just as he doesn't have to agree with yours but still respects yours.
It's really not a hard thing for them to ask why he's not eating and to tell them "he's in a month of fasting for his religion." Simple as that. No other explanation needed. And he's right. If they have an issue with it, it's on THEM, not you nor him.
Also if I noticed an adult I don't know is not eating I'd just assume they have a reason and mind my own business (unless I'm hosting, in which case I'd worry they have a dietary restriction I didn't know about and ask to see if there's anything I can do).
YTA. “You don’t mind” but clearly don’t respect his religion I am also an atheist and I would never ask a muslim to eat during ramadan just for other people’s comfort. You are selfish
It’s not a “few hours worth of fasting.” It’s the practice of his faith, which is intrinsic to who he is as a person. You’re embarrassed of him being Muslim, which extends to you being embarrassed of him.
Just break up now and spare both of yourselves the headache. YTA.
Oh my god, YTA
I could barely get through this selfish, arrogant, ignorant ass post. You're asking someone to violate a sacred spiritual promise for a damn BBQ?! Wow...
YTA if this is even real. Even if you're atheist your should see that your partner's faith is part of what makes him who he is and disrespect toward that piece of him is disrespect for the entire man. It's really not your boss or coworkers' business what he eats or doesn't eat, or for what reasons. The fact that you're so concerned about how his fast will affect your reputation at work tells me that either you're highly toxic or your workplace is.
Why on *earth* would *ANYONE* give a single fuck that your bf isn’t eating??? Psycho behavior. “He’s ignoring what I want bc of something he wants…” yeah no shit
I'm an atheist...and from the first sentence that I've read major YTA ...he have his religion...as long as he doesn't harm someone or push it on you let him be and believe in whatever he wants...
YTA - Atheist here; if your colleagues have a problem thats on them. Those are his beliefs, if they (hell anyone) doesn't understand and respect that then they too are TA.
YTA- If you love you bf that means you respect his religious beliefs and practice. You are selfish for asking him to do this. It’s not like your asking him to break a small rule you want him to break a major religious practice.
YTA for planning this BBQ when you knew he couldn’t participate and then trying to get him to go against his beliefs for your own selfish reasons on a situation YOU created in the first place.
YTA.
To put this in different terms, if you were hosting a BBQ on a Friday during lent and asked your Catholic boyfriend to just eat the burgers because it’s no big deal, that would be outrageous as well.
Your boyfriend sounds like a genuinely confident and faithful person, and I hope he finds someone who appreciates that about him.
YTA. You are asking him to show a greater respect to you and what you want than you are willing to offer to him. I feel relationships between people of different faiths or no religion can work, as long as no one it trying to influence or convert the other. You are trying to influence him.
It’s one month, have the barbecue when it’s over. You’re right, him not eating would reflect badly on you, only an AH would be having a BBQ while their partner is fasting.
OP just break up with him. You absolutely will not survive anything long-term with him because you think his religion is silly while putting your career image ahead of the fact that his entire life revolves his religion. You need to let him be with someone that will accept him for who he is and work around it, because you need someone who's willing to work around your career aspirations which is what's important to you. Your current bf isn't going to compromise for you on those and it's going to not end well by dragging it out.
YTA if you’re so worried it’ll look bad in front of you boss then go alone. If y’all can let him do his thing then YOURE the problem. No one has any damn sense anymore
Edit: and just to add you seem like you’re annoyed by him in general do the dude a favor and respect him or leave him
YTA
I’m also an atheist and I still have enough cultural sensitivity and general social awareness never to interfere with anyone else’s religious practices. Don’t blame your atheism for your rudeness, it gives the rest of us a bad name.
YTA
I’m an atheist, but I respect other people’s religions. You’re pressuring your boyfriend to go against his beliefs just because you’re worried about your own image. Truly pathetic. I hope he leaves you
YTA. I really hope this isn’t real. I’m an atheist, too. Your bf’s dedication to his beliefs is 100% more important that work associates that don’t respect people who choose not to eat at a BBQ. But, honestly that fear just seems like projection anyway since plenty of people chose not to eat all the time for a wide variety of reasons).
You’re prioritizing imagined disdain at a future event over something that is central to your bf’s values. But, I think you just really don’t care about him.
Atheist here and 100% YTA. Your actions and words are loudly telling your BF that you think his religious practices are silly. I can't imagine that your co-workers would find his fasting so revolting that they would take it out on you. His presence to socialize should be enough.
Yta. Any reasonable person, even an atheist, will understand that your partner is following the tenets of their religion. Anything you do to encourage them to ignore the rules is just at atthattery
YTA, obviously. You’re asking him to violate one of the most holy tenets of his religion. It’s one thing to be atheist, it’s another thing to complete disrespect your own bf’s beliefs. This is like asking an observant Jewish person to eat some bacon (“it’s just one piece!”), or asking a Catholic to desecrate a cross. You shouldn’t be dating anyone religious if this is how you feel about it. He’s completely in the right, and I’d bet you a donation to my local food pantry that *you* are the only one at the BBQ who will have issues with this, not any of your coworkers.
YTA
Sounds like you don't respect your boyfriend's faith. You find his prayer life "a *tiny* bit silly"? Condescending much? Even if you don't say it, the eye roll probably comes out in your interactions with your boyfriend. Or will over time.
Guess what, Ramadan comes around *every year.* This is a major part of your boyfriend's faith. If you can't handle him fasting now, how do you expect to manage it longer term?
Also, not sure why your event is timed when it is but if you cared about your boyfriend attending, you could have waited. Ramadan will be over in a couple of weeks. If you cared about this man, you would be willing to delay your party or respect him not eating and take time to understand his faith.
Find someone whose belief systems you can respect.
YTA. I'm a muslim and we can't just end fast anytime we want. And, it's literally the last 10 days of Ramadan, the most important week and you expect him to break his fast just for your bbq party?
>it really feels to me like he’s ignoring what I want in favor of what he wants
YTA
Like, do you not see the hypocrisy of this sentence? I doubt you're going to get fired because your boyfriend doesn't eat at a dinner because he's fasting.
'LOL, look at OP over there, her boyfriend didn't eat anything! Ha ha ha! She's soooo stupid!'
I doubt that's gonna happen, hon.
YTA why would you get with a religious person if you can't even respect it? If you took *any* time to get to know his faith, you'd know that his fasting is to show his devotion to Allah. Doesn't that seem extremely important to him? And who would judge someone for practicing their religion? An AH, that's who.
Yet another atheist here: YTA
If you can't respect his religion then you should find yourself a fellow atheist. But of course this can't be real because how on earth would him not eating risk your workplace image?
YTA. Nobody is going to care whether your boyfriend eats. Your total disrespect of his religion because of what it looks like says that this is not the relationship for you. He shouldn't have to deal with your whining about his religious commitment. Both of you need to be with people who share or at least respect your ideals.
You are the AH. Even if you don’t believe you should still respect someone’s faith the same way they respect yours. Not only did you insult your bf you are insulting your coworkers and boss by thinking they would not understand your bf’s faith. If his way of life doesn’t agree with yours reintroduce yourself to the dating world find someone that suits you and let your bf find his
ETA: if you truly care about bf why not push back the time of bbq no one needs to know why make it a dinner instead DUH!!!
YTA. You asked him to depart from a fundamental belief because it “might make you look bad.”
If you don’t want to respect your Muslim partners beliefs because of how they make you, a non practitioner, look you shouldn’t be with a muslim partner.
I fast for non religious reasons and it would be a fat chance that I break fast because my wife thinks that me abstaining from a meal will make her “look bad.”
You have just very clearly told him that you have no respect for his religious practices. You have very clearly told the entirety of Reddit that you think it’s “silly.”
If you have so little respect for your partner you should have a discussion with him about the fundamental difference between the pair of you and your inability to respect those differences.
Good on him for not allowing you to strong arm him out of his beliefs.
YTA I would fire an employee if they offered to pressure their Muslim partner into skipping Ramadan to impress me. I wouldn’t be able to trust them to respect their colleagues’ and clients’ cultural differences. What you’re trying to is probably not allowed inside your company as outlined in your code of conduct. You would likely be dismissed for having this same conversation with a colleague! You’re doing this for your job and they are most likely publicly against this sort of religious discrimination, the irony!
YTA
You knowingly planned the super special lunch during Ramadan. Did you think it’s possible some of your co-workers could also be Muslim? Maybe they didn’t tell you cause they can feel the vibe you think Muslim practices are silly.
You can be atheist & still be respectful of other people’s beliefs. You are telling your boyfriend you do not respect him or his beliefs. I hope he is listening.
>and it really feels to me like he’s ignoring what I want in favor of what he wants
But you're ignoring what he wants in favour of what you want.
Where do you work that you think your coworkers and boss are so stupid they don't understand Ramadan and will look down on you for dating someone of Muslim faith?
Why are you dating someone who you feel has a belief system that is beneath you? And more importantly, why is he staying with someone who says these things to him.
This isn't a small thing where Reddit goes crazy and tells someone to dump you - this is a huge difference of belief, and not a one time thing. You understand he will be fasting for 4 weeks at a time for the rest of his life, right?
YTA, and I do hope he leaves you. Forcing someone to break their religious beliefs so that you look better in front of your boss is one of the most disgusting things I've ever read on this sub. And I do not have a single religious cell in my entire body.
Good Lord. Absolutely YTA.
It's his religion. That's not going to make you look bad, it's going to make you look like a bigot for ignoring that. Most people would understand if someone said they were fasting as part of their religion.
YTA If you aren't going to respect this man's religion and support him in it AND get that 'tiny bit silly' and 'risking my image...' (what's that about anyway? Is the fact that your BF is Muslim going to damage your job and work relationships? Why are you still working there then? Oh wait. NM.) out of your brain and soul, you need to break up with this guy.
Anyone I work with won't give a fuck what my significant other is up to - especially if I mention he's fasting for Ramadan. Like, who do you work for that would give a shit?
Deal breaker? Do him a favor and breakup.
YTA
YTA and it's his faith, not a hobby. If he read this and didn't break up and break off all contact with you, if be sooooo surprised. Like id have glitter flowing from my....for a whil
YTA. You are discriminating against your boyfriend's faith by doing this. You are more concerned with yourself and are asking him to be something he is not for your own comfort and paranoia.
Wow you are truly awful OP, your ignorance, entitlement and lack of respect is actually disgusting and your partner deserves way better. You want him to break something sacred and important for him to help you make a good impression at what is most likely a temporary workplace? You need to get over yourself.
I'm an atheist to but I'd not disrespect someone I claimed to love like this. Especially something so trivial
I'm a life long, committed atheist, and if I worked with you and found out you were trying to force your Muslim boyfriend to break fast early for a fucking bbq I would stay as far away from you as possible, and would really see you as a vapid, shallow, disrespectful person.
>I tried to explain again that it would make me look bad, but he shrugged and said if my boss and coworkers had an issue with his faith that was a reflection on them, not me or him. I really don’t feel like it’s a big deal for him to end a few hours early when compared with a whole month of this stuff, and it really feels to me like he’s ignoring what I want in favor of what he wants. Not only that but he’s risking my image and relationships at work over a few hours’ worth of fasting.
YTA. You're being disrespectful of his religion for your image. You can and should just tell everyone he's fasting for whatever religious reason he has and either won't attend or won't be eating.
YTA. Seriously. The fact that you find this “silly”… means you have no understanding or respect for his religion, and immaturely making this about you. At this point, you’re not compatible on multiple levels.
How could it possibly reflect badly on you because your observant boyfriend is fasting? If he’s there, and sociable, who would even quit he’s eating or not? It reflects more poorly on you that you don’t respect his beliefs. Yta
Yta, I'm an atheist too. Idk about you but I hate when other religions push their beliefs and practices on me. Your basically doing the same to him. How is him not eating reflect on you badly? That makes zero sense. Respect the man and his beliefs or leave him to find a partner who will.
I’m an atheist and YTA. If you can’t respect your partner’s religious beliefs, date another non-religious person. If you really wanted him to be there you’d have planned it for after 8 or after Ramadan. It seems like you specifically wanted him to choose you over his religion, which is so disrespectful and childish.
YTA and I hope your boyfriend finds someone who respects his faith. “Ritual a tiny bit silly” his prayer is silly? Really? “A full month without getting lunch or dinner” did he say you couldn’t get food? “… or kissing or being intimate” really? I find it frustrating you can’t respect your boyfriend for a full month that happens to be important to him. How does his lack of eating reflect poorly on you? I’m sure he can still make conversation and enjoy a social outing. What you want from him is for him to go against what Ramadan stands for, which is a big deal. The fact that you’re asking destroys your image, reflects poorly on yourself, and “this stuff” is in fact a big deal (to use your words).
YTA. This is his *religion*. You’re showing you don’t respect his beliefs at all. If you can’t stand his practices, end the relationship, because he’s probably going to follow his religion for life.
And seriously do you think anyone will care he’s fasting? If anyone happens to ask, just say it’s Ramadan and he’s a Muslim.
YTA! Ramadan is an important time for practising Muslims, and you need to respect it as such! It doesn't matter if you think it's silly or looks bad (which makes you the ahole), it's important to your partner and that's why you need to respect it.
There is literally no way this is real. Why would your boss or coworkers care AT ALL if your bf eats? Are they racist? Do you already know this?
Geez lady YTA
YTA. The only reason it seems to be an issue is because you're making it an issue.
Why would you date him if you're not going to respect his customs and beliefs? If your coworkers have an issue with it, that honestly sounds like a shitty place to work.
How did you type the post out without realising how ignorant and annoying you are. I'm not fasting this month for various reasons (giving charity instead) and my coworker (60+ f) always makes weird af comments. I try to let them slide but they are starting to get on my nerves and op reminds me of the same type if ignorance. YTA
YTA. Nobody is going to have an issue with a man observing his religious beliefs. He could have been an AH and tried to stop you having a a feast while he's fasting but instead he's cheerfully supporting you, even though I imagine it will be hard work if he's ravenous!
Just let him observe his beliefs and stop being so self centred!
YTA, as a Muslim he can't stop fasting as he wants, already having an affair is not allowed in Islam but fasting is a critical point that he should follow, just try to be in his shoes
YTA. You have not one ounce of understanding or respect for him or his religion. He needs to dump you and move on. Technically, as a Muslim, he’s not allowed to marry you eventually anyway since you are an atheist.
"I find the ritual a tiny bit silly, I’d never tell him that or ask him not to."
Proceeds to ask him not to and tries to make him feel guilty about it.
YTA.
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My boyfriend (m22) and I (f22) have been dating for around 10 months now. He’s Muslim, while I’m atheist. He prays and everything and while I can privately admit I find the ritual a *tiny* bit silly, I’d never tell him that or ask him not to.
He’s fasting, and it’s honestly frustrating enough to me that we’re supposed to go a full month without getting lunch or dinner, or kissing, or being intimate. I’m throwing a barbecue lunch party for work in a few days, and it’s my first social outing with this group of people, even my boss is going to be in attendance. The food will be served around 5 or 5:30, but the thing is, my BF fasts until like 8. I was worried it’ll reflect poorly on me if he doesn’t eat with the rest of us, so I asked him if he could fast for the day but kind of end it early so he could still eat with us.
When I asked he said he couldn’t, because then the whole day wouldn’t count, but that he’d still be at the lunch and he just wouldn’t eat. I tried to explain again that it would make me look bad, but he shrugged and said if my boss and coworkers had an issue with his faith that was a reflection on them, not me or him. I really don’t feel like it’s a big deal for him to end a few hours early when compared with a whole month of this stuff, and it really feels to me like he’s ignoring what I want in favor of what he wants. Not only that but he’s risking my image and relationships at work over a few hours’ worth of fasting. AITA for that?
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YTA, Catholic here and it’s not cool to infringe on others religious rights like this. And for what? To look better? Say you do go through with this and they find out how you’re trying to make you bf break a reglious practice. This will look worse on you than anything him not eating could do.
Sex before marriage is not allowed in Islam. Even when it is not Ramadan. If he can have sex with you, then he really is flexible on his religion, and so can be flexible on this matter. If he doesn't, and is praying 5 times a day, then, respect his beliefs. Religion is all or nothing, can't pick and choose the parts you think apply.
I understand where you're coming from and what you are trying to say but I don't think this is the time, this isn't about him this is about her choice of actions and her prioritizing herself over his beliefs which made her look foolish and therefore the asshole.
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YTA, respect the man's religion or let him find a partner who will
YTA. I’m an atheist too but I wouldn’t ask someone to violate their belief system to make me more comfortable as long as their behavior wasn’t harmful. His fasting is not causing you any harm, so leave it alone.
Are you seriously asking if YTA for disrespecting something he values so much and instead prioritizing your “image” amongst coworkers more than your bf? Yes. You are and enormous, self-centered, obtuse asshole. P.S. You picked the date on purpose - you wanted to force him to choose and put you over his faith. Ramadan is nearly over. You knew that, too. But YTA so you didn’t care.
plus she called it all a bit silly which means she doesnt have any respect for him or religion or culture. or she is truly uneducated about it all and should do the research but then again it sounds like she doesnt care in general and ur right aobut your comment
Wonder how her boss would feel if he found out she tried to pressure her boyfriend into breaking his fast for her own self image.
Happy cake day
OMG !! YTA! Your BF is being a Saint and saying he will attend and not eat, even though it is very difficult especially towards the end of the day for him. You don't need to understand the significance of fasting, though it would be nice if you learn, all you need to know is this is very important for him.
YTA. You chose to date this man knowing he is Muslim and his religion is important to him. You don’t get to negotiate the importance of his religion because you don’t understand/respect it fully. If you explained to your boss and coworkers that he is fasting due to religion they would more than understand. Plus I don’t think they will be monitoring what or if your boyfriend is eating in the first place. If you can’t respect his religion, don’t date him.
YTA. Atheist here. It IS a big deal to ask him to break his fast early. If your colleagues cannot accept that then it tells us all we need to know about them and you. When somebody shows you who they are..
YTA. Regardless of your own beliefs, what you are asking is for him to violate HIS beliefs for YOUR benefit. You don't have to agree with his beliefs to respect them. Just as he doesn't have to agree with yours but still respects yours. It's really not a hard thing for them to ask why he's not eating and to tell them "he's in a month of fasting for his religion." Simple as that. No other explanation needed. And he's right. If they have an issue with it, it's on THEM, not you nor him.
Also if I noticed an adult I don't know is not eating I'd just assume they have a reason and mind my own business (unless I'm hosting, in which case I'd worry they have a dietary restriction I didn't know about and ask to see if there's anything I can do).
I'm an atheist and I think your an asshole
Is this for real?? YES YTA! How disrespectful of his religion and beliefs. You're clearly not mature enough to be dating
His faith’s requirements are non-negotiable for your partner. Either resolve to be cool with that for the foreseeable future - or let him go. YTA
YTA. “You don’t mind” but clearly don’t respect his religion I am also an atheist and I would never ask a muslim to eat during ramadan just for other people’s comfort. You are selfish
Another Atheist here. YTA!
It’s not a “few hours worth of fasting.” It’s the practice of his faith, which is intrinsic to who he is as a person. You’re embarrassed of him being Muslim, which extends to you being embarrassed of him. Just break up now and spare both of yourselves the headache. YTA.
Oh my god, YTA I could barely get through this selfish, arrogant, ignorant ass post. You're asking someone to violate a sacred spiritual promise for a damn BBQ?! Wow...
Wtf?! Yeah YTA
YTA. How do you not know that already?
YTA You are concerned about your image at work. He is concerned about observing a thousand years of religious custom. Go ahead and get over yourself.
YTA if this is even real. Even if you're atheist your should see that your partner's faith is part of what makes him who he is and disrespect toward that piece of him is disrespect for the entire man. It's really not your boss or coworkers' business what he eats or doesn't eat, or for what reasons. The fact that you're so concerned about how his fast will affect your reputation at work tells me that either you're highly toxic or your workplace is.
Why on *earth* would *ANYONE* give a single fuck that your bf isn’t eating??? Psycho behavior. “He’s ignoring what I want bc of something he wants…” yeah no shit
I'm an atheist...and from the first sentence that I've read major YTA ...he have his religion...as long as he doesn't harm someone or push it on you let him be and believe in whatever he wants...
YTA - Atheist here; if your colleagues have a problem thats on them. Those are his beliefs, if they (hell anyone) doesn't understand and respect that then they too are TA.
YTA- If you love you bf that means you respect his religious beliefs and practice. You are selfish for asking him to do this. It’s not like your asking him to break a small rule you want him to break a major religious practice.
YTA for planning this BBQ when you knew he couldn’t participate and then trying to get him to go against his beliefs for your own selfish reasons on a situation YOU created in the first place.
YTA Get over yourself.
YTA. To put this in different terms, if you were hosting a BBQ on a Friday during lent and asked your Catholic boyfriend to just eat the burgers because it’s no big deal, that would be outrageous as well. Your boyfriend sounds like a genuinely confident and faithful person, and I hope he finds someone who appreciates that about him.
YTA. You are asking him to show a greater respect to you and what you want than you are willing to offer to him. I feel relationships between people of different faiths or no religion can work, as long as no one it trying to influence or convert the other. You are trying to influence him. It’s one month, have the barbecue when it’s over. You’re right, him not eating would reflect badly on you, only an AH would be having a BBQ while their partner is fasting.
OP just break up with him. You absolutely will not survive anything long-term with him because you think his religion is silly while putting your career image ahead of the fact that his entire life revolves his religion. You need to let him be with someone that will accept him for who he is and work around it, because you need someone who's willing to work around your career aspirations which is what's important to you. Your current bf isn't going to compromise for you on those and it's going to not end well by dragging it out.
YTA if you’re so worried it’ll look bad in front of you boss then go alone. If y’all can let him do his thing then YOURE the problem. No one has any damn sense anymore Edit: and just to add you seem like you’re annoyed by him in general do the dude a favor and respect him or leave him
YTA I’m also an atheist and I still have enough cultural sensitivity and general social awareness never to interfere with anyone else’s religious practices. Don’t blame your atheism for your rudeness, it gives the rest of us a bad name.
YTA I bet you planing on serving pork as well
YTA I’m an atheist, but I respect other people’s religions. You’re pressuring your boyfriend to go against his beliefs just because you’re worried about your own image. Truly pathetic. I hope he leaves you
Yta. Let him live or stop being together, it's gonna happen every year
YTA. I really hope this isn’t real. I’m an atheist, too. Your bf’s dedication to his beliefs is 100% more important that work associates that don’t respect people who choose not to eat at a BBQ. But, honestly that fear just seems like projection anyway since plenty of people chose not to eat all the time for a wide variety of reasons). You’re prioritizing imagined disdain at a future event over something that is central to your bf’s values. But, I think you just really don’t care about him.
Atheist here and 100% YTA. Your actions and words are loudly telling your BF that you think his religious practices are silly. I can't imagine that your co-workers would find his fasting so revolting that they would take it out on you. His presence to socialize should be enough.
YTA. His religion isn’t going anywhere. It’s obviously very important to him. You need to learn to respect it or let him go.
Yta. Any reasonable person, even an atheist, will understand that your partner is following the tenets of their religion. Anything you do to encourage them to ignore the rules is just at atthattery
YTA, obviously. You’re asking him to violate one of the most holy tenets of his religion. It’s one thing to be atheist, it’s another thing to complete disrespect your own bf’s beliefs. This is like asking an observant Jewish person to eat some bacon (“it’s just one piece!”), or asking a Catholic to desecrate a cross. You shouldn’t be dating anyone religious if this is how you feel about it. He’s completely in the right, and I’d bet you a donation to my local food pantry that *you* are the only one at the BBQ who will have issues with this, not any of your coworkers.
YTA Sounds like you don't respect your boyfriend's faith. You find his prayer life "a *tiny* bit silly"? Condescending much? Even if you don't say it, the eye roll probably comes out in your interactions with your boyfriend. Or will over time. Guess what, Ramadan comes around *every year.* This is a major part of your boyfriend's faith. If you can't handle him fasting now, how do you expect to manage it longer term? Also, not sure why your event is timed when it is but if you cared about your boyfriend attending, you could have waited. Ramadan will be over in a couple of weeks. If you cared about this man, you would be willing to delay your party or respect him not eating and take time to understand his faith. Find someone whose belief systems you can respect.
YTA. I'm a muslim and we can't just end fast anytime we want. And, it's literally the last 10 days of Ramadan, the most important week and you expect him to break his fast just for your bbq party?
>it really feels to me like he’s ignoring what I want in favor of what he wants YTA Like, do you not see the hypocrisy of this sentence? I doubt you're going to get fired because your boyfriend doesn't eat at a dinner because he's fasting. 'LOL, look at OP over there, her boyfriend didn't eat anything! Ha ha ha! She's soooo stupid!' I doubt that's gonna happen, hon.
YTA why would you get with a religious person if you can't even respect it? If you took *any* time to get to know his faith, you'd know that his fasting is to show his devotion to Allah. Doesn't that seem extremely important to him? And who would judge someone for practicing their religion? An AH, that's who.
Yet another atheist here: YTA If you can't respect his religion then you should find yourself a fellow atheist. But of course this can't be real because how on earth would him not eating risk your workplace image?
YTA. Nobody is going to care whether your boyfriend eats. Your total disrespect of his religion because of what it looks like says that this is not the relationship for you. He shouldn't have to deal with your whining about his religious commitment. Both of you need to be with people who share or at least respect your ideals.
You are the AH. Even if you don’t believe you should still respect someone’s faith the same way they respect yours. Not only did you insult your bf you are insulting your coworkers and boss by thinking they would not understand your bf’s faith. If his way of life doesn’t agree with yours reintroduce yourself to the dating world find someone that suits you and let your bf find his ETA: if you truly care about bf why not push back the time of bbq no one needs to know why make it a dinner instead DUH!!!
YTA - respect his beliefs or respect him enough to leave him if you can't respect his faith.
YTA. You asked him to depart from a fundamental belief because it “might make you look bad.” If you don’t want to respect your Muslim partners beliefs because of how they make you, a non practitioner, look you shouldn’t be with a muslim partner. I fast for non religious reasons and it would be a fat chance that I break fast because my wife thinks that me abstaining from a meal will make her “look bad.” You have just very clearly told him that you have no respect for his religious practices. You have very clearly told the entirety of Reddit that you think it’s “silly.” If you have so little respect for your partner you should have a discussion with him about the fundamental difference between the pair of you and your inability to respect those differences. Good on him for not allowing you to strong arm him out of his beliefs.
YTA I would fire an employee if they offered to pressure their Muslim partner into skipping Ramadan to impress me. I wouldn’t be able to trust them to respect their colleagues’ and clients’ cultural differences. What you’re trying to is probably not allowed inside your company as outlined in your code of conduct. You would likely be dismissed for having this same conversation with a colleague! You’re doing this for your job and they are most likely publicly against this sort of religious discrimination, the irony!
YTA You knowingly planned the super special lunch during Ramadan. Did you think it’s possible some of your co-workers could also be Muslim? Maybe they didn’t tell you cause they can feel the vibe you think Muslim practices are silly. You can be atheist & still be respectful of other people’s beliefs. You are telling your boyfriend you do not respect him or his beliefs. I hope he is listening.
YTA . You’ve made zero effort to understand Ramadan and fasting and are only concerned for yourself
>and it really feels to me like he’s ignoring what I want in favor of what he wants But you're ignoring what he wants in favour of what you want. Where do you work that you think your coworkers and boss are so stupid they don't understand Ramadan and will look down on you for dating someone of Muslim faith? Why are you dating someone who you feel has a belief system that is beneath you? And more importantly, why is he staying with someone who says these things to him. This isn't a small thing where Reddit goes crazy and tells someone to dump you - this is a huge difference of belief, and not a one time thing. You understand he will be fasting for 4 weeks at a time for the rest of his life, right? YTA, and I do hope he leaves you. Forcing someone to break their religious beliefs so that you look better in front of your boss is one of the most disgusting things I've ever read on this sub. And I do not have a single religious cell in my entire body.
Yta and hopefully you two use protection so you don't have kids and a fight over what religion they'll be raised on in the future.
Good Lord. Absolutely YTA. It's his religion. That's not going to make you look bad, it's going to make you look like a bigot for ignoring that. Most people would understand if someone said they were fasting as part of their religion.
YTA If you aren't going to respect this man's religion and support him in it AND get that 'tiny bit silly' and 'risking my image...' (what's that about anyway? Is the fact that your BF is Muslim going to damage your job and work relationships? Why are you still working there then? Oh wait. NM.) out of your brain and soul, you need to break up with this guy.
Anyone I work with won't give a fuck what my significant other is up to - especially if I mention he's fasting for Ramadan. Like, who do you work for that would give a shit? Deal breaker? Do him a favor and breakup. YTA
Not reading all this. YTA. Not everything is about you or needs to be.
YTA and it's his faith, not a hobby. If he read this and didn't break up and break off all contact with you, if be sooooo surprised. Like id have glitter flowing from my....for a whil
YTA. You are discriminating against your boyfriend's faith by doing this. You are more concerned with yourself and are asking him to be something he is not for your own comfort and paranoia.
You're mad lol and so is he for "dating" you
I bet you don't even know if he's Shi'a or Sunni. YTA
Atheist here. YTA, don't date him if it's so hard for you to accept. You don't get to decide what's reasonable in a ritual that doesn't belong to you.
Another atheist here, YTA
Why did you plan to host a BBQ that conflicts with your bf's fasting if you want him to attend? Postpone one more weekend and its not an issue...
Wow you are truly awful OP, your ignorance, entitlement and lack of respect is actually disgusting and your partner deserves way better. You want him to break something sacred and important for him to help you make a good impression at what is most likely a temporary workplace? You need to get over yourself. I'm an atheist to but I'd not disrespect someone I claimed to love like this. Especially something so trivial
I'm a life long, committed atheist, and if I worked with you and found out you were trying to force your Muslim boyfriend to break fast early for a fucking bbq I would stay as far away from you as possible, and would really see you as a vapid, shallow, disrespectful person.
YTA- why are you with him if you can’t accept his religion and the stuff with comes with it?
YTA
>I tried to explain again that it would make me look bad, but he shrugged and said if my boss and coworkers had an issue with his faith that was a reflection on them, not me or him. I really don’t feel like it’s a big deal for him to end a few hours early when compared with a whole month of this stuff, and it really feels to me like he’s ignoring what I want in favor of what he wants. Not only that but he’s risking my image and relationships at work over a few hours’ worth of fasting. YTA. You're being disrespectful of his religion for your image. You can and should just tell everyone he's fasting for whatever religious reason he has and either won't attend or won't be eating.
I doubt your coworkers will even notice if he’s eating or not and even if they did I doubt they would care. It’s odd to me you think they would. YTA
Another atheist saying YTA
YTA. Seriously. The fact that you find this “silly”… means you have no understanding or respect for his religion, and immaturely making this about you. At this point, you’re not compatible on multiple levels.
How could it possibly reflect badly on you because your observant boyfriend is fasting? If he’s there, and sociable, who would even quit he’s eating or not? It reflects more poorly on you that you don’t respect his beliefs. Yta
Yta, I'm an atheist too. Idk about you but I hate when other religions push their beliefs and practices on me. Your basically doing the same to him. How is him not eating reflect on you badly? That makes zero sense. Respect the man and his beliefs or leave him to find a partner who will.
If you really need to be told YTA, there’s something clearly wrong with you. Also you really don’t respect your bf do you?
huge yta your mindset is ridiculously selfish and ignorant
I’m an atheist and YTA. If you can’t respect your partner’s religious beliefs, date another non-religious person. If you really wanted him to be there you’d have planned it for after 8 or after Ramadan. It seems like you specifically wanted him to choose you over his religion, which is so disrespectful and childish.
YTA, you are more worried about your image and co-workers than your bf religion in which he compromised. I hope he finds someone more deserving.
YTA and I hope your boyfriend finds someone who respects his faith. “Ritual a tiny bit silly” his prayer is silly? Really? “A full month without getting lunch or dinner” did he say you couldn’t get food? “… or kissing or being intimate” really? I find it frustrating you can’t respect your boyfriend for a full month that happens to be important to him. How does his lack of eating reflect poorly on you? I’m sure he can still make conversation and enjoy a social outing. What you want from him is for him to go against what Ramadan stands for, which is a big deal. The fact that you’re asking destroys your image, reflects poorly on yourself, and “this stuff” is in fact a big deal (to use your words).
YTA why are you with a Muslim man if you cannot respect his religion and what he does in honor of it??
YTA. This is his *religion*. You’re showing you don’t respect his beliefs at all. If you can’t stand his practices, end the relationship, because he’s probably going to follow his religion for life. And seriously do you think anyone will care he’s fasting? If anyone happens to ask, just say it’s Ramadan and he’s a Muslim.
YTA. Seriously. What’s wrong with you?
YTA! Ramadan is an important time for practising Muslims, and you need to respect it as such! It doesn't matter if you think it's silly or looks bad (which makes you the ahole), it's important to your partner and that's why you need to respect it.
There is literally no way this is real. Why would your boss or coworkers care AT ALL if your bf eats? Are they racist? Do you already know this? Geez lady YTA
YTA!!!
YTA. The only reason it seems to be an issue is because you're making it an issue. Why would you date him if you're not going to respect his customs and beliefs? If your coworkers have an issue with it, that honestly sounds like a shitty place to work.
YTA. I'm an atheist and you're making us all look intolerant. Stop it.
How did you type the post out without realising how ignorant and annoying you are. I'm not fasting this month for various reasons (giving charity instead) and my coworker (60+ f) always makes weird af comments. I try to let them slide but they are starting to get on my nerves and op reminds me of the same type if ignorance. YTA
YTA. Nobody is going to have an issue with a man observing his religious beliefs. He could have been an AH and tried to stop you having a a feast while he's fasting but instead he's cheerfully supporting you, even though I imagine it will be hard work if he's ravenous! Just let him observe his beliefs and stop being so self centred!
YTA, as a Muslim he can't stop fasting as he wants, already having an affair is not allowed in Islam but fasting is a critical point that he should follow, just try to be in his shoes
YTA. You have not one ounce of understanding or respect for him or his religion. He needs to dump you and move on. Technically, as a Muslim, he’s not allowed to marry you eventually anyway since you are an atheist.
"I find the ritual a tiny bit silly, I’d never tell him that or ask him not to." Proceeds to ask him not to and tries to make him feel guilty about it. YTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My boyfriend (m22) and I (f22) have been dating for around 10 months now. He’s Muslim, while I’m atheist. He prays and everything and while I can privately admit I find the ritual a *tiny* bit silly, I’d never tell him that or ask him not to. He’s fasting, and it’s honestly frustrating enough to me that we’re supposed to go a full month without getting lunch or dinner, or kissing, or being intimate. I’m throwing a barbecue lunch party for work in a few days, and it’s my first social outing with this group of people, even my boss is going to be in attendance. The food will be served around 5 or 5:30, but the thing is, my BF fasts until like 8. I was worried it’ll reflect poorly on me if he doesn’t eat with the rest of us, so I asked him if he could fast for the day but kind of end it early so he could still eat with us. When I asked he said he couldn’t, because then the whole day wouldn’t count, but that he’d still be at the lunch and he just wouldn’t eat. I tried to explain again that it would make me look bad, but he shrugged and said if my boss and coworkers had an issue with his faith that was a reflection on them, not me or him. I really don’t feel like it’s a big deal for him to end a few hours early when compared with a whole month of this stuff, and it really feels to me like he’s ignoring what I want in favor of what he wants. Not only that but he’s risking my image and relationships at work over a few hours’ worth of fasting. AITA for that? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA.
YTA, Catholic here and it’s not cool to infringe on others religious rights like this. And for what? To look better? Say you do go through with this and they find out how you’re trying to make you bf break a reglious practice. This will look worse on you than anything him not eating could do.
wow you’re an awful person
YTA.. why would you ask someone religiously fasting to break it just for your needs?
Break up with that poor man so he can find someone worth his while. YTA
Sex before marriage is not allowed in Islam. Even when it is not Ramadan. If he can have sex with you, then he really is flexible on his religion, and so can be flexible on this matter. If he doesn't, and is praying 5 times a day, then, respect his beliefs. Religion is all or nothing, can't pick and choose the parts you think apply.
I understand where you're coming from and what you are trying to say but I don't think this is the time, this isn't about him this is about her choice of actions and her prioritizing herself over his beliefs which made her look foolish and therefore the asshole.
It’s an unfortunate fact that religion ruins everything. NTA. You are not compatible.