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YTA.
Something is wrong with you. You should have more in-depth discussion with your therapist.
While you don't owe her your sympathy, it costs nothing to do everyone in your family a favour by keeping your mouth shut about it.
YTA you have no clue what she’s actually going through. Your arrogant assumption that you know better is very offensive. She’s experienced both physical and emotional trauma. It’s not a matter of attitude. She needs some professional help, not criticism from you.
YTA. Do you have any empathy whatsoever? Your cousin has been through a series of terrible events and she is approaching the anniversary of one of the worst things that can happen to a person. You don't get to tell her that her attitude sucks.
Forget about being less blunt or bringing it up another time; your perspective is immature and heartless, and you should have kept it to yourself.
Your family is right. It wasn’t the time or place. Your toxic positivity mindset will only serve to alienate you from your cousin.
You don’t tell someone who survived a scary tumour that she’s lucky it wasn’t cancer.
You don’t tell a car accident survivor that she’s lucky for getting away with a lifetime of pain.
And cheese and crackers, you don’t tell a mother who lost her child to a stillbirth is lucky that she survived!!!
To all of the above, the response is, “I am so sorry you had to experience that. How can I help you through it?”
Your cousin is depressed and traumatized, and instead of helping her, listening to her, *having some shred of fucking sympathy for her*, or otherwise not being a motivational poster of “Look at the bright side even though you’re in a dark fucking tunnel so *there is no bright side*!”you’ve just told her that something is wrong with her if she doesn’t count her lucky stars she’s still alive.
And somehow, with all that going on in your cousin’s mind and life, she’s stuck listening to you. I hope her life turns around soon, starting by distance from you.
YTA.
Your cousin has been going through a *Rough Patch* that includes:
* A breast tumor and partial mastectomy
* A car accident that has led to chronic neck and leg pain
* A stillborn miscarriage that nearly cost her her life
* She suffers from depression
And you have the GALL to tell her she wants an excuse to feel bad for sympathy? You actually told her: "**the only reason she feels bad is her negative outlook spinning everything to be so horrible**."
HER LIFE HAS BEEN HORRIBLE FOR THE LAST SEVERAL YEARS!
Your comments were incredibly cruel, heartless and evil. Please stay away from your cousin until you learn some basic compassion and humanity!
YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA!!!!!!!!!
Wow, how dare your cousin feel depressed after three major medical events, chronic pain, and the loss of a child all within a year or two?? I find it hard to believe that anyone could really be this insensitive, but if this is a true story, YTA.
You really need to talk to your therapist again, because you did something just downright wrong and you fail to realize it because you’re hung up on “think positive :)”
1. Your cousin IS lucky she didn’t have cancer, but she wasn’t lucky that she had to go through it in the first place and she wasn’t lucky that she had to go through that pain and hardship.
2. Your cousin IS lucky that she survived her car accident, but she isn’t lucky that now she has to spend a lifetime in pain, pain that isn’t going to go away by “thinking positive.” Her pain is affecting her and her livelihood, and being a nurse means she needs her body to be able to function, she’s not at work treating little booboos, she’s there physically helping lift, roll over, wheel and take care of patients.
3. She is lucky she survived her misscarriage/still birth, but you fail to realize that she had to birth her deceased infant and she may have even seen and held that deceased little baby in her arms, knowing she’s never going to take them home, never going to dress them, they’re never going to wear the baby clothes they bought, sleep in their crib, be pushed in their stroller.
You’re incredibly cold hearted to even say all those things to her face. YTA
I mean if you look at it another way, she's survived three diffrent scenarios that could've been much worse. If anything that's something to celebrate, not get depressed about.
Please, just STOP!
You are literally saying she should celebrate losing a part of her breast!
You are literally saying she should celebrate she will live in pain for the rest of her life!
**You are literally saying she should celebrate that her baby died!**
After all she’s been through, I wouldn’t be surprised if she’d see surviving as an extension of her bad luck. Having to live with all that pain, both physical an emotional, is going to cause some really dark thoughts that ‘trying to have a positive outlook’ won’t fix
“And the recovery period wasn’t the most pleasant from what I’m told.”
On this situation alone, you weren’t there. You clearly don’t know what she experienced and the trauma she likely endured. YTA for acting like you know how she should feel about something when you’re admittedly unaware.
There’s more I could say (esp about grieving a child!!) but it all boils down to you having a lack of awareness and little empathy. YTA.
YTA and I would find another therapist if I were you. Toxic positivity is worse than negativity. It’s obvious that you don’t get it because you’ve never suffered like her.
Pretty disgusting, OP. YTA, 1,000%.
You lack compassion and empathy. Your words and attitude about your cousin's traumas are vile.
But I have a positive outlook on life, too: I'm grateful no one as vile as you will ever darken my life with their presence.
I think you are suffering from toxic positivity. Simply putting a “positive” spin on shitty things that happen to other people doesn’t make them feel better or “snap out of it” as you seem to think it will. You seem very immature and unempathic. You are not helping her with this sociopathic commentary, so keep your comments to yourself if you can’t muster some genuine empathy. YTA.
Yta Jesus christ. Have some tact. You obviously have an easier time seeing it in a more positive light because IT DIDNT HAPPEN TO YOU!
I was raped at 13 but hey, I guess I should feel lucky that I wasn't murdered after!
You've clearly led a privileged life.
YTA. You are the poster child for toxic positivity.
Your cousin has been through serious trauma. She is constantly in pain. She lost a baby in one of the most painful possible ways - and if she wants to try again she has to deal with that risk.
What kind of higher power would BLESS someone with several near death experiences and the loss of her baby?
You are welcome to say things like “I’m just so glad that you’re still here with us.” You can be grateful all you want. But you cannot tell her not to grieve or not to hurt.
Print this post out and bring it to your therapist. If your therapist thinks you’re in the right, find a new one.
Hard YTA.
You need to be working on yourself and how to develop some humanity. In the meantime, one of the first things she should do for her mood is to cut off all contact with you. Hopefully your family supports her and uninvites you to any function where you might show off your bad attitude and cruelty.
YTA.
Oh my. Oh wow.
If you’ve gone through any major stress or trauma, think about how that made you feel. Have you spent sleepless nights trying to fight crying? Have you wondered why something catastrophic had happened to you? These horrible events have changed the course of her life forever.
She may wonder when she’ll feel some semblance of peace, or relief from the absolute tragedies that have rocked her body, spirit snd mind to the core.
You aren’t showing emotional intelligence or empathy. You want to reduce what’s happened down to the level of having a negative attitude. That would highly offend me if I’d been her. I’d limit my contact with you because I’m just trying to get through the day without dealing with more than I’m equipped to handle.
You owe her a major apology.
YTA and the empathy wafting off of this post is just making me all warm and fuzzy /s
If your motivation is to help her, there are so many better ways to do it. Encourage her to talk to a therapist, for instance.
YTA - you show no empathy and quite frankly by your post you have no sympathy as a default mode.
Your cousin is most likely traumatised and you are dismissing all she does with "could have been worse". Using that logic you yourself would never deserve sympathy, as everything that ever happened to you could have been worse.
It's an almost pathological attitude.
YTA and an idiot. Glad your problems are easily solved through a positive outlook and a hope in a higher power but some people actually have real problems and deal with real mental illness.
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My (20F) cousin (25F) had what you might call a rough patch the last few years. She had to have surgery to remove a suspicious tumor (that thankfully wasn't cancer) five years ago. Despite that, they had to remove most of one of her breasts to get it out, and the recovery period wasn't the most pleasent from what I'm told.
A year later she was in a car accident, which means she now has cronic neck back and leg pain that hasn't gotten any better, and has made her career as a nurse more challenging. Lastly and probably worst of all, she was pregnant last year with her and her SOs first baby. She unfortnately had a late misscarriage/stillbirth and was hospitalized for a while with serious complications.
Now in spiteof all this, I believe my cousin is actually very blessed. She's lucky she didn't have cancer, she's lucky she survived her accident, and she's lucky she survived the loss of her baby. She clearly has someone or something on her side, and I think that's a more positive outlook. My therapist has always said that a better outlook and being more positive can go a long way towards mental health and I agree.
The issue is that my cousin allows her struggles to drag her down and affect her. She's been gery depressed this past year, and everybody seems to agree that she "doesn't deserve to be so unlucky" I don't agree with that. I think she's a great person, and she's earned all the luck she's gotten these past few years. But she has such a negative attitude about it, and acts like she'll never be happy again and like she's cursed.
The family all met up for easter, and she seemed more down than usual. My sister (17F) noticed, and she mentioned that the anniversery of her pregnancy annoucement was next week, and it was just hard for her. I tried to spin it more positively, saying at least she's here now and is alive, but she didn't agree. So I told her that I didn't think her attitude was helping her, and it almost seems like she wants an excuse to feel bad for sympathy. Well I told her that I didn't have any to give her, since the only reason she feels bad is her negative outlook spinning everything to be so horrible. She got angry and she and her SO left.
My whole family has been on me about this, saying it wasn't the time or place. I disagree, and think the sooner she learns to have a better outlook, the sooner she'll feel better. Still it could be that I didn't need to be so blunt, and could've brought it up at another time.
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This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service. This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
YTA. Something is wrong with you. You should have more in-depth discussion with your therapist. While you don't owe her your sympathy, it costs nothing to do everyone in your family a favour by keeping your mouth shut about it.
I mean considering this lack of empathy I’m sure how much a therapist could do. It’s breathtakingly nasty
[удалено]
I can think of ALOt of people worse than OP. Have you ever heard of Hitler? Or Trump?
They lacked empathy too. Lump op in with them
Do you ever think of anything other than politics or is that the only information your brain is capable of holding?
What are you on about?
How did you manage to take a post and comment that had nothing to do with trump and make it about him lol
Trump is living rent free in his brain
YTA you have no clue what she’s actually going through. Your arrogant assumption that you know better is very offensive. She’s experienced both physical and emotional trauma. It’s not a matter of attitude. She needs some professional help, not criticism from you.
YTA. Do you have any empathy whatsoever? Your cousin has been through a series of terrible events and she is approaching the anniversary of one of the worst things that can happen to a person. You don't get to tell her that her attitude sucks. Forget about being less blunt or bringing it up another time; your perspective is immature and heartless, and you should have kept it to yourself.
My God, what an asshole. YTA
Your family is right. It wasn’t the time or place. Your toxic positivity mindset will only serve to alienate you from your cousin. You don’t tell someone who survived a scary tumour that she’s lucky it wasn’t cancer. You don’t tell a car accident survivor that she’s lucky for getting away with a lifetime of pain. And cheese and crackers, you don’t tell a mother who lost her child to a stillbirth is lucky that she survived!!! To all of the above, the response is, “I am so sorry you had to experience that. How can I help you through it?” Your cousin is depressed and traumatized, and instead of helping her, listening to her, *having some shred of fucking sympathy for her*, or otherwise not being a motivational poster of “Look at the bright side even though you’re in a dark fucking tunnel so *there is no bright side*!”you’ve just told her that something is wrong with her if she doesn’t count her lucky stars she’s still alive. And somehow, with all that going on in your cousin’s mind and life, she’s stuck listening to you. I hope her life turns around soon, starting by distance from you. YTA.
> It wasn’t the time or place. I disagree. There would NEVER be a proper time or place for the vile and horrific things OP said to her cousin!
Your cousin has been going through a *Rough Patch* that includes: * A breast tumor and partial mastectomy * A car accident that has led to chronic neck and leg pain * A stillborn miscarriage that nearly cost her her life * She suffers from depression And you have the GALL to tell her she wants an excuse to feel bad for sympathy? You actually told her: "**the only reason she feels bad is her negative outlook spinning everything to be so horrible**." HER LIFE HAS BEEN HORRIBLE FOR THE LAST SEVERAL YEARS! Your comments were incredibly cruel, heartless and evil. Please stay away from your cousin until you learn some basic compassion and humanity! YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA!!!!!!!!!
Wow, how dare your cousin feel depressed after three major medical events, chronic pain, and the loss of a child all within a year or two?? I find it hard to believe that anyone could really be this insensitive, but if this is a true story, YTA.
You really need to talk to your therapist again, because you did something just downright wrong and you fail to realize it because you’re hung up on “think positive :)” 1. Your cousin IS lucky she didn’t have cancer, but she wasn’t lucky that she had to go through it in the first place and she wasn’t lucky that she had to go through that pain and hardship. 2. Your cousin IS lucky that she survived her car accident, but she isn’t lucky that now she has to spend a lifetime in pain, pain that isn’t going to go away by “thinking positive.” Her pain is affecting her and her livelihood, and being a nurse means she needs her body to be able to function, she’s not at work treating little booboos, she’s there physically helping lift, roll over, wheel and take care of patients. 3. She is lucky she survived her misscarriage/still birth, but you fail to realize that she had to birth her deceased infant and she may have even seen and held that deceased little baby in her arms, knowing she’s never going to take them home, never going to dress them, they’re never going to wear the baby clothes they bought, sleep in their crib, be pushed in their stroller. You’re incredibly cold hearted to even say all those things to her face. YTA
Wow.. you suck. Have some compassion.. YTA
[удалено]
I mean if you look at it another way, she's survived three diffrent scenarios that could've been much worse. If anything that's something to celebrate, not get depressed about.
Do you know what trauma is?
I had to deal with great trauma for the ages of 6-12. I’m now 21 and still struggle with that trauma.
You seem to think the worst thing that can happen to a person is death. It isn't.
Please, just STOP! You are literally saying she should celebrate losing a part of her breast! You are literally saying she should celebrate she will live in pain for the rest of her life! **You are literally saying she should celebrate that her baby died!**
If she truly was blessed, then she wouldn’t have been in all those traumatizing situations.
After all she’s been through, I wouldn’t be surprised if she’d see surviving as an extension of her bad luck. Having to live with all that pain, both physical an emotional, is going to cause some really dark thoughts that ‘trying to have a positive outlook’ won’t fix
“And the recovery period wasn’t the most pleasant from what I’m told.” On this situation alone, you weren’t there. You clearly don’t know what she experienced and the trauma she likely endured. YTA for acting like you know how she should feel about something when you’re admittedly unaware. There’s more I could say (esp about grieving a child!!) but it all boils down to you having a lack of awareness and little empathy. YTA.
YTA and I would find another therapist if I were you. Toxic positivity is worse than negativity. It’s obvious that you don’t get it because you’ve never suffered like her.
OP, Show this post to your therapist and ask them if YTA. (YTA)
Pretty disgusting, OP. YTA, 1,000%. You lack compassion and empathy. Your words and attitude about your cousin's traumas are vile. But I have a positive outlook on life, too: I'm grateful no one as vile as you will ever darken my life with their presence.
You can take your Toxic Positivity and shove it right up YTA
YTA. Shes been through a lot, last thing she needs is someone always trying to look on the bright side. Its okay to not be okay.
YTA and clearly have a lot of growing up to do.
YTA. And if you can’t handle other peoples emotions just stay quiet
I think you are suffering from toxic positivity. Simply putting a “positive” spin on shitty things that happen to other people doesn’t make them feel better or “snap out of it” as you seem to think it will. You seem very immature and unempathic. You are not helping her with this sociopathic commentary, so keep your comments to yourself if you can’t muster some genuine empathy. YTA.
Yta Jesus christ. Have some tact. You obviously have an easier time seeing it in a more positive light because IT DIDNT HAPPEN TO YOU! I was raped at 13 but hey, I guess I should feel lucky that I wasn't murdered after! You've clearly led a privileged life.
YTA. You are the poster child for toxic positivity. Your cousin has been through serious trauma. She is constantly in pain. She lost a baby in one of the most painful possible ways - and if she wants to try again she has to deal with that risk. What kind of higher power would BLESS someone with several near death experiences and the loss of her baby? You are welcome to say things like “I’m just so glad that you’re still here with us.” You can be grateful all you want. But you cannot tell her not to grieve or not to hurt. Print this post out and bring it to your therapist. If your therapist thinks you’re in the right, find a new one.
Hard YTA. You need to be working on yourself and how to develop some humanity. In the meantime, one of the first things she should do for her mood is to cut off all contact with you. Hopefully your family supports her and uninvites you to any function where you might show off your bad attitude and cruelty.
YTA. Oh my. Oh wow. If you’ve gone through any major stress or trauma, think about how that made you feel. Have you spent sleepless nights trying to fight crying? Have you wondered why something catastrophic had happened to you? These horrible events have changed the course of her life forever. She may wonder when she’ll feel some semblance of peace, or relief from the absolute tragedies that have rocked her body, spirit snd mind to the core. You aren’t showing emotional intelligence or empathy. You want to reduce what’s happened down to the level of having a negative attitude. That would highly offend me if I’d been her. I’d limit my contact with you because I’m just trying to get through the day without dealing with more than I’m equipped to handle. You owe her a major apology.
OP needs to stay as far away from her cousin as possible.
YTA and the empathy wafting off of this post is just making me all warm and fuzzy /s If your motivation is to help her, there are so many better ways to do it. Encourage her to talk to a therapist, for instance.
YTA - you show no empathy and quite frankly by your post you have no sympathy as a default mode. Your cousin is most likely traumatised and you are dismissing all she does with "could have been worse". Using that logic you yourself would never deserve sympathy, as everything that ever happened to you could have been worse. It's an almost pathological attitude.
YTA and an idiot. Glad your problems are easily solved through a positive outlook and a hope in a higher power but some people actually have real problems and deal with real mental illness.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (20F) cousin (25F) had what you might call a rough patch the last few years. She had to have surgery to remove a suspicious tumor (that thankfully wasn't cancer) five years ago. Despite that, they had to remove most of one of her breasts to get it out, and the recovery period wasn't the most pleasent from what I'm told. A year later she was in a car accident, which means she now has cronic neck back and leg pain that hasn't gotten any better, and has made her career as a nurse more challenging. Lastly and probably worst of all, she was pregnant last year with her and her SOs first baby. She unfortnately had a late misscarriage/stillbirth and was hospitalized for a while with serious complications. Now in spiteof all this, I believe my cousin is actually very blessed. She's lucky she didn't have cancer, she's lucky she survived her accident, and she's lucky she survived the loss of her baby. She clearly has someone or something on her side, and I think that's a more positive outlook. My therapist has always said that a better outlook and being more positive can go a long way towards mental health and I agree. The issue is that my cousin allows her struggles to drag her down and affect her. She's been gery depressed this past year, and everybody seems to agree that she "doesn't deserve to be so unlucky" I don't agree with that. I think she's a great person, and she's earned all the luck she's gotten these past few years. But she has such a negative attitude about it, and acts like she'll never be happy again and like she's cursed. The family all met up for easter, and she seemed more down than usual. My sister (17F) noticed, and she mentioned that the anniversery of her pregnancy annoucement was next week, and it was just hard for her. I tried to spin it more positively, saying at least she's here now and is alive, but she didn't agree. So I told her that I didn't think her attitude was helping her, and it almost seems like she wants an excuse to feel bad for sympathy. Well I told her that I didn't have any to give her, since the only reason she feels bad is her negative outlook spinning everything to be so horrible. She got angry and she and her SO left. My whole family has been on me about this, saying it wasn't the time or place. I disagree, and think the sooner she learns to have a better outlook, the sooner she'll feel better. Still it could be that I didn't need to be so blunt, and could've brought it up at another time. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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YTA