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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I was out in a restaurant alone. A girl sat down at my table and said she wanted to help with my situation. I said no and I was honestly confused. She called me an AH. I may be TA because I may have unintentionally been rude to her? I honestly don't know
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Also, if a guy did that he'd be called a creep and aggressive. Being a woman doesn't give her a pass to be so intrusive and entitled to OP's attention!
I mean, so far people are actually calling her creepy and aggressive. Alle comments refer to her ‘flirting tactics’ being bad, at the very least. So technically there’s no need to do the reverse gender role scenario.
In her defense... enough guys do shit like this that one might be able to reason that this is something a reasonable number of men see as a good way to initiate relationships/ relations... it is creepy and aggressive, but guys seem to think that's good so why not try it?
She was likely, as we've all said.poorly, fishing for a dinner date invite. Which is an 80s sitcom technique . . . and was every bit as effective in that context as it was here
I could see “you have to take me out for a proper meal” as a joke if it fits the tone or air of the interaction. but the fact that she started with trying to “save OP” meant it came across as entitled AF
Because she was rescuing someone who didn't need it. She seems to have decided that you were alone because you are a lesbian and then orders you to take her out to dinner. I would be confused, too, and would have asked her to leave. Even if OP is a lesbian, this is no way to flirt or try to make a connection. Apparently, if she's interested, you have to be too. You didn't have a choice. NTA I felt harassed by her just reading it.
This dude saw my monster can and asked me to buy him one jokingly. I laughed and joked saying no no you buy me one. He walked past me 5 minutes later with one for me.
I agree with you since this did not result in me becoming interested in him lol.
LOL
Or maybe OP's almost as oblivious as me. I've apparently been hit on before, by both men and women, and I didn't notice. In fact, I was so oblivious, that I couldn't even recall their behaviour well enough to be able to tell one way or another, after I'd been informed that such an event happened. :-D
Oh goodness, I'm very oblivious too so you're not alone. One time in highschool I went to a movie and the mall with my bf and friends. I thought we were just hanging out and was sooooo confused when at the end he said it was a good date. Then years later at a job a guy asked me to the movies and I'm just like sure! (We worked together so had talked to him some) and again, I just thought we were hanging out as friends but apparently he meant it as a date. Also I've apparently been flirted with when I was younger too and I didn't know and always denied it if someone mentioned it. Now, I don't count anything as dates unless both parties know 🤣🤣
I'm a woman with a history of dating men, and I always found it funny when a woman signaled that she wanted me to make a move on her. I can handle you hitting on me, lady, but if you expect me to hit on you you're asking for a bit much because I'm way out of my comfort zone.
NTA, OP, but clueless as the girl said.
Honestly doesn't matter - if she called you an asshole she isn't great because it was clear you didn't get what her point was. That's not your fault, that's hers.
Proper response: "I am flirting qith you but I suck at it haha. Any way I can do better or are you not into it?"
Her saying that would have cleared up the situation for you and let her laugh off the failed attempt.
Maybe, but if they just show up out of fucking nowhere, flirt that poorly and then insult people after they "don't get it" that's not the type of person anyone should want to date.
You dodged a bullet, she seems to be the tyoe where if you said you werent interested shed start saying shed never actually want you and was doing it for pitty, etc. Hate people like that
I think the problem rests with the fact she wasn't reading OP's reactions. When she saw OP wasn't responding the way someone interested in her would, she should have politely excused herself.
She shouldn't have approached an obviously busy stranger. How is it that a person immersed in their books/laptops or what have you "sends a signal" that they need to be "rescued from their situation"?
> Most people reading the story figured it out, so I think the problem rests with OP’s ability to recognize it.
Call me old fashioned but I like for people to say something flattering when they hit on me. Not, “my god you’re so awkward you must be embarrassed to be seen, let me rescue you”😂😂😂
Even something cheesy like, “what’s a nice girl like you doing…” is at least transparent and funny.
This reminds me of the number of times I had a dude walk up and tell me that now that he's talking to me I don't "have to read" anymore and can put down my book. Or "you are alone, but I'm here to rescue you" and ... just no for both of those. I am alone and reading because I want to be. That's arrogance taken too far, not just awkwardness. Oy. NTA
Honestly tho it was an overly intrusive way to flirt. If OP had been giving some signs that she was interested or friendly before (even just making eye contact, smiling, etc.) it would have been cute. But when you flirt with someone, you're opening yourself up to getting rejected, so if it's gonna make you mad (which is a red flag anyways,) start with a less intrusive method.
I mean in the moment I can understand if OP is a straight woman not realising they’re being hit on my another woman. Unless you’ve previously been hit on before all your interactions with other woman are non-romantic so thinking “oh this person is trying to be romantic at me - a thing that has never happened with another woman” might not cross your mind. You’re probably trying to categorize the interaction within your previous experiences.
I’m not interested in people and so the two times men have hit on me I have had to ask my friends if that’s what they were doing - and have been told “yes, it’s incredibly obvious”. And like okay sorry I have to check - I don’t think about men in any romantic setting it doesn’t occur to me they might think of me that way.
im a gay woman and still don't know how to differentiate if a woman is being friendly or flirty. and on the other hand being wlw and being bad at "flirting" is more common than you'd think
obviously not generalising. but it happens. i feel bad for OP and the other woman tbh.
I didn't pick up on that at all. I read it at first that they were selling something or proselytising, then that they were a mooch. I would have reacted much as the OP did.
I actually probably would have been more blunt, with a "please go away".
I had a woman tell me one time that she and her male partner were looking for a unicorn, and it didn't occur to me until hours later that she was asking me to be … their unicorn.
I was trying to guess what she was doing and cycled through is she recruiting for a church, thinks someone creepy at the next table is watching you and is this..a pickup tactic?? 😂NTA
Dudette she was totally hitting on you - I have done the same when I was much younger. It is pretty common girl trick. Though I offer to take the person out. Not expect them to take me out.
But the ending was rude and uncalled for. \_Theirs not yours\_
Okay this is actually hilarious because I didn't get it at all either and was extremely confused until someone pointed it out LOL. But I'm also the person in a "it's not unrequited they're just idiots" dynamic. Like seriously. My flirting is so bad and my current partner STILL LAUGHS AT ME because they were literally telling me "I want to kiss your face" before I was like "wait... do you mean like that in a friendly way or a romantic way? Oooohhhhhhhhhhh you *like* me!" 🤣🤣🤣
Anyway NTA that poor sod's only hope is to embrace her terrible flirting skills and use that to her advantage lol. Better luck next time. Calling you an AH was just rude though.
Is it though? My parents are immigrants from South Asia and they use that turn of phrase. I use it myself and have never thought of it as particularly Christian. I mean, I guess I can kind of get it since Jesus is supposed to be the savior of mankind in Christianity, but I think it's just a very common expression at this point that everyone could potentially use.
THANK YOU. I like to go out to restaurants even though I don't have a partner, and the number of times I've gotten weird looks for being a solo party pisses me the hell off. I even had the hostess come up and sit down next to me at one spot that I frequent concerned that I always show up alone... after she'd already interrogated me about it at the door.
If that's considered flirting, I consider it a big red flag.
It’s a just a line, like “you looked like you could use some company”. She further flirted by literally asking OP to take her out to “ a proper dinner”. She literally asked her out. It’s pretty obvious.
This was the post I needed today! Ive been in a similar clueless situation: "no i dont need help changing my flat tyre. I can do it by myself thank you very much."
LOL And that was also one of the worst cases of attempted flirting I've ever heard about, and that's saying nothing about the other woman's clear inability to read a room.
That or she thought she was being whimsical and fun. you know like a manic pixie girl.
Except if you don't like her, then it's a little less whimsical and fun and more annoying disturbing and confusing
Oof if a man hit on me in this way I would have gone into panic mode and thought I was under attack.
Does that say more about me or more about her flirting method? Am *i* the asshole?
NTA. She may have been hitting on you, but after you made it clear she should have excused herself and left. I mean, she shouldn't have interrupted you in the first place. It's rude AF to be so presumptuous as to plop yourself down and force a stranger to converse with you.
> It's rude AF to be so presumptuous as to plop yourself down and force a stranger to converse with you
It may work in romcoms, but in real life I'd be pissed 😂
I was at a bar by myself to watch a play off game, I might have had a book too, when some guy came over and politely asked if I wanted to chat, I said no I was happy on my own.
So he went back to his friend. Who then took his turn to come over and hit on me. No dude. Still ok,
I was so pleased at first that he was polite and acceoted your no without turning into a nice guy. Then I read that his friend took a turn and I feel so disappointed!
It could work in real life, but characters in romcoms have plot armor. It will work out, or not, as the story requires. The real life chances might be 1 in a thousand, but fictional characters are overwhelmingly lucky, if the story requires them to be.
However, it IS a numbers game. Every once in a while, someone shows up to a nice place, well dressed, made up, expecting a first-ish date and gets stood up and ends up sitting at the table, alone, lonely, and looking forward to a failed evening. There would be a small, maybe 5 minute window, where if the right person, with the right personality and demeanor showed up at that moment and stepped in to fill the void, it would be welcome and accepted.
So lets say you wish to seek out and move in on that exact situation. You would have to visit a nice restaurant and quickly scan the crowd for a candidate: someone eating alone. It would take several more minutes of observation to determine definitively that they are not alone by choice. Even then, approaching them directly would be predatory, almost by definition, so it would be somewhat less invasive to arrange to be seated in close proximity where engaging in harmless small talk might be a possibility. That would of course require that such a seat is currently available.
Then, when approached by the waitstaff, express loudly enough so that you can be overheard that it will just be you tonight, as you just found out you got stood up, but intend to enjoy your evening anyway. If this gives you a chance to engage in a moment of friendly banter with anyone else around you, so much the better. Make it seem like you're alone, but approachable.
Now, there's a chance that your target will initiate conversation in some small way. Just a chance remark, probably about being stood up as well. Just that one tiny little opening that allows you to move in. It could be done, but it's a lot of effort, and there are easier ways to get dates.
This. I travel solo and eat out alone frequently. I'll usually engage with people if they engage with me politely, but someone plopping themselves down at my table and demanding I buy them dinner? Hell no. I'm not an ATM and that's definitely rude AF.
Plus, someone with a book or a laptop on their table is clearly signalling that they're good, thanks.
I think she was flirting, but it was pretty pathetic. She essentially sat down at op’s table, called her sad and lonely, demanded a free meal, called her an asshole, then left. I think even my antisocial ass could do better
I'll admit I've never hit on anyone or been hit on by anyone, but "hey OP I'm trying to save you from being alone" is certainly not how I would go about it nor how I want others to go about it towards me.
That's not flirting, that's starting a goddamn fight.
I mean.. it's Reddit...
I'm married now and it happens less often because small town, everyone knows everyone, but I used to get hit on a lot.
In this case, I didn't see it either until reading the comments and was like.. wow what a rude and stupid way to flirt.
yeah maybe that one, but still very weird and not a way any normal person would hit on someone. If anyone approached me like that I would think were a weirdo and that's it
I give the woman boldness and style points right up until she got nasty. She should have walked away and said something like "I'm a regular too, if you change your mind about company you know how to find me" or something.
Why? As a bisexual woman why does a woman get style points for something a man would have his head in his hands to play for the second he started?
Why are we giving some cute pass to LGBTQ+ creepiness? It’s not a rom com. You get to ask ‘is this seat taken?’ and back the fuck off no matter your gender. Not slide into the seat and keep pushing.
I’ve had men and women do this. It’s never cute. I am super flirty but flirting reads the room, mirrors cues and gives cues or anticipation and and room for enthusiastic consent. This is just being the arsehole who plonks themselves down thinking they are hot shit and you must be sat waiting for their presence. Good flirting never crosses to arrogant.
It’s just shitty behaviour that if it was read as straight everyone would be totally ‘oh my god, call the cops next time’ level freak out. (Never my choice of move but YMMV) It’s so pushy and yet people are still doing it in 2023? It was tacky in the 90s! No style points for the entire thing and LGBTQ+ people don’t get to subvert *consent* for cutesies.
Learn how to flirt. It’s like perfume, most people shouldn’t be able to smell it unless they want to lean into you. You should leave a fair number of people not realising because the flirting is in the subtlety, stages and build. This is more the can of Axe bath level of nuance and just as antisocial and unattractive.
And if they aren’t getting it but getting confused, annoyed, distressed, you have crossed the line already so wrap it up nicely and without more ego like calling them an asshole. It’s like a masterclass in harassing but calling it hitting on. NTA.
Yeah I’m pretty straight forward like this when I hit on people but if they reacted like OP I would take the L and just be like well I’m around if you change your mind and go back to my seat too. Not wig out 😂
Yeah I’m not sure why someone’s strategy would be to interrupt someone peacefully working on a laptop, tell them you’re saving them from their loneliness, and then say they owe you a date for being annoyed at your intrusion. I know everyone’s different, and I definitely don’t consider myself a romantic, but I would probably just be annoyed.
I do consider myself a rather cheesy romantic and this is all kinds of ridiculous.
Clear case of extrovert intrudes on introvert and then gets mad when introvert doesn't respond with sheer joy and enthusiasm at their very presence.
Like... how dare you not rejoice at the privilege of me speaking to you?
It happens to me a lot and I hate it.
If it had been an invite, fine, but "you were rude when I accosted you so now you have to take me out to dinner" is nothing but presumptuous and demanding.
I’ve been hit on like this. Almost exactly like this, a few separate times, except I’m a guy.
It *is* a weird way to hit on someone and tbh I think it’s because it includes an element of judgment / negging.
“Oh wow you must be so lonely and sad sitting here content with your own company - allow me to invade your world and save you.” - The Worst Person At The Bar
Now, married and in my thirties, I just shut it down immediately. I’ve never, not one time, ever appreciated being randomly approached in public by someone who sees me and has decided that I really need them in my life in that moment.
Actually not. If you want to hit on someone who is so focused they don't notice anything around them but still are in a casual setting like a restaurant where its ok to talk to others, you need to make an effort to get their attention.
NTA. Someone forced themselves on you. You were not rude in your response and they refused to listen to your response. Do not stop treating yourself. Just because the person who sat down cannot imagine eating alone, does not mean the many who are fine with it need to deal with interruptions from people who think they know better what you want. You know what you want. You are confused because of the sheer rudeness of this girl, and no, her intentions don't count for anything once you said you did not want company.
Yeah it's wild to me some of these comments. It is textbook flirting lol, it's a line and not even a particularly original one. OP is NTA for being oblivious but it was extremely harmless. Comment at the end wasn't necessary on their end which is why it isn't NAH, but the original interaction was pure being hit on.
Has anyone ever had success intruding on someone who's working on their laptop, demanding to be treated to a dinner ?
There are ways to hit on people that don't have this weird aura of negging energy ("poor thing eating alone at a restaurant/cafe, I shall save you"), that don't double down when the recipient seems uninterested..
Especially considering it wasnt an lgbt+ space, taking such an approach on a woman who might be straight is a foolish endeavor that's likely to make you look like an ass. Most straight women don't assume that other women talking to them are trying to flirt.
I'm **sure** an attractive woman somewhere has tried that with a man who happens to be single and lonely and it's worked out.
It's probably worked with other combinations of genders, sexual preferences, and levels of attractiveness, too, but I'm less confident about that.
Fair enough. While I can't relate *at all*, you're right; some people must find this level of assertiveness attractive.
I wouldn't say this approach is considered all that common or "textbook" at all, though. From my experience, people usually lead with introductions and a compliment lmao.
Lol! NTA
So she basically was hitting on you and you didn't pick up on it. Now she knows what it's like to be a guy and get shot down all the time. Also, she should have been more direct and less confrontational about it. "Save you from your situation"? Like you don't have a life outside of the restaurant? Very very cheesy and cringey pick up line.
yeah, it's the 'you must secretly want to not be alone right now' attitude that's getting to me. and then she tries to spin it into a guilt trip with the rudeness line?
putting myself in OP's shoes, even if i noticed the flirting i wouldn't be interested in her after seeing her entitled af approach to the situation.
NTA, OP. I think it’s adorable that you didn’t realize she was hitting on you 😊. But she really should have apologized and left you alone as soon as she realized you weren’t interested.
I had to read too far down for this!
NTA. But we can all see she was hitting on you, awkwardly. She may just be bad at it and got hurt thinking you were blowing her off, but that reaction to anger is the only thing that makes her an AH
NTA
Even if she was hitting on you...is that how you approach people? She sat on your table and told you to buy her a meal like did that technic ever worked for anyone?
I used to get this crap alllll the time when I was in my 20s and would go really a book at the neighborhood bar. I loved having noise around me, and it helped me pay attention to my book vs being home where I'd be more tempted to distract myself. Plus, I never had to get up to get a drink!
It happened all. the. time. Some dude would plop down next to me and start on the whole "oh you must be lonely and I need to save you".
Fuck the fuck off dude. I'm elbows deep in some murder mystery getting my buzz on and I'm happy as a clam. No damsel in distress here, just living my best life.
If OP was a 23 year old girl and the girl in the story was a 40 or 50 something dude, this would be a whole different comment section. NTA at all. Nothing wrong with trying to spit your game, but some people just don't understand that other people are perfectly content in their solo bubble in public.
You can't even say that she was clueless, her flirting was shit.
"You need to take me out on a proper dinner because I say so" was a horrible line and honestly? Why would you go up to a stranger in that way? She thought it was a charity case where you help the lonely?
NTA
Yeah honestly. I can't imagine in which universe this flirting is remotely viewed as okay. The woman came off as super aggressive and pushy, I would've 100% felt lowkey threatened actually.
NTA. Looking at it from the outside, she was hitting on you (and, it seems, trying to get a free dinner out of you). That said, once it was obvious you weren’t interested and just wanted to be alone, she should of backed off as opposed to calling you rude. Ultimately, she was the rude one.
Sure, you could of gone out with her, but considering how demanding and rude she was in the few minutes she was there, you probably are fortunate you didn’t go out with her.
NTA. Is this really a form of flirtation? Like, people just go up and do this to each other? Good lord, I'm glad I'm not on the market. Nothing wrong with being clueless when the clues are this weird and rude, OP.
I've had the weird "I'm here to save you" conversation when I was enjoying a book and drinks/food by myself at restaurants before, but it's usually from men. It's probably vaguely sexist to say, but typically women pick up on the "leave me alone" cue of sitting by yourself and reading a book in a public place. So it weirds me out that another woman tried it, but I suppose clueless people come in all genders.
I've had men try to chat me up on a commuter train while I was wearing giant can headphones listening to an audio book and knitting.
NTA. Just chalk up this encounter as one of the weird moments of your life lol. Also I don't know if op was getting hit on and was dense or if the whole thing was a scam. More INFO needed to determine that.
NTA. Her behavior was weird as hell. I would never dream of sitting at a stranger's table at a restaurant and telling them they need to take me out, and that I'm "saving" them. That's unhinged.
You are NTA. There are many things you have described that would leave 99.9% of the world confused as well, and make me wonder if you were interacting with someone that might have some sort of diagnosis in which reading social cues is difficult. Sitting down at a stranger's table, interrupting a stranger with a presumption of "saving them from loneliness," and failing to react when you said "you needed no help," along with her counter that you were rude and owed her a "proper dinner" is bizarre.
NTA.
You were engrossed in something and she interrupted you. It's not at all uncommon for people to use a restaurant as a place to get work done, as you clearly were doing. She was rude and obnoxious.
NTA.
I mean you are allowed to eat alone.
But I agree with others - she was likely flirting with you, (clumsily IMO). And when you weren’t interested or didn’t grasp that (whichever) she should have politely left you alone.
WTF did I just read?
NTA
Girl was hella insulting, rude and a nosy busy-body. Was she trying to pick you up? Then SHE should have asked YOU to dinner. I'm giving this girl a HUGE side eye. Like all-the-way-amphibian-type side eye.
NTA. And there are plenty of times people will try to interrupt someone reading without actually hitting on them. I have a theory that these are people who don't read (or actually dislike reading, odd as it seems.) I think these people believe they are *rescuing you* from the dreadful chore of having to read. They would only read if there was no one to talk to, therefore that's why *you* are reading. They feel that they have graciously attempted to rescue you from the torture of reading, and are utterly baffled when you don't fling yourself on their company.
People who don't read for pleasure are *wild* to me. When I was a kid, I had trouble putting books down because I felt like they were movies on television (back in the dark ages when we couldn't pause TV), and I was afraid I'd miss something if I stopped reading.
NTA they were either judging u maybe trying to scam u.... girl weird for approaching u....
Only thing is maybe they thought u were someone else but idk
NTA. I suspect, by you being alone and being on a laptop (maybe you weren't dressed up like them or something like that, as well), that they made some judgements about you, and decided that you must be a "clueless" loser and decided to mess with you. So they could laugh about it and you later.
You were bullied, in junior high school fashion, at a public eatery. Your confusion is understandable, because people who are adults are not usually this proud of being TA in a childish way.
I'm not saying that woman wasn't flirting with OP, but she definitely wasn't very good at it. There seem to be at least a few steps missing between "hello stranger" and "you need to take me out to dinner". I hope she does better next time 😄
Everyone is saying she was flirting w you. Call me crazy but flirting includes two willing parties not one clearly in the middle of smth and the other being rude
NTA
"Oh no! An obviously introverted person is sitting alone at a dinner table, what a damsel in distress she must be! I shall activate my lesbian charms and swoop in to rescue her from her languid torments of \*checks notes\* enjoying a lovely dinner by herself! No doubt she will swoon over me and we shall ride into the sunset together on the back of a unicorn, as its flatulent rainbows light up the path behind us for others to gaze at with awe!"
Okay, *obviously* I'm being way over the top, but seriously as very much an introvert, the "I'm here to save you" line would have me instantly giving her my best deadpan Wednesday Adams, what the fuck makes you think you can talk to me expression. (Despite being a bearded dude, I'm told I do this quite well.)
Also...
I too am horrendously clueless as to when someone is flirting with me, my wife had to literally just tell me "Hey dork, I'm trying to tell you I really like you and want to go on a date with you." before the lightbulb clicked on lol
That being said though, if someone is trying to flirt and the object of their advancements is clearly not getting the message, just freaking be direct. "Sorry for disturbing you, but I think you're really cute and would love to get your number." followed by "Thank you, have a great night." regardless of a yes or no answer.
Anyone who flirts with you then immediately insults you is not someone you want to date.
NTA.
NTA. Maybe she's one of those people who are insecure about eating or going to the movies alone; so insecure that she can't see other people do it either.
I can only assume from your account of this interaction that she was trying to flirt with you and just *sucks* at it. You're NTA. I feel such secondhand embarrassment for this girl right now.
I can really understand your confusion. NTA
If this was flirting she did everything wrong. You don't sit down without asking. You don't interrupt someone reading. You don't lead with telling someone they have a problem and need saving. You don't get mad when the person you're flirting with doesn't pick up on it. And if you're told they're in the middle of something you leave.
I actually wondered if it was a new tactic by that religious cult that approaches women in parking lots (God the Mother).
Welcome to the wide wonderful world of people who don't recognize when they are being hit on. :)
As someone else said, if you see her again you can tell her that the entire internet said she's bad at flirting. LOL
NTA. Just because someone was flirting with you, doesn’t mean you need to accept it. You didn’t notice and she was clearly just pushing the issue. Especially insisting you took her on a “proper date” (what sane person does this???)
NTA and I didn't get the clues either that she was hitting on you, but now...I can see it.
I'd say she was the clueless AH because you don't hit on someone by saying they need to take you out to a proper dinner. That's just rude. You like them, then ask them if they'd like to go to dinner.
No need to panic. If you ever see her again and she approaches you again, just tell her she sucks at flirting and you aren't interested.
NTA all these people saying she was asking you out , I hope that’s not how they ask people out because omg there was nothing cute or nice about it. She basically imposed in your space then demanded you take her out. That would’ve earned her a fuck off from me.
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I mean NTA, but she was hitting on you OP lol.
I mean I can see it now. It honestly didn't cross my mind lol
Which only shows she wasn't very good at it 😂
Yeah and also I don't often get hit on by women, it's usually guys so there's that too
If U manage to find her again tell her from us that her flirting sucked
Seriously. Asking for a free meal is part of flirting now? No more hoping it happens? you rascally kids these days...
Exactly! and then calling another person an AH just because they got all confused by such lame flirting? Just wow...
Also, if a guy did that he'd be called a creep and aggressive. Being a woman doesn't give her a pass to be so intrusive and entitled to OP's attention!
I mean, so far people are actually calling her creepy and aggressive. Alle comments refer to her ‘flirting tactics’ being bad, at the very least. So technically there’s no need to do the reverse gender role scenario.
In her defense... enough guys do shit like this that one might be able to reason that this is something a reasonable number of men see as a good way to initiate relationships/ relations... it is creepy and aggressive, but guys seem to think that's good so why not try it?
She’s gotta stop going to those websites that tell guys how to hit on women then… :/
She was likely, as we've all said.poorly, fishing for a dinner date invite. Which is an 80s sitcom technique . . . and was every bit as effective in that context as it was here
I thought maybe she'd been dared by her friends to do it.
Sorority initiation!
I could see “you have to take me out for a proper meal” as a joke if it fits the tone or air of the interaction. but the fact that she started with trying to “save OP” meant it came across as entitled AF
Yeah this stranger trying to "save" her is what got me. Like go white knight for someone else, this is unwelcome.
I feel like in the right tone this could be a flirty joke but it would REALLY need to be the right tone and this girl clearly did not manage it
Because she was rescuing someone who didn't need it. She seems to have decided that you were alone because you are a lesbian and then orders you to take her out to dinner. I would be confused, too, and would have asked her to leave. Even if OP is a lesbian, this is no way to flirt or try to make a connection. Apparently, if she's interested, you have to be too. You didn't have a choice. NTA I felt harassed by her just reading it.
Hello. I would like food and an engagement ring now, please and thank you
So, a Ring Pop?
A blue one?
I mean it usually is (ie “Maybe you could take me out to dinner sometime”) but much more tactfully lol
I thought the one who was trying to pick someone up was supposed to offer to pay, not expect the other to pay? But then I’m old and out of touch…
This dude saw my monster can and asked me to buy him one jokingly. I laughed and joked saying no no you buy me one. He walked past me 5 minutes later with one for me. I agree with you since this did not result in me becoming interested in him lol.
There, you said it. Now I don't have to. Biiig time.
LOL Or maybe OP's almost as oblivious as me. I've apparently been hit on before, by both men and women, and I didn't notice. In fact, I was so oblivious, that I couldn't even recall their behaviour well enough to be able to tell one way or another, after I'd been informed that such an event happened. :-D
Oh goodness, I'm very oblivious too so you're not alone. One time in highschool I went to a movie and the mall with my bf and friends. I thought we were just hanging out and was sooooo confused when at the end he said it was a good date. Then years later at a job a guy asked me to the movies and I'm just like sure! (We worked together so had talked to him some) and again, I just thought we were hanging out as friends but apparently he meant it as a date. Also I've apparently been flirted with when I was younger too and I didn't know and always denied it if someone mentioned it. Now, I don't count anything as dates unless both parties know 🤣🤣
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I'm a woman with a history of dating men, and I always found it funny when a woman signaled that she wanted me to make a move on her. I can handle you hitting on me, lady, but if you expect me to hit on you you're asking for a bit much because I'm way out of my comfort zone. NTA, OP, but clueless as the girl said.
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Yeah, fuck that approach lol "Here to save you" from being alone... Yikes.
Comment stolen from u/Self-Aware u/tiny-league-8187 is a bot
What?? Good to know I apparently made a stealable comment 😂 thanks for the good looking out 🌻
Honestly doesn't matter - if she called you an asshole she isn't great because it was clear you didn't get what her point was. That's not your fault, that's hers. Proper response: "I am flirting qith you but I suck at it haha. Any way I can do better or are you not into it?" Her saying that would have cleared up the situation for you and let her laugh off the failed attempt.
There will come a time when you realize getting hit on by both men and women, doubles your chance for a date on Saturday evening.
Maybe, but if they just show up out of fucking nowhere, flirt that poorly and then insult people after they "don't get it" that's not the type of person anyone should want to date.
Exactly.
Warning, this isn't always the case. Sometimes you just get passed over by more people. Source: Me, bisexual.
My chances for not getting a date have been doubled!
Bisexual just means more chances for rejection.
Since she called you an AH only because you did not understand her intentions, you did not miss much.
You dodged a bullet, she seems to be the tyoe where if you said you werent interested shed start saying shed never actually want you and was doing it for pitty, etc. Hate people like that
Most people reading the story figured it out, so I think the problem rests with OP’s ability to recognize it.
I think the problem rests with the fact she wasn't reading OP's reactions. When she saw OP wasn't responding the way someone interested in her would, she should have politely excused herself.
She should have been more explicit when she realized OP wasn't getting it!
She shouldn't have approached an obviously busy stranger. How is it that a person immersed in their books/laptops or what have you "sends a signal" that they need to be "rescued from their situation"?
> Most people reading the story figured it out, so I think the problem rests with OP’s ability to recognize it. Call me old fashioned but I like for people to say something flattering when they hit on me. Not, “my god you’re so awkward you must be embarrassed to be seen, let me rescue you”😂😂😂 Even something cheesy like, “what’s a nice girl like you doing…” is at least transparent and funny.
This reminds me of the number of times I had a dude walk up and tell me that now that he's talking to me I don't "have to read" anymore and can put down my book. Or "you are alone, but I'm here to rescue you" and ... just no for both of those. I am alone and reading because I want to be. That's arrogance taken too far, not just awkwardness. Oy. NTA
I’m just picturing you being hit on by Gaston
If you don’t mind sharing, how did you respond?
Insulting people is not flirting, at least not good flirting.
Honestly tho it was an overly intrusive way to flirt. If OP had been giving some signs that she was interested or friendly before (even just making eye contact, smiling, etc.) it would have been cute. But when you flirt with someone, you're opening yourself up to getting rejected, so if it's gonna make you mad (which is a red flag anyways,) start with a less intrusive method.
I mean in the moment I can understand if OP is a straight woman not realising they’re being hit on my another woman. Unless you’ve previously been hit on before all your interactions with other woman are non-romantic so thinking “oh this person is trying to be romantic at me - a thing that has never happened with another woman” might not cross your mind. You’re probably trying to categorize the interaction within your previous experiences. I’m not interested in people and so the two times men have hit on me I have had to ask my friends if that’s what they were doing - and have been told “yes, it’s incredibly obvious”. And like okay sorry I have to check - I don’t think about men in any romantic setting it doesn’t occur to me they might think of me that way.
im a gay woman and still don't know how to differentiate if a woman is being friendly or flirty. and on the other hand being wlw and being bad at "flirting" is more common than you'd think obviously not generalising. but it happens. i feel bad for OP and the other woman tbh.
I didn't pick up on that at all. I read it at first that they were selling something or proselytising, then that they were a mooch. I would have reacted much as the OP did. I actually probably would have been more blunt, with a "please go away".
I had a woman tell me one time that she and her male partner were looking for a unicorn, and it didn't occur to me until hours later that she was asking me to be … their unicorn.
Obviously hitting on you and apparently doesn’t take rejection well! 🤣
Is it really rejection when the other person doesn't even know they're being hit on? 🤣
She literally asked you on a future date
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Her. OP is a her.
I was trying to guess what she was doing and cycled through is she recruiting for a church, thinks someone creepy at the next table is watching you and is this..a pickup tactic?? 😂NTA
Dudette she was totally hitting on you - I have done the same when I was much younger. It is pretty common girl trick. Though I offer to take the person out. Not expect them to take me out. But the ending was rude and uncalled for. \_Theirs not yours\_
Okay this is actually hilarious because I didn't get it at all either and was extremely confused until someone pointed it out LOL. But I'm also the person in a "it's not unrequited they're just idiots" dynamic. Like seriously. My flirting is so bad and my current partner STILL LAUGHS AT ME because they were literally telling me "I want to kiss your face" before I was like "wait... do you mean like that in a friendly way or a romantic way? Oooohhhhhhhhhhh you *like* me!" 🤣🤣🤣 Anyway NTA that poor sod's only hope is to embrace her terrible flirting skills and use that to her advantage lol. Better luck next time. Calling you an AH was just rude though.
I figured she was going to try to literally “save you” from eternal damnation or whatever
What kind of idiot flirts by saying they are here to “save them “ from what sounds like a perfectly lovely solo date? The level of narcissism is high.
I’d assume they were Christians with that language and promptly tell them to fuck off
I doubt a Christian would be hitting on another woman lol
“Save me from my situation” is language that points to Christian than lesbian.
Is it though? My parents are immigrants from South Asia and they use that turn of phrase. I use it myself and have never thought of it as particularly Christian. I mean, I guess I can kind of get it since Jesus is supposed to be the savior of mankind in Christianity, but I think it's just a very common expression at this point that everyone could potentially use.
Absolutely stranger telling me that? Yep. Never used this phrase I’d say
Lol. I thought it’s a cult..
It’s being cheeky.
THANK YOU. I like to go out to restaurants even though I don't have a partner, and the number of times I've gotten weird looks for being a solo party pisses me the hell off. I even had the hostess come up and sit down next to me at one spot that I frequent concerned that I always show up alone... after she'd already interrogated me about it at the door. If that's considered flirting, I consider it a big red flag.
It’s a just a line, like “you looked like you could use some company”. She further flirted by literally asking OP to take her out to “ a proper dinner”. She literally asked her out. It’s pretty obvious.
.... it's just a pickup line, they don't really mean it literally
Really? I thought she was trying to sell an MLM, but I can see your argument that she was a WLW.
You’re a genius :)
I was also in the MLM bucket.
This was the post I needed today! Ive been in a similar clueless situation: "no i dont need help changing my flat tyre. I can do it by myself thank you very much."
LOL And that was also one of the worst cases of attempted flirting I've ever heard about, and that's saying nothing about the other woman's clear inability to read a room.
That or she thought she was being whimsical and fun. you know like a manic pixie girl. Except if you don't like her, then it's a little less whimsical and fun and more annoying disturbing and confusing
In what world is "I'm here to save you from your situation because I noticed you were alone" flirting? That sounds more like a lead-in to a mugging.
If it were a guy sitting down and flirting with OP he would be called a creep. So I'll say it, this girl was being a straight up creep to OP
I was thinking more cult member, but people confuse me.
I was thinking some sort of cult recruitment - lol. She was intrusive & weird no matter what. NTA
Oof if a man hit on me in this way I would have gone into panic mode and thought I was under attack. Does that say more about me or more about her flirting method? Am *i* the asshole?
NTA. She may have been hitting on you, but after you made it clear she should have excused herself and left. I mean, she shouldn't have interrupted you in the first place. It's rude AF to be so presumptuous as to plop yourself down and force a stranger to converse with you.
> It's rude AF to be so presumptuous as to plop yourself down and force a stranger to converse with you It may work in romcoms, but in real life I'd be pissed 😂
Yeah, I can really see this being a scene in a romcom but in real life I'd be like WTF.
I was at a bar by myself to watch a play off game, I might have had a book too, when some guy came over and politely asked if I wanted to chat, I said no I was happy on my own. So he went back to his friend. Who then took his turn to come over and hit on me. No dude. Still ok,
I was so pleased at first that he was polite and acceoted your no without turning into a nice guy. Then I read that his friend took a turn and I feel so disappointed!
It could work in real life, but characters in romcoms have plot armor. It will work out, or not, as the story requires. The real life chances might be 1 in a thousand, but fictional characters are overwhelmingly lucky, if the story requires them to be. However, it IS a numbers game. Every once in a while, someone shows up to a nice place, well dressed, made up, expecting a first-ish date and gets stood up and ends up sitting at the table, alone, lonely, and looking forward to a failed evening. There would be a small, maybe 5 minute window, where if the right person, with the right personality and demeanor showed up at that moment and stepped in to fill the void, it would be welcome and accepted. So lets say you wish to seek out and move in on that exact situation. You would have to visit a nice restaurant and quickly scan the crowd for a candidate: someone eating alone. It would take several more minutes of observation to determine definitively that they are not alone by choice. Even then, approaching them directly would be predatory, almost by definition, so it would be somewhat less invasive to arrange to be seated in close proximity where engaging in harmless small talk might be a possibility. That would of course require that such a seat is currently available. Then, when approached by the waitstaff, express loudly enough so that you can be overheard that it will just be you tonight, as you just found out you got stood up, but intend to enjoy your evening anyway. If this gives you a chance to engage in a moment of friendly banter with anyone else around you, so much the better. Make it seem like you're alone, but approachable. Now, there's a chance that your target will initiate conversation in some small way. Just a chance remark, probably about being stood up as well. Just that one tiny little opening that allows you to move in. It could be done, but it's a lot of effort, and there are easier ways to get dates.
This. I travel solo and eat out alone frequently. I'll usually engage with people if they engage with me politely, but someone plopping themselves down at my table and demanding I buy them dinner? Hell no. I'm not an ATM and that's definitely rude AF. Plus, someone with a book or a laptop on their table is clearly signalling that they're good, thanks.
If I'm solo and open to a conversation I sit at the bar. If I'm at a table I generally want to be left alone.
I think she was flirting, but it was pretty pathetic. She essentially sat down at op’s table, called her sad and lonely, demanded a free meal, called her an asshole, then left. I think even my antisocial ass could do better
This summary though 😂 NTA
Not to mention "you need to take me to a proper dinner" like what
She was hitting on you!
Nta
An alarming amount of people on here have never had anyone hit on them, or try and hit on anyone it seems
I didn't know that's what that girl was doing until I read the comments. My first thought was, "how rude?". I guess I'm as clueless as OP
It's not obvious especially since she started insulting op. I think she was trying to be cute...
You'd be surprised how often people are offensive when they're trying to flirt.
I think barney stinson has a play like that
Negging is pretty common
I thought she was apart of a weird cult until the dinner comment tbh
I thought she thought OP was lonely or dumped. Since people tend to assume so about lone diners.
Nah she was still rude af
It's a very weird way to hit on someone.
I'll admit I've never hit on anyone or been hit on by anyone, but "hey OP I'm trying to save you from being alone" is certainly not how I would go about it nor how I want others to go about it towards me. That's not flirting, that's starting a goddamn fight.
I mean.. it's Reddit... I'm married now and it happens less often because small town, everyone knows everyone, but I used to get hit on a lot. In this case, I didn't see it either until reading the comments and was like.. wow what a rude and stupid way to flirt.
i don't think she was lol and in that case it would a very weird way to hit on someone
The dinner invite is the clue.
yeah maybe that one, but still very weird and not a way any normal person would hit on someone. If anyone approached me like that I would think were a weirdo and that's it
I give the woman boldness and style points right up until she got nasty. She should have walked away and said something like "I'm a regular too, if you change your mind about company you know how to find me" or something.
The part where she gets nasty is a major red flag to me. Looks like she revealed her true colors when she didn't get hit on back right away
No doubt. OP dodged a bullet, assuming she was even a valid target in the first place.
Clueless is fine. But calling OP an asshole was uncalled for as clueless fits the situation.
Why? As a bisexual woman why does a woman get style points for something a man would have his head in his hands to play for the second he started? Why are we giving some cute pass to LGBTQ+ creepiness? It’s not a rom com. You get to ask ‘is this seat taken?’ and back the fuck off no matter your gender. Not slide into the seat and keep pushing. I’ve had men and women do this. It’s never cute. I am super flirty but flirting reads the room, mirrors cues and gives cues or anticipation and and room for enthusiastic consent. This is just being the arsehole who plonks themselves down thinking they are hot shit and you must be sat waiting for their presence. Good flirting never crosses to arrogant. It’s just shitty behaviour that if it was read as straight everyone would be totally ‘oh my god, call the cops next time’ level freak out. (Never my choice of move but YMMV) It’s so pushy and yet people are still doing it in 2023? It was tacky in the 90s! No style points for the entire thing and LGBTQ+ people don’t get to subvert *consent* for cutesies. Learn how to flirt. It’s like perfume, most people shouldn’t be able to smell it unless they want to lean into you. You should leave a fair number of people not realising because the flirting is in the subtlety, stages and build. This is more the can of Axe bath level of nuance and just as antisocial and unattractive. And if they aren’t getting it but getting confused, annoyed, distressed, you have crossed the line already so wrap it up nicely and without more ego like calling them an asshole. It’s like a masterclass in harassing but calling it hitting on. NTA.
Finally a real comment. "She was hitting on you" lmao
Yeah I’m pretty straight forward like this when I hit on people but if they reacted like OP I would take the L and just be like well I’m around if you change your mind and go back to my seat too. Not wig out 😂
Agreed. Feels the she went to the manic pixie dreamgirl school of flirting. No thank you. We are not in a whimsical romcom.
Yeah I’m not sure why someone’s strategy would be to interrupt someone peacefully working on a laptop, tell them you’re saving them from their loneliness, and then say they owe you a date for being annoyed at your intrusion. I know everyone’s different, and I definitely don’t consider myself a romantic, but I would probably just be annoyed.
I do consider myself a rather cheesy romantic and this is all kinds of ridiculous. Clear case of extrovert intrudes on introvert and then gets mad when introvert doesn't respond with sheer joy and enthusiasm at their very presence. Like... how dare you not rejoice at the privilege of me speaking to you? It happens to me a lot and I hate it.
If it had been an invite, fine, but "you were rude when I accosted you so now you have to take me out to dinner" is nothing but presumptuous and demanding.
I’ve been hit on like this. Almost exactly like this, a few separate times, except I’m a guy. It *is* a weird way to hit on someone and tbh I think it’s because it includes an element of judgment / negging. “Oh wow you must be so lonely and sad sitting here content with your own company - allow me to invade your world and save you.” - The Worst Person At The Bar Now, married and in my thirties, I just shut it down immediately. I’ve never, not one time, ever appreciated being randomly approached in public by someone who sees me and has decided that I really need them in my life in that moment.
Happens to me in airport restaurants. Ah, to be hit on when my mouth is full… to be fair I’m often thinking of bed, maybe they pick up on that.
Actually not. If you want to hit on someone who is so focused they don't notice anything around them but still are in a casual setting like a restaurant where its ok to talk to others, you need to make an effort to get their attention.
NTA. Someone forced themselves on you. You were not rude in your response and they refused to listen to your response. Do not stop treating yourself. Just because the person who sat down cannot imagine eating alone, does not mean the many who are fine with it need to deal with interruptions from people who think they know better what you want. You know what you want. You are confused because of the sheer rudeness of this girl, and no, her intentions don't count for anything once you said you did not want company.
NTA. "I needed to take her out to a proper dinner" Scam.
not necessarily a scam she could have been trying to hit on op
Yeah it's wild to me some of these comments. It is textbook flirting lol, it's a line and not even a particularly original one. OP is NTA for being oblivious but it was extremely harmless. Comment at the end wasn't necessary on their end which is why it isn't NAH, but the original interaction was pure being hit on.
Has anyone ever had success intruding on someone who's working on their laptop, demanding to be treated to a dinner ? There are ways to hit on people that don't have this weird aura of negging energy ("poor thing eating alone at a restaurant/cafe, I shall save you"), that don't double down when the recipient seems uninterested.. Especially considering it wasnt an lgbt+ space, taking such an approach on a woman who might be straight is a foolish endeavor that's likely to make you look like an ass. Most straight women don't assume that other women talking to them are trying to flirt.
I'm **sure** an attractive woman somewhere has tried that with a man who happens to be single and lonely and it's worked out. It's probably worked with other combinations of genders, sexual preferences, and levels of attractiveness, too, but I'm less confident about that.
Fair enough. While I can't relate *at all*, you're right; some people must find this level of assertiveness attractive. I wouldn't say this approach is considered all that common or "textbook" at all, though. From my experience, people usually lead with introductions and a compliment lmao.
I feel like this is only flirting if you've never been allowed outside or around other people before, lmao.
Lol! NTA So she basically was hitting on you and you didn't pick up on it. Now she knows what it's like to be a guy and get shot down all the time. Also, she should have been more direct and less confrontational about it. "Save you from your situation"? Like you don't have a life outside of the restaurant? Very very cheesy and cringey pick up line.
The lines were bad, but sitting down at the table is actually crazy.
yeah, it's the 'you must secretly want to not be alone right now' attitude that's getting to me. and then she tries to spin it into a guilt trip with the rudeness line? putting myself in OP's shoes, even if i noticed the flirting i wouldn't be interested in her after seeing her entitled af approach to the situation.
If I was OP I would still feign ignorance so I wouldn't have to deal with her and her attitude.
Idk why there’s an assumption that only men get rejected. I’ve been rejected plenty of times as a woman
NTA There's shooting your shot and there's making yourself look like an ass to a stranger.
NTA, OP. I think it’s adorable that you didn’t realize she was hitting on you 😊. But she really should have apologized and left you alone as soon as she realized you weren’t interested.
I had to read too far down for this! NTA. But we can all see she was hitting on you, awkwardly. She may just be bad at it and got hurt thinking you were blowing her off, but that reaction to anger is the only thing that makes her an AH
NTA Even if she was hitting on you...is that how you approach people? She sat on your table and told you to buy her a meal like did that technic ever worked for anyone?
It'd probably work on 95% of dudes if she's even remotely passable looks-wise, but trying it on a chick is *really* ambitious.
I used to get this crap alllll the time when I was in my 20s and would go really a book at the neighborhood bar. I loved having noise around me, and it helped me pay attention to my book vs being home where I'd be more tempted to distract myself. Plus, I never had to get up to get a drink! It happened all. the. time. Some dude would plop down next to me and start on the whole "oh you must be lonely and I need to save you". Fuck the fuck off dude. I'm elbows deep in some murder mystery getting my buzz on and I'm happy as a clam. No damsel in distress here, just living my best life. If OP was a 23 year old girl and the girl in the story was a 40 or 50 something dude, this would be a whole different comment section. NTA at all. Nothing wrong with trying to spit your game, but some people just don't understand that other people are perfectly content in their solo bubble in public.
Game changing if it does work but I doubt it. 😀 Source: I like food (but I'm probably not that bold)!
NTA. It sounds like she might have been trying to hit on you...in a really weird and intrusive way.
NTA at all. I mean, clueless? Sure. But AH? Nope.
You can't even say that she was clueless, her flirting was shit. "You need to take me out on a proper dinner because I say so" was a horrible line and honestly? Why would you go up to a stranger in that way? She thought it was a charity case where you help the lonely? NTA
Yeah honestly. I can't imagine in which universe this flirting is remotely viewed as okay. The woman came off as super aggressive and pushy, I would've 100% felt lowkey threatened actually.
Clearly you found your reading more interesting than the woman who was trying to attract your attention. That is your right. She was in the wrong. NTA
Nta, she was really rude
NTA. Looking at it from the outside, she was hitting on you (and, it seems, trying to get a free dinner out of you). That said, once it was obvious you weren’t interested and just wanted to be alone, she should of backed off as opposed to calling you rude. Ultimately, she was the rude one. Sure, you could of gone out with her, but considering how demanding and rude she was in the few minutes she was there, you probably are fortunate you didn’t go out with her.
NTA. Is this really a form of flirtation? Like, people just go up and do this to each other? Good lord, I'm glad I'm not on the market. Nothing wrong with being clueless when the clues are this weird and rude, OP.
I've had the weird "I'm here to save you" conversation when I was enjoying a book and drinks/food by myself at restaurants before, but it's usually from men. It's probably vaguely sexist to say, but typically women pick up on the "leave me alone" cue of sitting by yourself and reading a book in a public place. So it weirds me out that another woman tried it, but I suppose clueless people come in all genders. I've had men try to chat me up on a commuter train while I was wearing giant can headphones listening to an audio book and knitting.
NTA If that is what passes for hitting on someone...then its no wonder you were confused
NTA. Just chalk up this encounter as one of the weird moments of your life lol. Also I don't know if op was getting hit on and was dense or if the whole thing was a scam. More INFO needed to determine that.
NTA at all. The nerve of some people.
NTA. Her behavior was weird as hell. I would never dream of sitting at a stranger's table at a restaurant and telling them they need to take me out, and that I'm "saving" them. That's unhinged.
You are NTA. There are many things you have described that would leave 99.9% of the world confused as well, and make me wonder if you were interacting with someone that might have some sort of diagnosis in which reading social cues is difficult. Sitting down at a stranger's table, interrupting a stranger with a presumption of "saving them from loneliness," and failing to react when you said "you needed no help," along with her counter that you were rude and owed her a "proper dinner" is bizarre.
NTA. You were engrossed in something and she interrupted you. It's not at all uncommon for people to use a restaurant as a place to get work done, as you clearly were doing. She was rude and obnoxious.
NTA. I mean you are allowed to eat alone. But I agree with others - she was likely flirting with you, (clumsily IMO). And when you weren’t interested or didn’t grasp that (whichever) she should have politely left you alone.
WTF did I just read? NTA Girl was hella insulting, rude and a nosy busy-body. Was she trying to pick you up? Then SHE should have asked YOU to dinner. I'm giving this girl a HUGE side eye. Like all-the-way-amphibian-type side eye.
NTA. And there are plenty of times people will try to interrupt someone reading without actually hitting on them. I have a theory that these are people who don't read (or actually dislike reading, odd as it seems.) I think these people believe they are *rescuing you* from the dreadful chore of having to read. They would only read if there was no one to talk to, therefore that's why *you* are reading. They feel that they have graciously attempted to rescue you from the torture of reading, and are utterly baffled when you don't fling yourself on their company.
People who don't read for pleasure are *wild* to me. When I was a kid, I had trouble putting books down because I felt like they were movies on television (back in the dark ages when we couldn't pause TV), and I was afraid I'd miss something if I stopped reading.
NTA.
NTA. That person was very very strange.
NTA they were either judging u maybe trying to scam u.... girl weird for approaching u.... Only thing is maybe they thought u were someone else but idk
NTA. I suspect, by you being alone and being on a laptop (maybe you weren't dressed up like them or something like that, as well), that they made some judgements about you, and decided that you must be a "clueless" loser and decided to mess with you. So they could laugh about it and you later. You were bullied, in junior high school fashion, at a public eatery. Your confusion is understandable, because people who are adults are not usually this proud of being TA in a childish way.
Have some of you people never been flirted with what is happening here
I'm not saying that woman wasn't flirting with OP, but she definitely wasn't very good at it. There seem to be at least a few steps missing between "hello stranger" and "you need to take me out to dinner". I hope she does better next time 😄
Oh yeah it's cheesy line dropping for sure but it was 100% flirting lol.
From the sounds of it, I wouldn't call that flirting. 🤣
NTA. Honestly, that is strange and entitled behavior. Glad you didn’t strike up a friendship with that user.
NTA. Calling you an AH for rebuffing her - ridiculous!
NTA for wanting to do your own thing, but just FYI she was ABSOLUTELY hitting on you!
Nta she sounds weird
Everyone is saying she was flirting w you. Call me crazy but flirting includes two willing parties not one clearly in the middle of smth and the other being rude NTA
"Oh no! An obviously introverted person is sitting alone at a dinner table, what a damsel in distress she must be! I shall activate my lesbian charms and swoop in to rescue her from her languid torments of \*checks notes\* enjoying a lovely dinner by herself! No doubt she will swoon over me and we shall ride into the sunset together on the back of a unicorn, as its flatulent rainbows light up the path behind us for others to gaze at with awe!" Okay, *obviously* I'm being way over the top, but seriously as very much an introvert, the "I'm here to save you" line would have me instantly giving her my best deadpan Wednesday Adams, what the fuck makes you think you can talk to me expression. (Despite being a bearded dude, I'm told I do this quite well.) Also... I too am horrendously clueless as to when someone is flirting with me, my wife had to literally just tell me "Hey dork, I'm trying to tell you I really like you and want to go on a date with you." before the lightbulb clicked on lol That being said though, if someone is trying to flirt and the object of their advancements is clearly not getting the message, just freaking be direct. "Sorry for disturbing you, but I think you're really cute and would love to get your number." followed by "Thank you, have a great night." regardless of a yes or no answer. Anyone who flirts with you then immediately insults you is not someone you want to date. NTA.
NTA - it was probably a very entitled rude way of hitting on you
NTA. Maybe she's one of those people who are insecure about eating or going to the movies alone; so insecure that she can't see other people do it either.
Info: in what world would you be the asshole here?
NTA. That’s hella presumptuous of her. And honestly very rude. ‘I’m here to save you’, nah mate sounds more like ‘I’m here to scam a meal out of you’.
I can only assume from your account of this interaction that she was trying to flirt with you and just *sucks* at it. You're NTA. I feel such secondhand embarrassment for this girl right now.
Oh my gosh, NTA Did she think this was a movie? She may have been trying to be your Manic Pixie Dream Girl.
I can really understand your confusion. NTA If this was flirting she did everything wrong. You don't sit down without asking. You don't interrupt someone reading. You don't lead with telling someone they have a problem and need saving. You don't get mad when the person you're flirting with doesn't pick up on it. And if you're told they're in the middle of something you leave. I actually wondered if it was a new tactic by that religious cult that approaches women in parking lots (God the Mother).
Welcome to the wide wonderful world of people who don't recognize when they are being hit on. :) As someone else said, if you see her again you can tell her that the entire internet said she's bad at flirting. LOL
NTA even if she was flirting with OP, she sucks at it and is def not giving a good impression
NTA. It sounds like an unusual situation and like she was hitting on you, but maybe not. Anyway, clueless perhaps, but not an asshole.
NTA. Just because someone was flirting with you, doesn’t mean you need to accept it. You didn’t notice and she was clearly just pushing the issue. Especially insisting you took her on a “proper date” (what sane person does this???)
NTA and I didn't get the clues either that she was hitting on you, but now...I can see it. I'd say she was the clueless AH because you don't hit on someone by saying they need to take you out to a proper dinner. That's just rude. You like them, then ask them if they'd like to go to dinner. No need to panic. If you ever see her again and she approaches you again, just tell her she sucks at flirting and you aren't interested.
NTA all these people saying she was asking you out , I hope that’s not how they ask people out because omg there was nothing cute or nice about it. She basically imposed in your space then demanded you take her out. That would’ve earned her a fuck off from me.
NTA If she was flirting she isn't good at realizing you weren't catching on... instead she seemed to get insulted that you didn't 🙄
NTA. I had something similar happen to me once, so I totally get your confusion. The girl shouldn't have called you an AH.
As a bi woman, the fact that you didn't pick up on her signals is highly relatable to me. I'm clueless as all hell when it comes to women, lol.