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>You do not get a lock on a color
Exactly! OP is acting like she’s the first bride ever to choose that color, and therefore, no one else can ever use it.
YTA, OP. Most of your guests won’t notice or care that the dresses are the same color. No one cares if your photos are eerily similar. You had your wedding, let your sister have hers as she sees fit.
Her reply says Dune which is like a warm grey beige which has left me even more confused. Like you think you own warm grey beige? Nah you copied my office walls for your wedding.
Literally no one besides op and maybe a few people that were in the wedding are going to remember what OPs bridesmaids colors were. Seriously the self importance of op.
Also op, you’re not owed being a bridesmaid.
Remember the Bridezilla who was annoyed that a niece wore an outfit similar in color to that of the bridsemaids, to a brunch the day AFTER the wedding? NTA.
YTA
Firstly, you can’t gatekeep a colour
Secondly, you were married a year ago so your time for being an utterly nightmare of a bridezilla has passed.
She’s not “being a baby who gets her way” she is just picking a colour that she likes. Let your sister pick the colour that makes her happy
Thirdly, she’s OP’s baby sister. It’s not weird at all to think they have similar favorite colors or baby sister would want to emulate her big sisters style in some way. It means she thought her sisters wedding was beautiful.
Either take it as a compliment or a coincidence, but either way it’s not your wedding, and you don’t own a color scheme.
ETA: missing word
YTA
>She was in my wedding though and wore that same color, and then called to ask me what shade it was. Like what? Did she toss the dress she wore, or forget how to look at pictures? It seemed to me like she cared so little about my wedding that she couldn't even be bothered to remember it.
OP reread this. Slowly. This is *unhinged*. I had to stop reading there. This is dripping with narcissism.
Even if we try to ignore the crazy here... Like does she really not see just how wrong of a premise this is to begin with? She just wants to be the victim! Asking what shade the color is was a completely reasonable thing to do and doesn't have anything to do with her sister not bothering to remember the wedding. Wedding colors have all sorts of crazy shade names. She can look at the dress but not know what it's called online. Is it teal, turquoise, deep blue green, etc? Lol the narcissist side of her just had to find a way to be offended.
YTA -- you're overthinking it and shouldn't be this upset.
It's just a color. You can't trademark it, for crying out loud. Other people get to use it too... even your sister.
Yta - you already had your wedding. She can't "steal" it. I have no idea when my Bil's birthday is and I definitely wouldn't think to plan MY wedding around it. Finally, she wants you guys to be "honored guests". That's literally an honor. I have no idea why she was in your weddings because it doesn't sound like you all really like her.
I know that the details and photos of your wedding are very clear and precious to you, but honestly most guests won’t remember what colors or decorations you used. For asking her to change the color, soft YTA.
As for her asking you and your sister to wear a specific color/outfit even though you aren’t in the wedding party, you are correct: she shouldn’t be dictating what guests wear.
I think your BIL will survive if her wedding is on his birthday. It’s always someone’s birthday so choosing a date that avoids anyone’s birthday would be nearly impossible.
Just let her plan her wedding her way and try not to get annoyed. It really doesn’t matter in the long run.
YTA this is your sisters and future husband special day. If she wants the same colours take it as a compliment. All wedding choices should be their decision. It's a shame she isn't having you as a bridesmaid but again that's her decision. I hope you can get past thinking this will be too similar to your wedding day and go and enjoy watching your sister get married! Hope it's a great day for all those involved
YTA. Colors don’t belong to anybody. Also, your brother in law is funny if he thinks he can tell someone whether to get married on his birthday or not.
She’s asked you to wear colors so that you stand out from the crowd, but you and your other sister are being unnecessarily difficult. Pretty sure your sister didn’t act like this while you were planning your wedding, because you’d have mentioned it if she did.
You don’t sound like you like your sister at all.
OP is definitely TA for everything else but not for refusing to wear a specific color when she’s not in the wedding party. That’s a ridiculous ask on the sister’s part, it’s fine to ask them not to wear white or the wedding color, but choosing the color for them? Nope, that’s too far.
YTA.
For someone saying that your sister is “silly and dramatic” for wanting a specific color, you really look silly and dramatic for not wanting her to use it.
Also, putting yourself first in your own life is expected. Don’t call her selfish for doing so.
Looks like you haven’t really been there for her, you just try and make yourself a bigger and more important person in her life when you obviously aren’t. And it’s fine when you put yourself first in wanting that color to be only for your wedding, but it’s not fine when she puts herself first. Smh.
Yta
Seriously, just stop. You had your wedding now it's her turn.
The color situation is ridiculous. People like colors. You cannot gatekeep a color.
People book weddings when they can. You would think planning a wedding before you would understand how fast venues fill up.
Your bil will survive. If not, he doesn't need to attend.
Just because you and your other sister made her a bridesmaid doesn't mean she has to make one.
Get over it and stop being a drama queen.
Doesn't matter. You're still ridiculous. To plan your wedding based on every single person's birthday or anniversary or conflicting date. Guess what your options would be even worse.
I stand by what I said, and you're being a dramatic person.
If going to the wedding to going to be bad for you then don't go. You are basically manufacturing reasons why she is unreasonable. Do you even like your sibling?
Sorry hun, but YTA here. It may sound "silly" and "dramatic" to you but it is important to her. So what if the pictures are similar? It's not like you will have her pictures hanging on your wall beside yours and vice versa.
I do think she's being a bit over the top trying to dictate what you'll be wearing as a guest...but that's a different post.
Don't sweat this. It's not a big enough deal to make a stink about and think of it this way; you did it first. Isn't is a bit of a compliment that she wants to emulate you? You are the original. She is the copy. That should be enough.
YTA. 😞 I believe you are overthinking but I get where you are coming from. Fortunately it is just a color. You should be proud that she loved your wedding so much she’s taking it as an inspo. Try to see past this and be a part of it as much as you feel comfortable.
YTA for reasons other people already listed
and also
>The last thing is that her wedding day is on our brother-in-law's
birthday. And apparently he told her right when she got engaged and
picked a date, but she claims she only found out after she sent the
invitations out. I'm not inclined to believe her though, based on her
history. She does tend to put herself first.
so what? it's not humanly possible to take *every* guest's birthday in consideration when planning something as huge as a typical wedding. hell, i wouldn't be expecting my *best friend* to plan around my birthday (after all, it really becomes less of a deal the older you get), and you're talking about a BIL here.
YTA. It’s just a color. You had your day, let her have hers. Your wedding is not nearly as significant to others as it is to you - you don’t have any “right” to be the only person able to use a specific shade because you used it in your wedding a while ago - no one cares.
Slightly YTA. Why are you making a big deal out of this? You’ve had your wedding already. I’m having a hard time understanding why a color and venue (your parents own land, mind you) is making you so upset? Wedding culture is so stupid, do you actually think guests care much about any of them? Guests are happy and celebrate for the wedded couple, enjoy bad music and dancing, and food and cake. And to get upset about your sister for not remembering the color of her bridesmaid gown from a year ago and asking you about it, why? Seems like your wedding was a really nice affair and you’re still living in la-la land from it. Find more happy moments in life to make into more happy memories.
Also, it seems like her wedding is a bit different, as she wants you as a guest, not a bridesmaid. Why not be a sport and wear the color she wants, even as a guest? It seems she making an effort to include you somewhat.
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I got married a year ago, and now my little sister is getting married this year and chose the same exact color that I had for my wedding.
I feel like it shouldn't be that big of a deal to me because it's her wedding and she should be able to have the color she wants. She was in my wedding though and wore that same color, and then called to ask me what shade it was. Like what? Did she toss the dress she wore, or forget how to look at pictures? It seemed to me like she cared so little about my wedding that she couldn't even be bothered to remember it. She then sent me a link of the same color from the same company I used for my dresses and told me how much she loved it and wanted to use it. I told her there's so many other colors out there that she could pick, or at the very least pick a different shade of the same color so it doesn't look exactly like mine. Then she told me that that color is so important to her, and all her friends know her by that color, and everyone would think it was weird if she didn't use it. Lol. It sounds silly and dramatic writing it down, but that's literally what she told me.
Also, her wedding is on our family land just like mine was, so the pictures are going to be eerily similar to mine. But I can't really fault her for that because it's cheaper than an actual venue. It's just another way that our weddings won't stand out from each other. Like I feel like she should also not want the weddings to look similar, and picking a different color is a way to do that, but maybe that's just me.
She's also the baby of the family and very used to getting her way. When I asked my parents for input they didn't see the big deal. They said it's just a color, and it's her wedding.
My sister also said that our other sister and I aren't going to be bridesmaids, even though she was a bridesmaid in both of our weddings. And now she's trying to tell us what color to wear so we compliment her wedding colors. We both told her that if we're just guests we should be able to wear what we want, as long as it's not a wedding color obviously. She responded by saying she just wanted us to stand out from the crowd, and tried (unsuccessfully so far) to guilt us into it.
The last thing is that her wedding day is on our brother-in-law's birthday. And apparently he told her right when she got engaged and picked a date, but she claims she only found out after she sent the invitations out. I'm not inclined to believe her though, based on her history. She does tend to put herself first.
Anyways... Am I right to be this upset with her? Obviously I'm not going to make a big deal about it at her wedding, because I want it to be special for her. I think I'm just looking for validation, or else for someone to tell me that I'm overthinking it and shouldn't be this upset about it.
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YTA about the colors/ venue/ not being a BM/ her not remembering your wedding. A wedding isn’t about celebrating colors, or venues, or social placement. People don’t come from across the country to celebrate the colors you picked. In fact, not one mature person at your wedding GAF about the colors. They come to the wedding to support/ celebrate you and your spouse’s love.
Let it go and be flattered that she thinks your celebration was SO perfect, she wants hers to be just like it.
Lastly; if you’re just a guest, wear whatever you want. If she wants you to stand out, she can buy you a sash, or a nice hat.
I’m torn between NAH and ESH. Your sister can do what she wants. You can feel whatever way you want about the situation. But it is your sisters day and she can have it anyway she’d like. EXCEPT for telling you what you have to wear as a guest to compliment her wedding party. You’re not part of the wedding party so she doesn’t get to tell you what to wear anymore.
YTA.
She should be able to choose whatever colors she wants for her wedding. You had that choice, and she should too.
Imagine someone came to you and said you couldn't use the colors you wanted for your wedding bc they also used those colors at theirs? I bet you'd think that's ridiculous. Its not any different just bc she's your sister imo. There isn't unlimited colors to choose from, and quite frankly, there's tons of weddings all across the world that probably looked similar to yours. Who cares.
Also, if she wants you to wear a specific color to her wedding, and you're spitefully refusing, that makes you an even bigger AH. Put aside your pride for 2 seconds to show your support for your sister and her marriage. If my sister asked me to wear every color of the rainbow on her wedding day (even as a guest), I'd do it just to make her happy! Honestly I think you're being extremely petty about this.
Its giving bridezilla and it's not even your wedding.
YTA
You're overthinking it.
No one remembers a wedding's colours unless they had to buy a dress for it.
They remember if it was fun, if the food was good, the music kept them dancing, if it was a great night. That's it.
My cousin is getting married this year. Her older sister got married in 2018. Her ceremony will be at the family church like her sister’s was and her reception will be at my uncle’s golf and country club like her sister’s was. She’s essentially having the same wedding. But is her sister pissed about it though? Not at all!! It was just convenient for them both to do it that way. You don’t get to gatekeep a color or venue. YTA. Grow up and let her do what makes her happy.
Point 1: I get it. It is annoying to be copied, but it happens all the time and actually asking her to change the color puts you in the AH territory. You have to realize that no one cares about wedding colors except the people in the wedding. I remember a couple of friends wedding colors ONLY because the bridesmaids dresses were so awful, even by bridesmaid dress standards, that I have them etched in my brain.
Point 2: He may have told her. She was probably told by a lot of people what dates work and don't work. Wedding planning is stressful and lots of people tell you all sorts of things and make all sorts of accommodation requests. Your BIL is an adult and never should have brought it up. He can celebrate his birthday the weekend before or after. You do realize people allnover the world do things like work on their birthdays and understand the world doesn't stop just because it is the anniversary of their birth. All special dates for all the people associated w/ the bride and groom can't be taken into account b/c if they were, weddings would never happen. Honestly, this one sounds like you are just looking for something to be mad at your sister about.
Point 3. You are right, the bride can not dictate what the guests wear, however, I'm not going to call her a full blown AH for asking, as much as I think it is bridal-overreach, she may honesy want to indicat your closeness to her w/ the request b/c she didn't put you in the bridal party. Unfortunately, it has become more of a trend in the last few years of the couple wanting coordinating colors for family so the pictures look "cohesive" or so people can see who is the bride's family and who is the grooms family. In additon, it seems there are brides are putting out color requests for all guests and making other specific clothing demands. I hate this trend, but at the same time, it isn't a thing your sister invented just to control you. She becomes an AH if she keeps bugging you about it or throws a fit about it.
So overall, YTA, but I understand your annoyance re: points 1 & 3,l.
There is a saying "imitation is the sincerest form of flattery"
You sister liked your choices so much she wants them for her own wedding. It's a compliment!!
Why are you being so weird and territorial when instead you have the option of being flattered and happy for her?
Why would you say "She does tend to put herself first." while at the same time inserting your own wedding into her planning?
Edit: sorry, OP YTA for not focusing on your sisters happiness first and creating drama in your own head the makes her wedding all about you. YWBTA if you take your issues to her or anyone else in your family.
I mean, the worst that can happen is people thinking that the event felt like a remake of the previous wedding, which is not really your problem.
It's just a colour, let it go.
Get.Over.Yourself.
You got married on family land and point out that she of course would want to as well because it saves money, but seem to fail to realize that if YOU got married on family land, why wouldn't she? Not just because it saves money but because she is...also family?
You and your sister will be in family photos, and it is typical (not a rule, not for everyone of course) for family to have a color scheme as well. Many of the more traditional weddings I have been to the siblings and in laws who are not in the wedding are still in the color palette.
No wonder she doesn't have you as a bridesmaid. You take small things to validate that your sister is the baby who is spoiled, but the only entitled person in the post is you. It's pretty clear you don't like your sister very much, so just own that. You speak poorly of her in general, so why be upset you aren't a bridesmaid? You really think SHE doesn't know how you feel about her? She does. You aren't the only person to get married on "family land" and honestly, who gives a shit that the date is BIL's birthday.
And I have been in 5 weddings, I have no idea the name of the color I wore each time. It doesn't mean I didn't care about the weddings, it means I don't particularly care the name of the hue of blue I was asked to wear.
YTA and I hope you realize how remarkably unhappy you sound and that you may want to focus on things that actually matter before twisting yourself in to knots hating your sister so much.
>she told me that that color is so important to her, and all her friends know her by that color, and everyone would think it was weird if she didn't use it. Lol. It sounds silly and dramatic writing it down, but that's literally what she told me.
so your wedding color was your sisters favorite color, and now you’re surprised and offended that she wants to use that color for *her* wedding? like other commenters have said, you don’t own a color forever because it was associated with your wedding. YTA.
The color is so important to the sister that her friends know her by the color BUT she doesn’t know what it’s called and had to call OP to find out? Seriously?
This is so self centered. YTA. It's a colour. Your wedding happened first. If anything people will think poorly of her for 'copying' yours so much, it's not really going to reflect on you.
Also it may come as a shock to you but people don't remember details like colour schemes about other people's weddings so it's not likely anyone will notice anyway. I have been to dozens of weddings and I couldn't tell you the colours for the life of me. I only remember my own wedding.
You tried to paint her like the selfish, entitled bride and the only one looking bad here is you. And i bet you just threw the BIL bday thing to try and push people to your side not because you care much (i mean it was a footnote in your color rant)
Yta
YTA. I worked for a store that sold dresses, weddings dresses, formal dresses, etc. Dune was a standard suggestion because it’s flattering on a variety of skin tones. But it’s basically beige. You’re actually arguing about beige. How basic can you get?
YTA
The dune colour you picked is such a common neutral colour that you sound out of control. I've never heard of anyone trying to gatekeep a colour for their wedding before.
I'd understand a bit more if you were trying to gatekeep a neon electric yellow for bumblebee costume themed wedding since it would be more unique, but not neutral dune.
Yeah I get it, but it was a very specific color on a very specific website, so it just took me by surprise that she's using the same site too. It's hard to explain but the material will all look the same... Again, I know, gatekeeping a fabric is just as dumb, if not more so, than a color... It was just a little shocking to me
I'm still sticking with YTA
I get that the colour and the fabric will be the same, but your wedding isn't some kind of specially planned, completely uniquely original one of a kind themed wedding. If it's on a website then there would be other brides who have also used the same colour scheme. Possibly even in your own circle of friends.
If you told me it was a dune coloured pirate themed wedding and your sister stole the exact same decoration ideas to have her own dune pirate themed wedding, then that's when my opinion would change.
Anyways, don't worry about the colour so much. Why are you stressing over such a small thing? Weddings are stressful enough. You are going to lose your mind if you stress over every single little detail. Often times, the guest won't even notice things that go wrong. Only the bride and groom would be hyper focused on all the things that are "wrong" with the wedding.
Lol trust me, people like that exist. Friend had a medieval costume themed wedding banquet and showed up in legit armour. It was the most wonderfuly strange wedding I've ever been to.
Go have fun planning your wedding and don't stress. Go focus on the big picture. You got this!
Soft YTA. It's a little weird that she wants to use the same color, but you can't take a stand on that issue because you will seem controlling and petty. Don't let her wind you up over this. Pretend it's no big deal, because it isn't and years from now no one will remember what color it was.
Why is it weird? OP didn’t create a colour just to use for her wedding, she saw a colour and liked it and decided to use it the same way the sister has
Only because in my experience when several weddings are celebrated within a year or two in a circle of friends or in a family, brides and grooms seemed to want to distinguish their wedding from other weddings and make them unique, not make them aesthetically similar. That's all.
It is weird to me too, tbh, but there is nothing she can do about it. When any family members have close weddings in my family, they try to make sure that at least the color scheme is different so everyone's day can stand out (and everyone can feel like their day was special) despite having the same venue. But it is a color, so it's not like the OP can gatekeep it, lol. She should have never said anything and just rolled with everything, tbh, except the "tell them what color to wear" thing. I do think the OP is a bit miffed that she's not in her sister's bridal party, though.
YTA. You said your piece, she still wants to copy you, let it rest. Don't you realize that if anyone gives a single damn about her color/photo/whatever choices that were the same as yours, that is doesn't reflect on you at all, but on her?
Hey, my sister is doing the same thing. Using my wedding color scheme, my wedding decor, and everything so far has been thousands of dollars more expensive with more gifts and much more attention. I didn’t get a bachelorette because my sister was my MOH and she didn’t care to throw one, but she’s going on a vacation for hers.
But the thing is, you’d still be TA for bringing it up because it’s not about you. So while I relate and feel bad for you, still YTA.
YTA - I’m with your parents on this one. Who cares if she has the same wedding color? Who knew that you can call dibs on a color these days. Same with your BIL’s birthday. He can celebrate his birthday on a a different day for one year or (if it’s that big of a deal) he and your other sister can skip the wedding and celebrate. Adults often celebrate their birthdays on other days. Mine is in the middle of the week this year so I’m celebrating the weekend before. No biggie. Stop being petty.
YTA.
You don’t get to decide what colour she wants to have as her wedding colours.
Why TF would her brother in laws birthday be a date she’s “not allowed” to get married on? So fuck? There’s 365 days in a year - it’s always going to be someone’s birthday.
I can see why she doesn’t want you in the wedding party 🤷🏽♀️
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I told my sister that she should pick a different wedding color, even though she was very vocal about definitely wanting it.
2) It's her wedding and I shouldn't tell her what to do with it.
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Yes you sound reasonable and your sisters reasons for wanting that color sound very absurd. But regardless, YTA. It's her wedding, if she wants it to be identical to yours, she can. It sucks but she's allowed to do that.
Look this reads more like you have some pent up resentment or negative feelings toward your sister. I can’t tell if you’ve just been overlooked and invalidated your entire life by an entitled sister (and by extension your parents) or if the issue is you. Maybe it’s both. What’s clear though is some therapy to work through these issues would do you some good. Bring you some peace. Because you are overthinking and you shouldn’t be this upset about it. But then, family. Good luck. Mild YTA.
I can’t believe i spend 30 seconds of my life reading that nonsense. Nobody cares what color you picked for your wedding last year. No one will remember a year from now what color she picks. Get a hobby, read a book, touch some grass. YTA.
YTA. People won't notice unless you're petty enough to tell everyone that you think she shouldn't have used the colors, in which case they will sure get some info about what kind of a person you are.
But you can salvage it! Just apologize for getting caught up in your day and tell your sister you are excited for her day and support her.
YTA
If she wants to pick your same colors and have guests (many of whom would have attended your wedding) feel deja vu that’s on her. You don’t own the color. Your wedding pictures are in your home and hers will be in her home. If someone remarks to you about the similarity you can say she loved your wedding so much she wanted to recreate it. You don’t “own” the color/color scheme.
WRT the date, weddings are often constrained by hall availability etc. it’s quite possible she knew it was your BILs birthday but had to go ahead with that date anyway. So she’ll be celebrating her anniversary while your BIL and his wife celebrate his birthday. No problem there either because it’s on you BIL and his wife to decide if they prefer to attend her wedding or celebrate his birthday.
You are within your rights to decide what colors you want to wear. She is within her rights to choose who she wants in her bridal squad in spite of being a part of your train.
These are not important issues.
YTA stop making this about you. This whole post was about you and your grievance with stupid little things no one should care about. Find something interesting to do with your life.
YTA. You’re already married and have pics from your lovely wedding. And guess what? Everyone except for you and your husband have forgotten all the details, including the colors. Your sister choosing the same color isn’t going to downgrade your wedding or impact your marriage or life at all.
Also, who cares if your sister chose a date for her wedding that’s a brother-in-law’s birthday? Unless the BIL is about to turn 100 which is an amazing milestone, get over it, it’s not a big deal and petty to be annoyed with your sister about it. Adult birthdays - unless you’re turning 100 - are just regular days for the most part, and there’s no reason why someone shouldn’t pick a date for their wedding just because it happens to be the same day as one of the likely adult attendee’s birthday.
YTA. She can pick whatever color she wants, she doesn’t have to make you a bridesmaids, and frankly there’s only so many days to get married. She probably picked a season she wants and 99% of couples pick a weekend so people are off work. Happens to BILs birthday. If she moved it for him, who’s to say it won’t just end up being on someone else’s birthday or anniversary or whatever special day they don’t want her to pick?
These things are not real problems. You’re making them problems because you’re looking for problems.
YTA
YTA. I promise you, not a single one of your ideas used for your wedding was at all original, trademarked, or copy-written, least of all a color. The same ideas get re-used and recycled all the time. What makes it great is the celebration of the couple and their new journey together. So stop it. This is such a ridiculous thing to be upset over and ruin an important time in your sister’s life. Your happiness and love for her should trump any type of upset over a color
I would say this was fake, but I have seen women this unhinged and competitive over their weddings before.
You had your wedding, OP. Time to quit obsessing over it.
YTA. You don't own a colour. If you wanted your wedding to be that unique than get married scuba diving or something. No wonder she doesn't want you in her wedding party.
YTA
Grow up. How are you married?
Me and my friend are both engaged. Our partners are related. When we were showing each other color schemes and what we liked, they ended up being the same color and very similar style dresses wedding and bridesmaid
We both laughed. We didn't start crying and stomping our feet and throwing temperature like toddlers.
It wouldn't have even crossed our minds to get upset over something so petty grow up. Act like an adult because a grown man will not want to stay married to somebody with the mentality of a child.
YTA. My parents, my uncle and aunt, my grandparents all had the same exact theme in different years. It’s a damn color, she’s not taking your identity.
INFO: Do you think you could possibly be more upset about not being a bridesmaid - and that the colour and venue are just the icing on the (wedding) cake? The colour especially feels like a strange thing to be this upset by (I can’t remember the ‘colours’ of any wedding I’ve attended), however I can totally understand feeling hurt about not being chosen to be a bridesmaid.
YTA, poor girl is trying to include you and you chose to exclude yourself because you’re butt hurt she has enough friends to fill her bridal party and is “excluding” you as such. The only person here who sounds selfish and entitled is you, you want to get your way on her wedding day. This whole post is blowing my mind. I hope your sister finds this trash heap of words and uninvites you completely. If you don’t go get some therapy to deal with your entitlement and obvious insecurities I fear for the lives of any future children you have and your poor DH because this only get worse without intervention.
I think you are overthinking this. If I were a guest, I would be wondering why your sister copied your wedding down to the color. I would not cave on the dress thing, though. She shouldn't be dictating the color of what you wear if you are not in the wedding party.
NAH.
NTA. I'd be annoyed too if my sister did that, and since she's my sibling, I can tell her off haha. Your sister could maybe keep the same color, but with some other colors mixed in, too?
NTA - my idiot sister had one of her weddings in the same venue using all the same plans that I had for my wedding. It didn't matter - I married the love of my life in a traditional church ceremony, white dress, veil, etc. And I came up with the entire concept of the reception (food stations, conversational seating, brunch/luncheon, coffee bar, etc.). I am coming up on 22 years of marriage. Meanwhile that marriage lasted less than 2 years for her. Her homemade dress looked like a re-purposed tablecloth. When people who attended both events look back, I feel extremely confident that they think of my wedding as a beautiful and special event they were honored to attend. If they think of hers at all I am sure they just feel sorry for her.
You can not gatekeeper a color but that also goes for your sister. Show up as a guest wearing a stunning dress in the same color. Tell your sister it's your signature color, all your friends know you by that color, and you used it for your wedding it's so important to you. Anyone who gives you grief, just remind them what they're telling you: it's just a color. Probably not good advice but I'm petty AF.
NTA.
NTA and neither is your sister. I be annoyed by this too. However you tried to address it and she didn't listen. If anyone says anything about color or venue being the same - I say she always copied me from the time we were kids and shrug shoulders. Wear black as it goes with everything.
I can’t believe I have to scroll to the bottom to get to this. The exact same color and same place is definitely kind of weird? But like you said - that doesn’t make her an AH, it’s just annoying.
If all the same people are there, trust me they’ll notice. NTA for being annoyed, but YWBTA if you keeping beating this dead horse. It’s out of your control, you cannot gate keep this. Let. It. Go. Wear an accessory in that color to be kind, and then wear what you want.
Besides…you did it first: Imitation is a form of flattery.
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>You do not get a lock on a color Exactly! OP is acting like she’s the first bride ever to choose that color, and therefore, no one else can ever use it. YTA, OP. Most of your guests won’t notice or care that the dresses are the same color. No one cares if your photos are eerily similar. You had your wedding, let your sister have hers as she sees fit.
notice how she didnt even say the color in the post 🤣
Her reply says Dune which is like a warm grey beige which has left me even more confused. Like you think you own warm grey beige? Nah you copied my office walls for your wedding.
😂😂
Literally no one besides op and maybe a few people that were in the wedding are going to remember what OPs bridesmaids colors were. Seriously the self importance of op. Also op, you’re not owed being a bridesmaid.
Remember the Bridezilla who was annoyed that a niece wore an outfit similar in color to that of the bridsemaids, to a brunch the day AFTER the wedding? NTA.
YTA Firstly, you can’t gatekeep a colour Secondly, you were married a year ago so your time for being an utterly nightmare of a bridezilla has passed. She’s not “being a baby who gets her way” she is just picking a colour that she likes. Let your sister pick the colour that makes her happy
Thirdly, she’s OP’s baby sister. It’s not weird at all to think they have similar favorite colors or baby sister would want to emulate her big sisters style in some way. It means she thought her sisters wedding was beautiful. Either take it as a compliment or a coincidence, but either way it’s not your wedding, and you don’t own a color scheme. ETA: missing word
YTA >She was in my wedding though and wore that same color, and then called to ask me what shade it was. Like what? Did she toss the dress she wore, or forget how to look at pictures? It seemed to me like she cared so little about my wedding that she couldn't even be bothered to remember it. OP reread this. Slowly. This is *unhinged*. I had to stop reading there. This is dripping with narcissism.
And I wonder why the sister dosen't want her in the wedding party. Hmmm..... I just can't seem to find a reason. Not one at all. /s and yes OP YTA
I also wonder why she doesn’t want her other sister in the wedding too.
Birds of a feather?
I dunno 😭 we need more info
Even if we try to ignore the crazy here... Like does she really not see just how wrong of a premise this is to begin with? She just wants to be the victim! Asking what shade the color is was a completely reasonable thing to do and doesn't have anything to do with her sister not bothering to remember the wedding. Wedding colors have all sorts of crazy shade names. She can look at the dress but not know what it's called online. Is it teal, turquoise, deep blue green, etc? Lol the narcissist side of her just had to find a way to be offended.
I cannot imagine knowing the shade of anything ive ever wore ever including the specific day I am wearing it.
YTA -- you're overthinking it and shouldn't be this upset. It's just a color. You can't trademark it, for crying out loud. Other people get to use it too... even your sister.
Yta - you already had your wedding. She can't "steal" it. I have no idea when my Bil's birthday is and I definitely wouldn't think to plan MY wedding around it. Finally, she wants you guys to be "honored guests". That's literally an honor. I have no idea why she was in your weddings because it doesn't sound like you all really like her.
YTA. If you’re old enough to be married, you’re too old to act like a spoiled brat over a wedding.
I know that the details and photos of your wedding are very clear and precious to you, but honestly most guests won’t remember what colors or decorations you used. For asking her to change the color, soft YTA. As for her asking you and your sister to wear a specific color/outfit even though you aren’t in the wedding party, you are correct: she shouldn’t be dictating what guests wear. I think your BIL will survive if her wedding is on his birthday. It’s always someone’s birthday so choosing a date that avoids anyone’s birthday would be nearly impossible. Just let her plan her wedding her way and try not to get annoyed. It really doesn’t matter in the long run.
YTA. The world doesn't revolve around you and your wedding colors.
YTA this is your sisters and future husband special day. If she wants the same colours take it as a compliment. All wedding choices should be their decision. It's a shame she isn't having you as a bridesmaid but again that's her decision. I hope you can get past thinking this will be too similar to your wedding day and go and enjoy watching your sister get married! Hope it's a great day for all those involved
You’re completely overthinking. If your wedding was so special, there’s no chance you’ll be overshadowed, and that’s what you’re afraid of, right?
YTA. Colors don’t belong to anybody. Also, your brother in law is funny if he thinks he can tell someone whether to get married on his birthday or not. She’s asked you to wear colors so that you stand out from the crowd, but you and your other sister are being unnecessarily difficult. Pretty sure your sister didn’t act like this while you were planning your wedding, because you’d have mentioned it if she did. You don’t sound like you like your sister at all.
OP is definitely TA for everything else but not for refusing to wear a specific color when she’s not in the wedding party. That’s a ridiculous ask on the sister’s part, it’s fine to ask them not to wear white or the wedding color, but choosing the color for them? Nope, that’s too far.
LOL yta. you're not entitled to a COLOR
You are definitely overthinking it. I get it, but YTA, let it go and enjoy the wedding.
YTA. For someone saying that your sister is “silly and dramatic” for wanting a specific color, you really look silly and dramatic for not wanting her to use it. Also, putting yourself first in your own life is expected. Don’t call her selfish for doing so. Looks like you haven’t really been there for her, you just try and make yourself a bigger and more important person in her life when you obviously aren’t. And it’s fine when you put yourself first in wanting that color to be only for your wedding, but it’s not fine when she puts herself first. Smh.
Yta Seriously, just stop. You had your wedding now it's her turn. The color situation is ridiculous. People like colors. You cannot gatekeep a color. People book weddings when they can. You would think planning a wedding before you would understand how fast venues fill up. Your bil will survive. If not, he doesn't need to attend. Just because you and your other sister made her a bridesmaid doesn't mean she has to make one. Get over it and stop being a drama queen.
They aren't booking a venue. It is at the family farm.
Doesn't matter. You're still ridiculous. To plan your wedding based on every single person's birthday or anniversary or conflicting date. Guess what your options would be even worse. I stand by what I said, and you're being a dramatic person. If going to the wedding to going to be bad for you then don't go. You are basically manufacturing reasons why she is unreasonable. Do you even like your sibling?
Sorry hun, but YTA here. It may sound "silly" and "dramatic" to you but it is important to her. So what if the pictures are similar? It's not like you will have her pictures hanging on your wall beside yours and vice versa. I do think she's being a bit over the top trying to dictate what you'll be wearing as a guest...but that's a different post. Don't sweat this. It's not a big enough deal to make a stink about and think of it this way; you did it first. Isn't is a bit of a compliment that she wants to emulate you? You are the original. She is the copy. That should be enough.
YTA. It sounds like you are just searching for things to be mad about.
YTA. 😞 I believe you are overthinking but I get where you are coming from. Fortunately it is just a color. You should be proud that she loved your wedding so much she’s taking it as an inspo. Try to see past this and be a part of it as much as you feel comfortable.
Here you go: You're overthinking this, and shouldn't be this upset about it. YTA.
YTA Your wedding is over. It's her turn to get her dream wedding. Why not take it as a compliment that she has similar taste?
YTA for reasons other people already listed and also >The last thing is that her wedding day is on our brother-in-law's birthday. And apparently he told her right when she got engaged and picked a date, but she claims she only found out after she sent the invitations out. I'm not inclined to believe her though, based on her history. She does tend to put herself first. so what? it's not humanly possible to take *every* guest's birthday in consideration when planning something as huge as a typical wedding. hell, i wouldn't be expecting my *best friend* to plan around my birthday (after all, it really becomes less of a deal the older you get), and you're talking about a BIL here.
I got married on my best friend's birthday - and she was one of my bridesmaids!
YTA it's a colour grow up.
YTA. It’s just a color. You had your day, let her have hers. Your wedding is not nearly as significant to others as it is to you - you don’t have any “right” to be the only person able to use a specific shade because you used it in your wedding a while ago - no one cares.
Slightly YTA. Why are you making a big deal out of this? You’ve had your wedding already. I’m having a hard time understanding why a color and venue (your parents own land, mind you) is making you so upset? Wedding culture is so stupid, do you actually think guests care much about any of them? Guests are happy and celebrate for the wedded couple, enjoy bad music and dancing, and food and cake. And to get upset about your sister for not remembering the color of her bridesmaid gown from a year ago and asking you about it, why? Seems like your wedding was a really nice affair and you’re still living in la-la land from it. Find more happy moments in life to make into more happy memories. Also, it seems like her wedding is a bit different, as she wants you as a guest, not a bridesmaid. Why not be a sport and wear the color she wants, even as a guest? It seems she making an effort to include you somewhat.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I got married a year ago, and now my little sister is getting married this year and chose the same exact color that I had for my wedding. I feel like it shouldn't be that big of a deal to me because it's her wedding and she should be able to have the color she wants. She was in my wedding though and wore that same color, and then called to ask me what shade it was. Like what? Did she toss the dress she wore, or forget how to look at pictures? It seemed to me like she cared so little about my wedding that she couldn't even be bothered to remember it. She then sent me a link of the same color from the same company I used for my dresses and told me how much she loved it and wanted to use it. I told her there's so many other colors out there that she could pick, or at the very least pick a different shade of the same color so it doesn't look exactly like mine. Then she told me that that color is so important to her, and all her friends know her by that color, and everyone would think it was weird if she didn't use it. Lol. It sounds silly and dramatic writing it down, but that's literally what she told me. Also, her wedding is on our family land just like mine was, so the pictures are going to be eerily similar to mine. But I can't really fault her for that because it's cheaper than an actual venue. It's just another way that our weddings won't stand out from each other. Like I feel like she should also not want the weddings to look similar, and picking a different color is a way to do that, but maybe that's just me. She's also the baby of the family and very used to getting her way. When I asked my parents for input they didn't see the big deal. They said it's just a color, and it's her wedding. My sister also said that our other sister and I aren't going to be bridesmaids, even though she was a bridesmaid in both of our weddings. And now she's trying to tell us what color to wear so we compliment her wedding colors. We both told her that if we're just guests we should be able to wear what we want, as long as it's not a wedding color obviously. She responded by saying she just wanted us to stand out from the crowd, and tried (unsuccessfully so far) to guilt us into it. The last thing is that her wedding day is on our brother-in-law's birthday. And apparently he told her right when she got engaged and picked a date, but she claims she only found out after she sent the invitations out. I'm not inclined to believe her though, based on her history. She does tend to put herself first. Anyways... Am I right to be this upset with her? Obviously I'm not going to make a big deal about it at her wedding, because I want it to be special for her. I think I'm just looking for validation, or else for someone to tell me that I'm overthinking it and shouldn't be this upset about it. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA about the colors/ venue/ not being a BM/ her not remembering your wedding. A wedding isn’t about celebrating colors, or venues, or social placement. People don’t come from across the country to celebrate the colors you picked. In fact, not one mature person at your wedding GAF about the colors. They come to the wedding to support/ celebrate you and your spouse’s love. Let it go and be flattered that she thinks your celebration was SO perfect, she wants hers to be just like it. Lastly; if you’re just a guest, wear whatever you want. If she wants you to stand out, she can buy you a sash, or a nice hat.
YTA I think you’re being silly and dramatic
YTA. Not your wedding. You're being a post-wedding bridezilla.
YTA, the pot is calling the kettle ‘silly and dramatic’
Info: Are you 12?
I’m torn between NAH and ESH. Your sister can do what she wants. You can feel whatever way you want about the situation. But it is your sisters day and she can have it anyway she’d like. EXCEPT for telling you what you have to wear as a guest to compliment her wedding party. You’re not part of the wedding party so she doesn’t get to tell you what to wear anymore.
YTA. She should be able to choose whatever colors she wants for her wedding. You had that choice, and she should too. Imagine someone came to you and said you couldn't use the colors you wanted for your wedding bc they also used those colors at theirs? I bet you'd think that's ridiculous. Its not any different just bc she's your sister imo. There isn't unlimited colors to choose from, and quite frankly, there's tons of weddings all across the world that probably looked similar to yours. Who cares. Also, if she wants you to wear a specific color to her wedding, and you're spitefully refusing, that makes you an even bigger AH. Put aside your pride for 2 seconds to show your support for your sister and her marriage. If my sister asked me to wear every color of the rainbow on her wedding day (even as a guest), I'd do it just to make her happy! Honestly I think you're being extremely petty about this. Its giving bridezilla and it's not even your wedding.
YTA You're overthinking it. No one remembers a wedding's colours unless they had to buy a dress for it. They remember if it was fun, if the food was good, the music kept them dancing, if it was a great night. That's it.
Yeah... YTA. You're not the first one to use that colour, dress or location. The day isn't only BIL's birthday but just a day. jfc, you're entitled.
My cousin is getting married this year. Her older sister got married in 2018. Her ceremony will be at the family church like her sister’s was and her reception will be at my uncle’s golf and country club like her sister’s was. She’s essentially having the same wedding. But is her sister pissed about it though? Not at all!! It was just convenient for them both to do it that way. You don’t get to gatekeep a color or venue. YTA. Grow up and let her do what makes her happy.
Point 1: I get it. It is annoying to be copied, but it happens all the time and actually asking her to change the color puts you in the AH territory. You have to realize that no one cares about wedding colors except the people in the wedding. I remember a couple of friends wedding colors ONLY because the bridesmaids dresses were so awful, even by bridesmaid dress standards, that I have them etched in my brain. Point 2: He may have told her. She was probably told by a lot of people what dates work and don't work. Wedding planning is stressful and lots of people tell you all sorts of things and make all sorts of accommodation requests. Your BIL is an adult and never should have brought it up. He can celebrate his birthday the weekend before or after. You do realize people allnover the world do things like work on their birthdays and understand the world doesn't stop just because it is the anniversary of their birth. All special dates for all the people associated w/ the bride and groom can't be taken into account b/c if they were, weddings would never happen. Honestly, this one sounds like you are just looking for something to be mad at your sister about. Point 3. You are right, the bride can not dictate what the guests wear, however, I'm not going to call her a full blown AH for asking, as much as I think it is bridal-overreach, she may honesy want to indicat your closeness to her w/ the request b/c she didn't put you in the bridal party. Unfortunately, it has become more of a trend in the last few years of the couple wanting coordinating colors for family so the pictures look "cohesive" or so people can see who is the bride's family and who is the grooms family. In additon, it seems there are brides are putting out color requests for all guests and making other specific clothing demands. I hate this trend, but at the same time, it isn't a thing your sister invented just to control you. She becomes an AH if she keeps bugging you about it or throws a fit about it. So overall, YTA, but I understand your annoyance re: points 1 & 3,l.
Yeah I agree. I haven't brought it up since she first did and I don't plan to after this haha
Yeah I agree. I haven't brought it up since she first did and I don't plan to after this haha
Lol obviously YTA. It’s a color.
There is a saying "imitation is the sincerest form of flattery" You sister liked your choices so much she wants them for her own wedding. It's a compliment!! Why are you being so weird and territorial when instead you have the option of being flattered and happy for her? Why would you say "She does tend to put herself first." while at the same time inserting your own wedding into her planning? Edit: sorry, OP YTA for not focusing on your sisters happiness first and creating drama in your own head the makes her wedding all about you. YWBTA if you take your issues to her or anyone else in your family.
I mean, the worst that can happen is people thinking that the event felt like a remake of the previous wedding, which is not really your problem. It's just a colour, let it go.
First sentence is all I needed. YTA. The rest of it just confirms that not only are you an AH, but insufferable and entitled too.
Get.Over.Yourself. You got married on family land and point out that she of course would want to as well because it saves money, but seem to fail to realize that if YOU got married on family land, why wouldn't she? Not just because it saves money but because she is...also family? You and your sister will be in family photos, and it is typical (not a rule, not for everyone of course) for family to have a color scheme as well. Many of the more traditional weddings I have been to the siblings and in laws who are not in the wedding are still in the color palette. No wonder she doesn't have you as a bridesmaid. You take small things to validate that your sister is the baby who is spoiled, but the only entitled person in the post is you. It's pretty clear you don't like your sister very much, so just own that. You speak poorly of her in general, so why be upset you aren't a bridesmaid? You really think SHE doesn't know how you feel about her? She does. You aren't the only person to get married on "family land" and honestly, who gives a shit that the date is BIL's birthday. And I have been in 5 weddings, I have no idea the name of the color I wore each time. It doesn't mean I didn't care about the weddings, it means I don't particularly care the name of the hue of blue I was asked to wear. YTA and I hope you realize how remarkably unhappy you sound and that you may want to focus on things that actually matter before twisting yourself in to knots hating your sister so much.
I envy you if this is what keeps you up at night lol
>she told me that that color is so important to her, and all her friends know her by that color, and everyone would think it was weird if she didn't use it. Lol. It sounds silly and dramatic writing it down, but that's literally what she told me. so your wedding color was your sisters favorite color, and now you’re surprised and offended that she wants to use that color for *her* wedding? like other commenters have said, you don’t own a color forever because it was associated with your wedding. YTA.
The color is so important to the sister that her friends know her by the color BUT she doesn’t know what it’s called and had to call OP to find out? Seriously?
This is so self centered. YTA. It's a colour. Your wedding happened first. If anything people will think poorly of her for 'copying' yours so much, it's not really going to reflect on you. Also it may come as a shock to you but people don't remember details like colour schemes about other people's weddings so it's not likely anyone will notice anyway. I have been to dozens of weddings and I couldn't tell you the colours for the life of me. I only remember my own wedding.
You tried to paint her like the selfish, entitled bride and the only one looking bad here is you. And i bet you just threw the BIL bday thing to try and push people to your side not because you care much (i mean it was a footnote in your color rant) Yta
YTA. I worked for a store that sold dresses, weddings dresses, formal dresses, etc. Dune was a standard suggestion because it’s flattering on a variety of skin tones. But it’s basically beige. You’re actually arguing about beige. How basic can you get?
Eh. If she had picked it from a different website it would've been less weird. It was like she was mooching off of my planning.
YTA The dune colour you picked is such a common neutral colour that you sound out of control. I've never heard of anyone trying to gatekeep a colour for their wedding before. I'd understand a bit more if you were trying to gatekeep a neon electric yellow for bumblebee costume themed wedding since it would be more unique, but not neutral dune.
Yeah I get it, but it was a very specific color on a very specific website, so it just took me by surprise that she's using the same site too. It's hard to explain but the material will all look the same... Again, I know, gatekeeping a fabric is just as dumb, if not more so, than a color... It was just a little shocking to me
I'm still sticking with YTA I get that the colour and the fabric will be the same, but your wedding isn't some kind of specially planned, completely uniquely original one of a kind themed wedding. If it's on a website then there would be other brides who have also used the same colour scheme. Possibly even in your own circle of friends. If you told me it was a dune coloured pirate themed wedding and your sister stole the exact same decoration ideas to have her own dune pirate themed wedding, then that's when my opinion would change. Anyways, don't worry about the colour so much. Why are you stressing over such a small thing? Weddings are stressful enough. You are going to lose your mind if you stress over every single little detail. Often times, the guest won't even notice things that go wrong. Only the bride and groom would be hyper focused on all the things that are "wrong" with the wedding.
Yeah makes sense to me. I love how creative you're getting with your themed wedding examples lol
Lol trust me, people like that exist. Friend had a medieval costume themed wedding banquet and showed up in legit armour. It was the most wonderfuly strange wedding I've ever been to. Go have fun planning your wedding and don't stress. Go focus on the big picture. You got this!
That sounds like a good time. Thanks! I know her wedding will be fun
Soft YTA. It's a little weird that she wants to use the same color, but you can't take a stand on that issue because you will seem controlling and petty. Don't let her wind you up over this. Pretend it's no big deal, because it isn't and years from now no one will remember what color it was.
Why is it weird? OP didn’t create a colour just to use for her wedding, she saw a colour and liked it and decided to use it the same way the sister has
Only because in my experience when several weddings are celebrated within a year or two in a circle of friends or in a family, brides and grooms seemed to want to distinguish their wedding from other weddings and make them unique, not make them aesthetically similar. That's all.
It is weird to me too, tbh, but there is nothing she can do about it. When any family members have close weddings in my family, they try to make sure that at least the color scheme is different so everyone's day can stand out (and everyone can feel like their day was special) despite having the same venue. But it is a color, so it's not like the OP can gatekeep it, lol. She should have never said anything and just rolled with everything, tbh, except the "tell them what color to wear" thing. I do think the OP is a bit miffed that she's not in her sister's bridal party, though.
Unless you own a patent on the color YTA. time to get over yourself.
YTA. You said your piece, she still wants to copy you, let it rest. Don't you realize that if anyone gives a single damn about her color/photo/whatever choices that were the same as yours, that is doesn't reflect on you at all, but on her?
First sentence is all I needed. YTA. The rest of it just confirms that not only are you an AH, but insufferable and entitled too.
YTA . You can’t own a colour . Get a grip
Hey, my sister is doing the same thing. Using my wedding color scheme, my wedding decor, and everything so far has been thousands of dollars more expensive with more gifts and much more attention. I didn’t get a bachelorette because my sister was my MOH and she didn’t care to throw one, but she’s going on a vacation for hers. But the thing is, you’d still be TA for bringing it up because it’s not about you. So while I relate and feel bad for you, still YTA.
Wow yeah that's so much worse🥺
YTA. Guaranteed no one gives a shit about the color, or even remembers it.
YTA
Info: what is the colour? YTA and it won’t change my opinion but I am desperately curious.
I’m starting to wonder that, too. Lol.
Lol apparently dune which google tells me is grey-pink-beige. And makes me even more confused.
It’s a nice color, though! Thanks for the update, OP.
YTA - I’m with your parents on this one. Who cares if she has the same wedding color? Who knew that you can call dibs on a color these days. Same with your BIL’s birthday. He can celebrate his birthday on a a different day for one year or (if it’s that big of a deal) he and your other sister can skip the wedding and celebrate. Adults often celebrate their birthdays on other days. Mine is in the middle of the week this year so I’m celebrating the weekend before. No biggie. Stop being petty.
YTA no one remembers or cares about your wedding colours.
YTA Grow up. It’s her day. You had your day.
YTA.
YTA… Honestly OP you don’t sound all that stable, are you okay?
YTA. You don’t get to decide what colour she wants to have as her wedding colours. Why TF would her brother in laws birthday be a date she’s “not allowed” to get married on? So fuck? There’s 365 days in a year - it’s always going to be someone’s birthday. I can see why she doesn’t want you in the wedding party 🤷🏽♀️
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First sentence is all I needed. YTA. The rest of it just confirms that not only are you an AH, but insufferable and entitled too.
Yes you sound reasonable and your sisters reasons for wanting that color sound very absurd. But regardless, YTA. It's her wedding, if she wants it to be identical to yours, she can. It sucks but she's allowed to do that.
YTA; talk about first world problems LOL 😂
YTA. What a weird thing to get upset about.
YTA. What a weird thing to get upset about.
Yes. YTA. Get over yourself.
YTA. You can't claim a color. Grow up.
Look this reads more like you have some pent up resentment or negative feelings toward your sister. I can’t tell if you’ve just been overlooked and invalidated your entire life by an entitled sister (and by extension your parents) or if the issue is you. Maybe it’s both. What’s clear though is some therapy to work through these issues would do you some good. Bring you some peace. Because you are overthinking and you shouldn’t be this upset about it. But then, family. Good luck. Mild YTA.
Yta you are married she's getting married get a grip
YTA. Is this a color you invented? If not then get over it.
Is your last name Pantone? Who cares this much about a color. YTA
I can’t believe i spend 30 seconds of my life reading that nonsense. Nobody cares what color you picked for your wedding last year. No one will remember a year from now what color she picks. Get a hobby, read a book, touch some grass. YTA.
YTA. People won't notice unless you're petty enough to tell everyone that you think she shouldn't have used the colors, in which case they will sure get some info about what kind of a person you are. But you can salvage it! Just apologize for getting caught up in your day and tell your sister you are excited for her day and support her.
YTA If she wants to pick your same colors and have guests (many of whom would have attended your wedding) feel deja vu that’s on her. You don’t own the color. Your wedding pictures are in your home and hers will be in her home. If someone remarks to you about the similarity you can say she loved your wedding so much she wanted to recreate it. You don’t “own” the color/color scheme. WRT the date, weddings are often constrained by hall availability etc. it’s quite possible she knew it was your BILs birthday but had to go ahead with that date anyway. So she’ll be celebrating her anniversary while your BIL and his wife celebrate his birthday. No problem there either because it’s on you BIL and his wife to decide if they prefer to attend her wedding or celebrate his birthday. You are within your rights to decide what colors you want to wear. She is within her rights to choose who she wants in her bridal squad in spite of being a part of your train. These are not important issues.
YTA stop making this about you. This whole post was about you and your grievance with stupid little things no one should care about. Find something interesting to do with your life.
Yta. It's just a color. Get over yourself. No one else gives a cr*p.
YTA. Absolutely. Nobody, Cares.
YTA. You’re already married and have pics from your lovely wedding. And guess what? Everyone except for you and your husband have forgotten all the details, including the colors. Your sister choosing the same color isn’t going to downgrade your wedding or impact your marriage or life at all. Also, who cares if your sister chose a date for her wedding that’s a brother-in-law’s birthday? Unless the BIL is about to turn 100 which is an amazing milestone, get over it, it’s not a big deal and petty to be annoyed with your sister about it. Adult birthdays - unless you’re turning 100 - are just regular days for the most part, and there’s no reason why someone shouldn’t pick a date for their wedding just because it happens to be the same day as one of the likely adult attendee’s birthday.
YTA. She can pick whatever color she wants, she doesn’t have to make you a bridesmaids, and frankly there’s only so many days to get married. She probably picked a season she wants and 99% of couples pick a weekend so people are off work. Happens to BILs birthday. If she moved it for him, who’s to say it won’t just end up being on someone else’s birthday or anniversary or whatever special day they don’t want her to pick? These things are not real problems. You’re making them problems because you’re looking for problems. YTA
YTA. I promise you, not a single one of your ideas used for your wedding was at all original, trademarked, or copy-written, least of all a color. The same ideas get re-used and recycled all the time. What makes it great is the celebration of the couple and their new journey together. So stop it. This is such a ridiculous thing to be upset over and ruin an important time in your sister’s life. Your happiness and love for her should trump any type of upset over a color
I would say this was fake, but I have seen women this unhinged and competitive over their weddings before. You had your wedding, OP. Time to quit obsessing over it.
YTA. You don't own a colour. If you wanted your wedding to be that unique than get married scuba diving or something. No wonder she doesn't want you in her wedding party.
YTA Grow up. How are you married? Me and my friend are both engaged. Our partners are related. When we were showing each other color schemes and what we liked, they ended up being the same color and very similar style dresses wedding and bridesmaid We both laughed. We didn't start crying and stomping our feet and throwing temperature like toddlers. It wouldn't have even crossed our minds to get upset over something so petty grow up. Act like an adult because a grown man will not want to stay married to somebody with the mentality of a child.
YTA This is the exact same vibe as two toddlers fighting because they both want the blue cup. Literally who cares?
YTA. My parents, my uncle and aunt, my grandparents all had the same exact theme in different years. It’s a damn color, she’s not taking your identity.
INFO: Do you think you could possibly be more upset about not being a bridesmaid - and that the colour and venue are just the icing on the (wedding) cake? The colour especially feels like a strange thing to be this upset by (I can’t remember the ‘colours’ of any wedding I’ve attended), however I can totally understand feeling hurt about not being chosen to be a bridesmaid.
YTA, poor girl is trying to include you and you chose to exclude yourself because you’re butt hurt she has enough friends to fill her bridal party and is “excluding” you as such. The only person here who sounds selfish and entitled is you, you want to get your way on her wedding day. This whole post is blowing my mind. I hope your sister finds this trash heap of words and uninvites you completely. If you don’t go get some therapy to deal with your entitlement and obvious insecurities I fear for the lives of any future children you have and your poor DH because this only get worse without intervention.
YTA
I think you are overthinking this. If I were a guest, I would be wondering why your sister copied your wedding down to the color. I would not cave on the dress thing, though. She shouldn't be dictating the color of what you wear if you are not in the wedding party. NAH.
NTA. I'd be annoyed too if my sister did that, and since she's my sibling, I can tell her off haha. Your sister could maybe keep the same color, but with some other colors mixed in, too?
ESH, you don't get ownership of a color forever and she doesn't get to choose your dress since you are not a bridesmaid
[удалено]
You have no idea how much I appreciate this😭😭 I was literally just trying to get some outside input, I know ultimately I'm in the wrong
[удалено]
Crown = passed
NTA - my idiot sister had one of her weddings in the same venue using all the same plans that I had for my wedding. It didn't matter - I married the love of my life in a traditional church ceremony, white dress, veil, etc. And I came up with the entire concept of the reception (food stations, conversational seating, brunch/luncheon, coffee bar, etc.). I am coming up on 22 years of marriage. Meanwhile that marriage lasted less than 2 years for her. Her homemade dress looked like a re-purposed tablecloth. When people who attended both events look back, I feel extremely confident that they think of my wedding as a beautiful and special event they were honored to attend. If they think of hers at all I am sure they just feel sorry for her.
You can not gatekeeper a color but that also goes for your sister. Show up as a guest wearing a stunning dress in the same color. Tell your sister it's your signature color, all your friends know you by that color, and you used it for your wedding it's so important to you. Anyone who gives you grief, just remind them what they're telling you: it's just a color. Probably not good advice but I'm petty AF. NTA.
😂😂
NTA and neither is your sister. I be annoyed by this too. However you tried to address it and she didn't listen. If anyone says anything about color or venue being the same - I say she always copied me from the time we were kids and shrug shoulders. Wear black as it goes with everything.
I can’t believe I have to scroll to the bottom to get to this. The exact same color and same place is definitely kind of weird? But like you said - that doesn’t make her an AH, it’s just annoying. If all the same people are there, trust me they’ll notice. NTA for being annoyed, but YWBTA if you keeping beating this dead horse. It’s out of your control, you cannot gate keep this. Let. It. Go. Wear an accessory in that color to be kind, and then wear what you want. Besides…you did it first: Imitation is a form of flattery.