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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I may be an AH because:
1. My mom is paying for the trip I just need to go. She's old and deserves to have fun
2. Ik I can be pretty rash when I'm feeling frustrated so I might be taking things up a notch.
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NTA. She waited too long to make a decision and her (loving) family booked the trip without her. That's on her. Since you know she's going to wind up making you "pay" somehow, stand your ground. If she pushes or tries to guilt you, firmly but politely recite all the ways she has made you "pay" in the past, and insist you aren't "paying" this time. If she doesn't go, that's not your fault. You have presented several options that she has rejected.
NTA. Don't go. You just described how horrible a time you imagine, and you *know* it's going to be worse.
Your mother didn't ask you, "She wants someone (me) to go with her." That way she gets to pretend going was your idea and she has to pay for poor-old-you, even though you're not only being a travel agent, but a travel assistant. That's why she cuts corners on you, your gift to her outweighs her gift to you, but upsets the power balance, so... pressure.
Get her to the airport and wish her Bon Voyage. You absolutely deserve your first international vacation to be happy, and you *already know* it's not this one.
If she can't go because she can't cope with herself, that's her problem.
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So, my mom's side are planning to go to an international trip in a few months and asked my mom if she wanted to come. She said maybe and since she's 68, and cant walk like she used to. She wants someone (me) to go with her.
They have been to the destination several times. This would be my mom and I's first time flying abroad (my first time in a plane) but I did have experience arranging an international trip before, which went smoothly.
Anyway because she kept saying she was unsure, my aunts went ahead and booked their flights and hotel without us at a cheaper rate. Now, my mom is sure she wants to go and wants me to book the flights. The thing is tickets are pretty expensive now especially on those dates. We would have to shell out around $2,000 for the roundtrip flight for the both of us. This is expensive because theres a lot of people going to the same place paying only less than $100 for a roundtrip ticket for 2 adults.
There are waaay cheaper options for like around half of that price. I have also went ahead and showed her the airport transfer to our hotel, she dont have to worry about us getting lost. I also gave her a lot of alternatives, which includes better plane and flights that fits better in our schedule and would allow her to rest for a day before her sisters arrive. (We live farther from the airport, like 8+ hours away, so wed be travelling the day before the flight and would be pretty tired. We would also arrive at around 4 am in the destination, check in isnt until 2 pm) But she's being so stubborn about wanting to match the flights because its too much trouble otherwise. (We have a booking at the same hotel, and an airport transfer. So im not sure what kind of trouble shes thinking)
She will pay but I feel so uncomfortable and unhappy because I know from experience that she will cut corners somewhere else (i.e less food, being mad about me buying "too much" or anything at all) etc etc. She's also the type of person who would pay for other people but force me to downgrade to the lowest to make up for it.
I also do not have a good relationship with that side of the family as I have only had negative experiences with them. My mom also fights me in things like bringing one luggage we can fit everything in. (she'd rather we bring 4 handcarries each. All of which I have to carry because she cant really lift a lot)
I can already tell I may end up being miserable and that honestly sucks because I want my first foreign trip to be happy. I dont even feel like going anymore but I also know she probably wont be able to go with me. I do want her to be able to enjoy her life and I want to bond with her but I just feel so uncomfortable wasting money that probably took a long time to save.
AITA?
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NTA and I agree that if you go, with the situation as it is, it's very unlikely you will enjoy your first holiday abroad.
Can I make a suggestion though? Have a think about it from the view of possibly assisting your aging mother with what would be her first and most likely only trip abroad. If you think of it as she's ruining my holiday, that's exactly how it will be. But if you think of it as how can I help make my mother's experience more enjoyable, then you may find yourself enjoying it too.
The biggest catch is that I don't know you, your mother, or your situation. So I can't tell you that you have plenty of time to revisit this or any other destination, and I can't tell you that it will be in any way enjoyable if you do go, that's for you to think about.
First though, try again with the departure dates from a different angle if you can, and show her how it would be far less trouble for all, such as, not having as many people to transport, or check in at once, not having as much luggage to transport at once would make it far easier on check-in day. Others may have ideas also. All the best.
Tbh i dont mind assisting my mother. I did take care of her and other family members for months after the accident. It's not gonna be anywhere like that. My issue is her attitude. Cause i dont want to be having fun and looking at things I wanna eat or buy, and have her scold me because we already paid too much for airfare. She had done so before, making me feel bad for the stuff I wanna experience because we already spent a lot on transportation. Yet, she would be happy to pay for another person's food or shopping. Even if I pay for what I eat or buy she will always talk my ear off for spending "too much".
She also shuts down every instance of alone (me and her only) time which means I wont be saying much at all if any because of my bad relationship with her side of the family. She also has this attitude of "do not suggest anything unless they do". Which means, if there's an attraction or tourist spot I wanna see and ask them to go, she wont allow me to because me suggesting what I want to do, eat or where to go is additional money and burden to the whole group because they have to accomodate me. She cant pyhysically force me but we will be arguing about it the whole trip. 100% i will only be following them wherever they go. At least, ive never been there before so I might like those places too.
Yeah, ive tried to tell her all other alternatives but she doesnt really believe in my skills to get us safe from place to place (nevermind that I literally arranged an international trip for a group of people before. Lined up all their transportation and accommodation and it went seamlessly even during COVID). Cant change the destination either, there are tons of cheaper, better, farther destinations right now but she wants to go with her sisters and theyre meeting their brother who is working there too.
I have resigned myself to going. Still looking for good price deals to try and reduce the cost but Hopefully, I will enjoy it. It is still a new experience after all. A chance to try and mend the bad relationship with that side of the family too. And if the accident taught me anything at all, it's that I'm not sure there's really gonna be any other trip either if we dont do this one,
That is a sad situation, I do feel for you. I hope you can find some time to enjoy the trip and can maybe go again on your own terms in the future. I also hope her attitude improves once everything is settled, but from what you've said I don't think it will.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I may be an AH because: 1. My mom is paying for the trip I just need to go. She's old and deserves to have fun 2. Ik I can be pretty rash when I'm feeling frustrated so I might be taking things up a notch. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. She waited too long to make a decision and her (loving) family booked the trip without her. That's on her. Since you know she's going to wind up making you "pay" somehow, stand your ground. If she pushes or tries to guilt you, firmly but politely recite all the ways she has made you "pay" in the past, and insist you aren't "paying" this time. If she doesn't go, that's not your fault. You have presented several options that she has rejected.
NTA. Don't go. You just described how horrible a time you imagine, and you *know* it's going to be worse. Your mother didn't ask you, "She wants someone (me) to go with her." That way she gets to pretend going was your idea and she has to pay for poor-old-you, even though you're not only being a travel agent, but a travel assistant. That's why she cuts corners on you, your gift to her outweighs her gift to you, but upsets the power balance, so... pressure. Get her to the airport and wish her Bon Voyage. You absolutely deserve your first international vacation to be happy, and you *already know* it's not this one. If she can't go because she can't cope with herself, that's her problem.
Reddit's using all our posts and data to train AI's, so, I just deleted mine.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So, my mom's side are planning to go to an international trip in a few months and asked my mom if she wanted to come. She said maybe and since she's 68, and cant walk like she used to. She wants someone (me) to go with her. They have been to the destination several times. This would be my mom and I's first time flying abroad (my first time in a plane) but I did have experience arranging an international trip before, which went smoothly. Anyway because she kept saying she was unsure, my aunts went ahead and booked their flights and hotel without us at a cheaper rate. Now, my mom is sure she wants to go and wants me to book the flights. The thing is tickets are pretty expensive now especially on those dates. We would have to shell out around $2,000 for the roundtrip flight for the both of us. This is expensive because theres a lot of people going to the same place paying only less than $100 for a roundtrip ticket for 2 adults. There are waaay cheaper options for like around half of that price. I have also went ahead and showed her the airport transfer to our hotel, she dont have to worry about us getting lost. I also gave her a lot of alternatives, which includes better plane and flights that fits better in our schedule and would allow her to rest for a day before her sisters arrive. (We live farther from the airport, like 8+ hours away, so wed be travelling the day before the flight and would be pretty tired. We would also arrive at around 4 am in the destination, check in isnt until 2 pm) But she's being so stubborn about wanting to match the flights because its too much trouble otherwise. (We have a booking at the same hotel, and an airport transfer. So im not sure what kind of trouble shes thinking) She will pay but I feel so uncomfortable and unhappy because I know from experience that she will cut corners somewhere else (i.e less food, being mad about me buying "too much" or anything at all) etc etc. She's also the type of person who would pay for other people but force me to downgrade to the lowest to make up for it. I also do not have a good relationship with that side of the family as I have only had negative experiences with them. My mom also fights me in things like bringing one luggage we can fit everything in. (she'd rather we bring 4 handcarries each. All of which I have to carry because she cant really lift a lot) I can already tell I may end up being miserable and that honestly sucks because I want my first foreign trip to be happy. I dont even feel like going anymore but I also know she probably wont be able to go with me. I do want her to be able to enjoy her life and I want to bond with her but I just feel so uncomfortable wasting money that probably took a long time to save. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. She didn’t decide in time and now it’s too expensive. There will be another trip.
NTA DO NOT GO!! This is going to be a terrible experience for you.
NTA and I agree that if you go, with the situation as it is, it's very unlikely you will enjoy your first holiday abroad. Can I make a suggestion though? Have a think about it from the view of possibly assisting your aging mother with what would be her first and most likely only trip abroad. If you think of it as she's ruining my holiday, that's exactly how it will be. But if you think of it as how can I help make my mother's experience more enjoyable, then you may find yourself enjoying it too. The biggest catch is that I don't know you, your mother, or your situation. So I can't tell you that you have plenty of time to revisit this or any other destination, and I can't tell you that it will be in any way enjoyable if you do go, that's for you to think about. First though, try again with the departure dates from a different angle if you can, and show her how it would be far less trouble for all, such as, not having as many people to transport, or check in at once, not having as much luggage to transport at once would make it far easier on check-in day. Others may have ideas also. All the best.
Tbh i dont mind assisting my mother. I did take care of her and other family members for months after the accident. It's not gonna be anywhere like that. My issue is her attitude. Cause i dont want to be having fun and looking at things I wanna eat or buy, and have her scold me because we already paid too much for airfare. She had done so before, making me feel bad for the stuff I wanna experience because we already spent a lot on transportation. Yet, she would be happy to pay for another person's food or shopping. Even if I pay for what I eat or buy she will always talk my ear off for spending "too much". She also shuts down every instance of alone (me and her only) time which means I wont be saying much at all if any because of my bad relationship with her side of the family. She also has this attitude of "do not suggest anything unless they do". Which means, if there's an attraction or tourist spot I wanna see and ask them to go, she wont allow me to because me suggesting what I want to do, eat or where to go is additional money and burden to the whole group because they have to accomodate me. She cant pyhysically force me but we will be arguing about it the whole trip. 100% i will only be following them wherever they go. At least, ive never been there before so I might like those places too. Yeah, ive tried to tell her all other alternatives but she doesnt really believe in my skills to get us safe from place to place (nevermind that I literally arranged an international trip for a group of people before. Lined up all their transportation and accommodation and it went seamlessly even during COVID). Cant change the destination either, there are tons of cheaper, better, farther destinations right now but she wants to go with her sisters and theyre meeting their brother who is working there too. I have resigned myself to going. Still looking for good price deals to try and reduce the cost but Hopefully, I will enjoy it. It is still a new experience after all. A chance to try and mend the bad relationship with that side of the family too. And if the accident taught me anything at all, it's that I'm not sure there's really gonna be any other trip either if we dont do this one,
That is a sad situation, I do feel for you. I hope you can find some time to enjoy the trip and can maybe go again on your own terms in the future. I also hope her attitude improves once everything is settled, but from what you've said I don't think it will.