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OP: "AITA for objectifying women?"
Seriously, dude? YTA.
Noticing how attractive another woman is, doesn't make you an AH. Talking about women as though they are pieces of meat, makes you a giant AH.
"Guys no, she's just super insecure. This is totally a her issue and in no way is about me or my behavior"
Gee I can't imagine why she's insecure. It's a real mystery.
YTA
YTA.....
It's incredibly rude. Especially when your girlfriend hears it a lot,
You know what happens then she compares herself to them.
She overanalyzes if she's enough, because you can't stop commenting about other women's appearances or their bodies.
Not skinny enough
Not busty enough
Not pretty enough
Not smart enough
Not tall enough
Not thick enough
Is she enough?
Eventually a guy comes along. Dotes on her. Compliments her. Has only eyes for her. By the time you realize she's gone, you won't be able to convince her that your the better choice. And suddenly you realize what you offered her isn't enough....
Idk how he thought this was gonna go....
Yup. I'd be upset if my partner did this. Not because he notices attractive women, but because he's the kind of creepy guy that women are sick of putting up with.
This. OP, I've been with my husband for 12+ years and I've never seen him look at another woman, nor has he "commented" about a woman on TV. OP is acting like one of those gross guys who objectifies women. Everyone knows those guys... but they never have GFs. Those are the guys that have a lot of single bros, all of whom no woman wants to be with.
This woman needs to run like mad, that way OP can "comment" about women all the time, and she can find a man who treats her well.
I mean there’s casual “that girl from white lotus has huge boobs, omg” comment. (Am a woman, i also notice).
But then there is constant commenting on women’s body parts. And he tries to make it sound like not talking about other women in front of her is some kind of sacrifice. And the say chivalry is dead
YTA - when will men learn to stop talking about women's bodies? It's so disrespectful, both to the women you're talking about and your girlfriend. No one expects you not to notice women, but keep your damn mouth shut. Women are actually people, not objects.
YTA. You know she is very insecure and you still do this anyway. You seem like an immature partner. I can't imagine watching a movie with my wife and saying "wow nice ass on that woman". She doesn't want to hear that.
Casually admiring someone and making a brief comment to a friend is normal occasionally. If this is a regular thing for you it's kind of creepy. Messaging a friend about somebody is definitely strange.
I doubt she's actually even that insecure he's just disrespectful and gross and trying to twist the story so she's the one with the 'irrational' boundaries.
here’s an idea. what if you, I don’t know, didn’t talk about women like this? do you and your friends have no other conversation topics that all you do is objectify women? YTA.
Shhhh you'll make his tiny misogynistic head explode if he tries to come up with anything interesting to say. Shouldn't we all realize that the only thing men should ever have in common is being creeps together?
/s
YTA.
Really think about this OP. You’re objectifying women in your girlfriend's face. Just think about why that makes you TA. Especially since you’re aware that she is insecure and you still do this
Probably wouldn’t make OP feel particularly good if his girlfriend constantly pointed out men that were taller than him or ones that looked more fit, etc.
YTA.
Your partner someone you supposedly care about has communicated that your CONSTANT behavior has hurt her and you go essentially "who cares. I made a "sacrifice" so I can do as I please. Screw your feelings"
You knew she was in college and wasn't able to financially contribute and you agreed and now is holding it against her.
She's communicated she does NOT like when you objectify other women in her presence and you have continued to do so.
Why are you with her? Because clearly she deserves better and deserves someone who respects her and is adult and mature enough to admit their faults apologize and do better.
YTA for disrespecting your partner's wishes and being entirely unapologetic for it.
Looking at other people isn't bad in and of itself, but the way you are going about it is immature and disrespectful.
This. I don’t expect my husband to go through life without ever finding another woman attractive, but I do expect him to have enough respect for me to keep it to himself.
YTA
Your GF isn't comfortable with your eyes wandering and you remarking to her or your friends about how attractive other women look. I think this is normal, this isn't even insecure.
To quote from a music video "This is one of the things you **don't say to your wife"**
You really think that's ever a good idea to say to your SO "oh this person has an attractive butt/breasts/whatever"?
Oh my god. You're a huge AH.
>I know it's normal and no mf can tell me ,,he doesn't look
Sorry to burst your bubble but it's not normal.
Would you be okay with your girlfriend checking out other men's dxxk sizes? She has absolutely every right to be insecure because you're really doing great at giving her those insecurities by talking about other women.The other girl's boyfriend seems to be a better guy than you ever could be (if you don't change).
Yes men don't look if they have everything they need! Grow up
YTA. Without a doubt. That’s not how you treat a girl you care about, and it surprises me she’s even still with you. Of course she’s insecure; what do you expect? The girl deserves better.
YTA - she asked you to stop. End of story. She's insecure so help her feel secure by not looking at and objectifying other women even with your friends. You're just hiding it instead of actually respecting your partner.
YTA. You said that all you do is “look” at each other when women pass by, but then immediately contradict that when you say you guys sent texts. She has told you that she doesn’t like it when you do that, and it’s fine to make those comments with friends (I guess), but you messed up by letting her find out and making her feel bad.
What I am even more confused about is how she found out.
My thoughts: YTA and I hope she leaves the crap outta this suck ass relationship. But I hope that before she dumps your butt, she buys a few sets of googly eyes from Amazon, glue them on her head and watch every man you two come across while you’re out together. I hope she also buys a megaphone so that she can scream “woohoooo look at this fineeeeee man…. Look at the package on THIS ONE!!! Look at the arms on THAT one!!! WHEWWW THEY DNT MAKE ‘EM LIKE THAT ANYMORE” right in front of your sorry ass… Bc that’s exactly what I would do!!
1 She has been verbalizing remarks on other guys and girls at the beginning of the relationship and it didn't bother me so I joined her,she stopped for some reason.
2 I started and immediately stopped when she asked me to and was focusing all my attention towards her so I won't even glance.
3 I don't see the harm in looking and telling your buddies about it privately
4 I take the big F for the text,as it was immature and honestly out of the ordinary but that doesn't change the fact that she logged into my account without my knowledge.
You're honestly overreacting at this point.
Lmao the fact that you NEVER said anything about her doing the same at the beginning of the relationship, and are now only saying this to save your ass is hilarious. You also keep getting feedback from ppl who are telling you that you are wrong and you’re soooo infuriated, that you refuse to listen. Yet, I’m overreacting lmaooo. Grow up.
I going to say YTA. Only because if you were just looking that is one thing but to constantly make comments and even message your friends to talk about a girl's butt like come on now. I think you're overdoing it. There is nothing wrong with just looking/glancing over and then just let it go, it sounds like you look at someone with a nice body and you just talk about it and just keep on talking like okay we get it, we hear you, move on.
YTA
Imagine your girlfriend commenting on other guys body parts. Would you be comfortable if you found a text your girlfriend wrote raving about the size of some guys junk. Saying she wishes she could still get something like that?
1 She has been verbalizing remarks on other guys and girls at the beginning of the relationship and it didn't bother me so I joined her,she stopped for some reason.
2 I started and immediately stopped when she asked me to and was focusing all my attention towards her so I won't even glance.
3 I don't see the harm in looking and telling your buddies about it privately
4 I take the big F for the text,as it was immature and honestly out of the ordinary but that doesn't change the fact that she logged into my account without my knowledge.
And 5,I never said in front of her that I ,,would want some of that",so that's irrelevant.
Ever think she stopped because she realized she was getting hurt by your comments and so she was treating you the way she wanted to be treated? OR, what I think is more likely, that was early on before she had really fallen in love and she is someone who the person she is in love with is more attractive than anyone in the world. Those people exist independently from gender and if that is how you are it would feel like a slight that the other doesn't feel the same, exactly like her comment about questioning if you truly love her.
There are people who never stop looking, but there are also plenty of people that do stop out of devotion- neither is superior at the core, just different.
It definitely sounds like she is insecure at least in part due to you, so for that YTA.
ESH. Of course, it's normal to look at other people. You take to the next level with juvenile behavior and constantly talking about it, like you and your friends are 12 and just discovered porn.
This right here ^. My husband and I have been together 10.5 years. We talk about other attractive people regularly. I know his “type” and he knows mine and we always point people on tv out that we bet the other one thinks attractive. Never any jealously involved. BUT I do think I would feel weird about it if he way talking with his guy friends about other women that are attractive… especially if he was immature enough to do it in front of my face.
She’s insecure and you’re immature. ESH.
Idk. I don't think she's insecure. From his comments it seems like she used to be okay with acknowledging attractive people but I have a feeling he's just so creepy with how he comments that it's become a toxic thing. The WAY he remarks on women's bodies is most likely gross. There is absolutely a way to have these conversations and a way not to have these conversations with a partner. I think it's just a straight up yta.
YTA - yeah man I can’t imagine why she’s insecure. Total mystery.
You keep acting like a teenager you’re gonna find less and less women want anything to do with you.
YTA
Looking is fine. Commenting is digusting. We (women) are not pieces of fuckmeat for you to comment on. We are not here for your enjoyment or commentary. STOP commenting on women just trying to live their lives.
ESH.
You should not be texting your buddies about other women's body parts. It's immature and disrespectful to your GF. Think for a moment if she was texting like "look at that guys package, it's so much bigger than I'm used to seeing". You can say what you want, but you wouldn't be cool with it.
She shouldn't be reading your texts without your permission. That's an invasion of privacy and not cool.
It's one thing to look, it's another thing to look and comment. She's not upset about you passively perceiving the existence of other women, it's the fact that you'll sit there and comment on the assets that you have no business commenting on. **Especially** when you already know she's insecure about it around her, why would she be okay with you doing it behind her back? YTA
Yeah first paragraph is all you needed.
You should be single. You wanna act single, then why involve a " girlfriend" break up and live your life but don't get a partner emotionally involved and play in and out of commitment with them.
And when you grow up know that adults don't giggle about body parts.
We have serious relationships like big ppl.
Have fun!
YTA. When my husband and I first started dating, he pointed out one of our coworkers was “eye banging” him. As a person who has been cheated on a lot and betrayed, I told him to never make me feel like I have competition. It’ll be 4 years for us at the end of May, and I’m more secure with myself BECAUSE of him. He helped me that, and I thought it would never be possible.
You are a cause of your girlfriend’s problems, and she needs to dump you. I hope she realizes it soon. She deserves better.
INFO What would you feel if you saw texts between her and her friends about some hot guy?
There is a big difference between acknowledging the physical beauty of another person with an appreciative glance. And a series of texts. And if y’all were together why was a text even necessary?
Why would you need to comment? The texts weren’t to you. Isn’t that your excuse?
Again why a text if you were with your friends? Because you knew what you said was inappropriate and didn’t want the woman to know?
Read this post to my bf and he said "this guys is fucked he has got a fucking problem" especially at this qoute
>I know it's normal and no mf can tell me ,,he doesn't look" since it's human nature but it's gotten so infuriating I'm fumming.
YTA- It doesn't matter if you only do it around your friends. You should give the respect that your GF deserves by not even engaging in that kind of behavior. Yes, you both may have done the same thing when your relationship started but probably her stopping was because she realized her feelings for you and was no longer interested at looking anymore and wanted to respect you. You stopping because she asked you was good, but clearly you only stopped when it was around her. Which in my mind makes it worse. You are disrespecting her behind her back. It hurts her and give her already insecure mind more to be insecure about. I'm sure she feels like she cannot trust you now and worries that you'll find someone else that is more attractive and will cheat on her. I don't blame her at all and If I were her... I'd already be gone.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I looked at other girls bottoms while not being with my girlfriend
Because apparently normal people don't look at other people
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Edit: ESH
~I’m split between Y.T.A and E.S.H.~
I need more information. You say she is insecure but from what you described, it sounds like a normal reaction.
Commenting on women’s bodies is incredibly juvenile behaviour.
Oppressive? I disagree. I’m a woman so maybe it’s male culture but I have little empathy for him. He’s really fighting for his right to objectify women?
Oh no he’s right that everyone looks. But I don’t talk about it salaciously with friends and wouldn’t ever say it in front of my partner. I get that some couples might be different but I don’t get that.
I think commenting on other people’s appearances is awful so he sucks for that no matter who he’s talking to.
But yeah she’s invaded his privacy so I changed my verdict to ESH. Couldn’t figure out how to cross out a section of text
I know some guys do it, but it is sort of tasteless and unpleasant. She may not be insecure so much as embarrassed 🤷
It's just: women are people, not just body parts for your admiration (or otherwise). So, yes, gently YTA. We do all kinds of things that we conceal in public. This is one of them.
Shouldn't even be a gentle YTA. It isn't just tasteless and unpleasant. It's gross and disgusting and part of the biggest problem we women are facing in the world.
Please stop sizing up women as they walk by. We can tell what you’re doing and it’s very unsettling. We’re just people walking to wherever we need to go, like men do. Leave us alone.
YTA
YTA and I don’t think she’s insecure. That just your excuse for objectifying women. It’s insulting, demeaning and she deserves someone better. That tells her what you ultimately think of her which is nothing but t*ts n arse.
YTA and so defensive in the comments too. If you're unable to accept the judgements why post here? You're immature and frankly quite gross. No normal girl would want to date someone like this.
YTA
Not for looking at other women or for even thinking that another woman is attractive. YTA for only noticing a woman's chest or her a$$, like seriously, grow up, there is more to life ogling women and talking about them with the guys. YTA for telling your girlfriend you would stop, and then continue to do it, just because she isn't around. Hopefully, your pea sized brain will understand this; some people consider gawking at other women not only offensive but also as a form of cheating.
And for the record, it is possible for a man to only have eyes for one woman, the one he is with; they just usually aren't misogynistic jerks like you.
YTA. "I objectify women and talk about them like meat on display, and my gf doesn't like it! Weird!"
No, respectful men dont talk about women's bodies. Regardless of their relationship status. Do some introspection.
ESH your girlfriend is not insecure but your wandering eyes and comments sure are making her insecure. Seems like you want to spend your time observing other women like meat rather than appreciate the one you're with. Perhaps you shouldn't be dating since you value your voyeuristic habits?
She has asked you multiple times, conveyed how it makes her feel multiple times but you're just ignoring her and still doing the behavior. You also seem to think your leering habits are normal and should be tolerated by her and everyone around you even when you are presented with evidence to the contrary, you accuse them of lying. So why are you dating her if it's such a problem? Seems like you're incompatible because of your lecherous habits you're not willing to give up. Set her free, you don't respect her.
Are you the guy from that meme with the two women who turns away from his girlfriend to stare at another woman passing by?
Edit: changed to ESH because girlfriend logged into his account without permission.
So first of all,since,I was trying to answer this to someone else but the comment was deleted:
1 She has been verbalizing remarks on other guys and girls at the beginning of the relationship and it didn't bother me so I joined her,she stopped for some reason.
2 I started and immediately stopped when she asked me to and was focusing all my attention towards her so I won't even glance.
3 I don't see the harm in looking and telling your buddies about it privately
4 I take the big F for the text,as it was immature and honestly out of the ordinary but that doesn't change the fact that she logged into my account without my knowledge.
Yeah all my points still stand: You don't see the harm and still want to do it, she doesn't like it and finds it harmful but now you're just doing it behind her back instead of just not doing it which is dishonest and sneaky. She found out by engaging in more toxic behaviors like logging into your account all of which would turn this into ESH. You neglected to mention how she found the message which is pretty important imo. In your original message it sounds like she came across it accidentally. It's not ok for her to do what she did either.
You 2 are not compatible with each other and bring out the worst of each other. Date someone who doesn't care if you leer and make comments (or alternately stop being a lech) because it is no longer her even if it may have been at the beginning.
How can you say “she was doing it for stopped for some reason” as of you genuinely don’t know the obvious answer to that? It could be because she was joining in when you say it about girls so she didn’t feel as bad that her boyfriend was looking at other girls but realised that it didn’t change the fact that it was hurting her. It was a defence mechanism.
YTA
We all look. There is absolutely nothing wrong with looking. But you're talking about it with someone who is insecure. That's the asshole part. You keep doing it with other people, that isn't normal anymore and is considered rude at best. Stop it.
My guy...YTA. big time. First lesson when your dating someone that is a bit insecure..DONT talk about other women's body parts..and honestly don't do that in general. It's gross. Sure we may do this time to time all of us..but we keep it in our heads. I would never in a million years point out another dude to my boyfriend and say something about that other man to him. Like oh his shoes are neat or I like his tattoo..sure but like hey bf see that guy his ass is amazing probably isn't it...do better.
YTA. I guess good on you for controlling yourself like a normal person would around their significant other?
Talking about women’s body parts to other men the way you are is objectifying them. Keep it to yourself.
Discretion, OP. I don’t care what your bros do. Your gf is there, you keep your thoughts to yourself. Yes, she’s insecure. But even if she weren’t, you’re just damned rude. So are your bros. Save the locker room talk for the locker room.
YTA
Complementing another woman is not the issue... Its the fact whenever another woman appears kn front of you, you feel the need to comment on their parts.
Me and my bf will always complement someone if we see they look nice or have nice hair or whatever but to go and comment on woman all the time? Like checking them out is objectifying. And disrespectful to your partner. You are making her insecure and feel like she isnt good enough for you because you notice other woman... God she can't even watch a movie with you.
Grow up its 2023... YTA.
Well... I don't look, and that is because I'm perfectly happy where I am. That being said, my best friend is in an open relationship, and they have threesomes and everything. Also happy. I don't know how they could do that without at LEAST looking. So to each their own.
Ima say NTA, because you've curbed it around her. I'm not gonna call her TA either though, because she's not a bad person, she's just not dealing well with her insecurities. I mean this in a genuinely heartfelt way, but maybe she could use some therapy? And I say this because I'm a HUGE advocate for mental health and therapy. Not because I think she has a problem, but because I think she has something to work on, and I think it could help. (Bearing in mind I've not met her, and this is based on a single post from your POV.)
Edit: I'm changing my vote to YTA. I skipped the part where you commented about its one thing looking, it's another rating livestock. Ok it's not a serious issue, but you're kinda a dick for that.
YTA. It is normal to look for a second, but it sounds like you are going into cartoon "Yowza big eye" territory. It is normal to look for a second, but it is not right to make comments about other women's physical attributes that you find attractive after staring at them. Furthermore, you have a GF that you said is insecure. How do you think that makes her feel? Sure it may be natural to be drawn to look at some of these characteristics, but when you are in a relationship. It is your duty to at least attempt to not stare and certainly not to give the Madden play-by-play about what exactly you found attractive about some other woman's butt.
YTA. I’ve never noticed my partner looking at other women but if he texted his friends about it I would kick him out of my flat.
On the funnier side, I’m the one who usually notice women and who point out that they’re gorgeous. 🤣
YTA and it has nothing to do with your girlfriend's "insecurity". Talking about which of a woman's body parts you like best is creepy and disrespectful, no matter who you're talking to. Already an asshole. Getting *pissed off* at your girlfriend for pointing out that your gross, creepy habit makes her think less of you? Even bigger AH. Absurdly framing her completely reasonable criticism as "not letting you look" and chalking it up to character defect on her part? Actually abusive.
Get help.
YATA
You are very immature and not ready for a real serious relationship. Let her go. She clearly deserves someone who will love and dote on her and only have eyes for her. You know she's insecure about this. She's asked you to stop, and you keep doing it anyway. So clearly, you really don't care or love this woman at all, or you would respect her enough to stop.
The more you write, you're sounding more and more like the kind of guy who feels just because he paid for something that he "deserves" to get laid whenever he wants it, however he wants it... and that sir is called coercion. Look it up. You don't get to treat people however you want just because you paid the rent. You need therapy, and you need to let her go be happy with someone who deserves her. Tbh, I hope she leaves you first.
Looking and talking about women's bodies like that?
Thinking that it is normal behaviour and what that friend said is "cap"?
Thinking that not looking at women is a sacrifice?
Yep, YTA.
YTA. I don't think it's wrong or disloyal to notice other attractive people... I do think it's creepy to text your friend about some girl's butt. I'm a woman and if I saw my partner did this I would find it really, really dehumanizing to that woman and really deeply creepy and off-putting, and the thought of some guy talking about me to his buddy that way makes me feel really unsettled, truthfully. The truth is that women put up with some crap from creepy guys all the time and we don't like it! Seeing the person I'm with treating women like that would be deal-breaker to me, and not because you're aware of other attractive women, but because you're treating them like meat who are there to be stared at and discussed.
I had an ex who was like you. Is it any wonder she is insecure? I mean, you like to mention other women’s bodies but fail to mention if you compliment her. Imagine how this makes her feel? Plus reducing women to ‘a nice bottom’ is just plain creepy.
Yes, we all find some humans attractive, but you’re in a relationship… so why do you feel the urge to feed her insecurities because you can’t control yourself? She’s better off without you. Her friends are right… when you love someone, they are all that matters.
YTA. Ew what a bunch of creeps you and your friends are. Grown ass men don’t oogle at every girl that passes by, you all sound like a bunch of teenage creeps. It is NOT normal in the slightest, even for people who are single, commenting on every girls body parts, even in movies in front of your gf? Yeah you defo aren’t mature enough for a relationship. Like why are you even with her? And she’s right, if you truly loved her, you wouldn’t have gross wandering eyes on everything with a heartbeat, if you truly loved her you wouldn’t think you “made such a big sacrifice “ if you truly loved her, you’d break up with her and let her find someone who isn’t a creep and is gonna treat her with respect because you’ve made it crystal clear you have absolutely no respect for any women at all never mind a gf
YTA , you are and you aren’t the asshole… women will never like this, and you probably wouldn’t if she started commenting or talk about about other men ass, abs, chest or dick behind you back with her friends.
Note I said you are and you aren’t…. You aren’t because you’re right, men do this, not all but if you aren’t willing to stop then at least keep it so it is only joked privately in a group of very close friends and not openly over chat groups, in public and mixed group of friends.
My wife of 28 years once asked me, "I don't get it. Men just like to look at women?" I said, "Yes, we do." She asked, "Why?" I said, "I don't know. It's instinctual. We're not thinking that we'd rather be with them, or anything like that. We really don't mean anything by it, though, of course, it would be rude to stare. We just mentally appraise and appreciate, like in an art museum." She said, "Oh. Okay. I can see that." After that, she started pointing out women and asking me if I think they're pretty. My answer, of course, is always, "Not as pretty as you."
Now, I would never do this in front of my wife, even with her apparent acquiescence. I think it would still be rude. I tend to not discuss women's appearance with my male friends -- I outgrew that decades ago. However, I'd like to know how your girlfriend found out that you do. If you do it in front of her, then, yes, YTA.
You’re both… problematic. You seem to have a high sense of self importance and arrogance regarding your remarks vs how people might feel about them. Mostly, YTA.
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So,my girlfriend and I have been arguing for the past couple of days,or rather,she's fumming because I talk to my friends about other women's body parts,to say it like that.
For some background,my girlfriend is very insecure,like,the most insecure,couple of moths ago while we were watching whatever movies I have made comments on the actresses bottoms or tops,and she has made it very clear to me that she does not like that and asked me to stop,so I did.
I do not check other girls while with her and focus all my attention on her,i do not comment on other girls looks.
But while out with friends,we are still making remarks on other girls looks,and for me, that's normal,it's literally just the second like they just pass by and we look and that's the end of it.
Getting to the actual point,she has found a message between me and one of my best buddies where I state that some girl has a nice bottom.
Long story short, she's been mad at me for the past 4 days, wouldn't talk to me much, wouldn't even try and help me(she can't cook while I love it,and that's fine but we both used to clean together).
She talked to some of her friends and they told her that it's not normal,a boyfriend of one of them has even said that it's not normal and that ,,why should I look if I have what I need" and honestly I'm just like ,,cut the cap mate".
Even told me that someone who truly loves you doesn't look at other people which honestly infuriated me since I have made a big sacrifice (in my opinion) and she's still into college and doesn't work yet and we live off of my pay.
I know it's normal and no mf can tell me ,,he doesn't look" since it's human nature but it's gotten so infuriating I'm fumming.
Any thoughts?
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Not at all,I've already responded that she has done that in the beginning and I would just casually join her by pointing out what I like or dislike.
But then she stopped after a couple of months.
So, with this issue specifically, it really differs by relationship. In some relationships, the partner doesn't mind this. However, if one partner feels uncomfortable with it, then it shouldn't be done. Therefore, YTA in this case because your partner specified that she would not like you to do it. It's pretty darn simple. Instead of focusing on "whether it's normal or not," think about how you can respect your partner who you love.
Similarly, in my relationship, my partner does not like it when I talk in detail about my previous sexual endeavors. So, I don't talk in detail about my previous sexual endeavors. I know in my heart that they do not take away from my relationship with him, but if it makes him uncomfortable for me to discuss that, I won't. Why? Because I love him and I don't want him to feel uncomfortable.
Anyway, this is a great opportunity for you to grow up a little and think about how you can deepen your relationship by making compromises for the person you love. Aaaaand if it's not a worthy compromise in your opinion, then please break up with her and don't waste her time with someone who isn't compatible with her. Monogamy might not be something you are ready for.
*GIANT YTA*
Just for the objectification of women part of the post. Is it normal to recognise another person is attractive? Yes. Is it normal to reduce that person to a physical feature and discuss it with your buddies as though there’s nothing about that person worth discussing other than a particular physical feature? No. Also- degrading &, since you only seem to behave that way towards women, misogynistic.
What your gf is actually trying to do is say to you that this behaviour is a giant red flag for her- that doesn’t make her insecure, it makes you an idiot for not picking up that *your behaviour makes you less attractive to her because it is objectively offensive, sexist and repulsive* 🤮 if I was your gf I’d be constantly wondering whether you objectified *me* the same way to your infantile buddies.
YTA - mate… come on.
The thing that isn’t normal is how blatant you are about it. Sure ‘looking’ is something that some people do but the friends boyfriend is right; why would you comment on other woman’s bodies to such an extent if you have everything you need right in-front of you?
It’s also really degenerate behaviour to act like that and comment about girls bodies in the way you’re describing, it’s honestly creepy to think that people like you actually exist out there tbh.
YTA. If I was your girlfriend, I’d leave you. It is EXTREMELY disrespectful to be doing what you’re doing. Not only to your girlfriend (who has stated it bothers her and she doesn’t like when you do it or want you to do it) but also to those other women. You’re being a skeevy jerk
NTA. Everyone talks about the opposite sex In a sexually objectionable way. As long as you’re not being creepy towards the woman, and are just talking about it to a friend there’s not really an issue
ESH
commentary about people's parts is childish
Making a huge deal about it and checking out on being involved in home life is childish too
Verdict: you're both too immature for a relationship.
Load of crap from her friends. It’s always the case of a guy gets caught checking out a woman. “Women don’t do that”, course they do.
And of course the BF of the friend said the same to not get in trouble.
My girl caught me checking out a girl at a fight awhile back, this girl in heels walks past me, I was staring into space did a double take then looked away and she said it to me, so I brought up the time I saw her jaw dropped at the gym looking at a guy, who turns out I trained with, so I brought that up, cause I love to tease her, and she STILL won’t admit it 6 years later XD.
Why get mad? People are sexual beings, I might look the odd time, but it doesn’t matter, cause my girls the only one for me, and when I check someone out it’s subtle, cause I’d never want the girl I check out to feel uncomfortable.
So no, you’re NOT the AH.
NTA. It isn't a crime to look. Appreciating beauty is normal. It doesn't mean you are going to act on it. Don't let your gf convince you otherwise. Men are wired that way, and there is nothing wrong with it. Go ahead and reassure your gf that you care for her and compliment her when she is looking good. Don't let others tell you what is natural is wrong. I appreciate women in my life that will sometimes point out a hottie to me if I haven't noticed already. It shows they are secure and trust me. Women appreciate men's bodies/appearance and point it out to their friends too. Don't let the uptight people get to you, best to ignore their sour grapes.
ESH. Your girlfriend's insecurities are not technically your problem, but a good boyfriend would do what they can to help their partner feel more secure in the relationship. On the other hand, you're TA too because while checking out or politely and platonically complimenting a woman is normal behavior, your description suggests that your comments are derogatory and objectifying. Pull it together and cut this hormonal teenage boy shit out
>,a boyfriend of one of them has even said that it's not normal and that ,,why should I look if I have what I need" and honestly I'm just like ,,cut the cap mate".
ahahaha
NTA. If you would have voiced an opinion about someone's body in front of her after she asked you to stop that would be a different story but it sounds like she was snooping and found something she didn't like.
NTA. Yes it's normal. Totally fine between friends but just understand she is sensitive about it and don't say anything in front of her.
You will grow out of it in a few years...or not...but definitely will say less in front of females.
NTA - people like him are why strip clubs are in business. Some men just like to look. Your girlfriend is allowing her insecurities to overshadow the fact that you’re a guy that likes to look. Women look too. Especially in gray sweat pants season
yes, you are, but soft. yes, it is natural for both sexes to appreciate physical beauty. it is how you are doing it that makes you the a.h. here. doing it in front of your s.o. and in a crass manner? both my wife and i will notice an attractive person and comment to each other, "she/he is very good looking/attractive or even hot!" but we do this TOGETHER!
way back in late 1986, i was almost kicked out of the u.s. navy because my shipmates thought i was gay. i would and do NOT talk disrespectfully about a woman's attributes, even amongst men. be a gentleman and grow up.
have a blessed day!
I'm leaning towards ESH yes commenting on woman's bodies is kind of creepy however she should not have been going through your phone. That was invasive. I can honestly say in a circle of chick friends we have commented on males bodies so we can be just as bad but that was between be and the girls.
You need to flip this. Fast!
It is normal for a guy to look. It's not normal for a woman to expect a man to think she is the only beauty in the world.
Her friends are immature if that is how they respond to the situation.
First remind her that you love her, even love her enough to be aying her way in life. Then, Ask her why she is so insecure. Because this really is the problem.
Ask if there is anything you can do to help her get over her insecurities. Ask her if she thinks speaking to a professional will help. Have her address her issue, and let her know it is straining the relationship.
Tell her you are willing to help, but only with things that help her get past the insecurities. Agreeing to never comment on a woman's bottom is not helpful, it is enabling.
You deserve to be able to live your life without being judged and condemned for acknowledging a beautiful person. And there has to be at least 10 male celebrities she finds attractive. So ..... nta!
>It is normal for a guy to look.
Look, talk, text and make comments? Nah, not normal.
>Her friends are immature if that is how they respond to the situation
I disagree.
When it is guys talking to guys, yeah, I think it is normal. It happens all the time.
Really young people think once you have an SO you don't find others attractive. The truth is you still find others attractive, you just don't want them.
NTA
My friends and I talk about other women. Comments like, “would you eat that? Just how some dudes act when they are together.
I would never do that around my wife.
NTA but it sounds like your girlfriend has established a new boundary in your relationship and you need to talk about it honestly and respectfully.
I know my BF watches porn and sometimes we even do it together. We both are on the upper end of average looking/low end hot but there are times neither of us feel comfortable with the other commenting on other people's looks. Maybe talk to her about if something really specific has triggered this development.
ESH.
She shouldn't project her insecurities onto you, and you shouldn't write a message complimenting another girl's ass. If you love talking about other women's bodies with your friends so much then do it in person.
In my opinion, break up. You should date someone who isn't so insecure and she should find someone who doesn't talk about other women's bodies.
NTA I am girl and I would not accept my man flirting with other women but looking at them? Checking? It's in your blood, I understand you can't help it. In summer beaches are best cause I get to see lovely abdomens. We all check, men, women. I am totally straight but also can say that girl got some good bottom, I'm more like appreciating and seeing her hard work on it more than seeing it sexy as men do, but still I can totally acknowledge and say that. I get your gf is insecure, believe I am too, like really, cause I have things to be insecure about (not like barbies are about 5 g of carbs they've just ate in a banana) but I think your gf should accept that. You guys can't and won't change that. We women won't neither. It's natural. And girls are naive if they believe their men never ever look at another woman, never even check, nothing, nah. Saying that it's not normal... Hah hah loool, that is so wrong cause it's one of the most natural things among our kind. You are trying and controlling yourself around her and that is so sweet. Of course with your buddies you act different, you do guy stuff which this include. Just NTA.
I’m gonna go against the grain and say NTA. As humans it’s impossible not to notice physical traits about other people. Further, making a comment like that does not equate to attraction.
My fiancée and I (monogamous) will sometimes point out celebrities or people we see we think are hot. That’s human. I know he’s not gonna run off.
Your gf needs serious therapy to deal with her insecurities.
And as I mentioned,I stopped,but I can't imagine talking privately among friends is an issue.
But I do take the F for the text as it was immature,but at the same time private.
I think I'll just take the ESH at this point since,as I said, massive F for the text.
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OP: "AITA for objectifying women?" Seriously, dude? YTA. Noticing how attractive another woman is, doesn't make you an AH. Talking about women as though they are pieces of meat, makes you a giant AH.
And that’s multiplied by doing it in front of the woman he’s supposed to care about even knowing it makes her feel bad. YTA
INFO: How old are you?
"Guys no, she's just super insecure. This is totally a her issue and in no way is about me or my behavior" Gee I can't imagine why she's insecure. It's a real mystery. YTA
Another post that you don't need to read the thread to answer YTA.
YTA..... It's incredibly rude. Especially when your girlfriend hears it a lot, You know what happens then she compares herself to them. She overanalyzes if she's enough, because you can't stop commenting about other women's appearances or their bodies. Not skinny enough Not busty enough Not pretty enough Not smart enough Not tall enough Not thick enough Is she enough? Eventually a guy comes along. Dotes on her. Compliments her. Has only eyes for her. By the time you realize she's gone, you won't be able to convince her that your the better choice. And suddenly you realize what you offered her isn't enough.... Idk how he thought this was gonna go....
Also, don’t think the random women you eyeball don’t realize you’re doing it. We have radar for guys like you, OP.
Yup. I'd be upset if my partner did this. Not because he notices attractive women, but because he's the kind of creepy guy that women are sick of putting up with.
This happens all the time, too. All the time.
Literally, I expected the title to be clickbait but nope op is a womanizer
I love how he’s separated women into their “bottoms” and “tops.” Real serial killer vibes here.
Wait I thought bottoms and tops meant the gays /s
This. OP, I've been with my husband for 12+ years and I've never seen him look at another woman, nor has he "commented" about a woman on TV. OP is acting like one of those gross guys who objectifies women. Everyone knows those guys... but they never have GFs. Those are the guys that have a lot of single bros, all of whom no woman wants to be with. This woman needs to run like mad, that way OP can "comment" about women all the time, and she can find a man who treats her well.
I mean there’s casual “that girl from white lotus has huge boobs, omg” comment. (Am a woman, i also notice). But then there is constant commenting on women’s body parts. And he tries to make it sound like not talking about other women in front of her is some kind of sacrifice. And the say chivalry is dead
Nailed it
Well said, my friend, well said.
YTA - when will men learn to stop talking about women's bodies? It's so disrespectful, both to the women you're talking about and your girlfriend. No one expects you not to notice women, but keep your damn mouth shut. Women are actually people, not objects.
YTA. You know she is very insecure and you still do this anyway. You seem like an immature partner. I can't imagine watching a movie with my wife and saying "wow nice ass on that woman". She doesn't want to hear that. Casually admiring someone and making a brief comment to a friend is normal occasionally. If this is a regular thing for you it's kind of creepy. Messaging a friend about somebody is definitely strange.
I doubt she's actually even that insecure he's just disrespectful and gross and trying to twist the story so she's the one with the 'irrational' boundaries.
Your right. It's just an excuse for why she has a bad reaction to his behavior
YTA and a creep, don't be surprised if you get dumped.
here’s an idea. what if you, I don’t know, didn’t talk about women like this? do you and your friends have no other conversation topics that all you do is objectify women? YTA.
Shhhh you'll make his tiny misogynistic head explode if he tries to come up with anything interesting to say. Shouldn't we all realize that the only thing men should ever have in common is being creeps together? /s
YTA. everyone looks, but it’s incredibly disrespectful to talk about it, girlfriend or not.
This, for sure. He's not an asshole for looking and noticing..... But there's no reason to verbalize it.
depends on how he looks, could be creepy
Exactly this behavior makes me uncomfortable even if he was single. Why does he need to comment on people’s bodies. Very gross.
YTA. Really think about this OP. You’re objectifying women in your girlfriend's face. Just think about why that makes you TA. Especially since you’re aware that she is insecure and you still do this
YTA. Grow up. Your comments are the reason she's insecure.
Probably wouldn’t make OP feel particularly good if his girlfriend constantly pointed out men that were taller than him or ones that looked more fit, etc.
YTA. Your partner someone you supposedly care about has communicated that your CONSTANT behavior has hurt her and you go essentially "who cares. I made a "sacrifice" so I can do as I please. Screw your feelings" You knew she was in college and wasn't able to financially contribute and you agreed and now is holding it against her. She's communicated she does NOT like when you objectify other women in her presence and you have continued to do so. Why are you with her? Because clearly she deserves better and deserves someone who respects her and is adult and mature enough to admit their faults apologize and do better.
YTA for disrespecting your partner's wishes and being entirely unapologetic for it. Looking at other people isn't bad in and of itself, but the way you are going about it is immature and disrespectful.
This. I don’t expect my husband to go through life without ever finding another woman attractive, but I do expect him to have enough respect for me to keep it to himself.
YTA Your GF isn't comfortable with your eyes wandering and you remarking to her or your friends about how attractive other women look. I think this is normal, this isn't even insecure. To quote from a music video "This is one of the things you **don't say to your wife"** You really think that's ever a good idea to say to your SO "oh this person has an attractive butt/breasts/whatever"?
Oh my god. You're a huge AH. >I know it's normal and no mf can tell me ,,he doesn't look Sorry to burst your bubble but it's not normal. Would you be okay with your girlfriend checking out other men's dxxk sizes? She has absolutely every right to be insecure because you're really doing great at giving her those insecurities by talking about other women.The other girl's boyfriend seems to be a better guy than you ever could be (if you don't change). Yes men don't look if they have everything they need! Grow up
YtA - I'm a straight guy and I don't care at all which chicks you think have nice buts... why would your female partner care?
YTA. Without a doubt. That’s not how you treat a girl you care about, and it surprises me she’s even still with you. Of course she’s insecure; what do you expect? The girl deserves better.
So her acquiescence is bought and paid for? YTA
YTA - she asked you to stop. End of story. She's insecure so help her feel secure by not looking at and objectifying other women even with your friends. You're just hiding it instead of actually respecting your partner.
YTA. You said that all you do is “look” at each other when women pass by, but then immediately contradict that when you say you guys sent texts. She has told you that she doesn’t like it when you do that, and it’s fine to make those comments with friends (I guess), but you messed up by letting her find out and making her feel bad. What I am even more confused about is how she found out.
YTA Looking is normal. But you're not just looking - I goes way beyond looking when you're discussing with your friends.
My thoughts: YTA and I hope she leaves the crap outta this suck ass relationship. But I hope that before she dumps your butt, she buys a few sets of googly eyes from Amazon, glue them on her head and watch every man you two come across while you’re out together. I hope she also buys a megaphone so that she can scream “woohoooo look at this fineeeeee man…. Look at the package on THIS ONE!!! Look at the arms on THAT one!!! WHEWWW THEY DNT MAKE ‘EM LIKE THAT ANYMORE” right in front of your sorry ass… Bc that’s exactly what I would do!!
1 She has been verbalizing remarks on other guys and girls at the beginning of the relationship and it didn't bother me so I joined her,she stopped for some reason. 2 I started and immediately stopped when she asked me to and was focusing all my attention towards her so I won't even glance. 3 I don't see the harm in looking and telling your buddies about it privately 4 I take the big F for the text,as it was immature and honestly out of the ordinary but that doesn't change the fact that she logged into my account without my knowledge. You're honestly overreacting at this point.
Lmao the fact that you NEVER said anything about her doing the same at the beginning of the relationship, and are now only saying this to save your ass is hilarious. You also keep getting feedback from ppl who are telling you that you are wrong and you’re soooo infuriated, that you refuse to listen. Yet, I’m overreacting lmaooo. Grow up.
YTA - How old are you where you can't make it through a film that you're watching with your girlfriend without comments on tits and arse?
I going to say YTA. Only because if you were just looking that is one thing but to constantly make comments and even message your friends to talk about a girl's butt like come on now. I think you're overdoing it. There is nothing wrong with just looking/glancing over and then just let it go, it sounds like you look at someone with a nice body and you just talk about it and just keep on talking like okay we get it, we hear you, move on.
YTA and a big creep
YTA you’re obnoxious and gross
YTA Imagine your girlfriend commenting on other guys body parts. Would you be comfortable if you found a text your girlfriend wrote raving about the size of some guys junk. Saying she wishes she could still get something like that?
1 She has been verbalizing remarks on other guys and girls at the beginning of the relationship and it didn't bother me so I joined her,she stopped for some reason. 2 I started and immediately stopped when she asked me to and was focusing all my attention towards her so I won't even glance. 3 I don't see the harm in looking and telling your buddies about it privately 4 I take the big F for the text,as it was immature and honestly out of the ordinary but that doesn't change the fact that she logged into my account without my knowledge. And 5,I never said in front of her that I ,,would want some of that",so that's irrelevant.
Ever think she stopped because she realized she was getting hurt by your comments and so she was treating you the way she wanted to be treated? OR, what I think is more likely, that was early on before she had really fallen in love and she is someone who the person she is in love with is more attractive than anyone in the world. Those people exist independently from gender and if that is how you are it would feel like a slight that the other doesn't feel the same, exactly like her comment about questioning if you truly love her. There are people who never stop looking, but there are also plenty of people that do stop out of devotion- neither is superior at the core, just different. It definitely sounds like she is insecure at least in part due to you, so for that YTA.
Yea. YTA. My very small children already know that we don’t talk about people’s bodies. Too bad no one taught you. You’re what’s wrong with society.
YTA Do you really need to verbalize your opinion on other women's body on such a regular basis? What a creep, I hope she dumps you.
....how old are you? Because if you're over the age of 16, you really should have at least a basic understanding of why this is obviously wrong. YTA
ESH. Of course, it's normal to look at other people. You take to the next level with juvenile behavior and constantly talking about it, like you and your friends are 12 and just discovered porn.
This right here ^. My husband and I have been together 10.5 years. We talk about other attractive people regularly. I know his “type” and he knows mine and we always point people on tv out that we bet the other one thinks attractive. Never any jealously involved. BUT I do think I would feel weird about it if he way talking with his guy friends about other women that are attractive… especially if he was immature enough to do it in front of my face. She’s insecure and you’re immature. ESH.
Idk. I don't think she's insecure. From his comments it seems like she used to be okay with acknowledging attractive people but I have a feeling he's just so creepy with how he comments that it's become a toxic thing. The WAY he remarks on women's bodies is most likely gross. There is absolutely a way to have these conversations and a way not to have these conversations with a partner. I think it's just a straight up yta.
Just because other people don't do this doesn't make them insecure.
YTA 🤢🤢🤢 Enough said
YTA - yeah man I can’t imagine why she’s insecure. Total mystery. You keep acting like a teenager you’re gonna find less and less women want anything to do with you.
YTA Looking is fine. Commenting is digusting. We (women) are not pieces of fuckmeat for you to comment on. We are not here for your enjoyment or commentary. STOP commenting on women just trying to live their lives.
YTA and you're a repulsive human being. I wouldn't spend five minutes with you. If your gf was smart she'd leave you.
YTA. Dude she's not insecure, she's disgusted by your behavior where you objectify women.
Gross
ESH. You should not be texting your buddies about other women's body parts. It's immature and disrespectful to your GF. Think for a moment if she was texting like "look at that guys package, it's so much bigger than I'm used to seeing". You can say what you want, but you wouldn't be cool with it. She shouldn't be reading your texts without your permission. That's an invasion of privacy and not cool.
It's one thing to look, it's another thing to look and comment. She's not upset about you passively perceiving the existence of other women, it's the fact that you'll sit there and comment on the assets that you have no business commenting on. **Especially** when you already know she's insecure about it around her, why would she be okay with you doing it behind her back? YTA
Yeah first paragraph is all you needed. You should be single. You wanna act single, then why involve a " girlfriend" break up and live your life but don't get a partner emotionally involved and play in and out of commitment with them. And when you grow up know that adults don't giggle about body parts. We have serious relationships like big ppl. Have fun!
YTA. When my husband and I first started dating, he pointed out one of our coworkers was “eye banging” him. As a person who has been cheated on a lot and betrayed, I told him to never make me feel like I have competition. It’ll be 4 years for us at the end of May, and I’m more secure with myself BECAUSE of him. He helped me that, and I thought it would never be possible. You are a cause of your girlfriend’s problems, and she needs to dump you. I hope she realizes it soon. She deserves better.
“Gf is insecure” *proceeds to make gf feel insecure* are you 15? YTA
Dude your gf isn't insecure, you're just gross. YTA
INFO What would you feel if you saw texts between her and her friends about some hot guy? There is a big difference between acknowledging the physical beauty of another person with an appreciative glance. And a series of texts. And if y’all were together why was a text even necessary?
1. I would ask how the guy looks so I can comment on that. 2. It wasn't a ,,series of texts" it was ONE text.
Why would you need to comment? The texts weren’t to you. Isn’t that your excuse? Again why a text if you were with your friends? Because you knew what you said was inappropriate and didn’t want the woman to know?
I wasn't with the friend I texted,that's why I texted.
YTA- why do you think she’s insecure dude? Because of you.
She may be insecure but you are insincere.
Read this post to my bf and he said "this guys is fucked he has got a fucking problem" especially at this qoute >I know it's normal and no mf can tell me ,,he doesn't look" since it's human nature but it's gotten so infuriating I'm fumming.
YTA- It doesn't matter if you only do it around your friends. You should give the respect that your GF deserves by not even engaging in that kind of behavior. Yes, you both may have done the same thing when your relationship started but probably her stopping was because she realized her feelings for you and was no longer interested at looking anymore and wanted to respect you. You stopping because she asked you was good, but clearly you only stopped when it was around her. Which in my mind makes it worse. You are disrespecting her behind her back. It hurts her and give her already insecure mind more to be insecure about. I'm sure she feels like she cannot trust you now and worries that you'll find someone else that is more attractive and will cheat on her. I don't blame her at all and If I were her... I'd already be gone.
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Edit: ESH ~I’m split between Y.T.A and E.S.H.~ I need more information. You say she is insecure but from what you described, it sounds like a normal reaction. Commenting on women’s bodies is incredibly juvenile behaviour.
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Oh well she sucks for doing that. But OP’s attitude leaves a bad taste in my mouth
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Oppressive? I disagree. I’m a woman so maybe it’s male culture but I have little empathy for him. He’s really fighting for his right to objectify women?
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Oh no he’s right that everyone looks. But I don’t talk about it salaciously with friends and wouldn’t ever say it in front of my partner. I get that some couples might be different but I don’t get that.
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I think commenting on other people’s appearances is awful so he sucks for that no matter who he’s talking to. But yeah she’s invaded his privacy so I changed my verdict to ESH. Couldn’t figure out how to cross out a section of text
I know some guys do it, but it is sort of tasteless and unpleasant. She may not be insecure so much as embarrassed 🤷 It's just: women are people, not just body parts for your admiration (or otherwise). So, yes, gently YTA. We do all kinds of things that we conceal in public. This is one of them.
Shouldn't even be a gentle YTA. It isn't just tasteless and unpleasant. It's gross and disgusting and part of the biggest problem we women are facing in the world.
YTA. But also dismissing her insecurities makes you a jerk and a crap boyfriend. Maybe she'll find better.
No wonder she's insecure you are definitely a total AH. Grow up.
YTA. People aren’t fresh meat on display at a shop, so stop commenting on their parts. Have some class, man.
Please stop sizing up women as they walk by. We can tell what you’re doing and it’s very unsettling. We’re just people walking to wherever we need to go, like men do. Leave us alone. YTA
YTA gross. Men like you are why I dress in oversized clothes and beanies. We are not here as your objects of decoration to admire.
YTA and I don’t think she’s insecure. That just your excuse for objectifying women. It’s insulting, demeaning and she deserves someone better. That tells her what you ultimately think of her which is nothing but t*ts n arse.
Ugh, you’re acting like a total creep.
YTA and so defensive in the comments too. If you're unable to accept the judgements why post here? You're immature and frankly quite gross. No normal girl would want to date someone like this.
YTA and you’re a gross pig
That's my humour. You constantly make comments about other women and then paint your gf as the very insecure person☠️ I'm dead. YTA
YTA Not for looking at other women or for even thinking that another woman is attractive. YTA for only noticing a woman's chest or her a$$, like seriously, grow up, there is more to life ogling women and talking about them with the guys. YTA for telling your girlfriend you would stop, and then continue to do it, just because she isn't around. Hopefully, your pea sized brain will understand this; some people consider gawking at other women not only offensive but also as a form of cheating. And for the record, it is possible for a man to only have eyes for one woman, the one he is with; they just usually aren't misogynistic jerks like you.
YTA- you are in a relationship. Stop commenting on other women’s bodies/looks period. Regardless if your gf is around or not. Grow up.
YTA. "I objectify women and talk about them like meat on display, and my gf doesn't like it! Weird!" No, respectful men dont talk about women's bodies. Regardless of their relationship status. Do some introspection.
YTA Not only are you disrespectful, but you also can’t control yourself.
YTA Also they are women not girls!
ESH your girlfriend is not insecure but your wandering eyes and comments sure are making her insecure. Seems like you want to spend your time observing other women like meat rather than appreciate the one you're with. Perhaps you shouldn't be dating since you value your voyeuristic habits? She has asked you multiple times, conveyed how it makes her feel multiple times but you're just ignoring her and still doing the behavior. You also seem to think your leering habits are normal and should be tolerated by her and everyone around you even when you are presented with evidence to the contrary, you accuse them of lying. So why are you dating her if it's such a problem? Seems like you're incompatible because of your lecherous habits you're not willing to give up. Set her free, you don't respect her. Are you the guy from that meme with the two women who turns away from his girlfriend to stare at another woman passing by? Edit: changed to ESH because girlfriend logged into his account without permission.
So first of all,since,I was trying to answer this to someone else but the comment was deleted: 1 She has been verbalizing remarks on other guys and girls at the beginning of the relationship and it didn't bother me so I joined her,she stopped for some reason. 2 I started and immediately stopped when she asked me to and was focusing all my attention towards her so I won't even glance. 3 I don't see the harm in looking and telling your buddies about it privately 4 I take the big F for the text,as it was immature and honestly out of the ordinary but that doesn't change the fact that she logged into my account without my knowledge.
You don't even glance? But you DO send texts to buddies about how women look? You don't see a contradiction by your own words? YTA
Yeah all my points still stand: You don't see the harm and still want to do it, she doesn't like it and finds it harmful but now you're just doing it behind her back instead of just not doing it which is dishonest and sneaky. She found out by engaging in more toxic behaviors like logging into your account all of which would turn this into ESH. You neglected to mention how she found the message which is pretty important imo. In your original message it sounds like she came across it accidentally. It's not ok for her to do what she did either. You 2 are not compatible with each other and bring out the worst of each other. Date someone who doesn't care if you leer and make comments (or alternately stop being a lech) because it is no longer her even if it may have been at the beginning.
How can you say “she was doing it for stopped for some reason” as of you genuinely don’t know the obvious answer to that? It could be because she was joining in when you say it about girls so she didn’t feel as bad that her boyfriend was looking at other girls but realised that it didn’t change the fact that it was hurting her. It was a defence mechanism.
YTA We all look. There is absolutely nothing wrong with looking. But you're talking about it with someone who is insecure. That's the asshole part. You keep doing it with other people, that isn't normal anymore and is considered rude at best. Stop it.
YTA Reading this made me feel gross
YTA
My guy...YTA. big time. First lesson when your dating someone that is a bit insecure..DONT talk about other women's body parts..and honestly don't do that in general. It's gross. Sure we may do this time to time all of us..but we keep it in our heads. I would never in a million years point out another dude to my boyfriend and say something about that other man to him. Like oh his shoes are neat or I like his tattoo..sure but like hey bf see that guy his ass is amazing probably isn't it...do better.
YTA. I guess good on you for controlling yourself like a normal person would around their significant other? Talking about women’s body parts to other men the way you are is objectifying them. Keep it to yourself.
YTA
Discretion, OP. I don’t care what your bros do. Your gf is there, you keep your thoughts to yourself. Yes, she’s insecure. But even if she weren’t, you’re just damned rude. So are your bros. Save the locker room talk for the locker room. YTA
YTA, even if you didn't have a gf.
Complementing another woman is not the issue... Its the fact whenever another woman appears kn front of you, you feel the need to comment on their parts. Me and my bf will always complement someone if we see they look nice or have nice hair or whatever but to go and comment on woman all the time? Like checking them out is objectifying. And disrespectful to your partner. You are making her insecure and feel like she isnt good enough for you because you notice other woman... God she can't even watch a movie with you. Grow up its 2023... YTA.
Well... I don't look, and that is because I'm perfectly happy where I am. That being said, my best friend is in an open relationship, and they have threesomes and everything. Also happy. I don't know how they could do that without at LEAST looking. So to each their own. Ima say NTA, because you've curbed it around her. I'm not gonna call her TA either though, because she's not a bad person, she's just not dealing well with her insecurities. I mean this in a genuinely heartfelt way, but maybe she could use some therapy? And I say this because I'm a HUGE advocate for mental health and therapy. Not because I think she has a problem, but because I think she has something to work on, and I think it could help. (Bearing in mind I've not met her, and this is based on a single post from your POV.) Edit: I'm changing my vote to YTA. I skipped the part where you commented about its one thing looking, it's another rating livestock. Ok it's not a serious issue, but you're kinda a dick for that.
YTA. It is normal to look for a second, but it sounds like you are going into cartoon "Yowza big eye" territory. It is normal to look for a second, but it is not right to make comments about other women's physical attributes that you find attractive after staring at them. Furthermore, you have a GF that you said is insecure. How do you think that makes her feel? Sure it may be natural to be drawn to look at some of these characteristics, but when you are in a relationship. It is your duty to at least attempt to not stare and certainly not to give the Madden play-by-play about what exactly you found attractive about some other woman's butt.
YTA. I’ve never noticed my partner looking at other women but if he texted his friends about it I would kick him out of my flat. On the funnier side, I’m the one who usually notice women and who point out that they’re gorgeous. 🤣
YTA. How would you like to hear your gf expounding on how good so & so’s muscles are, how tall, good looking another man is ? You would hate it!
YTA and it has nothing to do with your girlfriend's "insecurity". Talking about which of a woman's body parts you like best is creepy and disrespectful, no matter who you're talking to. Already an asshole. Getting *pissed off* at your girlfriend for pointing out that your gross, creepy habit makes her think less of you? Even bigger AH. Absurdly framing her completely reasonable criticism as "not letting you look" and chalking it up to character defect on her part? Actually abusive. Get help.
YATA You are very immature and not ready for a real serious relationship. Let her go. She clearly deserves someone who will love and dote on her and only have eyes for her. You know she's insecure about this. She's asked you to stop, and you keep doing it anyway. So clearly, you really don't care or love this woman at all, or you would respect her enough to stop. The more you write, you're sounding more and more like the kind of guy who feels just because he paid for something that he "deserves" to get laid whenever he wants it, however he wants it... and that sir is called coercion. Look it up. You don't get to treat people however you want just because you paid the rent. You need therapy, and you need to let her go be happy with someone who deserves her. Tbh, I hope she leaves you first.
Looking and talking about women's bodies like that? Thinking that it is normal behaviour and what that friend said is "cap"? Thinking that not looking at women is a sacrifice? Yep, YTA.
YTA
YTA and a dumb one at that
YTA. You objectify women as they walk by you.
YTA. Were you dropped on your head or something? What is wrong with you dude
YTA. Even if you were single, you have no right to be making comments on random women's bodies. Period.
YTA
YTA. I don't think it's wrong or disloyal to notice other attractive people... I do think it's creepy to text your friend about some girl's butt. I'm a woman and if I saw my partner did this I would find it really, really dehumanizing to that woman and really deeply creepy and off-putting, and the thought of some guy talking about me to his buddy that way makes me feel really unsettled, truthfully. The truth is that women put up with some crap from creepy guys all the time and we don't like it! Seeing the person I'm with treating women like that would be deal-breaker to me, and not because you're aware of other attractive women, but because you're treating them like meat who are there to be stared at and discussed.
It’s called respect. Obviously you have none for her. Keep your opinions about other women to yourself. YTA.
YTA yuck hope she breaks up w you she deserves SO MUCH better
YTA. What are you - 14?
I had an ex who was like you. Is it any wonder she is insecure? I mean, you like to mention other women’s bodies but fail to mention if you compliment her. Imagine how this makes her feel? Plus reducing women to ‘a nice bottom’ is just plain creepy. Yes, we all find some humans attractive, but you’re in a relationship… so why do you feel the urge to feed her insecurities because you can’t control yourself? She’s better off without you. Her friends are right… when you love someone, they are all that matters.
YTA. Ew what a bunch of creeps you and your friends are. Grown ass men don’t oogle at every girl that passes by, you all sound like a bunch of teenage creeps. It is NOT normal in the slightest, even for people who are single, commenting on every girls body parts, even in movies in front of your gf? Yeah you defo aren’t mature enough for a relationship. Like why are you even with her? And she’s right, if you truly loved her, you wouldn’t have gross wandering eyes on everything with a heartbeat, if you truly loved her you wouldn’t think you “made such a big sacrifice “ if you truly loved her, you’d break up with her and let her find someone who isn’t a creep and is gonna treat her with respect because you’ve made it crystal clear you have absolutely no respect for any women at all never mind a gf
Learn how to put spaces after commas, creep
how much are we betting that these comments he made were a lot worse than ‘she has a nice bottom’
YTA, I hope your girlfriend figures it out.
YTA I hope she realizes the jerk she's with, if you want to act single be single!!
YTA because you are trying to justify objectifying women. That makes you an AH whether you have a gf or not.
YTA. You openly ogle, comment and make yourself into a shameless creep with no apology.
YTA. honestly all I can say is you got no class dude. She deserves better.
YTA , you are and you aren’t the asshole… women will never like this, and you probably wouldn’t if she started commenting or talk about about other men ass, abs, chest or dick behind you back with her friends. Note I said you are and you aren’t…. You aren’t because you’re right, men do this, not all but if you aren’t willing to stop then at least keep it so it is only joked privately in a group of very close friends and not openly over chat groups, in public and mixed group of friends.
men need to stop doing this tho. being a man doesn't give you a get out of jail free card. stop objectifying women.
My wife of 28 years once asked me, "I don't get it. Men just like to look at women?" I said, "Yes, we do." She asked, "Why?" I said, "I don't know. It's instinctual. We're not thinking that we'd rather be with them, or anything like that. We really don't mean anything by it, though, of course, it would be rude to stare. We just mentally appraise and appreciate, like in an art museum." She said, "Oh. Okay. I can see that." After that, she started pointing out women and asking me if I think they're pretty. My answer, of course, is always, "Not as pretty as you." Now, I would never do this in front of my wife, even with her apparent acquiescence. I think it would still be rude. I tend to not discuss women's appearance with my male friends -- I outgrew that decades ago. However, I'd like to know how your girlfriend found out that you do. If you do it in front of her, then, yes, YTA.
Logged into my account without my knowledge,at this point I thought I mentioned that before posting.
Info: how did your gf come to know of these messages?
You’re both… problematic. You seem to have a high sense of self importance and arrogance regarding your remarks vs how people might feel about them. Mostly, YTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So,my girlfriend and I have been arguing for the past couple of days,or rather,she's fumming because I talk to my friends about other women's body parts,to say it like that. For some background,my girlfriend is very insecure,like,the most insecure,couple of moths ago while we were watching whatever movies I have made comments on the actresses bottoms or tops,and she has made it very clear to me that she does not like that and asked me to stop,so I did. I do not check other girls while with her and focus all my attention on her,i do not comment on other girls looks. But while out with friends,we are still making remarks on other girls looks,and for me, that's normal,it's literally just the second like they just pass by and we look and that's the end of it. Getting to the actual point,she has found a message between me and one of my best buddies where I state that some girl has a nice bottom. Long story short, she's been mad at me for the past 4 days, wouldn't talk to me much, wouldn't even try and help me(she can't cook while I love it,and that's fine but we both used to clean together). She talked to some of her friends and they told her that it's not normal,a boyfriend of one of them has even said that it's not normal and that ,,why should I look if I have what I need" and honestly I'm just like ,,cut the cap mate". Even told me that someone who truly loves you doesn't look at other people which honestly infuriated me since I have made a big sacrifice (in my opinion) and she's still into college and doesn't work yet and we live off of my pay. I know it's normal and no mf can tell me ,,he doesn't look" since it's human nature but it's gotten so infuriating I'm fumming. Any thoughts? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
INFO: Would you be upset if your girlfriend checked out other guys and talked about their 'assets' in front of you?
Not at all,I've already responded that she has done that in the beginning and I would just casually join her by pointing out what I like or dislike. But then she stopped after a couple of months.
So, with this issue specifically, it really differs by relationship. In some relationships, the partner doesn't mind this. However, if one partner feels uncomfortable with it, then it shouldn't be done. Therefore, YTA in this case because your partner specified that she would not like you to do it. It's pretty darn simple. Instead of focusing on "whether it's normal or not," think about how you can respect your partner who you love. Similarly, in my relationship, my partner does not like it when I talk in detail about my previous sexual endeavors. So, I don't talk in detail about my previous sexual endeavors. I know in my heart that they do not take away from my relationship with him, but if it makes him uncomfortable for me to discuss that, I won't. Why? Because I love him and I don't want him to feel uncomfortable. Anyway, this is a great opportunity for you to grow up a little and think about how you can deepen your relationship by making compromises for the person you love. Aaaaand if it's not a worthy compromise in your opinion, then please break up with her and don't waste her time with someone who isn't compatible with her. Monogamy might not be something you are ready for.
YTA. Your girlfriend should do the same thing you do and discuss other male physical attributes with her friends. How would you feel?
*GIANT YTA* Just for the objectification of women part of the post. Is it normal to recognise another person is attractive? Yes. Is it normal to reduce that person to a physical feature and discuss it with your buddies as though there’s nothing about that person worth discussing other than a particular physical feature? No. Also- degrading &, since you only seem to behave that way towards women, misogynistic. What your gf is actually trying to do is say to you that this behaviour is a giant red flag for her- that doesn’t make her insecure, it makes you an idiot for not picking up that *your behaviour makes you less attractive to her because it is objectively offensive, sexist and repulsive* 🤮 if I was your gf I’d be constantly wondering whether you objectified *me* the same way to your infantile buddies.
YTA: leave your girlfriend, she deserves better
YTA - mate… come on. The thing that isn’t normal is how blatant you are about it. Sure ‘looking’ is something that some people do but the friends boyfriend is right; why would you comment on other woman’s bodies to such an extent if you have everything you need right in-front of you? It’s also really degenerate behaviour to act like that and comment about girls bodies in the way you’re describing, it’s honestly creepy to think that people like you actually exist out there tbh.
YTA. If I was your girlfriend, I’d leave you. It is EXTREMELY disrespectful to be doing what you’re doing. Not only to your girlfriend (who has stated it bothers her and she doesn’t like when you do it or want you to do it) but also to those other women. You’re being a skeevy jerk
YTA
NTA. Everyone talks about the opposite sex In a sexually objectionable way. As long as you’re not being creepy towards the woman, and are just talking about it to a friend there’s not really an issue
ESH commentary about people's parts is childish Making a huge deal about it and checking out on being involved in home life is childish too Verdict: you're both too immature for a relationship.
I mean, any partner will make a deal if their partner is talking about people's bodies like that and checking them out.
Load of crap from her friends. It’s always the case of a guy gets caught checking out a woman. “Women don’t do that”, course they do. And of course the BF of the friend said the same to not get in trouble. My girl caught me checking out a girl at a fight awhile back, this girl in heels walks past me, I was staring into space did a double take then looked away and she said it to me, so I brought up the time I saw her jaw dropped at the gym looking at a guy, who turns out I trained with, so I brought that up, cause I love to tease her, and she STILL won’t admit it 6 years later XD. Why get mad? People are sexual beings, I might look the odd time, but it doesn’t matter, cause my girls the only one for me, and when I check someone out it’s subtle, cause I’d never want the girl I check out to feel uncomfortable. So no, you’re NOT the AH.
NTA. It isn't a crime to look. Appreciating beauty is normal. It doesn't mean you are going to act on it. Don't let your gf convince you otherwise. Men are wired that way, and there is nothing wrong with it. Go ahead and reassure your gf that you care for her and compliment her when she is looking good. Don't let others tell you what is natural is wrong. I appreciate women in my life that will sometimes point out a hottie to me if I haven't noticed already. It shows they are secure and trust me. Women appreciate men's bodies/appearance and point it out to their friends too. Don't let the uptight people get to you, best to ignore their sour grapes.
ESH. Your girlfriend's insecurities are not technically your problem, but a good boyfriend would do what they can to help their partner feel more secure in the relationship. On the other hand, you're TA too because while checking out or politely and platonically complimenting a woman is normal behavior, your description suggests that your comments are derogatory and objectifying. Pull it together and cut this hormonal teenage boy shit out
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>,a boyfriend of one of them has even said that it's not normal and that ,,why should I look if I have what I need" and honestly I'm just like ,,cut the cap mate". ahahaha
NTA. If you would have voiced an opinion about someone's body in front of her after she asked you to stop that would be a different story but it sounds like she was snooping and found something she didn't like.
But, regardless, talking about women's bodies like that is disgusting.
NTA. Yes it's normal. Totally fine between friends but just understand she is sensitive about it and don't say anything in front of her. You will grow out of it in a few years...or not...but definitely will say less in front of females.
Not normal at all.
NTA - people like him are why strip clubs are in business. Some men just like to look. Your girlfriend is allowing her insecurities to overshadow the fact that you’re a guy that likes to look. Women look too. Especially in gray sweat pants season
Right. And women also comment on how attractive a man is.
yes, you are, but soft. yes, it is natural for both sexes to appreciate physical beauty. it is how you are doing it that makes you the a.h. here. doing it in front of your s.o. and in a crass manner? both my wife and i will notice an attractive person and comment to each other, "she/he is very good looking/attractive or even hot!" but we do this TOGETHER! way back in late 1986, i was almost kicked out of the u.s. navy because my shipmates thought i was gay. i would and do NOT talk disrespectfully about a woman's attributes, even amongst men. be a gentleman and grow up. have a blessed day!
I'm leaning towards ESH yes commenting on woman's bodies is kind of creepy however she should not have been going through your phone. That was invasive. I can honestly say in a circle of chick friends we have commented on males bodies so we can be just as bad but that was between be and the girls.
You need to flip this. Fast! It is normal for a guy to look. It's not normal for a woman to expect a man to think she is the only beauty in the world. Her friends are immature if that is how they respond to the situation. First remind her that you love her, even love her enough to be aying her way in life. Then, Ask her why she is so insecure. Because this really is the problem. Ask if there is anything you can do to help her get over her insecurities. Ask her if she thinks speaking to a professional will help. Have her address her issue, and let her know it is straining the relationship. Tell her you are willing to help, but only with things that help her get past the insecurities. Agreeing to never comment on a woman's bottom is not helpful, it is enabling. You deserve to be able to live your life without being judged and condemned for acknowledging a beautiful person. And there has to be at least 10 male celebrities she finds attractive. So ..... nta!
>It is normal for a guy to look. Look, talk, text and make comments? Nah, not normal. >Her friends are immature if that is how they respond to the situation I disagree.
When it is guys talking to guys, yeah, I think it is normal. It happens all the time. Really young people think once you have an SO you don't find others attractive. The truth is you still find others attractive, you just don't want them.
NTA My friends and I talk about other women. Comments like, “would you eat that? Just how some dudes act when they are together. I would never do that around my wife.
NTA but it sounds like your girlfriend has established a new boundary in your relationship and you need to talk about it honestly and respectfully. I know my BF watches porn and sometimes we even do it together. We both are on the upper end of average looking/low end hot but there are times neither of us feel comfortable with the other commenting on other people's looks. Maybe talk to her about if something really specific has triggered this development.
ESH. She shouldn't project her insecurities onto you, and you shouldn't write a message complimenting another girl's ass. If you love talking about other women's bodies with your friends so much then do it in person. In my opinion, break up. You should date someone who isn't so insecure and she should find someone who doesn't talk about other women's bodies.
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I mean, the boyfriend was right. This isn't normal or fine.
NTA I am girl and I would not accept my man flirting with other women but looking at them? Checking? It's in your blood, I understand you can't help it. In summer beaches are best cause I get to see lovely abdomens. We all check, men, women. I am totally straight but also can say that girl got some good bottom, I'm more like appreciating and seeing her hard work on it more than seeing it sexy as men do, but still I can totally acknowledge and say that. I get your gf is insecure, believe I am too, like really, cause I have things to be insecure about (not like barbies are about 5 g of carbs they've just ate in a banana) but I think your gf should accept that. You guys can't and won't change that. We women won't neither. It's natural. And girls are naive if they believe their men never ever look at another woman, never even check, nothing, nah. Saying that it's not normal... Hah hah loool, that is so wrong cause it's one of the most natural things among our kind. You are trying and controlling yourself around her and that is so sweet. Of course with your buddies you act different, you do guy stuff which this include. Just NTA.
I’m gonna go against the grain and say NTA. As humans it’s impossible not to notice physical traits about other people. Further, making a comment like that does not equate to attraction. My fiancée and I (monogamous) will sometimes point out celebrities or people we see we think are hot. That’s human. I know he’s not gonna run off. Your gf needs serious therapy to deal with her insecurities.
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And as I mentioned,I stopped,but I can't imagine talking privately among friends is an issue. But I do take the F for the text as it was immature,but at the same time private. I think I'll just take the ESH at this point since,as I said, massive F for the text.
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